REPLAY - Co-Parenting Forever feat. Jess Hilarious - Good Moms Bad Choices

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife,
and she couldn't. She cleaned and cared for her children
and the man of the house, and of course she
didn't talk back. She was both obedient and soft by nature.
She was a good woman who always made good choices.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
That we're good mom's bad choices.

Speaker 3 (00:18):
Who's single mom who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all
their bad choices and.

Speaker 2 (00:22):
Found out they were so bad after all.

Speaker 3 (00:24):
We're experts, overshares and your new besties.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
Sit back and enjoy the ride. I can do it.

Speaker 4 (00:32):
Welcome back to good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and
I'm Meila, and it's hop day, bitches. Welcome back.

Speaker 2 (00:39):
It's Wednesday if you're listening to this, the day that
episode comes out.

Speaker 3 (00:43):
If you're not listening to the day it comes out,
what the fuck are you doing on Wednesday?

Speaker 2 (00:47):
And they miss us? How are you? I'm pretty good.
I'm pretty good.

Speaker 3 (00:53):
I'm just, you know, living my best hoocy housewife life
at home. Yesterday I took Orlando to my classy gym
because you've been asking him to go for me for
a year, to show me the machines. He hasn't gone
and we went to a cycle class and it was like,
you know, it's my gym's and we hoo. It's like
super gay and it was a guy like just like,

(01:15):
I mean in Orlando where and they're like, oh yeah,
I almost died.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
But it was really fun.

Speaker 3 (01:19):
So and I was like, this is the most marriage
shit I've ever done, going to a fucking cycle class
and weo with my man. But it was fun. So
just just been chilling. And honestly, I've been going on
a lot. He's been working late and then I'd be like,
are you sleeping, I'm gonna go out, and I'm like,
is he gonna leave me? Because I'm like, I'm really
outside because he's going to work, But he seems fun.

Speaker 2 (01:40):
I love that. Love that for you guys. It's been good.
I'm good. I know you didn't ask, but I'm good.
Oh yeah, I was thinking I'm great. I'm great. I'm excited.
We are about to leave to Jamaica, so I'm looking forward
to that.

Speaker 4 (01:52):
And I real's been on spring break, so that's been horrible,
but you know, we're surviving.

Speaker 2 (01:57):
Not horrible, it is, but I am excited because we
have a special guest today. We have a very special guest,
and I'm excited because.

Speaker 4 (02:06):
We've like almost met her one time, but then we
didn't get to meet her, and she has been someone
that y'all have asked to have on the show for
a minute.

Speaker 2 (02:14):
And so guess what the bitch is here, y'all.

Speaker 4 (02:18):
I'm so happy to welcome to the show a stand
up comedian, author, bad motherfucker, good mom, just hilarious hey,
and co host of the Breakfast Club of course.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
Yes, but yes, I'm all the other things too, you know,
the mom, the bad bitch, all that souff.

Speaker 4 (02:37):
Thank y'all, Hey girl, how a y'all doing. I'm happy
I finally made it here. I know, welcome to la.
How do you like it here?

Speaker 2 (02:45):
No? Not really, but you know, I used to live here.
And if it's anything that I didn't take advantage of
when I was living here before, it's healthy eating because
when I lived here, like I don't know if it
was what made six years ago, I was trying to
find a turkey wing, the first yams, colar greens, all
of that, like mac and cheese, but I kept running

(03:07):
into like shit called hummus and not shit called hommy. Yes,
fresh fresh squeeze juices and shit, you know, but I
die for it now like I needed. I didn't realize
that I would appreciate it now in my thirties because
maybe everything start hitting you crazy.

Speaker 3 (03:24):
Yeah, your your digestive system changes.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
In your thirties. Like yeah, I'm like, oh, so I
can't just see whatever I want exactly, and you can't
smoke out of whatever you want either, because I was
smoking backwoods for a long time and then at thirty
one started messing with my skin. So then I saw
my dermatologists and she was like, I'm not gonna tell you.
Don't smoke weed, just smoke cleaner. I was like, okay,
so wait, what was that. It's been white paper, So so.

Speaker 3 (03:47):
You're telling me the backwards that I've been smoking every episode.

Speaker 2 (03:50):
It don't mess with your it, don't mess with your skin.
Obvious closer. Oh damn, it's not bad. To hell, it's
not bad. Yeah, but that's what it is. It was
the dairy for me because I didn't realize how thick
and just how disgusting dairy will have you feeling like, girl,
you got the extra thick spit, and then you know
it comes through your skin. The white heads, the black

(04:11):
kids all at No, I can't.

Speaker 3 (04:13):
So basically you're telling me I need to just lay
back on the backwards and.

Speaker 2 (04:16):
The raw papers. Have you got any whiskers in your thirties?
Do you struggle with this? No, I've had a mustache.
You just got in your thirties. I'm thirty four.

Speaker 3 (04:28):
You're not even two feet in yet, so I'm full
feet in. I feel like thirty five is all all
two feet in? Yeah, yeah, I'm thirty seven. I barely
want to have you thirty seven.

Speaker 2 (04:41):
That's not all. But you look younger than me.

Speaker 3 (04:43):
I'll be thirty eight in June.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
Yeah, that's amazing. Oh you're an aquarius, right, I am
February thirteen. What's your husband's son? He is a cancer?

Speaker 3 (04:51):
Oh okay, my husband's my husband's aquarius and I'm a cancer.

Speaker 2 (04:55):
Oh my god, I met a female cancer. Literally No,
I just know all the guys and my husband were
better than absolutely, I hope. So fifty said like, you
ain't nothing like a hurt cancer man. Oh god, it's
not good. It's not good. Ship on their shoulder and
never come back.

Speaker 3 (05:14):
They get they never come back. They're so sensitive. It
hurts so bad that they turned into fifty cent.

Speaker 2 (05:21):
I'm pretty sure it's another documentary being made right now
by somebody that once hurt him. And there it is,
which it's the what's the one is it? T? I
T and tiny surviving and tiny and the part is
the other one was good? I know it was. It was.
It was top not you. I'm not gonna hold you.

(05:41):
It was well done. Oh my god, the perspective, the narration,
just everything. I cried a little bit and I got
I did, and he just like that was terrible.

Speaker 3 (05:51):
And then when he even when he got the jury,
the jury people to come on, you can tell they
were kind of like starstruck.

Speaker 2 (05:58):
But the one, yeah, good angle because the onel pissed
me off though she Yeah, I know everybody gonna know
the juror I'm talking about this black web talk.

Speaker 3 (06:06):
About he did that thing that he did up making
the band.

Speaker 2 (06:08):
I said, bitch, like, bye, you don't even need to
be in there. What's wrong with you? But I ain't
gonna lie though the guy that was left behind and
all that your ass ain't saying up and all this
goddamn time, Like I know, I ain't cry for his
ass and I ain't cry for he's saying something gonna do.
He didn't have a platform, he was in a homeless shelter.
Jess did he probably threaten him? You know, he don't play.

(06:29):
He kills people. Yeah, you're careful villain. That's what they said.
You're right now, that's what they said. I know. That's
but it was. It was just insane how we had
all that close up footage. I said, oh, how how
did this happen? He had the audacity to be filming himself.
But this is what narciss just do. They fucked themselves
because they're stupid, Like why would you film all of
this leading up to your trial? So cocky talking to

(06:52):
your lawyer like nah, we everything. It's like yo, oh
my god. And then the park where he had to
go out and you know, make good with the people
and then got in the wash. Yeah I mean people peasantry, sweetheart.

Speaker 3 (07:04):
But you know what it save, It gave such This
is not this episode is about, but very important.

Speaker 2 (07:10):
It was.

Speaker 3 (07:10):
It was so interesting to just see like the dynamic
of a weak ass nigga who doesn't feel adequate, Like
it's pour it pours out of his pores, you know
what I mean. It's like you you want to dance
a lot and ship. You want to be cool like
the cool niggas, but you ain't cool. And then it
was really killing me. When they had him in the studio,
they're like him like the writers are like, yeah, we
kept up.

Speaker 2 (07:29):
Had to redo the track because he wanted to keep
doing it.

Speaker 3 (07:32):
Again because it wasn't good, and he was in there like.

Speaker 2 (07:35):
But the guy is a kit high a goddamn. It
was like if he don't see his mother fucking somewhere.
It was I know, that's not what this episode. That
was really good because I never to talk about it,
so thank you. That wasn't that was good? Yeah, that
was good. You didn't get your heart together though, right,

(07:57):
Oh baby, I don't know. He seems happy be as
hell over there in jail. I don't think, oh yeah,
fifty fifty finds so much comfort and pleasure and embarrassing
his abusers basically.

Speaker 3 (08:14):
But do you think they're the car is gonna get him?
Because remember he ended jaw Roll when jaw Roll was
at his peak.

Speaker 2 (08:19):
Remember that. I know, but I loved jaw so much.
I was just killed him.

Speaker 3 (08:23):
He killed the whole murder inc in like one album.
Is someone going to kill him, just like Kendrick killed Drake.
Are we gonna it's just like a thing?

Speaker 2 (08:31):
I don't know. Can fifty be killed? You already got
shot eleven times? I mean everyone could be killed. Baby,
you got shot eleven times, Like the number go up?

Speaker 4 (08:40):
Everything is I thought, I don't know, you know you
got the bullets tatted on him.

Speaker 2 (08:46):
Proof anyway.

Speaker 3 (08:49):
Anyway, Yes, it's no better time for you to come
on good mom's bad choices than with the debut of
your new hip book Till Death Dewie Parents.

Speaker 2 (08:57):
Ma'am.

Speaker 3 (08:58):
You know at first what I saw, that's a I
was gonna be like bashing your baby daddy.

Speaker 2 (09:01):
But it seems you guys are friends. We are best
friends of you. Yeah, yeah, we understand this co parenting.

Speaker 3 (09:08):
We were always friends though, But yeah, you never had
a bad season.

Speaker 2 (09:12):
Mm. Yes, we had many bad seasons, and you can
see in chapter one three or it wasn't until like
five and six when we started like really really getting
well chapter five and six, which was also like the
fifth and sixth year of Ashton's life as well, Like
we started having real conversations and I started to see

(09:34):
Rome for like who he was and how his trauma
had a lot to do with how he was co
parent and how he looked at women and how he
even did everything. You know, he applied applied all of
that to his life, you know, an adult. In his
adult life, he went through. He went through a lot
as a child. So and once I started understanding him,

(09:57):
I started giving him grace, like, damn, you had a
traumatic childhood, Like it was crazy, it was great, then
it was horrible, and then it was gradually getting decent,
you know. And then he met me. So it was
a lot. It was a lot, and and that's how
he became my best friend. Just like I went from
being the bitter baby mama to like his confidante, Like

(10:20):
he would call me, invent to me, and then you know,
and we found such a synergy between us, like you know,
and it's like, okay, all right, I got you, you
my roll dog, Like that's really that's really like one
of my best friends.

Speaker 3 (10:33):
How would you say, because I you know, generally most
women were not going to describe themselves at any period
as a bitter baby mama. But at some point, you know,
like we've all had some bitterness, what would you say
had brought you out of your bitter baby mama mode
into the more mature, evolved version that you were talking
to today.

Speaker 2 (10:51):
Girl. I tried to see. I thought I could do both.
I thought I could be bitter and show up as
the best parent. I was like, Nah, I'm gonna show
you I hate you, right, and I'm gonna still be
the best mommy. It don't work out like that, because
the kid sees it all, you know, And my son
has always been very very smart, you know, not saying
it just because he's my son, but like he literally

(11:12):
is always caught on to like my little moods and
things I would say. And even if I've never bashed
his father to him, I never did that. I don't
even really respect when you know, women do that, but
because they gonna get old enough to see you know, yeah,
you know, but I've never done that. But Rome I
had to, Like I said, I had to have those

(11:34):
hard conversations because once I got past receiving and accepting
the fact that, yo, we're not gonna be together, that's
what made me like dow my bitterness back. You know,
we're not gonna be together. I thought I was gonna
spend the rest of my life with that nigga, you
know what I'm saying at one point, but it was

(11:55):
just it don't work like that all the time. And
I was seventeen when I started doing Your Day's like
right after her, you know, I'm saying right after high school, right,
And yeah.

Speaker 3 (12:07):
I think that a lot of people because we talk
about this, like just in general. I think a part
of the reason we started Good Moms is because we
were both getting out of our baby daddy relationships around
the same time.

Speaker 2 (12:16):
And I don't think.

Speaker 3 (12:18):
People, like sometimes of other racists don't understand, like when
you break up with your baby daddy, the disappointment that
it causes, because there's a deep stereotype against black women
being baby mamas.

Speaker 2 (12:30):
Hello, yes, and.

Speaker 3 (12:32):
It's like it's not it's like I'm a stereotype, like
and so there's an acceptance that has to happen that
kind of ruins and shatters our dreams and you're like,
I was gonna be a fucking baby mom over the
rest of my life. And it's like like a stereotype
that we didn't even we didn't even like, we didn't.

Speaker 2 (12:49):
Even agree to.

Speaker 3 (12:49):
So it's very layered when that breakup happens. I remember
being out with my baby daddy, like at the museum
and I see like white families.

Speaker 2 (12:56):
I'm like, I didn't do that, but I was like,
we're pushing the shower mom.

Speaker 3 (13:01):
Dad baby right, or because you know, even like in public,
people be like, oh is the dad around?

Speaker 2 (13:05):
Like but first of all, are don't ask me that question?
A little bit? Yeah? Up in the streets?

Speaker 3 (13:11):
Yeah, like why, Like I feel like white people like
when they like, please don't white families.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
Attention. This is a PSA announcement.

Speaker 3 (13:19):
Please, for the love of fucking God, do not see
a single black woman with a baby and then whisper
or even ask is.

Speaker 2 (13:25):
The dad's around? The dad in life?

Speaker 3 (13:27):
Because Kelly I didn't, I'm gonna start asking white witch,
is that where's his dad?

Speaker 2 (13:32):
Yeah? He around?

Speaker 4 (13:35):
You see my guy who goes around asking people at
the store like do you work here?

Speaker 3 (13:41):
It's a part of our reverse Karen Era. We gotta
do more like like no, no, I have my best
friend's white. Don't worry, but how did you get your hair?

Speaker 2 (13:48):
Like that?

Speaker 3 (13:49):
But I think that people don't understand how lair it
is for black women, even black men. Sometimes I don't
think they understand, like how triggering. It is when those
relationships end, especially probably how much black women stay in
relationships to try and make it work. Yes, and bitch,
you need to go a long time ago exactly. And
that was that was my plight, Like, that was my experience.

(14:10):
That's why if you read.

Speaker 2 (14:11):
The book in chapters two, three, four, five, like I
was really really trying because I didn't want to be
just a baby mama. Like nobody signs up to meet someone,
fall in love with them, have a baby for nothing,
like then you break up. Nobody signs up for that shit,
you know. I mean, well nowadays, well this polygamy and
shit going on right now people and all that, But

(14:32):
I'm talking about like like everybody wants loved and you know,
you have a you meet somebody, you have a baby
with them, and then everything goes this shit and you're like, damn,
I wish I saw this before that. Nine months I
was carrying your child, not able to smoke, and I'd
be wanting this light up a blood every day dealing

(14:53):
with your ass, you know what I mean. So, uh yeah,
that's the main reason why I even wrote the book,
because there has been bad stigma put on black families.
You know, and I'm a comedian, so I see it
all the time. The number one black joke go to
is I bet your dad ain't around or where your dad?
You know? And as funny as it may be in

(15:14):
the moment, this is somebody's trauma, you know what I mean.
Kids can't help that their dad, you know, are not around.
And then you got some some deadbeat ass moms out
here too, dad ain't around, and you got the dads
that are taking care of their children. So it's definitely
a stigma that I want to break. I want to
help break, you know what I'm saying. So that's the
whole point of me writing till death do we parent?

Speaker 3 (15:34):
And both your parents have been together for a long time, right.

Speaker 2 (15:37):
Yeah, My parents actually just got divorced maybe three four
years ago. They were together before I was born, and
they met in high school.

Speaker 3 (15:47):
How has that affected you because you always hear about
like in high you know, my kids, when my parents
got divorced, I've never been the same, but like as
an adult, cause I'm sure probably for a long time
you expected that to be forever.

Speaker 2 (15:56):
They were my example.

Speaker 3 (15:57):
Yeah, so how has that affected you seeing that, you know,
experiencing their divorce as an adult.

Speaker 2 (16:02):
Well, no, growing up and my grown self having a
conversation with my mother realizing that it was a lot
of my father's infidelity. You know what I'm saying, because
my fuck you had no idea. No, well I had
idea because you know, I had a little sister, and
I was like, oh, Okayn's daughter. Yeah, no, she's not

(16:24):
my mom's daughter, but she my mom treats her as
if she's her own. But yeah, I have She is
twenty two, she's eleven years younger than me, And I
thought that was a yeah, like that's my baby, like me,
that's my twin. She looked just like me. But that
was the first and only time I had ever knew

(16:47):
of my dad doing anything outside of the marriage. Right,
And then when I grew up and I had this
conversation with my mom, there were apparently there were, you know,
a couple more times, and you know, I'm having this
conversation with my dad like ye tell me, you was
all here getting to like that, like what's going on?
You know what I mean? And that hurt me. It
really freaking hurt me, because I honestly didn't see my

(17:09):
parents separating or divorcing, and I didn't think that it
would affect me like it did. But I think I
kind of went back to that child that saw nothing
but her mom and her dad together. I'm talking about
they displayed love, public display of affection everywhere in the church,
out shopping, they would take me and my brother places

(17:30):
and just you know, and that that was what I saw.
So that's what I wanted, you know, and it ended.
I am happy that she is happy, she remarried.

Speaker 3 (17:45):
I just rarely hear about the wife after a long
term relationship remarrying women be.

Speaker 2 (17:50):
Like, fuck all that. I'm good, I know, but that's
my dad. On the flip side, that's my dad, you know.
But what I will say when you get married so young,
and they were married right out of high school, Dad
was going into the Marines, and like he never got
to live a bachelor life. She never got to live
a bachelor life. Now, she never wanted to do that.
My mom is of the church and the church. On
top of the church and the church, like my mom

(18:12):
has always been rooted in Christ in her faith, you know,
and that's how we were raised. However, my dad was
the more lenient parent, Like you know, he has a
relationship with God. But it wasn't anything like my mom's,
you know, so he never got to live out that
that single bachelor life, you know. And when you get
married at such a young age, sometimes it's not your

(18:32):
forever to be married to the first person, you know,
so you got and yeah you do.

Speaker 3 (18:38):
I'm like shout out to them for like protecting you
so much that you had no idea that there was
shit going on, because my parents were saying high school,
out of high school, and I knew since I was six, like, bitch, if.

Speaker 2 (18:48):
You don't leave this nigga when you were six years.

Speaker 3 (18:51):
Old, six, I told my mom you should probably lead,
like you should probably leave And granted she just get
the divorce now, but you know, thirty seven years later,
but I just just.

Speaker 2 (19:02):
Like, what did you see in your day?

Speaker 3 (19:04):
Oh my god, I just saw I know. But he
was just like not come home. My mom be cursing
him out and fighting him. He's like even to this day,
I tell people like, if nigga answers the phone too low,
like I don't like niggas whispering. I am a very
like I'm not jealous, but inheritedly. In my DNA even

(19:25):
my male says, I'm like, O, look at her. I'm
like like, oh, like just kidding, and like what the
fuck is wrong with me? Because my mom is always
like we'd be out at McDonald's and be like, oh, thanks, darling,
She's like hold your darling.

Speaker 2 (19:36):
I'm like, bitch, it's the bitch at the fucking drive sport.

Speaker 3 (19:39):
Because my dad's like me, he's friendly, so like I
inherited a lot of like jealous territorial because my dad
was just didn't give a fuck, but my mom was crazy.

Speaker 2 (19:51):
Yeah, So I just I I saw it all the time,
heard it, saw it.

Speaker 3 (19:55):
Nigga wasn't coming home, so I mean, like inevitably, I
didn't even really want to be married. So it's interesting
that they were so good at just like she showed
no signs that she was like.

Speaker 2 (20:05):
No, that's crazy, Like no, not at all. When she
called me one day, she was like, can you come
over so we can talk? And I was like, okay,
I'm like, ah, what the hell out indeed, you know,
but I go and I go sit down with her
and she's like, so me and your dad are gonna
get a divorce. And I was like okay, why And
then so she walks me through it, and I'm like, oh,

(20:26):
I'm so happy for you. Then, you know, because all
my mom's life, right she has taken care of other people,
and she definitely neglected herself in the process of doing that.
She runs a childcare preschool, so she's taking care of
other people's children, you know what I mean, which is
why I didn't like kids in the beginning of my life,
because I'm like, damn, I grew up with people that

(20:47):
ain't even my siblings. But you know, that's her taking
care of children, and then you know, taking care of
me and my brother of course, and then taking care
of other kids in the neighborhood, and then taking care
of her mother, my grandmother, God rest her soul. She's
a diabetic, she was blind, and you know, like taking
care of her mom, you know DIALYSI, is taking care
of her sister, you know, then taking care of my father,

(21:07):
then take you know, just just take a care, just
taking care of care, you know, and taking care of
people in the church. You know, they sometimes you want
to snap some of that next, but she, my mother,
kept that up. And so this right now, she's living
in her season of happiness that she is like now
I'm living for me and I get to do it.
And at fifty eight, Yeah, she's like, no, she looks

(21:30):
I'm talking about she looks better than she's looked in
along because she yes, Like I'm like, damn, I you
look good. You know, you look like me. I mean
I look like you, but you look like you know
what I mean. And she's such a beautiful soul. Y.
I love my mother, So I'm happy that she's happy. Yeah,
but it took me a lot to get over this divorce.

(21:52):
You know, me and my dad are best friends. Yeah?
Was he honest about it when you came to him.
He was because me and my dad, like I said,
we're like best friends and we've had our spats, like
we gotten through it and all of that. But that
was when he was still being profful because he felt
like he felt the loane like after the divorce, he

(22:14):
felt very alone, like he felt like his kids had
turned on him too. And then he felt like, all right,
I know I lost you all mim. But I was
always a damn good dad and he was. He's never
ever slighted us in any facet. So it's like, all right,
And once I got over it. We had a great talk,
long talk, and he did apologize. He was like, yeah,

(22:36):
I just I wasn't good. I wasn't good for her,
you know. But he always took care of home and
he always always had her back, you know what I mean.
And he just always was a great father. So that's
one thing that that's that says a lot because he
could have been an ancient father, ancient husband. Ain't shit everything,
you know.

Speaker 3 (22:55):
So that's that's nice that you get to get that healing.

Speaker 2 (22:57):
And yeah, it's important, Imry, what is you and your
father relationship? Like now O're cool, We're good.

Speaker 3 (23:04):
I mean, I mean I I it was no really secret.
So I talked to my parents like I'm talking to
you yeah, like you know.

Speaker 2 (23:10):
Like and I'm telling like even when you try to.

Speaker 3 (23:11):
Get over on me and today I'm like, well, of
course you're not.

Speaker 2 (23:14):
Fucking with you. Why would I wouldn't know why would
you wouldn't fuck with you? Yeah. I talked to him
very matter we talk to you about other women or
like your mom.

Speaker 3 (23:22):
That no, I realized that is triggering for me, Like
I think one time even they've been really not together,
but he'll he'll be here, stay with her like it's very.

Speaker 2 (23:31):
Back and forth.

Speaker 3 (23:32):
But I think like a couple of times, like there's
someone around and no, no, okay, we don't do that
because you're not on it, Like you're not a stand
up nigga about it. You're not honest, you haven't gone
about it the right way. So for me, it still
feels very triggered.

Speaker 2 (23:45):
Yeah, it doesn't. Don't bring any of the bridges around me.
Now you've lost your ship. I have a question about
the process of writing the book because we we're authors ourselves.

Speaker 4 (23:56):
I know, ma'am, we're author ourselves, and we know personally
how challenging it can be. So I'm wondering, like, what
was the hardest part about writing the book for you?
I was pregnant with my daughter, Marley, who is one
year old now, Like, yeah, I was pregnant, and I
rejected the idea of a co writer just because I
was like I was cocky with my show. I was like, nah,

(24:17):
this is my first clas got this, I'm smart, graduated
with a three point nine GPA. Stopped playing with me,
like yeah, and I'm sitting there pregnant as how upset
mad having to relive everything.

Speaker 2 (24:30):
And then I had pregnancy brain. You know, you got
pregnancy brain. Be pregnant, you forget everything, And so I
have to call my son's father, has to call Jerome, like, yo,
do you remember what happened at his first birthday party?
Because it's kind of foggy, and he like, are you
gonna be mad when I remind you? But yeah, right,
I was great, and you you know what I mean.
So like writing that and having to replace certain things

(24:55):
in my mind every day, it was very triggering. And
then I took some of it out on my husband,
and my husband like that nigga, no more like what
you made? Like what you know. But it was a
lot of it was very challenging and it and it
was a longer process than I had than I thought

(25:16):
I expected. How long did it take? Because two years?
I know, right, like eight months? Okay, yeah yeah, But
I mean, y'all, how much research did y'all do for
the Ethical Slut? Well? The book that's our book is
not the Ethical Sluck, okay, because I'm looking at them.
Oh no, no, no, that just stock out. I was like,

(25:37):
ok next, it's called a Good Mom's Guide to Making
Bad Choices, Okay. And it was because that sounds like
something y'all were right, though, don't do that. Definitely your
ad you should.

Speaker 4 (25:45):
Read that book, Okay.

Speaker 2 (25:48):
No, our ours memoirs as well, Like we had to.
It was triggering. We had to go back in time read.

Speaker 4 (25:54):
Or journals like unearthed things we thought we were over.
We visit them realize, oh bit you still got you
probably need to handle that and like and then also
like god, we could notes from our publisher like there's
not enough characters, we need five more pages.

Speaker 2 (26:09):
Yeah. I'm like, yeah, that was the biggest part because
I'm like, yo, what's y'all talk about? The book need
to be eighty thousand words or more. I'm like, how
many pages is that? Look my shit up right? I
sent my shit in. They came back like, it's only
sixteen thousand words. This is kind of like a brochure.
Excuse me, don't blame man, that's just the book. But yeah,

(26:29):
I'm like, so then they you have to set up
the scene. You have to talk about everything around you
with the season that like what you the air you
could taste on your tongue And I'm like, man, I
was mad a ship all the time. I wouldn't worry
about no a I could taste all my tongue and.

Speaker 3 (26:43):
The literary world as white as hell.

Speaker 2 (26:44):
I'm like, you don't understand the word because you don't
get it. Yes, I'm not changing this world, Caitlyn, mean
something you don't have to say.

Speaker 4 (26:50):
We get some notes, I'd be like, actually and cultural, yes,
she drove the boat. It's a Megan's Stallion reference.

Speaker 2 (26:58):
And look and I got it. I got City girls
referencing there and they could not figure it out, so
they kept correcting it, like sending it back. I'm like, no,
put it back like it was. This is this is
a cultural difference, Like this is the difference between cultures.
Y'all don't understand. Oh yeah, that was something I struggle
with as well. But I trying to stretch sixteen thousand
words into eighty that was hard. That was hard to do,

(27:20):
especially without a co writer. And how does Rome feel
about this? Like the book?

Speaker 4 (27:24):
I mean, I'm saying that you guys are good friends,
but but him, I guess him having to be on display.

Speaker 2 (27:28):
Absolutely yeah, and he actually wants to write his own
till left we parents just from the father's back, which
that is perfect, you know. Although he played a big
part in helping me write the book from my perspective,
he was actually, he's actually proud, he's excited about it.
And I'm gonna also have him join me on a

(27:50):
lot of the press tours as well, especially when I
go and talk to the guys, just so he can provide,
you know, information from his own point of view. I
don't want to speak for him too much, like especially
like with his traumas and things that he went through.
I want that to come straight from his mouth, and
you know, because I don't, I just don't feel right
talking too much about are. We put it in a
book with his permission, of course, and he got very

(28:12):
emotional reading it. But he was so happy for me.
I was like, you should write your own. My husband
actually suggested that, like yo, he should write until death
do we Parent? It should be a series, he should
write the next book should be from his point of view.

Speaker 3 (28:27):
Hell yeah, kind because I brought by daddy and I
didn't ask for should have approval?

Speaker 2 (28:32):
What? What? Where? Where are y'all right now? When y'all
call parents and relationship? Are you picking up BALLOONNA today? Yes?
I mean we're cool, bitch, Okay, I don't.

Speaker 3 (28:42):
I mean I don't talk about.

Speaker 2 (28:46):
I got you okay, Okay, so there. Yeah. So when
you say so, when you say it's cool, like is
it really cool? I mean like we're not gonna go
like probably have dinner.

Speaker 3 (28:55):
We could if my kid was there, but like, what
I need to do that I told her recently. I
actually I went to a uh something at the school
and he came and he must have been behind me,
and he came up and kissed me on the sheet
like malfunctioning and then awfter, First of all, I'm such
a me and my kid are so close. I'm like, yeah,
did you notice daddy kissed me on the chi?

Speaker 2 (29:17):
She was like yeah, I was like what that eleven?

Speaker 3 (29:21):
Okay, She's like I was, I was like weird, right,
She's like so weird.

Speaker 2 (29:24):
I was like, you don't do you don't we don't
do that. She's like, no, I didn't know what was
going on. So she's a little you. Yeah, I love that.
I was like, oh yeah, I peed that. It was
just as weird to her. Yeah, and so that's unusual.
That's not something that he usually does. Like so why
the hell would he do that? Maybe because I got married.
I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker 3 (29:42):
I'm trying to be cool, Like I don't know, he
got some money testing her, just testing Yeah, because then
he did it again. He said bye to me, but
like it was it was I was like, yeah, don't right, right, you.

Speaker 4 (29:53):
Know, I believe that, like and you know, just speaking
to like this this idea of till death do we parents?
I feel like a lot of parents like when you
turn eighteen, it's done, We're done, and we all know
that's not really the truth, whether we like it or not.

Speaker 2 (30:05):
But like I do.

Speaker 4 (30:07):
Believe that we like obviously we choose the men we
have children with, but there's something there, like when we
decide to create life with something, there is something beyond
our physical bodies that have connected us in a way
and in some instances, like you, you guys are able
to sort through the bullshit and get to the source
of why you guys came together. Where then other circumstances

(30:29):
and know, there's a lot of women listening that have
baby daddy dynamics, baby mama dynamics.

Speaker 2 (30:34):
We're like, fuck that, nig I'll never be his friend
and all those things. But it's like.

Speaker 4 (30:39):
There is that truth because you can only meet people
where they're at. Yeah, but then there's also this truth
of like, but our souls have intertwined in this way
for a reason. Yes, and we've created life for a reason.
So if there's the opportunity, and I think that's why
I would say a lot of women can hold the
candle for their baby daddies of like, I'm available and
open potentially.

Speaker 2 (31:00):
To figuring out how we can at least be cool.
But that's not always. That's not always the case, and
that's not always what happens.

Speaker 4 (31:08):
So I'm curious, how did you, guys finally, Like, how
did you start to decenter your did this this dream
romance relationship and finally.

Speaker 2 (31:17):
Be able to come to this place? Like was there
something specific that happened? Yeah, honestly, it was the conversation
that he and I had. You know, Rome was very
he always one thing about it. He was always open
and vulnerable with me, vulnerable enough to tell me about
things that happened in his childhood, right like him growing

(31:40):
up and everything like that. And I came from the
total opposite, you know. So, but one thing my mom
always taught was grace, Like you give people grace, you
meet them where they are, you know, I don't care
if it's your friends, you know, a boyfriend that you have,
somebody that you meet on your job in church, because
you don't know what they've gone through, you don't know
what they're currently going through. Everybody copes with stress differently,

(32:06):
you know. And so once, like I said, it was
a conversation when Ash was maybe about four or five,
and I realized, Yeah, I'm not getting back with you.
You know when the second baby mama, were you like,

(32:26):
were you guys sliding back a little bit? Were you
getting dick appointments with the baby daddy? I did that
one time. I did that one time. It wasn't even
twenty four hours four that I got yes, and I
left somebody that I was happy with to give my
baby daddy a second chance, to give Rome a second chance.
And not even twenty four hours later, I found out
he had another baby on the way. Oh, I didn't

(32:48):
tell you, did not tell me, did not tell me
because he thought that she had got rid of it. Man, Yeah,
because she did, because that's what she told him she
was gonna do and everything, and so he was like, okay, cool, whatever, whatever.
But when it came to to me like no, no, no,
she's pregnant, and she's pregnant with the little girl. I
was like, oh wow, Damn. I was distraught. But the

(33:13):
crazy thing is I wasn't shocked. Rome had been cheating
so much that I was like, you know what, whatever, congratulations.
I was happy for him because he wanted a girl
from the jump to replace his mother basically, you know, yeah,
he lost her at a very young age, so he
really wanted to be like, oh, this gotta be my mom,

(33:34):
you know, right, like talking to me, she gave me
my angel. Right. I was mad because I had left
somebody who I thought was a great man, not only
for me, but for my son too. And he was older.
He was an older gentleman. I talk about it in
the book as well. Yeah, he was an older gentleman child,
and he was just doing all the right things. He

(33:57):
had made me forget about everything that I thought that
I had wanted with Rome, and he made me even
look at him in a different way because I'm like, damn,
you don't even have kids, and you're so good with
my son, you know. And then it hit me that damn,
I wasn't over my son's father. I was avoiding him

(34:17):
and it's very easy to avoid somebody, cause if you
out of sight, out of mind, especially if you got
something else to do, like another guy. So I was like,
all right, cool. But when I saw him again and
I couldn't avoid him, he asked me, can we have
a conversation. We met up and we talked and he
said everything that I wanted to hear, and I just didn't.
I'm like, oh, this is why I didn't want to

(34:38):
see you. And I had to go home and break
up with that guy and that nigga, Were you honest
with him? I was very honest. I didn't want to
cheat on him. He was such a good guy. I
didn't want to cheat on him. And so I told him.
I was like, I want to give my family another chance.
And that nigga broke the broke the plate on the wall.

(35:00):
Are you crazy? And you sit here and tell me this,
that and the other, and you really you go sit
down to meet with him one time and now you're
trying to you get all right? Cool? Got you? And
then when he said my mother told me this was
going to happen, what is what was that moment like
for you? I cried. I couldn't. I was speechless. I

(35:21):
couldn't do anything because he was right. I didn't think
in my mind like I was going back, but I
didn't realize how deep in I was still with Rome,
like my heart, like right right, I'm damn yep, And
and it was it was a lot. Ash was still young,

(35:44):
and I thought I had gotten over Rome because I
hadn't seen him, I hadn't talked to him. I was
avoiding his calls. He was commenting under my pictures on Instagram,
I mean not Instagram was my Space, then my Space
and all that and Facebook, and damn was Facebook. God?
But yeah, and he he got me back, and then
he got me good and he had the baby. Uh.

(36:09):
Somebody actually it was a girl's cousin or commented under
something and she was like, I don't know why this
nigga playing house with his baby mama, Like he ain't
got my homegirl pregnant, or like he ain't got my
cousin pregnant. Okay, thanks. I woke up to that goddamn
comment after spending after spending a day with my son
and his father, after leaving a nigga who really loved

(36:32):
me and my son, and so where he got you
have a look back. Did you ever speak again after
that girl and he went to jail. I mean, he
might be home now, but he got shot in the ass.
Oh Jesus her. Yeah, it was a lot going on.
Well maybe it was a God protect God's protection. But see,
people be like that because of you. That's because you
let come on nothing with you stop that.

Speaker 4 (36:54):
You always want to blame women for I know, I'm
like God, damn anybody that was his bad choice ship.
Women be so in love with the idea of the family,
like more almost more in love with the idea than
the actual nigga.

Speaker 2 (37:06):
Like you gotta look at the nigga for the nigga,
Like sometimes look at.

Speaker 3 (37:08):
The nigga for the nigga, not for the happy happy
ever ending, like you got to look for if the
nigga be cheating, he'd probably be cheating.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
That's just what it is.

Speaker 3 (37:16):
Like, don't be hoping a baby or your dream fantasy
maturist nigga. It's probably not going to have exactly and
you don't know what he went through and why he's
like that.

Speaker 2 (37:28):
And that's why in the book, like I strongly urge
people yo get to know get to know a person.
I think when you start dating them up, like you
need to take them to the therapists, ask them have
they done therapy? Have you healed from you know, childhood
traumas and you know, like what what do you talk
to your mom? Do you know your mom? Like you know,
how is your relationship with your father? Like all of that.

Speaker 4 (37:49):
That's all very important, but a bit you're gonna do
what she want to do no matter what. She'd be like,
I can heal him.

Speaker 2 (37:55):
I know that was me for a while.

Speaker 3 (37:58):
I'm like, this episode is for you, and she thinks
you can heal a nigga, listen closely read the books, bitch.

Speaker 2 (38:04):
We all talk about every book. We're telling you that's
not for our health. You can't do it because then
next thing, you know, you'd be trying to heal your damnself.
I have to hear yourself a nigga traumatized and fucked
up about it. It's too much, too much. So what
does till death do his parent mean to you? Then?
Does that mean like you're in it for life?

Speaker 3 (38:21):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (38:22):
Because what you what you just said. There's also this
notion of oh, at the he turn eighteen, or at
she turned eighteen, or you know after they turn eighteen. No,
you still they't God, damn parent. Listen, I'm thirty four
years old. I still call my mother for advice when
I don't know what to do, when I feel like
I'm in a crisis. You know. Of course God is
the first one I call on but my mom. And

(38:42):
if she can't help me, I'm calling my dad, you know.
And niggas got something to say. I'm calling my father.
I'm not calling that's crazy. I got a whole husband,
will be ready to jump out day for me. I'm
calling my fack I call you know what? What about like?
Because I think about so I had my dad. It's
a lifesnse.

Speaker 4 (38:58):
I think about my my, my parent's dynam who hated
each other most of my life and only recently, actually
had him on the podcast last month, and the bitches
were so mad at him, and.

Speaker 2 (39:08):
Rightfully so that you're dead. Oh yeah, why because he
was just very open about how much he hated my mom.
It was like I hated her mother. I hate her
with a burning passion. Jesus Christy. People really didn't like that.

Speaker 4 (39:21):
He said it three times, But funny enough, like my
mom and my dad have a great relationship now, and
it took thirty years, okay, okay, And that's what a
lot of women were mad at, Like while we got
away thirty years to get the apology, why we got
a da da da. But even still throughout those thirty
years of like them not getting along, I know that

(39:42):
in the state of an emergency, if I was fucking up,
she gonna call that nigga and be like, Eric, guess
what Erica did you know? And it's because it really
is till death. Jo was part you know, like that
dynamic that you share whether or not you get along
or not. Usually you're if something's going on with your child,
you s are going to have to communicate in some capacity.
So the hope is that you can have a relationship.

Speaker 2 (40:05):
Like you have with Rome.

Speaker 4 (40:06):
Absolutely, But I'm just curious, like what advice you would
give to mothers right now that are like navigating through.

Speaker 2 (40:14):
Co parenting. I know it's because you know, one thing
that people don't think about is what it takes day
to day like behind closed doors for co parenting, Like
it's you know, it's all cute right now. What I'm
saying that I know, y'all listener, is partly like Oh,
that's cute. They're her and Rome are like brother and sister.
But no, I literally I'm ready to go to jail

(40:34):
over mine right now. You know that was once me.
I'm telling you is it takes communication. It's hard to
communicate with the person.

Speaker 3 (40:43):
I know.

Speaker 2 (40:43):
I know it's easier said than done, but I've gone
through it, so I definitely can give y'all advice just
based off my experience. Communication when you're in it is
the hardest thing to do if you still got feelings, Like,
it's the hardest thing. Like there were times I didn't

(41:04):
want to see his face. It's times that it was
hard looking at my son because he looked just like
his father, you know what I mean. And this is
when Rome was hurting me, so I was doing anything
to hurt him back. And you know, it's hard when
you're in it, but that's because I still had feelings.
Stop fucking on that, nigga. Step one, like seriously, like

(41:26):
that that is step one. Stop thinking about what could
be and learn to accept. Listen, what is it like?
Learn to accept what is and then let it go.
And you're literally only letting go of the feelings that
you have. You know what I'm saying you letting go,
because that's where all the negativity come in. Because guys,

(41:49):
baby Daddy's nor they baby mama, they know and they
know how to get up nder your skin, but they
know how to get back in bed with us too,
and they know the right things to say to make
us get back. And then you and your thinking like, hmm,
I'm only giving it to him because I want to you.
But no, you're getting even more attached every time you
open up them legs.

Speaker 3 (42:06):
Because it's Christmas and it's a holiday season and you
want to you want to have.

Speaker 2 (42:12):
Right. No, No, you gotta stop having sex, stop being intimate,
stop wishing, like, stop really hoping, because because they show
you who they are tom and Tommy, and they show
you who they are in a relationship, you know, and
then you know you got the dad's who parent depending

(42:36):
you know, how they parent depends on how you fucking
with them. Like if you ain't sleeping with them, here
gonna take care of that exactly. That's him expose himself exactly.
And you gotta stop giving those those men chances in
your heart and stop giving them your temple like you

(42:57):
already had, you already split out a seed from them
people person disrespectful. Yeah, and they won't grow until later.
Everyone grows eventually, but yeap hopefully. But y'all ain't gotta
have the same timeline, you know, Like if you know
he gonna disappoint you don't, why would you lay back down?

(43:18):
Like we got the power to do that. We got
the power to be like, no, no, I'm not What
do you mean if it ain't about the child, don't
call me. It's okay. And it's okay to be bitter too.
I want people to know that, Like it's all right
to be bitter. That's in emotion, Like that is everything
like that, that's that soup I'm telling you, Like, no,
you mad because he didn't play with you. You keep

(43:38):
giving him your heart and every time like he giving
you just a little bit to keep you holding on
because you're like, oh, he'll change. I'm telling you he'll change.
That's that was my dumb ass for a long time
until I realized, nah, he won't. Because Rome was okay
as long as I was single, But when I got
with somebody else, it was like, nah, but he was.

(44:00):
He wasn't trying to have me for him. He's just
all right, if you single over there playing with my son,
you know, as long as you single, you straight. But
the moment you get somebody else, now he feels threatened.
You know. That's another thing too, like who now they
try to make it about who you got my son around? Oh,
they need to meet me before they like me. And

(44:20):
Ron went through all of.

Speaker 1 (44:21):
That, and.

Speaker 2 (44:23):
Yeah, we had had that too. Really, yeah, I was like,
I want to meet her. I want to meet whoever
you're around my child. I want to meet now. Now
why why was that? It's not that anymore? But it
was control number one? It was control.

Speaker 4 (44:36):
It was I'd already didn't I didn't trust you. It
was I want to know what the fuck you're doing? Yeah,
it was it was all of it, all of that.
And then I remember I was actually the one that
got in a relationship first, and so I was like trying.

Speaker 2 (44:48):
I was like like, okay, I guess I gotta live
by my rule. And I remember doing it.

Speaker 4 (44:53):
He showed up to the house and like my boyfriend
was inside. I was like, okay, I guess the moment
brought them out side, and.

Speaker 2 (45:01):
I remember Freddy being like, why the fuck are we
doing this? And I was like this is dumb. Are
we doing this? This is the dumbest because you got head.
I hated it. This rule is done, We're done right right?
Sure hands? That was it change. It was just like hey, man, hey, okay, bye,
Now what it was a deep ship. It wasn't like, man,
I'm really gonna protect your daughter, none of that ship.

(45:23):
It was just how you doing.

Speaker 4 (45:25):
It was just like, yeah, it was like the making
of my own fucking awkward moment. I'm like, Okay, that
was dumb at hell.

Speaker 2 (45:30):
Now did your daughter's father set that up? Did he
want that? Did he say, look I need to meet No,
what he did? And it was me but he agreed
to it. He agrees to it, so whatever.

Speaker 4 (45:43):
But I will say too, like, one of the things
that I've had to in my co parenting journey is
like to stop acting surprise when ship when he shows
what he does, when he does the same ship he
does every every every month time.

Speaker 2 (45:53):
It took me years. I'm like, I'm just accepting it.
It took me years to be like, oh he's oh,
he's canceling.

Speaker 4 (46:00):
Now I gotta figure some shit out, okay, And I'm
telling you, like the when I started to release that
I became so much happier because I was like it
was like I was waiting for him toe I'm like, oh, nigga,
I know you're not gonna fucking show up for the
thing or I'm going to I gotta go out of town.
You said you're gonna watch her, and then one day
before this is like it's always happens at this point.

(46:21):
So now it's like, no, I have a backup plan. Now,
I just prepare so that I don't get pissed off.
And it's like our relationship has evolved a lot over
the over the years and it's not perfect.

Speaker 2 (46:31):
But like we can laugh and I can be good
and we can be cool.

Speaker 4 (46:36):
We took my daughter to Jamaica last year for her birthday,
just me and him and her, which I never thought.

Speaker 2 (46:43):
It was good and we were there, bitch, no y'all left.
Look at her. I was like, that is there. Okay,
you're there for one day, but it was you know,
there was support close by. God, you got you got you.
But I was scared of that trip.

Speaker 4 (47:03):
I was, but like I knew my daughter really wanted that,
like she wants us to like get along and be together.
And she's ten, so that trip, I know she'll always
remember and it.

Speaker 2 (47:16):
Was cool for us.

Speaker 4 (47:16):
We got to sit down and have a drink and
talk and shoot the ship about o shit and get
some apologies and just laugh about where we're at now.
And so I think that trip kind of like helps
soften where like our relationship, And there's been moments like
that throughout our cool parenting journey. But it's possible because
I look at my parents, who, like my dad said, hated, hated, hated.

Speaker 2 (47:41):
And I even look at my.

Speaker 4 (47:42):
Situation because my baby daddy also had a baby while
I was planning my wedding, so very ghetto, right, which
is why we broke up.

Speaker 2 (47:50):
So you know, there's there's a There can be a.

Speaker 4 (47:52):
Lot of pain, a lot of distrust, and there's still
an opportunity because you have decided to make life with
this person, to soften to whatever the circumstances are, release
then want and the dream of a relationship. Release control
because as women, that's a big part of it. It's
our control. You're not gonna have.

Speaker 2 (48:13):
My baby out here wearing this. He didn't brush the
teeth like all this shit was like you knew this
nigga was like this when you were loving him, Like
the nigga barely brushed his teeth, then you think he
gonna brush your son's teeth. Bit like just certain shit.

Speaker 4 (48:28):
They just like you have to have it, like just
accept and it makes your life so much easier and
it helps the kids so much. So I was curious too,
like how has this impacted like your son Ashton and
like him seeing his parents get along? Like has he
ever known you guys not to get along? Or is
he only experienced you guys in this space.

Speaker 2 (48:45):
No, he's experienced us not getting along. He's also experienced
his father with the other mothers of his children. How
many babies does we have now? As five kids? Damn
ye five? Okay, Kevin Hart? Sorry, but yeah he got
five kids? Five baby you know. And now Ashton is

(49:09):
he'll be fourteen, so he has little questions and you know,
but he loves me and his father's relationship, right, but
now he's a teenager, so he's paying closer attention to
his father. Man, you know, how to move because now
you know he got he got ashes and that where

(49:31):
he's like he has girlfriends and you know, not girlfriends,
but you know he is dating now you know or
whatever they want to call her at this age there,
you know. And so he's like going back and forth
from his dad to my husband asking certain questions about
like you know, what what should I get her for balance?

Speaker 1 (49:47):
Hie.

Speaker 2 (49:48):
You know, I ain't never really like he tried to
act like he's too cool for it, but like I
love the dynamic between my son, me, my husband and
his father's.

Speaker 4 (50:02):
It's a village o thing. So they have a relationship, yeah,
they do. Your your husband and you and Rome.

Speaker 2 (50:08):
Yes, yes, yes, they they have relationship. They talk to
each other. They was there a journey there or was
that just kind of like actually, it didn't really take
them long to gel to get along and to talk,
to have the to build their own bond outside of me,
outside of Ashton. It didn't take long at first. And
I talk about this in the book. My husband had

(50:31):
to create boundaries, like he told, like, you know, he
had a conversation with me, like you need to create
a boundary between you and Rome, because y'all are almost
codependent on each other, like and it's a lot and
that's probably why you haven't been in a successful relationship yet.
As bad as I wanted to be like boy with

(50:52):
the five like who the he was right? He was
fucking right, you know, And and what did that boundary
look like? My god, like, listen, this is this is crazy.
Rong could call me at any time like one, two,
three o'clock in the morning, Yo, she put me out
like or like I'm about to go over his bed
at the house or you know anything, and I'd be

(51:13):
right there listening, giving him advice and you know, there
to hear him. I would be his aid, like help
him navigate through certain shit. And one day, one night,
me and my husband was laying in the bed, he
was my boyfriend at the time. We laying in the bed,
and he like, you just answered the phone, and it's
not about ash it's not about it's not about Ashton.
It's not about y'all son. It's like one o'clock in

(51:34):
the morning.

Speaker 3 (51:34):
Nah.

Speaker 2 (51:35):
You gotta yeah, you're gonna have to figure that out.
You gotta respect, Like I understand that y'all are not.
And he never thought that we were still intimate or
sneaking behind his back or anything like that, but he
just like, there still needs to be a boundary. Yeah,
any man would be fucking with that, you know what
I'm saying, And then I realized in every relationship until

(51:56):
I met my husband, I would tell it niggas like, look,
my baby is like a package. It's like a package deal.
He will come to me. He yup, he his ass
is going be there like this is my best friend.
It's my guy, like it's my ridd or thought, it's
my dog. Like so if y'all ain't if you if
you want a bit, just gonna before all, this ain't
the relationship for you because yeah, that's that's that's my

(52:18):
guy right there, and that'll do a number on it. Well,
let me call my homegirl real quick, right, and didn't
have me.

Speaker 4 (52:30):
Exactly you know, so that yeah, my husband had to
really put that into perspective. What was that conversation like
with Rome, did you have that conversation or just kind
of naturally did its own thing.

Speaker 2 (52:39):
It was naturally happening already. But then me and Rome
did talk about it over the phone, and he was like, yo,
I love him for you. I ain't ever loved nobody
for you after me, because you know, I was the
best thing that ever happened to you, because I gave
you the best gift for your life. Talk about my son,
you know how didn't get on their house and something
like a ship. But you know, he he was like, yo,

(53:02):
I'm giving you my blessing, which I don't need. But
he was like, I'm giving you my blessing. You're like,
if you want to marry him, go it, because like
he he checking off all the boxes for me like this,
ain't show a nigga. That's my nigga. You know what
I'm saying seriously, And he was just so happy when
and when I called him and told him that I
was pregnant, he was like, yo, we did it. Like no,
we didn't. Not we we didn't. We're gonna say, you know,

(53:25):
I'm gonna ask. I'mna ask Chris. Chris is my husband's name.
I'm gonna ask Chris if I can be the godfather?
Nah nah, Now that's what we're crossing a lot. And
I already say we brothers sistem. People be looking at
me like I got three he's a nigga. No, you're
not about to be the godfather of my new child
and you my first baby fall but we're not doing it.

Speaker 3 (53:42):
You're the dream though, Like ideally, back in my other delusion,
I thought that I could eventually.

Speaker 2 (53:49):
Get to a point like this. Yeah, but you can now,
I mean, I help.

Speaker 3 (53:54):
So I don't think my husband's ever gonna I mean
they're cool. We see each other, parent teacher meetings and shit. Okay,
but my baby daddy hit me in my face. So
that's I'm thinking a different thing to like, oh no,
to just pill the swallow. He was also fucking evil.
I mean it's like the bipolar. Like he loves me
so much that he hated my guts.

Speaker 2 (54:10):
Yeah, so even for me.

Speaker 3 (54:11):
And one time I said on an episode, you know
I love my I love him, Yeah, because I did.
Even at the end of our relationship, felt like he
was like my brother. Like I felt like I was
so close it was almost like sibling. Yeah, but I
grew up with him, you know, I don't have like
twenty five years.

Speaker 2 (54:24):
But oh wow. I had like tried to.

Speaker 3 (54:26):
Propose this to Orlando, like maybe one day we could
all just be He's like, absolutely not, are you He's
like no, that's and it's fine because I realized, like
even in my heart, I would like to be cool,
but I also know he want he would want to
be with He would still be with me if I
allowed it, so there's no there's no way to like.
And also you'll you'll disrespect me at the drop of

(54:47):
time easily.

Speaker 2 (54:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (54:48):
So it's like some some niggas you got it just
keep where they're at at a distance, and it's like
it doesn't have to be beef, but it doesn't have
to be.

Speaker 2 (54:55):
You know, anything more than just cordial.

Speaker 3 (54:57):
But I love that that you can have the everyone
can have a relationship and it's copesthetic and that he's
been able to heal and to have conversations about how
his trauma has affected how he's treated you and your
like the parenting because I always like any black man
that is doing the work and can verbalize it and
discuss the trauma and know that it's contributed to his
bad behavior.

Speaker 2 (55:18):
I always give kudos and I always leave room for growth.
But something it's just going to be immature of their
whole life.

Speaker 3 (55:23):
Yeah. So it's like it's nice that Chris has been
able to give you boundaries but also be open enough
to have a relationship with him and hell yeah, especially
for Ashton because then he gets the best of everybody.

Speaker 2 (55:36):
Yeah, and that's what he likes. He can call Chris
for certain things he can call his dad for certain things,
and he can call me for certain things. And you know,
we have a even bigger village than that. You know,
my mother, which is Ashton's grandmother, and my father Ashton's grandfather,
my mother's new husband, which is you know, a bonus granddad.
You know, my husband's parents, and then Rome's dad.

Speaker 1 (56:00):
You know.

Speaker 2 (56:01):
So it's it's it's a it's a village and it
took a while to get here, but it can happen,
and it's very possible. Are you called that romas baby
mamas like hold on yeah, one yeah, yeah, one one
because it was too but didn't work out. But then

(56:23):
you know, yeah, Chris is having kids. You yeah, he
came with no kids. I was like, all right, come on,
put a baby up in here.

Speaker 4 (56:32):
Chris is thirty one, y'all. Got I read your story
and how you met. You met at a bar. He's
a truck driver and he's had a stop or something period.

Speaker 2 (56:40):
Yeah, because it's thirty two.

Speaker 4 (56:41):
I'm sorry, thirty two because we are two and a
half years apart. Yeah, yeah, I love that story because
that's like, what are the chances of the man you.

Speaker 2 (56:48):
Meeting your husband and wasn't even looking. I was not
looking because I had got out of relation. I had
just gotten out of relationship like a year before him,
and I was like, you know what, I'm done, Like
I think I might try girls, but I was like,
I don't need pussies, so it ain't gonna work. So
they're gonna spit me right back out anyway, Hello, princess,

(57:08):
you know what I'm saying. Apparently that's what I learned.
You not to get a study. Don't try to get
there pussy gate too. Some of them don't. Apparently some
of them stuffs do that. Some of them stuffs like
the cock opening them legs and be like yeah, like
I sud pussies in my day. So you you've you've
explored on that side. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (57:25):
I was a former lesbian, not anymore, but I know
that's right. I lived in Atlanta. I was a lisbon
for a few times.

Speaker 2 (57:30):
Oh yeah, Atlanta do it to you? Yeah, yeah, they'll.

Speaker 3 (57:32):
Say, you know, like niggas because they were kind of niggish,
all the girls down there in Atlanta with the kind
of like yeah said side. No, I'm straight, Yeah, but
damn I forgot the goddamn question, my bag.

Speaker 2 (57:44):
Sorry, no, no, I just said. I was just saying
I loved your story with Chris. Oh yeah at the Yes,
he was a truck truck driver a rest stop, and
so it was a restaurant, right, I remember, I just
got it. It was February twenty, twenty twenty three. Oh yeah,
make some fucking noise.

Speaker 3 (58:00):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (58:00):
I just wrapped up a day of doing Breakfast Club
I was guest co hosting, and I took the train
down to Baltimore. I got some crabs because they're on Baltimore.
We love blue crabs, honey. So me, my sister and
one of my friends we went to Watershed. It's a
popular restaurant in downtown Baltimore, known for crabs and seafood
and stuff. And he just walked in to meet like
some of his cousins and you know his people's Now,

(58:23):
he didn't notice me, but the people that he walked
up with, like his cousins and them, they noticed who
I was. And I was happy, sho. I was passing
out edibles and I was buying the bar around and
he didn't drink or smoke, and so I was like,
what you're doing at the bar if you ain't Because
I was trying to buy him a shot and he
was like, nah, I don't need a shot him good,
and he said I don't drink. I said, so why
are you sitting at the bar if you don't drink.

(58:44):
He was like, I don't need to be drinking to
set at the bar. And I was like, m all
right at toude right. So he wasn't really giving me
what I was looking for, so I was still I
was still digging. I'm like, no, I want you. I'm
gonna get you. And so you know how you take
shot at the shot. At the shot, I don't realize
that you drunk. Shit to you stand up yoah, try
to go to the bathroom, and I literally almost hit

(59:07):
the floor. I asked my sister. I was like, bitch,
you want me to the bathroom. And so we walked
past him and I was like, I hope you're not
watching me walk away and I turned around and he wasn't,
which was very fucked up, but whatever. I went to
the bathroom, I came out and he was about he
was paying the tab or whatever, and he was like,
I wanted to know if I could take you out.
I don't want to take you on A day was
a drunk one. I was like yeah with the fuck right,

(59:29):
like yeah, you know, all ratshitty and all of that shit.
And so he took me out a week later and
I never left him since you married last year, right,
We got married April seventeen, twenty twenty five. So we're
coming up on it, are Yeah, So I'm excited. I'm very,
very excited. I love him so much, Like I've never

(59:50):
met a more pure human being. Like he's so pure,
he's so like, he's a calm to my storm. Y'all know,
I'll be extra shit, like he loves it all. He
loves me, like he disarms me because I always had
my guard up, like all the time. After you've been

(01:00:11):
in a relationship where you guys either take care of
a nigga, beating a nigga up, or do something you know,
or dale just with a bunch of shit, cheating, lying,
just the manipulation all of that, and then you meet
like like a real genuine soul, like and he totally
disarms me. Now we get into it because that nigga canceled,

(01:00:31):
but like at the root of him, he's such a
calm person and he's very patient with me. He makes
me laugh. He makes me smile. He brings out my femininity,
Like you know, I've always been in touch with my
masculinity because you know what these niggas want, you know.
But he I really I like, I'm so soft with him.

(01:00:54):
He makes me nervous a little bit. I'll be stuttering
a little bit like your voice, you know. So Yeah,
I love my husband. I love yes, yes, the total
opposite of me. But he getting that he went the
ship too. He like, oh he loed the ghetto shit,
he loved it, you know what I'm saying. But yeah,
that's my guy. I love a goosh. You know you

(01:01:16):
know where your men. I don't even nobody know. I
get like it. Bit you got married right exactly give
and had another baby because who the fuck was doing
that for anybody? How many years? A part of the
kids that's going to be I don't know how I start.
I'm like, why I start over? Like you know, but
is that okay? Do you feel okay? Are you having that?

Speaker 5 (01:01:37):
I know? Right?

Speaker 2 (01:01:38):
It took me a while to bounce back when I
was see I was pregnant at nineteen with my son,
and when I had him at twenty, I bounced back
four or five weeks, I was, you know, back at
work and all of that shit. But having a baby
in your thirties is different, and I went through it,
so I can speak to it. Oh my god, the
pregnancy is different, you know, and shout out to them

(01:02:00):
who had a completely easy pregnancy in their thirties. But
it showed me that I really wasn't taking care of
myself in the twenties, like girl, all a drinking and
drugging and all of that. And I ain't never shooting
no dope or do no cocaine, I think. But I'm
just saying I never did no. Yeah, I ain't never
did nothing. Crazy because once they when you say drinking
and drugging, people's minds go crazy.

Speaker 3 (01:02:21):
Me my white bitches be drugging, you know what I'm
saying all that all the internet, they're valla, everybody's fine.

Speaker 2 (01:02:26):
Hot up. But you know, I and I realized, I'm like, damn,
all right, I'm not. I'm not a spring chicken no more.
I'm just a chicken now. Like it's you know, But
I had my daughter, no epidoro natural slid her ass
out like I was happy. I wasn't happy to do it.

(01:02:46):
In the moment, but I was, I was. I was happy,
and her father delivered her. My husband delivered his daughter,
so that was just you know, that was such a
sacred moment, you know. And I don't think like my
husband made my pres to see easier, you know, because
it was hard. I was sick all the time, and
then still working and then even getting back to work,

(01:03:07):
like he made it so much easier because my first
pregnancy was not fun. Do you want more kids? Do
you want more kids? Yes? I at most to more
at least one. Okay, yeah, I do. I want I've
always wanted to have a lot of children, you know,
and a lot like four or five. I always and
I remember always wanting all boys because I was a

(01:03:29):
tom girl my whole life sports. I always dressed dressed like,
you know, real swaggy. That's why everybody used to think
I was a dyke. Oh my god, uh lesbian? Not yes, yes,
everybody used to say that. And I'm like, I just
I grew up around all boys. I mean, I had homegirls,
but for the most part, I grew up around my
brother and all his friends. So that's how I even

(01:03:50):
became a comedian, just sitting around watching them roast me
and every every day. You know what I mean, I'm like,
all right, cool, get your jokes up. You know I
had to get my jokes up, you know. But yeah, yeah,
thirteen year gap have I know you gotta get out
of here soon. I have a lot of you gotta
come back. I know I'm gonna come back. Smoke on here,
we gotta come back. I'm coming back, come back, and

(01:04:11):
just like all of our ship. And then I ain't
gonna come back all like suited and boot it up.
I want to be I'm the book, all right, but
next time I'm gonna be all like cute and dressed
down like y'all. Thank you, thank you. Have you made
any bad choices this week? Oh my god? Bad mom?
Not a bad mom, but a bad mom. I'm so good.

(01:04:41):
Any bad choices. No, I ain't go live this week.
It could be good. It's always a bad choice when
I go live. I'm talking about the breakfast club beat
Charlomagne be like you go live, you always gonna say
some ship. Don't say ship. Don't why I'll be getting
in trouble and I don't even know why I'm in trouble.

Speaker 4 (01:04:58):
I mean, I'll be looking at you like I har
I mean, I mean I've seen a lot of things
you said, which I'm gonna say I agree with some
of them.

Speaker 2 (01:05:05):
But that, like, you know, the cancel culture is so crazy.
Oh girl, I think I was in that first batch
of people to ever get can if you're not if
you haven't been canceled, you ain't doing You're safe. If
you ever been canceled, you're a safe bitch. Yeah, there
you go, exactly, speak always, unapologetically. Yes, that is literally me,

(01:05:25):
you know, But a bad choice I made this week,
I don't know. That's so crazy. I feel like I
make bad choices every day, but but they're like fun,
like that doesn't mean bad whatever, because the good mom's

(01:05:47):
bad choices. I mean, we spoke weed. Some people will
say that's a bad choice. I say, that's a great choice.
All right. So if you got a home, if you
got a home girl, right, and you know, was she
cheating on her man? And he's a really really good man.
I'm talking about a good man's man. I ain't talking
about like I'm talking this bitch that been with niggas

(01:06:09):
who hit on her and all of that, just like
beat on her, just all that shit, and she finally
get a good man, she's fucking on him with somebody
I hooked up with. Ain't that some bullshit? I hooked
up a long time ago. She's gonna spend a block
on a nigga that I hooked up with like four
years ago. She's cheating on her current good man with
a nigga that you booked her up with four years ago.

Speaker 3 (01:06:29):
It's an important conversation because, dude, okay, because I heard
some niggas talking about this, Okay. It was like something
on the internet saying, I don't know, bro, you can't
hang out with this because you cheat.

Speaker 2 (01:06:39):
On your wife. And I was like, honestly to me,
like I'm first of.

Speaker 3 (01:06:43):
All, I'm gonna be ride her dive for my bitch
because cheating, and I'm supporting it because I want you
leave that nigga anyway. But two but too, if you are,
if you're doing it to someone who doesn't deserve it,
I have to kind of question it. It's almost like
a nigga doesn't take care of his kids. Yeah, if
you're willing to lie and she on a good nigga,
you're gonna you're gonna be a weirdod to me, exactly,
you gotta watch you now, bitch, because you don't even

(01:07:04):
have loyalty a lot.

Speaker 2 (01:07:05):
But I feel like all the relationships that she gets
that she was in up until this one, like she
did a number on her how she kind of in
which she said to me before telling me that she
cheated on him. I know he's doing something. I just
can't prove it, like he is, like he is too good,
like you know what I'm saying. So I'm like, no, evene,

(01:07:29):
I mean, I know, whatever, there's so many in the
world of man. You need to his bitch's wrong with you?
You know, I know ship. I know, No, he did
need because he needs to leave or take it a
therapy or something. Because I shouldn't. I just I shouldn't.

(01:07:49):
I know. But I feel bad because we all like
hang out, not hang out, but we all know each other.

Speaker 5 (01:07:57):
You know.

Speaker 2 (01:07:58):
The guy she cheated with, she introduced us to him,
you know, oh my god. And I told him so,
I think you are the best, like you she you're
the best one for her, like she And He's like, yeah, yeah,
she's she's He's a nerd to like he got his
ship together man the hard way. Yeah, yeah, I hope
she do, but don't feel failto about it, to be honest,

(01:08:19):
because she needed she need a reality check, honestly, and
she needs therapy. And I think he's too good for this.
Maybe she needs an affirmation from you. What kind of
affirmation on can you give us? People? Do better? And affirmation?
Let the ship go? Let it go? Okay? My managers

(01:08:40):
like we all right, all right, all right, So the
affirmation is what I want people to take away from
the book. Let it go, like accept that, like you
guys have to be willing you guys at and girls,
moms and dads. You know, you got to be able
to accept that this is not the fairy tale ending
that you thought it would be, you know, except that

(01:09:02):
let it go so you can move forward amicably and
actually get the fairy tale ending. Yeah, and get it
because I got my fairy tale ending. So did I.

Speaker 3 (01:09:10):
Because because if you if you stay suckled a nigga,
you're supposed to be wait, what you need will never
come exactly. You got to make room for what's actually exactly.
And I didn't think I was gonna get married. I'm
a hoe and look at me.

Speaker 2 (01:09:22):
But hold like your wholeness can be deleted. No, you
just find a hole and then you hold together. I'm
a whole anogamous. Yeah, I gotta come back because this
is what I got some questions. I love it. Damn.
Oh my god. Wait it was one more thing. Thought

(01:09:43):
it was one more thing we have on our story.
Oh stories. Oh yeah, me and my husband have sex outside.
Yeah no, no, we made it quick, you know what
I'm saying. But where were no no, no, no, no,

(01:10:06):
not in l A, y'all. No, no, no, stop no, So,
uh where we live we have in the state in Maryland.
And yeah, right's coming. This was that was the last question. Yeah,
canep close it back? That was literally the last question.
I was done. It's fun, keep going, okay, just finishing.
So yeah, so that that was it. That was you know,

(01:10:28):
we having a state in Maryland, big beautiful home, two
part home. And yeah, we was feeling good after one
of our cookouts that we had like we always do,
like we do it up real big for Fourth of
July and yeah, right on the side of the party,
well let's just get it in. Nobody saw and everybody
was in, you know, right right, but we had so
it was like you know what let's do this because

(01:10:48):
I love you, love me, Let's do it. Yeah, and
that's what happened. So that's a little horror story. I
like that. Yeah. Well, Jess, thank you for coming on
the show. Thank y'all for having me. This was so fun.
Make sure you're go get Jess's book, turn it down.
So Death Do We Parent is available right now for
pre order, but it comes out April twenty eighth. And
I also did the audiobook. So for everybody who loved

(01:11:10):
to hear my accent and for everybody who don't like
to hear it, which y'all do a little bit, listen,
get the audio book as well, because I'm reading it
in the finest of Baltimore accent. You do two and booth.
Thank you, thanks for coming and hanging out with us
and for coming back. I love y'all. Thank you so
much to thank you.

Speaker 4 (01:11:28):
And you know where to find us at Good Mom's
Underscore Bad Choices on Instagram. Make sure you subscribe to
this podcast, subscribe to the YouTube follow the Good Vibe Retreat.
We're going to Costa Rica this summer. We got a
mommy and knee retreat. We got just the Only Bitches Retreat.

Speaker 2 (01:11:46):
To come after the hell you go out the baby.
I will see you next week. You love you bye. Yeah,
it's so good. Can't you tell? I went through a drought.

Speaker 5 (01:11:56):
That's until I find the well maym have been known art.
I used to be broken tail and now I got
the blues in to like Beyonce just saying throat shot
or pop in his cow wearing our voices. Patriarchy kept
it in the box to exploit it. Women put the
pee in power, so it's pointless. They want me to
be good, so I make bad choices.

Speaker 2 (01:12:13):
Bad mom, not a bad mom, but a bad mom.
It He's in on fort cannabis in.

Speaker 5 (01:12:17):
Their bathbon walked in Boston's cap and I blew his
cat ball tipe dog. Now I'm immune to the cat
called Herbie and no waisted straight to it like a
dollar sign.

Speaker 2 (01:12:26):
Mother, rent the lover when too.

Speaker 5 (01:12:27):
It's like a water sign where you're rent the winter
essential will when the summertime.

Speaker 2 (01:12:31):
I do it all. Ain't know when that needs a rerun.
It by

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REPLAY - Co-Parenting Forever feat. Jess Hilarious

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Hosts And Creators

Erica Dickerson

Jamilah Mapp

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Betrayal Weekly

Dateline NBC

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}REPLAY - Co-Parenting Forever feat. Jess Hilarious