February 12, 2025 • 53 mins
Hey Tribe, welcome back to Good Moms Bad Choices! We’re so excited to continue the Journey of Love February! This Valentine’s Day, we’re celebrating the mamas, the lovers, and everything in between.
In this week’s episode, the Good Moms share write-in stories from queens who escaped the shackles of Babydaddyhood to find real love. We promise you’ll love every minute of the conversation! What you can expect to hear:
- What’s new? Valentine’s Day, The Breakfast Club, and countdown to Costa Rica (3:00)
- Bad Choice of the Week: Rose Addicts Anonymous and the evolution of vibrators (13:00)
- Nerdy Guy, Niagara Falls, and The Work Husband: Erica and Milah discuss real-life single moms who found love in unlikely places (20:00)
- Don’t Nut and Judge! The Good Moms talk male hypocrisy in love & dating (37:00)
- If you’re reading this, the Universe has a message for you: Hoe a little (49:00)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.
She couldn't She cleaned and cared for her children and
the man of the house, and of course she.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Didn't talk back.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
She was both obed, hint and soft by nature. She
was a good woman who always made good choices. We're
Good Mom's Bad Choices.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Two single mom who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all
their bad choices and.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Sound out they were so bad.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
After all, we're experts. Overshares and your new besties.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Sit back and enjoy the ride.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I can do it. Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
I'm Erica and I'm Mila, and it's Wednesday.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
It's Wednesday.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Did you guys enjoy our intro music? Shout out to
Anthem Music Group. Yes, I love our intro music you too.
Today is a very special episode because we're only two
days away from Valentine's.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Day, Lover's Day.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
I feel like you used to hate Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I don't hate it, I don't really celebrate it.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
You're just like anti celebration of Valentine's Day, your anti love.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
I don't think that this very hallmark holiday in the gates,
whether or not I'm for lover against it.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
I've made of love.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
I don't need a day on the calendar to remind
me how I deserve and love to give love. However,
I think this is great for people that do. Do
you think new relationships really need this day?
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Are you going to be disappointed or expect anything of
Valentine's Day? Like any special treatment, a special coffee, a walk,
a card, a happy Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I mean, if my man wants to do that, I'm
not going to be mad. But if he Doesn't'm also
not going to be mad. So I've never been mad about.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Valentine's So if your man doesn't acknowledge it all, so
it's not one thing about being Valentine's Day, you won't
be bothered.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
No, this is one of those days I really could
really give a fuck less.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
What did you do any Valentine's Day?
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Do you care about Valentine's Day?
Speaker 3 (01:56):
I mean, I'm not a holiday person unless it's like Halloween,
So I mean I like to dress up.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
I mean I love I love love, and if it's
if it's a day that we get to be in
remembrance that we should always be leading with love, that
we are made of love to remind ourselves to tell
the people that we love that we love them them
all for it, and so I'm not I'm not against it.
And I also think, like, I'm really excited because we
got this. On today's episode, we're going to share a
(02:26):
lot of single mom love stories. So I'm grateful that
this day inspired that, because reading these stories was really
amazing and I realized how much single moms really need
to hear love stories. I mean, and not just on
Valentine's Day, just overall. So I fuck with Valentine's Day
this year because it gave me the opportunity to read
(02:46):
these stories and be I guess, and be able to
celebrate people's stories around love.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
I'm just thinking about us talking about yeah, Valentine's whatever,
as we're sitting here in full.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Right an outfit.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Well, you know, I'm always down for a theme, bitch, Like,
if it's a theme, I'm gonna show up, Like I'm not,
I can't. I don't know what else is gonna happen,
but I'm gonna show up with the theme.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
If you're just joining our show and you're just getting
to know Erica and Mila, that's Erica by the way
I'm Mela. One thing about us you will find out
is we love to dress up in a costume or
a theemed theme. So if you're having costume party, a
themed party, invite us because we'll come and we'll wear
the whole thing. Whatever the theme is, we're gonna go
all the way out. I even do it at certain movies.
(03:30):
If there's a movie with the theme, I'm gonna dress
the theme to the movie. Even at a concert. When
we went to Erica Badou, full outfit, Erica different, Erica looks.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
It's just what we do. We'd like to get dressed up.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
So so, no, I don't hate Valentine's I've never hated
Valentine's Day. I just don't. I don't really care that much.
I don't give it too much of a deep thought.
Not disappointed.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Yeah, I mean I generally, when I go into a
store and immediately one holiday is a didn't I already
see the fucking advertisements for the next holiday, I'm like,
what a fu?
Speaker 2 (04:05):
The what in the beast?
Speaker 3 (04:06):
The machine is so crazy, Like consumerism is so blind
to the fact that they were just constantly pumping us
with shit to buy.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
They're not blind. It's all intentional. I saw.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
I'm saying consumers are blind when I go into stores.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
That's what I see.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
I see, I see the machine, and I see how consumerism.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
I meant the machine. I was like, no, the machine
is very well aware. Yeah, they were advertising and target.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Immediately I should even say that word.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
They were advertising in that store.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
That we used to go, we used to long ago to.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
They were advertising there and around Christmas. I saw Valentine's Day.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
I saw immediately after, and I was like, God, damn,
can we get a chance to.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Rest the wallets.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
My gee and I boycotted Christmas this year by buying
no one anything.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
So I just like, sometimes it annoys me. And it's
the same.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
With with the men and the fucking football games and
the peace and the wings and the fucking I'm just like,
can we stop to take a breather and think about
the ship that actually matters?
Speaker 2 (05:07):
But obviously not.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
I don't know. I don't don't. I'm not mad at
the men's in the football games.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
It's the same thing, is there, but it's a game.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
They're there to watch the game.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
I know, but I'm saying, just like, it's not a
holiday it's not a holiday. But it's all consumerism, like
what they say hungry, it's distractions, babe.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
It's just it's a distraction. I need to eat. People
eat every day.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
It's your chance to make Orlando food for once.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Okay, he has to eat every day, but this is
not that day.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
That's your day.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
You want to be a good way.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
How many days a week that football games come, are
you with hope or not?
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Are you?
Speaker 2 (05:40):
I obviously have hope, but I'm not.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
I'm not participating in the football season bullshit because it's
too loud and there's no need to listen to it
with volume, but somehow they always do. It's Monday, it's Sunday,
it's fucking Thursday. It's a lot of days a week
for fucking months.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
So don't I don't have to deal with that.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Yeah, it's a lot, and it's also a part of
the fucking machine. It's like, let's give them something to
just strack them. And as soon as fucking football end,
not even when it ends, basketball starts and then it's
whatever the other ones are. And I'm just like, can
we get a break from all the bullshit that nobody
cares about? Literally, if you look at the calendar. They
distract you from something every single month so that you
bye bye bye bye, bye bye bye.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Then you forget about things that matter like being present.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Okay, yeah, you got that off perfect.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
So by moving to the jungle where nobody gives a fuck.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
I just want to say shout out to our tribe
who showed up for us and just flooded the comments
during the Breakfast Club. We were on the Breakfast Club
a few weeks ago and it was really exciting. We
had a really great time in New York. Shout out
to Charlemagne, DJ Envy Lauren, who showed us a lot
of love. It was our first time there something that
(06:51):
we've manifested for a long time. We wanted to share
it with you guys, if you're in our discord, then
we shared it with y'all. You know, we shared it
with y'all first. But it was such a it was
such a great experience, and I was kind of nervous
because I just I don't know, like, I just didn't
know what they were going to ask us, And like
you know, generally when we've been in like male occupied
(07:14):
spaces in that sort of realm, it's been a little
tricky sometimes trying to like throw us off our game
and just make us feel stupid and like.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Whores always like whores.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
You know, it's difficult to be a sex positive woman
outwardly and talking about it because yeah, in male spaces
it's always a thing. And not only that I realized today,
well the day it came out, is that like, like
I still haven't listened to the clips or listened to
the episode just because it just gives me anxiety. And
then like looking at the comments, it's like, no matter
(07:47):
how many times you do this, and you know, in
our little like a little girl cave, it's just us
and we're talking our shit and we can tell all
the things. But then you go out, you go do
with other people, you're like, oh god, what are they
going to say? So there's always nerves no matter how
long we've been doing this, and because we've had bad experiences.
So I yeah, shout out to the breakfast club. They
were it was a really good experience. They asked us
good questions. I know you're a little nervous about the
(08:07):
baby daddy questions, as was I, but.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Yeah, and then that's the truth. That's the thing.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Even the things the thing about what we do is like,
at the end of the day, it's the truth. So
if you don't like it, then you don't like the truth.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Yeah. Yeah, I feel like we've come a really long way,
specifically around talking about them.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Why you think there was a time where we were
like that is graceful?
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Yeah, well yeah, yeah, it wasn't about them, So it
wasn't that time. It wasn't their time to shine. It
was our time to shine, I know.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
And then sometimes when they ask, I'm like, just shut up,
don't ask about them. They don't like, it doesn't matter.
We're here now. But then I'm like, there is moms
in our in our title, so that they're going to ask,
so again.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Oh excuse me. Okay, and you guys, I'm okay. I
don't know if you saw. Also, we announced two retreats
in the summer go in Costa Rica. Yay women's retreats.
We do actually still have a few spots left for
our couples retreat in June, so if you have any lovers,
(09:16):
speaking of love and lovers, we have some spots available
at our couple's retreat in Costa Rica. This is going
to be a really special treat. It's going to be me,
Mila Orlando and my partnership m and we're going to
be just it's all about play. This is like the play.
This is like a retreat really built around adventure, really
(09:38):
built around intimacy, really built around like deepening your connection
with your lover. If you're new in your relationship, this
is a great place to build the foundation for the
rest of your relationship. If you guys are you know,
have you guys been together for years and you're trying
to ignite the spark or deepen the spark or just
go on a fucking vacation. This is it. So make
(09:59):
sure you check out our I'd Love Couples Retreat. We're
going to be there June fourteenth to the twentieth, and
you can check out all the details in our bio.
But again, like I said, we also just announced two
couple two women's retreats. This is our annual summer retreat
that we do in Costa Rica July thirty first and
(10:19):
August eighth, So make sure you click the link there
to to come join us in Costa Rica. We're going
to be there all summer pretty much.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Options on options on options, Okay, we have all the options.
So if you can't make one date you don't have
a lover, you can come to this one. If you
do have a lover, you need to to, you know,
do some things. Come to that one. It's gonna be
my birthday the couple's retreat, so come celebrate with us.
It's like a quadrupled quadruple date. But whatever the ten is,
maybe a lot of it's gonna be really fun.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
I'm excited about it.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
And it'll be like the first time that we're hosting
like couples in this like capacity as tantric practitioners, so
you know, flexing our sexolidist muscles and doing the damn
thing and teaching our community, like you know, ways to
do practices within their relationship, which I love. I'd love
to support the love because obviously the world needs more
(11:06):
of it.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
And we did a giveaway and our discord are in
our Patreon. We gave away one spot to a lucky
lady who's going to come on our summer retreat. And
if you haven't joined our patreon yet, I highly highly
recommend that you do. It's patreon dot com slash Good
Mom's Bad Choices. We do giveaways. You get access to
our discord, which is literally like the I don't know.
(11:31):
It's like the blood pumping through the good Mom's community.
It's where all of us are really connecting talking because
social media is weird and you can't really talk to
everybody at once. We do weekly, we do monthly zooms there.
We're just really active over there. We talk to you
directly in the discord. So it's ten dollars a month.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
You can find a friend in your city.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
You can find the Erica to your Meala and the
Meala to your Erica and be like pull up, like
I know a lot of I hear a lot of
women always talking about I have no mom friends, I
have no friends. And that's where you find your friends
because there's a lot of friendships that have been birthed
out of the discord. It's like it's giving nineties AOL
chat but healthy.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
I like that, And it's cheap. It's ten bucks a month,
and you're gonna find your bestie. You're gonna be able
to connect with people. There's a channels for venting. There's
channels where people are holding space for one another. There's
channels where people are like cheering each other on.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
There's channels for like your witchy shit, to share your rituals,
to share our like hey, it's a bunch of witchy
bitches talking about.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
All the planets are in alignment tonight. What are you doing?
Speaker 3 (12:30):
It's a full moon ritual and all day you hear
like eleven eleven, one on one, three through three, and
it's all different, it's all different time zones.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
You have book clubs going on in there. There's a lot,
so so make sure you check out our patreon patreon
dot com backslash. Good Mom's Bad Choices Speaking of the community,
I think it's time for bad Choice of the week
and we have a bad choice straight from our Facebook
group bad Mom. Not a bad mom, but a bad mom.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
So good.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
And you haven't joined our Facebook group, What the hell
are you doing? It's free, it's for the moms. It's
another place to connect and like vent because I think
a mom's need a lot of places to event because
there's no no other, no one else, no other group
of people understands moms like other moms.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
There's no judgment, hopefully if you're with the right mom friends.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
So the bad choice of the week is from one
of our tribe members snuck in the bath on Monday
at six am to let that rose handle me in
a way. A man never.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Has amen to the rose god. If anyone's listening by
me one for Valentine's Day, that's a very very bad choice.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
That was it. That's it.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
It's the bad choice of the week. Oh she just
got them bapstop with the rose. Yeah, that sounds like
a good choice to me.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
That you know, bad choices don't mean good, don't mean bad.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Oh, well, to may.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Be bad or good.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
That was good because I was to eight years old.
But I found out the roads can go on the
fucking bathtub.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
I don't know what you've been doing with that roses whole.
You're using it dry and just dry pussy. Just my
pussy's not dry. So I know when I'm in the
bathtub of the bed it's a water bit. I'm just
letting you know.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
I thought the hole would like electrocute you. No, that
makes me nervous.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
You know a lot of that shit really comes from China,
and then you put in the bathtub.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
It's just like asking for electricity.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Well I've done it. Yeah, oh yeah, I think I'm
like maybe seventy five percent of the time used the
rose in the bathtub or the shower. I don't know,
although the shower can be dangerous because a bit you
will fall. You need to be, you need to sit down,
you need to be because you will fucking trip and
fall at a vibration.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Can you imagine she was found she was found dead.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
I don't think there's been a vibrator since the Rose
that has taken the Internet by storm in such a
way like they really did the fucking thing when they
did that. Who is the inventor of the rose? Is it'
some like strange little Chinese man.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
I don't know, but let's find him because he deserves
the fact that it's a hymn or she.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
I don't problem a hem.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
I think it's just I think it's the technology of
the suction that and the placement of it that really
takes it to the next level. And I'm not even
really a vibration type of bitch because it's always too heavy.
But that shit right there, and mine stopped working it
two years ago, and I stopped talking.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
About it since, Yeah, I had to stop using the
vibrations too because I thought my pussy was broken.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
So you haven't used it in a long time or ever. Well,
first of all, my rose broke mine too.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Yeah, so there's that. I haven't replaced it in a
really long time. And then I kept losing the fucking
charger for it because it's like a specific charger with
those two little balls on ye, like the two stupid
fucking prongs, and they're like.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Kind of you have to like make sure they're stuck
stuck together.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
And if like one is off and it doesn't charge,
and then you've wasted two hours waiting for to charge
and you go and doesn't work and you're pissed.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
We'd bring back the old school chargers, just regular batteries.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Well back of it. I mean even early on in
the good Mom's days when we first started, I was
talking about my massage or that plugged it to the wall,
and that thing did me good. Okay, I just plug
that bitch right into the wall, and.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
I feel like it so age Like, did you get
it from your mom? Yeah? I did.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
I did get it from my mom when I was pregnant.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
She gave that to you.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
It was a back massager.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Oh so it's supposed to be for your back.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Yeah. I had all the different little ends on.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
It makes way more sense because it was huge and
I didn't have no idea why your vibrate was plugging
into the wall in the two thousands, I thought, where
the fuck?
Speaker 2 (16:18):
How old were you when you got this?
Speaker 1 (16:20):
My mom got me my back massage or slash vibrator.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
You think she knew what she was doing when she
gave of course not.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
No, you said what I didn't even know?
Speaker 2 (16:29):
You said, what about your baby? I didn't even know that.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
When she got it for me, I was like, oh, thanks,
And then it took me like one year to figure out.
But I needed this for other reasons.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
The other reason reason.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
I did use it for a long time before at
what it's it's supposed to be used for.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
And then, oh my god, remember something else? What I
have a confession?
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Oh my god, why is my mom calling me?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Hello?
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Da? Thanks for the vibrator, slash massage or the.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
She was doing. She heard your complain, she heard your prayers.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
One time I was traveling and I must have been
super horny and I didn't have a vibrator.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
And do you know what I did?
Speaker 3 (17:14):
I use the back of my vibrating toothbrush.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Wow, okay, that'll work.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Yeah, it worked.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
But also also there's been another time I was traveling
this is like sounds like desperation and I I went
on the app store and there's a vibrator on your phone.
You can download a vibrating vibrator, but you just make
your phone vibrate.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
It's not very do you dont'ta pul like plastic on
your phone? Like how you protect it? You put it
over a sheet, but the sheet can get wet. I'm
put that bitch in them ziplock back.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Anyway. I don't recommend any of these things. You didn't
hear them from me, but just in case.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
You knowing all the things that come off of phones
and now.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
It was a long time I didn't put the phone.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
I'm not judging you. I'm just saying, like all I'm
saying is Steph. I'm just saying, vibrant at your own risk.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Tips from me. LA.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
Someone in our group chat the other day was like,
I'm going on I'm going to New York and I
don't want to get my period. And I was like,
this is probably not the best advice, but just take
a few birth control and I'll stop. And I was like,
you didn't hear that from me. This is not medical advice.
So if you're hearing this and you need to stop
your period, you didn't hear it from me. But those
(18:30):
are options.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Mhm. So I just shuffled some cards. I think I've
pulled the last few. Would you like to pull a
card today?
Speaker 2 (18:41):
It's just God with the people. Should we come back
to it?
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Yeah, let's come back at the end.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Yeah, it's our Valentine's Day episode, our annual val Love
Day episode, And I feel like this is a very
special year for our Valentine's Day episode because we've had
shit seven. This is our seventh and yeah, seventh, And
in previous years, you know, we've been up and down
in our relationship statuses. We've been very single, we've been
(19:21):
fake open, we've been real open. I've been real open once,
and you know, we've we've gone back and forth between
our position of marriage and girlfriend status. And I think
we even had an episode once it's called like I'm
auditioning Beer Wife, because that was that was the week
We're really trying to be somebody's wife.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
And then we've had other episodes just like I'm a Home.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
So there's just been a wide range of where we've
been in our single dumb and like where we're at
in our relationship status. And you know, if you're if
you've been with the show for a long time, you've
watched us grow. You know, you've been with us through
most of our thirties, and so it's like the evolution
of like the evolution of a WHO evolution. And now
(20:06):
we're both in stable, healthy, loving relationships kind of for
the first time ever that are compatible and makes sense
because before you know, there's a lot of trial and error.
And so we decided that today we're going to dedicate
the entire episode to single moms finding love because there's
so much shit on the internet about single moms not
(20:29):
being worthy, not shouldn't be able to date, shouldn't date,
don't date them, they made the wrong mistake the first time,
fuck them. They shouldn't date for twenty years at least
to this child is out the house. There's so much
false information about saying like leaving the moms behind somehow
like we asked ourselves to be single moms and that
was our, like, our life's choice. So I'm just I'm
(20:51):
happy to finally celebrate and highlight the stories of women
who have found love after baby Daddy's Amen. Amen, Shall
we begin?
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Then, shall begin? Once upon a time, single hoes found.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
Once upon a time a mom had sex and had
a baby and realized this.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Ain't it, This ain't it.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
And then she said, I'm not gonna let all these
ugly mugs on the internet tell me what the fuck
I can't have. I'm gonna pursue other men, and they
will be men that will pursue me.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
And what do you know, it exists all right. I
was with my ex husband since a week before my
seventeenth birthday. He was sixteen. It was always high highs
and low lows. But shit really hit the fan when
we had kids back to back, two under two. He
left me while I was seven months pregnant with our second.
It was traumatizing. He would take our only car and
go stay at his cousin's house, and to this day
(21:44):
he still can't hold a steady job. He came back
when our daughter was born, but it was another two
years of on and off before it finally ended, mostly
because I found out he was on dating sites and
the one girl he started talking to during that time
became the mother of his third child. The relationship. It
was stressful mentally, emotionally and financially. Anyway, now you know
the backstory. Once I was mentally free from him, I
(22:06):
spent the next seven months finally dating after not having
an adult dating life at all. I was twenty nine.
I made a lot of mistakes during that time. I
was not emotionally mature or ready to be dating anyone
or messing around I would instantly get attached. Then, in
February of twenty sixteen, I was on a dating app
and saw a cute guy. Started talking and he was
instantly different than anyone else. We went on a date
(22:28):
right away, no talking forever and going nowhere. He took
me to lunch that same night, asked me to the movies.
It was great, so we made plans to go on
a Valentine's Day date two days later. I took some
convincing after that date because I was not feeling his style.
I wrote him off as corny and told him I
wasn't ready to date, and that was that. He respected
my decision. A week later, he texted me about a
(22:50):
song he heard, so we started talking again, and slowly
but surely I got to know him and by February
twenty ninth.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
I was in love.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Wait what was the first date? February? Anyway, I think
it was like thirty days. I'm obsessed with this man.
There is no one better than him. He comes from
a good family. He loves my children. He provides for us.
He never tells us no. He does anything to make
us happy. He's calm, rational, and level headed. He's a
provider in every way possible. He's handsome and an amazing lover.
(23:21):
We are married and we had a baby. He had
his own story with his ex wife and they have
a daughter. It's now been almost nine years and everything
is amazing. We are a blended family and all work
together to make sure the kids are good. His ex
wife is our family and is included in many family events.
I often hope that women could experience the love that
we have, because when you're in a shitty situation, you
(23:43):
think it's normal and it's not. You can have the
life you dream of, and in my case, it was
because I gave the nerdy, goofy guy a chance.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
That's beautiful.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
I love that sometimes you got to go outside of
your comfort zone or what you usually date, because what
you usually date has historically not worked.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
I mean we did this on the last episode, like
not going too far. There's a fine line if you
got to make your pussy tingle, as Mila said in
that episode, if you tingle, don't put.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
If you're you're taking it on pussy, if you're taking
all pussy and pussy, don't tangle.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
It ain't for you.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Yeah, No, I think it's true. I think sometimes we are, like,
it's true, like we're so used to like dealing with
a certain type of person, even esthetically, that like we
don't even give people a chance, and often like might
just pass up our our future husband, our future baby daddy,
or future love based on that.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
So based on shit.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
That doesn't really matter, You've got to really, like, I
know a lot of people are like, oh, the sex
really matter, Yes, bitch, it does. But there's other things
that don't matter. Like, you know, a pair of shoes
you hate, you can fucking throw those away, you know,
and buy a new pair. There's certain things that just
shouldn't be a game changer. And you also know what
is a game I mean, not a game changer, a
deal breaker, And you also know what the deal breaker
is going to be. You know, what another thing is
(24:52):
reading all these stories, I realize there are so many
things about my baby daddy relationship that I literally locked
out in my mind, and it's just so far removed
from me that I forgot. Like I caught my baby
daddy on bumble when I was pregnant, and I was like,
what the fuck? And I totally forgot that happened totally.
I just was like when I read it, I was like,
(25:14):
oh my god, that happened to me. But when you
decide to move on and you let some shit go,
you forget. And also you're when it's traumatic, you forget.
You're like, it's too much going on right now.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
I have to have a baby.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
I can't think about this shit. So this was a
nice reminder of, oh yeah, bitch, that was you too.
And I love the blended family because I think that that, too,
is is goals.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
You know. The hope is that like that we all
get to coexist one with one another. I mean, I
don't want to say that's the hope, but it was
my hope.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
It is like it is idea when you have a help,
when you get to a healthy place with mature men.
But I mean, obviously it's a lot of times we
leave men because they're not mature, So you know, it's
not always the case, but I would prefer it that way, Like,
let's all just be a happy, big family and brunch.
But you know, yeah, I'm gonna hear the second story. Yeah,
(26:04):
come on, okay, love story number two. I'm in the
military and have two beautiful children. I am currently deployed
and found a man out here that I truly love.
It's only been three months, but he's amazing. He's thoughtful,
over communicates, romantic, protective, productive, intelligent, a giver.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
The list goes on. He's also given me the best
sex I've ever had in my life. Don't let that
confuse a girl.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
I've made myself scored a little, but this man gets
Niagara falls out of me every time we make love. Okay,
he's twenty six, divorced, no kids. I'm twenty nine, divorced
and a lover girl. I'm ready for marriage again and
to grow my family even more.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
I think this is it. Wish me luck, damn bad
of the game.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
Twenty nine divorce you ready to go again? Because baby
a bitch was bruised. I was like, I might not
ever see that I might be single forever.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
I'm proud.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
You know what love will expedite at leve expedite the
healing process. You know. I think God knew we needed time,
We needed some.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Mirror, some seasoning to like work on our own things so.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
That like when love walked through the door, we would fuck.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
It up, it would be completely scarred well.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Or and also that the men that you know, we
were attracting probably needed to do some hoeing themselves and
some healing and some all those things. So you know,
everyone finds love. I mean, I think even for me,
and like my current relationship, I came out of a
relationship and kind of got into that relationship kind of quickly,
I mean, and at first I was judging myself, like
(27:35):
I don't trust myself. Is this okay? But love can
heal you, you know, the right love can really heal you.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
So same I think.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
I like gott I gotta moved one dge at my
house and then Orlando started moving his ASCID and I
was like, this is I might be a dumb bitch,
but here we go.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Okay, next story, I like this one. My love story
goes a little something like this. I started liking this
guy I worked with and we became really good friends.
Things started getting serious between us, but he was also
talking to another girl. They were just friends, but I
felt like he was choosing, so I thought, oh, you're
not about to play with me. I started talking to
(28:16):
my old boyfriend from high school. We began going out
and dating girl. Leave the boyfriend from high school alone, boom.
A couple months later, I found out I was pregnant.
That relationship was so full of drama. He lied about
not having a girlfriend, telling me she was his ex
when she wasn't. It was just a mess. I remember
calling my friend, the guy I worked with and telling
(28:36):
him everything that was going on. He said, I can't
believe you got pregnant. I told him, you're the one
that was choosing. I wasn't about to sit around and
wait for you. He told me it wasn't like that,
but I was over it. I also told him how
I was thinking about getting an abortion because I was
so stressed and didn't want to have a baby with
this guy. But he told me, don't do anything like that.
(28:56):
I'll be there for you. I didn't really believe him
at first, but we started getting close again. By this time,
I was about three months pregnant. One day he asked
me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. We
dated for two years and then he asked me to
marry him. I said yes, and we got married. Now
we've been married for ten years. I know some people
will say she wasn't a single mom, but I basically
(29:18):
was gonna be. My ex wasn't stepping up, and I
was prepared to do it all on my own. I
just wanted to share my story because I remember my
ex saying nobody's gonna want you with a baby, but
he was so wrong. Love found me while I was pregnant,
and I'm so thankful that it did.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
I hear that all the time, including for my own
baby daddy. I heard nobody's gonna want you with the kid.
Nobody's gonna want you with the kid.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Hah.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
Nig let me tell you that's the number one lie
that baby baby daddys tell to keep you fucking stuck.
So if your baby daddy told you, raise your hand,
it's like ninety percent of everybody who ever left their
baby daddy told him, you're not gonna find anybody with
that baby. Well guess what, nigga, It does happen because
after a certain age, a lot of people have kids
(30:00):
because they learned a lesson. So don't let that statement
in particular hinder you from moving on and moving on.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
I read that a lot in.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
These messages, that these stories that we got. My baby
daddy said, I didn't think I was going to find
somebody else because I had a kid. Because I had
a kid, I didn't think I should date. I thought
it was gonna be a hope for life. Don't adopt
those beliefs because it's just not true.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Don't let pregnancy block you from your husband.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Don't let your hate and ask baby daddy block you
from your husband.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
I just more so a mean bitch. She was pregnant.
Don't let pregnancies block you from your future, baby daddy
slash husband.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
I mean luckily in her pregnancy. He was like, I'm
down to you know.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
I mean that takes that takes a very particular particular
man who really had the foresight to know, this is
my partner. I don't care what is going on. I'm
with you. I'm writing no matter what. And that's a
testament to whatever work he had already done where he
was at in his life. Yeah, because there was a
clarity there that he was like, I don't really give
a fuck, and most men are not gonna never do that,
(31:04):
so shout out to them and I don't and be
careful saying never. Never say never, because you don't know,
I said, most men. Yeah, I didn't say never.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
But that's not the first story I've heard like that.
Like to hear fair and pregnant, so you know there's
are you've been surprised.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
And that's the thing. I think.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
Sometimes we're hearing certain rhetoric and we start to believe
those things and it's just like so I turned the
negative off off off. Hmm, Okay, there's another one. I
(31:41):
became pregnant by my childhood sweetheart at fifteen. We had
our daughter at sixteen, and I spent four years being physically,
emotionally and sexually abused by him.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
I would I would have left. I would have left.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Sooner, but he had convinced me that nobody would love
me as a fat, single mom, so I stayed because
I thought it would be better than being alone. I
finally had another and decided being alone would be better
than what I was going through. Fast forward seven years,
my best friend started a new job and invited me
to be her plus one. At a work event, she
introduced me to her new boss. I spent all the night,
all night talking with him. Following Monday, he asked me
(32:14):
asked my friend for my number. After two years, we
moved in together. In twenty twenty one, he asked my
fifteen year old permission to marry me. We have been
married for almost three years now and just started our
fertility journey. All these years being a single mom, I
never imagine I would find a kind, loving man, or
that I would ever even want to have another child.
Being loved properly by an amazing man healed so many
(32:36):
things in my soul. Seeing him step up and be
an amazing stepdad to my daughter healed many things within
her as well. This is not only my love story,
but a story a love story for my daughter as well.
She gets a father figure and to see an example
of a healthy, loving relationship. I am praying that we
are able to have a child this year, and so
it is and I can see him really blossom into
(32:57):
fatherhood and that I will get to experience motherhood again,
but with a partner that is supportive and present.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
H beautiful.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
I think this is a lot of a good testament
too to allowing yourself to put your guard down and
letting people in, because I think sometimes when you get
your heart broken by someone you have a baby with,
you become so hardened and your your walls go up
and it's just kind of like you shut it down.
And I think this and even when someone's safe comes,
it's hard to put that that guard down of like
being independent, of being you know, alone, and of having
(33:27):
like a defense on. And I think this is like
such these are stories of a testament of why it's
important that you always stay soft and always stay hopeful.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Yeah, I think there's that. I think also just on
the other side of that too, for the men that
are dating single moms, and like I was talking to
someone that I know who is dating a mom, and
I was telling him like how important it is that
moms really need permission from the men that they're dating.
Not even permission, it's like security and knowing that like
they're they're they're safe. I don't want to say dumping
(33:58):
on them, but like every everything that they have going
on and going on in their life, including like whatever
it is, like the drama that you might be dealing
with on the other side with your child's father, like
the stress of just being a mom, like the stress
of like sometimes not wanting to be a mom, and
like women like us like keep tucking that away because
we don't want to seem like unmotherly because we've made
(34:20):
this choice. Like for a man to come to you
and say, like I can hold space for all of that,
Like I'm okay, Like you don't have to like compartmentalize
those pieces for you. Are so is so important, specifically
for single moms and dating to be able to be soft,
to be able to like allow themselves to open up
and feel safe, and also for the children too. I
(34:41):
mean I think for me too, like seeing my daughter
and my partner's relationship bloom has been so healing for me,
and I want to say even for her. I think
that Iri looked at like you and Orlando and Luna,
and like she saw this example that Orlando had with
you with Luna and like how he stepped up, you know,
(35:02):
And and I think that she because she had that representation,
she was like gave, she gave she came more permission
to allow that space into her life. And so like
she's loving with him. She wants us to lay in
bed with her and put her to bed together, Like
(35:22):
these are things that she's asking for. I think because
she has seen it, whereas before like her not both
of us like kind of like you know, tiptoeing around
relationships and not really sure and like there was like
she didn't really fuck with her examples, Yeah, did you
really fuck with that? So I think it's important for
the men to make sure that they are vocally telling
(35:47):
the women, the single moms that they're dating, what they're
willing to and open to taking on as their partner.
And it kind of has to be like all of it.
You can't like just pick and choose the parts of
your motherhood that you feel comfortable of their motherhood that
you feel comfortable allowing in because like you're not going
(36:08):
to get the full You're not going to get the
full person. You're not going to get that, and she's
not going to feel fully safe in your presence, and
your child ultimately is going to feel that too.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
I think there's also like this uh but like this uh,
this this understanding that like for women at least, that
we can't show up human, like we can't show up
with our mistakes, Like if I was in a relationship
with someone who was abusive to me and I stayed
and I had a baby with them, Like I'm dumb,
and so I don't deserve love after this, and you
don't feel you don't feel safe expressing that to someone.
(36:41):
There is like a defense that goes up because there
is so much rhetoric in the world about like it's
our fault and there's a guilt that we hold on to,
like with our kids and just in general. And I
think like men do themselves such a disservice by like
jumping on that bandwagon not recognizing like, my nigga, you.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
Have made mistakes too.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
You have dated some people that you're not proud of
you've done you know, you've fallen for the wrong people,
and you've had a hofase and all these things. Or
you know, when women get knocked up, it's like we
have we have the burden of carrying a child. We
hold the burden if if it's something we fucked around
and like had a night of pleasure and now we're
carrying a baby, we have to go get a termination.
And that's something men will never have to deal with,
(37:19):
so they can sit on a high horse and judge
nut and judge you know, knowing good and god damn
it all you'd pulled up in a.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Bitch raw that you didn't really want to have a
baby with many times.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
But because it's not a burden that you have to carry,
it's easy to point a finger and judge. And I
think that men really miss the mark with finding connection
because you're so caught up in finding fucking the virgin Mary,
which doesn't exist, but meanwhile liking all the big booty
bitches on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
So it's very confusing.
Speaker 3 (37:46):
And I think men when you qunt, like when you
want a partner, you have to think of him as
a homie, you know, like if you're a homie, fuck
some bit so you know, fuck the stupid hope, Like
you're not gonna stop being friends with him. Things happen
in life, and like the sooner that we can come
together and accept that about one another as humans, as
women that we fuck up to and like so we
feel comfortable to go into relationships and go into friendships
(38:09):
and just be with the opposite sex and be like, yeah,
I fucked up, you know, like and this is where
I'm at and this is how I've grown. But a
lot of times women are like concealing and hiding those
parts of themselves because there's no room for forgiveness for us.
It's like you're you've been tainted and you're can you're
disposable now. And I think I think men miss out
on a lot of great women because they're so busy
(38:30):
thinking they're going to fucking go source Mary, fucking the
virgin Mary herself, you know. And it's just it's an
odd thing when you really want a partner and you
really want a human unless you're about to date a
fucking avatar or like an Ai my nege. Like people
come with stains, and so if you're not willing to
like move through those things, then you're not ready for
(38:50):
a relationship, not a real one.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
Anyway, Amen? Should we read a few more?
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (39:02):
Okay? I felt pregnant at twenty one, completely unprepared and unexpected,
as I was told I could never have children due
to health problems. My pregnancy was lonely. Was lonely as
my baby daddy was very abusive. I felt isolated, and
the abuse got worse the more pregnant I got. I
left when my baby was six weeks old, the stitches
(39:23):
from my birth were still dissolving. I had twenty seven
pounds in my bank account, but I made it work.
I got a tiny, tiny apartment, but made it a
haven for me and my girl. The day I got
those keys to our little sanctuary was the first day
I felt like I could be the mom she deserved,
the mom. When she was only six months old, I
took her to the library and heard my name called
(39:44):
over the bookshelves. I was met by a beaming smile
of a boy who had come to my sixteenth birthday party.
We chatted and had to catch up a parted ways
as I continued to raise my girl alone. Cut to
when my daughter was four and I was entering the
dating scene. A notification popped up. It was him. We
went on a date and fell totally in love. When
(40:04):
the baby daddy kicked off one day at meeting my
new partner, he shouted, you don't know her, just you wait,
and my lovely man stepped forward in front of me
and said, I've actually known her since we were sixteen,
so I know her far better than you, and slammed
the door in his face. We've been together, We've been
together for five years now, and me and my daughter
love him more and more every day.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
That's beautiful. I love a man's gonna stand up for you.
Speaker 1 (40:28):
Mm hmm. Yeah, yeah, I think that's again important, very important,
you know, I think too, Like one of the things
that I'll say about my partner is that like when
even in times where I'm like talking shit and I'm
angry and I'm mad, he like doesn't ever ever talk
negatively about him, not even to me, like he he'll
(40:50):
like agree, like Dan, that's fucked up. But I think
he's like always kind of holding space for him to
hopefully be better. I think that's just like how he
is for men in general, just like the hope that
like just like we do a chance he's giving men
like holding the space for a man to like step up,
do the right thing and enlightenment and and and honestly
it helps me hold It helps me keep the light
(41:11):
of beam hope held there too as well, because I
have someone who's not just gonna get into the trenches
with me and like go dark and go dark and
go dark with me and like have a ship talking
storm together. Like I mean, there's spaces and places for that,
but like like I'm grateful that like he doesn't he's
still my.
Speaker 3 (41:29):
Protector, maintains like a neutral space because at the end
of the day, the nigg is gonna be in the world,
in the life with you.
Speaker 2 (41:36):
You know, it's some capacity.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
So I do I respect that, like he's still he's
still my protector, and I feel very protected. But I
also respect that the fact that that that that exists
because I mean, if granted one day there is a
time in which, you know, me and my child's father
are like going on vacations group family vacations together or like,
I don't know, that we become more than just you know, parents.
(42:01):
You know, there's like still a genuine likability between the two,
and like he hasn't been totally tainted. I mean, I'm
sure that he's still taking in all the things that
I that I may or may not say by whatever
I've said, and allowing him to have his own experience
with this person. You know. Yeah, So I don't know,
I think that's important. I mean, until something goes wrong
(42:25):
and then he has to like you know, beat an
EXAs or whatever. But hopefully that never happens. Pray that
never happens. I definitely don't want that for me or
for anyone listening, because like that's stressful.
Speaker 3 (42:34):
I don't have any physical altercation that's very stressful, absolutely
the fucking u But yeah, I know what I also like,
there's a I think for single moms too, because I
experienced this, like when you fight so hard to protect
your child and to have a place and to get
down your feet, which a lot of times, this is
what like prevents single moms from getting into relationships, is
(42:54):
that I don't want to leave this guy because everything's
going to fall to shambles and I'm gonna have to
rebuild and how will I do that alone? And I
think that's like like holds people back. But then you
look up and it's been years and you're still the
same person and you're still putting up with the same shit,
And you could have just taken the two years it
took to be fucked up out here, stay with a friend,
be at your mom's house, whatever the fuck it would take.
(43:16):
Because I know there's a range of things, because bitch,
I went through a lot of shit after I made
that choice, and there was times where I was like
was this the right choice? A lot of times, But
I think there's like a resilience that's built once you
leave someone that doesn't treat you right, particularly the thought
like the person you've created a child with. That it
builds some kind of resilience like a with with dating,
(43:38):
because there's a level of I just left my kid's father.
So if you think you're about to disrespect me or
step out of line, nigga, I will.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Leave you quickly. I can leave anybody.
Speaker 3 (43:48):
If you can leave someone who you had a baby
with that didn't treat you right, then you can carry
that standard into other relationships.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
And there'll be times you.
Speaker 3 (43:55):
Forget and you slip up, but overall it will take
you shorter and shorter less and less to deal with
the bullshit and like you weed it out. And I
think sometimes women, you know, you get so scared of
like the finances and like what it looks like to rebuild,
and you have to rebuild I kind of sometimes to
prove to yourself that you can. And I think that
like that is the strength that we need sometimes to
(44:17):
find the right partner, like to know, bitch, you're better
than this, you're more, You're worth like you're worth more.
And then it kind of like, well.
Speaker 1 (44:24):
Then you attract that, so like you're not like if
you want to stay in that and or you want
to keep entertaining that that you're gonna while while simultaneously dating,
not all the time, but more times than not, you're
going to attract the similar energy. You're going to attract
the similar person, and you're going to find yourself in
the same fucking situation over and over and over.
Speaker 3 (44:41):
There's a level of responsibility that you have to take
for participating in relationship.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
Absolutely, you know, you can't like point the finger every time.
Speaker 3 (44:48):
And it was like bit you, with you, with you,
you keep dating the same person in different body suits,
then yeah, bitch, it's you at this point because even
for me, like I stayed in my relationship for a
long time, abusive talk, shit talk, not working, all types
of shit, all dating apps, and I eventually I was
just like finally when I got the strength, it was
(45:09):
just like something switched on and I was just like
gotta go, you know. And then after that there was
a level of like fuck you, next, fuck you next,
fuck you, next, fuck you next, even when I was
fucked up, because I'm like I've been I've done all
the things I've done, been to the bottom and back.
So if you can't treat me right, I know that
I can be fucked up and come back up or whatever.
(45:29):
I know I can figure it out. And I think
sometimes that's what needs to happen for you to do
the work to attract to like, figure out what about
you is attracting people like that, because it is a
mirror most relationships.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
Most times.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
Yes, I agree, I'm gonna share one last one, and
this one's a little sad. Okay, this one's a little sad,
but I feel like it's important. So I met my
baby daddy at sixteen. It was young, fun love. We
had a baby nine years later after trying forever. Funny
thing is when my daughter finally came, I was ready
to go because he became a bum like super broke,
(46:08):
lazy and just yuck. I tried for a year after
she was born and then finally moved on and then
I met my husband, my love. We had four children
together within four years. Busy, and then he died.
Speaker 2 (46:20):
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
Yeah, single widow baby mama of five. Now that's a
story for you, love you ladies.
Speaker 3 (46:28):
Yeah, and that's it's scary, but it's like life and
it's also like would you have rather It's like the
cheesy term would you rather experience love than not at all?
So it's and then you get left with little baby hymns.
But yeah, and I think also that's being in a
relationship with your baby daddy and calling it off when
(46:48):
you do find love that's healthy and loving and real.
There's also this underlying fear about like, oh my god,
what if something fucking happens to you? Because I like,
I think about the worst case scenario all the time.
Speaker 1 (47:00):
Think about it all. You know, I'm dark, so I'm
literally thinking about this constantly. But I'm also with the Scorpio,
so we can I can actually say the things out
loud without you know, being like a psychopath.
Speaker 3 (47:09):
I feel like if I say it, then I'm attracting it,
so I don't say it just go dark and spiral out.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
Yeah, I mean, I think was saying it actually allows
me to be more present and more appreciative of the
moments that we have because eventually someone's gonna go eventually
one is I mean less You're Romeo and julieting it
and we were out of here together, like you know,
one time I.
Speaker 3 (47:30):
Was on the plane I think I was like really
falling in love with Orlando at the time. And I
was on the plane and this woman behind me was
talking to her seat mate, like just a woman she
had on the plane, and she was telling telling the
story how she found like the.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
Love of her life, this wonderful husband who.
Speaker 3 (47:43):
Had pursued her and pursued her and pursued her, and
that he just died of a heart attack. And I
wasn't even supposed to be listening to the story. She
wasn't even talking to me, And I was in the
fucking road in front.
Speaker 1 (47:52):
Of her, like.
Speaker 3 (47:54):
Crying hysterically, like I'm so emotional an emo, I'm like,
I gotta stop easdropping A and B. I got a
step going dark. But I think it's also like a
part of motherhood too, you think, like I love something
so much, what happens if something happens to you. You know,
it's like the human nature to think about the worst
case scenario, but it doesn't really do us any good
except give us anxiety AKA me. So yeah, you got
(48:17):
to just like live in the present without thinking of
the worst case scenario. And I think sometimes when you've
had bad shit happen to you, you've had bad relationships,
it's like second nature to think of the worst thing
that can happen, Like what if I lose you right now?
Speaker 2 (48:29):
What if you cheat? Because you know we're.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
Women, I think too, like I wonder. I wonder for
her too, like if she's like done, because some people
like will be like I'm done, like I've found my life,
I've found my great love. Like that's it, there's no more,
that's that's done. And I understand, I feel it. I
understand that. I don't know if that would be my story.
I don't. I don't think that there's like an end
for me and love. If my partner were to depart,
(48:54):
I obviously would mourn his death and mourn our relationship,
of course, but I don't think that's what he would want,
and that's not what I would want for him.
Speaker 2 (49:01):
I don't know if I'll find someone more for me.
Speaker 3 (49:04):
So I don't know if I'm even like a care
to try or be like actively outside, but you know
who knows. I'm gonna read today's tarot card, which was
the Page of Wands because it's Taroote time, so we
(49:37):
got the page of Wands and it's inspiration ideas discovery,
limitless potential, free spirit. H With the page of wands,
you're inclined to give anything and everything a go. You
embrace the opportunity to start out a new journey or
project and see where it takes you. You do not
necessarily have a solid plan in place, nor do you
(49:59):
really know where you are are headed, but you are
excited about the possibilities. You have a gift for dreaming
up new creative ideas unfettered by the burdens of everyday life.
Nothing will get in the way of your dreams. AKA
you're happily ever after. And while the appearance of a
page of wants indicates that you are experiencing creative relentlessness,
notice that the page is standing still and his staff
(50:20):
is firmly planted on the ground. He is not going
anywhere just yet. You still need to take your creative
spark and ground it down into reality so it's ready
for you to be implemented in the physical realm. You
may need to map out your strategy, or you may
need to test your ideas or create a few experiments
before committing o a little it could be helpful to
(50:40):
run your thoughts through a filters that you can act
on those most aligned with your broader goals. The page
of wands can appear when a spiritual path or journey
may be calling you. You have a curious mind and
are intrigued to see what this call might lead. You
open to possibilities, and know that if you have it
in your mind, don't settle and don't do it.
Speaker 1 (51:01):
Anything's possible.
Speaker 3 (51:02):
It is.
Speaker 1 (51:04):
Look at us, two single moms who literally just started
having a conversation in my dining room, And look at
the world that we've been able to build. Look at
the community that we've been able to attract. Look at
the friendship that we've been able to to create cultivate.
Look at the women's and men's lives we've been able
to impact and how they've impacted our lives. Look at
(51:26):
the relationships that we've you know, battled through and loved
ourselves through, discovered and discovered and landed on. Look at
the Look at the children that we're raising.
Speaker 3 (51:36):
The honesty that we've put on a public platform, and
how that's manifested and attracted our tribe, our men, our people,
people who truly accept us because there's no fake shit,
and we we know because we said all the things,
even the less likable ones. So be yourself and be
true and clear about the things that you want, and
(51:58):
it will come to you.
Speaker 2 (51:59):
Like in that and don't settle.
Speaker 1 (52:01):
Yes, well, my dear, I love you.
Speaker 3 (52:05):
I love you very much. Happy Valentine's Day, even though
we don't believe in that. Happy Valentine's Day. And if
you guys have any other single mom stories you want
to share, keep them coming.
Speaker 1 (52:18):
Yeah, keep them coming. I'm going to put the link
in our episode description and you can write it in.
We also have other places that you can write in.
If you have any anonymous stories you want to share
your secrets safe with us. If you have any bad
choices of the week, make sure you join our Facebook
group and share them there. Yeah, we want to hear
from you, so make sure you click in the link
in this episode description. Join our newsletter Good Momsbad Choices
(52:40):
dot com. But more importantly, well not more importantly. All
those things are important, but rate and review this episode,
rate and review our podcasts on Apple Podcasts, and subscribe
to our YouTube channel, and hopefully we'll see you in
the jungles of Costa Rica this summer.
Speaker 2 (52:57):
IY. Love you bye please than Yeah.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
I'm be so good, can't you sell? I went through
a drought? That's until I's find out? Where may my
have been known?
Speaker 2 (53:06):
Art that used to be broke.
Speaker 1 (53:07):
As Tale now got the Blues Dans, and might be
yon Say just sell. Good Mom's Bad Choices is a
production of the Black Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts
from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe
to and rate our show, and you can connect with
us on social media at Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices.
(53:29):
Make sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel at good
Mom's Bad Choices to watch our episodes and join our
private community on Patreon to see extended episodes, uncensored content,
and more at patreon dot com slash Good Mom's Bad
Choices
Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife.
She couldn't She cleaned and cared for her children and
the man of the house, and of course she.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Didn't talk back.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
She was both obed, hint and soft by nature. She
was a good woman who always made good choices. We're
Good Mom's Bad Choices.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Two single mom who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all
their bad choices and.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Sound out they were so bad.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
After all, we're experts. Overshares and your new besties.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Sit back and enjoy the ride.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
I can do it. Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
I'm Erica and I'm Mila, and it's Wednesday.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
It's Wednesday.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
Did you guys enjoy our intro music? Shout out to
Anthem Music Group. Yes, I love our intro music you too.
Today is a very special episode because we're only two
days away from Valentine's.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Day, Lover's Day.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
I feel like you used to hate Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I don't hate it, I don't really celebrate it.
Speaker 3 (00:59):
You're just like anti celebration of Valentine's Day, your anti love.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
I don't think that this very hallmark holiday in the gates,
whether or not I'm for lover against it.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
I've made of love.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
I don't need a day on the calendar to remind
me how I deserve and love to give love. However,
I think this is great for people that do. Do
you think new relationships really need this day?
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Are you going to be disappointed or expect anything of
Valentine's Day? Like any special treatment, a special coffee, a walk,
a card, a happy Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I mean, if my man wants to do that, I'm
not going to be mad. But if he Doesn't'm also
not going to be mad. So I've never been mad about.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Valentine's So if your man doesn't acknowledge it all, so
it's not one thing about being Valentine's Day, you won't
be bothered.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
No, this is one of those days I really could
really give a fuck less.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
What did you do any Valentine's Day?
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Do you care about Valentine's Day?
Speaker 3 (01:56):
I mean, I'm not a holiday person unless it's like Halloween,
So I mean I like to dress up.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
I mean I love I love love, and if it's
if it's a day that we get to be in
remembrance that we should always be leading with love, that
we are made of love to remind ourselves to tell
the people that we love that we love them them
all for it, and so I'm not I'm not against it.
And I also think, like, I'm really excited because we
got this. On today's episode, we're going to share a
(02:26):
lot of single mom love stories. So I'm grateful that
this day inspired that, because reading these stories was really
amazing and I realized how much single moms really need
to hear love stories. I mean, and not just on
Valentine's Day, just overall. So I fuck with Valentine's Day
this year because it gave me the opportunity to read
(02:46):
these stories and be I guess, and be able to
celebrate people's stories around love.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
I'm just thinking about us talking about yeah, Valentine's whatever,
as we're sitting here in full.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Right an outfit.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Well, you know, I'm always down for a theme, bitch, Like,
if it's a theme, I'm gonna show up, Like I'm not,
I can't. I don't know what else is gonna happen,
but I'm gonna show up with the theme.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
If you're just joining our show and you're just getting
to know Erica and Mila, that's Erica by the way
I'm Mela. One thing about us you will find out
is we love to dress up in a costume or
a theemed theme. So if you're having costume party, a
themed party, invite us because we'll come and we'll wear
the whole thing. Whatever the theme is, we're gonna go
all the way out. I even do it at certain movies.
(03:30):
If there's a movie with the theme, I'm gonna dress
the theme to the movie. Even at a concert. When
we went to Erica Badou, full outfit, Erica different, Erica looks.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
It's just what we do. We'd like to get dressed up.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
So so, no, I don't hate Valentine's I've never hated
Valentine's Day. I just don't. I don't really care that much.
I don't give it too much of a deep thought.
Not disappointed.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Yeah, I mean I generally, when I go into a
store and immediately one holiday is a didn't I already
see the fucking advertisements for the next holiday, I'm like,
what a fu?
Speaker 2 (04:05):
The what in the beast?
Speaker 3 (04:06):
The machine is so crazy, Like consumerism is so blind
to the fact that they were just constantly pumping us
with shit to buy.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
They're not blind. It's all intentional. I saw.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
I'm saying consumers are blind when I go into stores.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
That's what I see.
Speaker 3 (04:21):
I see, I see the machine, and I see how consumerism.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
I meant the machine. I was like, no, the machine
is very well aware. Yeah, they were advertising and target.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Immediately I should even say that word.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
They were advertising in that store.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
That we used to go, we used to long ago to.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
They were advertising there and around Christmas. I saw Valentine's Day.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
I saw immediately after, and I was like, God, damn,
can we get a chance to.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Rest the wallets.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
My gee and I boycotted Christmas this year by buying
no one anything.
Speaker 2 (04:53):
So I just like, sometimes it annoys me. And it's
the same.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
With with the men and the fucking football games and
the peace and the wings and the fucking I'm just like,
can we stop to take a breather and think about
the ship that actually matters?
Speaker 2 (05:07):
But obviously not.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
I don't know. I don't don't. I'm not mad at
the men's in the football games.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
It's the same thing, is there, but it's a game.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
They're there to watch the game.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
I know, but I'm saying, just like, it's not a
holiday it's not a holiday. But it's all consumerism, like
what they say hungry, it's distractions, babe.
Speaker 2 (05:22):
It's just it's a distraction. I need to eat. People
eat every day.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
It's your chance to make Orlando food for once.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
Okay, he has to eat every day, but this is
not that day.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
That's your day.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
You want to be a good way.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
How many days a week that football games come, are
you with hope or not?
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Are you?
Speaker 2 (05:40):
I obviously have hope, but I'm not.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
I'm not participating in the football season bullshit because it's
too loud and there's no need to listen to it
with volume, but somehow they always do. It's Monday, it's Sunday,
it's fucking Thursday. It's a lot of days a week
for fucking months.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
So don't I don't have to deal with that.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Yeah, it's a lot, and it's also a part of
the fucking machine. It's like, let's give them something to
just strack them. And as soon as fucking football end,
not even when it ends, basketball starts and then it's
whatever the other ones are. And I'm just like, can
we get a break from all the bullshit that nobody
cares about? Literally, if you look at the calendar. They
distract you from something every single month so that you
bye bye bye bye, bye bye bye.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Then you forget about things that matter like being present.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Okay, yeah, you got that off perfect.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
So by moving to the jungle where nobody gives a fuck.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
I just want to say shout out to our tribe
who showed up for us and just flooded the comments
during the Breakfast Club. We were on the Breakfast Club
a few weeks ago and it was really exciting. We
had a really great time in New York. Shout out
to Charlemagne, DJ Envy Lauren, who showed us a lot
of love. It was our first time there something that
(06:51):
we've manifested for a long time. We wanted to share
it with you guys, if you're in our discord, then
we shared it with y'all. You know, we shared it
with y'all first. But it was such a it was
such a great experience, and I was kind of nervous
because I just I don't know, like, I just didn't
know what they were going to ask us, And like
you know, generally when we've been in like male occupied
(07:14):
spaces in that sort of realm, it's been a little
tricky sometimes trying to like throw us off our game
and just make us feel stupid and like.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Whores always like whores.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
You know, it's difficult to be a sex positive woman
outwardly and talking about it because yeah, in male spaces
it's always a thing. And not only that I realized today,
well the day it came out, is that like, like
I still haven't listened to the clips or listened to
the episode just because it just gives me anxiety. And
then like looking at the comments, it's like, no matter
(07:47):
how many times you do this, and you know, in
our little like a little girl cave, it's just us
and we're talking our shit and we can tell all
the things. But then you go out, you go do
with other people, you're like, oh god, what are they
going to say? So there's always nerves no matter how
long we've been doing this, and because we've had bad experiences.
So I yeah, shout out to the breakfast club. They
were it was a really good experience. They asked us
good questions. I know you're a little nervous about the
(08:07):
baby daddy questions, as was I, but.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Yeah, and then that's the truth. That's the thing.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Even the things the thing about what we do is like,
at the end of the day, it's the truth. So
if you don't like it, then you don't like the truth.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Yeah. Yeah, I feel like we've come a really long way,
specifically around talking about them.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Why you think there was a time where we were
like that is graceful?
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Yeah, well yeah, yeah, it wasn't about them, So it
wasn't that time. It wasn't their time to shine. It
was our time to shine, I know.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
And then sometimes when they ask, I'm like, just shut up,
don't ask about them. They don't like, it doesn't matter.
We're here now. But then I'm like, there is moms
in our in our title, so that they're going to ask,
so again.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Oh excuse me. Okay, and you guys, I'm okay. I
don't know if you saw. Also, we announced two retreats
in the summer go in Costa Rica. Yay women's retreats.
We do actually still have a few spots left for
our couples retreat in June, so if you have any lovers,
(09:16):
speaking of love and lovers, we have some spots available
at our couple's retreat in Costa Rica. This is going
to be a really special treat. It's going to be me,
Mila Orlando and my partnership m and we're going to
be just it's all about play. This is like the play.
This is like a retreat really built around adventure, really
(09:38):
built around intimacy, really built around like deepening your connection
with your lover. If you're new in your relationship, this
is a great place to build the foundation for the
rest of your relationship. If you guys are you know,
have you guys been together for years and you're trying
to ignite the spark or deepen the spark or just
go on a fucking vacation. This is it. So make
(09:59):
sure you check out our I'd Love Couples Retreat. We're
going to be there June fourteenth to the twentieth, and
you can check out all the details in our bio.
But again, like I said, we also just announced two
couple two women's retreats. This is our annual summer retreat
that we do in Costa Rica July thirty first and
(10:19):
August eighth, So make sure you click the link there
to to come join us in Costa Rica. We're going
to be there all summer pretty much.
Speaker 3 (10:26):
Options on options on options, Okay, we have all the options.
So if you can't make one date you don't have
a lover, you can come to this one. If you
do have a lover, you need to to, you know,
do some things. Come to that one. It's gonna be
my birthday the couple's retreat, so come celebrate with us.
It's like a quadrupled quadruple date. But whatever the ten is,
maybe a lot of it's gonna be really fun.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
I'm excited about it.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
And it'll be like the first time that we're hosting
like couples in this like capacity as tantric practitioners, so
you know, flexing our sexolidist muscles and doing the damn
thing and teaching our community, like you know, ways to
do practices within their relationship, which I love. I'd love
to support the love because obviously the world needs more
(11:06):
of it.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
And we did a giveaway and our discord are in
our Patreon. We gave away one spot to a lucky
lady who's going to come on our summer retreat. And
if you haven't joined our patreon yet, I highly highly
recommend that you do. It's patreon dot com slash Good
Mom's Bad Choices. We do giveaways. You get access to
our discord, which is literally like the I don't know.
(11:31):
It's like the blood pumping through the good Mom's community.
It's where all of us are really connecting talking because
social media is weird and you can't really talk to
everybody at once. We do weekly, we do monthly zooms there.
We're just really active over there. We talk to you
directly in the discord. So it's ten dollars a month.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
You can find a friend in your city.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
You can find the Erica to your Meala and the
Meala to your Erica and be like pull up, like
I know a lot of I hear a lot of
women always talking about I have no mom friends, I
have no friends. And that's where you find your friends
because there's a lot of friendships that have been birthed
out of the discord. It's like it's giving nineties AOL
chat but healthy.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
I like that, And it's cheap. It's ten bucks a month,
and you're gonna find your bestie. You're gonna be able
to connect with people. There's a channels for venting. There's
channels where people are holding space for one another. There's
channels where people are like cheering each other on.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
There's channels for like your witchy shit, to share your rituals,
to share our like hey, it's a bunch of witchy
bitches talking about.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
All the planets are in alignment tonight. What are you doing?
Speaker 3 (12:30):
It's a full moon ritual and all day you hear
like eleven eleven, one on one, three through three, and
it's all different, it's all different time zones.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
You have book clubs going on in there. There's a lot,
so so make sure you check out our patreon patreon
dot com backslash. Good Mom's Bad Choices Speaking of the community,
I think it's time for bad Choice of the week
and we have a bad choice straight from our Facebook
group bad Mom. Not a bad mom, but a bad mom.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
So good.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
And you haven't joined our Facebook group, What the hell
are you doing? It's free, it's for the moms. It's
another place to connect and like vent because I think
a mom's need a lot of places to event because
there's no no other, no one else, no other group
of people understands moms like other moms.
Speaker 2 (13:22):
There's no judgment, hopefully if you're with the right mom friends.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
So the bad choice of the week is from one
of our tribe members snuck in the bath on Monday
at six am to let that rose handle me in
a way. A man never.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
Has amen to the rose god. If anyone's listening by
me one for Valentine's Day, that's a very very bad choice.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
That was it. That's it.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
It's the bad choice of the week. Oh she just
got them bapstop with the rose. Yeah, that sounds like
a good choice to me.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
That you know, bad choices don't mean good, don't mean bad.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
Oh, well, to may.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Be bad or good.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
That was good because I was to eight years old.
But I found out the roads can go on the
fucking bathtub.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
I don't know what you've been doing with that roses whole.
You're using it dry and just dry pussy. Just my
pussy's not dry. So I know when I'm in the
bathtub of the bed it's a water bit. I'm just
letting you know.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
I thought the hole would like electrocute you. No, that
makes me nervous.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
You know a lot of that shit really comes from China,
and then you put in the bathtub.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
It's just like asking for electricity.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Well I've done it. Yeah, oh yeah, I think I'm
like maybe seventy five percent of the time used the
rose in the bathtub or the shower. I don't know,
although the shower can be dangerous because a bit you
will fall. You need to be, you need to sit down,
you need to be because you will fucking trip and
fall at a vibration.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Can you imagine she was found she was found dead.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
I don't think there's been a vibrator since the Rose
that has taken the Internet by storm in such a
way like they really did the fucking thing when they
did that. Who is the inventor of the rose? Is it'
some like strange little Chinese man.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
I don't know, but let's find him because he deserves
the fact that it's a hymn or she.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
I don't problem a hem.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
I think it's just I think it's the technology of
the suction that and the placement of it that really
takes it to the next level. And I'm not even
really a vibration type of bitch because it's always too heavy.
But that shit right there, and mine stopped working it
two years ago, and I stopped talking.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
About it since, Yeah, I had to stop using the
vibrations too because I thought my pussy was broken.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
So you haven't used it in a long time or ever. Well,
first of all, my rose broke mine too.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Yeah, so there's that. I haven't replaced it in a
really long time. And then I kept losing the fucking
charger for it because it's like a specific charger with
those two little balls on ye, like the two stupid
fucking prongs, and they're like.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Kind of you have to like make sure they're stuck
stuck together.
Speaker 1 (15:41):
And if like one is off and it doesn't charge,
and then you've wasted two hours waiting for to charge
and you go and doesn't work and you're pissed.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
We'd bring back the old school chargers, just regular batteries.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Well back of it. I mean even early on in
the good Mom's days when we first started, I was
talking about my massage or that plugged it to the wall,
and that thing did me good. Okay, I just plug
that bitch right into the wall, and.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
I feel like it so age Like, did you get
it from your mom? Yeah? I did.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
I did get it from my mom when I was pregnant.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
She gave that to you.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
It was a back massager.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Oh so it's supposed to be for your back.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Yeah. I had all the different little ends on.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
It makes way more sense because it was huge and
I didn't have no idea why your vibrate was plugging
into the wall in the two thousands, I thought, where
the fuck?
Speaker 2 (16:18):
How old were you when you got this?
Speaker 1 (16:20):
My mom got me my back massage or slash vibrator.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
You think she knew what she was doing when she
gave of course not.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
No, you said what I didn't even know?
Speaker 2 (16:29):
You said, what about your baby? I didn't even know that.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
When she got it for me, I was like, oh, thanks,
And then it took me like one year to figure out.
But I needed this for other reasons.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
The other reason reason.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
I did use it for a long time before at
what it's it's supposed to be used for.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
And then, oh my god, remember something else? What I
have a confession?
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Oh my god, why is my mom calling me?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Hello?
Speaker 1 (16:59):
Da? Thanks for the vibrator, slash massage or the.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
She was doing. She heard your complain, she heard your prayers.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
One time I was traveling and I must have been
super horny and I didn't have a vibrator.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
And do you know what I did?
Speaker 3 (17:14):
I use the back of my vibrating toothbrush.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Wow, okay, that'll work.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Yeah, it worked.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
But also also there's been another time I was traveling
this is like sounds like desperation and I I went
on the app store and there's a vibrator on your phone.
You can download a vibrating vibrator, but you just make
your phone vibrate.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
It's not very do you dont'ta pul like plastic on
your phone? Like how you protect it? You put it
over a sheet, but the sheet can get wet. I'm
put that bitch in them ziplock back.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Anyway. I don't recommend any of these things. You didn't
hear them from me, but just in case.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
You knowing all the things that come off of phones
and now.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
It was a long time I didn't put the phone.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
I'm not judging you. I'm just saying, like all I'm
saying is Steph. I'm just saying, vibrant at your own risk.
Speaker 2 (18:06):
Tips from me. LA.
Speaker 3 (18:09):
Someone in our group chat the other day was like,
I'm going on I'm going to New York and I
don't want to get my period. And I was like,
this is probably not the best advice, but just take
a few birth control and I'll stop. And I was like,
you didn't hear that from me. This is not medical advice.
So if you're hearing this and you need to stop
your period, you didn't hear it from me. But those
(18:30):
are options.
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Mhm. So I just shuffled some cards. I think I've
pulled the last few. Would you like to pull a
card today?
Speaker 2 (18:41):
It's just God with the people. Should we come back
to it?
Speaker 1 (18:56):
Yeah, let's come back at the end.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Yeah, it's our Valentine's Day episode, our annual val Love
Day episode, And I feel like this is a very
special year for our Valentine's Day episode because we've had
shit seven. This is our seventh and yeah, seventh, And
in previous years, you know, we've been up and down
in our relationship statuses. We've been very single, we've been
(19:21):
fake open, we've been real open. I've been real open once,
and you know, we've we've gone back and forth between
our position of marriage and girlfriend status. And I think
we even had an episode once it's called like I'm
auditioning Beer Wife, because that was that was the week
We're really trying to be somebody's wife.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
And then we've had other episodes just like I'm a Home.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
So there's just been a wide range of where we've
been in our single dumb and like where we're at
in our relationship status. And you know, if you're if
you've been with the show for a long time, you've
watched us grow. You know, you've been with us through
most of our thirties, and so it's like the evolution
of like the evolution of a WHO evolution. And now
(20:06):
we're both in stable, healthy, loving relationships kind of for
the first time ever that are compatible and makes sense
because before you know, there's a lot of trial and error.
And so we decided that today we're going to dedicate
the entire episode to single moms finding love because there's
so much shit on the internet about single moms not
(20:29):
being worthy, not shouldn't be able to date, shouldn't date,
don't date them, they made the wrong mistake the first time,
fuck them. They shouldn't date for twenty years at least
to this child is out the house. There's so much
false information about saying like leaving the moms behind somehow
like we asked ourselves to be single moms and that
was our, like, our life's choice. So I'm just I'm
(20:51):
happy to finally celebrate and highlight the stories of women
who have found love after baby Daddy's Amen. Amen, Shall
we begin?
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Then, shall begin? Once upon a time, single hoes found.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
Once upon a time a mom had sex and had
a baby and realized this.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
Ain't it, This ain't it.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
And then she said, I'm not gonna let all these
ugly mugs on the internet tell me what the fuck
I can't have. I'm gonna pursue other men, and they
will be men that will pursue me.
Speaker 1 (21:22):
And what do you know, it exists all right. I
was with my ex husband since a week before my
seventeenth birthday. He was sixteen. It was always high highs
and low lows. But shit really hit the fan when
we had kids back to back, two under two. He
left me while I was seven months pregnant with our second.
It was traumatizing. He would take our only car and
go stay at his cousin's house, and to this day
(21:44):
he still can't hold a steady job. He came back
when our daughter was born, but it was another two
years of on and off before it finally ended, mostly
because I found out he was on dating sites and
the one girl he started talking to during that time
became the mother of his third child. The relationship. It
was stressful mentally, emotionally and financially. Anyway, now you know
the backstory. Once I was mentally free from him, I
(22:06):
spent the next seven months finally dating after not having
an adult dating life at all. I was twenty nine.
I made a lot of mistakes during that time. I
was not emotionally mature or ready to be dating anyone
or messing around I would instantly get attached. Then, in
February of twenty sixteen, I was on a dating app
and saw a cute guy. Started talking and he was
instantly different than anyone else. We went on a date
(22:28):
right away, no talking forever and going nowhere. He took
me to lunch that same night, asked me to the movies.
It was great, so we made plans to go on
a Valentine's Day date two days later. I took some
convincing after that date because I was not feeling his style.
I wrote him off as corny and told him I
wasn't ready to date, and that was that. He respected
my decision. A week later, he texted me about a
(22:50):
song he heard, so we started talking again, and slowly
but surely I got to know him and by February
twenty ninth.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
I was in love.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Wait what was the first date? February? Anyway, I think
it was like thirty days. I'm obsessed with this man.
There is no one better than him. He comes from
a good family. He loves my children. He provides for us.
He never tells us no. He does anything to make
us happy. He's calm, rational, and level headed. He's a
provider in every way possible. He's handsome and an amazing lover.
(23:21):
We are married and we had a baby. He had
his own story with his ex wife and they have
a daughter. It's now been almost nine years and everything
is amazing. We are a blended family and all work
together to make sure the kids are good. His ex
wife is our family and is included in many family events.
I often hope that women could experience the love that
we have, because when you're in a shitty situation, you
(23:43):
think it's normal and it's not. You can have the
life you dream of, and in my case, it was
because I gave the nerdy, goofy guy a chance.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
That's beautiful.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
I love that sometimes you got to go outside of
your comfort zone or what you usually date, because what
you usually date has historically not worked.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
I mean we did this on the last episode, like
not going too far. There's a fine line if you
got to make your pussy tingle, as Mila said in
that episode, if you tingle, don't put.
Speaker 3 (24:07):
If you're you're taking it on pussy, if you're taking
all pussy and pussy, don't tangle.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
It ain't for you.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Yeah, No, I think it's true. I think sometimes we are, like,
it's true, like we're so used to like dealing with
a certain type of person, even esthetically, that like we
don't even give people a chance, and often like might
just pass up our our future husband, our future baby daddy,
or future love based on that.
Speaker 2 (24:29):
So based on shit.
Speaker 3 (24:31):
That doesn't really matter, You've got to really, like, I
know a lot of people are like, oh, the sex
really matter, Yes, bitch, it does. But there's other things
that don't matter. Like, you know, a pair of shoes
you hate, you can fucking throw those away, you know,
and buy a new pair. There's certain things that just
shouldn't be a game changer. And you also know what
is a game I mean, not a game changer, a
deal breaker, And you also know what the deal breaker
is going to be. You know, what another thing is
(24:52):
reading all these stories, I realize there are so many
things about my baby daddy relationship that I literally locked
out in my mind, and it's just so far removed
from me that I forgot. Like I caught my baby
daddy on bumble when I was pregnant, and I was like,
what the fuck? And I totally forgot that happened totally.
I just was like when I read it, I was like,
(25:14):
oh my god, that happened to me. But when you
decide to move on and you let some shit go,
you forget. And also you're when it's traumatic, you forget.
You're like, it's too much going on right now.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
I have to have a baby.
Speaker 3 (25:25):
I can't think about this shit. So this was a
nice reminder of, oh yeah, bitch, that was you too.
And I love the blended family because I think that that, too,
is is goals.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
You know. The hope is that like that we all
get to coexist one with one another. I mean, I
don't want to say that's the hope, but it was
my hope.
Speaker 3 (25:43):
It is like it is idea when you have a help,
when you get to a healthy place with mature men.
But I mean, obviously it's a lot of times we
leave men because they're not mature, So you know, it's
not always the case, but I would prefer it that way, Like,
let's all just be a happy, big family and brunch.
But you know, yeah, I'm gonna hear the second story. Yeah,
(26:04):
come on, okay, love story number two. I'm in the
military and have two beautiful children. I am currently deployed
and found a man out here that I truly love.
It's only been three months, but he's amazing. He's thoughtful,
over communicates, romantic, protective, productive, intelligent, a giver.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
The list goes on. He's also given me the best
sex I've ever had in my life. Don't let that
confuse a girl.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
I've made myself scored a little, but this man gets
Niagara falls out of me every time we make love. Okay,
he's twenty six, divorced, no kids. I'm twenty nine, divorced
and a lover girl. I'm ready for marriage again and
to grow my family even more.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
I think this is it. Wish me luck, damn bad
of the game.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
Twenty nine divorce you ready to go again? Because baby
a bitch was bruised. I was like, I might not
ever see that I might be single forever.
Speaker 2 (26:56):
I'm proud.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
You know what love will expedite at leve expedite the
healing process. You know. I think God knew we needed time,
We needed some.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
Mirror, some seasoning to like work on our own things so.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
That like when love walked through the door, we would fuck.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
It up, it would be completely scarred well.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Or and also that the men that you know, we
were attracting probably needed to do some hoeing themselves and
some healing and some all those things. So you know,
everyone finds love. I mean, I think even for me,
and like my current relationship, I came out of a
relationship and kind of got into that relationship kind of quickly,
I mean, and at first I was judging myself, like
(27:35):
I don't trust myself. Is this okay? But love can
heal you, you know, the right love can really heal you.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
So same I think.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
I like gott I gotta moved one dge at my
house and then Orlando started moving his ASCID and I
was like, this is I might be a dumb bitch,
but here we go.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
Okay, next story, I like this one. My love story
goes a little something like this. I started liking this
guy I worked with and we became really good friends.
Things started getting serious between us, but he was also
talking to another girl. They were just friends, but I
felt like he was choosing, so I thought, oh, you're
not about to play with me. I started talking to
(28:16):
my old boyfriend from high school. We began going out
and dating girl. Leave the boyfriend from high school alone, boom.
A couple months later, I found out I was pregnant.
That relationship was so full of drama. He lied about
not having a girlfriend, telling me she was his ex
when she wasn't. It was just a mess. I remember
calling my friend, the guy I worked with and telling
(28:36):
him everything that was going on. He said, I can't
believe you got pregnant. I told him, you're the one
that was choosing. I wasn't about to sit around and
wait for you. He told me it wasn't like that,
but I was over it. I also told him how
I was thinking about getting an abortion because I was
so stressed and didn't want to have a baby with
this guy. But he told me, don't do anything like that.
(28:56):
I'll be there for you. I didn't really believe him
at first, but we started getting close again. By this time,
I was about three months pregnant. One day he asked
me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. We
dated for two years and then he asked me to
marry him. I said yes, and we got married. Now
we've been married for ten years. I know some people
will say she wasn't a single mom, but I basically
(29:18):
was gonna be. My ex wasn't stepping up, and I
was prepared to do it all on my own. I
just wanted to share my story because I remember my
ex saying nobody's gonna want you with a baby, but
he was so wrong. Love found me while I was pregnant,
and I'm so thankful that it did.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
I hear that all the time, including for my own
baby daddy. I heard nobody's gonna want you with the kid.
Nobody's gonna want you with the kid.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Hah.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
Nig let me tell you that's the number one lie
that baby baby daddys tell to keep you fucking stuck.
So if your baby daddy told you, raise your hand,
it's like ninety percent of everybody who ever left their
baby daddy told him, you're not gonna find anybody with
that baby. Well guess what, nigga, It does happen because
after a certain age, a lot of people have kids
(30:00):
because they learned a lesson. So don't let that statement
in particular hinder you from moving on and moving on.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
I read that a lot in.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
These messages, that these stories that we got. My baby
daddy said, I didn't think I was going to find
somebody else because I had a kid. Because I had
a kid, I didn't think I should date. I thought
it was gonna be a hope for life. Don't adopt
those beliefs because it's just not true.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Don't let pregnancy block you from your husband.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Don't let your hate and ask baby daddy block you
from your husband.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
I just more so a mean bitch. She was pregnant.
Don't let pregnancies block you from your future, baby daddy
slash husband.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
I mean luckily in her pregnancy. He was like, I'm
down to you know.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
I mean that takes that takes a very particular particular
man who really had the foresight to know, this is
my partner. I don't care what is going on. I'm
with you. I'm writing no matter what. And that's a
testament to whatever work he had already done where he
was at in his life. Yeah, because there was a
clarity there that he was like, I don't really give
a fuck, and most men are not gonna never do that,
(31:04):
so shout out to them and I don't and be
careful saying never. Never say never, because you don't know,
I said, most men. Yeah, I didn't say never.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
But that's not the first story I've heard like that.
Like to hear fair and pregnant, so you know there's
are you've been surprised.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
And that's the thing. I think.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
Sometimes we're hearing certain rhetoric and we start to believe
those things and it's just like so I turned the
negative off off off. Hmm, Okay, there's another one. I
(31:41):
became pregnant by my childhood sweetheart at fifteen. We had
our daughter at sixteen, and I spent four years being physically,
emotionally and sexually abused by him.
Speaker 2 (31:51):
I would I would have left. I would have left.
Speaker 3 (31:53):
Sooner, but he had convinced me that nobody would love
me as a fat, single mom, so I stayed because
I thought it would be better than being alone. I
finally had another and decided being alone would be better
than what I was going through. Fast forward seven years,
my best friend started a new job and invited me
to be her plus one. At a work event, she
introduced me to her new boss. I spent all the night,
all night talking with him. Following Monday, he asked me
(32:14):
asked my friend for my number. After two years, we
moved in together. In twenty twenty one, he asked my
fifteen year old permission to marry me. We have been
married for almost three years now and just started our
fertility journey. All these years being a single mom, I
never imagine I would find a kind, loving man, or
that I would ever even want to have another child.
Being loved properly by an amazing man healed so many
(32:36):
things in my soul. Seeing him step up and be
an amazing stepdad to my daughter healed many things within
her as well. This is not only my love story,
but a story a love story for my daughter as well.
She gets a father figure and to see an example
of a healthy, loving relationship. I am praying that we
are able to have a child this year, and so
it is and I can see him really blossom into
(32:57):
fatherhood and that I will get to experience motherhood again,
but with a partner that is supportive and present.
Speaker 2 (33:02):
H beautiful.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
I think this is a lot of a good testament
too to allowing yourself to put your guard down and
letting people in, because I think sometimes when you get
your heart broken by someone you have a baby with,
you become so hardened and your your walls go up
and it's just kind of like you shut it down.
And I think this and even when someone's safe comes,
it's hard to put that that guard down of like
being independent, of being you know, alone, and of having
(33:27):
like a defense on. And I think this is like
such these are stories of a testament of why it's
important that you always stay soft and always stay hopeful.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
Yeah, I think there's that. I think also just on
the other side of that too, for the men that
are dating single moms, and like I was talking to
someone that I know who is dating a mom, and
I was telling him like how important it is that
moms really need permission from the men that they're dating.
Not even permission, it's like security and knowing that like
they're they're they're safe. I don't want to say dumping
(33:58):
on them, but like every everything that they have going
on and going on in their life, including like whatever
it is, like the drama that you might be dealing
with on the other side with your child's father, like
the stress of just being a mom, like the stress
of like sometimes not wanting to be a mom, and
like women like us like keep tucking that away because
we don't want to seem like unmotherly because we've made
(34:20):
this choice. Like for a man to come to you
and say, like I can hold space for all of that,
Like I'm okay, Like you don't have to like compartmentalize
those pieces for you. Are so is so important, specifically
for single moms and dating to be able to be soft,
to be able to like allow themselves to open up
and feel safe, and also for the children too. I
(34:41):
mean I think for me too, like seeing my daughter
and my partner's relationship bloom has been so healing for me,
and I want to say even for her. I think
that Iri looked at like you and Orlando and Luna,
and like she saw this example that Orlando had with
you with Luna and like how he stepped up, you know,
(35:02):
And and I think that she because she had that representation,
she was like gave, she gave she came more permission
to allow that space into her life. And so like
she's loving with him. She wants us to lay in
bed with her and put her to bed together, Like
(35:22):
these are things that she's asking for. I think because
she has seen it, whereas before like her not both
of us like kind of like you know, tiptoeing around
relationships and not really sure and like there was like
she didn't really fuck with her examples, Yeah, did you
really fuck with that? So I think it's important for
the men to make sure that they are vocally telling
(35:47):
the women, the single moms that they're dating, what they're
willing to and open to taking on as their partner.
And it kind of has to be like all of it.
You can't like just pick and choose the parts of
your motherhood that you feel comfortable of their motherhood that
you feel comfortable allowing in because like you're not going
(36:08):
to get the full You're not going to get the
full person. You're not going to get that, and she's
not going to feel fully safe in your presence, and
your child ultimately is going to feel that too.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
I think there's also like this uh but like this uh,
this this understanding that like for women at least, that
we can't show up human, like we can't show up
with our mistakes, Like if I was in a relationship
with someone who was abusive to me and I stayed
and I had a baby with them, Like I'm dumb,
and so I don't deserve love after this, and you
don't feel you don't feel safe expressing that to someone.
(36:41):
There is like a defense that goes up because there
is so much rhetoric in the world about like it's
our fault and there's a guilt that we hold on to,
like with our kids and just in general. And I
think like men do themselves such a disservice by like
jumping on that bandwagon not recognizing like, my nigga, you.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
Have made mistakes too.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
You have dated some people that you're not proud of
you've done you know, you've fallen for the wrong people,
and you've had a hofase and all these things. Or
you know, when women get knocked up, it's like we
have we have the burden of carrying a child. We
hold the burden if if it's something we fucked around
and like had a night of pleasure and now we're
carrying a baby, we have to go get a termination.
And that's something men will never have to deal with,
(37:19):
so they can sit on a high horse and judge
nut and judge you know, knowing good and god damn
it all you'd pulled up in a.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Bitch raw that you didn't really want to have a
baby with many times.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
But because it's not a burden that you have to carry,
it's easy to point a finger and judge. And I
think that men really miss the mark with finding connection
because you're so caught up in finding fucking the virgin Mary,
which doesn't exist, but meanwhile liking all the big booty
bitches on Instagram.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
So it's very confusing.
Speaker 3 (37:46):
And I think men when you qunt, like when you
want a partner, you have to think of him as
a homie, you know, like if you're a homie, fuck
some bit so you know, fuck the stupid hope, Like
you're not gonna stop being friends with him. Things happen
in life, and like the sooner that we can come
together and accept that about one another as humans, as
women that we fuck up to and like so we
feel comfortable to go into relationships and go into friendships
(38:09):
and just be with the opposite sex and be like, yeah,
I fucked up, you know, like and this is where
I'm at and this is how I've grown. But a
lot of times women are like concealing and hiding those
parts of themselves because there's no room for forgiveness for us.
It's like you're you've been tainted and you're can you're
disposable now. And I think I think men miss out
on a lot of great women because they're so busy
(38:30):
thinking they're going to fucking go source Mary, fucking the
virgin Mary herself, you know. And it's just it's an
odd thing when you really want a partner and you
really want a human unless you're about to date a
fucking avatar or like an Ai my nege. Like people
come with stains, and so if you're not willing to
like move through those things, then you're not ready for
(38:50):
a relationship, not a real one.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
Anyway, Amen? Should we read a few more?
Speaker 2 (39:00):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (39:02):
Okay? I felt pregnant at twenty one, completely unprepared and unexpected,
as I was told I could never have children due
to health problems. My pregnancy was lonely. Was lonely as
my baby daddy was very abusive. I felt isolated, and
the abuse got worse the more pregnant I got. I
left when my baby was six weeks old, the stitches
(39:23):
from my birth were still dissolving. I had twenty seven
pounds in my bank account, but I made it work.
I got a tiny, tiny apartment, but made it a
haven for me and my girl. The day I got
those keys to our little sanctuary was the first day
I felt like I could be the mom she deserved,
the mom. When she was only six months old, I
took her to the library and heard my name called
(39:44):
over the bookshelves. I was met by a beaming smile
of a boy who had come to my sixteenth birthday party.
We chatted and had to catch up a parted ways
as I continued to raise my girl alone. Cut to
when my daughter was four and I was entering the
dating scene. A notification popped up. It was him. We
went on a date and fell totally in love. When
(40:04):
the baby daddy kicked off one day at meeting my
new partner, he shouted, you don't know her, just you wait,
and my lovely man stepped forward in front of me
and said, I've actually known her since we were sixteen,
so I know her far better than you, and slammed
the door in his face. We've been together, We've been
together for five years now, and me and my daughter
love him more and more every day.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
That's beautiful. I love a man's gonna stand up for you.
Speaker 1 (40:28):
Mm hmm. Yeah, yeah, I think that's again important, very important,
you know, I think too, Like one of the things
that I'll say about my partner is that like when
even in times where I'm like talking shit and I'm
angry and I'm mad, he like doesn't ever ever talk
negatively about him, not even to me, like he he'll
(40:50):
like agree, like Dan, that's fucked up. But I think
he's like always kind of holding space for him to
hopefully be better. I think that's just like how he
is for men in general, just like the hope that
like just like we do a chance he's giving men
like holding the space for a man to like step up,
do the right thing and enlightenment and and and honestly
it helps me hold It helps me keep the light
(41:11):
of beam hope held there too as well, because I
have someone who's not just gonna get into the trenches
with me and like go dark and go dark and
go dark with me and like have a ship talking
storm together. Like I mean, there's spaces and places for that,
but like like I'm grateful that like he doesn't he's
still my.
Speaker 3 (41:29):
Protector, maintains like a neutral space because at the end
of the day, the nigg is gonna be in the world,
in the life with you.
Speaker 2 (41:36):
You know, it's some capacity.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
So I do I respect that, like he's still he's
still my protector, and I feel very protected. But I
also respect that the fact that that that that exists
because I mean, if granted one day there is a
time in which, you know, me and my child's father
are like going on vacations group family vacations together or like,
I don't know, that we become more than just you know, parents.
(42:01):
You know, there's like still a genuine likability between the two,
and like he hasn't been totally tainted. I mean, I'm
sure that he's still taking in all the things that
I that I may or may not say by whatever
I've said, and allowing him to have his own experience
with this person. You know. Yeah, So I don't know,
I think that's important. I mean, until something goes wrong
(42:25):
and then he has to like you know, beat an
EXAs or whatever. But hopefully that never happens. Pray that
never happens. I definitely don't want that for me or
for anyone listening, because like that's stressful.
Speaker 3 (42:34):
I don't have any physical altercation that's very stressful, absolutely
the fucking u But yeah, I know what I also like,
there's a I think for single moms too, because I
experienced this, like when you fight so hard to protect
your child and to have a place and to get
down your feet, which a lot of times, this is
what like prevents single moms from getting into relationships, is
(42:54):
that I don't want to leave this guy because everything's
going to fall to shambles and I'm gonna have to
rebuild and how will I do that alone? And I
think that's like like holds people back. But then you
look up and it's been years and you're still the
same person and you're still putting up with the same shit,
And you could have just taken the two years it
took to be fucked up out here, stay with a friend,
be at your mom's house, whatever the fuck it would take.
(43:16):
Because I know there's a range of things, because bitch,
I went through a lot of shit after I made
that choice, and there was times where I was like
was this the right choice? A lot of times, But
I think there's like a resilience that's built once you
leave someone that doesn't treat you right, particularly the thought
like the person you've created a child with. That it
builds some kind of resilience like a with with dating,
(43:38):
because there's a level of I just left my kid's father.
So if you think you're about to disrespect me or
step out of line, nigga, I will.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Leave you quickly. I can leave anybody.
Speaker 3 (43:48):
If you can leave someone who you had a baby
with that didn't treat you right, then you can carry
that standard into other relationships.
Speaker 2 (43:54):
And there'll be times you.
Speaker 3 (43:55):
Forget and you slip up, but overall it will take
you shorter and shorter less and less to deal with
the bullshit and like you weed it out. And I
think sometimes women, you know, you get so scared of
like the finances and like what it looks like to rebuild,
and you have to rebuild I kind of sometimes to
prove to yourself that you can. And I think that
like that is the strength that we need sometimes to
(44:17):
find the right partner, like to know, bitch, you're better
than this, you're more, You're worth like you're worth more.
And then it kind of like, well.
Speaker 1 (44:24):
Then you attract that, so like you're not like if
you want to stay in that and or you want
to keep entertaining that that you're gonna while while simultaneously dating,
not all the time, but more times than not, you're
going to attract the similar energy. You're going to attract
the similar person, and you're going to find yourself in
the same fucking situation over and over and over.
Speaker 3 (44:41):
There's a level of responsibility that you have to take
for participating in relationship.
Speaker 2 (44:45):
Absolutely, you know, you can't like point the finger every time.
Speaker 3 (44:48):
And it was like bit you, with you, with you,
you keep dating the same person in different body suits,
then yeah, bitch, it's you at this point because even
for me, like I stayed in my relationship for a
long time, abusive talk, shit talk, not working, all types
of shit, all dating apps, and I eventually I was
just like finally when I got the strength, it was
(45:09):
just like something switched on and I was just like
gotta go, you know. And then after that there was
a level of like fuck you, next, fuck you next,
fuck you, next, fuck you next, even when I was
fucked up, because I'm like I've been I've done all
the things I've done, been to the bottom and back.
So if you can't treat me right, I know that
I can be fucked up and come back up or whatever.
(45:29):
I know I can figure it out. And I think
sometimes that's what needs to happen for you to do
the work to attract to like, figure out what about
you is attracting people like that, because it is a
mirror most relationships.
Speaker 2 (45:42):
Most times.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
Yes, I agree, I'm gonna share one last one, and
this one's a little sad. Okay, this one's a little sad,
but I feel like it's important. So I met my
baby daddy at sixteen. It was young, fun love. We
had a baby nine years later after trying forever. Funny
thing is when my daughter finally came, I was ready
to go because he became a bum like super broke,
(46:08):
lazy and just yuck. I tried for a year after
she was born and then finally moved on and then
I met my husband, my love. We had four children
together within four years. Busy, and then he died.
Speaker 2 (46:20):
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
Yeah, single widow baby mama of five. Now that's a
story for you, love you ladies.
Speaker 3 (46:28):
Yeah, and that's it's scary, but it's like life and
it's also like would you have rather It's like the
cheesy term would you rather experience love than not at all?
So it's and then you get left with little baby hymns.
But yeah, and I think also that's being in a
relationship with your baby daddy and calling it off when
(46:48):
you do find love that's healthy and loving and real.
There's also this underlying fear about like, oh my god,
what if something fucking happens to you? Because I like,
I think about the worst case scenario all the time.
Speaker 1 (47:00):
Think about it all. You know, I'm dark, so I'm
literally thinking about this constantly. But I'm also with the Scorpio,
so we can I can actually say the things out
loud without you know, being like a psychopath.
Speaker 3 (47:09):
I feel like if I say it, then I'm attracting it,
so I don't say it just go dark and spiral out.
Speaker 1 (47:14):
Yeah, I mean, I think was saying it actually allows
me to be more present and more appreciative of the
moments that we have because eventually someone's gonna go eventually
one is I mean less You're Romeo and julieting it
and we were out of here together, like you know,
one time I.
Speaker 3 (47:30):
Was on the plane I think I was like really
falling in love with Orlando at the time. And I
was on the plane and this woman behind me was
talking to her seat mate, like just a woman she
had on the plane, and she was telling telling the
story how she found like the.
Speaker 2 (47:41):
Love of her life, this wonderful husband who.
Speaker 3 (47:43):
Had pursued her and pursued her and pursued her, and
that he just died of a heart attack. And I
wasn't even supposed to be listening to the story. She
wasn't even talking to me, And I was in the
fucking road in front.
Speaker 1 (47:52):
Of her, like.
Speaker 3 (47:54):
Crying hysterically, like I'm so emotional an emo, I'm like,
I gotta stop easdropping A and B. I got a
step going dark. But I think it's also like a
part of motherhood too, you think, like I love something
so much, what happens if something happens to you. You know,
it's like the human nature to think about the worst
case scenario, but it doesn't really do us any good
except give us anxiety AKA me. So yeah, you got
(48:17):
to just like live in the present without thinking of
the worst case scenario. And I think sometimes when you've
had bad shit happen to you, you've had bad relationships,
it's like second nature to think of the worst thing
that can happen, Like what if I lose you right now?
Speaker 2 (48:29):
What if you cheat? Because you know we're.
Speaker 1 (48:31):
Women, I think too, like I wonder. I wonder for
her too, like if she's like done, because some people
like will be like I'm done, like I've found my life,
I've found my great love. Like that's it, there's no more,
that's that's done. And I understand, I feel it. I
understand that. I don't know if that would be my story.
I don't. I don't think that there's like an end
for me and love. If my partner were to depart,
(48:54):
I obviously would mourn his death and mourn our relationship,
of course, but I don't think that's what he would want,
and that's not what I would want for him.
Speaker 2 (49:01):
I don't know if I'll find someone more for me.
Speaker 3 (49:04):
So I don't know if I'm even like a care
to try or be like actively outside, but you know
who knows. I'm gonna read today's tarot card, which was
the Page of Wands because it's Taroote time, so we
(49:37):
got the page of Wands and it's inspiration ideas discovery,
limitless potential, free spirit. H With the page of wands,
you're inclined to give anything and everything a go. You
embrace the opportunity to start out a new journey or
project and see where it takes you. You do not
necessarily have a solid plan in place, nor do you
(49:59):
really know where you are are headed, but you are
excited about the possibilities. You have a gift for dreaming
up new creative ideas unfettered by the burdens of everyday life.
Nothing will get in the way of your dreams. AKA
you're happily ever after. And while the appearance of a
page of wants indicates that you are experiencing creative relentlessness,
notice that the page is standing still and his staff
(50:20):
is firmly planted on the ground. He is not going
anywhere just yet. You still need to take your creative
spark and ground it down into reality so it's ready
for you to be implemented in the physical realm. You
may need to map out your strategy, or you may
need to test your ideas or create a few experiments
before committing o a little it could be helpful to
(50:40):
run your thoughts through a filters that you can act
on those most aligned with your broader goals. The page
of wands can appear when a spiritual path or journey
may be calling you. You have a curious mind and
are intrigued to see what this call might lead. You
open to possibilities, and know that if you have it
in your mind, don't settle and don't do it.
Speaker 1 (51:01):
Anything's possible.
Speaker 3 (51:02):
It is.
Speaker 1 (51:04):
Look at us, two single moms who literally just started
having a conversation in my dining room, And look at
the world that we've been able to build. Look at
the community that we've been able to attract. Look at
the friendship that we've been able to to create cultivate.
Look at the women's and men's lives we've been able
to impact and how they've impacted our lives. Look at
(51:26):
the relationships that we've you know, battled through and loved
ourselves through, discovered and discovered and landed on. Look at
the Look at the children that we're raising.
Speaker 3 (51:36):
The honesty that we've put on a public platform, and
how that's manifested and attracted our tribe, our men, our people,
people who truly accept us because there's no fake shit,
and we we know because we said all the things,
even the less likable ones. So be yourself and be
true and clear about the things that you want, and
(51:58):
it will come to you.
Speaker 2 (51:59):
Like in that and don't settle.
Speaker 1 (52:01):
Yes, well, my dear, I love you.
Speaker 3 (52:05):
I love you very much. Happy Valentine's Day, even though
we don't believe in that. Happy Valentine's Day. And if
you guys have any other single mom stories you want
to share, keep them coming.
Speaker 1 (52:18):
Yeah, keep them coming. I'm going to put the link
in our episode description and you can write it in.
We also have other places that you can write in.
If you have any anonymous stories you want to share
your secrets safe with us. If you have any bad
choices of the week, make sure you join our Facebook
group and share them there. Yeah, we want to hear
from you, so make sure you click in the link
in this episode description. Join our newsletter Good Momsbad Choices
(52:40):
dot com. But more importantly, well not more importantly. All
those things are important, but rate and review this episode,
rate and review our podcasts on Apple Podcasts, and subscribe
to our YouTube channel, and hopefully we'll see you in
the jungles of Costa Rica this summer.
Speaker 2 (52:57):
IY. Love you bye please than Yeah.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
I'm be so good, can't you sell? I went through
a drought? That's until I's find out? Where may my
have been known?
Speaker 2 (53:06):
Art that used to be broke.
Speaker 1 (53:07):
As Tale now got the Blues Dans, and might be
yon Say just sell. Good Mom's Bad Choices is a
production of the Black Effect podcast Network. For more podcasts
from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
you listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe
to and rate our show, and you can connect with
us on social media at Good Mom's Underscore Bad Choices.
(53:29):
Make sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel at good
Mom's Bad Choices to watch our episodes and join our
private community on Patreon to see extended episodes, uncensored content,
and more at patreon dot com slash Good Mom's Bad
Choices
Hosts And Creators
Erica Dickerson
Jamilah Mapp
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