March 7, 2022 • 52 mins
Episode 126: A broken heart hurts like a broken bone even though it doesn't show on an x-ray. It's time to use your brain instead of your heart. If you're still hurting over a breakup after a long period of time, you're doing something to remain attached to that person. It's time to put your heart aside. Join me and my brother Parker as we chat about this topic and more on this week's podcast!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Why am I even speaking with this kind of intensity
because you said you're dying, dude, and it's been nine
months and it's just time. It's time for you to
start figuring this out with your brain and not your heart.
(00:22):
What's up, guys, Welcome back to the podcast. Guest today.
My brother Parker, longtime guest on this podcast, always throws
out the bombs of wisdom. Every time you're on, we
get the best tiktoks. Oh you have just throw out
the bombs, man, it's good to be back. We started
a lot of you guys. I know a lot of
y'all came from TikTok to this platform to hear the podcast,
(00:45):
and we started posting these TikTok clips from this podcast
a couple of years ago. And I believe it started
because of a show that you were on with me
and you were just throwing out these bombs about being
content or single or something actually when you were single,
and we posted it and it started going viral on
TikTok and we're like, well, we should do more of these,
and now we do them, you know, three times a week,
(01:07):
especially with relationships stuff, because people are so hungry to
figure out either who their person is, or how to
get over a past relationship. Everything in that genre goes viral,
it seems like because everyone is so thirsty for it.
I'll be honest, So this podcast I answer your questions.
(01:27):
You could email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
They pour into my inbox. Ask me any subject. Can
I say this every time? Ask me anything, but I'll
be honest. We're leaning now on this podcast. Probably seventy
five percent of the emails that are coming in or
about relationship problems. Usually it's never it's never like a
(01:50):
you know, a good scenario. It's always some kind of problem.
Heartbreak is usually at the center of it. So I
then now it makes me think a lot about it,
and I appreciate it. Thanks for your questions, and we'll
dive into them here in a second. But it's interesting
that I was telling the guys at ee appearrel yesterday,
it's almost like heartbreak is like a pandemic in the world. Really,
(02:13):
I don't know if pandemic is the right word. Epidemic.
It's an epidemic in the world heartbreak and people are
walking around sick and they're looking for a cure, which
is why, you know, so many of them come to
this podcast because they're just trying everything. It's like, well,
I've done this and this and this, I might as
well also email the podcast and we'll get into it.
But thanks for being here. Maybe we should record an
(02:37):
entire episode about that. But maybe every episode already is
kind of about that. But maybe you could record an
episode about that with the biggest scenarios that anytime anybody asks,
you could just send them that link to that podcast. Yeah,
but it's still fun having fresh ones, and everybody thinks
that it has to be specifically answered about their specific scenario.
I got a question a couple of weeks ago, and
(02:57):
it basically said I'm dealing with heartbreak. My girl left me.
And it said, I know that you talk about this
every week, but this one's different. And I thought that
was interesting, And it's not discounting that guy and his
question at all, but it's just it highlights the fact
that everyone feels like theirs is different, Like I know
(03:21):
you've answered people's questions about heartbreak, but my story is different,
like she really was the one and now she's gone
and I'm really hurting here. I know those other people
said the same thing, but I'm really hurting. And that
goes to show you too that when you listen to
questions about it from the outside looking in, it's never
(03:42):
that bad until it hits you, and then you go,
I'm actually dying. What can I do? And so anyway,
welcome to the podcast. Let's dive into the questions. First one.
First one in the docket here says pick me, pick
me help, I'm alone. That's the subject line, says, Hi Grandeur.
My name is Joe. I'm twenty three years old, recently
(04:04):
had a break up and this isn't the first time
I've gone through this. Here it is. I'm obviously very
heartbroken right now, there's the word already. But I'm realizing
my tendency to cling to people because I'm not okay
being alone. My ex says, I ruin relationships because I'm
overbearing and dependent for them for my happiness. I'd literally
have a denial or excuse me. I'd literally have a
(04:26):
dental school interview next week. And I have a lot
going on for my life. I consider myself attractive and
all I want to do is love someone and be loved.
But somehow I'm still depressed and hate being alone. I
feel like I'm the only person on the planet even
when others are in the room. I don't know what
to do. Any encouragement would help. Thanks. So Joe, he's
(04:49):
twenty three, and it's funny, this is exactly what we
just said. So we have these are the key things here,
heartbroken we have I'm the only person on the planet,
like I'm the only one dealing with this. Yeah, you
mentioned that your brain something subconsciously. We were just talking
before we got on this, and he was like, grangeers, Like,
(05:11):
it's almost like when you're going through a breakup, your
brain is like that was your only chance to reproduce
and find a mate, and now you're done. And so
it's like the animal part of our brain. I may
mess this up, but it's like the older part of
your brain is the amygdala, and that's the part that's
the fight or flight. That's the part of your brain
that gets very emotional, that gets that suffers the most
(05:35):
in those first few days of grief. That is basically
the same emotion after a breakup is grief that you
were talking about after a loss, because you're grieving the
loss of this person and it's hard to just view
it from a bird's eye view for that that neo cortex,
the newer part of your brain to be able to
be like, look, you're gonna be okay, you're not viewing
(05:55):
this clearly right now from your current state. Yeah, it's interesting.
It's like, if you just want to simplify everything in this,
in this email and heartbreak in general, you your your body,
the animalistic side of your brain says, find mate, make offspring,
and in doing that, you're on you're you're literally on
(06:16):
a hunt. So it's a scarcity mindset. Yeah, it's a
scarcity mindset, and you're on the hunt for the qualifications
that your brain says, good to go. So you scan
the world and you scan everyone around you, and your
brain goes got it, boom, and it says like match,
found mate, and and then you go latch on. And
(06:37):
then you try everything you can to get the mate
so that you could the animalistic side of you can
make offspring. It's really all it comes down to. And
then when you mess up or she leaves or whatever
whatever scenario, she's gone sounds like a nineties country song,
She's gone, She's gone, and your brain then revolts against
(06:59):
that and makes you sick, which is why we call
it heart broken. It feels you feel broken, and your
brain is telling you two things. Either, go get her
at all costs, because if you don't, you're gonna die.
You're not going to eat or sleep, and you're not
gonna breathe and your heart's not gonna beat anymore. So
go getter or you die. Or two, you better you
(07:23):
better find an equivalent mate fast. You better find someone
equal to this fast. And nothing in those two animalistic
demands that your brain is giving you does it. Do
you have space to say, wait, wait a minute, there's
three and a half billion girls on this planet. I'm
(07:43):
not gonna die. I'm gonna nourish myself with food. Eventually
I'll sleep, I'll settle down, and I'll find someone else.
But you really have to suppress that animalistic mentality. And
that's what we see with Joe, except for Joe has
a deeper you. Joe goes one step further than a girl,
(08:04):
then he's saying, this is many girls. This happens to
him repeatedly, and his ex told him he ruins relationships
because he's overbearing and dependent on them for happiness, which Joe,
you know you know whether or not that's true or not.
You know that's an issue when you wrote the sentence.
You knew this was a huge problem for you when
(08:26):
you wrote me the sentence saying I literally am too
overbearing and dependent on them for happiness. Okay, where do
we go from here? Let's stop right there. The question
is that could answer a lot of these questions. Where
do you find happiness exactly? Can it just come from
(08:48):
yourself or do you have to find somebody else to
fulfill it. That's an open ended question, and we're leaving
We're leaving space for someone that's listening out there to
answer that for themselves, because because that is the question, Joe,
that you have to wrestle with. Do I need someone
else to make me happy? Do you? Well? Buddy? The
(09:13):
answers no. The answer is obviously resounding no. A relationship
is supposed to add to you and add to your
life and add to the joy and happiness that you
already have, but not complete a half of joy that
you have or a half of happiness that you have.
I've said it before in this podcast, Joe, you're not
(09:34):
walking around right now as an incomplete human like if
you give an X ray of your body, you know,
a cat scan of everything going on in your body.
The doctor would not find anything half completed inside of you,
including your heart, including your brain, and every other piece
of you is whole already. And so we have to
(09:54):
come to grips with that as humans that we don't
need another human to complete our happiness, which ties into
the idea of soulmate, which I know you've talked about before,
which comes from Greek mythology. I don't know if you've
talked about that where Zeus cuts people in half. It
was an old Greek mythology idea where every person when
they were created was cut in half, and they were
(10:15):
created as half, as half a person, and their mission
was to go find their other half what to complete themselves.
So this is something that's been brought into our minds
that it's the biggest lie of the world that you
are not complete on your own, you have to go
find someone else to complete you. And then specifically with
that scenario, it's the idea of there's only one person
(10:36):
that you can find that would come work. What that
says to me too, is that back way back then,
thousands of years ago, this was still a problem It
was a problem then and it's still a problem now.
Like as a species, we haven't learned any better, we
haven't figured out a way around this at all. For
thousands of years, they were still dealing with it, just
some fourteen year old Roman boy and his sandals, crying
(10:59):
because you girls stood him up. And I need to
say to you because I feel like, I feel like
I'm talking about happiness here and I need to say
of can a spouse that you love create more happiness
in your life? Yes? Absolutely that we're not saying that
a family. We need community, we need people around us.
(11:21):
We're encouraged to be married, and we're encouraged to be
married to our best friend, and that will bring you
more happiness. But that's not what you're saying, Joe. You're
saying you're depending on all of your happiness with someone else.
And so that's that's what we wrestle with here. And
that's the question. And this is something you have to
(11:43):
you have to dig deep. You're depressed and you hate
being alone. You have to find this out on yourself.
You have to figure this out because because and I
would put I would put a hold on any relationship
right now, I would stop anything from coming your way
until this is something that you've wrestled with enough now, Parker,
(12:04):
and I would say that you could find your answers
in the Bible. You could find all answers in the Bible. Really,
it's it's our roadmap as Christians. Now, I don't know
if you believe that or not. So I'm gonna lead
you there like one beggar telling another beggar where he
found bread. I no better than you, Joe, but I'm
gonna tell you where I found these answers, and then
(12:26):
you could take it for what you want. But it
has saved me, and I know it's saved Parker and
millions of others to be able to look at the Bible.
And I heard Rich Wilkerson on Instagram the other day,
who's an Instagram buddy of mine, But he said that Jesus,
Jesus came and saved the world while being single. He
(12:51):
saved the whole world what he was single? So what
could you do? Single? Like? What are you doing? Single?
Most complete human to ever live? Yes, was single? He
was single. So Joe, the I know the end result
for you. The end result is you're going to find
out I'm twenty three, and I know that that probably
(13:15):
seems old to you, but you've got a ways to go.
Let's talk when you're twenty seven, twenty eight and you've
had four years of being single by yourself, and you go,
you know what, you know what? I figured out. I
figured out I had some hobbies. I figured out I
got some good buddies. I figured out I'm got I'm
doing good at this indental school. Now. I figured out
(13:38):
that I'm finding happiness through other things in my life
and has nothing to do with the relationship. And what's
crazy is when you figure that out, how attractive that's
going to be to a really good mate, a really
good relationship in the future. It's that I don't I
don't think there's anything more attractive to a man or
woman than someone that is intent and happy on their own.
(14:03):
And there is nothing more appalling and and and turn
off than someone that is needing someone else to feed
them happiness. That is, that is a terrible thing to
put off. So even though you say you're a good
looking guy, I'm telling you right now, you're not a
good looking guy. When you're putting off this feeling of
(14:25):
dependence and people could see it. It's like a horse.
A horse could could fill a fly, you know, on
its back. Well, they could sense that, just like a
girl can sense in you. Within two dates, Oh man,
this guy's dependent. He needs he needs something, and I'm
out and figuring this out. Joe is going to help
(14:46):
you tremendously. All right, cool, let's move on. I think
we I think we got that one. Next one says
hey man, I'm a big fan. My name is Dylan,
originally from Waller, Texas, living in Aggie Land. Now, whoop,
just looking for an answer to something. After prayer and
meditation and all that, what does it take to do
(15:06):
right by you? I find myself doing everything I can
to make everyone happy except myself. But I feel like
if I do anything for myself to improve my own
mental health, even I'm gonna lose my family. I've prayed
and spent a lot of time thinking about it, but
I don't feel like I've seen an answer yet. I'm
not sure what else I could do, because, to tell
you the truth, Bubba, I'm at the end of my
(15:27):
rope anyway. Thanks for what you do. Your music and
your outreach to folks are inspiring. Thank you In advance
for any advice. God bless you, Dylan. So Dylan is
saying he's looking for happiness. He's saying, I find myself
doing everything I can to make everyone else happy except myself.
(15:48):
But I feel like if I do anything for myself
to improve my mental health, I'm gonna lose my family.
I hear this a lot. It's the person who says,
what happens if you help so many people along the
way that you forgot about yourself, And it's almost like
it's almost like a humble brag where it's like, I
help so many people that I completely forgot about myself,
(16:12):
But if your own mental health has completely deteriorated, like
that's nothing to be proud of. I'm not saying that
he's I'm not like trying to harp on him or anything,
but I think it's what I've heard a guys say before,
is it's like the paradox of of you find your
most inner joy and hope is found in thinking about
(16:34):
others more and of yourself less, which sounds like what
he's saying, but that's not bringing him joy. What do
you think is going on there? I think I don't
think we're hearing the full story from Dylan, I think,
and and hey, all respect to your brother, all respect.
I appreciate the email. And people know if you if
you're gonna email me, we're gonna talk through this. Like
(16:56):
we're sitting around a campfire. It's just me and you,
and it's late at night, and we're going to walk
through it. And I want to. I want to get
to some of the harder stuff, and I wanna I
want to kind of tag you a little bit here,
and and I want to say that because it's no
it's no offense to you. But I think what Parker's
getting at is I think there. I think you're looking
to help people so that you could feel good about yourself.
(17:19):
And that's no way to help people. You have to
go in selflessly. And what's amazing about looking after people
and helping people and doing things for others is that
if you do that in a humble way, in a genuine,
selfless way, it fulfills you. It really does. That's why
(17:39):
that's why so many people go out and just make
a career out of philanthropy, you know, and and and
giving back to the community. That's why we do it
at EE Apparel. I mean think about every every launch
that we do every season to launch at e a Perl,
we give a big portion back to the community, to
some some organization. Well why do we do that? I mean, ultimately,
(18:01):
why do we do it? Most of the people we
give to we don't really know personally, we don't really
see the result of it. It's not like it's a
tax reason thing. But the reason we do it ultimately
is because it feels good. Like when we could go
cut a big old check to some hospital or to
some youth group or some veteran organization. When we cut
(18:24):
a big check and we hand it to them, we
walk away and we're like, it feels really good. That
feels good, and that's a that's a crazy thing that
you give back and you are benefiting from it. So, Dylan,
you should be feeling that if it's if it's coming
from a genuine place of selflessness, then when you're pouring
(18:46):
into others, you should feel. Man, I feel alive. I
just helped this old lady across the street. I got
her to the other side, and when I left and
waved goodbye, and she had tears in her eyes. I
felt so good. And if you don't, if you think
I help this old lady and she didn't even say
thank you, then you know, boom, you did it for
(19:07):
the wrong reasons. You came at it the wrong way.
That wasn't a selfless thing, that was looking for a reward,
that was looking for some kind of payment back. And
so that's the test. Do you feel it naturally? Does
the old lady not even have to say thank you
at all? Does she not say anything and you walk
away and go that's a good thing, Then you know,
then it came from the good place. Our grandmother many
(19:32):
she has lived a selfless life of giving back to
her family, and she's like ninety six. Her whole life,
she has done nothing but pay it forward to when
she was a little girl, to her family working on
the farm, to when she started having babies, to when
she started having grandbabies and then great grandbabies. All she
has done is cook for people, rub people's feet, scratch
(19:55):
people's back, run errands for him, go help the widow
across the street that's sick, and bring her food. She
does this for ninety six years. She has done this,
and I think that's a big reason why she's still alive.
And I think it's a big reason why she's so
she has so much energy, and she's so sharp and
love's life because she has spent a life of servitude.
(20:18):
So I think, I think, Dylan, your mentality is on
the right path of serving others. But I don't know
if your heart's all the way into it, because you
keep going back to what about me? And at the
end he said, I'm afraid if I do what's best
for me, I'll lose my family, which is also a paradox.
(20:38):
Those two things shouldn't be butting heads with each other, right.
It's like, ideally you are serving your wife, your children,
your family, and it's again, it's hard because I don't
know the exact situation. If we're talking about a wife,
and if we're talking about children, then the serving of
your family is your duty as the husband and father.
(21:03):
And at the end of the day, if you don't
get any respect, if you don't get anything in return,
that's okay because you're doing that unto Christ, because Christ
tells you to do that. And so it doesn't matter
if you're not getting any of the feelings of respect
or thank you or a gratitude back. You're doing it
because you're gonna get rewards for it in heaven, because
Jesus says so so at the end when he says
(21:23):
that I'm afraid I'll lose my family. But then if
he's talking about brothers and sisters and drama that I
don't really know, I don't really know the whole story.
Let me put it in perspective of myself and music.
And as much as we've gone out and played music
for twenty years, gone out and played there's only so
many times I can go play a show for me
like I need a reward, I need a crowd to
applaud me, I need I need some kind of self
(21:47):
gratification from doing this. There's only only so many times
I can get on an airplane and leave my family
on an early flight and go out to tour to
get that kind of gratification. There's only so many times
I can get on the bus and drive for three
days all the way across the country on minimal sleep,
and go play a show so that I can get applause.
(22:09):
But when we switched as a mentality as a band
that we're going out for a purpose, We're going out
to help others, to serve others, through music, we're going
to be the corridor for music that could bring a
smile to their face. And after the pandemic, it was like, well,
that mattered even more that a lot of these people
haven't been out in twelve, sixteen, eighteen months, And so
(22:30):
we put this mentality in our minds as a band
that we're going to go out and play music for
a purpose, for one person to hear a song, to smile,
to remember something they haven't thought about in a long time,
to forget something that don't want to think about anymore,
to have just a little bit a piece of joy,
three minutes at a time, song by song for ninety minutes.
And then when we walk up the stage, knowing we
(22:51):
did that without anything in return, we go it mattered. Okay,
that's why we have to leave our families to go
do this, because we're doing something that's greater than ourselves,
greater than anything we could do on our own. And
if I walked away every time and thought, man, that
crowd didn't cheer very loud, and that's that can happen
(23:11):
to me. It can, but I have to dismiss it
and go that's not why I'm here. I'm here to serve.
That's that's why God gave me this gift to serve
and serve, and serve and serve until I die, servants
until we die. I heard someone say the other day
Paul the Apostle, after being beaten, shipwrecked, thrown in jail.
Do you think he was like, Man, I need a
(23:33):
self care day. I need me, I need I need
to go to the spa. I need to get my
shoulders rubbed. I need some green tea. I mean maybe
part of him thought that I would love to catch
a break here, But it's like this guy had been
through everything imaginable. No wife, no children, no sex, none
(23:54):
of the food that he liked. Probably, I mean, he's
been through everything, and he had such fullness of and
peace and hope that everybody in the world today is like,
where do I find that. I'm not finding it anywhere.
It's not at the spa, and it's not in your
own desires. Yeah, Dylan, keep on serving, brother, keep on
serving back, and do it from a whole heart. Open
(24:16):
your heart up to your family, serve others. You'll get
that joy. You'll get it back. We're gonna take a
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back back in here. If you have a question for me,
email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. We'll get to
it on the podcast. We love your questions. This one
subject line is called moving Forward. It says, hey Grangerin'm
gonna make this brief as I can. I love the podcast,
love the music, been a fan for a while. My
name is Nick. I'm from Northwest Washington, thirty five years old.
(27:55):
Me and my ex broke up about nine months ago.
I've been coming to grips with the loss about her
not coming back, but still to this day, every day
I hurt. I need some advice to move forward. I'm
one hundred percent not ready to go out and date.
I would say that I still love her, or as
you say, the thought of her help me please, I
still feel like I'm drowning. Nick, Okay, I'll say this.
(28:22):
I'll try to keep this concise. I don't mean to
be unempathetic with this, because I've been through breakups where
I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, I cry all the time.
I mean three four five days, losing weight, losing hope,
like what am I going to do. And I've thought
about this a lot, Like you said, you've thought about
(28:43):
this a lot, I would say a few things. First off,
I think that when a breakup completely shatters you, you
let yourself emotionally surpass the level that that relationship was
actually at. You didn't guard your heart. That's what That's
why the bye says above all else, guard your heart.
You need to be like at the gate with a
(29:05):
spear like. That's not to say you're going to be distrusting.
That's not going to say you're going to be disrespectful,
but maybe you'll be a little more cautious before you
say I love you and you look into someone's eyes,
maybe that's going to be you protecting your heart. In
terms of the conversations that you're having. Maybe I'm not
going to talk about how many kids I'm going to have,
or where we're going to live, or wedding plans and
(29:26):
let myself fall into that prematurely in the next relationship.
And I'm really telling this to people who either are
single or are early on in a relationship that haven't
gotten to that point, because it's going to save you
so much heartache. Don't let yourself get to that point,
especially if you're being physical with someone that you're not
married to. That's why God made sex to literally bond
(29:46):
a husband and a wife together so that they would
not leave each other, so that they would be chemically
bonded together. And so when you're physical before marriage, that's
why it makes the breakup so hard. So if you're
able to keep those boundaries emotionally and physically, it's going
to save you so much down the road. Number two
I would just say, in terms of like practical advice. Okay, Parker,
(30:06):
I already got to this point. I am emotionally shattered,
I cannot eat, I still love her, I can't stop
thinking about her. Just some practical advice that I would
say is Number one. Try not to wallow in the past.
Don't think about it. Don't think about all these situations scenarios.
What could have been. She just told me she loved me,
and now she just doesn't ever want to see me again.
(30:27):
What the heck? Don't work. Don't try not to wallow
in that. Number two, you don't need closure. Don't go
try to meet up with her. You don't need to
go get your sweater back from the house. Getting lunch
with her is not going to solve anything or make
you feel better. That's just you wanting that relationship back,
and same thing. If they're wanting that from you, don't
let them give you any excuses to come back. It's
just going to make it harder. Focus on your sleep,
(30:52):
Focus on your diet, Try to eat healthy, give yourself
some physical activity. If your body's moving, your dopamine's going
to be flowing in your brain, you're gonna be feeling better.
And try to surround yourself with other human beings. Don't
be alone. This is not the time to be a
lone wolf. That's when the mistakes happen is when you're
by yourself. You don't like what we were talking about earlier.
(31:13):
That old part of your brain is just running going,
I'm so screwed. I'm never going to find anybody again.
You need people who are emotionally unbiased. Going, dude, there
are three point five billion girls in the world. You're
going to be completely fine. Get involved with the church.
If you're not, go shake somebody's hand, join a sports team,
(31:34):
get around people's that's awesome. I'm glad you went practical too,
because the first you know your first point. You know,
my mind immediately went to what if they were married?
You know, what if they were married and you did
give your full self all in because that we get
just as many of those questions on this podcast too. Yeah,
that was that was if you are unmarried, that's when
(31:55):
you can. If you're married, you are all in, Your
heart's all in, there's no going back. Man. Somehow I
just lost that question. It just disappeared on my phone. Okay,
but I remember what he said, So this is where
I would go. I would I would say nine months
(32:17):
is a long time. Like that's a long time. I
would guess that the reason it's gone so long is
you're still perpetuating it somehow in your mind with something
like do you have a folder on your phone of
her pictures? You know, like is there something Is there
a gift that she gave you for Christmas one year
(32:38):
and you have it in your closet and you go
touch it every day before you go to sleep, Like
is there anything connected with her that you are still
perpetuating your brain? You're still training your brain that this
is still my life, this is still my life. There's
a necklace she gave you and you still wear it.
There's those shoes that she bought you a couple of
(32:59):
years go and you still wear them. Man, if you're
nine months in and you feel like you're drowning, then
it's it's time to get serious about this. It's time
to get it's time to get serious. I would suggest this.
I would suggest I would suggest journaling a journal every
morning and Parker. Parker gets a lot of screenshots of
(33:21):
my journals from years ago because they're funny. But you
could see your progress so well through journaling, and you
could you can compartmentalize what's going on in your head
through journaling, So I would I would encourage you to
write down what you're thinking, how you're thinking it, and
what triggered it, and then also write down what triggered
(33:43):
the downfall, so you're gonna it's it's very similar to grief.
Grief and heartache are like close brothers. Parker and I
were just talking about this. So in grief, you think
about it in terms of of like a pattern, like
a waveform, and there's a crest and there's the trough,
and you're always moving. It's grief is never constant, the
(34:06):
same level. Never there's times when you're like, I don't
feel that bad right now, and then an hour later
you're like, I'm dying. I'm literally dying right now. And
that's the flow of it. So recognize the flow, Recognize
where you are in the flow. Are you up? Are
you down? Why are you down? Is that it was
there a reason, and there might not because the flow
(34:27):
just continues to happen. But nine months in, you're still hurting.
You're doing something. You're doing something to keep your brain attached.
So go through and start writing this down. And I'm serious, man,
I'm serious. I think you're looking at a picture on
your phone. I think you're you're wearing a necklace or
a ring. I think you're maybe you're living in the
same apartment where you guys lived. Move out, dude, it's
(34:50):
time to change apartments. It's you have a dog that
you got with her. It's time to give the dog away.
It's time to start erasing this because you're not getting well.
Why am I even speaking with this kind of intensity
Because you said you're dying, dude, and it's been nine months,
and it's it's just time. It's time for you to
start figuring this out with your brain and not your heart.
(35:13):
So put your heart aside because your heart, your heart
is giving you that animalistic idea of lost mate, need
find and breed like that. That's what your heart is
telling you, and your brain needs to go, Okay, I
need to I need to figure out what is happening.
Parker said. Some great things community, stay around, community, nourishment,
(35:35):
keep nourished. Exercise could help facility facilitate the nourishment. Stay
in light. I was just in Alaska and it was
dark for three days and all of us that my
whole band and crew were missing the sunshine because humans
need light. That starts playing tricks on your brain when
you're in darkness. So make sure you got the shades open. Hey,
(35:59):
spend some and go to Florida and take a couple
buddies and you guys, go to Pensacola or whatever and
get some sunshine with your buddies and set out, go
to some restaurant where you're sitting on a pier and
you get a cold beer with your buddies and the
sun is just blasting you. And then tell me, tell
me in that moment if you're still drowning in that moment,
(36:21):
because I promise you you're gonna find these patterns your
brain is in and you're gonna be able to defeat it.
But only if you recognize search yourself and recognize what
you're thinking and what you're feeling, and write it down
and calculate it like it's a serious problem. Cool. I agreed. Okay,
(36:44):
here's another one subject line many issues family, God and relationships.
Dear mister Smith, I'm seventeen years old. I would like
to remain anonymous. My biggest question regarding issues with my
is regarding issues with my father and my mother. They've
been split up for a while now, but I could
always I can't always pick sides. How could I help
(37:06):
myself in this situation? Also, I was wondering how I
could work on my work ethic because my grandfather is
very sick and I cannot balance school and ranch as
easily as I want to. My second question is about God.
I don't pray, I don't attend church, I don't attend
CCD as regularly as I wish. Is there any way
I could help with this, as well as anything else
(37:27):
I struggle with. My last question is my inability to
maintain a relationship that is healthy. I try to help
anyone I can. I try to help my grandfather and schoolwork,
and I can't keep up. I can't fit the time
to talk to anyone to get to know them. But
things talk about girls here. Either they don't like any
(37:47):
of my ideas or this or that, or she refuses
to let me use any type of methods to relieve
my stress. I'm not sure what that means. Sure as
a pickaxe and beat, not a hay bill. All right,
what other ways can I release my stress? Okay, I'm
gonna stop there, Anonymous. This is what I feel like
(38:10):
when I read you. When I'm reading your email, I
feel like this is what you told me. Dude. I
have this fe this sharp pain in my kidney and
it's like crushing me. And every time I walk, I
feel a sharp pain and it's moving around. And also
I have my lower spine there is this pinching and
(38:30):
it grabs my muscle. And then also my last thing
is there's something that my headaches are getting worse, and
every time I wake up, my headaches are worse. And
also I don't ever go to the doctor. So how
can you help me like I feel like that? That's
the question, right, Summed up like, Bro, you're you're sick
(38:51):
in a lot of ways, and and full respect to you,
you're you're sick in a lot of ways, and you're
not going to the doctor. How do I know? Because
you said it right here. I don't pray, I don't
attend church, I don't go to CCD. Is there any
way I could help with this? Go to any of it?
(39:13):
Start today. It's like someone that wants to get into jogging.
How do you start jogging? You know you want a jog,
you know you need a jog for your health. How
do you start by putting on your shoes? Like you
put on your shoes and you tie them up. That's
how you start. So the same thing, man, how do
(39:33):
I pray? Will get down on your knees and start
and you say, God, it's me. I don't know. I
haven't I haven't spoken to you in a long time.
But I'm coming to you because I'm struggling and I've
got a lot of issues. I'm struggling with my mom
and dad and my grandfather and balance in school and
(39:56):
ranch work, and I don't know what to do. I
don't have anywhere to turn, and so I'm coming to you.
I'm gonna start doing this daily, multiple times a day.
And when I think about struggling, I'm going to you.
I'm gonna give it to you. And then you go in.
You open up your Bible, say John one. I'm reading
John right now. So that's where I'll go. John one,
(40:17):
Open it up, John one one. Start there. I'm gonna
read one paragraph in the morning. One paragraph. You're gonna
start small and start digging into that. So instead of saying,
I've got this pain in my back, it's like pinching,
so I think I'm gonna try a band aid. No, dude,
(40:37):
you need to go to a doctor that looks at
your spine. That pain you have in your side, you
need to go to a specialist that has an X
ray that looks inside. Don't try to fix it with
anything else. So I'm not gonna try to fix it
with you and your question any other way besides the
main question. You're sick. It's time to go to the doctor.
(40:58):
In other words, it's time to start praying to God.
What would you say if if someone's listening to that
and going grangel, what does God have to do with
any of this? He asked it. I don't have time
for my work. I'm depressed, I'm anxious, I can't find
(41:19):
a girlfriend, I'm not happy on my own, I'm discontent.
But what does God have anything to do with that? Like,
I need real life solution. You're talking about someone that's
listening because he asked it. Specifically, you're talking about another
listener that wouldn't have asked that. Yes, someone who hears
that and goes, what does God have to do with that? Well?
(41:39):
Why is? Why is why is the Why is God
the doctor in that situation that's going to that's going
to solve the rest of it? Why is that going
to be the first domino? Do you think? Well, the
only way to heal the human heart is by going
to the one that created it. Just like if you
(42:06):
have a serious computer problem in your Ford truck, the
only one that could fix it is the manufacturer that
created it. Why Because they know the blueprints of it
and so they know how to fix the computer problem
in your Ford truck. And Joe at the body shop
(42:26):
down the street can't do it. You can't sit there
on YouTube and do it. If it's a serious computer problem,
only the manufacturer can do it. And so when we
look at ourselves, our bodies, our hearts, our minds, are
our depression, our anxiety, our stress, and every other human
problem that we all share. The only one that could
(42:48):
fix it is the one that created it. And you
realize that your body was created for a purpose and
a very intricate, complicated, mysterious, perfect way by a creator.
Unless you think you came from Amba's unless you think
(43:08):
you came literally from some kind of bacteria, And if
you do, If you think you came from some kind
of bacteria, then in all due respect, I would say
good luck with that. Then I can't help you in
your question. I can't help you in any of this stuff.
But if you're coming to me saying my question is
about God, I don't pray. I would say, you're driving
(43:30):
around in a pickup truck with a blown computer that
keeps throwing your transmission out of whack, and you're not
going to the dealership. Pull it into the dealership and
say take it it's yours. You made it. Please, whatever
it takes. I need my truck back. Look at it.
Dig into this, please. You made it, You know how
to do it, you have the blueprint. I don't That
(43:56):
was great. It reminds me of a John Piper sermon
I watched the other day where in Jeremiah, God the
Father is saying, I have the flowing water of life.
I have the wellspring of life, and they've turned their
backs on it and they're digging wells with where the
water doesn't hold. It just flows right through it. And
(44:18):
so he's like, the ultimate evil is not just the
murder and the theft and the adultery, it's fundamentally the
cause of all those evils is you turning your back
and saying you can take a trip. Creator. I'm gonna
suck on this dirt and I'm gonna dig here because
(44:38):
I think I can find the solution right here in
this dirt. And then I'm gonna die and I'm gonna
hate you forever. When he's just like, I have it.
I made you, Yeah, I have the answer. Yeah. What's crazy,
Anonymous here is that we have a roadmap to our lives.
(45:00):
Have the construct, the instruction manual. It's called the Bible,
and it is laid out beautifully and and concisely and
very understandable, and you could dive into it at any
at any point really, and you could dive into your
your own personal instruction manual, and go Okay, if I
(45:21):
if I think this way, if I if I position
my heart this way, if I humble myself this way,
and I believe this way, and then I see the
results of this, then things will slowly start becoming more clear.
I'll slowly start feeling more joy, more peace, more love,
(45:42):
more contentment, more happiness. And we could start the list
of of the results of this, of people that have
experienced this, But you really have to do it yourself.
And I would say, I would say, right off the bat,
your first step. Your first step is when you to
this podcast, you hit your knees and then you be
as casual as you can and go God, I'm so
(46:06):
sorry that I have turned my back on you. I
have these problems mounting, but you created me, and you
know you know how to how you know how to
guide me through these problems. You're not gonna eliminate them
from me, you're not gonna wipe them out of my life,
but you're gonna guide me through it and then give
me peace through it and guard my heart and mind
(46:28):
through it. And your second step is go to church
on Sunday. Just show up whatever you're wearing. Just show up.
Sit down, hey, sit down on the back, sit down
on the very back, and just know I'm here, I'm present,
I'm showing up. I've got too many problems to not
(46:49):
And if you're thinking this at seventeen, what do you
think you're gonna think when you're twenty seven? What do
you think you're gonna think when you're thirty seven? Just
saying you think these problems are gonna start going away
and you're gonna figure it out by the time you're
twenty or do you think they're gonna start compounding and
getting worse. That's my question to you. Your grandfather, your
grandfather's sick. Is he still gonna be sick when you're
(47:13):
twenty seven thirty seven? No, he's not going to be here.
Then what are you gonna do? That's another question for you. Okay,
moving on, take a break. Wow, the subjecline here is military. Hello,
mister Smith. My name is Tanner Moore. I live in
(47:34):
Post Falls, Idaho. I'm seventeen thinking about joining the military.
I come from a very religious family. Do you have
any thoughts on this? I don't if he should join
the military. Yeah, it's the classic idea of should I
join something so violent that has potential of killing. Oh,
he's saying that that could I think that's what he's thinking.
(47:56):
What do you think about that? It's it's very justified
biblically to be a military, Yeah, law enforcement military. I
mean greater love. There is no greater love than this
than the lay down your life for your friends. Like
that's that's one of the first things. Like that's what
police officers get tattooed on them. There is no greater
love than laying your life down for your friends. Would
(48:17):
you say that's if your country is is fighting for
the right cause, because there could be a situation where
it was it wouldn't be justified, right, I think. So,
it's it's important to remember, you know ten commandments do
not murder. Well, it's it's commonly misunderstood is do not kill.
But killing is justified in the right way. It's murder,
(48:41):
that's not Yeah. So if your your motive is everything,
motive is everything. If you're in the military and and
you have to kill somebody, you're not breaking a law here,
you're not breaking a biblical law. It's murder. It's the
it's the evil intent of murder. That's the problem. So Tanner,
I would send you, I would send you go straight
(49:03):
to YouTube with this. I mean, there are some really
beautiful sermons and videos of people explaining, whether it's law
enforcement or military, the honorable position to take to take
your faith into the military and to do it in
a very faithful, honorable way to God and be a warrior.
(49:25):
And then look in the Bible. There's so many warriors
your subject line, you know, military, There's so many warriors
starting with David. Go read go read David all through Samuel.
I mean, the dude was a warrior, and he was faithful,
and he was honorable. So yeah, absolutely. I would also say,
and this is saying I was okay, I'll say two
(49:48):
of my best friends are marine pilots, and I have
an amazing respect for the military. I think it could
be an amazing option for you. And then I would
also just say, be aware of the foundational desire of
a man, young man's heart to want respect and to
(50:09):
want to stand for something greater than himself. Not saying
that women don't have that, but fundamentally, men have this
desire when there's a war, when there's conflict, to be
honored to be respected to they like, I need to
be in that. I need to be a part of that.
I need to be putting my life in that. And
so ask yourself, am I trying to find my ultimate
(50:30):
meaning as a human being through my military service? Because
there's a lot of old kernels in generals that have
a lot of respect in the military, but they don't
have a relationship with Christ. And so make sure that
you're fundamentally getting your identity from from God and not
just filling that void with military service. Not to say
(50:51):
that you can't do both, but it's just something to
be aware of. Yeah. Absolutely, I would say go for it, brother,
go for it wholeheartedly. It's a great career and you're
going to inspire so many and ultimately you're you're protecting
me and my family and and we owe you that debt.
So I hope that you do, and I hope you
(51:13):
don't have any kind of hang ups with it because
of a religious family. Also understand that when you say
religious family, you might not mean Christianity, So there's that
it might be. My only point was I remember, like
three or four years ago, I was definitely going to
go into the marine, Corps and I and I looking back,
(51:37):
was trying to find some sort of meaning from my
life that I think that I am in a better
spot where God needs me now, not being the military.
Not to say that I couldn't find purpose doing that,
and I think it would have been amazing, But I
was trying to fill a void with the military at
that at that time in my life that can only
(51:58):
be filled through God. That's that's great. I forgot. I
forgot about that, and then we stole you away for eeg. Yeah,
so many good questions here today and so many more
in the inbox that we can't get to because we're
out of time. But thank you guys for listening. Grangersmith
Podcast at gmail dot com. Shoot me an email, we'll
put it here in the list and we'll see you
next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast.
(52:21):
I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me
out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and
notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload
a video. If you have a question for me that
you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at
gmail dot com, yig
Why am I even speaking with this kind of intensity
because you said you're dying, dude, and it's been nine
months and it's just time. It's time for you to
start figuring this out with your brain and not your heart.
(00:22):
What's up, guys, Welcome back to the podcast. Guest today.
My brother Parker, longtime guest on this podcast, always throws
out the bombs of wisdom. Every time you're on, we
get the best tiktoks. Oh you have just throw out
the bombs, man, it's good to be back. We started
a lot of you guys. I know a lot of
y'all came from TikTok to this platform to hear the podcast,
(00:45):
and we started posting these TikTok clips from this podcast
a couple of years ago. And I believe it started
because of a show that you were on with me
and you were just throwing out these bombs about being
content or single or something actually when you were single,
and we posted it and it started going viral on
TikTok and we're like, well, we should do more of these,
and now we do them, you know, three times a week,
(01:07):
especially with relationships stuff, because people are so hungry to
figure out either who their person is, or how to
get over a past relationship. Everything in that genre goes viral,
it seems like because everyone is so thirsty for it.
I'll be honest, So this podcast I answer your questions.
(01:27):
You could email me Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com.
They pour into my inbox. Ask me any subject. Can
I say this every time? Ask me anything, but I'll
be honest. We're leaning now on this podcast. Probably seventy
five percent of the emails that are coming in or
about relationship problems. Usually it's never it's never like a
(01:50):
you know, a good scenario. It's always some kind of problem.
Heartbreak is usually at the center of it. So I
then now it makes me think a lot about it,
and I appreciate it. Thanks for your questions, and we'll
dive into them here in a second. But it's interesting
that I was telling the guys at ee appearrel yesterday,
it's almost like heartbreak is like a pandemic in the world. Really,
(02:13):
I don't know if pandemic is the right word. Epidemic.
It's an epidemic in the world heartbreak and people are
walking around sick and they're looking for a cure, which
is why, you know, so many of them come to
this podcast because they're just trying everything. It's like, well,
I've done this and this and this, I might as
well also email the podcast and we'll get into it.
But thanks for being here. Maybe we should record an
(02:37):
entire episode about that. But maybe every episode already is
kind of about that. But maybe you could record an
episode about that with the biggest scenarios that anytime anybody asks,
you could just send them that link to that podcast. Yeah,
but it's still fun having fresh ones, and everybody thinks
that it has to be specifically answered about their specific scenario.
I got a question a couple of weeks ago, and
(02:57):
it basically said I'm dealing with heartbreak. My girl left me.
And it said, I know that you talk about this
every week, but this one's different. And I thought that
was interesting, And it's not discounting that guy and his
question at all, but it's just it highlights the fact
that everyone feels like theirs is different, Like I know
(03:21):
you've answered people's questions about heartbreak, but my story is different,
like she really was the one and now she's gone
and I'm really hurting here. I know those other people
said the same thing, but I'm really hurting. And that
goes to show you too that when you listen to
questions about it from the outside looking in, it's never
(03:42):
that bad until it hits you, and then you go,
I'm actually dying. What can I do? And so anyway,
welcome to the podcast. Let's dive into the questions. First one.
First one in the docket here says pick me, pick
me help, I'm alone. That's the subject line, says, Hi Grandeur.
My name is Joe. I'm twenty three years old, recently
(04:04):
had a break up and this isn't the first time
I've gone through this. Here it is. I'm obviously very
heartbroken right now, there's the word already. But I'm realizing
my tendency to cling to people because I'm not okay
being alone. My ex says, I ruin relationships because I'm
overbearing and dependent for them for my happiness. I'd literally
have a denial or excuse me. I'd literally have a
(04:26):
dental school interview next week. And I have a lot
going on for my life. I consider myself attractive and
all I want to do is love someone and be loved.
But somehow I'm still depressed and hate being alone. I
feel like I'm the only person on the planet even
when others are in the room. I don't know what
to do. Any encouragement would help. Thanks. So Joe, he's
(04:49):
twenty three, and it's funny, this is exactly what we
just said. So we have these are the key things here,
heartbroken we have I'm the only person on the planet,
like I'm the only one dealing with this. Yeah, you
mentioned that your brain something subconsciously. We were just talking
before we got on this, and he was like, grangeers, Like,
(05:11):
it's almost like when you're going through a breakup, your
brain is like that was your only chance to reproduce
and find a mate, and now you're done. And so
it's like the animal part of our brain. I may
mess this up, but it's like the older part of
your brain is the amygdala, and that's the part that's
the fight or flight. That's the part of your brain
that gets very emotional, that gets that suffers the most
(05:35):
in those first few days of grief. That is basically
the same emotion after a breakup is grief that you
were talking about after a loss, because you're grieving the
loss of this person and it's hard to just view
it from a bird's eye view for that that neo cortex,
the newer part of your brain to be able to
be like, look, you're gonna be okay, you're not viewing
(05:55):
this clearly right now from your current state. Yeah, it's interesting.
It's like, if you just want to simplify everything in this,
in this email and heartbreak in general, you your your body,
the animalistic side of your brain says, find mate, make offspring,
and in doing that, you're on you're you're literally on
(06:16):
a hunt. So it's a scarcity mindset. Yeah, it's a
scarcity mindset, and you're on the hunt for the qualifications
that your brain says, good to go. So you scan
the world and you scan everyone around you, and your
brain goes got it, boom, and it says like match,
found mate, and and then you go latch on. And
(06:37):
then you try everything you can to get the mate
so that you could the animalistic side of you can
make offspring. It's really all it comes down to. And
then when you mess up or she leaves or whatever
whatever scenario, she's gone sounds like a nineties country song,
She's gone, She's gone, and your brain then revolts against
(06:59):
that and makes you sick, which is why we call
it heart broken. It feels you feel broken, and your
brain is telling you two things. Either, go get her
at all costs, because if you don't, you're gonna die.
You're not going to eat or sleep, and you're not
gonna breathe and your heart's not gonna beat anymore. So
go getter or you die. Or two, you better you
(07:23):
better find an equivalent mate fast. You better find someone
equal to this fast. And nothing in those two animalistic
demands that your brain is giving you does it. Do
you have space to say, wait, wait a minute, there's
three and a half billion girls on this planet. I'm
(07:43):
not gonna die. I'm gonna nourish myself with food. Eventually
I'll sleep, I'll settle down, and I'll find someone else.
But you really have to suppress that animalistic mentality. And
that's what we see with Joe, except for Joe has
a deeper you. Joe goes one step further than a girl,
(08:04):
then he's saying, this is many girls. This happens to
him repeatedly, and his ex told him he ruins relationships
because he's overbearing and dependent on them for happiness, which Joe,
you know you know whether or not that's true or not.
You know that's an issue when you wrote the sentence.
You knew this was a huge problem for you when
(08:26):
you wrote me the sentence saying I literally am too
overbearing and dependent on them for happiness. Okay, where do
we go from here? Let's stop right there. The question
is that could answer a lot of these questions. Where
do you find happiness exactly? Can it just come from
(08:48):
yourself or do you have to find somebody else to
fulfill it. That's an open ended question, and we're leaving
We're leaving space for someone that's listening out there to
answer that for themselves, because because that is the question, Joe,
that you have to wrestle with. Do I need someone
else to make me happy? Do you? Well? Buddy? The
(09:13):
answers no. The answer is obviously resounding no. A relationship
is supposed to add to you and add to your
life and add to the joy and happiness that you
already have, but not complete a half of joy that
you have or a half of happiness that you have.
I've said it before in this podcast, Joe, you're not
(09:34):
walking around right now as an incomplete human like if
you give an X ray of your body, you know,
a cat scan of everything going on in your body.
The doctor would not find anything half completed inside of you,
including your heart, including your brain, and every other piece
of you is whole already. And so we have to
(09:54):
come to grips with that as humans that we don't
need another human to complete our happiness, which ties into
the idea of soulmate, which I know you've talked about before,
which comes from Greek mythology. I don't know if you've
talked about that where Zeus cuts people in half. It
was an old Greek mythology idea where every person when
they were created was cut in half, and they were
(10:15):
created as half, as half a person, and their mission
was to go find their other half what to complete themselves.
So this is something that's been brought into our minds
that it's the biggest lie of the world that you
are not complete on your own, you have to go
find someone else to complete you. And then specifically with
that scenario, it's the idea of there's only one person
(10:36):
that you can find that would come work. What that
says to me too, is that back way back then,
thousands of years ago, this was still a problem It
was a problem then and it's still a problem now.
Like as a species, we haven't learned any better, we
haven't figured out a way around this at all. For
thousands of years, they were still dealing with it, just
some fourteen year old Roman boy and his sandals, crying
(10:59):
because you girls stood him up. And I need to
say to you because I feel like, I feel like
I'm talking about happiness here and I need to say
of can a spouse that you love create more happiness
in your life? Yes? Absolutely that we're not saying that
a family. We need community, we need people around us.
(11:21):
We're encouraged to be married, and we're encouraged to be
married to our best friend, and that will bring you
more happiness. But that's not what you're saying, Joe. You're
saying you're depending on all of your happiness with someone else.
And so that's that's what we wrestle with here. And
that's the question. And this is something you have to
(11:43):
you have to dig deep. You're depressed and you hate
being alone. You have to find this out on yourself.
You have to figure this out because because and I
would put I would put a hold on any relationship
right now, I would stop anything from coming your way
until this is something that you've wrestled with enough now, Parker,
(12:04):
and I would say that you could find your answers
in the Bible. You could find all answers in the Bible. Really,
it's it's our roadmap as Christians. Now, I don't know
if you believe that or not. So I'm gonna lead
you there like one beggar telling another beggar where he
found bread. I no better than you, Joe, but I'm
gonna tell you where I found these answers, and then
(12:26):
you could take it for what you want. But it
has saved me, and I know it's saved Parker and
millions of others to be able to look at the Bible.
And I heard Rich Wilkerson on Instagram the other day,
who's an Instagram buddy of mine, But he said that Jesus,
Jesus came and saved the world while being single. He
(12:51):
saved the whole world what he was single? So what
could you do? Single? Like? What are you doing? Single?
Most complete human to ever live? Yes, was single? He
was single. So Joe, the I know the end result
for you. The end result is you're going to find
out I'm twenty three, and I know that that probably
(13:15):
seems old to you, but you've got a ways to go.
Let's talk when you're twenty seven, twenty eight and you've
had four years of being single by yourself, and you go,
you know what, you know what? I figured out. I
figured out I had some hobbies. I figured out I
got some good buddies. I figured out I'm got I'm
doing good at this indental school. Now. I figured out
(13:38):
that I'm finding happiness through other things in my life
and has nothing to do with the relationship. And what's
crazy is when you figure that out, how attractive that's
going to be to a really good mate, a really
good relationship in the future. It's that I don't I
don't think there's anything more attractive to a man or
woman than someone that is intent and happy on their own.
(14:03):
And there is nothing more appalling and and and turn
off than someone that is needing someone else to feed
them happiness. That is, that is a terrible thing to
put off. So even though you say you're a good
looking guy, I'm telling you right now, you're not a
good looking guy. When you're putting off this feeling of
(14:25):
dependence and people could see it. It's like a horse.
A horse could could fill a fly, you know, on
its back. Well, they could sense that, just like a
girl can sense in you. Within two dates, Oh man,
this guy's dependent. He needs he needs something, and I'm
out and figuring this out. Joe is going to help
(14:46):
you tremendously. All right, cool, let's move on. I think
we I think we got that one. Next one says
hey man, I'm a big fan. My name is Dylan,
originally from Waller, Texas, living in Aggie Land. Now, whoop,
just looking for an answer to something. After prayer and
meditation and all that, what does it take to do
(15:06):
right by you? I find myself doing everything I can
to make everyone happy except myself. But I feel like
if I do anything for myself to improve my own
mental health, even I'm gonna lose my family. I've prayed
and spent a lot of time thinking about it, but
I don't feel like I've seen an answer yet. I'm
not sure what else I could do, because, to tell
you the truth, Bubba, I'm at the end of my
(15:27):
rope anyway. Thanks for what you do. Your music and
your outreach to folks are inspiring. Thank you In advance
for any advice. God bless you, Dylan. So Dylan is
saying he's looking for happiness. He's saying, I find myself
doing everything I can to make everyone else happy except myself.
(15:48):
But I feel like if I do anything for myself
to improve my mental health, I'm gonna lose my family.
I hear this a lot. It's the person who says,
what happens if you help so many people along the
way that you forgot about yourself, And it's almost like
it's almost like a humble brag where it's like, I
help so many people that I completely forgot about myself,
(16:12):
But if your own mental health has completely deteriorated, like
that's nothing to be proud of. I'm not saying that
he's I'm not like trying to harp on him or anything,
but I think it's what I've heard a guys say before,
is it's like the paradox of of you find your
most inner joy and hope is found in thinking about
(16:34):
others more and of yourself less, which sounds like what
he's saying, but that's not bringing him joy. What do
you think is going on there? I think I don't
think we're hearing the full story from Dylan, I think,
and and hey, all respect to your brother, all respect.
I appreciate the email. And people know if you if
you're gonna email me, we're gonna talk through this. Like
(16:56):
we're sitting around a campfire. It's just me and you,
and it's late at night, and we're going to walk
through it. And I want to. I want to get
to some of the harder stuff, and I wanna I
want to kind of tag you a little bit here,
and and I want to say that because it's no
it's no offense to you. But I think what Parker's
getting at is I think there. I think you're looking
to help people so that you could feel good about yourself.
(17:19):
And that's no way to help people. You have to
go in selflessly. And what's amazing about looking after people
and helping people and doing things for others is that
if you do that in a humble way, in a genuine,
selfless way, it fulfills you. It really does. That's why
(17:39):
that's why so many people go out and just make
a career out of philanthropy, you know, and and and
giving back to the community. That's why we do it
at EE Apparel. I mean think about every every launch
that we do every season to launch at e a Perl,
we give a big portion back to the community, to
some some organization. Well why do we do that? I mean, ultimately,
(18:01):
why do we do it? Most of the people we
give to we don't really know personally, we don't really
see the result of it. It's not like it's a
tax reason thing. But the reason we do it ultimately
is because it feels good. Like when we could go
cut a big old check to some hospital or to
some youth group or some veteran organization. When we cut
(18:24):
a big check and we hand it to them, we
walk away and we're like, it feels really good. That
feels good, and that's a that's a crazy thing that
you give back and you are benefiting from it. So, Dylan,
you should be feeling that if it's if it's coming
from a genuine place of selflessness, then when you're pouring
(18:46):
into others, you should feel. Man, I feel alive. I
just helped this old lady across the street. I got
her to the other side, and when I left and
waved goodbye, and she had tears in her eyes. I
felt so good. And if you don't, if you think
I help this old lady and she didn't even say
thank you, then you know, boom, you did it for
(19:07):
the wrong reasons. You came at it the wrong way.
That wasn't a selfless thing, that was looking for a reward,
that was looking for some kind of payment back. And
so that's the test. Do you feel it naturally? Does
the old lady not even have to say thank you
at all? Does she not say anything and you walk
away and go that's a good thing, Then you know,
then it came from the good place. Our grandmother many
(19:32):
she has lived a selfless life of giving back to
her family, and she's like ninety six. Her whole life,
she has done nothing but pay it forward to when
she was a little girl, to her family working on
the farm, to when she started having babies, to when
she started having grandbabies and then great grandbabies. All she
has done is cook for people, rub people's feet, scratch
(19:55):
people's back, run errands for him, go help the widow
across the street that's sick, and bring her food. She
does this for ninety six years. She has done this,
and I think that's a big reason why she's still alive.
And I think it's a big reason why she's so
she has so much energy, and she's so sharp and
love's life because she has spent a life of servitude.
(20:18):
So I think, I think, Dylan, your mentality is on
the right path of serving others. But I don't know
if your heart's all the way into it, because you
keep going back to what about me? And at the
end he said, I'm afraid if I do what's best
for me, I'll lose my family, which is also a paradox.
(20:38):
Those two things shouldn't be butting heads with each other, right.
It's like, ideally you are serving your wife, your children,
your family, and it's again, it's hard because I don't
know the exact situation. If we're talking about a wife,
and if we're talking about children, then the serving of
your family is your duty as the husband and father.
(21:03):
And at the end of the day, if you don't
get any respect, if you don't get anything in return,
that's okay because you're doing that unto Christ, because Christ
tells you to do that. And so it doesn't matter
if you're not getting any of the feelings of respect
or thank you or a gratitude back. You're doing it
because you're gonna get rewards for it in heaven, because
Jesus says so so at the end when he says
(21:23):
that I'm afraid I'll lose my family. But then if
he's talking about brothers and sisters and drama that I
don't really know, I don't really know the whole story.
Let me put it in perspective of myself and music.
And as much as we've gone out and played music
for twenty years, gone out and played there's only so
many times I can go play a show for me
like I need a reward, I need a crowd to
applaud me, I need I need some kind of self
(21:47):
gratification from doing this. There's only only so many times
I can get on an airplane and leave my family
on an early flight and go out to tour to
get that kind of gratification. There's only so many times
I can get on the bus and drive for three
days all the way across the country on minimal sleep,
and go play a show so that I can get applause.
(22:09):
But when we switched as a mentality as a band
that we're going out for a purpose, We're going out
to help others, to serve others, through music, we're going
to be the corridor for music that could bring a
smile to their face. And after the pandemic, it was like, well,
that mattered even more that a lot of these people
haven't been out in twelve, sixteen, eighteen months, And so
(22:30):
we put this mentality in our minds as a band
that we're going to go out and play music for
a purpose, for one person to hear a song, to smile,
to remember something they haven't thought about in a long time,
to forget something that don't want to think about anymore,
to have just a little bit a piece of joy,
three minutes at a time, song by song for ninety minutes.
And then when we walk up the stage, knowing we
(22:51):
did that without anything in return, we go it mattered. Okay,
that's why we have to leave our families to go
do this, because we're doing something that's greater than ourselves,
greater than anything we could do on our own. And
if I walked away every time and thought, man, that
crowd didn't cheer very loud, and that's that can happen
(23:11):
to me. It can, but I have to dismiss it
and go that's not why I'm here. I'm here to serve.
That's that's why God gave me this gift to serve
and serve, and serve and serve until I die, servants
until we die. I heard someone say the other day
Paul the Apostle, after being beaten, shipwrecked, thrown in jail.
Do you think he was like, Man, I need a
(23:33):
self care day. I need me, I need I need
to go to the spa. I need to get my
shoulders rubbed. I need some green tea. I mean maybe
part of him thought that I would love to catch
a break here, But it's like this guy had been
through everything imaginable. No wife, no children, no sex, none
(23:54):
of the food that he liked. Probably, I mean, he's
been through everything, and he had such fullness of and
peace and hope that everybody in the world today is like,
where do I find that. I'm not finding it anywhere.
It's not at the spa, and it's not in your
own desires. Yeah, Dylan, keep on serving, brother, keep on
serving back, and do it from a whole heart. Open
(24:16):
your heart up to your family, serve others. You'll get
that joy. You'll get it back. We're gonna take a
break and come right back. Podcast is brought to you
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back back in here. If you have a question for me,
email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com. We'll get to
it on the podcast. We love your questions. This one
subject line is called moving Forward. It says, hey Grangerin'm
gonna make this brief as I can. I love the podcast,
love the music, been a fan for a while. My
name is Nick. I'm from Northwest Washington, thirty five years old.
(27:55):
Me and my ex broke up about nine months ago.
I've been coming to grips with the loss about her
not coming back, but still to this day, every day
I hurt. I need some advice to move forward. I'm
one hundred percent not ready to go out and date.
I would say that I still love her, or as
you say, the thought of her help me please, I
still feel like I'm drowning. Nick, Okay, I'll say this.
(28:22):
I'll try to keep this concise. I don't mean to
be unempathetic with this, because I've been through breakups where
I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, I cry all the time.
I mean three four five days, losing weight, losing hope,
like what am I going to do. And I've thought
about this a lot, Like you said, you've thought about
(28:43):
this a lot, I would say a few things. First off,
I think that when a breakup completely shatters you, you
let yourself emotionally surpass the level that that relationship was
actually at. You didn't guard your heart. That's what That's
why the bye says above all else, guard your heart.
You need to be like at the gate with a
(29:05):
spear like. That's not to say you're going to be distrusting.
That's not going to say you're going to be disrespectful,
but maybe you'll be a little more cautious before you
say I love you and you look into someone's eyes,
maybe that's going to be you protecting your heart. In
terms of the conversations that you're having. Maybe I'm not
going to talk about how many kids I'm going to have,
or where we're going to live, or wedding plans and
(29:26):
let myself fall into that prematurely in the next relationship.
And I'm really telling this to people who either are
single or are early on in a relationship that haven't
gotten to that point, because it's going to save you
so much heartache. Don't let yourself get to that point,
especially if you're being physical with someone that you're not
married to. That's why God made sex to literally bond
(29:46):
a husband and a wife together so that they would
not leave each other, so that they would be chemically
bonded together. And so when you're physical before marriage, that's
why it makes the breakup so hard. So if you're
able to keep those boundaries emotionally and physically, it's going
to save you so much down the road. Number two
I would just say, in terms of like practical advice. Okay, Parker,
(30:06):
I already got to this point. I am emotionally shattered,
I cannot eat, I still love her, I can't stop
thinking about her. Just some practical advice that I would
say is Number one. Try not to wallow in the past.
Don't think about it. Don't think about all these situations scenarios.
What could have been. She just told me she loved me,
and now she just doesn't ever want to see me again.
(30:27):
What the heck? Don't work. Don't try not to wallow
in that. Number two, you don't need closure. Don't go
try to meet up with her. You don't need to
go get your sweater back from the house. Getting lunch
with her is not going to solve anything or make
you feel better. That's just you wanting that relationship back,
and same thing. If they're wanting that from you, don't
let them give you any excuses to come back. It's
just going to make it harder. Focus on your sleep,
(30:52):
Focus on your diet, Try to eat healthy, give yourself
some physical activity. If your body's moving, your dopamine's going
to be flowing in your brain, you're gonna be feeling better.
And try to surround yourself with other human beings. Don't
be alone. This is not the time to be a
lone wolf. That's when the mistakes happen is when you're
by yourself. You don't like what we were talking about earlier.
(31:13):
That old part of your brain is just running going,
I'm so screwed. I'm never going to find anybody again.
You need people who are emotionally unbiased. Going, dude, there
are three point five billion girls in the world. You're
going to be completely fine. Get involved with the church.
If you're not, go shake somebody's hand, join a sports team,
(31:34):
get around people's that's awesome. I'm glad you went practical too,
because the first you know your first point. You know,
my mind immediately went to what if they were married?
You know, what if they were married and you did
give your full self all in because that we get
just as many of those questions on this podcast too. Yeah,
that was that was if you are unmarried, that's when
(31:55):
you can. If you're married, you are all in, Your
heart's all in, there's no going back. Man. Somehow I
just lost that question. It just disappeared on my phone. Okay,
but I remember what he said, So this is where
I would go. I would I would say nine months
(32:17):
is a long time. Like that's a long time. I
would guess that the reason it's gone so long is
you're still perpetuating it somehow in your mind with something
like do you have a folder on your phone of
her pictures? You know, like is there something Is there
a gift that she gave you for Christmas one year
(32:38):
and you have it in your closet and you go
touch it every day before you go to sleep, Like
is there anything connected with her that you are still
perpetuating your brain? You're still training your brain that this
is still my life, this is still my life. There's
a necklace she gave you and you still wear it.
There's those shoes that she bought you a couple of
(32:59):
years go and you still wear them. Man, if you're
nine months in and you feel like you're drowning, then
it's it's time to get serious about this. It's time
to get it's time to get serious. I would suggest this.
I would suggest I would suggest journaling a journal every
morning and Parker. Parker gets a lot of screenshots of
(33:21):
my journals from years ago because they're funny. But you
could see your progress so well through journaling, and you
could you can compartmentalize what's going on in your head
through journaling, So I would I would encourage you to
write down what you're thinking, how you're thinking it, and
what triggered it, and then also write down what triggered
(33:43):
the downfall, so you're gonna it's it's very similar to grief.
Grief and heartache are like close brothers. Parker and I
were just talking about this. So in grief, you think
about it in terms of of like a pattern, like
a waveform, and there's a crest and there's the trough,
and you're always moving. It's grief is never constant, the
(34:06):
same level. Never there's times when you're like, I don't
feel that bad right now, and then an hour later
you're like, I'm dying. I'm literally dying right now. And
that's the flow of it. So recognize the flow, Recognize
where you are in the flow. Are you up? Are
you down? Why are you down? Is that it was
there a reason, and there might not because the flow
(34:27):
just continues to happen. But nine months in, you're still hurting.
You're doing something. You're doing something to keep your brain attached.
So go through and start writing this down. And I'm serious, man,
I'm serious. I think you're looking at a picture on
your phone. I think you're you're wearing a necklace or
a ring. I think you're maybe you're living in the
same apartment where you guys lived. Move out, dude, it's
(34:50):
time to change apartments. It's you have a dog that
you got with her. It's time to give the dog away.
It's time to start erasing this because you're not getting well.
Why am I even speaking with this kind of intensity
Because you said you're dying, dude, and it's been nine months,
and it's it's just time. It's time for you to
start figuring this out with your brain and not your heart.
(35:13):
So put your heart aside because your heart, your heart
is giving you that animalistic idea of lost mate, need
find and breed like that. That's what your heart is
telling you, and your brain needs to go, Okay, I
need to I need to figure out what is happening.
Parker said. Some great things community, stay around, community, nourishment,
(35:35):
keep nourished. Exercise could help facility facilitate the nourishment. Stay
in light. I was just in Alaska and it was
dark for three days and all of us that my
whole band and crew were missing the sunshine because humans
need light. That starts playing tricks on your brain when
you're in darkness. So make sure you got the shades open. Hey,
(35:59):
spend some and go to Florida and take a couple
buddies and you guys, go to Pensacola or whatever and
get some sunshine with your buddies and set out, go
to some restaurant where you're sitting on a pier and
you get a cold beer with your buddies and the
sun is just blasting you. And then tell me, tell
me in that moment if you're still drowning in that moment,
(36:21):
because I promise you you're gonna find these patterns your
brain is in and you're gonna be able to defeat it.
But only if you recognize search yourself and recognize what
you're thinking and what you're feeling, and write it down
and calculate it like it's a serious problem. Cool. I agreed. Okay,
(36:44):
here's another one subject line many issues family, God and relationships.
Dear mister Smith, I'm seventeen years old. I would like
to remain anonymous. My biggest question regarding issues with my
is regarding issues with my father and my mother. They've
been split up for a while now, but I could
always I can't always pick sides. How could I help
(37:06):
myself in this situation? Also, I was wondering how I
could work on my work ethic because my grandfather is
very sick and I cannot balance school and ranch as
easily as I want to. My second question is about God.
I don't pray, I don't attend church, I don't attend
CCD as regularly as I wish. Is there any way
I could help with this, as well as anything else
(37:27):
I struggle with. My last question is my inability to
maintain a relationship that is healthy. I try to help
anyone I can. I try to help my grandfather and schoolwork,
and I can't keep up. I can't fit the time
to talk to anyone to get to know them. But
things talk about girls here. Either they don't like any
(37:47):
of my ideas or this or that, or she refuses
to let me use any type of methods to relieve
my stress. I'm not sure what that means. Sure as
a pickaxe and beat, not a hay bill. All right,
what other ways can I release my stress? Okay, I'm
gonna stop there, Anonymous. This is what I feel like
(38:10):
when I read you. When I'm reading your email, I
feel like this is what you told me. Dude. I
have this fe this sharp pain in my kidney and
it's like crushing me. And every time I walk, I
feel a sharp pain and it's moving around. And also
I have my lower spine there is this pinching and
(38:30):
it grabs my muscle. And then also my last thing
is there's something that my headaches are getting worse, and
every time I wake up, my headaches are worse. And
also I don't ever go to the doctor. So how
can you help me like I feel like that? That's
the question, right, Summed up like, Bro, you're you're sick
(38:51):
in a lot of ways, and and full respect to you,
you're you're sick in a lot of ways, and you're
not going to the doctor. How do I know? Because
you said it right here. I don't pray, I don't
attend church, I don't go to CCD. Is there any
way I could help with this? Go to any of it?
(39:13):
Start today. It's like someone that wants to get into jogging.
How do you start jogging? You know you want a jog,
you know you need a jog for your health. How
do you start by putting on your shoes? Like you
put on your shoes and you tie them up. That's
how you start. So the same thing, man, how do
(39:33):
I pray? Will get down on your knees and start
and you say, God, it's me. I don't know. I
haven't I haven't spoken to you in a long time.
But I'm coming to you because I'm struggling and I've
got a lot of issues. I'm struggling with my mom
and dad and my grandfather and balance in school and
(39:56):
ranch work, and I don't know what to do. I
don't have anywhere to turn, and so I'm coming to you.
I'm gonna start doing this daily, multiple times a day.
And when I think about struggling, I'm going to you.
I'm gonna give it to you. And then you go in.
You open up your Bible, say John one. I'm reading
John right now. So that's where I'll go. John one,
(40:17):
Open it up, John one one. Start there. I'm gonna
read one paragraph in the morning. One paragraph. You're gonna
start small and start digging into that. So instead of saying,
I've got this pain in my back, it's like pinching,
so I think I'm gonna try a band aid. No, dude,
(40:37):
you need to go to a doctor that looks at
your spine. That pain you have in your side, you
need to go to a specialist that has an X
ray that looks inside. Don't try to fix it with
anything else. So I'm not gonna try to fix it
with you and your question any other way besides the
main question. You're sick. It's time to go to the doctor.
(40:58):
In other words, it's time to start praying to God.
What would you say if if someone's listening to that
and going grangel, what does God have to do with
any of this? He asked it. I don't have time
for my work. I'm depressed, I'm anxious, I can't find
(41:19):
a girlfriend, I'm not happy on my own, I'm discontent.
But what does God have anything to do with that? Like,
I need real life solution. You're talking about someone that's
listening because he asked it. Specifically, you're talking about another
listener that wouldn't have asked that. Yes, someone who hears
that and goes, what does God have to do with that? Well?
(41:39):
Why is? Why is why is the Why is God
the doctor in that situation that's going to that's going
to solve the rest of it? Why is that going
to be the first domino? Do you think? Well, the
only way to heal the human heart is by going
to the one that created it. Just like if you
(42:06):
have a serious computer problem in your Ford truck, the
only one that could fix it is the manufacturer that
created it. Why Because they know the blueprints of it
and so they know how to fix the computer problem
in your Ford truck. And Joe at the body shop
(42:26):
down the street can't do it. You can't sit there
on YouTube and do it. If it's a serious computer problem,
only the manufacturer can do it. And so when we
look at ourselves, our bodies, our hearts, our minds, are
our depression, our anxiety, our stress, and every other human
problem that we all share. The only one that could
(42:48):
fix it is the one that created it. And you
realize that your body was created for a purpose and
a very intricate, complicated, mysterious, perfect way by a creator.
Unless you think you came from Amba's unless you think
(43:08):
you came literally from some kind of bacteria, And if
you do, If you think you came from some kind
of bacteria, then in all due respect, I would say
good luck with that. Then I can't help you in
your question. I can't help you in any of this stuff.
But if you're coming to me saying my question is
about God, I don't pray. I would say, you're driving
(43:30):
around in a pickup truck with a blown computer that
keeps throwing your transmission out of whack, and you're not
going to the dealership. Pull it into the dealership and
say take it it's yours. You made it. Please, whatever
it takes. I need my truck back. Look at it.
Dig into this, please. You made it, You know how
to do it, you have the blueprint. I don't That
(43:56):
was great. It reminds me of a John Piper sermon
I watched the other day where in Jeremiah, God the
Father is saying, I have the flowing water of life.
I have the wellspring of life, and they've turned their
backs on it and they're digging wells with where the
water doesn't hold. It just flows right through it. And
(44:18):
so he's like, the ultimate evil is not just the
murder and the theft and the adultery, it's fundamentally the
cause of all those evils is you turning your back
and saying you can take a trip. Creator. I'm gonna
suck on this dirt and I'm gonna dig here because
(44:38):
I think I can find the solution right here in
this dirt. And then I'm gonna die and I'm gonna
hate you forever. When he's just like, I have it.
I made you, Yeah, I have the answer. Yeah. What's crazy,
Anonymous here is that we have a roadmap to our lives.
(45:00):
Have the construct, the instruction manual. It's called the Bible,
and it is laid out beautifully and and concisely and
very understandable, and you could dive into it at any
at any point really, and you could dive into your
your own personal instruction manual, and go Okay, if I
(45:21):
if I think this way, if I if I position
my heart this way, if I humble myself this way,
and I believe this way, and then I see the
results of this, then things will slowly start becoming more clear.
I'll slowly start feeling more joy, more peace, more love,
(45:42):
more contentment, more happiness. And we could start the list
of of the results of this, of people that have
experienced this, But you really have to do it yourself.
And I would say, I would say, right off the bat,
your first step. Your first step is when you to
this podcast, you hit your knees and then you be
as casual as you can and go God, I'm so
(46:06):
sorry that I have turned my back on you. I
have these problems mounting, but you created me, and you
know you know how to how you know how to
guide me through these problems. You're not gonna eliminate them
from me, you're not gonna wipe them out of my life,
but you're gonna guide me through it and then give
me peace through it and guard my heart and mind
(46:28):
through it. And your second step is go to church
on Sunday. Just show up whatever you're wearing. Just show up.
Sit down, hey, sit down on the back, sit down
on the very back, and just know I'm here, I'm present,
I'm showing up. I've got too many problems to not
(46:49):
And if you're thinking this at seventeen, what do you
think you're gonna think when you're twenty seven? What do
you think you're gonna think when you're thirty seven? Just
saying you think these problems are gonna start going away
and you're gonna figure it out by the time you're
twenty or do you think they're gonna start compounding and
getting worse. That's my question to you. Your grandfather, your
grandfather's sick. Is he still gonna be sick when you're
(47:13):
twenty seven thirty seven? No, he's not going to be here.
Then what are you gonna do? That's another question for you. Okay,
moving on, take a break. Wow, the subjecline here is military. Hello,
mister Smith. My name is Tanner Moore. I live in
(47:34):
Post Falls, Idaho. I'm seventeen thinking about joining the military.
I come from a very religious family. Do you have
any thoughts on this? I don't if he should join
the military. Yeah, it's the classic idea of should I
join something so violent that has potential of killing. Oh,
he's saying that that could I think that's what he's thinking.
(47:56):
What do you think about that? It's it's very justified
biblically to be a military, Yeah, law enforcement military. I
mean greater love. There is no greater love than this
than the lay down your life for your friends. Like
that's that's one of the first things. Like that's what
police officers get tattooed on them. There is no greater
love than laying your life down for your friends. Would
(48:17):
you say that's if your country is is fighting for
the right cause, because there could be a situation where
it was it wouldn't be justified, right, I think. So,
it's it's important to remember, you know ten commandments do
not murder. Well, it's it's commonly misunderstood is do not kill.
But killing is justified in the right way. It's murder,
(48:41):
that's not Yeah. So if your your motive is everything,
motive is everything. If you're in the military and and
you have to kill somebody, you're not breaking a law here,
you're not breaking a biblical law. It's murder. It's the
it's the evil intent of murder. That's the problem. So Tanner,
I would send you, I would send you go straight
(49:03):
to YouTube with this. I mean, there are some really
beautiful sermons and videos of people explaining, whether it's law
enforcement or military, the honorable position to take to take
your faith into the military and to do it in
a very faithful, honorable way to God and be a warrior.
(49:25):
And then look in the Bible. There's so many warriors
your subject line, you know, military, There's so many warriors
starting with David. Go read go read David all through Samuel.
I mean, the dude was a warrior, and he was faithful,
and he was honorable. So yeah, absolutely. I would also say,
and this is saying I was okay, I'll say two
(49:48):
of my best friends are marine pilots, and I have
an amazing respect for the military. I think it could
be an amazing option for you. And then I would
also just say, be aware of the foundational desire of
a man, young man's heart to want respect and to
(50:09):
want to stand for something greater than himself. Not saying
that women don't have that, but fundamentally, men have this
desire when there's a war, when there's conflict, to be
honored to be respected to they like, I need to
be in that. I need to be a part of that.
I need to be putting my life in that. And
so ask yourself, am I trying to find my ultimate
(50:30):
meaning as a human being through my military service? Because
there's a lot of old kernels in generals that have
a lot of respect in the military, but they don't
have a relationship with Christ. And so make sure that
you're fundamentally getting your identity from from God and not
just filling that void with military service. Not to say
(50:51):
that you can't do both, but it's just something to
be aware of. Yeah. Absolutely, I would say go for it, brother,
go for it wholeheartedly. It's a great career and you're
going to inspire so many and ultimately you're you're protecting
me and my family and and we owe you that debt.
So I hope that you do, and I hope you
(51:13):
don't have any kind of hang ups with it because
of a religious family. Also understand that when you say
religious family, you might not mean Christianity, So there's that
it might be. My only point was I remember, like
three or four years ago, I was definitely going to
go into the marine, Corps and I and I looking back,
(51:37):
was trying to find some sort of meaning from my
life that I think that I am in a better
spot where God needs me now, not being the military.
Not to say that I couldn't find purpose doing that,
and I think it would have been amazing, But I
was trying to fill a void with the military at
that at that time in my life that can only
(51:58):
be filled through God. That's that's great. I forgot. I
forgot about that, and then we stole you away for eeg. Yeah,
so many good questions here today and so many more
in the inbox that we can't get to because we're
out of time. But thank you guys for listening. Grangersmith
Podcast at gmail dot com. Shoot me an email, we'll
put it here in the list and we'll see you
next Monday. Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith Podcast.
(52:21):
I appreciate all of you guys. You could help me
out by rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube,
subscribe to this channel, hit that little like button and
notification spell so that you never miss anytime I upload
a video. If you have a question for me that
you would like me to answer, email Grangersmith Podcast at
gmail dot com, yig
Host
Granger Smith
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