Jim Gaffigan and Alex Moffat

A high school teacher contacts Humor Me for help making his school’s morning announcements more entertaining. Comedian Jim Gaffigan, SNL performer Alex Moffat and writer Bryan Tucker join Robert to help the kids start their day off with a smile.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This week on humor.

Speaker 2 (00:01):
Me.

Speaker 3 (00:02):
Hey, Robert, I'm a high school teacher from Ontario up
in Canada. Every morning we have our morning announcements that
we could overhaul sort of the morning announcements, maybe to
give it more structure, more humor.

Speaker 4 (00:17):
You want to make these morning announcements.

Speaker 5 (00:20):
More entertaining, more entertaining.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
Yeah, I know this is.

Speaker 4 (00:23):
A public school, but what's our budget are we driving?
What if we localized and we had the kids do
impressions of teachers, So here's your daily teacher impression.

Speaker 1 (00:38):
That's great. Making fun of teachers would unite the entire school.
Welcome to the podcast that Goes wrong. He was he
had a school where he wanted to jazz up his announcements,
and my producer Frank, didn't realize that he needed to
confirm this with his superiors, right Frank.

Speaker 6 (01:00):
He uh never ranted it by anybody.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
They were like, under no circumstances are we going to
have any announcement? Shenanigan. Oh sure, we had to go
find a completely different school. Ali Shiro one of the
prize students of Christ the King High School. And most
of you guys are theater kids, right Ali, We're all
the kids you're all theater kids. Because first we got

(01:24):
the media kids and they were all completely disinterested.

Speaker 7 (01:28):
So we go in to New York Fashion. They said
it wasn't funny.

Speaker 8 (01:31):
It definitely won't make other people laugh.

Speaker 1 (01:33):
So so we hit a We hit a wall. But
then I continued to talk to Ali and the theater
kids and we were able to get a couple of
our ideas through. Okay, so I'm this very exciting. Uh.

(02:12):
We're here with Okay, you know what, Jim, you host. Uh,
We've got a great lineup. I'm supposed to look in
that camera. Okay, got a very exciting lineup of people
here that are going to help our guest, Trevor from Canada.

(02:32):
We've got Brian Tucker, legendary Saturday Night Live writer. Hello,
we have Zonker from Dunsberry, Hi, also known as Alex Moffatt.

Speaker 9 (02:42):
Yes, I'm so happy to have the Zonker reference.

Speaker 6 (02:46):
I don't get it, but it's great.

Speaker 1 (02:47):
Well for everybody watching or listening who served in the
Vietnam War, Zonker was a character on Dunsberry.

Speaker 10 (02:55):
And we're doing this for high school students right today.

Speaker 1 (02:58):
Yeah. Whatever, the target audience can google Dunesbury and then
they'll have a big glass.

Speaker 4 (03:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
Yeah. And this, of course is Jim Gaff again, legendary
Jim Gaff again. You know him from playing paying in
Duck Duck Goose, Right, Jim, you forgot.

Speaker 4 (03:16):
I didn't forget. I had to do so many recordings
and I was all ready for that to be a
big head and it wasn't.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
Did you study Geese?

Speaker 4 (03:24):
I did not, But Zendeia was in it. I worked
with Zenda.

Speaker 1 (03:28):
You worked with Were you in the booth with her?

Speaker 4 (03:30):
I was not, but we interacted on screen, you interacted.
We were never even. I never spoke to her by
phone call, and you know there's the restraining order.

Speaker 9 (03:39):
But other than that, did you I'm not totally familiar.
I'm about as familiar with Duck Duck Goose as I
am with Duonsbury.

Speaker 6 (03:47):
Were you playing an animal?

Speaker 4 (03:49):
I was.

Speaker 1 (03:50):
I was gonna do about a half hour on.

Speaker 4 (03:54):
I believe it's I was playing a goose or a duck.

Speaker 1 (04:00):
You played a goose who escorted two ducklings.

Speaker 4 (04:04):
Yes, and I was kind of I was a curmudgeon
who didn't really but you know what, through the journey,
I grew.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
Yeah, yeah, as did the ducklings.

Speaker 4 (04:15):
Yea and one of those kidding.

Speaker 6 (04:19):
And this was a feature.

Speaker 1 (04:21):
It was I think it was.

Speaker 4 (04:23):
It was a movie that went straight to no One's
seen cool.

Speaker 1 (04:27):
Jim and I have a long history. Yes, Jim has
done many favors for me, A Night of Too Many Stars,
my Autism benefit, He's performed there killed many Did you
get my thank you note? I did?

Speaker 4 (04:38):
Thank you very much, Okay, I reply.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
Well, it was a really nice thank you note. I
did you see I did a little of Yes. Yeah.
He has an amazing joke in the set he did
which was fantastic about how liquor stores, uh don't give
a ship about how they what they named them, or
how they decorate.

Speaker 4 (05:02):
They don't have to try. They don't have to try
to go there. They could be named Loser Depot.

Speaker 1 (05:07):
And people will still flock to it. So, Jim, I
also want to point out that I was on your
sick The Jim Gaffigan Show was a very funny show.
I played Corey. This was a guy. So I did
a scene where Jim I'm eating French fries and then
I get up and Jim takes my French fries because
he thinks I'm gone. And then I look at the

(05:28):
credits and I see something that I played a guy
named Corey. You just named me instead of the French fry.

Speaker 11 (05:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (05:37):
You don't want to be the fry guy. You're always
you know, it's an actor. You're always thinking of your
IMDb page, right, you don't want to be.

Speaker 1 (05:43):
Just the fank you, So I'm always Corey conjures up
a much bigger and more important role.

Speaker 4 (05:48):
People were like, Corey, was that guy a series regular?
You know what I mean? Like, that's good for the
actor credit.

Speaker 1 (05:57):
It was your Dugdug goose. I had such a hope. No,
but you know what, I watched it recently and I
didn't think I was that good. Really, I didn't you.
I can't tell if that's sarcastic. No, you were great, okay,
good because I watched it and I was like, I
didn't give them enough levels.

Speaker 4 (06:17):
No, I thought it was great.

Speaker 9 (06:18):
Okay, Well you didn't know at the time you were
playing a character with a name.

Speaker 1 (06:22):
Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 6 (06:26):
Yeah, yeah, that's that was.

Speaker 1 (06:29):
Here's what I want to know, Like, have you ever
had a situation where somebody came in did a part
and you just like, I don't want to give them
a note. Let it go let it go. Yeah, well,
I mean they don't have to name names.

Speaker 4 (06:44):
It is weird. I mean I have many different answers
for this, but I do think that, like having that
position on the Jim Gaffigan Show, maybe Aptlete Show made
me appreciate the value of someone that does show up ready,

(07:05):
Like I'm shocked that you're shocked at how Like when
you're in that executive producing position, you're like, well, obviously
they're they're my friend. They're going to show up. And
there's a lot of people that show up and they're like, yeah,
I gotta leave in five minutes, and you're like, dude,
we're not shooting for another three hours. And so you
do learn to be that great soldier.

Speaker 1 (07:27):
Brian Tucker you have you've did SNL for.

Speaker 10 (07:31):
Yeah, yeah, we're always giving people notes, you know, the
host Some hosts are more actory than others you were
talking about, And one did come to mind, which is
so I was one of the writers who did What's
Up with That? And you might remember that sketch where
I went up with that right, everyone sayings there's a
lot of chaos, and like the person in the chair

(07:51):
kind of has to just sit there and.

Speaker 1 (07:53):
Watch and there's three guess to just sit.

Speaker 10 (07:56):
So we had Mike Tyson and he came on and
we were like un to kind of have him just
sit there and simmer a little bit. But during dress rehearsal,
he just got up and started dancing like crazy, and
we were like, oh wow, we didn't know he was
gonna do that. And then one of the producers talked
to me and was like, I don't know if Mike

(08:18):
should dance. It kind of like takes away, you know,
what we.

Speaker 6 (08:21):
Wanted out of him.

Speaker 1 (08:22):
And I was like, I tell him the three guests
are supposed to be the straight men. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 10 (08:27):
I just sit there and kind of all theas around.

Speaker 1 (08:30):
Him and the music and so.

Speaker 10 (08:34):
Eventually I talked to Lauren Michaels and I was like,
you know, I think it's kind of fun that he dances,
and so like I came up and like, you know,
talk to him in between. I was like, do you
that dancing was really fun? And the crowd loved it,
Like did do you maybe want to do that again
for the live show?

Speaker 1 (08:53):
And he was like the live.

Speaker 10 (08:54):
Show and I was like, yeah, we have a lot
show after dresser her. So he was like I gotta
do that ship again. And I was like, yes please,
and he actually did get up and yeah. Yeah, And
Mike Tyson, one of the things I remember about him
is like when you shake his hand, it feels like
warm rock.

Speaker 1 (09:15):
You know.

Speaker 10 (09:15):
He's got like like what you would call like mits,
like big thing, you know.

Speaker 1 (09:19):
And he was nice.

Speaker 10 (09:20):
You know, he was in his kind of days where
he would like just go up on the roof and
get high and come back and be laugh and enjoy everything.

Speaker 1 (09:28):
So yeah, God, bless it.

Speaker 6 (09:30):
I think he has a biography coming out.

Speaker 1 (09:31):
Should we plug that.

Speaker 6 (09:35):
On my way over?

Speaker 1 (09:36):
His life has been examined a great deal.

Speaker 4 (09:38):
Didn't he have a Broadway show?

Speaker 1 (09:40):
He had a Broadway by Spike Lee and he was
made into a film. Yeah, and yeah, I just heard
now there's a Mike Tyson. What is it a documentary?

Speaker 9 (09:48):
Yeah, it's called like Born Fighting or mean Forever something.

Speaker 1 (09:53):
It's yeah, okay, Well if we established a reporter we have,
and let's try one more thing.

Speaker 6 (10:01):
Just whenever they turn the little ice breaker, we're gonna
be ready.

Speaker 1 (10:04):
Just around the table. Uh, favorite relative to master.

Speaker 6 (10:10):
Alive of yours?

Speaker 1 (10:16):
It doesn't have to be your relative. It could be
anybody really it should be your okay, all above, all day,
you're all day, if it's anybody's relative.

Speaker 6 (10:26):
Yeah, good point, because that doesn't narrow it down, doesn't.

Speaker 10 (10:30):
Absolutely okay, of course above? Yeah, yeah, just I gotta
we're gonna.

Speaker 1 (10:34):
Cut that part out.

Speaker 4 (10:35):
Can they be I don't want to be inappropriate in
a casket.

Speaker 1 (10:40):
As long as they're alive.

Speaker 6 (10:42):
It has to be living.

Speaker 1 (10:43):
Yeah, they can't be in a casket while you're masturbating.

Speaker 4 (10:46):
This is this is how James gun was canceled.

Speaker 1 (10:53):
One of us would trade places with James.

Speaker 6 (10:55):
Gunn having a hard time narrowing it down.

Speaker 1 (10:57):
Okay, well you know what you to think about it
while we're interviewing him. You don't have to talk about favorite.

Speaker 4 (11:05):
Okay, let's play the theme song.

Speaker 1 (11:08):
I forgot the theme song? Yeah, what is this show called?
So you'll see I got a speech, didn't make a dub.
Interviews amazing.

Speaker 6 (11:24):
I don't know what to say.

Speaker 9 (11:25):
What to do?

Speaker 2 (11:27):
You me?

Speaker 1 (11:29):
I'm not funny.

Speaker 7 (11:31):
You won't give me if you move me.

Speaker 1 (11:40):
I don't give this precise you. He shouldn't have to
get preseidse by using his wrists so much. Okay, it's amazing. Explain.
Let me explain why, how why that's the most amazing
theme song ever you see it? Because we're the name
of the show is humor me. We're trying to add

(12:01):
humor to our upcoming guest, and so instead of cover me,
it's a Springsteen song. And I'm also a world renowned
Bruce Springsteen impersonator. I get that a lot. Yeah, No,
I get confused for him. I forgot where.

Speaker 4 (12:22):
It's all about providing. People come to for you with
requests on how to make something more humorous or more entertaining.

Speaker 1 (12:33):
Yes, when they're not asking me to sing a Springsteen song,
they will they will be asking me to.

Speaker 4 (12:38):
Uh So, what we imagine is in a couple of months,
you'll be walking down the street and some guy will
be like, Hey, it's the humor Me guy.

Speaker 1 (12:50):
It'll be a welcome break from miss Springsteen. Can I
have your autogram?

Speaker 8 (12:53):
Right?

Speaker 1 (12:54):
The other day I said, I saw someone pointing you
and be.

Speaker 11 (12:56):
Like, hey, Corey will be a welcome I'll take my
fri Corey.

Speaker 6 (13:08):
Yeah, you're finally going to be able to run that goosey.

Speaker 1 (13:13):
Goose Yeah. But I don't know if I'll ever shake
the Springsteen.

Speaker 8 (13:17):
You know.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
Obama came to my house once. He was like, do
the podcast, and I had to explain to him that
I wasn't Bruce. Okay, So first up, now we're going
to talk to a guy, another human being. And this
man is named Trevor. I don't know his last name

(13:38):
because I'm callous, and he is from Ontario. He is
a high school teacher and he has asked us for help.
Let's play his phone call.

Speaker 3 (13:50):
Hey, Robert, I'm a high school teacher from Ontario up
in Canada. Every morning we have our morning announcements and
when I look around the classroom, most of the students
are just playing on their phones. No one's really paying attention,
they're talking, they're doing anything but sort of hearing what
they need to hear for the day. So I thought
we could overhaul sort of the morning announcements, maybe to

(14:14):
give it more structure, more humor, just to get people
more interested.

Speaker 1 (14:20):
That's it, and now let's hear. Well, let's meet Trevor,
and then we'll listen to a morning announcement. Hey, how's
it going, Hey Trevor, Hey, guys, pleasure pleasure. Have you
enjoyed the show so far? I guess you've been listening in.

Speaker 12 (14:35):
Yeah, it's kind of weird because I listened to a
lot of podcasts and this is very.

Speaker 5 (14:39):
Podcast seat and listening. Wait, I'm in this podcast. It's
going great, guys.

Speaker 1 (14:47):
Oh, thank god off Okay, the Trevor stamp of approval. Yeah,
thank you. So Trevor, you're a high school teacher. Yeah,
and what did you want to do?

Speaker 5 (14:56):
Well, you know, just talking generally, like in that phone call.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
Like you want to do other than being a high
school It's thankless.

Speaker 12 (15:09):
It's I'm actually I'm actually a COVID teacher, so I'm
not a lifer.

Speaker 5 (15:16):
I recently became the teacher.

Speaker 12 (15:18):
I feel like if they're like a fish out of
water that in the school system. Yeah, it's really Uh
so I come in and like and and you know,
some of the things that they've been doing a long
time a certain way, why do you do it that way?

Speaker 1 (15:32):
You know?

Speaker 4 (15:32):
And was it one of those things because the pandemic? Uh?
You know? Were you like? I want I want my
job to be more important, Like I want to help people.
Is that why? Because I'm a very selfish person. I
don't want to help people.

Speaker 1 (15:48):
I like it, you know what I mean?

Speaker 4 (15:50):
It's but no, you decided to become a teacher because
that's something you always a spy, like you knew that
there was a great societal value. We know you're Canadian,
so you're a good person, but like, was there a
shift during the pandemic where you you know, you look
like you're in asana. You're in asana, and you're like,

(16:13):
I want to make sure that my life is having
an impact. I'm going to become a teacher.

Speaker 5 (16:18):
Credit my wife. My wife has been a teacher for
fifteen years.

Speaker 12 (16:22):
Yeah, special educations, science, and she's she's the one who
like makes makes it makes a difference every day and
just watching her all these years.

Speaker 5 (16:33):
Would not be here if not for hers.

Speaker 1 (16:36):
I can relate to that.

Speaker 4 (16:37):
And I can also relate. I mean, your wife is amazing. Yeah,
his wife is, like, she's amazing. She's a fantastic kisser too,
not no weird way. All right, So Trevor, so you
want to you want to make these morning announcements.

Speaker 1 (16:56):
More entertaining, more entertaining attention thing.

Speaker 5 (17:00):
Yeah, because it's tough. It's a tough crowd.

Speaker 12 (17:02):
I don't know if any of you have teenagers or
it's it's a it's a rough crowd. So if you
think about it, it's like a daily do the announcements
every day for every week.

Speaker 5 (17:14):
To for ten months.

Speaker 12 (17:16):
So we're kind of looking to you guys to kind
of come up with some stuff and also to to
you know, for uses as a temp plate to sort
of I want to get students involved.

Speaker 5 (17:26):
Like my instinct is like where are all.

Speaker 12 (17:27):
The comedy nerds in the school, Like why aren't students
involved with this?

Speaker 1 (17:31):
Maybe like the students are generally kind of lackadaisical at
the school in terms.

Speaker 12 (17:36):
Of apathetic, generally like lacking real school pride and spirit.
It's a it's a small rural school with not at
least cans don't have a ton to do there. And yeah,
it's just there's a general like lack of school pride
that we are really keen to try to improve going forward.

Speaker 9 (17:54):
So right, could this be like a more of a
generational problem that maybe is just unfixable and we're wasting
that time?

Speaker 12 (18:02):
You bring up a really good point something I was
gonna say, Like we may not be successful.

Speaker 4 (18:06):
But is there a possibility where you could have every
student do the announce every kind of like say like
the scene mandatory. I would say that, like, so every
kid they want to hear if their buddy or even
their enemy is doing it.

Speaker 6 (18:23):
And it's blowing it or selling or whatever.

Speaker 4 (18:25):
Yeah, but there could also be like it could essentially
we could turn it into a morning show, right podcast,
We could turn it into like.

Speaker 6 (18:34):
The Apple scripted show, the Morning Show.

Speaker 4 (18:37):
I mean, it might be hard to get Billy crowed up.
But the other.

Speaker 1 (18:44):
Is it something that could be turned if you're talking
about trying to involve everybody into some sort of a
competitive thing where where you know there's a reward for
there's it becomes some sort of a contest as to
whose announcements were the best, whether it's class versus class.
How many people are in the eight.

Speaker 5 (19:00):
In the whole school, it's about eight hundred students.

Speaker 6 (19:04):
It's a boot eight hundred.

Speaker 1 (19:05):
Tell me about like the student body. Do you have
kids who are regularly misbehaving?

Speaker 9 (19:11):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (19:11):
Yeah, of course black?

Speaker 1 (19:13):
Kind of like how how black? We we have a
for people? We have a nineteen o three.

Speaker 12 (19:20):
Sorry, one of our one of our biggest challenges is
hallway roaming, and we just have like a lot of
students to sort of roam the hallways during class class
A lot of bathing.

Speaker 5 (19:30):
Yeah, the faithing in the bathroom. It's funny.

Speaker 12 (19:34):
It's just like I, you know, want to relate to
this generation as best that I can, but like they don't.

Speaker 5 (19:39):
They don't smoke. No one smokes. No one smokes cigarettes.

Speaker 9 (19:41):
Well, maybe offer some like cigarette discounts or like vaping discounts,
like great code that you have to hear.

Speaker 6 (19:50):
Yeah, and then you report to your office.

Speaker 1 (19:52):
I don't jazz the announcement.

Speaker 4 (19:54):
Yeah, I know this is a public school, but what's
our budget?

Speaker 1 (19:57):
Are we driving.

Speaker 13 (19:59):
Well?

Speaker 4 (19:59):
Because Jenny millions of dollars.

Speaker 1 (20:02):
Put in, this is just fully committed to that.

Speaker 10 (20:04):
I feel good you. It's hard to relate to gen Z.
You know, three of us have have had teenage kids.
It's very hard. But I think you're in good hands
relying on four middle aged comedy writers from New York
City to turn your Canadian teenagers around.

Speaker 4 (20:20):
You've got to learn the slang. So that's something I
know now, the slang of the youth.

Speaker 1 (20:27):
Now, Canadian youth have different.

Speaker 6 (20:29):
Don't be jugie.

Speaker 4 (20:31):
I think this might be out of date, but I
think some kids say, dude.

Speaker 1 (20:37):
Wow, this guy's got his ear to the ground.

Speaker 4 (20:39):
But you're looking for humor and something to engage the community.

Speaker 1 (20:44):
And also but hook them in too. You want something
that will make them look forward to the announcements, like
a Netflix kind of thing where everything's a cliffhanger.

Speaker 10 (20:54):
Do you have a drama department or people who do
plays and stuff there, so kids who might enjoy forming
and doing voices?

Speaker 9 (21:02):
Okay, yeah, you could invite I mean invite like celebrity guests,
like have some of the kids come and do like,
you know, like an onload voice or sorts an egg
by the.

Speaker 14 (21:14):
Way, well, you know what, what if we localized it
and we had the kids do impressions of teachers.

Speaker 4 (21:26):
So here's your daily teacher impression.

Speaker 1 (21:29):
That's great. Making fun of teachers would unite the entire school,
right The impression doesn't have to be amazing. It's like,
guess which teacher they're imperson is?

Speaker 12 (21:39):
You know.

Speaker 4 (21:40):
I like the idea of forcing kids to do this.
I don't know why, but I think if everyone has
to do it, I don't know if you can.

Speaker 1 (21:50):
It does kind of sound like a hostage video, but.

Speaker 4 (21:52):
Like if you can force it legal, if then if
that would make people take an if they eventually have
to do it, So you've got eight hundred students, so
maybe how long can this be?

Speaker 1 (22:04):
Are we expand the year to eight hundred days? Yeah,
every kid gets.

Speaker 4 (22:08):
That's one thing. But like, is it possible for these
school announcements to take an hour? How long? Can it be?
Like a minute? Two minutes? Yeah?

Speaker 5 (22:19):
Maybe two three of the most.

Speaker 4 (22:21):
Secondly, no, but like if there's a group that has
to do it, that can build community, right, So like
say there's one from every grade, a freshman, a senior,
a sophomore, and junior, and then you know, are you
guys call it grade sixteen and grade grade you have thirteen?

Speaker 1 (22:42):
Do you have grade thirteen?

Speaker 7 (22:43):
No?

Speaker 5 (22:43):
Not anymore? We do nine through twelve.

Speaker 6 (22:46):
Okay, there was a grade thirteen.

Speaker 5 (22:48):
There was there was still when till two thousand and four.

Speaker 4 (22:53):
No, that's so where I was born to people who
know Dunesbury will remember, uh that that's not a bad idea.
Where they have to meet? This might be cost pay
These four one from every grade. They fly down to
New York, they meet with us daily, right, they fly back.

(23:17):
It's Ontario. Ontario is pretty close, right, and so no,
but like they they have to get together and they
have to meet and they have to, you know, one
does the teacher impression, one does the sports one does.

Speaker 1 (23:34):
There's like an interactive kind of game like trivia questions.
Yeah with something the win maybe where the joke is
on the teacher.

Speaker 9 (23:43):
Oh, like a fun fact about a teacher. Hey, here's
your trivia question for the day.

Speaker 6 (23:50):
This guy's exactly something.

Speaker 1 (23:53):
Stuff that's going to be interesting. Truths and a lie.
That's a that's an standard.

Speaker 4 (24:00):
That is what typical lens are said on this morning announcement.
So we have we heard one stuff? Yeah, oh we
haven't played.

Speaker 2 (24:14):
Want to clean up your locker? Is your backpack goinging
you down? It's time for that very sweet moment where
you have to say farewell to your textbooks, books and novels.
Return them to the library learning commons as soon as
you're done with them.

Speaker 1 (24:28):
They don't need help.

Speaker 2 (24:31):
Her is today at lunch. If you are at Semester
one or two music student, please attend from eleven forty
to twelve o'clock. Any grade nine to twelve students who
have an instrument or imouth piece please return into the
music room by next week Wednesday.

Speaker 1 (24:49):
She walks away. Other girl takes the royals.

Speaker 2 (24:52):
Today we wrap up our bride event with a free
tie die event at the courtyard at lunch, bring up
friend and an article of clothing you want to talk
I die Locker cleanup Wibe Wednesday, June eighteenth at eleven
ten am and I period two.

Speaker 4 (25:07):
Wait it you're saying that, like people listen to this
and then they don't pay attention. They're not, but it's hard.
We got to get their attention at the top.

Speaker 6 (25:19):
I mean, imagine if she were doing it in an
Arnold impression.

Speaker 1 (25:22):
Not everyone doesn't Arnold knock rap.

Speaker 5 (25:25):
Those first fifteen seconds are sort of the most those
the most important. And even if we did some sort
of like pre recorded saying we could play every day.

Speaker 1 (25:33):
Yeah yeah, that is like opening game opening the humor
me theme song. I mean, people seem to love it
little are but.

Speaker 4 (25:41):
You know that's not even Bruce Springsteen.

Speaker 1 (25:45):
A little known for it.

Speaker 4 (25:47):
What if you had cameos that could be submitted online.
You have some kid harass all these different celebrities and say,
can you do a voicemail message saying hey, today is
the morning announcement. You know you can get like famous
Matt Gates.

Speaker 1 (26:06):
He loves to deal with the high school kids.

Speaker 6 (26:09):
But it might be fun to move up.

Speaker 4 (26:11):
There is someone that could be someone's announcement.

Speaker 6 (26:13):
You have to get Smokey Robinson smoking.

Speaker 4 (26:16):
I was thinking of smoking Robinson. But that might be
fun if someone's funning. No, but like George, that might
be interesting.

Speaker 1 (26:24):
It's a little expensive.

Speaker 4 (26:26):
No, it's not. It's just literally you have kids that
are on their phone and they they send messages to
someone and say, hey, can you say good morning?

Speaker 6 (26:36):
I think it's charged money.

Speaker 4 (26:38):
No, we'll say if they're doing it for a school,
would they we call this thing called cameo. No, but
that's what cameo is.

Speaker 10 (26:47):
Why why are we saying carrot tobn or whatever when
we have Jim Gaffigan here sho TV's Corey, who could
totally be a celebrity at least for this first announcement.

Speaker 4 (27:03):
Hi, this is Jim Gaffigan. Put down the phone. Listen
today's announcement.

Speaker 1 (27:08):
Pretty good. Already a good start.

Speaker 6 (27:10):
Hey, kids and Moffatt need a new vape pen.

Speaker 9 (27:14):
Head over to mister Trevor's room right now with the
code G seven six.

Speaker 6 (27:23):
Yeah baby, Yeah, it's Austin Power's baby.

Speaker 1 (27:26):
It looks like auditioning for this. I want to move
up there.

Speaker 6 (27:30):
I'm about an actual theme song.

Speaker 1 (27:32):
I mean, obviously that's a good idea.

Speaker 6 (27:33):
Our voices will do a lot to achieve your goal.

Speaker 1 (27:36):
What if what we create a school fee, then everybody
has to sing, you know, you send a little District
High We pledge jar Field TV.

Speaker 6 (27:52):
We would die for.

Speaker 1 (27:56):
Royal District High HI.

Speaker 15 (27:59):
Or kill a small and small to sari to the
to show.

Speaker 16 (28:13):
Oal we are the kids of Center District H.

Speaker 1 (28:26):
We kill Goldy. That's pretty good that, I mean, we
got it. And then everybody learns that song.

Speaker 4 (28:39):
What is the team mascot?

Speaker 1 (28:41):
Are there?

Speaker 8 (28:42):
There?

Speaker 1 (28:42):
There is the mascot right, Royal?

Speaker 5 (28:44):
Yeah, the Royals, and it's a lion.

Speaker 6 (28:47):
It's like, yeah, I'm a fan of your football team.
That's how I knew.

Speaker 1 (28:52):
And so what is.

Speaker 4 (28:53):
The main sport?

Speaker 12 (28:54):
Our girls rugby team is like one of the best
in the province of Ontario, which is saying a lot.

Speaker 1 (28:59):
It's a big prowd and they're a male rugby team
that's embarrassed inadequate.

Speaker 5 (29:05):
They're just five.

Speaker 17 (29:06):
They're just like they're doing okay. And so the school
name is the Royals. They wear a royal blue. Yeah,
they wear royal blue. I think you're lying, but I
don't know.

Speaker 5 (29:17):
I'm not sure, to be honest, I.

Speaker 1 (29:19):
Looked at the swag and it's purple and gold the Royal,
it's Crown Royal.

Speaker 10 (29:26):
But there they sponsor liquor company.

Speaker 9 (29:31):
Around in one of those velvet satchels.

Speaker 1 (29:36):
Royals for sure. Yeah, okay, they're the Crown Royal. Yeah,
they're the Crown Royals. Okay, well, smooth smoothe these announcements
will go down smooth. I like that. What if once
a week they called the kid. They just announced that
a kid has to read announcements and he just has
to run. It's like hot luck day, you know. And

(30:00):
then I mean there's the same fact.

Speaker 4 (30:02):
That would be fun though, like if every day they
called a different student to the office, please immediately come
to the President's office or I don't know, principal, the
president of Canada come to the principal's office, and then

(30:23):
they'd be like that would provide some excitement. Yeah, And
then there could also be just random announcements about people
winning an award for you know, in every grade. By
the way, today's number one freshman or grade nine is

(30:46):
Cindy Lawper And so there's just they give out awards
every day, So like people are like the sad name.

Speaker 1 (30:58):
Yep.

Speaker 9 (30:58):
But now you can really get everybody's attention right off
the bat. Is just by somebody going on the PA
and going.

Speaker 6 (31:05):
Help help everybody.

Speaker 1 (31:09):
That might lose its charm after a few days. Not
in my opinion, just like calling someone to the principal presidents.

Speaker 9 (31:17):
In Canada, each every school has a president a prime minister.

Speaker 1 (31:21):
Each school has a prime minister.

Speaker 4 (31:23):
Please report to the PM's office so that if you
announce those students of the day and then let's give
them a round of applause that gets their atte. It's
hard to clap when you're holding a phone.

Speaker 9 (31:36):
Here's a question logistically for your idea. Are there speakers
for the PA in like the bathrooms and the hallways
and the like out back near the dumpsters where they're
smoking pot.

Speaker 5 (31:49):
Not inut back, but yeah, they're they're pretty much everywhere.

Speaker 6 (31:52):
Got it? Yeah, then this will work?

Speaker 4 (31:54):
Be great. So like at the end of Friday's announcement,
vote for which of which day should win best announcement
Announcement of the week, and they win Crown Royal, Crown
Royal Royal. You know, as we know, bullying is a
thing what if there was the bully of the day
whoa so like the kid that's the biggest dick gets

(32:18):
an maybe we call them the biggest dick everything.

Speaker 6 (32:22):
That could be confusing the biggest jerk award. Some guys
sitting I mean, wait a.

Speaker 1 (32:30):
Minute, hold on to you.

Speaker 6 (32:33):
Didn't you ain't seen mine yet? That's an Ottawa ask.

Speaker 1 (32:36):
I might actually get more competition.

Speaker 6 (32:40):
By the way, and Trevor, I don't see you taking notes.

Speaker 1 (32:42):
Are you paying attention at all?

Speaker 9 (32:43):
We're supposed I was chatting about this with my wife
before this, and she said at her high school sometimes
kids would ask out other.

Speaker 6 (32:54):
Kids on the PA.

Speaker 9 (32:56):
Syste would be like, Julie, you know this is some
and like I want to sing you this song and
then ask you to prom I don't know how you
force that, but I think if you open it up.

Speaker 1 (33:07):
You give people the opportunity, if.

Speaker 9 (33:09):
You open up the floor for that to happen, and
then it kind of.

Speaker 1 (33:13):
People challenge each other to fights.

Speaker 6 (33:15):
Love that.

Speaker 4 (33:16):
Yeah, there could be an editorial element. Every Friday we
have an editorial and this week's editorial, and it can
be humorous, it could be thoughtful.

Speaker 1 (33:28):
It could be like.

Speaker 9 (33:29):
Either of those, and you obviously you would have to
get the ball rolling by by writing the first hundred
to two hundred of those. After that, I'm sure they
would catch on.

Speaker 4 (33:40):
You could do the announcements in a foreign language and
see if anyone notices.

Speaker 10 (33:49):
Is like actual kind of almost announcement jokes, you know, great.
I mean, like the AI club will meet without you
this Tuesday at two, will send you a full summary
of what it meant later, so you could say you
were at the meeting. Uh, Like they have to announce
lunch every day, but like the gourmet description of the
school lunch every day, like like very flourly language, you know. Uh,

(34:13):
buttermilk marinated chicken tenderloins lovingly sauteed and a bespoke blend
of spices and a panco crust chicken fingers, you know, like,
uh like something like that, your you're gourmet.

Speaker 4 (34:24):
I was just trying to think, be what we are
not serving at lunch today? Yeah, huh, we are not
serving today, uh sea urchant. There's gonna be not a
taco bar, so there will.

Speaker 6 (34:37):
Not be there will not be table side squawk today.

Speaker 4 (34:40):
It's there's not gonna be a whole ice cream Sunday
sat out.

Speaker 1 (34:44):
You could do to truth and a lie with that,
or you could.

Speaker 4 (34:47):
Do you could slide in some announcements truth and a lie,
like there is the tie dye thing at noon, there's
a girl's rugby match later on, and three the school
will blow up in twenty seconds, right, yeah, yeah, I
don't know if that one yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (35:05):
Like funny. I think it's easy to answer.

Speaker 10 (35:07):
Yeah, I mean if one was kind of if you
wait twenty second, be fun or we blow.

Speaker 1 (35:11):
Up the school.

Speaker 4 (35:12):
M hmm. I mean that would be cooler. Yeah, that
would be better. That would be a better podcast episode, right.

Speaker 6 (35:19):
Yeah, I'm just remembering now.

Speaker 9 (35:21):
Literally my senior year of high school, a friend of
mine and I commandeered the PA system by like creating
a diversion for the lady who was in the office.
We crawled into the thing, closed the and then we're like, hey.

Speaker 6 (35:36):
What's up. It's Alex and West and we're gonna play whatever.

Speaker 9 (35:38):
It was like Dave Matthews band. We both got us
in school suspensions for that. But I think if you
stayed something kind of like that, you all of a
sudden make it kind of like ooh, the PA.

Speaker 6 (35:51):
There's like a lot of lore around there, it's naughty, it's.

Speaker 9 (35:54):
Bad boy fall Flag operations, yeah right, get Antifa involved,
and now all of a sudden it's got some streak
cred and now people are like, uh, oh, PA's coming on,
what's going to happen now?

Speaker 12 (36:07):
It's uh that's the type of thing I think back to,
like what you said previously too, which is just like
how these things just come out of nowhere to keep
you on your toes, Like there's information you to hear,
and then you splice that in with something out of nowhere,
and then they're like, what's that?

Speaker 5 (36:21):
And even then that just gets their attention, right, So.

Speaker 1 (36:23):
I love it.

Speaker 6 (36:24):
Do all the announcements have to be done at once?
Could you sprinkle them throughout the day in the middle
of classes?

Speaker 10 (36:32):
Yeah, comes an announcement even after school when everyone is gone.

Speaker 1 (36:37):
I understand there's vandalism in the school sometimes.

Speaker 5 (36:41):
Yeah, I think every school struggles with that.

Speaker 12 (36:43):
But we uh yeah, we have a uh in the
washrooms specifically, seems to be it's not like graffiti, it's
like ripping doors off that kind of stuff, ripping.

Speaker 1 (36:52):
Doors, hands, ripping hand dryers.

Speaker 4 (36:58):
Now this might be on what if we opened every
announcement with a racist joke.

Speaker 2 (37:06):
Is that wrong?

Speaker 1 (37:07):
I mean it would give people's attention.

Speaker 4 (37:09):
It could we could ary it could be racist, yeah, pedophile,
you would get their attention. Sorry, like like what Jim like,
it would be uh like example, I don't see uh color,
I don't. I don't even call it color.

Speaker 6 (37:27):
You mean when you look in the mirror?

Speaker 1 (37:29):
Hio? Okay? That like I do?

Speaker 4 (37:33):
Like you know, like the thing about the School of
Spirit song is really stupid but almost kind of endearing,
where like I could see a drunk high school of
students singing it.

Speaker 1 (37:45):
Yeah, Like if it's funny enough, maybe people would, like
you were saying, yeah, if they're drunk, like you said,
which most of them probably they come to school drunk.
What Royals, what if.

Speaker 4 (37:56):
There was this approach of like, since these are non
planet teenagers, what if they approached it from there was
a super this is fitballing a super formality to it.
Please stand and join us in singing like so in
other words, these guys are on their phone and you
just go against it and raise you put your hand

(38:19):
over your heart and recite the following pledge.

Speaker 6 (38:24):
Please stand and.

Speaker 4 (38:25):
Recite the Royal code. We come from the School of dad,
We believe in honesty, integrity, perseverance and female rugby.

Speaker 1 (38:37):
Right while Lord's Royals plays in the background. Right, yeah,
that's as much as you can say.

Speaker 6 (38:46):
Okay, yeah, sorry, but they can.

Speaker 1 (38:48):
Use it to their Actually we could write words to
that song.

Speaker 6 (38:55):
Yeah right right, and we'll always be and will always.

Speaker 1 (38:59):
Be roll never gonna break a hand dryer. You're in
suburban Toronto where we never get rid of the snow.

Speaker 6 (39:12):
And all our teachers blow like just like a girls, right,
not so much the boys.

Speaker 10 (39:23):
My slight worry about it is I'm sure that all
these students have heard once that's already done this.

Speaker 6 (39:28):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (39:29):
Maybe they haven't done it, but but maybe they've.

Speaker 6 (39:31):
No, there's like his kids weren't born when that's something
came out.

Speaker 1 (39:35):
Yeah, they is like eight years old.

Speaker 6 (39:38):
Maybe it's not that all. How old are teenage teenagers are?

Speaker 1 (39:42):
Three? Yeah? It might be an eye roller? Is that
something that has been done a million times?

Speaker 5 (39:47):
Uh not in my short time there? So I kind
of love it.

Speaker 4 (39:51):
I kind of love it as you create culture by
Also then they're like this is inside you know what
I mean? Because you go against the apathy, right right,
we always open doors for a teacher. A Royal would
never not root for the women's rugby team which won
last night.

Speaker 9 (40:12):
Roy would would would never rip a door off its
hinges in the men's room in the west wing of
the school.

Speaker 10 (40:21):
Royal would never vape mango zango in the bathroom during
government classes.

Speaker 5 (40:27):
Yeah, it'd be funny if Jim led.

Speaker 1 (40:29):
That too, Right, Well, maybe Jim could inaugurate the pledge.
You know, he has a day job.

Speaker 5 (40:36):
But I like a pre recorded recorded.

Speaker 4 (40:40):
I'll read the pledge and then there's and now time
for our school fight song, and then the school fight song,
and kids are.

Speaker 1 (40:49):
Like what is And we could take like Friday and
see if they've all learned the pledge.

Speaker 9 (40:54):
Yeah, a word of the day that when you say it,
everybody in the school has to yell.

Speaker 6 (41:00):
Royals who.

Speaker 1 (41:04):
Pretty good?

Speaker 6 (41:05):
Just like pretty good woman?

Speaker 1 (41:07):
Why don't we just get o d He is a
newborn kids, he loves kids. I worked with him on
Jack and Jill. Oh yeah, we're really cool. That was
his goose. What if for like things like guess the teacher,

(41:28):
which teacher am I impersonating? Or which teacher has these qualities?
You could just have a text number, just a dedicated
phone to this and whichever kid texts the right answer first.

Speaker 10 (41:40):
Oh, that's cool, Yeah, gets something, something gets tear off.

Speaker 5 (41:45):
Hand, right.

Speaker 4 (41:47):
What they're there for that is interesting, Like that is
an opportunity to build community.

Speaker 9 (41:52):
The prize for first person to like answer the trivia
question or whatever is something more uh like teacher, like
like you can throw a pie in Trevor, mister Trevor's
face at the end of the week out on the
front lawn near the flagpole, like then we got a
little community.

Speaker 6 (42:11):
And then or it's like you get to rub your
butt on mister Trevor's.

Speaker 1 (42:19):
Because that's gross, but you have to stick your finger.
They get to put you in the face. Would would
would are there teachers who'd be willing to have things
done to them in a good natured way.

Speaker 5 (42:39):
You can do it once a week.

Speaker 12 (42:40):
You'd also do something that builds up to like you know,
once a week someone gets pulled and that gets into
a bigger pool and then it builds out to.

Speaker 6 (42:48):
We'll give the advice here.

Speaker 9 (42:52):
Another suggestion is, you know, you could make it personal
just to kind of like connect with and like you
could start every day with some sort of personal ranch
or anecdote like and just sort of like vent, bring,
bring the students in. It's like if you have something
going on at home with your wife or whatever, just
kind of and then people will be like, oh, yeah,

(43:14):
how do we help mister Trevor.

Speaker 12 (43:16):
What beef?

Speaker 4 (43:20):
So what we're gonna do?

Speaker 1 (43:22):
So we're going to send you all these materials and
you are going to figure out what you're gonna know
you're gonna do. We're gonna write something up and send
it to you and then you're going to use whatever
you want out of it. That's gonna be the payoff.
It's going to happen for the listener in a couple
of minutes thanks to uh whoever these people are. Bryan

(43:45):
Zonker gives Mom and Jim sorry.

Speaker 9 (43:53):
The last idea somebody gets a tattoo done live over
the PA system.

Speaker 4 (43:57):
Over the Yes, well that's a good ideas the tattoo.

Speaker 1 (44:05):
Got a thing that needs to be funnier, tell us
about it at speakpipe dot com slash humor mean. All right,
we're back. Welcome to the Podcast that Goes Wrong. This
is many months later and we have a lot to tell.
First of all, I'm here with our friend Jim Gaffigan

(44:27):
who is on Zoom and this is the ghost of
Alex Moffatt, who's stuck in traffic. Like I said, this
is the podcast that goes wrong. But that's that's a
mere pittance compared to what's gone wrong with this episode, Jim.
As you'll recall, this was back in nineteen seventy four

(44:50):
when we did this.

Speaker 4 (44:52):
Right, it's the oil crisis, right.

Speaker 1 (44:54):
Yeah, the oil crisis, Gerald Ford dropped dead New York,
all that stuff. Yeah, And we interviewed a man named
uh Am. I even allowed to say his name, Frank,
I think, so just make up a name.

Speaker 4 (45:12):
We've got an idea for a name. Go ahead, let's
say his name's Gerald Ford.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
Got it. We interviewed the late President Gerald Ford, and
as you recall from minutes ago, he was he had
a school where he wanted to jazz up his announcements.

Speaker 5 (45:34):
Uh And.

Speaker 1 (45:36):
My producer Frank didn't realize that he needed to confirm
this with his superiors, right, Frank, that's correct. Yes, he
never ranted by anybody, right, he went rogue.

Speaker 4 (45:49):
He went rogue in this situation. Frank is Bob a Bowie,
right exactly.

Speaker 1 (45:55):
He's very much Bob Well. The bottom line is it
was a it was a public school, and they had
to the whole thing had to go through layers of
authority that Frank had not checked on. Right, Frank, that's correct.
Thank you for taking full accountability. Yes, that's what you're doing, right,

(46:20):
my fault.

Speaker 4 (46:21):
This reminds me of those zoom hearings, the zoom hearings,
the pandemic.

Speaker 1 (46:30):
What we have a door? Oh look, who's back from traffic?
There it's Alex Moffatt of Saturday. Your head is cut
off there, he is, Hi, everybody, Alex is here. I
was explaining to Jim that our friend from I don't

(46:52):
even know if I'm allowed to disclose the place. He
Gerald Ford, the man we interviewed.

Speaker 4 (46:59):
I got a name for a high school for so
a man.

Speaker 1 (47:06):
We spoke to gerald Ford. It turns out that gerald
Ford High School is a public high school, and they
had no business. They were like, under no circumstances are
we going to have any announcement, Shenanigan.

Speaker 6 (47:19):
Oh sure, God.

Speaker 1 (47:21):
So because he was beholden to that, we had to
go find a completely different school. Willing to do because
we didn't want to waste that interview. No, no, we
didn't I mean it's I think we'll all agree on
this that it was probably the greatest interview in the
history of podcasting.

Speaker 4 (47:41):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (47:42):
By the way, Brian Tucker, he's not in traffic like
you or he's just he was incarcerated. It's a long story.
Well we have time, Yeah, we do, we really do.
Can you tell us about this traffic?

Speaker 6 (47:56):
I'm so glad you asked Robert.

Speaker 1 (47:58):
Please tell us about how much time what streets were jammed?

Speaker 9 (48:02):
Oh gosh, well getting off of the the FDR horrible good, Okay,
a lot of real Look, I could go into great detail,
and I know it would be riveting radio, but.

Speaker 1 (48:14):
We'll do that for our Patreon listener.

Speaker 6 (48:19):
Only for humor Me Gold members.

Speaker 1 (48:22):
Humor Me Gold members for twenty dollars a month. You
can hear why we were late.

Speaker 6 (48:28):
Okay, it was a just bonus material.

Speaker 1 (48:30):
Sit that to the point here. Gerald Ford High School
was there, Okay. Their mascot was the Royals. So Frank
are intrepid producer who is also a cartoon sewer rat,
which makes him even more challenging. To his credit, he
scoured the country for a school that had the same mascot, Royals,

(48:56):
and he went all the way to Queens. Wow, to
find Christ the King High School. Christ the King High School,
legendary high school, legendary basketball program. Jose Alvarado of the
New York Knickerbockers right now playing for the championship as
we record this. Actually we might this will come out

(49:18):
a year from now. No, it's actually going to come
out very soon anyway, because look at look we're on
such a role. So what we're going to do is
we're going to talk to the very kind principal who
agreed to let his students because Christ the King is
not a public school. Christ the King is a how

(49:40):
would you describe it?

Speaker 6 (49:41):
Shouldn't be called that.

Speaker 1 (49:42):
Joe, Joe R. Batello, principal, Catholic school. We're a Catholic school.

Speaker 4 (49:49):
Of the school sounds anti somatic.

Speaker 7 (49:56):
We're all God's people, you know what.

Speaker 1 (50:00):
I'm gonna put the podcast first. That's how dedicated I am.
I'm gonna cruise the name of this school.

Speaker 6 (50:11):
It is coming from a guy who.

Speaker 4 (50:12):
I'm just trying to I'm trying to lose followers.

Speaker 1 (50:18):
You and me both, Okay, So here we are and
we're gonna meet. We're gonna talk with Joe Arbateello, principal
of Christ the King High School, and Ali, I forget
your last name, I apologize Shiro Ali Shiro one of
the prize students of Christ the King High School. And

(50:40):
most of you guys are theater kids, right, Ali, We're
you're all theater kids. Because first we got the media
kids and they were all completely disinterested.

Speaker 7 (50:50):
Topical New York fashion. They said it wasn't funny.

Speaker 1 (50:53):
Well, actually, we actually have a clip of a zoom
that we had with some of the kids, including your son, Joey.
Let's take a look at that clip.

Speaker 2 (51:06):
Oh.

Speaker 8 (51:06):
I thought it was pretty all right when I first
looked at it, but I started giving us some thought,
and I've kind of asked some of my close friends
what they thought, and it didn't really go anywhere. So
I was thinking, I don't know if it's gonna get anybody,
since a lot of the people in here don't laugh
as much as some of the friends that I know,

(51:27):
So if didn't them laugh, it might not make it
definitely won't make other people laugh.

Speaker 1 (51:33):
So beautiful, beautiful.

Speaker 4 (51:36):
This guy's obviously he's obviously Larry Ellison stoode right off.

Speaker 8 (51:44):
Right.

Speaker 4 (51:45):
I mean, it's just like I mean, if you didn't
see behind him, Barry Weiss was standing behind him.

Speaker 1 (51:54):
It's not like our material, uh filled with political slander.
That was his analysis of every idea I made it.
I made a document of every idea that we discussed.

Speaker 6 (52:07):
It's pretty brutal.

Speaker 4 (52:08):
I think Joey's got a future in network television. He's
a development.

Speaker 1 (52:19):
I've worked with. I've worked with many Joey's in my life.
I've fished so many Joey's. Yeah, Okay, we're gonna regroup
and we're gonna circle back. And so we hit a
we hit a wall. But then I continue to talk
to Ali and the theater kids and we were able
to get a couple of our ideas through. And here

(52:43):
were the ideas that they were okay with. I can't
wait that the kids were excited about. One was doing
a school song. Yeah, and believe it or not, the
one that you do the two of us improvised, if
you'll recall, was the one about sacrificing a goat for
the school's principal. Okay, yeah they they Joey Arbateello just

(53:06):
quashed that. The other one, Cell he is a tough cell.
He just I don't know he has a thing about goats.
And then the other one, though, was doing a parody
of the song Royals by Lord, and that did that
did arouse thee a. How about a hand for delivering coffee?

Speaker 6 (53:36):
Okay, so royals, So the go down and tell us
what kind of coffee it is and what kind of
traffic this morning?

Speaker 1 (53:47):
So why don't we watch? So the other thing they
got interested in was doing impressions of teachers. So that's
what we're gonna now, we're gonna start watching. We're gonna
watch what they did. Let's start with day one, and
what we have here is Joe setting it up. Then
someone does an impression, and we have a shot of

(54:08):
the classroom where the teacher who's being impersonated is listening.
Take it away. Joe, thanks everybody to please staff for
the pledge.

Speaker 18 (54:19):
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States
of America and to the Republic, for which it stands,
One nation under God, indivisible with.

Speaker 7 (54:29):
Unity and justice for all.

Speaker 6 (54:31):
Oh whoa, whoa, hold on, Hold on, wait a minute, whatever,
I have no liberty.

Speaker 1 (54:39):
The principle Joe is the principal of the school.

Speaker 6 (54:43):
Is that what you're going to say.

Speaker 1 (54:48):
Joe.

Speaker 4 (54:48):
Don't want to know why Joe's even reading it. Why
do you have to read that?

Speaker 1 (54:52):
He's clearly not reading it because there we're doing to
rush today. There's no version that says unit with unity
and justice for all.

Speaker 6 (55:06):
Maybe they changed it. They've changed it in parts of
the Lord's Prayer.

Speaker 1 (55:09):
Unless unless Joe was going rogue and he said, you
know what we need right now? We need this country
needs unity, which I respect.

Speaker 6 (55:16):
I mean he's an evolving document as it were.

Speaker 1 (55:19):
I think we've given up on liberty anyway, right, speaking
of the speaking of CBS, that's all united behind behind fascism.
Let's get behind.

Speaker 4 (55:33):
Oh no, Joe might be adding a little flavor keep
the kids interested.

Speaker 1 (55:38):
Yeah, maybe he's Joe explained, Joe, were you testing the kids?
Is that what was going on? Joe before? It was
wrong too?

Speaker 7 (55:46):
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (55:47):
I was a mess that morning. I guess.

Speaker 7 (55:50):
Everybody behind us.

Speaker 1 (55:51):
Just just tell everyone that you coached Jose Alvarado and
everything will be funny.

Speaker 5 (55:57):
That's all I to tell you about.

Speaker 7 (55:59):
Anyway, he went to more.

Speaker 4 (56:02):
He had too much of the sacramental wine.

Speaker 6 (56:07):
In the morning.

Speaker 1 (56:09):
All right, We've had our fun with Joe. The principal,
Let's let's continue to start off.

Speaker 7 (56:18):
Teacher Appreciation Week. We have a breakfast for our teachers.
We're gonna do something special for them all week. And
I like to personally say thanks you.

Speaker 1 (56:25):
To that teacher appreciation.

Speaker 7 (56:26):
Start teacher Appreciation Week.

Speaker 19 (56:28):
We have a special teacher to announce all our announcements
this morning. I like to I like to introduce our teacher,
our special guest teacher to give the announcements.

Speaker 1 (56:38):
Would have help to give the name so people knew
who the impression.

Speaker 20 (56:42):
Well at this dangossarios, please check your email for the
change of classes.

Speaker 1 (56:56):
Boy Volleyball and his e send nights, Seniors, Oka.

Speaker 6 (57:03):
And zims are all this week and good looks to
the lists.

Speaker 5 (57:10):
Job killed, you kill.

Speaker 1 (57:16):
Okay, So that's clearly of the teacher.

Speaker 4 (57:19):
Miss, I mean, look at how impressed those kids.

Speaker 1 (57:25):
Are so ali you know these kids, Yeah, they didn't
seem to react that much. Is that because they're just
preoccupied or did they not know who the impression was?
That was the teacher?

Speaker 8 (57:38):
Right?

Speaker 21 (57:40):
Yeah, I definitely. I asked a lot of students throughout
the day like, oh, did you like the morning announcement?
And they knew it was the teacher. That's missus Cheswray.

Speaker 7 (57:49):
She's the Spanish teacher.

Speaker 21 (57:50):
Because the teachers that we picked to do the impressions of,
we tried to pick the ones that people would recognize
right away, like the catchphrases, so like Mss Chesway, for example,
every morning.

Speaker 1 (58:00):
She goes okay, so then everyone knew.

Speaker 5 (58:04):
She knew it was her.

Speaker 1 (58:06):
She was grinning premiere.

Speaker 6 (58:07):
There she kick out of it.

Speaker 1 (58:10):
Okay.

Speaker 4 (58:10):
Well, I mean I guess the camera on or would
have probably indicated something.

Speaker 1 (58:14):
It might have helped. We tried to Yeah, I know,
we tried to tell the guy.

Speaker 2 (58:18):
To be.

Speaker 4 (58:20):
Subtly listen to this. Yeah, but I thought the kid's
impression was good. I mean it's also early and.

Speaker 1 (58:30):
We had a good chazziret. You thought you thought you
thought the kid did a good chazziret. You know, look
from your experience with the chasiret.

Speaker 4 (58:40):
My cheasurey experience, I'd give it an eight point two.

Speaker 1 (58:44):
You know who does the best chasiret? James Austin Johnson.

Speaker 4 (58:48):
He's amazing, but you know, and he can do without
the makeup too.

Speaker 1 (58:55):
Have you ever tried doing a chasiray?

Speaker 6 (58:57):
I screen tested for at SNL for Chaziray, and they
went with James.

Speaker 1 (59:03):
They went with James. Okay, all right, let's go to Tuesday.
On Tuesday we did, we had another impression and this
was pretty funny. The teacher's reaction was pretty funny here, So.

Speaker 7 (59:14):
Honor teacher appreciation.

Speaker 19 (59:15):
We are going to have our next teacher, mister b
come on and do the morning announcements.

Speaker 1 (59:20):
Mister Polonies, this time you got it.

Speaker 2 (59:23):
Here's good.

Speaker 5 (59:24):
So there he is.

Speaker 1 (59:27):
He literally thinks he's.

Speaker 6 (59:28):
Supposed to go to the.

Speaker 20 (59:33):
Hello jus seniors, we will keep their funds today for
anyone donates.

Speaker 5 (59:38):
The blood drive.

Speaker 1 (59:40):
Now come now he realizes it, so.

Speaker 5 (59:43):
Remember for the blood drive.

Speaker 1 (59:49):
Meanwhile, the kid freezes up. I don't know what happened here, Ali, Oh, well,
you know they're not professionals there, they're theater kids.

Speaker 6 (01:00:07):
And and maybe he was letting mister Polines get back
to his desk.

Speaker 1 (01:00:12):
I don't think Polonies got that far. This is really
showtime at the Apollo stuff. You want Samman Simms to
come and dance him, dance him off. Now they're telling
Polonies to go back.

Speaker 7 (01:00:36):
I'm sing the whole way.

Speaker 1 (01:00:40):
Well, it wasn't very entertaining other than the damage and
confusion we caused, but that's entertaining its own, right. Yeah,
this is truly the podcast that goes wrong. Well that
was uh, that was funny unintentionally, which is often better nowadays.

Speaker 7 (01:00:57):
What happens?

Speaker 1 (01:00:58):
Yes please?

Speaker 8 (01:00:59):
Yeah?

Speaker 21 (01:01:00):
Yeah. So, like the other girl that was sitting next
to me, that's Kaylin, and she I had asked her
to like write a script like with the morning because
she was supposed to do it that morning, but then
the teacher that she was supposed to imitate wasn't there,
So then we had Carlos do mister polonies. And so
I thought that on her phone was like a script
of the announcements, but it was just like it. All

(01:01:22):
it said was, oh, Carlos will like say the announcements.
So the only thing that he knew to say was
about the blood drive. So we were like, oh, come
make something up. And then he, just like Froze is
clearly he's not good at improvising.

Speaker 6 (01:01:36):
Right, And I mean until he was put right on
the spot. I mean, you know, Carlos help.

Speaker 1 (01:01:42):
Well, I'm gonna let's just blame Joe. Why don't we
blame Joe? I think that's the simplest simplest thing to do.
It's it's our default.

Speaker 7 (01:01:51):
You get further along again, it gets better. But the
kids still don't know that that was an impression. As
we got further along, I.

Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
Know, I know then now it gets better. Okay, so
let's go to Wednesday. This is Ali's moment to shine Hi.

Speaker 21 (01:02:06):
It's Ali Sheiro. In honor of Teacher Appreciation Week, I've
decided to write a little parody about how much I.

Speaker 13 (01:02:13):
Appreciate my teachers and love me Soon at Chris a Cake,
I am a student as CTKA wonderful, I take the
entry all the way to the end. I get a
coffee at the cafe, and after school, I got my friends,

(01:02:35):
and everybody loves Dacon Norman, Mister Julietti and Ms Hollinsworth
loves us like spaghetti.

Speaker 7 (01:02:41):
We don't care, and mister Colby.

Speaker 13 (01:02:44):
Has lost his hair, and we also love Kylazov sending
La Chells are right Oursberger and Skagnola.

Speaker 5 (01:02:52):
We don't care if Arbatalla is working everywhere, because.

Speaker 6 (01:02:56):
We'll always be real.

Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
Every done.

Speaker 7 (01:03:02):
As pictures on the wall.

Speaker 13 (01:03:06):
We don't want to be sleeping glass gardens.

Speaker 6 (01:03:15):
And well done. Ally, you got pipes.

Speaker 4 (01:03:25):
That was good.

Speaker 6 (01:03:27):
If I close my eyes, that could have been Lord.

Speaker 4 (01:03:29):
And I think it's appropriate that we're doing a Lord parody.
When you're doing uh in Christ the King, the King,
there's a lot of there's a lot of Catholic imagery here.

Speaker 1 (01:03:42):
Good job, Alan, that was great, Now it was? I say,
why not make everybody sing it every morning? Right, Jim?

Speaker 4 (01:03:48):
I think? And I think at every game, at every game,
at graduation.

Speaker 1 (01:03:53):
Graduation, why not use every opportunity to remind mister Police
that he's bald, like a.

Speaker 21 (01:04:02):
Halftime performance I graduation now right?

Speaker 1 (01:04:05):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (01:04:06):
And I think like mister Polinese is gonna love the
fact that he's there in thirty years when this song
is sung every day.

Speaker 1 (01:04:14):
All the references, you'll never change the references, that's right, Jim.

Speaker 6 (01:04:18):
Joe will have to replace the word unity somewhere there, Joe.

Speaker 4 (01:04:26):
Did I think I think that Ted Alexandra went to
this school? Did Jalo go to this school for a year?

Speaker 1 (01:04:35):
Jennifer Lopez, She's no, she's Jenny from the Bronx.

Speaker 4 (01:04:42):
No, but she lived in Queens for a year.

Speaker 6 (01:04:45):
You'd be surprised the amount of Jalo trivia, Jim.

Speaker 1 (01:04:48):
Jim Cavie, it's a lot of it. Jim knows that
she went. She lived in Queens for one year.

Speaker 4 (01:04:55):
Apparently she did, and not that I've stalked her, but I.

Speaker 7 (01:05:00):
Know a lot.

Speaker 6 (01:05:01):
It sounds like somebody who has stopped you.

Speaker 1 (01:05:03):
Good for you not stalking her. Jim at the camera,
you'll see a boaster.

Speaker 4 (01:05:10):
I have it all covered up.

Speaker 1 (01:05:12):
That's a fake background. That's one of those zoom backgrounds
that Jim has to cover up. Bus Yeah, principal Unity,
the legendary. Okay, all right, so that's good stuff.

Speaker 6 (01:05:27):
So there's two more days.

Speaker 1 (01:05:28):
Thursday was really good. Let's let's check it out more mishaps.

Speaker 18 (01:05:33):
Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the last day the
teacher appreciation week to.

Speaker 6 (01:05:45):
Have my baby emails writing costume changes.

Speaker 2 (01:05:49):
I love you all.

Speaker 9 (01:05:50):
I love you all.

Speaker 19 (01:05:51):
Have an amazing Friday, and I will see you all
the ceramics later.

Speaker 5 (01:05:55):
I'm going to handle.

Speaker 7 (01:05:56):
Back Mike back to mister Abella.

Speaker 5 (01:06:01):
Yeah, your building immediately extremes abortion.

Speaker 7 (01:06:20):
You were fired in the ability.

Speaker 5 (01:06:33):
Obviously that was not me.

Speaker 18 (01:06:35):
That was an impersonation that one of our students, none
of those teachers I find. I can say it was
a terrible day we had with our Spring Art Festival,
back every morning.

Speaker 7 (01:06:47):
We can impa weekend. Make sure you wish you all that.

Speaker 18 (01:06:50):
Happens that you can bring one of those on a
great weekend.

Speaker 1 (01:06:54):
Now, that was that was worthy of that. We we
that's an idea that we would have thought of, and
we would have been afraid to pitch that. Yeah, have
a teacher pretend to fire everybody.

Speaker 5 (01:07:07):
That was amazing.

Speaker 1 (01:07:08):
Joe, Joe, did you even know that was the impression?
Did you know that he was going to do that?

Speaker 7 (01:07:14):
Yeah?

Speaker 9 (01:07:16):
They did.

Speaker 6 (01:07:18):
Oh, that's what I thought. Phone.

Speaker 7 (01:07:22):
He did my voice.

Speaker 19 (01:07:23):
Because there's a lot of there's a lot of interviews
with me online, so he took them offline and then
he worked all night on it.

Speaker 7 (01:07:31):
He said, he said, you have the free version, so
email names.

Speaker 1 (01:07:37):
It seemed like it really did fool some people when
he said not mister Gallagher. Was he joking? No, no, no,
I think he likes so he was really fooled. Yeah,
and Joe, you signed off on this, Frank.

Speaker 7 (01:07:51):
I did. I guess I'm one to go.

Speaker 4 (01:07:56):
I should point out that this podcast is brought to
you by opening.

Speaker 6 (01:08:02):
The free version.

Speaker 1 (01:08:03):
Well, you know what, probably you know, momentarily scared a
few people, but ultimately when people go through something like that,
it brings them together, sure does. And you know what
the word unity, unity, unity, unity. Joe brought unity and
justice and liberally for for all, like christ beab jim

(01:08:33):
Any closing thoughts, I.

Speaker 4 (01:08:35):
Think that has been very interesting. I think that, you know,
like what we wanted to accomplish was school morale. And
when you see the footage of those children, really the
future of America hearing this stuff and responding, you know,
lifting up, looking up from their phone.

Speaker 1 (01:08:55):
Exactly and then looking and then looking right back and
then looking right back.

Speaker 4 (01:08:59):
You know, you realize that the work you're doing is
really changing America.

Speaker 6 (01:09:05):
It's all unworth it.

Speaker 9 (01:09:06):
Smigel and Joe, I think your your son is probably
just like just kicking himself.

Speaker 6 (01:09:14):
Oh yeah, that he didn't ride this wave when he
had the chance.

Speaker 4 (01:09:18):
We're all going to be working for Joey. Yeah, it's
just the reality.

Speaker 1 (01:09:22):
It's true. It's true.

Speaker 4 (01:09:24):
He's going to own AI.

Speaker 9 (01:09:26):
And then, uh, does this seem like a tradition you
guys might want to carry forward in future years now
that you guys, I mean it seems like it was.

Speaker 6 (01:09:35):
It was such a smash this year.

Speaker 1 (01:09:37):
Yeah, Joe, future years, you're.

Speaker 9 (01:09:38):
Gonna have like the theater kids do impressions of the teachers,
maybe rewrite a Lord song or two.

Speaker 19 (01:09:45):
I think it was great that we did it during
teacher appreciation, So we're definitely gonna do something next year
during teacher appreciation tradition.

Speaker 1 (01:09:52):
Here we go, we've started a tradition.

Speaker 5 (01:09:54):
Jumps. Yeah, we have Joey do.

Speaker 4 (01:09:58):
It most ortanly. I think the teachers felt appreciated.

Speaker 1 (01:10:03):
I get fired, And.

Speaker 4 (01:10:08):
Is does it say anything about our value of teachers
where we need to dedicate a week to tell people
to appreciate that? Does it say anything to like the
teacher community that is obviously grossly underpaid and overworked, but
we do give them a week where like there are

(01:10:29):
some pretty high quality impressions going on.

Speaker 6 (01:10:32):
Yes, that's all they really need.

Speaker 1 (01:10:34):
They need to be impersonated and reminded how bald they are.

Speaker 9 (01:10:40):
So what.

Speaker 4 (01:10:43):
I want? You know the Jose you know, the guy
who's playing for the next what was he like? Would
he have liked these impressions?

Speaker 7 (01:10:54):
He was absolutely handful?

Speaker 4 (01:10:56):
Like really, I mean, because I think he's a he's
a pretty impressive story of of resilience.

Speaker 7 (01:11:03):
Yeah, you would never think he was going to the NBA.

Speaker 1 (01:11:06):
You know he uh, he was.

Speaker 9 (01:11:08):
He was.

Speaker 1 (01:11:08):
He was a tough kid man.

Speaker 2 (01:11:10):
He was.

Speaker 7 (01:11:10):
The way he plays is his personality.

Speaker 19 (01:11:13):
He thinks he's always right, but I think you know,
they always say it was the best part of your personality.
He's also the worst part of your personality. And he
sums that up. He just called me yesterday. He's a
great kid. He loves Christ the King.

Speaker 4 (01:11:23):
He's really really.

Speaker 19 (01:11:27):
I was sitting courtside next to Tracy Morgan. Actually no way, Well,
I'll tell you a funny story.

Speaker 7 (01:11:32):
Please if you want to hear it.

Speaker 19 (01:11:34):
Yes, we doing courtside. I was sitting courtside when he
was playing for the Pelicans for his first game in
the Garden and he actually starts to kill the Knicks.
So I'm sitting in Spike Lee seats with another assistant
of mine, the guy who found him, his uncle, Nick Sanchez,
when Tracy was.

Speaker 1 (01:11:50):
Sitting Okay, just how did you get Spike Lee seats?

Speaker 7 (01:11:55):
Somebody gave him to me, and that's all I need
to know.

Speaker 19 (01:12:01):
Morgan sitting one see it away from us, and they
and we start getting to a fight with them because
we're going crazy, like yeah, because he's killings and We're
telling that yo, like he's one of us, and Tracy
Morgan and we're literally screaming on each other courtside. So

(01:12:23):
now a couple of months later, he gets traded to
the Knicks and and I'm sitting in those same seats
with Nick Sanchez.

Speaker 7 (01:12:31):
Tracy Morgan walks in with with Tina Fayet and he
walks by us and he goes, I just want to
I just.

Speaker 19 (01:12:38):
Want to make an alliance with you guys.

Speaker 7 (01:12:41):
I just want to make sure we're friends again.

Speaker 9 (01:12:43):
Right.

Speaker 7 (01:12:44):
So now we're sitting there laughing. He's talking to as
he's from Brooklyn, the whole deal. And at halftime of
the game, he walks over to me. He goes, hey, coach,
He goes, can can I know he's gonna come over
and hug you. I want his shoes. I'm like, what
are you talking about? The shoes? The shoes he has
on for the game. He goes, yeah, yeah, if you

(01:13:05):
ask him, he'll get him to me. So I'm like,
all right, So to me at the end of the game,
I'm like, yo, Tracy Morgan shoes.

Speaker 1 (01:13:15):
In, Tracy, that's crazy, And then Tracy fed them to
his fish.

Speaker 4 (01:13:27):
I went, I've got a funny next story. Let's right,
son who is fourteen, huge Nick fan, and I brought
him to uh a Nick game. I guess he was
probably nine. I brought him with his younger brother. I've
got a lot of kids, and so we were sitting
there and my son was like who he asked me.

(01:13:51):
At one point he goes, who's that old lady that
everyone's talking to? And I go, that is Spike Lee
on a big hat and kind of you know how
he always has like very creative glasses on. Yes to
this ten year old boy, he thought it was someone's grandmother.

Speaker 6 (01:14:14):
Do the right thing.

Speaker 1 (01:14:16):
Yeah, that's fantastic. So wait, you can get into Nick.
Can you take my son and just pretend he's one
of your kids because he loves the.

Speaker 4 (01:14:23):
Nickt you know it's like obviously during the playoffs, but
like this is you know, four years ago. No, I
could never get in probably, but in the theater kids,
that's yeah, Bryce the King School, get section there.

Speaker 1 (01:14:41):
I just want to. I would just like.

Speaker 4 (01:14:44):
The game there you go, right, that would be amazing.

Speaker 7 (01:14:50):
Unity, liberty and unity.

Speaker 1 (01:14:54):
Oh the New York. Have you ever gone, Joe, have
you ever gone to the UH? To the Women's the
w n b A and seeing the New York unit
the Unity of they won the championship a couple of
years ago. Thanks Jim, Thanks Alex, thank you, Thanks Ali,

(01:15:17):
Thank you, Principal Principe a great job and go nixt
day all right, And of course Gerald Cord and Gerald
Ford High School, thank you for making all of this possible.
Humor Me with Robert Smigel and Friends is a production
of iHeartMedia and Big Money Players, created by Michelle Sachs Smigel,

(01:15:37):
who executive producers with her loving husband Robert. Produced by
Frank Stinky Smiley, executive producer for iHeart, Janet Kagele, video
producer Daniel Goodman, Edited by Robert ash Theme music by
Stephen Gold sung by America's leading Bruce Springsteen impersonator Robert L. Poopstein.
Don't forget to subscribe and follow it again new episodes
of Humor Me each week, and while you're there, rate
and review the show. That is, if you liked it,

(01:15:59):
If you didn't, Disky conversation never happened, and we'll see
you next week.