July 16, 2026 • 39 mins
Dear Brian Austin Green, I need help!
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Speaker 1 (00:16):
Hey, what's going on everybody? This is Brian Austin Green
and this is part two of my I do Part
two Q and A session and I'm answering all sorts
of emails and voicemails and things that have come in
from you guys. And this is the second part of it.
And we're going to start it off right now with
a voicemail.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Hi, calling in to get some advice on the first date.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
I feel like it's so easy to just.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Get in your head, and not that you want to
be too overly prepared, but I feel like I need
to go in with some better questions. And I'm just wondering, like,
what are the type of questions that are good for
filtering men out and the type of questions that they
(01:05):
want to be asked too.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
It's a good question. First dates are tricky. I tend
to feel like the trap and the mistake that a
lot of people make is going into a first date
with a sort of preconceived plan of what you're going
to ask, how you're going to be, how you're going
(01:29):
to present yourself. Yeah, you know, I think I think
if you are looking for a genuine relationship, you have
to be ready to be real from moment one. It's
the first impression of you. There's the visual one seeing
(01:54):
you walk up, Oh my god, she looks beautiful today
or tonight, and then there's that thing of like, Okay,
now we sit down, how do we actually connect? Like answering.
You have all the time in the world to sort
of answer questions and get into that, and you can.
(02:14):
You can ask some questions just sort of in conversation
because you genuinely want to know the answers, not because
you think it's a question that you should be asking.
Like you sort of have a checklist of things. Okay,
I'm going to go through, go through. Here's my checklist. Okay,
I got that one. Mark that off the list. Okay, cool.
So this is how he feels about family. Okay, this
(02:36):
is how he and like really really get into it
a little bit. Yeah. Again, you're sitting down with someone
who could possibly end up being your best friend and
partner in life that you share things with. So it's
(02:56):
all about being genuine and open and real and seeing
how you feel with that with that person. If the
person you're sitting across from gives it back to you
and they're genuine and they're open and they're real. Then
you guys are starting from the right place. You're creating
(03:18):
a foundation that is built on honesty and true empathy
and understanding and wanting to understand each other. And and
also from a place of I'm not perfect. You're not perfect,
(03:38):
so let's it's kind of fun being imperfect together, like
this is sort of cool. I'm not putting any pressure
on myself of like, oh man, that's that's a mistake
that that's going to cost me. You shouldn't you shouldn't
feel that way. I feel like the honeymoon period in
a relationship is when you go and when you go
(04:04):
on a first date, you meet someone and you ask
the questions and you're on your best behavior. You then
are on your best behavior for the first three four months.
It's the honeymoon period. But you can't sustain that because
eventually you're gonna have a tough day. You're gonna be
traveling somewhere, it's gonna suck, You're gonna have a hard
(04:25):
time at work. A friend of yours is gonna say something,
someone at a grocery store is gonna say something. You
get into a you know, a fender bender with someone
someone cuts you up. There's gonna be things that push
you outside of that zone that you've created where you
wear the mask of perfection and what you think the
other person wants to see. At that point, the honeymoon
(04:48):
period is over because now the person that you're with
is going, ooh, I didn't even know that this side existed,
So why not give them a heads up from the beginning,
and you know, in the very honest, real conversation that
hopefully you're having with that person, talk about like your
biggest pet peeves and the things that absolutely can ruin
(05:12):
your day. You're someone that likes to be on time
for everything, or you feel really anxious when you get
someplace early, so you tend to be someone that is
like either right on time or five minutes late. Get
into those conversations because sometimes they can create these really
sort of fun connections, and it's understanding someone that you're with.
(05:37):
So I would say toss out the questions a little
bit and just be a little more open to sit
and listen and look at each other and connect and
see how it feels. If it feels really good being
in the same space as the other person, that's a
(05:59):
good sign. Then you can have some questions that are
sort of big ones to ask and you phrase them
that way. You know, you say, hey, so I've got
a couple questions that are just things that are sort
of deal breakers for me. Family, kids, house, pets. But
(06:19):
you get it. You get into the stuff I want
to I want to travel, but I want to have
adventures that are like this. Like you kind of get
into answering those things and having those conversations to really
know each other. So you may get along great, but
then decide, you know what, we get along greatest friends,
so cool, I have a new friend, or you know,
we get it, like, we get along really well in general,
(06:42):
So let's keep doing this and see where it leads.
I hope that helped. What does emotional safety look like
for a man? Emotional safe for a man? I can't
speak for all men. I can only give you what
(07:07):
feels emotionally safe for me and for my friends and
the men that are around me. Emotional safety is being
with someone that doesn't judge you or make you feel
judged for not being perfect. Men in general are very
(07:30):
hard on themselves, and we internalize a lot of things,
so there's always a lot going on in our heads.
If I make a mistake, but know that the person
that I'm with loves me and isn't going to judge
me for it and isn't telling me what a stupid
(07:52):
mistake or you know that well, that was a dumb
thing to do, or giving me those things, those make
me feel terrible someone giving me uh Using words like
that really affect me because they they break the part
(08:12):
of me that wants to be big and strong and
make everyone around me that I love feel safe and protected.
When someone tells me that an idea was stupid or
I try too hard, or I reached too far, or
that does nothing but break my spirit. Honestly, honesty is great.
(08:37):
I think it's I think it's incredibly important to sit
with someone and go that wasn't probably wasn't the best
the best idea. So how are you feeling about it? Like,
let's get into a conversation of how you feel about it,
Because you're a man is beating himself up way more
(09:00):
than you can, So help him unpack it in his
own mind. Help him because men aren't good at communicating,
help him navigate that process for himself. Ask the questions
that you know he's not asking himself how does he
feel right now? Like were there signs that led to
(09:22):
whatever it may be? There are questions, and women are
much better at asking those questions and getting to the
bottom of things and understanding things than men are. Maybe
take the time to help help him do that. I
know when Sharna does that with me, it makes me
(09:42):
feel emotionally safe because I feel like she's not judging
me for mistakes that I made. She's helping me understand
what I did and whether I still like it or
not after I talk about it, and then together or
on my own or whatever, we can then decide what
(10:03):
the next step is. But I feel emotionally safe when
I know she loves me no matter what. She would
never say anything that makes me feel like less of
myself than I am. She loves me for the mistakes
and the non mistakes, the things that were good at,
(10:25):
the things that were not good at, and she's on
that journey with me. It's all just a journey of
understanding and growing. So I feel the safest when someone
is there with me and they're supporting me no matter what.
(10:46):
They're supporting me for my successes just as much as
they're supporting me for my failures just as much as
they are for my successes. Cool voicemail.
Speaker 4 (10:58):
Hey, Brian, I wanted to get your take on this scenario.
So I recently started seeing someone and things have been
really great, But the only thing that's throwing me off
is that he and his ex still co parent their
dog together. They alternate every month, so one month the
dog is with him, and then the next month it's
(11:18):
with her. But then what gets me is that when
they switch, they'll spend some time together, so they have
it like a like a dog parent day and it
almost like feel like a date to me. So, I mean,
I totally understand it the split custody because I love
dogs too, but I just feel like it's weird that
they come constantly see each other and have these days together.
(11:39):
And again, I don't want to come across like insecure
controlling this early on, because it's only been a couple
of months so far that I've been seeing him. But
I just can't tell if this is something that I
think I'll have to be worried about for forever or okay,
with wherever forever. The dog's pretty young too, so not
to be grim, but it's not end anytime soon. So
(12:03):
I wanted to get your take on this. Do you
think this is a red flag? Do you think this
something I should just put up with? Or is this
worth bringing up? Can't wait to hear what your thoughts are.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Thank you so much, Oh fair, There is absolutely nothing
nothing easy about that situation. I think, you know, I
think it's funny some people have pets together and that
is the child that they had while they were together.
(12:35):
I mean, I think right now it's early on, so
I would honestly just continue to take a step back
and go it is what it is. They they're co
parenting this dog. They have this like fifty to fifty
visitation schedule, they see each other when they do. I mean,
(12:56):
I think it would greatly depend on what it is
doing when they see each other, Like are they running
on the beach with the dog together, or are they
like getting a hotel room and the three of them
are laying in bed and watching Netflix. Because those are
very different situations. And then I think the very logical
(13:19):
next step if you guys continue to be together and
he continues to co parent with his ex, this for
this dog that you are with him, that you're with
him when the drop offs happen and when the time
(13:39):
together happens. And you know, co parenting is you are.
You are bringing into your ex's space your space and
his space now is with you, So you kind of
do that together. And I think, you know, if he's
(14:01):
open to that and that doesn't freak him out at all,
it should be totally healthy. If it does freak him
out at all, then that's a different conversation to have,
and that is that to me, then, is a conversation
of this, Like, I've been very open to co parenting
(14:24):
a dog and everything. It's fantastic. I think it's great
that you do it. I hope it's a reflection of
the father you are or will be. But at the
same time, like I need to feel important also, so
can we figure out a way where I don't feel
less important in this situation? And I feel like you
(14:48):
are honoring both. I love that you're honoring your animal
that way. Please honor me the same. Oh boy, that's it.
That's a tricky one. Silver lining he is very good
at co parenting and being present, and he understands the
(15:10):
importance of putting on a united front for something that
is young that is younger that needs that. There's your
silver lining. Oh my god, that's a tough one. I
don't know how I would feel, honestly, if I was
dating someone that was like, yeah, so my ex and
(15:31):
I still like hang out, I would have to have
the conversation and go, hey, cool, so can I start
coming with you? Like you know, it's might be uncomfortable
for your ex, but it's equally as uncomfortable, if not more,
for me. And I am now the person that is
(15:52):
presently in your life. So there should be a lot
of importance put on this relationship. Oh boy, good luck,
good luck with that one. What's something you wish more
women would ask men instead of assuming I okay, I
(16:16):
really wish. And I can't stand when this happens when
a woman or women speak about men, and they speak
about men in general like they can just speak for
all of them, like they're all the same. We're not
(16:36):
all the same. Stop assuming that because one man or
a group of men like things this way, that all
men like things that way. It depends on age, it
depends on personality type, it depends on history. There are
so many factors that make up who a person is.
(17:00):
So I think it's really unfair when you automatically assume
that you know because oh, all men are the same,
like all men, you know, all men would prefer to
sit on the couch with their friend and drink a
beer and watch sports, then go on vacation with with
you know, their significant other. False false false false. Pay
(17:26):
attention to the person that you're with, like, really really
know them. Sharna doesn't assume that I'm like any man
she's ever been with, because she knows. She's asked questions,
she has said ouch when things hurt, and she's seen
(17:46):
the way I respond. She has experienced the way we
speak to each other when we have disagreements, and that
we aren't ever venomous with each other. We never say
things that we can't take back. Rules in fighting, men,
Rules in fighting. I always tell people, make sure that
you fight fair. If you're with someone that you truly
(18:09):
care about, fight fair. Choose to never say something that
you're going to regret, because people can forgive, but they
cannot forget. Did that rhyme? I feel like that rhymed?
Pretty awesome. I love when that happens. What's the next voicemail?
Speaker 5 (18:36):
Hey Brian, I'm wondering from your perspective, do you think
sex has gotten better with age or do you find
yourself missing your twenties? And then part two of that is,
what do you think makes a woman unforgettable in bed? Like,
in a good.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Way, sex has absolutely gotten better with age because I
am way less concerned with how I feel in it
and my own insecurities, and I'm way more concerned about
how she feels. And then I'm doing things that she
(19:17):
truly likes, and then I'm also not doing things she
doesn't like. I think, you know, I think there's way
more connection later on in life, Like I I spend
way more time staring into Sharana's eyes now than I
did when I was younger. When I was younger, it
(19:39):
was like, I groom could be pitch black. It was
just an action. You sort of did it until the
action was done. Then you were like, cool, let's go
make a grilled cheese sandwich or something. Now I don't
know why a grilled cheese sandwich. It just feels right
sex And then like tomato soup and a grilled cheese
sandwich like after school Special, but like in after sex Special,
(20:00):
I don't know. I yeah, when I was younger. It was.
When I was younger, sex was much more about how
the action was perceived, So like I'd watch watch porn
and then it was like, God, I want to be
I want to seem as cool as they do, you know,
(20:21):
And so you're trying to do all the things and
you sort of like you complicate the whole situation. Now
it's pretty simple. I am with my fiance because I
love being with my fiance and I love making her
feel amazing and vice versa. So we we try and
(20:44):
do that as often as we can, which isn't as
often as we want because we have kids, and door
locks get a little a little tough, especially when you
have a young one, because you don't want to create
a situation where they're banging on a door wondering why
the door is locked. I think my connection has just
(21:05):
changed a lot more as I've gotten older. Sex was
way more sort of a sport thing when I was younger.
Sex now is a connection thing. It's one more thing
that we can do to feel connected. What makes a
woman unforgettable in bed in a good way? I think, Well,
(21:29):
so that is a preference question. I mean it's like
some some guys are really into the lingerie and the
dirty talk and the stuff, and then some guys that
doesn't do it for them at all. I think sex
is so individual, you know, it's so individual what people
(21:52):
enjoy and not. I think what a woman honestly can
do is be as present for a guy as possible
and ask questions and do things that he really likes,
and ask if he really likes them, and if he doesn't,
try something else, and vice versa. I think that's what
makes for great sex is great communication with it. My
(22:18):
fiance and I talk all the time about about things,
about things to try, different ideas, different things. You know,
it's because you never know. It's those those flavors change constantly.
You'll be someone that loves vanilla ice cream for years
and then all of a sudden you're like, God, I
(22:40):
this strawberry is what I've been missing for the past
five years of my life. It's the same thing in sex.
It sort of kind of goes all over the place.
I think what makes things the best, the best sex
is when you don't assume that like, oh, it's just
(23:01):
what what seems to be hitting number one on like
porn sites, but really making sure that it's tailored for
the person that you're with. Does that answer it? It's
a hard question to answer. Oh my god, I'm sweating
(23:21):
and not because it's hot like that was a that's
a tough question to answer. Jack. What part of your
divorce was hardest that nobody warned you about? What's the
hardest part of being a dad after divorce? Good question, Jack.
The part of my divorce that was the hardest that
nobody warned me about was my kids. Was this was
(23:46):
the breaking up of the family. You know, you have
these things that become sort of routine, and whether you
have kids or whether it's just you and and your
your partner you're now ex partner. You have things that
you did together. You have restaurants that you went to together,
you have waiters and waitresses that you knew you guys
(24:08):
were known together as a couple, and now all of
a sudden you have to walk into those places alone.
And then eventually they'll see you walk in with somebody new,
and there's always that part of your brain that is
kind of judging it, going, oh my god, what you
know this is really this is a big deal. Walking
(24:29):
into this coffee shop with this new person. I wonder
what they think, Like I wonder if they're seeing this
and picking it apart, and you know, I wonder if
they question why we divorced and if if I was
the bad guy or she was the bad guy. I
think sort of refinding life without the other person is
(24:57):
kind of the hardest is the hardest part, Like you're
sort of you're rethinking all of it. You fall into
a pattern with someone and that is your day to
day and now you're creating a new day to day
without that person, and it can feel great, but it
(25:19):
can also at the same time be intimidating because your
mind goes crazy. The hardest part of being a dad
after divorce is remembering. So I think people make a
big mistake when they get divorced in feeling like they
(25:42):
don't want it to affect their kids. That's an unrealistic
goal because it absolutely will affect your kids, whether you
want it to or not, it will. Their parents are
now living two separate lives, and they're going back and
forth having to adjust to fitting in with both both
of those lives. What you can do as a parent, though,
(26:04):
is you can choose how it affects your kids, whether
it's a really healthy, good situation where you you are
respectful of the other person, whether you truly cherish your
kids when it's your time with them or not, how
(26:25):
special you make it for them. They could end up
with two households that are great instead of just one,
so it could be a really valuable positive experience, and
you could show them that there is no stigma involved
with parents separating and they realize like, oh, yeah, my
(26:45):
parents separated, but it was it was amazing. The people
they ended up with were great. The two homes were great.
I always felt loved in both of them. That's that's
within your control. So like, figure out what is in
your control and live consciously with it in every situation.
(27:08):
Make a choice to never say anything negative about the
other parent in front of your kids. Make it the
best situation it can be. And sometimes that's not easy
to do. You know, sometimes co parenting isn't easy. One
parent is much healthier than the other in a breakup
and in relationships ending, so you're having to kind of
(27:34):
take some shots here and there. You know, you end
up with some scars on your tongue from biting it
so much. But we're adults. That's what separates us from kids.
We've lived a life where we now should be able to,
(27:55):
in an adult way, look at a situation and figure
out the best way of moving through it. We're not.
We're not young where our emotions are sort of on
our sleeve, on our sleeves and we just sort of blah.
As soon as you know, as soon as something happens,
(28:16):
you say how you're feeling, you freak out. You like,
we are grown, and part of being grown is having
the ability to do that. I think. So as a dad,
it's being a dad is being a parent is hard.
(28:38):
Be the best dad you can be. Just love your
kids like it's their time now. Your your time is
do what you want to do with your time when
your kids are at their moms. But when your kids
are with you, they need a dad. I don't just
(29:00):
need a friend that takes them to Disneyland and the
ice cream shop and the movies and is sort of
a fun weekend dad. They need a parent. They need
a father. So be that even when it's hard, you
can do it. They have faith in yourself, you can
(29:21):
do it. Next voicemail, So my.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Name is Stephanie, and this question is for Brian Austin
Green and it is. Do you think the majority of
men are turned off after watching their partner give birth vaginally?
Are they turned off sexually? Thank you?
Speaker 1 (29:54):
Wow, Stephanie. I think that depends. I think, unfortunately, the
answer to that question depends on the relationship itself, the
person you're with, why you all are together. If you're
(30:15):
with someone that just absolutely loves and adores you, it
is a miracle what you're doing. And vaginal birth is
just incredible to witness, to realize, like what all the
female body can do. If I'm just sort of in
(30:39):
something just because I'm physically attracted to that person, and
then all of a sudden that body part is no
longer just mine, you know. I sure for some men,
I think absolutely they can be turned off because to them,
(31:01):
that part of the body is just purely for sport.
You know. It's just like it is just it's just
a part of you that I that I use and
you use me, and we use things together and we
have fun and it's just that, oh my god, that's
meant for more than just me. Well, I don't know
(31:23):
how I feel about that. I think there I think
there are some men that are in relationships where that
is that's the case. I hope, I really hope that
women that go through pregnancy and childbirth are with someone
(31:44):
that values them and what it is they're doing, uh
and and the fact that they're creating life because it
is there's nothing cooler on the planet. I hope. I
hope you're with the with the one that's there for
(32:05):
the right reasons. And I hope that answers your your question.
Did your guy friends show up for you the way
you expected after your divorce? Yes, they did, and then
some I don't. I honestly don't know what I expected
(32:28):
my friends to do when my divorce was happening. The
two friends that I was lucky enough to have at
the time were fantastic. Our kids went to school together,
we knew each other really well, and they were fantastic
at just holding space for me and just being there
(32:50):
and loving me and being whatever I needed in any moment.
I you know, I didn't. I don't know if I
had expectations because I didn't know. I wasn't really prepared
for it. I didn't know what it was going to be,
and they sort of rolled with the punches with me,
(33:16):
and I think that's important, you know. I think, I
think if you're a friend of someone that is going
through something like that, you got to be ready to
roll with the punches with them. You got to be
ready to sit down and just shut the fuck up
and just listen and be a fucking solid ear and
(33:40):
a really solid love and trust partner and person in
their life. You make, you make that commitment, you know,
these are the times when these are the times that
that you really show someone who you are in their life.
(34:06):
It's easy to be a great friend when things are great.
You can be fun to hang out with. You guys, Oh,
you laugh so much when you're doing stuff together. When
times get hard, are you willing to put that aside
and just like sit and be there and like, you know,
(34:31):
meet them for coffee at seven third be in the
morning if they're not feeling great and tell your wife
at home or whatever, Hey, so and so is really
going through something right now, I'm going to go help them.
That's that's an amazing quality to have. And I think
if you know, if you are in a truly healthy relationship,
(34:51):
your partner would be incredibly impressed with that. Instead of
being like what you you mean you're going to leave
that be like, yeah, no, that's amazing. Go do that.
I hope, I hope that they're okay. Text me and
just let me know how it's going and what's happening.
(35:14):
I think when people go through situations like that, divorce, separation,
loss of a job, things like that, they don't necessarily
have expectations. They don't know they're feeling all sorts of things.
So sometimes best way you can help them through a
(35:39):
situation like that is just sitting with them in a
completely non judgmental way, like not judging them for anything
they're feeling, anything that's going on in their head, any
insecurity they're having or jealousy or whatever's going on that
(36:00):
you're just there and you just love them. And if
they ask for your opinion on something, give it to them.
Then if they don't, don't. A good therapist is really
good at listening and seeing what a person needs, not
(36:21):
just following a checklist of Oh, did I ask this,
did I get to this, did we try this? Okay, cool,
I did all the things. Oh you're still not better.
That's on you. That's not really helping anyone. And it's
amazing what you learn as a person. When you put
(36:43):
yourself aside and you're there for somebody else, you hear things.
You hear yourself say things, you hear the other person
say things, and if you truly care, it does nothing
but give you food for thought for yourself. It raises questions.
(37:05):
You say things and you go, mmmm, God, I really
need to hear myself say that, because that's something that
I don't do enough of for me. I don't take
enough time for me. I don't listen well enough like
I don't. And you know, sometimes it's hearing yourself say
those things to somebody else that makes you realize God, Okay,
(37:28):
there was a part of me that was maybe saying
that to myself as well. My guy friends absolutely showed
up for me when I was going through my divorce.
I'm incredibly lucky. I have four friends, two that I've
been friends with for a long time and two that
(37:50):
I have been friends with still for a long time.
Not nearly as long as the other two, but they
have absolutely been rocks for me, and I hope it's
been the same vice versa whenever they've needed anything. So
my final like, much like Jerry Springer, my final thought
(38:13):
to everybody is. Be honest with yourself, be honest with
the people that are in your life. Be willing to
listen and sit and be quiet, because that can be
just as valuable as someone that speaks all the time.
I wish everyone health and spiritual wealth and growth and
(38:41):
happy twenty twenty six. This is really cool, Like I've
never I've never done something like this where I just
sit and sort of answer questions and give advice. I
really love doing this, and I really want to do
it more so, if you're going through anything and you
need some advice, and you're feeling lost, your divorce process, anything,
(39:03):
myself and everybody here at I do Part two, we
can help. Just send an email, you can leave us
a voicemail. It's all in the info section of the
show notes, so you can follow us on socials. I
do Part two an iHeart podcast where falling in love
is absolutely the main objective.
Hey, what's going on everybody? This is Brian Austin Green
and this is part two of my I do Part
two Q and A session and I'm answering all sorts
of emails and voicemails and things that have come in
from you guys. And this is the second part of it.
And we're going to start it off right now with
a voicemail.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Hi, calling in to get some advice on the first date.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
I feel like it's so easy to just.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Get in your head, and not that you want to
be too overly prepared, but I feel like I need
to go in with some better questions. And I'm just wondering, like,
what are the type of questions that are good for
filtering men out and the type of questions that they
(01:05):
want to be asked too.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
It's a good question. First dates are tricky. I tend
to feel like the trap and the mistake that a
lot of people make is going into a first date
with a sort of preconceived plan of what you're going
to ask, how you're going to be, how you're going
(01:29):
to present yourself. Yeah, you know, I think I think
if you are looking for a genuine relationship, you have
to be ready to be real from moment one. It's
the first impression of you. There's the visual one seeing
(01:54):
you walk up, Oh my god, she looks beautiful today
or tonight, and then there's that thing of like, Okay,
now we sit down, how do we actually connect? Like answering.
You have all the time in the world to sort
of answer questions and get into that, and you can.
(02:14):
You can ask some questions just sort of in conversation
because you genuinely want to know the answers, not because
you think it's a question that you should be asking.
Like you sort of have a checklist of things. Okay,
I'm going to go through, go through. Here's my checklist. Okay,
I got that one. Mark that off the list. Okay, cool.
So this is how he feels about family. Okay, this
(02:36):
is how he and like really really get into it
a little bit. Yeah. Again, you're sitting down with someone
who could possibly end up being your best friend and
partner in life that you share things with. So it's
(02:56):
all about being genuine and open and real and seeing
how you feel with that with that person. If the
person you're sitting across from gives it back to you
and they're genuine and they're open and they're real. Then
you guys are starting from the right place. You're creating
(03:18):
a foundation that is built on honesty and true empathy
and understanding and wanting to understand each other. And and
also from a place of I'm not perfect. You're not perfect,
(03:38):
so let's it's kind of fun being imperfect together, like
this is sort of cool. I'm not putting any pressure
on myself of like, oh man, that's that's a mistake
that that's going to cost me. You shouldn't you shouldn't
feel that way. I feel like the honeymoon period in
a relationship is when you go and when you go
(04:04):
on a first date, you meet someone and you ask
the questions and you're on your best behavior. You then
are on your best behavior for the first three four months.
It's the honeymoon period. But you can't sustain that because
eventually you're gonna have a tough day. You're gonna be
traveling somewhere, it's gonna suck, You're gonna have a hard
(04:25):
time at work. A friend of yours is gonna say something,
someone at a grocery store is gonna say something. You
get into a you know, a fender bender with someone
someone cuts you up. There's gonna be things that push
you outside of that zone that you've created where you
wear the mask of perfection and what you think the
other person wants to see. At that point, the honeymoon
(04:48):
period is over because now the person that you're with
is going, ooh, I didn't even know that this side existed,
So why not give them a heads up from the beginning,
and you know, in the very honest, real conversation that
hopefully you're having with that person, talk about like your
biggest pet peeves and the things that absolutely can ruin
(05:12):
your day. You're someone that likes to be on time
for everything, or you feel really anxious when you get
someplace early, so you tend to be someone that is
like either right on time or five minutes late. Get
into those conversations because sometimes they can create these really
sort of fun connections, and it's understanding someone that you're with.
(05:37):
So I would say toss out the questions a little
bit and just be a little more open to sit
and listen and look at each other and connect and
see how it feels. If it feels really good being
in the same space as the other person, that's a
(05:59):
good sign. Then you can have some questions that are
sort of big ones to ask and you phrase them
that way. You know, you say, hey, so I've got
a couple questions that are just things that are sort
of deal breakers for me. Family, kids, house, pets. But
(06:19):
you get it. You get into the stuff I want
to I want to travel, but I want to have
adventures that are like this. Like you kind of get
into answering those things and having those conversations to really
know each other. So you may get along great, but
then decide, you know what, we get along greatest friends,
so cool, I have a new friend, or you know,
we get it, like, we get along really well in general,
(06:42):
So let's keep doing this and see where it leads.
I hope that helped. What does emotional safety look like
for a man? Emotional safe for a man? I can't
speak for all men. I can only give you what
(07:07):
feels emotionally safe for me and for my friends and
the men that are around me. Emotional safety is being
with someone that doesn't judge you or make you feel
judged for not being perfect. Men in general are very
(07:30):
hard on themselves, and we internalize a lot of things,
so there's always a lot going on in our heads.
If I make a mistake, but know that the person
that I'm with loves me and isn't going to judge
me for it and isn't telling me what a stupid
(07:52):
mistake or you know that well, that was a dumb
thing to do, or giving me those things, those make
me feel terrible someone giving me uh Using words like
that really affect me because they they break the part
(08:12):
of me that wants to be big and strong and
make everyone around me that I love feel safe and protected.
When someone tells me that an idea was stupid or
I try too hard, or I reached too far, or
that does nothing but break my spirit. Honestly, honesty is great.
(08:37):
I think it's I think it's incredibly important to sit
with someone and go that wasn't probably wasn't the best
the best idea. So how are you feeling about it? Like,
let's get into a conversation of how you feel about it,
Because you're a man is beating himself up way more
(09:00):
than you can, So help him unpack it in his
own mind. Help him because men aren't good at communicating,
help him navigate that process for himself. Ask the questions
that you know he's not asking himself how does he
feel right now? Like were there signs that led to
(09:22):
whatever it may be? There are questions, and women are
much better at asking those questions and getting to the
bottom of things and understanding things than men are. Maybe
take the time to help help him do that. I
know when Sharna does that with me, it makes me
(09:42):
feel emotionally safe because I feel like she's not judging
me for mistakes that I made. She's helping me understand
what I did and whether I still like it or
not after I talk about it, and then together or
on my own or whatever, we can then decide what
(10:03):
the next step is. But I feel emotionally safe when
I know she loves me no matter what. She would
never say anything that makes me feel like less of
myself than I am. She loves me for the mistakes
and the non mistakes, the things that were good at,
(10:25):
the things that were not good at, and she's on
that journey with me. It's all just a journey of
understanding and growing. So I feel the safest when someone
is there with me and they're supporting me no matter what.
(10:46):
They're supporting me for my successes just as much as
they're supporting me for my failures just as much as
they are for my successes. Cool voicemail.
Speaker 4 (10:58):
Hey, Brian, I wanted to get your take on this scenario.
So I recently started seeing someone and things have been
really great, But the only thing that's throwing me off
is that he and his ex still co parent their
dog together. They alternate every month, so one month the
dog is with him, and then the next month it's
(11:18):
with her. But then what gets me is that when
they switch, they'll spend some time together, so they have
it like a like a dog parent day and it
almost like feel like a date to me. So, I mean,
I totally understand it the split custody because I love
dogs too, but I just feel like it's weird that
they come constantly see each other and have these days together.
(11:39):
And again, I don't want to come across like insecure
controlling this early on, because it's only been a couple
of months so far that I've been seeing him. But
I just can't tell if this is something that I
think I'll have to be worried about for forever or okay,
with wherever forever. The dog's pretty young too, so not
to be grim, but it's not end anytime soon. So
(12:03):
I wanted to get your take on this. Do you
think this is a red flag? Do you think this
something I should just put up with? Or is this
worth bringing up? Can't wait to hear what your thoughts are.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Thank you so much, Oh fair, There is absolutely nothing
nothing easy about that situation. I think, you know, I
think it's funny some people have pets together and that
is the child that they had while they were together.
(12:35):
I mean, I think right now it's early on, so
I would honestly just continue to take a step back
and go it is what it is. They they're co
parenting this dog. They have this like fifty to fifty
visitation schedule, they see each other when they do. I mean,
(12:56):
I think it would greatly depend on what it is
doing when they see each other, Like are they running
on the beach with the dog together, or are they
like getting a hotel room and the three of them
are laying in bed and watching Netflix. Because those are
very different situations. And then I think the very logical
(13:19):
next step if you guys continue to be together and
he continues to co parent with his ex, this for
this dog that you are with him, that you're with
him when the drop offs happen and when the time
(13:39):
together happens. And you know, co parenting is you are.
You are bringing into your ex's space your space and
his space now is with you, So you kind of
do that together. And I think, you know, if he's
(14:01):
open to that and that doesn't freak him out at all,
it should be totally healthy. If it does freak him
out at all, then that's a different conversation to have,
and that is that to me, then, is a conversation
of this, Like, I've been very open to co parenting
(14:24):
a dog and everything. It's fantastic. I think it's great
that you do it. I hope it's a reflection of
the father you are or will be. But at the
same time, like I need to feel important also, so
can we figure out a way where I don't feel
less important in this situation? And I feel like you
(14:48):
are honoring both. I love that you're honoring your animal
that way. Please honor me the same. Oh boy, that's it.
That's a tricky one. Silver lining he is very good
at co parenting and being present, and he understands the
(15:10):
importance of putting on a united front for something that
is young that is younger that needs that. There's your
silver lining. Oh my god, that's a tough one. I
don't know how I would feel, honestly, if I was
dating someone that was like, yeah, so my ex and
(15:31):
I still like hang out, I would have to have
the conversation and go, hey, cool, so can I start
coming with you? Like you know, it's might be uncomfortable
for your ex, but it's equally as uncomfortable, if not more,
for me. And I am now the person that is
(15:52):
presently in your life. So there should be a lot
of importance put on this relationship. Oh boy, good luck,
good luck with that one. What's something you wish more
women would ask men instead of assuming I okay, I
(16:16):
really wish. And I can't stand when this happens when
a woman or women speak about men, and they speak
about men in general like they can just speak for
all of them, like they're all the same. We're not
(16:36):
all the same. Stop assuming that because one man or
a group of men like things this way, that all
men like things that way. It depends on age, it
depends on personality type, it depends on history. There are
so many factors that make up who a person is.
(17:00):
So I think it's really unfair when you automatically assume
that you know because oh, all men are the same,
like all men, you know, all men would prefer to
sit on the couch with their friend and drink a
beer and watch sports, then go on vacation with with
you know, their significant other. False false false false. Pay
(17:26):
attention to the person that you're with, like, really really
know them. Sharna doesn't assume that I'm like any man
she's ever been with, because she knows. She's asked questions,
she has said ouch when things hurt, and she's seen
(17:46):
the way I respond. She has experienced the way we
speak to each other when we have disagreements, and that
we aren't ever venomous with each other. We never say
things that we can't take back. Rules in fighting, men,
Rules in fighting. I always tell people, make sure that
you fight fair. If you're with someone that you truly
(18:09):
care about, fight fair. Choose to never say something that
you're going to regret, because people can forgive, but they
cannot forget. Did that rhyme? I feel like that rhymed?
Pretty awesome. I love when that happens. What's the next voicemail?
Speaker 5 (18:36):
Hey Brian, I'm wondering from your perspective, do you think
sex has gotten better with age or do you find
yourself missing your twenties? And then part two of that is,
what do you think makes a woman unforgettable in bed? Like,
in a good.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Way, sex has absolutely gotten better with age because I
am way less concerned with how I feel in it
and my own insecurities, and I'm way more concerned about
how she feels. And then I'm doing things that she
(19:17):
truly likes, and then I'm also not doing things she
doesn't like. I think, you know, I think there's way
more connection later on in life, Like I I spend
way more time staring into Sharana's eyes now than I
did when I was younger. When I was younger, it
(19:39):
was like, I groom could be pitch black. It was
just an action. You sort of did it until the
action was done. Then you were like, cool, let's go
make a grilled cheese sandwich or something. Now I don't
know why a grilled cheese sandwich. It just feels right
sex And then like tomato soup and a grilled cheese
sandwich like after school Special, but like in after sex Special,
(20:00):
I don't know. I yeah, when I was younger. It was.
When I was younger, sex was much more about how
the action was perceived, So like I'd watch watch porn
and then it was like, God, I want to be
I want to seem as cool as they do, you know,
(20:21):
And so you're trying to do all the things and
you sort of like you complicate the whole situation. Now
it's pretty simple. I am with my fiance because I
love being with my fiance and I love making her
feel amazing and vice versa. So we we try and
(20:44):
do that as often as we can, which isn't as
often as we want because we have kids, and door
locks get a little a little tough, especially when you
have a young one, because you don't want to create
a situation where they're banging on a door wondering why
the door is locked. I think my connection has just
(21:05):
changed a lot more as I've gotten older. Sex was
way more sort of a sport thing when I was younger.
Sex now is a connection thing. It's one more thing
that we can do to feel connected. What makes a
woman unforgettable in bed in a good way? I think, Well,
(21:29):
so that is a preference question. I mean it's like
some some guys are really into the lingerie and the
dirty talk and the stuff, and then some guys that
doesn't do it for them at all. I think sex
is so individual, you know, it's so individual what people
(21:52):
enjoy and not. I think what a woman honestly can
do is be as present for a guy as possible
and ask questions and do things that he really likes,
and ask if he really likes them, and if he doesn't,
try something else, and vice versa. I think that's what
makes for great sex is great communication with it. My
(22:18):
fiance and I talk all the time about about things,
about things to try, different ideas, different things. You know,
it's because you never know. It's those those flavors change constantly.
You'll be someone that loves vanilla ice cream for years
and then all of a sudden you're like, God, I
(22:40):
this strawberry is what I've been missing for the past
five years of my life. It's the same thing in sex.
It sort of kind of goes all over the place.
I think what makes things the best, the best sex
is when you don't assume that like, oh, it's just
(23:01):
what what seems to be hitting number one on like
porn sites, but really making sure that it's tailored for
the person that you're with. Does that answer it? It's
a hard question to answer. Oh my god, I'm sweating
(23:21):
and not because it's hot like that was a that's
a tough question to answer. Jack. What part of your
divorce was hardest that nobody warned you about? What's the
hardest part of being a dad after divorce? Good question, Jack.
The part of my divorce that was the hardest that
nobody warned me about was my kids. Was this was
(23:46):
the breaking up of the family. You know, you have
these things that become sort of routine, and whether you
have kids or whether it's just you and and your
your partner you're now ex partner. You have things that
you did together. You have restaurants that you went to together,
you have waiters and waitresses that you knew you guys
(24:08):
were known together as a couple, and now all of
a sudden you have to walk into those places alone.
And then eventually they'll see you walk in with somebody new,
and there's always that part of your brain that is
kind of judging it, going, oh my god, what you
know this is really this is a big deal. Walking
(24:29):
into this coffee shop with this new person. I wonder
what they think, Like I wonder if they're seeing this
and picking it apart, and you know, I wonder if
they question why we divorced and if if I was
the bad guy or she was the bad guy. I
think sort of refinding life without the other person is
(24:57):
kind of the hardest is the hardest part, Like you're
sort of you're rethinking all of it. You fall into
a pattern with someone and that is your day to
day and now you're creating a new day to day
without that person, and it can feel great, but it
(25:19):
can also at the same time be intimidating because your
mind goes crazy. The hardest part of being a dad
after divorce is remembering. So I think people make a
big mistake when they get divorced in feeling like they
(25:42):
don't want it to affect their kids. That's an unrealistic
goal because it absolutely will affect your kids, whether you
want it to or not, it will. Their parents are
now living two separate lives, and they're going back and
forth having to adjust to fitting in with both both
of those lives. What you can do as a parent, though,
(26:04):
is you can choose how it affects your kids, whether
it's a really healthy, good situation where you you are
respectful of the other person, whether you truly cherish your
kids when it's your time with them or not, how
(26:25):
special you make it for them. They could end up
with two households that are great instead of just one,
so it could be a really valuable positive experience, and
you could show them that there is no stigma involved
with parents separating and they realize like, oh, yeah, my
(26:45):
parents separated, but it was it was amazing. The people
they ended up with were great. The two homes were great.
I always felt loved in both of them. That's that's
within your control. So like, figure out what is in
your control and live consciously with it in every situation.
(27:08):
Make a choice to never say anything negative about the
other parent in front of your kids. Make it the
best situation it can be. And sometimes that's not easy
to do. You know, sometimes co parenting isn't easy. One
parent is much healthier than the other in a breakup
and in relationships ending, so you're having to kind of
(27:34):
take some shots here and there. You know, you end
up with some scars on your tongue from biting it
so much. But we're adults. That's what separates us from kids.
We've lived a life where we now should be able to,
(27:55):
in an adult way, look at a situation and figure
out the best way of moving through it. We're not.
We're not young where our emotions are sort of on
our sleeve, on our sleeves and we just sort of blah.
As soon as you know, as soon as something happens,
(28:16):
you say how you're feeling, you freak out. You like,
we are grown, and part of being grown is having
the ability to do that. I think. So as a dad,
it's being a dad is being a parent is hard.
(28:38):
Be the best dad you can be. Just love your
kids like it's their time now. Your your time is
do what you want to do with your time when
your kids are at their moms. But when your kids
are with you, they need a dad. I don't just
(29:00):
need a friend that takes them to Disneyland and the
ice cream shop and the movies and is sort of
a fun weekend dad. They need a parent. They need
a father. So be that even when it's hard, you
can do it. They have faith in yourself, you can
(29:21):
do it. Next voicemail, So my.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
Name is Stephanie, and this question is for Brian Austin
Green and it is. Do you think the majority of
men are turned off after watching their partner give birth vaginally?
Are they turned off sexually? Thank you?
Speaker 1 (29:54):
Wow, Stephanie. I think that depends. I think, unfortunately, the
answer to that question depends on the relationship itself, the
person you're with, why you all are together. If you're
(30:15):
with someone that just absolutely loves and adores you, it
is a miracle what you're doing. And vaginal birth is
just incredible to witness, to realize, like what all the
female body can do. If I'm just sort of in
(30:39):
something just because I'm physically attracted to that person, and
then all of a sudden that body part is no
longer just mine, you know. I sure for some men,
I think absolutely they can be turned off because to them,
(31:01):
that part of the body is just purely for sport.
You know. It's just like it is just it's just
a part of you that I that I use and
you use me, and we use things together and we
have fun and it's just that, oh my god, that's
meant for more than just me. Well, I don't know
(31:23):
how I feel about that. I think there I think
there are some men that are in relationships where that
is that's the case. I hope, I really hope that
women that go through pregnancy and childbirth are with someone
(31:44):
that values them and what it is they're doing, uh
and and the fact that they're creating life because it
is there's nothing cooler on the planet. I hope. I
hope you're with the with the one that's there for
(32:05):
the right reasons. And I hope that answers your your question.
Did your guy friends show up for you the way
you expected after your divorce? Yes, they did, and then
some I don't. I honestly don't know what I expected
(32:28):
my friends to do when my divorce was happening. The
two friends that I was lucky enough to have at
the time were fantastic. Our kids went to school together,
we knew each other really well, and they were fantastic
at just holding space for me and just being there
(32:50):
and loving me and being whatever I needed in any moment.
I you know, I didn't. I don't know if I
had expectations because I didn't know. I wasn't really prepared
for it. I didn't know what it was going to be,
and they sort of rolled with the punches with me,
(33:16):
and I think that's important, you know. I think, I
think if you're a friend of someone that is going
through something like that, you got to be ready to
roll with the punches with them. You got to be
ready to sit down and just shut the fuck up
and just listen and be a fucking solid ear and
(33:40):
a really solid love and trust partner and person in
their life. You make, you make that commitment, you know,
these are the times when these are the times that
that you really show someone who you are in their life.
(34:06):
It's easy to be a great friend when things are great.
You can be fun to hang out with. You guys, Oh,
you laugh so much when you're doing stuff together. When
times get hard, are you willing to put that aside
and just like sit and be there and like, you know,
(34:31):
meet them for coffee at seven third be in the
morning if they're not feeling great and tell your wife
at home or whatever, Hey, so and so is really
going through something right now, I'm going to go help them.
That's that's an amazing quality to have. And I think
if you know, if you are in a truly healthy relationship,
(34:51):
your partner would be incredibly impressed with that. Instead of
being like what you you mean you're going to leave
that be like, yeah, no, that's amazing. Go do that.
I hope, I hope that they're okay. Text me and
just let me know how it's going and what's happening.
(35:14):
I think when people go through situations like that, divorce, separation,
loss of a job, things like that, they don't necessarily
have expectations. They don't know they're feeling all sorts of things.
So sometimes best way you can help them through a
(35:39):
situation like that is just sitting with them in a
completely non judgmental way, like not judging them for anything
they're feeling, anything that's going on in their head, any
insecurity they're having or jealousy or whatever's going on that
(36:00):
you're just there and you just love them. And if
they ask for your opinion on something, give it to them.
Then if they don't, don't. A good therapist is really
good at listening and seeing what a person needs, not
(36:21):
just following a checklist of Oh, did I ask this,
did I get to this, did we try this? Okay, cool,
I did all the things. Oh you're still not better.
That's on you. That's not really helping anyone. And it's
amazing what you learn as a person. When you put
(36:43):
yourself aside and you're there for somebody else, you hear things.
You hear yourself say things, you hear the other person
say things, and if you truly care, it does nothing
but give you food for thought for yourself. It raises questions.
(37:05):
You say things and you go, mmmm, God, I really
need to hear myself say that, because that's something that
I don't do enough of for me. I don't take
enough time for me. I don't listen well enough like
I don't. And you know, sometimes it's hearing yourself say
those things to somebody else that makes you realize God, Okay,
(37:28):
there was a part of me that was maybe saying
that to myself as well. My guy friends absolutely showed
up for me when I was going through my divorce.
I'm incredibly lucky. I have four friends, two that I've
been friends with for a long time and two that
(37:50):
I have been friends with still for a long time.
Not nearly as long as the other two, but they
have absolutely been rocks for me, and I hope it's
been the same vice versa whenever they've needed anything. So
my final like, much like Jerry Springer, my final thought
(38:13):
to everybody is. Be honest with yourself, be honest with
the people that are in your life. Be willing to
listen and sit and be quiet, because that can be
just as valuable as someone that speaks all the time.
I wish everyone health and spiritual wealth and growth and
(38:41):
happy twenty twenty six. This is really cool, Like I've
never I've never done something like this where I just
sit and sort of answer questions and give advice. I
really love doing this, and I really want to do
it more so, if you're going through anything and you
need some advice, and you're feeling lost, your divorce process, anything,
(39:03):
myself and everybody here at I do Part two, we
can help. Just send an email, you can leave us
a voicemail. It's all in the info section of the
show notes, so you can follow us on socials. I
do Part two an iHeart podcast where falling in love
is absolutely the main objective.
Host
Jennie Garth
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