March 29, 2026 • 29 mins
We have a blast going over the top new dating trends of 2026 as so many people continue to look for their soulmates. While the names of these trends may be clever and new, think “Zip Coding” and “Chalance”, the concepts have been around forever! We ask, are you looking for a “golden retriever boyfriend” or how about a “black cat” girlfriend? Bottom line, relationships are hard, and while labels might make us feel seen, we all want the same thing… to find our person.
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hey there, everybody. It is Sunday, March twenty ninth. It
is spring, and for all of you single folks out
there who are looking for love, we've got the top
new dating trends of twenty twenty six. And I don't
know why it's fun for us coupled up folks to
even maybe just look at all the folks looking for
love and seeing what's hot, what's not what.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
People are looking for these days.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
I get a big kick out of looking at these
dating trends and the words that folks come up with
to describe them. Maybe it's just me, but without everyone,
welcome to this episode of Amy and DJ.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
I don't know, Baby, do you get into it too?
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Do you get as tickled by some of these trends
and how they name them as I do?
Speaker 3 (00:53):
I get concerned that the person I'm engaged to marry
is so interested in dating trends. That's where I am
on this whole. Then I don't find it. Maybe I
would find it cute or funny if it wasn't my
fiance who keeps bringing these things to me. But sure,
let's go have a good time talking about what it'd
be like to date these days. Hmmm, sounds fun.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
I think I look at it through this lens. He
went through a lot to be together. We went through
lots of other relationships and made a ton of mistakes
along the way. And I think it's interesting from a
sociological standpoint to take a look and see how people
try to find their one and what works, what doesn't,
(01:34):
and how things change and evolve.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
You know, in our kids.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
My daughters are obviously in the middle of that era
in their.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Lives, and your young one is about to enter it.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Okay, that's just that's okay, now you you're going too far.
Now she's thirteen.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
That's when it starts. I know you started to hear
way that.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Boy, it's not as a father.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
You need to know this.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
I need to know what the dating trends are.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
You might.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
No, this is fun.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
This is fun because Cosmo actually explained why why there
were so many new terms, and I thought this was cool.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
They said it creates a shared.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Language that we can all use to talk about the
confusing and sometimes even frustrating.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Parts of looking for love.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
I think that is isn't that part of the goal
for most people? Maybe they don't even realize it, but
that is what we tend to do. We spend our
lives looking for love, looking for that relationship.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Why though we're looking for is that really the purpose?
When people go out there and they start dating, they
get on these dating apps, are you really looking for love?
I don't know what people are looking for necessarily these days.
That was just an article it wasn't in the Times
today about how people have turned on marriage, the idea
of marriage these days. I don't know dating these days,
I don't know what people are looking at yet.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Well, there might not be a shared goal, and that's
part of some of these new trends. But I do
think everyone wants to feel loved, to feel seen, to belong,
to have a partner, to have someone to go through
life with.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
But yeah, you know, as many people don't necessarily admit that.
That's just human nature. It is just in us. You
don't want to be alone. Nobody does. Even if you
tell yourself that mentally, man, nobody wants that. So yeah,
it's a struggle for a lot of people. And it's
I mean, it could be a challenge, it could be frustrating,
(03:27):
but it is rewarding, it is fulfilling. So and you
talk about all these the names they give. Isn't that
just social media? These bigs it is?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
It's TikTok and social media.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
But I do think there is something cool about having
a shared experience with someone where you can actually relate
to it with the term yeah, I want that or
that happened to me. And I just think that it
creates a sense of belonging. When you have a shared experience,
you put.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
A name on it.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
It's kind of funny and somehow it just it makes
it all make a little more sense maybe, And this
whole notion of not feeling alone, that other people are
experiencing or want the same things.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
We're all looking for that we all want to belong.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
We want labels, We want an easy way to categorize
ourselves this or on that which is not. I don't
find that to be the best way to go about it,
but I see and social media aide. With so many
videos and so limited and how much you can say
and how much time you can say it, and how
many characters you can use, it's easy to have just
one word to say that this is blank and what
(04:23):
I don't even know what was it? Leg you'd have
me do one real light.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
That was one of the newest.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
That was when you you go someone for a bit
and then you come back and you try to make
them think that you never left.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Like nothing ever happened, which is hilarious.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Okay, so see everyone ghost people might have a story
like that and they feel seen when there's a label
that it happened to other people too. So yeah, I've
been ghostly or I've done the ghost lighting, but most
people wouldn't admit that. I do think let's have some
fun here, but there are some actual interesting discussions about
(04:59):
where we are is a societ when it comes to
finding that person. So I think that there are some
really interesting details in the fun of giving these labels.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
The first one, how many you got?
Speaker 1 (05:08):
I picked out the ones that I hadn't heard of before,
so I've got lessie, I've got one, two, three, four,
five dating trends, and then I've got labels for the
type of partner you're looking for.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
So I run this is thorough.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
I didn't even though they were five dating trends out there.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
I chose the ones we haven't already talked about. We
don't already know ghost lighting was among them, but I
thought we've already been there, done that.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
So how about this one? Schalance?
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Chalance?
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Guess what chalance is? This is a new dating trend chalance. Schalance.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Is it shalancing? Or I got chalance? Or we are
in a schalance like romance.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
It's the type of relationship you're looking for, a chalance relationship.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Put them together a lance. So I'll go romance at
the end, and then I'll say shell so as ay'll love.
A relationship is a schalance.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
You're hilarious. The opposite of nonchalance, the opposite.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
So you want a partner who isn't afraid to go
all in, who isn't nonchalant.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
It's basically the opposite of a situationship, right, use.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
That in the sentence for me? Used the chalance in
a sentence Seriously, I am struggling.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
I want a chalance relationship.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
They want a partner who puts in the effort, who
goes into the relationship saying I am all in. I
want this to work. I am looking for a serious
partner versus someone who's like, eh, we'll see what happens.
I don't know, I'm nonchalant about it. We'll like, we'll
see where we end up. Okay, you want someone to
go in with an agenda and someone who's looking for
an outcome of permanence.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Okay, married at first sight. Those are all people who
would classify as shalance.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
You just nailed it all.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
You know what, you just nailed The reason why I
merited first Sight has been so successful, and we've seen
so many people show up for the auditions because they
are saying, I am ready, I am ready for a
chalance relationship.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
And everybody who is there clearly wants to get married
and wants to take it seriously.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
There you go.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
That's coming together next one.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
It took me a second. This is gonna be fun.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Sledging is a dating trend. It's a dating trend, sledging,
sledge sledge.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
I immediately go to hammer.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
I did too, but I was wrong.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Okay, schlepping, that's not the same.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
I don't think you're gonna get it because I was
kind of blown away. So think about the sled sledging
a sled. Okay, so let me I'll explain this. So
the the definition is getting into a cuffing season relationship
with the intention of breaking things off by spring.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
I mean this is really dark.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
So basically you're sledging the other person because the other
person didn't know that the relationship had an expiration date.
And how they explain it is sledged a sled. Okay,
the sled is the act of dragging someone through the
snow in the wintertime with no intention of actually continuing
the relationship once you get to warmer weather.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
Now are we on the same page? Do people enter
relationships with the understanding that all this is is a
sledge relationship?
Speaker 1 (08:23):
They said that in most of these cases, the other
person has no idea they're being sledged, but someone goes
in with an agenda, Hey, I really would like to
couple up with someone during the cold months.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Once it gets warm.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
I'm running, I got my tan on, I'm going to
be looking for playing all summer long.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
Okay, isn't that just the same as a summer love
or a flinging.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
But you've entered into a relationship during a period of
time when a lot of people get serious and start
building on a foundation of something to then carry it
into the spring and summer.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
And you're speaking of nefarious intent, like you go into
it meaning to fool somebody into thinking you're going to.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
I've been sledged or I am sledging someone. Yes, it's
a very negative term, but people describe relationships that suddenly
they found themselves being sledged.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
I'm saying, but the sledge error is that person. Are
they suggesting that person knows what they're doing, they're going
into it. Okay, that's problem.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yes, so it's kind of like a beware of a sledge.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Gotcha, gotcha?
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Okay, how about this one.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Another big trend of twenty twenty six is the friend
fluence romance. So according to Tinder, they have like a
big year ender. I think we might have even talked
about it. And in their year ender, they found that
forty two percent of singles say their friends are the
major influence on their love life.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
So they let their.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Friends kind of help guide them whether or not to
date someone or not, and they say, you're gonna love
You're not.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
A part of this trend.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Thirty seven percent of folks on tenders say they are
looking to go on double dates and group dates, like
they want to their friends into their relationship. So they
want to have somebody who fits in well with their
friend group, and that's a huge part of their decision
as to who they date, and then they also look
at their friends love lives as a huge source of
(10:14):
hope for their own. So everything they're seeing their friends
do is influencing who they pick, who they choose to date,
and why they choose to date.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
That that sounds practical. You want somebody to fit into not
just your mold, but the things you have going. I
think I don't have that big of a problem with it,
but it could. It could lead you to closing the
door on something good or great, or quite frankly, you
give other people in your life too much power. They
might be the problem in your relationship and your relationship
(10:43):
not the problem in your friendships.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
I think we've heard this on dating. We watch a
lot of dating shows.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
If anyone who listens to our podcast knows, we love
our dating shows. But they talk about outsourcing your relationship
and basically letting your friends basically have way more of
a say than they should in terms of who you
date and why you date them because of what they
think about them or how they fit into the group.
And they just given social media and the way people
(11:08):
are operating younger folks are operating these days, that's a
huge part of dating. The name of it again, its
friend sorry, friendfluence influence.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
You're in a friend fluence relationship.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Yeah, all right, Next one, zip coding zip Ooh and
it can have there's two different meanings of this, so
even if you get one of them, I'll give you kudos.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Wait a minute, they had two different means zip coding.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Yeah, you can mean one of two things, and it's
actually really they're very different.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
Okay, Well, it just sounds like you're dating specific to
geographic regions for whatever purpose suits you.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
You nailed it.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Okay, So the first one would be to date only
in a small radius for the people who live nearby,
because you want to have like just access, so you
you limit mostly like if you're on a dating app
or whatever, you really limit who you're willing to date.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Oh that makes it.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Yeah, something does to me too.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
But here's the one that I was like, whoa have
you ever heard of this? Zip coding can also mean
having a location dependent relationship.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
I think we do know people like.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
This in our lives, where you're only together when you're
in the same zip code, and when you're not in
the same zip code, you're a single.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
I'm always amazed how that works. We have seen it,
seen it work for years.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Actually, that's exactly what I was thinking of.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Yeah, I don't know, it wouldn't work for me, and
I marvel at the fact. But when I read this,
I immediately thought of some folks we know, and I
just thought, wow, I guess it.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Is a thing.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
And when you said I immediately thought of ludacrous. Do
you remember that song area codes? You said, zip codes?
We has a song, whole song I got holes in
different area codes. That's the first thing I thought about.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
How all right, so this is an age old practice apparently,
all right, zip.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Codes though not area codes. Zip codes on this zip codes.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
All right, here's the last dating trend monkey barring. Can
you guess what it is?
Speaker 3 (13:02):
It's don't please to tell me. This is not for
parents who hook up when they take their kids to
the playground, guest.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
No, So this is basically laying the groundwork for a
new relationship before you end your current one. So they
describe it as dangling between two monkey bars, gripping one
hand on your current partner while reaching out for someone
new at the same time.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Okay, okay, you're the only one's going to laugh at this,
But that immediately made me think of a line for
Mission Impossible to The bad guy said about Thandy Newton,
who was between the two guys at the time, said,
you know, women like monkeys. They are never let go
over one branch before they get a hold of the next.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Again, apparently this is true.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
This is something that has been cemented in cinematic history.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
That's okay, I have a weird brain. That line immediately
comes to mind.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
I knew you didn't have to this. It's funny.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
We sat down full disclosure before we did this, and
I said, Babe, we're just gonna have some fun with this.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
I'm going to talk about some dating trends. You'll be fine.
Of course, your your memory is hilarious.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Your brain goes right in the exact perfect places that
it needs to see.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
And if people haven't figured this out yet, I had
no idea about any of these dating trends. See every
once in a while we do these issues that he
got some for you. You're gonna have a good time. So
I hadn't heard of any of these, so I'm hearing
them for the first time. Say the name monkey, monkey barring. Okay,
do you think that is a good or bad thing,
a bad practice, or oh not.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
I think it's terrible.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
I think I think you absolutely if you have done this,
and plenty of us can admit that we have, you
have to ask yourself, why why can't I be alone?
Why can't I be in between relationships? Why can't I
take time to reflect about done this? I feel like
it's been no, not exactly but close enough.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
For people. You needed more time on your own, You
needed to take some time.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
I do think, yeah, oh my god, to be keeping
one person as an option while you're looking to see
if there's a better one available. That's terrible and manipulative,
not true to the spirit of what we're actually talking about,
which is about finding love. And it's hard and it's messy,
and it gets uncomfortable and it gets it and it
goes up and down. But if you're constantly looking for
that next thrill where you feel satiated all the.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Time, you're going to have a lifelong of problems.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
It's I think about the person who is yeah, that's
that's not I can't find any way to endorse, to
be supportive of that, because it's awful. The person that's
in a relationship with you and you're just waiting for
something better to come along, Meaning you're not trying to
work on this one. You're not trying to improve this one,
You're not trying to make this a better relationship. You're
just buying time. And this person just happens to be here.
(15:39):
Why won't you just break up with them?
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Why won't you just you need to look inward at
that point, if you are in the middle of this
or have done it before, I think there needs to
be some soul searching that goes on at least from
that point. But when we come back, we're going to
talk about the different types of partners. Do you want
a golden retriever boyfriend or girlfriend or do you want
on a black cat?
Speaker 2 (16:01):
We'll explain when we come back. Welcome back everyone.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
We are talking about the top new hilariously labeled dating
trends of twenty twenty six.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Is that fair? That is all these are? Is this
not new stuff? We just got new labels? Is that fair?
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Probably? Yes, it's just explained you know this.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Look, there are some clever, fun moments that I think
social media has given us, and this is among them
where we can actually have some fun talking about things
we've all experienced things that have been going on since
the beginning of time.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Every I can only.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Imagine since man and woman were on the earth trying
to figure out how to couple up and how to
basically have a happy life together.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
These problems are as old as the earth. I imagine that
is the unique.
Speaker 3 (16:59):
Oh, that's an interesting thing. We are not Are we
seeing anything different?
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Right?
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Because we always thought people are dating differently. But what
people want and how they want it and who they
is that stuff necessarily evolving. And what people want, what
you truly desire from a partner, is that change.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
I think it's evolved because the concept of what marriage
and coupling up was like.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
It used to be a business arrangement, right, It was.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
About safety, it was about survival, It was about repopulating
the earth or continuing to bring humans into this world
and finding a way to create order over rules and yes,
but now I think we have more options. The gender
roles are all over the place, and who we love
(17:44):
and what's okay in terms of relationship has changed.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
So maybe priorities and intentions, I don't know. I think
things have.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Dusted up a little bit. At the end of the day, Yeah,
we all want to find our person. We all want
to find our soulmate, don't we.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
I think so For whatever reason, I feel like it's
the trend is that it's not okay to admit that.
The trend is I need to be an individual. The
trend is I need to make sure that the appearance
that I am the strong one and this if I'm
with somebody, that means it. I chose that because that
enhances me in some way, not because I'm trying to
(18:20):
be a part of another thing or a partnership. I
think that thing that we have evolved in the way
we view sometimes these things. But deep down, I mean,
I don't know with anybody's heart, but I do. But
robes in day and day out. As much as we
cover news and relationships and almost any story you see,
(18:41):
no matter what it's about, boils down to human relationship
a lot of times, doesn't it? Though? And Rose I do.
I think our desires are the same. We just don't
know how to go about it in a scary ass world.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
That's so true. And I think with.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
I do think that the empower of women is amazing.
I am I've raised to women, You've raised your daughters.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
You about to make a great point. Go ahead, I
know what you're businessing, but I think it's your point.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
We've lost our way because we need to win and
we can't ever be like to submit is to be weak,
and that is a problem because we get that in
our heads.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
I certainly had it in mind. I have to win.
I have to be in charge. I have to rule
the nest. I have to be the one. And that
flies in the face of a lot of tradition and
a lot of things that have been set up.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
And so now you've got this big powder keg of
competing interest. Who's in charge, who's the house head of
the household, who gets to make the decisions?
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Who has to say? Who has to go along with it?
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Yes, I think it's a big old mess right now,
and we haven't figured it out. And so yes, we've
got these labels and we're trying to figure out who
we mesh best with.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
I think it's so individual.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
I think it's so individual based on the partnership, and so, yes,
who we choose, man, does that have an impact on
our happiness?
Speaker 2 (20:01):
We laugh because we know, yes we do.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
And it took us a long time in life to
figure that out. And we didn't realize it at the time,
or I didn't speak for myself decisions that we are
making early on how there might be bad decisions because
we get in our head what's supposed to be important,
what's supposed to be right, how you're supposed to love,
when you're supposed to get married, when you're supposed to
have kids, and then after that, whoops, nope, you're not
(20:25):
supposed to make a mistake, you're not supposed to get divorced,
and all these things get there, and it gets in
the way of what we all really want is just
to be happy with somebody else. I want a partner,
I do. I don't want to go through life alone.
Obviously not, but but ros I've been told, we are
all being told, if this isn't working out, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
And find someone else who you can potentially work with,
and it is.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Okay to do that. I agree with that one hundred percent.
That I do find that in the partnerships and the
conversations we have with younger folks, including kids, our kids,
what how they go about finding partners there, how they
talk about marriage, how they talk about submitting to a
(21:17):
certain degree, I say, submitting but robes. I find so
many folks I have conversation stations with under the age
of twenty five find it offensive that the suggestion they
would change or compromise any bit of who they are
for the sake of a relationship.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
And yet that is absolutely what is required for a
relationship to be successful. And I think that is something
that you said it required. That is not necessarily okay
to say out loud, but it is the key. Both
people have to sacrifice, both people have to compromise, and
if you aren't willing.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
To do that, yeah, you probably should not be in
a long term relationship.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
And that's okay if you don't want to, but you
need to understand what that may lead to. So they
have these labels put on the type of partner people
are looking for, right, and one of them is the
Golden Retriever. Boyfriend, I think it's pretty self evident what
that is, what.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
You said me, Golden Retrieve, the other those black cat Yes, okay,
so Golden Retriever, I don't know, you know, I don't
know dogs, well, you know, I don't know dog breeds,
so I don't know what the Golden Retriever is known for.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Okay, they are loving, yes, positive, energetic, loyal. And here's
the big one, uncomplicated, which I think translates to goes
with the flow. Whatever you want, dear, Yes, dear, the
Golden Retriever boyfriend is a yes, dear boyfriend.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
That's what it's saying. Yes, that's not a positive, then
is it?
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Well? It does workforce.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Look, if you have somebody who wants to just please,
and you have somebody who just wants to be pleased,
maybe that works out really.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Well and it works and that's okay. That's the thing.
We're so quick to judge somebody else's relationship that we
don't understand if it works for them.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Like you said, you might actually get I had a
lot of joy in pleasing someone else. That brings you happiness,
And someone else may say having someone who.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Pleases me brings me joy. And if those two people
come together and work out well, Mazeltov.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
I always learned something when we do these episodes. I
had no idea how was your Golden Retriever? I learned
something every time we do the see.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
The funny thing is I would describe you as the
next as a black the black cat, the black Cattcist No,
I didn't know where we were going here. You know,
I've told you you have cat and I think we
all but you do have cat like tendencies.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
Cat like tendency. That's what I want to be left alone.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
And you have to kind of earn your trust.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
No, that's not okay, go ahead, tell me what black
cat thing first?
Speaker 1 (23:41):
All right, here's the black cat boyfriend. Yes, in fact,
they actually distinguished this one.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
For whatever reason into boyfriend and girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Wait, can't ask a question. The golden retriever thing could
apply to men and women.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
I guess it could, but mostly it's maybe Cosmo who
put this list together with.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Thinking more of the women.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
But they did say a black cat boyfriend, and then
they did describe a black cat girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
You're not a black hat girlfriend, though, but you think
I'm a black hat boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
I might be a black cat girlfriend. I want to
hear what you think I am.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Right, All right, here's how they describe a black cat boyfriend, mysterious,
slightly moody counterpart to the golden retriever boyfriend. They are independent, intellectual,
could seem cold and stand offish, but actually affectionate on
his own terms and selective with his romantic attention.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
Very very true.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
That is you two eighteen?
Speaker 3 (24:26):
Oh, that's true. I think about your uh aunt Ann right,
didn't wasn't she the one that saw me? We're at
a funeral and she saw this first time I was
meeting a lot of your family. And wasn't she the
one that said, I didn't know he seems so stand
off as or cold or whatever else. Wasn't she the one?
Speaker 1 (24:41):
She my aunt Leslie, and she's sorry because you were
look a no one had met you yet. But yes,
you're very put together. You're you're a gorgeous man. Let's
just be honest. And so there might be an intimidation
factor just by how put together you are and how
and just they're like, oh, look there's TJ and then
you have Yeah, that might be intimidating to a lot
(25:02):
of folks.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
And so but when she came up to you, you
know what you said.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
To her, I'm a hugger, yeah, and you hugger And
she was surprised.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
And everything broke down after that to where what you're
describing here is they may seem a certain way, but
I'm actually as warm as if anytime somebody says, oh,
you're from Arkansas. I thought you were from Manhattan. You like,
what do you know something you don't know about me?
But yes, you've said this and explain this to me
(25:29):
plenty of times that from a distance or across the room. DJ. Yeah,
you're you're intimidating, and I think I'm just the warmest arcans.
I'm from Arkansas. It's like this.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Beautiful black cats, stylish and sleek, and yet I don't
know is he gonna bite me?
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Is he gonna purr? I'm not sure?
Speaker 1 (25:44):
But see that's to me, that's very attractive, that's very inviting.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
I want to find out more. I want to learn.
I learned things about you every day.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Wow, what'd you learn today? Sorry? Just push it on
the spot and know how that was gonna work.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
Okay, the black Cat woman is the same as above,
but they added this that the women who are black
Cat girlfriends value their alone time, tend to be introverted
and have a slightly aloof yet intimidating quality about them
that does draw people in.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
I don't think that's draw people in.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
It does draw people in because you're like a black
a woman, you know, just they said, slightly aloof, slightly
intimidating and that draws people in and they do value
their alone time and they are slightly introverted.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
I don't think that describes me at all.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
Introverted No, a loof, No, the.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Other introverted aloof and value alone time.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
No, you can't stand being alone.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
I'm working on it.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
You're right, I don't, and I know that that is
an issue and it is something that I have been
working on.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
It scares me. Scared me like, oh my god, I
better not have a business trip.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
No, I would never not want you to. And that's me.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
That's on me. Okay, I was, But yeah, you do
struggle with that anytime. If I might have like forty
five minutes I need to go do something, you'll go
book a SPA treatment, just so you can make sure
you are not sitting in a place by yourself in
home for whatever reason. That feels yeah, crazy to you.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
You know what, I think.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
I spend a lot of time alone in my room
growing up, and I just felt like, man, when I
get older, I am never going to do this. And
so for me, it's interesting. Everyone's got their different reasons why.
But I yes, I like to be out. I like
to be about I like to be around people, and
I do try to do that. But I don't know
what I am.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
I'm not a golden retriever either.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
I don't know if there's how would you describe me
as a I'm a fiance now, but as a girlfriend?
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Is there a label?
Speaker 3 (27:45):
As far as an animal goes whatever? You're like a
like the zoo monkey, like the little ones that you
can't quite get in. You can't quite see. He's hiding
behind some of the trees and the branches, and you
keep going trying to get a look, trying to get
a cat, trying to look at the monkey, and the
(28:05):
mokey seems so happy, and then you make eye contact
with the monkey. Oh my god, the monkey loves me.
And then there it goes off doing its own thing again.
You're a I don't know what type of monkey that is.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
I'm a playful monkey.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
You're a playful monkey, is what I would discribe. Yeah,
so this is a playful monkey relationship.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
A playful monkey with a black cat. Yes, do they
get along?
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Do?
Speaker 2 (28:28):
I amuse you?
Speaker 3 (28:29):
Cats don't give a damn what the monkey's doing.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
And that's the sad state of our relationship. Now I'm kidding.
This is fun though.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
This is fun talking about it, and really we're just
talking about how we all figure things out. We can
put whatever label we want on it, but I do
think that at the end of the day, we're all
looking to find our person, and for each person it's different.
Everybody wants different things, everybody needs different things. But I
do think that these all teach us the most important
(28:57):
thing is to have the best relationship with ourselves.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
I need to do and I'm working on it.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
To be alone, to enjoy my own company, and to
not need someone else, but to enjoy someone else and
to give to someone else. And it's not about what
you're getting from some of what you're giving to them.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
That's the goal. That's the goal, to be thinking of others.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
You say to your golden retriever, Okay, you.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Are so not a golden retriever.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
And with that everyone, thank you for listening to us
on this Sunday. I may be roboch alongside my black
cat of a fiancee TJ.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Holmes. We will talk to you soon.
Hey there, everybody. It is Sunday, March twenty ninth. It
is spring, and for all of you single folks out
there who are looking for love, we've got the top
new dating trends of twenty twenty six. And I don't
know why it's fun for us coupled up folks to
even maybe just look at all the folks looking for
love and seeing what's hot, what's not what.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
People are looking for these days.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
I get a big kick out of looking at these
dating trends and the words that folks come up with
to describe them. Maybe it's just me, but without everyone,
welcome to this episode of Amy and DJ.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
I don't know, Baby, do you get into it too?
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Do you get as tickled by some of these trends
and how they name them as I do?
Speaker 3 (00:53):
I get concerned that the person I'm engaged to marry
is so interested in dating trends. That's where I am
on this whole. Then I don't find it. Maybe I
would find it cute or funny if it wasn't my
fiance who keeps bringing these things to me. But sure,
let's go have a good time talking about what it'd
be like to date these days. Hmmm, sounds fun.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
I think I look at it through this lens. He
went through a lot to be together. We went through
lots of other relationships and made a ton of mistakes
along the way. And I think it's interesting from a
sociological standpoint to take a look and see how people
try to find their one and what works, what doesn't,
(01:34):
and how things change and evolve.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
You know, in our kids.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
My daughters are obviously in the middle of that era
in their.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Lives, and your young one is about to enter it.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Okay, that's just that's okay, now you you're going too far.
Now she's thirteen.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
That's when it starts. I know you started to hear
way that.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Boy, it's not as a father.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
You need to know this.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
I need to know what the dating trends are.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
You might.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
No, this is fun.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
This is fun because Cosmo actually explained why why there
were so many new terms, and I thought this was cool.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
They said it creates a shared.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Language that we can all use to talk about the
confusing and sometimes even frustrating.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Parts of looking for love.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
I think that is isn't that part of the goal
for most people? Maybe they don't even realize it, but
that is what we tend to do. We spend our
lives looking for love, looking for that relationship.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Why though we're looking for is that really the purpose?
When people go out there and they start dating, they
get on these dating apps, are you really looking for love?
I don't know what people are looking for necessarily these days.
That was just an article it wasn't in the Times
today about how people have turned on marriage, the idea
of marriage these days. I don't know dating these days,
I don't know what people are looking at yet.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Well, there might not be a shared goal, and that's
part of some of these new trends. But I do
think everyone wants to feel loved, to feel seen, to belong,
to have a partner, to have someone to go through
life with.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
But yeah, you know, as many people don't necessarily admit that.
That's just human nature. It is just in us. You
don't want to be alone. Nobody does. Even if you
tell yourself that mentally, man, nobody wants that. So yeah,
it's a struggle for a lot of people. And it's
I mean, it could be a challenge, it could be frustrating,
(03:27):
but it is rewarding, it is fulfilling. So and you
talk about all these the names they give. Isn't that
just social media? These bigs it is?
Speaker 2 (03:34):
It's TikTok and social media.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
But I do think there is something cool about having
a shared experience with someone where you can actually relate
to it with the term yeah, I want that or
that happened to me. And I just think that it
creates a sense of belonging. When you have a shared experience,
you put.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
A name on it.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
It's kind of funny and somehow it just it makes
it all make a little more sense maybe, And this
whole notion of not feeling alone, that other people are
experiencing or want the same things.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
We're all looking for that we all want to belong.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
We want labels, We want an easy way to categorize
ourselves this or on that which is not. I don't
find that to be the best way to go about it,
but I see and social media aide. With so many
videos and so limited and how much you can say
and how much time you can say it, and how
many characters you can use, it's easy to have just
one word to say that this is blank and what
(04:23):
I don't even know what was it? Leg you'd have
me do one real light.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
That was one of the newest.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
That was when you you go someone for a bit
and then you come back and you try to make
them think that you never left.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Like nothing ever happened, which is hilarious.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Okay, so see everyone ghost people might have a story
like that and they feel seen when there's a label
that it happened to other people too. So yeah, I've
been ghostly or I've done the ghost lighting, but most
people wouldn't admit that. I do think let's have some
fun here, but there are some actual interesting discussions about
(04:59):
where we are is a societ when it comes to
finding that person. So I think that there are some
really interesting details in the fun of giving these labels.
Speaker 3 (05:06):
The first one, how many you got?
Speaker 1 (05:08):
I picked out the ones that I hadn't heard of before,
so I've got lessie, I've got one, two, three, four,
five dating trends, and then I've got labels for the
type of partner you're looking for.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
So I run this is thorough.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
I didn't even though they were five dating trends out there.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
I chose the ones we haven't already talked about. We
don't already know ghost lighting was among them, but I
thought we've already been there, done that.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
So how about this one? Schalance?
Speaker 3 (05:36):
Chalance?
Speaker 2 (05:37):
Guess what chalance is? This is a new dating trend chalance. Schalance.
Speaker 3 (05:42):
Is it shalancing? Or I got chalance? Or we are
in a schalance like romance.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
It's the type of relationship you're looking for, a chalance relationship.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Put them together a lance. So I'll go romance at
the end, and then I'll say shell so as ay'll love.
A relationship is a schalance.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
You're hilarious. The opposite of nonchalance, the opposite.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
So you want a partner who isn't afraid to go
all in, who isn't nonchalant.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
It's basically the opposite of a situationship, right, use.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
That in the sentence for me? Used the chalance in
a sentence Seriously, I am struggling.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
I want a chalance relationship.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
They want a partner who puts in the effort, who
goes into the relationship saying I am all in. I
want this to work. I am looking for a serious
partner versus someone who's like, eh, we'll see what happens.
I don't know, I'm nonchalant about it. We'll like, we'll
see where we end up. Okay, you want someone to
go in with an agenda and someone who's looking for
an outcome of permanence.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Okay, married at first sight. Those are all people who
would classify as shalance.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
You just nailed it all.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
You know what, you just nailed The reason why I
merited first Sight has been so successful, and we've seen
so many people show up for the auditions because they
are saying, I am ready, I am ready for a
chalance relationship.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
And everybody who is there clearly wants to get married
and wants to take it seriously.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
There you go.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
That's coming together next one.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
It took me a second. This is gonna be fun.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Sledging is a dating trend. It's a dating trend, sledging,
sledge sledge.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
I immediately go to hammer.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
I did too, but I was wrong.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Okay, schlepping, that's not the same.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
I don't think you're gonna get it because I was
kind of blown away. So think about the sled sledging
a sled. Okay, so let me I'll explain this. So
the the definition is getting into a cuffing season relationship
with the intention of breaking things off by spring.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
I mean this is really dark.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
So basically you're sledging the other person because the other
person didn't know that the relationship had an expiration date.
And how they explain it is sledged a sled. Okay,
the sled is the act of dragging someone through the
snow in the wintertime with no intention of actually continuing
the relationship once you get to warmer weather.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
Now are we on the same page? Do people enter
relationships with the understanding that all this is is a
sledge relationship?
Speaker 1 (08:23):
They said that in most of these cases, the other
person has no idea they're being sledged, but someone goes
in with an agenda, Hey, I really would like to
couple up with someone during the cold months.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Once it gets warm.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
I'm running, I got my tan on, I'm going to
be looking for playing all summer long.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
Okay, isn't that just the same as a summer love
or a flinging.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
But you've entered into a relationship during a period of
time when a lot of people get serious and start
building on a foundation of something to then carry it
into the spring and summer.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
And you're speaking of nefarious intent, like you go into
it meaning to fool somebody into thinking you're going to.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
I've been sledged or I am sledging someone. Yes, it's
a very negative term, but people describe relationships that suddenly
they found themselves being sledged.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
I'm saying, but the sledge error is that person. Are
they suggesting that person knows what they're doing, they're going
into it. Okay, that's problem.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yes, so it's kind of like a beware of a sledge.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
Gotcha, gotcha?
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Okay, how about this one.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Another big trend of twenty twenty six is the friend
fluence romance. So according to Tinder, they have like a
big year ender. I think we might have even talked
about it. And in their year ender, they found that
forty two percent of singles say their friends are the
major influence on their love life.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
So they let their.
Speaker 1 (09:46):
Friends kind of help guide them whether or not to
date someone or not, and they say, you're gonna love
You're not.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
A part of this trend.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Thirty seven percent of folks on tenders say they are
looking to go on double dates and group dates, like
they want to their friends into their relationship. So they
want to have somebody who fits in well with their
friend group, and that's a huge part of their decision
as to who they date, and then they also look
at their friends love lives as a huge source of
(10:14):
hope for their own. So everything they're seeing their friends
do is influencing who they pick, who they choose to date,
and why they choose to date.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
That that sounds practical. You want somebody to fit into not
just your mold, but the things you have going. I
think I don't have that big of a problem with it,
but it could. It could lead you to closing the
door on something good or great, or quite frankly, you
give other people in your life too much power. They
might be the problem in your relationship and your relationship
(10:43):
not the problem in your friendships.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
I think we've heard this on dating. We watch a
lot of dating shows.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
If anyone who listens to our podcast knows, we love
our dating shows. But they talk about outsourcing your relationship
and basically letting your friends basically have way more of
a say than they should in terms of who you
date and why you date them because of what they
think about them or how they fit into the group.
And they just given social media and the way people
(11:08):
are operating younger folks are operating these days, that's a
huge part of dating. The name of it again, its
friend sorry, friendfluence influence.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
You're in a friend fluence relationship.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
Yeah, all right, Next one, zip coding zip Ooh and
it can have there's two different meanings of this, so
even if you get one of them, I'll give you kudos.
Speaker 3 (11:28):
Wait a minute, they had two different means zip coding.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Yeah, you can mean one of two things, and it's
actually really they're very different.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
Okay, Well, it just sounds like you're dating specific to
geographic regions for whatever purpose suits you.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
You nailed it.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Okay, So the first one would be to date only
in a small radius for the people who live nearby,
because you want to have like just access, so you
you limit mostly like if you're on a dating app
or whatever, you really limit who you're willing to date.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
Oh that makes it.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Yeah, something does to me too.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
But here's the one that I was like, whoa have
you ever heard of this? Zip coding can also mean
having a location dependent relationship.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
I think we do know people like.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
This in our lives, where you're only together when you're
in the same zip code, and when you're not in
the same zip code, you're a single.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
I'm always amazed how that works. We have seen it,
seen it work for years.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Actually, that's exactly what I was thinking of.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Yeah, I don't know, it wouldn't work for me, and
I marvel at the fact. But when I read this,
I immediately thought of some folks we know, and I
just thought, wow, I guess it.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
Is a thing.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
And when you said I immediately thought of ludacrous. Do
you remember that song area codes? You said, zip codes?
We has a song, whole song I got holes in
different area codes. That's the first thing I thought about.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
How all right, so this is an age old practice apparently,
all right, zip.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Codes though not area codes. Zip codes on this zip codes.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
All right, here's the last dating trend monkey barring. Can
you guess what it is?
Speaker 3 (13:02):
It's don't please to tell me. This is not for
parents who hook up when they take their kids to
the playground, guest.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
No, So this is basically laying the groundwork for a
new relationship before you end your current one. So they
describe it as dangling between two monkey bars, gripping one
hand on your current partner while reaching out for someone
new at the same time.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Okay, okay, you're the only one's going to laugh at this,
But that immediately made me think of a line for
Mission Impossible to The bad guy said about Thandy Newton,
who was between the two guys at the time, said,
you know, women like monkeys. They are never let go
over one branch before they get a hold of the next.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Again, apparently this is true.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
This is something that has been cemented in cinematic history.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
That's okay, I have a weird brain. That line immediately
comes to mind.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
I knew you didn't have to this. It's funny.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
We sat down full disclosure before we did this, and
I said, Babe, we're just gonna have some fun with this.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
I'm going to talk about some dating trends. You'll be fine.
Of course, your your memory is hilarious.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Your brain goes right in the exact perfect places that
it needs to see.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
And if people haven't figured this out yet, I had
no idea about any of these dating trends. See every
once in a while we do these issues that he
got some for you. You're gonna have a good time. So
I hadn't heard of any of these, so I'm hearing
them for the first time. Say the name monkey, monkey barring. Okay,
do you think that is a good or bad thing,
a bad practice, or oh not.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
I think it's terrible.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
I think I think you absolutely if you have done this,
and plenty of us can admit that we have, you
have to ask yourself, why why can't I be alone?
Why can't I be in between relationships? Why can't I
take time to reflect about done this? I feel like
it's been no, not exactly but close enough.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
For people. You needed more time on your own, You
needed to take some time.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
I do think, yeah, oh my god, to be keeping
one person as an option while you're looking to see
if there's a better one available. That's terrible and manipulative,
not true to the spirit of what we're actually talking about,
which is about finding love. And it's hard and it's messy,
and it gets uncomfortable and it gets it and it
goes up and down. But if you're constantly looking for
that next thrill where you feel satiated all the.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
Time, you're going to have a lifelong of problems.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
It's I think about the person who is yeah, that's
that's not I can't find any way to endorse, to
be supportive of that, because it's awful. The person that's
in a relationship with you and you're just waiting for
something better to come along, Meaning you're not trying to
work on this one. You're not trying to improve this one,
You're not trying to make this a better relationship. You're
just buying time. And this person just happens to be here.
(15:39):
Why won't you just break up with them?
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Why won't you just you need to look inward at
that point, if you are in the middle of this
or have done it before, I think there needs to
be some soul searching that goes on at least from
that point. But when we come back, we're going to
talk about the different types of partners. Do you want
a golden retriever boyfriend or girlfriend or do you want
on a black cat?
Speaker 2 (16:01):
We'll explain when we come back. Welcome back everyone.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
We are talking about the top new hilariously labeled dating
trends of twenty twenty six.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Is that fair? That is all these are? Is this
not new stuff? We just got new labels? Is that fair?
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Probably? Yes, it's just explained you know this.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Look, there are some clever, fun moments that I think
social media has given us, and this is among them
where we can actually have some fun talking about things
we've all experienced things that have been going on since
the beginning of time.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Every I can only.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Imagine since man and woman were on the earth trying
to figure out how to couple up and how to
basically have a happy life together.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
These problems are as old as the earth. I imagine that
is the unique.
Speaker 3 (16:59):
Oh, that's an interesting thing. We are not Are we
seeing anything different?
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Right?
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Because we always thought people are dating differently. But what
people want and how they want it and who they
is that stuff necessarily evolving. And what people want, what
you truly desire from a partner, is that change.
Speaker 1 (17:16):
I think it's evolved because the concept of what marriage
and coupling up was like.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
It used to be a business arrangement, right, It was.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
About safety, it was about survival, It was about repopulating
the earth or continuing to bring humans into this world
and finding a way to create order over rules and yes,
but now I think we have more options. The gender
roles are all over the place, and who we love
(17:44):
and what's okay in terms of relationship has changed.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
So maybe priorities and intentions, I don't know. I think
things have.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Dusted up a little bit. At the end of the day, Yeah,
we all want to find our person. We all want
to find our soulmate, don't we.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
I think so For whatever reason, I feel like it's
the trend is that it's not okay to admit that.
The trend is I need to be an individual. The
trend is I need to make sure that the appearance
that I am the strong one and this if I'm
with somebody, that means it. I chose that because that
enhances me in some way, not because I'm trying to
(18:20):
be a part of another thing or a partnership. I
think that thing that we have evolved in the way
we view sometimes these things. But deep down, I mean,
I don't know with anybody's heart, but I do. But
robes in day and day out. As much as we
cover news and relationships and almost any story you see,
(18:41):
no matter what it's about, boils down to human relationship
a lot of times, doesn't it? Though? And Rose I do.
I think our desires are the same. We just don't
know how to go about it in a scary ass world.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
That's so true. And I think with.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
I do think that the empower of women is amazing.
I am I've raised to women, You've raised your daughters.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
You about to make a great point. Go ahead, I
know what you're businessing, but I think it's your point.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
We've lost our way because we need to win and
we can't ever be like to submit is to be weak,
and that is a problem because we get that in
our heads.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
I certainly had it in mind. I have to win.
I have to be in charge. I have to rule
the nest. I have to be the one. And that
flies in the face of a lot of tradition and
a lot of things that have been set up.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
And so now you've got this big powder keg of
competing interest. Who's in charge, who's the house head of
the household, who gets to make the decisions?
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Who has to say? Who has to go along with it?
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Yes, I think it's a big old mess right now,
and we haven't figured it out. And so yes, we've
got these labels and we're trying to figure out who
we mesh best with.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
I think it's so individual.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
I think it's so individual based on the partnership, and so, yes,
who we choose, man, does that have an impact on
our happiness?
Speaker 2 (20:01):
We laugh because we know, yes we do.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
And it took us a long time in life to
figure that out. And we didn't realize it at the time,
or I didn't speak for myself decisions that we are
making early on how there might be bad decisions because
we get in our head what's supposed to be important,
what's supposed to be right, how you're supposed to love,
when you're supposed to get married, when you're supposed to
have kids, and then after that, whoops, nope, you're not
(20:25):
supposed to make a mistake, you're not supposed to get divorced,
and all these things get there, and it gets in
the way of what we all really want is just
to be happy with somebody else. I want a partner,
I do. I don't want to go through life alone.
Obviously not, but but ros I've been told, we are
all being told, if this isn't working out, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
And find someone else who you can potentially work with,
and it is.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Okay to do that. I agree with that one hundred percent.
That I do find that in the partnerships and the
conversations we have with younger folks, including kids, our kids,
what how they go about finding partners there, how they
talk about marriage, how they talk about submitting to a
(21:17):
certain degree, I say, submitting but robes. I find so
many folks I have conversation stations with under the age
of twenty five find it offensive that the suggestion they
would change or compromise any bit of who they are
for the sake of a relationship.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
And yet that is absolutely what is required for a
relationship to be successful. And I think that is something
that you said it required. That is not necessarily okay
to say out loud, but it is the key. Both
people have to sacrifice, both people have to compromise, and
if you aren't willing.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
To do that, yeah, you probably should not be in
a long term relationship.
Speaker 1 (21:57):
And that's okay if you don't want to, but you
need to understand what that may lead to. So they
have these labels put on the type of partner people
are looking for, right, and one of them is the
Golden Retriever. Boyfriend, I think it's pretty self evident what
that is, what.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
You said me, Golden Retrieve, the other those black cat Yes, okay,
so Golden Retriever, I don't know, you know, I don't
know dogs, well, you know, I don't know dog breeds,
so I don't know what the Golden Retriever is known for.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Okay, they are loving, yes, positive, energetic, loyal. And here's
the big one, uncomplicated, which I think translates to goes
with the flow. Whatever you want, dear, Yes, dear, the
Golden Retriever boyfriend is a yes, dear boyfriend.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
That's what it's saying. Yes, that's not a positive, then
is it?
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Well? It does workforce.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Look, if you have somebody who wants to just please,
and you have somebody who just wants to be pleased,
maybe that works out really.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Well and it works and that's okay. That's the thing.
We're so quick to judge somebody else's relationship that we
don't understand if it works for them.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Like you said, you might actually get I had a
lot of joy in pleasing someone else. That brings you happiness,
And someone else may say having someone who.
Speaker 2 (23:05):
Pleases me brings me joy. And if those two people
come together and work out well, Mazeltov.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
I always learned something when we do these episodes. I
had no idea how was your Golden Retriever? I learned
something every time we do the see.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
The funny thing is I would describe you as the
next as a black the black cat, the black Cattcist No,
I didn't know where we were going here. You know,
I've told you you have cat and I think we
all but you do have cat like tendencies.
Speaker 3 (23:30):
Cat like tendency. That's what I want to be left alone.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
And you have to kind of earn your trust.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
No, that's not okay, go ahead, tell me what black
cat thing first?
Speaker 1 (23:41):
All right, here's the black cat boyfriend. Yes, in fact,
they actually distinguished this one.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
For whatever reason into boyfriend and girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (23:47):
Wait, can't ask a question. The golden retriever thing could
apply to men and women.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
I guess it could, but mostly it's maybe Cosmo who
put this list together with.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Thinking more of the women.
Speaker 1 (23:55):
But they did say a black cat boyfriend, and then
they did describe a black cat girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
You're not a black hat girlfriend, though, but you think
I'm a black hat boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
I might be a black cat girlfriend. I want to
hear what you think I am.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Right, All right, here's how they describe a black cat boyfriend, mysterious,
slightly moody counterpart to the golden retriever boyfriend. They are independent, intellectual,
could seem cold and stand offish, but actually affectionate on
his own terms and selective with his romantic attention.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
Very very true.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
That is you two eighteen?
Speaker 3 (24:26):
Oh, that's true. I think about your uh aunt Ann right,
didn't wasn't she the one that saw me? We're at
a funeral and she saw this first time I was
meeting a lot of your family. And wasn't she the
one that said, I didn't know he seems so stand
off as or cold or whatever else. Wasn't she the one?
Speaker 1 (24:41):
She my aunt Leslie, and she's sorry because you were
look a no one had met you yet. But yes,
you're very put together. You're you're a gorgeous man. Let's
just be honest. And so there might be an intimidation
factor just by how put together you are and how
and just they're like, oh, look there's TJ and then
you have Yeah, that might be intimidating to a lot
(25:02):
of folks.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
And so but when she came up to you, you
know what you said.
Speaker 1 (25:04):
To her, I'm a hugger, yeah, and you hugger And
she was surprised.
Speaker 3 (25:09):
And everything broke down after that to where what you're
describing here is they may seem a certain way, but
I'm actually as warm as if anytime somebody says, oh,
you're from Arkansas. I thought you were from Manhattan. You like,
what do you know something you don't know about me?
But yes, you've said this and explain this to me
(25:29):
plenty of times that from a distance or across the room. DJ. Yeah,
you're you're intimidating, and I think I'm just the warmest arcans.
I'm from Arkansas. It's like this.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Beautiful black cats, stylish and sleek, and yet I don't
know is he gonna bite me?
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Is he gonna purr? I'm not sure?
Speaker 1 (25:44):
But see that's to me, that's very attractive, that's very inviting.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
I want to find out more. I want to learn.
I learned things about you every day.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Wow, what'd you learn today? Sorry? Just push it on
the spot and know how that was gonna work.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
Okay, the black Cat woman is the same as above,
but they added this that the women who are black
Cat girlfriends value their alone time, tend to be introverted
and have a slightly aloof yet intimidating quality about them
that does draw people in.
Speaker 3 (26:16):
I don't think that's draw people in.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
It does draw people in because you're like a black
a woman, you know, just they said, slightly aloof, slightly
intimidating and that draws people in and they do value
their alone time and they are slightly introverted.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
I don't think that describes me at all.
Speaker 3 (26:33):
Introverted No, a loof, No, the.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Other introverted aloof and value alone time.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
No, you can't stand being alone.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
I'm working on it.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
You're right, I don't, and I know that that is
an issue and it is something that I have been
working on.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
It scares me. Scared me like, oh my god, I
better not have a business trip.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
No, I would never not want you to. And that's me.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
That's on me. Okay, I was, But yeah, you do
struggle with that anytime. If I might have like forty
five minutes I need to go do something, you'll go
book a SPA treatment, just so you can make sure
you are not sitting in a place by yourself in
home for whatever reason. That feels yeah, crazy to you.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
You know what, I think.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
I spend a lot of time alone in my room
growing up, and I just felt like, man, when I
get older, I am never going to do this. And
so for me, it's interesting. Everyone's got their different reasons why.
But I yes, I like to be out. I like
to be about I like to be around people, and
I do try to do that. But I don't know
what I am.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
I'm not a golden retriever either.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
I don't know if there's how would you describe me
as a I'm a fiance now, but as a girlfriend?
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Is there a label?
Speaker 3 (27:45):
As far as an animal goes whatever? You're like a
like the zoo monkey, like the little ones that you
can't quite get in. You can't quite see. He's hiding
behind some of the trees and the branches, and you
keep going trying to get a look, trying to get
a cat, trying to look at the monkey, and the
(28:05):
mokey seems so happy, and then you make eye contact
with the monkey. Oh my god, the monkey loves me.
And then there it goes off doing its own thing again.
You're a I don't know what type of monkey that is.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
I'm a playful monkey.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
You're a playful monkey, is what I would discribe. Yeah,
so this is a playful monkey relationship.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
A playful monkey with a black cat. Yes, do they
get along?
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Do?
Speaker 2 (28:28):
I amuse you?
Speaker 3 (28:29):
Cats don't give a damn what the monkey's doing.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
And that's the sad state of our relationship. Now I'm kidding.
This is fun though.
Speaker 1 (28:36):
This is fun talking about it, and really we're just
talking about how we all figure things out. We can
put whatever label we want on it, but I do
think that at the end of the day, we're all
looking to find our person, and for each person it's different.
Everybody wants different things, everybody needs different things. But I
do think that these all teach us the most important
(28:57):
thing is to have the best relationship with ourselves.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
I need to do and I'm working on it.
Speaker 1 (29:04):
To be alone, to enjoy my own company, and to
not need someone else, but to enjoy someone else and
to give to someone else. And it's not about what
you're getting from some of what you're giving to them.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
That's the goal. That's the goal, to be thinking of others.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
You say to your golden retriever, Okay, you.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Are so not a golden retriever.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
And with that everyone, thank you for listening to us
on this Sunday. I may be roboch alongside my black
cat of a fiancee TJ.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Holmes. We will talk to you soon.
Hosts And Creators
Amy Robach
T.J. Holmes
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