March 21, 2026 • 23 mins
Resident real guy, Mr. Right is answering more of your questions!
He’s giving you his brutally honest answers on how men feel when women make more money in the relationship and some key tips on what men like to see in online dating profiles!
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Speaker 1 (00:16):
Hey, there, I do part two.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
I'm one of your mentors, mister Wright, and I'm here
to continue answering some of those questions that we got
last week. So let's dive right into some of those
voicemails and emails asking about dating in chapter two.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Hi, I'm calling in for the hotline questions. This is
going to be an anonymous question. If I've been talking
to a guy for almost a year, we text before,
we have great chemistry, but he's never planned a real date.
Am I being patient or am I being delusional?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Let me know, Well, anonymous, I'm going to have to say,
it's been a year and you haven't planned a real date.
I'm thinking there might be some issues there. I'm not
saying you're being delusional, because the heart wants with their once,
but I just I think you know much quicker than
a year.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
There should be some momentum there.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
There should be momentum in the relationships, there should be progress,
and a year is a long time to wait. So gosh,
I can't think of a situation in which this makes
a lot of sense to keep pursuing. So I would
I would put you kind of more in your words,
in your words, not mine in the delusional category to
think that this is going to work out now, Anonymous,
(01:30):
this sounds like it could be a long distance relationship.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
So maybe you're dating an astronaut.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
You know, he's been out of the country, out of
the orbit for a while and can't do anything. But
maybe you know, if it is long distance and not
an astronaut. But if it is long distance, and that's
the reason that a real date hasn't been established, I
think this might be some time. You know, a time
frame should be put on this and start building to something,
you know, towards something, and put it on the calendar.
(01:56):
And if the person on the other end a box
at that, then I think that you could probably answer
that question and not waste any more time. If it
isn't going anywhere now, I think if you are going
to end this with this person, I think there should
be some wrap up. There should be some conclusion to it.
I don't want to think you should just leave it hanging,
you know. I think you should definitely say, you know what,
(02:17):
it's been amazing, you know, talking to you over this
last year, but it doesn't look as though we're really
making any progress, you know. I really wish this could
have worked out, but I'm looking for something more. And
so I think you can take some responsibility for yourself
because you know you have impressed the issue to the
point where something's happened. So take some responsibility and it
don't just put it on the other person and then
(02:39):
you know, maybe you know, that would push that other
person to make a bigger effort to say, oh my gosh,
I do not want to lose you. I'm going to
take a flight out, I'm gonna drive out to see you,
or let's meet somewhere. So don't just you know, don't
just ghost them. That's the worst. But give an opportunity
for it to be made right. And you know, maybe
(02:59):
it doesn't, but maybe he does. That was a great,
great question. Like another email here coming in from Kathy.
She says that she's been dating a man that she
met through a mutual friend for eight months. I really
like where our relationship is going, but I want to
talk about finances and don't know how to bring it up.
I think I make more money than him. Do guys
(03:21):
care about that stuff when we're in our fifties. My
ex husband was terrible with money, and I need to
be with someone who isn't like that again, all right, Kathy,
this is one of the biggest deltas between a first relationship,
a first marriage, and a second marriage. The first mayor
you're just starting off. You know, you might have made
(03:42):
more money than you in your ex but like you know,
it's kind of a you know, it's kind of a
horse race. Who knows where it's gonna go because you're
starting off, you're young, you're building your life in this
second chapter, in this second go round. If you think
that this might be the man of your second dreams,
I think that it is important to make sure that
everything is out on the table. You know, past, you know,
(04:04):
history with other relationships, all these sorts of criminal records,
and I think that finances are right there with with
those topics. I think it's just as important. You want
to make sure that there is no confusion, because maybe
it isn't a big deal at all, but if you
don't know, the not knowing is going to eat at you,
(04:25):
especially if you're bringing it up right now, it is
going to eat at you. And you know, if I
was a guy on the other side, you know, maybe
you know, I'd be inspired that my partner is doing better.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Than I am.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
And I hope that you would be with somebody that
would not be jealous of you, that would want you
to be as successful as possible. So this might be
a great way to figure out what kind of guy
this is. So don't be scared, especially if you know
if you guys are in similar situations. He should expect
that because you know, that's just one of the ways
that you go and avoid a landmine.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Down the road.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Now, what does mister Wright think about how guys feel
about the woman making more money. I think if he's
a good guy, he would be inspired by that. I
think that, you know, you don't want a guy that's
going to be a you know, kind of a gold
digger going the other direction. But I think that guys
might feel an initial intimidation by it. But really, if
(05:20):
you've got a good guy, he wants to say, O, God,
this woman has been accomplished, She's done things, she's you know,
she's smart with her money, works hard, whatever the case
may be. But I don't think guys are going to
be intimidated by that. And if so, I think that
might be a red flag. And Kathy, I'm gonna let
you know, right now that guys talk about finances, about
(05:41):
their dates, you know, the women they're dating, all that
sort of stuff that does come up. Usually what the
the caution is, is this person dating you for your money?
Are they a gold digger? So it's usually that direction.
Now conversely, if you know, if the woman you know
is successful or independently healthy, able to take care of herself,
(06:02):
that's usually something to brag about.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
And so you know, the you know, the joke is, you.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Know, I'll be able to golf all I want because
you know, my my new wife girlfriend person I'm dating
is going to take care of me. So usually when
we're talking about finances between guys, we're making sure that
the other guy isn't getting taken for you know, and
and and someone dating him just for his money. But
if it's the other way around, that's usually a pretty
cool thing. So taking Kathy's email a little bit further,
(06:32):
you know, there are situations in chapter two, and you know,
guys are now dating a divorce a and their previous
lifestyle might have been extremely extravagant. Now they might have
gotten a big settlement, they might have gotten a bunch
of money, they might be a widower all sorts of situations,
and I think the guy has to be mindful of
are they going to be able to keep up are
(06:54):
they going to be able to provide or or keep
up with with what the with you know, what the
woman is expecting. So I think, you know, in that
conversation about finances, I think there's a big conversation about
expectations as well. And you know, in chapter two, I mean,
love is so important. Love is so important. Compatibility is
also equally important, and I think that's where in chapter two,
(07:17):
really finances do start to play into it. And I
think that that is part of a conversation that needs
to be had before you have kind of these false
expectations and find yourself all of a sudden, Wait a second,
why didn't we talk about this earlier? This was so obvious?
And that's you know, this is really a chapter two
(07:40):
issue that doesn't come up in chapter one. In chapter one,
you know, you're thinking, we're going to spend the rest
of our lives together, We're going to build towards a
common goal. In chapter two, it's like, yeah, I'm kind
of we've kind of done a lot of that stuff independently.
Do our lives merge, and that includes finances, that includes lifestyle,
includes vacations, all those sorts of things. You know, those
(08:00):
have to mesh as well. All right, Kathy, Now you
brought up, you know, kind of a hornet's nest. Now,
if we're talking about finances and we got to talk
about debt, we've got to talk about things like leverage
and credit scores. And you know, when you're bringing on
a partner in chapter two, you've got to make sure
you know what you're getting. It's just like an investing
in a company a little bit. You want to make
(08:21):
sure that the balance sheet works. And I mean there's
always mitigating circumstances. I mean maybe the guy just got
taken to the cleaners by his ex wife, the settlement,
child support, all these sort of things, So there could
be mitigating circumstances here. So I don't want to just
make a blanket statement, but I do think you need
to be careful if one or other is coming into
(08:43):
the relationship. But give you a man or woman is
coming in with a bunch of debt, is coming in
with a bunch of credit cards they can't pay off,
are coming in and they're not employed or are living
a lifestyle that is obviously outside of their means. Those
are things to get to be very, very very mindful
of because it doesn't get better, it gets worse. And
(09:05):
if you are coming into it and you're going to
be the one expected to bridge that gap, you got
to be ready to bridge that gap all the way
and continue to bridge that gap. If it's a lifestyle thing.
So this is probably the least romantic thing we'll ever
talk about, you know, on this podcast.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
But there is there.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
You know, their credit scores and debt, those things do
mean a lot, especially in chapter two. I mean, if
this is a topic that is that is compelling to people,
I would say bring in those questions or there's voicemails,
emails and we can talk about some of the less
romantic parts about relationships and you know, especially in chapter two,
(09:45):
what are the things to be mindful of? What are
the things that guys and girls should be looking for
aside from just that spark Sparks are important, don't get
me wrong, but as you get into chapter two, you
get in a different phase of your life. You know,
you're thinking about your security, your safety, You're thinking about
maybe your kids, you know, and where they are in
(10:06):
their lives. So there are parts of this chapter too,
this next phase of your life that have to be considered,
that are just really not considered in chapter one. Well,
(10:26):
great question, Kathy, and you know that got us on
all kinds of tangents. And let's get it centered here
with our next voicemail.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
Hey, it's Emily.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
I'm in my forties and just thinking about getting onto
dating apps for the.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Very first time. It's so scary. Can you tell me
what we should be putting on our profile that won't
make you just like swipe by immediately?
Speaker 3 (10:47):
Like?
Speaker 4 (10:47):
What are the top things that men want to see
when they see these profiles? Thank you so much for
your help.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
All right, this is a great question, now, mister right,
this is what I feel. Three things have changed the
trajectory of dating in mankind. It's been alcohol, deodorant, in
social media. There is nothing that has been more responsible
for hooking people up than those three things. Unfortunately, the
(11:18):
third part, the social media part, the profiles. What do
you put on there? I mean, there is so much
fluff out there. There is so much filter and fluff,
which is fine, and it's great for likes and clicks
and all that kind of stuff and follows. But if
you're at that point in your life where you're trying
to find somebody through social media or even a dating app,
(11:41):
what should you put on there?
Speaker 1 (11:42):
I would say, put on the truth.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
I mean, you can put some fluff pictures, you can
put some filter pictures. But if you want that first
date to go to a second, and a third and
a fourth and whatever else comes after that, you don't
want to be selling a false bill of goods. And
if you're into hiking, then put some hiking photos in there.
If you're not into hiking, don't put hiking photos in there.
(12:05):
Don't put out doorsy photos in there. Be honest about
the sort of guy that you're trying to attract, not
just for the first time, but for the first ten times.
And so of course you can put you know, show
pictures of what you look like in your best of best,
but also put a picture in there when you've just
finished a marathon, or when you've just finished a hard day,
or you're at the beat like mix it up, I guess,
(12:27):
is what I'm trying to say. If there's ten glam
shots in a row, that might attract the wrong type
of guy. And what I mean by a wrong type
of guys, a guy that's maybe not getting the full
picture of who you are. And so it's tough to
say because it's not going to give you the likes
and the follows and whatever else. If it's just bikini
picture after glam picture after prom picture. But an honest profile,
(12:51):
an honest set of pictures, I think is going to
attract the right type of guy that you're going to
eventually be looking for. I'll say, for guys, you know,
for your profiles, be honest, uh, you know, make sure
that you're not, you know, portraying yourself to be six
foot five when you're five foot five. There's nothing wrong
with being five foot five. There is something wrong at
(13:11):
showing up for a date with a girl that thinks
you're six foot five and you're five foot five. That's lying.
So just be honest about it. You can, you know,
you know, you have to be obvious about it, but
just don't don't lie. Don't don't be fake. You know,
if you know, if you've if every hat or a
picture that you have has a hat in it, then
they're probably trying to hide something.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Don't need to hide it.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Be honest because you don't want to end up at
that first date and think you're gonna fool them forever,
So be honest. I think that posting pictures with your
friends is important because I think a lot of times
girls are looking at profile and saying, well, you know,
who does he hang out with?
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Does he have friends to begin with?
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Are they all hanging out watching video games, you know,
smoking pot and you know, eating popcorn? Or are they
going out and doing things? Are they involved in a community,
Are they, you know, going to the beach and parties
and travel and stuff like that. Those are the photos
that I would highlight. If you have kids, show your kids,
show what you like to do with your kids. I
think that's an important part as well, to give kind
(14:09):
of a full picture of the person that you are now.
I would say almost the exact same thing for the
women as well. In your profile, show things that you
like to do, Show places that you like to go. Now,
if you've only gone to Hawaii once, you don't need
to spam five hundred Hawaii pictures, but you know, mix
it up showing, you know, show the guys that might
(14:30):
be looking at your profile the type of person that
you are. Also show your friends also show if you
have kids. That's important part of it as well. And
especially don't think about, hey, I just want to get
the first date. Think about how is this going to
first date in a turn into ten dates or to
maybe a happily ever after. And I think if you're
not being honest with your profiles and your pictures, if
(14:52):
you're if you're using too many filters, or you know,
hiding hiding your you know, your hairline or hiding your
eyes or whatever that is, it might work once, but
it's not going to work a second time. And lastly,
I want to talk about this new thing that I've
seen on dating apps, which are the voice memos, of
the voice notes.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
I think it's great.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I think every kind of like turning a person from
one D into three D as much as you can
is great. I think there should be video notes. I
think as much of that out there as possible, I
think is a great thing. So there's less suspense when
you're going to go meet the person. There's more kind
of expectations are going to be realized once you see
(15:29):
them or meet them. And that's why I think it's
also a great thing to talk to somebody on the
phone text with them before you ever meet them, so
you can kind of get a familiarity, You kind of
get a rhythm and a pace to the way you
communicate before you just have that awkward first hug when
you meet each other at the restaurant.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Of the bar, wherever it is.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
So I'm all a fan of as many different ways
to break the ice with someone before you actually meet them.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
All right.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
We have one more email here from Leila, and she writes,
I'm trying to date with more intention the older I get.
How soon into dating guy, do I mention my timeline
when it comes to getting engaged and married. I feel
like I wasn't upfront quickly enough in past relationships, and
I don't have time to wait anymore. All right, Leilah,
great question, especially you know as we're working in chapter two,
(16:28):
we're working in this next part of our lives. Yeah,
you do want to date with more intention, but I'd
be careful about timelines. Timelines are just boxes, and your
box and somebody else's box might not be identical. They
might be similar, but as soon as you start putting
a box into something and a deadline, the other person
might start to feel trapped by it. Now you want
(16:51):
to make sure that you are continuing to make progress,
and I think that that's more of a personal responsibility thing,
where you're saying, Okay, by the fifth date, I want
to make sure I've met his fan. By the tenth date,
I want to meet his kids or whatever. Those little
kind of hurdles are that you want to hit, make
sure you're doing those, but maybe use those with the
other person as opposed to getting engaged and getting married.
(17:13):
I think that stuff will come more kind of organically
as you're hitting these milestones, and it can be up
to you to set those milestones for that other person
so they know, Okay, yeah, so meeting my family's important, okay, great,
meeting my friends is great.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Okay, So put those things out there.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
Don't put a timeline an engagement necessarily or a marriage necessarily.
You can talk about that's your goal in life. I
do want to get remarried. I do want to, you know,
have all these things and talk about those things. But
as soon as you say that I want that on
June fifteenth this year, you might find a little bit
of apprehension from the other side. Maybe you won't, which
is great, but I would tend to think that the
(17:52):
other person might have a similar timeline, but maybe not
the exact same one. It would be a shame to
break up a relationship because you're off by a couple
of months. So I think that timelines definitely are more
important to women than the art of men. And again,
a lot of it depends on how long has the
person come out of a relationship.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
You know, where is where's their headspace at right now?
Speaker 2 (18:14):
And maybe that they you know, both people want to
get remarried, and maybe they want to get remarried to
each other. One person's timeline says, I've been out of
a relationship for five years. I want to get married now.
The other person might say, listen, this is the third
person I've dated. I just need a little bit of
time I'm you know, before I'm actually ready. So I
think that, you know, it depends, you know, in in
(18:35):
you know timelines, I think for chapter one, when you're
first getting married, I think that there's you know, women
definitely have very hard and fast timelines for it because
they want to have babies and they want to start
a family and all these other things. In this next chapter,
even though you might not think it, we have time
you know, there is there is time to make sure
that you are comfortable, that you're in the right headspace,
(18:57):
that your finances are right, that your situations are right,
kids are right. There's all these mitigating factors in there
where it might not just be the guy or the
girl that says, you know, I need some time, not
because I haven't made up my decision about the other person,
but because I need to get my landscape right. I
need to get my life kind of organized so I
can be the best partner I can be for the
(19:18):
other person. So I think ultimately that you know, two
compatible people are working towards the same thing, and hopefully
you've talked about it. Hopefully you've talked about your goals.
If it is marriage, getting married, if it is moving
in together, it is moving in together. But I would
just be careful about setting too many expectations on exact dates,
and like I said before, put in these little pieces,
(19:40):
little kind of hurdles that you want to see happen
along the way that are ultimately going to lead there.
Meeting friends, meeting family, meeting kids, vacation together, and you know,
and then the other things just kind of come organically
and make sure that you're being responsible for yourself and
protecting your heart to make sure that you know the
other person is working towards the same thing that you are.
(20:02):
But again, I'm just I would be cautious about putting
a firm deadline saying that we need to be engaged
by the end of the year, because maybe that's not
quite what the other person's thinking. And again, it would
be a shame to mess up something really great over
a calendar. All Right, it looks like we have one
last voicemail on this topic today, so let's hear it.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Hi. My name is Stephanie, and my question is is
it ever appropriate to have sex in a public setting
when you are, let's say, above the age of thirty
or is it just entirely gross maybe like outside or
(20:49):
in a restaurant, bathroom, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Thanks bye, all right, Stephanie, that's a that's a doozy
to end up with. I love it. Is it gross
to have sex in a public place after your thirty Well,
usually the options for public spaces are pretty gross.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
To begin with. I mean, we're talking about bathrooms.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
You know, it might be hot and heavy and romantic
in the moment, maybe, but I'd still put that on
the gross factor, especially you know, if you're you know,
if you're a mature adult. You know, I don't know
what the thirty threshold is, but like, you know, if
you've got you know, kids, friends, anyone that could possibly
ever find out about it, I think I'd be mortified.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
I like the idea.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
I mean, it's you know, it's definitely a sexy thought,
but I think that I think probably sex in a
park after thirty, I just I just can't imagine that
that's anything that anyone would want to see. But if
I'm thinking about it, okay, what are public places? I'm
just thinking, you know, you know, in the in the
(21:59):
bleaches of a ball game, which I think is probably
a little bit more of an extreme thought, but maybe,
you know, if you're thinking about Mile High Club, you know,
if you have the flexibility and if you're back and
hold up, then that's an option. And that's obviously something
that people like to brag about that they've they've accomplished,
you know, camping. I guess is that is that a
public spot? I'm not really sure if it is or not,
(22:19):
But if it is, I think that's fine as long
as you know, you haven't been camping for too long.
So I think that it probably depends on the on
the place, the time, the situation and uh, you know
that's a that's a that there's there's a lot of factors,
a lot of mitigating factors in there. But generally I
(22:40):
think that you know, sex and a bathroom and a
bar probably lead it to the kids. Well, I got
to say that for our first time out.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
That was amazing.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
I was not expecting the wide variety and uh, colorful
questions and thoughts, but I hope it was helpful my
mister wright perspective on all these things. And you know,
if you're single and in your chapter two and need
some advice, call us, email us, find all the info
in the show notes and make sure you follow us
(23:10):
on socials. And if you like this podcast, rate it,
review it. It's great to get some response on this.
This is I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where
falling in love is the main objective.
Hey, there, I do part two.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
I'm one of your mentors, mister Wright, and I'm here
to continue answering some of those questions that we got
last week. So let's dive right into some of those
voicemails and emails asking about dating in chapter two.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Hi, I'm calling in for the hotline questions. This is
going to be an anonymous question. If I've been talking
to a guy for almost a year, we text before,
we have great chemistry, but he's never planned a real date.
Am I being patient or am I being delusional?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
Let me know, Well, anonymous, I'm going to have to say,
it's been a year and you haven't planned a real date.
I'm thinking there might be some issues there. I'm not
saying you're being delusional, because the heart wants with their once,
but I just I think you know much quicker than
a year.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
There should be some momentum there.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
There should be momentum in the relationships, there should be progress,
and a year is a long time to wait. So gosh,
I can't think of a situation in which this makes
a lot of sense to keep pursuing. So I would
I would put you kind of more in your words,
in your words, not mine in the delusional category to
think that this is going to work out now, Anonymous,
(01:30):
this sounds like it could be a long distance relationship.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
So maybe you're dating an astronaut.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
You know, he's been out of the country, out of
the orbit for a while and can't do anything. But
maybe you know, if it is long distance and not
an astronaut. But if it is long distance, and that's
the reason that a real date hasn't been established, I
think this might be some time. You know, a time
frame should be put on this and start building to something,
you know, towards something, and put it on the calendar.
(01:56):
And if the person on the other end a box
at that, then I think that you could probably answer
that question and not waste any more time. If it
isn't going anywhere now, I think if you are going
to end this with this person, I think there should
be some wrap up. There should be some conclusion to it.
I don't want to think you should just leave it hanging,
you know. I think you should definitely say, you know what,
(02:17):
it's been amazing, you know, talking to you over this
last year, but it doesn't look as though we're really
making any progress, you know. I really wish this could
have worked out, but I'm looking for something more. And
so I think you can take some responsibility for yourself
because you know you have impressed the issue to the
point where something's happened. So take some responsibility and it
don't just put it on the other person and then
(02:39):
you know, maybe you know, that would push that other
person to make a bigger effort to say, oh my gosh,
I do not want to lose you. I'm going to
take a flight out, I'm gonna drive out to see you,
or let's meet somewhere. So don't just you know, don't
just ghost them. That's the worst. But give an opportunity
for it to be made right. And you know, maybe
(02:59):
it doesn't, but maybe he does. That was a great,
great question. Like another email here coming in from Kathy.
She says that she's been dating a man that she
met through a mutual friend for eight months. I really
like where our relationship is going, but I want to
talk about finances and don't know how to bring it up.
I think I make more money than him. Do guys
(03:21):
care about that stuff when we're in our fifties. My
ex husband was terrible with money, and I need to
be with someone who isn't like that again, all right, Kathy,
this is one of the biggest deltas between a first relationship,
a first marriage, and a second marriage. The first mayor
you're just starting off. You know, you might have made
(03:42):
more money than you in your ex but like you know,
it's kind of a you know, it's kind of a
horse race. Who knows where it's gonna go because you're
starting off, you're young, you're building your life in this
second chapter, in this second go round. If you think
that this might be the man of your second dreams,
I think that it is important to make sure that
everything is out on the table. You know, past, you know,
(04:04):
history with other relationships, all these sorts of criminal records,
and I think that finances are right there with with
those topics. I think it's just as important. You want
to make sure that there is no confusion, because maybe
it isn't a big deal at all, but if you
don't know, the not knowing is going to eat at you,
(04:25):
especially if you're bringing it up right now, it is
going to eat at you. And you know, if I
was a guy on the other side, you know, maybe
you know, I'd be inspired that my partner is doing better.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Than I am.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
And I hope that you would be with somebody that
would not be jealous of you, that would want you
to be as successful as possible. So this might be
a great way to figure out what kind of guy
this is. So don't be scared, especially if you know
if you guys are in similar situations. He should expect
that because you know, that's just one of the ways
that you go and avoid a landmine.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Down the road.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
Now, what does mister Wright think about how guys feel
about the woman making more money. I think if he's
a good guy, he would be inspired by that. I
think that, you know, you don't want a guy that's
going to be a you know, kind of a gold
digger going the other direction. But I think that guys
might feel an initial intimidation by it. But really, if
(05:20):
you've got a good guy, he wants to say, O, God,
this woman has been accomplished, She's done things, she's you know,
she's smart with her money, works hard, whatever the case
may be. But I don't think guys are going to
be intimidated by that. And if so, I think that
might be a red flag. And Kathy, I'm gonna let
you know, right now that guys talk about finances, about
(05:41):
their dates, you know, the women they're dating, all that
sort of stuff that does come up. Usually what the
the caution is, is this person dating you for your money?
Are they a gold digger? So it's usually that direction.
Now conversely, if you know, if the woman you know
is successful or independently healthy, able to take care of herself,
(06:02):
that's usually something to brag about.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
And so you know, the you know, the joke is, you.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Know, I'll be able to golf all I want because
you know, my my new wife girlfriend person I'm dating
is going to take care of me. So usually when
we're talking about finances between guys, we're making sure that
the other guy isn't getting taken for you know, and
and and someone dating him just for his money. But
if it's the other way around, that's usually a pretty
cool thing. So taking Kathy's email a little bit further,
(06:32):
you know, there are situations in chapter two, and you know,
guys are now dating a divorce a and their previous
lifestyle might have been extremely extravagant. Now they might have
gotten a big settlement, they might have gotten a bunch
of money, they might be a widower all sorts of situations,
and I think the guy has to be mindful of
are they going to be able to keep up are
(06:54):
they going to be able to provide or or keep
up with with what the with you know, what the
woman is expecting. So I think, you know, in that
conversation about finances, I think there's a big conversation about
expectations as well. And you know, in chapter two, I mean,
love is so important. Love is so important. Compatibility is
also equally important, and I think that's where in chapter two,
(07:17):
really finances do start to play into it. And I
think that that is part of a conversation that needs
to be had before you have kind of these false
expectations and find yourself all of a sudden, Wait a second,
why didn't we talk about this earlier? This was so obvious?
And that's you know, this is really a chapter two
(07:40):
issue that doesn't come up in chapter one. In chapter one,
you know, you're thinking, we're going to spend the rest
of our lives together, We're going to build towards a
common goal. In chapter two, it's like, yeah, I'm kind
of we've kind of done a lot of that stuff independently.
Do our lives merge, and that includes finances, that includes lifestyle,
includes vacations, all those sorts of things. You know, those
(08:00):
have to mesh as well. All right, Kathy, Now you
brought up, you know, kind of a hornet's nest. Now,
if we're talking about finances and we got to talk
about debt, we've got to talk about things like leverage
and credit scores. And you know, when you're bringing on
a partner in chapter two, you've got to make sure
you know what you're getting. It's just like an investing
in a company a little bit. You want to make
(08:21):
sure that the balance sheet works. And I mean there's
always mitigating circumstances. I mean maybe the guy just got
taken to the cleaners by his ex wife, the settlement,
child support, all these sort of things, So there could
be mitigating circumstances here. So I don't want to just
make a blanket statement, but I do think you need
to be careful if one or other is coming into
(08:43):
the relationship. But give you a man or woman is
coming in with a bunch of debt, is coming in
with a bunch of credit cards they can't pay off,
are coming in and they're not employed or are living
a lifestyle that is obviously outside of their means. Those
are things to get to be very, very very mindful
of because it doesn't get better, it gets worse. And
(09:05):
if you are coming into it and you're going to
be the one expected to bridge that gap, you got
to be ready to bridge that gap all the way
and continue to bridge that gap. If it's a lifestyle thing.
So this is probably the least romantic thing we'll ever
talk about, you know, on this podcast.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
But there is there.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
You know, their credit scores and debt, those things do
mean a lot, especially in chapter two. I mean, if
this is a topic that is that is compelling to people,
I would say bring in those questions or there's voicemails,
emails and we can talk about some of the less
romantic parts about relationships and you know, especially in chapter two,
(09:45):
what are the things to be mindful of? What are
the things that guys and girls should be looking for
aside from just that spark Sparks are important, don't get
me wrong, but as you get into chapter two, you
get in a different phase of your life. You know,
you're thinking about your security, your safety, You're thinking about
maybe your kids, you know, and where they are in
(10:06):
their lives. So there are parts of this chapter too,
this next phase of your life that have to be considered,
that are just really not considered in chapter one. Well,
(10:26):
great question, Kathy, and you know that got us on
all kinds of tangents. And let's get it centered here
with our next voicemail.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
Hey, it's Emily.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
I'm in my forties and just thinking about getting onto
dating apps for the.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
Very first time. It's so scary. Can you tell me
what we should be putting on our profile that won't
make you just like swipe by immediately?
Speaker 3 (10:47):
Like?
Speaker 4 (10:47):
What are the top things that men want to see
when they see these profiles? Thank you so much for
your help.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
All right, this is a great question, now, mister right,
this is what I feel. Three things have changed the
trajectory of dating in mankind. It's been alcohol, deodorant, in
social media. There is nothing that has been more responsible
for hooking people up than those three things. Unfortunately, the
(11:18):
third part, the social media part, the profiles. What do
you put on there? I mean, there is so much
fluff out there. There is so much filter and fluff,
which is fine, and it's great for likes and clicks
and all that kind of stuff and follows. But if
you're at that point in your life where you're trying
to find somebody through social media or even a dating app,
(11:41):
what should you put on there?
Speaker 1 (11:42):
I would say, put on the truth.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
I mean, you can put some fluff pictures, you can
put some filter pictures. But if you want that first
date to go to a second, and a third and
a fourth and whatever else comes after that, you don't
want to be selling a false bill of goods. And
if you're into hiking, then put some hiking photos in there.
If you're not into hiking, don't put hiking photos in there.
(12:05):
Don't put out doorsy photos in there. Be honest about
the sort of guy that you're trying to attract, not
just for the first time, but for the first ten times.
And so of course you can put you know, show
pictures of what you look like in your best of best,
but also put a picture in there when you've just
finished a marathon, or when you've just finished a hard day,
or you're at the beat like mix it up, I guess,
(12:27):
is what I'm trying to say. If there's ten glam
shots in a row, that might attract the wrong type
of guy. And what I mean by a wrong type
of guys, a guy that's maybe not getting the full
picture of who you are. And so it's tough to
say because it's not going to give you the likes
and the follows and whatever else. If it's just bikini
picture after glam picture after prom picture. But an honest profile,
(12:51):
an honest set of pictures, I think is going to
attract the right type of guy that you're going to
eventually be looking for. I'll say, for guys, you know,
for your profiles, be honest, uh, you know, make sure
that you're not, you know, portraying yourself to be six
foot five when you're five foot five. There's nothing wrong
with being five foot five. There is something wrong at
(13:11):
showing up for a date with a girl that thinks
you're six foot five and you're five foot five. That's lying.
So just be honest about it. You can, you know,
you know, you have to be obvious about it, but
just don't don't lie. Don't don't be fake. You know,
if you know, if you've if every hat or a
picture that you have has a hat in it, then
they're probably trying to hide something.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Don't need to hide it.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Be honest because you don't want to end up at
that first date and think you're gonna fool them forever,
So be honest. I think that posting pictures with your
friends is important because I think a lot of times
girls are looking at profile and saying, well, you know,
who does he hang out with?
Speaker 1 (13:47):
Does he have friends to begin with?
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Are they all hanging out watching video games, you know,
smoking pot and you know, eating popcorn? Or are they
going out and doing things? Are they involved in a community,
Are they, you know, going to the beach and parties
and travel and stuff like that. Those are the photos
that I would highlight. If you have kids, show your kids,
show what you like to do with your kids. I
think that's an important part as well, to give kind
(14:09):
of a full picture of the person that you are now.
I would say almost the exact same thing for the
women as well. In your profile, show things that you
like to do, Show places that you like to go. Now,
if you've only gone to Hawaii once, you don't need
to spam five hundred Hawaii pictures, but you know, mix
it up showing, you know, show the guys that might
(14:30):
be looking at your profile the type of person that
you are. Also show your friends also show if you
have kids. That's important part of it as well. And
especially don't think about, hey, I just want to get
the first date. Think about how is this going to
first date in a turn into ten dates or to
maybe a happily ever after. And I think if you're
not being honest with your profiles and your pictures, if
(14:52):
you're if you're using too many filters, or you know,
hiding hiding your you know, your hairline or hiding your
eyes or whatever that is, it might work once, but
it's not going to work a second time. And lastly,
I want to talk about this new thing that I've
seen on dating apps, which are the voice memos, of
the voice notes.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
I think it's great.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I think every kind of like turning a person from
one D into three D as much as you can
is great. I think there should be video notes. I
think as much of that out there as possible, I
think is a great thing. So there's less suspense when
you're going to go meet the person. There's more kind
of expectations are going to be realized once you see
(15:29):
them or meet them. And that's why I think it's
also a great thing to talk to somebody on the
phone text with them before you ever meet them, so
you can kind of get a familiarity, You kind of
get a rhythm and a pace to the way you
communicate before you just have that awkward first hug when
you meet each other at the restaurant.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Of the bar, wherever it is.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
So I'm all a fan of as many different ways
to break the ice with someone before you actually meet them.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
All right.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
We have one more email here from Leila, and she writes,
I'm trying to date with more intention the older I get.
How soon into dating guy, do I mention my timeline
when it comes to getting engaged and married. I feel
like I wasn't upfront quickly enough in past relationships, and
I don't have time to wait anymore. All right, Leilah,
great question, especially you know as we're working in chapter two,
(16:28):
we're working in this next part of our lives. Yeah,
you do want to date with more intention, but I'd
be careful about timelines. Timelines are just boxes, and your
box and somebody else's box might not be identical. They
might be similar, but as soon as you start putting
a box into something and a deadline, the other person
might start to feel trapped by it. Now you want
(16:51):
to make sure that you are continuing to make progress,
and I think that that's more of a personal responsibility thing,
where you're saying, Okay, by the fifth date, I want
to make sure I've met his fan. By the tenth date,
I want to meet his kids or whatever. Those little
kind of hurdles are that you want to hit, make
sure you're doing those, but maybe use those with the
other person as opposed to getting engaged and getting married.
(17:13):
I think that stuff will come more kind of organically
as you're hitting these milestones, and it can be up
to you to set those milestones for that other person
so they know, Okay, yeah, so meeting my family's important, okay, great,
meeting my friends is great.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
Okay, So put those things out there.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
Don't put a timeline an engagement necessarily or a marriage necessarily.
You can talk about that's your goal in life. I
do want to get remarried. I do want to, you know,
have all these things and talk about those things. But
as soon as you say that I want that on
June fifteenth this year, you might find a little bit
of apprehension from the other side. Maybe you won't, which
is great, but I would tend to think that the
(17:52):
other person might have a similar timeline, but maybe not
the exact same one. It would be a shame to
break up a relationship because you're off by a couple
of months. So I think that timelines definitely are more
important to women than the art of men. And again,
a lot of it depends on how long has the
person come out of a relationship.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
You know, where is where's their headspace at right now?
Speaker 2 (18:14):
And maybe that they you know, both people want to
get remarried, and maybe they want to get remarried to
each other. One person's timeline says, I've been out of
a relationship for five years. I want to get married now.
The other person might say, listen, this is the third
person I've dated. I just need a little bit of
time I'm you know, before I'm actually ready. So I
think that, you know, it depends, you know, in in
(18:35):
you know timelines, I think for chapter one, when you're
first getting married, I think that there's you know, women
definitely have very hard and fast timelines for it because
they want to have babies and they want to start
a family and all these other things. In this next chapter,
even though you might not think it, we have time
you know, there is there is time to make sure
that you are comfortable, that you're in the right headspace,
(18:57):
that your finances are right, that your situations are right,
kids are right. There's all these mitigating factors in there
where it might not just be the guy or the
girl that says, you know, I need some time, not
because I haven't made up my decision about the other person,
but because I need to get my landscape right. I
need to get my life kind of organized so I
can be the best partner I can be for the
(19:18):
other person. So I think ultimately that you know, two
compatible people are working towards the same thing, and hopefully
you've talked about it. Hopefully you've talked about your goals.
If it is marriage, getting married, if it is moving
in together, it is moving in together. But I would
just be careful about setting too many expectations on exact dates,
and like I said before, put in these little pieces,
(19:40):
little kind of hurdles that you want to see happen
along the way that are ultimately going to lead there.
Meeting friends, meeting family, meeting kids, vacation together, and you know,
and then the other things just kind of come organically
and make sure that you're being responsible for yourself and
protecting your heart to make sure that you know the
other person is working towards the same thing that you are.
(20:02):
But again, I'm just I would be cautious about putting
a firm deadline saying that we need to be engaged
by the end of the year, because maybe that's not
quite what the other person's thinking. And again, it would
be a shame to mess up something really great over
a calendar. All Right, it looks like we have one
last voicemail on this topic today, so let's hear it.
Speaker 4 (20:27):
Hi. My name is Stephanie, and my question is is
it ever appropriate to have sex in a public setting
when you are, let's say, above the age of thirty
or is it just entirely gross maybe like outside or
(20:49):
in a restaurant, bathroom, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Thanks bye, all right, Stephanie, that's a that's a doozy
to end up with. I love it. Is it gross
to have sex in a public place after your thirty Well,
usually the options for public spaces are pretty gross.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
To begin with. I mean, we're talking about bathrooms.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
You know, it might be hot and heavy and romantic
in the moment, maybe, but I'd still put that on
the gross factor, especially you know, if you're you know,
if you're a mature adult. You know, I don't know
what the thirty threshold is, but like, you know, if
you've got you know, kids, friends, anyone that could possibly
ever find out about it, I think I'd be mortified.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
I like the idea.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
I mean, it's you know, it's definitely a sexy thought,
but I think that I think probably sex in a
park after thirty, I just I just can't imagine that
that's anything that anyone would want to see. But if
I'm thinking about it, okay, what are public places? I'm
just thinking, you know, you know, in the in the
(21:59):
bleaches of a ball game, which I think is probably
a little bit more of an extreme thought, but maybe,
you know, if you're thinking about Mile High Club, you know,
if you have the flexibility and if you're back and
hold up, then that's an option. And that's obviously something
that people like to brag about that they've they've accomplished,
you know, camping. I guess is that is that a
public spot? I'm not really sure if it is or not,
(22:19):
But if it is, I think that's fine as long
as you know, you haven't been camping for too long.
So I think that it probably depends on the on
the place, the time, the situation and uh, you know
that's a that's a that there's there's a lot of factors,
a lot of mitigating factors in there. But generally I
(22:40):
think that you know, sex and a bathroom and a
bar probably lead it to the kids. Well, I got
to say that for our first time out.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
That was amazing.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
I was not expecting the wide variety and uh, colorful
questions and thoughts, but I hope it was helpful my
mister wright perspective on all these things. And you know,
if you're single and in your chapter two and need
some advice, call us, email us, find all the info
in the show notes and make sure you follow us
(23:10):
on socials. And if you like this podcast, rate it,
review it. It's great to get some response on this.
This is I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where
falling in love is the main objective.
Hosts And Creators
Amy Robach
T.J. Holmes
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