April 11, 2026 • 21 mins
The theory is all over TikTok and popping up in articles online… apparently everyone is breaking up in April! And it’s the ladies who are mostly ending things, according to trend watchers and relationship experts. Think of it as spring cleaning for the heart. We’ll share what we’ve learned about the three things you should ask yourself before joining the trend and how to go about ending things in a healthy and constructive way.
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hey, that folks did is Saturday, April eleventh. Emphasis on April.
I'm told I should be on notice. This is the
month robok is most likely to break up with me.
And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and tj. Okay,
let's work this out.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Okay, So this is the April relationship theory.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Had you heard of this.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Before April relationship? No, you even mentioned something else about
it that it applies to other things. That's what. What
are you saying?
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Well, there there's a.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
This has been going on for years now on TikTok
something a social media platform. We're not on that often,
but it's just called the April theory, okay. Where basically
it's the it's the emotional new year. So they say
it's everyone looks at January for New Year's resolutions and
kind of a renewal and goal setting time. But actually
(00:54):
they say it's April when it really truly happens. They said,
consider the April relationship theory to make sense like this.
It's basically think of it as spring cleaning for the heart.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Spring cleaning for the heart. And so you're saying, you're
right now people are just getting around to their new
years resolution stuff, including with their relationship.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Maybe well, they're just getting to the point where they say,
is the seasons change and spring comes about.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
You know, there is a thing. Spring cleaning is a thing.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Right.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
You get renewed maybe by the sunnier days, the warmer temperatures,
and you just start to assess what's been weighing you down.
You came through the cold, dark winter months, and now
you're like, all right, I'm ready to reassess where I am,
maybe not just my closet, but also who I'm spending
most of my time.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Okay, isn't that makes sense? Yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
That does to me too.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
So they say every single year like clockwork, and we
wouldn't know because we're not really on TikTok.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
But the April theory, the April relationship theory goes Wow.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
There are millions of posts and a lot of this
mostly is women saying the April theory is real, and
suddenly they decide, you know, I don't think I'm that
into him anymore.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Oh my goodness. So was this happening before people online
started telling people this needs to be happening.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
According to relationship experts, yes, it's always been a time
of renewal and change and thought provoking sessions with yourself basically,
but maybe now.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Collectively because we have a place to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Everyone feels seen and heard and validated and communal and
so yes, now it is official the April relationship theory.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
They just said, men, you're on notice.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
This is the month where most women, if they're going
to break up with you, they break up with you
in April.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Why excuse me? Okay, I got two things. One of them,
do they have data on this based on like hashtags
that are most popular or something around?
Speaker 3 (02:52):
I think that's what it is. It's cook well, it's
you know, basically anecdotal. I guess it's the best way
to put it.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
And having a hashtag or a phrase at tag to
it just makes it go viral.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
But I do think this makes sense because it's in April.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
They say, that's when really it starts to actually feel
like spring, and that's when you start to feel better,
like mentally, you feel lighter, brighter, more hopeful, and happier,
And all of a sudden you look over to the
person next and you think, you know, I don't know
that he's improving my life or he's adding to my
joy and you start to actually look at things critically
because you're now focusing on and maybe even making it
(03:29):
a priority to focus on your happiness.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
And you said, someone looks over and maybe he is
weighing me down. Maybe he is the problem. Do you
ever look over and that he is looking at her
and saying, maybe she is weighing me down? Or is
this really supposed to be a woman to dumping the
man bass?
Speaker 3 (03:47):
Mostly women dumping men.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
But here's why I would say this is true because
I think men could probably look over and say she's
weighing me down any day of the week, any.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Hour, rib way to say it, by the way, which.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Point being that how many men do you know?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
And maybe you call me out on this if you
think I'm wrong, actually take time to do pros and
cons and do an emotional checking with themselves and really
try to evaluate what's working in their lives and what's
not Sure some men do it, but that would typically
be a female kind of thing to do. So if
you're all hearing and seeing your sisters and your friends
and everybody else saying, hey, I'm reevaluating my life from
(04:22):
top to bottom, that does seem to be more of
a female.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Thing to do.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
I hear what you're saying, but you should give guys
create It doesn't look the way it looks with women.
We're always doing that. We're always reassessing. It's not really
a season that we sometimes wait to come around. I
don't minds are different and for us maybe it doesn't
happen in April. Because you said it seems like an
emotional weight, you're that thing. I think we have a
(04:50):
tendency sometimes guys, to just look at it all year
long as just wait on paper. This is a problem
that you actually list the things. We don't feel like
we need an emotional weight lifted, but we lead like
a literal, practical what's around me? I think to that point, Yeah,
we don't. We don't. We're always checking in, but not
in that way. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
I think it's a good thing to actually think about.
Men should do this too. Come April, start actually evaluating
and check in with yourself and experts. Because of these
trends and folks saying, hey, this is actually a thing,
they actually have given some relationship experts some ideas for folks.
If you are actually wanting to do this and if
(05:30):
you want to apply the April relationship theory to your life.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
They give you ways to do it.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
And it's not about saying, oh, you should just break
up with your boyfriend, but it's actually about assessing your
relationship to decide whether or not you should. And so
they say to ask yourself three things. The first thing
is am I actually happy in this relationship? And that
should probably be a solid yes or no answer.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Wow, is there a scale? Is there a score at
the end you're supposed to have? Because I hear that quote,
you know a lot of people will answer it's complicated.
A lot of people will say, well on this day,
well when it's like this, or well if we didn't
have this challenge and well, and I don't know is
that a yes or no answer?
Speaker 2 (06:12):
I feel like you get a gut feeling though generally speaking,
are do the good times outweigh the bad? Like?
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Do I feel happy in this relationship?
Speaker 2 (06:19):
And I think that's important to ask yourself because that
is the most important probably influence in your life, over
your joy and your piece.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
You know what, I nuanced it a lot, but you
should be able to write you should be Are you
happy in a relationship? Yes? I am, But we've gone
through this difficult blah blah blah. Yes I am, but
we da da da da. I don't know. Is that
too high of a bar? Even I asked now Robes
to have an expectation that you have yes to that answer.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
I think you should have that expectation because I think, look,
if you're only in a relationship financially or to not
be lonely, there are just I think that you're you're
missing out on an opportunity to have a relationship that
actually serves more purposes than just that.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Well I hear it is that it's not as simple
as money or whatever it may be. Sometimes it's just, yes,
I love this person, that happiness has run its course.
I care about this person. I want this person to
be Okay. We have kids we're raising together, and all
this I don't know is there. Sometimes I always think
that sometimes is that bar too high? And then I think, well, hell,
(07:27):
yeah it should be. Why shouldn't it be?
Speaker 3 (07:28):
It should be?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
And look, we've talked about this a lot, and any
sort of mental health professional will tell you the most
important relationship you have to have for actual happiness and
joy is the one you have with yourself.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
What you think about yourself. It has to start there.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
But the other person, who is with you more than
anyone else, that needs to mostly add joy or at
least you know, if it does the opposite, if it's
taking away your joy, that is a huge red flag.
So the first question, am I actually happy in this relationship?
The second question is interesting, Do I feel more like
myself in this relationship or less? That's a scary one
(08:06):
because a lot of folks and look, you can adjust,
and I've done this, like, wait, I think I'm losing
part of who I am or what I love or
what is important to me because I'm trying to do
everything to make this person happier, make this person like me.
So it's just one of those quites. Can I be
myself in this relationship? Or am I putting on something?
Am I.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Hike before April's out?
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Okay? Period? All right? And number three?
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Can we grow into the next season together? Or am
I outgrowing this relationship? And I do like this concept
of imagining the person you're with as growing with you.
You might not even be in the same place necessarily,
but is there an idea of growing together, of learning together,
of all of that those I think those were interesting
(08:53):
questions to ask yourself.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Am I happy?
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Do I feel more like myself in this relationship or less?
And can we grow oh into the next season together?
Or am I outgrowing this relationship?
Speaker 1 (09:03):
See? I think that's a better way. Whoever put it
that way?
Speaker 3 (09:07):
A relationship expert people put.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
It in terms, and when we talk about it as
outgrowing a person, you can actually outgrow a relationship. I
think as a better and kinder way necessarily to put it,
and that I always talk to w young folks. They
run up to you to talk about getting married in
age and whatnot. I don't think it's I think we've
given couples the same advice. It's not really a matter
if you're too young to get married. The problem ends
(09:29):
up being you're not done becoming the individual you're gonna be.
So in four years you two might be two totally
different people who are who would never be attracted to
each other unless you have decided you are going to
grow together. Don't we do that? Robes and we talk
about this new generation is wants to be an individual.
I don't want to contribute to a partnership. I want
(09:50):
to be who I am. You have to accept me
who I am, this is me. All this stuff fine,
but that takes away from right. You have to have
a unit committed to growing into something. And yeah, you're
not going to look like you would have if you
were off by yourself.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
It's so fascinating.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
I think it's I'll be so interested, And maybe we are.
We're in a bubble here in New York where we
know young folks who have a certain way of thinking,
and maybe it's different in other parts of the country.
But I will be really curious ten years from now,
fifteen years from now, what the marriage rates are like.
I just it would not surprise me if they go
down significantly.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Oh, they're trending that way. And we're not talking divorce rates.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
Marriage rates.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Folks. They're not as interested in wanting to delay it
longer and longer and longer.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
All right. So if you answered those questions and you
think you know what, you don't, they're saying, don't obviously
say oh that's it, I need to break up with
my partner. They actually said, if you have concerns when
you ask yourself these questions, the next thing you should
do is check in with your significant other. And they
say the number one thing you have to do. I
(10:55):
love this advice. Chat about the concerns you have with
the relationship. Nobody these days, not nobody, but a lot
of folks. It's hard, it's scary, it's uncomfortable. You might
get rejected to actually talk about your concerns. And every
couple struggles with this. But they say, the more direct
you are, the kinder it is.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
And actually you might find a solution.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
The other person might be like, I had no idea
you were feeling like this, and then you can move
forward together in a different way with a better understanding.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
But a lot of folks just won't even do that.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
They just check out, they don't check in because it's
not what they want.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Brobs, this is you know, I am about these things.
Things don't have to escalate. They don't just talk. We're adults,
grown folks. Just talk. It's one of my favorite things
I've always done with you. We were first starting our relationship,
we're wondering, in questioning and what should we do and Dad,
there was a lot of stuff that was twirling in
your head and mind. All that I always said to you,
(11:52):
ask me anything. I don't give a damn, But there's
stakes are too high, there's too much going on, and
we you do not need to be uncomfortable at all
with your mate when all you have to do is
open your mouth to get the answer you want. Yeah,
and even if you don't like the answer, you're getting
an answer. Man, ask me anything. I would tell Kelble's
(12:14):
to try that. Say that to your mate. Just a reminder,
you can ask me anything. Yeah, ask me anything.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
And then there just has to be the willingness to
have that radical acceptance to say okay. And that's the
hard part to not get offended. But this is the
second part of that. So they encourage you be direct
with your partner, tell them the concerns you have, even
after doing this gut check, and then the number the
number two thing you do after that, take note about
how receptive they are to fixing or addressing the problem
(12:41):
you brought up, and that will give you your answer.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Yeah, that's and you know what, you'd be surprised when
you ask or talk calmly, you probably get a better
response than if you are yelling and screaming no, it's
not your fall. You might be legit. People communicate differently,
and that's ain't that always the.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Yelling and screaming.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
They would the excerpts from what I was reading would say,
and I think we can all say this from personal experience.
Comes when you bottle things up and you don't actually
address the issues at hand, and so it always ends
up coming out.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
But sometimes it's destructive instead of constructive. And that's the problem.
All right, when we come back, that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
When we come back, I'm gonna tell y'all what we
just did related to this exact damn thing. I did
not know about this. I did not hear about this.
I am embarrassed. This is ridiculous. You had these tools
in hand, you had a full article, and we still
having problems.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
No, but when we come back, yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Sorry.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
I actually was going in the other direction.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
If you want to break up, if you went through
all of this, you've done the gut check. Your partner
was not willing to talk about. The experts say, if
you're one of those women and you are joining the
April relationship theory where you want to break up with
you guy, they have.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
Some steps for you on how to have a healthy breakup.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
And welcome back everyone to this April relationship Theory edition
of Amy and DJ, we are not breaking up, but
this is a month where a lot of women, they say,
according to the tick tock trends, decide to make that choice, yes,
(14:30):
to break up with their significant others. Not because it's
warmer weather and they want to have a hot girl summer,
but because they're actually starting to feel good and happy
and hopeful, and they look over and they think this
is not giving me joy.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
And instead of just.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Doing that knee jerk reaction and just saying, let me
join the trend and break up with my guy and
start anew, it was cool to see some of these constructive,
step by step methods. Relationship experts were asking women and
of course men, to to consider first before joining this trend.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Oh okay, there's not tips on how to break up.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Well, we do have that next, but I was recapping
where we were. I just thought it was all to
not necessarily just jump there, but there were actually they
got to ask yourself things, to ask your partner, and
that's what we've done, all right, And that's what we've done.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
And now it's time to break up.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
Yes, Now, if.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
You are among apparently a growing group of women who
wants to now break up, they gave some great ideas
on how to do that, because it's hard.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
It is hard to tell someone I want to break
up with you, is it not.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
It's that conversation is rarely pleasant no matter if both
of you are in agreement that this is what we
should do.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
It's hard, okay. So the first tip is to be
clear and specific. Do not be vague to spare your
partner's feelings.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Vague mean you need to give a reason for it.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
You need to be specific, Yes, when this happened or
what I've noticed in the past X amount of months,
And I'm just it's just not enough for me. But
to actually give the person that much, I think it's
actually it's hard and scary, but it's actually giving that
person closure. You're giving them the reason why you're not
being vague because you don't.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Want to hurt their feelings. You actually hurt their feelings.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Even more because I got questions.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Is the number one thing, And they said the goal
should not be about avoiding discomfort.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
That's so much what we try to do.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
It's about avoiding the ambiguity that keeps both people stuck
and guessing and never gives like the gift you can
give your partner, if you truly have decided to break
up with them, is to give them specific reasons, to
give them closure, and maybe even that will give them
motivation to work on themselves and be a better partner
for the next relationship.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Yeah, don't say that though.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Don't say that, don't be patronizing, but just be honest
and direct.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
I like that. I never actually considered it in that way.
You actually, in a weird way.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
You're trying to not make them feel bad, but it
actually ends up making them feel worse and confused.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Like I know.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Actually, I know so many women whose guys whatever ghosts them,
drop them, and they just all they want to know
is why what happened?
Speaker 3 (17:09):
And they're never ever given the reason, and it might
not even be about them. But it's kind to be
direct and specific.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
I think you should always be right now in whatever
you've been waiting to ask your partner. I'm just I'm
of that theory. I understand, and some people have to understand.
Folks are just different. It's not that easy for everyone.
It's just we are. We just don't have time. We
don't have time to mess around. I mean, rogues. What
happened in the world h that it's health what anything
could happen any day. Why am I delaying any moment
(17:37):
of improving my life, my home, my situation, my happiness
by just having a conversation with somebody who might really
be willing to have the same conversation with me. So
I do like what you said that first time. That's
why I stopped you. I said, wait when you give
specifics what happens in that conversation, because it sounds like
your immediately are going to then be hit with, well,
(17:59):
I'll fix that. I didn't know this is the first
time you've told me, well, just give me time. I
can fix that. I can make it happen.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
And that probably will happen if your partner wants to
stay in the relationship. But hopefully that all occurred when
you had that conversation before you decided to break up
with them, because the the what the experts urge is
to have the conversation first, take a beat. If you
do want to break up with them, then just be
specific about why and be clear and just say this
isn't me trying to get you to change.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
This is actually me saying it's not working for.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Me any It was just April eleventh. I didn't know
I had this many more days to survive.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Once you get that tough conversation out of the way
and the breakup is over. The other big bit of
advice that experts say, don't rush back to dating apps
or be quick to replace the relationship, because you're going
to find yourself repeating patterns until unless you actually take
time to reconnect with parts of yourself that you may
have lost in the relationship.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Okay, now the patterns, oh man, like, I was actually
thinking about we need to do a follow up episode
tomorrow because I have a whole new thought about the
idea of patterns. Right, the idea of patterns. You're not
with somebody because that person wasn't doing something for you.
The patterns thing almost sounds like it's signaling you're making
bad choices.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Well, and you know what, I think part of that
is true, because yes, we can.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
There are just people who don't belong together.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
There are just people who you know, I do believe
there's a reason season for some relationships. And it doesn't
mean that the other person's a bad person. It's just
not the right fit. But the truth is, you also
have to examine yourself and actually really find out what
it is you do want animate And so many folks say,
take the time when you end a relationship to write
(19:48):
down what you want in a relationship, what you want
from somebody, and then when you actually go back out
into the dating world, you'll know not only what you need,
but what you don't need. And that is super helpful
in fi the one and finding the person who you
do want to work hard for to spend the rest
of your life with.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Can you share your list with me when we get
off Sure, okay, thank you.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
But I just thought, look this April relationship theory. When
I was reading what so many folks were just offering
in terms of advice, folks who study this and know
a lot more than we do about relationships and what
makes us tick, I was thinking people actually really did this.
It might save some relationships versus ending them. So maybe
it can be a renewal and a rebirth with the
(20:34):
person who maybe you were not tolerating or not considering
in a way that you can now have a refocused
effort with. So anyway, whatever type of relationship you're in,
we hope you have a wonderful season of renewal.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
On this.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
I love some of these headlines. I was telling you
everyone is breaking up in April. The real emotional New
Year is now. April isn't just a month, It's a mood.
I do like anytime we can have a reason to reset,
and hopefully this did this for some of y'all. So
thank you as always for listening to us. I'm Amy
Robot alongside TJ.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Holmes. We will talk to you soon.
Hey, that folks did is Saturday, April eleventh. Emphasis on April.
I'm told I should be on notice. This is the
month robok is most likely to break up with me.
And with that, welcome to this episode of Amy and tj. Okay,
let's work this out.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Okay, So this is the April relationship theory.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Had you heard of this.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Before April relationship? No, you even mentioned something else about
it that it applies to other things. That's what. What
are you saying?
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Well, there there's a.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
This has been going on for years now on TikTok
something a social media platform. We're not on that often,
but it's just called the April theory, okay. Where basically
it's the it's the emotional new year. So they say
it's everyone looks at January for New Year's resolutions and
kind of a renewal and goal setting time. But actually
(00:54):
they say it's April when it really truly happens. They said,
consider the April relationship theory to make sense like this.
It's basically think of it as spring cleaning for the heart.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Spring cleaning for the heart. And so you're saying, you're
right now people are just getting around to their new
years resolution stuff, including with their relationship.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Maybe well, they're just getting to the point where they say,
is the seasons change and spring comes about.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
You know, there is a thing. Spring cleaning is a thing.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Right.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
You get renewed maybe by the sunnier days, the warmer temperatures,
and you just start to assess what's been weighing you down.
You came through the cold, dark winter months, and now
you're like, all right, I'm ready to reassess where I am,
maybe not just my closet, but also who I'm spending
most of my time.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Okay, isn't that makes sense? Yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
That does to me too.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
So they say every single year like clockwork, and we
wouldn't know because we're not really on TikTok.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
But the April theory, the April relationship theory goes Wow.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
There are millions of posts and a lot of this
mostly is women saying the April theory is real, and
suddenly they decide, you know, I don't think I'm that
into him anymore.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Oh my goodness. So was this happening before people online
started telling people this needs to be happening.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
According to relationship experts, yes, it's always been a time
of renewal and change and thought provoking sessions with yourself basically,
but maybe now.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Collectively because we have a place to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Everyone feels seen and heard and validated and communal and
so yes, now it is official the April relationship theory.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
They just said, men, you're on notice.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
This is the month where most women, if they're going
to break up with you, they break up with you
in April.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Why excuse me? Okay, I got two things. One of them,
do they have data on this based on like hashtags
that are most popular or something around?
Speaker 3 (02:52):
I think that's what it is. It's cook well, it's
you know, basically anecdotal. I guess it's the best way
to put it.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
And having a hashtag or a phrase at tag to
it just makes it go viral.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
But I do think this makes sense because it's in April.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
They say, that's when really it starts to actually feel
like spring, and that's when you start to feel better,
like mentally, you feel lighter, brighter, more hopeful, and happier,
And all of a sudden you look over to the
person next and you think, you know, I don't know
that he's improving my life or he's adding to my
joy and you start to actually look at things critically
because you're now focusing on and maybe even making it
(03:29):
a priority to focus on your happiness.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
And you said, someone looks over and maybe he is
weighing me down. Maybe he is the problem. Do you
ever look over and that he is looking at her
and saying, maybe she is weighing me down? Or is
this really supposed to be a woman to dumping the
man bass?
Speaker 3 (03:47):
Mostly women dumping men.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
But here's why I would say this is true because
I think men could probably look over and say she's
weighing me down any day of the week, any.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Hour, rib way to say it, by the way, which.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Point being that how many men do you know?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
And maybe you call me out on this if you
think I'm wrong, actually take time to do pros and
cons and do an emotional checking with themselves and really
try to evaluate what's working in their lives and what's
not Sure some men do it, but that would typically
be a female kind of thing to do. So if
you're all hearing and seeing your sisters and your friends
and everybody else saying, hey, I'm reevaluating my life from
(04:22):
top to bottom, that does seem to be more of
a female.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Thing to do.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
I hear what you're saying, but you should give guys
create It doesn't look the way it looks with women.
We're always doing that. We're always reassessing. It's not really
a season that we sometimes wait to come around. I
don't minds are different and for us maybe it doesn't
happen in April. Because you said it seems like an
emotional weight, you're that thing. I think we have a
(04:50):
tendency sometimes guys, to just look at it all year
long as just wait on paper. This is a problem
that you actually list the things. We don't feel like
we need an emotional weight lifted, but we lead like
a literal, practical what's around me? I think to that point, Yeah,
we don't. We don't. We're always checking in, but not
in that way. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
I think it's a good thing to actually think about.
Men should do this too. Come April, start actually evaluating
and check in with yourself and experts. Because of these
trends and folks saying, hey, this is actually a thing,
they actually have given some relationship experts some ideas for folks.
If you are actually wanting to do this and if
(05:30):
you want to apply the April relationship theory to your life.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
They give you ways to do it.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
And it's not about saying, oh, you should just break
up with your boyfriend, but it's actually about assessing your
relationship to decide whether or not you should. And so
they say to ask yourself three things. The first thing
is am I actually happy in this relationship? And that
should probably be a solid yes or no answer.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Wow, is there a scale? Is there a score at
the end you're supposed to have? Because I hear that quote,
you know a lot of people will answer it's complicated.
A lot of people will say, well on this day,
well when it's like this, or well if we didn't
have this challenge and well, and I don't know is
that a yes or no answer?
Speaker 2 (06:12):
I feel like you get a gut feeling though generally speaking,
are do the good times outweigh the bad? Like?
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Do I feel happy in this relationship?
Speaker 2 (06:19):
And I think that's important to ask yourself because that
is the most important probably influence in your life, over
your joy and your piece.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
You know what, I nuanced it a lot, but you
should be able to write you should be Are you
happy in a relationship? Yes? I am, But we've gone
through this difficult blah blah blah. Yes I am, but
we da da da da. I don't know. Is that
too high of a bar? Even I asked now Robes
to have an expectation that you have yes to that answer.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
I think you should have that expectation because I think, look,
if you're only in a relationship financially or to not
be lonely, there are just I think that you're you're
missing out on an opportunity to have a relationship that
actually serves more purposes than just that.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Well I hear it is that it's not as simple
as money or whatever it may be. Sometimes it's just, yes,
I love this person, that happiness has run its course.
I care about this person. I want this person to
be Okay. We have kids we're raising together, and all
this I don't know is there. Sometimes I always think
that sometimes is that bar too high? And then I think, well, hell,
(07:27):
yeah it should be. Why shouldn't it be?
Speaker 3 (07:28):
It should be?
Speaker 2 (07:28):
And look, we've talked about this a lot, and any
sort of mental health professional will tell you the most
important relationship you have to have for actual happiness and
joy is the one you have with yourself.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
What you think about yourself. It has to start there.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
But the other person, who is with you more than
anyone else, that needs to mostly add joy or at
least you know, if it does the opposite, if it's
taking away your joy, that is a huge red flag.
So the first question, am I actually happy in this relationship?
The second question is interesting, Do I feel more like
myself in this relationship or less? That's a scary one
(08:06):
because a lot of folks and look, you can adjust,
and I've done this, like, wait, I think I'm losing
part of who I am or what I love or
what is important to me because I'm trying to do
everything to make this person happier, make this person like me.
So it's just one of those quites. Can I be
myself in this relationship? Or am I putting on something?
Am I.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Hike before April's out?
Speaker 3 (08:29):
Okay? Period? All right? And number three?
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Can we grow into the next season together? Or am
I outgrowing this relationship? And I do like this concept
of imagining the person you're with as growing with you.
You might not even be in the same place necessarily,
but is there an idea of growing together, of learning together,
of all of that those I think those were interesting
(08:53):
questions to ask yourself.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Am I happy?
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Do I feel more like myself in this relationship or less?
And can we grow oh into the next season together?
Or am I outgrowing this relationship?
Speaker 1 (09:03):
See? I think that's a better way. Whoever put it
that way?
Speaker 3 (09:07):
A relationship expert people put.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
It in terms, and when we talk about it as
outgrowing a person, you can actually outgrow a relationship. I
think as a better and kinder way necessarily to put it,
and that I always talk to w young folks. They
run up to you to talk about getting married in
age and whatnot. I don't think it's I think we've
given couples the same advice. It's not really a matter
if you're too young to get married. The problem ends
(09:29):
up being you're not done becoming the individual you're gonna be.
So in four years you two might be two totally
different people who are who would never be attracted to
each other unless you have decided you are going to
grow together. Don't we do that? Robes and we talk
about this new generation is wants to be an individual.
I don't want to contribute to a partnership. I want
(09:50):
to be who I am. You have to accept me
who I am, this is me. All this stuff fine,
but that takes away from right. You have to have
a unit committed to growing into something. And yeah, you're
not going to look like you would have if you
were off by yourself.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
It's so fascinating.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
I think it's I'll be so interested, And maybe we are.
We're in a bubble here in New York where we
know young folks who have a certain way of thinking,
and maybe it's different in other parts of the country.
But I will be really curious ten years from now,
fifteen years from now, what the marriage rates are like.
I just it would not surprise me if they go
down significantly.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
Oh, they're trending that way. And we're not talking divorce rates.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
Marriage rates.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Folks. They're not as interested in wanting to delay it
longer and longer and longer.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
All right. So if you answered those questions and you
think you know what, you don't, they're saying, don't obviously
say oh that's it, I need to break up with
my partner. They actually said, if you have concerns when
you ask yourself these questions, the next thing you should
do is check in with your significant other. And they
say the number one thing you have to do. I
(10:55):
love this advice. Chat about the concerns you have with
the relationship. Nobody these days, not nobody, but a lot
of folks. It's hard, it's scary, it's uncomfortable. You might
get rejected to actually talk about your concerns. And every
couple struggles with this. But they say, the more direct
you are, the kinder it is.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
And actually you might find a solution.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
The other person might be like, I had no idea
you were feeling like this, and then you can move
forward together in a different way with a better understanding.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
But a lot of folks just won't even do that.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
They just check out, they don't check in because it's
not what they want.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
Brobs, this is you know, I am about these things.
Things don't have to escalate. They don't just talk. We're adults,
grown folks. Just talk. It's one of my favorite things
I've always done with you. We were first starting our relationship,
we're wondering, in questioning and what should we do and Dad,
there was a lot of stuff that was twirling in
your head and mind. All that I always said to you,
(11:52):
ask me anything. I don't give a damn, But there's
stakes are too high, there's too much going on, and
we you do not need to be uncomfortable at all
with your mate when all you have to do is
open your mouth to get the answer you want. Yeah,
and even if you don't like the answer, you're getting
an answer. Man, ask me anything. I would tell Kelble's
(12:14):
to try that. Say that to your mate. Just a reminder,
you can ask me anything. Yeah, ask me anything.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
And then there just has to be the willingness to
have that radical acceptance to say okay. And that's the
hard part to not get offended. But this is the
second part of that. So they encourage you be direct
with your partner, tell them the concerns you have, even
after doing this gut check, and then the number the
number two thing you do after that, take note about
how receptive they are to fixing or addressing the problem
(12:41):
you brought up, and that will give you your answer.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Yeah, that's and you know what, you'd be surprised when
you ask or talk calmly, you probably get a better
response than if you are yelling and screaming no, it's
not your fall. You might be legit. People communicate differently,
and that's ain't that always the.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Yelling and screaming.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
They would the excerpts from what I was reading would say,
and I think we can all say this from personal experience.
Comes when you bottle things up and you don't actually
address the issues at hand, and so it always ends
up coming out.
Speaker 3 (13:16):
But sometimes it's destructive instead of constructive. And that's the problem.
All right, when we come back, that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
When we come back, I'm gonna tell y'all what we
just did related to this exact damn thing. I did
not know about this. I did not hear about this.
I am embarrassed. This is ridiculous. You had these tools
in hand, you had a full article, and we still
having problems.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
No, but when we come back, yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Sorry.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
I actually was going in the other direction.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
If you want to break up, if you went through
all of this, you've done the gut check. Your partner
was not willing to talk about. The experts say, if
you're one of those women and you are joining the
April relationship theory where you want to break up with
you guy, they have.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
Some steps for you on how to have a healthy breakup.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
And welcome back everyone to this April relationship Theory edition
of Amy and DJ, we are not breaking up, but
this is a month where a lot of women, they say,
according to the tick tock trends, decide to make that choice, yes,
(14:30):
to break up with their significant others. Not because it's
warmer weather and they want to have a hot girl summer,
but because they're actually starting to feel good and happy
and hopeful, and they look over and they think this
is not giving me joy.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
And instead of just.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Doing that knee jerk reaction and just saying, let me
join the trend and break up with my guy and
start anew, it was cool to see some of these constructive,
step by step methods. Relationship experts were asking women and
of course men, to to consider first before joining this trend.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
Oh okay, there's not tips on how to break up.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Well, we do have that next, but I was recapping
where we were. I just thought it was all to
not necessarily just jump there, but there were actually they
got to ask yourself things, to ask your partner, and
that's what we've done, all right, And that's what we've done.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
And now it's time to break up.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
Yes, Now, if.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
You are among apparently a growing group of women who
wants to now break up, they gave some great ideas
on how to do that, because it's hard.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
It is hard to tell someone I want to break
up with you, is it not.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
It's that conversation is rarely pleasant no matter if both
of you are in agreement that this is what we
should do.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
It's hard, okay. So the first tip is to be
clear and specific. Do not be vague to spare your
partner's feelings.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Vague mean you need to give a reason for it.
Speaker 2 (15:51):
You need to be specific, Yes, when this happened or
what I've noticed in the past X amount of months,
And I'm just it's just not enough for me. But
to actually give the person that much, I think it's
actually it's hard and scary, but it's actually giving that
person closure. You're giving them the reason why you're not
being vague because you don't.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
Want to hurt their feelings. You actually hurt their feelings.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
Even more because I got questions.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Is the number one thing, And they said the goal
should not be about avoiding discomfort.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
That's so much what we try to do.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
It's about avoiding the ambiguity that keeps both people stuck
and guessing and never gives like the gift you can
give your partner, if you truly have decided to break
up with them, is to give them specific reasons, to
give them closure, and maybe even that will give them
motivation to work on themselves and be a better partner
for the next relationship.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Yeah, don't say that though.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Don't say that, don't be patronizing, but just be honest
and direct.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
I like that. I never actually considered it in that way.
You actually, in a weird way.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
You're trying to not make them feel bad, but it
actually ends up making them feel worse and confused.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Like I know.
Speaker 2 (17:02):
Actually, I know so many women whose guys whatever ghosts them,
drop them, and they just all they want to know
is why what happened?
Speaker 3 (17:09):
And they're never ever given the reason, and it might
not even be about them. But it's kind to be
direct and specific.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
I think you should always be right now in whatever
you've been waiting to ask your partner. I'm just I'm
of that theory. I understand, and some people have to understand.
Folks are just different. It's not that easy for everyone.
It's just we are. We just don't have time. We
don't have time to mess around. I mean, rogues. What
happened in the world h that it's health what anything
could happen any day. Why am I delaying any moment
(17:37):
of improving my life, my home, my situation, my happiness
by just having a conversation with somebody who might really
be willing to have the same conversation with me. So
I do like what you said that first time. That's
why I stopped you. I said, wait when you give
specifics what happens in that conversation, because it sounds like
your immediately are going to then be hit with, well,
(17:59):
I'll fix that. I didn't know this is the first
time you've told me, well, just give me time. I
can fix that. I can make it happen.
Speaker 2 (18:07):
And that probably will happen if your partner wants to
stay in the relationship. But hopefully that all occurred when
you had that conversation before you decided to break up
with them, because the the what the experts urge is
to have the conversation first, take a beat. If you
do want to break up with them, then just be
specific about why and be clear and just say this
isn't me trying to get you to change.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
This is actually me saying it's not working for.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Me any It was just April eleventh. I didn't know
I had this many more days to survive.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Once you get that tough conversation out of the way
and the breakup is over. The other big bit of
advice that experts say, don't rush back to dating apps
or be quick to replace the relationship, because you're going
to find yourself repeating patterns until unless you actually take
time to reconnect with parts of yourself that you may
have lost in the relationship.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Okay, now the patterns, oh man, like, I was actually
thinking about we need to do a follow up episode
tomorrow because I have a whole new thought about the
idea of patterns. Right, the idea of patterns. You're not
with somebody because that person wasn't doing something for you.
The patterns thing almost sounds like it's signaling you're making
bad choices.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Well, and you know what, I think part of that
is true, because yes, we can.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
There are just people who don't belong together.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
There are just people who you know, I do believe
there's a reason season for some relationships. And it doesn't
mean that the other person's a bad person. It's just
not the right fit. But the truth is, you also
have to examine yourself and actually really find out what
it is you do want animate And so many folks say,
take the time when you end a relationship to write
(19:48):
down what you want in a relationship, what you want
from somebody, and then when you actually go back out
into the dating world, you'll know not only what you need,
but what you don't need. And that is super helpful
in fi the one and finding the person who you
do want to work hard for to spend the rest
of your life with.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
Can you share your list with me when we get
off Sure, okay, thank you.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
But I just thought, look this April relationship theory. When
I was reading what so many folks were just offering
in terms of advice, folks who study this and know
a lot more than we do about relationships and what
makes us tick, I was thinking people actually really did this.
It might save some relationships versus ending them. So maybe
it can be a renewal and a rebirth with the
(20:34):
person who maybe you were not tolerating or not considering
in a way that you can now have a refocused
effort with. So anyway, whatever type of relationship you're in,
we hope you have a wonderful season of renewal.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
On this.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
I love some of these headlines. I was telling you
everyone is breaking up in April. The real emotional New
Year is now. April isn't just a month, It's a mood.
I do like anytime we can have a reason to reset,
and hopefully this did this for some of y'all. So
thank you as always for listening to us. I'm Amy
Robot alongside TJ.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Holmes. We will talk to you soon.
Hosts And Creators
Amy Robach
T.J. Holmes
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