June 21, 2023 • 18 mins
The feeling of disappointment is common, but did you know that what chemically happens in the brain to produce disappointment is quite rare? In this episode of If I’m Honest, Julia Landauer paints the picture for what it’s like to be in the pits at the Daytona 500, describes her most disappointing moment of 2023, gives an overview of the science behind feeling disappointed, and shares what she personally does to work through, and eventually overcome, disappointment.
Study referenced in the episode: https://today.ucsd.edu/story/scientists_discover_dimmer_switch_for_mood_disorders
Learn more about Julia Landauer at www.julialandauer.com and @julialandauer.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hello, we love everybody, and welcome back to If I'm
Honest with Julia Landauer. So, last episode we talked about rejection,
right rejection, maintaining enthusiasm, you know, how to bounce back,
how to kind of have that clean slate moving forward
when things don't go your way. And I firmly believe
everything that I told you. At the same time, I
(00:26):
recognize that life is nuanced and life is a constant
gray zone, and so you know, when thinking about moving
forward and everything, the reality is that there are also
times when the rejection is so hard, and you know,
we just have extreme amounts of disappointment. And I talked
briefly about the story of spending over two years trying
(00:48):
to get to the right person at a company to
pitch for sponsorship, and that one was was so rough
for me, but I didn't really get into the detail
of how I got to the point of being able
to move forward from that disappointment. And that's how we
got to today's episode of dealing with disappointment. Because it
would be naive to think that we can just be
(01:10):
optimistic and positive. Although I am a very optimistic and
positive person, there are some real personal work that goes
into bouncing back from disappointment. When I look back on
this year on twenty twenty three and I think about
what my most disappointing moment was, there are a couple
of things that come to mind, but the hands down
(01:30):
biggest moment of disappointment happened right before the Daytona five hundred.
So the Daytona five hundred was in February, and this
year I haven't gone to a lot of NASCAR races,
but you know that I did not miss the Daytona
five hundred. For those of you who don't know, the
Daytona five hundred is basically NASCAR's super Bowl. It's a
(01:51):
little odd that it's at the beginning of the season,
if I'm honest, but that's okay. And everyone comes down
to Daytona Beach, Florida. It's this massive racetrack, a Bruce Speedway.
The whole infield is bustling. You know, there's NASCAR fans everywhere,
and it's a big spectacle. Celebrities come out. It's really
really exciting. And when I go to a race, and
(02:12):
especially down at Daytona, you know, I have my pit pass.
I spent the weekend mainly with my team from last
year off of Prime Racing, and we you know, have
the two haulers set up, they have chairs set up,
they have all their guests and you know, they're they're
right across from the garages where the cars are worked on,
(02:32):
and you know, we have the driver's lounge and I'm
friends with the drivers and the team, and so it's
really so nice after the off season to be able
to go hang out to cheer them on. When it
came to on track sessions, particularly during the race, I
sat on the pit box and I have a team
headset so I can go between the different cars channels,
(02:54):
so I can listen to the drivers and the crew
chiefs and the spotters and I can just along with
what the team was doing on track. And we have
TV screens on the pit boxes, so it's crazy to
be at the race, and because the track is so big,
it's actually very hard to see on track activity from
the pits, and so I watched most of the race
(03:16):
from the TV screens on the pit box, and it
was just really cool. There was there's always really good energy.
And NASCAR is celebrating their seventy fifth year this year,
and so you know they had this big kind of
industry party where Diplow performed, which was super cool. As
I mentioned, not a huge concert goer. I mentioned this before,
(03:36):
but you know, it was really exciting and kind of funny.
You know, you had some of the younger people who
were super excited to be hearing Diplow, and then you
had some of the older people who may or may
not have known who he was, but it was. It
took place in I believe, a college gymnasium and got
to mingle with people who I've known for years as
(03:57):
I've been on my NASCAR journey. Also, so during that
Daytona five hundred weekend, I had an interview with a
local Charlotte in Southeast Station and got to share some
of my story. And it's just really exciting because it's
the start of a new season. There's so much potential
that everyone feels and it's always fun to see the
racing friends that I don't really see on a regular basis,
(04:19):
like people who live in different cities, or some of
the reporters, or even the fact that most of the
racing related people live up by Lake Norman and Moorsville
in Huntersville, and I live down in Charlotte, so it's
at least a good half hour away, and if you
are familiar with the Charlotte area, you know that seventy
seven traffic is absolutely miserable and driving on it takes
(04:40):
years off my life. The fast pass quick pass definitely
makes it better, but I do limit my time up
and down seventy seven if I can. Anyway, being at
Daytona was really really fun, but at the same time
it was also very very bittersweet. So as I mentioned,
end of January, we had been spending almost two years
(05:03):
on and off pitching a group for sponsorship, and at
the end of twenty twenty two they had committed to
a handful of races. We were building out this whole
incredible activation program. We were really excited. We had done
all the redlining for the contracts. It had been back
and forth, and in the eleventh hour this group fell through.
(05:26):
And it was a very quick, short email that was
sent basically like hey, actually, no, we're not going to
do this right now. And we had spent so much
time on it, They had spent so much time on it.
It was just so so gut wrenching. I remember I
was standing in a little foyer between the kitchen and
(05:47):
the staircase at home, and the lights were off and
I was reading this and I just I felt my
whole body go numb and tingly. I just I could
not believe that this was happening. You know, it was
it was like ninety nine percent there, and I had
planned all my races with the team, and I you know,
(06:08):
had visions for, oh my goodness, you know, the racing
career is really going to take off the way I
wanted to. I'm going to get a more robust part
time season, and then it was just ripped out from
under me. It was so weird because it wasn't like
that time back in the pandemic when the company just
didn't want to move forward after our initial conversations, and
(06:28):
I just kind of broke down crying that one hadn't
gotten anywhere near as close, right, Like we were so
close to the finish line with sponsorship with this, and
it really took like several hours for me to process
and then get really really angry and sad and disappointed
and dejected, and I kind of had this crisis of Okay, well,
(06:49):
what does this mean for the rest of my year?
What does it mean, for the rest of my racing career,
what is this going to do for me? Like, it
was just this this cluster of different emotions. So the
fact that this happened right before going to Daytona, you know,
it made it really tough when I was down there,
because on the one hand, I was happy, but at
(07:10):
the other on the other hand, I was so bitter
and I was jealous of all the drivers. I mean,
it was kind of agonizing to be there, and I
wasn't planning to race that race, but it you know,
it was pretty rough because I just felt jealous of
everyone who was getting to strap into their cars, and
I knew that I no longer had a tangible plan
about how to do that, and those those conflicting feelings
(07:35):
and the never ending feeling of disappointment and jealousy that
I was feeling out of the track was kind of
the kick in the butt that I needed to be
more intentional about actively addressing my disappointment and figuring out
how to work through it. So that is the long,
long road that it took to get to the point
of this this episode, which is to dive into disappointment
(07:57):
and to give my perspective on what we can do
to help work through it. And while I never particularly
excelled at the natural sciences, I do find how the
body works very exciting, and I looked into how the
chemistry of disappointment works in our brain and what it
leads to. So allow me to get a little bit
(08:18):
nerdy with you. But the feeling of disappointment comes because
two neurotransmitters, which are chemicals that relay signals between neurons
in the brain, they fire at the same time. Now,
it is really rare for neurotransmitters to fire simultaneously, and
apparently scientists only really know of three or four occasions
(08:38):
where this happens, and in disappointment specifically. There was a
study published in twenty fourteen from uc San Diego School
of Medicine and they found that the two neurotransmitters that
are transmitting at the same time are the GABBA and
the glutamate neurotransmitters, and they're released in the give me
a second, the lateral habenula, I think that's how you
(08:59):
pronounce it of the brain. And so the GABA neurotransmitter
is the enhancing one. It's the positive makes you feel better.
The glutamate is the dampening one, and so with that,
you know, more gaba means you're happier and the more
glutamate means they're more disappointed, and they that balance is
how it's determined if you're feeling a little bummed to
(09:20):
actually being being depressed. And depression is also found in
the lateral habenula, and depression comes from not producing as
much gabba as you do the glutamate. And so research
out of New York also showed that when working on rodents,
if you get more serotonin in the brain, that kind
(09:42):
of compensates for the GABA, and so that's what antidepressants target.
But as a little sidebar, the problem with that is
that antidepressants don't only target this balance of GABA and glutamate.
It affects other part of how the brain works and
like you know, sleep and rest and all this. So
it's part of what makes it so complicated and why
antidepressants have to be so specifically formulated per person because
(10:05):
it is very different balances in the brain. So that's
a high level overview of the science behind disappointment. And
this is not meant to be medical advice. This is
alf of studies that I've read that I can put
in the description, but it is interesting. I think that it's,
you know, disappointment, which is a fairly regular emotion, comes
(10:26):
from a fairly irregular happening in the brain. And science
is all well and good, but now we have to
bring it back to how this applies to the day
to day. And I want to make a note here
that my suggestions from here on out aren't based on,
you know, if you have clinical depression. I am not
a doctor, I am not a psychiatrist. I'm not a psychologist,
(10:47):
but I want to share my experiences and what I
hope can be helpful for if we're dealing with lower
levels of disappointment. And to get into this, I had
to think about why did I feel and why have
I felt that? Sometimes in my adult life there are
more regular instances of disappointment. But I kind of start
(11:08):
thinking about the timeline of when I noticed, you know,
things disappointing me more, and I think it really happened,
you know, a couple of years out of college, and
this is my analysis. You may disagree it might just
be specific to my life trajectory. But when I think
about school, when I think about high school, college, all
(11:28):
of this. For the most part, it feels pretty predictable.
You know, if you put the work in, if you study,
if you get tutoring, if you need it, you will
likely achieve certain grades. And if you get certain grades,
you will, you know, be able to get into certain universities.
I know this is not one hundred percent true, and
there's a whole lot going on, but for the most part,
if you put the work in, you're gonna be able
(11:50):
to more or less predict the result. If you apply
for class, you'll know what your chances are of getting in.
And what I've found in the real world is that
you can do everything right. You can prepare really hard,
you can be incredibly smart, you can do all the networking,
you can meet the right people, and what you're doing
is still not predictably able to work out right. You
(12:13):
might not be able to predict what will happen. You
may do everything right and the life will not go
your way. It's like I feel like I finally understand
what my parents always said when they said life was
not fair, because it's not a lot of the time,
and it's just such a contrast from at least my
experience with school, and so you know when I think
(12:33):
about this in the real world and how it's more relevant.
I now want to share what are the things that
I do to help overcome my disappointment. And I know
it has taken a hot second to get here, but
we have arrived. So here are the four things that
I think about and really worked on over the winter
this year to overcome disappointment and to be able to
(12:56):
bounce back to that being enthusiastic and moving forward. And
the first thing is to really let yourself be in
your feelings. I've mentioned on previous episodes that I kind
of like to live my life on an emotional roller coaster, right,
And I think it is most important to do that
when it comes to feelings. You know, we know and
there is studies out there. There are studies out there
(13:19):
that you know, repressed emotions become really detrimental later. We
know that it is super important to address how we're
feeling because it's bottling it up means that it will
likely eventually explode. And I think this is really important
with disappointment. Sometimes disappointment can be embarrassing. Sometimes you can
feel a little less then because the things did not
(13:40):
go your way. But I think it's crucial to let
yourself sit with that feeling, really let it in, let
it overcome you, and then that will hopefully allow us
to process it and we can move on from it
more efficiently. And this is you know, this works for disappointment.
I've personally found that this work when I was grieving.
(14:00):
I also think it's really important when it's a positive emotion,
when you're happy, when you're proud, really revel in that
feeling and let yourself feel it to the fullest. And
then again it allows us to process quicker. So, especially
when it comes to a negative emotion, be in your feelings.
It might be unpleasant, but it'll be a shorter period
of being unpleasant and you'll be able to really think
(14:21):
about how you're feeling. And after we get through that,
the second thing that I find really helpful and important
is to critique ourselves. You know, I think I might
have mentioned this, but I think only we will know
if we're truly capable of something. Only we will know
if we really gave it our all. And so if
we can review our performance, analyze what we did well,
(14:43):
what we could improve upon, and make a plan to
adjust as needed moving forward. That will allow us to
again feel like we are taking ownership and doing everything
in our control to be able to have the outcomes
that we want. And I think it's also really important
not to dwell again on what we've don done wrong
or what we wish we could have done better, because
that might be a distraction and it will also kind
(15:05):
of reinforce the negative that we just went through, and
that's not helpful for moving forward. So quick recap so far.
First two things were to be in your feelings and
to critique yourself, and then I also think when things
disappoint us or something happens, I do think it's important
to look at the situation and to see if we
(15:26):
can salvage anything moving forward. And I will admit that
I am not great at this. A lot of times
if I get an email or get a call, or
get some kind of response that isn't what I want,
sometimes I'll just immediately go into the emotional response. But
a lot of times we can look at a situation
and at least ask if there are ways that we
(15:47):
can reframe or restructure or salvage something so that it's
not a complete loss. This won't always be the case,
but sometimes it can be helpful. And once we've done
all that, I think think that it allows us to
more easily do the fourth thing that I'd recommend, which
is to focus forward. I know that seems a little
(16:08):
fluffy potentially, but it really is important to remind yourself
of what is still out there and what's yet to come.
And if we have, you know, allowed ourselves to feel
our feelings, if we've analyzed our performance and see if
there's anything we can salvage, then we're able to move
forward and hopefully have a better chance the next time.
(16:32):
And I think that's a lot of what we can do.
You know, disappointment sucks, and I think that all the
emotions that have a hint of sadness are too bad.
And I don't like feeling it myself. I don't like
seeing it in other people. Like other people's pain, sadness
and disappointment makes me so sad as well. But there
are things that we can do. And it was interesting
(16:54):
because I had actually recorded the first version of this
podcast right when I got back from day Tona in February.
It was kind of a sample that I sent to
the producers and when I re listened to it before
recording this. It was so evident how much the disappointment
and sadness carried over in my voice, Like that is
not an episode I could publish because it is really
(17:16):
really rough to listen to just my own sadness in
my voice. And so I think, you know, thinking about
how we carry our emotions is important, and again it
goes back to being able to process fully in a
short amount of time might actually help us as we
navigate the real world. So, friends, that is our show.
Thank you for tuning in, and thank you to everyone
(17:38):
who has already rated the show and left a review
or sent me a DM about what you feel about it.
That's really helpful. If you haven't, it would mean a
lot to me. If you're able to, you know, rate
it on Spotify or Apple or wherever you listen to
a podcast, that helps with our overall traction. And if
you're able to leave a review, let us know what
you like about it, that would be awesome, Share it
(17:59):
with people that you think might enjoy And as always,
thank you for letting me be honest with you, and
I look forward to seeing you next week.
Hello, we love everybody, and welcome back to If I'm
Honest with Julia Landauer. So, last episode we talked about rejection,
right rejection, maintaining enthusiasm, you know, how to bounce back,
how to kind of have that clean slate moving forward
when things don't go your way. And I firmly believe
everything that I told you. At the same time, I
(00:26):
recognize that life is nuanced and life is a constant
gray zone, and so you know, when thinking about moving
forward and everything, the reality is that there are also
times when the rejection is so hard, and you know,
we just have extreme amounts of disappointment. And I talked
briefly about the story of spending over two years trying
(00:48):
to get to the right person at a company to
pitch for sponsorship, and that one was was so rough
for me, but I didn't really get into the detail
of how I got to the point of being able
to move forward from that disappointment. And that's how we
got to today's episode of dealing with disappointment. Because it
would be naive to think that we can just be
(01:10):
optimistic and positive. Although I am a very optimistic and
positive person, there are some real personal work that goes
into bouncing back from disappointment. When I look back on
this year on twenty twenty three and I think about
what my most disappointing moment was, there are a couple
of things that come to mind, but the hands down
(01:30):
biggest moment of disappointment happened right before the Daytona five hundred.
So the Daytona five hundred was in February, and this
year I haven't gone to a lot of NASCAR races,
but you know that I did not miss the Daytona
five hundred. For those of you who don't know, the
Daytona five hundred is basically NASCAR's super Bowl. It's a
(01:51):
little odd that it's at the beginning of the season,
if I'm honest, but that's okay. And everyone comes down
to Daytona Beach, Florida. It's this massive racetrack, a Bruce Speedway.
The whole infield is bustling. You know, there's NASCAR fans everywhere,
and it's a big spectacle. Celebrities come out. It's really
really exciting. And when I go to a race, and
(02:12):
especially down at Daytona, you know, I have my pit pass.
I spent the weekend mainly with my team from last
year off of Prime Racing, and we you know, have
the two haulers set up, they have chairs set up,
they have all their guests and you know, they're they're
right across from the garages where the cars are worked on,
(02:32):
and you know, we have the driver's lounge and I'm
friends with the drivers and the team, and so it's
really so nice after the off season to be able
to go hang out to cheer them on. When it
came to on track sessions, particularly during the race, I
sat on the pit box and I have a team
headset so I can go between the different cars channels,
(02:54):
so I can listen to the drivers and the crew
chiefs and the spotters and I can just along with
what the team was doing on track. And we have
TV screens on the pit boxes, so it's crazy to
be at the race, and because the track is so big,
it's actually very hard to see on track activity from
the pits, and so I watched most of the race
(03:16):
from the TV screens on the pit box, and it
was just really cool. There was there's always really good energy.
And NASCAR is celebrating their seventy fifth year this year,
and so you know they had this big kind of
industry party where Diplow performed, which was super cool. As
I mentioned, not a huge concert goer. I mentioned this before,
(03:36):
but you know, it was really exciting and kind of funny.
You know, you had some of the younger people who
were super excited to be hearing Diplow, and then you
had some of the older people who may or may
not have known who he was, but it was. It
took place in I believe, a college gymnasium and got
to mingle with people who I've known for years as
(03:57):
I've been on my NASCAR journey. Also, so during that
Daytona five hundred weekend, I had an interview with a
local Charlotte in Southeast Station and got to share some
of my story. And it's just really exciting because it's
the start of a new season. There's so much potential
that everyone feels and it's always fun to see the
racing friends that I don't really see on a regular basis,
(04:19):
like people who live in different cities, or some of
the reporters, or even the fact that most of the
racing related people live up by Lake Norman and Moorsville
in Huntersville, and I live down in Charlotte, so it's
at least a good half hour away, and if you
are familiar with the Charlotte area, you know that seventy
seven traffic is absolutely miserable and driving on it takes
(04:40):
years off my life. The fast pass quick pass definitely
makes it better, but I do limit my time up
and down seventy seven if I can. Anyway, being at
Daytona was really really fun, but at the same time
it was also very very bittersweet. So as I mentioned,
end of January, we had been spending almost two years
(05:03):
on and off pitching a group for sponsorship, and at
the end of twenty twenty two they had committed to
a handful of races. We were building out this whole
incredible activation program. We were really excited. We had done
all the redlining for the contracts. It had been back
and forth, and in the eleventh hour this group fell through.
(05:26):
And it was a very quick, short email that was
sent basically like hey, actually, no, we're not going to
do this right now. And we had spent so much
time on it, They had spent so much time on it.
It was just so so gut wrenching. I remember I
was standing in a little foyer between the kitchen and
(05:47):
the staircase at home, and the lights were off and
I was reading this and I just I felt my
whole body go numb and tingly. I just I could
not believe that this was happening. You know, it was
it was like ninety nine percent there, and I had
planned all my races with the team, and I you know,
(06:08):
had visions for, oh my goodness, you know, the racing
career is really going to take off the way I
wanted to. I'm going to get a more robust part
time season, and then it was just ripped out from
under me. It was so weird because it wasn't like
that time back in the pandemic when the company just
didn't want to move forward after our initial conversations, and
(06:28):
I just kind of broke down crying that one hadn't
gotten anywhere near as close, right, Like we were so
close to the finish line with sponsorship with this, and
it really took like several hours for me to process
and then get really really angry and sad and disappointed
and dejected, and I kind of had this crisis of Okay, well,
(06:49):
what does this mean for the rest of my year?
What does it mean, for the rest of my racing career,
what is this going to do for me? Like, it
was just this this cluster of different emotions. So the
fact that this happened right before going to Daytona, you know,
it made it really tough when I was down there,
because on the one hand, I was happy, but at
(07:10):
the other on the other hand, I was so bitter
and I was jealous of all the drivers. I mean,
it was kind of agonizing to be there, and I
wasn't planning to race that race, but it you know,
it was pretty rough because I just felt jealous of
everyone who was getting to strap into their cars, and
I knew that I no longer had a tangible plan
about how to do that, and those those conflicting feelings
(07:35):
and the never ending feeling of disappointment and jealousy that
I was feeling out of the track was kind of
the kick in the butt that I needed to be
more intentional about actively addressing my disappointment and figuring out
how to work through it. So that is the long,
long road that it took to get to the point
of this this episode, which is to dive into disappointment
(07:57):
and to give my perspective on what we can do
to help work through it. And while I never particularly
excelled at the natural sciences, I do find how the
body works very exciting, and I looked into how the
chemistry of disappointment works in our brain and what it
leads to. So allow me to get a little bit
(08:18):
nerdy with you. But the feeling of disappointment comes because
two neurotransmitters, which are chemicals that relay signals between neurons
in the brain, they fire at the same time. Now,
it is really rare for neurotransmitters to fire simultaneously, and
apparently scientists only really know of three or four occasions
(08:38):
where this happens, and in disappointment specifically. There was a
study published in twenty fourteen from uc San Diego School
of Medicine and they found that the two neurotransmitters that
are transmitting at the same time are the GABBA and
the glutamate neurotransmitters, and they're released in the give me
a second, the lateral habenula, I think that's how you
(08:59):
pronounce it of the brain. And so the GABA neurotransmitter
is the enhancing one. It's the positive makes you feel better.
The glutamate is the dampening one, and so with that,
you know, more gaba means you're happier and the more
glutamate means they're more disappointed, and they that balance is
how it's determined if you're feeling a little bummed to
(09:20):
actually being being depressed. And depression is also found in
the lateral habenula, and depression comes from not producing as
much gabba as you do the glutamate. And so research
out of New York also showed that when working on rodents,
if you get more serotonin in the brain, that kind
(09:42):
of compensates for the GABA, and so that's what antidepressants target.
But as a little sidebar, the problem with that is
that antidepressants don't only target this balance of GABA and glutamate.
It affects other part of how the brain works and
like you know, sleep and rest and all this. So
it's part of what makes it so complicated and why
antidepressants have to be so specifically formulated per person because
(10:05):
it is very different balances in the brain. So that's
a high level overview of the science behind disappointment. And
this is not meant to be medical advice. This is
alf of studies that I've read that I can put
in the description, but it is interesting. I think that it's,
you know, disappointment, which is a fairly regular emotion, comes
(10:26):
from a fairly irregular happening in the brain. And science
is all well and good, but now we have to
bring it back to how this applies to the day
to day. And I want to make a note here
that my suggestions from here on out aren't based on,
you know, if you have clinical depression. I am not
a doctor, I am not a psychiatrist. I'm not a psychologist,
(10:47):
but I want to share my experiences and what I
hope can be helpful for if we're dealing with lower
levels of disappointment. And to get into this, I had
to think about why did I feel and why have
I felt that? Sometimes in my adult life there are
more regular instances of disappointment. But I kind of start
(11:08):
thinking about the timeline of when I noticed, you know,
things disappointing me more, and I think it really happened,
you know, a couple of years out of college, and
this is my analysis. You may disagree it might just
be specific to my life trajectory. But when I think
about school, when I think about high school, college, all
(11:28):
of this. For the most part, it feels pretty predictable.
You know, if you put the work in, if you study,
if you get tutoring, if you need it, you will
likely achieve certain grades. And if you get certain grades,
you will, you know, be able to get into certain universities.
I know this is not one hundred percent true, and
there's a whole lot going on, but for the most part,
if you put the work in, you're gonna be able
(11:50):
to more or less predict the result. If you apply
for class, you'll know what your chances are of getting in.
And what I've found in the real world is that
you can do everything right. You can prepare really hard,
you can be incredibly smart, you can do all the networking,
you can meet the right people, and what you're doing
is still not predictably able to work out right. You
(12:13):
might not be able to predict what will happen. You
may do everything right and the life will not go
your way. It's like I feel like I finally understand
what my parents always said when they said life was
not fair, because it's not a lot of the time,
and it's just such a contrast from at least my
experience with school, and so you know when I think
(12:33):
about this in the real world and how it's more relevant.
I now want to share what are the things that
I do to help overcome my disappointment. And I know
it has taken a hot second to get here, but
we have arrived. So here are the four things that
I think about and really worked on over the winter
this year to overcome disappointment and to be able to
(12:56):
bounce back to that being enthusiastic and moving forward. And
the first thing is to really let yourself be in
your feelings. I've mentioned on previous episodes that I kind
of like to live my life on an emotional roller coaster, right,
And I think it is most important to do that
when it comes to feelings. You know, we know and
there is studies out there. There are studies out there
(13:19):
that you know, repressed emotions become really detrimental later. We
know that it is super important to address how we're
feeling because it's bottling it up means that it will
likely eventually explode. And I think this is really important
with disappointment. Sometimes disappointment can be embarrassing. Sometimes you can
feel a little less then because the things did not
(13:40):
go your way. But I think it's crucial to let
yourself sit with that feeling, really let it in, let
it overcome you, and then that will hopefully allow us
to process it and we can move on from it
more efficiently. And this is you know, this works for disappointment.
I've personally found that this work when I was grieving.
(14:00):
I also think it's really important when it's a positive emotion,
when you're happy, when you're proud, really revel in that
feeling and let yourself feel it to the fullest. And
then again it allows us to process quicker. So, especially
when it comes to a negative emotion, be in your feelings.
It might be unpleasant, but it'll be a shorter period
of being unpleasant and you'll be able to really think
(14:21):
about how you're feeling. And after we get through that,
the second thing that I find really helpful and important
is to critique ourselves. You know, I think I might
have mentioned this, but I think only we will know
if we're truly capable of something. Only we will know
if we really gave it our all. And so if
we can review our performance, analyze what we did well,
(14:43):
what we could improve upon, and make a plan to
adjust as needed moving forward. That will allow us to
again feel like we are taking ownership and doing everything
in our control to be able to have the outcomes
that we want. And I think it's also really important
not to dwell again on what we've don done wrong
or what we wish we could have done better, because
that might be a distraction and it will also kind
(15:05):
of reinforce the negative that we just went through, and
that's not helpful for moving forward. So quick recap so far.
First two things were to be in your feelings and
to critique yourself, and then I also think when things
disappoint us or something happens, I do think it's important
to look at the situation and to see if we
(15:26):
can salvage anything moving forward. And I will admit that
I am not great at this. A lot of times
if I get an email or get a call, or
get some kind of response that isn't what I want,
sometimes I'll just immediately go into the emotional response. But
a lot of times we can look at a situation
and at least ask if there are ways that we
(15:47):
can reframe or restructure or salvage something so that it's
not a complete loss. This won't always be the case,
but sometimes it can be helpful. And once we've done
all that, I think think that it allows us to
more easily do the fourth thing that I'd recommend, which
is to focus forward. I know that seems a little
(16:08):
fluffy potentially, but it really is important to remind yourself
of what is still out there and what's yet to come.
And if we have, you know, allowed ourselves to feel
our feelings, if we've analyzed our performance and see if
there's anything we can salvage, then we're able to move
forward and hopefully have a better chance the next time.
(16:32):
And I think that's a lot of what we can do.
You know, disappointment sucks, and I think that all the
emotions that have a hint of sadness are too bad.
And I don't like feeling it myself. I don't like
seeing it in other people. Like other people's pain, sadness
and disappointment makes me so sad as well. But there
are things that we can do. And it was interesting
(16:54):
because I had actually recorded the first version of this
podcast right when I got back from day Tona in February.
It was kind of a sample that I sent to
the producers and when I re listened to it before
recording this. It was so evident how much the disappointment
and sadness carried over in my voice, Like that is
not an episode I could publish because it is really
(17:16):
really rough to listen to just my own sadness in
my voice. And so I think, you know, thinking about
how we carry our emotions is important, and again it
goes back to being able to process fully in a
short amount of time might actually help us as we
navigate the real world. So, friends, that is our show.
Thank you for tuning in, and thank you to everyone
(17:38):
who has already rated the show and left a review
or sent me a DM about what you feel about it.
That's really helpful. If you haven't, it would mean a
lot to me. If you're able to, you know, rate
it on Spotify or Apple or wherever you listen to
a podcast, that helps with our overall traction. And if
you're able to leave a review, let us know what
you like about it, that would be awesome, Share it
(17:59):
with people that you think might enjoy And as always,
thank you for letting me be honest with you, and
I look forward to seeing you next week.
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