February 24, 2026 • 35 mins
Comedian and creator Danae Hays joins Ben Higgins to share her journey from the Bible Belt of Alabama to stand-up stages across the country. Danae opens up about coming out, facing estrangement from her family, and the complexities of faith, prayer, and reconciliation. Dive into honest conversations about overcoming religious trauma, rebuilding relationships, and how comedy became both a career and a source of healing. Hear how faith, honesty, and forgiveness changed Danae’s life—plus the impact of her viral comedy, upcoming tour, and what she hopes audiences experience when they hear her story.
TIMESTAMPS
00:00 The Power Of Prayer And Coming Out
01:55 Early Comedy And Viral Video
04:34 Making A Living With Comedy
06:26 Faith, Estrangement, And Reconciliation
09:09 The Ten Commandments And Healing
11:43 Surrounding Yourself With Support
13:51 Growing Faith Through Desert Seasons
15:45 Childhood And Religious Trauma
17:20 Worshipping A Loving God
19:36 Finding Lightness And Creativity
21:29 Sustaining Honest Relationships
24:06 Bitterness, Perfection, And Anger
26:45 Sharing Jesus And Testimony
28:14 Comedy, Brokenness, And Healing
32:27 Staying Grounded Amid Fame
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
You came out with a social media post about the
power of prayer. Obviously you grew up in the Bible Belt.
I mean, I don't know if you get any more
Bible Belt than Morris, Alabama. You come out to your family,
there's an estrange.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Min. I didn't know what the word gay mare. I
was living in Alabama. We didn't talk, We never use
that word. It wasn't on TV or the radio. What
I had just known since I was really young.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Most of the time, especially right now, when we hear
about somebody coming out, they oftentimes get pushed further away
from their faith community.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
But you leaned in.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Oh. I think my perspective God really changed what my
perspective of him was.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
How do you get up there not only make people laugh,
foot laugh yourself while I mean, this is a big,
a big chapter.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
I prayed that we could all get to a better
place of understanding each other and stop seeking perfection.
Speaker 4 (00:49):
And I truly believe that my prayers have been answered.
Speaker 5 (00:53):
Welcome to if you can hear me a space where
culture meets the soul. I'm Ben Higgins. You may know
me from theer, and you may know some of my
guests from culture and headlines, but this podcast is about
going beyond the surface into something deeper. Today's guest is
Danay Hayes, a comedian and creator whose work blends laughter
with honesty about faith, loss, and healing. Thanks for being here,
(01:21):
Let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Denay Hayes, thanks for coming on today.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
I was familiar because you've been on our radar for
this show for a while.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
However, I don't know if everybody that's tuning in is
familiar with your work. You do it all.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
I have a whole literly list of stuff that you've
been doing since like even twenty twenty three.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
You've been super busy.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
If you don't mind for myself and for everybody, can
you just kind of give a brief overview of who
you are and what you're up to.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
Yeah, so I'm a stand up comedian.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
I would say that's probably the top of the I
got started on social media, so TikTok, Instagram, especially during
the pandemic. I started sharing comedy content and then I
got my big break back in twenty twenty one when
I harassed and crank phone called or taxidermist in al
Danla and asked if he'd stuffed my dog, and he
(02:19):
agreed to it, and that video racked up just millions
and millions of years and ultimately gave me the confidence
to start pursuing just sharing comedy on social media, which
then led.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
To stand up comedy.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
I got started in that in February of twenty twenty four,
so we're kicking off my second tour this year.
Speaker 4 (02:42):
And then I also do some country comedy music.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
So those aren't quite PG thirteen enough for this show.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Titles are wild.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
The titles are definitely going to grab your attention, and yeah,
you definitely don't want to stream those in the church
far a lot. But but yeah, so I dabble in
country music. H anything with a through thread of comedy.
It's got comedy in it.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
A childhood dream and mean, when you're a kid, is
this what you thought you're gonna end up doing?
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Yeah, it's it's always been, uh like I was always
holding court at the roller rink that there was not
much in my little small Alabama telling to do.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
So my parents would drop us off on Friday nights before.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
The football games and let me and my sister roller skate,
and I was always just gathering a crowd in the
back of the roller ring, just telling jokes, and I
think it might have been my eighth birthday. I said
like a frank joke in front of one of my
friend's moms and she looked at my mom and she's like,
your daughter is going to grow up and be a
(03:47):
comedian one day. And I was like, Mama, what does
that mean? And she's like, that means you're going to
make people laugh? And I was like, Oh, that's exactly
what I want to do. So it's it didn't start
that way. I dabbled in just about everything you could
do avalan sports, broadcasting, pharmaceutical sales, real estate, a pyramid scheme.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
I've done it all, brother, I've done it all before.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
I land all. I mean, I want to kind of
start there though.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
The journey to this point, I mean has a thousand
twists and turns. But you sit here today and you're
known for your comedy, You're known for making people laugh,
and you do make people laugh. What does that feel
like now to kind of look at all the things
you've done in your past leading up to this point
where now you're known for this thing that you've always
(04:31):
dreamed of.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yeah, I mean It feels good to be able to
make a living doing something that I actually love, because
I've had twenty jobs where I was doing it just
to put fifteen dollars in my gas tank so I
could make it home and I could judge judy that not.
So it feels good to actually be able to do
something that pays my bills. And you know, I think
(04:55):
the coolest thing about it is just seeing the types
of people that sh up to my shows.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
When you're on social media, you don't.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Really have a good grasp of who your audience is
because you're not really seeing them as a collective unit.
You know, you're seeing individual comments. So it's been really
cool where just see like an eighty year old woman
at my show sitting next to eighteen year old boy.
It's just that to me, that's the coolest thing about
what I do is just gathering an audience of people
(05:24):
that are from all different walks of life that somehow
have something in common.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Recently, in a sense, you kind of switch stuff up
on social media. Though your social media is funny and
it's full laughter in front of it, full of things.
Like I said, I can't even mention the names of
some of your songs and some of your skits on
this show, but when I watch it, I'm cackling.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
But recently you came out and one of the reasons
why I am and was.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
So excited to talk to you. You came out with
a social media host about the power of prayer. Obviously,
you grew up in the Bible Belt. I mean, I
don't know if you get any more Bible Belt than Morris, Alabama.
That is the heartlands for the Bible Belt. You're now
in Nashville, Tennessee, which isn't far removed, and I think
(06:17):
your fans maybe we're not shocked, but they learned something
new about you when you made this post.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Can you tell us more about it.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah, I've never shot away from my fate. I grew
up so other Baptists, picked up some religious trauma along
the way from you know, some things that were in
my life. But over the past couple of years, my
relationship with God has just gotten so much stronger, And
like you said, a lot of that is from the
power of prayer. My mom and I and my sister
(06:50):
and I we hadn't spoken in seven years. A lot
of that was over my sexuality when I came out
and we reconnect in November of twenty twenty five, so
just a couple of months ago. And I had just
been praying for years that God would just allow all
(07:14):
three parties to just have so much grace and stop
looking for perfection, because I think a lot of times,
a lot of times, it's so easy to think about
a relationship needs me perfect, the other person needs to
say everything perfect. They can't say anything that could cross
the line or anything that could hurt my feelings. And
(07:34):
you know, when you remove yourself from two people that
you love yearly and they remove you from their lives,
it's it's no longer about perfection. It's just about missing
that relationship.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
And so I just prayed and prayed and prayed.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
And then one night I was driving in my car
back in November, and I just I was like, I'm
gonna call my mom right now.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
I'm gonna call her, and I'm just.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Gonna have faith that we can get to a meeting
of the mind and we can put all this behind
us and.
Speaker 4 (08:05):
We can get back to having a relationship with each other.
And so that's exactly what happened.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
There was so much change in part with all three parties,
and I think the common denominator of that is that
all three of us have gotten stronger in our fate
as that seven years I went along.
Speaker 4 (08:22):
So there's so much to this.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
I want to start with the lead up to the
phone call that you made. I mean it incorrect me
if I'm wrong, but I would imagine for seven years
it's strange from somebody and two people that you love dearly,
and that you even started the show telling a story
about or your mom tells you about being a comedian.
I'm assuming it was just heavy on you at all
(08:50):
at every moment, and so to make this phone call
seem like not only free, which is biblical, but it
also feels like something had to have happened for you
to have the faith and the confidence even pushed the button,
because nobody had for seven years.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Yeah. I the thing that sticks out the most was
I saw a plaque that somebody had of the Ten
Commandments hanging up, and I know that one of the
ten Commandments where I saw it says honor thy mother
and father. And I remember thinking, you know, even even
if I felt like I was the one that was
(09:30):
in the wrong or sorry, even if I felt like
I wasn't the one in the wrong, and I felt like,
you know, the other person had said the hurtple things
to me.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
Am I I kept asking myself, am I really.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Honoring my mother by not giving her a chance to
show that we can grow and change as humans? And
so it was that that was when it started turning
for me. Was when I started thinking, can I sleep
at night knowing if I'm honoring my mother the way
the way that I should be, Because I think we
live society right now and I'm guilty of this.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
I think we live in a society.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Where, gosh, therapy terms have just such a we are
counting and saying every therapy term we can come to
think of and like boundaries and like whole brigid boundaries,
and like, I think those.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Are important things.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
But I think also what about giving people grace and
giving people empathy and giving people the space to show
that they can change? And then God started laying it
on my heart really heavily, probably around September October, that
I just felt expectant when I woke up in the morning,
like I just felt like my mom had been on
(10:38):
a seven year long vacation and it had been in
my calendar for seven years. That soon was the time
for me to go pick her up from the airport.
Like that's how it felt like. I felt like it
was time to go pick her up. And so yeah,
I just kept listening to those things that God was
dropping in my spirit. And I am very blessed in
(10:59):
the sense all three parties have really have really grown,
because I know that's not the case for a lot
of people. So what I've prayed for that I prayed
that we could all get to a better place of
understanding each other and stop seeking perfection. And I truly
believe that my prayers have been answering. I'm very specific
about what I what I wanted to.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Do for you personally. What did you have to you know,
you said that you grew in your faith. You obviously
took kind of leadership here in charge and.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
Made the phone call.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
What did you have to learn about yourself and grow
yourself to be able to even sustain a relationship now
or to start, you know, a relationship anew.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
I think I had to surround myself with with people
that were like minded. I had gotten myself into a
relationship where that that person really wanted to isolate me
from people that cared about me, and it was all
wrapped up in love. It was wrapped up in like,
(12:03):
this is what's best for you, because they're saying this.
And so I'd got myself into a really bad spot
of isolating myself from people that cared about me. And
I think my biggest regret is allowing that person to
make such an impact on my life and take up
so much space. And so I started surrounding myself with
other God fearing people, people that started inviting me to church,
(12:26):
people that started coming over when they knew I was
having a bad day, that deeply cared about me. And
people that didn't cast my mother as like demonized my mother.
They actually they actually just wanted to build a bridge,
you know. In the way that they spoke about some
of the traumatic things that went on in my relationship,
(12:47):
it was never to demonize somebody else. It was always
to pray about it and to try and build a
bridge instead of isolation.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
That's interesting. The whole point of this show is to
be a bridge builder, to bring in conversations that you
know a lot of people maybe aren't aware of or
maybe don't can't find out there. And this is the
whole purpose of why we're doing this is to breath
the bridge builder.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
But I mean it's interesting.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
I think so many people listening are like, Okay, if
I hear the timeline right, like, you come out to
your family, there's an estrangement, and then that seven years
your faith grew.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
Uh, if you feel up for it.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I think I, you know, listeners would find it really
intrigued on how those two things correlated. You know, most
of the time, especially right now, when we hear about
somebody coming out, they oftentimes get pushed further away from
their faith community or from the you know, from the
the God that they love and the God that's impacted them.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
But you leaned in and and I think that's interesting.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
I can't say that I leaned in from start.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
I think my girlfriend talks about the part of the
Bible that talks about going through the desert and how
the desert is the most lonely, isolating time of your life.
But that's when you can hear God speak to you
the most because you're helpless, you're hopeless, and that's the
only time that you can literally hear God's messaging to you.
(14:14):
So I went through a really bad desert spell those
first couple of years when me and my mom and
my sister weren't talking to each other and I got
angry with God.
Speaker 4 (14:25):
I got really angry, and.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
I developed some religious trauma that made me like I
didn't want to hear God's name. I didn't enjoy being
in a room with people when they were talking about God.
I didn't enjoy listening to worship music, which was which
was something that used to help me and that I enjoyed.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
And then.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
It really wasn't until about then, I would say, probably
about a year and a half ago, after a divorce
that I went through where I felt like I was
going through that desert all again, and I felt, well,
you know, the way I hear the first time definitely
didn't put me in a better place, definitely didn't make
me happier. So I started reading my Bible again and
I ended up finding two really good friends of Vinne
(15:11):
Bailey and John, who are two of the most godfear
and capable that I know. And you know, it wasn't
at the jump where it was just religious talk and
spiritual talk, but over the months of being in that
friendship with them, they just started laying it on me,
and I just felt like the shift inside of me
(15:33):
where I no longer feared talking about God. I actually
wanted to run towards him. And you know, the religious
trauma for me goes all the way back to when
I was like ten, I had told my family that
I didn't know what the word gay meant. I was
living in Alabama. We didn't talk, didn't we never used
that word. It wasn't on TV or the radio. But
(15:55):
I had just known since I was really young, all
the way up until I was or seven or eight,
I had had the feelings that I was already attracted
to the girls and never the gods. And so that
ended up put me into what's called conversion therapy, which
is like a type of therapy to help you rid
yourself of homosexuality.
Speaker 4 (16:14):
It was all fate based.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
So I think at a young age that's when a
religious trauma started. So I do feel like I am
an anomaly for a lot of people that you know,
maybe it has nothing to do with their sexuality, It
could need something totally different. Maybe they grew up in
a very god fearing household, but it was a very
judgmental household, and so they run from God. I just
think it's all on our own terms, and sometimes it's
(16:38):
through the desert for some of the really hard seasons
of like when God can speak to you. But I
do last thing I'll say about that is I really
do think that it matters who you're surrounding yourself with
and spending time with, because I'm not sure if I
could have ever gotten to this place had it not
been for originally.
Speaker 4 (16:56):
Starting a friendship with my friends Bailey and John.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
They to me, you just mentioned that you know through
the desert you heard God speaking to you. What were
some of the things that you know came up in
your life during that time that you that you grew
from or that you can take with you now today.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
I think probably the thing that always comes back to
is that I worship a loving God, not an angry God.
I think for so long I felt like I worship
an angry God, Like why why would I have to
go through all this if He wasn't just angry at me?
And now I look at it as more of God
loves me unconditionally and there's nothing in this life that
(17:45):
I can't get through as long as I have a
spiritual connection with Him.
Speaker 4 (17:50):
A one on one connection with him.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
So I think my perspective God really changed what my
perspective of Him was. And I think Denay ten years old,
learned that from that therapist because a lot of the
things that he would teach me in those private sessions
were very fear based and Mary had a lot of
anger in them. And so I've kind of had to
(18:12):
break by brick, take some of those ideologies off of
what God looks like, and figure out what God looks
like to me and what God feels like to me,
because you know, there's parents out there that have multiple kids,
and each of us children may have a completely different
relationship with their father. You know, a ten year old
daughter may have a completely different relationship than what a
(18:33):
seventeen year.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
Old son has.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
And so I think sometimes we try to put a box,
like just a universal box of what our relationship with
God should look like, but I think it looks so
different for every single person out there.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Now, your fans, I'm sure the people that follow you
maybe were surprised, but I don't think they were shocked by,
you know, this kind of post that you made, sharing
about your faith, sharing about the reconciliation, sharing of your prayer.
Has it made your work more difficult? Has it freed
(19:06):
you up even more? I mean I'm sitting here thinking,
I'm like, how in the world could you have done
comedy for the last seven years with something like this
sitting on like on your chest, Like.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
How heavy must that have been?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
How do you get up there not only make people
laugh but laugh yourself while? I mean, this is a big,
a big chapter. You know there was a loss, so
now you know, relationships building, and you're getting ready to
go back out on tour, Like, how how are you
making sense of all this?
Speaker 4 (19:37):
Dude? It's just it's brought me. It's brought me this lightness.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
It has brought me, just this lightness, this ability to
wake up in the morning and just feel fully awake,
Like you don't realize how much your body hold energy
when you're going through something like that. I thought I
was fine. There was a lot of times where I
thought that was good. And now my good days compared
to what my good days were years ago, look a
(20:06):
heck of a lot better. So for me, it's just
spread up this creative ability where I started thinking of like, dang,
if I could be that creative.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
During such a dark heavy time.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Imagine how creative I'm going to feel now that I'm
just smooth sailing and I have my mom and my
sister back in my life and the content that comes
with them.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Oh my gosh. I jokingly told her mom.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
I was like, you know, I only rekindled this relationship
because of the free content. I mean, the amount of
stories just in a three month period that I've been
able to like write down and create just from.
Speaker 4 (20:45):
Having them back in my life is insane.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
That's what you get when you got to really really
southern family that still lives in your shirt.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
How do you keep this relationship strong?
Speaker 1 (20:56):
I mean, obviously there were reasons why you guys in
it speak uh, and I'm sure you've confronted those and
talked about them. But now there's the sustaining of this relationship.
And I'm asking not only for you, but I'm also
asking because your story, even though it is unique and
special to you, it's not the only story of somebody
(21:18):
like you that has, you know, family that hasn't talked
to them.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
So now you've you've built the bridge, but how do
you keep going?
Speaker 4 (21:29):
Honesty?
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Man?
Speaker 4 (21:30):
Honesty, like that was the thing that we didn't.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Have you know, there's a unique characteristic to southerns and
that is that we would rather sugarcoat something than to
make it be uncomfortable. And when you do that, you
push your feelings down, and it sends the message say
that what you need and what your needs are and
what your wants are aren't it as important as the
(21:57):
discomfort of somebody else. So whenever we rekindled, you know,
it wasn't just like, oh my god, it's so good
to have you back in our life, like we love
you so much. Like it was brutal conversations about when
you did this, this is how made me feel, and
I just want to make sure that we don't ever
do that again.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
And the same with them.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Then, hey, when you did this, it made me feel
this way, and I don't you know, I don't want
to do that again. So moving forward, we all agree
that we need more honesty in our relationship because honesty
means you matter. Honesty sharing your honest feelings, needs, desires,
and wants means that you love them enough to know
(22:36):
that it can be met and that the relationship is
really strong. So I think that's that's the way. I
think that's the number one ingredient of how we're going
to be able to sustain this relationship, and and and
quality time, just continuing to spend quality time with each
other and getting to know each other, because you know,
the last time I was around them, I was selling
(22:57):
real estate in Alabama. I was not pursuing anything in
the entertainment world. And my sister has since had two kids,
and you know, my mom's now traveling across the US
and an airstream, which is hilarious to me because I
could never imagine my mom ever traveling in an RV.
But she says she loves it, and I'm like, oh
my gosh, this is so cool. I get to I
(23:18):
get to see a different side of my mom. Now,
I get to see my sister as a mother. So yeah,
I just spend in quality time and being honest with
what you need and what you.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
Want on the relationship.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Again, always correct me, but like I'm hearing this, I'm like, well,
for a period of time, there had to be a
sense of like apathy too towards this relationship, and now
it feels like there's not like you can't have the
honesty unless you have the intention of Hey, this matters
to me.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
But for years there was it seems.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Like, what this wasn't heavy, or maybe there is an
apathy towards Hey, this isn't going to work out. Did
you sense that with you, you know, your family members,
or was this more of a situation where all of
a sudden you stopped talking and nobody picked up the
phone again.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
No, no, it was.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
There was some hurtful things that were said regarding my sexuality,
and I originally thought when I asked my mom, I
was like, hey, we need to have some some time apart.
I originally thought that that would be like maybe two weeks,
maybe a month. And I think I was so rigid
(24:30):
and looking for perfection and she was so rigid and
looking for perfection that every time we would try to
maybe send a text message, it would just bounce right
back off because I was like, no, you're not seeing
my point of you and she's like, well, you're not
seeing my point of view. And you know, one month
turned into two, turned into three, turned into four, and
(24:51):
we would sort of kinder maybe swap in exchange a
couple of text messages, but it got to the point
where I think we were just angry at each other
and just really bitter at each other, that this was
becoming such a like a grand canyon between us, that
we were exhausted. And there was not a day that
(25:13):
didn't go by during those seven days, seven years where
I didn't wonder.
Speaker 4 (25:17):
I wonder if my mom where.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
If my mom saw my picture I posted today, I
bet she I bet she'd liked this new jacket I got.
Or I wonder if my mom, you know, saw that
I'm playing at the Aldair Theater, which is thirty minutes
from her hometown. I wonder if she wishes she could
come to that like it was always it was always
just like, I hope she's doing well. I don't wish her,
I don't wish ill will on her, And I know
(25:40):
she felt the same way about me. But I think,
you know, humans are so complex, humans were so they're
so weird. How how we can justify something as to
not have a relationship with our mom and our daughter
until we feel like it's the right time. So, you know,
(26:02):
one thing my mom's really struggled with since we've reconnected
is like she struggled with the anger of missing out
on seven years. She brings that up often. She said,
I'm just so angry that like, why did this have
to go this long? And the only thing I know
to tell her is, Mom, this was this is just
(26:22):
how it was meant to be, because I don't know
if you and I would have ever had this honest
and loving of a relationship had it not gotten to
this point.
Speaker 4 (26:33):
So we do. And I struggle with that too.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
You know, there's days where I'm like, I'll think of
a memory and I won't tell my mom about it,
thinking that she was a part of that memory and
she has no idea what I'm talking about.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
She wasn't in my life at that time, and I'm.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Gonna I'm trying to figure out how to phrase this,
but I think, you know, there's there's nobody that wants
people to know the love of Jesus. I mean there is,
there's many people like me. I love like telling people
about the love of Jesus, the freedom and the joy
and the fruits that come with following this God who
(27:06):
who loves us dearly and has created us. You will
see me on a street corner, but you know, sharing
just like the hope that is in this God and
the interactions that I've had when God has spoke to
me not many, but a few that have changed my
life radically. You know, I'm wondering when you're gonna go
(27:28):
on tour. It's the buck Wild Tour. It starts like
in eight days, which yeah, yeah, is awesome, But I'm imagining.
I mean, most people I know who have had God
speak to them wants to share God with others in
some way, shape or form.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
And so now as you get out on tour, we're
gonna meet thousands and thousands of people.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
What do you want people to know about this Jesus
that like has not only radically changed your life but
shown up at some of your hardest moments.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
And now this new season where reconciliation is a part
of your world, how how do you go about just
talking about this guy with others?
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (28:15):
I just.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
My story is kind of a weird story. You know,
conversion therapy when you're ten and you are strange from
your mother for seven years because of your sexuality, and
then you go through a horrible public divorce and then
you reconcile with your mom, and I there's a lot
of twisted turns to it while also starting to build
your comedy career. So for me, the thing that I
(28:41):
hope when people see me, I hope that the messaging
for them is that there is nothing too broken for
God to fix.
Speaker 4 (28:52):
I often have thought I was beyond repair.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
I just I often thought I'm I'm too broken, like
I'll never be able to have a relationship with God
without so much shame and guilt because of things that
I've done in my life. And I just, you know,
I want. I want that other kid from Alabama that
maybe has a similar story to me that comes to
(29:16):
my show that's been told, you know, you can't be
gay and be a Christian. Those two things don't coincide.
I hope that when they come to my show that
they know, but you can that God loves everybody. And
and I always I always just try try my best
and my meet and greet lines that like when somebody shares,
(29:38):
you know, their testimony with me or.
Speaker 4 (29:39):
Something hard that that they've gone.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Through, I just I always tell them, have you prayed
about it? And as and then I giggle after I
say it, and I go, I know that's really simple,
but have you prayed about it? Because I just want
to remind people because oftentimes they'll say something and they
never mentioned God in any of the struggle, and I
just want to remind them of Ian, like, have you
prayed about it? Because I can promise you He's listening
(30:03):
to you. But I just I feel like my story
A lot of times when I get down about why
that could go through some things that was so hard,
I think it's because I'm strong enough to have gone
through them and hopefully I can be a lighthouse for
somebody else. So this is all all in the power
of a testimony. All the struggles, all the heartache, all
the triumphs, all the brokenness, there's a there's there's goodness
(30:29):
at the end of that.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
There's so much to you that.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
I mean, we have a saying at a business I
work for that if one person's life is better because
of the work that we've done, and it's all been
worth it.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
And I know.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Somebody out there will will hear your story and hopefully
grow closer to this, this God who is real and active,
and to know that there is a place at the
seat at his table for them. You know, there there's
a few things here I want to do as we
kind of close up. You're new to fink, but goodness, gracious,
(31:10):
your fame is burning bright and like we said, you're
getting ready start a tour. I wish the best for you.
That tour actually starts real, like near your hometown, right.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Yeah, it's only like an hour and twenty minutes. It
starts in Huntsbleu.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
Your mom and sister attend.
Speaker 4 (31:31):
I told him.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
I was like, hey, look, this is my work ind
and out weekend. So the comedy clubs are pretty much
me get my feet under anything. I was like, wait
until my Rhymeman show, which is a couple of months
later on March fourteenth. I was like, let me get
a buttoned up and then by the time March fourteenth
rolls around, will.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
That be the first time platform? Will you be nervous?
Speaker 4 (31:53):
Yeah, first song maybe maybe some jokes about them.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Uh, But like I said, you're new to the favor.
How are you going to keep yourself grounded? I mean,
you're gonna blow up, like the world is right in
front of you and you have no clue what this
next few months is going to bring you.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
You know, how are you going to keep yourself grounded?
Speaker 1 (32:15):
How are you going to keep remembering who you are
today and the things that you've been through over the
last even year. If you know, more attention comes your way.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
You know, my dad, he always told me growing up.
He's like, today, you are the easiest person to make happy.
You don't need you don't need a.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Lot in mine And he's like, I've always admired that
about you, and you truly just find joy and simplest things,
whether it's a really good cup of coffee or a
great movie that you've seen four times. And as my
journey in my career is going on, my Dad's always
reminded me to stay true to who I am and
seek the joy from the simple things in life. So
(32:56):
it's something that anytime I, you know, I feel like
I need to obtain, you know, a nicer house or
a fancier car or whatever that looks like, I just
remind myself of my dad telling fourteen year old Tonay that,
And it's true. I doesn't take a lot to make
me happy. I just found out I had mold in
(33:17):
my last house and I had to move after eight months,
and now I'm living in a condo that's a third
of the size of my house, and honestly, I'm just
as happy here as I.
Speaker 4 (33:26):
Was at my house.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
I had four bedrooms in it, so I think just
trying to trying to take closer.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
I mean, it's it's when I had a mentor tell
me once, use all of it to enhance the life
you've always wanted and had, not change your life completely.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
Today I do.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
I wish you the best on this tour, and I
appreciate your honesty and vulnerability and come to speak to
us about your story. This story, even though is very
new in your life. It's it's exciting because I know
on March routine, I'm gonna put it down on my calendar, uh,
that your family is going to be joining you to
(34:05):
hear and see what you've been up to in the
last seven years. I think it's a huge deal and
when I hope you can celebrate pretty big out there
that's listening and curious and interested in learning more about you.
You have a ton of followers on TikTok goodness gracious
three point one million followers on TikTok Instagram as well.
(34:26):
Where can people go to find more information about you,
your tour, what you're up to, everything.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
Yeah, yeah, so pretty much everything's at Danaehayes dot com.
At the cheapest tickets. You won't have to worry about
paying a premium. Those are the cheapest tickets, and that's
got links to all.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
Your socials, links to the tickets.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
You're going all across the country, right, this isn't a
southern tour, this is all across the country.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
Good Yeah, we're hitting I've been on tour before.
Speaker 4 (34:55):
Good luck, got gotta make.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
Hey, Tonay Hayes, thank you for coming on, Thank you
for being with us, Thanks for sharing your story, and
hey from all of us here. Next time you see
your family, wrap them up and tell them thank you.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Also, sure will then thank you so much. Y'all are
doing great work here and I am so proud to
be a part of it.
Speaker 4 (35:18):
So thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
Hey, friends, thanks for listening or watching.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Would you take a second, follow, subscribe, and drop a comment.
Speaker 3 (35:27):
It really helps
You came out with a social media post about the
power of prayer. Obviously you grew up in the Bible Belt.
I mean, I don't know if you get any more
Bible Belt than Morris, Alabama. You come out to your family,
there's an estrange.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Min. I didn't know what the word gay mare. I
was living in Alabama. We didn't talk, We never use
that word. It wasn't on TV or the radio. What
I had just known since I was really young.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Most of the time, especially right now, when we hear
about somebody coming out, they oftentimes get pushed further away
from their faith community.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
But you leaned in.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Oh. I think my perspective God really changed what my
perspective of him was.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
How do you get up there not only make people laugh,
foot laugh yourself while I mean, this is a big,
a big chapter.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
I prayed that we could all get to a better
place of understanding each other and stop seeking perfection.
Speaker 4 (00:49):
And I truly believe that my prayers have been answered.
Speaker 5 (00:53):
Welcome to if you can hear me a space where
culture meets the soul. I'm Ben Higgins. You may know
me from theer, and you may know some of my
guests from culture and headlines, but this podcast is about
going beyond the surface into something deeper. Today's guest is
Danay Hayes, a comedian and creator whose work blends laughter
with honesty about faith, loss, and healing. Thanks for being here,
(01:21):
Let's get into it.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Denay Hayes, thanks for coming on today.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
I was familiar because you've been on our radar for
this show for a while.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
However, I don't know if everybody that's tuning in is
familiar with your work. You do it all.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
I have a whole literly list of stuff that you've
been doing since like even twenty twenty three.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
You've been super busy.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
If you don't mind for myself and for everybody, can
you just kind of give a brief overview of who
you are and what you're up to.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
Yeah, so I'm a stand up comedian.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
I would say that's probably the top of the I
got started on social media, so TikTok, Instagram, especially during
the pandemic. I started sharing comedy content and then I
got my big break back in twenty twenty one when
I harassed and crank phone called or taxidermist in al
Danla and asked if he'd stuffed my dog, and he
(02:19):
agreed to it, and that video racked up just millions
and millions of years and ultimately gave me the confidence
to start pursuing just sharing comedy on social media, which
then led.
Speaker 4 (02:33):
To stand up comedy.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
I got started in that in February of twenty twenty four,
so we're kicking off my second tour this year.
Speaker 4 (02:42):
And then I also do some country comedy music.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
So those aren't quite PG thirteen enough for this show.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Titles are wild.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
The titles are definitely going to grab your attention, and yeah,
you definitely don't want to stream those in the church
far a lot. But but yeah, so I dabble in
country music. H anything with a through thread of comedy.
It's got comedy in it.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
A childhood dream and mean, when you're a kid, is
this what you thought you're gonna end up doing?
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Yeah, it's it's always been, uh like I was always
holding court at the roller rink that there was not
much in my little small Alabama telling to do.
Speaker 4 (03:24):
So my parents would drop us off on Friday nights before.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
The football games and let me and my sister roller skate,
and I was always just gathering a crowd in the
back of the roller ring, just telling jokes, and I
think it might have been my eighth birthday. I said
like a frank joke in front of one of my
friend's moms and she looked at my mom and she's like,
your daughter is going to grow up and be a
(03:47):
comedian one day. And I was like, Mama, what does
that mean? And she's like, that means you're going to
make people laugh? And I was like, Oh, that's exactly
what I want to do. So it's it didn't start
that way. I dabbled in just about everything you could
do avalan sports, broadcasting, pharmaceutical sales, real estate, a pyramid scheme.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
I've done it all, brother, I've done it all before.
Speaker 3 (04:07):
I land all. I mean, I want to kind of
start there though.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
The journey to this point, I mean has a thousand
twists and turns. But you sit here today and you're
known for your comedy, You're known for making people laugh,
and you do make people laugh. What does that feel
like now to kind of look at all the things
you've done in your past leading up to this point
where now you're known for this thing that you've always
(04:31):
dreamed of.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yeah, I mean It feels good to be able to
make a living doing something that I actually love, because
I've had twenty jobs where I was doing it just
to put fifteen dollars in my gas tank so I
could make it home and I could judge judy that not.
So it feels good to actually be able to do
something that pays my bills. And you know, I think
(04:55):
the coolest thing about it is just seeing the types
of people that sh up to my shows.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
When you're on social media, you don't.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Really have a good grasp of who your audience is
because you're not really seeing them as a collective unit.
You know, you're seeing individual comments. So it's been really
cool where just see like an eighty year old woman
at my show sitting next to eighteen year old boy.
It's just that to me, that's the coolest thing about
what I do is just gathering an audience of people
(05:24):
that are from all different walks of life that somehow
have something in common.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Recently, in a sense, you kind of switch stuff up
on social media. Though your social media is funny and
it's full laughter in front of it, full of things.
Like I said, I can't even mention the names of
some of your songs and some of your skits on
this show, but when I watch it, I'm cackling.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
But recently you came out and one of the reasons
why I am and was.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
So excited to talk to you. You came out with
a social media host about the power of prayer. Obviously,
you grew up in the Bible Belt. I mean, I
don't know if you get any more Bible Belt than Morris, Alabama.
That is the heartlands for the Bible Belt. You're now
in Nashville, Tennessee, which isn't far removed, and I think
(06:17):
your fans maybe we're not shocked, but they learned something
new about you when you made this post.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Can you tell us more about it.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah, I've never shot away from my fate. I grew
up so other Baptists, picked up some religious trauma along
the way from you know, some things that were in
my life. But over the past couple of years, my
relationship with God has just gotten so much stronger, And
like you said, a lot of that is from the
power of prayer. My mom and I and my sister
(06:50):
and I we hadn't spoken in seven years. A lot
of that was over my sexuality when I came out
and we reconnect in November of twenty twenty five, so
just a couple of months ago. And I had just
been praying for years that God would just allow all
(07:14):
three parties to just have so much grace and stop
looking for perfection, because I think a lot of times,
a lot of times, it's so easy to think about
a relationship needs me perfect, the other person needs to
say everything perfect. They can't say anything that could cross
the line or anything that could hurt my feelings. And
(07:34):
you know, when you remove yourself from two people that
you love yearly and they remove you from their lives,
it's it's no longer about perfection. It's just about missing
that relationship.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
And so I just prayed and prayed and prayed.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
And then one night I was driving in my car
back in November, and I just I was like, I'm
gonna call my mom right now.
Speaker 4 (07:57):
I'm gonna call her, and I'm just.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Gonna have faith that we can get to a meeting
of the mind and we can put all this behind
us and.
Speaker 4 (08:05):
We can get back to having a relationship with each other.
And so that's exactly what happened.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
There was so much change in part with all three parties,
and I think the common denominator of that is that
all three of us have gotten stronger in our fate
as that seven years I went along.
Speaker 4 (08:22):
So there's so much to this.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
I want to start with the lead up to the
phone call that you made. I mean it incorrect me
if I'm wrong, but I would imagine for seven years
it's strange from somebody and two people that you love dearly,
and that you even started the show telling a story
about or your mom tells you about being a comedian.
I'm assuming it was just heavy on you at all
(08:50):
at every moment, and so to make this phone call
seem like not only free, which is biblical, but it
also feels like something had to have happened for you
to have the faith and the confidence even pushed the button,
because nobody had for seven years.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Yeah. I the thing that sticks out the most was
I saw a plaque that somebody had of the Ten
Commandments hanging up, and I know that one of the
ten Commandments where I saw it says honor thy mother
and father. And I remember thinking, you know, even even
if I felt like I was the one that was
(09:30):
in the wrong or sorry, even if I felt like
I wasn't the one in the wrong, and I felt like,
you know, the other person had said the hurtple things
to me.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
Am I I kept asking myself, am I really.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Honoring my mother by not giving her a chance to
show that we can grow and change as humans? And
so it was that that was when it started turning
for me. Was when I started thinking, can I sleep
at night knowing if I'm honoring my mother the way
the way that I should be, Because I think we
live society right now and I'm guilty of this.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
I think we live in a society.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
Where, gosh, therapy terms have just such a we are
counting and saying every therapy term we can come to
think of and like boundaries and like whole brigid boundaries,
and like, I think those.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Are important things.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
But I think also what about giving people grace and
giving people empathy and giving people the space to show
that they can change? And then God started laying it
on my heart really heavily, probably around September October, that
I just felt expectant when I woke up in the morning,
like I just felt like my mom had been on
(10:38):
a seven year long vacation and it had been in
my calendar for seven years. That soon was the time
for me to go pick her up from the airport.
Like that's how it felt like. I felt like it
was time to go pick her up. And so yeah,
I just kept listening to those things that God was
dropping in my spirit. And I am very blessed in
(10:59):
the sense all three parties have really have really grown,
because I know that's not the case for a lot
of people. So what I've prayed for that I prayed
that we could all get to a better place of
understanding each other and stop seeking perfection. And I truly
believe that my prayers have been answering. I'm very specific
about what I what I wanted to.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
Do for you personally. What did you have to you know,
you said that you grew in your faith. You obviously
took kind of leadership here in charge and.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
Made the phone call.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
What did you have to learn about yourself and grow
yourself to be able to even sustain a relationship now
or to start, you know, a relationship anew.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
I think I had to surround myself with with people
that were like minded. I had gotten myself into a
relationship where that that person really wanted to isolate me
from people that cared about me, and it was all
wrapped up in love. It was wrapped up in like,
(12:03):
this is what's best for you, because they're saying this.
And so I'd got myself into a really bad spot
of isolating myself from people that cared about me. And
I think my biggest regret is allowing that person to
make such an impact on my life and take up
so much space. And so I started surrounding myself with
other God fearing people, people that started inviting me to church,
(12:26):
people that started coming over when they knew I was
having a bad day, that deeply cared about me. And
people that didn't cast my mother as like demonized my mother.
They actually they actually just wanted to build a bridge,
you know. In the way that they spoke about some
of the traumatic things that went on in my relationship,
(12:47):
it was never to demonize somebody else. It was always
to pray about it and to try and build a
bridge instead of isolation.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
That's interesting. The whole point of this show is to
be a bridge builder, to bring in conversations that you
know a lot of people maybe aren't aware of or
maybe don't can't find out there. And this is the
whole purpose of why we're doing this is to breath
the bridge builder.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
But I mean it's interesting.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
I think so many people listening are like, Okay, if
I hear the timeline right, like, you come out to
your family, there's an estrangement, and then that seven years
your faith grew.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
Uh, if you feel up for it.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I think I, you know, listeners would find it really
intrigued on how those two things correlated. You know, most
of the time, especially right now, when we hear about
somebody coming out, they oftentimes get pushed further away from
their faith community or from the you know, from the
the God that they love and the God that's impacted them.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
But you leaned in and and I think that's interesting.
Speaker 4 (13:51):
I can't say that I leaned in from start.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
I think my girlfriend talks about the part of the
Bible that talks about going through the desert and how
the desert is the most lonely, isolating time of your life.
But that's when you can hear God speak to you
the most because you're helpless, you're hopeless, and that's the
only time that you can literally hear God's messaging to you.
(14:14):
So I went through a really bad desert spell those
first couple of years when me and my mom and
my sister weren't talking to each other and I got
angry with God.
Speaker 4 (14:25):
I got really angry, and.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
I developed some religious trauma that made me like I
didn't want to hear God's name. I didn't enjoy being
in a room with people when they were talking about God.
I didn't enjoy listening to worship music, which was which
was something that used to help me and that I enjoyed.
Speaker 4 (14:46):
And then.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
It really wasn't until about then, I would say, probably
about a year and a half ago, after a divorce
that I went through where I felt like I was
going through that desert all again, and I felt, well,
you know, the way I hear the first time definitely
didn't put me in a better place, definitely didn't make
me happier. So I started reading my Bible again and
I ended up finding two really good friends of Vinne
(15:11):
Bailey and John, who are two of the most godfear
and capable that I know. And you know, it wasn't
at the jump where it was just religious talk and
spiritual talk, but over the months of being in that
friendship with them, they just started laying it on me,
and I just felt like the shift inside of me
(15:33):
where I no longer feared talking about God. I actually
wanted to run towards him. And you know, the religious
trauma for me goes all the way back to when
I was like ten, I had told my family that
I didn't know what the word gay meant. I was
living in Alabama. We didn't talk, didn't we never used
that word. It wasn't on TV or the radio. But
(15:55):
I had just known since I was really young, all
the way up until I was or seven or eight,
I had had the feelings that I was already attracted
to the girls and never the gods. And so that
ended up put me into what's called conversion therapy, which
is like a type of therapy to help you rid
yourself of homosexuality.
Speaker 4 (16:14):
It was all fate based.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
So I think at a young age that's when a
religious trauma started. So I do feel like I am
an anomaly for a lot of people that you know,
maybe it has nothing to do with their sexuality, It
could need something totally different. Maybe they grew up in
a very god fearing household, but it was a very
judgmental household, and so they run from God. I just
think it's all on our own terms, and sometimes it's
(16:38):
through the desert for some of the really hard seasons
of like when God can speak to you. But I
do last thing I'll say about that is I really
do think that it matters who you're surrounding yourself with
and spending time with, because I'm not sure if I
could have ever gotten to this place had it not
been for originally.
Speaker 4 (16:56):
Starting a friendship with my friends Bailey and John.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
They to me, you just mentioned that you know through
the desert you heard God speaking to you. What were
some of the things that you know came up in
your life during that time that you that you grew
from or that you can take with you now today.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
I think probably the thing that always comes back to
is that I worship a loving God, not an angry God.
I think for so long I felt like I worship
an angry God, Like why why would I have to
go through all this if He wasn't just angry at me?
And now I look at it as more of God
loves me unconditionally and there's nothing in this life that
(17:45):
I can't get through as long as I have a
spiritual connection with Him.
Speaker 4 (17:50):
A one on one connection with him.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
So I think my perspective God really changed what my
perspective of Him was. And I think Denay ten years old,
learned that from that therapist because a lot of the
things that he would teach me in those private sessions
were very fear based and Mary had a lot of
anger in them. And so I've kind of had to
(18:12):
break by brick, take some of those ideologies off of
what God looks like, and figure out what God looks
like to me and what God feels like to me,
because you know, there's parents out there that have multiple kids,
and each of us children may have a completely different
relationship with their father. You know, a ten year old
daughter may have a completely different relationship than what a
(18:33):
seventeen year.
Speaker 4 (18:33):
Old son has.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
And so I think sometimes we try to put a box,
like just a universal box of what our relationship with
God should look like, but I think it looks so
different for every single person out there.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
Now, your fans, I'm sure the people that follow you
maybe were surprised, but I don't think they were shocked by,
you know, this kind of post that you made, sharing
about your faith, sharing about the reconciliation, sharing of your prayer.
Has it made your work more difficult? Has it freed
(19:06):
you up even more? I mean I'm sitting here thinking,
I'm like, how in the world could you have done
comedy for the last seven years with something like this
sitting on like on your chest, Like.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
How heavy must that have been?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
How do you get up there not only make people
laugh but laugh yourself while? I mean, this is a big,
a big chapter. You know there was a loss, so
now you know, relationships building, and you're getting ready to
go back out on tour, Like, how how are you
making sense of all this?
Speaker 4 (19:37):
Dude? It's just it's brought me. It's brought me this lightness.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
It has brought me, just this lightness, this ability to
wake up in the morning and just feel fully awake,
Like you don't realize how much your body hold energy
when you're going through something like that. I thought I
was fine. There was a lot of times where I
thought that was good. And now my good days compared
to what my good days were years ago, look a
(20:06):
heck of a lot better. So for me, it's just
spread up this creative ability where I started thinking of like, dang,
if I could be that creative.
Speaker 4 (20:16):
During such a dark heavy time.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Imagine how creative I'm going to feel now that I'm
just smooth sailing and I have my mom and my
sister back in my life and the content that comes
with them.
Speaker 4 (20:29):
Oh my gosh. I jokingly told her mom.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
I was like, you know, I only rekindled this relationship
because of the free content. I mean, the amount of
stories just in a three month period that I've been
able to like write down and create just from.
Speaker 4 (20:45):
Having them back in my life is insane.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
That's what you get when you got to really really
southern family that still lives in your shirt.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
How do you keep this relationship strong?
Speaker 1 (20:56):
I mean, obviously there were reasons why you guys in
it speak uh, and I'm sure you've confronted those and
talked about them. But now there's the sustaining of this relationship.
And I'm asking not only for you, but I'm also
asking because your story, even though it is unique and
special to you, it's not the only story of somebody
(21:18):
like you that has, you know, family that hasn't talked
to them.
Speaker 3 (21:22):
So now you've you've built the bridge, but how do
you keep going?
Speaker 4 (21:29):
Honesty?
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Man?
Speaker 4 (21:30):
Honesty, like that was the thing that we didn't.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
Have you know, there's a unique characteristic to southerns and
that is that we would rather sugarcoat something than to
make it be uncomfortable. And when you do that, you
push your feelings down, and it sends the message say
that what you need and what your needs are and
what your wants are aren't it as important as the
(21:57):
discomfort of somebody else. So whenever we rekindled, you know,
it wasn't just like, oh my god, it's so good
to have you back in our life, like we love
you so much. Like it was brutal conversations about when
you did this, this is how made me feel, and
I just want to make sure that we don't ever
do that again.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
And the same with them.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Then, hey, when you did this, it made me feel
this way, and I don't you know, I don't want
to do that again. So moving forward, we all agree
that we need more honesty in our relationship because honesty
means you matter. Honesty sharing your honest feelings, needs, desires,
and wants means that you love them enough to know
(22:36):
that it can be met and that the relationship is
really strong. So I think that's that's the way. I
think that's the number one ingredient of how we're going
to be able to sustain this relationship, and and and
quality time, just continuing to spend quality time with each
other and getting to know each other, because you know,
the last time I was around them, I was selling
(22:57):
real estate in Alabama. I was not pursuing anything in
the entertainment world. And my sister has since had two kids,
and you know, my mom's now traveling across the US
and an airstream, which is hilarious to me because I
could never imagine my mom ever traveling in an RV.
But she says she loves it, and I'm like, oh
my gosh, this is so cool. I get to I
(23:18):
get to see a different side of my mom. Now,
I get to see my sister as a mother. So yeah,
I just spend in quality time and being honest with
what you need and what you.
Speaker 4 (23:28):
Want on the relationship.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Again, always correct me, but like I'm hearing this, I'm like, well,
for a period of time, there had to be a
sense of like apathy too towards this relationship, and now
it feels like there's not like you can't have the
honesty unless you have the intention of Hey, this matters
to me.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
But for years there was it seems.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
Like, what this wasn't heavy, or maybe there is an
apathy towards Hey, this isn't going to work out. Did
you sense that with you, you know, your family members,
or was this more of a situation where all of
a sudden you stopped talking and nobody picked up the
phone again.
Speaker 4 (24:06):
No, no, it was.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
There was some hurtful things that were said regarding my sexuality,
and I originally thought when I asked my mom, I
was like, hey, we need to have some some time apart.
I originally thought that that would be like maybe two weeks,
maybe a month. And I think I was so rigid
(24:30):
and looking for perfection and she was so rigid and
looking for perfection that every time we would try to
maybe send a text message, it would just bounce right
back off because I was like, no, you're not seeing
my point of you and she's like, well, you're not
seeing my point of view. And you know, one month
turned into two, turned into three, turned into four, and
(24:51):
we would sort of kinder maybe swap in exchange a
couple of text messages, but it got to the point
where I think we were just angry at each other
and just really bitter at each other, that this was
becoming such a like a grand canyon between us, that
we were exhausted. And there was not a day that
(25:13):
didn't go by during those seven days, seven years where
I didn't wonder.
Speaker 4 (25:17):
I wonder if my mom where.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
If my mom saw my picture I posted today, I
bet she I bet she'd liked this new jacket I got.
Or I wonder if my mom, you know, saw that
I'm playing at the Aldair Theater, which is thirty minutes
from her hometown. I wonder if she wishes she could
come to that like it was always it was always
just like, I hope she's doing well. I don't wish her,
I don't wish ill will on her, And I know
(25:40):
she felt the same way about me. But I think,
you know, humans are so complex, humans were so they're
so weird. How how we can justify something as to
not have a relationship with our mom and our daughter
until we feel like it's the right time. So, you know,
(26:02):
one thing my mom's really struggled with since we've reconnected
is like she struggled with the anger of missing out
on seven years. She brings that up often. She said,
I'm just so angry that like, why did this have
to go this long? And the only thing I know
to tell her is, Mom, this was this is just
(26:22):
how it was meant to be, because I don't know
if you and I would have ever had this honest
and loving of a relationship had it not gotten to
this point.
Speaker 4 (26:33):
So we do. And I struggle with that too.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
You know, there's days where I'm like, I'll think of
a memory and I won't tell my mom about it,
thinking that she was a part of that memory and
she has no idea what I'm talking about.
Speaker 4 (26:43):
She wasn't in my life at that time, and I'm.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Gonna I'm trying to figure out how to phrase this,
but I think, you know, there's there's nobody that wants
people to know the love of Jesus. I mean there is,
there's many people like me. I love like telling people
about the love of Jesus, the freedom and the joy
and the fruits that come with following this God who
(27:06):
who loves us dearly and has created us. You will
see me on a street corner, but you know, sharing
just like the hope that is in this God and
the interactions that I've had when God has spoke to
me not many, but a few that have changed my
life radically. You know, I'm wondering when you're gonna go
(27:28):
on tour. It's the buck Wild Tour. It starts like
in eight days, which yeah, yeah, is awesome, But I'm imagining.
I mean, most people I know who have had God
speak to them wants to share God with others in
some way, shape or form.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
And so now as you get out on tour, we're
gonna meet thousands and thousands of people.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
What do you want people to know about this Jesus
that like has not only radically changed your life but
shown up at some of your hardest moments.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
And now this new season where reconciliation is a part
of your world, how how do you go about just
talking about this guy with others?
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (28:15):
I just.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
My story is kind of a weird story. You know,
conversion therapy when you're ten and you are strange from
your mother for seven years because of your sexuality, and
then you go through a horrible public divorce and then
you reconcile with your mom, and I there's a lot
of twisted turns to it while also starting to build
your comedy career. So for me, the thing that I
(28:41):
hope when people see me, I hope that the messaging
for them is that there is nothing too broken for
God to fix.
Speaker 4 (28:52):
I often have thought I was beyond repair.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
I just I often thought I'm I'm too broken, like
I'll never be able to have a relationship with God
without so much shame and guilt because of things that
I've done in my life. And I just, you know,
I want. I want that other kid from Alabama that
maybe has a similar story to me that comes to
(29:16):
my show that's been told, you know, you can't be
gay and be a Christian. Those two things don't coincide.
I hope that when they come to my show that
they know, but you can that God loves everybody. And
and I always I always just try try my best
and my meet and greet lines that like when somebody shares,
(29:38):
you know, their testimony with me or.
Speaker 4 (29:39):
Something hard that that they've gone.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Through, I just I always tell them, have you prayed
about it? And as and then I giggle after I
say it, and I go, I know that's really simple,
but have you prayed about it? Because I just want
to remind people because oftentimes they'll say something and they
never mentioned God in any of the struggle, and I
just want to remind them of Ian, like, have you
prayed about it? Because I can promise you He's listening
(30:03):
to you. But I just I feel like my story
A lot of times when I get down about why
that could go through some things that was so hard,
I think it's because I'm strong enough to have gone
through them and hopefully I can be a lighthouse for
somebody else. So this is all all in the power
of a testimony. All the struggles, all the heartache, all
the triumphs, all the brokenness, there's a there's there's goodness
(30:29):
at the end of that.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
There's so much to you that.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
I mean, we have a saying at a business I
work for that if one person's life is better because
of the work that we've done, and it's all been
worth it.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
And I know.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Somebody out there will will hear your story and hopefully
grow closer to this, this God who is real and active,
and to know that there is a place at the
seat at his table for them. You know, there there's
a few things here I want to do as we
kind of close up. You're new to fink, but goodness, gracious,
(31:10):
your fame is burning bright and like we said, you're
getting ready start a tour. I wish the best for you.
That tour actually starts real, like near your hometown, right.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Yeah, it's only like an hour and twenty minutes. It
starts in Huntsbleu.
Speaker 3 (31:26):
Your mom and sister attend.
Speaker 4 (31:31):
I told him.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
I was like, hey, look, this is my work ind
and out weekend. So the comedy clubs are pretty much
me get my feet under anything. I was like, wait
until my Rhymeman show, which is a couple of months
later on March fourteenth. I was like, let me get
a buttoned up and then by the time March fourteenth
rolls around, will.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
That be the first time platform? Will you be nervous?
Speaker 4 (31:53):
Yeah, first song maybe maybe some jokes about them.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Uh, But like I said, you're new to the favor.
How are you going to keep yourself grounded? I mean,
you're gonna blow up, like the world is right in
front of you and you have no clue what this
next few months is going to bring you.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
You know, how are you going to keep yourself grounded?
Speaker 1 (32:15):
How are you going to keep remembering who you are
today and the things that you've been through over the
last even year. If you know, more attention comes your way.
Speaker 4 (32:27):
You know, my dad, he always told me growing up.
He's like, today, you are the easiest person to make happy.
You don't need you don't need a.
Speaker 2 (32:33):
Lot in mine And he's like, I've always admired that
about you, and you truly just find joy and simplest things,
whether it's a really good cup of coffee or a
great movie that you've seen four times. And as my
journey in my career is going on, my Dad's always
reminded me to stay true to who I am and
seek the joy from the simple things in life. So
(32:56):
it's something that anytime I, you know, I feel like
I need to obtain, you know, a nicer house or
a fancier car or whatever that looks like, I just
remind myself of my dad telling fourteen year old Tonay that,
And it's true. I doesn't take a lot to make
me happy. I just found out I had mold in
(33:17):
my last house and I had to move after eight months,
and now I'm living in a condo that's a third
of the size of my house, and honestly, I'm just
as happy here as I.
Speaker 4 (33:26):
Was at my house.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
I had four bedrooms in it, so I think just
trying to trying to take closer.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
I mean, it's it's when I had a mentor tell
me once, use all of it to enhance the life
you've always wanted and had, not change your life completely.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
Today I do.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
I wish you the best on this tour, and I
appreciate your honesty and vulnerability and come to speak to
us about your story. This story, even though is very
new in your life. It's it's exciting because I know
on March routine, I'm gonna put it down on my calendar, uh,
that your family is going to be joining you to
(34:05):
hear and see what you've been up to in the
last seven years. I think it's a huge deal and
when I hope you can celebrate pretty big out there
that's listening and curious and interested in learning more about you.
You have a ton of followers on TikTok goodness gracious
three point one million followers on TikTok Instagram as well.
(34:26):
Where can people go to find more information about you,
your tour, what you're up to, everything.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
Yeah, yeah, so pretty much everything's at Danaehayes dot com.
At the cheapest tickets. You won't have to worry about
paying a premium. Those are the cheapest tickets, and that's
got links to all.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
Your socials, links to the tickets.
Speaker 1 (34:45):
You're going all across the country, right, this isn't a
southern tour, this is all across the country.
Speaker 3 (34:51):
Good Yeah, we're hitting I've been on tour before.
Speaker 4 (34:55):
Good luck, got gotta make.
Speaker 1 (34:59):
Hey, Tonay Hayes, thank you for coming on, Thank you
for being with us, Thanks for sharing your story, and
hey from all of us here. Next time you see
your family, wrap them up and tell them thank you.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
Also, sure will then thank you so much. Y'all are
doing great work here and I am so proud to
be a part of it.
Speaker 4 (35:18):
So thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
Hey, friends, thanks for listening or watching.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Would you take a second, follow, subscribe, and drop a comment.
Speaker 3 (35:27):
It really helps
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