Finding a New Normal After Loss: Navigating Faith, Family, and Change w/ Joan Vassos

Golden Bachelorette Joan Vassos joins Ben Higgins on "If You Can Hear Me" for a candid and moving conversation about navigating grief, rediscovering love, and searching for a new sense of normal after profound loss. Together, they explore questions of faith, family, and the longing for clarity when life keeps moving forward. Joan shares what keeps her grounded, the ongoing challenges of piecing together happiness after losing her husband, and why her journey on The Golden Bachelor was about more than just finding love. If you've ever felt unsettled in seasons of change, this episode is for you.

TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Seeking Deeper Connections
00:29 Joan’s Cry for Her Family
01:13 Life After Loss
01:55 Defining a New Normal
02:19 The Role of Faith
02:37 Grieving and Moving Forward
03:28 Searching for Answers
03:57 Holding Onto Faith
04:22 Loving Again, Feeling Unsettled
05:20 Integrating New Love
05:32 Wrestling With Unanswered Prayers
06:05 When God Feels Silent
06:33 Family, Blessings, and Longing
07:09 Sitting With Unsettled Feelings
07:53 Sharing Hope Beyond Love

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to If you Can Hear Me, a space where
culture meets the soul. I'm Ben Higgins. You may know
me and many of my guests from culture and Headlines,
but this podcast is about going beyond the surface into
something deeper. Today we're on location at the twenty twenty
six Super Bowl, connecting with some friends for a brief
conversation about identity, faith and purpose. Let's get into it.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
We're going to do a little Bachelor crossover here. This
show is called If You Can Hear Me. The whole
idea is to try to get to the heart of
what makes somebody tick. For me, it is my faith,
and for many that come on the show is their faith,
but it's not that for everybody.

Speaker 3 (00:44):
I'm going to start this out a little differently today. Joean.
Joan is our very first Golden Bachelor at.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
If you aren't familiar with this show, Joan, if I
ask you the question right now, that's kind of the
title of our show. If somebody could hear you right now,
like the cries of your heart, say it's the Lord above,
or it's just somebody in this room that you just
need to listen to you, what would that cry be
right now.

Speaker 4 (01:13):
I think everything about me is my family, and you
know that became a little broken when John passed away.
So I feel like like all my cries are for
my family.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
And I mean it's something that usually I guess on
other shows that we've done together. It's not a topic
we necessarily dig into. And obviously you were the Golden
Bachelorette and it was spoken about there. But tell me
about because there's going to be people listening who have
been in similar scenarios to you. What is the process

(01:49):
when you say your cry is for your family to
bring them together? What does that actually mean? Can you
dig into that a little bit?

Speaker 4 (01:55):
It's hard to so you picture your life being a
certain way, and like when you lose the person that
was an integral part of that life, it just looks
different and it's hard to figure out how what your
new normal is. So I still haven't figured it out yet.
But life keeps marching on. And you know, I went

(02:15):
to the cemetery. God is very important to me, just
like to you. I still go to church and it's
important to my kids, and I went to the cemetery
John passed away. It was five years on January eighteenth,
and I went there. My kids are already gone, but
Chalk was in town, and I didn't want to like
lay that burden on him. In fact, I didn't even
tell him. I just like, it's just a super personal thing.

(02:37):
And so I went to the cemetery and I was
sitting there just talking to him, and I said, I
can't figure out how it could be five years, And
it seems like some days it seems like it happened
yesterday that he all of a sudden wasn't in a life,
and then suddenly, like really recently, it felt like life

(02:59):
has moved on without him. And I said, I can't
decide which is worse, that that life is moving on
or that I still feel the pain of it happening
that day. And I feel like it's worse that life
is moving on, like my kids are getting married and
they're having their own babies, and he's missing all of
this really really important stuff. So like when I like,

(03:20):
when my cry is for my kids, it's just how
to figure out how to figure out what our normal is.
I just can't figure out what it is.

Speaker 3 (03:28):
You know.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
I started this show because I'm somebody that lives in
a constant state of asking questions of there's peace, but
there's always these underlying questions. And it seems like right
now you're asking some really big questions. What is this
new normal? I mean, obviously you're dating chalk, You guys
are building a life, as you said, your family's expanding.

(03:55):
Where are you turning for answers?

Speaker 4 (03:57):
Yeah, like you My faith certainly plays a big part
in it. I mean I feel like they're you know,
there's a plan. I just don't know what it is,
and I just have to faith and I do, and
I have a very positive feeling about it. I just
want it to be revealed or I just want to
feel comfortable in my skin again. And I haven't felt

(04:21):
that way in a really long time. And even finding
love hasn't really done that for me, because like I
still had the old skin. It just is not you know,
I haven't figured it out yet. But I do have faith.
I have faith that like great things are ahead, and
if great things aren't ahead, then we will figure out

(04:41):
how to handle whatever, you know, whatever his you know,
I had a really like great life, Like I grew
up so loved by my parents and met a wonderful man.
I had four kids with him, I had like thirty
two years of you know, having and him in my life.
It's just hard to figure out what the next thing

(05:03):
looks like. You know. I went on the Golden Bauchler
and I went on the Golden Baucherette to find that
and I really did so. I you know, it's not
that I haven't found the love. I just don't know
how to integrate it, like how to figure this life
out yet.

Speaker 3 (05:20):
I don't know if any of us have.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
Yeah. I think if we could figure this thing out,
we'd all be a little chaotic.

Speaker 4 (05:27):
Yeah, Like all the elements are there and I just
can't figure how to put them all together.

Speaker 3 (05:33):
You know.

Speaker 2 (05:33):
It's it's been the fun part of this experience is
sitting with people and trying to dig into those exact questions.

Speaker 3 (05:38):
Is you know, what's your worldview.

Speaker 2 (05:41):
And how has it made since along the way and
where does it come from? In this seasons As we
kind of close up here in this season right now,
when you have been crying out to God with these questions,
do you feel like it's silence?

Speaker 4 (06:05):
Yeah, kind of, because like things keep marching along and
it doesn't slow down, it doesn't stop. I don't figure
it out as things keep marching along. So yeah, I
would like I wish you would speak a little louder
because I'm not hearing it right now. But life is good,

(06:28):
Like I can't say that life isn't good. I mean,
God has like blessed me in so many ways. Like
my mother is still alive, she's ninety three. I have
a mother in law who I'm super close to, she's
eighty six. Like I have so much love in my life.
I don't know why it doesn't feel like it did
before John passed away. It just doesn't.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
There doesn't need to be a butt I don't think.
I mean, I think, yes, all those things can be
true at once. And I think that's a takeaway that
so many of us can can relate to, is we
have all this great things that were so grateful for
and appreciative for, but then there is this underlying Like Lord,

(07:07):
can you hear me? Yeah, I still feel unsettled and
I can't figure out why. And that's that's a part
of the human experience that so many of us maybe
try to push past and at a butt two. But
sometimes maybe it's just sitting in those in those seasons. Joan,
I know your story is already captivated millions and then

(07:29):
also inspired so many and related to so many, and
your story still will goodness, I mean being the Golden
Bachelorette and having the story to tell I think, out
of anybody, you know, you're not alone.

Speaker 3 (07:44):
No, and I'm sure you've heard.

Speaker 2 (07:47):
So many times from people that what you're speaking on
has helped them feel us alone too.

Speaker 4 (07:54):
I always like when I went on the show, I
kept thinking, I don't want this to just be about me.
Fine limb, I'm just like one little single person out
there in this whole sea of people in the second
half of their life that like feel lonely, And so
that's what I hoped for, not that I found love.
I'm so happy I did, and I gave people the
hope that they could maybe to do it also, so

(08:14):
you know, there was such a bigger message than just
me finding somebody.

Speaker 3 (08:17):
Of course there always is. John, Thanks for joining us.

Speaker 4 (08:20):
Thank you, thank you for having me.

Speaker 3 (08:21):
Hey friends, thanks for listening or watching.

Speaker 2 (08:24):
Would you take a second, follow, subscribe, and drop a comment.

Speaker 3 (08:28):
It really helps