Angie Martinez IRL - Gabrielle Union: You Never Know What Your Friends Are Going Through

Actress, model, and author Gabrielle Union joins Angie Martinez to talk about her peaceful era. Gabrielle speaks about her struggles with PTSD, ultimately leading to the notion that you never know what the people around you are going through. Gabrielle talks about her loving relationship with her husband, former NBA star Dwyane Wade, and raising their children together. She talks about what she’s learned from marriage and how surrounding yourselves with happy couples is important. Union stars in her latest animated movie ‘GOAT’ with her husband, as well as Stephen Curry of the Golden State Warriors, ‘Stranger Things’ star Caleb McLaughlin, Jelly Roll, Aaron Pierre and many more. Gabrielle discusses the impact Tisha Campbell and Regina King have had on her as Hollywood OGs. Finally, she answers a fan’s question, and Angie asks some ‘In Real Life’ questions.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
One of her first directing gigs, unless it was her first,
was on Being Mary Jane.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
And you know, everyone.

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Has a moment and I was, honey, a little moment,
a little bit bratty moment, and she's like, came to
my trailer. She has a little thing's sunflower seeds, and
she was like, you know, hit me some sunflower seeds.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
And she's like, basically, cut the ship.

Speaker 3 (00:19):
Cut the ship.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
I said, I'm gonna cut the.

Speaker 1 (00:21):
Ship, you know, and you sometimes you need that too,
you know, always, you know, moonlight and roses. Sometimes you
need you know, I know, g to be like, cut
the ship, have some sunflowers.

Speaker 3 (00:39):
Thanks for watching, guys. Today's episode is brought to you
by boost Mobile. From starring in American teen classics to
becoming a scene stealer in some of our favorite movies
like Bring It On, Deliver Us from Eva, Bad, Bunny Bad,
Bunny Bad, Bunny Movie, Bad Boys Too, she went on
to lead as Being Mary Jane, which is one of
b ET's most successful scripted series. She's here promoting her

(01:03):
new role in the animated sports comedy Goat, produced by
Steph Curry. She's a New York Times bestseller, a producer,
a wife, a badass, a mom, a friend, many many things.
Please welcome my friend Gabrielle Union to IRL podcast. Yeah.
That intro, i'ma be honest, it doesn't really hit all
the points. There's so many things that you have done

(01:23):
in your career. It's really quite impressive.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
It's weird. It's like you're talking about somebody else.

Speaker 3 (01:29):
So what era is this? What season is this for
Gabrielle Union? Right now?

Speaker 4 (01:33):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (01:33):
This is my let them era?

Speaker 3 (01:35):
Oh, I guess it's like.

Speaker 1 (01:37):
Okay, okay, and you're doing so well, except when we
were having challenges in Miami getting into the game. Maybe
that wasn't my finest hour. That was definitely not a
let them. It was like let me take over.

Speaker 3 (01:51):
Where did we go?

Speaker 2 (01:51):
We went to the National Championship game that game?

Speaker 3 (01:54):
Yeah, I didn't know what we were going to. I
just kind of showed up. That was the first time
I've hung out with you and d before. That was
the first time I was hanging out with you guys.
And it was an event that you were part of
and he was like the plus one. Yeah, And it's
kind of really sweet to see you two in that
dynamic because he really puts an effort to say no, no, no,

(02:19):
I'm just the plus one.

Speaker 1 (02:21):
He likes saying that, but I'm like, baby, you're never
the plus one. Of course, he walks in. We're in Miami,
and you know, Tom Brady is also doing this gig, and.

Speaker 2 (02:30):
Tom's like, where's where's the g Where's where's my guy?
I was like, he's over there. Never saw Tom again.
They're just chopping it up.

Speaker 1 (02:36):
But no, he's he's in a very supportive space, you
know what I mean. It was supposed to be after
he retired. You know, we're moving to La it's all
about me and oh, this is going to be your season.
This was going to be my season, and then he
promptly took like eight more jobs. But yeah, we're doing
better at actually being present and being truly.

Speaker 3 (02:59):
So you ever notice how everything keeps going up? I
mean rent is going up, Streaming services are going up.
Even like your favorite burrito plays all of a sudden
wants to charge you for salsa. You go to the supermarket,
they want to charge you extra for the bag. It's
kind of crazy out here. The good thing is with
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will this go up soon? Game? Why? Because boost Mobile

(03:23):
has an unlimited talk, text, and data plan at a
price that will never go up. In fact, it's the
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month as long as they remain active on the boost

(03:43):
Mobile unlimited plan. So how is retirement life for you?
How does it affect you as a couple? Like, how
has life changed?

Speaker 1 (03:50):
Well, just him being home was just just different, Like
he doesn't you know, you get into a rhythm of
how things are done in the house and then he
comes in and you know he's he's very particular and
a little persnickity about how things are done.

Speaker 3 (04:08):
Yeah, so that will cause a little shift.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah, because we're like a little looser, you know what
I mean.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
It's like, oh, it doesn't this doesn't have to be
put away, or this doesn't have to be perfect.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
And you know he came home and he's like.

Speaker 3 (04:17):
What have I been paying for? He's paying attention to details.

Speaker 1 (04:22):
So much attention. But it was also like watching him
find different passions. You know, when you when you've been
so good at one thing for so long and you're
recognized globally for being good at this one thing, you know,
what's my next challenge? And watching him find new passions?
You know, you know that he's taken up golf and
that's y'all's passion.

Speaker 3 (04:43):
He's friend, he's one of my golf best friends because
he's very into it, because he's as much of a
psychopath as I am, and I love that about him.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
But he's like, he's really really into it, has coaches
and he wants to be the best. And now he's
really into photography. No matter where we go, he hires
a local photographer to like teach.

Speaker 2 (05:03):
Him, you know, new things that.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
Yeah, so you know he's he's really into different things
and he's more interesting and he's into art.

Speaker 3 (05:11):
And travel and wine. Wine of course potting. He was
potting podcasting for a lot.

Speaker 2 (05:18):
Yes, No, he still has a podcast.

Speaker 3 (05:20):
I thought you said never mind.

Speaker 1 (05:22):
I was like, pot you no, he I mean he
is an investor in cannabis companies.

Speaker 2 (05:26):
Yes, he does that called pott it. No, he has
a podcast.

Speaker 3 (05:32):
You guys have really by the way of this of
my pod era, like, you guys have really been a
lovely support, like do you support it? Like I feel
like I don't know. We went on your fiftieth party
and and he had like a hundred questions about interview
style and the way I was doing certain interviews that
he had watched, and it just it's you know, sometimes

(05:52):
you don't think your friends are even paying attention to
what you're doing in that kind of way.

Speaker 1 (05:57):
Because it was like a new thing for you, and
he was, you know, he's in that period of discovery
of like could this be something I'm passionate about, could
this be something I'm good at? And so he's like,
I want to talk to the goats, and you're a
goat and and all that you do. So he really,
I mean, he was legit very interested. And then he
watched it. He watches every episode.

Speaker 3 (06:17):
My god, I love it.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
And I was like, did you see like how she did,
like what she transitioned. I was like, yes, you should
talk to her now.

Speaker 1 (06:25):
He pays attention to all the little things because he
wants to be great at being a podcast. He wants
to be great as a interviewer, and yeah, so he
watches the goats.

Speaker 3 (06:35):
What are you working on now? Like? What are you
trying to be great at? What are you finding in
your life?

Speaker 1 (06:40):
I'm trying to be great at being in a peaceful state.
And you know, no matter if there's adversity going on,
that like my soul is at peace, Like I don't
have to submit to the chaos.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
I don't have to join in.

Speaker 3 (06:53):
Give me an example, what are you talking? What do
you what are you thinking about it?

Speaker 2 (06:55):
I mean it's Hollywood, right, So I'm working on this movie.

Speaker 1 (06:58):
Then I guess I can't talk about Yeah, but we're
working on this movie and I get to work and
there's no pages. Like I was like, well, what are
we performing today? And They're like, we're just waiting on
the pages. And I'm like, so, I'm just supposed to
get these pages in act and deliver and delivered like
with no preparations. So Love had of an anxiety attack

(07:19):
for sure, because I live to be prepared. You know,
I believe there is no such thing as luck. It's
you know, when opportunity and preparedness come together. And so
if I'm not prepared, how can.

Speaker 2 (07:30):
I be good?

Speaker 3 (07:31):
Right, and so you panic, a full.

Speaker 2 (07:34):
Panic and then the rage. How dare you set me
up for failure? You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (07:39):
And I was like, it's going to be great, okay,
Like my soul is for being disrupted. Yes, yeah, but
I also did this or I did this program. It's
called NIEMA and it's it helps people with post traumatic
Streuss syndrome, which I've been a victim of for thirty
three years since my sexual assault and finally getting help

(08:03):
that is is specific to post traumatic stress.

Speaker 3 (08:07):
And this is a new thing that you've been doing. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yeah, I mean I believe in it so greatly. I
became become an investor, like I'm a part of the
NIMA team because it changed my life.

Speaker 3 (08:18):
Tell me how, tell me what it is like.

Speaker 1 (08:21):
It's it's a so you can either do like between
like ten and fifteen sessions. I did mine sometimes back
to back every day, so I might do five one
week three the next.

Speaker 3 (08:32):
Is it therapy?

Speaker 2 (08:33):
Oh, therapy?

Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yes, you one on one with a trauma specialist that's
trained specifically in uh PTSD therapy and they have tremendous
success and they've they've been using therapy on veterans on
you know anyone who's suffered, you know, from suffering from

(08:54):
post traumatic stress syndrome, and it's funny, it's not funny,
but it's the majority of the people that they see.
You would imagine that they're soldiers in our veterans, and
we are being traumatized daily and we don't recognize that
we are being traumatized daily. You mean, like news or

(09:14):
just whether it's the news or just things that are
happening to us that are devastating that we're not expecting.
And you can't predict how it's going to land in
your body, right, you know, like my husband grew up.
Oh that guy's dead on the street. Oh, you know,
parents dealing with addiction and what comes with that, like

(09:37):
the uncertainty of childhood. Everything is on the table. Basically,
anything could happen at any time that can leave you traumatized,
and how it manifests, it may progress to PTSD or not.
But there's a lot more people that can benefit from
these therapies than probably who would think that they could.

Speaker 3 (09:57):
But wait, so what is the difference between that and.

Speaker 1 (10:00):
So I've been in regular therapy literally three days after
my assault, right I workman's comp kicked right in, and
I started seeing a therapist to help deal with it.
But it's therapy that's not like specializing in trauma, in
that kind of trauma. So it got me to where

(10:22):
it was like a band aid but on a gusher.
So it got me till the next week, but I
wasn't seeing any progress. So I've been in therapy for
thirty three years, but I wasn't. I didn't feel like
I was getting better. I have so much like the
anxiety would be a full body anxiety. And because I'm

(10:42):
a film now, no, not since I completed the session,
which is insane because I just held I completed it
beginning of October.

Speaker 3 (10:51):
But that's a lot. So you've been carrying that for
all those years.

Speaker 1 (10:55):
And it just becomes a normal part of your body.
But then you know health issue and you're not realizing
that it's slowly killing you at the same time.

Speaker 3 (11:03):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (11:03):
So not only did I was able to find what
peace feels like in my body, my health improved dramatically,
like night and day, like the you don't I didn't
understand how much that kind of anxiety was inflaming my body,
was exacerbating the autoimmunitions.

Speaker 3 (11:20):
So fascinating to me yet because all these years, I
feel like you've done so much work on yourself and
therapy and all the things. I feel like you've done
all the things.

Speaker 1 (11:30):
That's what it was. I thought that was the best
case scenario. I didn't think it could be better, Like
I'm doing everything I can function like I'm not, you know,
in a padded cell.

Speaker 3 (11:39):
But it was a thing I was gonna say. But
for you to go searching for that, there had to
still be something I.

Speaker 2 (11:45):
Heard about it.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
I'd heard about the the NEMA treatments, and I was like,
I wonder if that that would work for me. And
the more I learned about it, I was like, and
it's it's like therapists, you know, driven centered, And I
was like, can I invest? Can I be not only
a client but the player president? Like I want it
in because I'm like, if this works for me, I

(12:08):
want to scrim from the rooftops that it could work
for anybody else. Then it changed everything, and it's you
get homework every night, like the homework might be like
an hour, almost as long as the session, And it's
like reaffirming your safety. And when I felt safe enough
to allow peace in now I don't want to let

(12:28):
it go, so like, so.

Speaker 3 (12:30):
Then what shifts, Like what has changed in you since that?

Speaker 1 (12:34):
The immediacy of the panic, the immediacy of the terror.
It's like, if we were to go out like golf, right,
if I hate for somebody to have to come correct me. Right, So,
if we didn't have the right whatever collared shirt or
it's not tucked in, or we don't whatever the rules are
the golf course, I would live with anxiety that someone's

(12:55):
going to come up and say something to me and
I'm going to be disciplined, and I would I wouldn't
be able to enjoy myself. But you guys might not
notice because it's just what was normal to me and
my body like a state of like full terror, and
now it's the absence of this.

Speaker 2 (13:10):
And I was like, is this peace?

Speaker 1 (13:13):
Because I don't want to ever not have peace, and like,
obviously it's life, so bad things are going to happen.
Adversity is going to happen, that you might not have
a script to the day you're supposed to be shooting
ten pages.

Speaker 2 (13:24):
It's gonna be right, we'll figure it out. But it
doesn't have to be feeling like I'm being actively hunted.

Speaker 3 (13:31):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (13:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (13:31):
The fact that you've been feeling that that felt that
way for so long because you don't present that way
at all.

Speaker 1 (13:37):
That's why everyone's like, you don't really give me, you know,
like someone who's anxious. And I was like, because I
don't have the option of looking anxious, but that's what's happening.

Speaker 3 (13:46):
And also because you've been managing it for so long
that you manage it well, well it's normal now, right,
so you know, you know how to put a face
on and you know how to work.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
Through it, but you still feel it like throughout a
whole body, like stomach issues, heart issues.

Speaker 2 (14:03):
It was it was manifesting and literally out of every pore. Wow.

Speaker 1 (14:08):
And I was like, so there's another way. And so
when I completed it, I was like, Okay, is this
gonna stick? And I'm also like when people come up
and I can't see them, like the feeling of being
startled is like you might as well have a gun
to my head, like or somebody just somebody saying, hey,
it's nice to meet you. But if I don't see

(14:28):
them coming, it's like you know inside, But what ends
up happening is I'm like it's great to meet you,
but inside it's just you know, so I could tell
the first time somebody came up to me and I
couldn't see them wow, and I was just like, it's
nice to meet you. And it wasn't the the full

(14:48):
body jolt.

Speaker 3 (14:49):
That that was recently just recently, yeah.

Speaker 2 (14:51):
In the last few months, you know, going to work that.

Speaker 3 (14:54):
Makes me creel like well, first of all, my god,
it's like a lesson for like, we don't I don't
even know what our people are, friends, people close to us.
I mean, you know some things that I've shared with
you about my life, and I have the same thing
as you. I have to show up for work. I
got it. So sometimes you have the worst day, but

(15:14):
we know how to show up and deliver and do
the things. But it's just I don't know. Hearing you
say that, that's like it's just really a testament to like,
really you do not know what's going on inside other
people's bodies, or inside other people's kind of traumas, or
just the internal voices that they have going on, and

(15:36):
we could miss it by so much, and we're so
quick to judge people how they behave, or somebody could
see you in that moment. Somebody could have just done
that to you and not be thrilled with how you
greeted them, not having no idea of the trauma that
you were feeling inside.

Speaker 1 (15:51):
When it makes people feel bad, like you walk up
to somebody that you want to say hello to you
and they're like you know what I mean, it's kind
of hard to continue after that.

Speaker 3 (15:59):
You're like, never mind, sorry, yeah, And I was like no, no, no,
I just got startled. I'm sorry, Well, this is a
big deal. Then this is a big shift.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
It's a it's a major shift.

Speaker 1 (16:09):
And like to feel at peace in my body in
the midst of chaos, but I don't succumb to the
chaos is huge and it's.

Speaker 2 (16:17):
New and I'm like I'm not going back.

Speaker 5 (16:20):
So one of the perks of that, like is like
life better, like everything, like there's everything's better, everything's better,
and I'm not I just still okay, you know, like
mel Robins says, let them let them.

Speaker 2 (16:31):
I'm like, okay, you think X, Y and Z about me.

Speaker 1 (16:35):
Okay, life didn't change, but thank you for taking time
out of your day to tell me awful I am,
But like I don't care.

Speaker 2 (16:44):
I don't care.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
That's not something I'm going to give energy or attention to.

Speaker 3 (16:49):
But you did before, you know.

Speaker 1 (16:52):
I generally don't scroll past the first three comments for
the most part. So if I go looking for you're
going to find somebody to tell you about yourself, and
you're gonna rea something that someone said that you actually
feel about yourself, and you'll spin out, and oh my god,
is it?

Speaker 2 (17:06):
Am I that transparent?

Speaker 3 (17:07):
Like?

Speaker 2 (17:08):
Are people seeing every flaw that I feel like.

Speaker 3 (17:10):
I have.

Speaker 2 (17:12):
And it could ruin your day, could ruin your week,
And now I don't care, God bless.

Speaker 3 (17:17):
It makes me realize how brave you are, though, because
you've made choices in your own life. You've made choices,
Your family has made choices to live their lives truthfully
and publicly and publicly so to know that it would
affect you that much, but you still made the choice.
Because I live in truth.

Speaker 1 (17:34):
I may have been a prisoner to PTSD, but I
will never be a prisoner to the fuckery.

Speaker 2 (17:42):
I'm just I won't. You know.

Speaker 1 (17:45):
I'm one of those see something, say something people. I
need the freedom of truth. I need the freedom to
tell the truth, to hear the truth, to hold your
hand when you're dealing, you know what I mean. But
if I'm in that other space of pretending and always
you know, having to to be on, it doesn't really

(18:08):
allow for you to be human, you know what I mean.
And I'm just not willing.

Speaker 3 (18:14):
To go back.

Speaker 2 (18:15):
It feels too just kick you, sorry.

Speaker 1 (18:18):
It feels too good to be fully in my body
and fully present and so no matter how hard it is,
you know, no matter how many how many times the
FBI calls you, it's like, you know, you and your
family are on a hit list?

Speaker 3 (18:32):
Is that a real thing?

Speaker 1 (18:35):
It's absolutely a real thing. But that's what comes with
truth telling, you know. But there's also that other price
to pay.

Speaker 2 (18:44):
But I just I just can't. I can't be put
into a gilded cage. I don't know.

Speaker 1 (18:50):
I watch too many people that I know and love,
who have so much to offer and have so many
amazing things to say, put themselves in a gilded cage,
you know, afraid, deathly afraid, I mean, and there's things
to be afraid of, yeah, you know what I mean.
Death threats are weird. It's a weird sensation. And it's
like if it's just me, but my baby has to

(19:14):
die that's something and I don't think people really understand
the weight of truth telling in this day and age.

Speaker 3 (19:23):
Yeah, talk to me about that.

Speaker 1 (19:27):
Being trying to lead from the front all the time.
I mean, the first one to the microphone, the first
one who says something, the most you know, fierce and
ferocious advocate and activists. And then my health took a
big hit, you know, it took a big hit. And
for years it took us a while process of elimination
to figure out what was actually going on in my

(19:49):
body and that I was being ravaged by an autoimmune
issue that is exacerbated by stress and anxiety.

Speaker 2 (19:58):
And it was just me always feeling like I got
I gotta I gotta always be tin toes down on everything.
I was dying slowly.

Speaker 3 (20:08):
I had no idea.

Speaker 1 (20:09):
Yeah, yeah, because it's like for a long time, we
didn't know what exactly it was. So it's like MRIs
and scans and biopsies and this and that and the other,
and like you're, you know, waiting for the results and
they're like, well it's not cancer. You're like, okay, well
what is it.

Speaker 3 (20:23):
They're like.

Speaker 2 (20:25):
It's a mass. You're like, okay, thanks, insert more anxiety
but I'm supposed to not have anxiety, so I'm not happening.
It's been the last four years.

Speaker 1 (20:34):
Yeah, so finally again kind of close to like October,
getting on the right medication to deal with, you know,
some of these issues. But when you're in it, you know,
people don't understand like inflammation, crazy inflammation can literally make
your face look like a circle, like and it's not
going to be the most symmetrical, like you know what

(20:56):
I mean. So it could be bigger over here, This
could be bigger this My lip is swollen, and they're like, ah,
bad fella, And I'm like, or I'm slowly dying.

Speaker 3 (21:04):
But.

Speaker 2 (21:05):
Get your jokes off, get your jokes on. She's ruined
her face.

Speaker 1 (21:09):
And then now people see me and I'm like, I'm
just not inflamed, you know, I'm not My body as
not trying to kill me. And they're like, oh, she's
she's let it settle.

Speaker 3 (21:21):
You get okay. First of all, stop reading the damn comments. Okay,
stop reading the comments. You know you don't do it.
You don't live that way. Just for you to like
as how you say you step out your advocate and
you stand for so many things. Also, I think you
guys as a family have done that right, Like you've
made a conscious decision to be to stand in your
truth about private things, relationship, your your marriage, your surrogacy,

(21:46):
I mean so many things about your life. You've been
on the front lines kind of like presenting as hey, guys,
this is okay.

Speaker 2 (21:54):
It's okay.

Speaker 1 (21:54):
It happens to everybody, you know what I mean. And
you don't have to throw your children out. You know,
if if they if they're not exactly what how you
imagine them to be talking two people and they're like
why just I mean, what will what will? What will
my family say? What will my church say? What will
these people say? And I'm like, that's your child. You

(22:17):
mean of trends or trans kids, queer kids, family of doctors,
kid wants to be an engineer. And it's like this
isn't life and death still your baby? You love them them,
and you're supposed to be the sanctuary, not the hell
that they're escaping. But it could be literally about anything,

(22:39):
and right is right and wrong is wrong. And to
me it's not that hard. But I understand when people
don't because there is a there is a price. You
may not work again your life may be threatened, your
family's lives may be threatened, and you may not be

(23:00):
well versed enough to lead the charge. But there's other
ways of participating in resistance, you know. I talk about
leading from the front, leading from the middle. You could
be an organizer keeping all of us together in the middle.
You can be pushing from the back and holding the line.
There's you don't have to always be front facing. But
in this day and age of performative activism is like

(23:21):
if you didn't post it, it's not happening in our
situation because of I don't want to hear from the
FBI anymore about which group has we're on a hit
list on.

Speaker 2 (23:33):
I do.

Speaker 1 (23:34):
I move differently and you may not see or hear
about every move. But you know me, you know my heart.
I think my history speaks for itself and my reputation
speaks for itself. But also I needed to get better,
you know when they say you got to put your
action in masked on first and then.

Speaker 3 (23:53):
Man, So living this way was literally eating away at
your body.

Speaker 1 (23:57):
Yeah, Like I can't be in that state all the time,
you know, And I don't have control of every situation
like ol Boog was on your show, Lauren Lauren.

Speaker 2 (24:09):
El boog We love El Buggy.

Speaker 1 (24:12):
I watched that episode like, oh, Gems, and I was
hitting Lauren. I'm like, yo, when you said this, this
and that. She's like, Okay, I'm gonna come over. We're
gonna sit in your back yard. We're going to talk
about this.

Speaker 2 (24:20):
And what was it?

Speaker 4 (24:22):
Uh?

Speaker 1 (24:23):
It's about like the control element, the need for control
and feeling like you always have to chime in or
offer advice. And is the advice really for the other
person or is it for you to have some control,
some semblance of control, trying to control situations. We talked
about that in high up as we her whatever you

(24:45):
guys talked about. That's what led Yea led to and
she was like, unless they specifically ask for your opinion,
don't offer it. People need to come to their truth
how they come to it. It's not up to us
to steer them in any one direction, because then we
have to get into our need for control.

Speaker 2 (25:06):
What is that about? You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (25:09):
Like, I love that you saw our conversation, and I mean,
I know you know her and your relationship with her,
but I love that it sparked another conversation that literally.

Speaker 2 (25:17):
Sparked a lot of conversation. She was there for a
few hours.

Speaker 1 (25:19):
Wow, and just there's a wisdom that she has has
gleaned from her life that she has used. You know,
she has so much to offer and you really, Oh.

Speaker 3 (25:30):
It was my first one of my favorites. Yeah, for sure.
I learned so much from that. Somebody was just asking
me the other day about like they always ask what's
your favorite anemay, I'm like, I can't say. It's really
hard to It's just we're all just trying, man, We're
all just like I'm trying to do a show. She's
trying to survive her situation and she's learned so much
along the way. And to me, like, that's all we
could do is show up with what we have to

(25:52):
offer on that day, share our experiences in a way
that we hope, hope lands in a positive way for
someone else.

Speaker 1 (26:00):
I mean, well, none of us should be having to
suffer in silence or feel like you're suffering alone, like
no one could possibly understand this. It's like it helps
to talk about it, you know, whether it's like sparked
from a podcast, it's like, I think I need help
with this. How do you move through the world, how
do you get up every day? What does joy look

(26:21):
like to you? What does justice look like to you?

Speaker 3 (26:23):
Like?

Speaker 2 (26:23):
How do you have tools? You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (26:28):
And it's crazy because we have to learn those and
ask those questions for ourselves. But then you take you,
for instance, or any of us who are moms. Now
you also have to do it as a parent, and
you as a mother, I think is an interesting topic
because no, you're really a lovely mother, Like you worked
so hard to be a mother, and you're like this

(26:48):
amazing mother not only to Kabya, but to all of
your kids, your bonus children. I don't know what you
call them. Do you call them step kids? Just your kids?

Speaker 2 (26:55):
The kids?

Speaker 3 (26:56):
Just the kids? But I mean, you worked to be
a mother, didn't It wasn't just too easy? For some
women it's too easy. It's like they get pregnant, somebody
give flirts with them and they're pregnant. Like you really
worked for that and struggle and then and you do
it in such a meaningful, intentional kind of way. Just

(27:16):
watching you a cob and I just wonder out what
it's changed for you. What you've learned about yourself is
becoming the mom.

Speaker 1 (27:22):
Well, you know, they watch every single thing, right, Like
CoV said the other day, why do you wear Why
do you wear wigs.

Speaker 2 (27:31):
All the time?

Speaker 1 (27:32):
I was like, well, mommy goes to work and I
have to be different characters and sometimes I wear wigs
to try it out before I commit to the look.
She was like, oh, you know, but in her mind,
why wasn't I happy with how I looked? When I
preach that to her, you know what I mean, I'm like,
I love your girls, Oh my gosh, your hair is
so beautiful. And she was like, yeah, I think your

(27:54):
hair is beautiful too. How come you got a wig on?

Speaker 2 (27:57):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (27:58):
She goes check you, checking the boot, and like there
was one day it was me her indeed, driving the
car and I was like, oh, can you wear your
head like half a half down? Like that's like one
of my favorite looks. And she was like, I don't
really want to do that, and I was like, oh,
come on, g She was like, I thought.

Speaker 2 (28:14):
It was my hair.

Speaker 1 (28:17):
But I'm teaching her to how to advocate for herself
and have agency over her own body. And you know,
if this it's her hair, who cares? It's not like
you know, but that figuring out like when do you
like force your will on your child and when do
you offer options? Just so trying to find those balances.

(28:39):
And also you know she's she's very much a leader
at home, but at school she can follow the crowd
and helping her find her voice where I'm like, you know,
you don't have to do that just because your friend
told you to. Yeah, well I want her to play
with me at recess. And I was like, ooh, it
starts early, you know, do this so we can be friends.

(29:00):
Do that so I can love you. Do this, you know.
And it's like it seems like, well it's harmless, you know,
but it's a pattern where you start just being people pleasing,
shape shifting to fit in and shape shifting and doing
whatever people pleasing to get the invite to have access.
And it's like when she start, it's hard to stop.

Speaker 3 (29:22):
She's so great, though, do you have a worry about her?
Lookod like the famous kids Blue, Ivy and North, And
I see the way people talk to these children children
then they have so many people have opinions about children.

Speaker 2 (29:35):
So many opinions.

Speaker 3 (29:36):
Do you worry about that? For you? Even Zaia because
she's been such like she's a post to child somewhat
at this point, like do you have a I don't know,
concerns or regrets of being having them so public or Zaia.

Speaker 2 (29:51):
That was her choice.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
She did not like people dead naming her, and we
were like, we can correct people, but it kind of
open up a whole other can of worms. And she
was like, I want them to use my name, and
we were like, okay, well these are this is how
we could do this, but it's really going to open

(30:13):
up a whole can of worms, like you can't you know,
put back, put it back. And she was very determined,
and so that sort of opened the door for her
speaking out and being very clear about her identity and
her confidence and comfort in it, and we support her
being her full true self. We would have probably been

(30:38):
more comfort comfortable where you know, she waited a couple
of years, but it's years of her parents doing a
ton of interviews where they're speaking of her with a
name that she does not recognize. And so I respect it.
I absolutely respect it. And every kid is different, like
every child is different, and you know it is, it

(31:01):
is what it is, and you you rally, you know
what I mean, you offer support like cove, because I
had talked so much about my infertility and we were
so overjoyed, and so many people, like strangers, wanted me
to be pregnant so badly, and it was like, and
you know, I remember there we were on our way

(31:22):
to some event in New York and I was, you know,
I think I was in the middle of an IVF
cycle and I looked two months pregnant, like or second
semester pregnant, and people like the page six was like
she's pregnant, and people were so happy, and it led
to a miscarriage. You know, it didn't lead to obviously,
it didn't lead to a live birth. And so when

(31:44):
she was finally born and home, I was like, I
want to share with people that, you know, we keep
hope alive and here's our beautiful baby and this is
the route I had to go, and these are the reasons.

Speaker 2 (31:58):
And then she just had such fun.

Speaker 3 (32:01):
You know, she is such a good face.

Speaker 1 (32:03):
You know, and now it's she does it on her own,
and it's like we're like, cave, you want to post this, no, okay?
And this was moon It's less than what it was
obviously when she was little, and it's really her choice,
and usually she chooses like she doesn't want to.

Speaker 2 (32:20):
No, we respect it and keep it pushing.

Speaker 3 (32:23):
Hey guys, today's show is brought to you by our
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or you know has a gambling problem and wants help,
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or Virginia. All right, what about marriage? What have you
learned about marriage?

Speaker 2 (33:42):
Do you don't know shit about marriage?

Speaker 3 (33:43):
Is that true? Even now? How many years are you need?
Ten plus ten?

Speaker 2 (33:47):
Right?

Speaker 3 (33:47):
You're two eleven eleven years? Okay.

Speaker 1 (33:48):
It's like marriage is this living, breathing thing that you
have to feed and nurture, and you don't always have
the time to to be great at it. And on
those days as you're trying to take shortcuts are probably
the days you had to suck You were supposed to
suck it up and offer more grace and offer more kindness.

(34:12):
And or companionship. And when people are like, oh, marriage
goals other than us being honest about our marriage, you
got to figure out what works for your marriage. And
each one is very unique. Like I don't know anybody
who has a marriage like ours. And it's not because
we're you know whatever. It's like we don't know what

(34:34):
that was like, you know whatever, people whatever, people like
to think about it. But like we're very we're our schedules.
We miss each other a lot, and we miss each
other a lot. So like our time together is like
literally legs like all intertwined, like we are physically touching
all the time, you know, joined at the hip and

(34:56):
then I'm in Rome for three weeks and you know
or whatever. So our level of communication had to improve,
you know what I mean. And we try not to
hang out with other couples who.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
Don't like each other. Oh that's you know what I mean,
because it is contagious. Yeah, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (35:13):
You get and you know, previously we there might be
circles where they're like, well this bitch, it's like this
nigga right here, like and then you kind of fall
in because that's how you guys are communicating as friends.
Like you're complaining as communication and then you go home
and you're like, h you know what I mean, because
that's just what you were with. You know, when we

(35:34):
talk about vacations, you you know, we've all vacation together.
But you got to have other couples who are at
least on the same page. It's obviously your relationship is
going to be different. But I need you to like
this motherfucker, like, don't come on vacation and you.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
Want to complain, you know what I mean? Shit, Like
I like this man that is contagious.

Speaker 1 (35:51):
Yeah, like so surrounding your Actually I like him a lot,
Like he's literally my favorite person.

Speaker 2 (35:59):
That's like we talk all day long, but it's like
half the time we talk in memes and gifts. Yeah,
you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (36:06):
But that's how it has to start.

Speaker 2 (36:07):
Though.

Speaker 3 (36:07):
It starts with that, right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (36:09):
Like we were in Japan for two weeks and just
having like adventures, you.

Speaker 1 (36:14):
Know, just the two of these, the two of us
have the time of our lives. I mean, granted, we
ran into Michael b. Jordan and ste Lo, but oh yeah,
hung out with them for New Year's but like we
had our own adventure it was great.

Speaker 3 (36:27):
I think that's a big key to getting it right.
It's just picking somebody that you likee Like.

Speaker 1 (36:32):
If you get into an argument with your friend, yeah,
if you really really like them, you get over it.
Like you figure out how to communicate through, you know,
the tough spots, because like half of our arguments, like
I'll be so pissed, but then I want to tell
him something or I got a joke. I'm like, okay,
we have to make up just so I can get
this joke off.

Speaker 3 (36:55):
But I don't know.

Speaker 2 (36:57):
We have figured it out for us.

Speaker 3 (36:59):
And he adored you the same way.

Speaker 1 (37:01):
Like when I look up and he's looking at me,
and it's like it's kind of like the best because
it's like the person I want, whose eyes I want
on me, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (37:14):
And uh, that's pretty great.

Speaker 2 (37:16):
Look like, ye, he was gonna miss the premiere because
you know, his coaches, his college coaches being honored at Marquette,
and you know he was supposed to be there and
for the goat.

Speaker 1 (37:28):
Yeah, he's gonna miss the Goal premiere and he's in it,
like you know. And then he was like I'll be there,
and I was like, he's in it.

Speaker 3 (37:36):
Too. Yeah, he's a voice.

Speaker 2 (37:38):
He's the voice. He's a voice. There's a lot of voice.

Speaker 3 (37:41):
There's a lot of voice voices besides.

Speaker 1 (37:43):
I mean, Steph is a voice. He's the giraffe, Caleb McLaughlan,
He's from Stranger Things, he's the main voice. Aaron Pierre,
Jennifer Hudson, Jennifer Lewis, Nick Roll, a lot of people.

Speaker 2 (37:55):
Yeah, it's so many voices.

Speaker 3 (37:57):
What a cute little concept. Though.

Speaker 1 (37:58):
The Goat, I think it's just so relatable and it's
like this little goat who you know, believe, believes, and
the goat is like the goat. The movie is based
on loosely based on Steph's, you know, career, because when
I first met Steph, he was just uh it was
it was his rookie year and him and I show,
you know, joined at the hips, I mean, the same

(38:20):
they have been.

Speaker 3 (38:21):
I say, that's a good couple for you guys to
hang out with.

Speaker 1 (38:24):
Yeah, and we have randomly, like randomly, they really like
each other. They very much like each other, and they're
very much in alignment.

Speaker 2 (38:30):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (38:30):
So it's interesting to listen to the commentary because you're like,
clearly you've never been around them, And nobody loved step
more than Ayisha, and nobody love is more than Steph.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
Like he's such a good egg and he does a
great job. He does a really great job as a
voice actor.

Speaker 3 (38:44):
All Right, so we have we have a couple of
iron questions for you and irol Bowl, so we could
get into your real life philosophies. But first we have
a voice note. This is our boostmobile voice note where
someone comes in leaves you a voice message or a question. Okay,
I don't really know what it is. We have to
listen first.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
Hey, Gav, it's shy girl. How do you protect your boundaries?

Speaker 4 (39:07):
See I'm a thug, but I'm a nice one and
I forgive way too much. So I want to know
how are you forgiving but still making sure that people
don't cross you?

Speaker 2 (39:18):
Because it never gave doormat for real, for real.

Speaker 3 (39:22):
It never gave doormats.

Speaker 1 (39:24):
I feel like we talked about this a little bit
in Miami a couple of weeks ago. I had to
learn that when it comes to access opportunities money, that
people will always be cheering for you. But if they're

(39:45):
access money whatever is threatened, that they can turn on you.
And when you watch people that you thought you could trust,
like show what really matters and it's not you, it's
devastating and you realize, like I had no boundaries because

(40:08):
like you know me, like if we ride like we
are riding to the wheels fell off, like I will
go to battle, like that's just how I move with
my friends. If we're close enough where like I'll physically
fight somebody for you, then it is what it is.
There are no boundaries, you know what I mean. But
I've had to figure out how to love you from
across the street. But also part of having boundaries is

(40:30):
if you're in my life and you know, people make mistakes,
things happen, and you can't own your shit, you have
no place in my life. I cannot do no accountability.
I can't, I don't and I don't need like a
whole operation. I just oh, my bad, you know, my bad. Sorry, apology, sorry.
And it's like it's.

Speaker 3 (40:51):
Really hard for some people, by the way, it's like impossible.

Speaker 1 (40:54):
We had this conversation on set the other day and
I'm like, and it's a scene. These are fake people.
These people do not exist, and like the guys were like, no,
he apologized. I said, no, the apology was and for that,
I apologize.

Speaker 2 (41:06):
He was wrong for the whole thing.

Speaker 1 (41:08):
Why why you guys don't hear like the I apologize
for that when the issue is the whole thing was wrong.
Why do you have to qualify your apology? Why can't
you just admit to being wrong? Why can't this character
admit that he lied?

Speaker 2 (41:23):
Well, he didn't lie. I'm like, well, we didn't tell
the truth. When I asked, what do you call that?
The omission of the truth is it's a fallacy, it's
a lie.

Speaker 3 (41:32):
Same shit? Yeah, why does it? Like? What?

Speaker 1 (41:35):
These are fake characters? Why won't you guys like what
is the issue? And I'm like, what do you think
happens inside when you just own your shit? And then
we got on this conversation and it dawned on me
when people refuse to be accountable, especially when they want
to gaslight you. They want to control you. They want

(41:57):
to control your movements, they want to control your your
your your body. They want to control your reactions, and
they want to control how you ultimately see them. And
that's so devious, it's so manipulative, and it's it's dark,
and I'm just too old.

Speaker 2 (42:13):
It's to be dealing with this and.

Speaker 3 (42:15):
It's not uncommon.

Speaker 1 (42:17):
Oh, it's super common, and you let it slide because
that's not a big deal. But then it starts to
add up and it's like, do you you just never
want to own your shit? I can't be around you
because I can't trust you. You'll lie about I saw
you at Burger King and you're like, I want to McDonald's.

Speaker 2 (42:32):
What is wrong with you? Now? You're like, that's so,
like I don't know what you're around.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
So, and accountability is about it is the bearerest of minimums.
And then also everybody doesn't need to be everywhere. Everyone
doesn't need free access to every part of your life,
especially people who cannot be trusted with your truth. And

(42:58):
if everything that happens to me has to be somehow
quantified for you in terms of money, in terms of opportunity,
in terms of access, that's not a friend. That's I
feel like it's constantly everything is transactional.

Speaker 3 (43:16):
Like a burden.

Speaker 2 (43:16):
Yeah, And so I've.

Speaker 1 (43:18):
Had to learn how to create boundaries and understand what
it is and want to understand what it is.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
And I was trying to make fetch happen with a
lot of a lot of people.

Speaker 3 (43:30):
I was talking about that the other day, because you
put people in boxes.

Speaker 2 (43:34):
Yeah, and it's okay.

Speaker 3 (43:35):
And some friends are like your friends that you have
for play dates, or there's friends that you have that
are just a good time.

Speaker 2 (43:42):
Like great, let's go to the bar, let's have a dream.

Speaker 3 (43:44):
I think where people fuck up is that you try
to take a friend that's there for a good time
and you try to make them your person, or you try.
You you miscategorize people in your life, and so it's
important to kind of know where they're there and know
what they're their role is in your life. I think
is also an important thing with boundaries.

Speaker 1 (44:03):
You learn the second you say no, who is really
there for what people's reaction to no, like just to no,
if they lose their shit, who got I mean, I
don't know what other kind of sign you need. They
reveal themselves. But also like I don't say yes to everything.

(44:23):
I used to feel like I have to be everywhere
and do everything, and I got to be I got
to be everything for everyone and it left nothing for me.

Speaker 2 (44:31):
So just learning through trial and error. It's life. You're
never going to get it right. But just understanding that
like you.

Speaker 1 (44:38):
Don't have to say yes to everything, you don't have
to be everyone's everything, because you will end up at
a deficit.

Speaker 3 (44:44):
Hey guys, support for this podcast is brought to you
by Walden University. Have you ever thought to yourself, what
if I could go after what I actually want and
I could really make a difference. Well, you are not alone,
and this is exactly why I want to tell you
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working adults like you get the w with the knowledge,

(45:05):
the skills and everything you need to build the future
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that first step. Walden University set a course for Change,
certified to operate by shiv Okay in real life, let's
do ball. This is our IRL bowl of questions in

(45:26):
real life Gabrielle Union. Let's see what you get and
our IRL bowl is brought to you by Walden University.
Hmm is it good enough?

Speaker 2 (45:36):
Well, there's the real answer and then the what I'm
gonna I would say, I would like the real one.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
I cannot Okay, what is the question because you know
the answer. What do you do to decompress after a
long day?

Speaker 3 (45:49):
Hmmm?

Speaker 1 (45:51):
The answer I will share is that I like to
sit or lay in silence, like I just need fifteen
minutes of no sound.

Speaker 3 (46:00):
Do you really know this? Every day? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (46:02):
Yeah, Usually it's after CoV goes to bed. So it's
like she goes to bed at seven thirty. We increased
it an hour. So once she goes to bed, is
I feel like I've I've lost the war? And I
just get in my bed and I lay there in silence,
and do you respects it?

Speaker 3 (46:19):
Oh? It's like an known thing in the house.

Speaker 2 (46:20):
Yeah, Like I just need a minute to just yeah.

Speaker 3 (46:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:24):
And for me, silence is so golden. I can hear
my own thoughts. It just gives me a chance to
just calm down. I must try, and then I step
out on the balcony.

Speaker 3 (46:35):
Dot dot, do whatever else you need to do for yourself.
All right, take one more, do one more while we
pick pick a good one.

Speaker 1 (46:44):
If you could instantly master a skill, what would it be?
Listen if I could sing? Look are you just little sang? Oh?

Speaker 3 (46:52):
Sing?

Speaker 1 (46:53):
Like I like practiced for like eight months to sing
this one song for our anniversary, and it was the hardest.
I mean, I had the respect I have for singers. Wait,
what did you sing again, Shania Twain?

Speaker 3 (47:09):
Oh, that's right.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
And because it was it's a joke, it could like
it was one of the first you know, when you
meet somebody, Oh.

Speaker 3 (47:14):
My story for somebody who doesn't.

Speaker 1 (47:16):
I did not take him seriously, you know what I mean,
Like I was doing the most and I just didn't
take him seriously.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
So I kind of tortured him. Initially.

Speaker 1 (47:24):
I made him listen to the Jersey Boys soundtrack like
on repeat. I was playing like country music hits. So
one of the first songs I played for him when
we met was like, shan Shania Twain, You're still the one.
And then it just became this reoccurring joke, like I
rap a movie. He hires like a choir and a
band to sing You're still the one and give me

(47:46):
flowers like before I head to the airport to come
back home.

Speaker 2 (47:49):
It's just like a thing that was so cute and.

Speaker 1 (47:52):
Yeah, And so I practiced with a vocal coach and
then got in the studio and laid the track with
like a full band, and I wanted to do you know,
do it special, but it's really hard and that's not
a skill, Like, it's not a skill. You would never
I would never shut up.

Speaker 2 (48:06):
I'd be like, that's why you can't say I can't.

Speaker 3 (48:09):
So I got didn't give me that good. I would
be the same way.

Speaker 2 (48:12):
Oh, I'd be obnoxious.

Speaker 3 (48:14):
That's funny because Valentine's Day is coming up. You guys
are big, like you're festive, you do events, like what
is the what is Valentine's Day? What is the key
to romance in your house? Do you?

Speaker 1 (48:25):
Valentine's Day got co opted and it's been co opted
our whole relationship because it falls over all Star weekend.
But he like he does Valentine's Day throughout the year.
So he'll send me flowers just because, or he'll write
me a poem, or he'll just send the most beautiful letter.

Speaker 2 (48:43):
And they're like, who are you? Like, who are you
right now?

Speaker 3 (48:46):
Like for real?

Speaker 2 (48:48):
And it works, it works, honey, it works, it works.

Speaker 3 (48:52):
And what about you? What is your love language? Like
how do you show romance?

Speaker 2 (48:57):
Oh? I mean his thing is physical touch, so.

Speaker 3 (49:02):
He's just do it.

Speaker 1 (49:04):
That's romantic, right, He's like, great, I love your I
love your version of romance.

Speaker 3 (49:11):
So whatever literally is happy? Okay on a scale of
one to ten, How happy are.

Speaker 2 (49:16):
You, gab Oh today, I'm a ten?

Speaker 3 (49:18):
Really love that? Yeah? And average, what would.

Speaker 1 (49:21):
You say I'm now in the last few months, like eight?
Like I average like a solid eight, since learning how
to be peaceful and since learning like since teaching my
body not to stay in a state of terror. Okay,
Like I find the joy in everything, you know, Like
I there's generally speaking, I get anxious before I do
press runs because I'm honest and I'm gonna say something

(49:42):
that's gonna go viral, and then I got to deal
with that. And if you ask him, generally speaking, tell
the truth except what I really do to decompress. And
you just have to deal with your truth being out there.
And however people are gonna, you know, tweak it. And
he goes, just have fun. It's like, it's fun, this
is this is what we dreamt of.

Speaker 2 (50:04):
Have fun.

Speaker 3 (50:04):
Who said that? Oh?

Speaker 2 (50:06):
And I was like, so this morning it's like five am.

Speaker 1 (50:10):
I'm like, I'm up. I'm didn't sleep, but have fun. Yeah,
it's been fun. And knowing that it was ending, the
day was going to end with.

Speaker 3 (50:17):
You in real life?

Speaker 2 (50:20):
What should people care about less, oh other, what other
people think of you?

Speaker 3 (50:26):
Yeah, because you will.

Speaker 1 (50:28):
I've seen so many people create a small life for
themselves just so people don't have something to say. And
you watch dreams like that, you know they have never eat,
They never even try because of the noise and because
of this, because of that, and they just their lives.

Speaker 3 (50:48):
I think that's probably way more common.

Speaker 2 (50:51):
It's very common.

Speaker 1 (50:52):
Or you do the safe thing but not the thing
you're passionate about, and you just kind of give up
and for what and for what ever? Was somebody like,
don't take advice from people who've never done what you've done,
which is why, you know, I'm very glad stuff. And
I usually never took my advice as I was putting
my bullshit onto them, you know what I mean. I

(51:13):
was putting my fears about marriage. This is before they
were married.

Speaker 3 (51:17):
Well was it.

Speaker 1 (51:17):
I don't know this one day, I'll tell you this
full story, but I offered some stupid advice kind of
like well publicly.

Speaker 3 (51:23):
No.

Speaker 1 (51:23):
We were at a party and I was like, let
me tell you coming out, because of course I've been
drinking and luckily they were like, okay, that's thanks, Gab
and then didn't take my advice and they're they're happy
and successful. And they did they did their you know,
their family route, their way, at their pace, what worked
for them. But had he listened to me or she

(51:44):
had listened to me, like, they wouldn't be the courage
that we know. And I needed to shut the fuck up.
Most people need to shut the fuck up, you know
what I mean, like, shut the fuck up. You literally
don't know what you're talking about. And we sent her
ignorance in our decision making. And it's the quickest route

(52:04):
to have a small life that you will never find
joy in.

Speaker 2 (52:09):
Did you even try?

Speaker 3 (52:11):
You try to try? You gotta try. You don't have to.
You know, we have Tisha Campbell coming up, and what's
it next week or the week after? And I know,
I don't know why her name keeps coming up, Like
I just had Tasha Smith on who said Tisha at
the beginning of Tasha's career let hers like stay at
her sleep in her house, and she showed her what
was possible. But she also had an impact in your life.

Speaker 1 (52:33):
Yeah, no, I mean when I first got into Hollywood.
I'm so lucky that my OG's took my sanity and
my and protecting me very.

Speaker 2 (52:44):
Seriously, who are your OG's, Taisha to.

Speaker 1 (52:47):
Shina and Regina King Oh, and they just they just
took that their privilege and they put a bubble around
me and so many of us. And uh, Tisha and
her former spouse invited me and my former spouse.

Speaker 3 (53:07):
Uh they have no name. They were never they.

Speaker 2 (53:10):
Will not be name.

Speaker 1 (53:12):
Up to their up to their their camp, their house
in the in the in Big Bear or whatever. And
she recognized that I was struggling, and she was like, Gab,
are you seeking therapy? Have you ever had a black therapist,
a black woman therapist? And I was like, if it's
out of copet, Like, if it's out of my you know,

(53:34):
I can't.

Speaker 2 (53:34):
Afford that because you're a young actress at this I'm
a young actress.

Speaker 1 (53:37):
Yeah, And I'm like, I can't afford out of pocket,
Like it's got to be you know. And she was like,
there will that will never be an excuse for you.
She's like, I got it, and she paid for the
first I mean it was a lot of sessions. Wow,
with the therapists. I still have to this day. She
paid for it, just for it.

Speaker 2 (53:56):
She paid for me to go repeatedly, like a lot
of sessions like.

Speaker 3 (53:59):
What did she seeing you? What did she see that?

Speaker 1 (54:01):
She saw that like I was circling the drain in
that and she didn't want that for me. And she
just constantly held my hand through different life transitions and
she just she just did wasn't interested in watching me fail,
you know what I mean. And that's just the person
that she is. And she's done it for so many people.

(54:22):
Just oh, I got I keep hearing for so many
people like Jennifer will be like, you know, for a
very long time she called me Bobby, bitch, Bobby, you
gotta be a bitch being a lovable bitch, say it
with love, dammit. But she she'll pull your coattails. And
they offer they use their their privilege as protection, you know.

(54:45):
And it's not everybody was doing that. You know.

Speaker 2 (54:48):
There's some people who are.

Speaker 1 (54:49):
Like burning you know, fail, bitch, fail, but they didn't
and tsha, she she extended so much grace and kindness
and opened her wallet.

Speaker 2 (55:00):
Wow, it wasn't just.

Speaker 1 (55:02):
Like you should get therapy, good luck to you. She
was like, Nope, there's no excuses. You're going to get
the help that you need.

Speaker 2 (55:07):
And she just paid for.

Speaker 1 (55:07):
It just because why why did she think that she
saw something in me? But she's just a kind, very
thoughtful person.

Speaker 3 (55:16):
That's amazing.

Speaker 1 (55:16):
And you know, when like black Hollywood, you know, it's
it's it's its own family, you know. And she wasn't
an auntie like she was in her twenties. You know,
she's not that much.

Speaker 3 (55:27):
Older than this, like her around Martin time is she
like happened at the She's.

Speaker 1 (55:31):
She's teaching Campbell, you know what I mean, she's teaching
my Buck Camble And to she know was Tashina and Arnold,
Regina King was Regina King, and they just weren't interested
in watching us fall into traps, you know, get set
up like just they just were like no, not her,
you know, not.

Speaker 2 (55:49):
Any of them that they had the ability to reach.

Speaker 3 (55:53):
And what about Regina?

Speaker 1 (55:55):
Regina is like my heart, Like I'm almost like why
I was about to get teary eyed, But she's just
been my She's just been my heart. And it's hard
watching her heart get ripped out of her chest. And
we all grew up with little Ian and watching him

(56:15):
like at each milestone, and it's hard, and you just
try to be there for people in any way that
they allow you to be. Can't dictate anyone else's grief,
you can just be there. Yeah, But I think there's
a reason we all feel so strongly about her, because
she feels so strongly about us. And she showed the

(56:37):
fuck up, you know what I mean. Like there's people
who are like, oh, I'm cool with such and such,
so I'm cool, Like if I see you, it's love,
But like.

Speaker 3 (56:45):
You know, how what does that mean? She showed up?

Speaker 1 (56:47):
Like for what does that a girl? I know you're
under the bed, Like I'm coming. I'm coming to get you,
you know what I mean. Like, I'm not going to
let you suffer. I'm not interested in watching you suffer.
I'm interested in being a guiding hand and to offer
safety and protection and guidance. You're just really about that life.

(57:10):
You know, her and her sister, like I don't know,
and then you get to know everyone's families and then
you know, like, but that's you know, and then I
try to be that same og to the next generation,
you know what I mean. Like I've had that relationship
with Kiki, you know, with Keith Palmer, and you know
young folks like when Meg thee Stallion got on the

(57:31):
scene and like my little cousin Sweetie, we call her DD.
But like if I got to pull your coattails, if
I'm or, I got to reach out and be like,
this is my number, you can always reach me. Ain't
shit that that could happen that I haven't been through.
You know, I'm here. You know, you just have to
return the favor. I'm sure you had a OG and
then you you offer that same thing, like I don't

(57:52):
have to see you every day to know that you're
a safe place in the storm.

Speaker 2 (57:56):
Yeah, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (57:57):
That's beautiful.

Speaker 2 (57:58):
Yeah, I think that they were.

Speaker 3 (57:59):
You know, she was on the pod too, and I
obviously don't know her as well as you do, but
we just love her like you just you know what
I'm saying, even from outso who don't have an intimate
relationship with her like you do. It's like to watch
them when anybody's heart be ripped out like that, it's
very painful to see. So as her friend, I can
only imagine, you.

Speaker 1 (58:17):
Know, And there's a reason you just see this outpouring
because she has poured into so many people and didn't
didn't wasn't keeping score, wasn't like, well I did this
for you. It's like like she came out like one
of her first directing gigs, unless it was her first,
was on being Mary Jane.

Speaker 2 (58:35):
And you know, everyone.

Speaker 1 (58:36):
Has a moment and I was, honey, a little moment,
a little bit Brady moment, and she like came to
my trailer. She has little things sunflower seeds, and she
was like, you know, hit me some some flower seeds,
and she's like, basically.

Speaker 2 (58:48):
Cut the ship, cut the ship. I was like, I'm
gonna cut the ship.

Speaker 4 (58:54):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (58:55):
And you sometimes you need that too, you know always
you know, moonlight and roses. Sometimes you need you know,
I know, g to be like cut the ship, have
some someun flowers?

Speaker 2 (59:05):
Is that really what she says? Dead ass like what
she said.

Speaker 1 (59:07):
And we just sat on my you know, the sup
of my trailer and talked it out and what were
you going through?

Speaker 2 (59:13):
What was I mean?

Speaker 3 (59:14):
It was?

Speaker 2 (59:15):
It could have been anything. I know, it wasn't, you know,
life or death.

Speaker 1 (59:18):
And you know, sometimes you get a little puffed up
number one on the call sheet and sometimes you need
to be reminded that this is a business and you
don't get to hijack the whole operation because you're in
a mood.

Speaker 2 (59:29):
No, no one person is more important than the whole
and cut the ship, got the ship, gab have.

Speaker 3 (59:37):
Some flower sees. I'm going to bust that out on somebody,
because no one can turn hound. You don't even think
about bringing some flower scenes to set? Okay, you'd be like,
I don't even think about it. I love that though.

Speaker 2 (59:53):
Yeah, but like being married Jane was.

Speaker 3 (59:57):
It's when you look at the tent poles of your career,
do you look at that as like, yeah, it's super meaningful.

Speaker 1 (01:00:03):
It really brought me back, you know, because you go
through periods of like you work all the time to
like not working all the time.

Speaker 2 (01:00:08):
You work all the time, not working all the time.

Speaker 1 (01:00:10):
And after I didn't get Scandal, which you know, let's
be clear, I was not close close. I was maybe
down to like a handful. I just thought that was
that's the only opportunity we're going to get to play
a character like that, And I was so sad that
there were just so few possibilities, like people weren't writing
black female led shows. And then I met with Marra.

(01:00:34):
It was I don't even know if I've ever said
this publicly, but I met with Mara and Salem Akil
on the day that Whitney died.

Speaker 3 (01:00:41):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (01:00:42):
And Whitney had been so supportive of me.

Speaker 3 (01:00:47):
Whitney Houston. Yeah wow.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
And it was just like shocking and it but when
you know, like it was, it was the whole thing
was just surreal.

Speaker 2 (01:00:58):
And you just see all these people. The phones are
going off.

Speaker 1 (01:01:01):
I think we're at the Four Seasons restaurant and you
just see all these people's phones going off, and you know,
of course it's like it was like around the Grammys,
and it was like, this is surreal. And it hadn't
been that long before I was. I was hosting the
ET Honors, and there was like a glitch. You know,
when you're hosting things, you got to go out and
you know, do the you know, schmooz the crowd. And

(01:01:23):
I come out and Whitney stands up and is like
given me this like standing up solo standing evation, just sir,
just sir, And you know, it just gave me like
just enough to be like okay, like I can do this.
It's going to be okay. I'm not just out here
by myself. I'm with my community and there's people who
cheer for me. And that person happened to be Whitney
Houston right in the front row. It was just it

(01:01:46):
was so it was just a surreal day. And that
was the day I got presented with being married Jane.

Speaker 3 (01:01:52):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (01:01:53):
And it was such a gift, you know, and to
be able to play her for so many years and
have a desk nation. You know, as actors, you're like,
I don't know where the next you know, check is
going to come from.

Speaker 2 (01:02:04):
I don't know if that last job might have been
the last job.

Speaker 1 (01:02:08):
And so to be able to grow with the character
and to do all the fun, crazy stuff that Mary
Jane got to do and work with all of my friends.

Speaker 2 (01:02:15):
And so it was I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:02:17):
It was a great period of in my life while
in the midst of crazy chaos.

Speaker 3 (01:02:22):
I love that. Yeah, you don't think about how much
something could I guess it's just what's what's for you
is for you and what's not. Because I could imagine
the scandal thing.

Speaker 2 (01:02:33):
I mean, everyone and their mother was up for scandal.

Speaker 1 (01:02:35):
But like you're like, that is my only opportunity I
have not read anything like that.

Speaker 2 (01:02:40):
There probably will never be anything like that.

Speaker 1 (01:02:42):
I've been in the industry twenty years at that point
or so, and it's like, Okay, I guess we got
one every generation.

Speaker 3 (01:02:48):
And you killed it.

Speaker 2 (01:02:49):
I killed it, and.

Speaker 3 (01:02:51):
I was I love that you.

Speaker 1 (01:02:52):
I love that you know you killed But no, that's like, listen,
I am Mary Jane. Like Braun called me Mary Jane
for a very long time.

Speaker 2 (01:02:58):
It still does.

Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
It's fine. So no, that that show really gave me
a deeper roots in in pop culture, in the community,
and just as a as an artist. I got to
I got to make a ton of mistakes, and I
got to woman as a woman as I was going

(01:03:21):
through so many things, and I got to act a
lot of that out. You know, when it didn't feel
safe to cry or to throw a tantrum in real life,
Mary Jane could handle it the way she wanted to
handle it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:35):
You know, it's pretty great. I loved him.

Speaker 3 (01:03:37):
Yeah, I loved that. We loved it too. All right, Well,
before we go, right, question, it's in the bowl. You
didn't pick it. But I'll always ask you, if God
were to text you today, what would.

Speaker 2 (01:03:47):
It say you got this.

Speaker 3 (01:03:51):
That's it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:52):
You got this. I got this.

Speaker 3 (01:03:53):
He got it? Really, he got it?

Speaker 2 (01:03:55):
Yeah, you got this.

Speaker 3 (01:03:57):
Why do you normally feel like you don't?

Speaker 2 (01:03:59):
You know, I don't know if I'm hitting it out
of the bark every day, you know, you don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:04:04):
But like having your faith and just knowing, like as
long as you have peace, you know that God is.

Speaker 2 (01:04:11):
In you, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (01:04:12):
The absence of peace is like you haven't made space
for God and his grace, their grace I think if
God is genderless, but like you know, so peace is
the presence of God to me. And when you don't
feel that peace, we haven't done we haven't taken enough
active steps to create space for His grace.

Speaker 3 (01:04:37):
And so the message was what you got this?

Speaker 2 (01:04:40):
You got this because he got this? Or they got
this they you know, it depends on how you know,
a lot of people use the feminine.

Speaker 3 (01:04:51):
You know. I love that Gabrielle Union everybody in real life.

Speaker 2 (01:04:59):
Hey, this Gabrielle Union in real life.

Speaker 3 (01:05:02):
Hey guys, thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like comments,
and check out all of the other episodes we have
on Age Martinez I R. Podcast.