June 15, 2026 • 48 mins
“There was a time when I absolutely hated it. You know, time, age and wisdom give you perspective. Now, what I'm able to understand is they're asking me to continue to bring them joy with something that I have already created. It's not an insult. They're letting me know that at the end of the day, you bring me joy.” --Alfonso Ribeiro on being constantly asked to the Carlton dance
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Hey guys, I'm Hotocopy. Welcome to Joy. Wanna won the podcast.
So I am constantly seeking I'm like seeking inspiration, I'm
seeking joy, I'm seeking things that just make me feel good.
And something crazy happened to me on a flight the
other day. So I was flying back from Miami and
it was seven am. I was exhausted. It was like
(00:32):
just another regular flight. I'm sitting down and there's a
guy who gets on the plane and he was supposed
to be sitting in another seat, but that was occupied.
So we just plopped down next to me and we
started talking. And so I thought it was going to
be a two minute conversation and then I was going
to go ninety nine. So the guy goes, you know,
I've been feeling kind of heavy lately, and I was like, oh,
I go, I go, what do you mean? He goes,
(00:53):
I just I saw this image on Instagram and it
was a child who was an orphan and was hungry,
and I can't stop thinking about him, like I couldn't stop.
I woke up in the night and I couldn't stop
thinking about him, and so I did a deep dive
on the kid. So he went on Instagram and he
found the photographer who took the picture. Then he found
the orphanage and it was in Uganda. Any track track
(01:16):
tracked until he got in touch with a man who
ran the orphanage. And he called and he said, listen,
I saw this image. Can I send something? And the
guy said, send anything. So we sent clothes, and then
the guy on the plane showed me a picture of
the kids wearing new clothes, and I was getting teary eyed.
I was like feeling that feeling and he was like
(01:37):
and then they asked. I asked, how much does it
cost to feed all these children? An image of like
dozens and dozens of kids, and he said two hundred
and thirty two dollars a month, and so we started
sending money. So this conversation, weirdly like cracked me open,
like we were sharing. It was beautiful, like I was weepy.
It was like one of those weird encounters that you
(01:59):
feel like you're you have different feelings inside. I get
off the plane, I'm walking and this woman is in
a wheelchair. Her husband's pushing her and their four year
old daughter is walking along. I'm walking normal. She slips
her hand in my hand and just holds it and
(02:20):
I look at her and she goes, my name is Brie,
and I go, hi. So I'm walking. This kid is
holding my hand. We're walking through the airport and her
parents just kind of smile and we keep walking and
we get to the elevator and she says, I have
to take the elevator with my mom and dad. Will
will you wait for me? Because I was taking the escalator.
So I said yes, So I took the escalator, waited
(02:43):
for Brie, and she slipped her hand back in mine
and we walked to the door and I say goodbye.
And I can't stop thinking about this encounter because I
think what happened was on the plane, I was kind
of cracked open, and you know that feeling when you're open,
suddenly goodness comes well, all of a sudden, that little
(03:06):
four year old girl and me, we were connected, and
I thought to myself, all I want to do is
have more of that. I want to have more of
those moments that open you up, make you feel joyful,
show you that there's goodness all around. So joys in
the tiny things, which brings me to our episode today.
(03:27):
Who is somebody who personifies joy? You know, the kind
of person who when they walk in a room like damn,
it's like the lights go on, you want to be
near that person. Well, I know who that person is.
It's Alfonso Ribero. Alfonso is the guy from Fresh Prince
of bel Airybody's more than all that. This guy is
somebody who everyone in Hollywood says is the nicest guy.
(03:50):
He's the guy who is kind to every single person.
What makes him that way? What's he about? Where does
it come from? We're gonna explore all of it our
podcast Joy one oh one. So first of.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
All, yay, ye're here. I'm here.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Yes, And you were hand selected when we were talking
about guests, okay, because this podcast is called Joy one
oh one, Right, and I was thinking to myself, who
who's the Joy guy? Who's the guy when he walks
in the room, everyone goes, oh God, and you're you're
that guy. So I do have a question for you.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Yeah that Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Is this a I wake up in the morning and
automatically I got it going? Or is this does it
take a little bit to get where you're going.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
I've gotta be awake, you gotta be I've gotta be
awake like I always say, there's there's two sides.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
To my personality.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Okay, there is the going to sleep waking up angry. Right,
there's that side of Alfonso that is the very real side,
and then there's we walk into the world and in
the world, I'm happy and it's not put on. It's
not It's like, I feel so lucky and blessed that
(05:09):
I get to do what I do still forty seven
years later. It's amazing to me when I'm like, I'm
still doing and I'm happy about it, and I appreciate
life so much, you know, especially over the last couple
of years having some really dear friends passing, It's like
(05:33):
you start to really recognize what's important in life. And
I've and that's how I live.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
My kids are everything.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
My family's everything, right, Like going and being a baseball
dad is some of the greatest joys that I have
in my life now, watching my kids do things. That's
so I live in a space of like true appreciation.
So I'm joyous because I'm just happy of all the
(06:02):
things I could have never written this story.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
I mean, first of all, I'm kind of admiring everything
you're saying because the admission of I get angry. I
have my house me and then I step out and
there's something about the light, something about all of that
coming at you. And you said something else that struck me.
You said, you know, you've lost a couple of friends.
I find it so interesting and same with me, like
(06:27):
the world suddenly snaps into focus when you have a
loss your life spam. Okay, this is priority, This life
is short.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
How did it affect you?
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Like? What did it do well?
Speaker 3 (06:40):
It has affected me deeply, especially James Vanderbeek.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Pass it your priorities right. One of the things.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
I actually had this conversation with my team this morning
as I'm, you know, getting ready for the day time
right when you're you're on your deathbed, the one question one,
the one thing you would.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Ask for is more time.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
And so then I look at the world backwards, so
I start at what is it going to be? What's
my life going to be like at the end? And
when I get there, what would I want? What would
I ask for? And I would say, I'd ask for time?
So then what am I doing with it? That's how
am I using it? How am I affecting the people
(07:33):
around me with my time? Because it's the only thing
you're really going to ask for at the end is
more of it, So why waste it?
Speaker 1 (07:43):
That's so interesting when you're saying this is landing with
me too. When I was leaving the today S not
too long ago, I was thinking about like my time pie.
I was like, everyone gets one pie? How are you
going to carve it up? Absolutely, you're gonna put like
what goes where, what gets priority, and what deserves more so,
what changed? What did you What did you alter?
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Well?
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Family friends, yes, loved ones in all aspects, like my parents,
time with them, you know, focused time right, one on
one time. That was the That's the biggest change, right,
telling the people that you.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Care about how you feel.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
It's good, so you don't ever if it ends tomorrow
for either one of us. No one goes away thinking
about what they could have had. When I was going
to see James while he was in his deathbed, literally
you know, we we had conversations and it was I
(08:49):
said to my wife afterwards, that's what.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
I want when I go.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
I want to be surrounded by people that love you,
that are there for you, that want what's best for you,
and everyone around you.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
That's what I want when.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
I wow and so from that day you can walk
around in life going, let's make sure that's available.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Let's make sure that happy that can happen, right, and so.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
Live every day making sure that's a possibility.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Wow, I love that. I love that was beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Okay,
so now you're making sense to me. I understand you.
Now I got your whole vibe. I want to take
it back, though, because when I think about you, someone
had to like pour into you. So who was the
optimist when you were a little boy growing up? Was
(09:40):
it your mom? Was it your dad? Who was the
glass half full? Life is beautiful?
Speaker 2 (09:44):
You know they they were all both.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
It wasn't an individual thing, right.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
My dad was my manager.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
My dad was my best friend when I was starting
in the business. And and you know, my dad would
put me on it in the front part of the
motorcycle and I would I would. I would ride to
auditions with him, right, and we'd sit at a coffee
shop between auditions, and it was always perspective, right, we're
(10:14):
lucky to be doing this, We're lucky that we have
this time. And of course when you're a kid, you
don't really get it.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Now, you don't mean anything until much later.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Right, But my dad always gave me, you know, logic, right,
what's important, you know priorities. My mom was kind of
the same way, but then the love came kind of behind.
It was never forward love interesting, it was never you know,
(10:42):
we didn't say I love you a lot. That wasn't
our relationship, right my parents. But I understood that there
was love.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
How did you know, like as a kid, you need just.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
In your heart, right, James.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
I go back to James a lot because we have
such We had so many great credible conversations.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
He used to say to me, your.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Brain takes credit for all the things your heart does
because you live your life with your heart.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
It's like, but your brain takes credit.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
And when he said that to me, it became so
true because I live my life with my heart. This
tells me everything I need to know. Get this out
of the way and listen as we'll tell you. Right,
your brain has ego, your brain has you know, history
and damage and you know you know all of that, but.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Your heart does it. It just leads you.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
And I just knew it. I always knew that I
was loved. I knew that I had love. I knew
that my parents, the things that they gave up in
their lives for me to have my life is love.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
There's nothing more than love.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
No, it's so fun. I just interviewed this woman about
this topic, and she said, so many people say, oh,
my parents never said they love me, and so oh
my god, I'm seeking it my whole life. And she
said saying it is not necessarily the only way to
show love, like when they picked you up, when they
brought you X, Y and Z. And I think sometimes
we all forget. It's like, but I never got the words.
(12:13):
It's like sometimes show don't tell like they have their
own language.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Words or words.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Yeah, it doesn't mean anything unless the substance is behind it.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Yes, right, show me.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
You can tell me you love me all the time.
A lot of people who tell me they love me. Yeah,
I walk down the street, we love you? Do you
probably love me?
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Right?
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Do we really understand love? If we're saying that, you know.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
I get it, we really like you. I take that
that can be real. But no, you don't love me.
You love an idea of me. You don't love me right.
But but my family loves me right, and.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
I know that deep down.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
And they don't ever have to say it now because
I didn't hear it all the time.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I say it all the time.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
I understand, but I could.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Say it or not say it, And I don't think
that would change how my kids feel about how I
feel about that.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Right.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Who was the first person who told you you were
talented and you believed it?
Speaker 2 (13:18):
My grandmother, my grandmother on my dad's side.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
Her name was Mumsy, as we called her, and she
was a Riker's Island police officer, hard as can be, right,
wealthy in a time when we didn't have wealth, you
know for people like that. And she had a daughter
(13:45):
who was on a show called Laughing, so my aunt
was on Laughing. My grandfather was a Calypso singer, so
she knew what talent looked like.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
And she would.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Say you have it, you have that thing and I
and she would always be I'm so proud, and I
just you know, all the all the all the rest
of it.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
But I was like, I believed it. Wow, I believed that.
I was probably four or five.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
And what did she see? Like dancing?
Speaker 3 (14:20):
So I would just I would sing, I'll be singing
all the time.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Yeah, just anything.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Just yes.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
My mom was the singer really in the house. But
like I, I would sing all the time, I'd be
moving all the time. I don't know what we call
it dancing now, I would say just moving, It wasn't
really dancing. I would I would voices and characters and like,
I was all of that.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
In my in my youth.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
So like and so I would say, she was the
first person that I believed it.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
And then my dad was the one.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
That cultivated it, okay, because he had the structure, that discipline,
the you know, you gotta have work ethic, all that
kind of stuff. This is how we're going to get
there what we're doing? All right? So tap Dance Kid
you on Broadway? Yeah, I mean a kid? What were you?
Twelve thirteen?
Speaker 3 (15:03):
I was eleven eleven. I got the role and I
didn't tap dance, so I didn't I wasn't a tap dancer.
I'd never tap dance in my life. And they hired
me to be the tap dance kid, and they taught
me to tap dance for a year.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Okay, that's insane.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
And then we opened on Broadway. I was twelve in
nineteen eighty three.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
What's the day in the life of a twelve year
old on Broadway. Just give me one single day of.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Well like I would.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
I would say I had the hardest schedule in show
business because I'll just give you a Tuesday.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Give it.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
I wake up at seven, have breakfast, be at school
by eight, go to school till three, get home, do homework, study,
have some food, maybe take a quick nap, relax for
a second, get picked up at six.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Right.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
Oh, sorry, that's Wednesday. I would go half day and
then I would leave it at eleven thirty, get to
the theater by twelve, on stage at one to do
a matinee, then time to eat, show at eight, off
at eleven, home by midnight, asleep by one, up again
(16:21):
the next day, and the and the and the.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Kicker is Sundays.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
They would be off after the matinee and have Monday off.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
But I still went to school on Monday.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
I cannot believe you did that as a kid.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
So my schedule never stop.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
How did you? I mean now for kids, we we
you know, it's like we're always worried. Like is that?
Are you too tired? You didn't get your twelve hours sleep?
I mean I'm sick a lot, were you?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Yeah? Yeah, I'm sick a lot. It was.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
It was a They ended up taking me out of
the matinees and letting understudy do the manas about halfway
through my run because I was constantly sick.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Did you enjoy Were you loving it? Or were you
was it just a grind?
Speaker 3 (17:00):
I loved moments. Yes, I enjoyed most of it.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
I recognize how hard it was. So when I went
to television, I thought television was a joke.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Oh, because it was like lazy people.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Yeah, We're going to spend five days working on this.
This is how it's really hard.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Get it, go out, undone it.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
It's I mean, all these opportunities kept coming to you though,
I mean you were obviously Again I think it's your discipline,
your I mean you worked for everything but Silverspoon fresh Prints.
Did you just keep getting things? Or in between where
their rejections that didn't get other were okay, I didn't
(17:44):
read about those.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
What do you got?
Speaker 1 (17:45):
What happened?
Speaker 2 (17:46):
I mean a ton of them?
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Right, Like the life of an actor is your job
is to audition. Your bonus is getting the job. So
you audition for one hundred things, you get one, you
are successful, like you are killing it. If you get
(18:11):
one out of one hundred. Right, that's ninety nine rejections.
Ninety nine times someone said yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Not good enough, which is just a life. Right.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
So you get used to people telling you that we
don't like you. Wow, right, Like that's someone says they
don't like me, I go get in line, I.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Mean, what do you mean? Why does that affect me? Right?
Speaker 3 (18:33):
And especially now in this age of social media where
people tell you they don't like you all the time
and you read it. And I've always said, I actually
had this conversation with one of my Dance Withood Stars
friends last night. I'm like, why would you give the
devil and open communication with your heart? Why would you
(18:59):
let them have communication with your heart?
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Don't read it, don't care? Right, So rejection for me
is so it doesn't mean anything. That's not important to me.
What you think of me is important to me. What
does my kids think? What am my wife? What does
my wife think? What do my parents think? What do
my friends think? That's important?
Speaker 3 (19:20):
I literally said, if I said these things to you,
it should mean something because I'm your friend. I don't
care about your success or I care about you when
I say, hey, how are you doing?
Speaker 2 (19:31):
I'm not just saying those words, I mean it.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
How are you when you talked about the ninety nine
rejections and getting one, why didn't after multiple rejections, why
didn't you just say, you know what, some things aren't
meant to.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
Be, because that's that's just what it is, right, that's
even as a kid, Yeah, you go for them and
and and For me, the audition was the fun process.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
That was like you know, I mean, in the day,
let's keep it real. It meant I left school early.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
I got out of school early to go on a
motorcycle ride with my dad into the city to go
perform for a bunch of people in a room and
then maybe sit at a little coffee shop and have
some food, maybe some ice cream.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I even drank coffee back. Yeah it's crazy. I don't
drink it now much.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
But but that was fun. The process was fun, So
I didn't look at getting the job as the end all.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
It was more of the process.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Carlton in Fresh Prints was a role that I don't
think anyone imagined being as big as it was. No
one could, I mean, did it become as big as
it was because of something you designed? How did that
role turn into something that became part of the culture.
Speaker 3 (20:46):
I think, so, going deep for a second, which I
never do, Carlton was a character that black people could
like laugh at white people, but not laugh at a
white person. It was a character that white people could
(21:09):
laugh at themselves without seeing themselves laughed at.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
So it allowed.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
People to be comfortable with the corny white guy without
anyone feeling insulted and laughing at it and.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Feeling like, oh, I know that guy. I laugh at
that guy. That kid's in my school.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
Yeah he's smart, but he's not cool, right, Or you're
laughing at something that exists in society but no one
gets offended.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Isn't that funny that you don't really go that deep
to think about it. You just think, I know that guy,
I get his vibes.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
But there's only positive So there's no negative reaction to
your laughing at him, laughing with him, you know all
of that.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
There's no negative to it.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
So he created a space in television where we could
laugh at ourselves in society but also laugh at that character.
And they wrote him very funny obviously, But that, to
me is what I believe was the reason that character
for decades has such impact.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Yeah, I mean, no one forgets that was that one
of your most joyful chapters? Do you think Fresh Prince.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
I'm living my most joyful chapter boom. So it was
a great time. I loved every minute of it. You know,
they were family, right, everybody on Fresh Prince. That's that's family.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
But I'm living it now, and I'm living it because
there is.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
There's both sides, right, It's I'm the most successful I've
ever been career wise, and I'm the happiest I've ever
been in life. So I'm living it right now. But
those Fresh Prince days were incredible, going to set every day,
being with with Will and James and Karen and Tatiana
(23:07):
and Janet and and Daphanie and Joe, and those times
were just incredible, right. What we were building, what we
were doing, the way we worked together, the way we
supported one another was very special. And it's part of
why I don't really act anymore because that'll never be
(23:29):
achieved again. That kind of joy, that kind of love,
that kind of.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Support, that kind of creative.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
Magic that it's just it's so hard for that to happen.
It would feel like everything else becomes a letdown. So
now I get to just be me and it's not
a letdown because I could be me.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
So if someone knocked on the door and said, Alfonso,
I got a role for you, you got to read.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
For it, well, would you? I wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
You wouldn't be Oh, you wouldn't read.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
We're not we're not, We're not asking for the job
I got. I got, I got three of them.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
But I would.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
If something, if the itch started itching, I would absolutely
I would look at it.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
The desire is not there, the need isn't there.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
Because I'm I'm doing everything I love to do and
and the difference is is that I'm doing shows that
allow me to still have balance in my life with
my family. Right We've talked about like, if a job
came up here in New York, would you do it?
And the answer was no, like that, just flat out no,
I wouldn't do unless it was very short. I wouldn't
(24:51):
do a New York gig because I don't want to
raise my kids here.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Right.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
So, now, when my kids are old enough and they
move on and they're doing their lives, you know, independent
of mine, anything's possible. Right cause my wife and I
moved to New York for a little bit to do something,
of course, but like the idea of you know, me
getting in the car telling the boys, hey, you got
to be ready by three twenty we got baseball practice.
(25:16):
Yeah yeah, right, getting out of my work clothes or
whatever clothes, you know, and then hopping on and is
taking the kids and spending time and talking about the
game and life and how their day was, and getting
there and watching them perform, and you know, watching my daughter.
She just won state in gymnastics in California.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
She's an incredible.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
That wouldn't really exist here in New York City.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Are you you talked about your dad? Are you what
things from parenting did you take from your dad? And
what things did you leave behind? And say I'm not
doing that?
Speaker 3 (25:49):
Well, I would, you know. I'm definitely more. I share
more of my emotion with my kids. They see all sides, right,
They see crazy dad, they see happy dad, they see
loving dad, they see all of it.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
I saw it all, but it was less. But really.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
What I took from what my dad did was my
dad gave me his time, gave me his presence, and
he was there and he was listening and he was involved.
And that to me was the gift that I get
to give back to my children is being there, listening,
(26:38):
being truly part of their lives because you don't get
the time back. You know, I've got an older daughter
from a first marriage, and I wasn't there, right, I
didn't give her the time.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
I wasn't I wasn't.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Really part of her upbringing in the way that I
would have wanted to. And because of that, I'm like,
I am not making that mistake again. And so what
I've learned ultimately was be there.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yeah, let's talk about repotting because you have, you know,
this great career in acting. Obviously everyone's you know, knows
your name. The car by the way, do people still
ask you to do stance? How many times a day
do you get asked to do the.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
Car outside in public? It's going to happen at least
one hundred times.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Do you ever do it?
Speaker 3 (27:24):
Or not?
Speaker 2 (27:24):
A chance? Not a chance, no chance.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
I was like, it's so much better on YouTube, but does.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
It bother you to be so directly connected to that
singular moment?
Speaker 3 (27:38):
There was a time when I absolutely hated it. You know,
time age wisdom gives you perspective. Now what I'm able
to understand, is they're asking me to continue to bring
(27:59):
the joy with something that I have already created. It's
not an insult, it's not They're letting you know that
at the end of the day you bring me joy.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
That brought me joy.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
And when I see you, I can only think of
the joy you brought me and I would love to
have more.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
So I I have the pros beautiful now, the way
that's beautiful. I love that. I love that. So the
repotting piece, which is hard for people to redirect a
career anybody, because when you repot, you like pull yourself
up by the roots. You're dangling in the air. Oh
where am I going to go? Right? And then you
fortunately got planted in like nutrient rich soil, like you
(28:44):
just came alive. Did you imagine that this next chapter
which has involved all of this, all these cool tvy gigs,
was to come to pass? And did it surprise you
as it was all kind of unfolding?
Speaker 3 (28:59):
Never would have expected it, right, I never would have
expected me not acting right like That's that's what I was.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
I was an actor. That's all I knew myself is that.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
And my manager, Conrad Leay. He just was like, there's
there's other spaces for you. You are uniquely qualified for
other things that we don't have to just worry about
whether you're getting another role, right. And for a while
it was directing, right, like, I've directed over one hundred
(29:31):
and twenty five episodes of television.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Oh really, people don't really.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Know that, yeah, which, like give me, give me a little.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
It was in the house. That was all of us.
I was.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
I did an episode of Fresh Prints, I did a
bunch of Tyler Perry stuff.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
I did are we there yet? Wow? A bunch of
episodes for that. So all over the place, right, A.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Bunch of Disney shows upn you know, WB, a bunch
of the and so I did, I did all, you know,
all I got to work with Zendea when she it
was just how fun, I know, and she was incredible
and so I had a beautiful career doing that. I
never would have thought of that, but my manager was like,
try that. This is what I think you'd be great at.
And I'd gone to film school. Yeah, but I still
(30:13):
was like, you know, I mean, who's gonna hire me
as really?
Speaker 2 (30:16):
You know?
Speaker 3 (30:17):
And that became a really incredible time for me while
the rebranding or repotting could bear fruit right being me
being not that guy, and then the opportunity to do
Dancing with the Stars fell into my life.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Did you always want to do that?
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Absolutely? From day one? Really from season one. It took
till season nineteen.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Holy moly, So what you were you knocking on their
door all the time?
Speaker 3 (30:44):
Dina Katz and I became friends before I was on
the show. Hey, Dina, how's it looking.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
It's not looking good? Not looking good.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
There was there was a person at the network that
did not want me on the show. And when that
person was no longer at the network, you got the
opportunity for me to do the show was that season
right after that person was moved on, And that changed
my life because after I won the season, I sat
(31:17):
in the office of Rob Mills, who runs unscripted for ABC,
and he was like, all right, what do you want
to do? And there was a picture of Tomberr's run
on the wall and I was like that and he's like,
you mean you don't want to do like another sitcom?
Speaker 2 (31:31):
I was like, no, No.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
I spent my whole life trying to get away from
a character where people could see me as me. I
did three and a half months on this show showing
people the real me, and they approved, why are we
going back to being someone else again, Let's just keep
(31:53):
being me.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
This is working.
Speaker 3 (31:55):
And then Afe and Now Dancing went to Stars as host.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
So America's Onnest Videos to have Tom Burger on, by
the way, choose you yes, to have a mentor like him?
I mean, what did that mean and what was the relationship?
Speaker 3 (32:09):
Like, well, he you know, obviously I did dancing and
he turned to me maybe the quarter finals or something
like that, and he goes, you know, I'm leaving America
is finding some videos and I've made the decision to
no longer do this, and I think you're the.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Guy to replace me.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
And I was like, oh my god, what are you
talking about?
Speaker 2 (32:36):
Like, oh my god.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
And he's like, I'm going to talk to the producers
and the network and really let them know that I
think you would be incredible.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
And I was like thank you. Wow.
Speaker 3 (32:49):
And so when the opportunity came and I met with them,
and I had the meeting with Rob Mills and met
with Vin de Bona and did a screen test and
the whole bit, and I was.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Like, well, what should I do? Like? How like how
should I approach this?
Speaker 3 (33:04):
He said, I've already you already know what to do.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Just be you, OK? Just do you?
Speaker 3 (33:11):
Right? And so that kind of validation for me allowed
me to walk onto that stage with a confidence that
you know, we always walk in with a little bit
of like, am I am?
Speaker 2 (33:23):
I right? Isn't gonna be good? Like? What do I
need to do? Like you overthink it? Right? And I
was able to walk in and go, I'm just gonna
do it. Maybe that's enough. I don't know what, I'm
just going to do it.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
Tom already told me that's all I need to do, right.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
And then when I got.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
The show, I went to the writers and I said, look,
the audience already loves this show, right, I.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Don't think we should do anything different.
Speaker 3 (33:54):
I want you to write the episode no different than
you would write it for Tom. But it will be
different because I'm doing it because I'm not Tom.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
I can't Tom. Does I do what I do?
Speaker 3 (34:06):
There might be similarities, but it'll be different. Yeah, But
we don't have to write it differently because.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
The audience, if it feels different to them, they're gonna
be like I don't know.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
Yeah, I've been watching us too long to have something
new come into our house, right, And they don't know
the backstory that Tom said he was leaving, and they
don't know all that. They just know that Tom's not there.
This guy is now there?
Speaker 1 (34:28):
WHOA, what's going on here?
Speaker 2 (34:29):
I wanted to feel the same.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
God, that's so smart.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
And so they wrote every episode the same, and then
as time went along, then they started to slightly write
it different anymore from me, but yeah, but the transition
had already been made.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
So this you said, this chapter, doing all these amazing things,
hosting Dancing with the Stars, you're an upfront, so you're
like front and center everywhere. I mean, you had this
crescendo with fresh prints and sometimes when you're at the
top of the wave, you're like, it's not going to
get better, right, But you're on a.
Speaker 3 (34:59):
Differ and it got better high.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
That's pretty astonishing. How do you see it playing out?
Or do you just are you the kind of guy
who's like, let's keep on rolling, keep going, okay, I say.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
You know, I'm dory right, just keep swimming, just keep swimming.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
And that's and.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
That's literally how I live each day.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
Of work. Just keep doing it, and where it ends.
Speaker 3 (35:24):
It ends when it and just just keep swimming.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
And that's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
Just keep going well. I mean, you.
Speaker 3 (35:30):
Can't know the future, you can't predict the future, and
typically anytime you try to influence the future, you influence
it the wrong way.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
Just let it happen. I believe that the story is
already written.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
Anything you do can maybe change it, but that doesn't
mean change is good.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
It's already written. Let it happen. Let it happen.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
Just don't get in its way, right, don't don't do
something that that changes your destiny from the beautiful destination
that I believe I'm destined to achieve by doing something.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Just keep swimming.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
You know, it's so interesting. There's that you know, the
the nursery rhyme. It's like row row row your boat.
Like I spent a ton of my career, like I
felt like I was swimming upstream. I was trying. I'm like,
if I just work harder, it's going to get easier.
And it wasn't getting easier. And all of a sudden,
this was at dateline when I was in all those
kind of scary places. But I was listening to that,
row row row your boat, and it's like row row,
(36:35):
row your boat gently down the street, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily.
Life is but a dream. And sometimes when you're in flow,
I can tell you're totally in flow, like this is
so good, right, But when you are, it feels like
a rush. And when you're pushing and thinking, if I
work harder, if I'm more optimistic, if I just try harder,
(36:56):
like getting out of that and finding like your bliss,
it sounds it's like you hit it.
Speaker 3 (37:01):
Yes, I working hard. First of all, I don't think
I can work harder.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
Yeah, now you can't.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Right now, I can put more hours in, right, I
can take hours away from my life and put it
into work. But does that really make anything better? And
in my life, success isn't defined by my work. Success
is defined by my heart. And if my heart is happy,
(37:32):
then I'm successful, and if it's not, then I'm not.
And that has nothing to do with what I'm achieving
in my career goals. It's life goals. We're put here
to go through life, not to go through work.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
Work can be part of it, that's not all of it.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
So so I row row room my belt gently, down
the stream.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
The water's already going in that direction. Yeah, we're all
moving together.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
We're all going.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
Now, can I speed it up a little bit? Sure,
come on a little bit.
Speaker 3 (38:07):
I gotta catch a moment. Let's speed up a little bit,
Maurice car driver. I can't al myself right, so you know,
but that doesn't mean we have to have to like
get into it and start paddling.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
And I'm gonna do this. Just be prepared.
Speaker 3 (38:17):
Right last season, before dancing started, I started taking dance
lessons again right now.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
There was a joy that.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
I found taking the classes, but it was also like,
let's you be prepared for the job, right. They asked
me to dance every once in a while now on
the show. So it's not like, hey, who you know, like, no, no, no,
I got to know how to do I gotta I
gotta remember how to do this. Yeah, right, And so
I I have, you know, be.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
Ready, be ready for the opportunity. Right. Will Smith used
to always say to me, don't get ready, be.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
Ready, don't get ready, be ready?
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Right.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
Oh that's good.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
And so I spend my life being ready and not
getting ready.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
So but but only.
Speaker 3 (39:03):
On the things that I enjoy. So if I don't
enjoy it, what am I getting ready for?
Speaker 1 (39:09):
Yeah? I love it?
Speaker 2 (39:10):
Right, Let's talk.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
About love, because you know that's your that's that's your
sweet spot. You found the girl, you got the family.
What I mean, finding a life partner, finding the sole connection? Right,
I mean, describe what she means in your world.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
I will start with the day that.
Speaker 3 (39:33):
She let me know that I was the one.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
So the movie Eat, Pray, Love.
Speaker 3 (39:41):
Yeah, the medicine man, she went and saw that person
for real, oh, in Asia, and he said to her
that you will find your soulmate when you meet the
person that has your same birthmark. So we start dating,
(40:08):
and deep into our dating life, she sees my birthmark
and flips and I'm like, what did I do?
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Right? I'm like what?
Speaker 3 (40:21):
But she was uncomfortable saying what she's about to say.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
This is like.
Speaker 3 (40:26):
And then a month or so later, she was like
remember when, and yeah, she was like, this guy told
me that my soulmate has my same birthmark.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Look here.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
And it's identical, same spot, same shape.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
Same everything.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
That's so crazy And I thought that was crazy real
when she said it. But then his life has continued
to move on.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
Wow, is that true?
Speaker 3 (41:00):
Right, Like, she is my other half and we compliment
each other in life in the best ways possible. And
you're never really ready for that when it comes to you,
but the earlier you can appreciate it, the.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
Better it will be.
Speaker 3 (41:23):
And you know, she's the mother of three of my children,
and like we are together and we spend our time together,
and you know, she is my biggest fan, supporter, partner,
(41:43):
everything that I could ever want in a partner she is.
She's an incredible mom, she takes care of the kids,
she's she's a superwoman.
Speaker 1 (41:53):
Yeah, well, you it sounds like everything is firing. I
get why this is your chapter. I get why this
is your moment. Let's close with you. Know, Look, there
are people who are seeking joy. There are people who
are trying to They feel like it's elusive. And I
do think it's a choice. I don't think you just
get it or don't have it. Yes, But for someone
who's lived all these chapters, if you were going to
(42:13):
help someone who's kind of saying like I feel like
joy's out of reach, what would what would be any
advice anything that might help someone who's seeking.
Speaker 3 (42:25):
I'd start with the word that jumped into my head.
There's two words that jumped in my head. Obviously empathy.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
Right.
Speaker 3 (42:37):
When you create empathy for the world, you have the
ability to feel what others are going through.
Speaker 2 (42:50):
Right, And.
Speaker 3 (42:55):
When you have that, I believe it puts things in perspective.
There is no such thing as perfect.
Speaker 2 (43:03):
It doesn't exist. Right.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
We love our Disney movies, those are fairy tales. In
real life, there's good and there's bad, right.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
I believe in.
Speaker 3 (43:17):
Life the ying and the yang right, for all good
that comes bad has.
Speaker 2 (43:25):
To equal it. How do you see it?
Speaker 3 (43:31):
How do you choose to see the bad? I've seen
many people say when something negative happens, it's an opportunity.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
You're not a victim of it.
Speaker 3 (43:47):
It's an opportunity, the opportunity to learn, opportunity to grow.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
Right.
Speaker 3 (43:52):
You don't grow in success, you grow in failure. So
if you can view failure and things that are not
perfect as an opportunity, when the good happens, you will
see it in a joyful way and not see it
negatively because you're living in that negative.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
That makes energy.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
I was just picturing you with James, what could have
been like the most depressing and horrible and it was
terribly sad. However, how you came out with all these
jewels and gems and ways to change your life. Yes,
I mean that's like personifying.
Speaker 3 (44:33):
James and his wife, Kimberly and all the kids have
impacted my life in a way that could never really
truly be understood by others. And that ability to have
joy and appreciation and the wisdom that man had wisdom.
He'll never be fully appreciated for the man that he is,
(44:56):
and the same for Kimberly.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
She still was. Of course she will have an opportunity to.
Speaker 3 (45:01):
Continue to share that kind of wisdom.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
But it did. It gave me a perspective.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
Yeah, well, I just want to say one thing. I
love how you live your life.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
I love the way you view the world. And I'm
so happier on this podcast Joy one on one man.
Speaker 3 (45:16):
It's so you, I guess, thank you for hand picking me.
Of course, I'm so happy when I will say when,
when when the when the the ask came across.
Speaker 2 (45:27):
I don't do.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
Podcasts, Yeah, you know, it's not your thing.
Speaker 3 (45:30):
I just well, podcasts are clickbait that they're looking for.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
That moment, and I was.
Speaker 3 (45:39):
Like, this is one that I know is not about that.
It's about and Joy one on one is is everything.
And I couldn't be more happy that you've asked me
and that I got to be able to do this
with you.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
It was That's a true honor.
Speaker 1 (45:54):
Thank you. Love you, honey, love you. Okay. So as
we wrap up today, I'm a huge quote person. I
love a quote, I love a poem. They stick with me.
So Joanna Gaines helped me redo my office for our
company Joy one oh one, and I it was like
just a few weeks ago that I was walking through
(46:15):
the office and in one of the places, on a
bulletin board was a poem that was left behind that
Joanna and her team left behind for me and I
didn't see it. And this poem is so moving. I'm
just going to read it to you, okay. It says this, somewhere,
in some corner of the world sits a seed. Maybe
it's tucked in the pocket of last season's chore coat,
(46:37):
or disregarded in the bottom of an otherwise empty hardware
store packet, or dropped and left alone on the floor
of the garden shed. Wherever it is, it sits there,
containing within it almost all of the necessary pieces to grow,
to burst out of the ground into the beautiful plant
it was meant to be. But it will need nurture,
(46:58):
to be planted in good soil, to be given water
and sunshine and shade, and then time to wait and
watch as what's always been becomes the fullness of what
it was made to be. And somewhere in some corner
of the world sits you. Maybe you're on a park
bench getting ready to make your next move, or at
(47:19):
your kitchen table after a hard conversation, or in front
of your computer with minutes and hours and days of
work left to do. Wherever you are, you sit there,
containing within you almost all of the necessary pieces to grow,
to burst forth into the beautiful person you were made
to be. But you will need nurture, to be put
(47:40):
in a place that makes you come alive, to be
given space to sort it all out, tools to learn,
to grow and to be, and then time time to
wait and watch as what you've always been becomes the
fullness of who you were made to be. I don't
even know who said that poem, but it's a way
(48:00):
in again's special left behind, and I hope it means
something to you. It means a lot to me,
Hey guys, I'm Hotocopy. Welcome to Joy. Wanna won the podcast.
So I am constantly seeking I'm like seeking inspiration, I'm
seeking joy, I'm seeking things that just make me feel good.
And something crazy happened to me on a flight the
other day. So I was flying back from Miami and
it was seven am. I was exhausted. It was like
(00:32):
just another regular flight. I'm sitting down and there's a
guy who gets on the plane and he was supposed
to be sitting in another seat, but that was occupied.
So we just plopped down next to me and we
started talking. And so I thought it was going to
be a two minute conversation and then I was going
to go ninety nine. So the guy goes, you know,
I've been feeling kind of heavy lately, and I was like, oh,
I go, I go, what do you mean? He goes,
(00:53):
I just I saw this image on Instagram and it
was a child who was an orphan and was hungry,
and I can't stop thinking about him, like I couldn't stop.
I woke up in the night and I couldn't stop
thinking about him, and so I did a deep dive
on the kid. So he went on Instagram and he
found the photographer who took the picture. Then he found
the orphanage and it was in Uganda. Any track track
(01:16):
tracked until he got in touch with a man who
ran the orphanage. And he called and he said, listen,
I saw this image. Can I send something? And the
guy said, send anything. So we sent clothes, and then
the guy on the plane showed me a picture of
the kids wearing new clothes, and I was getting teary eyed.
I was like feeling that feeling and he was like
(01:37):
and then they asked. I asked, how much does it
cost to feed all these children? An image of like
dozens and dozens of kids, and he said two hundred
and thirty two dollars a month, and so we started
sending money. So this conversation, weirdly like cracked me open,
like we were sharing. It was beautiful, like I was weepy.
It was like one of those weird encounters that you
(01:59):
feel like you're you have different feelings inside. I get
off the plane, I'm walking and this woman is in
a wheelchair. Her husband's pushing her and their four year
old daughter is walking along. I'm walking normal. She slips
her hand in my hand and just holds it and
(02:20):
I look at her and she goes, my name is Brie,
and I go, hi. So I'm walking. This kid is
holding my hand. We're walking through the airport and her
parents just kind of smile and we keep walking and
we get to the elevator and she says, I have
to take the elevator with my mom and dad. Will
will you wait for me? Because I was taking the escalator.
So I said yes, So I took the escalator, waited
(02:43):
for Brie, and she slipped her hand back in mine
and we walked to the door and I say goodbye.
And I can't stop thinking about this encounter because I
think what happened was on the plane, I was kind
of cracked open, and you know that feeling when you're open,
suddenly goodness comes well, all of a sudden, that little
(03:06):
four year old girl and me, we were connected, and
I thought to myself, all I want to do is
have more of that. I want to have more of
those moments that open you up, make you feel joyful,
show you that there's goodness all around. So joys in
the tiny things, which brings me to our episode today.
(03:27):
Who is somebody who personifies joy? You know, the kind
of person who when they walk in a room like damn,
it's like the lights go on, you want to be
near that person. Well, I know who that person is.
It's Alfonso Ribero. Alfonso is the guy from Fresh Prince
of bel Airybody's more than all that. This guy is
somebody who everyone in Hollywood says is the nicest guy.
(03:50):
He's the guy who is kind to every single person.
What makes him that way? What's he about? Where does
it come from? We're gonna explore all of it our
podcast Joy one oh one. So first of.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
All, yay, ye're here. I'm here.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Yes, And you were hand selected when we were talking
about guests, okay, because this podcast is called Joy one
oh one, Right, and I was thinking to myself, who
who's the Joy guy? Who's the guy when he walks
in the room, everyone goes, oh God, and you're you're
that guy. So I do have a question for you.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Yeah that Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Is this a I wake up in the morning and
automatically I got it going? Or is this does it
take a little bit to get where you're going.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
I've gotta be awake, you gotta be I've gotta be
awake like I always say, there's there's two sides.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
To my personality.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Okay, there is the going to sleep waking up angry. Right,
there's that side of Alfonso that is the very real side,
and then there's we walk into the world and in
the world, I'm happy and it's not put on. It's
not It's like, I feel so lucky and blessed that
(05:09):
I get to do what I do still forty seven
years later. It's amazing to me when I'm like, I'm
still doing and I'm happy about it, and I appreciate
life so much, you know, especially over the last couple
of years having some really dear friends passing, It's like
(05:33):
you start to really recognize what's important in life. And
I've and that's how I live.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
My kids are everything.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
My family's everything, right, Like going and being a baseball
dad is some of the greatest joys that I have
in my life now, watching my kids do things. That's
so I live in a space of like true appreciation.
So I'm joyous because I'm just happy of all the
(06:02):
things I could have never written this story.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
I mean, first of all, I'm kind of admiring everything
you're saying because the admission of I get angry. I
have my house me and then I step out and
there's something about the light, something about all of that
coming at you. And you said something else that struck me.
You said, you know, you've lost a couple of friends.
I find it so interesting and same with me, like
(06:27):
the world suddenly snaps into focus when you have a
loss your life spam. Okay, this is priority, This life
is short.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
How did it affect you?
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Like? What did it do well?
Speaker 3 (06:40):
It has affected me deeply, especially James Vanderbeek.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Pass it your priorities right. One of the things.
Speaker 3 (06:51):
I actually had this conversation with my team this morning
as I'm, you know, getting ready for the day time
right when you're you're on your deathbed, the one question one,
the one thing you would.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Ask for is more time.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
And so then I look at the world backwards, so
I start at what is it going to be? What's
my life going to be like at the end? And
when I get there, what would I want? What would
I ask for? And I would say, I'd ask for time?
So then what am I doing with it? That's how
am I using it? How am I affecting the people
(07:33):
around me with my time? Because it's the only thing
you're really going to ask for at the end is
more of it, So why waste it?
Speaker 1 (07:43):
That's so interesting when you're saying this is landing with
me too. When I was leaving the today S not
too long ago, I was thinking about like my time pie.
I was like, everyone gets one pie? How are you
going to carve it up? Absolutely, you're gonna put like
what goes where, what gets priority, and what deserves more so,
what changed? What did you What did you alter?
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Well?
Speaker 3 (08:06):
Family friends, yes, loved ones in all aspects, like my parents,
time with them, you know, focused time right, one on
one time. That was the That's the biggest change, right,
telling the people that you.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
Care about how you feel.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
It's good, so you don't ever if it ends tomorrow
for either one of us. No one goes away thinking
about what they could have had. When I was going
to see James while he was in his deathbed, literally
you know, we we had conversations and it was I
(08:49):
said to my wife afterwards, that's what.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
I want when I go.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
I want to be surrounded by people that love you,
that are there for you, that want what's best for you,
and everyone around you.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
That's what I want when.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
I wow and so from that day you can walk
around in life going, let's make sure that's available.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Let's make sure that happy that can happen, right, and so.
Speaker 3 (09:16):
Live every day making sure that's a possibility.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
Wow, I love that. I love that was beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Okay,
so now you're making sense to me. I understand you.
Now I got your whole vibe. I want to take
it back, though, because when I think about you, someone
had to like pour into you. So who was the
optimist when you were a little boy growing up? Was
(09:40):
it your mom? Was it your dad? Who was the
glass half full? Life is beautiful?
Speaker 2 (09:44):
You know they they were all both.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
It wasn't an individual thing, right.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
My dad was my manager.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
My dad was my best friend when I was starting
in the business. And and you know, my dad would
put me on it in the front part of the
motorcycle and I would I would. I would ride to
auditions with him, right, and we'd sit at a coffee
shop between auditions, and it was always perspective, right, we're
(10:14):
lucky to be doing this, We're lucky that we have
this time. And of course when you're a kid, you
don't really get it.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Now, you don't mean anything until much later.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Right, But my dad always gave me, you know, logic, right,
what's important, you know priorities. My mom was kind of
the same way, but then the love came kind of behind.
It was never forward love interesting, it was never you know,
(10:42):
we didn't say I love you a lot. That wasn't
our relationship, right my parents. But I understood that there
was love.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
How did you know, like as a kid, you need just.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
In your heart, right, James.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
I go back to James a lot because we have
such We had so many great credible conversations.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
He used to say to me, your.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Brain takes credit for all the things your heart does
because you live your life with your heart.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
It's like, but your brain takes credit.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
And when he said that to me, it became so
true because I live my life with my heart. This
tells me everything I need to know. Get this out
of the way and listen as we'll tell you. Right,
your brain has ego, your brain has you know, history
and damage and you know you know all of that, but.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Your heart does it. It just leads you.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
And I just knew it. I always knew that I
was loved. I knew that I had love. I knew
that my parents, the things that they gave up in
their lives for me to have my life is love.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
There's nothing more than love.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
No, it's so fun. I just interviewed this woman about
this topic, and she said, so many people say, oh,
my parents never said they love me, and so oh
my god, I'm seeking it my whole life. And she
said saying it is not necessarily the only way to
show love, like when they picked you up, when they
brought you X, Y and Z. And I think sometimes
we all forget. It's like, but I never got the words.
(12:13):
It's like sometimes show don't tell like they have their
own language.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Words or words.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Yeah, it doesn't mean anything unless the substance is behind it.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Yes, right, show me.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
You can tell me you love me all the time.
A lot of people who tell me they love me. Yeah,
I walk down the street, we love you? Do you
probably love me?
Speaker 1 (12:34):
Right?
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Do we really understand love? If we're saying that, you know.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
I get it, we really like you. I take that
that can be real. But no, you don't love me.
You love an idea of me. You don't love me right.
But but my family loves me right, and.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
I know that deep down.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
And they don't ever have to say it now because
I didn't hear it all the time.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I say it all the time.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
I understand, but I could.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Say it or not say it, And I don't think
that would change how my kids feel about how I
feel about that.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Right.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Who was the first person who told you you were
talented and you believed it?
Speaker 2 (13:18):
My grandmother, my grandmother on my dad's side.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
Her name was Mumsy, as we called her, and she
was a Riker's Island police officer, hard as can be, right,
wealthy in a time when we didn't have wealth, you
know for people like that. And she had a daughter
(13:45):
who was on a show called Laughing, so my aunt
was on Laughing. My grandfather was a Calypso singer, so
she knew what talent looked like.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
And she would.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Say you have it, you have that thing and I
and she would always be I'm so proud, and I
just you know, all the all the all the rest
of it.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
But I was like, I believed it. Wow, I believed that.
I was probably four or five.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
And what did she see? Like dancing?
Speaker 3 (14:20):
So I would just I would sing, I'll be singing
all the time.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Yeah, just anything.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Just yes.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
My mom was the singer really in the house. But
like I, I would sing all the time, I'd be
moving all the time. I don't know what we call
it dancing now, I would say just moving, It wasn't
really dancing. I would I would voices and characters and like,
I was all of that.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
In my in my youth.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
So like and so I would say, she was the
first person that I believed it.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
And then my dad was the one.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
That cultivated it, okay, because he had the structure, that discipline,
the you know, you gotta have work ethic, all that
kind of stuff. This is how we're going to get
there what we're doing? All right? So tap Dance Kid
you on Broadway? Yeah, I mean a kid? What were you?
Twelve thirteen?
Speaker 3 (15:03):
I was eleven eleven. I got the role and I
didn't tap dance, so I didn't I wasn't a tap dancer.
I'd never tap dance in my life. And they hired
me to be the tap dance kid, and they taught
me to tap dance for a year.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Okay, that's insane.
Speaker 3 (15:20):
And then we opened on Broadway. I was twelve in
nineteen eighty three.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
What's the day in the life of a twelve year
old on Broadway. Just give me one single day of.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Well like I would.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
I would say I had the hardest schedule in show
business because I'll just give you a Tuesday.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Give it.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
I wake up at seven, have breakfast, be at school
by eight, go to school till three, get home, do homework, study,
have some food, maybe take a quick nap, relax for
a second, get picked up at six.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Right.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
Oh, sorry, that's Wednesday. I would go half day and
then I would leave it at eleven thirty, get to
the theater by twelve, on stage at one to do
a matinee, then time to eat, show at eight, off
at eleven, home by midnight, asleep by one, up again
(16:21):
the next day, and the and the and the.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
Kicker is Sundays.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
They would be off after the matinee and have Monday off.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
But I still went to school on Monday.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
I cannot believe you did that as a kid.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
So my schedule never stop.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
How did you? I mean now for kids, we we
you know, it's like we're always worried. Like is that?
Are you too tired? You didn't get your twelve hours sleep?
I mean I'm sick a lot, were you?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
Yeah? Yeah, I'm sick a lot. It was.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
It was a They ended up taking me out of
the matinees and letting understudy do the manas about halfway
through my run because I was constantly sick.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Did you enjoy Were you loving it? Or were you
was it just a grind?
Speaker 3 (17:00):
I loved moments. Yes, I enjoyed most of it.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
I recognize how hard it was. So when I went
to television, I thought television was a joke.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Oh, because it was like lazy people.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
Yeah, We're going to spend five days working on this.
This is how it's really hard.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Get it, go out, undone it.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
It's I mean, all these opportunities kept coming to you though,
I mean you were obviously Again I think it's your discipline,
your I mean you worked for everything but Silverspoon fresh Prints.
Did you just keep getting things? Or in between where
their rejections that didn't get other were okay, I didn't
(17:44):
read about those.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
What do you got?
Speaker 1 (17:45):
What happened?
Speaker 2 (17:46):
I mean a ton of them?
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Right, Like the life of an actor is your job
is to audition. Your bonus is getting the job. So
you audition for one hundred things, you get one, you
are successful, like you are killing it. If you get
(18:11):
one out of one hundred. Right, that's ninety nine rejections.
Ninety nine times someone said yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Not good enough, which is just a life. Right.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
So you get used to people telling you that we
don't like you. Wow, right, Like that's someone says they
don't like me, I go get in line, I.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Mean, what do you mean? Why does that affect me? Right?
Speaker 3 (18:33):
And especially now in this age of social media where
people tell you they don't like you all the time
and you read it. And I've always said, I actually
had this conversation with one of my Dance Withood Stars
friends last night. I'm like, why would you give the
devil and open communication with your heart? Why would you
(18:59):
let them have communication with your heart?
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Don't read it, don't care? Right, So rejection for me
is so it doesn't mean anything. That's not important to me.
What you think of me is important to me. What
does my kids think? What am my wife? What does
my wife think? What do my parents think? What do
my friends think? That's important?
Speaker 3 (19:20):
I literally said, if I said these things to you,
it should mean something because I'm your friend. I don't
care about your success or I care about you when
I say, hey, how are you doing?
Speaker 2 (19:31):
I'm not just saying those words, I mean it.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
How are you when you talked about the ninety nine
rejections and getting one, why didn't after multiple rejections, why
didn't you just say, you know what, some things aren't
meant to.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
Be, because that's that's just what it is, right, that's
even as a kid, Yeah, you go for them and
and and For me, the audition was the fun process.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
That's good.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
That was like you know, I mean, in the day,
let's keep it real. It meant I left school early.
Speaker 3 (20:03):
I got out of school early to go on a
motorcycle ride with my dad into the city to go
perform for a bunch of people in a room and
then maybe sit at a little coffee shop and have
some food, maybe some ice cream.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I even drank coffee back. Yeah it's crazy. I don't
drink it now much.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
But but that was fun. The process was fun, So
I didn't look at getting the job as the end all.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
It was more of the process.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
Carlton in Fresh Prints was a role that I don't
think anyone imagined being as big as it was. No
one could, I mean, did it become as big as
it was because of something you designed? How did that
role turn into something that became part of the culture.
Speaker 3 (20:46):
I think, so, going deep for a second, which I
never do, Carlton was a character that black people could
like laugh at white people, but not laugh at a
white person. It was a character that white people could
(21:09):
laugh at themselves without seeing themselves laughed at.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
So it allowed.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
People to be comfortable with the corny white guy without
anyone feeling insulted and laughing at it and.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Feeling like, oh, I know that guy. I laugh at
that guy. That kid's in my school.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
Yeah he's smart, but he's not cool, right, Or you're
laughing at something that exists in society but no one
gets offended.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
Isn't that funny that you don't really go that deep
to think about it. You just think, I know that guy,
I get his vibes.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
But there's only positive So there's no negative reaction to
your laughing at him, laughing with him, you know all
of that.
Speaker 2 (21:56):
There's no negative to it.
Speaker 3 (21:58):
So he created a space in television where we could
laugh at ourselves in society but also laugh at that character.
And they wrote him very funny obviously, But that, to
me is what I believe was the reason that character
for decades has such impact.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Yeah, I mean, no one forgets that was that one
of your most joyful chapters? Do you think Fresh Prince.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
I'm living my most joyful chapter boom. So it was
a great time. I loved every minute of it. You know,
they were family, right, everybody on Fresh Prince. That's that's family.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
But I'm living it now, and I'm living it because
there is.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
There's both sides, right, It's I'm the most successful I've
ever been career wise, and I'm the happiest I've ever
been in life. So I'm living it right now. But
those Fresh Prince days were incredible, going to set every day,
being with with Will and James and Karen and Tatiana
(23:07):
and Janet and and Daphanie and Joe, and those times
were just incredible, right. What we were building, what we
were doing, the way we worked together, the way we
supported one another was very special. And it's part of
why I don't really act anymore because that'll never be
(23:29):
achieved again. That kind of joy, that kind of love,
that kind of.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Support, that kind of creative.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
Magic that it's just it's so hard for that to happen.
It would feel like everything else becomes a letdown. So
now I get to just be me and it's not
a letdown because I could be me.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
So if someone knocked on the door and said, Alfonso,
I got a role for you, you got to read.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
For it, well, would you? I wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
You wouldn't be Oh, you wouldn't read.
Speaker 3 (24:04):
We're not we're not, We're not asking for the job
I got. I got, I got three of them.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
But I would.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
If something, if the itch started itching, I would absolutely
I would look at it.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
The desire is not there, the need isn't there.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
Because I'm I'm doing everything I love to do and
and the difference is is that I'm doing shows that
allow me to still have balance in my life with
my family. Right We've talked about like, if a job
came up here in New York, would you do it?
And the answer was no, like that, just flat out no,
I wouldn't do unless it was very short. I wouldn't
(24:51):
do a New York gig because I don't want to
raise my kids here.
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Right.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
So, now, when my kids are old enough and they
move on and they're doing their lives, you know, independent
of mine, anything's possible. Right cause my wife and I
moved to New York for a little bit to do something,
of course, but like the idea of you know, me
getting in the car telling the boys, hey, you got
to be ready by three twenty we got baseball practice.
(25:16):
Yeah yeah, right, getting out of my work clothes or
whatever clothes, you know, and then hopping on and is
taking the kids and spending time and talking about the
game and life and how their day was, and getting
there and watching them perform, and you know, watching my daughter.
She just won state in gymnastics in California.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
She's an incredible.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
That wouldn't really exist here in New York City.
Speaker 1 (25:40):
Are you you talked about your dad? Are you what
things from parenting did you take from your dad? And
what things did you leave behind? And say I'm not
doing that?
Speaker 3 (25:49):
Well, I would, you know. I'm definitely more. I share
more of my emotion with my kids. They see all sides, right,
They see crazy dad, they see happy dad, they see
loving dad, they see all of it.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
I saw it all, but it was less. But really.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
What I took from what my dad did was my
dad gave me his time, gave me his presence, and
he was there and he was listening and he was involved.
And that to me was the gift that I get
to give back to my children is being there, listening,
(26:38):
being truly part of their lives because you don't get
the time back. You know, I've got an older daughter
from a first marriage, and I wasn't there, right, I
didn't give her the time.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
I wasn't I wasn't.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Really part of her upbringing in the way that I
would have wanted to. And because of that, I'm like,
I am not making that mistake again. And so what
I've learned ultimately was be there.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yeah, let's talk about repotting because you have, you know,
this great career in acting. Obviously everyone's you know, knows
your name. The car by the way, do people still
ask you to do stance? How many times a day
do you get asked to do the.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
Car outside in public? It's going to happen at least
one hundred times.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Do you ever do it?
Speaker 3 (27:24):
Or not?
Speaker 2 (27:24):
A chance? Not a chance, no chance.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
I was like, it's so much better on YouTube, but does.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
It bother you to be so directly connected to that
singular moment?
Speaker 3 (27:38):
There was a time when I absolutely hated it. You know,
time age wisdom gives you perspective. Now what I'm able
to understand, is they're asking me to continue to bring
(27:59):
the joy with something that I have already created. It's
not an insult, it's not They're letting you know that
at the end of the day you bring me joy.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
That brought me joy.
Speaker 3 (28:14):
And when I see you, I can only think of
the joy you brought me and I would love to
have more.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
So I I have the pros beautiful now, the way
that's beautiful. I love that. I love that. So the
repotting piece, which is hard for people to redirect a
career anybody, because when you repot, you like pull yourself
up by the roots. You're dangling in the air. Oh
where am I going to go? Right? And then you
fortunately got planted in like nutrient rich soil, like you
(28:44):
just came alive. Did you imagine that this next chapter
which has involved all of this, all these cool tvy gigs,
was to come to pass? And did it surprise you
as it was all kind of unfolding?
Speaker 3 (28:59):
Never would have expected it, right, I never would have
expected me not acting right like That's that's what I was.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
I was an actor. That's all I knew myself is that.
Speaker 3 (29:09):
And my manager, Conrad Leay. He just was like, there's
there's other spaces for you. You are uniquely qualified for
other things that we don't have to just worry about
whether you're getting another role, right. And for a while
it was directing, right, like, I've directed over one hundred
(29:31):
and twenty five episodes of television.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Oh really, people don't really.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Know that, yeah, which, like give me, give me a little.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
It was in the house. That was all of us.
I was.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
I did an episode of Fresh Prints, I did a
bunch of Tyler Perry stuff.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
I did are we there yet? Wow? A bunch of
episodes for that. So all over the place, right, A.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Bunch of Disney shows upn you know, WB, a bunch
of the and so I did, I did all, you know,
all I got to work with Zendea when she it
was just how fun, I know, and she was incredible
and so I had a beautiful career doing that. I
never would have thought of that, but my manager was like,
try that. This is what I think you'd be great at.
And I'd gone to film school. Yeah, but I still
(30:13):
was like, you know, I mean, who's gonna hire me
as really?
Speaker 2 (30:16):
You know?
Speaker 3 (30:17):
And that became a really incredible time for me while
the rebranding or repotting could bear fruit right being me
being not that guy, and then the opportunity to do
Dancing with the Stars fell into my life.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Did you always want to do that?
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Absolutely? From day one? Really from season one. It took
till season nineteen.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Holy moly, So what you were you knocking on their
door all the time?
Speaker 3 (30:44):
Dina Katz and I became friends before I was on
the show. Hey, Dina, how's it looking.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
It's not looking good? Not looking good.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
There was there was a person at the network that
did not want me on the show. And when that
person was no longer at the network, you got the
opportunity for me to do the show was that season
right after that person was moved on, And that changed
my life because after I won the season, I sat
(31:17):
in the office of Rob Mills, who runs unscripted for ABC,
and he was like, all right, what do you want
to do? And there was a picture of Tomberr's run
on the wall and I was like that and he's like,
you mean you don't want to do like another sitcom?
Speaker 2 (31:31):
I was like, no, No.
Speaker 3 (31:32):
I spent my whole life trying to get away from
a character where people could see me as me. I
did three and a half months on this show showing
people the real me, and they approved, why are we
going back to being someone else again, Let's just keep
(31:53):
being me.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
This is working.
Speaker 3 (31:55):
And then Afe and Now Dancing went to Stars as host.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
So America's Onnest Videos to have Tom Burger on, by
the way, choose you yes, to have a mentor like him?
I mean, what did that mean and what was the relationship?
Speaker 3 (32:09):
Like, well, he you know, obviously I did dancing and
he turned to me maybe the quarter finals or something
like that, and he goes, you know, I'm leaving America
is finding some videos and I've made the decision to
no longer do this, and I think you're the.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Guy to replace me.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
And I was like, oh my god, what are you
talking about?
Speaker 2 (32:36):
Like, oh my god.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
And he's like, I'm going to talk to the producers
and the network and really let them know that I
think you would be incredible.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
And I was like thank you. Wow.
Speaker 3 (32:49):
And so when the opportunity came and I met with them,
and I had the meeting with Rob Mills and met
with Vin de Bona and did a screen test and
the whole bit, and I was.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Like, well, what should I do? Like? How like how
should I approach this?
Speaker 3 (33:04):
He said, I've already you already know what to do.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
Just be you, OK? Just do you?
Speaker 3 (33:11):
Right? And so that kind of validation for me allowed
me to walk onto that stage with a confidence that
you know, we always walk in with a little bit
of like, am I am?
Speaker 2 (33:23):
I right? Isn't gonna be good? Like? What do I
need to do? Like you overthink it? Right? And I
was able to walk in and go, I'm just gonna
do it. Maybe that's enough. I don't know what, I'm
just going to do it.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
Tom already told me that's all I need to do, right.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
And then when I got.
Speaker 3 (33:41):
The show, I went to the writers and I said, look,
the audience already loves this show, right, I.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
Don't think we should do anything different.
Speaker 3 (33:54):
I want you to write the episode no different than
you would write it for Tom. But it will be
different because I'm doing it because I'm not Tom.
Speaker 2 (34:04):
I can't Tom. Does I do what I do?
Speaker 3 (34:06):
There might be similarities, but it'll be different. Yeah, But
we don't have to write it differently because.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
The audience, if it feels different to them, they're gonna
be like I don't know.
Speaker 3 (34:15):
Yeah, I've been watching us too long to have something
new come into our house, right, And they don't know
the backstory that Tom said he was leaving, and they
don't know all that. They just know that Tom's not there.
This guy is now there?
Speaker 1 (34:28):
WHOA, what's going on here?
Speaker 2 (34:29):
I wanted to feel the same.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
God, that's so smart.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
And so they wrote every episode the same, and then
as time went along, then they started to slightly write
it different anymore from me, but yeah, but the transition
had already been made.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
So this you said, this chapter, doing all these amazing things,
hosting Dancing with the Stars, you're an upfront, so you're
like front and center everywhere. I mean, you had this
crescendo with fresh prints and sometimes when you're at the
top of the wave, you're like, it's not going to
get better, right, But you're on a.
Speaker 3 (34:59):
Differ and it got better high.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
That's pretty astonishing. How do you see it playing out?
Or do you just are you the kind of guy
who's like, let's keep on rolling, keep going, okay, I say.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
You know, I'm dory right, just keep swimming, just keep swimming.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
And that's and.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
That's literally how I live each day.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
Of work. Just keep doing it, and where it ends.
Speaker 3 (35:24):
It ends when it and just just keep swimming.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
And that's beautiful.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
Just keep going well. I mean, you.
Speaker 3 (35:30):
Can't know the future, you can't predict the future, and
typically anytime you try to influence the future, you influence
it the wrong way.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
Just let it happen. I believe that the story is
already written.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
Anything you do can maybe change it, but that doesn't
mean change is good.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
It's already written. Let it happen. Let it happen.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
Just don't get in its way, right, don't don't do
something that that changes your destiny from the beautiful destination
that I believe I'm destined to achieve by doing something.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
Just keep swimming.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
You know, it's so interesting. There's that you know, the
the nursery rhyme. It's like row row row your boat.
Like I spent a ton of my career, like I
felt like I was swimming upstream. I was trying. I'm like,
if I just work harder, it's going to get easier.
And it wasn't getting easier. And all of a sudden,
this was at dateline when I was in all those
kind of scary places. But I was listening to that,
row row row your boat, and it's like row row,
(36:35):
row your boat gently down the street, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily.
Life is but a dream. And sometimes when you're in flow,
I can tell you're totally in flow, like this is
so good, right, But when you are, it feels like
a rush. And when you're pushing and thinking, if I
work harder, if I'm more optimistic, if I just try harder,
(36:56):
like getting out of that and finding like your bliss,
it sounds it's like you hit it.
Speaker 3 (37:01):
Yes, I working hard. First of all, I don't think
I can work harder.
Speaker 1 (37:06):
Yeah, now you can't.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Right now, I can put more hours in, right, I
can take hours away from my life and put it
into work. But does that really make anything better? And
in my life, success isn't defined by my work. Success
is defined by my heart. And if my heart is happy,
(37:32):
then I'm successful, and if it's not, then I'm not.
And that has nothing to do with what I'm achieving
in my career goals. It's life goals. We're put here
to go through life, not to go through work.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
Work can be part of it, that's not all of it.
Speaker 3 (37:53):
So so I row row room my belt gently, down
the stream.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
The water's already going in that direction. Yeah, we're all
moving together.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
We're all going.
Speaker 2 (38:03):
Now, can I speed it up a little bit? Sure,
come on a little bit.
Speaker 3 (38:07):
I gotta catch a moment. Let's speed up a little bit,
Maurice car driver. I can't al myself right, so you know,
but that doesn't mean we have to have to like
get into it and start paddling.
Speaker 2 (38:16):
And I'm gonna do this. Just be prepared.
Speaker 3 (38:17):
Right last season, before dancing started, I started taking dance
lessons again right now.
Speaker 2 (38:24):
There was a joy that.
Speaker 3 (38:25):
I found taking the classes, but it was also like,
let's you be prepared for the job, right. They asked
me to dance every once in a while now on
the show. So it's not like, hey, who you know, like, no, no, no,
I got to know how to do I gotta I
gotta remember how to do this. Yeah, right, And so
I I have, you know, be.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
Ready, be ready for the opportunity. Right. Will Smith used
to always say to me, don't get ready, be.
Speaker 1 (38:52):
Ready, don't get ready, be ready?
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Right.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
Oh that's good.
Speaker 3 (38:55):
And so I spend my life being ready and not
getting ready.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
So but but only.
Speaker 3 (39:03):
On the things that I enjoy. So if I don't
enjoy it, what am I getting ready for?
Speaker 1 (39:09):
Yeah? I love it?
Speaker 2 (39:10):
Right, Let's talk.
Speaker 1 (39:11):
About love, because you know that's your that's that's your
sweet spot. You found the girl, you got the family.
What I mean, finding a life partner, finding the sole connection? Right,
I mean, describe what she means in your world.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
I will start with the day that.
Speaker 3 (39:33):
She let me know that I was the one.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
So the movie Eat, Pray, Love.
Speaker 3 (39:41):
Yeah, the medicine man, she went and saw that person
for real, oh, in Asia, and he said to her
that you will find your soulmate when you meet the
person that has your same birthmark. So we start dating,
(40:08):
and deep into our dating life, she sees my birthmark
and flips and I'm like, what did I do?
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Right? I'm like what?
Speaker 3 (40:21):
But she was uncomfortable saying what she's about to say.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
This is like.
Speaker 3 (40:26):
And then a month or so later, she was like
remember when, and yeah, she was like, this guy told
me that my soulmate has my same birthmark.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Look here.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
And it's identical, same spot, same shape.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
Same everything.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
That's so crazy And I thought that was crazy real
when she said it. But then his life has continued
to move on.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
Wow, is that true?
Speaker 3 (41:00):
Right, Like, she is my other half and we compliment
each other in life in the best ways possible. And
you're never really ready for that when it comes to you,
but the earlier you can appreciate it, the.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
Better it will be.
Speaker 3 (41:23):
And you know, she's the mother of three of my children,
and like we are together and we spend our time together,
and you know, she is my biggest fan, supporter, partner,
(41:43):
everything that I could ever want in a partner she is.
She's an incredible mom, she takes care of the kids,
she's she's a superwoman.
Speaker 1 (41:53):
Yeah, well, you it sounds like everything is firing. I
get why this is your chapter. I get why this
is your moment. Let's close with you. Know, Look, there
are people who are seeking joy. There are people who
are trying to They feel like it's elusive. And I
do think it's a choice. I don't think you just
get it or don't have it. Yes, But for someone
who's lived all these chapters, if you were going to
(42:13):
help someone who's kind of saying like I feel like
joy's out of reach, what would what would be any
advice anything that might help someone who's seeking.
Speaker 3 (42:25):
I'd start with the word that jumped into my head.
There's two words that jumped in my head. Obviously empathy.
Speaker 2 (42:34):
Right.
Speaker 3 (42:37):
When you create empathy for the world, you have the
ability to feel what others are going through.
Speaker 2 (42:50):
Right, And.
Speaker 3 (42:55):
When you have that, I believe it puts things in perspective.
There is no such thing as perfect.
Speaker 2 (43:03):
It doesn't exist. Right.
Speaker 3 (43:06):
We love our Disney movies, those are fairy tales. In
real life, there's good and there's bad, right.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
I believe in.
Speaker 3 (43:17):
Life the ying and the yang right, for all good
that comes bad has.
Speaker 2 (43:25):
To equal it. How do you see it?
Speaker 3 (43:31):
How do you choose to see the bad? I've seen
many people say when something negative happens, it's an opportunity.
Speaker 2 (43:46):
You're not a victim of it.
Speaker 3 (43:47):
It's an opportunity, the opportunity to learn, opportunity to grow.
Speaker 2 (43:52):
Right.
Speaker 3 (43:52):
You don't grow in success, you grow in failure. So
if you can view failure and things that are not
perfect as an opportunity, when the good happens, you will
see it in a joyful way and not see it
negatively because you're living in that negative.
Speaker 2 (44:15):
That makes energy.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
I was just picturing you with James, what could have
been like the most depressing and horrible and it was
terribly sad. However, how you came out with all these
jewels and gems and ways to change your life. Yes,
I mean that's like personifying.
Speaker 3 (44:33):
James and his wife, Kimberly and all the kids have
impacted my life in a way that could never really
truly be understood by others. And that ability to have
joy and appreciation and the wisdom that man had wisdom.
He'll never be fully appreciated for the man that he is,
(44:56):
and the same for Kimberly.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
She still was. Of course she will have an opportunity to.
Speaker 3 (45:01):
Continue to share that kind of wisdom.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
But it did. It gave me a perspective.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
Yeah, well, I just want to say one thing. I
love how you live your life.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
I love the way you view the world. And I'm
so happier on this podcast Joy one on one man.
Speaker 3 (45:16):
It's so you, I guess, thank you for hand picking me.
Of course, I'm so happy when I will say when,
when when the when the the ask came across.
Speaker 2 (45:27):
I don't do.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
Podcasts, Yeah, you know, it's not your thing.
Speaker 3 (45:30):
I just well, podcasts are clickbait that they're looking for.
Speaker 2 (45:38):
That moment, and I was.
Speaker 3 (45:39):
Like, this is one that I know is not about that.
It's about and Joy one on one is is everything.
And I couldn't be more happy that you've asked me
and that I got to be able to do this
with you.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
It was That's a true honor.
Speaker 1 (45:54):
Thank you. Love you, honey, love you. Okay. So as
we wrap up today, I'm a huge quote person. I
love a quote, I love a poem. They stick with me.
So Joanna Gaines helped me redo my office for our
company Joy one oh one, and I it was like
just a few weeks ago that I was walking through
(46:15):
the office and in one of the places, on a
bulletin board was a poem that was left behind that
Joanna and her team left behind for me and I
didn't see it. And this poem is so moving. I'm
just going to read it to you, okay. It says this, somewhere,
in some corner of the world sits a seed. Maybe
it's tucked in the pocket of last season's chore coat,
(46:37):
or disregarded in the bottom of an otherwise empty hardware
store packet, or dropped and left alone on the floor
of the garden shed. Wherever it is, it sits there,
containing within it almost all of the necessary pieces to grow,
to burst out of the ground into the beautiful plant
it was meant to be. But it will need nurture,
(46:58):
to be planted in good soil, to be given water
and sunshine and shade, and then time to wait and
watch as what's always been becomes the fullness of what
it was made to be. And somewhere in some corner
of the world sits you. Maybe you're on a park
bench getting ready to make your next move, or at
(47:19):
your kitchen table after a hard conversation, or in front
of your computer with minutes and hours and days of
work left to do. Wherever you are, you sit there,
containing within you almost all of the necessary pieces to grow,
to burst forth into the beautiful person you were made
to be. But you will need nurture, to be put
(47:40):
in a place that makes you come alive, to be
given space to sort it all out, tools to learn,
to grow and to be, and then time time to
wait and watch as what you've always been becomes the
fullness of who you were made to be. I don't
even know who said that poem, but it's a way
(48:00):
in again's special left behind, and I hope it means
something to you. It means a lot to me,
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