March 11, 2026 • 18 mins
You've gotta know your worth! We've learned some important things since starting The Core. PLUS: B talks about misalignment and knowing when to get in or get out.
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
I got a couple of bumps in the road with
the core lately. Ironically it's that I'm charging too little.
And this is going to sound crazy. So the matchmakers
charge like fifty to like two hundred and fifty thousand dollars,
and then you try to lock them and they'll guarantee
you six to eight matches, and then they're scrambling just
to check the box, which is how women get paid,
which is how the same men are like sent out
(00:32):
in circles like horses in the barn. And the thing
is you'll find that if you're doing a design job,
or you're a travel agent or whatever your chef, it
doesn't matter if people pay less or more. And the
ones who get a better deal and pay less are
often more of a nightmare and expect more. So there
are people that have paid between literally twenty five hundred
(00:53):
and now it's up to ten thousand dollars, who have
had like four dates, and I mean with major successful people,
so like a matchmaker would have charged twenty five thousand
to one hundred twenty five thousand for what we've given them.
But the model isn't really just about money, and it's
not just about guaranteeing connections at all. It's a whole
(01:14):
thing that I'm not going to get into great detail
about now. But what's happening is because there's a quality,
and the person has to be a good person, meaning
someone could be a teacher, a hairdresser. Being a good
person is most important. There are a lot of people
that are very successful and highly educated, and they might
want someone who's more of an intellectual aligned with them.
(01:37):
There are people that are hot, there are people that
are rich. So many women want someone wealthy, so many
men want someone hot. But we had an event and
I would not have any of sort of the quote
unquote hot women that never wanted to pay and just
said we never pay and have their handout because they're
used to going out with guys to buy them handbags
and they're not going to marry them and they're sort
(01:59):
of like users or gold diggers. So we're not going
to have any of them. So we had had a
storm and ten people had to cancel, and like I've
said before, we have thousands and thousands of person waitless.
But I wasn't going to just invite people because they
like look hot in a room, you know, even though
we had many beautiful people in the room. It's just
you have to be more discerning when you're trying to
(02:20):
really line up good people, and a lot of guys
really just only want the hot girl. Then they want
to complain that the girl's a gold digger or was
using them for their money.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
So you're trying to.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Really keep it tight, you know, because you want everyone
to feel like open and like they're talking to someone
that's a good person. So there's one guy who's older
and looks older, and he just strongly believes that he
should be with someone young who looks a certain way.
So we've had to say to certain people, like we're
going to let you go and give you your money back,
even though you're a catch and you're good looking, because
(02:54):
we don't want to be responsible for this type of
person that we're going to bring in here to connect
with you, because we don't think that that's the right alignment.
Like it's in other words, someone might like sugar, but
they're diabetic, they're not supposed to have it. Like if
a person comes in and wants someone good, and someone
shouldn't be in here if they just want to like fuck,
you're allowed to go out and want to fuck. But anyway,
when we have events, which I don't think I'll do
(03:14):
that many more of, there's such high pressure and they're
also not a reflection of everyone in the community, Like
people come and I don't want people to expect that,
like at this event, even though people did connect and
go out after and like each other. I don't want
there to be the expectation that this is like speed
dating and every you have two hours to meet the
love of your life.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
It kind of just reflects.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Overall who's in this community, in this area, like Palm
Beach or Miami.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
So I'm learning a lot.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
I don't even know how far I'm going to take this,
but I love it. So I just keep going, Meaning
Kristin cavalarid be great in here, she'd be great in here.
But it takes a lot of time because you don't
want to throw spaghetti against the wall and you want
to connect people in a meaningful way. And it's working.
Like I said, we have life partners. That's what keeps
me going. But I keep thinking, like how much time
(04:02):
and energy am I going to focus on this while
I have this other career. So part of me thinks
like I would like to have ten committed life couples
and then evaluate, you know, I'm meeting a grape and
then maybe just fund a certain group that we keep
in here. The girls and guys that I've working for
me keep their jobs, but keep it super boutique.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I don't know. I love it.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
It's better every day. It's certainly not easy. People have
unrealistic expectations. You would be shocked they should. One man
said he's a sexual dynamo, like the iron Man, athlete
of sex, with expectations of how much sex they want.
(04:44):
And I thought it was fascinating, and I thought it
was honest, and I thought, okay, I would never be
able to go out with someone who has that strong
of a sexual appetite. That's good for people to be
aligned and transparent, you know. And then also and I
suggested this actress, very famous actress to him.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
He didn't even bite.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
I was also surprised by people, not even people really
who want to find their person. They're not really interested
in fame, they're not necessarily only interested in money. Like
everything really has to line up. And I find that
to be hopeful when you think that. If I said
to any man, okay, sexual man, well, I have the hottest,
most beautiful actress in the world, and that that person
(05:25):
didn't even bite, And I was thinking, you're fucking great.
Like interesting. I just love people being honest, Like, be honest.
If you want money, you want money. If you want blowjobs,
you want blow jobs. If you want hot big tits,
you want hot big tits. You have to be honest.
If someone can't help you in the store, then they
can't help you. So a person who just wants like
superficial big tits and also doesn't want to pay for
(05:47):
the woman with the big tits was something we could do.
We're not letting the entitled woman come in for a
free ride. You didn't pay that much. I don't know
if we can help you. I think it's good. And
it's not about my dating community. It's about you being
hones in your life and surrounding yourself with people that
are what you're looking for. Like the one thing I'll
say is that it's nice when we do an event
(06:09):
or we have a community, we know that everybody in
here wants to meet a life partner.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
That's what they want.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
They're all going to try to make an effort to
find a life partner. Here's another thing be direct about misalignment.
There's a man that I had dated and we reconnected
and there was an idea about it. There was a
way that I handled myself that I always regretted. But
there was a reason why I wasn't that into this
person back then and why I handle myself that way. Okay,
(06:35):
Yet you could be into someone years later.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
It can go both ways. It could be exactly the same,
it can be different. Usually when you get back with someone,
it's not that different. So anyway, this person and I,
it was an ideal. It was like the idea of something.
And also when we first met. You know, when you
first meet someone, it's like sexy. It could be on vacation,
it could be let's say it was doing a show
or doing a play, or you were having an affair.
(06:58):
I'm not saying this is an affair by any means saying.
Whatever the circumstances are, it was fueled by alcohol, it
was few by passion, fear, your kids knew each other.
I don't know, it doesn't matter whatever the situation. The
romance of you met each other on a train and
a nightclub in Turks and caicos. It doesn't matter. But
like sometimes it's on fumes, it's not based in reality.
So you come back and you try to date that person.
(07:18):
It just doesn't seem the same, but you're trying to,
like chase the dragon. It could also happen when you
get back together with an X that you were in
love with and the idea you missed the idea you're insecure,
you miss the security blanket. You try to get back,
you can't get it back. Then you're weird. I think
it's important to be honest about misalignment. At the exact
same time, the day after spending time with someone, I've
(07:40):
had a conversation with them where they've been like can
we talk, They're like, I'm not sure, and I literally said,
I said, I just texted my friend the same thing.
It's okay. We're not sure because it's not a fit,
and that's okay. It has nothing to do with looks, money, boobs, height, age, religion.
We're not a fit, we're not vibing. So let's find
you what you want. But you're welcome to be in
(08:01):
the core. I would love to introduce you to someone
or vice versa. So like it's Okay, it's okay to
be misaligned. Another thing, people go crazy or sane when
(08:24):
they get divorced or become single. Okay, what do I mean.
Some people become very sane. They were not in the
right relationship. They feel free, they're calm, they trust the process.
They will meet someone, they won't meet someone. They want
to figure out what they want. They want to eat,
play love, they want to cut their hair, diep bland,
go take up yoga, have the mid life crisis, get
in shape by a sports car. Whatever the thing is.
(08:47):
Some people go sane. They just are calm. They're out,
they're being thoughtful, they're in therapy, they're taking it easy.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
They're not ready yet. This is the sane model. Okay.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Some people go sane. Other people go insane. They are manic.
They don't know what they want. They are critical, they're paranoid.
They don't understand how to date. They criticize everyone who
doesn't like them. They think they want a date. Then
they are just Then they can't handle it. They dump
(09:16):
their whole story out on somebody else. The minute they
get together with them. They start talking about their exes,
their break up, the money, the divorce, the situation, their kids.
They're a fucking disaster. They over emote, they NonStop talk
about it. They like think they're ready, but they're really not.
They involve other people in their fucking shrapnel, which is
why people should really not be dating until like a
(09:38):
year after the divorce or separation. And it's all that
they want to do because they want to feel safe,
like it's going to be okay. They're a certain age.
Is someone gonna love me? Do I still have game?
Does Celligator groove back? Like? They're fucking insane, And it's
really bad because the people that are insane are the
ones that want to be in the game the most.
(09:59):
They're shrapnel, they are radioactive, they are toxic. I'm thinking
about one person that decided to date and like couldn't
handle it and was just being critical of everything and
everyone and the process, and it was like, dude, it
is not them, it's you. And it's hard to tell
that person that because they're fucking unhinged and they can't
even hear it. So you have to figure out whether
(10:21):
you are sane or insane after breaking up with someone
or getting a divorce, and you have to control yourself.
You have to contain yourself. You are radioactive. You have
to get through until you're in a calm place, because
you will never be able to have a successful relationship
if you're a fucking mess. And that also includes if
you're going through things like I've been going through something
(10:42):
personally and I believe it is affecting my ability to date.
So I have maybe like talked to someone but then
backed out, and maybe I seem like a person who's
bread crumbing or ghosting and the person that you're dealing
with never knows what you're actually going through. And what
I'm going through is so serious and intense that it's
two things at the same time. I want relief and
(11:04):
I want a date, and I want to go out
with someone, so I would be totally transparent. But I
also and not necessarily emotionally equipped, because I have to
drop things for something right away, And so you want
to be emotionally nurtured and you want a support system,
but you really can't get someone involved in your shrapnel
and in the carnage and casualties of what's going on
(11:26):
with you. So I am a little bit in that,
and I will have to explain to anybody that I
am ghosting or bread crumbing, that I am going through
something that I don't know them well and that it's
impossible to share. But then maybe I should be on
the bench. Impossibly choosy daters are past the point of
being selective and being picky. They are self sabotaging. They
(11:50):
don't really want it. They say no to everything, They
find fault in everything because they are either a not
ready be not over their X see, they're dealing with
something else that they're not sharing, and they are trying
to create distance between themselves and whatever. This is self sabotage.
They really they think they want it. They see the island,
(12:11):
but they have no idea how to get there. That
is also something that happens with a very recently divorced person.
That is also something that happens with a person who's
going through something emotional. They want a relationship because you
want to feel loved and nurture it impaired up and
you want to go to a dinner with someone, on
a vacation with someone. You want to blend a family
for your child. You want all these things, but you
(12:31):
can't just add water and create it. And sometimes you
can see the island, but you can't get there because
you're not ready to get there, and that fucking does suck.
But you have to be honest because you cannot involve
someone else, and if you meet the right person at
the wrong time, you're going to really fuck it up.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
You'd rather just put.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Somebody on ice and get to know them and be
a friend to them, and it will work later. It's
all going to work the way it should and you
really shouldn't be like forcing when something isn't right or
doesn't feel right. It doesn't matter if someone's that an.
It doesn't mean you're not pretty, it doesn't mean you're
not smart, It doesn't mean anything.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
It means that that.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Person likes pistaschio versus black raspberry. It just means that
they're maybe not even aligned. They may like you, think
you're hot, they may want to have sex with you,
but you may not align with them from a religious
or a cultural or a food, or a likes comedy
or a likes to sleep or travel or ski, or
references in music or too many children or anything like.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
It is so hard.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
It's why I keep repeating when someone's like, oh, you're
just doing it so you could take all the guys,
like as if I could just put guys in my
trunk and like keep them. Like I met a very
good looking, extraordinarily wealthy man, very interested in me. He's
geographically undesirable, has a child that is younger than I
would like, one child, and has multiple children, more children
(13:51):
than I would like. That's just a personal choice. So
I could like fall in love with him, have sex
with him, be attracted to him, be interested in him.
But if I get down on the road, these other
things are gonna bother me. So he's great. I like him,
he likes me. It doesn't mean we're supposed to be together.
It's a very serious distinction. And get yourself secure enough
to realize that I met a catch, a catch in
(14:29):
so many different ways, like a catch, okay at the
core event, a very successful man, not part of the core.
I don't want to get into the details, but like
a very successful man who wanted to just sort of
stop by because he was in the building and he
was a person of note, and he came by and
we chatted.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
And we exchanged information.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
And he's international, so we were messaging on WhatsApp and
I was mentioning I'm going to Paris, and he lives
in Paris, and where are my stay? And just back
and forth and when he comes to New York we'll
get together, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
So last night I decided to.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Check in because I'm trying to be more on my
feminine side, and I've learned that when you are proactive,
it sort of works better with men than I ever thought.
Not aggressive, but like some version of proactive, because men
are just as insecure as we are, which none of
us realize. And I've learned that too through someone telling
me that on the apps it's sixty five percent seventy
five percent men and they don't like that women ghost
(15:26):
them and bread crumb and it's just it's wild shocking.
So to this person I reached out yesterday, it's just like, hey,
how are you doing? We went back and forth and
I asked a question and went back and forth and
he was like a huh because I asked a question
that was like an inside joke from that evening and
he was like huh. And I'm like, he's like what,
And I then said what I meant and he was like,
I don't know what you're talking about. And I didn't
looked down and realized that I was what's apping the
(15:48):
wrong person and I was what's apping a photographer that
I know from fashion Week, and he was crying and
we were crying, and I realized I hadn't been speaking
to that person at all, literally at all. And I
the time that I met multiple people, like I was
dating years ago, and I met multiple people on a
dating app, And it gets to be a lot to
crowd up your contact list with Joe from this app,
(16:11):
Like you're sort of keeping people with just a phone
numbers and something in the conversation will remind you and
you're gonna delete them soon enough anyway, because I hate everyone.
So basically, I had my company Christmas party, meeting my
team Christmas party, like probably fifteen twenty people because I
had my publicist and other people and glam people at
what was the fucking name of that place? It was
great in New York. What the hell is that place?
(16:32):
That's going to annoy me? Now? Stanton Social Club because
I had amazing French onion soup dumplings, and I had
a Christmas party upstairs in a private area with like
all of us sitting down and a man walked in
to my Christmas dinner with my staff, my holiday dinner,
holiday party, my staff, whatever am I do? I speak English?
(16:53):
My staff holiday party. And I looked up at this
man that I had gone on a date with and
didn't like. I'd gone on a date with him at
Lore for lunch and he was fine. So I'm like,
I disliked him. I just was not going to date
him or marry him. He was a fine human being
that I'll never speak to again. And this human being
walked into Stanton Social Club in the private area upstairs,
and I looked at him and I was like, Hi, what.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Are you doing here?
Speaker 1 (17:15):
He goes you texted me to meet you after because
we were all going to go out to like a
club and drink and party. And that was the year
that Laney, my housekeeper, was with me and we both
drank like seventy five spicy skinny Girl Margarita's. And the
next day I called and I want I was so sick.
I was like, Laney, I need you to help me
and I need an IV and She's like, I need
you to help me. I'm calling in drunk, So she
(17:36):
didn't come into work. I was throwing up over my
apartment and I was dying, So we had like seventy
five margaritas and we were going out to a night club,
and I guess I texted somebody that I did like
to meet us after and the guy that I didn't
care for comes to my holiday Christmas party early. I
told him after, and he comes like three quarters through
the dinner. So we spent my holiday Christmas party and
(17:56):
the after party with a fucking stranger who I didn't like.
Becase because I was messaging the wrong person. So there
is a theme. So yes, I messaged an amazing catch
that I met and it wasn't him at all. That
person and I are not messaging whatsoever, So what a
fucking loser. No surprise is detected.
I got a couple of bumps in the road with
the core lately. Ironically it's that I'm charging too little.
And this is going to sound crazy. So the matchmakers
charge like fifty to like two hundred and fifty thousand dollars,
and then you try to lock them and they'll guarantee
you six to eight matches, and then they're scrambling just
to check the box, which is how women get paid,
which is how the same men are like sent out
(00:32):
in circles like horses in the barn. And the thing
is you'll find that if you're doing a design job,
or you're a travel agent or whatever your chef, it
doesn't matter if people pay less or more. And the
ones who get a better deal and pay less are
often more of a nightmare and expect more. So there
are people that have paid between literally twenty five hundred
(00:53):
and now it's up to ten thousand dollars, who have
had like four dates, and I mean with major successful people,
so like a matchmaker would have charged twenty five thousand
to one hundred twenty five thousand for what we've given them.
But the model isn't really just about money, and it's
not just about guaranteeing connections at all. It's a whole
(01:14):
thing that I'm not going to get into great detail
about now. But what's happening is because there's a quality,
and the person has to be a good person, meaning
someone could be a teacher, a hairdresser. Being a good
person is most important. There are a lot of people
that are very successful and highly educated, and they might
want someone who's more of an intellectual aligned with them.
(01:37):
There are people that are hot, there are people that
are rich. So many women want someone wealthy, so many
men want someone hot. But we had an event and
I would not have any of sort of the quote
unquote hot women that never wanted to pay and just
said we never pay and have their handout because they're
used to going out with guys to buy them handbags
and they're not going to marry them and they're sort
(01:59):
of like users or gold diggers. So we're not going
to have any of them. So we had had a
storm and ten people had to cancel, and like I've
said before, we have thousands and thousands of person waitless.
But I wasn't going to just invite people because they
like look hot in a room, you know, even though
we had many beautiful people in the room. It's just
you have to be more discerning when you're trying to
(02:20):
really line up good people, and a lot of guys
really just only want the hot girl. Then they want
to complain that the girl's a gold digger or was
using them for their money.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
So you're trying to.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
Really keep it tight, you know, because you want everyone
to feel like open and like they're talking to someone
that's a good person. So there's one guy who's older
and looks older, and he just strongly believes that he
should be with someone young who looks a certain way.
So we've had to say to certain people, like we're
going to let you go and give you your money back,
even though you're a catch and you're good looking, because
(02:54):
we don't want to be responsible for this type of
person that we're going to bring in here to connect
with you, because we don't think that that's the right alignment.
Like it's in other words, someone might like sugar, but
they're diabetic, they're not supposed to have it. Like if
a person comes in and wants someone good, and someone
shouldn't be in here if they just want to like fuck,
you're allowed to go out and want to fuck. But anyway,
when we have events, which I don't think I'll do
(03:14):
that many more of, there's such high pressure and they're
also not a reflection of everyone in the community, Like
people come and I don't want people to expect that,
like at this event, even though people did connect and
go out after and like each other. I don't want
there to be the expectation that this is like speed
dating and every you have two hours to meet the
love of your life.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
It kind of just reflects.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Overall who's in this community, in this area, like Palm
Beach or Miami.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
So I'm learning a lot.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
I don't even know how far I'm going to take this,
but I love it. So I just keep going, Meaning
Kristin cavalarid be great in here, she'd be great in here.
But it takes a lot of time because you don't
want to throw spaghetti against the wall and you want
to connect people in a meaningful way. And it's working.
Like I said, we have life partners. That's what keeps
me going. But I keep thinking, like how much time
(04:02):
and energy am I going to focus on this while
I have this other career. So part of me thinks
like I would like to have ten committed life couples
and then evaluate, you know, I'm meeting a grape and
then maybe just fund a certain group that we keep
in here. The girls and guys that I've working for
me keep their jobs, but keep it super boutique.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I don't know. I love it.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
It's better every day. It's certainly not easy. People have
unrealistic expectations. You would be shocked they should. One man
said he's a sexual dynamo, like the iron Man, athlete
of sex, with expectations of how much sex they want.
(04:44):
And I thought it was fascinating, and I thought it
was honest, and I thought, okay, I would never be
able to go out with someone who has that strong
of a sexual appetite. That's good for people to be
aligned and transparent, you know. And then also and I
suggested this actress, very famous actress to him.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
He didn't even bite.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
I was also surprised by people, not even people really
who want to find their person. They're not really interested
in fame, they're not necessarily only interested in money. Like
everything really has to line up. And I find that
to be hopeful when you think that. If I said
to any man, okay, sexual man, well, I have the hottest,
most beautiful actress in the world, and that that person
(05:25):
didn't even bite, And I was thinking, you're fucking great.
Like interesting. I just love people being honest, Like, be honest.
If you want money, you want money. If you want blowjobs,
you want blow jobs. If you want hot big tits,
you want hot big tits. You have to be honest.
If someone can't help you in the store, then they
can't help you. So a person who just wants like
superficial big tits and also doesn't want to pay for
(05:47):
the woman with the big tits was something we could do.
We're not letting the entitled woman come in for a
free ride. You didn't pay that much. I don't know
if we can help you. I think it's good. And
it's not about my dating community. It's about you being
hones in your life and surrounding yourself with people that
are what you're looking for. Like the one thing I'll
say is that it's nice when we do an event
(06:09):
or we have a community, we know that everybody in
here wants to meet a life partner.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
That's what they want.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
They're all going to try to make an effort to
find a life partner. Here's another thing be direct about misalignment.
There's a man that I had dated and we reconnected
and there was an idea about it. There was a
way that I handled myself that I always regretted. But
there was a reason why I wasn't that into this
person back then and why I handle myself that way. Okay,
(06:35):
Yet you could be into someone years later.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
It can go both ways. It could be exactly the same,
it can be different. Usually when you get back with someone,
it's not that different. So anyway, this person and I,
it was an ideal. It was like the idea of something.
And also when we first met. You know, when you
first meet someone, it's like sexy. It could be on vacation,
it could be let's say it was doing a show
or doing a play, or you were having an affair.
(06:58):
I'm not saying this is an affair by any means saying.
Whatever the circumstances are, it was fueled by alcohol, it
was few by passion, fear, your kids knew each other.
I don't know, it doesn't matter whatever the situation. The
romance of you met each other on a train and
a nightclub in Turks and caicos. It doesn't matter. But
like sometimes it's on fumes, it's not based in reality.
So you come back and you try to date that person.
(07:18):
It just doesn't seem the same, but you're trying to,
like chase the dragon. It could also happen when you
get back together with an X that you were in
love with and the idea you missed the idea you're insecure,
you miss the security blanket. You try to get back,
you can't get it back. Then you're weird. I think
it's important to be honest about misalignment. At the exact
same time, the day after spending time with someone, I've
(07:40):
had a conversation with them where they've been like can
we talk, They're like, I'm not sure, and I literally said,
I said, I just texted my friend the same thing.
It's okay. We're not sure because it's not a fit,
and that's okay. It has nothing to do with looks, money, boobs, height, age, religion.
We're not a fit, we're not vibing. So let's find
you what you want. But you're welcome to be in
(08:01):
the core. I would love to introduce you to someone
or vice versa. So like it's Okay, it's okay to
be misaligned. Another thing, people go crazy or sane when
(08:24):
they get divorced or become single. Okay, what do I mean.
Some people become very sane. They were not in the
right relationship. They feel free, they're calm, they trust the process.
They will meet someone, they won't meet someone. They want
to figure out what they want. They want to eat,
play love, they want to cut their hair, diep bland,
go take up yoga, have the mid life crisis, get
in shape by a sports car. Whatever the thing is.
(08:47):
Some people go sane. They just are calm. They're out,
they're being thoughtful, they're in therapy, they're taking it easy.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
They're not ready yet. This is the sane model. Okay.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Some people go sane. Other people go insane. They are manic.
They don't know what they want. They are critical, they're paranoid.
They don't understand how to date. They criticize everyone who
doesn't like them. They think they want a date. Then
they are just Then they can't handle it. They dump
(09:16):
their whole story out on somebody else. The minute they
get together with them. They start talking about their exes,
their break up, the money, the divorce, the situation, their kids.
They're a fucking disaster. They over emote, they NonStop talk
about it. They like think they're ready, but they're really not.
They involve other people in their fucking shrapnel, which is
why people should really not be dating until like a
(09:38):
year after the divorce or separation. And it's all that
they want to do because they want to feel safe,
like it's going to be okay. They're a certain age.
Is someone gonna love me? Do I still have game?
Does Celligator groove back? Like? They're fucking insane, And it's
really bad because the people that are insane are the
ones that want to be in the game the most.
(09:59):
They're shrapnel, they are radioactive, they are toxic. I'm thinking
about one person that decided to date and like couldn't
handle it and was just being critical of everything and
everyone and the process, and it was like, dude, it
is not them, it's you. And it's hard to tell
that person that because they're fucking unhinged and they can't
even hear it. So you have to figure out whether
(10:21):
you are sane or insane after breaking up with someone
or getting a divorce, and you have to control yourself.
You have to contain yourself. You are radioactive. You have
to get through until you're in a calm place, because
you will never be able to have a successful relationship
if you're a fucking mess. And that also includes if
you're going through things like I've been going through something
(10:42):
personally and I believe it is affecting my ability to date.
So I have maybe like talked to someone but then
backed out, and maybe I seem like a person who's
bread crumbing or ghosting and the person that you're dealing
with never knows what you're actually going through. And what
I'm going through is so serious and intense that it's
two things at the same time. I want relief and
(11:04):
I want a date, and I want to go out
with someone, so I would be totally transparent. But I
also and not necessarily emotionally equipped, because I have to
drop things for something right away, And so you want
to be emotionally nurtured and you want a support system,
but you really can't get someone involved in your shrapnel
and in the carnage and casualties of what's going on
(11:26):
with you. So I am a little bit in that,
and I will have to explain to anybody that I
am ghosting or bread crumbing, that I am going through
something that I don't know them well and that it's
impossible to share. But then maybe I should be on
the bench. Impossibly choosy daters are past the point of
being selective and being picky. They are self sabotaging. They
(11:50):
don't really want it. They say no to everything, They
find fault in everything because they are either a not
ready be not over their X see, they're dealing with
something else that they're not sharing, and they are trying
to create distance between themselves and whatever. This is self sabotage.
They really they think they want it. They see the island,
(12:11):
but they have no idea how to get there. That
is also something that happens with a very recently divorced person.
That is also something that happens with a person who's
going through something emotional. They want a relationship because you
want to feel loved and nurture it impaired up and
you want to go to a dinner with someone, on
a vacation with someone. You want to blend a family
for your child. You want all these things, but you
(12:31):
can't just add water and create it. And sometimes you
can see the island, but you can't get there because
you're not ready to get there, and that fucking does suck.
But you have to be honest because you cannot involve
someone else, and if you meet the right person at
the wrong time, you're going to really fuck it up.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
You'd rather just put.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Somebody on ice and get to know them and be
a friend to them, and it will work later. It's
all going to work the way it should and you
really shouldn't be like forcing when something isn't right or
doesn't feel right. It doesn't matter if someone's that an.
It doesn't mean you're not pretty, it doesn't mean you're
not smart, It doesn't mean anything.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
It means that that.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Person likes pistaschio versus black raspberry. It just means that
they're maybe not even aligned. They may like you, think
you're hot, they may want to have sex with you,
but you may not align with them from a religious
or a cultural or a food, or a likes comedy
or a likes to sleep or travel or ski, or
references in music or too many children or anything like.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
It is so hard.
Speaker 1 (13:29):
It's why I keep repeating when someone's like, oh, you're
just doing it so you could take all the guys,
like as if I could just put guys in my
trunk and like keep them. Like I met a very
good looking, extraordinarily wealthy man, very interested in me. He's
geographically undesirable, has a child that is younger than I
would like, one child, and has multiple children, more children
(13:51):
than I would like. That's just a personal choice. So
I could like fall in love with him, have sex
with him, be attracted to him, be interested in him.
But if I get down on the road, these other
things are gonna bother me. So he's great. I like him,
he likes me. It doesn't mean we're supposed to be together.
It's a very serious distinction. And get yourself secure enough
to realize that I met a catch, a catch in
(14:29):
so many different ways, like a catch, okay at the
core event, a very successful man, not part of the core.
I don't want to get into the details, but like
a very successful man who wanted to just sort of
stop by because he was in the building and he
was a person of note, and he came by and
we chatted.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
And we exchanged information.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
And he's international, so we were messaging on WhatsApp and
I was mentioning I'm going to Paris, and he lives
in Paris, and where are my stay? And just back
and forth and when he comes to New York we'll
get together, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
So last night I decided to.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Check in because I'm trying to be more on my
feminine side, and I've learned that when you are proactive,
it sort of works better with men than I ever thought.
Not aggressive, but like some version of proactive, because men
are just as insecure as we are, which none of
us realize. And I've learned that too through someone telling
me that on the apps it's sixty five percent seventy
five percent men and they don't like that women ghost
(15:26):
them and bread crumb and it's just it's wild shocking.
So to this person I reached out yesterday, it's just like, hey,
how are you doing? We went back and forth and
I asked a question and went back and forth and
he was like a huh because I asked a question
that was like an inside joke from that evening and
he was like huh. And I'm like, he's like what,
And I then said what I meant and he was like,
I don't know what you're talking about. And I didn't
looked down and realized that I was what's apping the
(15:48):
wrong person and I was what's apping a photographer that
I know from fashion Week, and he was crying and
we were crying, and I realized I hadn't been speaking
to that person at all, literally at all. And I
the time that I met multiple people, like I was
dating years ago, and I met multiple people on a
dating app, And it gets to be a lot to
crowd up your contact list with Joe from this app,
(16:11):
Like you're sort of keeping people with just a phone
numbers and something in the conversation will remind you and
you're gonna delete them soon enough anyway, because I hate everyone.
So basically, I had my company Christmas party, meeting my
team Christmas party, like probably fifteen twenty people because I
had my publicist and other people and glam people at
what was the fucking name of that place? It was
great in New York. What the hell is that place?
(16:32):
That's going to annoy me? Now? Stanton Social Club because
I had amazing French onion soup dumplings, and I had
a Christmas party upstairs in a private area with like
all of us sitting down and a man walked in
to my Christmas dinner with my staff, my holiday dinner,
holiday party, my staff, whatever am I do? I speak English?
(16:53):
My staff holiday party. And I looked up at this
man that I had gone on a date with and
didn't like. I'd gone on a date with him at
Lore for lunch and he was fine. So I'm like,
I disliked him. I just was not going to date
him or marry him. He was a fine human being
that I'll never speak to again. And this human being
walked into Stanton Social Club in the private area upstairs,
and I looked at him and I was like, Hi, what.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Are you doing here?
Speaker 1 (17:15):
He goes you texted me to meet you after because
we were all going to go out to like a
club and drink and party. And that was the year
that Laney, my housekeeper, was with me and we both
drank like seventy five spicy skinny Girl Margarita's. And the
next day I called and I want I was so sick.
I was like, Laney, I need you to help me
and I need an IV and She's like, I need
you to help me. I'm calling in drunk, So she
(17:36):
didn't come into work. I was throwing up over my
apartment and I was dying, So we had like seventy
five margaritas and we were going out to a night club,
and I guess I texted somebody that I did like
to meet us after and the guy that I didn't
care for comes to my holiday Christmas party early. I
told him after, and he comes like three quarters through
the dinner. So we spent my holiday Christmas party and
(17:56):
the after party with a fucking stranger who I didn't like.
Becase because I was messaging the wrong person. So there
is a theme. So yes, I messaged an amazing catch
that I met and it wasn't him at all. That
person and I are not messaging whatsoever, So what a
fucking loser. No surprise is detected.
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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