June 1, 2023 • 39 mins
Katie interviews actress Alanna Ubach, known from HBO’s “Euphoria” as Suze Howard (Cassie and Lexi's mom).
The two discuss the hit HBO show, and imagine what kind of teenagers their children are going to be in the future.
Alanna also goes more into her geriatric pregnancy, and how acupuncture helped get things moving.
Finally, she explains the importance of not psychoanalyzing a child, regardless of what family history may be.
Plus, while talking to Alanna, we spotted a pretty sweet fountain set up behind her! What does that and a little ceramic bunny have in common? FInd out the answer in this special episode.
Executive Producers: Sandie Bailey, Alex Alcheh, Lauren Hohman, Tyler Klang & Gabrielle Collins
Producer & Editor: Casby Bias
Associate Producer: Akiya McKnight
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shondaland Audio in
partnership with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
He's hypersensitive, and you know his mom and dad are artists.
It's gonna happen. But what a very wise therapist told me.
He said, don't pay attention to analyzing. Pay attention to parenting.
Pay attention to how you react to the way he's behaving.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
In all the episodes of Katie's Crib, we have never
heard that. Can you repeat it? It's brilliant.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Pay attention to being a parent. Do not psychoanalyze your child.
Don't say, oh my god, he has what my sister has,
or oh he has an addictive behavior, Oh my god,
he's manic depressive. Don't give him a goddamn name. Do
not give him a name, don't give him a title.
Just be a parent. And I thought, oh my god,
that is so great. Sorry, I said, god.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Care, Oh I fucking love it. I don't care. Hello everybody,
and welcome back to Katie's Crib. Today's guest is on
the scariest parenting show I've ever seen. I can't wait
to talk to her about it. She's awesome. You know
(01:13):
her from everywhere, because she's been on one hundred and
fifty different theater, film and television projects. But she has
such an interesting mom journey and I had to have
her on. She had a son later in life. She
plays mom on Euphoria People. Oh my gosh, that show
is incredible and also scares me to death about having teenagers,
(01:33):
and I want to talk to her all about it.
I want to talk to her about her concert experiences
with her son, all of her upcoming projects. Her name
is Alana Ubach. She is an actress and a singer,
and she plays on Euphoria sus Howard, which is Cassie
and Lexi's mom, And like I said, she's been on
a million other things. Her credits include, but are not
limited too, being a Koogie flight attendant in season two
(01:56):
of HBO Max's mystery thriller comedy The flight Attendant, the
voice of Mama Emmelda and Coco, which is the family's matriarch.
She's the naive boy, crazy office tempany, indie cult classic Clockwatchers,
and of course, who could forget the iconic Ditsi ucla
cheerleader in the mainstream classic Legally Blonde. Alana is married
(02:19):
to record producer Tom Russo. They have one son, Thomas
Rudolfo Russo, the third Alana, welcome the Katie's great Hi, Hi, Alana,
what's going on? It's so nice to meet you.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Nice to meet you.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
I'm such a fan. I've been doing so much research
in watching you, just on interviews talking about motherhood. I've
been a fan of you and you're acting for a
long time.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Thank you, Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
I like that rock thing behind you.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Oh isn't this nice? This is what I turn on.
My son gets in trouble and we really need to talk.
I'm like, do you want to talk by the fountain?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
That's so great. See these are the tips and tricks
that all the listeners want to hear. That just it's
for you and for him.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Yeah, it really does help. I'll explain that whole well.
I decided to get that that whole sitch over there
behind me.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I love it. Okay, Alana, we have never met. I
am such a huge fan.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
I am a fan Katie. You are so cute.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Oh, thank you, may you are. Look at you. I
can't even tell me like, I think it's so fascinating
your story what I've heard. I want to talk to
you about acupuncture, how it opened your fertility because you
had frozen eggs. Maybe what's the story there?
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Okay, So I was on Girlfriend's Guide to Divorce, Ye,
and he and I got married right before I booked that,
And now we're married and everything's wonderful in Disneyland, and
all of a sudden, I booked this gig that shoots
up in Vancouver. The great thing about Vancouver is that
it's a two hour plane ride to and from lax right,
So it wasn't that big of a deal. But I
(04:07):
was working really crazy hours and I thought, oh my gosh,
if this show is a success, we're never going to
be able to have kids. I'm thirty eight already. By
the time we got married, I was working. And then
he got a gig in Miami, and he was working
with Manah for months and they were doing an album.
(04:29):
So he and I were never together, and I thought, gosh,
what should we do. I was like, maybe we should
freeze embryos. Let's do that, and then maybe we do
an implantation when the show's over or something like that,
not thinking that it would go into like second or third,
or fourth or fifth or sixth season.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
So we go to USC Fertility, We meet the big
Cheese there, we freeze embryos. Everything's wonderful. I go to
work and i'm up there when Trump wins and he's
in office and one of my one of my co stars,
(05:09):
she calls me and says, well, the world's ending. Oh
my god, I have some wild turkey and some camel cigarettes.
Hell yeah, I'm like, I'll be right over.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Yeah that sounds about right.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
So we're sitting there smoking camel cigarettes and drinking wild
turkey and she looks at me and says, Alana, did
you get a boob job? What are you talking about?
I didn't get Oh my god. I was like, we
need to get a pregnancy test.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Oh my god. A lot of it's hilarious. So you
didn't even realize. Holy shit, my boobs are really big.
They're tender. And I think I skipped my period or something.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Okay, like maybe I was a week late. And my
periods have always been all over the place, caddy walks,
and especially because I was off the pill. I've been
on the pill since I was like twenty years old.
So I'm finally off the pill at thirty seven, thirty
eight my body was like, what are you doing? I
noticed my boobs are out to hear. But when you're working,
(06:11):
you get into work mode. You're making light bulbs every day.
Your yourself, your.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Care and self awareness is oh please, yeah, what the's
going on.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
It's just a lot of the little things that you
take for granted when we're not working, when we're on
a hiatus or something, that are never around when you are.
I was in another country. How was I going to
see a doctor without paying this exorbitant amount of money
because I wasn't Canadian. There goes so much for socialized medicine, right,
(06:46):
So I go to the London drugs and I take
a pregnancy test and sure enough I am pregnant. And
I'm like, oh my god, oh my god, I killed you.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
No, that's what I'm the smoking and the wild turkey,
you know, oh the little zyga wah.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
I'm being as honest as but full transparent.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
I love it, me too, me too. It's helpful to people.
It's also helpful to women listening who are pregnant, who
have young ones who have a little bit older ones
like those are our listeners and those are our katies,
crim fans and Honestly, I can't tell you how many
times I've had this conversation with so many women who
we're drinking, we're taking like, might have taken an ambient
(07:31):
to go to sleep, may have taken xanax, like I mean,
crazy shit before they found out they were pregnant. I
also know moms who on their third or fourth baby
were like pregnant, and they were like, let's just pretend
I didn't take the pregnancy test for like three or
four days, and I'm just going to have a few
more nights of fun. I'm not even kidding. That is real.
So you got pregnant without using the embryos or any
(07:53):
of that stuff.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
No, it's I can even tell you. My husband and
I had sex on October twenty seventh. We went to
a party. I was there for a couple of days
to visit. We had sex, and then I leave the
next day back to Vancouver, not thinking anything because we
were having unprotected sex constantly and I was not getting pregnant.
At one point I did get pregnant, and then the
(08:17):
hCG levels were not high, so I knew, oh, we're
gonna I'm probably gonna lose this one. It was very
early on obviously.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Was that just like a heavy period loss or did
you have to have a DNC or anything like that.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Nothing like that. No, what happens is it's when women
are like, oh I had a miscarriage in this that,
and it's early on. Look, your body is a machine,
and if you've never been pregnant before, it takes a
while to tell the brain of the body. Listen, this
is what we're trying to do here. Do you understand? Yeah,
(08:51):
can you get the construction workers down there to get
the apartment ready because we're bringing in another being in
here and we've got to help it grow. Oh my god,
Oh I get it. You want to be pregnant?
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Yes? Same? Oh see, Okay, A lot of people I
know actually do, and myself included how to miscarriage first
and yeah, second time is when it stuck, Like.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
That's the dress rehearsal. Don't think of it as a miscarriage.
Think of it as the dress rehearsal before the real
before it's showtime. And So I had a wonderful fertility doctor.
So I called him and I was just like, look,
this isn't working. Can we just do it in semination?
See if this works and it stuck. It woke my
body up and at least I knew I could get pregnant. Oh,
(09:35):
which was there.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
So that was the first time. That was the first time.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
That was the first time. And then I started seeing
this acupuncturist.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Yeah, this is great. So the first time was like
a Turkey based situation. And then the dress rehearsal, and
then this time that the acupuncture you really feel like
helped this your body know what to do to keep
the pregnancy.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
She was so cool. I called her Carrie Tannenbaum, and
I said, look, the hCG levels aren't high for this
first pregnancy, so we know where this is headed. She
was like, wonderful, come over, I'll give you some teas well.
We'll make this happen very quickly. She gave me acupuncture
and gave me some teas and full disclosure for pre
(10:16):
cord to run. But it was just a discharge, just discharge.
You know, you didn't feel anything or anything.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Oh, we talk about all sorts of juices here.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Yeah, someone sneezed in my underwear.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Nice and yes, sure, yes, and.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
It was my body just blew its nose and that
was it. I was like, okay, done, didn't feel a thing.
Don't worry about that. Do not worry.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
How early were you do you know?
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Oh gosh, maybe like weeks. And it's funny because I
instinctually knew that it wasn't going to work. I heard
a girlfriends of mine telling me, oh my gosh, you
feel it. Within weeks days, your boobs start to get
soreed for some people, and I thought, huh, I feel
exactly the same. What's going on here?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
That's so interesting. I had that too my first pregnancy.
I had no symptoms, and again and it didn't stick.
Mine was later on. I had to have a DNC
at eleven and a half weeks.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Damn it.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
I'm sorry, but I never felt sick or like all
this stuff. And as soon as my pregnancy with my son,
who's five, you were right. Immediately my boobs were killing me.
I had the worst acid reflux, like up into my throat,
like weird that I never had before I had. I
felt when my daughter, I was sick as shit, like quick,
(11:36):
like nauseous. And again you're so upset, but you're also like,
oh shit, I think this is working. I have all
the symptoms exactly.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
That's it. It's working.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
So my question for you is how is motherhood going.
How old is your son currently?
Speaker 2 (11:53):
He is five? He is the age of your baby.
We should baby have a little play.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Date, play day. What are the things that you're really
good at in parenthood that have surprised you?
Speaker 2 (12:03):
First of all, the pregnancy was a breeze. I worked out,
I did all the right things. As soon as I
saw that blinking light, I thought, Okay, it's go time
and this is really going to happen because my boobs
weren't big the first time around and now they are alrighty.
First thing we're gonna do, check my hCG level. So
(12:24):
I got a hold of the set doctor and he
was such a sweetheart. He was like, I'll take you
to this one clinic tomorrow, and sure enough, the hCG
levels were really great, and I thought, okay, this is wonderful.
I'm not going to tell anyone on set until it sticks.
Let's wait a month and a half or something. And
(12:44):
the first person I called was like Robbie McNeil, the producer,
and he was so excited and he was crying. Everyone
knew how badly I wanted this to happen. So he
was sort of a miracle baby Thomasito, and everything was
a breeze. My husband was the only one who knew
what the actual sex was.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
You didn't want to find out.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
I didn't want to know, but I knew it was
a boy.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
The way I was growing, I was all belly, and
it was like, Oh, this is definitely a little boy,
and I wanted a little boy so badly.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
My thoughts were, I'm so weird if I have a
little girl, she's gonna be so embarrassed of me.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
No, that's so funny. Were you having dream premonitions like
this is a boy or you just felt the boy
energy or.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
No, it was just the way I was growing. At first,
I thought, what if I do have a girl, Oh
my gosh, And I started crying and thinking to myself,
Oh gosh, the teenage years.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Pupils, Oh god, which I can't wait to talk to
you about.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
You're on the most triggering teenage parental show I have
ever watched in my entire feeling. And what's crazy is you,
as as sus Howard on the show, you are your
mom to two teenage girls, and that is.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
It.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
I'm fucking terrified. On Euphoria, does it ever scare you
that you have had that you now have a child,
and you will be facing the teenagers, and we're going
to be doing them with technology that probably hasn't even
been invented yet. By the time our sons get to teens,
it's going to be a whole other fucking bag.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
It's gonna be a whole other fucking get yes. And
in interviews for Euphoria, they asked me those questions, and
I just wanted to sound smart by saying, well, these
kids have information at their pockets at any given time,
and it's hard to compete with that. But I'm also
just probably saying things that I think everyone wants to hear, right,
because it was a huge success overnight, and that train
(14:55):
just took off and we didn't know what was going on.
So it's almost like being in a plane crash together
where everyone really bonds after work. Like the kids are inseparable.
Those actors on those show, on that show are inseparable,
and I think it's because they all became huge, like
violently famous overnight. I'm convinced it's scared the shit out
(15:17):
of them, all of them, and Sidney Sweeney and Maud.
They're they're like sisters in real life. They're really close.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
I love hearing that. I love that they all just
hung on for dear life to each other.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
We love to each other because it's scary. It really
is scary to have that much, to know how famous
you've become overnight because of all of the social media
et cetera. So these kids are they really do have
their shit together. They're so responsible.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I'm terrified to get to the teenagers. I mean, I
think I'm like you said, I'm less terrified. I have
an older boy to younger girl. I'm less terrified for
the boy, which is I just feel like, oh, the
years are going to come where you just lock yourself
in your room and you're playing video games and jerking
off all day. That's what's gonna happen for you, where
as my daughter is going to be having hormonal getting
(16:09):
your period melt downs.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Yeah, we can get psychologically violent women. Yes, I have
an older sister. She's eleven years older, and she drove
my parents crazy, and if they had the Internet existed,
she probably wouldn't have been able to get a job
because of whatever she posted or whatever what My husband
and I are really focusing on with a five year
old is number one. Oh my gosh, he didn't die.
(16:34):
To take care of something that small when it's born
is so stressful. It is the most horrific thing ever.
Motherhood for me with a newborn was so stressful and scary.
You're the CEO of a company that you know, you've
heard a lot about, but you're just thrown into something.
(16:56):
So I was just, wow, I haven't dropped him for
the day. This ist rate. Things are going all right.
So now that he's older, my husband is so depressing
him get older, He's like, oh my god, he's not
a baby anymore. I'm like, thank god, he's not a
baby anymore. He's self sufficient.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Now he can tell you when something hurts. Are like
exactly I thought the new born phase is a special
brand of hell.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
I thought the first three months was the hardest. Some
women I know, who I would have never thought would
be like this are so happy in those first months.
They're so overwhelmed with joy. They're like brought to their
knees with joy and just being in the bubble and
being home and being really like nesty.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
For a day or two.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
But I never even had that but he kicks in. Man,
I was out of my mind for that first year
of fear, Like I'm just like scared, every first hold,
every first this diaper rash, the first temperature, all of it.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Did you ever see blood in the stools? Did you
ever see blood?
Speaker 1 (18:04):
I did have blood in the stool with my daughter,
which was fucking terrifying. But like when you look back,
you're like, I we made it like it was all okay.
It was all okay. But I'm with you. I will
take my five year old son like any day because
we have conversations and he communicates with me, and I'm
not scared he's going to fucking throw himself off a
ledge at every turn.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
It's been tough though lately. His teacher went up to
me the other day. He approached me and he said,
is anything going on at home? And I said why?
What were you asking? And he said, because he's been
very defiant and his head is in the clouds. I
just don't know what's going on there. And I thought, ah,
I said, his best friend moved to New York and
(18:48):
his best friend that they were just inseparable when they
met at school, had moved away two weeks ago. His
mom and dad got jobs in New York, and so
little William had to leave. And so I said to
the teacher, I said, you know he's reading this is
a loss for him. This is a major loss. And
(19:08):
we were reading this book the other day. We were
trying to spell out the word national, and I said,
can you spell that word out? And he said, oh,
it's William. The name of his friend is Buddy. And
I see him playing tag with his imaginary William downstairs,
and I, oh.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
I just can you believe we opted into this? Like
you tell me these stories that I'm like, this is
not going to be easy, Like this is heartbreak.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
And he's got tantrums. It's tough, man. And my husband's
mom is bipolar, my father was bipolar, and so you
start to unfortunately, it's just you can't help it. You're
trying to look for signs. I highly doubt the kid
is bipolar. I think he's a very hyper sensitive human.
He's hypersensitive, and you know his mom and dad are artists.
(20:03):
It's going to happen. But what a very wise therapist
told me, he said, don't pay attention to analyzing, pay
attention to parenting, pay attention to how you react to
the way he's behaving.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
In all the episodes of Katie's Crib, we have never
heard that. Can you repeat it? It's brilliant.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Pay attention to being a parent. Do not psychoanalyze your child.
Don't say, oh my god, he has what my sister has,
or oh he has an addictive behavior, or oh my god,
he's manic depressive. Don't give him a goddamn name. Do
not give him a name, don't give him a title.
Just be a parent. And I thought, oh my god,
that is so great.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Sorry, I said, god damn, oh, I fucking love it.
I don't care. So is this what the fountain behind you?
Is the fountain behind you helping with tantrums? What is
this calm setup you have behind you?
Speaker 2 (20:54):
The other day, I kids you not. He's in his room.
I ordered all these little Easter decorations get in his
room and one is like this little ceramic bunny, and
he was playing this video game. And I looked at
and he was getting really frustrated that he wasn't going
off to another level. I said, buddy, I need I
think you need to take a break. He's like, I'm
not going to take a break. I take the video
(21:17):
game out of his hand. He goes ballistic, grabs the
bunny that I bought for him, throws it across the room.
It shatters, and I'm like, I'm going to give you
a break. I'm going to give me a break, all right.
And I leave the other room and he's leaving him
to self soothe. He self soothes. Everything is fine. I
(21:37):
hear him laughing and playing and everything is Disneyland. He
finally comes. He's standing at the doorway of my office
and I turn around and I say, are you ready
to talk? And he said yeah. I said, okay, let's
go to the fountain. So I go to this little
there's this beanbat here.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
I am obsessed with this whole situation.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
I was desperate. I didn't know what to do. It's perfect,
you know, as actors at least, I'm like, Okay, I'm
in a scene and I was playing a really good mom.
This is what I would do.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Oh my god, I'm obsessed with you. I'm obsessed with you.
But that works, It's great. You can't.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
I don't know what I'm doing, sweetheart. I don't know
what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
None of us do, None of us do we sit.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Down, and I say, when you do that, when you
feel that way, it's fine, it's normal, it's healthy. You
can scream and yell all you want. What happened was
I gave him a pillow. When he was screaming and yelling.
I said, scream into this pillow, punch this pillow, and
he said, I don't want to punch the pillow. And
then so I said, when you have that big feeling,
(22:40):
when you have these big feelings, and when you're angry,
and when you want to throw things, I said, it's
fine to have those feelings, but Thomas, when you throw things,
when you get ballistic, it pushes me away. And I
want to be there when you're in pain, and you're
(23:02):
only telling me to get away from you, and it
makes me not want to be there for you. And
so when you have those big feelings, I want to
be there. And when you're throwing things, I want to
leave you. And I said, and if you do things
like that in front of your friends, I said, you're
not going to have any friends if you keep reacting
(23:24):
that way. So I grabbed that bunny and it is
on our kitchen counter in pieces, and he looks at
that all the time. I did hug him and kiss
him while we were on the bean back and finally
asked him. I said, do you miss William? He said yeah.
I just rocked him and he fell asleep in my
arms and everything was fine, but I still got I
(23:48):
grabbed that bunny when I was picking everything up, and
I said, you know what, I'm going to put this
out just to remind him that he did that and
we can't fix that or put it together. And isn't
that sad? Isn't that unfortunate. I'm trying not to shame him,
But you also have to remind them that's not right.
You can't grab things and destroy everything around people and
(24:10):
get and go crazy, because no, it's not fun to
be around, and people are going to be afraid of you.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
You know, It's one thing when you see two year
olds or three year olds throwing shit around a room
and losing their shit. Five they're really starting to understand
big feelings and when it is appropriate, when is it inappropriate,
and what is disproportionate to the event. Yeah, I love
this idea and I'm stealing it. I need like a
(24:38):
peace area in my house. I don't really have one.
I need like a bean bag fountain moment, that tableau
needs to happen.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
We've been having him watch a lot of mister Rogers love.
He's so calm and slow with whatever he's saying, so
that it really does sink in. I'm a bullet, I'm
so fast and I've always been that way, and to
slow down and really have to talk to this little
(25:08):
this little animal that's basically a savage unless you show
them the way feral.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
They're so fairal, they're so fair, But unless what you're saying,
what you're talking about is being regulated.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Regulated, regulate your emotions.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Yeah, you can't have a teachable moment or a conversation
or anything when you or they are disregulated. Everyone needs
to be in the mister Rogers vibe in order for
there to be anything teachable, which is what I think
that's so great about the Fountain bean Bag. It's like
you're both coming together from a regulated place. Yes, to
(25:43):
talk about what happened, to move on, to repair a rupture.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Wait for them to calm down, Yeah, and leave that,
leave the room, Leave the.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Room, the room. What is something that you're really good
at in parenthood and what is something you want to
work on to do differently.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Man admitting I don't know what I'm good at. I
just don't know. I don't know what I'm good at
in motherhood, I really don't.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Well, you've done about eight thousand parenting experts advice just
now in this fountain being bad situation.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Oh go and girl, I guess everything that you've learned
in your work and in relationships and friendships with your
mom and dad. My mom passed away a couple of
years ago, and she just adored my son. She adored him.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Oh, I'm so happy. That's right. They got to me,
and they got to a few years together.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
When someone you've lost is very close to you, you
begin to act like them. I've become my mom in
many ways. And my mom was an incredible mother. Oh
sometimes when she was incredible, she was epic. First of all,
(27:06):
she was an amazing human, just self taught and worked
at Lakhma. And she was sophisticated and interesting in a
snob and opinionated.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Oh I love it, mental hellie.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
She always said, don't ever do as I did, do
as I say. And I love that. My mom was
one person who would finally give into affection. But she
was tough, and so the one thing that I have
been mirroring as far as my mom's concerned, is she
(27:40):
took me to the opening of an envelope. She got
tickets for everything. Oh I love this hokey circus in town,
or something at the almondsen or something at the Dorothy Chandler.
We had tickets, whether they were in the cheap seats
or it was the ballet. Alvin Ailey dance troup said
(28:00):
they're doing some there's a performance artist in downtown Los Angeles.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Holy love this.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
She took us to everything, and so of course I
became an actor. I was watching all that stuff on
stage and I looked at my mom. I was like, Mom,
do they go Goka when I was a little girl.
She was like, of course, miha, of course they go Gota.
They don't just put them in little boxes and stick
them on a shelf. These are real people.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
Do you plan to take your kid to a million things?
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Oh my gosh, I'd take him to everything. I take
him to everything. Everything. There's a I took him to
the Secret Garden. We'll always buy the cheap seats because
your kid is gonna talk the whole time during the show.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Did you go to the Lion King and pantagis.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
No, but he did perform the Lion King and then
we saw the line right down we were lion king
out got it?
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Yeah, we're a lion king in right now? So hard
and I'm like so waiting for it to end. It's
so annoying. So how did you feel about being what
they call a geriatric pregnancy? I was as well. Some
(29:20):
women I know who are pregnant at forty one to
forty two are absolutely terrified. Somea doesn't trigger them at all.
How did you feel about being what doctors consider an
older pregnant get.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Yourself a very cool, very high functioning obg yn. He
was in his like late sixties, early seventies. He was
about to retire, and he was such an eye roller.
I loved him. I remember having diarrhea at one point
while I was pregnant, which was odd. I had a
(29:52):
check up and I said, my god, I have diarrhea.
Does that mean? He was like, oh does that mean
to baby? He yeah, I rea, No, You're fine. Get
out of Oh my god, these women wasting my time
all round.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
I am deceased. I love it.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
He was great and so I said, what are your
thoughts on me just having sort of a planned cesarean.
He was like, are you kidding me? You're healthy as
a horse. You're gonna have this baby vaginally. Come have
a high water. You're having this kid vagually. I was like,
oh my god, Okay.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
How was that? How was that?
Speaker 2 (30:27):
I was induced? I was drinking coffee. I was very tired,
and I was drinking a lot of coffee. Unfortunately, so
there wasn't a lot of amniotic fluid on one of
my checkups, and they said we gotta go get them.
They said, if you don't now, go home and pound
water as much as possible. But if there isn't enough water,
your baby can step on the umbilical cord and suffocate.
(30:48):
I was like, okay, we're gonna go get.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Them, Get us to the hospital, get us.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
Yeah, And so they induced. That's really wild when the
whole breaking the water bag with that giant so it's
like a knitting needle. Yeah, exactly. I was the weirdest
thing ever. That was just so strange. But then it
was fine. They gave me the epidural as soon as
that pregnancy. Labor was really kicking in and all of
(31:13):
the pressure on my back for my sister and my
husband just wasn't working anymore. I was like, let's grab
that epidural, take the drugs. You guys, don't be a martyr.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Come on, couldn't agree with you more. I loved my epidurals.
I was like, cool, felt it. It's feeling like it
sucks now, I'm not into it. Let's take this shit away,
Like why am I doing this?
Speaker 2 (31:34):
Of course?
Speaker 1 (31:35):
And what I love you said previously urged other women
to get an epidural because quote, they'll brag about not
having used drugs for about four years, and after that
the story gets old. It's true. Once you have a
five year old where we are, no one talks about
the labor anymore. We've moved on to whatever we're facing
and looking down the barrel at now, so it's really
not even worthy.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Look, it is a beautiful thing. If you can withstand
that kind of pain, you are a warrior. I thought
to myself. I was like, I know why men go
to war. They will never know what it is like
to endure this kind of pain. I imagined, this is
what getting shot in the hand feels like. And you're
at that bar waiting for the paramedics to arrive. That
(32:20):
is the pay you're enduring it, you know what I mean.
It's a gunshot to maybe the arm or the hand
the cat, not to the bar, not to the head,
but to the hand. That's what that feels like. So
when I was finally ready to push, I looked at
my husband and I said, honey, I'm going somewhere else. Okay,
(32:42):
I'm gonna go somewhere else in my head. Don't take
it personally if I don't look at you, I know,
fucking sensitive you get. He was like, I got you, girl.
I was like, I'm going to war.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
So I just looked forward.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
And tried to push the way they were telling me
to push. And finally I so in the mode that
when my baby finally came out, my husband and say,
look at your baby. Look at your baby, and I
was like, what, oh my god, it's over. Okay, oh hey,
look at the let's see.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
I had a very similar thing where I went to
I was like, I didn't take a video with my
son because I was terrified, but my daughter I took
a video. I don't even recognize that person. I don't
even know who the fuck I was or where I
went Katie.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
When you have you ever looked at an actor right
before they're about to go on stage, right before they're
about to give a big monol up, we.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Look insane and totally insane.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
Do not put your hand in the after cage, know
when that is happening, because you go into this fugue
state that is is wild.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
So how has parenting changed your marriage? How's the responsibility
shaking out?
Speaker 2 (33:54):
The romance has gone out the window. I gotta say,
we do have have what my girlfriend recommended to me,
sexy Sundays, so we try to have sexy Sundays. It's
been Yeah, it is. The ross has gone out the window.
In fact, the other night I said, I miss us.
(34:15):
I told him and he was like, yeah, I miss
us too. He's like, we need to go on dates
and stuff.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
If anyone ever figures that fucking shit out, tell me,
because what the fuck. I'm like, they're like a date
night once a week. I'm like, when I'm so fucking tired,
because it's not like I don't want to have sex
and we're I'm watching fucking Yellowstone like you're busy, Take.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Your fucking dick off of me, Tom, come here, come
say hi to this podcast.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Hi Tom, you have your head, Hi puppy, Hi Tom.
It's such a night. It's so nice to be too.
Hi Tom, so nice to lovely to meet your dog.
Oh please, I'm fine. Oh my god, you're all adorable.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
We're having a good time.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
We're the best. I love talking about parents. And I'm
gonna take you through a couple more questions quickly. I
don't want to go much later than we had planned.
But who is the good cop and who is the
bad cop?
Speaker 2 (35:20):
My husband is the bad cop. I'm the good cop,
and he's always like we have to be on the
same page, Alanna, you can't coddle him when I'm yelling
and screaming at him and put him in your arms
and give him kisses. But I love him so much.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
It's really hard. We have good cop bad cop stuff too,
So that's how the roles have shaken out, is that
he's bad cop, you're a good cop. I am too.
We have to work on that.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
Boy. I just I like to be liked. That's a problem,
and I want I want to be the favorite, and
I want my kid to come to me if he
ever gets anyone pregnant.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Same or you know needs help? Yes, same, and he
will he will. You will always be the couch and
the fountain in your background to have these regulated conversations
with him when he's going through hard stuff. Host tantrum,
the tantrum.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
You are smart. You are not one smart motherfucker. You
really are, kid.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
I really appreciate you quickly. What advice would you like
to give your child today.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
With everything going on in the world. Be kind? Just
be kind kid, Be kind and understanding because everyone is
going through something, everyone is in pain. My father's death
affected my entire family, and it happened when I was nineteen.
I think about him at least four times a week.
(36:52):
He died quite violently and quite suddenly. I just I
never want my kid to go down that road. Right,
it was suicide, and so for me, all I could
say is be kind to yourself and to others. Yeah,
for sure.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
I have such goosebumps. He is so lucky to have
you all.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Bless you, Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
And our last question we always ask our guest is
finish this sentence.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
Parenthood is oh wow, this is good, she said. Parenthood
is Alana fill in the blank, Tom, what is that.
What is parenthood is? I think it's a second It's
a second chance at life. Oh, parenthood is a second
chance at life.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Holy shit, Tom, we have not had anything like that.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
She's like, holy shit, We've never had anyone say something
like that, because second chance. Yes it is, because it's
can you hear him?
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Oh yeah, it's not only not wanting him or her
to make the same mistakes you did, but now we've
got this moving thing that is our culture and our
planet and our species that has changed constantly.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
It really is, and you get to see things again
for the first time that, Oh, you guys are beautiful, cute,
honest and real and incredible, And your son will always
be real and honest and authentic and himself because I
help you, that's what he's seeing. A household Phil.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
So, I can't thank you enough for coming on Katie's Crib.
I think you're amazing. I really would love to have
you back on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
Be delighted. I adore you. You are just so lovely.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Thank you so much, and thank you listeners.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
Thank you just such a pleasure.
Speaker 1 (38:46):
Thank you guys so much for listening to today's episode.
I want to hear from you. Let's chat questions, comments, concerns.
Let me know. You can always find me at Katie'scrib
at shondaland dot com. Katie's Crib is a production of
Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from
Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
(39:09):
you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shondaland Audio in
partnership with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
He's hypersensitive, and you know his mom and dad are artists.
It's gonna happen. But what a very wise therapist told me.
He said, don't pay attention to analyzing. Pay attention to parenting.
Pay attention to how you react to the way he's behaving.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
In all the episodes of Katie's Crib, we have never
heard that. Can you repeat it? It's brilliant.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Pay attention to being a parent. Do not psychoanalyze your child.
Don't say, oh my god, he has what my sister has,
or oh he has an addictive behavior, Oh my god,
he's manic depressive. Don't give him a goddamn name. Do
not give him a name, don't give him a title.
Just be a parent. And I thought, oh my god,
that is so great. Sorry, I said, god.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Care, Oh I fucking love it. I don't care. Hello everybody,
and welcome back to Katie's Crib. Today's guest is on
the scariest parenting show I've ever seen. I can't wait
to talk to her about it. She's awesome. You know
(01:13):
her from everywhere, because she's been on one hundred and
fifty different theater, film and television projects. But she has
such an interesting mom journey and I had to have
her on. She had a son later in life. She
plays mom on Euphoria People. Oh my gosh, that show
is incredible and also scares me to death about having teenagers,
(01:33):
and I want to talk to her all about it.
I want to talk to her about her concert experiences
with her son, all of her upcoming projects. Her name
is Alana Ubach. She is an actress and a singer,
and she plays on Euphoria sus Howard, which is Cassie
and Lexi's mom, And like I said, she's been on
a million other things. Her credits include, but are not
limited too, being a Koogie flight attendant in season two
(01:56):
of HBO Max's mystery thriller comedy The flight Attendant, the
voice of Mama Emmelda and Coco, which is the family's matriarch.
She's the naive boy, crazy office tempany, indie cult classic Clockwatchers,
and of course, who could forget the iconic Ditsi ucla
cheerleader in the mainstream classic Legally Blonde. Alana is married
(02:19):
to record producer Tom Russo. They have one son, Thomas
Rudolfo Russo, the third Alana, welcome the Katie's great Hi, Hi, Alana,
what's going on? It's so nice to meet you.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Nice to meet you.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
I'm such a fan. I've been doing so much research
in watching you, just on interviews talking about motherhood. I've
been a fan of you and you're acting for a
long time.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Thank you, Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
I like that rock thing behind you.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Oh isn't this nice? This is what I turn on.
My son gets in trouble and we really need to talk.
I'm like, do you want to talk by the fountain?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
That's so great. See these are the tips and tricks
that all the listeners want to hear. That just it's
for you and for him.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Yeah, it really does help. I'll explain that whole well.
I decided to get that that whole sitch over there
behind me.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I love it. Okay, Alana, we have never met. I
am such a huge fan.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
I am a fan Katie. You are so cute.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Oh, thank you, may you are. Look at you. I
can't even tell me like, I think it's so fascinating
your story what I've heard. I want to talk to
you about acupuncture, how it opened your fertility because you
had frozen eggs. Maybe what's the story there?
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Okay, So I was on Girlfriend's Guide to Divorce, Ye,
and he and I got married right before I booked that,
And now we're married and everything's wonderful in Disneyland, and
all of a sudden, I booked this gig that shoots
up in Vancouver. The great thing about Vancouver is that
it's a two hour plane ride to and from lax right,
So it wasn't that big of a deal. But I
(04:07):
was working really crazy hours and I thought, oh my gosh,
if this show is a success, we're never going to
be able to have kids. I'm thirty eight already. By
the time we got married, I was working. And then
he got a gig in Miami, and he was working
with Manah for months and they were doing an album.
(04:29):
So he and I were never together, and I thought, gosh,
what should we do. I was like, maybe we should
freeze embryos. Let's do that, and then maybe we do
an implantation when the show's over or something like that,
not thinking that it would go into like second or third,
or fourth or fifth or sixth season.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
So we go to USC Fertility, We meet the big
Cheese there, we freeze embryos. Everything's wonderful. I go to
work and i'm up there when Trump wins and he's
in office and one of my one of my co stars,
(05:09):
she calls me and says, well, the world's ending. Oh
my god, I have some wild turkey and some camel cigarettes.
Hell yeah, I'm like, I'll be right over.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Yeah that sounds about right.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
So we're sitting there smoking camel cigarettes and drinking wild
turkey and she looks at me and says, Alana, did
you get a boob job? What are you talking about?
I didn't get Oh my god. I was like, we
need to get a pregnancy test.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Oh my god. A lot of it's hilarious. So you
didn't even realize. Holy shit, my boobs are really big.
They're tender. And I think I skipped my period or something.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Okay, like maybe I was a week late. And my
periods have always been all over the place, caddy walks,
and especially because I was off the pill. I've been
on the pill since I was like twenty years old.
So I'm finally off the pill at thirty seven, thirty
eight my body was like, what are you doing? I
noticed my boobs are out to hear. But when you're working,
(06:11):
you get into work mode. You're making light bulbs every day.
Your yourself, your.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Care and self awareness is oh please, yeah, what the's
going on.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
It's just a lot of the little things that you
take for granted when we're not working, when we're on
a hiatus or something, that are never around when you are.
I was in another country. How was I going to
see a doctor without paying this exorbitant amount of money
because I wasn't Canadian. There goes so much for socialized medicine, right,
(06:46):
So I go to the London drugs and I take
a pregnancy test and sure enough I am pregnant. And
I'm like, oh my god, oh my god, I killed you.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
No, that's what I'm the smoking and the wild turkey,
you know, oh the little zyga wah.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
I'm being as honest as but full transparent.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
I love it, me too, me too. It's helpful to people.
It's also helpful to women listening who are pregnant, who
have young ones who have a little bit older ones
like those are our listeners and those are our katies,
crim fans and Honestly, I can't tell you how many
times I've had this conversation with so many women who
we're drinking, we're taking like, might have taken an ambient
(07:31):
to go to sleep, may have taken xanax, like I mean,
crazy shit before they found out they were pregnant. I
also know moms who on their third or fourth baby
were like pregnant, and they were like, let's just pretend
I didn't take the pregnancy test for like three or
four days, and I'm just going to have a few
more nights of fun. I'm not even kidding. That is real.
So you got pregnant without using the embryos or any
(07:53):
of that stuff.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
No, it's I can even tell you. My husband and
I had sex on October twenty seventh. We went to
a party. I was there for a couple of days
to visit. We had sex, and then I leave the
next day back to Vancouver, not thinking anything because we
were having unprotected sex constantly and I was not getting pregnant.
At one point I did get pregnant, and then the
(08:17):
hCG levels were not high, so I knew, oh, we're
gonna I'm probably gonna lose this one. It was very
early on obviously.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Was that just like a heavy period loss or did
you have to have a DNC or anything like that.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Nothing like that. No, what happens is it's when women
are like, oh I had a miscarriage in this that,
and it's early on. Look, your body is a machine,
and if you've never been pregnant before, it takes a
while to tell the brain of the body. Listen, this
is what we're trying to do here. Do you understand? Yeah,
(08:51):
can you get the construction workers down there to get
the apartment ready because we're bringing in another being in
here and we've got to help it grow. Oh my god,
Oh I get it. You want to be pregnant?
Speaker 1 (09:02):
Yes? Same? Oh see, Okay, A lot of people I
know actually do, and myself included how to miscarriage first
and yeah, second time is when it stuck, Like.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
That's the dress rehearsal. Don't think of it as a miscarriage.
Think of it as the dress rehearsal before the real
before it's showtime. And So I had a wonderful fertility doctor.
So I called him and I was just like, look,
this isn't working. Can we just do it in semination?
See if this works and it stuck. It woke my
body up and at least I knew I could get pregnant. Oh,
(09:35):
which was there.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
So that was the first time. That was the first time.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
That was the first time. And then I started seeing
this acupuncturist.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Yeah, this is great. So the first time was like
a Turkey based situation. And then the dress rehearsal, and
then this time that the acupuncture you really feel like
helped this your body know what to do to keep
the pregnancy.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
She was so cool. I called her Carrie Tannenbaum, and
I said, look, the hCG levels aren't high for this
first pregnancy, so we know where this is headed. She
was like, wonderful, come over, I'll give you some teas well.
We'll make this happen very quickly. She gave me acupuncture
and gave me some teas and full disclosure for pre
(10:16):
cord to run. But it was just a discharge, just discharge.
You know, you didn't feel anything or anything.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Oh, we talk about all sorts of juices here.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Yeah, someone sneezed in my underwear.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Nice and yes, sure, yes, and.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
It was my body just blew its nose and that
was it. I was like, okay, done, didn't feel a thing.
Don't worry about that. Do not worry.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
How early were you do you know?
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Oh gosh, maybe like weeks. And it's funny because I
instinctually knew that it wasn't going to work. I heard
a girlfriends of mine telling me, oh my gosh, you
feel it. Within weeks days, your boobs start to get
soreed for some people, and I thought, huh, I feel
exactly the same. What's going on here?
Speaker 1 (11:03):
That's so interesting. I had that too my first pregnancy.
I had no symptoms, and again and it didn't stick.
Mine was later on. I had to have a DNC
at eleven and a half weeks.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Damn it.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
I'm sorry, but I never felt sick or like all
this stuff. And as soon as my pregnancy with my son,
who's five, you were right. Immediately my boobs were killing me.
I had the worst acid reflux, like up into my throat,
like weird that I never had before I had. I
felt when my daughter, I was sick as shit, like quick,
(11:36):
like nauseous. And again you're so upset, but you're also like,
oh shit, I think this is working. I have all
the symptoms exactly.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
That's it. It's working.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
So my question for you is how is motherhood going.
How old is your son currently?
Speaker 2 (11:53):
He is five? He is the age of your baby.
We should baby have a little play.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Date, play day. What are the things that you're really
good at in parenthood that have surprised you?
Speaker 2 (12:03):
First of all, the pregnancy was a breeze. I worked out,
I did all the right things. As soon as I
saw that blinking light, I thought, Okay, it's go time
and this is really going to happen because my boobs
weren't big the first time around and now they are alrighty.
First thing we're gonna do, check my hCG level. So
(12:24):
I got a hold of the set doctor and he
was such a sweetheart. He was like, I'll take you
to this one clinic tomorrow, and sure enough, the hCG
levels were really great, and I thought, okay, this is wonderful.
I'm not going to tell anyone on set until it sticks.
Let's wait a month and a half or something. And
(12:44):
the first person I called was like Robbie McNeil, the producer,
and he was so excited and he was crying. Everyone
knew how badly I wanted this to happen. So he
was sort of a miracle baby Thomasito, and everything was
a breeze. My husband was the only one who knew
what the actual sex was.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
You didn't want to find out.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
I didn't want to know, but I knew it was
a boy.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
The way I was growing, I was all belly, and
it was like, Oh, this is definitely a little boy,
and I wanted a little boy so badly.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
My thoughts were, I'm so weird if I have a
little girl, she's gonna be so embarrassed of me.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
No, that's so funny. Were you having dream premonitions like
this is a boy or you just felt the boy
energy or.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
No, it was just the way I was growing. At first,
I thought, what if I do have a girl, Oh
my gosh, And I started crying and thinking to myself,
Oh gosh, the teenage years.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Pupils, Oh god, which I can't wait to talk to
you about.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (13:55):
You're on the most triggering teenage parental show I have
ever watched in my entire feeling. And what's crazy is you,
as as sus Howard on the show, you are your
mom to two teenage girls, and that is.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
It.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
I'm fucking terrified. On Euphoria, does it ever scare you
that you have had that you now have a child,
and you will be facing the teenagers, and we're going
to be doing them with technology that probably hasn't even
been invented yet. By the time our sons get to teens,
it's going to be a whole other fucking bag.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
It's gonna be a whole other fucking get yes. And
in interviews for Euphoria, they asked me those questions, and
I just wanted to sound smart by saying, well, these
kids have information at their pockets at any given time,
and it's hard to compete with that. But I'm also
just probably saying things that I think everyone wants to hear, right,
because it was a huge success overnight, and that train
(14:55):
just took off and we didn't know what was going on.
So it's almost like being in a plane crash together
where everyone really bonds after work. Like the kids are inseparable.
Those actors on those show, on that show are inseparable,
and I think it's because they all became huge, like
violently famous overnight. I'm convinced it's scared the shit out
(15:17):
of them, all of them, and Sidney Sweeney and Maud.
They're they're like sisters in real life. They're really close.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
I love hearing that. I love that they all just
hung on for dear life to each other.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
We love to each other because it's scary. It really
is scary to have that much, to know how famous
you've become overnight because of all of the social media
et cetera. So these kids are they really do have
their shit together. They're so responsible.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
I'm terrified to get to the teenagers. I mean, I
think I'm like you said, I'm less terrified. I have
an older boy to younger girl. I'm less terrified for
the boy, which is I just feel like, oh, the
years are going to come where you just lock yourself
in your room and you're playing video games and jerking
off all day. That's what's gonna happen for you, where
as my daughter is going to be having hormonal getting
(16:09):
your period melt downs.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Yeah, we can get psychologically violent women. Yes, I have
an older sister. She's eleven years older, and she drove
my parents crazy, and if they had the Internet existed,
she probably wouldn't have been able to get a job
because of whatever she posted or whatever what My husband
and I are really focusing on with a five year
old is number one. Oh my gosh, he didn't die.
(16:34):
To take care of something that small when it's born
is so stressful. It is the most horrific thing ever.
Motherhood for me with a newborn was so stressful and scary.
You're the CEO of a company that you know, you've
heard a lot about, but you're just thrown into something.
(16:56):
So I was just, wow, I haven't dropped him for
the day. This ist rate. Things are going all right.
So now that he's older, my husband is so depressing
him get older, He's like, oh my god, he's not
a baby anymore. I'm like, thank god, he's not a
baby anymore. He's self sufficient.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Now he can tell you when something hurts. Are like
exactly I thought the new born phase is a special
brand of hell.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
I thought the first three months was the hardest. Some
women I know, who I would have never thought would
be like this are so happy in those first months.
They're so overwhelmed with joy. They're like brought to their
knees with joy and just being in the bubble and
being home and being really like nesty.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
For a day or two.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
But I never even had that but he kicks in. Man,
I was out of my mind for that first year
of fear, Like I'm just like scared, every first hold,
every first this diaper rash, the first temperature, all of it.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Did you ever see blood in the stools? Did you
ever see blood?
Speaker 1 (18:04):
I did have blood in the stool with my daughter,
which was fucking terrifying. But like when you look back,
you're like, I we made it like it was all okay.
It was all okay. But I'm with you. I will
take my five year old son like any day because
we have conversations and he communicates with me, and I'm
not scared he's going to fucking throw himself off a
ledge at every turn.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
It's been tough though lately. His teacher went up to
me the other day. He approached me and he said,
is anything going on at home? And I said why?
What were you asking? And he said, because he's been
very defiant and his head is in the clouds. I
just don't know what's going on there. And I thought, ah,
I said, his best friend moved to New York and
(18:48):
his best friend that they were just inseparable when they
met at school, had moved away two weeks ago. His
mom and dad got jobs in New York, and so
little William had to leave. And so I said to
the teacher, I said, you know he's reading this is
a loss for him. This is a major loss. And
(19:08):
we were reading this book the other day. We were
trying to spell out the word national, and I said,
can you spell that word out? And he said, oh,
it's William. The name of his friend is Buddy. And
I see him playing tag with his imaginary William downstairs,
and I, oh.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
I just can you believe we opted into this? Like
you tell me these stories that I'm like, this is
not going to be easy, Like this is heartbreak.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
And he's got tantrums. It's tough, man. And my husband's
mom is bipolar, my father was bipolar, and so you
start to unfortunately, it's just you can't help it. You're
trying to look for signs. I highly doubt the kid
is bipolar. I think he's a very hyper sensitive human.
He's hypersensitive, and you know his mom and dad are artists.
(20:03):
It's going to happen. But what a very wise therapist
told me, he said, don't pay attention to analyzing, pay
attention to parenting, pay attention to how you react to
the way he's behaving.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
In all the episodes of Katie's Crib, we have never
heard that. Can you repeat it? It's brilliant.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
Pay attention to being a parent. Do not psychoanalyze your child.
Don't say, oh my god, he has what my sister has,
or oh he has an addictive behavior, or oh my god,
he's manic depressive. Don't give him a goddamn name. Do
not give him a name, don't give him a title.
Just be a parent. And I thought, oh my god,
that is so great.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Sorry, I said, god damn, oh, I fucking love it.
I don't care. So is this what the fountain behind you?
Is the fountain behind you helping with tantrums? What is
this calm setup you have behind you?
Speaker 2 (20:54):
The other day, I kids you not. He's in his room.
I ordered all these little Easter decorations get in his
room and one is like this little ceramic bunny, and
he was playing this video game. And I looked at
and he was getting really frustrated that he wasn't going
off to another level. I said, buddy, I need I
think you need to take a break. He's like, I'm
not going to take a break. I take the video
(21:17):
game out of his hand. He goes ballistic, grabs the
bunny that I bought for him, throws it across the room.
It shatters, and I'm like, I'm going to give you
a break. I'm going to give me a break, all right.
And I leave the other room and he's leaving him
to self soothe. He self soothes. Everything is fine. I
(21:37):
hear him laughing and playing and everything is Disneyland. He
finally comes. He's standing at the doorway of my office
and I turn around and I say, are you ready
to talk? And he said yeah. I said, okay, let's
go to the fountain. So I go to this little
there's this beanbat here.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
I am obsessed with this whole situation.
Speaker 2 (21:55):
I was desperate. I didn't know what to do. It's perfect,
you know, as actors at least, I'm like, Okay, I'm
in a scene and I was playing a really good mom.
This is what I would do.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Oh my god, I'm obsessed with you. I'm obsessed with you.
But that works, It's great. You can't.
Speaker 2 (22:10):
I don't know what I'm doing, sweetheart. I don't know
what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
None of us do, None of us do we sit.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
Down, and I say, when you do that, when you
feel that way, it's fine, it's normal, it's healthy. You
can scream and yell all you want. What happened was
I gave him a pillow. When he was screaming and yelling.
I said, scream into this pillow, punch this pillow, and
he said, I don't want to punch the pillow. And
then so I said, when you have that big feeling,
(22:40):
when you have these big feelings, and when you're angry,
and when you want to throw things, I said, it's
fine to have those feelings, but Thomas, when you throw things,
when you get ballistic, it pushes me away. And I
want to be there when you're in pain, and you're
(23:02):
only telling me to get away from you, and it
makes me not want to be there for you. And
so when you have those big feelings, I want to
be there. And when you're throwing things, I want to
leave you. And I said, and if you do things
like that in front of your friends, I said, you're
not going to have any friends if you keep reacting
(23:24):
that way. So I grabbed that bunny and it is
on our kitchen counter in pieces, and he looks at
that all the time. I did hug him and kiss
him while we were on the bean back and finally
asked him. I said, do you miss William? He said yeah.
I just rocked him and he fell asleep in my
arms and everything was fine, but I still got I
(23:48):
grabbed that bunny when I was picking everything up, and
I said, you know what, I'm going to put this
out just to remind him that he did that and
we can't fix that or put it together. And isn't
that sad? Isn't that unfortunate. I'm trying not to shame him,
But you also have to remind them that's not right.
You can't grab things and destroy everything around people and
(24:10):
get and go crazy, because no, it's not fun to
be around, and people are going to be afraid of you.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
You know, It's one thing when you see two year
olds or three year olds throwing shit around a room
and losing their shit. Five they're really starting to understand
big feelings and when it is appropriate, when is it inappropriate,
and what is disproportionate to the event. Yeah, I love
this idea and I'm stealing it. I need like a
(24:38):
peace area in my house. I don't really have one.
I need like a bean bag fountain moment, that tableau
needs to happen.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
We've been having him watch a lot of mister Rogers love.
He's so calm and slow with whatever he's saying, so
that it really does sink in. I'm a bullet, I'm
so fast and I've always been that way, and to
slow down and really have to talk to this little
(25:08):
this little animal that's basically a savage unless you show
them the way feral.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
They're so fairal, they're so fair, But unless what you're saying,
what you're talking about is being regulated.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Regulated, regulate your emotions.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Yeah, you can't have a teachable moment or a conversation
or anything when you or they are disregulated. Everyone needs
to be in the mister Rogers vibe in order for
there to be anything teachable, which is what I think
that's so great about the Fountain bean Bag. It's like
you're both coming together from a regulated place. Yes, to
(25:43):
talk about what happened, to move on, to repair a rupture.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Wait for them to calm down, Yeah, and leave that,
leave the room, Leave the.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
Room, the room. What is something that you're really good
at in parenthood and what is something you want to
work on to do differently.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
Man admitting I don't know what I'm good at. I
just don't know. I don't know what I'm good at
in motherhood, I really don't.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Well, you've done about eight thousand parenting experts advice just
now in this fountain being bad situation.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Oh go and girl, I guess everything that you've learned
in your work and in relationships and friendships with your
mom and dad. My mom passed away a couple of
years ago, and she just adored my son. She adored him.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Oh, I'm so happy. That's right. They got to me,
and they got to a few years together.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
When someone you've lost is very close to you, you
begin to act like them. I've become my mom in
many ways. And my mom was an incredible mother. Oh
sometimes when she was incredible, she was epic. First of all,
(27:06):
she was an amazing human, just self taught and worked
at Lakhma. And she was sophisticated and interesting in a
snob and opinionated.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Oh I love it, mental hellie.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
She always said, don't ever do as I did, do
as I say. And I love that. My mom was
one person who would finally give into affection. But she
was tough, and so the one thing that I have
been mirroring as far as my mom's concerned, is she
(27:40):
took me to the opening of an envelope. She got
tickets for everything. Oh I love this hokey circus in town,
or something at the almondsen or something at the Dorothy Chandler.
We had tickets, whether they were in the cheap seats
or it was the ballet. Alvin Ailey dance troup said
(28:00):
they're doing some there's a performance artist in downtown Los Angeles.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Holy love this.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
She took us to everything, and so of course I
became an actor. I was watching all that stuff on
stage and I looked at my mom. I was like, Mom,
do they go Goka when I was a little girl.
She was like, of course, miha, of course they go Gota.
They don't just put them in little boxes and stick
them on a shelf. These are real people.
Speaker 1 (28:26):
Do you plan to take your kid to a million things?
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Oh my gosh, I'd take him to everything. I take
him to everything. Everything. There's a I took him to
the Secret Garden. We'll always buy the cheap seats because
your kid is gonna talk the whole time during the show.
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Did you go to the Lion King and pantagis.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
No, but he did perform the Lion King and then
we saw the line right down we were lion king
out got it?
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Yeah, we're a lion king in right now? So hard
and I'm like so waiting for it to end. It's
so annoying. So how did you feel about being what
they call a geriatric pregnancy? I was as well. Some
(29:20):
women I know who are pregnant at forty one to
forty two are absolutely terrified. Somea doesn't trigger them at all.
How did you feel about being what doctors consider an
older pregnant get.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
Yourself a very cool, very high functioning obg yn. He
was in his like late sixties, early seventies. He was
about to retire, and he was such an eye roller.
I loved him. I remember having diarrhea at one point
while I was pregnant, which was odd. I had a
(29:52):
check up and I said, my god, I have diarrhea.
Does that mean? He was like, oh does that mean
to baby? He yeah, I rea, No, You're fine. Get
out of Oh my god, these women wasting my time
all round.
Speaker 1 (30:05):
I am deceased. I love it.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
He was great and so I said, what are your
thoughts on me just having sort of a planned cesarean.
He was like, are you kidding me? You're healthy as
a horse. You're gonna have this baby vaginally. Come have
a high water. You're having this kid vagually. I was like,
oh my god, Okay.
Speaker 1 (30:25):
How was that? How was that?
Speaker 2 (30:27):
I was induced? I was drinking coffee. I was very tired,
and I was drinking a lot of coffee. Unfortunately, so
there wasn't a lot of amniotic fluid on one of
my checkups, and they said we gotta go get them.
They said, if you don't now, go home and pound
water as much as possible. But if there isn't enough water,
your baby can step on the umbilical cord and suffocate.
(30:48):
I was like, okay, we're gonna go get.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
Them, Get us to the hospital, get us.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
Yeah, And so they induced. That's really wild when the
whole breaking the water bag with that giant so it's
like a knitting needle. Yeah, exactly. I was the weirdest
thing ever. That was just so strange. But then it
was fine. They gave me the epidural as soon as
that pregnancy. Labor was really kicking in and all of
(31:13):
the pressure on my back for my sister and my
husband just wasn't working anymore. I was like, let's grab
that epidural, take the drugs. You guys, don't be a martyr.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Come on, couldn't agree with you more. I loved my epidurals.
I was like, cool, felt it. It's feeling like it
sucks now, I'm not into it. Let's take this shit away,
Like why am I doing this?
Speaker 2 (31:34):
Of course?
Speaker 1 (31:35):
And what I love you said previously urged other women
to get an epidural because quote, they'll brag about not
having used drugs for about four years, and after that
the story gets old. It's true. Once you have a
five year old where we are, no one talks about
the labor anymore. We've moved on to whatever we're facing
and looking down the barrel at now, so it's really
not even worthy.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Look, it is a beautiful thing. If you can withstand
that kind of pain, you are a warrior. I thought
to myself. I was like, I know why men go
to war. They will never know what it is like
to endure this kind of pain. I imagined, this is
what getting shot in the hand feels like. And you're
at that bar waiting for the paramedics to arrive. That
(32:20):
is the pay you're enduring it, you know what I mean.
It's a gunshot to maybe the arm or the hand
the cat, not to the bar, not to the head,
but to the hand. That's what that feels like. So
when I was finally ready to push, I looked at
my husband and I said, honey, I'm going somewhere else. Okay,
(32:42):
I'm gonna go somewhere else in my head. Don't take
it personally if I don't look at you, I know,
fucking sensitive you get. He was like, I got you, girl.
I was like, I'm going to war.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
So I just looked forward.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
And tried to push the way they were telling me
to push. And finally I so in the mode that
when my baby finally came out, my husband and say,
look at your baby. Look at your baby, and I
was like, what, oh my god, it's over. Okay, oh hey,
look at the let's see.
Speaker 1 (33:12):
I had a very similar thing where I went to
I was like, I didn't take a video with my
son because I was terrified, but my daughter I took
a video. I don't even recognize that person. I don't
even know who the fuck I was or where I
went Katie.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
When you have you ever looked at an actor right
before they're about to go on stage, right before they're
about to give a big monol up, we.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Look insane and totally insane.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
Do not put your hand in the after cage, know
when that is happening, because you go into this fugue
state that is is wild.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
So how has parenting changed your marriage? How's the responsibility
shaking out?
Speaker 2 (33:54):
The romance has gone out the window. I gotta say,
we do have have what my girlfriend recommended to me,
sexy Sundays, so we try to have sexy Sundays. It's
been Yeah, it is. The ross has gone out the window.
In fact, the other night I said, I miss us.
(34:15):
I told him and he was like, yeah, I miss
us too. He's like, we need to go on dates
and stuff.
Speaker 1 (34:20):
If anyone ever figures that fucking shit out, tell me,
because what the fuck. I'm like, they're like a date
night once a week. I'm like, when I'm so fucking tired,
because it's not like I don't want to have sex
and we're I'm watching fucking Yellowstone like you're busy, Take.
Speaker 2 (34:37):
Your fucking dick off of me, Tom, come here, come
say hi to this podcast.
Speaker 1 (34:43):
Hi Tom, you have your head, Hi puppy, Hi Tom.
It's such a night. It's so nice to be too.
Hi Tom, so nice to lovely to meet your dog.
Oh please, I'm fine. Oh my god, you're all adorable.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
We're having a good time.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
We're the best. I love talking about parents. And I'm
gonna take you through a couple more questions quickly. I
don't want to go much later than we had planned.
But who is the good cop and who is the
bad cop?
Speaker 2 (35:20):
My husband is the bad cop. I'm the good cop,
and he's always like we have to be on the
same page, Alanna, you can't coddle him when I'm yelling
and screaming at him and put him in your arms
and give him kisses. But I love him so much.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
It's really hard. We have good cop bad cop stuff too,
So that's how the roles have shaken out, is that
he's bad cop, you're a good cop. I am too.
We have to work on that.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
Boy. I just I like to be liked. That's a problem,
and I want I want to be the favorite, and
I want my kid to come to me if he
ever gets anyone pregnant.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Same or you know needs help? Yes, same, and he
will he will. You will always be the couch and
the fountain in your background to have these regulated conversations
with him when he's going through hard stuff. Host tantrum,
the tantrum.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
You are smart. You are not one smart motherfucker. You
really are, kid.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
I really appreciate you quickly. What advice would you like
to give your child today.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
With everything going on in the world. Be kind? Just
be kind kid, Be kind and understanding because everyone is
going through something, everyone is in pain. My father's death
affected my entire family, and it happened when I was nineteen.
I think about him at least four times a week.
(36:52):
He died quite violently and quite suddenly. I just I
never want my kid to go down that road. Right,
it was suicide, and so for me, all I could
say is be kind to yourself and to others. Yeah,
for sure.
Speaker 1 (37:07):
I have such goosebumps. He is so lucky to have
you all.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
Bless you, Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (37:13):
And our last question we always ask our guest is
finish this sentence.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
Parenthood is oh wow, this is good, she said. Parenthood
is Alana fill in the blank, Tom, what is that.
What is parenthood is? I think it's a second It's
a second chance at life. Oh, parenthood is a second
chance at life.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Holy shit, Tom, we have not had anything like that.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
She's like, holy shit, We've never had anyone say something
like that, because second chance. Yes it is, because it's
can you hear him?
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Oh yeah, it's not only not wanting him or her
to make the same mistakes you did, but now we've
got this moving thing that is our culture and our
planet and our species that has changed constantly.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
It really is, and you get to see things again
for the first time that, Oh, you guys are beautiful, cute,
honest and real and incredible, And your son will always
be real and honest and authentic and himself because I
help you, that's what he's seeing. A household Phil.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
So, I can't thank you enough for coming on Katie's Crib.
I think you're amazing. I really would love to have
you back on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
Be delighted. I adore you. You are just so lovely.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
Thank you so much, and thank you listeners.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
Thank you just such a pleasure.
Speaker 1 (38:46):
Thank you guys so much for listening to today's episode.
I want to hear from you. Let's chat questions, comments, concerns.
Let me know. You can always find me at Katie'scrib
at shondaland dot com. Katie's Crib is a production of
Shondaland Audio in partnership with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from
Shondaland Audio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
(39:09):
you listen to your favorite shows.
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