May 11, 2023 • 50 mins
Katie sits down with actress, writer, and stand-up comedian Natasha Leggero as she opens up about her first (and last lol) book, The World Deserves My Children.
Natasha discusses how stress and anxiety has impacted her throughout her journey of motherhood. She also envisions what she sees in her child’s future as she grows up. The comedian even goes into how she escaped the common mommy-rut of feeling like you are living the same “beige” mother life.
Plus, why is hiring a bad nanny a bad idea? And wait, Katie used to be hired as a nanny… does that mean she was an ugly one? Tune in for all the details and laughs!
Executive Producers: Sandie Bailey, Alex Alcheh, Lauren Hohman, Tyler Klang & Gabrielle Collins
Producer & Editor: Casby Bias
Associate Producer: Akiya McKnight
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shondaland Audio in
partnership with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
What it's done to me is like really put my
own self care on the back burner because she's so important.
And I have found that my husband doesn't do that.
He's always following his passions and going surfing and playing
the new video game and staying up late and having
fun and doing his thing, whereas I feel like I'm
(00:27):
just it's almost like I'm at war and I'm just
trying to do like this triage of like how can
I just be keeping her safe and healthy? And she
even said to me today, she's, mom, don't you need
to buy yourself some socks? And then she goes and
don't you need some underwear too? And I was like,
how do you know I need underwear? She's like, I
saw your drawer. There's not that many.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Katie's Crib. I am
so happy to be sitting here right now because I'm
just getting through one of those lovely twenty four hour
neurovirus stomach bugs that your children bring home to you.
You're welcome for that information. It's been a good day, though,
(01:18):
because I think I'm through it, folks. I think I'm
through it, and I'm so glad to be because today's
guest I just finished reading her book. I'm a huge fan.
She is hilarious. I mean, I think I'm a funny mom,
but she's like a super super super super funny mom.
She's a stand up comedian and she just has an
(01:40):
incredible mom story. She is a mother of one beautiful
daughter who is four. I think she's about to turn five,
and she had her daughter much later than a lot
of people. And I love her journey of how she
decided to be a mom because, let me tell you, folks,
she was not convinced that this was something she always
wanted to do. And now that she has her daughter,
(02:03):
I think motherhood has very much changed her in all
sorts of ways, good and bad. And we can hear
all about it in her amazing book called The World
Deserves My Children. Yes they do, Natasha Lazeiro, Yes they do.
She's going to be our guest today. The book is
(02:23):
a laugh out loud riot. I mean, come on, there's
nothing better than a stand up comedian becoming a mom
because they have the brains and the wit to put
everything that you think is hilarious and insane about motherhood
actually into jokes. The book is brilliant and if you
don't know about Natasha, let me tell you about her.
She's an accomplished actress, writer, stand up comedian, which I
(02:44):
already mentioned, and she's garnered attention in film and TV
and the web. She most recently hosted the TBS food
competition show Rat in the Kitchen. She also created, wrote, produced,
and starred in the Comedy Central sitcom Another Period, a
period piece and spoof on modern day shows, and it
ran for three seasons. Her Netflix special, The Honeymoon Stand
Up Special, air in twenty eighteen. Her first and only book,
(03:07):
Hahaha The World Deserves My Children is a laugh out loud,
funny collection of insightful and e Razor sharp essays on
motherhood in our post apocalyptic world, and it's out now
wherever books are sold. And finally, Natasha hosts The Endless
Honeymoon Podcast. She hosts The Honeymoon Podcast with her husband
in Moischa and currently resides in Los Angeles with their
(03:29):
four year old daughter. I am very excited to welcome
today's guest, Natasha Lizeiro. I honestly just finished your book
last night. The world deserves my children, and I agree,
we deserve your daughter.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
We deserve her.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
I know my friend's like, shouldn't it be called my
child since you only have one? But I could accumulate
another kid at some point.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Absolutely, you don't know what the future holds, no clue.
I mean, although I do love the checklist. There's a
chapter in her book, all of you listeners where there's
a really simple checklist that you can answer yes or
no to, and if you have a multitude of ys's,
you are a perfect candidate for someone who should only
have one child.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
I start that chapter with a quote which is one
is an accessory. Two is a lifestyle. And I was
just much more down for the accessory.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
But as you.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Read, like, I was at the dentist and I read
after I had the baby, and my dentist was like,
one child is not a family. You need to go
have another baby right now, And I was like, I
don't want another, Like I like having a small, close family.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
I used to date this dude in high school who
was an only child, and he was incredible, and his
relationship with his parents.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Really, it was incredible in like for real.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
And then the other person I will say is Kerry
Washington is an only child, and she's literally one of
the most remarkable human beings I've ever had the pleasure
of knowing. She has an amazing relationship with her parents.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Didn't she go to Spence? I'm obsessed with everyone who
went to like Private.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
She went to Spence, So good luck, move to New
York and go and send your daughter to Spence. But wait,
while we're on the subject of New York. You and
I have one thousand things in common. Okay, we both
went to the Stella Adler superfacting.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Really did you learn from Alice Winston? I might be
older than you.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Yes, but not by much. I just turned forty. No,
I had Ron Burris, Oh yeah, Joanne Edelman, Tom Oppenheim.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Joanne did the Alexander technique.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Oh yeah, yep. And I was dying laughing because like,
who else could this joke this storyline before? In your book?
When you put the cork in your mouth, you're doing
like two households both like in dignity and favor in
a wary layer scene.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Which to this day I would I could be.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Dying of Alzheimer's and I would still remember that fucking monologue.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
I used to do a joke that Stella Older Conservatory
taught me how to be a working actor in the
seventeen hundreds, because it was just like you had to
put a cork in your mouth. You were like constantly
reciting Shakespeare and then you take you.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Had to wear rehearsal skirts that were like ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
You learned prepared for auditioning at all. No, we should
have they should have like a podcast thing.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Yes, yes, so that's one.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Two.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
We've both been I was a waitress in New York
for a gazillion years, and so were you. We both
first got cut out of our first huge TV film Gigs,
which I think really helps in paving the way to
understanding this business. In your book, can you remind us
what I think you were a kid?
Speaker 2 (07:00):
I was a child actor and I was in this
movie Personal Foul, and it was David Morris and Alan
Arkin and I have an actual part, but it was
like in a little scene in between scenes, and so
no one ever told me I was invited to the premiere.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
I brought my whole Italian family.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
We took up two rows and then I just remember
like waiting for myself.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
I was like planning on standing up when when I
got on, and then when the credit started.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Rolling, I just tears just started rolling down my face
and I was like, I just didn't understand.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
And why would they have invited you?
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Like, oh my.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
God, what a mine was? I had one line on
rescue me the pilot remember that it was like a
firefighter show starring God, I don't fucking remember Dennis Larry
Big New York. Yes, thank you, Dennis Leary. And I
had a scene and I told everyone, most importantly in
(07:57):
my town growing up. It was like my first job
out of college was like twenty one, and I told everyone,
most importantly my ex boyfriend who had fucking wrecked me
my high school like love of my life, who I'd
lost my virginity to. And when I watched it, and
I knew everyone in the Tri state area was watching
at the same time, including my grandmother who was very judgmental,
and I wasn't in it. I was like so fucking embarrassed.
(08:20):
It was unbelievable, Like just total embarrassment. Okay, this is
a mom podcast and you are for everyone listening. I know,
we're all in this shit right now and it's ups
and it's down and it's amazing. But you are such
a gift because none of us are stand up comedians
and none of us are funny. Like it was amazing
reading your book. I can't think the way you think.
(08:42):
Do you feel like your daughter is going to be
absolutely hilarious having you and your husband as funny people.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Actually, I'm very hesitant to do stand up about her
because she'll say something funny and I'll tell my husband
and she's like, mom, do.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
Not tell people things. I say, that's her new thing.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
So now I'm like, Okay, at least I can tour
on this material and she'll never find out.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
But I can't really record a special.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Is that the boundary you're drawing right now? I don't
want to record this to live on forever in case
she can watch it in ten years.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
And like I was telling my opener, I just did
a book tour and one of the women opening for
me had like a thirteen year old. I told her
this and she's like, yeah, my daughter doesn't want me
talking about her either. It's been pretty hard for the
past ten years, like it is in high school.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
And they don't talk because of it.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
So, oh my god.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
It's a hard thing.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
And I was trying to be really conscious about her
in the book, and I did a reading pass of
it through her eyes. Yeah, because I do jokes about
hoping they take a nap so dangerously long you think
maybe something happened to them, or there's like obviously some
dark things that are jokes. And then I added a
little When my husband read the book, he was like,
do you even like me? I had to like add
(09:59):
a little pit paragraph for him.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
It is so clear in the book that you love
him and that you have an incredible relationship, which I
want to talk to you about so much about how
it's changed since becoming parents, because you were together for
a long time before you decided to jump into this.
And what I love so much about the book is
you were not you weren't going to have a child.
(10:22):
You were so career centric.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
A situational breeder is what they call it.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
You met the guy. It was the right time and
the right situation and also kind of a miracle situation.
Take the listeners through how many eggs we had left
and the miracle that is your daughter.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Oh, I just on a whim.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
As a thirty eighth birthday present to myself, I froze
my eggs and had him sitting there, and then I
had met Mosha pretty quickly after that, and he really
expressed that he wanted kids. But after we got married
at forty, the doctor just kept saying, you know, those
should be your insurance, so you should keep trying to
do it on your own. So I spent like thousands
and thousands of dollars trying to do it in these
(11:04):
last moments of my fertility.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
What was the clock saying to you, like, if we
don't conceive without using the stored eggs, what was your
timeline on that.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
I kind of.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Feel a little bit like I was hustled by the
doctors and I spent a lot of money trying to
do this naturally but not really naturally. Like they're called
iui's and you go there and like most you would
be at the Funny Bone in Kansas City or wherever
the fuck the chuckle hut, and then we'd have like
during my ovulation, so we would have his sperm on tap,
(11:36):
and then I'd go into the doctor that very day.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Jerkey based it exactly.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
I did those for probably a year and nothing ever worked.
I had a very irregular period, so it was just
always a challenge. An important thing to remember if you
are trying to conceive is like talk to your friends
who've done it successfully. A lot of this stuff is
like brand new technology and your doctors are busy and
(12:03):
they don't have all the data yet. I talked to
a friend and she was like, I think you should
just use the ones you have. That's what I did,
and so I did that and they had to defrost them.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
He had to blast his load on them or I
don't know what the medical term is.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Mix them up, blashom sperm on top of that shit.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
I had eight eight and then once he did his load,
I think four survived. Then they tested him for genetics
and two survived. And just a really quick thing if people,
because I know this is a mom podcast, a lot
of people are like, you asked the doctor should I
test for the genetically?
Speaker 3 (12:39):
And they're like it's up to you, and you're like,
I don't fucking know. But here's the reason.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Here's the reason why I would say maybe you shouldn't
is because you can kill a lot of the embryos
that way, and the doctor would never tell you this,
but if you're okay with having an abortion, it might
be better to put it in there. So it's so
you get that chance.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Natasha, I've never We've done a thousand episodes of this shit.
I've never that is such a good point. Like if
you were someone that by twelve thirteen weeks you know
from the tests that something is genetically irregular and unsafe
or not something that you're looking to get into, and
you would have an abortion anyway, then maybe it is
better to weigh your risk reward not do the genetic testing,
(13:24):
because that those genetic tests, sticking a little needle in
the made embryo in the Petri dish can kill kills it. Fuck.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
A doctor will never tell you this. We're all trying
to figure out this technology. So anyway, we did the
genetic testing because I didn't know about I really didn't
know one trick. I always ask doctors. I'm like, what
would you tell me if I was your daughter. I'm
like constantly telling that. I think that's a really important
thing to face make them answer. I had two left
I put one in and I was pregnant and I
(13:55):
was like so happy, and then it died in like
two weeks, and then I was like, I don't know
what to do.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
This is my last chance.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
I called the doctor she's and I said, what is
the percentage that this will turn into a baby?
Speaker 3 (14:06):
And she was like not very high.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
It was like I think almost thirty percent, which is something.
And I called my friend who had just been through
all this, and I said what do you think?
Speaker 3 (14:17):
And she's like, your.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Body was pregnant before, maybe that's a good sign. Put
the other one in and I was like, yeah, maybe
since my body was technically pregnant.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
So I did that and it lasted. That's my daughter.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
But I will say I was so terrified every step
of the way, and that's something that they just don't
tell you, like that terror, that fear that I had,
like every single second. Every doctor's like is the heart
still beating? Does she have all ten fingers and toes?
Even now, Like I've got like ten rotating worries that
I'm worried about with her, Like.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Yeah, I want to talk to you about that. I
know from your book you had said this was huge
struck me so hugely. It seems to me as a
reader that a anxiety is something that struck you so
hugely during your pregnancy obviously, so I mean, this is
your one last egg. You wanted this so badly, God forbid,
(15:11):
something happened. You had already had a miscarriage, and.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
I already tried to do it every other way.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
And you tried to do it every other fucking way.
And then it's not like you said in the anxiety,
what you've birthed I think I quoted it in my
notes was in what You're birthing is also eternal fear.
I think.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
That. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
I think like for some people, like maybe they've been
neurotic and fearful their whole lives and that's just something
they've always dealt with.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
But for me, daring as shit, you're on like flashed planes,
there's an extra seat to Africa. You're like, I'll go.
You like moved to Australia with a boyfriend. Like I
would never have done the shit you did. So it
is like crazy that anxiety has shown up for you.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
And it's a problem with my husband because he's like,
why aren't you the person you used to be? Why
are you so scared? And part of the reason I'm
so scared it is because he's so nonchalant. I mean,
we're like central casting for like typical dad, typical mom.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Yes, he's just.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
So easy breezy, She's fine, send her to school.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
I'm like, is anyone thinking about this?
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Am I the only person thinking about this?
Speaker 3 (16:18):
Now? Wait?
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Also, in your book, though you had said to him
in the chapter I think where you interview him, which
is one of my favorite chapters in the book, but
you said that you thought a lot of the anxiety
would go away by the time she turned five, and
correct me if I'm wrong. But at the time of
the recording of this podcast, she's turning five if like
a week.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
I know, and he's and he's like, okay, this better stop. Now.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
I have this complete like anxiety around summer camp, which
it's February and la.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
I don't know if people experience this in other cities.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
But lope, they don't. They don't, but here it's a
fucking nightmare.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Every summer camp is four days long, and you're supposed
to put your child in like twelve little different four
day long summer camps that all have weight lists that
that are full by February. I can't get on weight lists.
I can't like set an alarm. I mean, I guess
I can, but I just don't.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
That is no, this is ridiculous. I'm not there yet.
My son is five. I've kept him in nursery school
for a long time, and I've heard that if I
want to sign him up for these classes after school
next year, that I have to be setting an alarm
on my laptop and sign up where it's going to
be full and you're not going to get in the
lego class and then silent. If you think that's bad,
(17:31):
you're fucked for summer camp in La, which is an
absolute nightmare. It's the same thing. You better set your alarm.
Your husband needs to set his alarm. I'm not doing it.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
But it's not even a full summer. It's four days.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
It's not even like it's four days. And now you're
figuring out the next one to get on the wait
list four and also what's the new address and who's
getting her there? It's absolute horseshit. And here's my question, though, Yes,
how are you feeling about her turning five? And how
is your anxiety?
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Well, say it does more into something else, but I
am like couple's therapy and therapy in general is helping that,
and I'm trying to manage worry.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Something can be.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
A concern without having to be a catastrophe. And I
think that as like new mothers, at least, my experience
was like I was always catastrophizing like any little thing,
and like every time you log onto Facebook, some toddlers
died from rep bite, fever or whatever it is. There's
just this constant thing. And I have a friend as
a doctor and she shared with me, which was made
(18:29):
me cry. But like a lot of infant deaths and
children happen before age five, five is when they can
start being a little more safe on their own, because
that's five full years where you're just like worried of
them like falling down steps and choking.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Are you still cutting her grapes up to like one eighth?
Speaker 3 (18:50):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
She's a pretty voracious eater, so I don't worry that much.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
But it's like a brand.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
New thing of me trying to like just be able
to be concerned about something without making it like an extreme.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Yeah, making a real there's a real difference between concern
and catastrophe. For me, I am one of those people
who I find something to worry about regardless. I'm one
of those New Yorker like anxious people always have been
my son. For some reason, I was okay or masked it.
I don't know how I survived. But my daughter was
(19:23):
born in COVID and I got pregnant a week before shutdown,
and it was my anxiety was so horrific that it
was postpartum depression and anxiety. And I honestly would save
my life though. And I don't know but if you've
ever had medication, but honestly, zoloft is the thing that
fucking I don't know what I would have done. And
thank God because being on that side, the chill side,
(19:46):
or your husband's side, or my husband's side, because my
husband is also similar to Mosha, where he's like, it's
gonna be fine. You're making everything worse. Stop so much
so that whenever I google, I have to let him
google things and he just filters for me and tells
me what I need to know.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
You know what else really helped me is my husband
telling me, he's like, there is no way that our
child is not subconsciously feeling your anxiety and fear, and
that it's not going to affect her in some way
hearing that, I'm like, oh, of course, because why.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
Wouldn't she be why wouldn't she sense this? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Has she ever said anything to you about it?
Speaker 3 (20:22):
No?
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Not yet.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
No, Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Yesterday I walk in and Mosha and her are watching
Black Panther and there's just like machine guns and I
was like, no, this is not okay, and I just
started yelling.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I was so mad, and yeah, yeah I would I
would have been pissed.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
And she was just like, mom, it's fine.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
I really did feel like she could probably handle it,
but like machine gun, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
I would rather wait on that.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
But in the end she's okay. She's okay because she's loved. Yeah,
and it's gonna be okay. I feel so connected to
moms who struggle with anxiety and catastrophized bad things happen
with their kids, because I really truly understand that feeling,
and it sucks. It's really hard.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
And then there's like the images you have, Like we
were in a pool once and there it was like
an indoor pool and there was like a stairway and
my husband like threw her into the pool. She almost
hit the stairway because he hadn't seen the stairway and
it's like she's fine and it didn't happen.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
No, but you see the image of a broken neck
in her floating at the top of the cool.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
And I've never I would have never thought that's the thing.
It's like this, I would have never thought of that
until he almost did it, you know.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
And it's like I could have done it too. It's
not his fault.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
I'm just saying, it's just they're just so vulnerable, and
just what it's done to me is like, really put
my own self care on the back burner because she's
so important. And I have found that my husband doesn't
do that. He's always following his passions and going surfing
and playing the new video game and staying up late
and having fun and doing this thing, whereas I feel
(22:03):
like I'm just it's almost like I'm at war and
I'm just trying to do like this triage of like
how can I just be keeping her safe and healthy?
And and she even said to me today, she's mom,
don't you need to buy yourself some socks? And then
she goes and don't you need some underwear too? And
I was like, how do you know I need underwear?
She's like, I saw your drawer. There's not that many.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Oh my god. I think some of the biggest things
that have come about since motherhood for you is you
never knew you could love something more than you love yourself,
which I think is amazing and I agree with.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Hopefully my agent doesn't listen to this, because if they
know that you're not a narcissist in Hollywood, you're done.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Done. And the other thing I think is with this
love and quoting Judy Garland in your book and having
your heart outside of your own body, this huge piece
of your identity now about having this anxiety and caring
so much about somebody else's well being has just never
been your story. It was never mine either. We're both actors,
(23:17):
So you're a fucking narcissist. We've always been about career
and all of that. How has it changed your marriage?
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Oh, it's definitely made it worse. I mean, that's what
nobody wants to say.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
That's why I love you and everyone needs to read
this fucking book because you're saying what everyone else is feeling.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
There's no way it's as good.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Maybe like there's a few instances, but it's like it
really wears down like it. Our kid sleeps with us
right now because she's just in this stage where she
comes in in the middle of the night every night,
and it's like I want that to end, but I'm
sure it will, but that's not what's happening right now. Yeah,
(24:02):
it's just hard. You're exhausted. There's very little time for romance.
The house for me, like my space being clean is
so important. And then I was able to deal with
my husband's add disaster, chaotic mass that beginning stages of desire,
that's just like a different thing.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
And now like the energy is like a pandemic.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Later a child who's leaving the same amount of mass
his mass.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
You feel like a mess because I'm the same. I can't.
I need everything to be I love when my house
looks beautiful and organized. It's how like how I present
my brain on the outside. But have you been able
to let any of that go? Have you been like,
of all the battles I'm going to fight today, one
is not making sure the house is clean, Like, I
(24:51):
just can't take that on, And I'm going to make
the choice to do self care instead or do something
for my own career. Does that ever happen.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
No, Well, here's what I'll do. I'll clean a room.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
I'll be like, Okay, I'm gonna take a bath. And
he's really cool about I got her, you do your thing.
So I'll like clean the bathroom, take a bath. I
am not relaxing in chaos, Like it's just not who
I am, and I would like to learn how to
do it.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
One thing I've learned how to do is not lead
with that.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
So if we walk into the house and it's like
a disaster, I'll try to like talk about it in.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
A few minutes.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Here's another thing I've done. This is actually this is
a practical thing that's really been helping me. Is like
as soon as my daughter goes to school, I get
out a black garbage bag and just start throwing away
all the crap.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
There's just broken toys, board games.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Left over breakfast, Like.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yeah, two candy lands and they're all missing pieces and
inside of them are Uno cards but there's only half
the deck.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
Like I'm just like throwing that shit away. I can't
deal with it.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Just taking that black garbage bag and just throwing my
husband shit like just like.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
That has really been giving me some soulace.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Okay, we like this. Just take a fucking they go
to school, grab your garbage bag and just start throwing
shit out. You have, though, you do say a lot
in the book about how traditions are a huge part
of your family. You converted to Judaism, and you love Shabbat,
which I do too. We do Shabbat also.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
You do Shabbat shaloon. By the way, Shabbat shalom.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
I love. Yes, And you were saying, like, I think
it's four c's that you said that. I can't remember,
but it was like it ended in cock.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Oh, Cabernet.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
It is a beautiful holiday in the sense that it's
from sundown's Friday to sundown Saturday. It's like you're drinking wine,
you're having sex, you're not having sex the whole time.
You go on a walk, try to put down your devices,
you cook.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
You light candles, and you sort of take a pause
say prayers. Have you been able to keep that up?
And does that help with the with your marriage?
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Yes, totally having that and also another thing like I
don't want to totally throw my husband under the bus
because obviously no, it's amazing to have this like family
and the three of us, like having this really close
family and it's I really love so many aspects of it.
Something that's really been helping me is like identifying what
my husband is good at. He's really good at cooking,
(27:24):
so I'm like, okay, even though he makes a complete
fucking mess where like every cabinet is open and every
spice has the hop off of it, but it's like
he's good at that. So I'm like, okay, can you
just be in charge of cooking? Can you cook every
night at six?
Speaker 1 (27:39):
And he's like, okay, great.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
And then while I said that, I was like, and
by the way, can you just be in charge of
the dogs too?
Speaker 3 (27:45):
And he was like okay.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
So just not having to give our dogs their medicine
and food and do all the things that that was
It's huge. So giving him those two things to do
so then at least I can clean up after everybody
and not also have to feed the dog, make it,
and also make the food. Because his standards of cleaning
aren't the same as mine. He'll just think we're nailing
it and it's just my skin is crawling. So it's
(28:10):
just different upbringings. I guess to bring that back to
Shabbah yes, like him saying the prayers and cooking us
dinner and having that little family time.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
It is really nice.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Do you turn your phones off for twenty four hours?
We don't.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
No, I do.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
I mean, I'm not like that addicted to my phone
at all. I find it like a respite to get
rid of my phone and to just turn it off.
And if you do want to do that, you really
do have to like figure out what time sunset is
and send out a mass email response like my phone is.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
Not going to be on available.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Anything you're going to do Saturday, you have to plan
it ahead of time on Friday.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
But the few times I do that and.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Then have the Hubbdalla ceremony at eight pm on Saturday,
it's beautiful.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
It's amazing.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
A book I read called it Spirituality in Time. So
in this twenty four just in signing out for these
twenty four hours, you're having this beautiful experience.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
I would still watch TV, but just like getting.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Away from the phone, I think is like really important.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Huge traditions are a really beautiful way when you're starting
a new family. It's like you're figuring out. We had
a similar thing where like my mom's Jewish my dad's
Irish Catholic, but my mom really wasn't religious, So I
actually grew up celebrating more Catholic holidays because my dad's
family was very religious and my mom's family was not.
(29:34):
And then I married my husband, who's like a fucking
super Jew and loves Judaism. Mine too loves it, and
he did such a beautiful job of introducing me to
traditions and holidays that he knew that I would love.
And so we have this like nice hodgepodge thing going
(29:55):
on that we're sort of inventing as we go. I know,
in your household it's different because your husband wouldn't have
never had a Christmas tree and you grew up Italian
like Catholic.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
Right, I'm definitely regretting saying that I was okay without
a Christmas tree.
Speaker 3 (30:11):
This year, I had a nature table.
Speaker 1 (30:13):
Nice some garlands.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Yeah, so we had like garlands and candles, and like
when we'd go to the beach, we'd bring back like
skulls and shells. And then I got like a big
pail and put all kinds of flowers and pine stuff.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
So it did feel like festive to have that.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
And I did have a Hanica Bush one year, So
I'm slowly trying to introduce that. Yes, but when you
decide to have a family, sometimes it's modeled for you
in your own family. But I grew up as a
latchkey kid with a working mom who was divorced, and
we didn't really have anything like that. And then when
you see the weekly Shabbat like that, I do feel
like there is just something.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
It's very family forward.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
And it's that's why I was totally fine to convert,
because I saw like what it did to the families
that we would visit and his relatives. You know, it
was just like made you just very family focused. Coming
from a divorced family and a dad who was just
always off doing his own thing, going to nightclubs, ignoring
my mom, it was like nice to see that, Oh
the man is like home on Friday and he's he's
(31:14):
helping with the dinner, blessing me, blessing the kid. And
I thought, oh, Judaism really does show you how to
be a family, almost through those holidays and through a
weekly holiday. Because Christianity, it's yeah, Christmas, Easter, but that's
those are six months apart.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
It's hard not to feel a little beige. When you
decide to have a baby, it really starts to feel
like you're living the same life as every mother you meet.
Do you just feel like a, I can't believe I'm
in this rat race, or has the beige neess sort
of worn off?
Speaker 2 (31:47):
So I don't feel that as much anymore because I
see that I'm failing.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
You're not, no, not failing.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
But like, as I meet more moms like you, become
friends with the moms who are like, this is their
full time job and I'm just trying to like stand
behind them and save our text.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Threads totally, but like, we're not those zumps.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
I do the same.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
I always think it's really great to line up some
moms who are like, the mom is the first and
foremost thing, because then they do all the research and
then they can just tell you the shit because I can't.
I'm in a very similar vote to you. Going back
a minute, your husband and you got into an argument.
I wanted to ask you this about the IVF thing.
(32:31):
Why never a surrogate, Like, why after putting your body,
which I'm sure was so hard through all the IUI
and IVF and hormones and miscarriage and all of that.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
I was completely terrified to be pregnant. I didn't want
to be pregnant. I wanted to be a mom. I
did not want to carry the baby. I begged him.
We met at a surrogacy office. We actually were matched
with a surrogate. We did a zoom with them, and
my husband was just like, you're just gonna rent out
her womb and I was like, she's gonna get paid,
(33:02):
Like I just I cannot be pregnant.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
I don't want this to happen to me.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
And the straw that kind of broke it all was
that the woman's husband worked at a paint factory. Something
about the fumes or I don't know, there was something
that just felt like a little off and he was
like no, And then I kept going to the doctor
and I'm like, you know, I'm like forty, like don't
you think like it's bad for me to have to
(33:29):
carry the baby. And he's like, your womb is a
tent out of ten. He was just like all into
my womb and telling me how good it was, or
my uterus, and I was just like thinking he wanted
to fuck my uterus.
Speaker 3 (33:40):
He was just like, your uterus is amazing. So then
finally I just I was like, you know what, I'll
just fine, I'll do it.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Fine, let's just do it. You did get your way
in that you did not have a vaginal birth, which
you had no interest in.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
I was terrified, and like my mom had three C sections.
I was just like, I just had this like vision
that I was going to be shopping because my mom
told me she was like out and then her water
broke and my dad was at a bar and she
had to like find her way to the hospital. It
just all sounded awful, and I asked my doctor. I
was like, can we please schedule my sea section? I
(34:16):
don't want to be grunting and screaming. And he was like, okay,
if it doesn't start to drop by this date, and
it wasn't dropping, and he was like, okay, how's February
twenty second And I was like, perfect, I'll cancel my
eyebrow wax. And it was also based on the fact
that it was very tight and nothing was opening or
(34:37):
dropping right. So many people I knew had emergency sea sections,
including a friend who has a scar that goes from
like the bottom of her breast down to her pubic bone.
Sideways like a slash because it was an emergency. No.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
By the way, I know people who have elective sea sections.
We've done podcast episodes about it. I begged mine to
have it sections. It was like yeah, but I didn't
have it because she was like, how soon after do
you have to be back at work? I was like
three weeks later. She was like, there's no way in
hell he's solow. You're gonna get this baby out. In
my opinion, won't be a big thing. It was a
(35:16):
big thing, but in regards to other people's stories, it
was actually and everyone can curse at me all they want.
It was relatively like three pushes that I was out.
Speaker 2 (35:24):
Did you get to scream at your husband during that too?
That part seemed cool?
Speaker 1 (35:30):
You fucking I never it was so quiet, like I
didn't make any sounds because I had this woman, thank god.
She was like, don't use your face to push you
put all that energy down into your fucking buttole don't
waste it on your face. And I was like, okay.
You listed a number of things you found in readings
of what a parent should or shouldn't say to a kid.
(35:51):
Do you curse in front of your child?
Speaker 2 (35:54):
You know, I do, and I'm like, and then if
she says something, I'm like, okay, we can just say
that in our house, like those are a bad words.
You're not supposed to say it outside of the house.
And she doesn't really do that. She knows it's a
bad word.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
She knows, and she'll be like mom.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
Because then sometimes we'll we'll be playing a game and
I'll be like, gosh, narne, or I'll say something like
that and she's mom, that's a bad word, and I'm like,
it's not. It's just I'll be like frick and she's
just like that, no, okay, So she's you know.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Do not hire a hot nanny. Best advice ever. I
got it from so many very successful actresses in this
business when I was having my kids. But does that
mean I'm was ugly because I was a nanny for
a really fuckingm No.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
And here's the thing too, It's like my husband. It
would take a lot for my husband to not be
attracted to somebody. My version of hot is different than
his version of hot. If she has big tits, he's
probably not gonna stop talking about it. You don't want
your husband to be too attracted where it's like distracting.
And we had this girl come over and it was
almost like just observe your husband in the interview.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
He was like had this pep and his step and
he was like talking to her and trying to make
her lap. He was just like all.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
I know, and it was like something about the way
he was acting. It was like distracting and taking up
too much of his energy. And I was just like, no,
this is not like, this is not a fit.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
I'm so glad we're having this conversation. I have had
a full time nanny, the same one for five years.
She's sixty seven, and she's all of our nanny is
to be completely honest, and we will be transitioning in
the fall as my son is going to be starting
kindergarten and my daughter is going to be starting nursery school,
so we're going to be moving to a part time nanny.
And so the conversations are already bruin where it's like,
(37:38):
you know, it would be really fun to have like
a twenty something who's gonna like pick him up, because
it's a different kind of job. When you pick him
up from school, he might go to baseball, you might
have to pick her up, but it's like not full
time type of a workload, and I'm like, oh, yeah,
we're not doing that.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
Also, I'm sorry about I don't want a twenty year
old driving my child.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Yes, I know. People used to hire me to do that,
and I would smoke fucking cigarette what and take no
not what the kid was in the car. I would smoke,
pick her up, spray the car like air it out,
put her in the back of my car.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
This is me at like.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Twenty four, driving around Los Angeles and I even a
couple times took her out on dates with dudes. Her
mother's a very good friend of mine, where I would
have the guy that I was sort of dating, like
meet me at travel town, like where the trains are?
Do you want to come and meet me at the zoo?
Like I used to do that shit. That is not okay.
Speaker 3 (38:35):
I know it is really hard. I want to be
there too.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
I want to be there after school because if I'm
just around, she just starts talking about her day and
it's so hard on me, Like how is your day?
Speaker 3 (38:47):
I don't know, fine, would you do eat? Like she
won't tell me anything.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
But then it's like finally she does start talking if
you're the one there.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
Talk to you. Yeah, nanny, she's going to talk to her.
Your daughter's birthday is coming soon. What are the plans
for the day.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Oh my god, I feel bad because first of all,
she has three different birthday events and literally I don't
remember one of.
Speaker 3 (39:20):
My birthday parties. Nope, from childhood, not one.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
I remember thirteen a little bit.
Speaker 3 (39:26):
I is a blur.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
But like we're just like, I want a mythical themed
birthday party. So my husband found like a woman who's
a mermaid who does magic and a cotton candy machine.
And then we started like googling people to come over
to your house to make to do a cotton candy machine.
Speaker 3 (39:43):
And it's like so expensive.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
Now my husband's buying a cotton candy machine to do
it himself, and I was like, oh my god, he's
just gonna be like covered in syrup. This is gonna
be a nightmare. But still, it's like we're putting so
much energy into this. Oh and then we're taking her
to Lake Arrowheads so she can wake up up in
the snow because she's always wanted to see the snow.
This is one of the problems with having an only child,
(40:06):
because I'm like, we have like time to give her.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
We're very conscious of it.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
We want her to have this magical experience because we
love her so much. How can we, you know, how
do we make her spoiled? But maybe not a brand?
Speaker 1 (40:20):
Yeah there. We had this amazing expert on Katie's Crib
named Ron Lieber who wrote a book called How Not
to Spoil Your Kid. It's a really great book and
or you can listen to the episode on this podcast.
But he goes into people's home and consults people who
are like, we only take private planes without children. There
(40:40):
are people who are doing crazy shit and have crazy
amount of money that he works with. But also, I
understand what you're saying. If I have access to be
able to give her these things, and she's the thing
I love the most in this world, and I just
want to give her everything. But at the same time,
I want to teach her the value of money and
that this is why we work hard, and that not
every thing can be given to her easily. I don't
(41:04):
have any answers to that, but I know that there
are professionals that do, and they have been on this
fucking podcast.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
And I would like to say like almost as a
spiritual practice. I am really trying to say no to
her because my husband's way better at it, and I
know that I would be creating a rap. She's just
like constantly, you know, can I have candy? Can I
do this? Can I do this? And sometimes it's just
so easy to just be like.
Speaker 3 (41:24):
Sure, here, yeah, just quiet, take it. Get crying this right.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Very hard, at least every day to do it in
some way or another, to like say no because we
have to.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
It's so hard.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
You mentioned wondering that if you were to have more kids,
if there would be a possibility to give birth to
the next to Greta Thunberg. Looking into the future when
your child is older, do you envision her doing something?
Speaker 3 (41:54):
It's funny.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
The other day I was like, what do you think
you'll do when you grow up? She's like, I want
to do whatever is the easiest, So probably a scientist.
And I was like, okay, that is not right, that's
not easy, not easy. You have no, you probably have
no talent for science. I didn't say this part, but
I think that one thing I have done that I
am really proud of is I've put her in like
(42:15):
outdoor nature schools her whole life. So she is just
like very in tune with nature and like always.
Speaker 3 (42:22):
Oh mom, did you see this flower? Did you see
this rock?
Speaker 2 (42:26):
She's just always collecting, and then they teach it in
the school because they're literally like I drop her off
in a park and they're playing with sticks.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
That's awesome. That's so awesome. So there's some environmental aspect
to her future. There's some nature, outdoorsy environmental connection. That's
great because I'm terrified that my kids are just going
to be in the business, like absolutely fucking horrified. I
refuse to sign them up for any cute play, theater, singing. Nope,
(42:57):
like not happening. And when I ask my son what
he wants to do, he says, I just want to
be an actor and sell pretzels because your husband has
a soft pretzel company. And I'm like, oh my god,
Like how am I already not letting him like believe,
just imagine bigger than what we're showing him. It's a nightmare.
Speaker 3 (43:17):
I want some soft pretzels.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
Oh, yes, shappy pretzel anytime you want. They're delicious. My
husband started the business during the pandemic. It's weird. We
do pretzels for everything. It's my whole life.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
Maybe instead of the cotton candy machine for her birthday,
we'll get some shappies.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
We do birthday parties, we do bot mitzvahs, we do
it all. Since we have this big five year old
milestone birthday coming up, is there any advice that you'd
like to give your five year old daughter?
Speaker 3 (43:47):
Advice or like reprimand.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
Either one just to breathe and it will all happen,
because I think that she's like us, she's just really
has a hard time focusing on things. And also, trust me,
Barbie is bad and crap. I really want her to
(44:14):
do something like if I have a podcast and I'm like, okay, fine,
you can watch Barbie, but like usually I'm trying to
have her not watch that.
Speaker 1 (44:23):
Oh god, god, I had so many Barbies growing up though.
Speaker 3 (44:27):
I know, but it is so dumb. They're like always
on vacation.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
It's awful. It's awful, so.
Speaker 3 (44:32):
Focused on like their looks.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
Barbie is bad. Barbie is bad. That's what we're saying.
I haven't gotten there yet because my daughter's too and
she's not she's right now just obsessed with babies, which
I'm just like, what the fuck? My son like, truly
never and I don't think I played like that either,
but she couldn't. She's one of these little girls that
can hold five plastic babies at one time, and everything
(44:58):
is like.
Speaker 3 (44:58):
Oh bbbbbbe And I'm like, is this okay?
Speaker 1 (45:03):
Like you have to run the world, like you have
to be Ruth Bader Ginsburg, like we can't be focusing
on babies, but it's okay.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
I'm leaning in.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
I want her to be happy right now. She loves
them babies, okay. Oh, lastly, I wrote this, Gangham Style
is also my fucking son's favorite. He's like, I'm only
listening to Gangham Style, Pokemon.
Speaker 3 (45:25):
Whatever, Dude, I would never have shown her that song.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
So some of your friends showed her Gangham Style and
it's been that since then.
Speaker 3 (45:33):
Yeah, I'm trying to get her off of that.
Speaker 2 (45:36):
Literally any electronic she comes up to it and she's like,
Alexa play Gangam Style. I'm like, that is a heater,
Like she's just obsessed and because she also knows how,
And I said, listen, you can talk to Alexa, but
that song is off limits.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
She's listening to me now, finish this sentence, parenthood is.
Speaker 3 (45:57):
Degrading one we've never had. I mean, it's other things too,
but it is degrade of course it is.
Speaker 1 (46:07):
But it's whatever the first thing that comes to mind.
Speaker 3 (46:09):
We get it.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
We know it's also beautiful and challenging and rewarding and
a roller coaster. It's also degrading.
Speaker 3 (46:15):
I remember being in Paris. I took my kid to Paris.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
I was just like on my knees, like wiping, like
on this beautiful street, just like wiping her mouth. And
I was like, what is this feeling? Like in the
back of my stretch jeans had I like was like,
what is this ball? And it was like my underwear
from like the night before because I had run out
of the house because we were running late. I used
to walk down the streets of Paris and try to
make eye contact with some cute boys or something.
Speaker 3 (46:40):
And now I'm just like, it's so there is that
degrading element.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
Will we ever get it back? Natasha?
Speaker 2 (46:47):
No.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
I think you're such a star, and you're such an
inspiration and you're a fucking great mom.
Speaker 3 (46:55):
Thank you great mom.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
And maybe we'll never get back to pre motherhood personalities,
but maybe there's a way to integrate.
Speaker 3 (47:05):
And also it is really special to have.
Speaker 2 (47:07):
These like beautiful families and all these new experiences and
seeing things through your child's eyes.
Speaker 3 (47:15):
It's cool. It's like you have this new like travel
companion and even food. I'll give her like strong cheese
and she's like, this is blowing my mind. No, she
has such a palette. Look at her. That's what I mean.
It's like you get all this instead.
Speaker 1 (47:33):
Yeah, Like, for example, it might be the biggest pain
in the ass that your husband's going to buy a
cotton candy machine, but there's a real chance that you're
going to get to experience snow for the first time
through her eyes because you chose to fight this fight
to have a baby.
Speaker 3 (47:47):
Yeah, yeah, exactly. So you know, Yeah, is the romance
and everything morphed into something a little dead? Yeah, but buying.
Speaker 2 (47:56):
But you know what, maybe the husband will die in
a decade and you'll get your chance of an elder
like a second act romance.
Speaker 1 (48:02):
Yeah, and they might be like really young. I don't know,
this is all so insane. I'm so happy you came
on Katie's crib. Everybody who's listening, Go download on your kindle,
Go to a bookstore, whatever you do. Natasha Laziro's The
World Deserves My Children. She looks so fucking fierce on
(48:23):
the cover in this gorgeous red dress. Your hair is fire,
and there's literally a picture of the world exploding through
her kitchen sink window.
Speaker 3 (48:31):
Oh. You know what's so funny.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
I did this photo shoot during the pandemic and my
nanny was like extremely obsessed with not getting COVID and
this photo shoot sent her over the roof and she quit.
Speaker 3 (48:43):
On this day.
Speaker 1 (48:44):
You know what worth it? That shot? You look absolutely gorgeous,
and it was worth it because you got that amazing,
astounding book cover out of it. The book is a
laugh riot. I think it's thank you I'm reading this.
Speaker 3 (48:58):
That's so nice that you actually read it.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
Oh, I said before you came on it.
Speaker 3 (49:02):
You know, I have to.
Speaker 1 (49:02):
I read a lot of books for the podcast, which
is great, and a lot of them are Emily Oster
and books about facts and all of that, which just
make me feel like I'm failing all the time. But
your book was such a joy. You're a great mom,
and you're admittedly like the rest of us, which is,
what the fuck are we doing? And where did my
life go?
Speaker 3 (49:22):
Thank you, and you know what, I'll get on some sola.
Maybe that would help.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
Thank you guys so much for listening to today's episode.
I want to hear from you. Let's chat questions, comments, concerns.
Speaker 3 (49:41):
Let me know.
Speaker 1 (49:41):
You can always find me at Katie'scrib at shondaland dot com.
Katie's Crib is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership
with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
Speaker 2 (50:01):
It's too fast to start
Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shondaland Audio in
partnership with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
What it's done to me is like really put my
own self care on the back burner because she's so important.
And I have found that my husband doesn't do that.
He's always following his passions and going surfing and playing
the new video game and staying up late and having
fun and doing his thing, whereas I feel like I'm
(00:27):
just it's almost like I'm at war and I'm just
trying to do like this triage of like how can
I just be keeping her safe and healthy? And she
even said to me today, she's, mom, don't you need
to buy yourself some socks? And then she goes and
don't you need some underwear too? And I was like,
how do you know I need underwear? She's like, I
saw your drawer. There's not that many.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Katie's Crib. I am
so happy to be sitting here right now because I'm
just getting through one of those lovely twenty four hour
neurovirus stomach bugs that your children bring home to you.
You're welcome for that information. It's been a good day, though,
(01:18):
because I think I'm through it, folks. I think I'm
through it, and I'm so glad to be because today's
guest I just finished reading her book. I'm a huge fan.
She is hilarious. I mean, I think I'm a funny mom,
but she's like a super super super super funny mom.
She's a stand up comedian and she just has an
(01:40):
incredible mom story. She is a mother of one beautiful
daughter who is four. I think she's about to turn five,
and she had her daughter much later than a lot
of people. And I love her journey of how she
decided to be a mom because, let me tell you, folks,
she was not convinced that this was something she always
wanted to do. And now that she has her daughter,
(02:03):
I think motherhood has very much changed her in all
sorts of ways, good and bad. And we can hear
all about it in her amazing book called The World
Deserves My Children. Yes they do, Natasha Lazeiro, Yes they do.
She's going to be our guest today. The book is
(02:23):
a laugh out loud riot. I mean, come on, there's
nothing better than a stand up comedian becoming a mom
because they have the brains and the wit to put
everything that you think is hilarious and insane about motherhood
actually into jokes. The book is brilliant and if you
don't know about Natasha, let me tell you about her.
She's an accomplished actress, writer, stand up comedian, which I
(02:44):
already mentioned, and she's garnered attention in film and TV
and the web. She most recently hosted the TBS food
competition show Rat in the Kitchen. She also created, wrote, produced,
and starred in the Comedy Central sitcom Another Period, a
period piece and spoof on modern day shows, and it
ran for three seasons. Her Netflix special, The Honeymoon Stand
Up Special, air in twenty eighteen. Her first and only book,
(03:07):
Hahaha The World Deserves My Children is a laugh out loud,
funny collection of insightful and e Razor sharp essays on
motherhood in our post apocalyptic world, and it's out now
wherever books are sold. And finally, Natasha hosts The Endless
Honeymoon Podcast. She hosts The Honeymoon Podcast with her husband
in Moischa and currently resides in Los Angeles with their
(03:29):
four year old daughter. I am very excited to welcome
today's guest, Natasha Lizeiro. I honestly just finished your book
last night. The world deserves my children, and I agree,
we deserve your daughter.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
We deserve her.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
I know my friend's like, shouldn't it be called my
child since you only have one? But I could accumulate
another kid at some point.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Absolutely, you don't know what the future holds, no clue.
I mean, although I do love the checklist. There's a
chapter in her book, all of you listeners where there's
a really simple checklist that you can answer yes or
no to, and if you have a multitude of ys's,
you are a perfect candidate for someone who should only
have one child.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
I start that chapter with a quote which is one
is an accessory. Two is a lifestyle. And I was
just much more down for the accessory.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
But as you.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Read, like, I was at the dentist and I read
after I had the baby, and my dentist was like,
one child is not a family. You need to go
have another baby right now, And I was like, I
don't want another, Like I like having a small, close family.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
I used to date this dude in high school who
was an only child, and he was incredible, and his
relationship with his parents.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Really, it was incredible in like for real.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
And then the other person I will say is Kerry
Washington is an only child, and she's literally one of
the most remarkable human beings I've ever had the pleasure
of knowing. She has an amazing relationship with her parents.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Didn't she go to Spence? I'm obsessed with everyone who
went to like Private.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
She went to Spence, So good luck, move to New
York and go and send your daughter to Spence. But wait,
while we're on the subject of New York. You and
I have one thousand things in common. Okay, we both
went to the Stella Adler superfacting.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Really did you learn from Alice Winston? I might be
older than you.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Yes, but not by much. I just turned forty. No,
I had Ron Burris, Oh yeah, Joanne Edelman, Tom Oppenheim.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Joanne did the Alexander technique.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Oh yeah, yep. And I was dying laughing because like,
who else could this joke this storyline before? In your book?
When you put the cork in your mouth, you're doing
like two households both like in dignity and favor in
a wary layer scene.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Which to this day I would I could be.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Dying of Alzheimer's and I would still remember that fucking monologue.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
I used to do a joke that Stella Older Conservatory
taught me how to be a working actor in the
seventeen hundreds, because it was just like you had to
put a cork in your mouth. You were like constantly
reciting Shakespeare and then you take you.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Had to wear rehearsal skirts that were like ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
You learned prepared for auditioning at all. No, we should
have they should have like a podcast thing.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
Yes, yes, so that's one.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Two.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
We've both been I was a waitress in New York
for a gazillion years, and so were you. We both
first got cut out of our first huge TV film Gigs,
which I think really helps in paving the way to
understanding this business. In your book, can you remind us
what I think you were a kid?
Speaker 2 (07:00):
I was a child actor and I was in this
movie Personal Foul, and it was David Morris and Alan
Arkin and I have an actual part, but it was
like in a little scene in between scenes, and so
no one ever told me I was invited to the premiere.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
I brought my whole Italian family.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
We took up two rows and then I just remember
like waiting for myself.
Speaker 3 (07:22):
I was like planning on standing up when when I
got on, and then when the credit started.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
Rolling, I just tears just started rolling down my face
and I was like, I just didn't understand.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
And why would they have invited you?
Speaker 2 (07:36):
Like, oh my.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
God, what a mine was? I had one line on
rescue me the pilot remember that it was like a
firefighter show starring God, I don't fucking remember Dennis Larry
Big New York. Yes, thank you, Dennis Leary. And I
had a scene and I told everyone, most importantly in
(07:57):
my town growing up. It was like my first job
out of college was like twenty one, and I told everyone,
most importantly my ex boyfriend who had fucking wrecked me
my high school like love of my life, who I'd
lost my virginity to. And when I watched it, and
I knew everyone in the Tri state area was watching
at the same time, including my grandmother who was very judgmental,
and I wasn't in it. I was like so fucking embarrassed.
(08:20):
It was unbelievable, Like just total embarrassment. Okay, this is
a mom podcast and you are for everyone listening. I know,
we're all in this shit right now and it's ups
and it's down and it's amazing. But you are such
a gift because none of us are stand up comedians
and none of us are funny. Like it was amazing
reading your book. I can't think the way you think.
(08:42):
Do you feel like your daughter is going to be
absolutely hilarious having you and your husband as funny people.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Actually, I'm very hesitant to do stand up about her
because she'll say something funny and I'll tell my husband
and she's like, mom, do.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
Not tell people things. I say, that's her new thing.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
So now I'm like, Okay, at least I can tour
on this material and she'll never find out.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
But I can't really record a special.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Is that the boundary you're drawing right now? I don't
want to record this to live on forever in case
she can watch it in ten years.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
And like I was telling my opener, I just did
a book tour and one of the women opening for
me had like a thirteen year old. I told her
this and she's like, yeah, my daughter doesn't want me
talking about her either. It's been pretty hard for the
past ten years, like it is in high school.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
And they don't talk because of it.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
So, oh my god.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
It's a hard thing.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
And I was trying to be really conscious about her
in the book, and I did a reading pass of
it through her eyes. Yeah, because I do jokes about
hoping they take a nap so dangerously long you think
maybe something happened to them, or there's like obviously some
dark things that are jokes. And then I added a
little When my husband read the book, he was like,
do you even like me? I had to like add
(09:59):
a little pit paragraph for him.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
It is so clear in the book that you love
him and that you have an incredible relationship, which I
want to talk to you about so much about how
it's changed since becoming parents, because you were together for
a long time before you decided to jump into this.
And what I love so much about the book is
you were not you weren't going to have a child.
(10:22):
You were so career centric.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
A situational breeder is what they call it.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
You met the guy. It was the right time and
the right situation and also kind of a miracle situation.
Take the listeners through how many eggs we had left
and the miracle that is your daughter.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Oh, I just on a whim.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
As a thirty eighth birthday present to myself, I froze
my eggs and had him sitting there, and then I
had met Mosha pretty quickly after that, and he really
expressed that he wanted kids. But after we got married
at forty, the doctor just kept saying, you know, those
should be your insurance, so you should keep trying to
do it on your own. So I spent like thousands
and thousands of dollars trying to do it in these
(11:04):
last moments of my fertility.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
What was the clock saying to you, like, if we
don't conceive without using the stored eggs, what was your
timeline on that.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
I kind of.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Feel a little bit like I was hustled by the
doctors and I spent a lot of money trying to
do this naturally but not really naturally. Like they're called
iui's and you go there and like most you would
be at the Funny Bone in Kansas City or wherever
the fuck the chuckle hut, and then we'd have like
during my ovulation, so we would have his sperm on tap,
(11:36):
and then I'd go into the doctor that very day.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
Jerkey based it exactly.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
I did those for probably a year and nothing ever worked.
I had a very irregular period, so it was just
always a challenge. An important thing to remember if you
are trying to conceive is like talk to your friends
who've done it successfully. A lot of this stuff is
like brand new technology and your doctors are busy and
(12:03):
they don't have all the data yet. I talked to
a friend and she was like, I think you should
just use the ones you have. That's what I did,
and so I did that and they had to defrost them.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
He had to blast his load on them or I
don't know what the medical term is.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Mix them up, blashom sperm on top of that shit.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
I had eight eight and then once he did his load,
I think four survived. Then they tested him for genetics
and two survived. And just a really quick thing if people,
because I know this is a mom podcast, a lot
of people are like, you asked the doctor should I
test for the genetically?
Speaker 3 (12:39):
And they're like it's up to you, and you're like,
I don't fucking know. But here's the reason.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Here's the reason why I would say maybe you shouldn't
is because you can kill a lot of the embryos
that way, and the doctor would never tell you this,
but if you're okay with having an abortion, it might
be better to put it in there. So it's so
you get that chance.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
Natasha, I've never We've done a thousand episodes of this shit.
I've never that is such a good point. Like if
you were someone that by twelve thirteen weeks you know
from the tests that something is genetically irregular and unsafe
or not something that you're looking to get into, and
you would have an abortion anyway, then maybe it is
better to weigh your risk reward not do the genetic testing,
(13:24):
because that those genetic tests, sticking a little needle in
the made embryo in the Petri dish can kill kills it. Fuck.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
A doctor will never tell you this. We're all trying
to figure out this technology. So anyway, we did the
genetic testing because I didn't know about I really didn't
know one trick. I always ask doctors. I'm like, what
would you tell me if I was your daughter. I'm
like constantly telling that. I think that's a really important
thing to face make them answer. I had two left
I put one in and I was pregnant and I
(13:55):
was like so happy, and then it died in like
two weeks, and then I was like, I don't know
what to do.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
This is my last chance.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
I called the doctor she's and I said, what is
the percentage that this will turn into a baby?
Speaker 3 (14:06):
And she was like not very high.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
It was like I think almost thirty percent, which is something.
And I called my friend who had just been through
all this, and I said what do you think?
Speaker 3 (14:17):
And she's like, your.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Body was pregnant before, maybe that's a good sign. Put
the other one in and I was like, yeah, maybe
since my body was technically pregnant.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
So I did that and it lasted. That's my daughter.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
But I will say I was so terrified every step
of the way, and that's something that they just don't
tell you, like that terror, that fear that I had,
like every single second. Every doctor's like is the heart
still beating? Does she have all ten fingers and toes?
Even now, Like I've got like ten rotating worries that
I'm worried about with her, Like.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Yeah, I want to talk to you about that. I
know from your book you had said this was huge
struck me so hugely. It seems to me as a
reader that a anxiety is something that struck you so
hugely during your pregnancy obviously, so I mean, this is
your one last egg. You wanted this so badly, God forbid,
(15:11):
something happened. You had already had a miscarriage, and.
Speaker 3 (15:13):
I already tried to do it every other way.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
And you tried to do it every other fucking way.
And then it's not like you said in the anxiety,
what you've birthed I think I quoted it in my
notes was in what You're birthing is also eternal fear.
I think.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
That. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
I think like for some people, like maybe they've been
neurotic and fearful their whole lives and that's just something
they've always dealt with.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
But for me, daring as shit, you're on like flashed planes,
there's an extra seat to Africa. You're like, I'll go.
You like moved to Australia with a boyfriend. Like I
would never have done the shit you did. So it
is like crazy that anxiety has shown up for you.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
And it's a problem with my husband because he's like,
why aren't you the person you used to be? Why
are you so scared? And part of the reason I'm
so scared it is because he's so nonchalant. I mean,
we're like central casting for like typical dad, typical mom.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Yes, he's just.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
So easy breezy, She's fine, send her to school.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
I'm like, is anyone thinking about this?
Speaker 1 (16:17):
Am I the only person thinking about this?
Speaker 3 (16:18):
Now? Wait?
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Also, in your book, though you had said to him
in the chapter I think where you interview him, which
is one of my favorite chapters in the book, but
you said that you thought a lot of the anxiety
would go away by the time she turned five, and
correct me if I'm wrong. But at the time of
the recording of this podcast, she's turning five if like
a week.
Speaker 3 (16:37):
I know, and he's and he's like, okay, this better stop. Now.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
I have this complete like anxiety around summer camp, which
it's February and la.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
I don't know if people experience this in other cities.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
But lope, they don't. They don't, but here it's a
fucking nightmare.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Every summer camp is four days long, and you're supposed
to put your child in like twelve little different four
day long summer camps that all have weight lists that
that are full by February. I can't get on weight lists.
I can't like set an alarm. I mean, I guess
I can, but I just don't.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
That is no, this is ridiculous. I'm not there yet.
My son is five. I've kept him in nursery school
for a long time, and I've heard that if I
want to sign him up for these classes after school
next year, that I have to be setting an alarm
on my laptop and sign up where it's going to
be full and you're not going to get in the
lego class and then silent. If you think that's bad,
(17:31):
you're fucked for summer camp in La, which is an
absolute nightmare. It's the same thing. You better set your alarm.
Your husband needs to set his alarm. I'm not doing it.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
But it's not even a full summer. It's four days.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
It's not even like it's four days. And now you're
figuring out the next one to get on the wait
list four and also what's the new address and who's
getting her there? It's absolute horseshit. And here's my question, though, Yes,
how are you feeling about her turning five? And how
is your anxiety?
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Well, say it does more into something else, but I
am like couple's therapy and therapy in general is helping that,
and I'm trying to manage worry.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Something can be.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
A concern without having to be a catastrophe. And I
think that as like new mothers, at least, my experience
was like I was always catastrophizing like any little thing,
and like every time you log onto Facebook, some toddlers
died from rep bite, fever or whatever it is. There's
just this constant thing. And I have a friend as
a doctor and she shared with me, which was made
(18:29):
me cry. But like a lot of infant deaths and
children happen before age five, five is when they can
start being a little more safe on their own, because
that's five full years where you're just like worried of
them like falling down steps and choking.
Speaker 1 (18:46):
Are you still cutting her grapes up to like one eighth?
Speaker 3 (18:50):
I don't.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
She's a pretty voracious eater, so I don't worry that much.
Speaker 3 (18:54):
But it's like a brand.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
New thing of me trying to like just be able
to be concerned about something without making it like an extreme.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Yeah, making a real there's a real difference between concern
and catastrophe. For me, I am one of those people
who I find something to worry about regardless. I'm one
of those New Yorker like anxious people always have been
my son. For some reason, I was okay or masked it.
I don't know how I survived. But my daughter was
(19:23):
born in COVID and I got pregnant a week before shutdown,
and it was my anxiety was so horrific that it
was postpartum depression and anxiety. And I honestly would save
my life though. And I don't know but if you've
ever had medication, but honestly, zoloft is the thing that
fucking I don't know what I would have done. And
thank God because being on that side, the chill side,
(19:46):
or your husband's side, or my husband's side, because my
husband is also similar to Mosha, where he's like, it's
gonna be fine. You're making everything worse. Stop so much
so that whenever I google, I have to let him
google things and he just filters for me and tells
me what I need to know.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
You know what else really helped me is my husband
telling me, he's like, there is no way that our
child is not subconsciously feeling your anxiety and fear, and
that it's not going to affect her in some way
hearing that, I'm like, oh, of course, because why.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
Wouldn't she be why wouldn't she sense this? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Has she ever said anything to you about it?
Speaker 3 (20:22):
No?
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Not yet.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
No, Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Yesterday I walk in and Mosha and her are watching
Black Panther and there's just like machine guns and I
was like, no, this is not okay, and I just
started yelling.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I was so mad, and yeah, yeah I would I
would have been pissed.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
And she was just like, mom, it's fine.
Speaker 2 (20:43):
I really did feel like she could probably handle it,
but like machine gun, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:49):
I would rather wait on that.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
But in the end she's okay. She's okay because she's loved. Yeah,
and it's gonna be okay. I feel so connected to
moms who struggle with anxiety and catastrophized bad things happen
with their kids, because I really truly understand that feeling,
and it sucks. It's really hard.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
And then there's like the images you have, Like we
were in a pool once and there it was like
an indoor pool and there was like a stairway and
my husband like threw her into the pool. She almost
hit the stairway because he hadn't seen the stairway and
it's like she's fine and it didn't happen.
Speaker 1 (21:27):
No, but you see the image of a broken neck
in her floating at the top of the cool.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
And I've never I would have never thought that's the thing.
It's like this, I would have never thought of that
until he almost did it, you know.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
And it's like I could have done it too. It's
not his fault.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
I'm just saying, it's just they're just so vulnerable, and
just what it's done to me is like, really put
my own self care on the back burner because she's
so important. And I have found that my husband doesn't
do that. He's always following his passions and going surfing
and playing the new video game and staying up late
and having fun and doing this thing, whereas I feel
(22:03):
like I'm just it's almost like I'm at war and
I'm just trying to do like this triage of like
how can I just be keeping her safe and healthy?
And and she even said to me today, she's mom,
don't you need to buy yourself some socks? And then
she goes and don't you need some underwear too? And
I was like, how do you know I need underwear?
She's like, I saw your drawer. There's not that many.
Speaker 1 (22:26):
Oh my god. I think some of the biggest things
that have come about since motherhood for you is you
never knew you could love something more than you love yourself,
which I think is amazing and I agree with.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Hopefully my agent doesn't listen to this, because if they
know that you're not a narcissist in Hollywood, you're done.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Done. And the other thing I think is with this
love and quoting Judy Garland in your book and having
your heart outside of your own body, this huge piece
of your identity now about having this anxiety and caring
so much about somebody else's well being has just never
been your story. It was never mine either. We're both actors,
(23:17):
So you're a fucking narcissist. We've always been about career
and all of that. How has it changed your marriage?
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Oh, it's definitely made it worse. I mean, that's what
nobody wants to say.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
That's why I love you and everyone needs to read
this fucking book because you're saying what everyone else is feeling.
Speaker 3 (23:38):
There's no way it's as good.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Maybe like there's a few instances, but it's like it
really wears down like it. Our kid sleeps with us
right now because she's just in this stage where she
comes in in the middle of the night every night,
and it's like I want that to end, but I'm
sure it will, but that's not what's happening right now. Yeah,
(24:02):
it's just hard. You're exhausted. There's very little time for romance.
The house for me, like my space being clean is
so important. And then I was able to deal with
my husband's add disaster, chaotic mass that beginning stages of desire,
that's just like a different thing.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
And now like the energy is like a pandemic.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
Later a child who's leaving the same amount of mass
his mass.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
You feel like a mess because I'm the same. I can't.
I need everything to be I love when my house
looks beautiful and organized. It's how like how I present
my brain on the outside. But have you been able
to let any of that go? Have you been like,
of all the battles I'm going to fight today, one
is not making sure the house is clean, Like, I
(24:51):
just can't take that on, And I'm going to make
the choice to do self care instead or do something
for my own career. Does that ever happen.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
No, Well, here's what I'll do. I'll clean a room.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
I'll be like, Okay, I'm gonna take a bath. And
he's really cool about I got her, you do your thing.
So I'll like clean the bathroom, take a bath. I
am not relaxing in chaos, Like it's just not who
I am, and I would like to learn how to
do it.
Speaker 3 (25:18):
One thing I've learned how to do is not lead
with that.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
So if we walk into the house and it's like
a disaster, I'll try to like talk about it in.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
A few minutes.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
Here's another thing I've done. This is actually this is
a practical thing that's really been helping me. Is like
as soon as my daughter goes to school, I get
out a black garbage bag and just start throwing away
all the crap.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
There's just broken toys, board games.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Left over breakfast, Like.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yeah, two candy lands and they're all missing pieces and
inside of them are Uno cards but there's only half
the deck.
Speaker 3 (25:53):
Like I'm just like throwing that shit away. I can't
deal with it.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Just taking that black garbage bag and just throwing my
husband shit like just like.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
That has really been giving me some soulace.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
Okay, we like this. Just take a fucking they go
to school, grab your garbage bag and just start throwing
shit out. You have, though, you do say a lot
in the book about how traditions are a huge part
of your family. You converted to Judaism, and you love Shabbat,
which I do too. We do Shabbat also.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
You do Shabbat shaloon. By the way, Shabbat shalom.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
I love. Yes, And you were saying, like, I think
it's four c's that you said that. I can't remember,
but it was like it ended in cock.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Oh, Cabernet.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
It is a beautiful holiday in the sense that it's
from sundown's Friday to sundown Saturday. It's like you're drinking wine,
you're having sex, you're not having sex the whole time.
You go on a walk, try to put down your devices,
you cook.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
You light candles, and you sort of take a pause
say prayers. Have you been able to keep that up?
And does that help with the with your marriage?
Speaker 2 (27:01):
Yes, totally having that and also another thing like I
don't want to totally throw my husband under the bus
because obviously no, it's amazing to have this like family
and the three of us, like having this really close
family and it's I really love so many aspects of it.
Something that's really been helping me is like identifying what
my husband is good at. He's really good at cooking,
(27:24):
so I'm like, okay, even though he makes a complete
fucking mess where like every cabinet is open and every
spice has the hop off of it, but it's like
he's good at that. So I'm like, okay, can you
just be in charge of cooking? Can you cook every
night at six?
Speaker 1 (27:39):
And he's like, okay, great.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
And then while I said that, I was like, and
by the way, can you just be in charge of
the dogs too?
Speaker 3 (27:45):
And he was like okay.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
So just not having to give our dogs their medicine
and food and do all the things that that was
It's huge. So giving him those two things to do
so then at least I can clean up after everybody
and not also have to feed the dog, make it,
and also make the food. Because his standards of cleaning
aren't the same as mine. He'll just think we're nailing
it and it's just my skin is crawling. So it's
(28:10):
just different upbringings. I guess to bring that back to
Shabbah yes, like him saying the prayers and cooking us
dinner and having that little family time.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
It is really nice.
Speaker 1 (28:23):
Do you turn your phones off for twenty four hours?
We don't.
Speaker 3 (28:26):
No, I do.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
I mean, I'm not like that addicted to my phone
at all. I find it like a respite to get
rid of my phone and to just turn it off.
And if you do want to do that, you really
do have to like figure out what time sunset is
and send out a mass email response like my phone is.
Speaker 3 (28:44):
Not going to be on available.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Anything you're going to do Saturday, you have to plan
it ahead of time on Friday.
Speaker 3 (28:49):
But the few times I do that and.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Then have the Hubbdalla ceremony at eight pm on Saturday,
it's beautiful.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
It's amazing.
Speaker 2 (28:56):
A book I read called it Spirituality in Time. So
in this twenty four just in signing out for these
twenty four hours, you're having this beautiful experience.
Speaker 3 (29:07):
I would still watch TV, but just like getting.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
Away from the phone, I think is like really important.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
Huge traditions are a really beautiful way when you're starting
a new family. It's like you're figuring out. We had
a similar thing where like my mom's Jewish my dad's
Irish Catholic, but my mom really wasn't religious, So I
actually grew up celebrating more Catholic holidays because my dad's
family was very religious and my mom's family was not.
(29:34):
And then I married my husband, who's like a fucking
super Jew and loves Judaism. Mine too loves it, and
he did such a beautiful job of introducing me to
traditions and holidays that he knew that I would love.
And so we have this like nice hodgepodge thing going
(29:55):
on that we're sort of inventing as we go. I know,
in your household it's different because your husband wouldn't have
never had a Christmas tree and you grew up Italian
like Catholic.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
Right, I'm definitely regretting saying that I was okay without
a Christmas tree.
Speaker 3 (30:11):
This year, I had a nature table.
Speaker 1 (30:13):
Nice some garlands.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Yeah, so we had like garlands and candles, and like
when we'd go to the beach, we'd bring back like
skulls and shells. And then I got like a big
pail and put all kinds of flowers and pine stuff.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
So it did feel like festive to have that.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
And I did have a Hanica Bush one year, So
I'm slowly trying to introduce that. Yes, but when you
decide to have a family, sometimes it's modeled for you
in your own family. But I grew up as a
latchkey kid with a working mom who was divorced, and
we didn't really have anything like that. And then when
you see the weekly Shabbat like that, I do feel
like there is just something.
Speaker 3 (30:50):
It's very family forward.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
And it's that's why I was totally fine to convert,
because I saw like what it did to the families
that we would visit and his relatives. You know, it
was just like made you just very family focused. Coming
from a divorced family and a dad who was just
always off doing his own thing, going to nightclubs, ignoring
my mom, it was like nice to see that, Oh
the man is like home on Friday and he's he's
(31:14):
helping with the dinner, blessing me, blessing the kid. And
I thought, oh, Judaism really does show you how to
be a family, almost through those holidays and through a
weekly holiday. Because Christianity, it's yeah, Christmas, Easter, but that's
those are six months apart.
Speaker 1 (31:30):
It's hard not to feel a little beige. When you
decide to have a baby, it really starts to feel
like you're living the same life as every mother you meet.
Do you just feel like a, I can't believe I'm
in this rat race, or has the beige neess sort
of worn off?
Speaker 2 (31:47):
So I don't feel that as much anymore because I
see that I'm failing.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
You're not, no, not failing.
Speaker 2 (31:55):
But like, as I meet more moms like you, become
friends with the moms who are like, this is their
full time job and I'm just trying to like stand
behind them and save our text.
Speaker 1 (32:05):
Threads totally, but like, we're not those zumps.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
I do the same.
Speaker 1 (32:10):
I always think it's really great to line up some
moms who are like, the mom is the first and
foremost thing, because then they do all the research and
then they can just tell you the shit because I can't.
I'm in a very similar vote to you. Going back
a minute, your husband and you got into an argument.
I wanted to ask you this about the IVF thing.
(32:31):
Why never a surrogate, Like, why after putting your body,
which I'm sure was so hard through all the IUI
and IVF and hormones and miscarriage and all of that.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
I was completely terrified to be pregnant. I didn't want
to be pregnant. I wanted to be a mom. I
did not want to carry the baby. I begged him.
We met at a surrogacy office. We actually were matched
with a surrogate. We did a zoom with them, and
my husband was just like, you're just gonna rent out
her womb and I was like, she's gonna get paid,
(33:02):
Like I just I cannot be pregnant.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
I don't want this to happen to me.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
And the straw that kind of broke it all was
that the woman's husband worked at a paint factory. Something
about the fumes or I don't know, there was something
that just felt like a little off and he was
like no, And then I kept going to the doctor
and I'm like, you know, I'm like forty, like don't
you think like it's bad for me to have to
(33:29):
carry the baby. And he's like, your womb is a
tent out of ten. He was just like all into
my womb and telling me how good it was, or
my uterus, and I was just like thinking he wanted
to fuck my uterus.
Speaker 3 (33:40):
He was just like, your uterus is amazing. So then
finally I just I was like, you know what, I'll
just fine, I'll do it.
Speaker 1 (33:48):
Fine, let's just do it. You did get your way
in that you did not have a vaginal birth, which
you had no interest in.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
I was terrified, and like my mom had three C sections.
I was just like, I just had this like vision
that I was going to be shopping because my mom
told me she was like out and then her water
broke and my dad was at a bar and she
had to like find her way to the hospital. It
just all sounded awful, and I asked my doctor. I
was like, can we please schedule my sea section? I
(34:16):
don't want to be grunting and screaming. And he was like, okay,
if it doesn't start to drop by this date, and
it wasn't dropping, and he was like, okay, how's February
twenty second And I was like, perfect, I'll cancel my
eyebrow wax. And it was also based on the fact
that it was very tight and nothing was opening or
(34:37):
dropping right. So many people I knew had emergency sea sections,
including a friend who has a scar that goes from
like the bottom of her breast down to her pubic bone.
Sideways like a slash because it was an emergency. No.
Speaker 1 (34:52):
By the way, I know people who have elective sea sections.
We've done podcast episodes about it. I begged mine to
have it sections. It was like yeah, but I didn't
have it because she was like, how soon after do
you have to be back at work? I was like
three weeks later. She was like, there's no way in
hell he's solow. You're gonna get this baby out. In
my opinion, won't be a big thing. It was a
(35:16):
big thing, but in regards to other people's stories, it
was actually and everyone can curse at me all they want.
It was relatively like three pushes that I was out.
Speaker 2 (35:24):
Did you get to scream at your husband during that too?
That part seemed cool?
Speaker 1 (35:30):
You fucking I never it was so quiet, like I
didn't make any sounds because I had this woman, thank god.
She was like, don't use your face to push you
put all that energy down into your fucking buttole don't
waste it on your face. And I was like, okay.
You listed a number of things you found in readings
of what a parent should or shouldn't say to a kid.
(35:51):
Do you curse in front of your child?
Speaker 2 (35:54):
You know, I do, and I'm like, and then if
she says something, I'm like, okay, we can just say
that in our house, like those are a bad words.
You're not supposed to say it outside of the house.
And she doesn't really do that. She knows it's a
bad word.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
She knows, and she'll be like mom.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
Because then sometimes we'll we'll be playing a game and
I'll be like, gosh, narne, or I'll say something like
that and she's mom, that's a bad word, and I'm like,
it's not. It's just I'll be like frick and she's
just like that, no, okay, So she's you know.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Do not hire a hot nanny. Best advice ever. I
got it from so many very successful actresses in this
business when I was having my kids. But does that
mean I'm was ugly because I was a nanny for
a really fuckingm No.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
And here's the thing too, It's like my husband. It
would take a lot for my husband to not be
attracted to somebody. My version of hot is different than
his version of hot. If she has big tits, he's
probably not gonna stop talking about it. You don't want
your husband to be too attracted where it's like distracting.
And we had this girl come over and it was
almost like just observe your husband in the interview.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
He was like had this pep and his step and
he was like talking to her and trying to make
her lap. He was just like all.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
I know, and it was like something about the way
he was acting. It was like distracting and taking up
too much of his energy. And I was just like, no,
this is not like, this is not a fit.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
I'm so glad we're having this conversation. I have had
a full time nanny, the same one for five years.
She's sixty seven, and she's all of our nanny is
to be completely honest, and we will be transitioning in
the fall as my son is going to be starting
kindergarten and my daughter is going to be starting nursery school,
so we're going to be moving to a part time nanny.
And so the conversations are already bruin where it's like,
(37:38):
you know, it would be really fun to have like
a twenty something who's gonna like pick him up, because
it's a different kind of job. When you pick him
up from school, he might go to baseball, you might
have to pick her up, but it's like not full
time type of a workload, and I'm like, oh, yeah,
we're not doing that.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
Also, I'm sorry about I don't want a twenty year
old driving my child.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Yes, I know. People used to hire me to do that,
and I would smoke fucking cigarette what and take no
not what the kid was in the car. I would smoke,
pick her up, spray the car like air it out,
put her in the back of my car.
Speaker 3 (38:15):
This is me at like.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
Twenty four, driving around Los Angeles and I even a
couple times took her out on dates with dudes. Her
mother's a very good friend of mine, where I would
have the guy that I was sort of dating, like
meet me at travel town, like where the trains are?
Do you want to come and meet me at the zoo?
Like I used to do that shit. That is not okay.
Speaker 3 (38:35):
I know it is really hard. I want to be
there too.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
I want to be there after school because if I'm
just around, she just starts talking about her day and
it's so hard on me, Like how is your day?
Speaker 3 (38:47):
I don't know, fine, would you do eat? Like she
won't tell me anything.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
But then it's like finally she does start talking if
you're the one there.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
Talk to you. Yeah, nanny, she's going to talk to her.
Your daughter's birthday is coming soon. What are the plans
for the day.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Oh my god, I feel bad because first of all,
she has three different birthday events and literally I don't
remember one of.
Speaker 3 (39:20):
My birthday parties. Nope, from childhood, not one.
Speaker 1 (39:24):
I remember thirteen a little bit.
Speaker 3 (39:26):
I is a blur.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
But like we're just like, I want a mythical themed
birthday party. So my husband found like a woman who's
a mermaid who does magic and a cotton candy machine.
And then we started like googling people to come over
to your house to make to do a cotton candy machine.
Speaker 3 (39:43):
And it's like so expensive.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
Now my husband's buying a cotton candy machine to do
it himself, and I was like, oh my god, he's
just gonna be like covered in syrup. This is gonna
be a nightmare. But still, it's like we're putting so
much energy into this. Oh and then we're taking her
to Lake Arrowheads so she can wake up up in
the snow because she's always wanted to see the snow.
This is one of the problems with having an only child,
(40:06):
because I'm like, we have like time to give her.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
We're very conscious of it.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
We want her to have this magical experience because we
love her so much. How can we, you know, how
do we make her spoiled? But maybe not a brand?
Speaker 1 (40:20):
Yeah there. We had this amazing expert on Katie's Crib
named Ron Lieber who wrote a book called How Not
to Spoil Your Kid. It's a really great book and
or you can listen to the episode on this podcast.
But he goes into people's home and consults people who
are like, we only take private planes without children. There
(40:40):
are people who are doing crazy shit and have crazy
amount of money that he works with. But also, I
understand what you're saying. If I have access to be
able to give her these things, and she's the thing
I love the most in this world, and I just
want to give her everything. But at the same time,
I want to teach her the value of money and
that this is why we work hard, and that not
every thing can be given to her easily. I don't
(41:04):
have any answers to that, but I know that there
are professionals that do, and they have been on this
fucking podcast.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
And I would like to say like almost as a
spiritual practice. I am really trying to say no to
her because my husband's way better at it, and I
know that I would be creating a rap. She's just
like constantly, you know, can I have candy? Can I
do this? Can I do this? And sometimes it's just
so easy to just be like.
Speaker 3 (41:24):
Sure, here, yeah, just quiet, take it. Get crying this right.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Very hard, at least every day to do it in
some way or another, to like say no because we
have to.
Speaker 3 (41:37):
It's so hard.
Speaker 1 (41:40):
You mentioned wondering that if you were to have more kids,
if there would be a possibility to give birth to
the next to Greta Thunberg. Looking into the future when
your child is older, do you envision her doing something?
Speaker 3 (41:54):
It's funny.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
The other day I was like, what do you think
you'll do when you grow up? She's like, I want
to do whatever is the easiest, So probably a scientist.
And I was like, okay, that is not right, that's
not easy, not easy. You have no, you probably have
no talent for science. I didn't say this part, but
I think that one thing I have done that I
am really proud of is I've put her in like
(42:15):
outdoor nature schools her whole life. So she is just
like very in tune with nature and like always.
Speaker 3 (42:22):
Oh mom, did you see this flower? Did you see
this rock?
Speaker 2 (42:26):
She's just always collecting, and then they teach it in
the school because they're literally like I drop her off
in a park and they're playing with sticks.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
That's awesome. That's so awesome. So there's some environmental aspect
to her future. There's some nature, outdoorsy environmental connection. That's
great because I'm terrified that my kids are just going
to be in the business, like absolutely fucking horrified. I
refuse to sign them up for any cute play, theater, singing. Nope,
(42:57):
like not happening. And when I ask my son what
he wants to do, he says, I just want to
be an actor and sell pretzels because your husband has
a soft pretzel company. And I'm like, oh my god,
Like how am I already not letting him like believe,
just imagine bigger than what we're showing him. It's a nightmare.
Speaker 3 (43:17):
I want some soft pretzels.
Speaker 1 (43:19):
Oh, yes, shappy pretzel anytime you want. They're delicious. My
husband started the business during the pandemic. It's weird. We
do pretzels for everything. It's my whole life.
Speaker 2 (43:30):
Maybe instead of the cotton candy machine for her birthday,
we'll get some shappies.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
We do birthday parties, we do bot mitzvahs, we do
it all. Since we have this big five year old
milestone birthday coming up, is there any advice that you'd
like to give your five year old daughter?
Speaker 3 (43:47):
Advice or like reprimand.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
Either one just to breathe and it will all happen,
because I think that she's like us, she's just really
has a hard time focusing on things. And also, trust me,
Barbie is bad and crap. I really want her to
(44:14):
do something like if I have a podcast and I'm like, okay, fine,
you can watch Barbie, but like usually I'm trying to
have her not watch that.
Speaker 1 (44:23):
Oh god, god, I had so many Barbies growing up though.
Speaker 3 (44:27):
I know, but it is so dumb. They're like always
on vacation.
Speaker 1 (44:30):
It's awful. It's awful, so.
Speaker 3 (44:32):
Focused on like their looks.
Speaker 1 (44:35):
Barbie is bad. Barbie is bad. That's what we're saying.
I haven't gotten there yet because my daughter's too and
she's not she's right now just obsessed with babies, which
I'm just like, what the fuck? My son like, truly
never and I don't think I played like that either,
but she couldn't. She's one of these little girls that
can hold five plastic babies at one time, and everything
(44:58):
is like.
Speaker 3 (44:58):
Oh bbbbbbe And I'm like, is this okay?
Speaker 1 (45:03):
Like you have to run the world, like you have
to be Ruth Bader Ginsburg, like we can't be focusing
on babies, but it's okay.
Speaker 3 (45:09):
I'm leaning in.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
I want her to be happy right now. She loves
them babies, okay. Oh, lastly, I wrote this, Gangham Style
is also my fucking son's favorite. He's like, I'm only
listening to Gangham Style, Pokemon.
Speaker 3 (45:25):
Whatever, Dude, I would never have shown her that song.
Speaker 1 (45:29):
So some of your friends showed her Gangham Style and
it's been that since then.
Speaker 3 (45:33):
Yeah, I'm trying to get her off of that.
Speaker 2 (45:36):
Literally any electronic she comes up to it and she's like,
Alexa play Gangam Style. I'm like, that is a heater,
Like she's just obsessed and because she also knows how,
And I said, listen, you can talk to Alexa, but
that song is off limits.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
She's listening to me now, finish this sentence, parenthood is.
Speaker 3 (45:57):
Degrading one we've never had. I mean, it's other things too,
but it is degrade of course it is.
Speaker 1 (46:07):
But it's whatever the first thing that comes to mind.
Speaker 3 (46:09):
We get it.
Speaker 1 (46:09):
We know it's also beautiful and challenging and rewarding and
a roller coaster. It's also degrading.
Speaker 3 (46:15):
I remember being in Paris. I took my kid to Paris.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
I was just like on my knees, like wiping, like
on this beautiful street, just like wiping her mouth. And
I was like, what is this feeling? Like in the
back of my stretch jeans had I like was like,
what is this ball? And it was like my underwear
from like the night before because I had run out
of the house because we were running late. I used
to walk down the streets of Paris and try to
make eye contact with some cute boys or something.
Speaker 3 (46:40):
And now I'm just like, it's so there is that
degrading element.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
Will we ever get it back? Natasha?
Speaker 2 (46:47):
No.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
I think you're such a star, and you're such an
inspiration and you're a fucking great mom.
Speaker 3 (46:55):
Thank you great mom.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
And maybe we'll never get back to pre motherhood personalities,
but maybe there's a way to integrate.
Speaker 3 (47:05):
And also it is really special to have.
Speaker 2 (47:07):
These like beautiful families and all these new experiences and
seeing things through your child's eyes.
Speaker 3 (47:15):
It's cool. It's like you have this new like travel
companion and even food. I'll give her like strong cheese
and she's like, this is blowing my mind. No, she
has such a palette. Look at her. That's what I mean.
It's like you get all this instead.
Speaker 1 (47:33):
Yeah, Like, for example, it might be the biggest pain
in the ass that your husband's going to buy a
cotton candy machine, but there's a real chance that you're
going to get to experience snow for the first time
through her eyes because you chose to fight this fight
to have a baby.
Speaker 3 (47:47):
Yeah, yeah, exactly. So you know, Yeah, is the romance
and everything morphed into something a little dead? Yeah, but buying.
Speaker 2 (47:56):
But you know what, maybe the husband will die in
a decade and you'll get your chance of an elder
like a second act romance.
Speaker 1 (48:02):
Yeah, and they might be like really young. I don't know,
this is all so insane. I'm so happy you came
on Katie's crib. Everybody who's listening, Go download on your kindle,
Go to a bookstore, whatever you do. Natasha Laziro's The
World Deserves My Children. She looks so fucking fierce on
(48:23):
the cover in this gorgeous red dress. Your hair is fire,
and there's literally a picture of the world exploding through
her kitchen sink window.
Speaker 3 (48:31):
Oh. You know what's so funny.
Speaker 2 (48:32):
I did this photo shoot during the pandemic and my
nanny was like extremely obsessed with not getting COVID and
this photo shoot sent her over the roof and she quit.
Speaker 3 (48:43):
On this day.
Speaker 1 (48:44):
You know what worth it? That shot? You look absolutely gorgeous,
and it was worth it because you got that amazing,
astounding book cover out of it. The book is a
laugh riot. I think it's thank you I'm reading this.
Speaker 3 (48:58):
That's so nice that you actually read it.
Speaker 1 (49:00):
Oh, I said before you came on it.
Speaker 3 (49:02):
You know, I have to.
Speaker 1 (49:02):
I read a lot of books for the podcast, which
is great, and a lot of them are Emily Oster
and books about facts and all of that, which just
make me feel like I'm failing all the time. But
your book was such a joy. You're a great mom,
and you're admittedly like the rest of us, which is,
what the fuck are we doing? And where did my
life go?
Speaker 3 (49:22):
Thank you, and you know what, I'll get on some sola.
Maybe that would help.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
Thank you guys so much for listening to today's episode.
I want to hear from you. Let's chat questions, comments, concerns.
Speaker 3 (49:41):
Let me know.
Speaker 1 (49:41):
You can always find me at Katie'scrib at shondaland dot com.
Katie's Crib is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership
with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
Speaker 2 (50:01):
It's too fast to start
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