August 17, 2023 • 39 mins
We’re almost near the end of Katie’s Crib season 4 - and the PODCAST, Katie’s Crib!
In the almost-last episode of the show, Katie welcomes Netflix’s “Wednesday” actress Riki Lindhome to the mic. Riki shares her unique journey of how she became a parent through surrogacy.
Riki first discusses the challenges she faced in trying different ways to conceive before surrogacy, including the unexpected decision her ex-partner made along the way.
The “Garfunkel and Oates” star then opens up about the balance between her career and motherhood. She also reflects on her son's personality, from his seriousness during infancy up to his now playful identity.
Finally, did you know that Riki is coparenting within a new relationship? Tune in to hear more, and of other insights Riki has learned along the way in raising her son.
Executive Producers: Sandie Bailey, Alex Alcheh, Lauren Hohman, Tyler Klang & Gabrielle Collins
Producer & Editor: Casby Bias
Associate Producer: Akiya McKnight
NOTE: This episode was recorded on May 2, 2023.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shondaland Audio in
partnership with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I tried to make embryo as it didn't work out,
and we did one more round and we made one
every and we were like, yay, Okay.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Holy shit, Ricky, this has been the This has been
a fucking marathon.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
This is the beginning. Oh it gets crazier. It gets
crazier because then the guy changed his mind about wanting
to have kids.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Oh it was quite a god.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
It was the craziest.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
I was like, oh my god. But it made me
realize I could do it on my own. I was like,
I can be a mom, I can do this, I
can do it, And so I just started on that
journey alone and better to know then I don't want
to have a child with someone who's not sure about
having a child.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Of course, not as heartbreaking as it was, I'm sure, yes,
this is It.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Ended up being for the best what I was meant
to be.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Yeah, hello, listeners, Welcome back to Katie's Crib. I'm honestly
just pumped because today's guests I just want to hang
out with Selfishly, I haven't seen her in so long.
I ran into her at a very fancy Netflix party
(01:17):
because she's on the show Wednesday.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Everyone is obsessed with this.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Show and I haven't seen it yet, but it looks incredible.
She plays Wednesday's therapist on the show. I am talking
about actress Ricky Lindholme. She has a son who is
about to have a massive milestone birthday. I think he's
about to turn one. His name is Keaton. She used
a surrogate. I want to hear all about her story. Also,
(01:42):
she's just the coolest And again, I just feel selfishly
lucky that I haven't seen her in a while, so
I get to hang out with her and catch up
with her here with all of you listening. Ricky Lindtolm
is an American actress, comedian, a musician. She's also known
as a singer and songwriter in the comedy folk duo
Garfunkel and Oates along with Kate Machucci. She was nominated
for a Primetime Emmy Award for their comedy special Garfunkel
(02:03):
and Oats Trying to Be Special in twenty sixteen. Ricky
also took on the role of the well meaning therapist
doctor Valerie Kinbot in Netflix's recent Adams Family series Wednesday,
and of course, she previously appeared in multiple films like
Million Dollar Baby, Fun Size, and Knives Out. In March
twenty twenty two, Lindholm revealed on Instagram that she had
welcomed her first child, a son, Ricky. I am so
(02:25):
pumped to see you and hang out. I'm so excited
that you're here. I'm so excited in congratulations that you're
a mom to your son. Yes, your son, Keaton just
turned one.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Yeah, March first. He's the best.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
I love that birthday.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Oh, it's the best he's got mineus March fifth, since
I was hoping for that. You can't What are you
gonna do?
Speaker 3 (02:51):
What are you gonna do?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Tell me how you're feeling having a one year old?
Was it an emotional experience?
Speaker 2 (02:59):
I think I felt the opposite of a lot of people,
where the second he was in my arms, I stopped
crying because I had just many, many years of everything
going wrong that when my surrogate was giving birth to him,
it was COVID. So I'm in the other room and
like the time during giving birth, I was absolutely convinced
he was not coming in the room, and I was
just like crying and crying, and when they handed him
(03:19):
to me, I was like, oh hi, stay there. It
was like this weird opposite where my surrogate, who I'm
very close with, was like, that's not the reaction I
was expecting. I was like me neither. I was just like, oh,
there you are. It was literally.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Like like it was like relief and everything made sense. Yeah,
everything you had been working for and all of the
trials and tribulations and the journey had everything just probably
became peaceful.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Yes, it felt like six years of like where are
my keys? Where are my keys? Then oh, there are
my keys. It felt like that he's in my arms
and I'm like, oh hi, I feel like I just
did all the tears beforehand, and then when I finally
got him, it felt it just was like a relief.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
So your journey was so calm, so hard, Like I
didn't know any about this. I didn't even know any
of this was happening. Do you mind sharing not what
it was? What was going on?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
When I was thirty four, I went in just to
get my fertility checked because they no one tells you
to do that. I wasn't dating when I was like,
I'll just check and they're like, ooh, this is not great.
And I was like oh, and they're like, you need
to start freezing your eggs immediately. And so I did
it when I was thirty four. I did it three
times and it took that many times just to have
(04:33):
like a few number of eggs. Yeah, And I was like, whoa,
that is wow. Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
So I didn't expect that, and it was probably pretty
even that was it emotional? Was it like just a
hormonal shit show or it?
Speaker 2 (04:45):
By the third time, I was like, it's fine. But
the first time I was on tour with my band
Garfunkle and Notes, and so I was like, Kate has
a video of me shooting myself with hormones in the
Lax parking lot, and we.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Like, that's unfucking believable.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I think I sort of like believed that thing of like,
well then you'll you know, it'll happen when it happens,
and you'll meet someone and all this stuff, and it's
things don't always just unfold, like like certain things in
my life have unfolded in ways that I am cann
you wouldn't even have imagined in like beautiful ways. And
other things have been like, oh, that was not what
I thought.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
How I thought I was going to go.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
It was not how I thought I was going to go.
I just thought I was going to meet someone and
we were gonna get pregnant naturally and lotty dah, and
it was not. That was not in the cards.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
So you do three rounds by VF to finally get
or egg extraction to finally get no excuse me, yeah,
to get out a good amount of eggs to store
for a while. And then when did you know it
was time or or you said you were on this
like journey of six years.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
So I met someone and I started dating this man.
By the way, I never thought I would get married.
I was like, I just I always wanted to be
a mom, but I was never marriage was never in
my plan.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
I just was like I love that.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
I would look at weddings and I wouldn't. I would
look at people with babies and I go oh, like
you know, your heart kind of goes yeah. I would
look at weddings and I go, oh, do I have
to do that?
Speaker 3 (06:07):
Like it's not my thinging.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
And so I was dating someone for about two years
and we were trying to have a baby, and we
like slowly realized kind of everything was wrong with me,
but just like they learned it by degrees. Oh, your
eggs don't work, your uterus doesn't work, you have endometriosis
or whatever. But it was like a slow process to
figure all that stuff out.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
So you had always had endometriosis, had were you like,
I had no idea, no symptoms.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
I have something called silent endometriosis. I had no symptoms
except infertility, so no one could quite figure out what
was wrong.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
That's so I don't think I've ever heard of silent endometriosis.
A lot of times when we've had people on the
show who've had endometriosis, it's like when they're finally diagnosed,
everything makes sense. They're like, oh, this is why I
couldn't walk when I got my period when I was
a teenager. This is why I'm hemorrhaging. This is why
I've had infertility problems. But that is not your story.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
No easy periods everything, I've like, never had cramps. I'm like,
I've been like just lucky nobody checked because it's a
hard thing to check for. You have to do like
a round of hormones and stuff, and they have to
it's like a whole thing. If you don't have any symptoms,
they have to do a whole thing. And it turns
out I had it, but I ended up getting naturally
(07:20):
pregnant oddly with this man. And then thirteen weeks in
things started to really turn. They started to go really yeah,
the heart was growing in the wrong place, there was
there's just a it was just not They were actually
surprised that I held the.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Pregnant didn't miscarry. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
It was one of those weird things where the doctor's
like calling other doctors in the room check this out.
And I'm like, oh my god, this is like the
worst moment of my life. And everyone's fest they're like,
we've never seen this.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
And I'm like, great things you never want to hear
in a doctor's office. You want to be boring and
usual and great. You're good, get out of here. You
don't want anyone calling anyone saying we haven't seen this before.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Totally, and then they go, you have to go to
genetic counseling. They sent me to the next room and
they start telling me all this stuff and I'm like, okay,
so what do we do. What's the And they were like, oh, no,
this is not something that will make it. This is
not an option.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
And I was like, oh oh right, dam I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
It was crazy. It was like a weird because it
was all going well until it wasn't. So I had
the DNC and it was botched, which is like so
we yeah, so it like it. They didn't get it out,
and it's called all retain products of conception. It's called
and so I had to have three procedures to get
it all out, and then I had a scarred uterus
(08:39):
and then I had to have uterine surgery and all
this kind of stuff. When I was like thirty eight.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Did the three dncs? Is what caused your uterus to
have scar tissue? Well?
Speaker 2 (08:50):
There was two dncs and then one just weird procedure
that I'd never heard of. I don't even want to say.
It was just weird. It was weird, and you're awake
for it.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
It was it's a final shake, all out sweep, some
sort of sweep.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
It's not good like that.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
I like that word.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
I'm like, why just the real sweep. But but your
body still thinks it's pregnant.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
It's really confusing, and thirteen weeks is not little. Obviously
it's not twenty weeks, but still thirteen week. I had
a miscarriage at eleven and a half weeks and had
to have a DNC, and I was so floored by
how what havoc that reeked on my body? And I
didn't have a botched one and I didn't have three.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
God, I'm so sorry you had to have that. Eleven
and a half weeks is so long in that's awful.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
Well, it's terrible, but I can't believe what.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
It took me a long time to get over it
in terms of three months of crying out of nowhere,
like my hormones were all fucked up and crazy, my
boobs were killing me.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
I felt like I was pregnant.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Yeah, we were. But also I just can't believe you
had to have multiple What happened was I.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Had the procedure and and then I was just feeling
really weird. But when you google stuff, it's like, oh,
you might get naxious, you might get that, but you
don't know exactly what's what. And I was driving home
from my boyfriend's house and my fertility doctor was on Losienaga,
and I was driving up Losienaga and I pull over
and I start throwing up on the street and I'm like,
(10:19):
feel like this is bad. And I called the forticlactor
or not kind of like hey, I'm outside, can I
come in? And he was like, oh, you have to
go to the er right now. This is you have
retained products of conception. I went to Cedars just right
up the street, and you know, it was lucky enough
to have this amazing care. And then it just made
me so angry that in certain states, someone who has
this exact thing cannot If I didn't go, I could
(10:42):
have died. And someone in that situation in a different
state would not go to the er because of fear
of prosecution or whatever. And I just I can't believe
people are in that situation.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Because the baby wasn't going to really be viable at all,
you got to choose in a way.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
It's still crazy people in that situation like mine wouldn't
have counted because there isn't like it. Yeah, I yeah,
someone in that situation. It makes me very angry to
think about that someone in that situation because I got
all this medical care because I live in California. I know.
It makes me so enraged.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Yeah, so upsetting so you go through horrible but necessary
abortion multiple times to get it right, and now your
uterus is scarred and beat up, and the chances of
you getting pregnant again and it being okay, I'm guessing
are slim.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
To night they go lower. But then but my uterus
still looked fine. They didn't know about my indimetriss is yet.
So I get uterine surgery and then I got PRP
injected into my uterus and a different surgery, so it
kind of was looking better. And I got PERP injected
into my ovaries and my uterus.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
What's PRP platelet rich.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Plasma, which is what they injected into like athletes faces.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Yeah, and like women facials Like it's like why Tom
Cruise looks like a bait? Yeah, like supposedly all these
actors are doing that shit.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Yes, it got injected into my reproductive system. And then
my reproductive doctor was like, you have some eggs? Do
you want to do this again? And then I was
like yeah, And so then I made embryos.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Yeah, there's a much more viable chance if you implant
an embryo, then you have and then of just frozen
eggs that aren't mixed with sperm.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
I tried to make embryos. It didn't work out, and
we did one more round and we made one every
and we were like, yay, Okay.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Holy shit, Ricky, this has been the This has been
a fucking marathon.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
This is the beginning. Oh, it gets crazier. It gets
crazier because then the guy changed his mind about wanting
to have kids. Oh it was quite a god, it
was the crazies.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
I was like, oh my god. But it made me
realize I could do it on my own. I was like,
I can be a mom, I can do this, I
can do it. And so I just started on that
journey alone and better to know then I don't want
to have a child with someone who's not sure about
having a child.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Of course, not as heartbreaking as it was, I'm sure, yes,
this is.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
It ended up being for the best what I was
meant to be. Yeah, And then I ended up implanting
embryos that I made with a sperm donor and then
carried those because I had ender betrioss. So miscarried those
and I'm out of eggs.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
Far along or you miscarried them right in the beginning,
like they didn't even implant.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
It's better for their it's better than for their own.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Yes, yeah, was it easy for you to find a donor?
We've had Geordana mallik On who also did it this way,
and then we've done a lot of this work with
Leslie Headlind and Rebecca Henderson. And I can't imagine, like
what you would feel like, Oh, I want to know everything.
(13:54):
I want to know what they look like. I want
to pick color and all this kind of thing. Or
did you not even care? You like, I just want
healthy and something to work.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
It's a weird thing because it ends up being more
about health and what matches with your genetics. By the way,
they don't even have short firm donors. They don't even
let you in the door if you're beneath five to
ten because everyone's like, I want a tall one. I
guess they don't even let you in anymore. They're like,
it's all it's all tall guys. So it's like that
kind of thing is already.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
Holy shit, that's hilarious.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
You see how people's how long people's grandparents lived. Do
you see how long their parents? You see that kind
of stuff and you're like, that's what you want for
your kid. You're like, Okay, this guy's a surfer, but
this guy his mom is ninety nine. You're gonna go
ninety nine.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Right, and there's no cancer or like mental health stuff
like those. Really, I'm sure it becomes so much about
genetic health and what you're passing down. This is unbelievable, Ricky.
I had no idea that this was what.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
Was going on. So then what happened.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
So then I'm like, Okay, I'm going to apply for adoption.
And it was harder during the pandemic because a lot
of things borders were closed and stuff, so it was
like everyone I talked to different people and they're like,
you got to do domestic, and domestic is open, and
it's a little hard for single women work. Further down
the totem pole, when the birth mothers are choosing, they're
(15:23):
not like, ooh, what about this forty two years my mom,
the mom from Los Angeles who lives in an apartment,
And when there's like this couple on a farm and
they're twenty sixth it was like an undesirable candidate. And
then I did get one match, and my mom and
I flew to Atlanta to get the baby. And were
like in the hotel, and then things started to go
(15:43):
wrong with the adoption. Things that were happening that were
red flags, like they couldn't find the dad, and there
was just all these things and it just was like
I'm not exactly sure what happened. But then the agency
was like, we recommend.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
Yeah, this is going to work out.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
So we came back and there's all this baby stuff
and we're like, oh god, okay, this is holy.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Shit, Ricky, you thought you were coming home with a baby. Yeah,
that's how far along it got. Was it a call
like oh my god, we found your baby, or did
you know the whole time the mom was pregnant, or
were like how did that happen?
Speaker 2 (16:16):
It was the last minute. Luckily it wasn't like thank
God for that, because it was like it was I
think it was like a Wednesday. They're like, there's a
woman who picked you, and I was like, oh my god.
And then Friday, I'm in Atlanta.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
So it was like holy shit.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
It was it was that fast. And I but like,
my some stuff was already ready because you have to
do all these adoption classes and you have a social worker,
you have to baby proof your apartment before they approved.
You had done all the right months of class.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
You had done all that work.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Yes, so my stuff, so my apartment was kind of
ready to go. If you have like bottles and a crib,
you're good for the first five days or whatever. I
wasn't like, too crazy, you need a car seat and
a crib and you know what.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
Yeah, but you had that. Shit, that's a lot.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
So I so that didn't work out, and that was
like pretty devastating. And then I was on the adoption
list for another maybe nine months, ten months, and everything
was a little off. And then my mom just called it.
She was like, enough, this is what happened to you.
This is not happening. This is what happened. Now you
need to move forward.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Oh god, I fucking love.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Your line, I know. And I was like, oh my god, and.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Are you joking? How is she like that?
Speaker 2 (17:21):
I don't she's not usually, but she was like enough.
I was like I could cry thinking about it. She
was just like because I didn't want to make a
baby in a lab, Like I made a baby in
a lab with an egg donor, a sperm donor and
a surrogate. I that is no one's first choice. That
is everyone that's the dead last. And my mom's like,
that's what happened. This is where you're at. This is
(17:41):
what's happening. Do you want a family or not? And
she was like, consider how lucky you are that you
can do that. There are so many people who cannot
afford this. Look for the green lights. So I did
pick one egg donor and she fell through. I get another.
There's still like it's relentless. And then after I got
the embryos, is when I found out that I couldn't carry.
I found out that silent in demutriosis. Now we're doing
(18:02):
a surrogate okay. And the surrogacy thing was the best
process in the world. It was I called them on
a Monday and on Wednesday, I matched with this woman.
Most people it takes a year. It was like we
met and it was like I'm like, oh, there she is. Yeah,
that's it. And she was like that with me. She
was like, oh yeah, so we're just like this weekend
(18:24):
we went to her daughter's birthday party in Long Beach.
We're close. I love her, she says, her own kids,
she's had given birth to two other kids. I'm like,
it's and you just she is just a solid person
with I'm like, this woman's not drinking a bottle of
wine every night. She's not. She's fine. Everything just flowed
after that. And it was right before Mother's Day of
(18:45):
twenty nineteen, and she sent me she got dressed up
in what was it, handmaid's tell costume. She sent me
a picture and said, under his eye, happy Mother's Day.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
How are you taking care of yourself through this?
Speaker 2 (18:58):
This was six years things like that. I was a
little weird. It was in the pandemic. I am someone who,
for good or bad, has work my way out of something.
I have to defeat it. But I was sort of
alone in my apartment and everyone was busy doing their things.
I felt like a little like unchecked on too. So
I felt a little adrift. And I was just like,
all right, here we go. And I was just I
(19:19):
would wake up and I would write all day, and
then when I was done writing, I would work on
my fertility. That was all I did. And I had
this routine and I would just do that and then
but it got me through it, and I wrote so
many songs that year. I became a much better writer.
And because I was like, oh, things could go badly
for me if I don't design something for myself. So
I was like, this is my I was like, I'm
(19:40):
coming out of this with four screenplays and a baby.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Holy shit, I feel like the only person in all
of the pandemic. Like some people were like, yeah, one
of us be doing writing the next great American novels,
Like some people were doing that, and like making babies.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
I had to The silence was deafening. I mean, my
like weird Hollywood apartment alone. You got to go. And
so I just went and I like went forward and yeah,
so the surrogate we matched, and then she started her process.
She only wanted transfer one at a time because she's like,
I don't want to have twins again, and so she
I was like great whatever, and then still fully thinking
(20:15):
like okay, this is the beginning of I thought she
would have to do it seven times because that's what
I'm used to. Fully took and I was like whoa, okay,
wait what wait? Is this working? And then the day
after her implant, I got a job in Romania for
seven months, so I was gone the whole pregnancy. I
was gone for seven months.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
What were you doing in Romania?
Speaker 2 (20:36):
I was shooting that show Wednesday.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
Oh that shoots in Romaane, it does it? Wait, get
the hell out of here.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
I was saying in your sexy intro, like that's where
I last saw you, was at the very fancy Netflix
party for Wednesday, that you are on.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
That show shoots in Romaine.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Yes, it did. Now they're switching. I think they're going
to move it.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Who knows, so you and Keaton will be taking some
nice trips.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what's
going to happen in the next season. They I have
not been told anything.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
I'm sure you will be.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
So You're gone in Romania for her entire pregnancy, which
was you trust her implicitly.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
And it was just such a gift, Like it was
I'm like, because it was so hard and then it
was so easy. I was like, wow, this is I
wasn't on the same time zone. I couldn't micromanage. I couldn't.
I just had to be like, I hope it.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
That was such a blessing.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
That was such a blessing.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
With a surrogate, you can choose whether to be in
the room when the baby is born or is it
only out of the room.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
To I couldn't because of COVID, So she and I
she wanted to do it through C section. She has
her method. I'm like great, sounds good. Yeah, And then
she texted me and she's like, they said I can
only have one person in the room. I called her
and I was like it's I was like, you want
your husband. I was like, it's major surgery, you can
have them. And she's like, wait for real. And I
(21:56):
was like, I'm going home with a family, Yes, have
who you want. And she was like I could cry.
She was like, oh my god. And I was like, no,
you're going through major surgery and giving me a child,
like next room. But then during it, I was like
in the next room like oh my god, Oh my god,
why did I say that time?
Speaker 1 (22:11):
So the C section scheduled and you show up to
the hospital knowing that you're going to be sitting in
this side room, and it was crazy because.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Like right before, like we'd had all these scheduling delays
because of COVID, and it was they weren't sure they
were going to get me home in time. So I
had to like legally grant my parents' custody over like
a zoom notary, which exists, by the way, if you're
in Romania.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1 (22:34):
They didn't know if you would be able to get
out of shooting Wednesday because of COVID shit show, And
you didn't even know if you were going to be
able to be home. So you're signing all this shit
for your parents to be the one to take Eat
and home.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
They had all the intents and purposes, but things happen
in pregnancies come early and get delayed, and there's things
yeah like.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Prepared, No, that makes perfect sense. You already are mothering.
You're already parenting. You're already like doing every crossing, every tea, dotting,
every eye to make sure.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
And the show knew when I got the part. I
went in August and I was like, I need to
be home by March, and they were like, not a problem,
and so they knew and they had to finagel things,
but they got me out. Like the whole cast, the
whole crew, everyone like was they're so excited for me.
They were so supportive. They were like I was surrounded
by love by this cast. It was incredible and the
creators and everything. And then it was like, oh, Macron
(23:20):
and Putin was circling and it was like this, and
everyone was getting COVID because if I got COVID, I
couldn't fly. And I was like, I was super stressed
and I didn't have like my nursery set up yet
because I'd been in Romania.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
Yes, what did you do? What did you do?
Speaker 2 (23:36):
I ended up getting home like five days before and
my parents came and we were like, here, let's start.
I know, we got what's it called task rabbits.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
Just come on, build this, build that help you pick
this up?
Speaker 2 (23:48):
More diverse, more dud's, more dudeless opening boxes, and so
many people had sent me I didn't want to get
I felt weird about getting a registry for some reason,
and my friends were like, no.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Yeah, no, I wish I had been on the email
because I would have just sent you so much shit.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
That's what happened.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Many people were so supportive. I got every I had everything.
I had, all the diapers, all the clothes, the crip
I had.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
We always ask and I'm curious, what was the thing
on your registry that you could never have lived without?
Speaker 2 (24:16):
The Breza.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
You're the second person this season that has said that
the best invention.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
So it's for people who can't obviously can't breastfeed, and
it's like a cureig. It's like a an espresso for formula.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
It just makes it for you.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
It's like it's mixing the exact right water, the exact
right powder temperature, making it a good temperature, really.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Like a cup of coffee. I was giving him so
I couldn't have lived. That was my favorite thing, and
that company just sent it to me. I was like, wow, okay,
thank you.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
Yes, that's what we're talking about.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Tell me about when you met Keaton and you felt
your It sounds like your life just all came into alignment.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
I can't believe how lucky I got. Like that year
was like I forget the quote. The quote is some
years or questions, then some years or answers, and it
was like, oh, it all it came together. The first
twenty four hours in the hospital, it was me and
my surrogate and her husband and we all stayed up.
She would sleep, she would nap, but she had to
breastfeed every hour, so she would breastfeed Keaton and then
I'd be in there and then he'd give me a meet.
(25:15):
We had these adjoining rooms and then the husband would
bur I was too. I was too scared to burp
him the first day because he's so little.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Did you have any like weird feelings at all about
this is my baby and she's doing that stuff.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
And we are a village And I'd been alone in
COVID for so long that I was just grateful for
a village. And I was like, and also, it's not
about me. It's about him getting the nutrients he needs.
He needs the colostrum, and she was willing to do that,
and it's like harder for her. It's like breastfeed someone
else's baby if she's willing, Like I want him to
get the nutrients. Like I didn't feel No, I was
(25:48):
like thank you. I was like happy, it was the best.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Like when you took him home and you said goodbye
to her, was that just like I would have been
a sobbing mess on the floor.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
I don't even know.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
It's weird though. It was like we were like, wasn't
even that We were like we fucking did it. It was
like a high five. And she didn't come over next
week and I'm like, yep, she came over a week later,
and like I see her probably once a month we
hang out and she hangs out with Keaton, and I'm like,
this is your surrogate and it's just normalized. And because
when you take the adoption classes, they tell you like
(26:23):
with twenty three and me and all this stuff, it's
like they're gonna find out anyway, so just tell.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
Them yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Also, there's nothing there, there's no shame. It's like amazing,
this is incredible. You worked your ass off to get
this child. Tell me about when you brought him home?
Speaker 3 (26:39):
Were you?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
I know it sounds and I can just tell from
what I know of you, like you're just the most
maternal like you I've always known you were going to
be a mother, Like you're just so good kid. Did
it feel that way when Keaton came home everything made sense?
Or were you like, oh shit, oh shit, this is
a lot more than I signed up for. Holy crap,
I haven't slept. How was it like a dad?
Speaker 2 (26:58):
I felt like I was getting way with murder the
first month because I was like, oh, I didn't just
have major surgery. I'm not. I don't have four months
coming out of me. I don't have to breastfeed. I'm like,
I am a dad. I'm like, free and clear. He
sleeps eighteen hours a day. Then it catches up and
it gets hard whatever. The first month was like great,
it was awesome. I had a night nurse. I rented
a second apartment in my building, and I would go
sleep downstairs and then I'd come back up and spend
(27:20):
the day.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
With Brillian b brilliant. Were your parents around a lot
where they were?
Speaker 2 (27:25):
They came for the first month, and they slept in
my apartment because they can sleep through anything, So they
slept in my apartment and I went down to the
apartment downstairs, and yeah, we just all like villaged it
and it was awesome and.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Yeah, oh, Ricky, I love this.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Isn't it crazy?
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Okay, so it's the most I think you win the
Katies Crib Award of the Wildest fertility journey.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
A little wild during COVID.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
This is all during oh the wildest part.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Yes, I met someone while my surrogate was pregnant. So
now I have a copair. Oh yeah, my shocking, shocking.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
No not, that's exactly like you're saying this, and I'm like,
of course you did, just like of course your son
was supposed to bring this entire life to you at
this time for whatever reason. Holy shit, it was just
in no way shape form how you thought you were
getting out there.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
But you're there.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
That's why I don't feel like I don't know.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
I like, you're what your mom said, that happened, but
it is not.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
What is happening.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
Like, what is happening is that you have a co
parent and you have a son, and you have your family.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
We lived together in Los Felis and we've got our
amazing baby, and it's like the it's unbelievable.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
I have such goosebumps.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
I have truly never heard of anything like this, and
I couldn't be happy.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
I mean, it couldn't have happened to a more loving, deserve,
being kind, strong person.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
I'm I'm so grateful, so relieved because when you were
like the wildest part, I was like oh no, oh no,
oh no, oh no, and you're like, oh no, and
I'm in love and he's wonderful and is super involved
and is helping me raise our child like this is
it's a fucking amazing.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
And tell me, how does motherhood feel to you?
Speaker 2 (29:21):
It feels well, it's I think at first because the
first month was so easy I thought it was like
gonna be like easy, and so I was still like
going at this like crazy pace, and then my body
got I got like the world's craziest flu. My body
like put me to bed for three weeks, and they're
like this, like that's what happened. This is what's happening.
Now you need a different pace.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Nothing feels more real in motherhood till you face your
first sickness when you have to take care of your kid. Anyway,
it is the realest fucking shit ever. Like the first
time I was ever like I can't get out of
bed and I have kids to manage, or like I'm
throwing up and I've die and I have to still
(30:02):
make sure they survive.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
This is It was insane and I was doing this
sort of it was like a really demanding writing job
and I ended up getting fired like right after I
had the baby. But then it was like, oh, I
had so much more. I was like, this was actually
good because then I had more time because I was
trying to do everything. And then they're like, no, we
want a different writer, and I'm like okay, And then
(30:26):
I just got sick, just got the flu. And then
I was like I need a new pace.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
So until you got the flu where you like, I
was like, my life is very different. I can't just
pile motherhood on top of everything else I've always done.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
I thought I could, and I was like, wow, I can't, okay,
And so I had to just you just readjust.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
You and I are going to be talking in ten
years and we're going to be like, oh, we're right
back to what we're piling one thousand things on top
of motherhood. And I just think the beginning, the first
two years, and I just think people are crazy if
they're like, oh, within six months. I know for me,
it's like I couldn't even get into like some sort
of routine of like self care or like a walk
(31:20):
or going out with a front, Like I'm like a
mess until like.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
This is a long time. I started finally Now I
exercise once a week and with the trainer, and I
don't want to spend that money, but I'm you know,
I have because I'm not that's any huge Like I'm
just going at like twenty percent of my normal pace.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
That's okay, and it is finite is I think what
I mean is like this is not forever, like even
if it is until he's two in the scheme of
your life that is short.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
And he's so great. He's so oh my god.
Speaker 3 (31:51):
What is he like?
Speaker 1 (31:52):
What is he like? What is he into? How is
he sleeping? How are you sleeping? How's he eating? How
have the one year milestones been?
Speaker 2 (32:00):
His personality is changing now. But he was like the
most serious, stoic child that anyone has ever had. We
would call it bush watching because we'd put him in
front of a plant that was like waving in the wind,
and he would just he would stare at it for
twenty five minutes, like he was like reading it. Like
he'd listen to classical music and watch a plant and
we're like, who is this child? And he was just
he was like the cake. He's so serious. He was
(32:22):
like like every picture I have him as a baby,
he's frowning.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Like what is this amazing? Especially because his mom is
like a queen of comedy. But okay, just this like.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Groom like he wasn't he didn't cry a lot. He
was just like this eighty.
Speaker 3 (32:35):
Year old man, what do you worry eighty?
Speaker 2 (32:38):
And then he's come out of that and now he's
like much more front, like he smiles more. But it
was like really funny. I'm like, I think I have
the most serious kid I have ever seen. And people
are like, no, that's a baby.
Speaker 3 (32:49):
Know what you do?
Speaker 2 (32:49):
He's like a He's just he's like a little prince.
I would hand him a new toy and he'd look
at it, examine it with a weird face, and then
look me in the eye and toss it aside. He
would he wouldn't even look at the toy when he
tosked it. He would make eye contact be like, I
don't like this one.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
I'm like, Okay, it sounds like you're just really enjoy
I love it. I love so like it just sounds
like you're enjoying the all of it. And it was
such an effort to get here, and so it is
not lost on you how what a miracle it is
and how special this all is.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
I'm loving it. Like on Sunday when we were driving
home from the surrogate's birthday, the whole ride from Long
beachos going hi and we go high and we go hi.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
The whole ride, Oh where is his name from?
Speaker 2 (33:36):
From nowhere? Really? I just could I just don't like
any boy's names. I couldn't think of any.
Speaker 3 (33:42):
Boy's names are hard, Like what hard?
Speaker 1 (33:46):
We had none and my daughter we had a thousand,
but like he had, we had none for him either.
Speaker 3 (33:52):
But Keaton's great, you killed it.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
It was just it's from nothing, because there's just I like,
Diane Keaton, what did you do for his one year birthday?
Speaker 2 (34:01):
Nothing? Nothing? We got him a little cupcake with the
candle that he's threw on the floor. We're like, okay,
maybe next to your hill, Like he just wasn't He
didn't know what it was, and so we're like it too,
will give him a birthday.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
How is your work life balance going? It sounds like
you tried to do it all then you got hit
with the flu. Now you're slowing. You're just like being
really probably specific about what your day.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
How do you have a support system?
Speaker 2 (34:28):
I haven't, nanny. I think I just need to like
do a little more like investigating internally to see what
I actually need and what's actually important I need to.
I think I need to pare down even a little
bit more and try to focus on fewer things and
but put I want to put more life force into
fewer things because I feel like I'm still at this
thing where I'm spread sin and even though it's compared
(34:50):
to my old self, it's not a spread that big
of a spread. But I need to do some reevaluating.
I'm not I haven't even hit the groove in my
slowness yet, and I know that's like things that will
just take time. I just think I need to like
do some more thinking and how do I really want
my days to go? What do I want to make
And especially now.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
That it's a writer strike, you can get to ask
yourself some stuff. Now, maybe I'm.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Also in that weird thing where I'm in a new relationship.
So we're like co parenting in a new relationship, which
is the weirdest. It's so hot. But then also like
I want to go out sometimes.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
Of course you do. It's the beginning of a relationship.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Like that's where all the energy and passion did the
dating phase.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
We went right into the co parenting.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
That stuff fills you up, though, That stuff fills you
up to be the mom you can be.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
So I try to carve that out. I try to
like have keep keep romance even a lot.
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Yeah we did well that the Lord are dead. I
just like we've been together seventeen Oh my.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
God, see, my son is fourteen months and we've been
together fifteen months. Fourteen we've been together fourteen months in
one week, so it's.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
Like, this is unfucking believable, less than a week before
he was born, and like, good on this guy that
he was like yep, I'm saying yes.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
And it was the opposite of the last relationship with
someone who.
Speaker 3 (36:21):
Was very scared of me I were not doing kids, yes,
very very.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
Fearful of the way that his life would be put
into up people. This person is just like, I'm like, Okay,
then all right.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
What advice would you like to give Keaton on his
one year birthday?
Speaker 2 (36:39):
Wow? God, just nothing. Just he's perfect. He's perfect, He's
he's I got nothing. I'm just like, oh every day
and you're like me every day. I'm just like, I
can't believe I'm still getting to do this. I just
love him. I'm so happy, like, I yeah, I got
he's perfect in my eyes, I don't know, I got.
Speaker 3 (37:00):
Nothing, Reggy, I'm so happy for you. Okay.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
And in closing, we always ask for you to finish
this sentence.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Parenthood is the fucking best.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Cky. I'm so grateful that you came off, I thank
you for having me and that it was just you
and you shared this story.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
I've never told it anywhere publicly. And then when I
heard your podcast, I was like, that's where I have
to tell it. That's it. I heard your podcast with
Gabrielle Union and I was like, oh, that's yeah, that's
right for me.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
Oh my god, I'm so honored.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
It's like literally the most perfect love story to your
son and to your experience, which should be celebrated, honored shared.
It's so helpful to other women. I can't tell you
how I mean, I know, you know, I.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
Really want people to hear because Gabrielle Union's was very
helpful to me, like in her other in her book
and like things like that, and I was like, Okay,
this woman is someone who has all the options.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
This is how women to help other women. And I
have so many friends struggling with endometriosis and for it
is really hard so to hear that someone's happy like
you are so authentically you and happy and juggling at
all and have a healthy, beautiful son and family.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
And I would not have it go a different way.
The door that closed, I'm happy it closed. That was right,
I need someone who can roll with things.
Speaker 1 (38:25):
Ricky, You've given me goosebumps only like one thousand times
in this episode. I could not be happier for you,
could not be a more deserving, awesome.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
I love your podcasts so good and it's so helpful.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
It's so so lucky to have you, and you are
so lucky to have him.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
Love him. I'm biased, but he's the best one.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
Thank you guys so much for listening to today's episode.
I want to hear from you. Let's chat questions, comments, concerns.
Speaker 3 (39:00):
Let me know.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
You can always find me at Katiescrib at shondaland dot com.
Katie's Crib is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership
with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows.
Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shondaland Audio in
partnership with iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I tried to make embryo as it didn't work out,
and we did one more round and we made one
every and we were like, yay, Okay.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Holy shit, Ricky, this has been the This has been
a fucking marathon.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
This is the beginning. Oh it gets crazier. It gets
crazier because then the guy changed his mind about wanting
to have kids.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Oh it was quite a god.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
It was the craziest.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
I was like, oh my god. But it made me
realize I could do it on my own. I was like,
I can be a mom, I can do this, I
can do it, And so I just started on that
journey alone and better to know then I don't want
to have a child with someone who's not sure about
having a child.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Of course, not as heartbreaking as it was, I'm sure, yes,
this is It.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Ended up being for the best what I was meant
to be.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Yeah, hello, listeners, Welcome back to Katie's Crib. I'm honestly
just pumped because today's guests I just want to hang
out with Selfishly, I haven't seen her in so long.
I ran into her at a very fancy Netflix party
(01:17):
because she's on the show Wednesday.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Everyone is obsessed with this.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Show and I haven't seen it yet, but it looks incredible.
She plays Wednesday's therapist on the show. I am talking
about actress Ricky Lindholme. She has a son who is
about to have a massive milestone birthday. I think he's
about to turn one. His name is Keaton. She used
a surrogate. I want to hear all about her story. Also,
(01:42):
she's just the coolest And again, I just feel selfishly
lucky that I haven't seen her in a while, so
I get to hang out with her and catch up
with her here with all of you listening. Ricky Lindtolm
is an American actress, comedian, a musician. She's also known
as a singer and songwriter in the comedy folk duo
Garfunkel and Oates along with Kate Machucci. She was nominated
for a Primetime Emmy Award for their comedy special Garfunkel
(02:03):
and Oats Trying to Be Special in twenty sixteen. Ricky
also took on the role of the well meaning therapist
doctor Valerie Kinbot in Netflix's recent Adams Family series Wednesday,
and of course, she previously appeared in multiple films like
Million Dollar Baby, Fun Size, and Knives Out. In March
twenty twenty two, Lindholm revealed on Instagram that she had
welcomed her first child, a son, Ricky. I am so
(02:25):
pumped to see you and hang out. I'm so excited
that you're here. I'm so excited in congratulations that you're
a mom to your son. Yes, your son, Keaton just
turned one.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Yeah, March first. He's the best.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
I love that birthday.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Oh, it's the best he's got mineus March fifth, since
I was hoping for that. You can't What are you
gonna do?
Speaker 3 (02:51):
What are you gonna do?
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Tell me how you're feeling having a one year old?
Was it an emotional experience?
Speaker 2 (02:59):
I think I felt the opposite of a lot of people,
where the second he was in my arms, I stopped
crying because I had just many, many years of everything
going wrong that when my surrogate was giving birth to him,
it was COVID. So I'm in the other room and
like the time during giving birth, I was absolutely convinced
he was not coming in the room, and I was
just like crying and crying, and when they handed him
(03:19):
to me, I was like, oh hi, stay there. It
was like this weird opposite where my surrogate, who I'm
very close with, was like, that's not the reaction I
was expecting. I was like me neither. I was just like, oh,
there you are. It was literally.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Like like it was like relief and everything made sense. Yeah,
everything you had been working for and all of the
trials and tribulations and the journey had everything just probably
became peaceful.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Yes, it felt like six years of like where are
my keys? Where are my keys? Then oh, there are
my keys. It felt like that he's in my arms
and I'm like, oh hi, I feel like I just
did all the tears beforehand, and then when I finally
got him, it felt it just was like a relief.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
So your journey was so calm, so hard, Like I
didn't know any about this. I didn't even know any
of this was happening. Do you mind sharing not what
it was? What was going on?
Speaker 2 (04:12):
When I was thirty four, I went in just to
get my fertility checked because they no one tells you
to do that. I wasn't dating when I was like,
I'll just check and they're like, ooh, this is not great.
And I was like oh, and they're like, you need
to start freezing your eggs immediately. And so I did
it when I was thirty four. I did it three
times and it took that many times just to have
(04:33):
like a few number of eggs. Yeah, And I was like, whoa,
that is wow. Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
So I didn't expect that, and it was probably pretty
even that was it emotional? Was it like just a
hormonal shit show or it?
Speaker 2 (04:45):
By the third time, I was like, it's fine. But
the first time I was on tour with my band
Garfunkle and Notes, and so I was like, Kate has
a video of me shooting myself with hormones in the
Lax parking lot, and we.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Like, that's unfucking believable.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I think I sort of like believed that thing of like,
well then you'll you know, it'll happen when it happens,
and you'll meet someone and all this stuff, and it's
things don't always just unfold, like like certain things in
my life have unfolded in ways that I am cann
you wouldn't even have imagined in like beautiful ways. And
other things have been like, oh, that was not what
I thought.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
How I thought I was going to go.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
It was not how I thought I was going to go.
I just thought I was going to meet someone and
we were gonna get pregnant naturally and lotty dah, and
it was not. That was not in the cards.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
So you do three rounds by VF to finally get
or egg extraction to finally get no excuse me, yeah,
to get out a good amount of eggs to store
for a while. And then when did you know it
was time or or you said you were on this
like journey of six years.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
So I met someone and I started dating this man.
By the way, I never thought I would get married.
I was like, I just I always wanted to be
a mom, but I was never marriage was never in
my plan.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
I just was like I love that.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
I would look at weddings and I wouldn't. I would
look at people with babies and I go oh, like
you know, your heart kind of goes yeah. I would
look at weddings and I go, oh, do I have
to do that?
Speaker 3 (06:07):
Like it's not my thinging.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
And so I was dating someone for about two years
and we were trying to have a baby, and we
like slowly realized kind of everything was wrong with me,
but just like they learned it by degrees. Oh, your
eggs don't work, your uterus doesn't work, you have endometriosis
or whatever. But it was like a slow process to
figure all that stuff out.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
So you had always had endometriosis, had were you like,
I had no idea, no symptoms.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
I have something called silent endometriosis. I had no symptoms
except infertility, so no one could quite figure out what
was wrong.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
That's so I don't think I've ever heard of silent endometriosis.
A lot of times when we've had people on the
show who've had endometriosis, it's like when they're finally diagnosed,
everything makes sense. They're like, oh, this is why I
couldn't walk when I got my period when I was
a teenager. This is why I'm hemorrhaging. This is why
I've had infertility problems. But that is not your story.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
No easy periods everything, I've like, never had cramps. I'm like,
I've been like just lucky nobody checked because it's a
hard thing to check for. You have to do like
a round of hormones and stuff, and they have to
it's like a whole thing. If you don't have any symptoms,
they have to do a whole thing. And it turns
out I had it, but I ended up getting naturally
(07:20):
pregnant oddly with this man. And then thirteen weeks in
things started to really turn. They started to go really yeah,
the heart was growing in the wrong place, there was
there's just a it was just not They were actually
surprised that I held the.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
Pregnant didn't miscarry. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
It was one of those weird things where the doctor's
like calling other doctors in the room check this out.
And I'm like, oh my god, this is like the
worst moment of my life. And everyone's fest they're like,
we've never seen this.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
And I'm like, great things you never want to hear
in a doctor's office. You want to be boring and
usual and great. You're good, get out of here. You
don't want anyone calling anyone saying we haven't seen this before.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
Totally, and then they go, you have to go to
genetic counseling. They sent me to the next room and
they start telling me all this stuff and I'm like, okay,
so what do we do. What's the And they were like, oh, no,
this is not something that will make it. This is
not an option.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
And I was like, oh oh right, dam I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
It was crazy. It was like a weird because it
was all going well until it wasn't. So I had
the DNC and it was botched, which is like so
we yeah, so it like it. They didn't get it out,
and it's called all retain products of conception. It's called
and so I had to have three procedures to get
it all out, and then I had a scarred uterus
(08:39):
and then I had to have uterine surgery and all
this kind of stuff. When I was like thirty eight.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Did the three dncs? Is what caused your uterus to
have scar tissue? Well?
Speaker 2 (08:50):
There was two dncs and then one just weird procedure
that I'd never heard of. I don't even want to say.
It was just weird. It was weird, and you're awake
for it.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
It was it's a final shake, all out sweep, some
sort of sweep.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
It's not good like that.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
I like that word.
Speaker 2 (09:04):
I'm like, why just the real sweep. But but your
body still thinks it's pregnant.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
It's really confusing, and thirteen weeks is not little. Obviously
it's not twenty weeks, but still thirteen week. I had
a miscarriage at eleven and a half weeks and had
to have a DNC, and I was so floored by
how what havoc that reeked on my body? And I
didn't have a botched one and I didn't have three.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
God, I'm so sorry you had to have that. Eleven
and a half weeks is so long in that's awful.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
Well, it's terrible, but I can't believe what.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
It took me a long time to get over it
in terms of three months of crying out of nowhere,
like my hormones were all fucked up and crazy, my
boobs were killing me.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
I felt like I was pregnant.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Yeah, we were. But also I just can't believe you
had to have multiple What happened was I.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Had the procedure and and then I was just feeling
really weird. But when you google stuff, it's like, oh,
you might get naxious, you might get that, but you
don't know exactly what's what. And I was driving home
from my boyfriend's house and my fertility doctor was on Losienaga,
and I was driving up Losienaga and I pull over
and I start throwing up on the street and I'm like,
(10:19):
feel like this is bad. And I called the forticlactor
or not kind of like hey, I'm outside, can I
come in? And he was like, oh, you have to
go to the er right now. This is you have
retained products of conception. I went to Cedars just right
up the street, and you know, it was lucky enough
to have this amazing care. And then it just made
me so angry that in certain states, someone who has
this exact thing cannot If I didn't go, I could
(10:42):
have died. And someone in that situation in a different
state would not go to the er because of fear
of prosecution or whatever. And I just I can't believe
people are in that situation.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Because the baby wasn't going to really be viable at all,
you got to choose in a way.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
It's still crazy people in that situation like mine wouldn't
have counted because there isn't like it. Yeah, I yeah,
someone in that situation. It makes me very angry to
think about that someone in that situation because I got
all this medical care because I live in California. I know.
It makes me so enraged.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Yeah, so upsetting so you go through horrible but necessary
abortion multiple times to get it right, and now your
uterus is scarred and beat up, and the chances of
you getting pregnant again and it being okay, I'm guessing
are slim.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
To night they go lower. But then but my uterus
still looked fine. They didn't know about my indimetriss is yet.
So I get uterine surgery and then I got PRP
injected into my uterus and a different surgery, so it
kind of was looking better. And I got PERP injected
into my ovaries and my uterus.
Speaker 3 (11:50):
What's PRP platelet rich.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
Plasma, which is what they injected into like athletes faces.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Yeah, and like women facials Like it's like why Tom
Cruise looks like a bait? Yeah, like supposedly all these
actors are doing that shit.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
Yes, it got injected into my reproductive system. And then
my reproductive doctor was like, you have some eggs? Do
you want to do this again? And then I was
like yeah, And so then I made embryos.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Yeah, there's a much more viable chance if you implant
an embryo, then you have and then of just frozen
eggs that aren't mixed with sperm.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
I tried to make embryos. It didn't work out, and
we did one more round and we made one every
and we were like, yay, Okay.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Holy shit, Ricky, this has been the This has been
a fucking marathon.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
This is the beginning. Oh, it gets crazier. It gets
crazier because then the guy changed his mind about wanting
to have kids. Oh it was quite a god, it
was the crazies.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
I was like, oh my god. But it made me
realize I could do it on my own. I was like,
I can be a mom, I can do this, I
can do it. And so I just started on that
journey alone and better to know then I don't want
to have a child with someone who's not sure about
having a child.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Of course, not as heartbreaking as it was, I'm sure, yes,
this is.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
It ended up being for the best what I was
meant to be. Yeah, And then I ended up implanting
embryos that I made with a sperm donor and then
carried those because I had ender betrioss. So miscarried those
and I'm out of eggs.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
Far along or you miscarried them right in the beginning,
like they didn't even implant.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
It's better for their it's better than for their own.
Speaker 1 (13:34):
Yes, yeah, was it easy for you to find a donor?
We've had Geordana mallik On who also did it this way,
and then we've done a lot of this work with
Leslie Headlind and Rebecca Henderson. And I can't imagine, like
what you would feel like, Oh, I want to know everything.
(13:54):
I want to know what they look like. I want
to pick color and all this kind of thing. Or
did you not even care? You like, I just want
healthy and something to work.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
It's a weird thing because it ends up being more
about health and what matches with your genetics. By the way,
they don't even have short firm donors. They don't even
let you in the door if you're beneath five to
ten because everyone's like, I want a tall one. I
guess they don't even let you in anymore. They're like,
it's all it's all tall guys. So it's like that
kind of thing is already.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
Holy shit, that's hilarious.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
You see how people's how long people's grandparents lived. Do
you see how long their parents? You see that kind
of stuff and you're like, that's what you want for
your kid. You're like, Okay, this guy's a surfer, but
this guy his mom is ninety nine. You're gonna go
ninety nine.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
Right, and there's no cancer or like mental health stuff
like those. Really, I'm sure it becomes so much about
genetic health and what you're passing down. This is unbelievable, Ricky.
I had no idea that this was what.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
Was going on. So then what happened.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
So then I'm like, Okay, I'm going to apply for adoption.
And it was harder during the pandemic because a lot
of things borders were closed and stuff, so it was
like everyone I talked to different people and they're like,
you got to do domestic, and domestic is open, and
it's a little hard for single women work. Further down
the totem pole, when the birth mothers are choosing, they're
(15:23):
not like, ooh, what about this forty two years my mom,
the mom from Los Angeles who lives in an apartment,
And when there's like this couple on a farm and
they're twenty sixth it was like an undesirable candidate. And
then I did get one match, and my mom and
I flew to Atlanta to get the baby. And were
like in the hotel, and then things started to go
(15:43):
wrong with the adoption. Things that were happening that were
red flags, like they couldn't find the dad, and there
was just all these things and it just was like
I'm not exactly sure what happened. But then the agency
was like, we recommend.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
Yeah, this is going to work out.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
So we came back and there's all this baby stuff
and we're like, oh god, okay, this is holy.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Shit, Ricky, you thought you were coming home with a baby. Yeah,
that's how far along it got. Was it a call
like oh my god, we found your baby, or did
you know the whole time the mom was pregnant, or
were like how did that happen?
Speaker 2 (16:16):
It was the last minute. Luckily it wasn't like thank
God for that, because it was like it was I
think it was like a Wednesday. They're like, there's a
woman who picked you, and I was like, oh my god.
And then Friday, I'm in Atlanta.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
So it was like holy shit.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
It was it was that fast. And I but like,
my some stuff was already ready because you have to
do all these adoption classes and you have a social worker,
you have to baby proof your apartment before they approved.
You had done all the right months of class.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
You had done all that work.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
Yes, so my stuff, so my apartment was kind of
ready to go. If you have like bottles and a crib,
you're good for the first five days or whatever. I
wasn't like, too crazy, you need a car seat and
a crib and you know what.
Speaker 3 (16:54):
Yeah, but you had that. Shit, that's a lot.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
So I so that didn't work out, and that was
like pretty devastating. And then I was on the adoption
list for another maybe nine months, ten months, and everything
was a little off. And then my mom just called it.
She was like, enough, this is what happened to you.
This is not happening. This is what happened. Now you
need to move forward.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
Oh god, I fucking love.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Your line, I know. And I was like, oh my god, and.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
Are you joking? How is she like that?
Speaker 2 (17:21):
I don't she's not usually, but she was like enough.
I was like I could cry thinking about it. She
was just like because I didn't want to make a
baby in a lab, Like I made a baby in
a lab with an egg donor, a sperm donor and
a surrogate. I that is no one's first choice. That
is everyone that's the dead last. And my mom's like,
that's what happened. This is where you're at. This is
(17:41):
what's happening. Do you want a family or not? And
she was like, consider how lucky you are that you
can do that. There are so many people who cannot
afford this. Look for the green lights. So I did
pick one egg donor and she fell through. I get another.
There's still like it's relentless. And then after I got
the embryos, is when I found out that I couldn't carry.
I found out that silent in demutriosis. Now we're doing
(18:02):
a surrogate okay. And the surrogacy thing was the best
process in the world. It was I called them on
a Monday and on Wednesday, I matched with this woman.
Most people it takes a year. It was like we
met and it was like I'm like, oh, there she is. Yeah,
that's it. And she was like that with me. She
was like, oh yeah, so we're just like this weekend
(18:24):
we went to her daughter's birthday party in Long Beach.
We're close. I love her, she says, her own kids,
she's had given birth to two other kids. I'm like,
it's and you just she is just a solid person
with I'm like, this woman's not drinking a bottle of
wine every night. She's not. She's fine. Everything just flowed
after that. And it was right before Mother's Day of
(18:45):
twenty nineteen, and she sent me she got dressed up
in what was it, handmaid's tell costume. She sent me
a picture and said, under his eye, happy Mother's Day.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
How are you taking care of yourself through this?
Speaker 2 (18:58):
This was six years things like that. I was a
little weird. It was in the pandemic. I am someone who,
for good or bad, has work my way out of something.
I have to defeat it. But I was sort of
alone in my apartment and everyone was busy doing their things.
I felt like a little like unchecked on too. So
I felt a little adrift. And I was just like,
all right, here we go. And I was just I
(19:19):
would wake up and I would write all day, and
then when I was done writing, I would work on
my fertility. That was all I did. And I had
this routine and I would just do that and then
but it got me through it, and I wrote so
many songs that year. I became a much better writer.
And because I was like, oh, things could go badly
for me if I don't design something for myself. So
I was like, this is my I was like, I'm
(19:40):
coming out of this with four screenplays and a baby.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Holy shit, I feel like the only person in all
of the pandemic. Like some people were like, yeah, one
of us be doing writing the next great American novels,
Like some people were doing that, and like making babies.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
I had to The silence was deafening. I mean, my
like weird Hollywood apartment alone. You got to go. And
so I just went and I like went forward and yeah,
so the surrogate we matched, and then she started her process.
She only wanted transfer one at a time because she's like,
I don't want to have twins again, and so she
I was like great whatever, and then still fully thinking
(20:15):
like okay, this is the beginning of I thought she
would have to do it seven times because that's what
I'm used to. Fully took and I was like whoa, okay,
wait what wait? Is this working? And then the day
after her implant, I got a job in Romania for
seven months, so I was gone the whole pregnancy. I
was gone for seven months.
Speaker 3 (20:34):
What were you doing in Romania?
Speaker 2 (20:36):
I was shooting that show Wednesday.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
Oh that shoots in Romaane, it does it? Wait, get
the hell out of here.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
I was saying in your sexy intro, like that's where
I last saw you, was at the very fancy Netflix
party for Wednesday, that you are on.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
That show shoots in Romaine.
Speaker 2 (20:54):
Yes, it did. Now they're switching. I think they're going
to move it.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
Who knows, so you and Keaton will be taking some
nice trips.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what's
going to happen in the next season. They I have
not been told anything.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
I'm sure you will be.
Speaker 1 (21:08):
So You're gone in Romania for her entire pregnancy, which
was you trust her implicitly.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
And it was just such a gift, Like it was
I'm like, because it was so hard and then it
was so easy. I was like, wow, this is I
wasn't on the same time zone. I couldn't micromanage. I couldn't.
I just had to be like, I hope it.
Speaker 3 (21:27):
That was such a blessing.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
That was such a blessing.
Speaker 3 (21:30):
With a surrogate, you can choose whether to be in
the room when the baby is born or is it
only out of the room.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
To I couldn't because of COVID, So she and I
she wanted to do it through C section. She has
her method. I'm like great, sounds good. Yeah, And then
she texted me and she's like, they said I can
only have one person in the room. I called her
and I was like it's I was like, you want
your husband. I was like, it's major surgery, you can
have them. And she's like, wait for real. And I
(21:56):
was like, I'm going home with a family, Yes, have
who you want. And she was like I could cry.
She was like, oh my god. And I was like, no,
you're going through major surgery and giving me a child,
like next room. But then during it, I was like
in the next room like oh my god, Oh my god,
why did I say that time?
Speaker 1 (22:11):
So the C section scheduled and you show up to
the hospital knowing that you're going to be sitting in
this side room, and it was crazy because.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Like right before, like we'd had all these scheduling delays
because of COVID, and it was they weren't sure they
were going to get me home in time. So I
had to like legally grant my parents' custody over like
a zoom notary, which exists, by the way, if you're
in Romania.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1 (22:34):
They didn't know if you would be able to get
out of shooting Wednesday because of COVID shit show, And
you didn't even know if you were going to be
able to be home. So you're signing all this shit
for your parents to be the one to take Eat
and home.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
They had all the intents and purposes, but things happen
in pregnancies come early and get delayed, and there's things
yeah like.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Prepared, No, that makes perfect sense. You already are mothering.
You're already parenting. You're already like doing every crossing, every tea, dotting,
every eye to make sure.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
And the show knew when I got the part. I
went in August and I was like, I need to
be home by March, and they were like, not a problem,
and so they knew and they had to finagel things,
but they got me out. Like the whole cast, the
whole crew, everyone like was they're so excited for me.
They were so supportive. They were like I was surrounded
by love by this cast. It was incredible and the
creators and everything. And then it was like, oh, Macron
(23:20):
and Putin was circling and it was like this, and
everyone was getting COVID because if I got COVID, I
couldn't fly. And I was like, I was super stressed
and I didn't have like my nursery set up yet
because I'd been in Romania.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
Yes, what did you do? What did you do?
Speaker 2 (23:36):
I ended up getting home like five days before and
my parents came and we were like, here, let's start.
I know, we got what's it called task rabbits.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
Just come on, build this, build that help you pick
this up?
Speaker 2 (23:48):
More diverse, more dud's, more dudeless opening boxes, and so
many people had sent me I didn't want to get
I felt weird about getting a registry for some reason,
and my friends were like, no.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Yeah, no, I wish I had been on the email
because I would have just sent you so much shit.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
That's what happened.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Many people were so supportive. I got every I had everything.
I had, all the diapers, all the clothes, the crip
I had.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
We always ask and I'm curious, what was the thing
on your registry that you could never have lived without?
Speaker 2 (24:16):
The Breza.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
You're the second person this season that has said that
the best invention.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
So it's for people who can't obviously can't breastfeed, and
it's like a cureig. It's like a an espresso for formula.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
It just makes it for you.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
It's like it's mixing the exact right water, the exact
right powder temperature, making it a good temperature, really.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
Like a cup of coffee. I was giving him so
I couldn't have lived. That was my favorite thing, and
that company just sent it to me. I was like, wow, okay,
thank you.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
Yes, that's what we're talking about.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Tell me about when you met Keaton and you felt
your It sounds like your life just all came into alignment.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
I can't believe how lucky I got. Like that year
was like I forget the quote. The quote is some
years or questions, then some years or answers, and it
was like, oh, it all it came together. The first
twenty four hours in the hospital, it was me and
my surrogate and her husband and we all stayed up.
She would sleep, she would nap, but she had to
breastfeed every hour, so she would breastfeed Keaton and then
I'd be in there and then he'd give me a meet.
(25:15):
We had these adjoining rooms and then the husband would
bur I was too. I was too scared to burp
him the first day because he's so little.
Speaker 1 (25:21):
Did you have any like weird feelings at all about
this is my baby and she's doing that stuff.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
And we are a village And I'd been alone in
COVID for so long that I was just grateful for
a village. And I was like, and also, it's not
about me. It's about him getting the nutrients he needs.
He needs the colostrum, and she was willing to do that,
and it's like harder for her. It's like breastfeed someone
else's baby if she's willing, Like I want him to
get the nutrients. Like I didn't feel No, I was
(25:48):
like thank you. I was like happy, it was the best.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Like when you took him home and you said goodbye
to her, was that just like I would have been
a sobbing mess on the floor.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
I don't even know.
Speaker 2 (26:00):
It's weird though. It was like we were like, wasn't
even that We were like we fucking did it. It was
like a high five. And she didn't come over next
week and I'm like, yep, she came over a week later,
and like I see her probably once a month we
hang out and she hangs out with Keaton, and I'm like,
this is your surrogate and it's just normalized. And because
when you take the adoption classes, they tell you like
(26:23):
with twenty three and me and all this stuff, it's
like they're gonna find out anyway, so just tell.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
Them yes, yes.
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Also, there's nothing there, there's no shame. It's like amazing,
this is incredible. You worked your ass off to get
this child. Tell me about when you brought him home?
Speaker 3 (26:39):
Were you?
Speaker 1 (26:40):
I know it sounds and I can just tell from
what I know of you, like you're just the most
maternal like you I've always known you were going to
be a mother, Like you're just so good kid. Did
it feel that way when Keaton came home everything made sense?
Or were you like, oh shit, oh shit, this is
a lot more than I signed up for. Holy crap,
I haven't slept. How was it like a dad?
Speaker 2 (26:58):
I felt like I was getting way with murder the
first month because I was like, oh, I didn't just
have major surgery. I'm not. I don't have four months
coming out of me. I don't have to breastfeed. I'm like,
I am a dad. I'm like, free and clear. He
sleeps eighteen hours a day. Then it catches up and
it gets hard whatever. The first month was like great,
it was awesome. I had a night nurse. I rented
a second apartment in my building, and I would go
sleep downstairs and then I'd come back up and spend
(27:20):
the day.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
With Brillian b brilliant. Were your parents around a lot
where they were?
Speaker 2 (27:25):
They came for the first month, and they slept in
my apartment because they can sleep through anything, So they
slept in my apartment and I went down to the
apartment downstairs, and yeah, we just all like villaged it
and it was awesome and.
Speaker 3 (27:39):
Yeah, oh, Ricky, I love this.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Isn't it crazy?
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Okay, so it's the most I think you win the
Katies Crib Award of the Wildest fertility journey.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
A little wild during COVID.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
This is all during oh the wildest part.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Yes, I met someone while my surrogate was pregnant. So
now I have a copair. Oh yeah, my shocking, shocking.
Speaker 1 (28:07):
No not, that's exactly like you're saying this, and I'm like,
of course you did, just like of course your son
was supposed to bring this entire life to you at
this time for whatever reason. Holy shit, it was just
in no way shape form how you thought you were
getting out there.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
But you're there.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
That's why I don't feel like I don't know.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
I like, you're what your mom said, that happened, but
it is not.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
What is happening.
Speaker 1 (28:35):
Like, what is happening is that you have a co
parent and you have a son, and you have your family.
Speaker 2 (28:42):
We lived together in Los Felis and we've got our
amazing baby, and it's like the it's unbelievable.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
I have such goosebumps.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
I have truly never heard of anything like this, and
I couldn't be happy.
Speaker 3 (28:56):
I mean, it couldn't have happened to a more loving, deserve,
being kind, strong person.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
I'm I'm so grateful, so relieved because when you were
like the wildest part, I was like oh no, oh no,
oh no, oh no, and you're like, oh no, and
I'm in love and he's wonderful and is super involved
and is helping me raise our child like this is
it's a fucking amazing.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
And tell me, how does motherhood feel to you?
Speaker 2 (29:21):
It feels well, it's I think at first because the
first month was so easy I thought it was like
gonna be like easy, and so I was still like
going at this like crazy pace, and then my body
got I got like the world's craziest flu. My body
like put me to bed for three weeks, and they're
like this, like that's what happened. This is what's happening.
Now you need a different pace.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Nothing feels more real in motherhood till you face your
first sickness when you have to take care of your kid. Anyway,
it is the realest fucking shit ever. Like the first
time I was ever like I can't get out of
bed and I have kids to manage, or like I'm
throwing up and I've die and I have to still
(30:02):
make sure they survive.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
This is It was insane and I was doing this
sort of it was like a really demanding writing job
and I ended up getting fired like right after I
had the baby. But then it was like, oh, I
had so much more. I was like, this was actually
good because then I had more time because I was
trying to do everything. And then they're like, no, we
want a different writer, and I'm like okay, And then
(30:26):
I just got sick, just got the flu. And then
I was like I need a new pace.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
So until you got the flu where you like, I
was like, my life is very different. I can't just
pile motherhood on top of everything else I've always done.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
I thought I could, and I was like, wow, I can't, okay,
And so I had to just you just readjust.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
You and I are going to be talking in ten
years and we're going to be like, oh, we're right
back to what we're piling one thousand things on top
of motherhood. And I just think the beginning, the first
two years, and I just think people are crazy if
they're like, oh, within six months. I know for me,
it's like I couldn't even get into like some sort
of routine of like self care or like a walk
(31:20):
or going out with a front, Like I'm like a
mess until like.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
This is a long time. I started finally Now I
exercise once a week and with the trainer, and I
don't want to spend that money, but I'm you know,
I have because I'm not that's any huge Like I'm
just going at like twenty percent of my normal pace.
Speaker 1 (31:36):
That's okay, and it is finite is I think what
I mean is like this is not forever, like even
if it is until he's two in the scheme of
your life that is short.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
And he's so great. He's so oh my god.
Speaker 3 (31:51):
What is he like?
Speaker 1 (31:52):
What is he like? What is he into? How is
he sleeping? How are you sleeping? How's he eating? How
have the one year milestones been?
Speaker 2 (32:00):
His personality is changing now. But he was like the
most serious, stoic child that anyone has ever had. We
would call it bush watching because we'd put him in
front of a plant that was like waving in the wind,
and he would just he would stare at it for
twenty five minutes, like he was like reading it. Like
he'd listen to classical music and watch a plant and
we're like, who is this child? And he was just
he was like the cake. He's so serious. He was
(32:22):
like like every picture I have him as a baby,
he's frowning.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
Like what is this amazing? Especially because his mom is
like a queen of comedy. But okay, just this like.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Groom like he wasn't he didn't cry a lot. He
was just like this eighty.
Speaker 3 (32:35):
Year old man, what do you worry eighty?
Speaker 2 (32:38):
And then he's come out of that and now he's
like much more front, like he smiles more. But it
was like really funny. I'm like, I think I have
the most serious kid I have ever seen. And people
are like, no, that's a baby.
Speaker 3 (32:49):
Know what you do?
Speaker 2 (32:49):
He's like a He's just he's like a little prince.
I would hand him a new toy and he'd look
at it, examine it with a weird face, and then
look me in the eye and toss it aside. He
would he wouldn't even look at the toy when he
tosked it. He would make eye contact be like, I
don't like this one.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
I'm like, Okay, it sounds like you're just really enjoy
I love it. I love so like it just sounds
like you're enjoying the all of it. And it was
such an effort to get here, and so it is
not lost on you how what a miracle it is
and how special this all is.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
I'm loving it. Like on Sunday when we were driving
home from the surrogate's birthday, the whole ride from Long
beachos going hi and we go high and we go hi.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
The whole ride, Oh where is his name from?
Speaker 2 (33:36):
From nowhere? Really? I just could I just don't like
any boy's names. I couldn't think of any.
Speaker 3 (33:42):
Boy's names are hard, Like what hard?
Speaker 1 (33:46):
We had none and my daughter we had a thousand,
but like he had, we had none for him either.
Speaker 3 (33:52):
But Keaton's great, you killed it.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
It was just it's from nothing, because there's just I like,
Diane Keaton, what did you do for his one year birthday?
Speaker 2 (34:01):
Nothing? Nothing? We got him a little cupcake with the
candle that he's threw on the floor. We're like, okay,
maybe next to your hill, Like he just wasn't He
didn't know what it was, and so we're like it too,
will give him a birthday.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
How is your work life balance going? It sounds like
you tried to do it all then you got hit
with the flu. Now you're slowing. You're just like being
really probably specific about what your day.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
How do you have a support system?
Speaker 2 (34:28):
I haven't, nanny. I think I just need to like
do a little more like investigating internally to see what
I actually need and what's actually important I need to.
I think I need to pare down even a little
bit more and try to focus on fewer things and
but put I want to put more life force into
fewer things because I feel like I'm still at this
thing where I'm spread sin and even though it's compared
(34:50):
to my old self, it's not a spread that big
of a spread. But I need to do some reevaluating.
I'm not I haven't even hit the groove in my
slowness yet, and I know that's like things that will
just take time. I just think I need to like
do some more thinking and how do I really want
my days to go? What do I want to make
And especially now.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
That it's a writer strike, you can get to ask
yourself some stuff. Now, maybe I'm.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
Also in that weird thing where I'm in a new relationship.
So we're like co parenting in a new relationship, which
is the weirdest. It's so hot. But then also like
I want to go out sometimes.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
Of course you do. It's the beginning of a relationship.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Like that's where all the energy and passion did the
dating phase.
Speaker 2 (35:32):
We went right into the co parenting.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
That stuff fills you up, though, That stuff fills you
up to be the mom you can be.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
So I try to carve that out. I try to
like have keep keep romance even a lot.
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Yeah we did well that the Lord are dead. I
just like we've been together seventeen Oh my.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
God, see, my son is fourteen months and we've been
together fifteen months. Fourteen we've been together fourteen months in
one week, so it's.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
Like, this is unfucking believable, less than a week before
he was born, and like, good on this guy that
he was like yep, I'm saying yes.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
And it was the opposite of the last relationship with
someone who.
Speaker 3 (36:21):
Was very scared of me I were not doing kids, yes,
very very.
Speaker 2 (36:25):
Fearful of the way that his life would be put
into up people. This person is just like, I'm like, Okay,
then all right.
Speaker 1 (36:32):
What advice would you like to give Keaton on his
one year birthday?
Speaker 2 (36:39):
Wow? God, just nothing. Just he's perfect. He's perfect, He's
he's I got nothing. I'm just like, oh every day
and you're like me every day. I'm just like, I
can't believe I'm still getting to do this. I just
love him. I'm so happy, like, I yeah, I got
he's perfect in my eyes, I don't know, I got.
Speaker 3 (37:00):
Nothing, Reggy, I'm so happy for you. Okay.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
And in closing, we always ask for you to finish
this sentence.
Speaker 3 (37:07):
Parenthood is the fucking best.
Speaker 1 (37:14):
Cky. I'm so grateful that you came off, I thank
you for having me and that it was just you
and you shared this story.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
I've never told it anywhere publicly. And then when I
heard your podcast, I was like, that's where I have
to tell it. That's it. I heard your podcast with
Gabrielle Union and I was like, oh, that's yeah, that's
right for me.
Speaker 3 (37:31):
Oh my god, I'm so honored.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
It's like literally the most perfect love story to your
son and to your experience, which should be celebrated, honored shared.
It's so helpful to other women. I can't tell you
how I mean, I know, you know, I.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
Really want people to hear because Gabrielle Union's was very
helpful to me, like in her other in her book
and like things like that, and I was like, Okay,
this woman is someone who has all the options.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
This is how women to help other women. And I
have so many friends struggling with endometriosis and for it
is really hard so to hear that someone's happy like
you are so authentically you and happy and juggling at
all and have a healthy, beautiful son and family.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
And I would not have it go a different way.
The door that closed, I'm happy it closed. That was right,
I need someone who can roll with things.
Speaker 1 (38:25):
Ricky, You've given me goosebumps only like one thousand times
in this episode. I could not be happier for you,
could not be a more deserving, awesome.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
I love your podcasts so good and it's so helpful.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
It's so so lucky to have you, and you are
so lucky to have him.
Speaker 2 (38:41):
Love him. I'm biased, but he's the best one.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
Thank you guys so much for listening to today's episode.
I want to hear from you. Let's chat questions, comments, concerns.
Speaker 3 (39:00):
Let me know.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
You can always find me at Katiescrib at shondaland dot com.
Katie's Crib is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership
with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the
iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your
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