October 12, 2023 • 52 mins
- The trials and tribulations of having, cutting, shaving, removing, growing, styling, choosing and being chosen by HAIR
- Plus a clip from this week's Patreon episode all about spirituality in its many forms. Subscribe for weekly bonus episodes!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Whenever I'm dressed cool, my parents put up a fight.
Ah if I'm hot, shut, mom will come my hair
at night.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
The implications of that song that if Gaga was like
acted out, her mom would come into her room at
night and cut her hair off. She's sheen ami.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
No ma, not name yo yo yo, what is your
childhood trauma?
Speaker 3 (00:33):
I am chok.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Yo.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Life's going down before.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Round. Welcome to Lake a Virgin, the show where we
give yesterday's pop culture Todays takes armas DomU and I'm
friend Toronto, and today we're talking about hair.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Not to be confus with body or face hair.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Although although I do think we'll probably talk about both
body and facial hair, right right right, yes, so.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
My hair, my body hair.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Hars an. I think an underrated Gaga song.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Oh we can say they're gonna be like hair, just
as a thing is very underrated.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
I'm like, no, actually, well, attention to hair, but I
think even that being true, it's still underrated.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Right right right. Maybe it's maybe there's a zance.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Happening with it. I mean, no one, I hate to
be a girl who references flea Bag, but there's that
part in flea Bag where She hates to be one
of those you know what I mean? She says, hair
is everything. Hair is like we pretend that it isn't,
(01:58):
but it's everything, right.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
The girl that got the horrible haircut, the sister that
gets French, French, it's French. Have you ever gotten a
horrible haircut?
Speaker 2 (02:07):
The answer is yes, girl, girl? What do you think?
Speaker 1 (02:11):
You and I have both experienced the trans cultural phenomenon
of leaving a hair salon, looking at yourself in a
reflective surface once and thinking should I kill myself?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Well? No, okay, So for me, that moment usually comes
three to five business days after the haircut. Like when
I leave the salon, I'm almost always like, I love it,
you know, looks great. This is what I wanted because
I think I've made this social contract with the stylist
(02:45):
to have that experience.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
And then it's once I like wake up the next
day and see myself or wash my hair for the
first time and don't have a blowout anymore, or see
the color in different light that I'm like I need
to go run into oncoming trap. Yes, yes, No.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
For me, it's completely immediate. It's the second I walk
outside and like, literally, look at my reflection in the
next door window, like it is and I actually, I
mean I've obviously I had a lot of suicidal haircuts,
but like the most recent one was actually I experienced
it kind of with you we're in. I had I
had a kind of more of a mullet shape for
(03:26):
a very long time, and it was pretty long, and
I was like, it's the end of the mullet. I
don't want it anymore, but I still want to keep
my hair long, So like, what do we do from here?
And we did the social contract your hairstylists, you know,
good take full rain, like a little creative control. And
then I walked out of this haircut looking like motherfucking
Lord far Quad and I was like, I am gonna yeah.
(03:50):
I was just like I was. I was devastated. But
the thing is, she was right. She was right the
whole time, and it's something she does a lot of
my friends. And what was she right about. She was
right about the shape of my hair. She was right
about what my hair needed to be, and that this
cut was a necessary means to an end. It's the
most recent haircut I've gotten. It was like months ago,
(04:12):
and it's now created the hair that I have today,
which is fabu.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
That is something that does need to be spoken about.
Is like, some haircuts are not about an immediate result.
Some haircuts are transitional.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
And what Dakota Dakota also goes to the same hairstylist
and what she said to me was sometimes gives you
the haircut that you need, not the haircut that you want.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Okay, that would it work for me?
Speaker 1 (04:34):
You're like fundamentally against that.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
No, I'm as No, I'm very open to having a
conversation with my stylist. I found like two sides, the
two sides of the spectrum don't work for me. I
don't like going to a hairstylist where I'm like, this
is what I want and they give me exactly that,
because I'm not the person who does hair so those
(04:57):
decisions should not be left one hundred percent up to
I also don't want to go to a hairstylist who
tells me what I need and doesn't listen to me.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
With like a hand on the hip, like honey, we need.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
To meet somewhere in the middle. I need to come.
Which is this is why I like watching I actually
was just watching one before I came here a hair
consultation video on TikTok where it's like, let me tell
you about kind of the look I'm going for, let
me tell you about my hair texture, let me tell
you how willing I am to style my hair, and
(05:32):
then let me give you some reference images and then
we'll figure out together what to create. Because I think, really,
if I can give anyone advice, like sure, we all
look at pictures of like celebrities or influencers or whatever
and are like, I want that copy pasted onto my head.
But that which it never works.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Doesn't work because the image that you're referencing is like
the most like wayfish fashion, like unclockable girl, or like
well it's like the one of the most their face
shape where it's like it just doesn't Their face shape
is not your face shape, their complexion is not your complexion,
their texture is not your text.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Yeah. And then also it's like, if you're looking at
pictures of celebrities, you're looking at pictures of the most
beautiful people in the world in the best lighting possible,
like literally teams of people creating their image just so
even just their face and hair. So I think it's
good to look at photos and like figure out what
you like about them without being too literal, Like I
(06:33):
like this tone in the way it compliments her skin.
I like the width of or the length of her bangs.
I like, you know, like they're the layers they have
in their hair. But not you just can't copy paste
anyone else's hair onto.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Yourself, no, unless you were awake, right unless you are
are And even then it's you know, well, okay, you
and I are actually weighing some decisions on future hair decisions.
But like, before we get to that, I kind of
want to dip into the hair of past. Oh baby,
worst hair, worst hair face pre transistion, go.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Mine was the silver I have.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Your silver era is very iconic to me, specifically.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
It looked really good when it was like when it
was like short, manicured, like I was kind of giving,
like I had the kind of like fied eye bro fade,
Like if I was white, it would have been like
the neo Nazi kind of fade, but I'm not, so
it didn't give them.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
The pictures are incredible and virgins. I definitely recommend you
go really far back.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Yeah I've actually archived.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Okay, well I will supply them.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
But yeah, yeah, yeah, but I also so once the
hair grew out, it looked like this mane of silver hair.
And it wasn't like emo girl. It wasn't glam, it
wasn't it was just mangy, or was it. It was
like it was like grayish, bluish, purplish yellow.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
We all know, we all know the vibe. But it's
giving gay person in a crisis.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Just as a quick aside, men must stop getting neo
Nazi haircuts, as someone who used to be a man,
and as someone who used to get them, stop getting
like the blind barber fade like the kind of like.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
It's so like but you know, a high and tight
it works.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
No, it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
It works on some people.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
It doesn't work on white people. It just doesn't. It's
it's it's it looks, it's boring. It's just it doesn't
say anything about the person.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
But some people don't need their haircut to say anything
about them. I don't. I could not imagine a world
in which that is true, but it is true for people.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
They don't care.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
It was a time where you thought your hair told
told something about the well, well, I want to answer
your question about my worst haircuts, That's what I was asking. So,
I mean, let me so, I think more so than you,
I have been on a hair journey my entire life,
night life. I've not only nightlife, but like when I
was a teenager, and I know I've talked about this
(09:09):
on the podcast before, probably like ages ago when we
did our hot topic episode. Dyeing my hair was one
of the first things I did as like an adolescent
where I was like, this is about my individuality, you know,
like I've been dyeing my hair since I was twelve thirteen.
So my hair has been every color, and I do
(09:31):
mean every color, like every natural color and every unnatural.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Color, blonde, blonde.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Brown, black, green, green, yellow, red, orange, purple, blue, blue, wow,
everything never a rainbow moment.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Come on, eternal sunch out of the spot is.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Mine, I would say. So, I would say, like one
of my worst hair moments is something that also has
been spoken about. This we've also spoken about before or
with Honey Pluton. When I did get my hair chemically
straightened in high school at thee at the Red Kid Lounge,
not not at the Red Kid Loud, but at the
salon that was at the mall. I don't know that
(10:13):
that was the worst one, but it, uh, it was
probably up there. It's probably it's probably up there. And
then you know, I mean like boy life. I mean,
maybe my worst haircut looking back on it now, is
the year before I transitioned. I had sort of a mullet,
(10:33):
and then I had done sort of that like monk
thing where you shave back the hairline a little bit,
but then you still have like a bang kind of
Oh my god, yeah, it was, it was. It was weird.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
It's so hard to imagine. Yeah, I don't, I really,
I never I don't know anything about you pre transition.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
I don't even do you want to look at Do
you want to get some old phone? No?
Speaker 1 (10:58):
No, no, no, no please, no no.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
I think it's I think it'll be fun. No.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
I know they're fun for you, but they're not fun
for me. But I don't even know your dead name.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Girl, You don't really, it's surprising.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
I have a guess, but I actually don't know.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
I if I can find, let's guess each other's. I mean,
I mean, I think my my hair was always like
shaggy was kind of always the moment.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
And then Scooby really hit it.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Let me show you. I'll show you a picture of
me in college, and I.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
To see this. This is non consensual.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
You really don't.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
On the Patreon, I've already seen a photo of you
as like a high school boy, and even that was
but this is me as a college boy, and it's
actually like okaute, Okay, okay, isn't that crazy? It's really jarring,
isn't it weird? You look really cute?
Speaker 2 (11:47):
I know, right, yeah you do. I have had some
moments I like, don't. I like, really don't have a
problem with looking at pre transition photos.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Don't. So that was my boundary cross.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
I'm sorry. I I like, I know that we're sort
of straying off topic, but we do that on this show.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Well, you have hair on your face, this photo.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Said I. I don't mind looking at pro transition photos of
myself because like it's actually like kind of nice for
me to look back nown and be like I wasn't
so bad. Yeah, like I was kind of I was
kind of cute, Like I'd fuck me.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
That's not the experience I'm having. I obviously don't have
a problem looking at pre transition photos because I've only
come out a year and still for a year. I've
only been out for a year, and I still kind
of look the same. But I I I do cringe
so fiercely at old photos on myself because because you're
able to, like, I don't know, photos like that, Like
if I looked at my college version of that photo,
(12:47):
I would just be immediately transported to like how out
of touch I was with like myself and my body
and my personhood and like so it's like kind of wonky,
but like, no, it's it is, I do. I we've
both gotten so much hotter, Like we both have glowed
up so hard.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
I thank you, thank you for saying that, both about
yourself and about me. I don't always feel it like
I felt. So I felt that so much more at
the beginning of my transition because it was so like
it was something I had to believe just to like
survive every day. Because okay, so here's a hair thing.
(13:25):
Right before so as I said, I had that crazy
like shaved back hairline. And when I decided to like
when I like, the whole year leading up to deciding
to transition, like I had been really like playing with
my gender and like trying all these different forms of
(13:48):
expression and like I had kind of long hair, and
then during a performance at and I also had, I
had fish hair, and during a performance at a party
that Reefe Royalty used to throw at TNT, I buzzed
(14:09):
all my hair off. And so I started my transition
with no hair.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
What did you wear? Wicks?
Speaker 2 (14:18):
I to parties sometimes, but like I had, but like
I had because of that the first two years in
my transition, which, like like I've said before, like I
look back on the time, it's like some of the
worst moments of my life because I was like, so
I was like my my my mentality was like so
(14:39):
at odds with my presentation, and that only made me
like push harder. And I was like just not giving
physically what I was giving mentally and instead of like
being a and I don't know, that's like very complicated
and and I look back on it now and I
don't cringe because like I know that it was necessary
(15:01):
for my survival and it was like doing that allowed
me to get to the point where I didn't have
to do that anymore. But I really kind of fucked
myself over because if I had kept that mullet, I
at least would have had a little hair to like
toss around when I was like stomping down myrtle Broadway.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Starting your transition bolt is actually kind of a serve.
Were you like Nonminaria first? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (15:24):
And I also in that same fold I'm not gonna
show it to you, but and that same folder I
was I had that photos in. I have a folder
in my phone in my phone albums of just it
says old of photos, like pre transition photos, like not
like some baby photos, but mostly like adulthood photos. And
there's one that I took like right after not only
(15:48):
I cut all my hair off, but like totally like
shaved my face like raw for the first time. And
like looking at that, like it does it like a
hairless Yeah, like a no, like a hairless cat cat.
And it doesn't. It doesn't hurt to look at it.
But I I just look at it, and I'm like,
(16:11):
why did you start like that girl? Because I was
going crazy. Transitioning is crazy, It's fucking crazy. Every hair
is such a big.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Part of it. It's essential. It's an essential part of
the movement.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
So like, Okay, I'm going to bring us to like
a dark I know we're getting kind of head well,
we're getting to the light place after, We'll get to after.
So So when I was like a year after I
had started transitioning, I was raped, and I like was real.
I had like a really like dark, dark, like intense
(17:09):
period of trauma afterwards, and I like came very close
to a suicide attempt. And one of the things that
I did to pull myself out of it was like
list all of the reasons why I wanted to be alive,
and one of the ones I listed was like, I
want to live enough for my hair to grow past
my shoulders. Oh my god, you make me cry. Yeah,
(17:31):
and I did.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I'm literally, oh my gosh, shut up, but sorry. I
was making so many suicide jokes earlier, I mean sue
jokes like help you get through the cold reality.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Yeah. Absolutely, I make suicide jokes all the time. And
I'm I like also came close to a suicide attempt,
like not that long ago.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
So and you know, I okay. The thing about hair
is actually your here can completely reinvigorate your head space
and life like a good.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Hair lip or it's on the space on your head.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Yes, and like even like beyond like walking int of
a haircut. Sometimes it's just like after you've worn hair
for a certain time and then all of a sudden
you look and you're like, oh my god, like this
is my hair, Like my hair's finally arrived where it
needs to be. Like I feel like I had that
recently my hair. Yeah, I'm pretty sure if only, Like
I mean so in high school I did get that
(18:26):
kind of like Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire era,
like skater boy shag, like I had that hair. Oh
you did. Okay. That was a big hair decision. And
then maybe my second most important, my second hair decision
was to go silver, which was like a big movement
for me. And then after I I was silver for
like a year and a half, I was so sick
(18:48):
of like shoveling money, time and energy into like maintaining
it because like never ever ever die, Like dying your
whole head is crazy. If you have black hair, it's
just not worth the energy and pain. And also just
like I'm sick, there's it's not there's not a ton.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Of success so much and it damages your hair and
it gets.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
So bad, so yellow. And anyways, after that, I shaved
my bult and that was kind of the last hair
decision I made before I figured out that I was
trans and I like my kind of not as dark
as your period, but like my darker period was like
years and years and years and years of doing nothing
(19:28):
with my hair and wearing the same outfit every day
because I used to have I was in that phase
of like pretty much wearing the same like you know,
all black whatever outfit every day and having this mustache
that I didn't even like, reminding me of my dad.
I still don't even know.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Why I had facial hour.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Why did you have facial hair? I still because I
wanted to be fuckable, Like I still to this day
don't know why I had a mustache.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
It was about being fuckable and right, I mean the
what I what I've always thought about, like specifically, the
year and some chain before I transitioned, I had like
the most facial hair I've ever had. Yeah, and I
and I think it was because, like what I've reflected
(20:10):
on now is I needed to lean as far as
I could into masculine presentation basically to see if that
was real, like if that was who I actually was,
Like Okay, I don't like because I had been feeling
like I had always played with gender, like as a
club kid, like I like presented like like very fem
(20:34):
sometimes in those kinds of spaces, and like did things
that were like drag adjacent but like more performance already.
But I also like you know, being like I was
like like being a little hairy, like being fat, you know,
like also like existed in that like cub and like
that was me experimenting, like trying to figure out, like, okay,
(20:59):
with what I've been given, let me take it as
far as it will go and see if that's the
gender thing that feels real to me, or if the
other stuff it was is what feels real. So like
that year I was like had long facial hair. I
was like go into the eagle and like you know,
wearing leather and like going to a fairy sanctuary and
(21:22):
like getting pissed on at the outdoor shower. And like
my my friend and I who used to throw parties,
we started throwing a party called Daddy, and I was
like doing all of this like gender performance, and it
all felt incredibly hollow. Yes, it felt so retroactively, you're like,
and I like had to swing that far in that direction, yes,
(21:45):
to realize that that wasn't who I wanted to be,
and like I also and so like then I tried
swinging to the middle and being like, Okay, well maybe
I'm somewhere in the middle, so let me get this
weird like you know, haircut and like you know where
bad eyeshadow, and and like you know use like you know,
(22:08):
neutral pronouns and like that didn't really feel either, And
so then I had to ask myself, like, are these
things just like a costume that is insulating me from
like the truth of who I am or who like
I've always wanted to be. And that was the answer,
And like once I answered it, I like couldn't look
away from it.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Yeah, it was like how could I Like it's been there.
It's almost like it's been there the whole time in
a weird way.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Of course, the conversation about hair with two trans people
being a conversation about and because hair is trans, it's
trans period hairs trans trans is hair, trans is hair.
It's like trans is having hair, not having hair, removing hair,
growing hair like.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
It is hitting hair transplanted.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
It's so hair is so incredibly integral to your identity.
It's trans.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
I want to talk about any person. I want to
talk about hair body mod but before we move away
from this little dark this little dark moment, I want
to also, like, just what you just said was so validating,
Like hollow was the word I the years that I
spent like wearing the same, like having the same haircut,
like my lesbian barber giving me the exact same haircut
for six seven years, wearing the same outfit and a
(23:22):
mustache that I retrospect retroactively, I'm like, definitely was like
I was thinking about maybe being fuckable, but honestly, I
didn't even feel fuckable. I just felt like I was
trying to hide my face because I didn't like looking
at my face, and my mustache was something to distract
me and others from the fact that I didn't like
my face and didn't feel attractive. And and like I
(23:45):
I think that maybe I also really liked the kind
of vintage vintagey like castro clone, like porn stash like
and I did do it before. That was cool, by
the way, but no, like I now, I'm trying so
desperately to remove all my hair and grow it all
on top of my head and and maybe get like
(24:06):
hair transplants in the corners of my forehead and I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Oh yeah, I like they're like I'm able to look
at like the photo I showed you, and like I
know who that person was, and I do feel a
connection with them when I look at the photos of
like the year leading up to me deciding to transition
and then the year like immediately following it. That's the
(24:28):
person who I'm like, I don't know who you are
because like I don't understand the either like the extreme
in one direction or like the like chrysalis.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Uh, like I hate the.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
Metaphor, but that is that is who I feel so
far away from because it's like that person was so
confused about who they were and was in so much pain,
and like the hair was such a manifestation, was a
tranifestation of that. You can see pain. Hair is pain.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Oh my god, tell me, tell tell me that I
still have not gone to electrolysis and I'm about to
start that journey.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Oh my god. Yeah, have you did you decide where
you're gonna go?
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Yeah, my friend, I have a lot of friends that
all recommended me to the same place, which I am
going to gate keep for now.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Well, you'll have to tell me how it is.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Yeah, I'm I'm trying to get my health insurance to
pay for it. This is an interesting but anyways, hair
electrolysis versus laser, that is interesting to me.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Like, well, electrolysis hurts so much more because laser is
very quick. Yeah, an electrolysis like you pay by the
time increment because they pay by the hair because they
go in and zap each hair follicle individual and you
and I.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Know somebody who like clinically knocked herself out to experience
electrolysis because the pain, which I would like to do. Yeah,
I want a doctor that will let me be unconscious
during it.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
I want someone to come into my home while I'm sleeping.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
Knock me out. Yeah, yeah, knock me clean out.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
And well, no, I want to I want I want
to take like three ambient and then wake up, not three. Yeah,
and then have you ever are you gonna do laser
anywhere else on your body?
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Yeah? I it really depends on how well everything else goes.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
But if you know you can't do it anywhere you've
been tattooed.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
I'm gonna that's the problem. What Yeah, that's really good
to know. But that's fine because I really only want
laser on my whole and maybe on my chest. But
I I'm not really that's more like kind of like
fun money like next step because I actually, I mean
obviously I don't. I just like shave the hair on
my whole and I don't mind. I like I when
I trim the hair on my chest, I don't mind it.
(26:46):
I don't mind what it does.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
I never shaved my whole. Oh really, and I had
someone recently.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
But your hair, your probably whole hair, your hair hoole,
your hair whole, your whole hair, your whole hair is
probably so fine.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
And maybe maybe, but I did have someone. This has
happened a couple of times. But I can recall one
recent instance where someone was like, we were making plants
to hook them, and they were like, are you gonna, like,
you know, are you gonna be like smooth and hairless
for me? And I was like, I would never groom
myself based on someone else's requirement.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, never on principle. On principle, I would, however,
so that guy should slide into my DMS, I do.
There is something about like when if a guy's coming
over and it's a guy who's into like a girl
like me. I do want to kind of be like
buffed and puffed and trimped and talked, you know what
I mean. I mean, I'm not talking, but I taught.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
I used to. I used to feel that way. I
used to put so much effort into like when especially
when I was hooking up with people and like being
as cute and femb as possible, And now I like, hey,
I don't hey, b I don't care. I mean a
(28:03):
big part of it is like I'm actively not looking
to have sex with like chasers with straight people. I'm
like primarily trying to have sex with queer people. So
I like would hope that queer people like don't care
about that as much. And then also like I don't
care about it, yeah, as much.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
You actually have helped you. You were one of the
primary people to like continually reorient my thinking around that,
being like you gotta stop prepping and buffing and puffing
for guys that don't show up, because that happened to
me so frequently in Los Angeles, Like fuck every man
in Los Angeles who did that to me? But like
nobody likes to like douche and go through the whole
(28:43):
hour long ringer of like looking like a presentable, clean
person for somebody that doesn't show up but now and
so I don't do that anymore for other men. I
do it for me if I'm doing it, yeah, and
if I And the only reason I'm doing it is
because I want to feel powerful. I don't care if
that is what they desire. I don't care if that's
(29:05):
a need that they want. It's like I'm using my
kind of feminine beauty and glow to you know, woo them.
And it's also like honestly on like the facial hair
of it all, and just like how I present as
a person, because sometimes they feel totally crazy just talking
about being trans in general. It's like sometimes they feel
like I have kind of reverse gender dysphoria where I
(29:28):
think I'm like way more soft and cunt than I
actually am, and like sometimes that works out for you.
It's kind of like a Jedi mind trick. I mean
a lot of being trands is like a Jedi mind
trick that you have to do on yourself.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Well you have to, and like I mean, the thing
is like you did come out like last year, and
you like I'm I'm telling you, like I think, especially
coming out as an adult, because like now we live
in a world where people are coming out younger and younger,
and like, once you've like lived in the world like
with your body looking a certain way, like you really
(30:00):
have to kind of beat a little Delulu. Oh, you
have a while until you like kind of catch up
to where you want to be. And like, obviously neither
of us are saying like there's only one right way
to present as a transperson, as a trans woman, like whatever,
But when you do want that, sometimes you gotta lie
(30:22):
to your It's not that I'm saying that you're lying,
but like sometimes you just have to like fucking believe
it so much so that other people will too, or
so that even if other people don't believe it, at
least you do, and so like in your mind that
makes them the stupid ones for not getting it.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, Delulu is the end. D Lulu
is my life and brand like that is like how
I operate, Like you know that, like kind of one
of my best and worst qualities is that I truly
fiercely believe that things can happen when they truly will
not happen. You know, but sometimes you have to like
believe in it in order to get even like a
(31:03):
fraction of close to what you want. And like in
terms of like hair, like I mean you and I
are very lucky to be in a Brooklyn trans bubble
where like I can go to bars and be among
friends and being among gay people who will actually see
me and acknowledge my gender and use my pronouns, and
(31:24):
I don't even have to ask, like and I didn't
even have to inform them that was something that was
disseminated to them, or maybe they got a clue based
on how it is presenting. But I do fiercely believe that,
among other things, my hair right now is like part
of what really helps people see me. Not that gender
(31:44):
should be so tied up in performance. And that's like
a whole other conversation that we don't need to talk about.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Like gender, it's a way that you telegraph to the world,
Like it's how you clue them in. And I also
think it's not necessarily just like a Brooklyn queer bubble.
It's like we live in New York. Yes, like people
here are used to the existence of trans people.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Yes, like you will walk out the door and see
them getting coffee, like going on a jog, like you know,
I don't know what people do.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
I think like people here, when they see someone who's
maybe like their initial perception of them, based on whatever reason,
doesn't match up to what it seems they are trying
to inform the world about them. They instead, I think
here people in major metropolitan cities like New York, people
are more likely to be like, Okay, I'll go with
(32:34):
what this person is clearly trying to do, rather than
like what I'm assuming.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Yeah, yes, exactly.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
H And hair is such a huge part of it,
Like I you know, I have there are days when
I feel like really gross and like like bricky, and
the fact that I have this like long hair is
like a shield that I get to wear out into
(33:04):
the world that I'm like, at the very least I
have this.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Yeah, and even I mean, my facial hair is like
my biggest battle. It's like the thing that I hate
the most about my face up from frequently and I had.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
And it's just never gonna be gone, Like that is
just reality, Like shut up, no, I'm dealing with your
hair is gone? Are you kidding? I can so much.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
Seeing I've never seen a single hair on your face.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
That's crazy to me because I see it.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
I'm sitting because like up next to your face, so
now you see it. No, not right now, I'm saying,
only when I am like literally like putting my eyes
next to your face because you just told me that
you just had laser and so you haven't shaved in
four days. Is the only time where I have seen
hair on your face.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
You will see this me right now? Is like I
almost like I almost shaved this morning because this is
like more it's it's gotten better recently because I had
laser again, but and also because I've just kind of
stopped caring as much about going out, like feeling like
I have visible facial hair. But like this where I'm
(34:14):
at now is kind of like the last day into
a cycle that I would want to do that and
something toxic is like I do like orient the way
I schedule my life still around shaving. That's all around
shaving and also around washing my hair. That's not toxic
at all. That's totally normal. Like the way the way
(34:35):
that I only I will only smoke a cigarette the
day that I'm washing my hair. It's like also not
toxic I like to think about the Like if I'm
making plans with someone for dinner, I'm like, oh, like
I should make plans like the day after. I know
I'm going to shave the next time, you know, so
like I don't get myself in like a bad cycle.
(34:55):
You know, like I'm getting I'm getting my hair done
on Thursday, and I'm like, okay, I'm I know I'm
gonna want to like take photos, like make a TikTok,
so I should make sure that like I'm like not
clocky that day.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Yeah, I mean, I'm definitely shaving for like any front
facing camera video I'm doing generally, and then like figuring
out how to like cover up like my beard shadow,
which will go away one day, right.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
You will. You will be shocked one like the first
time you have or like the next time you have
like a successful laser electrolysis or whatever, like and that
when you shave and like the shadow isn't immediately there,
like it will be a very big moment. Okay, so
(36:09):
oh future haion, Okay, future hair decisions. So I mean
this episode will come out after this has happened. But
I have a hair appointment on Thursday. I have I'm
really happy with the person who does my hair now.
I like kind of when I moved back to New York,
I'd been seeing someone in LA who, like I kind
of liked, but he was kind of the person I
(36:30):
was talking about before who he was more like he
gave me exactly what I asked for rather than giving
his opinion and like having a conversation about it. This
person who I work with now at the salon the
Birdhouse in Bushwick, which is like literally the only reason
I will go to Bushwick is to go to the
salon because I have a really amazing hairstylist. Her name
(36:52):
is Drenne, and she it's always like very collaborative and
when we talk when we do my hair, and like
we've gotten into a good cycle of like maintenance and
also okay, so also I have broken my cycle with her,
of the the cycle that I had gotten myself into,
(37:15):
which was specifically about hair color. And you know that
I used to do this, so it was always like
basically even even pre transition, like I did this like
when I was when I was presenting as a boy.
It would be red in the sum, red in the fall,
dark in the winter, blonde in the summer and then
(37:37):
usually like late summer, when the blonde was growing out,
I would do like a fun color.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
And it doesn't matter what year it is, Rose will
still ask the internet if she should go blonde or
go red but this or if you should have bangs.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
But this year, I really like firmly made the decision
that my hair is meant to be or like I
feel the most me when I have red hair or
like reddish hair. And I even like I went blonder
for the summer, and like a month into it, I
(38:13):
was like, no, this isn't right, Like I have to
I have to break the cycle. And so now it's
like it's always going to be read, Like the tone
might change, but it's always going.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
To be read, and then maybe the shape might change.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
The shape might change. I have been I have been
pretty seriously considering bangs.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
And you can't see right now, but Rose has a
knife to her throat and she is threatening.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
I know, like the bank thought like came from a
dark place at first, because of the recent mental trauma
I've been enduring.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
She's like, I swear to God, I'm gonna get bangs.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
But now I've been doing something. I've been looking. I've
been spending a lot of my time recently looking at
old photos of my and I, well, like from the
past couple of years, and I specifically went and looked
at all the photos of myself where I had bangs
from the past couple of years, and I do really
(39:13):
like how they look on me. At the same time,
like I do like my hair the way it currently
is kind of I think what I've realized is like
the I like the way I look with bangs, They're
not always the most functional for my hair texture and
my lifestyle because I'm a forehead sweater, so my bangs
(39:37):
get like when I have bangs, like they will get
kind of damp, and like no one wants to walk
around with like wet hair, Okay, but like what if
you're just doing the little curler every morning so that
the bangs are kind of like this, so they're not
touching your forehead, you know, even then they'll still get,
you know, like damp.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
But the reference is Florence, right, or maybe like or
what do we what do we going? What are we?
Speaker 2 (40:02):
Yeah? I mean Florence.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
Do we want to straight across bang? Do we really
want to do that?
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Or do I think here, I'll show you. I'll show
you a reference.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
I'm not being subtle. I kind of want you to
go in a more feathery vibe because.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
I think, well, I've done I've done a curtain bang before,
and like that is probably.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
A curtain bang is the Florence bang.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
No, a curtain bang is like a longer, more feathery bang. Okay,
and that doesn't work for you. This is kind of
Oh I like this love. It's like it's like blunt
but still a little feathery.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
Like yeah, it's it's a little it's like not asymmetrical,
but it's a little choppy. Not it's not that's it.
It's not trying to be.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
No, I'm not going to I'm not ever gonna do
like a Zoe Dachanell bang.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
Yeah that's what I was worried.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
But Florence is more the vibe. And also, like my
you know, I was just home visiting my family recently,
and my my mom and my two sisters all three
of them have bangs. We all have the same texture hair,
like all of us, and it was like a nice moment.
We were all sitting around talking about our hair and
(41:07):
we like they were all talking about having bangs, and
I was like, oh, I kind of want that. And also,
I my mom and I went out for breakfast one
morning and I posted a picture of her on my
Instagram story, and so many people either commented or told
me the next time they saw me, oh my god,
you and your mom look so much like you have
the exact same hair, and that a couple of years ago,
(41:28):
I realized my hair was red, and I realized I
looked at a photo of my mom from when she
was young, and I was like, oh my god, I
look so much like my mom. And I immediately dyed
my hair a different color because I didn't like that.
And now you're like, and like, I love it. I
want to look like that. And my mom and I
when I was home the most recent, like last week,
we literally had like our hair is the same color,
(41:52):
the same texture, we do that we wear it the
same way. She has bangs, so like I kind of
wanted to just lean into it.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
You should, you absolutely should, so.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
I might be getting.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
I'm very pro bangs so long as they're bangs that
like don't feel like they should feel like an extension
of what you already have. And I think that like
that reference image is perfect to me. You're gonna be
so much more TikTok though it's gonna make you like
it's just gonna be so cute.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
And I think maybe, like I'll have to decide if
because every time I've gotten bangs, I haven't maintained them.
I always immediately start growing them out, and so I
think that's where I so if I just like commit
to having them for a while, I won't feel as
as much like that I regret them, but like I'll
always regret a haircut or a hair color decision, as
(42:43):
I said in three to five business days.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
Do you want to know the hair decision that I'm
thinking about?
Speaker 2 (42:49):
Yes, tell me extensions again?
Speaker 1 (42:51):
No, oh my god. I mean I would love to
have an extensions moment, but that would be more like
event based, like a ponytail or something like that. I'm
currently thinking a lot, and I can't really do it
until I have like fun money, but like that probably
could be like maybe as soon as the winter. I
am thinking a lot about So I actually love the
color like your color, like red brown, whatever, and I
(43:14):
think it would go really well with my black hair.
And I'm thinking about taking just my haircut as it
is and dyeing all of the tips red. That's cute, yeah,
because I think it would be like not, It's not
like a huge change, and it's something that I can
chop off if I get sick of it.
Speaker 2 (43:31):
It's a little emot.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
It's a little malgoth, but I can But the way
I would wear it would be pretty fashion. I mean
not in what I'm literally in a mal goth outfit
right now, like kind of crazy, but like, yeah, no,
I've been feeling the kind of emo. But I also
just have been wanting more texture in my hair, like
more something that just like brings out, like the shape
and the feel of it. So I think that might
(43:56):
be my next move because I haven't gotten a haircut
in months, which is a great thing because my haircuts
are so expensive. But yeah, no, I'm thinking about a
red like yours, maybe a red that's like a little
more electric and a little less auburn.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
That's very exciting. I mean, I'm when I do my
hair this week, I'm doing cut and color, so I
will be going a much deeper, darker copper red.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
I'm going would you describe this now?
Speaker 2 (44:20):
This is like auburn like a like a it was
copper the last time I got it colored and it
has faded to more of an auburn. But I also
my hair is like very highlighted, so a lot of
it so like it is light because of that work.
But this is kind of the vibe.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
But oh that's really red. Wow, Sophie, I extremely read and.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
Also like getting older older Florence, because Florence now does
like a more naturally ginger.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Oh that's her, but that's not her natural hair color. No,
no way, Wait, that air is amazing.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
The bangs are not, but I don't I don't mind
the and also also Emma Stone and Corilla that's amazing.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
Wait, well the glasses I mean with god, Wait, that's
a really good bang.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
And also Florence and the Shake It Out video that
is kind of the ultimate reference. Yes, Florence shake it
Out Ceremonials Era. Florence is like the hair and bang
that I'm going for.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
I wish I could pull off that color red you
really like with your with your postaline skin tone, It's
really gonna look so fierce on you. I can't wait
for that hair. Era.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
Who's hair? Who in the world? Like, do you think.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
Hair outside the opera. Okay, nice, but the tattoo I
have on my thigh slash the hair that I am
aspiring to Yeah, what about you.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
Uh, Nicole Kiinman In practical.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
Matter, yes, well, hair is maybe a generat Yeah yeah, yeah,
let's say some some hair, the most synthetic, the most
hair extensions ever committed to film.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
Yeah, and now a clip from our Patreon become a
patron at patreon dot com, slash like a virgin for
weekly bonus episodes and more so. I know that we
(46:17):
have discussed religion before in our in every episode, in
every episode about France childhood trauma, and specifically in our
Christmas episode from Holidays twenty twenty one. But today we're
going to talk about spirituality, you know, not necessarily organized religion,
(46:40):
more of like woo oo like esotic spirituality between us
and our God or.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
God's mysticism, higher powers, vibes, vibes, manifestation, trannifestation, the power
of magic. Thinking the secret.
Speaker 2 (47:03):
The secret I'm secreting the secret which I whenever I
think about the Secret, I think about Samantha reading it
on the beach and the Sex and the City movie.
I'm secreting secreting.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
I was gonna say, I was going to say totally separate.
We honestly should do an episode on the Bible that
would actually be a really good separate episode. Stay tuned
for that. But like, I really feel like in terms
of like religion, spirituality, whatnot, we are in a very
(47:37):
interesting time post Channy Nicholas, Post Channy Nicholas. We're in
front of the podcast, friend of the podcast Channy Nicholas,
We're in everybody. I mean, we actually almost over indexed
on astrology culture and now Australiy's like astrology is a
little bit on it Wait, sorry, Channing, I mean like
not on its way out, but like we're talking about
it less because we've kind of exhausted the amount we're
(47:59):
talking about it. But I say this all to say
is that the crystals and the woo woo and the
kind of white woman mysticism that is kind of oozing
its way through a lot of our culture and our
daily conversations has a lot to do I think with
the fact that like Christianity is becoming less and less.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
Popular, not if you watch the news.
Speaker 1 (48:18):
No, it really is, like statistically, like people that believe
in God are becoming the minority, which is cool. They
are not like in a population that is necessarily increasing.
Speaker 2 (48:29):
Do you do you believe in God? No, God, God God?
Do you believe in some kind of higher power or
I guess sort of like intelligent design to the universe.
Do you believe in magic and sort of the power
(48:50):
of positive thinking and like energy and that?
Speaker 1 (48:53):
I kind of. I don't believe in magic personally. I
believe in a person's a bit to sell themselves on
a story and for that story to have actual ramifications
on their life. So with Christianity or with astrology, or
with reading taro or like whatever it is that is
(49:14):
your you're really telling yourself a motherfucking fairy tale. But
those fits. But the thing is, stories are so powerful.
Speaker 2 (49:24):
So powerful.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
I'm holding Rose's hand right now, my God, stories are
literally so powerful.
Speaker 2 (49:32):
I can't. We have not said that on the podcast
for so long, and honestly for too long.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
Yeah, that'll be our hat, That'll be the next hat
I do. It's it's crazy, though, I'm actually saying, being
very earnest, like the power of storytelling is actually religion,
like the Bible is actual mythology that has been sold
to billions of people that has been passed down through
(50:00):
eons and the world. Yes, and that's the story. Is
that powerful?
Speaker 2 (50:04):
So stories are so powerful.
Speaker 1 (50:08):
But now we do versions of this with the kind
of like white woman manifestation thing. Like I do actually
think that, like, whatever it is that is your jug,
believing in something higher is good for you and good
for your brain. Like science science statistics have actually shown that, like,
people that believe in God or some kind of higher
power are statistically happier than the rest of the population. Like,
(50:31):
and it makes sense because you because you're believing in
a lie. But lies are great. Lies are powerful, and
that's why I think I love a lot of them.
I subscribe to a lot of wo Woo girls stuff
because I think it's important to just in the same
way we use therapy to reflect, to like, use the
(50:53):
stories of the world to I don't know, live your life,
to orient your life.
Speaker 2 (50:57):
Around what do you think is the most woo woo
thing you do?
Speaker 1 (51:03):
Oh, that's a really good question. Do you have an
answer to this?
Speaker 2 (51:05):
Yeah, I'm pretty superstitious, you know, I will. I used
to be much more when I was a kid, Like
step on a crack break your mother's back that kind
of stuff. But like if I have if I have
an eyelash, I'm making a wish on it. Okay, if
it's eleven eleven, I'm making a wish. Okay. If I
spill salt, I'm throwing it over my shoulder, although I
(51:27):
always forget which shoulder it's supposed to be, Like I
do kind of it's not that I believe that stuff,
but I always have that moment of like, what if
I don't do it in something something bad happens, or
like things like my mom always used to tell me
when you start a new job, make sure that on
the first day you walk in on your right foot.
(51:48):
Like little things like that like have like accumulated in
my brain. And so I think that is the thing
that I still have some lingering belief in that they're
is a sort of pattern we can hack into through
these little rituals that have like accumulated over millennia, and
(52:10):
because of like the belief in them, they hold some
kind of power. I don't necessarily think that power comes
from like God or any or anything, but like even
if it's just like the power of my own beliefs, Like, yes,
I do believe in that so that is I think
the woo wooiest thing about me, and there have been
times in my life when I've been into much more
(52:33):
woo woo things. Same, but that's kind of curzy.
Speaker 1 (52:37):
Jesus
Whenever I'm dressed cool, my parents put up a fight.
Ah if I'm hot, shut, mom will come my hair
at night.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
The implications of that song that if Gaga was like
acted out, her mom would come into her room at
night and cut her hair off. She's sheen ami.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
No ma, not name yo yo yo, what is your
childhood trauma?
Speaker 3 (00:33):
I am chok.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Yo.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Life's going down before.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Round. Welcome to Lake a Virgin, the show where we
give yesterday's pop culture Todays takes armas DomU and I'm
friend Toronto, and today we're talking about hair.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Not to be confus with body or face hair.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Although although I do think we'll probably talk about both
body and facial hair, right right right, yes, so.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
My hair, my body hair.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Hars an. I think an underrated Gaga song.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Oh we can say they're gonna be like hair, just
as a thing is very underrated.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
I'm like, no, actually, well, attention to hair, but I
think even that being true, it's still underrated.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Right right right. Maybe it's maybe there's a zance.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
Happening with it. I mean, no one, I hate to
be a girl who references flea Bag, but there's that
part in flea Bag where She hates to be one
of those you know what I mean? She says, hair
is everything. Hair is like we pretend that it isn't,
(01:58):
but it's everything, right.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
The girl that got the horrible haircut, the sister that
gets French, French, it's French. Have you ever gotten a
horrible haircut?
Speaker 2 (02:07):
The answer is yes, girl, girl? What do you think?
Speaker 1 (02:11):
You and I have both experienced the trans cultural phenomenon
of leaving a hair salon, looking at yourself in a
reflective surface once and thinking should I kill myself?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Well? No, okay, So for me, that moment usually comes
three to five business days after the haircut. Like when
I leave the salon, I'm almost always like, I love it,
you know, looks great. This is what I wanted because
I think I've made this social contract with the stylist
(02:45):
to have that experience.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
And then it's once I like wake up the next
day and see myself or wash my hair for the
first time and don't have a blowout anymore, or see
the color in different light that I'm like I need
to go run into oncoming trap. Yes, yes, No.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
For me, it's completely immediate. It's the second I walk
outside and like, literally, look at my reflection in the
next door window, like it is and I actually, I
mean I've obviously I had a lot of suicidal haircuts,
but like the most recent one was actually I experienced
it kind of with you we're in. I had I
had a kind of more of a mullet shape for
(03:26):
a very long time, and it was pretty long, and
I was like, it's the end of the mullet. I
don't want it anymore, but I still want to keep
my hair long, So like, what do we do from here?
And we did the social contract your hairstylists, you know,
good take full rain, like a little creative control. And
then I walked out of this haircut looking like motherfucking
Lord far Quad and I was like, I am gonna yeah.
(03:50):
I was just like I was. I was devastated. But
the thing is, she was right. She was right the
whole time, and it's something she does a lot of
my friends. And what was she right about. She was
right about the shape of my hair. She was right
about what my hair needed to be, and that this
cut was a necessary means to an end. It's the
most recent haircut I've gotten. It was like months ago,
(04:12):
and it's now created the hair that I have today,
which is fabu.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
That is something that does need to be spoken about.
Is like, some haircuts are not about an immediate result.
Some haircuts are transitional.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
And what Dakota Dakota also goes to the same hairstylist
and what she said to me was sometimes gives you
the haircut that you need, not the haircut that you want.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Okay, that would it work for me?
Speaker 1 (04:34):
You're like fundamentally against that.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
No, I'm as No, I'm very open to having a
conversation with my stylist. I found like two sides, the
two sides of the spectrum don't work for me. I
don't like going to a hairstylist where I'm like, this
is what I want and they give me exactly that,
because I'm not the person who does hair so those
(04:57):
decisions should not be left one hundred percent up to
I also don't want to go to a hairstylist who
tells me what I need and doesn't listen to me.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
With like a hand on the hip, like honey, we need.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
To meet somewhere in the middle. I need to come.
Which is this is why I like watching I actually
was just watching one before I came here a hair
consultation video on TikTok where it's like, let me tell
you about kind of the look I'm going for, let
me tell you about my hair texture, let me tell
you how willing I am to style my hair, and
(05:32):
then let me give you some reference images and then
we'll figure out together what to create. Because I think, really,
if I can give anyone advice, like sure, we all
look at pictures of like celebrities or influencers or whatever
and are like, I want that copy pasted onto my head.
But that which it never works.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Doesn't work because the image that you're referencing is like
the most like wayfish fashion, like unclockable girl, or like
well it's like the one of the most their face
shape where it's like it just doesn't Their face shape
is not your face shape, their complexion is not your complexion,
their texture is not your text.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Yeah. And then also it's like, if you're looking at
pictures of celebrities, you're looking at pictures of the most
beautiful people in the world in the best lighting possible,
like literally teams of people creating their image just so
even just their face and hair. So I think it's
good to look at photos and like figure out what
you like about them without being too literal, Like I
(06:33):
like this tone in the way it compliments her skin.
I like the width of or the length of her bangs.
I like, you know, like they're the layers they have
in their hair. But not you just can't copy paste
anyone else's hair onto.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Yourself, no, unless you were awake, right unless you are
are And even then it's you know, well, okay, you
and I are actually weighing some decisions on future hair decisions.
But like, before we get to that, I kind of
want to dip into the hair of past. Oh baby,
worst hair, worst hair face pre transistion, go.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Huh.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Mine was the silver I have.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Your silver era is very iconic to me, specifically.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
It looked really good when it was like when it
was like short, manicured, like I was kind of giving,
like I had the kind of like fied eye bro fade,
Like if I was white, it would have been like
the neo Nazi kind of fade, but I'm not, so
it didn't give them.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
The pictures are incredible and virgins. I definitely recommend you
go really far back.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Yeah I've actually archived.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Okay, well I will supply them.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
But yeah, yeah, yeah, but I also so once the
hair grew out, it looked like this mane of silver hair.
And it wasn't like emo girl. It wasn't glam, it
wasn't it was just mangy, or was it. It was
like it was like grayish, bluish, purplish yellow.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
We all know, we all know the vibe. But it's
giving gay person in a crisis.
Speaker 1 (08:12):
Just as a quick aside, men must stop getting neo
Nazi haircuts, as someone who used to be a man,
and as someone who used to get them, stop getting
like the blind barber fade like the kind of like.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
It's so like but you know, a high and tight
it works.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
No, it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
It works on some people.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
It doesn't work on white people. It just doesn't. It's
it's it's it looks, it's boring. It's just it doesn't
say anything about the person.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
But some people don't need their haircut to say anything
about them. I don't. I could not imagine a world
in which that is true, but it is true for people.
Speaker 1 (08:47):
They don't care.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
It was a time where you thought your hair told
told something about the well, well, I want to answer
your question about my worst haircuts, That's what I was asking. So,
I mean, let me so, I think more so than you,
I have been on a hair journey my entire life,
night life. I've not only nightlife, but like when I
was a teenager, and I know I've talked about this
(09:09):
on the podcast before, probably like ages ago when we
did our hot topic episode. Dyeing my hair was one
of the first things I did as like an adolescent
where I was like, this is about my individuality, you know,
like I've been dyeing my hair since I was twelve thirteen.
So my hair has been every color, and I do
(09:31):
mean every color, like every natural color and every unnatural.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Color, blonde, blonde.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Brown, black, green, green, yellow, red, orange, purple, blue, blue, wow,
everything never a rainbow moment.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Come on, eternal sunch out of the spot is.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Mine, I would say. So, I would say, like one
of my worst hair moments is something that also has
been spoken about. This we've also spoken about before or
with Honey Pluton. When I did get my hair chemically
straightened in high school at thee at the Red Kid Lounge,
not not at the Red Kid Loud, but at the
salon that was at the mall. I don't know that
(10:13):
that was the worst one, but it, uh, it was
probably up there. It's probably it's probably up there. And
then you know, I mean like boy life. I mean,
maybe my worst haircut looking back on it now, is
the year before I transitioned. I had sort of a mullet,
(10:33):
and then I had done sort of that like monk
thing where you shave back the hairline a little bit,
but then you still have like a bang kind of
Oh my god, yeah, it was, it was. It was weird.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
It's so hard to imagine. Yeah, I don't, I really,
I never I don't know anything about you pre transition.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
I don't even do you want to look at Do
you want to get some old phone? No?
Speaker 1 (10:58):
No, no, no, no please, no no.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
I think it's I think it'll be fun. No.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
I know they're fun for you, but they're not fun
for me. But I don't even know your dead name.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Girl, You don't really, it's surprising.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
I have a guess, but I actually don't know.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
I if I can find, let's guess each other's. I mean,
I mean, I think my my hair was always like
shaggy was kind of always the moment.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
And then Scooby really hit it.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Let me show you. I'll show you a picture of
me in college, and I.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
To see this. This is non consensual.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
You really don't.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
On the Patreon, I've already seen a photo of you
as like a high school boy, and even that was
but this is me as a college boy, and it's
actually like okaute, Okay, okay, isn't that crazy? It's really jarring,
isn't it weird? You look really cute?
Speaker 2 (11:47):
I know, right, yeah you do. I have had some
moments I like, don't. I like, really don't have a
problem with looking at pre transition photos.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Don't. So that was my boundary cross.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
I'm sorry. I I like, I know that we're sort
of straying off topic, but we do that on this show.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Well, you have hair on your face, this photo.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
Said I. I don't mind looking at pro transition photos of
myself because like it's actually like kind of nice for
me to look back nown and be like I wasn't
so bad. Yeah, like I was kind of I was
kind of cute, Like I'd fuck me.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
That's not the experience I'm having. I obviously don't have
a problem looking at pre transition photos because I've only
come out a year and still for a year. I've
only been out for a year, and I still kind
of look the same. But I I I do cringe
so fiercely at old photos on myself because because you're
able to, like, I don't know, photos like that, Like
if I looked at my college version of that photo,
(12:47):
I would just be immediately transported to like how out
of touch I was with like myself and my body
and my personhood and like so it's like kind of wonky,
but like, no, it's it is, I do. I we've
both gotten so much hotter, Like we both have glowed
up so hard.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
I thank you, thank you for saying that, both about
yourself and about me. I don't always feel it like
I felt. So I felt that so much more at
the beginning of my transition because it was so like
it was something I had to believe just to like
survive every day. Because okay, so here's a hair thing.
(13:25):
Right before so as I said, I had that crazy
like shaved back hairline. And when I decided to like
when I like, the whole year leading up to deciding
to transition, like I had been really like playing with
my gender and like trying all these different forms of
(13:48):
expression and like I had kind of long hair, and
then during a performance at and I also had, I
had fish hair, and during a performance at a party
that Reefe Royalty used to throw at TNT, I buzzed
(14:09):
all my hair off. And so I started my transition
with no hair.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
What did you wear? Wicks?
Speaker 2 (14:18):
I to parties sometimes, but like I had, but like
I had because of that the first two years in
my transition, which, like like I've said before, like I
look back on the time, it's like some of the
worst moments of my life because I was like, so
I was like my my my mentality was like so
(14:39):
at odds with my presentation, and that only made me
like push harder. And I was like just not giving
physically what I was giving mentally and instead of like
being a and I don't know, that's like very complicated
and and I look back on it now and I
don't cringe because like I know that it was necessary
(15:01):
for my survival and it was like doing that allowed
me to get to the point where I didn't have
to do that anymore. But I really kind of fucked
myself over because if I had kept that mullet, I
at least would have had a little hair to like
toss around when I was like stomping down myrtle Broadway.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Starting your transition bolt is actually kind of a serve.
Were you like Nonminaria first? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (15:24):
And I also in that same fold I'm not gonna
show it to you, but and that same folder I
was I had that photos in. I have a folder
in my phone in my phone albums of just it
says old of photos, like pre transition photos, like not
like some baby photos, but mostly like adulthood photos. And
there's one that I took like right after not only
(15:48):
I cut all my hair off, but like totally like
shaved my face like raw for the first time. And
like looking at that, like it does it like a
hairless Yeah, like a no, like a hairless cat cat.
And it doesn't. It doesn't hurt to look at it.
But I I just look at it, and I'm like,
(16:11):
why did you start like that girl? Because I was
going crazy. Transitioning is crazy, It's fucking crazy. Every hair
is such a big.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Part of it. It's essential. It's an essential part of
the movement.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
So like, Okay, I'm going to bring us to like
a dark I know we're getting kind of head well,
we're getting to the light place after, We'll get to after.
So So when I was like a year after I
had started transitioning, I was raped, and I like was real.
I had like a really like dark, dark, like intense
(17:09):
period of trauma afterwards, and I like came very close
to a suicide attempt. And one of the things that
I did to pull myself out of it was like
list all of the reasons why I wanted to be alive,
and one of the ones I listed was like, I
want to live enough for my hair to grow past
my shoulders. Oh my god, you make me cry. Yeah,
(17:31):
and I did.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
I'm literally, oh my gosh, shut up, but sorry. I
was making so many suicide jokes earlier, I mean sue
jokes like help you get through the cold reality.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
Yeah. Absolutely, I make suicide jokes all the time. And
I'm I like also came close to a suicide attempt,
like not that long ago.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
So and you know, I okay. The thing about hair
is actually your here can completely reinvigorate your head space
and life like a good.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Hair lip or it's on the space on your head.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Yes, and like even like beyond like walking int of
a haircut. Sometimes it's just like after you've worn hair
for a certain time and then all of a sudden
you look and you're like, oh my god, like this
is my hair, Like my hair's finally arrived where it
needs to be. Like I feel like I had that
recently my hair. Yeah, I'm pretty sure if only, Like
I mean so in high school I did get that
(18:26):
kind of like Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire era,
like skater boy shag, like I had that hair. Oh
you did. Okay. That was a big hair decision. And
then maybe my second most important, my second hair decision
was to go silver, which was like a big movement
for me. And then after I I was silver for
like a year and a half, I was so sick
(18:48):
of like shoveling money, time and energy into like maintaining
it because like never ever ever die, Like dying your
whole head is crazy. If you have black hair, it's
just not worth the energy and pain. And also just
like I'm sick, there's it's not there's not a ton.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Of success so much and it damages your hair and
it gets.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
So bad, so yellow. And anyways, after that, I shaved
my bult and that was kind of the last hair
decision I made before I figured out that I was
trans and I like my kind of not as dark
as your period, but like my darker period was like
years and years and years and years of doing nothing
(19:28):
with my hair and wearing the same outfit every day
because I used to have I was in that phase
of like pretty much wearing the same like you know,
all black whatever outfit every day and having this mustache
that I didn't even like, reminding me of my dad.
I still don't even know.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Why I had facial hour.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Why did you have facial hair? I still because I
wanted to be fuckable, Like I still to this day
don't know why I had a mustache.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
It was about being fuckable and right, I mean the
what I what I've always thought about, like specifically, the
year and some chain before I transitioned, I had like
the most facial hair I've ever had. Yeah, and I
and I think it was because, like what I've reflected
(20:10):
on now is I needed to lean as far as
I could into masculine presentation basically to see if that
was real, like if that was who I actually was,
Like Okay, I don't like because I had been feeling
like I had always played with gender, like as a
club kid, like I like presented like like very fem
(20:34):
sometimes in those kinds of spaces, and like did things
that were like drag adjacent but like more performance already.
But I also like you know, being like I was
like like being a little hairy, like being fat, you know,
like also like existed in that like cub and like
that was me experimenting, like trying to figure out, like, okay,
(20:59):
with what I've been given, let me take it as
far as it will go and see if that's the
gender thing that feels real to me, or if the
other stuff it was is what feels real. So like
that year I was like had long facial hair. I
was like go into the eagle and like you know,
wearing leather and like going to a fairy sanctuary and
(21:22):
like getting pissed on at the outdoor shower. And like
my my friend and I who used to throw parties,
we started throwing a party called Daddy, and I was
like doing all of this like gender performance, and it
all felt incredibly hollow. Yes, it felt so retroactively, you're like,
and I like had to swing that far in that direction, yes,
(21:45):
to realize that that wasn't who I wanted to be,
and like I also and so like then I tried
swinging to the middle and being like, Okay, well maybe
I'm somewhere in the middle, so let me get this
weird like you know, haircut and like you know where
bad eyeshadow, and and like you know use like you know,
(22:08):
neutral pronouns and like that didn't really feel either, And
so then I had to ask myself, like, are these
things just like a costume that is insulating me from
like the truth of who I am or who like
I've always wanted to be. And that was the answer,
And like once I answered it, I like couldn't look
away from it.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Yeah, it was like how could I Like it's been there.
It's almost like it's been there the whole time in
a weird way.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
Of course, the conversation about hair with two trans people
being a conversation about and because hair is trans, it's
trans period hairs trans trans is hair, trans is hair.
It's like trans is having hair, not having hair, removing hair,
growing hair like.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
It is hitting hair transplanted.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
It's so hair is so incredibly integral to your identity.
It's trans.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
I want to talk about any person. I want to
talk about hair body mod but before we move away
from this little dark this little dark moment, I want
to also, like, just what you just said was so validating,
Like hollow was the word I the years that I
spent like wearing the same, like having the same haircut,
like my lesbian barber giving me the exact same haircut
for six seven years, wearing the same outfit and a
(23:22):
mustache that I retrospect retroactively, I'm like, definitely was like
I was thinking about maybe being fuckable, but honestly, I
didn't even feel fuckable. I just felt like I was
trying to hide my face because I didn't like looking
at my face, and my mustache was something to distract
me and others from the fact that I didn't like
my face and didn't feel attractive. And and like I
(23:45):
I think that maybe I also really liked the kind
of vintage vintagey like castro clone, like porn stash like
and I did do it before. That was cool, by
the way, but no, like I now, I'm trying so
desperately to remove all my hair and grow it all
on top of my head and and maybe get like
(24:06):
hair transplants in the corners of my forehead and I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
Oh yeah, I like they're like I'm able to look
at like the photo I showed you, and like I
know who that person was, and I do feel a
connection with them when I look at the photos of
like the year leading up to me deciding to transition
and then the year like immediately following it. That's the
(24:28):
person who I'm like, I don't know who you are
because like I don't understand the either like the extreme
in one direction or like the like chrysalis.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Uh, like I hate the.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
Metaphor, but that is that is who I feel so
far away from because it's like that person was so
confused about who they were and was in so much pain,
and like the hair was such a manifestation, was a
tranifestation of that. You can see pain. Hair is pain.
Speaker 1 (25:02):
Oh my god, tell me, tell tell me that I
still have not gone to electrolysis and I'm about to
start that journey.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Oh my god. Yeah, have you did you decide where
you're gonna go?
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Yeah, my friend, I have a lot of friends that
all recommended me to the same place, which I am
going to gate keep for now.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Well, you'll have to tell me how it is.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
Yeah, I'm I'm trying to get my health insurance to
pay for it. This is an interesting but anyways, hair
electrolysis versus laser, that is interesting to me.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
Like, well, electrolysis hurts so much more because laser is
very quick. Yeah, an electrolysis like you pay by the
time increment because they pay by the hair because they
go in and zap each hair follicle individual and you
and I.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
Know somebody who like clinically knocked herself out to experience
electrolysis because the pain, which I would like to do. Yeah,
I want a doctor that will let me be unconscious
during it.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
I want someone to come into my home while I'm sleeping.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
Knock me out. Yeah, yeah, knock me clean out.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
And well, no, I want to I want I want
to take like three ambient and then wake up, not three. Yeah,
and then have you ever are you gonna do laser
anywhere else on your body?
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Yeah? I it really depends on how well everything else goes.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
But if you know you can't do it anywhere you've
been tattooed.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
I'm gonna that's the problem. What Yeah, that's really good
to know. But that's fine because I really only want
laser on my whole and maybe on my chest. But
I I'm not really that's more like kind of like
fun money like next step because I actually, I mean
obviously I don't. I just like shave the hair on
my whole and I don't mind. I like I when
I trim the hair on my chest, I don't mind it.
(26:46):
I don't mind what it does.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
I never shaved my whole. Oh really, and I had
someone recently.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
But your hair, your probably whole hair, your hair hoole,
your hair whole, your whole hair, your whole hair is
probably so fine.
Speaker 2 (26:59):
And maybe maybe, but I did have someone. This has
happened a couple of times. But I can recall one
recent instance where someone was like, we were making plants
to hook them, and they were like, are you gonna, like,
you know, are you gonna be like smooth and hairless
for me? And I was like, I would never groom
myself based on someone else's requirement.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, never on principle. On principle, I would, however,
so that guy should slide into my DMS, I do.
There is something about like when if a guy's coming
over and it's a guy who's into like a girl
like me. I do want to kind of be like
buffed and puffed and trimped and talked, you know what
I mean. I mean, I'm not talking, but I taught.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
I used to. I used to feel that way. I
used to put so much effort into like when especially
when I was hooking up with people and like being
as cute and femb as possible, And now I like, hey,
I don't hey, b I don't care. I mean a
(28:03):
big part of it is like I'm actively not looking
to have sex with like chasers with straight people. I'm
like primarily trying to have sex with queer people. So
I like would hope that queer people like don't care
about that as much. And then also like I don't
care about it, yeah, as much.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
You actually have helped you. You were one of the
primary people to like continually reorient my thinking around that,
being like you gotta stop prepping and buffing and puffing
for guys that don't show up, because that happened to
me so frequently in Los Angeles, Like fuck every man
in Los Angeles who did that to me? But like
nobody likes to like douche and go through the whole
(28:43):
hour long ringer of like looking like a presentable, clean
person for somebody that doesn't show up but now and
so I don't do that anymore for other men. I
do it for me if I'm doing it, yeah, and
if I And the only reason I'm doing it is
because I want to feel powerful. I don't care if
that is what they desire. I don't care if that's
(29:05):
a need that they want. It's like I'm using my
kind of feminine beauty and glow to you know, woo them.
And it's also like honestly on like the facial hair
of it all, and just like how I present as
a person, because sometimes they feel totally crazy just talking
about being trans in general. It's like sometimes they feel
like I have kind of reverse gender dysphoria where I
(29:28):
think I'm like way more soft and cunt than I
actually am, and like sometimes that works out for you.
It's kind of like a Jedi mind trick. I mean
a lot of being trands is like a Jedi mind
trick that you have to do on yourself.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Well you have to, and like I mean, the thing
is like you did come out like last year, and
you like I'm I'm telling you, like I think, especially
coming out as an adult, because like now we live
in a world where people are coming out younger and younger,
and like, once you've like lived in the world like
with your body looking a certain way, like you really
(30:00):
have to kind of beat a little Delulu. Oh, you
have a while until you like kind of catch up
to where you want to be. And like, obviously neither
of us are saying like there's only one right way
to present as a transperson, as a trans woman, like whatever,
But when you do want that, sometimes you gotta lie
(30:22):
to your It's not that I'm saying that you're lying,
but like sometimes you just have to like fucking believe
it so much so that other people will too, or
so that even if other people don't believe it, at
least you do, and so like in your mind that
makes them the stupid ones for not getting it.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, Delulu is the end. D Lulu
is my life and brand like that is like how
I operate, Like you know that, like kind of one
of my best and worst qualities is that I truly
fiercely believe that things can happen when they truly will
not happen. You know, but sometimes you have to like
believe in it in order to get even like a
(31:03):
fraction of close to what you want. And like in
terms of like hair, like I mean you and I
are very lucky to be in a Brooklyn trans bubble
where like I can go to bars and be among
friends and being among gay people who will actually see
me and acknowledge my gender and use my pronouns, and
(31:24):
I don't even have to ask, like and I didn't
even have to inform them that was something that was
disseminated to them, or maybe they got a clue based
on how it is presenting. But I do fiercely believe that,
among other things, my hair right now is like part
of what really helps people see me. Not that gender
(31:44):
should be so tied up in performance. And that's like
a whole other conversation that we don't need to talk about.
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Like gender, it's a way that you telegraph to the world,
Like it's how you clue them in. And I also
think it's not necessarily just like a Brooklyn queer bubble.
It's like we live in New York. Yes, like people
here are used to the existence of trans people.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Yes, like you will walk out the door and see
them getting coffee, like going on a jog, like you know,
I don't know what people do.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
I think like people here, when they see someone who's
maybe like their initial perception of them, based on whatever reason,
doesn't match up to what it seems they are trying
to inform the world about them. They instead, I think
here people in major metropolitan cities like New York, people
are more likely to be like, Okay, I'll go with
(32:34):
what this person is clearly trying to do, rather than
like what I'm assuming.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Yeah, yes, exactly.
Speaker 2 (32:42):
H And hair is such a huge part of it,
Like I you know, I have there are days when
I feel like really gross and like like bricky, and
the fact that I have this like long hair is
like a shield that I get to wear out into
(33:04):
the world that I'm like, at the very least I
have this.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Yeah, and even I mean, my facial hair is like
my biggest battle. It's like the thing that I hate
the most about my face up from frequently and I had.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
And it's just never gonna be gone, Like that is
just reality, Like shut up, no, I'm dealing with your
hair is gone? Are you kidding? I can so much.
Speaker 1 (33:28):
Seeing I've never seen a single hair on your face.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
That's crazy to me because I see it.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
I'm sitting because like up next to your face, so
now you see it. No, not right now, I'm saying,
only when I am like literally like putting my eyes
next to your face because you just told me that
you just had laser and so you haven't shaved in
four days. Is the only time where I have seen
hair on your face.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
You will see this me right now? Is like I
almost like I almost shaved this morning because this is
like more it's it's gotten better recently because I had
laser again, but and also because I've just kind of
stopped caring as much about going out, like feeling like
I have visible facial hair. But like this where I'm
(34:14):
at now is kind of like the last day into
a cycle that I would want to do that and
something toxic is like I do like orient the way
I schedule my life still around shaving. That's all around
shaving and also around washing my hair. That's not toxic
at all. That's totally normal. Like the way the way
(34:35):
that I only I will only smoke a cigarette the
day that I'm washing my hair. It's like also not
toxic I like to think about the Like if I'm
making plans with someone for dinner, I'm like, oh, like
I should make plans like the day after. I know
I'm going to shave the next time, you know, so
like I don't get myself in like a bad cycle.
(34:55):
You know, like I'm getting I'm getting my hair done
on Thursday, and I'm like, okay, I'm I know I'm
gonna want to like take photos, like make a TikTok,
so I should make sure that like I'm like not
clocky that day.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Yeah, I mean, I'm definitely shaving for like any front
facing camera video I'm doing generally, and then like figuring
out how to like cover up like my beard shadow,
which will go away one day, right.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
You will. You will be shocked one like the first
time you have or like the next time you have
like a successful laser electrolysis or whatever, like and that
when you shave and like the shadow isn't immediately there,
like it will be a very big moment. Okay, so
(36:09):
oh future haion, Okay, future hair decisions. So I mean
this episode will come out after this has happened. But
I have a hair appointment on Thursday. I have I'm
really happy with the person who does my hair now.
I like kind of when I moved back to New York,
I'd been seeing someone in LA who, like I kind
of liked, but he was kind of the person I
(36:30):
was talking about before who he was more like he
gave me exactly what I asked for rather than giving
his opinion and like having a conversation about it. This
person who I work with now at the salon the
Birdhouse in Bushwick, which is like literally the only reason
I will go to Bushwick is to go to the
salon because I have a really amazing hairstylist. Her name
(36:52):
is Drenne, and she it's always like very collaborative and
when we talk when we do my hair, and like
we've gotten into a good cycle of like maintenance and
also okay, so also I have broken my cycle with her,
of the the cycle that I had gotten myself into,
(37:15):
which was specifically about hair color. And you know that
I used to do this, so it was always like
basically even even pre transition, like I did this like
when I was when I was presenting as a boy.
It would be red in the sum, red in the fall,
dark in the winter, blonde in the summer and then
(37:37):
usually like late summer, when the blonde was growing out,
I would do like a fun color.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
And it doesn't matter what year it is, Rose will
still ask the internet if she should go blonde or
go red but this or if you should have bangs.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
But this year, I really like firmly made the decision
that my hair is meant to be or like I
feel the most me when I have red hair or
like reddish hair. And I even like I went blonder
for the summer, and like a month into it, I
(38:13):
was like, no, this isn't right, Like I have to
I have to break the cycle. And so now it's
like it's always going to be read, Like the tone
might change, but it's always going.
Speaker 1 (38:23):
To be read, and then maybe the shape might change.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
The shape might change. I have been I have been
pretty seriously considering bangs.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
And you can't see right now, but Rose has a
knife to her throat and she is threatening.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
I know, like the bank thought like came from a
dark place at first, because of the recent mental trauma
I've been enduring.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
She's like, I swear to God, I'm gonna get bangs.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
But now I've been doing something. I've been looking. I've
been spending a lot of my time recently looking at
old photos of my and I, well, like from the
past couple of years, and I specifically went and looked
at all the photos of myself where I had bangs
from the past couple of years, and I do really
(39:13):
like how they look on me. At the same time,
like I do like my hair the way it currently
is kind of I think what I've realized is like
the I like the way I look with bangs, They're
not always the most functional for my hair texture and
my lifestyle because I'm a forehead sweater, so my bangs
(39:37):
get like when I have bangs, like they will get
kind of damp, and like no one wants to walk
around with like wet hair, Okay, but like what if
you're just doing the little curler every morning so that
the bangs are kind of like this, so they're not
touching your forehead, you know, even then they'll still get,
you know, like damp.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
But the reference is Florence, right, or maybe like or
what do we what do we going? What are we?
Speaker 2 (40:02):
Yeah? I mean Florence.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
Do we want to straight across bang? Do we really
want to do that?
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Or do I think here, I'll show you. I'll show
you a reference.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
I'm not being subtle. I kind of want you to
go in a more feathery vibe because.
Speaker 2 (40:12):
I think, well, I've done I've done a curtain bang before,
and like that is probably.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
A curtain bang is the Florence bang.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
No, a curtain bang is like a longer, more feathery bang. Okay,
and that doesn't work for you. This is kind of
Oh I like this love. It's like it's like blunt
but still a little feathery.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
Like yeah, it's it's a little it's like not asymmetrical,
but it's a little choppy. Not it's not that's it.
It's not trying to be.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
No, I'm not going to I'm not ever gonna do
like a Zoe Dachanell bang.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
Yeah that's what I was worried.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
But Florence is more the vibe. And also, like my
you know, I was just home visiting my family recently,
and my my mom and my two sisters all three
of them have bangs. We all have the same texture hair,
like all of us, and it was like a nice moment.
We were all sitting around talking about our hair and
(41:07):
we like they were all talking about having bangs, and
I was like, oh, I kind of want that. And also,
I my mom and I went out for breakfast one
morning and I posted a picture of her on my
Instagram story, and so many people either commented or told
me the next time they saw me, oh my god,
you and your mom look so much like you have
the exact same hair, and that a couple of years ago,
(41:28):
I realized my hair was red, and I realized I
looked at a photo of my mom from when she
was young, and I was like, oh my god, I
look so much like my mom. And I immediately dyed
my hair a different color because I didn't like that.
And now you're like, and like, I love it. I
want to look like that. And my mom and I
when I was home the most recent, like last week,
we literally had like our hair is the same color,
(41:52):
the same texture, we do that we wear it the
same way. She has bangs, so like I kind of
wanted to just lean into it.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
You should, you absolutely should, so.
Speaker 2 (42:03):
I might be getting.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
I'm very pro bangs so long as they're bangs that
like don't feel like they should feel like an extension
of what you already have. And I think that like
that reference image is perfect to me. You're gonna be
so much more TikTok though it's gonna make you like
it's just gonna be so cute.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
And I think maybe, like I'll have to decide if
because every time I've gotten bangs, I haven't maintained them.
I always immediately start growing them out, and so I
think that's where I so if I just like commit
to having them for a while, I won't feel as
as much like that I regret them, but like I'll
always regret a haircut or a hair color decision, as
(42:43):
I said in three to five business days.
Speaker 1 (42:47):
Do you want to know the hair decision that I'm
thinking about?
Speaker 2 (42:49):
Yes, tell me extensions again?
Speaker 1 (42:51):
No, oh my god. I mean I would love to
have an extensions moment, but that would be more like
event based, like a ponytail or something like that. I'm
currently thinking a lot, and I can't really do it
until I have like fun money, but like that probably
could be like maybe as soon as the winter. I
am thinking a lot about So I actually love the
color like your color, like red brown, whatever, and I
(43:14):
think it would go really well with my black hair.
And I'm thinking about taking just my haircut as it
is and dyeing all of the tips red. That's cute, yeah,
because I think it would be like not, It's not
like a huge change, and it's something that I can
chop off if I get sick of it.
Speaker 2 (43:31):
It's a little emot.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
It's a little malgoth, but I can But the way
I would wear it would be pretty fashion. I mean
not in what I'm literally in a mal goth outfit
right now, like kind of crazy, but like, yeah, no,
I've been feeling the kind of emo. But I also
just have been wanting more texture in my hair, like
more something that just like brings out, like the shape
and the feel of it. So I think that might
(43:56):
be my next move because I haven't gotten a haircut
in months, which is a great thing because my haircuts
are so expensive. But yeah, no, I'm thinking about a
red like yours, maybe a red that's like a little
more electric and a little less auburn.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
That's very exciting. I mean, I'm when I do my
hair this week, I'm doing cut and color, so I
will be going a much deeper, darker copper red.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
I'm going would you describe this now?
Speaker 2 (44:20):
This is like auburn like a like a it was
copper the last time I got it colored and it
has faded to more of an auburn. But I also
my hair is like very highlighted, so a lot of
it so like it is light because of that work.
But this is kind of the vibe.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
But oh that's really red. Wow, Sophie, I extremely read and.
Speaker 2 (44:44):
Also like getting older older Florence, because Florence now does
like a more naturally ginger.
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Oh that's her, but that's not her natural hair color. No,
no way, Wait, that air is amazing.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
The bangs are not, but I don't I don't mind
the and also also Emma Stone and Corilla that's amazing.
Speaker 1 (45:04):
Wait, well the glasses I mean with god, Wait, that's
a really good bang.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
And also Florence and the Shake It Out video that
is kind of the ultimate reference. Yes, Florence shake it
Out Ceremonials Era. Florence is like the hair and bang
that I'm going for.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
I wish I could pull off that color red you
really like with your with your postaline skin tone, It's
really gonna look so fierce on you. I can't wait
for that hair. Era.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
Who's hair? Who in the world? Like, do you think.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
Hair outside the opera. Okay, nice, but the tattoo I
have on my thigh slash the hair that I am
aspiring to Yeah, what about you.
Speaker 2 (45:43):
Uh, Nicole Kiinman In practical.
Speaker 3 (45:45):
Matter, yes, well, hair is maybe a generat Yeah yeah, yeah,
let's say some some hair, the most synthetic, the most
hair extensions ever committed to film.
Speaker 2 (45:57):
Yeah, and now a clip from our Patreon become a
patron at patreon dot com, slash like a virgin for
weekly bonus episodes and more so. I know that we
(46:17):
have discussed religion before in our in every episode, in
every episode about France childhood trauma, and specifically in our
Christmas episode from Holidays twenty twenty one. But today we're
going to talk about spirituality, you know, not necessarily organized religion,
(46:40):
more of like woo oo like esotic spirituality between us
and our God or.
Speaker 1 (46:48):
God's mysticism, higher powers, vibes, vibes, manifestation, trannifestation, the power
of magic. Thinking the secret.
Speaker 2 (47:03):
The secret I'm secreting the secret which I whenever I
think about the Secret, I think about Samantha reading it
on the beach and the Sex and the City movie.
I'm secreting secreting.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
I was gonna say, I was going to say totally separate.
We honestly should do an episode on the Bible that
would actually be a really good separate episode. Stay tuned
for that. But like, I really feel like in terms
of like religion, spirituality, whatnot, we are in a very
(47:37):
interesting time post Channy Nicholas, Post Channy Nicholas. We're in
front of the podcast, friend of the podcast Channy Nicholas,
We're in everybody. I mean, we actually almost over indexed
on astrology culture and now Australiy's like astrology is a
little bit on it Wait, sorry, Channing, I mean like
not on its way out, but like we're talking about
it less because we've kind of exhausted the amount we're
(47:59):
talking about it. But I say this all to say
is that the crystals and the woo woo and the
kind of white woman mysticism that is kind of oozing
its way through a lot of our culture and our
daily conversations has a lot to do I think with
the fact that like Christianity is becoming less and less.
Speaker 2 (48:14):
Popular, not if you watch the news.
Speaker 1 (48:18):
No, it really is, like statistically, like people that believe
in God are becoming the minority, which is cool. They
are not like in a population that is necessarily increasing.
Speaker 2 (48:29):
Do you do you believe in God? No, God, God God?
Do you believe in some kind of higher power or
I guess sort of like intelligent design to the universe.
Do you believe in magic and sort of the power
(48:50):
of positive thinking and like energy and that?
Speaker 1 (48:53):
I kind of. I don't believe in magic personally. I
believe in a person's a bit to sell themselves on
a story and for that story to have actual ramifications
on their life. So with Christianity or with astrology, or
with reading taro or like whatever it is that is
(49:14):
your you're really telling yourself a motherfucking fairy tale. But
those fits. But the thing is, stories are so powerful.
Speaker 2 (49:24):
So powerful.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
I'm holding Rose's hand right now, my God, stories are
literally so powerful.
Speaker 2 (49:32):
I can't. We have not said that on the podcast
for so long, and honestly for too long.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
Yeah, that'll be our hat, That'll be the next hat
I do. It's it's crazy, though, I'm actually saying, being
very earnest, like the power of storytelling is actually religion,
like the Bible is actual mythology that has been sold
to billions of people that has been passed down through
(50:00):
eons and the world. Yes, and that's the story. Is
that powerful?
Speaker 2 (50:04):
So stories are so powerful.
Speaker 1 (50:08):
But now we do versions of this with the kind
of like white woman manifestation thing. Like I do actually
think that, like, whatever it is that is your jug,
believing in something higher is good for you and good
for your brain. Like science science statistics have actually shown that, like,
people that believe in God or some kind of higher
power are statistically happier than the rest of the population. Like,
(50:31):
and it makes sense because you because you're believing in
a lie. But lies are great. Lies are powerful, and
that's why I think I love a lot of them.
I subscribe to a lot of wo Woo girls stuff
because I think it's important to just in the same
way we use therapy to reflect, to like, use the
(50:53):
stories of the world to I don't know, live your life,
to orient your life.
Speaker 2 (50:57):
Around what do you think is the most woo woo
thing you do?
Speaker 1 (51:03):
Oh, that's a really good question. Do you have an
answer to this?
Speaker 2 (51:05):
Yeah, I'm pretty superstitious, you know, I will. I used
to be much more when I was a kid, Like
step on a crack break your mother's back that kind
of stuff. But like if I have if I have
an eyelash, I'm making a wish on it. Okay, if
it's eleven eleven, I'm making a wish. Okay. If I
spill salt, I'm throwing it over my shoulder, although I
(51:27):
always forget which shoulder it's supposed to be, Like I
do kind of it's not that I believe that stuff,
but I always have that moment of like, what if
I don't do it in something something bad happens, or
like things like my mom always used to tell me
when you start a new job, make sure that on
the first day you walk in on your right foot.
(51:48):
Like little things like that like have like accumulated in
my brain. And so I think that is the thing
that I still have some lingering belief in that they're
is a sort of pattern we can hack into through
these little rituals that have like accumulated over millennia, and
(52:10):
because of like the belief in them, they hold some
kind of power. I don't necessarily think that power comes
from like God or any or anything, but like even
if it's just like the power of my own beliefs, Like, yes,
I do believe in that so that is I think
the woo wooiest thing about me, and there have been
times in my life when I've been into much more
(52:33):
woo woo things. Same, but that's kind of curzy.
Speaker 1 (52:37):
Jesus
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