The Dick Days Are Over w/ Sophie Duker

This week Syd and Marie are joined by one of their favorite comedians from across the pond -- Sophie Duker! The three talk dating app MESS, NYC nightlife MESS, and more! 

Don’t forget to write in your messy stories at [e-mail], or call in at [phone] to have your MESSages read live on air! 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Oh, you're listening to mess. Welcome, Welcome, welcome.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
You know, I got here and I forgot that, Like
I live in New York and it's so freaking cold.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
I really forgot how it gets.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
But now it's like more windy than usual, and I'm
just gonna start really aggressive up top. My mess was
last night. I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to
the store. I'm gonnat a little snack. I'm saying, I had,
you know, my jacket that wasn't really made for the
wind that was happening last night. So I go get
you know, some sacks. A juice that's a glass from yep,

(00:38):
from my little you know, mini.

Speaker 1 (00:40):
Mark mess a few months ago.

Speaker 2 (00:43):
I did not get the spicy pineapple juice. I did
something else. I had like a your your a mate
or whatever, and strawberry the biscuits or whatnot. I walk outside.
I see the garbage cam moving again. I see when people.
If you listen to the beginning of the season, I
was talking about this trash can that was following with Chasing.

(01:06):
So I saw it and I said, oh, you know what,
I'm just gonna I'm just gonna wait, I'm gonna go
around it. So I don't get hit by it again.
So I go down the block and all of a
sudden the corner that I'm turning, the wind hits me,
knocks my bags out of my fucking hand again, glass
bottle broken everything. Yeah, so it messed up my box

(01:30):
of cereal, which is a snap for me, the milk,
the yeah, and some popcorns.

Speaker 1 (01:37):
So yeah, what kind of cereal was it? Guess what
kind of what kind of scenereo? No?

Speaker 2 (01:45):
No, sometimes I just go with the classics. I'm not
give cocoa pops. I don't know what cocoa buffs. I'm
not doing chocolate milk. No, I've said a classic, girl,
I don't. I feel like when I think of you,
I think Cinnamento's crunch frosted flake. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's
that's the kid's dream right there. I had to grow

(02:08):
up on just regular corn flakes with splenda, disgusting. So
when I elevated to like, oh I could do what
I want, I had frosted flakes.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
It's the tree.

Speaker 2 (02:19):
So yeah, I got hit with the wind, broke the
glass everywhere. I'm sorry the wind hit you and you
were like, oh, yes, you dropped the bags or you
fell and landed on the bag. Honestly, I think the
wind robbed me by by gun win point and said
give me all your ship and then knocked it out
of my hand. I win gunpoint, wind gunpoint. That happened

(02:41):
to me, It could happen to you. I don't have
a good core. And that's fine, since we got to
get you in some pilates because the wind shouldn't be robbing.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
You like that. I'm talking.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
Maybe the secret here is you got to stop buying
glass bottles of juice. Yeah, I've learned that. I'm done.
I'm because I was assaulted. Yeah, I believe women showed
me on these glasses where the wind assaulted you. So yeah,
I survived. I I'm a survive So I'm glad to

(03:15):
be here. Did you go back and get replenished the snacks?

Speaker 1 (03:18):
I did not.

Speaker 2 (03:18):
I said that was that was the universe telling me
you don't need none of this.

Speaker 1 (03:23):
You don't need know your butmante or whatnot.

Speaker 2 (03:25):
So I don't know what your bamante is, but it
sound like it got a lot of probiotics. It's the tea,
said energy and actual energy, natural energy. Yeah, and obviously
I didn't drink it because I went right to sleep.

Speaker 1 (03:41):
The wind said get some rest, and rest meant to
be Marie.

Speaker 2 (03:47):
Do you have any mess for me? I got some
mess for you. So my mess is this weekend I
learned that lying is good. Oh okay, I mean I
think we knew that a little bit, but for me,
it really it really rang true this weekend. So on Friday,
my siblings and I decided we were going to go
out and get some drinks. My sister was like, yeah,

(04:10):
let's meet at nine, and then I was like, let's
do not thirty right, the DJ comes on at ten,
we get some drinks. We should be there before, like
the seats all get taken.

Speaker 1 (04:22):
You know.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
I had shows, she had the gym. My sister was like,
I'm gonna late closer to ten. I said, okay, so
I'm taking my time. My brother messages us. He's usually
pretty slow, right, he was like at ten fifty five,
He's like, I'm here.

Speaker 1 (04:39):
There's a line.

Speaker 2 (04:41):
Me and my sister just got in our ubers, our
separate ubers, trying to get back into the city. So
he's like, hey, the doorman said, they're not letting people
in without reservations.

Speaker 1 (04:50):
Do you guys have a reservation. Of course we don't.
We were trying to be there at nine nine thirty.

Speaker 2 (04:56):
We got there at eleven o'clock, right, So when my
brother told me they wouldn't let him in without a reservation,
I was like, well, let me see who's DJing tonight.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
And I'm just going to say I'm on the DJ's list. Smart, nice,
smart nice nice. Yep, yeah, Gva I get there. I said,
I'm on Ava's list. Sorry, Eva's list. He was like, okay,
right this way, I said.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
My brother and sister are also come in. The bouncer
is already done talking to me. I step inside. The
host at the host stand recognizes me from my social media.
Hey girl, you should have told me you were coming.
I would have made a reservation for you. I don't
know this person's name, so I'm like next time. He like,
bett take my number down so that when you come

(05:46):
you can just text me. Said yes, So I give
him my number. I'm like, my brother's outside, I grab him.
My sister's coming. We go inside. The bouncer was like,
when you go in, go straight to the DJ booth.
Of course I didn't do that. I don't know that lady.

Speaker 3 (06:01):
I don't know her.

Speaker 2 (06:05):
I don't know her even actually is a cool DJ name.

Speaker 1 (06:09):
She might need to change it up, she should change
it up. I'm gonna tell her, you know, we're friends now.

Speaker 2 (06:14):
Yeah, so, uh, my sister shows up. The hostess like,
I found the table for you guys. You guys can
sit right here.

Speaker 1 (06:21):
Girl sat. They waited on his hand and foot. Nothing
was camped.

Speaker 2 (06:25):
But we we had such a good night. And at
the end of the night, the DJ came and sat
next to at the table that was next to us
because her people were there. So when the bouncer came
to tell us to leave, you know, because the night
was over, it looked like I was in fact friends
with the DJ because she was talking to my group.

Speaker 1 (06:44):
Look at that, Look at that? Was it even a lie?
It was?

Speaker 3 (06:48):
It was manifestation. I have a ticket.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
But also it was too cold to be waiting outside.
I said, I'm on the DJ's lift.

Speaker 1 (06:56):
We cannot be waiting on lines. We're too We're too
cute for that. I don't leave the line. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (07:00):
I feel like queuing is my culture being British, but
I can't do it anymore. It feels like sometimes I
get to a line. It's so long, and I'm like,
I feel my feet carrying me to the front. Yep,
But I don't know what I'm gonna say when I
get there.

Speaker 2 (07:13):
I'm just like, it's not somebody knows what they're gonna
say when they get up there.

Speaker 1 (07:17):
But you get up there and you say.

Speaker 3 (07:19):
The first thing that you just don't moving.

Speaker 1 (07:21):
Just listen.

Speaker 2 (07:23):
If you look like you're supposed to be somewhere, people
treat you like you're supposed to be.

Speaker 1 (07:26):
There, it's true. Or if you just look good, which
you do, and you have an accent, thinking hello, Hello, sir,
che che les go tech.

Speaker 2 (07:36):
Chairs on the DJ's list, Yeah, what's her name? Or
or you google who the owner is. Oh, I've never
done Richie a kiva.

Speaker 4 (07:46):
Yeah, I was trying to too much of the person
on the door, but I should be trying to connect
with the person with the power.

Speaker 2 (07:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (07:53):
I'm always like, Hi, I'm cute, fifty fifty fifty fifty.

Speaker 2 (07:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (07:57):
You could go either way. I've got I've.

Speaker 2 (07:59):
Gotten online, or stroll to the front of the line
and being like, are you gonna make me and my
cute friend wait online?

Speaker 1 (08:05):
And sometimes the bouncer will be like yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (08:09):
I remember back in the day, I went up to
Phoebe's Phoebe's bar, and me and my friend were blackout
drunk and we're like, let us in. We're skinny and
we have titties. I mean she has titties, and he
was like no, oh. He actually was like, you will
not be getting in tonight. We're skinny and pretty. We're skinny. Well.

(08:30):
I feel like for me, when I'm by myself, it's
usually easier to get in and skip a line because
I'll say something like that, like they'll be like we're
a capacity, we're not letting anybody else in, and I'll
be like, but I'm small, like I'm not even gonna
take up dem or space. And sometimes the bouncer will
be like you're right, come on, come on. But other
times they'd be like, mm, everybody out here is skinny,

(08:54):
and it's like, now you know you.

Speaker 1 (08:55):
Lying, Oh my gosh, this is America. It's this America. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (09:02):
So that was it.

Speaker 2 (09:03):
I mean, we can all learn something from Marie. Just
just make your work manifest.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
Listen.

Speaker 2 (09:09):
The last time I was or one of the last
times that I was in London, we went to the
I went to the Soho house and it was packed.
It was like Carnival weekend. They weren't letting anybody else in.
My homegirl was upstairs and I was like, I'm not
I'm not waiting out here. There's no way I'm waiting
out here. I see this guy stroll to the front
with like an entourage. He's like, I'm DJing tonight. They're like,

(09:31):
come on in so him and like six people pass me.
I had a split second to be like I could
stand here or I could be part of this group,
and I jumped right on the back of that train
and I walked right.

Speaker 1 (09:43):
Again.

Speaker 3 (09:44):
I'm with the DJ with the djay up.

Speaker 1 (09:50):
Eva Ava with your accent is so clutched.

Speaker 2 (09:54):
I actually am going to become a day.

Speaker 3 (09:58):
The ones and twos, I don't know what that.

Speaker 2 (10:04):
Is.

Speaker 1 (10:04):
That the bag, the one is the thing and the
other one is the two.

Speaker 2 (10:08):
Yeah j podcast, the pancakes like one pancake, one pancake,
do care? Yes, you know, obviously I don't know how
to you know how DJ works, but we do know
how the oneast work.

Speaker 1 (10:23):
And so Boker is in the building from the UK,
the UK from London, London and back, which which part
of London.

Speaker 3 (10:33):
Oh, north, north of the river, North of the River. Yes, South.
You've met people from South London.

Speaker 4 (10:39):
They've got a lot of law law, they've got a
lot of Yeah, they've got a lot of about them.
But I feel like North London. Yeah, Tottenham, come on.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
Now, break down London to us. Yes for the people
who don't mean you know what I mean. Marie basically
lives there.

Speaker 1 (10:51):
But I'm I need West London.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
West is push, West is push yeah, uh it was.

Speaker 3 (11:00):
It used to be like carnivals there. There are black
people there.

Speaker 4 (11:03):
There's a place called Shepherd's Bush, one of the fun
place names that we have in the UK, but they
try and push it up.

Speaker 3 (11:09):
They call it shaboo shoo.

Speaker 1 (11:12):
That's what I calmed my thing down there. You want
some of my shaboo over the table? A good DJ name.

Speaker 2 (11:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (11:24):
One the ones in tools North London is it's got
pushed bits.

Speaker 3 (11:29):
It's got a lot of dead writer.

Speaker 4 (11:30):
There's a lot of big parks, but then there's some
bits which you really don't want to be off the sunset.

Speaker 3 (11:35):
Oh yeah, it's.

Speaker 4 (11:36):
Got a And then he got Northeast London, which is
where I am right in between, because East London is
like Shoreditch Staalston, but it's very like yeah, your Hackney
in London. It's not in London, but it is. This
is the second city. I guess it's a different city.
But you thought Manchester was in London. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (12:00):
Are you laughing at YouTube?

Speaker 4 (12:02):
That's like big, like the borough of Washington d c
Oh yeah, yeah, it's close. It's not close. Hey, do
you take a train if you've got like like Northern Bride.
Basically everyone in London doesn't care about anything outside of London, and.

Speaker 1 (12:17):
That makes sense.

Speaker 3 (12:17):
It's like new it's like New.

Speaker 1 (12:19):
Yeah, it's like yeah, that's.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
The same way they were like Jersey, Yeah, state Nyland.

Speaker 3 (12:25):
These to me are places in New York.

Speaker 2 (12:27):
Now is not in New York, okay, but people from
Jersey will sometimes be like I live in the city
and you be like where and they be like Jersey
and we'd be like, no.

Speaker 1 (12:37):
Girl, there's a bridge and you got to take a path.
You can't even use the same metro card. Okay, you
gotta chap a different car. They go over there, so
that as well.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
Governor mm hmm, yeah, okay, man, thank you for breaking
this down their head.

Speaker 3 (12:52):
One city to another.

Speaker 1 (12:53):
Are you. Are you enjoying New York or I.

Speaker 4 (12:57):
Am yeah, I think that. Hey, I'm I'm enjoying myself. Now,
when I get home and I look at my bank account,
I'll be.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
Like, you know what a secret is.

Speaker 2 (13:10):
Don't look across international waters.

Speaker 1 (13:13):
Whatever you spend there, don't count. It's vacation.

Speaker 4 (13:15):
This is the thing here. I'm like, it's monopoly money.

Speaker 3 (13:19):
It's like, I don't. I'm like, it's not real. It's
a simulation.

Speaker 4 (13:21):
And because we get to see New York in like
so many like sitcoms, programs like I'm just not like, oh,
like I'm in the computer game, I'm in the rut Ray.
So like when I'm here, I'm like, I'm not holding
my life with the same seriousness.

Speaker 1 (13:35):
This is sation.

Speaker 4 (13:37):
Yeah, it's the Sims, but it's a yeah, there are
real life consequences, which my Messa ties into.

Speaker 3 (13:41):
But forget to that.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
What did you want to talk to us about? So
your mess is Sophie, My mass is so so recent.

Speaker 2 (14:07):
Uh.

Speaker 4 (14:08):
I Hey, when I'm in the UK, I'm very discreet,
I'm very demure. I keep myself to myself. In Brooklyn,
you got your knees out on Winter Day, I got
my knees and I'm like, who's who's looking at? No pants,
no short, short coat? Yes November. Yeah, so I was
saying to Sydney earlier, I am I'm a bisexual lady.
But I think it's like Suffolk Rising. I think I'm

(14:29):
primarily for the ladies, for the lad ladies. Yeah, I'm like,
I'll suck a dick if it's spontaneous, but.

Speaker 2 (14:36):
I'm me pulling my hair.

Speaker 1 (14:43):
I'd be like, it isn't sucking a dick typically planning
for that. Nobody walks outside like I'm gonna I'm putting
on my to do list. You know what, That's not true.
I take it back. There are people who leave their houses.

Speaker 4 (14:59):
Like, Okay, so I'm not I'm not a regular regular sucker.
I don't think I can say that that you can
say IM not a regular soccer. But I feel like,
if you've got a if you've got a peen in
your life, are you like scheduling the scheduling Mary, Mary?

Speaker 1 (15:13):
They're like, Oh, I'm gonna I'm gonna leverage that. Let
me pull your penis in for Thursday. They're like, his
birthday is coming up. I guess I gotta as in
this weekend.

Speaker 2 (15:25):
I gotta pick up the groceries, and then I got
a Trader Joe's and then I got a sucker. Yea.

Speaker 4 (15:33):
It's like, does it feel whimsical and does it spark joy?

Speaker 3 (15:37):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (15:37):
I usually don't.

Speaker 4 (15:42):
So I was like, okay, I'm in New York. I've
done my show. It's gone great. I'm feeling great. I'm like,
oh that men exist, and I feel like the men
in New York are generally dress better, which is something
that gets in.

Speaker 2 (15:53):
The way, dress better than the men in London. Yeah,
this is so funny that you said that.

Speaker 1 (15:59):
You don't. You don't, it's the opposite. Her eye is
really with the Brits right now.

Speaker 4 (16:07):
Yeah, yeah, okay, okay, I feel I feel like Brits.

Speaker 2 (16:12):
I feel like they're like a good structured coat coat.

Speaker 3 (16:15):
Yeah, you gotta have a coat.

Speaker 2 (16:16):
They're like a navy or a black coat and a
dangly ear ring. Actually, oh yeah, they do love that.

Speaker 1 (16:21):
A little ring, a little.

Speaker 2 (16:23):
A little cross and a hard bottom. They'll have a
hard bottom shoe on for sure. Yeah, like a loafer.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
Yep. Anyway, anyway in New York are dressed better.

Speaker 4 (16:31):
Than they're dressed different. Variety is the spice of life.
I was at a party. I think this was two
days ago. There was a man. I was like, Hi,
I'm Sophie. So he shook hands and he.

Speaker 2 (16:42):
Said, I messed up. She can't Why no, why do
you introduce you? Sorry, I'm not speaking. If they speak
to me, I'm not going out of my way.

Speaker 4 (16:53):
Yeah, lession divulge my personal information. But as lesbian, Sydney
is not the person you should. You're like, don't tell
men anything.

Speaker 1 (17:02):
Look at me, take my notes, Honny.

Speaker 4 (17:05):
Yeah, I was in the It was like a thing
where everyone was like saying hi, Hi, Hi. There were
lots of comics.

Speaker 3 (17:09):
There, which is normally.

Speaker 2 (17:14):
A bunch of comedians, and you're shaking hands, shaking hand.

Speaker 4 (17:20):
I shake hands with this guy. He shakes hands, he
tells me his name, his name is redacted.

Speaker 2 (17:26):
Shake my hand, texast and let us know who this
guy is. Yeah, okay, I will, I will let you know.

Speaker 4 (17:32):
And then I'm like, okay, we've been shaking hands for
about like sixty seconds, like it's been a full minute
of shaking hands. So I'm just like he's not letting,
he's not letting go of my hand. So we're just
having like a cute handshaking moment, and I'm like, okay,
all right, after like I've like established that this is
a thing. It's not just like a glitch in the matrix.
I'm like, okay, I understand that there's a vibe here.

(17:53):
I'm going to go off. And then I was like, oh,
maybe I'm gonna suck a dick. You said that while
you were shaking his hand.

Speaker 1 (17:59):
No, I said it in my head. It was like,
maybe it's maybe it's today, So now maybe you have
to come over. Yeah, feel the shake?

Speaker 2 (18:07):
Does it feel like that's why you're a lesbian?

Speaker 1 (18:18):
To be fair, Sindy didn't shovel her feet across the room.
She worked that energy up.

Speaker 4 (18:26):
So I was like, hey, maybe it's today. Last time
I was in New York, I was like, I'm dating.
I'm gonna like see what's out there?

Speaker 1 (18:32):
What was that?

Speaker 3 (18:33):
There was bad. I went on a date with a dancer.
They were doing a lot of this.

Speaker 1 (18:38):
It was a male dancer, it was a binary dancer.

Speaker 3 (18:42):
They were they were a nightmare.

Speaker 4 (18:44):
Like I think if you're dancing with someone, either you're
dancing sexy or you're being like fun and in the
moment but they were doing kind of like oh yeah, like.

Speaker 2 (18:50):
You're crumping yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, your brother dancing.
You went on a date with my brother, your non
binary dancer brother. My brother is fully on his You
got served. So that place we went on Friday that
I know the djeh he was doing full, but I
feel like there's a skill element that not flips, but

(19:11):
like almost the flip.

Speaker 1 (19:12):
Oh my god, your sounds fun here.

Speaker 2 (19:18):
If I'm just trying to enjoy a nice French seventy five,
it look cool. He's not the person I want to go. Wait,
you know champagne now, yeah, crumping bear with champagne.

Speaker 4 (19:30):
Okay, So so yeah, so I was like, okay, maybe
I was like, what's the intel on this, like on
the sky and one of the other people that was like,
he's by which I love, I love, I love a
bye for bye. I'm like, oh that's cute, Bethan me.
This this is actually maybe an unsubstantiated rumor. So I
don't want to out okay, but I was like, okay,

(19:52):
I'm into this. So I'm just like, okay, I'm going
to ignore you.

Speaker 2 (19:55):
Now.

Speaker 4 (19:56):
I'm gonna like go around. I'm gonna be like I'm dancing.
I'm going so your butterfly, I'm not to Beyonce. This
is fun. And then it's sort of like people are
filtering out, and I'm like, okay, I I'm on holiday.
I'm a brave, confidence, sexy woman. I'm going to go
over and I'm going to say something okay, And I say,

(20:16):
because I'm adorable, yeah please. I think I was like
picking up my bag or a drink, and I was like, oh,
I feel like you're going to rate this so low.

Speaker 3 (20:28):
Oh I wish I know.

Speaker 4 (20:29):
I said, it's a shame I didn't get to hold
your hand for longer. Oh wow, you're so disappointed.

Speaker 2 (20:37):
I'm not mad at him. You can say that to
me as a woman. That feels like something that's like feminine.

Speaker 1 (20:42):
Okay, I don't. I don't want to hold a man's
hand longer. I should have been like.

Speaker 2 (20:51):
I'm saying, if I was a guy and I wanted
something to make my thing jump, holding my hand is,
I'm like, oh okay, right. I was like, hey, the
Land of the Beatles. Wait, hold on before I give

(21:11):
my opinion on the land.

Speaker 1 (21:12):
What did he say?

Speaker 4 (21:14):
He was okay, I I don't remember the specifics because
what happened next was so humiliating that I, oh, yeah,
I sort of disassociated from it. But he was like,
oh hey, he was oh no, he was like yeah.
He was like kind of like thinking. It was like, hey, yeah,
thing is and I was like the thing is and

(21:34):
he was like you're a comic. And I was like okay,
but I don't go here.

Speaker 3 (21:41):
I was like I don't.

Speaker 1 (21:42):
I don't know. It was.

Speaker 4 (21:43):
I was like I don't care if you live or die,
like this is not my eco, Like I'm just I'm
here to disrupt the ecosystem and then I will be deported,
I guess after so much. Generally, Ice was outside and
he was like yeah, and then he said something crazy,
which was yeah.

Speaker 3 (21:57):
He was like no, I'm saying it more for myself,
like I got a have boundaries. I can't.

Speaker 4 (22:01):
I was like, boundary, I never heard disgusting. And then
he was like, yeah, I can't go home with you.
That's not what I said. I said I want to
hold your hand. It's like I can't go home with you,
no matter how long your eyelashes are.

Speaker 1 (22:18):
Flirting back. I was like, my god.

Speaker 4 (22:24):
I was like, I was like okay, and I was
I was like, and then he like twenty to me,
was like, oh, but like, I don't know, try to
give me a hug.

Speaker 3 (22:31):
I was like, I can't hug you.

Speaker 1 (22:32):
I'm so angry. I'm like.

Speaker 3 (22:34):
I was like, I'm like incandescent, and I was like,
I'm no better than a man.

Speaker 1 (22:38):
Wait, you said you're incan.

Speaker 3 (22:40):
I said, I said I'm livid. I said I was
what you just said incandescent?

Speaker 1 (22:45):
And out with the saurus.

Speaker 3 (22:47):
I was like, I have please incandescen.

Speaker 1 (22:51):
Yeah, like.

Speaker 2 (22:55):
I am in candess, sorry indite, you don't have my
pineapples juice right now? Me when my cargs declinent, I
am incorry.

Speaker 3 (23:08):
Hello, I don't have any friends as a child. I
was in the library. Okay, so I was incandescent. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (23:16):
So he was like willya. I was like yeah, no,
I'm so angry. And then he was just like, oh,
can I get your Instagram?

Speaker 5 (23:22):
Ew?

Speaker 1 (23:24):
I was I for what reason I'm on Instagram?

Speaker 2 (23:28):
Is?

Speaker 3 (23:29):
Yeah? I was like hate this.

Speaker 4 (23:31):
And then this other girl came up and was like, oh, Sophie,
you're a you're an actor. I was like, I don't
need to. I don't know to need to set the
state that bad. But then I was just like, angry girl.

Speaker 1 (23:40):
I was like, I'm there for you. Why.

Speaker 4 (23:43):
But the thing is that I think has women you
kind of like it doesn't come naturally. Maybe maybe it does.
To be confident, you know what I mean. You're like,
I gotta believe in my source. I gotta like respect myself.
Did you deign to make a move on someone and
they reject you.

Speaker 2 (23:57):
I'm like a man, like, I'm putting myself out here
for you and you rejected me.

Speaker 1 (24:03):
I was like, you're crazy, You're crazy, and you're dangerous crazy. Yeah,
but I think that this is a learning moment.

Speaker 2 (24:10):
I think we do need to put ourselves out there
way more so that no doesn't sound so harsh, because that's.

Speaker 1 (24:16):
What That's what guys do. They They're just as many
shots as you take. Somebody gonna say yes.

Speaker 3 (24:21):
So it's not so it's guys.

Speaker 4 (24:23):
Always like I would love it. I would love it
if a girl made a move on me. I would
love to be They lie, they lied, they're fully lying, but.

Speaker 2 (24:30):
They like it. They do like it, but they like
it when certain people approached them, like everybody comedian comedian. Wow,
that to me is crazy. I do need to know
who this redacted. For your hair is posturized, it's full,
your skin is clear, like he got a lot of.

Speaker 1 (24:48):
Nerves, you have an accent.

Speaker 4 (24:50):
But yeah, but for me, it was like so out
of character. And it was because I was like, I'm
in holiday mode. I was like, I'm outside my life.
I'm in the simulation. And I was like, hey, you
need to apply some rules internationally. So that's what I
find a pen to suck. Did you find a man
to look up with? I?

Speaker 3 (25:09):
Hey, I was sort of with Withdrew my chips right,
and I was that. I was like, it's not notssary.

Speaker 4 (25:15):
And there was other like I feel like when I'm
looking at like the prospects in a room, I always
go for like the highest yes, the highest prospect. I
always go with the person who's like the most the
most expensive item, yeah, or the most baggage. Like I'm
drawn to the person who's the least available. So there
were some other men in the room that were being
like one guy was like, oh, we can have a

(25:36):
lot of fun together.

Speaker 1 (25:37):
I was like, I mean, you can't be in a
room with comedians.

Speaker 2 (25:42):
Yeah, I'm just like scratching and itching, and I'm feeling
that they were all comedians.

Speaker 3 (25:48):
Yeah, it was a comedy party.

Speaker 1 (25:50):
I didn't think.

Speaker 4 (25:51):
I was like, not everyone and here is going to
be a comedian. But to be I guess they're all.
They were all industry in Subway. Yes, I should have
gone to that party.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
You could have.

Speaker 3 (26:03):
You could have seen something.

Speaker 1 (26:05):
I would have. I would have if I would see it.

Speaker 2 (26:07):
Say it sorted, yeah, girl, like right after we were
at another thing. Well, I mean that's when you went
out with your brother and your sister.

Speaker 1 (26:16):
Right, No, No, that was the day.

Speaker 2 (26:18):
Oh yeah, say Saturday. I said, I am going home.
So I'm glad you didn't.

Speaker 1 (26:23):
If you would have hit me out, I'd be like,
go somewhere else, don't. No.

Speaker 4 (26:28):
I actually only went because my friend came. Bob was like,
we should go to this party. We should meet some people,
and I was like, I just I just want to dance.
And then I was like, oh, people are pretty. But
also yeah with the lights on, you said the people were.

Speaker 5 (26:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (26:43):
I think it's the newness. I think it's the newness.
I'm like, I'm an open hearted person, open.

Speaker 1 (26:49):
Heart hand legs memoir. Yes, well now we learned a lot.

Speaker 2 (26:59):
You should probably not be in a room and comedians
and I think you should still put yourself out there,
even on holidays.

Speaker 1 (27:04):
Hey, even on.

Speaker 2 (27:05):
Holidays, especially on holiday. Hey, it should be the most
open obviously. You know your friends should have to take
back with me. Yeah no, no, girl, wrap it up,
no basis, no souvenirs here.

Speaker 1 (27:22):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (27:23):
So so when you're home, you're like mainly with women. Yeah,
and that how's that going?

Speaker 1 (27:30):
Oh good, that's great? Yeah?

Speaker 4 (27:32):
Yeah no notes yeah, no notes easy. So I'm not
just like, you know, there's rice at home, but I
want to try there's rice.

Speaker 1 (27:41):
Women is rice.

Speaker 3 (27:42):
Women is right, and men are.

Speaker 1 (27:47):
Yaki? Like what's men? Man?

Speaker 3 (27:51):
I don't know. I feel like sausage is the obvious.

Speaker 1 (27:53):
Men are chicken nuggets, mana nuggets.

Speaker 4 (27:56):
I'm not gonna nothing that you don't need to have
all the time, be beef beef, but that I feel
like that makes them too like high value men.

Speaker 1 (28:06):
Yeah, but this mad cow disease or something like that.
I'm state men are low quality beef?

Speaker 3 (28:13):
Are men of corn beef hash.

Speaker 2 (28:18):
Specific that I'm like, I've never been like, oh I
want some corn beef hash.

Speaker 3 (28:23):
I actually did that last night.

Speaker 1 (28:24):
I was like, oh, we don't we don't really have
I was I don't have that all the time, and
I was like, it's bad. Sometimes need to be reminded
the problem, babe. I think it's you.

Speaker 2 (28:33):
Well, I'm just like, I'm going to experiment. I mean, hey, listen,
I've been there before. Not corn beef hash, but I've
definitely you know, dibble dappled back into the graveyard of men,
and you know, I don't recommend, but.

Speaker 3 (28:50):
I wish I could go for like man sober equipment.
I'm like, you.

Speaker 1 (28:55):
Know, you don't need to talk about why you can't
quit men? Yeah? Is it that makes you keep coming?

Speaker 3 (29:03):
I'm like, it's twenty twenty five. I'm smart.

Speaker 1 (29:05):
Yea, I have the option.

Speaker 3 (29:08):
I should need to lie the option.

Speaker 1 (29:09):
Yeah, I want to.

Speaker 4 (29:10):
Yeah, I want to quite, I want a hard shut down,
but I can't. I'm just like, there's something, but.

Speaker 1 (29:14):
What is assist? Please tell us? Whisper it into the
mic and I'll shout it. Now. What's dragging me back
to that trauma? Trauma?

Speaker 2 (29:21):
I want to say, trauma, daddy issue. Yes, I think
it's I think it's hope, hope. I think it's Yeah,
I think I'm infected with hope or man.

Speaker 3 (29:32):
The man Danny of it all. I'm like, maybe there's
a future that is you know what.

Speaker 1 (29:38):
It's like, I think, hey, man, they can't all be
bad my weakness. Man, not me, but y'all, that's that's
not my weakness. Weakness, I think they you know.

Speaker 3 (29:54):
And I also feel I feel like women are superior.
I'm like that's fine.

Speaker 4 (29:58):
I may like men have done so many savage things,
the responsible for so much the Truman stuff, but I'm like,
they're cheeky, and I think they need to empower themselves.
I need they need to drag themselves out of the
slot that they're in.

Speaker 1 (30:09):
And you're here to save them. Yeah, I'm like, I can,
I can. I can fix it.

Speaker 3 (30:13):
They can fix you temporarily.

Speaker 1 (30:15):
It's giving like a nursing triage friend. I don't know.

Speaker 3 (30:19):
I'm Florence Nightingale. I'm just like Florence Nightingale. She was
a nurse.

Speaker 1 (30:26):
And I was like, yeah, no, absolutely Nightingale was that
like British Amelia Badelia. It's Florence Nightingale. No girl. I
was like, she's gonna she's gonna give us some contact
clues where we are, but we need to reason on
this couch.

Speaker 3 (30:43):
Florence the machine.

Speaker 4 (30:48):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she was a nurse. She's like,
the dick days are over, the days are over. That
Florence is the machine, so the dog days are the
dog days are over. Probably also about is.

Speaker 1 (30:58):
She a lesbian. I don't think so. No, the banks
still give a little boot.

Speaker 3 (31:04):
The ginger in the banks is giving.

Speaker 1 (31:07):
Yeah. Yeah, I think that it is messy.

Speaker 2 (31:10):
It can feel messy to like approach somebody male female
being approached mess it, Yeah, But I think the thing
is is that you got you have to take it
like a grain of salt, like it can't be this.
You can't put so much on the line. Oh that
does the reason I'm speaking about it on a podcast.
I'm like, I don't care. I don't care.

Speaker 3 (31:28):
And it's just like it's very in the moment.

Speaker 4 (31:29):
It's like for these like two hours, I'm like I'm
into it, and that like when the moment passes, I'm like, well,
let's just a temporary badness.

Speaker 3 (31:37):
Let's talk about it.

Speaker 2 (31:38):
What are some ways that you've approached people in the
past that have been like, yeah, that's that's how you
do that.

Speaker 1 (31:42):
All I can think about is ways in which it's
gone wrong.

Speaker 3 (31:45):
At this moment.

Speaker 4 (31:46):
It's well give us all the wrong ones. I think
there's like a moment where it's not really the riz
is not developed. You're just like, oh, I can just
say shit because I'm a hot girl. You're just like, oh,
so you're just kind of like you're just kinda like
I don't know, you kind of just like a little
bit like like what do you what do you want
to be like You're just gonna.

Speaker 1 (32:05):
Like I think sometimes you use people.

Speaker 2 (32:07):
Everybody likes to be compliment complimented, right, So I'll usually
go in with a compliment on something that they're wearing,
and that's like, well, like oh, you have nice shoes,
like cool jacket, but then you got to say something mean.

Speaker 3 (32:20):
Oh it's like a little nag.

Speaker 1 (32:22):
Yeah, cool jacket. I don't know if I would have
worn with them shoes though. Wow, Oh I love how
your beard connect.

Speaker 4 (32:29):
Okay, yeah, I can see how I can see how
this is the bake. I'd be like, I feel like
I feel like a competitive thing. Maybe yeah, maybe I'm
not made for better. I feel like I'm trying to
like that's them, You're trying.

Speaker 1 (32:41):
To want to uplift. Yeah, that's a good thing about
like ladies.

Speaker 3 (32:45):
Like in the in the band to thing.

Speaker 4 (32:46):
I feel like I'm not mean, but I'm like kind
of like, I'm like, let's play, let's banter, let's banter.

Speaker 1 (32:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (32:51):
See, that's why I'm not good at the dating situation
because I don't want to play.

Speaker 1 (32:55):
I want to say exactly what I want to say.

Speaker 2 (32:57):
I want to mean when I say, I want them
to be like, exactly, boom, let's go now we now
we moved in. Yeah. I feel like Sidney is very transparent,
very She'd be like, I want to say this, and
I'd be like, don't say that, and she'd be like, well,
what should I say?

Speaker 1 (33:09):
And I'll tell her what to say, and then she
won't like you have really nice nail beds?

Speaker 2 (33:13):
What?

Speaker 1 (33:16):
Ok?

Speaker 2 (33:18):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (33:20):
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 (33:21):
But then they look and they're like, you know what,
my nail technician tells that all the time.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
I'm so specific with the nice when it's specific.

Speaker 4 (33:50):
When someone's like you have beautiful eyes, You're like, yeah,
I guess, I guess, I guess.

Speaker 1 (33:55):
I love your jaw line. It's really nice.

Speaker 4 (34:00):
Nice, that's nice. I am once flooded with a plumber.
Oh yeah, butt crack was out. Oh oh, because you
know the plumber but plumber. But yeah, we have builders. Bum,
that's what we builder builders bum crack, what's builders build?

Speaker 1 (34:15):
His bumb is the building, like that is the crack builder.
So how do you flirt with a plumberless?

Speaker 2 (34:21):
I was?

Speaker 3 (34:22):
I was again, I was bored. I was in my house.

Speaker 4 (34:24):
I was like, my tap is leaking. Not a euphemism,
it just was leaking. I was like, I need to
go and do stuff. Blubber comes in the phone to
my friend. I was like, oh, yeah, plum is kind
of hot. That's crazy.

Speaker 3 (34:37):
Uh he leaves, he forgets something behind, like he forgets
a tool.

Speaker 1 (34:41):
For got your phone number, you my phone.

Speaker 4 (34:43):
I'm like, okay, well obviously when he came, he didn't
fix the tap. He just made another tap start leaking.
So I was like, you can get it when you
come back for the other thing comes back, he does
the job. He leaves behind a big red screwdriver. So
I'm like, hey, you keep leaving things at my flat.
I take a picture and he was like, oh yeah,
could I come and pick it up? And I was

(35:03):
like yeah, like it felt like you were just like
looking for excuses to try and see me again. Yeah,
And he was like busted and I was like, you
are a bad plumber to make something for you, Like yeah,
like this is kind of like a pool scenario.

Speaker 1 (35:21):
I love it.

Speaker 4 (35:22):
Yeah, but then I was like, actually the scheduling of
when he was free, I was like, I just want
you to I still have the screwdriver.

Speaker 3 (35:29):
It's like it's like a yeah.

Speaker 1 (35:31):
He was like, I'm going on holiday. I was like,
do you want do you want this big red tool
or not? He was like do you yeah? Damn.

Speaker 2 (35:37):
I feel like there is like a little like window
of ooh, I'm pressed. I want to see you, and
then if it's not lining up, you're like, you know what.

Speaker 4 (35:46):
I don't know this person, but like the robots to
be like oh yeah, okay when you call someone out
on like fancying you. I feel like at the same
party as someone was like looking at me while talking
to their friend and I was like, do you want
to say something? He was like, oh no, I'm talking
to my I was like, but you're looking directly at
me and he was like that's nice.

Speaker 1 (36:04):
Again.

Speaker 2 (36:05):
A comedian, they don't know what different directions the ADHD
got them. It was shiny, yeah, have you neither of
you an a day A comedian no, No, unfortunately for
them that not you know, I don't want to say dated,
but yeah, I had a run in one's very beginning

(36:31):
of the career, and I said, yeah, I won't be
ever doing this again.

Speaker 1 (36:35):
And it's for that thing.

Speaker 2 (36:37):
It's just like I don't want to run into somebody constantly,
or just even the thought of like I might have
to work with you or you're going to be in
the same rooms. What if you do really well then
I might need you for a job like that just
feels I want to throw up. Actually right now, it's scary.

(37:01):
But because you were in the UK, you could do
whatever the hell you want.

Speaker 3 (37:04):
Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (37:06):
I am.

Speaker 4 (37:06):
I mean I should have some full sid I'm like,
I've literally come here to work and I'm like, hey,
nothing has any consequences, so maybe I should be like, hey,
maybe I'll want to do a job here.

Speaker 1 (37:14):
I mean, what really is a consequence? You know, like
the world is about to end in like three weeks?
Like what is hooking up with I mean for.

Speaker 2 (37:24):
You, not for me. Yeah, it's a comedian in New
York for Thanksgiving? What's the problem. It's scary because everybody
is looking for bits now, so like lucky for me, right,
anybody that I've you know, it, had an entanglement with,
I don't have to worry about them putting a bit
together and now it's viral on TikTok, you know, so

(37:49):
I just for me. Another thing is like I don't
want to be with a comedian and then oh my
whole situation between them is now a like ten part series.

Speaker 1 (38:00):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely not. Yeah, ten part series means a
lot went down. Yeah, but I'd be like, what royalties
for that anecdote? Exactly?

Speaker 2 (38:07):
Somebody will do a ten part series about or a
bit about what happened between us, it better be the
funniest thing you've ever said. I'm gonna say I'd rather
you not say anything at all.

Speaker 1 (38:19):
But if you're gonna say something, I hope it's hilarious.
I hope it makes me go. Right, I'm doing that. Otherwise,
what are you talking about? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (38:33):
A week bit about you?

Speaker 1 (38:35):
You loud and unfunny. You're not letting me most girl.

Speaker 3 (38:39):
Yeah, be like that. Sometimes I think that's the thing.

Speaker 4 (38:40):
If they're not good at comedy, then it's the kind
of like shame of being It's like, oh, hey, I.

Speaker 3 (38:48):
Wasn't thinking the man hit my eye.

Speaker 2 (38:50):
Okay, but what do you have any other mess that's
not related to, you know, trying to shoot your shot?

Speaker 4 (38:55):
Uh So I feel like this is this is again
quite sad mess on my part. I really want a dog.
I can't have a dog. I'm too fun, but I
really want a dog.

Speaker 1 (39:07):
Why I want to a dog.

Speaker 3 (39:08):
I'm like traveling all the time, I'm doing gigs. I'm
not reliable.

Speaker 1 (39:13):
You're yeah, she lost the coat.

Speaker 5 (39:17):
I lost the coat while I was here. I feel
like I feel like there are gaps, right, I feel
like you do you know how how out of it
you got to be to lose a coat?

Speaker 1 (39:30):
Wait? Maybe was it a black coat?

Speaker 4 (39:32):
It was a it was abiak blue brown coat. I've
been trying to find that. Yeah, it's not a fairy
with somebody else. Yeah, I left her. Yeah, I've got
gaps in my type A. It's like type A but
like a little bit so, like my knees are out.
That was a mistake, like twenty five degrees out here?

Speaker 1 (39:51):
Did he? Yeah? I don't know what that is in.

Speaker 4 (39:54):
Celsius, but you know, yeah it's cold. Yeah, I was like,
I want a dog. I love I love dogs. I
love animals. I was just like I want something to laugh.
So I was like, I am going to sign up
on Borrow my Doggie. And I live in like a
nice part of London. I'm like, I can walk all
these bougie dogs, these vizzlers, these like pugs. It's called
Borrow my Doggie, Borrow my Doggie dot Com. Yeah, it's

(40:16):
an app. It's an app. It's like borrow my Doggie.
You can walk the dogs. So I created a profile.
I was like, I don't have a dog, but so
I'm like looking, like searching through my iPhone to find
pictures of me with dogs that I've met. I'm just
like I think I started like the first picture I
chooses like a picture of me in the woods, like laughing.
So people are like, she's outdoorsy. And then it's like

(40:36):
different dogs. So I put like five six photos upload it.
Put a little bit about myself about like how you
know I'm good with big dogs.

Speaker 3 (40:45):
I'm like good with little dogs. I have a dog.

Speaker 1 (40:47):
This is this is weird, this is a dating profile dog.
This is dread.

Speaker 4 (40:52):
So then I put it up and then someone's like yeah,
I create the profile, and then someone messages me and
was like, oh, I think maybe you'd get more matches
if you like put like some info in your profile
about this. I was like, you don't need advice on
how to get matches. It's I was like, I'll shore up.

Speaker 1 (41:10):
I'm going to New York, but I'll shore up all
these like these dates with dogs.

Speaker 3 (41:14):
When I get back.

Speaker 4 (41:15):
It's been silent crickets, no matches with a single dog.
I get emails being like, ooh, Yorkie's been snipping around
your profile. Someone's proving popular. But none of these dogs
message me. Not a single dog has been I'm actually
logged out of the app, but I could down. Maybe

(41:36):
I think I have a screenshot of it. I have
to let me see if I've got it made because
I tried to log at the other day, but I
think I've been logged out.

Speaker 2 (41:43):
Maybe your pictures are too like hot, you look what is?
Maybe you look too sexy in the woods. Yeah, I'm like,
not all these dogs can be racist. This is crazy.

Speaker 1 (41:53):
You think it's raised.

Speaker 2 (41:54):
Maybe you got to go walk some South London dogs, babe, Wow,
you're trying to walk these bougie their dogs. The fact
that the dogs have been like oh my parper, I'll
be like, no, no, thank you. Well, they're probably just
trying to figure out. They're like, why do you want
to walk dogs?

Speaker 1 (42:09):
Right? It don't really pair? Well, you don't look like
you know, you wear a lounge wear all the time.
You see pair to.

Speaker 4 (42:18):
Make me feel I'm gonna find this because I need
to know why they probably look so good at dating
I don't.

Speaker 1 (42:23):
I probably looked you up and was like, wait, this
is a professional comedian actress. She's busy. What does she
have time on?

Speaker 2 (42:29):
They think it's fake. They probably think it's they think
I'm catfishing.

Speaker 1 (42:33):
Yeah that's what I'm okay too, that's the only way.

Speaker 4 (42:36):
Okay, So I've been reported by a dog big like,
this is your toy with people's emotions?

Speaker 1 (42:41):
Realistic.

Speaker 2 (42:42):
We need to see the photos you have posted because
maybe it's you like serving face with a dog, Like
how how are you with these dogs?

Speaker 1 (42:49):
I want a dog so bad. I want a dog.

Speaker 2 (42:51):
I want a dog, I want a bunny, I want
I want to I want to see otter. There's so
many animals I want right now. And it's true that
it's as soon as you're like, I really can't do
this like I would love to, but I can't.

Speaker 1 (43:07):
It really just takes the air out of everything. I
want a dog.

Speaker 2 (43:12):
I want to I want an animal. I want somebody
to like kiss all over its head and just squeeze
it and sleep with it and like pet it.

Speaker 1 (43:20):
And I know. See, that's why we seem weird. Sofia,
it's you do. It's easier if you want to walk
somebody else's dog. People who have dogs don't even want
to walk there.

Speaker 4 (43:30):
I found the screenshot of my profile. I actually see
the problem.

Speaker 1 (43:34):
Let me say you see the problem.

Speaker 4 (43:37):
Okay, I actually changed up the first This was the
first This was the first draft.

Speaker 1 (43:41):
Oh yeah, no, girl, no, that is that is kooky, scary.

Speaker 2 (43:46):
You have wholesome pictures of myself. It's a dog with
a cone. It's a dog in your knees.

Speaker 1 (43:52):
It's a dog.

Speaker 4 (43:52):
I don't have a dog, but like it's like, I
don't photographic what I'm hanging out with the dog.

Speaker 3 (43:57):
I'm just having a nice time, you know.

Speaker 1 (44:00):
Wow. No, girl, yeah no I'm not here. What are
the other profile pictures look like you?

Speaker 4 (44:06):
I can only see the dogs. I'm not looking for
people to but the dogs. It's just the pictures of
the dogs, just not the dogs with people.

Speaker 2 (44:15):
Yeah, I think you just need to put pictures of
you looking like a happy, normal person.

Speaker 1 (44:19):
And the wood. I don't trust anybody who's just in
the woods. I'm sorry. It looks empty.

Speaker 2 (44:26):
You don't have a tent there, you're just there. Just hey,
I watch you enough documentaries. If you're in the woods
and you don't have like a tent up, so you
already you you have a body there.

Speaker 1 (44:39):
If you're in the woods, you're up to no good,
no good.

Speaker 2 (44:43):
I just think you should put pictures like you would
on a dating profile, just like you looking like normal
and well rounded. No, no, you like you like having
fun with you holding a machaka like you know what
I mean?

Speaker 1 (44:58):
Like you looking like a well und the person. Okay,
so not a dog for wood profile. Not just dog.

Speaker 4 (45:03):
Not just it looks like none of those dogs are
your dog, and they're weird. I was trying to show
the variety of dogs in my life.

Speaker 2 (45:11):
No, maybe like one dog if you have multiple purchasing
the same dog, you know what I mean. Now I
want to see your dating profiles. Yeah, I actually I
don't have I can't be on there. You can't be
on there too, because people be like, you were on Taskbuster.
It's not it's not it's not okay, that's what it's.

(45:32):
Taskbuster is the show I was on.

Speaker 1 (45:34):
Oh yeah, and that's that's It's a longs.

Speaker 4 (45:37):
There's too many people in comedy in the industry. It's yeah,
it's horrible. I have like dipped on, like I did
a gig for Field and so I like reactivated on
Field deal profile, but I was like, this is it's messy.
I don't want my profile like hanging around people like hey,
I recognize you.

Speaker 2 (45:53):
So yeah, so you're like the material lane of the
UK because whenever, whenever he's like put up anything on
an app or they're like that's with La and they're
going crazy. So he's like, I think it's a catfish, okay,
yeah that I can't do it.

Speaker 3 (46:08):
Yeah I don't.

Speaker 2 (46:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (46:10):
I feel like I know there's a rya, but I
feel like I for for years actually, people like do
you want a link to Riote? I'm just like I
feel like it's bad. I feel like it's.

Speaker 1 (46:20):
Weirl it is. I was on it.

Speaker 2 (46:24):
You know what they hurt, you know what they open
it up for everybody. It's no longer invite or it's
for the street. It's for the streets. So everybody is crying.
They're like, I can't believe this is a recession indicator.
They're allowing everybody on Riot. It's not invite only. Oh
my god, scary. But also is that like a vetic

(46:44):
system it's used to be. You have to be like
a person, like a you know, like a I would
say that. I think it's also bad for like for
the Gullies. I feel like it's just the Egland team,
is what people tell me that, like the football team,
that it's right Riot. Yeah, well, I mean there's a
lot of DJs and real estate moguls and actors and

(47:05):
debutants and whatever on it.

Speaker 1 (47:07):
But like I think the first year you're on it,
it's free and then you have to pay.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
And I remember having to pay for Riot and being like,
no one is I'm not magic with anybody on here,
and I'm paying for people to ignore me.

Speaker 1 (47:19):
I'm gonna go back to Hinge where it's free and
I can ignore them. I know for Hinge.

Speaker 2 (47:26):
Because I was like, let me see, let me see
the better level, Like I unlocked the next level.

Speaker 1 (47:30):
I'm not playing this game. Just get me to the
to the better.

Speaker 3 (47:33):
I wanted to take you to.

Speaker 1 (47:36):
I'm mad at one. I want on a date with
a woman who was into uh into?

Speaker 2 (47:45):
She was like, was it B DSM or something like that,
Like she wanted to like be a financial dom.

Speaker 1 (47:53):
Oh, she wanted to be a final experience and it's
soundly good.

Speaker 2 (47:58):
For seconds, it was like, oh, I'll give you you know,
I'll take care of you, Like what do you need
to get your hair and your nails? Your upkeep? But
you gotta do something like you have to complete a
task or you have to do things.

Speaker 1 (48:12):
Oh yeah, remember remember this. But it was like you
had to like write a paper or something. It was like, oh,
did you clean your room? Did you like cook?

Speaker 4 (48:23):
Did you go to the Gym's not to make a
good go?

Speaker 1 (48:27):
Yeah? Good girl. You couldn't said I'm a bad girl.
I'm a bad girl. I'm real bad.

Speaker 3 (48:31):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (48:32):
Why would he a bag girl back? Why was she
going to pay you if you cleaned your room? I
don't We didn't get that far, Sitney. As soon as
it was like, oh bitch, you giving me chars? Okay, Mom, I'm.

Speaker 1 (48:47):
Going to do what you told me to do. But
it was shorts that you needed to know. But she
was like, I want to help you not hot. Wouldn't
you rather get paid for like the sheep wow for free?
Hear from it? Send me the content.

Speaker 2 (49:02):
Also, she worked at the airport, so I was like, damn,
this is a this is a good move. Yeah, and
then she lived she didn't live and she didn't live
that far from Carolina, so I was like, oh, you
in the area, that's okay.

Speaker 3 (49:19):
Do you want to travel.

Speaker 1 (49:21):
I've never seen her. Please, I'll date somebody to get
access to the lounge, don't you do. Don't hit me
with the lounge. Listen.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
I wasn't thinking as soon as it was like yeah,
so I'll I'll do this if you do that. Nope,
you just gotta want to do it, and I don't
have there's no strings attached.

Speaker 1 (49:40):
But you didn't want to do it.

Speaker 2 (49:42):
I mean I could have, because like I ended up
meeting other people and I did stuff and there was
I want nothing. Yeah, I want nothing for the things
that I did. Oh you know, I want a bucket
of chicken. One time I got Dallas BBQ a bucket
of chicken after be hooked up.

Speaker 1 (49:59):
Yeah, okay, I'll take about yeah.

Speaker 2 (50:05):
And then I brought her home and I was like, hey, Carolina,
do whatever you want. I don't want to even tell
you what I had to go through to get this chicken. Wow.
A bucket of chicken for the family, for the house,
for the house. It was like family size. I didn't
even know you can deliver Dallas BBQ to the house.

Speaker 1 (50:22):
Was that their kink? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (50:24):
What what did you want the chicken? Did you want
Eddie chicken?

Speaker 1 (50:27):
I mean? On my was like, I like wings?

Speaker 2 (50:31):
Okay, So he was like, I see that you like
wings here, you know you feel about breast and thine?
You can I get Can I get you something to eat?
And I was like, well, you didn't fill me up
doing something else, so I might as well you.

Speaker 1 (50:45):
Did or you didn't. He did not.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
Wow. So last night I started watching this series, like
so I needed something like in the background while I
was like doing stuff.

Speaker 1 (50:53):
And I started the series Dying for Sex. Have y'all
seen this?

Speaker 2 (50:57):
Robbie Hoffman, Rodney Hoffman, isn't it? But it's it's this.
It's Michelle Williams The White One Ye, And it's based
on a true story about a woman who has cancer
and she's and it's like stage four and she's.

Speaker 1 (51:12):
Never had an orgasm with another person.

Speaker 2 (51:14):
So the series is about her like trying to have
like fun, different, new interesting sex before she dies. And
she's on like a field type dating app and she
meets this guy who likes to be like walked like
a dog, and he dresses in a dog costume and

(51:36):
he fully asked her to pee on him. Okay, I
want you to pee on me, And obviously she thinks
about it and then she ends up doing it, but
he's in the dog costume.

Speaker 1 (51:46):
It's crazy.

Speaker 4 (51:47):
Yes, I feel yeah, I think that's a lot going
on there because dogs are like, you know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (51:53):
He's like, I got this dog.

Speaker 1 (51:54):
But also dogs pee on stuff, they don't. You don't
pee on dogs.

Speaker 4 (51:58):
I feel like he's really like, stop his piss cake
with the whole dog thing. He's like, yeah, let me
get into it and now on me.

Speaker 1 (52:05):
How do you feel about pee? I hurry you on somebody?

Speaker 3 (52:11):
I have peed on somebody.

Speaker 1 (52:12):
Hey see I'm asking questions.

Speaker 4 (52:14):
Hey, I peed on somebody. I went to a party
where there was a human toilet, excuse me, a human
a human toilet, and people were people were peeing on
him so my flatmate took me to the party. I
was like, where is the h to live with you?
In the he's in there's like a sort of there's

(52:35):
a thrown like a toilet seat over a glass box
and he's just lying there waiting to be pissed on
by anonymous women. So she told me when she when
she got she got stage fright, and so I was like,
I gotta I gotta experience this.

Speaker 3 (52:50):
I got a peel toilet.

Speaker 1 (52:52):
I think everyone can see you peeing on this glass toilet.

Speaker 4 (52:55):
It's it's set by private, but it's glass, so you
can see him toilet being hit with the pea.

Speaker 1 (53:00):
Oh, is everybody drinking water? Because if you know people
are not drinking water? Is the thing I can't.

Speaker 4 (53:07):
I'm not into p but I can imagine maybe you
love one person's pee, maybe like Gwadeth Paltrow's petros pe No.

Speaker 1 (53:16):
I don't want no vegan pea.

Speaker 2 (53:17):
I don't know. I don't I don't want medp. I
just feel like it's it's missing something. Yeah, all of
the stuff that you're like, this is it's like clear,
so yeah, clear me. So pea, I feel like it's
the best pee. Bo bo pe uh, you want noodle
water pea. You want bright dark yellow orange brown bee.

(53:43):
Have you ever had this soup from like the Chinese
restaurant and it's like super super yellow.

Speaker 1 (53:48):
It's like chicken and rice.

Speaker 3 (53:49):
Yeah, yeah, that's what you want.

Speaker 1 (53:51):
No, no, no, no, it's but it's so it's seasoned well,
like you want well, you want well seasoned pea. I
want the p to be clear of my body. You're
not really in it for the love of the game.
Sorry for being hydrated. So okay.

Speaker 4 (54:09):
It was like I was like, Okay, I'm going to
be respectful, but I want to experience this. But I
was very scared of getting the fright but not big.
I don't know why that was embarrassing. She was like,
I got so embarrassed I could peel on him, but
then I had to leave, and I was like, hey,
I think other people are being more vulnerable in this situation.

Speaker 1 (54:25):
I just I'm trying of I'm trying to visualize what
it is. So he's looking up at everybody.

Speaker 4 (54:30):
His eyes were closed. Yeah, he's his eyes, his eyes.
He's sort of like a zen state. He's like, and
he's naked. No no, no, he's dressed and he's also
not allowed to like dressed. He's wearing like like leather
latex like boxes, but he's topless because otherwise the p
would splash on his clothes.

Speaker 1 (54:51):
For anything there is. That's why I realized I'm not that.
I'm not that freaky.

Speaker 2 (54:55):
Yeah, I really am not. I'm pretty regularity. You wouldn't
let the love of your life, you know, on your feet.
I don't want it, No, I'm okay, I don't. I
barely want to take a shower with somebody.

Speaker 1 (55:07):
I know.

Speaker 4 (55:08):
I'm like, it's hygiene time. I don't like shower good people. Yeah,
but also the bag is not sexy.

Speaker 2 (55:13):
Yeah, it's sexier in your mind, and then when you
get it, you're like, let me, let me just get
by you. It needs to be a shower. I guess
it needs to be one of those showers that they're
coming the.

Speaker 4 (55:26):
Multiple jets, multiple multiful and maybe somewhere to set. Yeah,
get down at the top or shower.

Speaker 1 (55:35):
Literally, our feet are just like, what about a jacuzzie.

Speaker 4 (55:39):
Oh, I feel like a private jacuzie. I feel like
a hot top. Other people have bitten. No, I'm like,
why is it like we did twitch it off?

Speaker 3 (55:48):
I'm like oh yeah, are you?

Speaker 1 (55:50):
Are you local at germopho? I think kaya. I think
that like with sex, it's like if you're a little
bit wild, if you're a little bit like, that's good.

Speaker 4 (56:00):
I mean you could get into the assault the meso
of it all. But I think sometimes smells, I'm very
like sensitive. So I was like, the actual the only
pleasure I would get from PEG would be like the power.
It wouldn't be because I'm like it's a hygiene thing
for me. I'm like it's but I was like, Okay,
I'm gonna try going to pee and I was like
I think I'm going to freak out what I have

(56:21):
to pee on the sky.

Speaker 3 (56:22):
But when I sat on the top, I was like immediate.

Speaker 1 (56:24):
I was like, this is media.

Speaker 4 (56:27):
This is the way that I would prefer to pee
Like this is I was like, this is the normal
way to peek. There should always be a mad getting
hit with my peak And I was like that was
easy and incredible. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on,
Like that was incredible. On drenophobe to jermalhole, do you
put tissue down before you sit on a toilet?

Speaker 3 (56:44):
On this person, I wiped it with a antiseptic wipe.

Speaker 1 (56:47):
Okaylor is not.

Speaker 2 (56:52):
Yeah. It's kind of like when the when the Exotic
dancers are getting on the pot and they like wipe
it down and they're spraying it in that that's you, yeah,
before the Golden Shower.

Speaker 4 (57:04):
But I didn't like, I didn't look. I didn't check
it on his reaction. I just was like, hey, and
I like knowing that was happening somewhere else directly.

Speaker 2 (57:14):
I was like that, Hey, I'm would get on a
glass toilet bowl and pee on a man? Would I
would be there on like go go, I would cheer
you on. But then I'd be like, yeah, you will
look at me different. Now I would be like I
wouldn't be looking because I don't want to see it.

Speaker 3 (57:30):
I don't want to say it.

Speaker 1 (57:31):
I'd be peeing, like dude me me, I'd be like,
oh my godfriend, go.

Speaker 3 (57:42):
Am a shy pier so oh you're shot? Yeah me too.

Speaker 2 (57:45):
Like in a public place, public background, people are like
can hear me peeing?

Speaker 1 (57:50):
It makes it harder for me to pee. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (57:51):
I want to be playing music or I need people
to be talking so I could get it, get it going,
sing on yeah.

Speaker 4 (57:58):
But just silence, just yeah, silent sort of way. But
then I like, I waited the toilet that I'm just
like pulling the not doing something in here. I'm not
just standing it.

Speaker 1 (58:09):
I don't want people to think I'm in there taking
it down.

Speaker 2 (58:10):
Now, sometimes i'd be coming, but really it's just pulling
tissues like are you all right? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (58:17):
Yeah, And then I'm being was there music playing at
this party? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (58:23):
Yeah, that was I can do this.

Speaker 4 (58:25):
It was also it was not the whole party, it
was just a certain area. I think there were like
there were several med before big certain functions. One guy
was giving foot massages.

Speaker 1 (58:33):
Oh you did do that?

Speaker 3 (58:35):
I did that.

Speaker 1 (58:35):
I did that. I would get into that.

Speaker 3 (58:36):
Yeah that was nice that you enjoy that? Do you
enjoy you enjoyed that?

Speaker 2 (58:44):
Maybe a little bit more weird than being really okay,
you're getting turned down by rubbing my feet and you're
rubbing multiple people's feety.

Speaker 1 (58:53):
Okay, You're like, you're like, I respect toilet boarded this.
I'm like that you're like really concerned about. Remember that
episode of Sex and the City.

Speaker 2 (59:03):
I don't know if you watched it at all, but
there was an episode where Charlotte went shoe shopping. Oh yes,
I do remember the guy was putting shoes on her
feet and he was so into it that she was like, yeah,
I'm not gonna buy no shoes.

Speaker 1 (59:15):
Yeah. He was like, you've got great feet, Like if
you just let me put these on you, I'll give
them to you. And she was like, weir.

Speaker 4 (59:22):
I'm like I would have been hey, I'll be like
you enjoy it. Seven and a half AKA at thirty eight.
I do see what because it's kind of like just
do the fit with that. He's living his best life,
you know what I mean. Like, but he's embracing his cake.
Someone the passage and your feet, he was like, meaning,
but they were yeah, they're like and you're like, yeah,

(59:44):
like I get to touch the feet. They probably they
probably don't have any like qualifications. They're just like I
get to hold of foot.

Speaker 2 (59:49):
Listen, everything is a kink. We went to a Halloween
party a couple of years ago. It was a man
in a rug that just wanted to be stepped on,
and he was in the He was rolled up in
the rug the entire party and people were just walking
over him to get from room to room. But we
had no idea about the sisters. So my friend comes
stomping into the room. She lies into like the bar.

(01:00:14):
She's on the floor, and then I pulled my phone.

Speaker 1 (01:00:17):
I was like, what the hell is going on? And
then I moved the there's this mall like with the
one eye open. I'm like right down, yes, and I said,
we're gonna sue. We are. And then the bar was like, oh,
can we get you something? We don't want no fucking drinks.
We want this guy to get the ball.

Speaker 2 (01:00:36):
No, no, to do it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:37):
He pays to be in the event to get stepped on.
This is a buyer hazard.

Speaker 3 (01:00:44):
Yeah, yeah, what do you know what you want? He pays,
so he gets paid.

Speaker 1 (01:00:50):
No, he's paying. I don't know he paid. No, he pays.
They told me. The manager told me that he pays. Strange.
So what do you think it costs to be stepped
on and rolled up? I'm a good amount of money,
like twenty dollars for that per hour you're in the way.
Anything can happen. Yeah, people are step but.

Speaker 4 (01:01:10):
I think that's the daye that like that think think happened?
That's yeah, health and safety.

Speaker 1 (01:01:15):
He's getting stepped his you know, his penis getting stepped up.
He probably was naked.

Speaker 2 (01:01:19):
He might have had the six pettle little brief. So
he had a graphic to you, and I saw it
a graphic tea. Yeah, I was like, sir, grow up.
He had on a lead Zeppelin and get out of
the ruck. He had a zzz top shirt off. Anyway, listen,
if you're into it, then somebody else might be into
it too, and that's ultimately all that matters.

Speaker 1 (01:01:40):
You just got to find your person. Girl. You gave
us enough mess for us for the rest of the year.
I'm not gonna lie.

Speaker 3 (01:01:45):
I kept it dry. I mean, I didn't know, but
somebody listen is probably a little bit wet.

Speaker 1 (01:01:49):
Yeah, it's very damn.

Speaker 2 (01:01:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:01:55):
Yeah, yeah, I don't think.

Speaker 4 (01:01:57):
I think it's too much advid to have to clean
just to get to get undressed for something that's not
not a not a sexy time for you.

Speaker 1 (01:02:05):
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:02:07):
He probably went home and it was like so many cents,
so many pills. I'm gonna just get in the bed.
I'll shower in the morning.

Speaker 1 (01:02:14):
No no no no no no no no no no
no no no no. I don't want to kink shame,
but my I gotta close my Sophie.

Speaker 2 (01:02:25):
Thank you for coming across the pond. To so much
to give us all of your mess? Where can people
catch you?

Speaker 4 (01:02:31):
People can follow you, hey, if they're in the UK,
they can catch me there. If not, they can catch
me online at Sophie Jukebox. And I'll be back. I'll
be back in the States. But yeah, there's find Me,
Find Me on Netflix and deep Cover, which isn't a
film that's nice. It's about improv comedy and no one
gets pissed on. Oh yeah, that's not really improved. If
I thought anything happen, yes you yes and yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
Yuck. Anyway, Sophie, keep it messy beach.

Speaker 2 (01:03:03):
Yes, you're doing a great job much thank you, and
you guys keep sending us your mess or before we
need more messages, email us at messdepodcast at gmail dot com.
The number to call to leave us a voicemail with
your mess is seven sixty three to eight zero six
five eight eight Goodbye Bye. Mess with Sydney Washington and

(01:03:27):
Marie Foston is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money
Players and iHeartRadio podcast, created and hosted by Sidney Washington
and Ree Foston.

Speaker 1 (01:03:35):
Executive produced by Olivia at Ulr and Hans Sonny.

Speaker 2 (01:03:38):
Super produced by Becca Ramos edited a mix by Brian Jeffries.

Speaker 1 (01:03:42):
If you would like your messages read on air, please
email us at mess Thepodcast at gmail dot com, or
call for your messages to be played at seven six
three to eight zero six five eight eight