August 3, 2026 • 23 mins
This week’s hometowns include grandma's vape secret and a baby race at the mall.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Hello, and welcome to my favorite Murder the minisode.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
We read you your stories and what and have summertime fun.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Yay, you go with it.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
That really got serious for a second. Okay, that's a
good way to kick this off.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Uh. The subject line of this email is the war pig.
I grew up on a farm. We just get right
into it. There's not even a hello.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Good.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
I grew up on a farm in rural North Georgia.
I think big pasture is broken up by dense forests
of pine trees.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Well.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
During the summer and after school, most days, my eight
cousins and I would be kept by my sweet grandmother, who,
instead of having eight elementary school children in her house
from two thirty to eight pm, would kick us out
to play outside. Now this was in the early two thousands,
so she could have just plopped us in front of
the TV with some SpongeBob and a popsicle and called
it a day. But were glad she didn't let us
(01:10):
rod our brains instead, Yeah, because she didn't wit in
the house. Instead, we would go play outside in the
woods and the cow pastures until the sun went down.
And boy do I have stories about being chased by bulls,
physically attacked by a black swan and falling into literal
quicksand of cowshit. Because she couldn't keep a close eye
on us, she called in the help of the wear Pig.
(01:31):
The wear Pig was a werewolf like pig that lived
in the woods and would watch us to make sure
that we were being good, and if we were bad,
would eat us just like he did.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
The neighbor kid.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
A threat with an imaginary like beast crypto, Yeah, kryptoid
that's killed before, that's killed children before.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
And then it says, this might sound bad, but what's
worse is all of our parents, my five uncles, and
my dad adopted the wear Pig to do their the
whole family. When we were in our early teens, one
of my uncles actually dressed up like the wear Pig
and scared the shit out.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Of us while we were playing flashlight tag in the wood.
Oh the bit. I would pay a lot for that video.
The screaming, the sharp.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Screaming, then the crying, and then the oh come on, Yeah,
it was after thanks after Thanksgiving. Needless to say, we
were all traumatized by the wear Pig and kept a
close eye on the woods years later, we were all
joking at a family dinner and found out that our
grandmother and our parents had a family meeting to discuss
what to do about our behavior when we were kids.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Thus the wear Pig was born. That's how bad they were.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
It's like a cult kind of here's the agreed lie
tell the children.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I think the movie Hereditary is based on that. It's
a real, by any means necessary way of raising children.
It sounds like it works.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
I think so and says stay sexy and watch out
for the wear Pig, Maddie. So it's a pig that's
watching you. Yeah, that's pretty creep.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
And kills children. Most importantly, eat some ride up kills children.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Yeah, did you like your bacon lack yesterday morning at breakfast? Well,
now I'm here to eat you revenge.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Years later, my confession. It's cold, it's very funny. Um,
and then I have to do this what sad dudes
and dudets. First off, thank you both for everything you do.
You've been my comfort podcast since the summer of twenty sixteen,
when I was fifteen. Wow.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Now for my confession.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
In twenty eighteen, when I was seventeen, my grandmother passed
away due to the long term effects of smoking.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
That detail becomes important later.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Our entire family gathered at her retirement community to celebrate
her life. There were so many friends there, which honestly
surprised me because let's just say, Grandma wasn't exactly known
for her warm and fuzzy personality, not with kids at least.
After the celebration, the immediate family went back to her
apartment to pack up her belongings. While my mom was cleaning,
she suddenly held something up off the floor.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
What's this My vape?
Speaker 3 (04:13):
That shouldn't say it, but it's her vape, the same
vape I'd gotten caught with about a month earlier. Apparently
I dropped it during one of my visits. Immediately my
brain went into survival mode. Without missing a beat, I gasped,
Grandma vaped. The room erupted no way, Seriously, I had
no idea. While everyone was busy processing this shocking revelation,
(04:36):
I realized I had one chance to save myself. If
Grandma owned a vape, she'd probably have a charge or two.
I casually walked over to my backpack, pulled out my
vape charger, slipped it into my pocket. Waited for everyone
to get distracted again, and quietly tucked it into her
nightstand drawer.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Evil, like doubling down on evil, just being like, well,
I have to, I really have to send them home.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Yeah. It was like someone's gonna say, as if anyone
who doesn't have a vape knows that you have to
charge it, it's your grandmother.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
She Oh, yeah, she smoked. She likes sweet apple.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
No, No, like she smoked cigarette and she wasn't particularly
warm and fuzzy.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Yeah, that's true, but vaping is like a step beyond.
She's not a fucking kid on the corner with a
very small BMX bike.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
No, tucked in her night's said drawer. Mission accomplished. A
few hours later, my dad up in the drawer. Guys,
I found the charger, hooked line sinker. She's seventeen, okay,
which is like what you're supposed to do when're seventeen.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
No, that's fine.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
My mom found the rest of the weekend telling everyone
that apparently Grandma had secretly switched from cigarettes to vaping.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Gossip.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Meanwhile, I stood there nodding along like I was hearing
this groundbreaking information for the first time.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
What a little shit does a little shit. Can you
believe it? But I love it.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Unfortunately, my parents threw both the vape and charger into
the apartment dumpster, which meant I had to recover the evidence.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
This could have ended here.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Yes, that night, I put on my best gloves, fashioned
a trash bag into what can only be described as
a dumpster diving poncho, and climbed into the dumpster to
rescue my vape. I still have it. It's been sitting
on my nightstand for the past seven years as a
trophy commemorating the greatest cover up of my teenage years.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
So it went down like people just believed that.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
And that's I'm twenty five now, and as far as
I know, no one has ever figured it out.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Hi's see. But I mean then it's almost worse.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
It's like she has to play this for them. Yeah, oh,
it's ze. Sorry, he has to play this for them?
I mean, hell, but so good, It's so good. Every
now and then, when my family is all together, I'll
casually say, remember when we found out Grandma vapes? Everyone nods,
I smile, and absolutely no one suspects a thing. I'd
like to think my grandmother would have appreciated the commitment
(06:54):
to the bit she had a mischievous streak herself. Stay
sexy and don't or do frame your dad grandmother, Zeth.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
He I love that story so good.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I also love the idea that maybe he's suggesting that
his grandma would.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Have bought into the like Oh, it's fine town, whatever
you want, Yeah, yeah, oh yep, that's my babe, that's
my vape. No one else did it, and my chargers
in the door, Zeth.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
You have to play this for your family, like at Christmas.
Gather everyone around, everyone around. We'll edit out all the
focs in this and such so you can do it
at a holiday. Okay, here's my next one.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
The subject line is I dated a con artist and
it says hello, beautiful people. I was recently talking to
a couple of friends and a story I had repressed
for a while came up, and I thought, what better
way to deal with this than to write into a
murder podcast. When I was about nineteen, i'd recently come
out of a serious relationship and was pretty naive in
the way the world worked. And that's when I met Brad.
(07:56):
He was a very charismatic person, well dressed, full of
great stories, Hubris, and he was the king of flattery.
He was also a doctor working at a hospital nearby
as a surgeon, and we'd often meet after his work,
with him still wearing his medical scrubs. Overall, I really
liked the guy. You can get scrubs at CVS. Everybody
looking back through a couple warning signs that didn't add up,
(08:18):
like him living in a tiny house with a roommate
he constantly complained about even though he was on a
surgeon's salary and should easily be able to move out,
Or that he changed his luxury car every couple of
weeks without ever worrying about parking fines. I found out
a few months into the relationship why this was when
I was awoken at his place one Saturday morning with
very loud knocks at the door.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
It was a police raid.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
I had absolutely no idea what was happening when they
took brad away and handcuffs, along with laptops, electronics and documents.
As much as I begged the police, they wouldn't tell
me anything for privacy reasons. After putting all my detective
hat and doing some digging, I realized he wasn't a surgeon.
He wasn't even working at the hospital. The man I'd
been dating for months was a con man. His mo
(09:01):
was to meet people selling their cars online, dressed as
a surgeon.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Give them a ship.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Sorry, it's so good when there's costumes, it's like, yeah,
sell it, you gotta sell it. Yeah, anything to make
trick people into trusting him. Yeah, give them a check
or false proof of payment transfer, and then take their car.
He would then sell or swap his the latest vehicle
and continue on his way. His charisma would allow him
to trick others into handing him large amounts of cash
(09:30):
that they would never see again. He was eventually let
out on bail and fled across the country, where he
did similar things to many others before being caught and
sent to prison for a few years. I wanted to
just let everyone listening know that this kind of thing
can happen to anyone, and then it doesn't make you
stupid or worth less than anyone else. These people are
good at what they do, and we can just be
(09:50):
more aware and put our stories out there in the
hope that it can help others. Thank you for all
you do and keeping me sane during trying times, stay
sexy and be wary of surgeons.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Callum, be weary of overly flattering people. Like as much
as I wish Fince would tell me how great I
look every time I dress up, which I have to
remind him to do. If you did it, I wouldn't
believe him, right, Like, what's wrong? Why are you doing that?
Speaker 1 (10:12):
You're like, stop it? What did you do? Yes?
Speaker 2 (10:15):
The flattery, And I think the kind of like it's
one thing to show up in scrubs because you're just
like a surgeon that's working your ass off. But then
it's like the cars, it's like the levels. I feel
like a lot of time scammers don't know when to
stop rite. They don't keep it real.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
Yeah, like surgeons let us know, like do you wear
your scrubs like on your way home?
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Do you love to just meet people at a wine
bar in scrubs just to see if people will love it?
Speaker 3 (10:39):
It's kind of gross, like the amount of like a
biohazard issue old blood.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Yeah, pussy.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
If you're a if you're a medical student or a surgeon,
and you can tell us about bloody scrub stories, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Tell us your best scrub story, tell us.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Your I told you I know, I've told you this
is like a twenty sixteen pat story. Yeah, driving to
work in her way heights, car accident in front of
her on the one on one. Yes, she goes and
leans on the thing, and so she gets blood on
the front because she's talking to the guy who has
a glass in his forehead.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Huh.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
And then she turns to walk back to her car
with blood on her whites and then a friend of
ours from Pedalumho drives by and thinks it's my mom
wondering on the side of the broad Just.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
A total shit show. So that's the story. Karings gave
you a great example.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
If you can't beat that, then stay home.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
Okay, last episode we had a bunch of good scammer
stories and there were so many leftover that I these
are We.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Just love that so much. We're so good.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Please send in yours, especially I am enjoying the take
home part of this happened to me.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Don't let it happen to you that and also I
was the scammer. Those are great, especially if you were
like seven years old. Totally exactly.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
So, okay, this is called scammer fangirl summer. And this
sounds like it would have happened to me when I
was nineteen, so I love it.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Hello, Wonderful Ladies and crew.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
I listened to the Anna delve episode and heard you
asking for more scammer stories, so I figured i'd share mine.
Back in twenty fourteen, a young adult me was a
huge fan of a pop rock boy band that was
starting to get pretty.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Big and then no name.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
We have to know, don't be ashamed of loving who
could have it?
Speaker 1 (12:13):
On twenty fourteen, I wasn't. I don't fucking know a
boy band in twenty fourteen, it's got to be a
K pop band?
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Oh maybe yeah? Were there any I don't know? I
mean just continuing to love one direction through chill twenty fourteen.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Could be ye.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
None of my friends were into them, so I often
went to concerts alone and made friends there, which I love.
How I know one girl, let's call her Abby, and
I quickly became close. Abby suggested we follow the band's
twenty fifteen summer tour through Vegas, San Diego, and La.
The deal was that she'd pay for the flights and
I'd cover the hotels. The catch she lived in the
(12:49):
middle of nowhere, so I had to take a five
hour bus ride to her hometown and fly out with her.
No already sketch incorrect. The first half of the trip
was great. The second half is when I started noticing
Abby's scammer tendencies. She claimed she had lost her only
debit cards, so I supposedly needed to cover all our
food and gas expenses. That story fell apart when I
(13:10):
caught her using the card to buy a drink. She
also showed her crazy side by getting obscenely drunk at
one of the concerts and started hysterically sobbing that the
drummer might be dating a model. Then, on the last
day of the trip, she informed me that she couldn't
drive me home from the tiny airport we'd fly back into.
There were no buses available for two days back to
(13:30):
my home city, so she was stuck in the small
town with Abby. Still Fuck yeah, young inexperienced broke from
the trip and panicking, I called my dad from our
Detroit layover. He booked me a separate flight home from there.
The problem was that my checked luggage would continue to
Abby's airport. Abby happily offered to pick up my bag
and ship it to me. The vibes were terrible, but
(13:52):
I didn't have another option when you just want to
be home from a trip.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
But also, can't the option be that you just have
the airline do it for you and just like no
one else has.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
To touch it?
Speaker 3 (14:01):
I think not when you're a kid, you know, can't
we go back and fix this luggage issue.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Once we got out? Gets worse.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Once we got home, Abby claimed my luggage had been
lost and even gave me a baggage claim number. When
I checked with it exactly when I checked with the airline,
the claim didn't exist. Airport security and the police got involved,
which is so surprising, And sure enough, surveillance footage showed
Abby taking my suitcase. She doubled down and claimed she
(14:29):
thought it was my bag, then said it turned out
not to be and brought it back.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
She did not.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
Airport security zoomed in on the footage, and my name
tag was clearly visible the entire time.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
It's the airport's yeah, right, You're not sneaking in and
sneaking out and doing your own thing. No.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
The police told Abby that if she returned everything to
the airport, no charges would be filed. About a week later,
I finally got my luggage back, minus a bag I'd
bought in LA. At that point, I was willing to
eat the hundred dollars loss just to be done with her.
Then Abby blocked me and all my friends on social media.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
That's how you do it.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
When I started warning other fans online, my dms filled
up with stories from girls she'd scammed. Once said Abby
took her for over one thousand dollars for concert tickets
that never existed. The worst was a girl who had
originally planned to go with us on the tour. She
gave Abby seven hundred dollars for the trip, then backed out.
Abby kept the money that seven hundred dollars it paid
(15:24):
for both of our flights. Imagine my guilt when I
realized I spent the entire trip on that poor girl's dime.
Fast forward to twenty twenty two, I discovered Abby had
become a fangirl of another boy band. She was now
selling counterfeit merch. Still going scammer strong Wow. Anyway, stay
sexy and don't go on trips with crazy de lulu fangirls,
especially the ones who genuinely believe they're going to date
(15:46):
the drummer.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Anonymous it's so embarrassing to think because when you're drunk,
that stuff comes out when you start crying, and you're
just like, have you ever done that? You're so shift
as you come to and you're like, what am I
crying about?
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Right now? This is really weird? Yeah, And it's like
because the drummer drummer right now where I met is
dating a model.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
All right, see, uh this is this is kind of random.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
But I just really loved it. Okay, I won't read
to the subject line.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
It says, hello, picture it nineteen eighty seven, downtown Salem, Oregon.
The drive through Divorce is open and the sweet chemical
smell of Salon perms is.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
In the air.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
I am one year old, writing in my stroller for
another day of errands with my mom and preteen sisters.
We enter Nordstrums. Are we here to braws? Cool clothes
at the brass Plum? No, the brass Plum. I spent
so much time there. No. We turn to the children's
shoes section across the aisle. Before you know it, I'm
on my feet with a collection of toddlers and a
(16:47):
path has been cleared.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
A bell rings.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
My family is cheering me on and I run as
fast as my little chubby legs will go. What could
possibly be happening right now? A baby race at the mall? Yes, racially, yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
I would fucking I would put money down on that one.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
And then it says one that I most definitely did
not sign up for. That's right, there's no consent. No,
as luck would have it, I won. I left those
other babies in my wake, and was awarded a bright
white pair of Wii box Ah. And then it says
you read that correctly. This concludes my one and only
athletic achievement to date. In subsequent years, I found my
(17:26):
true calling coloring contests. I didn't have an allowance, so
I entered them all winning cookies, gift certificates, one hamster, Wow,
and my first real bike. Stay Sexy and collect prizes, Leslie,
I know I love it.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
PS.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
One day I will find an email my second grade
essay response to what's your favorite movie? Mine was The Fugitive.
I watched it with my parents. I was eight.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
But Karen's right, it is a perfect movie. Okay, I'll
watch it. Please send us your contest winning stories. As
a child, as her mom like obsessed with sending in
the you know, there's like I love those people who
just win contests, because that's all they fucking do with
their free time, is like enter contests.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
Or like did you win your school Yeah, regional spelling bee, and.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
You're like, mall modeling contest. Anything. We want to know.
Love those I want to hear them. Okay, one more.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Okay, this is basically a trash child story. I was
a child extortionist. Hey team, So I was about eight
years old. My aunt was having a house party, and
none of the attendees, including my mother, bothered to get
a babysitter. Of course not, there's so many adults there.
I pay for a fucking another adult to be there.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Sorry, in the eighties, nineties, the nineties.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
So in classic nineties fashion, they sent me and three
other children, including my little cousin, to the playroom, declaring
that I was the oldest and therefore in charge.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
She's eight.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
Yeah, I was the high Queen of benevolent Ruler and
they were all welcome for being in my cool, big
kid presence. I led multiple expedition to spy on the
adults before we were chased back into the playroom, and
finally we were told that if we didn't stay upstairs,
we'd have to go to bed early. That was their
ultimate mistake. They let us stay awake. Also, what were
(19:12):
they doing down there? Fucking have an adult adult time?
Shit man, whatever it is smoking indoors, bitch. And yeah,
there were two bathrooms, one that was only accessible by
walking through my aunt and uncle's bedroom and one at
the top of the stairs. My six year old cousin
and I worked out that only family would use the
downstairs bathroom, and therefore they were unlikely to see what
(19:34):
we were doing in front of the other. We locked
arms and formed a child blockade at the top of
the stairs, then waited until all the drunk adults at
the party started stumbling up the stairs to try to
use the bathroom. They were basically met with the tiniest
mob bosses this side of upstate New York. At first,
we accepted quarters for bathroom entry, but then one of
(19:55):
the adults negotiated four bathroom trips for a whole dollar.
So I'm drunk, fucking dudes, like listen, I don't want
it to keep giving you guys quarters.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
I'm by myself the night.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
Yeah, work got around, but not to our parents and
a very sweaty twenty something climbed the stairs slowly holding
out of twenty dollars for full access all night.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
We were in business. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
The party went late and the other two kids went
home with their parents, so it was just my little
cousin and I.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Half asleep at the top of the stairs.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
When our parents found out how we had been spending
the evening, my aunt had her friend, who had worked
out the fore trip deal with us, demand that we
give his dollar back.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Fuck that shit, no bear, its weird.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
We did, but I guess no one else snitched because
we walked.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Away with twenty forty five dollars that night. Jesus.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
We had told some of the folks we scammed that
we were donating the money to an animal shelter, and
after a couple of days of secret candy, we felt
guilty enough that we put the rest, about twenty five
dollars in the jar at our downtown aspca h love
everything you do. Stay sexy and don't just leave your
kids to be supervised by an eight year old at
a house party, or do and watch them become the
(21:07):
mob kate with a.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Sea The amount of times we got locked into another
room and then started to play a game that was
like basically like climbed the shelves or whatever, like a dangerous,
insane game that when the adults would be.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
What the hell's going on, you left them alone like
that's the other like this isn't on the kids.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Yes, we had at the Anton Giovanni's. There was one
time where we they ran along the tops of the
of the couches this amazing huge leather sectional and it
was like all the kids running to go faster.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
You're gonna fall, Oh my god. It was the most funny.
Of course, cracked skull, yes right there.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
It's like coffee tables everywhere and ship you can fall
down on and.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Just like and we're all running as food. So you
think you could win today, Yeah, you could win.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
You have to really keep your your knees up because
the cushion part is different than.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
The like righte and just keep going and just keep
and look up, don't look down, keep up and just
stay positive. Yeah, and that's what we want you to do.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Ban call it. Tell us the insane games.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
You played as a kid, and keep stay pot, keep
your knees up, and stay positive and stay sex and
don't get murdered Geybye, Elvis, Do you want a cookie?
Speaker 4 (22:28):
This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Our senior producer is Molly Smith and our associate producer
is Tessa Hughes.
Speaker 4 (22:34):
Our editor is Aristotle Ascevedo.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
This episode was mixed by Leona Squalacci.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Our researchers are Mayor McGlashan and Ali Elkin.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Email your hometowns to My Favorite Murder at gmail.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Dot com and follow the show on Instagram at my
Favorite Murder.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
Listen to My Favorite Murder on the iHeartRadio app, Apple
Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
And now you can watch My Favorite Murder on Netflix.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
And when you're there, hit the double thumbs up and
the remind Me buttons. That's the best way you can
support our show. Good Bye,
Hello, and welcome to my favorite Murder the minisode.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
We read you your stories and what and have summertime fun.
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Yay, you go with it.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
That really got serious for a second. Okay, that's a
good way to kick this off.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Uh. The subject line of this email is the war pig.
I grew up on a farm. We just get right
into it. There's not even a hello.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Good.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
I grew up on a farm in rural North Georgia.
I think big pasture is broken up by dense forests
of pine trees.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Well.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
During the summer and after school, most days, my eight
cousins and I would be kept by my sweet grandmother, who,
instead of having eight elementary school children in her house
from two thirty to eight pm, would kick us out
to play outside. Now this was in the early two thousands,
so she could have just plopped us in front of
the TV with some SpongeBob and a popsicle and called
it a day. But were glad she didn't let us
(01:10):
rod our brains instead, Yeah, because she didn't wit in
the house. Instead, we would go play outside in the
woods and the cow pastures until the sun went down.
And boy do I have stories about being chased by bulls,
physically attacked by a black swan and falling into literal
quicksand of cowshit. Because she couldn't keep a close eye
on us, she called in the help of the wear Pig.
(01:31):
The wear Pig was a werewolf like pig that lived
in the woods and would watch us to make sure
that we were being good, and if we were bad,
would eat us just like he did.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
The neighbor kid.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
A threat with an imaginary like beast crypto, Yeah, kryptoid
that's killed before, that's killed children before.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
And then it says, this might sound bad, but what's
worse is all of our parents, my five uncles, and
my dad adopted the wear Pig to do their the
whole family. When we were in our early teens, one
of my uncles actually dressed up like the wear Pig
and scared the shit out.
Speaker 1 (02:08):
Of us while we were playing flashlight tag in the wood.
Oh the bit. I would pay a lot for that video.
The screaming, the sharp.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Screaming, then the crying, and then the oh come on, Yeah,
it was after thanks after Thanksgiving. Needless to say, we
were all traumatized by the wear Pig and kept a
close eye on the woods years later, we were all
joking at a family dinner and found out that our
grandmother and our parents had a family meeting to discuss
what to do about our behavior when we were kids.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Thus the wear Pig was born. That's how bad they were.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
It's like a cult kind of here's the agreed lie
tell the children.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
I think the movie Hereditary is based on that. It's
a real, by any means necessary way of raising children.
It sounds like it works.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
I think so and says stay sexy and watch out
for the wear Pig, Maddie. So it's a pig that's
watching you. Yeah, that's pretty creep.
Speaker 3 (03:03):
And kills children. Most importantly, eat some ride up kills children.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Yeah, did you like your bacon lack yesterday morning at breakfast? Well,
now I'm here to eat you revenge.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Years later, my confession. It's cold, it's very funny. Um,
and then I have to do this what sad dudes
and dudets. First off, thank you both for everything you do.
You've been my comfort podcast since the summer of twenty sixteen,
when I was fifteen. Wow.
Speaker 1 (03:37):
Now for my confession.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
In twenty eighteen, when I was seventeen, my grandmother passed
away due to the long term effects of smoking.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
That detail becomes important later.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Our entire family gathered at her retirement community to celebrate
her life. There were so many friends there, which honestly
surprised me because let's just say, Grandma wasn't exactly known
for her warm and fuzzy personality, not with kids at least.
After the celebration, the immediate family went back to her
apartment to pack up her belongings. While my mom was cleaning,
she suddenly held something up off the floor.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
What's this My vape?
Speaker 3 (04:13):
That shouldn't say it, but it's her vape, the same
vape I'd gotten caught with about a month earlier. Apparently
I dropped it during one of my visits. Immediately my
brain went into survival mode. Without missing a beat, I gasped,
Grandma vaped. The room erupted no way, Seriously, I had
no idea. While everyone was busy processing this shocking revelation,
(04:36):
I realized I had one chance to save myself. If
Grandma owned a vape, she'd probably have a charge or two.
I casually walked over to my backpack, pulled out my
vape charger, slipped it into my pocket. Waited for everyone
to get distracted again, and quietly tucked it into her
nightstand drawer.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Evil, like doubling down on evil, just being like, well,
I have to, I really have to send them home.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Yeah. It was like someone's gonna say, as if anyone
who doesn't have a vape knows that you have to
charge it, it's your grandmother.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
She Oh, yeah, she smoked. She likes sweet apple.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
No, No, like she smoked cigarette and she wasn't particularly
warm and fuzzy.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Yeah, that's true, but vaping is like a step beyond.
She's not a fucking kid on the corner with a
very small BMX bike.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
No, tucked in her night's said drawer. Mission accomplished. A
few hours later, my dad up in the drawer. Guys,
I found the charger, hooked line sinker. She's seventeen, okay,
which is like what you're supposed to do when're seventeen.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
No, that's fine.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
My mom found the rest of the weekend telling everyone
that apparently Grandma had secretly switched from cigarettes to vaping.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
Gossip.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Meanwhile, I stood there nodding along like I was hearing
this groundbreaking information for the first time.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
What a little shit does a little shit. Can you
believe it? But I love it.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Unfortunately, my parents threw both the vape and charger into
the apartment dumpster, which meant I had to recover the evidence.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
This could have ended here.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Yes, that night, I put on my best gloves, fashioned
a trash bag into what can only be described as
a dumpster diving poncho, and climbed into the dumpster to
rescue my vape. I still have it. It's been sitting
on my nightstand for the past seven years as a
trophy commemorating the greatest cover up of my teenage years.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
So it went down like people just believed that.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
And that's I'm twenty five now, and as far as
I know, no one has ever figured it out.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Hi's see. But I mean then it's almost worse.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
It's like she has to play this for them. Yeah, oh,
it's ze. Sorry, he has to play this for them?
I mean, hell, but so good, It's so good. Every
now and then, when my family is all together, I'll
casually say, remember when we found out Grandma vapes? Everyone nods,
I smile, and absolutely no one suspects a thing. I'd
like to think my grandmother would have appreciated the commitment
(06:54):
to the bit she had a mischievous streak herself. Stay
sexy and don't or do frame your dad grandmother, Zeth.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
He I love that story so good.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
I also love the idea that maybe he's suggesting that
his grandma would.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Have bought into the like Oh, it's fine town, whatever
you want, Yeah, yeah, oh yep, that's my babe, that's
my vape. No one else did it, and my chargers
in the door, Zeth.
Speaker 3 (07:19):
You have to play this for your family, like at Christmas.
Gather everyone around, everyone around. We'll edit out all the
focs in this and such so you can do it
at a holiday. Okay, here's my next one.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
The subject line is I dated a con artist and
it says hello, beautiful people. I was recently talking to
a couple of friends and a story I had repressed
for a while came up, and I thought, what better
way to deal with this than to write into a
murder podcast. When I was about nineteen, i'd recently come
out of a serious relationship and was pretty naive in
the way the world worked. And that's when I met Brad.
(07:56):
He was a very charismatic person, well dressed, full of
great stories, Hubris, and he was the king of flattery.
He was also a doctor working at a hospital nearby
as a surgeon, and we'd often meet after his work,
with him still wearing his medical scrubs. Overall, I really
liked the guy. You can get scrubs at CVS. Everybody
looking back through a couple warning signs that didn't add up,
(08:18):
like him living in a tiny house with a roommate
he constantly complained about even though he was on a
surgeon's salary and should easily be able to move out,
Or that he changed his luxury car every couple of
weeks without ever worrying about parking fines. I found out
a few months into the relationship why this was when
I was awoken at his place one Saturday morning with
very loud knocks at the door.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
It was a police raid.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
I had absolutely no idea what was happening when they
took brad away and handcuffs, along with laptops, electronics and documents.
As much as I begged the police, they wouldn't tell
me anything for privacy reasons. After putting all my detective
hat and doing some digging, I realized he wasn't a surgeon.
He wasn't even working at the hospital. The man I'd
been dating for months was a con man. His mo
(09:01):
was to meet people selling their cars online, dressed as
a surgeon.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
Give them a ship.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Sorry, it's so good when there's costumes, it's like, yeah,
sell it, you gotta sell it. Yeah, anything to make
trick people into trusting him. Yeah, give them a check
or false proof of payment transfer, and then take their car.
He would then sell or swap his the latest vehicle
and continue on his way. His charisma would allow him
to trick others into handing him large amounts of cash
(09:30):
that they would never see again. He was eventually let
out on bail and fled across the country, where he
did similar things to many others before being caught and
sent to prison for a few years. I wanted to
just let everyone listening know that this kind of thing
can happen to anyone, and then it doesn't make you
stupid or worth less than anyone else. These people are
good at what they do, and we can just be
(09:50):
more aware and put our stories out there in the
hope that it can help others. Thank you for all
you do and keeping me sane during trying times, stay
sexy and be wary of surgeons.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Callum, be weary of overly flattering people. Like as much
as I wish Fince would tell me how great I
look every time I dress up, which I have to
remind him to do. If you did it, I wouldn't
believe him, right, Like, what's wrong? Why are you doing that?
Speaker 1 (10:12):
You're like, stop it? What did you do? Yes?
Speaker 2 (10:15):
The flattery, And I think the kind of like it's
one thing to show up in scrubs because you're just
like a surgeon that's working your ass off. But then
it's like the cars, it's like the levels. I feel
like a lot of time scammers don't know when to
stop rite. They don't keep it real.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
Yeah, like surgeons let us know, like do you wear
your scrubs like on your way home?
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Do you love to just meet people at a wine
bar in scrubs just to see if people will love it?
Speaker 3 (10:39):
It's kind of gross, like the amount of like a
biohazard issue old blood.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
Yeah, pussy.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
If you're a if you're a medical student or a surgeon,
and you can tell us about bloody scrub stories, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Tell us your best scrub story, tell us.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Your I told you I know, I've told you this
is like a twenty sixteen pat story. Yeah, driving to
work in her way heights, car accident in front of
her on the one on one. Yes, she goes and
leans on the thing, and so she gets blood on
the front because she's talking to the guy who has
a glass in his forehead.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Huh.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
And then she turns to walk back to her car
with blood on her whites and then a friend of
ours from Pedalumho drives by and thinks it's my mom
wondering on the side of the broad Just.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
A total shit show. So that's the story. Karings gave
you a great example.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
If you can't beat that, then stay home.
Speaker 3 (11:27):
Okay, last episode we had a bunch of good scammer
stories and there were so many leftover that I these
are We.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Just love that so much. We're so good.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Please send in yours, especially I am enjoying the take
home part of this happened to me.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Don't let it happen to you that and also I
was the scammer. Those are great, especially if you were
like seven years old. Totally exactly.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
So, okay, this is called scammer fangirl summer. And this
sounds like it would have happened to me when I
was nineteen, so I love it.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Hello, Wonderful Ladies and crew.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
I listened to the Anna delve episode and heard you
asking for more scammer stories, so I figured i'd share mine.
Back in twenty fourteen, a young adult me was a
huge fan of a pop rock boy band that was
starting to get pretty.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
Big and then no name.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
We have to know, don't be ashamed of loving who
could have it?
Speaker 1 (12:13):
On twenty fourteen, I wasn't. I don't fucking know a
boy band in twenty fourteen, it's got to be a
K pop band?
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Oh maybe yeah? Were there any I don't know? I
mean just continuing to love one direction through chill twenty fourteen.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Could be ye.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
None of my friends were into them, so I often
went to concerts alone and made friends there, which I love.
How I know one girl, let's call her Abby, and
I quickly became close. Abby suggested we follow the band's
twenty fifteen summer tour through Vegas, San Diego, and La.
The deal was that she'd pay for the flights and
I'd cover the hotels. The catch she lived in the
(12:49):
middle of nowhere, so I had to take a five
hour bus ride to her hometown and fly out with her.
No already sketch incorrect. The first half of the trip
was great. The second half is when I started noticing
Abby's scammer tendencies. She claimed she had lost her only
debit cards, so I supposedly needed to cover all our
food and gas expenses. That story fell apart when I
(13:10):
caught her using the card to buy a drink. She
also showed her crazy side by getting obscenely drunk at
one of the concerts and started hysterically sobbing that the
drummer might be dating a model. Then, on the last
day of the trip, she informed me that she couldn't
drive me home from the tiny airport we'd fly back into.
There were no buses available for two days back to
(13:30):
my home city, so she was stuck in the small
town with Abby. Still Fuck yeah, young inexperienced broke from
the trip and panicking, I called my dad from our
Detroit layover. He booked me a separate flight home from there.
The problem was that my checked luggage would continue to
Abby's airport. Abby happily offered to pick up my bag
and ship it to me. The vibes were terrible, but
(13:52):
I didn't have another option when you just want to
be home from a trip.
Speaker 2 (13:56):
But also, can't the option be that you just have
the airline do it for you and just like no
one else has.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
To touch it?
Speaker 3 (14:01):
I think not when you're a kid, you know, can't
we go back and fix this luggage issue.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Once we got out? Gets worse.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Once we got home, Abby claimed my luggage had been
lost and even gave me a baggage claim number. When
I checked with it exactly when I checked with the airline,
the claim didn't exist. Airport security and the police got involved,
which is so surprising, And sure enough, surveillance footage showed
Abby taking my suitcase. She doubled down and claimed she
(14:29):
thought it was my bag, then said it turned out
not to be and brought it back.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
She did not.
Speaker 3 (14:34):
Airport security zoomed in on the footage, and my name
tag was clearly visible the entire time.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
It's the airport's yeah, right, You're not sneaking in and
sneaking out and doing your own thing. No.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
The police told Abby that if she returned everything to
the airport, no charges would be filed. About a week later,
I finally got my luggage back, minus a bag I'd
bought in LA. At that point, I was willing to
eat the hundred dollars loss just to be done with her.
Then Abby blocked me and all my friends on social media.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
That's how you do it.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
When I started warning other fans online, my dms filled
up with stories from girls she'd scammed. Once said Abby
took her for over one thousand dollars for concert tickets
that never existed. The worst was a girl who had
originally planned to go with us on the tour. She
gave Abby seven hundred dollars for the trip, then backed out.
Abby kept the money that seven hundred dollars it paid
(15:24):
for both of our flights. Imagine my guilt when I
realized I spent the entire trip on that poor girl's dime.
Fast forward to twenty twenty two, I discovered Abby had
become a fangirl of another boy band. She was now
selling counterfeit merch. Still going scammer strong Wow. Anyway, stay
sexy and don't go on trips with crazy de lulu fangirls,
especially the ones who genuinely believe they're going to date
(15:46):
the drummer.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Anonymous it's so embarrassing to think because when you're drunk,
that stuff comes out when you start crying, and you're
just like, have you ever done that? You're so shift
as you come to and you're like, what am I
crying about?
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Right now? This is really weird? Yeah, And it's like
because the drummer drummer right now where I met is
dating a model.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
All right, see, uh this is this is kind of random.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
But I just really loved it. Okay, I won't read
to the subject line.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
It says, hello, picture it nineteen eighty seven, downtown Salem, Oregon.
The drive through Divorce is open and the sweet chemical
smell of Salon perms is.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
In the air.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
I am one year old, writing in my stroller for
another day of errands with my mom and preteen sisters.
We enter Nordstrums. Are we here to braws? Cool clothes
at the brass Plum? No, the brass Plum. I spent
so much time there. No. We turn to the children's
shoes section across the aisle. Before you know it, I'm
on my feet with a collection of toddlers and a
(16:47):
path has been cleared.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
A bell rings.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
My family is cheering me on and I run as
fast as my little chubby legs will go. What could
possibly be happening right now? A baby race at the mall? Yes, racially, yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
I would fucking I would put money down on that one.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
And then it says one that I most definitely did
not sign up for. That's right, there's no consent. No,
as luck would have it, I won. I left those
other babies in my wake, and was awarded a bright
white pair of Wii box Ah. And then it says
you read that correctly. This concludes my one and only
athletic achievement to date. In subsequent years, I found my
(17:26):
true calling coloring contests. I didn't have an allowance, so
I entered them all winning cookies, gift certificates, one hamster, Wow,
and my first real bike. Stay Sexy and collect prizes, Leslie,
I know I love it.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
PS.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
One day I will find an email my second grade
essay response to what's your favorite movie? Mine was The Fugitive.
I watched it with my parents. I was eight.
Speaker 3 (17:50):
But Karen's right, it is a perfect movie. Okay, I'll
watch it. Please send us your contest winning stories. As
a child, as her mom like obsessed with sending in
the you know, there's like I love those people who
just win contests, because that's all they fucking do with
their free time, is like enter contests.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
Or like did you win your school Yeah, regional spelling bee, and.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
You're like, mall modeling contest. Anything. We want to know.
Love those I want to hear them. Okay, one more.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Okay, this is basically a trash child story. I was
a child extortionist. Hey team, So I was about eight
years old. My aunt was having a house party, and
none of the attendees, including my mother, bothered to get
a babysitter. Of course not, there's so many adults there.
I pay for a fucking another adult to be there.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Sorry, in the eighties, nineties, the nineties.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
So in classic nineties fashion, they sent me and three
other children, including my little cousin, to the playroom, declaring
that I was the oldest and therefore in charge.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
She's eight.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
Yeah, I was the high Queen of benevolent Ruler and
they were all welcome for being in my cool, big
kid presence. I led multiple expedition to spy on the
adults before we were chased back into the playroom, and
finally we were told that if we didn't stay upstairs,
we'd have to go to bed early. That was their
ultimate mistake. They let us stay awake. Also, what were
(19:12):
they doing down there? Fucking have an adult adult time?
Shit man, whatever it is smoking indoors, bitch. And yeah,
there were two bathrooms, one that was only accessible by
walking through my aunt and uncle's bedroom and one at
the top of the stairs. My six year old cousin
and I worked out that only family would use the
downstairs bathroom, and therefore they were unlikely to see what
(19:34):
we were doing in front of the other. We locked
arms and formed a child blockade at the top of
the stairs, then waited until all the drunk adults at
the party started stumbling up the stairs to try to
use the bathroom. They were basically met with the tiniest
mob bosses this side of upstate New York. At first,
we accepted quarters for bathroom entry, but then one of
(19:55):
the adults negotiated four bathroom trips for a whole dollar.
So I'm drunk, fucking dudes, like listen, I don't want
it to keep giving you guys quarters.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
I'm by myself the night.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
Yeah, work got around, but not to our parents and
a very sweaty twenty something climbed the stairs slowly holding
out of twenty dollars for full access all night.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
We were in business. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
The party went late and the other two kids went
home with their parents, so it was just my little
cousin and I.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
Half asleep at the top of the stairs.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
When our parents found out how we had been spending
the evening, my aunt had her friend, who had worked
out the fore trip deal with us, demand that we
give his dollar back.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Fuck that shit, no bear, its weird.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
We did, but I guess no one else snitched because
we walked.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
Away with twenty forty five dollars that night. Jesus.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
We had told some of the folks we scammed that
we were donating the money to an animal shelter, and
after a couple of days of secret candy, we felt
guilty enough that we put the rest, about twenty five
dollars in the jar at our downtown aspca h love
everything you do. Stay sexy and don't just leave your
kids to be supervised by an eight year old at
a house party, or do and watch them become the
(21:07):
mob kate with a.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Sea The amount of times we got locked into another
room and then started to play a game that was
like basically like climbed the shelves or whatever, like a dangerous,
insane game that when the adults would be.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
What the hell's going on, you left them alone like
that's the other like this isn't on the kids.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Yes, we had at the Anton Giovanni's. There was one
time where we they ran along the tops of the
of the couches this amazing huge leather sectional and it
was like all the kids running to go faster.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
You're gonna fall, Oh my god. It was the most funny.
Of course, cracked skull, yes right there.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
It's like coffee tables everywhere and ship you can fall
down on and.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Just like and we're all running as food. So you
think you could win today, Yeah, you could win.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
You have to really keep your your knees up because
the cushion part is different than.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
The like righte and just keep going and just keep
and look up, don't look down, keep up and just
stay positive. Yeah, and that's what we want you to do.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Ban call it. Tell us the insane games.
Speaker 3 (22:10):
You played as a kid, and keep stay pot, keep
your knees up, and stay positive and stay sex and
don't get murdered Geybye, Elvis, Do you want a cookie?
Speaker 4 (22:28):
This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Our senior producer is Molly Smith and our associate producer
is Tessa Hughes.
Speaker 4 (22:34):
Our editor is Aristotle Ascevedo.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
This episode was mixed by Leona Squalacci.
Speaker 4 (22:38):
Our researchers are Mayor McGlashan and Ali Elkin.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
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And now you can watch My Favorite Murder on Netflix.
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Hosts And Creators
Georgia Hardstark
Karen Kilgariff
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