November 20, 2025 • 21 mins
In this intimate My Legacy Bonus Drop, beloved relationship coach Jillian Turecki opens up about her difficult childhood—and how it became the foundation for her life’s work. With longtime friend and yoga teacher Nikki Costello, she shares hard-won insights about healing, presence, and finding the love you deserve.
- How to rewrite the story of your childhood
- Why unmet needs keep us stuck in toxic cycles
- The power of stillness to reveal purpose
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is my legacy.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
In this week's bonus drop, Jillian Direki, the relationship coach
millions Turned in with Love gets Hard, opens up about
how her most painful beginning shaped her life's work helping
others heal their past, break old patterns, and open their
hearts to real connection. Joined by her close friend and
yoga guru Nikki Costello, she shares her most hard one wisdom.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Let's jump in, Okay, Julie, We're gonna go way back
to the beginning if you don't mind, so so really
understand you.
Speaker 4 (00:31):
Of course, your father was the fame child psychiatrist, doctor
Stanley Tureki, who wrote the book The Difficult Child, And
if I may say, it was of course based on you.
And you've been very open and brave talking about the
emotional volatility in your childhood, the chaotic reality. So when
you look at your early relationships, how did your childhood
(00:55):
shape those early relationships.
Speaker 5 (00:58):
That's a big question.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
My parents were immigrants, so my mom was born and
raised in South Africa.
Speaker 5 (01:08):
My father was born.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
In Poland, but when he was an infant, escaped Nazi
basically World War Two. Because he was Jewish. He and
his parents found their way to South Africa, where my
father went to medical school, then ended up meeting my
mom and they came to the States in nineteen sixty eight,
(01:31):
and there was already there's so many things to it, right,
There's generation, there's culture, and my mother was not raised
in a time where women were taught how to love
themselves and how to stand up for themselves. It was
(01:51):
more like, here's a handsome Jewish doctor, you must marry him,
you know, That's just how it went.
Speaker 5 (01:58):
And so but they were not. They were completely wrong.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
For each other, and so when they came to this country,
they it was a very volatile, volatile marriage. I mean,
my mom was unhappy and my father, as brilliant as
he was and as many people as he helped, fought
(02:21):
tremendous demons internally, which we know that's not an unfamiliar story, right,
That's a very common story in many people. And so
he had undiagnosed bipolar and he was very unpredictable. And
so I come into the world as the last child,
and I was very very sensitive. And some people are
(02:45):
just born very sensitive, so they are picking up on
surroundings more, right, And so when you place a sensitive
child inside of a home where there is a lot
of you know, the eggshells are scattered throughout and everyone
has to walk on them or figure out a way
(03:07):
to circumvent them. My father was very unpredictable emotionally. He
was never ever physically abusive to his children, but he
was unreachable, unavailable. You never knew what kind of mood
he was going to be in, and so I grew
(03:27):
up trying to predict what his mood would be and
avoiding him as much as possible. And so there was
this little bit of oil and water. And my mom
was ten was an amazing mom, but my father just
couldn't Again a generation where fathers didn't change diapers, it
(03:50):
was a complete it's different, right, and so there was
a disconnect between the two of us, and I was
just very afraid of him.
Speaker 5 (03:58):
And then he just didn't know.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Really how to make of my behavior. The fact that
he was a child psychiatrist. He labeled me as difficult,
but he called it the difficult child syndrome. And he
wanted to write a book that would help parents understand
their child and.
Speaker 5 (04:16):
Not blame themselves.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
And there's some value to the book if I can
be very honest, But what's lacking is the understanding that
the environment that the child is in will very much
shape his or her behavior, and that there was no
mention of what's going on between mom and dad, what
(04:42):
is the kid picking up on? And so this label
of difficult has been sort of this monkey on my
back for most of my life, and so my challenge
has been to sort of shed that, to understand and
then also to grow into an adult where I didn't
(05:06):
despise my father, because for many years I did.
Speaker 5 (05:10):
And so my.
Speaker 6 (05:13):
Spiritual path, for lack of a better way to describe it,
was to get to a place not only where I
can accept myself, but where I could make peace with him.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Wow, and you said so eloquently at the beginning, And
I appreciate by the way the openness and the sharing
that your own childhood shaped who you are. And so
many people, of course, have had their own journey that
has been difficult in their childhoods. So when you look
at how people carry that with them in relationships today
that limit them from having those healthy relationships, what's the
(05:49):
first piece of advice that you give someone on how
they have to grow overcome be their best selves in
light of that childhood experience that they may carry with them.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Well, it begins with mindfulness, and what I mean by
that is, can you look at a circumstance, a situation,
an event, and can you challenge yourself to look at
that event, circumstance, situation. Childhood would have you from different
(06:24):
perspectives so that you expand, shift, deepen your understanding of
what happened and you're not locked into a story that
you've been living and telling yourself for decades. So the
first piece of advice, you know, you want to have awareness,
(06:47):
but in overcoming that, you have to be able to
look at your childhood differently. I am a very very
firm believer in sometimes what you're not given in life
is actually what makes you gifted and strong. It's very
(07:10):
interesting when we look at the fact that there are
people who are who are given everything from a young age,
everything they could possibly want, and they still grew up
to be a drug addict. Now, is it common that
something like drug addiction happens when there is childhood trauma? Absolutely,
(07:33):
but why does it also happen when you've actually been
given love or everything that you wanted. So the point
that I'm trying to make is sometimes get not having
the parent that you wish you had had or deserved
is exactly what shaped you. So there is no way
(07:59):
there is there's literally no chance that I would be
sitting here today having written the book that I wrote,
having helped the people that I've helped, speaking to you,
had I had the father I had always wanted, and
so that gives me perspective, and it releases a lot
(08:25):
of shame, guilt, self worth stuff, and then that's how
you actually start to show up differently in your relationships.
And then there's the nitty gritty of what did I
learn from mom and Dad that you know, we're not
taught these skills in school. We learn from other flawed
humans who were doing the best that they could with
(08:48):
the tools that they had been given. And you have
to always take into account a person's generation, culture, all
of it, because all these things shape who a person is.
And so I can look back at my father and say, Okay,
yes he was trying all these things that would be
(09:09):
evidence of the fact that he was, you know, a
crappy father. But then I can also take into a fact,
take into account, well, I have no idea what it
means to be born in Poland during World.
Speaker 5 (09:23):
War Two as a Jew.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
I have no idea what it is to have your
parents not tell you that you're Jewish until you're eighteen
years old, and you have no idea because they were
trying to protect.
Speaker 5 (09:36):
You from that identity.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
I have no idea what it's like to have bipolar.
So I learned to stop taking it so personally, and
that understanding of human nature has helped me in relationships,
and that is what I tell people to do. You
have to start to see things from different perspectives and
that will help every facet of your relationship life, including
(10:03):
when you're having an argument with your partner.
Speaker 7 (10:05):
We're building something real here, one episode at a time.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
If you want to be part of it, subscribe.
Speaker 7 (10:12):
It's free, it matters, and we're just getting started.
Speaker 8 (10:21):
Now back to my legacy, Jillian, I'm sure that you
have heard it all, people coming up to you in
the airport or whatever you know, and or sending in
through social media. You know, their stories of either your advice,
helping them find love or helping them find the strength
(10:43):
to leave a bad relationship. Is there one particular story
that has really really stuck with you?
Speaker 1 (10:52):
I learned a lot about human behavior from all the
people I've worked with, and there's one in particular. Since
we're since this conversation has sort of taken the shape of.
Speaker 5 (11:10):
It begins with us, right, like.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
It's how we feel about ourselves. I'd known her for
many years and her pattern was just always sort of avoiding.
Speaker 5 (11:26):
Like true emotional intimacy, sort of like a.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
On the surface, she appeared to be a free spirit.
Sometimes the free spirit archetype is you have to wonder
are they truly a free spirit or are they afraid
to be tethered to something?
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Right?
Speaker 1 (11:43):
You always have to kind of ask yourself that. And she,
in her late thirties started dating a man and he
was good looking, he was smart, he was charming, and
he was an absolute mess. And what made him a
(12:03):
mess was the fact that he did cocaine. He was
fifty one and didn't have a lot of direction in
his life, and most importantly, he played a lot of
games with this girl. And I never saw her as
(12:24):
a victim because, you know, one of the most profound
pieces of advice that my mother gave me was Jillian
people find each other. And so she was not sure
of herself and didn't have the skill. So it was
perfect that she met someone who would treat her like this,
(12:44):
because then instead of walking away from him, she played
all sorts of mind games with him too, pretending she
doesn't care, starting fights, whatever it is. So the two
of them were creating a mess together. And she was
coming back from a trip to New York and he
told her that he would pick her up at the airport.
(13:05):
He never showed up, never texted or called to say
that he would not show up, and was mia that
whole entire day. And the next day he just said
he got busy. And I said to her, if this
is not the last straw, I don't know what will be.
And it wasn't for her, even though it felt horrible,
(13:28):
and I realized that there's that when people really tolerate
that kind of BS, it's because they don't know that
it can actually be better. She would break up with
him and then get back together with him, and break
up with him and get back together with him, and
every time she broke up with him, she was feeling
some sort of strength, right, She had some sort of
(13:50):
energy that was inside of her that was like now's
the time, and a lot of people will say, oh,
because she doesn't love herself, and this and this and that. Sure,
but that's that's a cop out answer, because there's always
more context. And every time she went back to him,
something was going on with her self.
Speaker 5 (14:13):
Internally.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
She felt lonely, she was disconnected from family because her
family was in a different state, so she wasn't around
her sisters, work, she was feeling disappointed with work, a
little lost, not knowing which direction to take. And so
when you're disconnected from some friends, when you're disconnected from community,
(14:38):
and when you're disconnected from purpose and direction, us humans
can feel often existentially is lost, right, And it was
in those states that she would go back to him,
because he at least was familiar and she knew him,
and he was predictable. Even though he's totally im predictable,
(15:00):
he was predictable in his own way, and so she
used him as sort of an anchor when she was
feeling so untethered. And when I was able to point
out that this was no longer about him, This was
no longer about oh, girl, you just need to love yourself.
(15:21):
But this was really about understanding that if you don't
know if your if your needs are not being met
in life and you don't know how to meet those needs,
you will seek out to get your needs met, even
in unhealthy ways, and sometimes that's through the form of
(15:42):
romantic interest. And so when she was able to then
recognize first like because then she did finally break up
with him, and then when she would start to feel
those pangs of missing him, she would then be like, Oh,
what else is going on with me right now? And
(16:03):
that's how she started to slowly break the pattern. And
that's just and that taught me a lot, because when
it comes to helping others, you have to always understand
context and where they are at in their relationship with themselves.
(16:23):
That goes beyond what mommy and daddy did or didn't do.
Even though that absolutely plays a role, it's not the
only thing that plays a role. And since we can't
go back in time and change our childhood, helping people
change in real time is to see the larger context.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Jilane, and hearing you speak.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
This story was one of the most profound experiences in
this whole conversation because I felt it was like human
pain thinner as you took us deeper and deeper and
deeper and understanding until she could appreciate what the need was,
that idea of connection, that idea of purpose, she could
never truly understand why she was returning to him in
that way. And you approach this human development from this
(17:14):
incredible angle of what is that fundamental human need and
understanding that human need. I'm going to then mirror that
with Nikki. You approach it from almost a physical spiritual perspective,
like you have spent time with the Dala Lama and
you bring people ontobt and Buddhist retreats at monasteries, and
(17:34):
so if you look at the other side of that equation,
what have been some of the most profound transformations that
you've seen in students and what are the lessons that
that can apply either in your life or candidly to
our listeners and viewers' lives.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
Well, I'll hone in on what.
Speaker 7 (17:55):
You've asked about in this particular experience of taking people
on retreat and why yoga retreats or spiritual retreat is
such a profound aspect to one's practice. You can be
in your daily life. You can be going to a
class every week or twice a week with your teacher.
(18:16):
When you go on retreat, you extract yourself from your
daily commitments, your phone, your responsibilities, and so forth. And
not only do you take yourself out of that daily life,
but you go somewhere. And I bring people to places
of pilgrimage, so I very specifically bring them somewhere where
that place, that physical place is charged.
Speaker 5 (18:39):
It is.
Speaker 7 (18:39):
It is like the environment, the land speaks to what
it means to be with oneself without the you know,
the luggage, the baggage of our daily life. So first
that's important place leaving something behind so that the capacity
(19:01):
to be able to listen and to hear about what's
really present it becomes greater. We become more sensitive, like
our antennas are are are picking up new things. And
I've observed students in the course of those retreats from
day one to you know, day ten, and I see them,
(19:23):
I literally watch their faces and body become lighter, literally
filled with light. So a certain way that the body
holds tension is that if there's like a grip, there's
also a hardness, and hardness is like a heaviness, so
that there's like to really have the physical sensation of
(19:46):
and lighter is huge. Also when there's clarity and clarity
and lightness and transparency and way of being. When all
of these qualities are there, we have the capacity to
hear our purpose and to feel it. Everyone that's come
(20:08):
with me, and I've done this for over ten years
to this very particular place in Ladaque has had a
life affirming, life changing experience. And I watch purpose literally
surface in their being. And it's not a mental activity.
Speaker 5 (20:31):
It is why are you here?
Speaker 7 (20:36):
And what gift do you have to give to this
world that we all need? What is your medicine? What
is calling you? And there's something so extraordinary as a
teacher to be able to bear witness to that.
Speaker 5 (20:49):
I didn't do it.
Speaker 7 (20:52):
It's not the teacher. I just I got to escort
people and bring them into an opportunity to experience themselves
that way.
Speaker 8 (21:01):
I just thought about that a song I hadn't thought
about in many years. But this, this little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine. Yes, Yeah, So that that
seems like that's exactly then that light turns on in
any any of us.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Thank you for joining us. If you enjoyed today's conversation, subscribe, share,
and follow us on at my legacy movement on social
media and YouTube. New episodes drop every Tuesday, with bonus
content every Thursday. At its core, this podcast honors doctor
King's vision of the beloved community and the power of connection.
(21:40):
A Legacy Plus studio production distributed by iHeartMedia creator and
executive producer Suzanne Hayward co executive producer Lisa Lyle. Listen
on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
This is my legacy.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
In this week's bonus drop, Jillian Direki, the relationship coach
millions Turned in with Love gets Hard, opens up about
how her most painful beginning shaped her life's work helping
others heal their past, break old patterns, and open their
hearts to real connection. Joined by her close friend and
yoga guru Nikki Costello, she shares her most hard one wisdom.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
Let's jump in, Okay, Julie, We're gonna go way back
to the beginning if you don't mind, so so really
understand you.
Speaker 4 (00:31):
Of course, your father was the fame child psychiatrist, doctor
Stanley Tureki, who wrote the book The Difficult Child, And
if I may say, it was of course based on you.
And you've been very open and brave talking about the
emotional volatility in your childhood, the chaotic reality. So when
you look at your early relationships, how did your childhood
(00:55):
shape those early relationships.
Speaker 5 (00:58):
That's a big question.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
My parents were immigrants, so my mom was born and
raised in South Africa.
Speaker 5 (01:08):
My father was born.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
In Poland, but when he was an infant, escaped Nazi
basically World War Two. Because he was Jewish. He and
his parents found their way to South Africa, where my
father went to medical school, then ended up meeting my
mom and they came to the States in nineteen sixty eight,
(01:31):
and there was already there's so many things to it, right,
There's generation, there's culture, and my mother was not raised
in a time where women were taught how to love
themselves and how to stand up for themselves. It was
(01:51):
more like, here's a handsome Jewish doctor, you must marry him,
you know, That's just how it went.
Speaker 5 (01:58):
And so but they were not. They were completely wrong.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
For each other, and so when they came to this country,
they it was a very volatile, volatile marriage. I mean,
my mom was unhappy and my father, as brilliant as
he was and as many people as he helped, fought
(02:21):
tremendous demons internally, which we know that's not an unfamiliar story, right,
That's a very common story in many people. And so
he had undiagnosed bipolar and he was very unpredictable. And
so I come into the world as the last child,
and I was very very sensitive. And some people are
(02:45):
just born very sensitive, so they are picking up on
surroundings more, right, And so when you place a sensitive
child inside of a home where there is a lot
of you know, the eggshells are scattered throughout and everyone
has to walk on them or figure out a way
(03:07):
to circumvent them. My father was very unpredictable emotionally. He
was never ever physically abusive to his children, but he
was unreachable, unavailable. You never knew what kind of mood
he was going to be in, and so I grew
(03:27):
up trying to predict what his mood would be and
avoiding him as much as possible. And so there was
this little bit of oil and water. And my mom
was ten was an amazing mom, but my father just
couldn't Again a generation where fathers didn't change diapers, it
(03:50):
was a complete it's different, right, and so there was
a disconnect between the two of us, and I was
just very afraid of him.
Speaker 5 (03:58):
And then he just didn't know.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Really how to make of my behavior. The fact that
he was a child psychiatrist. He labeled me as difficult,
but he called it the difficult child syndrome. And he
wanted to write a book that would help parents understand
their child and.
Speaker 5 (04:16):
Not blame themselves.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
And there's some value to the book if I can
be very honest, But what's lacking is the understanding that
the environment that the child is in will very much
shape his or her behavior, and that there was no
mention of what's going on between mom and dad, what
(04:42):
is the kid picking up on? And so this label
of difficult has been sort of this monkey on my
back for most of my life, and so my challenge
has been to sort of shed that, to understand and
then also to grow into an adult where I didn't
(05:06):
despise my father, because for many years I did.
Speaker 5 (05:10):
And so my.
Speaker 6 (05:13):
Spiritual path, for lack of a better way to describe it,
was to get to a place not only where I
can accept myself, but where I could make peace with him.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Wow, and you said so eloquently at the beginning, And
I appreciate by the way the openness and the sharing
that your own childhood shaped who you are. And so
many people, of course, have had their own journey that
has been difficult in their childhoods. So when you look
at how people carry that with them in relationships today
that limit them from having those healthy relationships, what's the
(05:49):
first piece of advice that you give someone on how
they have to grow overcome be their best selves in
light of that childhood experience that they may carry with them.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Well, it begins with mindfulness, and what I mean by
that is, can you look at a circumstance, a situation,
an event, and can you challenge yourself to look at
that event, circumstance, situation. Childhood would have you from different
(06:24):
perspectives so that you expand, shift, deepen your understanding of
what happened and you're not locked into a story that
you've been living and telling yourself for decades. So the
first piece of advice, you know, you want to have awareness,
(06:47):
but in overcoming that, you have to be able to
look at your childhood differently. I am a very very
firm believer in sometimes what you're not given in life
is actually what makes you gifted and strong. It's very
(07:10):
interesting when we look at the fact that there are
people who are who are given everything from a young age,
everything they could possibly want, and they still grew up
to be a drug addict. Now, is it common that
something like drug addiction happens when there is childhood trauma? Absolutely,
(07:33):
but why does it also happen when you've actually been
given love or everything that you wanted. So the point
that I'm trying to make is sometimes get not having
the parent that you wish you had had or deserved
is exactly what shaped you. So there is no way
(07:59):
there is there's literally no chance that I would be
sitting here today having written the book that I wrote,
having helped the people that I've helped, speaking to you,
had I had the father I had always wanted, and
so that gives me perspective, and it releases a lot
(08:25):
of shame, guilt, self worth stuff, and then that's how
you actually start to show up differently in your relationships.
And then there's the nitty gritty of what did I
learn from mom and Dad that you know, we're not
taught these skills in school. We learn from other flawed
humans who were doing the best that they could with
(08:48):
the tools that they had been given. And you have
to always take into account a person's generation, culture, all
of it, because all these things shape who a person is.
And so I can look back at my father and say, Okay,
yes he was trying all these things that would be
(09:09):
evidence of the fact that he was, you know, a
crappy father. But then I can also take into a fact,
take into account, well, I have no idea what it
means to be born in Poland during World.
Speaker 5 (09:23):
War Two as a Jew.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
I have no idea what it is to have your
parents not tell you that you're Jewish until you're eighteen
years old, and you have no idea because they were
trying to protect.
Speaker 5 (09:36):
You from that identity.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
I have no idea what it's like to have bipolar.
So I learned to stop taking it so personally, and
that understanding of human nature has helped me in relationships,
and that is what I tell people to do. You
have to start to see things from different perspectives and
that will help every facet of your relationship life, including
(10:03):
when you're having an argument with your partner.
Speaker 7 (10:05):
We're building something real here, one episode at a time.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
If you want to be part of it, subscribe.
Speaker 7 (10:12):
It's free, it matters, and we're just getting started.
Speaker 8 (10:21):
Now back to my legacy, Jillian, I'm sure that you
have heard it all, people coming up to you in
the airport or whatever you know, and or sending in
through social media. You know, their stories of either your advice,
helping them find love or helping them find the strength
(10:43):
to leave a bad relationship. Is there one particular story
that has really really stuck with you?
Speaker 1 (10:52):
I learned a lot about human behavior from all the
people I've worked with, and there's one in particular. Since
we're since this conversation has sort of taken the shape of.
Speaker 5 (11:10):
It begins with us, right, like.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
It's how we feel about ourselves. I'd known her for
many years and her pattern was just always sort of avoiding.
Speaker 5 (11:26):
Like true emotional intimacy, sort of like a.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
On the surface, she appeared to be a free spirit.
Sometimes the free spirit archetype is you have to wonder
are they truly a free spirit or are they afraid
to be tethered to something?
Speaker 2 (11:42):
Right?
Speaker 1 (11:43):
You always have to kind of ask yourself that. And she,
in her late thirties started dating a man and he
was good looking, he was smart, he was charming, and
he was an absolute mess. And what made him a
(12:03):
mess was the fact that he did cocaine. He was
fifty one and didn't have a lot of direction in
his life, and most importantly, he played a lot of
games with this girl. And I never saw her as
(12:24):
a victim because, you know, one of the most profound
pieces of advice that my mother gave me was Jillian
people find each other. And so she was not sure
of herself and didn't have the skill. So it was
perfect that she met someone who would treat her like this,
(12:44):
because then instead of walking away from him, she played
all sorts of mind games with him too, pretending she
doesn't care, starting fights, whatever it is. So the two
of them were creating a mess together. And she was
coming back from a trip to New York and he
told her that he would pick her up at the airport.
(13:05):
He never showed up, never texted or called to say
that he would not show up, and was mia that
whole entire day. And the next day he just said
he got busy. And I said to her, if this
is not the last straw, I don't know what will be.
And it wasn't for her, even though it felt horrible,
(13:28):
and I realized that there's that when people really tolerate
that kind of BS, it's because they don't know that
it can actually be better. She would break up with
him and then get back together with him, and break
up with him and get back together with him, and
every time she broke up with him, she was feeling
some sort of strength, right, She had some sort of
(13:50):
energy that was inside of her that was like now's
the time, and a lot of people will say, oh,
because she doesn't love herself, and this and this and that. Sure,
but that's that's a cop out answer, because there's always
more context. And every time she went back to him,
something was going on with her self.
Speaker 5 (14:13):
Internally.
Speaker 1 (14:14):
She felt lonely, she was disconnected from family because her
family was in a different state, so she wasn't around
her sisters, work, she was feeling disappointed with work, a
little lost, not knowing which direction to take. And so
when you're disconnected from some friends, when you're disconnected from community,
(14:38):
and when you're disconnected from purpose and direction, us humans
can feel often existentially is lost, right, And it was
in those states that she would go back to him,
because he at least was familiar and she knew him,
and he was predictable. Even though he's totally im predictable,
(15:00):
he was predictable in his own way, and so she
used him as sort of an anchor when she was
feeling so untethered. And when I was able to point
out that this was no longer about him, This was
no longer about oh, girl, you just need to love yourself.
(15:21):
But this was really about understanding that if you don't
know if your if your needs are not being met
in life and you don't know how to meet those needs,
you will seek out to get your needs met, even
in unhealthy ways, and sometimes that's through the form of
(15:42):
romantic interest. And so when she was able to then
recognize first like because then she did finally break up
with him, and then when she would start to feel
those pangs of missing him, she would then be like, Oh,
what else is going on with me right now? And
(16:03):
that's how she started to slowly break the pattern. And
that's just and that taught me a lot, because when
it comes to helping others, you have to always understand
context and where they are at in their relationship with themselves.
(16:23):
That goes beyond what mommy and daddy did or didn't do.
Even though that absolutely plays a role, it's not the
only thing that plays a role. And since we can't
go back in time and change our childhood, helping people
change in real time is to see the larger context.
Speaker 4 (16:50):
Jilane, and hearing you speak.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
This story was one of the most profound experiences in
this whole conversation because I felt it was like human
pain thinner as you took us deeper and deeper and
deeper and understanding until she could appreciate what the need was,
that idea of connection, that idea of purpose, she could
never truly understand why she was returning to him in
that way. And you approach this human development from this
(17:14):
incredible angle of what is that fundamental human need and
understanding that human need. I'm going to then mirror that
with Nikki. You approach it from almost a physical spiritual perspective,
like you have spent time with the Dala Lama and
you bring people ontobt and Buddhist retreats at monasteries, and
(17:34):
so if you look at the other side of that equation,
what have been some of the most profound transformations that
you've seen in students and what are the lessons that
that can apply either in your life or candidly to
our listeners and viewers' lives.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
Well, I'll hone in on what.
Speaker 7 (17:55):
You've asked about in this particular experience of taking people
on retreat and why yoga retreats or spiritual retreat is
such a profound aspect to one's practice. You can be
in your daily life. You can be going to a
class every week or twice a week with your teacher.
(18:16):
When you go on retreat, you extract yourself from your
daily commitments, your phone, your responsibilities, and so forth. And
not only do you take yourself out of that daily life,
but you go somewhere. And I bring people to places
of pilgrimage, so I very specifically bring them somewhere where
that place, that physical place is charged.
Speaker 5 (18:39):
It is.
Speaker 7 (18:39):
It is like the environment, the land speaks to what
it means to be with oneself without the you know,
the luggage, the baggage of our daily life. So first
that's important place leaving something behind so that the capacity
(19:01):
to be able to listen and to hear about what's
really present it becomes greater. We become more sensitive, like
our antennas are are are picking up new things. And
I've observed students in the course of those retreats from
day one to you know, day ten, and I see them,
(19:23):
I literally watch their faces and body become lighter, literally
filled with light. So a certain way that the body
holds tension is that if there's like a grip, there's
also a hardness, and hardness is like a heaviness, so
that there's like to really have the physical sensation of
(19:46):
and lighter is huge. Also when there's clarity and clarity
and lightness and transparency and way of being. When all
of these qualities are there, we have the capacity to
hear our purpose and to feel it. Everyone that's come
(20:08):
with me, and I've done this for over ten years
to this very particular place in Ladaque has had a
life affirming, life changing experience. And I watch purpose literally
surface in their being. And it's not a mental activity.
Speaker 5 (20:31):
It is why are you here?
Speaker 7 (20:36):
And what gift do you have to give to this
world that we all need? What is your medicine? What
is calling you? And there's something so extraordinary as a
teacher to be able to bear witness to that.
Speaker 5 (20:49):
I didn't do it.
Speaker 7 (20:52):
It's not the teacher. I just I got to escort
people and bring them into an opportunity to experience themselves
that way.
Speaker 8 (21:01):
I just thought about that a song I hadn't thought
about in many years. But this, this little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine. Yes, Yeah, So that that
seems like that's exactly then that light turns on in
any any of us.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Thank you for joining us. If you enjoyed today's conversation, subscribe, share,
and follow us on at my legacy movement on social
media and YouTube. New episodes drop every Tuesday, with bonus
content every Thursday. At its core, this podcast honors doctor
King's vision of the beloved community and the power of connection.
(21:40):
A Legacy Plus studio production distributed by iHeartMedia creator and
executive producer Suzanne Hayward co executive producer Lisa Lyle. Listen
on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hosts And Creators
Craig Kielburger
Marc Kielburger
Martin Luther King III
Arndrea Waters King
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