Delivert: We Solved Barbershop Homophobia (with Dewayne Perkins)

Historically, Dewayne Perkins has had between thirty and forty barbers, and his observation - they're all homophobic. Or at least, the culture of the shop encourages men to feign homophobia to fit in. In the homorotic spaces of locker rooms, sports fields, and barbers' chairs, is there a response from straight men to try to counter that energy? Langston shares the traumatic experience of having the same haircut as his mom. Could a kissing booth heal homophobia? Is the barbershop too expensive? Should we be getting our hair cut less? Plus, a caller believes we're living in a simulation. 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
I'm glad I never had that. My mom never wanted
to wear the same clothes.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Hey, but we all been blessed in differently.

Speaker 1 (00:07):
She would wear my jacket to the club sometimes because
I had a cool ass forty nine ers of fake
leather jacket for a little bit, and then my ship
should come back. My ship smell like smoke.

Speaker 2 (00:18):
Got to go to school. A god damn like whise.
Little boy smell like musk.

Speaker 3 (00:35):
Doesn't.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
Chips in your kalas racists money. She's turning stuff. I
can't tell me the truth about him, Ronie.

Speaker 1 (00:57):
She's a sweet old girl about the sweetest little girl
in the whole wide world.

Speaker 2 (01:02):
She makes the toughest homeboy fall deep in love.

Speaker 1 (01:05):
And once you had Aroni, you will never give her up.
Welcome Little Mama's and gentiles will like to another phenomenal
episode of My Mama Told Me.

Speaker 4 (01:12):
You Ain't Crazy, the podcast where we DiPT deep deep
into the pockets of black conspiracy theories.

Speaker 1 (01:19):
And we ain't on shit.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
We ain't doing nothing, not one day of our life.
We will try some day.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
Yeah, one day.

Speaker 2 (01:27):
That's the promise to you, is one of these days
we're gonna try our best and it's gonna be cool.

Speaker 1 (01:32):
It's gonna or it's gonna be disappointing. That's really the worry.

Speaker 2 (01:36):
I think I'm over selling when I say cool, Okay,
I think I'm trying to pitch up. Yeah, yeah we can.
We can make this cool one day. I bet.

Speaker 1 (01:44):
I worry that if we get enough money to fulfill
our dreams, our fans will find out how lame we
actually are. Yes, Like, oh, David's just a guy who
likes sailboats. Now I thought he was. I thought he
was on some shit.

Speaker 2 (01:58):
Wait, so this nigga's the same, but he's wearing a cape.

Speaker 1 (02:01):
Yes, yeah, that's cool to me. I'm like, wow, no,
the fashion is gonna get bad. I have something I
want to talk to you, guys. I saw this on
the internet yesterday and it's been in my head. I
can't get it out. Oh no, somebody online said RFK

(02:23):
is their doctor Sebby. Yeah, this is see.

Speaker 3 (02:30):
Yeah, and the results would be the same.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
Yeah, people gonna die die?

Speaker 5 (02:39):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (02:40):
Fuck ism that crazy? That's fun. Yeah, because all they're
both just being like, man, we should all just be
eating good fruits and vegetables.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
And that's how they draw you in. But then they're
also like, potatoes cure cancer, and you're like.

Speaker 2 (02:54):
Hold on, don't I don't know, big dog.

Speaker 1 (02:58):
It's like, I trust Western medaw this sounds crazy to say,
I don't trust doctors, but the medicine they got.

Speaker 2 (03:04):
But see what what I think turns into this dangerous
thing with them is that they introduced the premise of
like this pure lifestyle in which you can turn potatoes
into a disease curing element. Whereas, like, we have so
many impurities already in our system that we the potato

(03:25):
just ain't gonna do potato shit for us until we
get fully alkaline and like right and step into the
sebi sphere, right, And I think RFK is doing the
same shit. He's just doing it with like on a
grander scale. He's like, the color inside of fruit loops
is killing y'all, And if we could just make fruit

(03:46):
loops fucking tan, then then we can heal all disease.
You don't need that vaccine, brother, you don't need to
take that medication also, which.

Speaker 3 (04:00):
Doesn't make the most sense because he's talking about like
the capabilities when not access to execution, right, Like this
is the thing that can happen. It will not happen
in your lifetime. No, no, no, yeah, it won't.

Speaker 2 (04:14):
And in fact, I'm really I'm a really big fan
of a dude who's planning to make them more colorful.
Like if he had it, he would be like, nah,
make them ships glow. I don't give a fuck what
happens in fruit loops.

Speaker 3 (04:26):
It's like, potatoes can cure cancer, but you will not
have money to buy potato.

Speaker 4 (04:30):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, nice, and the potatoes the government gonna
give you, that's not the one that's going.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
To help you.

Speaker 1 (04:43):
It was just crazy because you don't think about like
quacks really scare me, man, Yeah, like quack doctor, like
doctor Oz and that ship. That's like that's almost more
harmful than politicians because a lot of people don't believe
politicians off the rip right, most people believe doctors.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
Yeah, doctors. Oprah brings doctors had a good run. I said,
I think we're out of the doctor era on Once
a doctor gets on TV, that's an actor. Don't trust him.
Why you own TV? You should not be here.

Speaker 3 (05:18):
You had a good job you had before facing you're
trying to be talent. No, you have a lot of patients.

Speaker 2 (05:22):
In your waiting room. What are you doing here? Exactly?

Speaker 1 (05:25):
Also, if your doctor your first name, no, no, no,
doctor Drew, that's branding.

Speaker 2 (05:34):
You are a product.

Speaker 1 (05:36):
Yeah yeah, you're.

Speaker 2 (05:37):
Trying to be that substitute teacher who turns this chair around.
And it's like no, no, no.

Speaker 6 (05:42):
No, no, no, no no no, I need you to
be doctor Indian, last name, or whoever you go to.

Speaker 3 (05:53):
I just came from my doctor and he is of that, okay, and.

Speaker 2 (05:57):
Said, shout hey, shout out to Indian doctors. We've all
experienced it, and we've all, I think, for the most part,
enjoyed them.

Speaker 1 (06:04):
I got two going crazy. I've been talking about Yeah, no,
you you've been bragging. I give you his number.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
I don't even be doing that.

Speaker 1 (06:14):
I don't know if he has like a black quota.

Speaker 2 (06:17):
You're just trying to be a referral for a good
guy that's nice and wholesome. He was like, when was
the last time you got to check up? I was like,
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (06:28):
He was like, oh my god, I got a guy.

Speaker 1 (06:31):
And it was mostly vanity for me having a doctor,
And for many years I was quite the opposite.

Speaker 2 (06:36):
I'll be real, and it felt like a flex because
I've lived in Los Angeles much longer than you now,
and I've I have a lot of responsibilities and I
do not have like a consistent relationship with I have
a primary care physician, but it's not a man I
care about or necessarily trust. It is just a dude

(06:58):
I found and was like, yeah, I guess. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (07:01):
Upset me when you said because I was. I thought
you probably had a good.

Speaker 2 (07:04):
Doctor because of insurance and like job. It's not a
question of money, it's not an issue of access. It
is purely a issue of me not investing enough in me.
And that's where the embarrassment lives a little bit. Just

(07:29):
to find some of these choices cigarettes you some people
smoke cigarettes. I myself just sort of find the first
guy on Doc Doc and go, my boy. That's like
a thing though with like black man, Right, that's like
a stereotype of like black men don't like doctors. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (07:45):
I don't think it's a hystereo.

Speaker 2 (07:47):
It's true, right, It's not even that I don't like them.
I have a lot of them in my family weirdly,
but but I just don't think they're going to do nothing.

Speaker 1 (08:00):
Yeah, that's how i'd be feeling too.

Speaker 2 (08:02):
I think that's like the general thing. Yeah, and that's
that's not a healthy approach. Nothing're gonna do. Probably you can't.

Speaker 1 (08:13):
That's how I feel. I shouldn't be hurting. And my
girls and me go to the doctor and I'm like, okay,
so he could what Yeah? And then you go in
there and he's like, well you haven't.

Speaker 2 (08:21):
Heard yet something you could not have done. That's not
gonna suck back in. You gotta figure this out.

Speaker 3 (08:30):
I think I talked about doctor too much. He actually
told me like, you have to stop talking to me
every who every hell man. I'm just like, hey, no,
good for you. I got checked for breast cancer not
too long ago.

Speaker 2 (08:39):
There was a little lump.

Speaker 3 (08:40):
Am I no that I get checked for everything? And
he was like, I just think that's.

Speaker 2 (08:46):
Checked myself myself exactly.

Speaker 3 (08:51):
And he was like, no, you don't have it. And
I said, give me the test. If I have insurance,
I'm going to just use it to the dentist. To
much I'm going to.

Speaker 1 (09:01):
Eat for you. That's where I gotta get.

Speaker 3 (09:03):
You have to find everything that your insurance can get you.
And nutrition is like all kinds of things. I'm just like,
can I have it?

Speaker 2 (09:10):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (09:11):
Just get it and it made my life better.

Speaker 2 (09:13):
Nutritionists are covered under this under SAGGA and or yes,
whoa no it goes far.

Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yes you could go, you could get you need surgery.
Damn got you.

Speaker 3 (09:26):
I'm about to I'm about to get a nutrition sunglasses, sunglasses.
I getree sunglasses every year.

Speaker 2 (09:31):
That's a button.

Speaker 3 (09:35):
To Javatrice and I said, Jake the eyes and they said,
you get free sunglasses. I got some ray bands. They
were cute.

Speaker 2 (09:41):
Okay, damn things and let's talk off microphone, Dwayne.

Speaker 4 (09:47):
I think I think we got a few things we
and by co Op, you are the leader of this operation.

Speaker 2 (09:56):
Some things. I think you're really onto something. Our guest today,
I want a skin doctor, oh otologist. Yes, I didn't
even think we could do that. Are you joking? I
literally they are the best that one I do know.
And I needed it bad so I because you had
acne though I had pretty severe like cistic acne. And
then Utain would shout out to Acutane saying, right now,

(10:19):
are you what you're saying?

Speaker 3 (10:20):
Terrible medicine, beautiful skin, fantastic.

Speaker 2 (10:23):
Brother, brother. It is it is poison is the longest
poison they can serve. She's the human body before you
turn into dust. It is absolute poison, but it is
godsin like it's.

Speaker 3 (10:42):
Like that is one of my friends who's a nurse.
She was like, like, we use this for like cancer,
Like this is like really strong. You you have to
get monthly blood tests because every pill has like I'm
pregnantaity on it. Man, like, don't get pregnant. It will
deform your baby. Please, don't fucking take this. Please, it's
proven like you're trying will be just like it has

(11:04):
pictures of like a baby with like the head. It's
and it's a lot worse for women. So it actually doesn't.

Speaker 7 (11:11):
It doesn't.

Speaker 3 (11:17):
I don't like to double up, but that women, it
said shout out to.

Speaker 2 (11:23):
It's nuts. It's really crazy, but man, it does it.
It's like the only until until until all like the
the the recent what's the ship that everybody's on? No
ozempic until the ozempic craze. Accutane was like the only
drug that I knew of where everybody was just in agreement.

(11:45):
It is a cure for the ailment you have.

Speaker 1 (11:48):
Do you still take you have to take it forever?

Speaker 2 (11:51):
No, they you can't take it past like six months
or it will kill you.

Speaker 3 (11:56):
I would say, like this is my second time doing that,
because I did it the first time and like great,
and then like years later, I just got acne when
I was in New York not so long ago, and
it was because I was like doing seventy five hard
and I like accidentally did like a Keto diet and
was like in like Ketosi is in a way that
I wasn't supposed to do, skin like cleared up. So
I went to my dermatologists and they were like, we
could give you like topical stuff, or you can just

(12:18):
take accutain again, and then your chances of getting acne
ever again is like ninety eight percent or something. That's
just like it changes the DNA Like you're no, it's
true bad okay.

Speaker 1 (12:28):
And you're a little darker than most acne sufferers because
it's the light man's burden.

Speaker 2 (12:33):
Whoa this is this is a nasty revelation. I don't
know that to be true.

Speaker 3 (12:41):
The more guys have acne than darkning guys. Is that
why your skin so nice?

Speaker 2 (12:44):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (12:45):
Because I was looking, I was like, damn the skin nice.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
I don't you're not going to stand up?

Speaker 3 (12:49):
I mean, I'm I want to hear more. It's like
this theory seems like it may have leg Wait a minute,
it's only a light skin al No, no, but it's
mostly it's just is more than yeah, because there's like
a lot of like melanin and stuff.

Speaker 2 (13:06):
No no, no, doctor r s k on me and
I'm not doing that. Melanie ain't got ship to act.
That's because hyperpigmentation because of the acne is yes, but

(13:27):
that's what you're talking about, is its showing up. That's
not the actual like acne itself. I'm just saying, you
boys can't hurt me. Okay, you can't hurt me.

Speaker 3 (13:39):
You don't act now because of a medication that that
I'm fairly certain made it so I'll never touch my
toes again.

Speaker 2 (13:49):
I change. I think I'm just bucked. It's pretty bad.
I think I think there's gonna be more diarrhea than
there were supposed to be moving forward because of the
medication I took. But that is the that is the
way of my life.

Speaker 3 (14:03):
I would say, like a you saying gave me one
of the most horrifying experiences because it makes you very dry.
And this one time I forgot just like moisturized before
going to sleep, and I woke up the next morning
and I yawned, and because I opened my mouth, the
corners of my mouth just like all cracked.

Speaker 8 (14:17):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (14:18):
I was eating, and I said, damn, beauteous pain.

Speaker 3 (14:21):
But the skin glowing moisturized before you go to sleep before, like,
I have to moisturize a lot. Really, Yeah, I only
moisturized after I get out the shower.

Speaker 2 (14:31):
Yeah, I'm a morning moisturized.

Speaker 3 (14:33):
I do it in the morning and at night.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
And then I got a little pad I do like
every other day. Our guest today is glowing skin man's burden.
You motherfuckers I hate, but but I still have to
do business with you today. How about that. I'll complete

(14:57):
the job today and then we'll figure something else out
because you're being nasty. That said, our guest.

Speaker 1 (15:04):
Slipped the word gorilla about you.

Speaker 2 (15:07):
Monkeys. Absolute and the bog Bog I guess today is great,
hilarious comedian, a talent of all kinds, acting, writing, telling
the jokes all that ship. You know him from The Blackening,

(15:28):
his own film, you know him from from the studio,
The goddamn hit the studio Dwayne Perkins, everybody.

Speaker 3 (15:45):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (15:46):
Beautiful intro thanks for having me. We've talked a lot
of ship already, but you came with the conspiracy theory
that that I think UH is only going to open
this ship talking world up even more. You said, my
mama told me barbers have to be homophobic. You only

(16:16):
get to take you. We a.

Speaker 3 (16:22):
Rang it down because that was about when my ask
she went that song is longer I heard it, But yes,
that is true, and I think it's true. Tell all
the years that I've been to my I have barbers
have to be homophobic.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
You you ours are, but we still want to hear.

Speaker 9 (16:44):
Yeah, you you.

Speaker 2 (16:48):
Have had about how many barbers do you think in
your life? Oh? Boy?

Speaker 3 (16:54):
Probably upwards of like twenty thirty? Whoa, because I like
lived in like I've moved around. Yeah, so it's been
like a lot.

Speaker 1 (17:03):
Use your hair braided in the barbershop or a salon?

Speaker 2 (17:06):
No, usually a woman does my braiding.

Speaker 1 (17:11):
Like how they have the woman in the barbershop who's braiding?

Speaker 3 (17:14):
No, I usually like it's usually in a salon. Okay,
and then I go get like a lineup right, Oh
you go to separate businesses? Yeah, okay, I have so
much homophobia in my life.

Speaker 1 (17:26):
You've got dermatologists. You got two people who do his hair.

Speaker 2 (17:29):
You do two stops just to just to get that
that's all done. It's about vibes. Have the right vibe.

Speaker 3 (17:36):
Yeah, I think barbershops are like historically.

Speaker 2 (17:40):
Thirty thirty barbers You twenty to thirty barbers you've had
in your life, and you would say almost all of them,
if not all of them, homophobia absolutely, holy shit, or
at least fainting. Yeah, right, right, right, how much we've
all start in the barbershop? Yeah, I fit in Dame.
I just no. Yeah, man, I can't wait to try it. Yeah.

(18:13):
I pretending to understand football a goddamn thing. Brons. This
is good here.

Speaker 3 (18:21):
I would say barbershops are similar because I play football
in high school and I think they're similar. Like, and
why homophobia is I think that barbershops like football teams
and churches like the most like homo erotic spaces.

Speaker 1 (18:38):
Yeah, I'd say that's very fair. Yeah, I'd say that's
very fair.

Speaker 2 (18:43):
So you have to have homophobia as like a counter.

Speaker 7 (18:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (18:46):
If it's not there, I think then they will all
turn gay.

Speaker 2 (18:51):
Oh you're saying that the intimacy of the barbershop would
make it such that without like the buffer of a
dude being like I fucking hate gay people, I might
enjoy his touch too much and find myself.

Speaker 3 (19:05):
Absolutely because there's not many environments where a man is
touching your face whose stick is kind of like rubbing
against you. Yeah, in your eyes, it is very it's
the closest side I let a man.

Speaker 2 (19:17):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (19:19):
I told you I took a white white guy to
my barbershop one time and afterwards he was like I
never had He was like, he was like, I never
know a man has never like touched me, and I
don't even think you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (19:32):
He was like surprise, you know what yesterday.

Speaker 10 (19:34):
The way you tell that story, I always picture him
turning down the radio, you know what I mean, Like
y'all like driving together and and he's like, hey, can
we talk and then he like turns the ship down.

Speaker 3 (19:47):
And that's what the experience would be all the time. Yeah,
so they have to be like hey.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
Yay, yeah, well he's just massaging your hair.

Speaker 2 (19:56):
And the more you the more you spend with time
you been with these people, the more you start to
care about them, the more you sort of become invested
in their life, and their relationships and who they see
themselves as. And if that don't make you start to
feel gay when that man is touching.

Speaker 3 (20:14):
Like that, come on, yeah he's nobody's delicate.

Speaker 1 (20:22):
Come on, nobody touches my face that much. Nobody that
I'm not having sex with Exactly.

Speaker 3 (20:29):
If the homophobia wasn't there, it would be a bath house.

Speaker 1 (20:32):
Yeah, damn that, Atlanta, get on it. That's what I
think is gas barbershop, Gas barbershop.

Speaker 2 (20:40):
There's a porn like gay porn that's like in that round.

Speaker 1 (20:43):
Wow, Okay, this is new yes to.

Speaker 3 (20:46):
Me because like that, Now, before you tell us about
the porn itself, tell us how you got there, was
the click before the barbershop, tell us the exact steps
that got us to gas barbershop porns?

Speaker 2 (20:59):
Also, is it a parody of the movie BARBERSHOPO? Good question?

Speaker 11 (21:02):
Is there a cedric in this? He's just watching that's
not how we used to do it. And then there's
an Eaves character drinking apple juice just watching.

Speaker 2 (21:16):
Michael's.

Speaker 3 (21:22):
I think there's there's not like a far jump from
like general like niggadym like and we have like a
black man like black gay man. They get a lot
of haircuts, and like I said, like that intimacy is
very well known. It's just not talked about among straight
man because you can't talk about it because then you
might be about it right and start too and we all.

Speaker 1 (21:44):
Have to shout to Alex English whoys a bit about it.
But it's like then we all have to admit we
got dick on our shoulder regular yeah, and that's tough.

Speaker 2 (21:52):
I don't think I've heard people talk about this a lot,
but I'm curious to know if you've been privy to it.
Are you privy to how bar speak about gay men
when they are either coming or going from the barber shop?
What do you mean?

Speaker 7 (22:07):
Like?

Speaker 2 (22:08):
I have always heard barber's talking shit for their gay clients,
who then sit politely through all their homophobia in a
way that I don't think often gets addressed.

Speaker 1 (22:21):
Like they're talking about gay guys walk cut and gay.

Speaker 6 (22:23):
No.

Speaker 2 (22:24):
I'm saying that, like they'll see their gay client coming
up and they'll be like this gay ass nigga, and
then he walks in and they're like, ah, yeah, hey,
what's up man? And it's it's this almost like nasty
dance that happens where it is everybody is sort of
like serving at we are homophobic politely with each other,

(22:44):
when it's a much more like deep No, I feel
this shit homophobia.

Speaker 3 (22:49):
Yeah, I don't think I've experienced that personally.

Speaker 2 (22:52):
Yeah, i'd be like you talking to No, they don't
say it to them. Oh, there's always when the doors
the shop is not yet open.

Speaker 3 (23:00):
Oh, I think like that's what they like. They're making
an announcement hears of like I won't be tainted.

Speaker 1 (23:06):
Yes, y'all know I just love money.

Speaker 2 (23:14):
Just so y'all know. I don't like this. This is
this is not the beginning of my journey. I'm gonna
touch his chin.

Speaker 3 (23:21):
Nobody's saying nothing, but in my head if I heard that,
I'd be like Nigga's Gary. Yeah, you really thinking about
like how can I not be affected by this?

Speaker 6 (23:30):
Right?

Speaker 3 (23:31):
I just don't think about things that Like I don't
go into a salon to get my hair braided and
be like I'm gonna leave out just craving puss.

Speaker 2 (23:37):
Like, yes, and.

Speaker 1 (23:39):
That's the difference between you and I.

Speaker 2 (23:41):
I do think. I do think if I were leaving
the salon, I would be more hungry for pussy.

Speaker 1 (23:47):
Did you ever like going did you ever go with
your mom to get a hair braided or anything like that. Yeah,
and you be in there for like six hours.

Speaker 2 (23:55):
It's a bummer. Yeah, terrible.

Speaker 1 (23:57):
It's a specific smell.

Speaker 2 (24:00):
One time, this is this is maybe one of my
most dramatic childhood memories. One time I came home from
Detroit and my cousin was a barber and he cut
my hair. Cool for the first time. My mom had
been cutting my hair up to this point and she
was not kneeling. Yeah, it was just what she could do.

(24:24):
And she didn't She didn't study nothing. It was a
lot of bowl cut ass enter.

Speaker 1 (24:29):
Yeah, yeah, nothing on the side.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
She wasn't working on it as a skill at all.
This was purely a choice of function and not a
man in the household. So here we go. I'm not
about to sit down in a barber shop, so you
this what you're gonna get till you figure out this
is a mistake. That was the energy. But my cousin
cut my hair one summer and I came back with

(24:57):
a fly ass haircut, and my mom liked it so
much much that she wanted the same haircut. So my mom,
I did. I swear to God I'm boiling as I'm
telling you. You're right, it's so traumatic for me. My
mom wanted the same haircut, and then she went to

(25:18):
like fucking supercuts to get the same haircut because she
just didn't know where else to go for the ship
and went to like a local ass whatever and asked
them to do this haircut on a black woman's hair.
And then they did bad. Of course, they fucked it
up bad. And then she called me over because she's already.

Speaker 3 (25:42):
Yelling at them, she's already cussing them out. And then
she called me over to be like, how does it look? No,
how does it tell? Tell me what you think of this?

Speaker 1 (25:54):
I'm like eight, this is a hard memory, bro.

Speaker 3 (25:59):
I didn't know that I could say anything bad in
front of an adult who tried, so I went, it's fine,
and she cussed me the fuck out in.

Speaker 8 (26:11):
Front of the man because the man needed to know
that he did a bad job.

Speaker 2 (26:18):
He did not support her, and then I didn't hold
her on the side of the I think about it
so much. Yeah, no, this is dang, y'all said each other.
I got and.

Speaker 12 (26:35):
Shame on you for shaming me. History will remember your choice.
You're a nasty person. History will remember you this way.
I was, I was a victim. There was no other
version of this. I had been getting.

Speaker 2 (26:52):
Ass haircut after ass haircut after ass haircut, so much
so that my cousin, who's not a barber for real,
he just knows how to cut hair, made me look
like a halfway decent person. And then she wanted to
replicate that and then got mad.

Speaker 3 (27:07):
At me only because you lied to her face.

Speaker 2 (27:11):
I didn't. I was, I was a victim.

Speaker 3 (27:14):
She said, you already saw she was mad. She cursed,
and you saw it. It looked like your haircut, but it
looked like all the haircuts I had up to that point.
Oh so you were like, that's a good it was.
You said, this is what you deserve.

Speaker 1 (27:27):
This. You know you are making the villain a little bit.

Speaker 2 (27:31):
That's crazy.

Speaker 3 (27:32):
You're a bad person. I regret inviting you here. I'm
just saying I understand. I thought I could open up.

Speaker 2 (27:44):
And share something truly true about myself.

Speaker 3 (27:49):
And Dwayne said, how about we reinterpret this, and maybe
you should free yourself from the narrative that you've created
well and adopt this other one to really read.

Speaker 2 (27:59):
So that is not a traumatizing. You're saying that my
holocaust didn't have six million hair follicles the way I claim.

Speaker 1 (28:05):
No, I'm gonna playing a dirty game.

Speaker 2 (28:13):
This feels wild to me. I'm in so much pain.
Did you learn something from that moment?

Speaker 3 (28:19):
Did you keep lying.

Speaker 2 (28:20):
To people's faces about their appearances. I will say that
I certainly did grow from that moment, and I don't
think that that growth was intentional. But I do think
that I found growth inside of that moment. And and
I imagine the hurt that you're causing me now I'll
similarly grow from. But I don't think that that makes
what you're doing okay.

Speaker 3 (28:41):
I definitely think you were a victim, but I can
also victimize.

Speaker 2 (28:49):
Hurt people.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
Hurt people.

Speaker 2 (28:51):
Bad haircuts create bad haircuts.

Speaker 1 (28:53):
But you were a child and she was an adult.

Speaker 2 (28:56):
Let's take a break, Let's take a right. I think
I think everybody just needs a cool down moment. I
think everybody could use a lab. Well, we're gonna take
a break. We're gonna be back more Dwayne Parkins More.

Speaker 13 (29:11):
My mama told me, yeah, nigga, I created you, nigga
what God creates by help, and.

Speaker 1 (29:27):
I helped us bring back this show.

Speaker 2 (29:30):
That really felt like something my mom would say. I
feel like my mother to my kids, get fat, I
made you speech. I don't think they do.

Speaker 1 (29:44):
What do you mean, like the like I brought you
in this world, I could take you out. I never
I never heard of a white person.

Speaker 2 (29:52):
Talk about anything like that. Oh, you're saying that that
that the way he was speaking to his child is
not the way that white people do it.

Speaker 1 (30:01):
No, I mean, he wasn't speaking to a child, but
like I mean, in general, you're but you're saying, are
you talking about thugs specifically?

Speaker 2 (30:08):
Are you talking about like the Cosby version.

Speaker 1 (30:10):
Of the Cosby version?

Speaker 2 (30:11):
I got you he was speaking to THEO.

Speaker 1 (30:14):
No, but that's what I'm saying. I don't think that.
I don't think white parents say that. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (30:20):
My dad never said it to me. No, No, a
white parent, you you got secretly tucked away?

Speaker 3 (30:27):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yep, damn.

Speaker 1 (30:36):
I car you do feel like you have like a
Caribbean flavor to you, and I've I've really been riding
that for some time.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
I really I ain't russian to expose all my secrets.
You know, when I sit down with people.

Speaker 1 (30:52):
You passed the paperback tests. It's good enough for me.

Speaker 2 (30:55):
Hey, hey, we all got shamed, you know what I mean?
I mean.

Speaker 10 (31:01):
You got this man worked it out insurance, Dwayne.

Speaker 2 (31:09):
Do you think there is anything we can do about
the homophobia in a black barbershop? Is this a? Is
this in any way a solvable problem? Yes? WHOA.

Speaker 3 (31:24):
I think that we have to let more men experiment
sexually then they can know if they actually really like
it or not, so they don't have to fight so
hard to guess because I think there's a lot of
men who are like adamant about like fighting homophobia because
of the fear that they might be gay. But if
you just try some gay shit and really don't like it,

(31:45):
then you can kind of just sit in that said,
in that then you have some assuredness of just like,
oh I don't like that, but you experienced it, so
you know that, like, oh, it's not that deep, so
then you just like move on like a normal human.
Similar if you ate, like some kind of food you
don't like, you just like, oh I don't like that food,
I'm not gonna get that again.

Speaker 1 (32:02):
I think it's not as similar as we're talking, but
I think you have to be a lot braver to
try to experiment sexually than you do to like just
say we're talking about right now just in the world
is how it is. I think that's what it is.
It's like people don't have the bravery to experiment sexually.

Speaker 2 (32:23):
But to this point, what if as part of your
barbershop certification, they just set up a nigga kissing booth
right right at the end, and that that certificates right
on the other side of it. Go ahead, kiss that
man real quick. See if you feel that, and then
now you can now you can be Now you can
be a barber. Just make out with this dude. You

(32:45):
just got kiss this man and see if that's true,
and you can feel however you feel about it, Like
people make space for you to say all the F bombs,
all the nastyness that you feel at that that's really
who you are. But I bet to your point, more
people would just sort of be like, oh, that's not
for me. Yeah, I'm good.

Speaker 3 (33:06):
I watched a video I forgot what YouTube channel, but
it was just like straight man kissing, Like, oh, we
got like a group of straight men just like, hey,
kiss each other and see how that feels. And they're
like yeah, I've never kissed a man. And then they did,
and they're.

Speaker 2 (33:16):
Like, oh yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 (33:22):
Man.

Speaker 3 (33:25):
Deep, if you don't like it, you're just kind of
not gonna do it again.

Speaker 2 (33:30):
Okay, you didn't get my soul. Oh I thought I
thought it would be like kissing a dementor never mind,
when the said, oh, it's kind of like kissing a girl,
I just feel less and me being like, yes, that's reading,
that's that's so.

Speaker 1 (33:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (33:47):
I think it's like exposure therapy. Okay. And and do
you think that that exposure therapy is something that we're
going to have to resolve on a larger scidal level
before we can get to the barbershop? Or is the
barbershop the source of this transformation? Oh?

Speaker 1 (34:08):
Like, I don't know if I feel like the barbershop
is ahead in anything social, I.

Speaker 2 (34:14):
Think it can be. I disagree, really, I do. I
think it's it's so well, it is like a free
flow of ideas, and it's so equalizing in terms of status, right,
Like that's the whole game, is that, like the richest
dude and the poorest dude gotta get the cut. Yeah,
all gotta get cut, and they got to wait their
turn in you know some regard, right. I just had

(34:38):
an experience at a barbershop maybe where they were all
talking about a guy was talking about like washing clothes,
and he lived in an apartment building where he said
that he like washes the washing machine before he puts
its clothes in, like he like wipes it out, and
people were like, why would you do that on the

(34:58):
community launder Yeah.

Speaker 3 (35:00):
And he was like I don't know. People like who
else he's doing laundry. I don't know, like what's in
their clothes like kind of gross. And they were like, well,
the washing machine is washing machine. It should wash yourself,
which seemed like a very regular conversation just me being
like okay, I was not participating because I did not care.

Speaker 2 (35:17):
And then one guy made.

Speaker 3 (35:18):
A joke about like poor people because a guy made
a comment like, oh, I would just get my laundry
like cleaned or folded, Like I would just go to
like a washing fold, and then another guy made a
comment about like, oh, you hate poor something about poor people,
and he was and the guy was like, that's the
most ignorant I've ever heard, And then the barbershop was like,
that's not funny, Like this isn't like this is why

(35:38):
would you try to like dog people who don't have stuff?
And I was like, oh wow, that's beautiful. Yeah, and
they all kind of told this one guy like oh no,
like that's not that.

Speaker 2 (35:48):
Way.

Speaker 3 (35:49):
And then moments later they were talking about how vaccines
aren't real and I was like, we're so cloud, We're
so close, but like that moment did give me hope,
and I was like, oh, this is nice.

Speaker 2 (35:59):
Like there is.

Speaker 3 (36:00):
It's like I think if enough people whoever is kind
of like the leading dominant force in the barbershop, I
think if they initiate kind of a movement that people
would get on board.

Speaker 1 (36:12):
And there are outphus in the barbershop, right or the
head Yeah yeah, the person who drives the conversation.

Speaker 2 (36:18):
Yeah, there's there's certainly the person that like when they
show up, everybody knows when they talking chill, yeah yeah.
And if they're not talking, y'all go ahead, y'all have
your fun. But like that's that motherfucker.

Speaker 3 (36:33):
I don't feel like there's like a capitalistic aspect to it,
Like if the owner of the shop has a certain
point of view, people are more likely to acquiesce because
they need a job.

Speaker 2 (36:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (36:43):
I feel like they're like, hey, this is what we're
doing in here. People will probably just like adopt that,
so they can't keep that just so they can. Like
that's a lot of jobs. It's just been like, how
can I make the boss like me?

Speaker 1 (36:54):
Yeah? Barbershop owners hang out? You ever been to a
barbershop where, like my last shop was like that where
the owner did not cut a lot, but he's always
in there. Who's hanging out?

Speaker 3 (37:05):
Yeah, he's like you want to see.

Speaker 2 (37:10):
Y'all cutting?

Speaker 1 (37:12):
You would always like buy ship from the crackheads. Okay, yeah,
give him money to clean up.

Speaker 2 (37:18):
He just he what he wants to be is sort
of like a general manager.

Speaker 1 (37:23):
It's like Rocky when you're on that restaurant, coming in
and shaking everybody's hand.

Speaker 3 (37:26):
He's building community.

Speaker 2 (37:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
So so you do believe that the barbershop can be
the source you you think that this is potentially a
future for us. I do.

Speaker 3 (37:41):
I feel like it's like a hub of masculinity and
a lot of men kind of go there to validate
their masculinity. So if the barber shops start to define
what masculinity is, I think that could spread.

Speaker 2 (37:54):
Here. Here's my worry. Yeah, and this isn't to refute
it because I like what you're saying. But but there's
a part of me that worries that this is just
going to push out a bunch of old niggas that
ain't going to get along and they will form their
own sort of like coalition, as it were, their tea
party of of sort of hate, thus turning the barbershop

(38:19):
into sort of like a liberal you know what I mean,
like representation, which which makes it then corny and not
do you know what I mean, Like it's going to
lose its power by being sort of forced against a
more conservative base. A lot to take, a lot to

(38:39):
take care.

Speaker 1 (38:40):
I think this was going to get the steepest episode, but.

Speaker 3 (38:43):
That is like I mean, I would just say, like,
don't be corny.

Speaker 2 (38:49):
I don't do that.

Speaker 3 (38:50):
Yeah, I don't think that has to be like the
greatest thing. No, I don't even think like gay men
care as much. Just like you have to change everything
just homophobic pretty like you don't have to make that
like this is the non homophobic barbersure.

Speaker 2 (39:08):
It doesn't have to be a part of the brand
in order to.

Speaker 3 (39:11):
Shut up And if you have a thought, keep it
to yourself. And that's that's the part telling me.

Speaker 2 (39:19):
That's really the difference in homophobia that I think so
many homophobes don't understand is like, oh you you could
have that, just chill. I hate a lot of stuff.
Put it in your.

Speaker 1 (39:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
Are you chatty at the barbershop? Though in general I
don't talk.

Speaker 3 (39:38):
I barely talk to the barber same same same saying.

Speaker 2 (39:42):
I just don't.

Speaker 3 (39:43):
I don't really get anything from it. Like if there's
something I feel like I need to say, I will,
But generally the conversation is not like stimulating in a
way to where I'm like, I gotta give my take. Laugh,
I shook my head a lot like.

Speaker 1 (40:04):
You can have.

Speaker 3 (40:06):
Sometimes I'm more sound effects where I would just like,
oh interesting, but like a full take, because like if
I'm hearing the takes usually is a take to where
I'm like, if I gave my take, you do not
you will not be able to receive it, right, So
it doesn't like why there's no point in me having

(40:28):
a side of an argument.

Speaker 2 (40:30):
Argue with yourself like I just don't care. I I
treat the barbershop much like I treat improv and I
don't know how to yes and them niggas, So I chill.
I'll you know, I'll run across if you if ever
there's a moment, but like I'm not, I don't know
how to help.

Speaker 1 (40:46):
It's really the smallest I ever ram is in the
barber chair.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
I really am not outgoing in there.

Speaker 1 (40:58):
Try like I gotta cut yesterday and he was like,
I just kind of trip. He's like, what was your trip?
And I was like, oh, it was just.

Speaker 2 (41:11):
The anxiety I feel when a convert when like my
Barbara asked me a question and then it becomes like
a three chair comments.

Speaker 1 (41:18):
When it bounces because you want to keep it contained.
I know, I know what you mean, because now I
don't want you all talking about what I'm talking.

Speaker 2 (41:24):
Nah, And I don't want to have to keep weighing
in if we're doing this and I do performance for
a living. And I was like, nope, I anything past
this chair is I get stressed.

Speaker 1 (41:35):
He said, you hear that? He said, he said, he
blah blah blah, and then I was over here.

Speaker 3 (41:40):
To be honest, I would pay more for my barber
to not talk like it's like, don't talk to them.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
Focus.

Speaker 3 (41:48):
I would pay more for a focus. Yeah, you can
talk all you want, let's focus. But hey, YouTube deep
into the conversation. Now you didn't stop you moving your hands?

Speaker 2 (41:58):
Yeah? My oh man, my barber stops to show me
something on his phone. Boy, why is your phone now?

Speaker 1 (42:10):
Ship?

Speaker 2 (42:10):
And it's never something I want to see. It's just
like a customed.

Speaker 1 (42:13):
Jordan duffelback, come on, but he's like, no, you guys
see the red one.

Speaker 3 (42:17):
And I'm like, honestly, I'm now that I'm thinking about it.
I can't be too mad at homophobe because I think
barbershops I get the most conservative as well.

Speaker 2 (42:23):
I'm just like work boy.

Speaker 3 (42:25):
Yeah, over time, I'm a doctor, you know, because don't
tell me be on time, and then you're not on time,
and then you then you're.

Speaker 2 (42:39):
Talking shit chat. I barely have hair.

Speaker 3 (42:42):
I get a lining and a taper and sometimes it
takes an hour and me be.

Speaker 2 (42:47):
Like what you why?

Speaker 1 (42:49):
An hour? Is just you're going to be in there?

Speaker 2 (42:51):
This is crazy.

Speaker 3 (42:52):
I thought this would be shorter because you don't have
to cut my whole head. You have to cut the
edges around my head. Sometimes I've been in there for
two Wow, we don't have that much hair.

Speaker 2 (43:03):
That's crazy.

Speaker 3 (43:03):
It's kind of insane. I think they would make more
money if they were cricket. It's a true violence that
these barbers are committing.

Speaker 1 (43:11):
They're time bandits.

Speaker 2 (43:12):
They are time bandits. They are sole thiefs. They will
literally take and they know what power they hold, they
know how essential their job is, and they know how
fearful you are of exploring outside of wherever the fuck
you are.

Speaker 1 (43:27):
That's true because I am. I'm so thankful to have
found him. You ever come in like ten minutes late
and he's still cutting the other guy? Like, Bro, I'm late.

Speaker 2 (43:37):
Bro, it's my only experience. I've never had it not
that way. There's never been once where I showed up
ten minutes later and he was like, come onme, bro,
I one more. How how is an appointment for him?
This math doesn't make sense.

Speaker 1 (43:56):
Appointments of black barbershops are general guidelines.

Speaker 2 (43:58):
He's just like a suggestion there around this time.

Speaker 1 (44:01):
It's basically come in the afternoon, come.

Speaker 2 (44:03):
In the morning. Yeah, I mean you don't want to
come when it's dark?

Speaker 1 (44:07):
Yeah, not on Monday for some reason.

Speaker 2 (44:10):
Oh yeah, yeah, the Mondays are off for most barbers.

Speaker 1 (44:14):
Why.

Speaker 2 (44:15):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (44:17):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (44:18):
Day and Monday they don't they don't really cut. Yeah, yeah,
God God, then it's Monday. God's friend post.

Speaker 3 (44:28):
Guys like you really need to recover from how much
Holy issue?

Speaker 2 (44:31):
Yeah you was loving on the Lord too hard? Got
Lord hangover?

Speaker 1 (44:35):
You got I als who don't know how other barbershops work,
though maybe that's just the hair industry.

Speaker 2 (44:41):
I don't know either. I wonder if it if it
almost was like mirroring restaurants for some reason that like,
because that's the same schedule restaurants sometimes.

Speaker 1 (44:51):
Right where you come in, yeah, and you gotta wait
fifteen minutes or whatever.

Speaker 2 (44:54):
And then also Mondays I are blocked off for a
lot of restaurants, Like there's a lot of places that
don't even open on Mondays. And I wonder if it's that.
But I don't know.

Speaker 1 (45:04):
I think what we're dealing with is an unregulated industry.

Speaker 2 (45:07):
I mean, yeah, is it like a union?

Speaker 1 (45:10):
I don't think so.

Speaker 2 (45:10):
I think barber I think barbering is a wild wild West. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (45:14):
I think it's truly like they could just be doing
whatever they want. That's why there's not no uniform in prices.

Speaker 2 (45:20):
Bro.

Speaker 1 (45:20):
They put up those certain the prices are getting out
of control.

Speaker 2 (45:24):
No more. No, let's say more about this, because I
think you're you're onto something essential.

Speaker 1 (45:29):
The prices they're going crazy. It was it used to
be twenty to twenty five to get your haircut, and
we all felt comfortable in that ro and it was okay,
and I'll tim and that's cool. And then now I'm
going on books C. You fuck with books one hundred, man, I'm.

Speaker 3 (45:45):
On books C sixty sixty eighty five.

Speaker 2 (45:49):
Yeah, two nds after eight pm in house. Kill yourself, bro,
it's nuts. No, it's how it's gonna be a good
couple of hundreds. Bro. I had to buy a chunk.
That's the only way you could get a discount. You
had to buy multiple haircuts. You had like a package.

Speaker 1 (46:09):
Oh no, he was like, honestly, it's the best deal,
and it is. I'm not tipping on those four either,
he finished me up. I said, that's too right, and
then I walk it. Yeah, it's crazy. You know, the.

Speaker 2 (46:23):
Prices have reached a dangerous tipping point for me.

Speaker 1 (46:27):
Because you know, I have to come back at least
every ten to fourteen days.

Speaker 3 (46:31):
But I feel like the industry has not evolved in
a way that I think constitutes the rising price outside
of like you know, general like economy stuff like oh
things cost more, but like sure, but not this much. No,
you know, liked like and then it would be like sixty.

(46:51):
But if you want me to touch your face, your head,
that's an extra thirtain.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 14 (46:54):
The beard, the beard, you know, you know on my
faith you and you know I can't be half cute, Like,
give me a fucking what are you talking?

Speaker 3 (47:05):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (47:05):
You wind me up and now I walk out. My
beard is nuts? What game is this man? Somebody gotta
like they gotta unionize or no, because I think they're
all I think the way they think.

Speaker 2 (47:18):
We don't want them union.

Speaker 15 (47:19):
Yeah, I think we want we What we need with
barbershops is to turn them into each little islands that
have no contact with the outside world.

Speaker 2 (47:32):
And and that includes homophobia and weird weird YouTube videos.
We just want them to live on their island, focus
on cutting hair, and we will pay enough to make
your island keep being an island. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (47:45):
And this is this is evil you know what we need? Yeah,
we need that the evil shop and barbershop. Mmm that
we think that he was a politician. We need we
need like a McDonald's black barbershops, where it's like they're
gonna do good enough job. The price is set. They
have all this and then all these independent guys a
phone line.

Speaker 2 (48:05):
The Glory Green.

Speaker 1 (48:06):
We need Starbucks. We need Starbucks and barbershops, right a
black barbershops.

Speaker 2 (48:11):
Just make it so that we all agree that's the
way it can be done.

Speaker 1 (48:15):
Set price everywhere. If we could even just go back
to forty, I could look once it gets fifty and
up is where you're starting to be like, come on, man, yeah,
I gotta be here, Come on man.

Speaker 2 (48:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (48:28):
Unless I get a package that's the package of the.

Speaker 2 (48:35):
Guy, I'm not gonna lie. I think this nigga's promoting
the package. I mean it is the best. He's like, guys,
you gotta think about the package.

Speaker 1 (48:45):
Here's the thing. I got the package. I'm in there
every eight to nine days. It is a good deal
and I'm not tipping.

Speaker 3 (48:53):
I generally think black men get haircuts too often. Oh
I think we should be okay with being a little unmanicured.
Oh why because I just think it enhances it validates them.
Like if that like if they know like you are
coming back, like it supply and demand. The demand is
too high, so they don't have to change the prices

(49:13):
because nigga, you're gonna be there.

Speaker 1 (49:14):
That's the true. And that's I mean the frequency of
haircuts I get is why there's so much pressure on
starting a new relationship. I mean, it's not dating, but
I'm going to see you more frequently than any other servant,
you know what I mean. Yeah, And I'll see my
doctor every other week, you know, Like it's spend a
lot of time with this person. I'm gonna be there.
We're gonna worry. This is a new relationship. It's a

(49:36):
new relationship.

Speaker 3 (49:37):
And I recognize that, Like my information may be biased
because I just talk to more black people. But like
I don't know other racists who get their haircut as
off as black man, Like I know a lot of
my black merin it's like weekly, They're just like every week,
I kind of have like a standing appointment and get
my a haircut.

Speaker 2 (49:51):
Yeah, week and a half.

Speaker 3 (49:53):
I'm just like, yeah, that's a that's like a big chunk.

Speaker 1 (49:56):
Too's a little too much.

Speaker 3 (49:57):
That's a lot to like commit to, and yet we
do it without like a lot of questions. I think
that creates an environment that allows people to continue to
do crazy things.

Speaker 2 (50:08):
WHOA, you're saying that the power is in our hands. Yes,
I mean that we want to.

Speaker 1 (50:14):
See in a perfect world, if I was the man
I would want to be, I would know how to
touch my own ship up and then I would not
have to. But the few times I've tried, I've failed
so miserably that the experimentation hasn't worth the risk. I
hate fucking my shit up and then I having to
cut it all up. I fucked my beard up. Oh

(50:34):
and you really had to like go clean out here
looking like Harriet Tubman.

Speaker 3 (50:39):
I think I think what we're getting at the underlying
issue is that he's crazy.

Speaker 2 (50:49):
Of all the people fuck.

Speaker 3 (50:56):
Generally, I think black Man, we're cosplaying as being brave,
but we're not actually brave, because if you was brave,
you could handle being a little ugly for a little bit.

Speaker 2 (51:05):
WHOA.

Speaker 3 (51:06):
And we kind of mask that in this kind of
constant need to like have an aesthetic, not knowing that
that's actually the gayest thing you could do.

Speaker 1 (51:16):
Oh yeah, for sure.

Speaker 3 (51:18):
But that's why the barbershop is very gay, and so
you have that That goes back to the thinking being
like this is a typically gay experience that we are
trying to pretend to something goes therefore it has reached
it going it went too far. We are to the
other side and being like this is this this straight
land and be like, who are you selling this?

Speaker 2 (51:39):
To the cheering We're jerking each other off and being
like you gay, not exactly, And I'm like, and you're
mad at me because I'm saying I would enjoy it,
you're doing it. You like this. I don't like this ship.

(52:00):
He got two fellas because because he's doing a good service,
he can do to it one exactly because he's Yeah.

Speaker 3 (52:09):
So I think the key is just bravery. I think
we have to be braver and okay with being uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 (52:19):
I hear you, But I'm still trying to get my
hair cut every ninety ten days. Bro. The longer, the
more unkempt my hair is, the worse my behavior gets.
And that's a fact throughout life. Cause in my early twenties, Yeah,
I was really wild, and my shit was like long
and napped out, and my beard was crazy and my
behavior was nuts.

Speaker 3 (52:40):
And let's take a little deeper. Why do you think
that was?

Speaker 1 (52:43):
I think that I was pushing against societal boundaries because
I found this thing in stand up comedy that I
felt like was the edge of the norm and that
I could really exist in this in a wild place.
And I think I believed in the true spirit of
what bohemia was and living like a bohemian. But I
do also think that looking at myself unkempt in the
mirror makes me feel unkempt.

Speaker 2 (53:04):
I've long desired it with you, because I've long desired
to be like one of them dudes who, like you know,
I'm dudes who see on the street who just have
their shirt off eating a mango. Yeah, you know what
I mean. Just they're unkempt, but they are gorgeous. They
are sort of like, uh, they are light living in

(53:26):
front of you almost because they are just so one
with the earth. I've always wanted to end up one
of them motherfuckers. Yeah. Every time I've attempted to, like,
for real, grow my hair, I'm like, Nope, that ain't you,
big dog. You're gonna keep your shirt on the whole time,
and this don't look right on you go ahead and
cut that shit. And so similarly, I struggled to not
want that, but maybe that's the brainwashing and maybe we

(53:49):
got through that. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (53:51):
Man.

Speaker 1 (53:52):
When I was like that, it was way more detrimental
to everything I had going off. Just keeping my shit
cut like I rocked with it a minute. It is
not good for getting you're done? Why are you not like?

Speaker 2 (54:05):
What?

Speaker 3 (54:05):
Like? What changes? Like just because you got a haircut
and you like feel cuter. That kind of like changes
divide that you move with. Yeah, definitely, definitely.

Speaker 2 (54:13):
You don't think.

Speaker 1 (54:13):
You don't think you were cute right now. You don't
think if you do in a dangly year and you
can't come out here, I feel like niggas need to
be bro.

Speaker 2 (54:22):
You don't have to esthetic. Yeah, that's because I just
had to go to a thing. No, motherfucker, I known
you a long time time. I know you don't see
you not fresh before? Stop what this is?

Speaker 3 (54:38):
But I'm gay, it's different, it's Differently tried to trick
us when I was straight.

Speaker 8 (54:48):
Listeners at home, do not listen to this man. He
tried to trick you. He tried to trick us, and
for a moment he almost got it. He almost probably
almost got us. Feeling about my eye was like.

Speaker 2 (55:02):
Maybe you gotta get naps again.

Speaker 3 (55:04):
And I was like, Broyes, all this propaganda and straight man,
I'm more unkept. You know where they are less in
the barbershop.

Speaker 2 (55:12):
Whoa, you're just trying to get an appointment. You're trying
to go every five days. This with this on fixing
the system, you're saying the best way to fix the
system is to just eliminate the competition. Bitch, you're a
double and I like it. I like the true devil work.
I like the way you play. That was really the

(55:34):
cannot building up.

Speaker 1 (55:35):
Jump and we thought we weren't progressive over here this one.

Speaker 2 (55:39):
This is how you manipulate the this eyeser.

Speaker 9 (55:45):
Some say I'm.

Speaker 2 (55:57):
Gonna stop switching in.

Speaker 1 (56:00):
Es are gonna fall out this.

Speaker 2 (56:03):
Whole time game. This is for my career. This is
a story.

Speaker 1 (56:09):
I got there my girls.

Speaker 2 (56:10):
Waiting for me in the car. She was, let's take
a break. That was crazy, more doing more. My mama
told me.

Speaker 12 (56:33):
I actually am one point four percent my Jerry and African.

Speaker 7 (56:37):
I'm a sister.

Speaker 2 (56:39):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (56:43):
I think you heard everything she has to say.

Speaker 2 (56:45):
Yeah, who is that?

Speaker 1 (56:47):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (56:48):
Just the lady we found, Just the lady we found.

Speaker 1 (56:54):
On the end, sometimes. I wondered this twenty twenty three
and me, this does sound crazy.

Speaker 2 (56:59):
Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 1 (57:00):
It doesn't feel like some countries are paying to juice
the stats.

Speaker 2 (57:04):
Oh I never thought about that.

Speaker 1 (57:08):
There's a lot of countries in Africa.

Speaker 16 (57:10):
It seems to always be a part Nigerian, like, but
it's never nobody's ever like, oh they traced some some
of my anterestry back to Chad or like yeah, I'm
from Yeah, there's never anybody d r C.

Speaker 1 (57:25):
It's like the same three countries in that big ass continent.

Speaker 2 (57:28):
And who would pay to juice their stats? Everything is
branding and propaganda. Nigerians?

Speaker 3 (57:34):
Yeah, whoa like people that think that they're from here?

Speaker 2 (57:41):
How do we get on ere? Yes? We got to
become the most legitimate African and how better to do that?
Anybody can be Nigerian? Yeah, this is actually this is
a pretty coolson there.

Speaker 1 (57:54):
You know what they're trying to do, trying to take
over the Native American spots like it used to be
white people like I'm one eighth Cherokee, it's about to
be I'm an eighth Igbo.

Speaker 2 (58:05):
We're the original indigenous Yeah, whoa here? Yeah? Yeah, we
actually if you check the stats. We were here first,
so we went back and honestly, we put a we
put a chair down. They moved in on our parking spot,
but we was coming right back.

Speaker 1 (58:20):
Honestly, they could make the flip.

Speaker 3 (58:24):
I'm not mad at them, and rebrand. If you have
the marketing tools, go forward.

Speaker 2 (58:30):
I don't know that I believe any of the marketing.
As far as history of the world, do you know
what I mean? Like, I know the country absolutely, we
know who the original people are here for sure, but
like in the world in terms of like what all
these things used to be, I don't believe most of it.

Speaker 1 (58:51):
That's why there's so many crazy history podcasts. They're like, oh,
did you know this is actually what happened? And you're like,
god damn yeah, because everybody just yeah.

Speaker 2 (59:01):
And some people are like noa noa no one. Dude
murdered and and or raped the entire world, you know
what I mean, like that, we ain't never gonna get
the real truth of nothing. That's why they keep pointing
at him. They're like, nah, he was crazy. The rest
of us are reasonable. It's like no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no no. A bunch of y'all were doing some nasty

(59:24):
ship to become emperors and fucking kings and come on,
you go to free country.

Speaker 3 (59:29):
Yes, yes, a half thirteen wives and I'd beheaded all
of them.

Speaker 1 (59:35):
Okay, my wife is my cousin.

Speaker 2 (59:39):
Okay, clearly I'm the most fit to rule y'all. Y'all
too scared to fuck your cousin. Yeah, that's that's the truth.
So what if our babies are hideous creatures, hideous little mutants,
we think they just still rule over you. They know

(01:00:00):
they can't do push ups, shut up. They let them
be king. You got to get real power, you gotta
be a nasty So we're not ever gonna get the
truth of this ship. So yeah, if they I only
want to be middle rich. Mmm, if I get middle rich,
you're on.

Speaker 3 (01:00:16):
Here from David, what do you consider middle rich.

Speaker 1 (01:00:22):
Enough to pass on to two to three children but
not have them be set for life, but have them
have a true decent like head start, and to be
able to have a family homestead in cilium?

Speaker 2 (01:00:35):
Mmmmm yeah? Like because yeah, and and by homestead, like
a pretty nice house out there that like you actually
you could you could retire there if you wish.

Speaker 1 (01:00:47):
Yeah, I'm already working on the baby.

Speaker 2 (01:00:49):
Wha, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, let's do it,
Let's do Okay, this is gonna be fun. Let's start
with this one. I think it's a good place to start.

Speaker 7 (01:01:00):
Lengthston David Love the Pie got a conspiracy theory for
you guys to chat about something that has been pretty
mainstream now as people say that we live in a simulation.
And I think that the way people are discussing or
thinking about what they mean by we live in a

(01:01:20):
simulation is incorrect, and that it's not that there's some
aliens out there that are playing around with humans, or
that we're actually inside of some computer program, or that
this is a live simulation that's been happening for centuries
and being run by people who are here living in
the simulation with us. That you've got a few families

(01:01:44):
that are running the major things that control our world transportation, technology, media, health, food,
and they are constantly tweaking and pushing dominoes to create
storylines and to test things. And it started off small
centuries ago in different pockets of the world, and as

(01:02:04):
those families grew and expanded, it became more connected globally.
It's become a global simulation.

Speaker 2 (01:02:12):
I'm gonna pause it there, but I think if I
can pull something from this, it sounds like he's saying
it's more practical VFX instead of like the digital ones
that we've been accusing it about.

Speaker 1 (01:02:27):
Oh yeah, instead of instead of instead of like a
hardware software situation. It's like planet storylines and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 (01:02:36):
To make me. Yeah, they're like literally playing chess with
with our like bodies and them.

Speaker 3 (01:02:42):
Like it's like a board game instead of a game.

Speaker 1 (01:02:45):
Yeah, and they're a little sloppy. I think that's what's
happening with this Trump shit. They're getting a little sloppy.
They're letting it like bleed up. Like it's like because
I think I think to that point, a small group
of people they there would usually have to be a
sense of de corner him, Like it couldn't be ruthless
in the way that Trump is like just like pillaging
our country.

Speaker 2 (01:03:05):
Well, I think he's what happens when a simulator breaks
out of the rules. You're saying that Trump is neo,
It's sort of okay, this is I think he's nasty neo.
I think he literally is the one for them that

(01:03:29):
broke out of the rules and when all of this
is is fucking icky. It's just I'm with you.

Speaker 3 (01:03:39):
Would say everything was the first Neo okay, and that
Trump is trying to recreate Neo. Trump is agent Smith
assimilating as Neo, like in the Third Matrix.

Speaker 1 (01:03:53):
Okay, I like that because Reagan didn't. He put it
all in place, but he didn't quite get like we're
still he put it. I feel like he set it up.

Speaker 2 (01:04:03):
I think he's closer to the Morpheus than he is
than the Reagan. I think so. I think he is.
I'm gonna be honest with you. I think that he
is so much the he had literally handing people pills.
He is the person that is telling everybody there's a
world outside of where we are, but he ain't the

(01:04:23):
one that he's trying to create the world outside of
where we are.

Speaker 1 (01:04:28):
That's the funniest thing I ever heard, because this bad
guy Matrix bad guy being like unplugged motherfuckers.

Speaker 2 (01:04:37):
He can be assholes, and that makes sense. He's like, yo,
I could fly in here, don't. He's just like, y'all
don't see it.

Speaker 1 (01:04:44):
The guy he said, I just know Karate.

Speaker 2 (01:04:49):
He's like, bro, I'm the biggest I'm the strongest. You know,
my bitches are batter it's not up for debate, and
ain't shit you could do about it.

Speaker 1 (01:05:00):
And he's just lying, that's a superpowerful and if you
are plugged, it's.

Speaker 2 (01:05:09):
Just I'm saying. But look at him, he's going, if
you unplugged, you ain't gotta do all that. Yo, just
unplugged with me, and you don't even have to worry
about them files.

Speaker 3 (01:05:18):
Baby, who cares? I know what they do out here.
We all fucked on an island. No, man, you're right,
we don't need that list.

Speaker 1 (01:05:30):
Unplugged Guys, this is the smartest conversation I've ever been
a party.

Speaker 2 (01:05:38):
That's that's crazy. Okay, here we go that.

Speaker 7 (01:05:41):
We are really living in But it's not some crazy
technological thing or or some inter dimensional thing, but just
people who are pushing things into motion and experimenting with
our social connections, are our food, our healthcare, business, everything.

(01:06:02):
So yeah, that's what I think. That we are living
in a simulation. But there's nothing too crazy. It's just
people that are running it live and living in it
with us. But yeah, man, love the pot.

Speaker 1 (01:06:14):
What you think we got to send this man a
free T shirt? Yeah, bro, I'm with that. I'm with that.
I'm with that completely.

Speaker 3 (01:06:21):
Also, like it makes sense, Like I feel like the
people are like just people with power and like government,
like government is like it's all an experiment. It's just
people just doing shit and seem like their response. That's
why when I go to different countries, you can just
see like, oh, the experiment is different here. And when
I went to Portugal and they were just talking about like, oh,
things that happen in America don't happen here, like that

(01:06:41):
is specifically in American thing that they're doing to see like, oh,
how does this affect the economy? When they gave all
those black people syphilists, it was just to be like
what happens. Yeah, it's just all just experimenting.

Speaker 1 (01:06:54):
And I feel like we're the most if we're talking
about in versions of the matrix, are the most technicologically advanced,
Like we're the most experimental wild one, like those systems
over there are like the European systems are old and
they have been in place for a long time, and
we started some new ship over here where we're like, nah,
we're gonna go nuts.

Speaker 3 (01:07:13):
We're're gonna go crazy. And that's what happened, and the matrix.
They made a bunch of them and then they didn't work,
so they deleting them and making new versions.

Speaker 1 (01:07:23):
Because just like a new way, they said, the perfect ones.
It didn't work like the people. The people rejected it.
It has to be kind of bad.

Speaker 2 (01:07:31):
You need something to rail against to being at war with.
You need that to push you forward as a human being.
Otherwise you just will cease to exist. It's it makes
me think so much about that.

Speaker 1 (01:07:45):
Are you in a bitcoin ring? Yes, now this feels
like you're a wait a second, that feels this evil.

Speaker 2 (01:07:58):
God, Yo, this is crazy.

Speaker 3 (01:08:01):
We already talked about you can't get power unless you're
being nasty. You thought a black gay man from Chicago
didn't have to be nasty to get word?

Speaker 5 (01:08:06):
Oh this is a rag a muffin man, Wayne.

Speaker 2 (01:08:21):
Perkins, you are a smooth operator. This motherfucker cleaned up
the act. You know. He's like he said, I'm like
get up.

Speaker 17 (01:08:32):
Distressed, and they got me. They got me you, but
do say you.

Speaker 2 (01:08:44):
Oh man, I couldn't beat them, so I joined. This
is a wild man.

Speaker 1 (01:08:48):
I don't even know if you're joking, and you won't ever.
I don't think so propaganda working.

Speaker 2 (01:08:53):
I will say that a comedian, I think a lot
about what he's saying in terms of AI and the
way that it's advanced so quickly, so like in our face,
with so much active like push against it, being like
this is the destruction of the planet. Like everybody is

(01:09:15):
very clear that like we are heading towards something apocalyptic
with this thing that everybody keeps advancing, advancing, advancing, and
that to me feels like some version of a chess game,
because I don't know how they could truly believe it's
this apocalyptic and not fear it the way that they
move without like them obviously having some out for whatever this, right,

(01:09:38):
or if you've.

Speaker 1 (01:09:38):
Hoarded the resources to know that you're gonna be above whatever.

Speaker 2 (01:09:42):
You know it's potential and it's not actually going to
affect the upper echelon of society.

Speaker 1 (01:09:49):
Right because it is too many people.

Speaker 3 (01:09:50):
Yeah, And I also think that like human nature moves
us towards that. I think the more that I've gotten,
like the more the more access, the more ease I'm
able to like think of life differently, like, oh, like
what can I get from life? Yeah, that I couldn't
have thought about because of all the other things that were.

Speaker 2 (01:10:08):
Like oppressing me.

Speaker 3 (01:10:10):
And then when you get to a certain level at
the top, I think that this is the next kind
of exploration of like I have everything, can I outlive
in apocalypse? Yeah, they're trying to get to the point
of like what is like what is the limit of
human nature?

Speaker 2 (01:10:26):
Because we they've reached it.

Speaker 3 (01:10:27):
They're at the pinnacle and they get to decide and
if you are if there's nothing, if you are at
the top of everything in the world, what else is there?

Speaker 2 (01:10:35):
Yeah? And in some ways it's almost like such deep
commitment to the experiment that they're not even going to
see it in their life time. They're like, no, I
just want to see if humans can survive. Oh that's nasty,
just in theory. So I'm going to help way, I'm
going to help push us to that and whatever happens happens.

(01:10:56):
But but I want to know if that's the thing,
because up to this point, the people have to have
successfully beat everything else. Yeah, and so it's like what
is there?

Speaker 1 (01:11:06):
And to these families he's speaking of, they've had it
beat for a minute, They've had it beat long enough
that of course they're searching to push past the back,
like there's no I think that the thing about power
or whatever, greed or whatever you call it is that
there's no top to it. So it's like why would
they be content just like having the people subject after
subjugated after a while, there's like something that they want

(01:11:28):
past that.

Speaker 2 (01:11:28):
And I think that's probably to kill us all. And
I think that's also why they're seeking eternal life in
some form right right that, like they're trying to figure
out a way to make brain microchips, so microchip live
on forever so that they can bear witness yes to
what that? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:11:46):
Yeah, yeah, maybe that is the final evolution of man.

Speaker 2 (01:11:50):
Yeah, we're just going to be inside of a shell
and then and then that shell will be our interpreter.
That's kind of what like Futurama is.

Speaker 3 (01:11:59):
Yeah, keep me wet, apparently as long as my head wet,
I'm straight.

Speaker 2 (01:12:10):
Not me. I don't want to live forever at all. No,
I have no interest. I think the way that it
would drive me crazy would be really destructive.

Speaker 1 (01:12:20):
Yeah. If I was gonna live forever with like infinite
power and stuff like that, I think I get really nasty. Yeah, yeah,
I don't, because human life will only it'll matter less
and less the more you see it pat expire, like
you know what I mean? Like your time here is finite,
so that all these interactions.

Speaker 2 (01:12:37):
Can be important.

Speaker 1 (01:12:38):
But like if I live five lifetimes, what the fuck
do I give about somebody dying? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:12:42):
And I always feel like it's relative. At some point
in my life, i'd really try to stop killing bugs.
It made me think about like the human experience and
at what point do you start to dictate what life
is important, what isn't right?

Speaker 1 (01:12:55):
And how are you a vegetarian? Okay?

Speaker 18 (01:13:00):
But I think I feel like we're not killing bugs.

Speaker 2 (01:13:06):
Don't give a funk about fish.

Speaker 3 (01:13:08):
This is I'm not killing them fish and making them
I'm benefiting from those fish dying. That's different for me
killing the fish myself. You don't want to be a yeah,
and then I'm not benefiting from killing these bugs. That's
not being like why are you in my face?

Speaker 2 (01:13:20):
Bug?

Speaker 3 (01:13:21):
Like sometimes I like take bugs and just take them outside,
and I'm like this is so stupid to me, Like well,
like why I get like what like what is that
going to do for you? To just like simply snuff
out this life?

Speaker 2 (01:13:33):
I think about how many bumble bees I've killed in
my life and how bees. But you know when you're
a kid, you're like, I don't like this thing. Yeah,
it will sting me, therefore I will kill it. And
I think now about how often we're reminded that bees
are like ceasing to exist, and how much I've contributed,
in some even small fraction of a fraction of a

(01:13:56):
fraction to the ultimate death of this creature.

Speaker 3 (01:14:00):
Generally give a hand to like how like how the
work did they do? Like how they like help pullin
it and like there's it is like this whole like
circle of light ship that I think if I think
you're deeply about them, like oh no, like we're all
like serving apart, like if you kild enough bees and
like that kills flowers. You kill flowers that kills this
and then like now we can't breathe now ye did?

Speaker 1 (01:14:19):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:14:19):
I shut down a few local markets of bees. You
know what I mean? It's some real you were out here?
Where are the bees? I'm no, Jeff Bezos your bees?
Is that how you say it?

Speaker 1 (01:14:37):
Like that you guys came to it late. Thank you, guys.

Speaker 2 (01:14:43):
I apologize you.

Speaker 3 (01:14:47):
So I also wouldn't want to live forever. But I
would like to be able to like chime in every
now and again, like and one hundred years, just have
like a day to be like.

Speaker 1 (01:14:55):
Oh this what see that's that's probably that every now. Yeah,
make sure the engine still turns over. I want that Coco.
I want to be in the afterlife, chilling after life.
Once a year, I get to go travel back.

Speaker 2 (01:15:10):
Yeah, eat a couple of cakes, listen to a little
bit of gossip that's happening, and I go back to
the afterlife.

Speaker 1 (01:15:16):
That's a good way to look at it. That's a
really good point.

Speaker 2 (01:15:19):
I want that Coco, like a quick little thing.

Speaker 1 (01:15:21):
You back.

Speaker 2 (01:15:24):
Thanks for remembering me.

Speaker 1 (01:15:27):
That's real.

Speaker 2 (01:15:29):
That's crazy. You still got a haircut.

Speaker 18 (01:15:36):
They still damn it more niggas ugly.

Speaker 2 (01:15:45):
I think we did it.

Speaker 1 (01:15:46):
Yeah, it was really fun doing the best hero villain
we've ever had on it.

Speaker 2 (01:15:51):
I would say, so. I've never been more on someone's
side and then terrified of them.

Speaker 1 (01:15:57):
Yeah, you know what I think it is. You never
raised your tone.

Speaker 3 (01:16:01):
That is my favorite way to have an argument as well,
and I think that's the most effective way. I'm not
gonna raise my voice. Yeah, I will actually lower my voice.
Get really close to be like, what the are you
talking to? Okay, that's and it really it has a
different effects.

Speaker 1 (01:16:15):
Yeah, because like we're screaming all the time, we get
so excessively me I get so excited.

Speaker 2 (01:16:20):
Well, that's because we're weak men. We don't know how
to do the manipulative a ship that he's doing. You
know what I mean, Like we are we think right,
we are. That's that's man, he's on some different.

Speaker 1 (01:16:33):
No no, no, that's how we almost got us twice
and he might still have got us.

Speaker 2 (01:16:37):
I honestly don't know that we escaped his clutches.

Speaker 3 (01:16:41):
That you don't know until later. You're gonna protest and
be like, damn, damn he got me.

Speaker 1 (01:16:44):
I'll tell you what I don't listen to show for ship.
I'm gonna listen to this.

Speaker 2 (01:16:58):
I'm gonna go home, lift up my shirt and be
like damn I got bit. And no, I'm not gonna
tell my wife. Just go go crazy. One day. It
should be like, oh fuck, this is great.

Speaker 3 (01:17:15):
Tell the people where they can find you what you
got going on. You can find me on the internet.
I think my social media is like at Dwayne Perkins,
that's got e W A Y and E d E.
There's another me Wayne, Yes, but yeah, I'll be there.

Speaker 2 (01:17:31):
I'll be doing stuff somebody sometimes. Hell yeah, what you
got cool?

Speaker 1 (01:17:35):
Got joke City seven on Instagram. Watch my special Birth
of a Nation with the g on YouTube on Andrew
Pound Gorilla. Now that's it, you know, that's it?

Speaker 2 (01:17:45):
Hell yeah. You can follow me at Langston Kerman on
all social media platforms. You can see me on the
aspiring Deadbeat tour right now. I'm in cities coming up,
I'm in cities currently, I don't know. Go ahead and
check it all out at Langston Kerman dot com. And
more importantly, if you want to send us your own messages,
your own thoughts, if you want to tell us the

(01:18:06):
first non homophobic barber that you've ever met, send it
all to my mama pod at gmail dot com. Give
us a call at A four four Little Moms by
the merch like, subscribe, rate, review, do whatever the fuck
you need to do to make us more popular. This
is a selfish, selfish game by bitch.

Speaker 15 (01:18:24):
Not only do all, won't you, but I need that
you understand I need that?

Speaker 3 (01:18:30):
And I suck on your ass like a goddamn neck bone.

Speaker 2 (01:18:33):
Oh motherfucking pitch, but I need that. I want that.

Speaker 15 (01:18:37):
And baby, just take a little time and come and
and visit back Beatles University.

Speaker 2 (01:18:44):
And I introduce you to some shit you ain't never
seen before. My Mama Told Me is a production of
Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts. Greet
It and hosted by Langston Track, co hosted by David Borie.

Speaker 1 (01:19:02):
Executive produced by Will Farrell, Hansani and Olivia Akilon.

Speaker 2 (01:19:06):
Co produced by Bee Wayne.

Speaker 1 (01:19:08):
Edited and engineered by Justin Kopfon, music by Nick Chambers.

Speaker 2 (01:19:13):
Artwork by Dogon Kriga. You can now watch episodes of
My Mama Told Me on YouTube. Follow at My Mama
Told Me and subscribe to our channel