January 2, 2026 • 18 mins
What do you do when family members ask you for money? It can become a real problem, particularly if you’ve “made it” in their eyes. On this week’s MiniPod hosts Tiffany Cross and Andrew Gillum navigate money and family.
This episode is a rerun that originally aired on 09-26-25.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome Home, fam. Today's episode is a rerun of a
mini pod that where me and Andrew recorded. I think
this was back in September, about black family loans, especially
around the holidays. You know how it is when your
family hits you up and say, well, your nephew needs,
or your needs needs, or you know, big Mama needs.
So we hope this episode helps you navigate some of
(00:20):
those family conversations you might be having.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Nigga Blain Pod is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership
with Recent Choice Media.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Welcome Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome home, y'all.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
We are here with this league minipod, and I know
you all are gonna find its relatable because Andrew had
the great idea to talk about money, specifically loaning.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Money to family and friends.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
And when you start making money and you become the
person like JJ.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Want to go to prom and being money for his tugs.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
And Renee want to go to the dance and she
needs money for her dress and all those things. We
certainly have been through that collectively. So Andrew, what made
you want to talk about this?
Speaker 4 (01:05):
No?
Speaker 2 (01:05):
I you know, I came across this clip and I
thought it was like quite something to hear a very very,
very very rich woman, uh share this problem that a
lot of us common folks also encounter, and I just
I just wanted to see if our audience might relate
(01:26):
similarly to how this particular person deals with.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Long because that's my only Wait.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
This the voice that you're going to hear if you're
on the listening side is Melanie Hopson, who I'm sorry,
I say, Melanie. You can have a D in your
name all day of you a melody, and I'm people
do that.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
But she's I don't know, we know her, but a
lot of people like may not actually know her.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
She's the president of Ariel.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Invest Mint, which is a huge management strategic planning firm
but really in finance.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
She also happens to be married to George Lucas.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Yes, yes, Star Wars.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Star Wars fame, so collectively they are ballin' very She
was formerly on the board of Starbucks, but I don't
think she's on the board now, and I think she's
on the board of the Rockefeller Foundation as well.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
I mean, she's a big deal. She's a big check
her out. I will check it out. You should. I
think you find it.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Interesting how when you become the one person in the
family that makes money, how do you maintain relationships with
your family.
Speaker 4 (02:43):
This would be hours of conversation, but I'm going to
give you the highlight reel. For me, I was my
mother's retirement plan. She fully expected and believed that, but
she put a lot of pressure on me a lot.
We had a young woman who worked at Ariel. Her
father was the CEO of a big company. She was
a young white woman and she was like, you lend
your family members money, you take care of your parents.
(03:05):
And we're all like, there are a bunch of black
people to day and we're like, yeah, you have to
set boundaries. You have to set very very clear boundaries.
And what I did, which was a bit extreme because
it became debilitating to me and it was going to
end relationships that I had, was I put, honestly an
accountant between me and my family, and I made it
that you can't ever call me for money, but you
can call this person. I'm not going to talk to
you about this. You have to call Tom. You have
(03:27):
to call Tom. You have to call Tom. It was
ugly in the beginning. The last thing I told people
all the time is when you make that decision. Just
understand it's a donation. You're never going to see it again.
Whatever I do give, I do not expect back. I
never said that to them, but emotionally that was my
way of dealing with when I didn't get it back.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
I could relate to that. Well, first of all, the
accountant thing at that ain't in my league, I'll be
clear clearly. But but Tiff, I don't know about you,
but when folks, you know, sort of make a in
their mind that you're the one that has the resource
as the relative, and in my opinion, sort of spend
(04:08):
with the fact that you got their kids and got
the family and got all that, and it's sort of like,
this is what I need and can you help and
can I just borrow such and such until next week
or such and such, you know, I like, like Melody
said once, I, once I gave money, even if it
(04:28):
were a quote loan, I made up in my mind
immediately it wasn't coming back. Because early on, when I
really did think people were asking for a loan, and
they really were, next Tuesday, gon't pay me back. And
then I saw them next week on Saturday, and they
were buying themselves some kicks. And in my mind, I'm
now resenting and got I got judgment. Now I'm watching
(04:50):
your spend. I'm watching all of it. And it wasn't
that like I needed the money back so badly. It
was just the principle of the matter, like you said
with your whole heart that next week two that you
were going to do a thing. And it's Saturday, and
you didn't do that thing. You didn't do the thing
you said. But worse you not taking the money. You
should be paying me back and buying shoes and this
(05:11):
and that, and let's go to you know, restaurant X,
Y and Z and get brunch. How you gonna get brunch?
You owe me money?
Speaker 4 (05:20):
Right?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
So that was that that began to tear at relationships
for me. And I'm talking to you know history forward.
And so it was like, Andrew, you gotta make one
or two decisions. You either are going to say, no,
I'm not loaning money. I don't give no, I can't
do that, or you're going to say if it is
a gift, if it's a loan, it's a gift. It
(05:41):
is make up in your mind you you are never
see it again. And that way I can release it
right when I release the money, that that is gone.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
I think that's a good practice.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
So I didn't know we were going to be talking
about this, but just coincidentally, of course, you know, I'm
writing a book and I write extensively about this U,
So I actually have some data on this and the
challenge with Andrew. As you well know, as a parent,
sometimes you're now put in a position where now you're
taking care of parents and you're taking care of children,
so you're getting bled by both ends, which puts you
(06:13):
in peril.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
So then the cycle continues.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
You put your children in a position where they now
have to take care of you and their children.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
And it's like, how do you stop right? But many
of us are doing just that.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
So in fact, nearly half of all college educated black
households are taking care of their parents or you know,
putting money back into their family, while just sixteen percent
of college educated white households do the same. And more
than a quarter of Black Americans live in multi generational
homes here, So you look at what we're doing and
(06:46):
also considering the wealth gap. So I write about that,
and it's not just data, but I also write about
it through my own personal lens and how I live
my life.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Look, this is one of the challenging things for me.
I am a giver. If I have it, I will
give it.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
And I certainly you know, I have an immediate family
member who I take care of all of her needs
as best I can.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
I don't want her to want for anything.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
And then outside of that, I get a little frustrated
because I made certain choices in life and I have
been a really amazing steward of my own finances. I
have budgeted in a way that I have this pot
of money to live off of every month. And since
since one of the comments in our survey was I
don't talk about my personal life and tell all my
(07:32):
personal business, I'll tell you.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
All a very specific story.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Just recently, I had budgeted where I paid for everything,
all bills are paid, family taken care of, you know, grocery, money,
going out, money, everything, and I just had a thousand
dollars surplus. You know, this was just free cash for
me to do with whatever. If I wanted to pay
(07:56):
for dinner one night, if I wanted to catch a
train to New York to meet with my public there
about just whatever nothing silly.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
You're a publisher, yeah, or whomever in New York. No,
not the gun. He turns up with the guy. I
know he will be paying for it if I was
going to see him.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
But me, you know, whatever appointments I might have, is
to have to go back and forth in New York
all the time is really expensive.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
And so just a thousand not free money.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
You know, that's not allocated anywhere, not even to my
going out budget. And just like that, my family hit
me up, I need three hundred dollars. Okay, well that'sk one.
Another family member, I need three hundred dollars. Okay, well,
now I'm down the six hundred. Then this family needed something.
Well now I'm down to five hundred. And it just
got whittled and whittled until now I have a three
hundred dollars surplus for myself. Now I didn't want for anything.
(08:44):
I was well taken care of. But to be honest,
I did have a little bit of resentment because I
budget my money for that reason, and I do wonder, like,
what are you doing that you're not budgeting your money
and the assumption that you're going to borrow money, And
I know I'll never see that money again. And then
(09:05):
I also feel like an asshole for asking front of
money because you know, I make my family can't comprehend.
But I also live in one of the most expensive cities,
so it's not like I'm out here ball and it's like, yeah,
what I pay in rent might be their mortgage for
six months, you know, like, so it might look like
I have this surplus of cash, but I have this
(09:27):
huge bucket of expenses, and I'm never you know, like
the woman who gave me life and never like I
always want her to not have have what she needs,
but have what she wants as well. So I really
appreciate you bringing up this conversation because I don't have kids,
(09:47):
and I can't imagine trying to take care of children.
But it is exhausting, it's emotionally exhausting, it is financially taxing.
Then there's also those random tax bills that come up,
and so when you have of you know, I think
some of the income challenges and blessings that we have.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
That's another thing.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
It's hard to explain that to family, Like you don't
understand that I'm paying a lawyer or if I'm collecting
the speaker fee. I'm paying an agent, I'm paying my
speaking agent, I'm paying my overall agent, I'm paying the manager,
I'm paying an assistant. Everything like, there are things that
I budgeted for and I allocated for this. Now, I
don't always feel like there's a lot of consideration to that.
(10:28):
I mean, I trust some people come to me they
feel bad and they've gone through all the things. But
I also look back, like god, damn, like when we
were younger, this is why I was trying to tell
you you should do this this, like make a different decision,
and it didn't happen.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
And so I don't know. I just I feel guilty.
I have that middle class guilt for sure.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
No, I feel that. I feel that, and sometimes our friends,
family would ever sort of make us feel, you know,
sort of shamed or guilted in some way or another,
because you remember, I gave my last for such and
(11:07):
such and such, and I did my and I know
about those things, so we feel some obligation there. I
guess if I could, if something could be different about
the dynamic I get. For me, it will probably be
just don't call it alone if you don't really mean
for it. If yeah, it's just something about that that
(11:30):
just don't feel right. Yeah, you feel really taking advantage
of and almost like playing for stupid, like now you
damn well, no, you ain't paid back the last six
and you ain't about to pay back the seventh. And
so don't say it. Stop joshing me. Stop you know,
acting like I was born last night, because that did.
(11:53):
Something about that just doesn't feel honest with the relationship.
And that's what I would say. I sort of missed
the most. There was a period in time where I
just didn't want to take calls from them, you know,
you know, from from from service. I knew what it
was on the other end, and so I was like,
you know what, I need peace today, Like I just
(12:14):
can't get in the middle of it. And then also
got to a stage where you know, you just need
to leave a text or voicemail with the amount and
like and then that's done and this is over. Like
I don't want to have to fake I don't want
to have.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
To fake it.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
Don't ask me how I'm doing, how you've been and
you don't mean it. You know, I can see from
the ring, I know it from this the phone vibrates. Yeah,
but I also know that there are people who get
out and they are working job. They are showing up
(12:48):
to their job, they are working their job. They are
getting the paycheck from the job, and before they can
cash it, it is already spent on the bills and obligations.
I know that life all too well. Remember trading, you know, paying,
you know, robing Peter to pay Paul and then borrowing again,
you know, off the Paul money in the serp. You
know to do this. So I don't, I don't. I
(13:09):
try not to act like I don't know what's going on.
I get it. But then I also wanted the other
side for you to know that just because you saw
me on a plane to d C the other day
and then I was in New York, that ain't my person.
I'm not I'm not out here ball and taking trips
every week. That is life. And it made money, but
(13:30):
cultivated a story as a.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Work for somebody else's was putting the build. Yes, but
all they did at the highlights reel and make assumptions
the highlight. But my point is, even if you see
me laying on the bit on the beach in the Maldives,
like so, I budgeted for that I worked for that
and I get to do that. So it's this is
a sensitive topic. I you know, I didn't know we
(13:54):
were going to talk about this, but it is making
me feel even guilty right now, to be honest, because
I also no, like it's hard, Like there are people
in my family where, yes, we have the same opportunities,
but we had different coping skills with life, we had
different goals in life, and so I feel bad that
I made certain decisions that other people did not. But
(14:17):
what I'm working through is living for myself and choosing
my joy because I can't carry other people's pains and
it does. It pains me when my family, it's even
if their feelings are hurt, it pains me. And so
when they ask, like it is difficult for me to
say no, actually I saved his money. I wanted to
get my hair done. You know, Johnny Wright a pretty penny.
(14:40):
I was like, I wanted to get my hair but
it looks like it but it's like, yeah, I'm paying
a lot of money, but I budgeted to be able
to pay this money to get my hair done. Or
I'm you know, speaking at this event and they're not
paying for hair and makeup like that had to come
out of my own pocket, and so I feel like
the asshole, and I'm like, damn, you can't pay your
phone bill and I have it, except I want to
(15:03):
go use it to get this fancy haircut. And then
I feel guilty, and then I feel mad that I
feel guilty about it, and I just and then I
get resentful that I'm forced to feel all yes, yes,
And so I know what the society has done to
our people. I understand the wealth gap. I understand the
decisions that our respective families have had to make. I
(15:26):
understand what my uncles and different people in my life
who have given me money and you know, just gifted
me things for surplus just because I was their niece.
But it can be taxing in every possible way. So
I'm curious for our viewers if you guys can if
you are the borrower, what are the circumstances that lead
(15:51):
you to ask your auntie, a sister, a cousin for money?
Do you pay it back? Do you feel uncomfortable? How
do you handle it? And if you are the one
who is issuing funds to family, how do you guys
handle it? And y'all know I read the comments, but
I'm also asking just because I want some guidance for
myself as I navigate my own emotions around it.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Uh, how do y'all? How do y'all deal with it?
And I don't know.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
My parents for the record, like the people give me life,
they just get to, you know, do whatever.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
I don't mind that.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
If I got it, you got it. Basically, Yeah, yeah.
I think this is a charged topic for a lot
of us in our community, and we've come by it
the hard way because most of us know it so well,
which is why we find ourselves so obedient to the
request because at various points in our lives and you know,
God forbid in our future life will we ever find
(16:50):
ourselves on the on the side of need. But I
will say, if I am ever on the side of need,
when I have been on the side of need, I've
made it my creed to pay people, and I like
to do it right when I say, and I hope
it's the next, very very next week if it can,
because I know the feeling of i'll pay you back
into I don't ever want.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
To be on that character, and if I can't, I'm
going to acknowledge it.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
At least I'm going to say, hey, for sure say
something right, but this assumption, I mean, that's just true
the behavior of men and women, grown adults.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
This is how how that goes. So yeah, that's real.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Well, thank y'all for indulging us in this conversation, and
thank you TIF for sharing more of your personal love.
Although I have to say I disagree with that comment
because I think you are very very vulnerable and open
about what's well it. Certainly, if you're, you know, doing
some experimental stuff, you just you just set that camera
(17:49):
up and we'll be the judge of it. Okay, y'all,
thank you for being with us on this, on this
mini pod. I hope you took something from it, and
we are still expecting to get something from you. We
want to hear your thoughts and reflections on how it
is you negotiate.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Shared a conversation h with the people people money, ask
them what they think. What's all think about this?
Speaker 2 (18:14):
And we kept it brief, So get it in the
group chat. Take care, everybody, Welcome.
Speaker 4 (18:18):
Home, okay.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Native Lampod is a production of iHeart Radio and partnership
with reisent Choice Media. For more podcasts from my heart Radio,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.
Welcome Home, fam. Today's episode is a rerun of a
mini pod that where me and Andrew recorded. I think
this was back in September, about black family loans, especially
around the holidays. You know how it is when your
family hits you up and say, well, your nephew needs,
or your needs needs, or you know, big Mama needs.
So we hope this episode helps you navigate some of
(00:20):
those family conversations you might be having.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Nigga Blain Pod is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership
with Recent Choice Media.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Welcome Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome home, y'all.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
We are here with this league minipod, and I know
you all are gonna find its relatable because Andrew had
the great idea to talk about money, specifically loaning.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Money to family and friends.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
And when you start making money and you become the
person like JJ.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Want to go to prom and being money for his tugs.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
And Renee want to go to the dance and she
needs money for her dress and all those things. We
certainly have been through that collectively. So Andrew, what made
you want to talk about this?
Speaker 4 (01:05):
No?
Speaker 2 (01:05):
I you know, I came across this clip and I
thought it was like quite something to hear a very very,
very very rich woman, uh share this problem that a
lot of us common folks also encounter, and I just
I just wanted to see if our audience might relate
(01:26):
similarly to how this particular person deals with.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Long because that's my only Wait.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
This the voice that you're going to hear if you're
on the listening side is Melanie Hopson, who I'm sorry,
I say, Melanie. You can have a D in your
name all day of you a melody, and I'm people
do that.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
But she's I don't know, we know her, but a
lot of people like may not actually know her.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
She's the president of Ariel.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Invest Mint, which is a huge management strategic planning firm
but really in finance.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
She also happens to be married to George Lucas.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Yes, yes, Star Wars.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Star Wars fame, so collectively they are ballin' very She
was formerly on the board of Starbucks, but I don't
think she's on the board now, and I think she's
on the board of the Rockefeller Foundation as well.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
I mean, she's a big deal. She's a big check
her out. I will check it out. You should. I
think you find it.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Interesting how when you become the one person in the
family that makes money, how do you maintain relationships with
your family.
Speaker 4 (02:43):
This would be hours of conversation, but I'm going to
give you the highlight reel. For me, I was my
mother's retirement plan. She fully expected and believed that, but
she put a lot of pressure on me a lot.
We had a young woman who worked at Ariel. Her
father was the CEO of a big company. She was
a young white woman and she was like, you lend
your family members money, you take care of your parents.
(03:05):
And we're all like, there are a bunch of black
people to day and we're like, yeah, you have to
set boundaries. You have to set very very clear boundaries.
And what I did, which was a bit extreme because
it became debilitating to me and it was going to
end relationships that I had, was I put, honestly an
accountant between me and my family, and I made it
that you can't ever call me for money, but you
can call this person. I'm not going to talk to
you about this. You have to call Tom. You have
(03:27):
to call Tom. You have to call Tom. It was
ugly in the beginning. The last thing I told people
all the time is when you make that decision. Just
understand it's a donation. You're never going to see it again.
Whatever I do give, I do not expect back. I
never said that to them, but emotionally that was my
way of dealing with when I didn't get it back.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
I could relate to that. Well, first of all, the
accountant thing at that ain't in my league, I'll be
clear clearly. But but Tiff, I don't know about you,
but when folks, you know, sort of make a in
their mind that you're the one that has the resource
as the relative, and in my opinion, sort of spend
(04:08):
with the fact that you got their kids and got
the family and got all that, and it's sort of like,
this is what I need and can you help and
can I just borrow such and such until next week
or such and such, you know, I like, like Melody
said once, I, once I gave money, even if it
(04:28):
were a quote loan, I made up in my mind
immediately it wasn't coming back. Because early on, when I
really did think people were asking for a loan, and
they really were, next Tuesday, gon't pay me back. And
then I saw them next week on Saturday, and they
were buying themselves some kicks. And in my mind, I'm
now resenting and got I got judgment. Now I'm watching
(04:50):
your spend. I'm watching all of it. And it wasn't
that like I needed the money back so badly. It
was just the principle of the matter, like you said
with your whole heart that next week two that you
were going to do a thing. And it's Saturday, and
you didn't do that thing. You didn't do the thing
you said. But worse you not taking the money. You
should be paying me back and buying shoes and this
(05:11):
and that, and let's go to you know, restaurant X,
Y and Z and get brunch. How you gonna get brunch?
You owe me money?
Speaker 4 (05:20):
Right?
Speaker 2 (05:20):
So that was that that began to tear at relationships
for me. And I'm talking to you know history forward.
And so it was like, Andrew, you gotta make one
or two decisions. You either are going to say, no,
I'm not loaning money. I don't give no, I can't
do that, or you're going to say if it is
a gift, if it's a loan, it's a gift. It
(05:41):
is make up in your mind you you are never
see it again. And that way I can release it
right when I release the money, that that is gone.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
I think that's a good practice.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
So I didn't know we were going to be talking
about this, but just coincidentally, of course, you know, I'm
writing a book and I write extensively about this U,
So I actually have some data on this and the
challenge with Andrew. As you well know, as a parent,
sometimes you're now put in a position where now you're
taking care of parents and you're taking care of children,
so you're getting bled by both ends, which puts you
(06:13):
in peril.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
So then the cycle continues.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
You put your children in a position where they now
have to take care of you and their children.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
And it's like, how do you stop right? But many
of us are doing just that.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
So in fact, nearly half of all college educated black
households are taking care of their parents or you know,
putting money back into their family, while just sixteen percent
of college educated white households do the same. And more
than a quarter of Black Americans live in multi generational
homes here, So you look at what we're doing and
(06:46):
also considering the wealth gap. So I write about that,
and it's not just data, but I also write about
it through my own personal lens and how I live
my life.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Look, this is one of the challenging things for me.
I am a giver. If I have it, I will
give it.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
And I certainly you know, I have an immediate family
member who I take care of all of her needs
as best I can.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
I don't want her to want for anything.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
And then outside of that, I get a little frustrated
because I made certain choices in life and I have
been a really amazing steward of my own finances. I
have budgeted in a way that I have this pot
of money to live off of every month. And since
since one of the comments in our survey was I
don't talk about my personal life and tell all my
(07:32):
personal business, I'll tell you.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
All a very specific story.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Just recently, I had budgeted where I paid for everything,
all bills are paid, family taken care of, you know, grocery, money,
going out, money, everything, and I just had a thousand
dollars surplus. You know, this was just free cash for
me to do with whatever. If I wanted to pay
(07:56):
for dinner one night, if I wanted to catch a
train to New York to meet with my public there
about just whatever nothing silly.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
You're a publisher, yeah, or whomever in New York. No,
not the gun. He turns up with the guy. I
know he will be paying for it if I was
going to see him.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
But me, you know, whatever appointments I might have, is
to have to go back and forth in New York
all the time is really expensive.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
And so just a thousand not free money.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
You know, that's not allocated anywhere, not even to my
going out budget. And just like that, my family hit
me up, I need three hundred dollars. Okay, well that'sk one.
Another family member, I need three hundred dollars. Okay, well,
now I'm down the six hundred. Then this family needed something.
Well now I'm down to five hundred. And it just
got whittled and whittled until now I have a three
hundred dollars surplus for myself. Now I didn't want for anything.
(08:44):
I was well taken care of. But to be honest,
I did have a little bit of resentment because I
budget my money for that reason, and I do wonder, like,
what are you doing that you're not budgeting your money
and the assumption that you're going to borrow money, And
I know I'll never see that money again. And then
(09:05):
I also feel like an asshole for asking front of
money because you know, I make my family can't comprehend.
But I also live in one of the most expensive cities,
so it's not like I'm out here ball and it's like, yeah,
what I pay in rent might be their mortgage for
six months, you know, like, so it might look like
I have this surplus of cash, but I have this
(09:27):
huge bucket of expenses, and I'm never you know, like
the woman who gave me life and never like I
always want her to not have have what she needs,
but have what she wants as well. So I really
appreciate you bringing up this conversation because I don't have kids,
(09:47):
and I can't imagine trying to take care of children.
But it is exhausting, it's emotionally exhausting, it is financially taxing.
Then there's also those random tax bills that come up,
and so when you have of you know, I think
some of the income challenges and blessings that we have.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
That's another thing.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
It's hard to explain that to family, Like you don't
understand that I'm paying a lawyer or if I'm collecting
the speaker fee. I'm paying an agent, I'm paying my
speaking agent, I'm paying my overall agent, I'm paying the manager,
I'm paying an assistant. Everything like, there are things that
I budgeted for and I allocated for this. Now, I
don't always feel like there's a lot of consideration to that.
(10:28):
I mean, I trust some people come to me they
feel bad and they've gone through all the things. But
I also look back, like god, damn, like when we
were younger, this is why I was trying to tell
you you should do this this, like make a different decision,
and it didn't happen.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
And so I don't know. I just I feel guilty.
I have that middle class guilt for sure.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
No, I feel that. I feel that, and sometimes our friends,
family would ever sort of make us feel, you know,
sort of shamed or guilted in some way or another,
because you remember, I gave my last for such and
(11:07):
such and such, and I did my and I know
about those things, so we feel some obligation there. I
guess if I could, if something could be different about
the dynamic I get. For me, it will probably be
just don't call it alone if you don't really mean
for it. If yeah, it's just something about that that
(11:30):
just don't feel right. Yeah, you feel really taking advantage
of and almost like playing for stupid, like now you
damn well, no, you ain't paid back the last six
and you ain't about to pay back the seventh. And
so don't say it. Stop joshing me. Stop you know,
acting like I was born last night, because that did.
(11:53):
Something about that just doesn't feel honest with the relationship.
And that's what I would say. I sort of missed
the most. There was a period in time where I
just didn't want to take calls from them, you know,
you know, from from from service. I knew what it
was on the other end, and so I was like,
you know what, I need peace today, Like I just
(12:14):
can't get in the middle of it. And then also
got to a stage where you know, you just need
to leave a text or voicemail with the amount and
like and then that's done and this is over. Like
I don't want to have to fake I don't want
to have.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
To fake it.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
Don't ask me how I'm doing, how you've been and
you don't mean it. You know, I can see from
the ring, I know it from this the phone vibrates. Yeah,
but I also know that there are people who get
out and they are working job. They are showing up
(12:48):
to their job, they are working their job. They are
getting the paycheck from the job, and before they can
cash it, it is already spent on the bills and obligations.
I know that life all too well. Remember trading, you know, paying,
you know, robing Peter to pay Paul and then borrowing again,
you know, off the Paul money in the serp. You
know to do this. So I don't, I don't. I
(13:09):
try not to act like I don't know what's going on.
I get it. But then I also wanted the other
side for you to know that just because you saw
me on a plane to d C the other day
and then I was in New York, that ain't my person.
I'm not I'm not out here ball and taking trips
every week. That is life. And it made money, but
(13:30):
cultivated a story as a.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Work for somebody else's was putting the build. Yes, but
all they did at the highlights reel and make assumptions
the highlight. But my point is, even if you see
me laying on the bit on the beach in the Maldives,
like so, I budgeted for that I worked for that
and I get to do that. So it's this is
a sensitive topic. I you know, I didn't know we
(13:54):
were going to talk about this, but it is making
me feel even guilty right now, to be honest, because
I also no, like it's hard, Like there are people
in my family where, yes, we have the same opportunities,
but we had different coping skills with life, we had
different goals in life, and so I feel bad that
I made certain decisions that other people did not. But
(14:17):
what I'm working through is living for myself and choosing
my joy because I can't carry other people's pains and
it does. It pains me when my family, it's even
if their feelings are hurt, it pains me. And so
when they ask, like it is difficult for me to
say no, actually I saved his money. I wanted to
get my hair done. You know, Johnny Wright a pretty penny.
(14:40):
I was like, I wanted to get my hair but
it looks like it but it's like, yeah, I'm paying
a lot of money, but I budgeted to be able
to pay this money to get my hair done. Or
I'm you know, speaking at this event and they're not
paying for hair and makeup like that had to come
out of my own pocket, and so I feel like
the asshole, and I'm like, damn, you can't pay your
phone bill and I have it, except I want to
(15:03):
go use it to get this fancy haircut. And then
I feel guilty, and then I feel mad that I
feel guilty about it, and I just and then I
get resentful that I'm forced to feel all yes, yes,
And so I know what the society has done to
our people. I understand the wealth gap. I understand the
decisions that our respective families have had to make. I
(15:26):
understand what my uncles and different people in my life
who have given me money and you know, just gifted
me things for surplus just because I was their niece.
But it can be taxing in every possible way. So
I'm curious for our viewers if you guys can if
you are the borrower, what are the circumstances that lead
(15:51):
you to ask your auntie, a sister, a cousin for money?
Do you pay it back? Do you feel uncomfortable? How
do you handle it? And if you are the one
who is issuing funds to family, how do you guys
handle it? And y'all know I read the comments, but
I'm also asking just because I want some guidance for
myself as I navigate my own emotions around it.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
Uh, how do y'all? How do y'all deal with it?
And I don't know.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
My parents for the record, like the people give me life,
they just get to, you know, do whatever.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
I don't mind that.
Speaker 2 (16:27):
If I got it, you got it. Basically, Yeah, yeah.
I think this is a charged topic for a lot
of us in our community, and we've come by it
the hard way because most of us know it so well,
which is why we find ourselves so obedient to the
request because at various points in our lives and you know,
God forbid in our future life will we ever find
(16:50):
ourselves on the on the side of need. But I
will say, if I am ever on the side of need,
when I have been on the side of need, I've
made it my creed to pay people, and I like
to do it right when I say, and I hope
it's the next, very very next week if it can,
because I know the feeling of i'll pay you back
into I don't ever want.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
To be on that character, and if I can't, I'm
going to acknowledge it.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
At least I'm going to say, hey, for sure say
something right, but this assumption, I mean, that's just true
the behavior of men and women, grown adults.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
This is how how that goes. So yeah, that's real.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Well, thank y'all for indulging us in this conversation, and
thank you TIF for sharing more of your personal love.
Although I have to say I disagree with that comment
because I think you are very very vulnerable and open
about what's well it. Certainly, if you're, you know, doing
some experimental stuff, you just you just set that camera
(17:49):
up and we'll be the judge of it. Okay, y'all,
thank you for being with us on this, on this
mini pod. I hope you took something from it, and
we are still expecting to get something from you. We
want to hear your thoughts and reflections on how it
is you negotiate.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Shared a conversation h with the people people money, ask
them what they think. What's all think about this?
Speaker 2 (18:14):
And we kept it brief, So get it in the
group chat. Take care, everybody, Welcome.
Speaker 4 (18:18):
Home, okay.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Native Lampod is a production of iHeart Radio and partnership
with reisent Choice Media. For more podcasts from my heart Radio,
visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.
Hosts And Creators
Tiffany Cross
Andrew Gillum
Angela Rye
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