I CAN’T stand my mother-in-law… and it’s hurting my relationship! -r/okstorytime | Reddit Stories | EP2651 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, it's key On and this is Carly, your favorite
Okay Storytime host, and we've got some great stories coming up.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
Well before that, we have a quick two minute break
from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

Speaker 3 (00:11):
I can't stand my mother in law and it's hurting
my relationship.

Speaker 4 (00:16):
Well that sounds about right.

Speaker 3 (00:18):
And this comes directly from the oslash Okay Storytime subred it.
No freaking way, yeah freaking way. I twenty five female
have been dating Jake twenty three mail for over two years.
He is a full time psychology student and works part
time on weekends. His home situation is really messy, by
the way. This comes from user Realistic Tension eight six
seven and if you want to submit your own stories,

(00:38):
go to the r slash Okay story Time subred it
where this story was submitted. I'm Dakota, I'm Angie, and
we're here to give good advice googly, But we don't
have all the answers to lives questions. We only know
what we know. So if you know things that we
don't know, which you probably do know, let us know
in the comments below. He has two sisters. One is
nineteen and the other is four, and they all have
different fathers. Woo not judging. I was that's cool, but

(01:04):
this will be relevant later. They all live with Michael,
his stepdad, in Michael's house. His mom, Sarah, currently doesn't work.
She does small things to get some extra cash, but
it's not enough to cover even the basics for Jake
and his nineteen year old sister, while the youngest gets
at least the basics from the stepdad. Jake has been
parentified since he was a little boy, and it honestly

(01:26):
breaks my heart to hear him recall some very hurtful
and completely avoidable situations where he had to be the
adult while having a mother. At the time, they were
living with his grandparents. Here's some examples. Sarah used to
work in a certain beauty care center where Jake and
his sister used to go after school. His mom used
to make him quote make the man go away when

(01:47):
being flirted with by guys she didn't fancy.

Speaker 5 (01:51):
Whoa how would this child even do that?

Speaker 3 (01:55):
I think he was okay, So it continues being only
a teen, which I guess is better than being ten,
but still, like what, I'm not responsible for making the
men go away?

Speaker 1 (02:07):
Mother?

Speaker 3 (02:07):
Yeah, I am a child. He had to challenge grown
men to leave his mom alone like she was a
helpless damsel in distress, and it made him very uncomfortable.
When Sarah got pregnant with the youngest sibling, the grandparents
decided they had had enough and told her she should
live with the future baby's father and make an honest living,

(02:28):
partly based on religious beliefs. However, she made it seem
like they were heartlessly booting a pregnant woman and two
teens onto the streets for no reason. Then they went
to live with a stepdad, and Jake didn't even have
a room inside the house, which I think is not legal.

Speaker 4 (02:44):
Yeah, if they're kids.

Speaker 3 (02:46):
If they're miners, they gotta have a room in the house,
or that's neglect. I think you gotta at least be
able to like share.

Speaker 4 (02:52):
A room, right, right, right, wouldn't you say that?

Speaker 6 (02:56):
Right?

Speaker 3 (02:57):
He was sleeping in a room in his stepfather's brother
which was right behind the main house, with a guy
he didn't know well. In my opinion, as the daughter
of a single mom myself and someone who has friends
and family who are children of single parents, she became
comfortable having her kids taken care of by the grandparents
even though she was not a working woman, she did
not achieve major things that would make their lives stable

(03:18):
and comfortable, like owning a car, learning how to drive
in a big city, having her own place, or at
least renting somewhere where she didn't depend on a partner
or the grandparents. For context, Jake got a full scholarship
and still has to work to afford everything else, eating out, clothes, medications,
public transport, and university supplies. On top of that, he
sometimes contributes to household expenses like hot water, dog food,

(03:40):
transportation for his sister, and even pocket money for her.
At some point, he was even paying for Sarah's therapy. Wow,
you're paying for your own mom's therapy. I mean, I
guess that's a solid investment. You'd be like think, I mean,
at least he'll stop right right.

Speaker 4 (03:56):
That is true, But that's tough man.

Speaker 3 (03:59):
Oh yeah, YoY. Moving to the present, Sarah got really sick,
almost level sick. The family has been very caring and
has made sure she gets treatment, but because of their
financial situation, getting her surgery has been extremely difficult. While
navigating the healthcare system, My relationship with my mother in
law is very strange. We get along, but we've never

(04:19):
shared a meaningful moment. A few times I've been at
her house, I didn't feel welcome. She greets me when
I arrived, but Michael will be sitting on his phone
and I have to go say hello to him myself.
It's like, dude, it's your house. I was invited here,
be a host or something. Sarah never says anything about it.
Jake has had several conversations with Michael because he doesn't

(04:40):
take proper care of Roxanne, his little sister. For example,
Roxanne has fallen and cried her eyes out while Michael
just sat on the couch scrolling on his phone, acting
like he was deaf or something.

Speaker 4 (04:49):
Is he hmmm?

Speaker 3 (04:50):
Have we thought about this? Michael can't actually hear anything
new development, and he's just been playing it cool. Everyone
knows the classic play at cool act like you're not
deaf when you deaf?

Speaker 4 (05:01):
Move classic move.

Speaker 3 (05:03):
Anyway, Like what is going on? Those conversations went very badly,
with Michael feeling deeply offended and then making Sarah angry
at Jake. Meanwhile, Sarah keeps complaining to Jake that Michael
can't be bothered to do laundry dishes or give her
enough money for groceries. And they broke up once, making
them half moving again to the grandparents' house, only to

(05:23):
get back together and had move in gradually again. Jake
had to sleep on a mattress on the floor in
the living room because they didn't have proper sleeping arrangements
at the grandparents You know, mattress in the living room
is better than.

Speaker 4 (05:35):
Nothing, true ducks though, but you know.

Speaker 3 (05:37):
And it's really only tenable for like a day or two,
not long term situation, you know. Lately, I've been encouraging
Jake to ask his biofather for child support, and I
found out Jake doesn't even know his father's name. Sarah
refuses to give him any details other than saying that
the man was married and ran away to another country
when he found out about the pregnancy. To me, that

(05:57):
excuse sounds a little too perfect, and I think she's
hiding important information about Jake's biological father, maybe for pity
or whatever. Neither of the other siblings have a proper
child support arrangement. I keep telling Jay to get more
information and try to look for his biological father, not
just for money, but so my dear boyfriend could breathe
a little or maybe afford a master's degree in the future,

(06:20):
but also to learn about his cultural heritage, genetics, and
family history. I insisted, and Jake talked to Sarah, but
she downplayed the conversation and said they'd talk about it later.
So I contacted my mother in law directly telling her
I was contacting a lawyer to start the process and
get the biodad declared as his dad through DNA, a

(06:41):
long and not always successful process to prove paternity, and
would need some details like name, address, or whatever info
she had in a very respectful way, trying to not
overstep but acting in Jake's best interest. Her response made
my jaw drop. In a very long series of messages,
she told me she was going to handle it herself, like, yeah,

(07:01):
because you've done such a great job over the past
twenty three years. This was almost two months ago and
still nothing, no info, no names, no children. So it's like, oh,
my children don't have enough money to do anything, and
then she proceeds to do absolutely nothing about it. I
don't think we can let Sarah be, you know, taking
point on any of this. I think we need to

(07:23):
start looking. We need to start scrounging around for stuff ourselves.

Speaker 4 (07:28):
I feel like there's a way to do it for sure.

Speaker 3 (07:31):
Yeah, I think you can reach out to well, I
mean there's other companies. Jake can do his own tests.
I don't know if you can get anything out like
the hospital, if there's a burth certificate, you know, or what.
Because even if the dad like ran off, he should
still probably be on the birth certificate unless just straight
up never knew who he was. Yeah, but yeah, all

(07:53):
of those are possible. Now. Every time Sarah comes up
in conversation, whether about her health or the I a
drama with Michael, I get a stomach ache, feel dizzy,
and feel completely fed up. Everything involving her is bad, chaotic,
and damaging to Jake's mental health. The last straw for
me was what happened a few months ago on Jake's birthday.
I offered to take care of the celebration and contribute

(08:15):
with decorations, food, cake, everything I could help with. However,
Sarah rejected the idea and said she could handle it
and that there was no problem. Even so, I brought
some food in, like little cupcakes that honestly saved the
meal a bit and I also surprised Jake by bringing
his best friend. The celebration took place at Michael's house.

(08:36):
Michael didn't even bother to say happy birthday to Jake
at any point during the entire day. Then why are
we hosting it at his place? What he is our enemy?
My mother in law didn't say anything about it. I
insisted all day long, and even the day before on
at least checking on the cake, but Sarah kept telling
me that everything was fine and that she would take

(08:57):
care of it. On the day of the celebration, about
an hour before I left my house, I reminded her
again about the cake, and once again she said she
had it covered. I said, okay. Later I realized that
after I arrived with Jake's best friend, mother in law
went out to buy the cake while we were already
there celebrating. It made me feel like there had been
very little preparation, very little affection, and very little intention

(09:17):
to make Jake's stay important, especially considering how much he
sacrifices for his entire family. It didn't feel like a
proper celebration, and at the end of the day, Jake
told me he felt a bit disappointed and that he
had expected a little more his grandparents didn't attend. Currently,
Jake and I are a long distance for a couple
of months because of my degree, and I've been feeling

(09:37):
less anxious since we talk less and I don't hear
anything about his mom. The thing is, I love Jake deeply,
and I care for him. I take care of him,
and I enjoy our time together. But his relationship with
his mom and family dynamics are literally making me sick.
I swear my eyes are going to roll back into
my skull from how hard I roll him every time
he talks about the latest drama involving my mother in law. Honestly,

(10:00):
I think you can put up a barrier of like,
you know what, I think your mom, my mother in law.
I would like us to not talk about her anymore. Yeah,
I think you can talk to her with maybe a therapist.
Maybe y'all should get some counseling. Maybe you could talk
to your best bro about it. But I no longer
want to speak about your mother in law and your
problems because it impacts me and I just don't like

(10:22):
it and there's no solution.

Speaker 4 (10:23):
Yeah, I think so too.

Speaker 3 (10:25):
Just be super honest, just like that there's a little
bit more story. I recently realized that I've unconsciously stopped
planning my future with Jake. I feel discussed thinking that
mother in law would be a constant drama in my
boyfriend's life, even though he could go no contact in
the future. He has mentioned before he's still tight with
his sister and feels responsible for them. I used to
imagine a future together. Now I'm not so sure. I

(10:47):
sometimes just want to yell at my mother in law
to grow up, be better, stand up for her children,
give them stability and a role model to follow, et cetera.
I came here for support, opinions, and advice. Yeah, I
think you just set that boundary and move on with
your lives.

Speaker 4 (11:00):
You know, Yeah, I completely agree. And that's the end
of this story. We're going on to the next one.

Speaker 5 (11:06):
My mother in law went from the best to a
total nightmare after I gave.

Speaker 3 (11:11):
Birth because she wants the baby.

Speaker 5 (11:13):
My husband and I have been together for four years
and married for two. His parents had been the sweetest
supportive during renovating our home, wedding planning, and even during
my pregnancy. We would see them one to two times
every week for dinner, day trips out, and even just
pop by for cups of.

Speaker 4 (11:29):
Tea and cake.

Speaker 5 (11:30):
By the way, this comes from Ideal Informal nineteen thirty two,
And if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate And I'm Angie.

Speaker 4 (11:38):
I'm Dakota, and we're here for given good advice Goofer Lee.
But we don't have all the answers.

Speaker 5 (11:44):
We just know we were do in these situations, So
let us know what you would do in the commons,
Opie says. Everyone around me was really jealous that I
had the perfect parents in law. I'd get on really
well with the mother in law too. We'd go shopping together,
make cakes, go to car boots, confide any each other.
I really trusted her and at times felt like my
relationship with her was better than with my own mother.

(12:06):
Now this perfect relationship has had a complete one pint
eighty since the birth of our baby, and it's not
getting resolved, and it seems to be getting worse as
time goes by. Our baby was born in March twenty
twenty five, lovely home birth planned, and my parents in
law turned up minutes after the baby was here to
help clean up the house as I had to go
into hospital for stitches and monitoring, which at the time

(12:28):
I felt was supportive. My husband and I then decided
that we wanted to be in our new parent bubble
for the first weekend and out of the hospital appointments,
John distesting tongue tie cuts and navigating breastfeeding, all with
a baby that would sleep anywhere but on me.

Speaker 4 (12:44):
It was tough.

Speaker 5 (12:45):
That week felt like the longest week ever, but we
eventually made it through and my parents in law were
invited to meet our baby. For some backstory, now, my
mother in law has been a childminder for thirty years
that's in quotes, but hasn't been doing it for the
last ten to fifteen years. Officially, she baby sits a
kid on her road every week, but she has been

(13:06):
a quote no at all during my pregnancy, preparing and
brainwashing my husband and I to do things a certain
way like she raised her kids. Anyway, she meets our
baby and proceeds to show us how to burp them
as they are quite gassy. My husband and I didn't
like how she handled him, not completely supporting his head.
She then does bicycle wheels with their legs and we
hear a click. At this point, we jump up to

(13:28):
take the baby from her.

Speaker 4 (13:29):
Oh boy, a click.

Speaker 5 (13:31):
Over the course of the next couple of weeks, she
buys cot bedding for the pram because she doesn't want
us putting our baby in there without a sheet, even
though it's not recommended. She buys a bike for our
baby's first birthday without asking us, et cetera.

Speaker 4 (13:45):
That's really funny.

Speaker 3 (13:46):
It's maybe a little too early. One year old baby
on the bike.

Speaker 5 (13:51):
The bike, I mean hopefully it's like those little bikes
with like no wheels and you just like on it
or something like you just sit and like.

Speaker 3 (13:59):
Oh yeah, yeah, there's no pedals. They just like it's
like a running bike.

Speaker 4 (14:02):
Yeah, no pedals.

Speaker 3 (14:03):
Not have you ever seen the videos of like all
the kids like racing on those like little kids, Like
it's like before like you do dirt biking and it
has like a motor. It's like when they're like like
four or five, they're all racing on little dirt bikes
with no pedals and they're just like running with their legs.

Speaker 4 (14:20):
That's so funny.

Speaker 3 (14:21):
It is a hilarious sight and honestly like entertaining to watch.

Speaker 4 (14:26):
Are they on like a dirt bike road.

Speaker 3 (14:28):
Yeah, they're on like a dirt bike path. Like they're
on like a dirt bike route.

Speaker 4 (14:32):
Yeah, we'll be watching that later.

Speaker 3 (14:34):
Anyway.

Speaker 5 (14:34):
Our baby is now three weeks old and she is
hosting a family get together at Easter, and it's an
hour away. At this point, my husband and I weren't
comfortable taking our baby in the car for that long,
and we decide to decline the invitation. We then get
manipulated into going as it'll be our baby's first Easter
and keep the peace. My husband decides that we should go.

(14:54):
This turns into the biggest bad decision we've made, as
the whole event was a disaster.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
No.

Speaker 5 (15:01):
So, my aunt in law is a qualified midwife, but
isn't working as one as she was fired shortly after qualification.
This is another story. So now she works as a
nanny for the rich. That's pretty crazy, though, you fired
from a midwife, Now let's be a nanny. That feels
like you got to go into a completely different like industry.

Speaker 3 (15:21):
Maybe just pivot to like accounting or something.

Speaker 4 (15:23):
Sure, get into that.

Speaker 5 (15:25):
She was at this family gathering showing us how to
put nappies on, not like we've been doing it for
the last three weeks, and watching me breastfeed, telling me
to feed on a schedule when I want to feed
on demand, telling us to put our baby down in
there pram to cry while.

Speaker 4 (15:40):
We eat dinner.

Speaker 5 (15:41):
And it was really stressful, taking any confidence my husband
and I had away and making us feel like we're
not doing it right, but also stressed by having to
justify why we want to do it our way instead.

Speaker 4 (15:53):
We left with the comment of my husband snapping at his.

Speaker 5 (15:55):
Mom saying, don't you add to this too, or something
along those lines. Even though my mother in law hadn't
said much at this family event, she had made comments before,
so my husband was preemptively saying this anyway. She took
huge offense and rang him the next day, moaning playing
victim and putting her point across in these words, I'll
never forget you continue parenting like this, you will fail

(16:17):
your baby. They will still be a knappies when they
go to school and won't know how to use a
knife at a fuck.

Speaker 3 (16:24):
Nah. Yeah, you're all gonna raise a little poopy pants Handyita.

Speaker 4 (16:29):
Yes, I honestly was expecting that to be worse.

Speaker 5 (16:33):
Not gonna lie if these words that you'll never forget
putting her point.

Speaker 4 (16:36):
Across, I mean it's still like it's still like, hey, mom,
calm down. Yeah, but I was expecting that to bead.

Speaker 3 (16:42):
And it's like just because like what because we don't
want to do the exact same thing that you did
or did or do. I mean, it's good to like
hear people's advice, but then it's like, you know, you
weigh it against what you what else you've heard, Like
just because someone is your parent doesn't mean they're an
expert in anything.

Speaker 4 (16:59):
Right.

Speaker 5 (17:00):
So after this, we didn't speak to her for a while.
Then she randomly came around one day in tears, apologizing
and claiming that she doesn't know how to be a grandmother.
We then tried to put it behind us. By three months,
our baby was still needing support with holding his head
and his mother in law is throwing him up in
the air and catching him.

Speaker 3 (17:19):
Oh dude, no, no, no, I'm an idiot, and even
I know you don't do that with a three month
old baby. Oooh young gotta wait for them to get
a little sturdier, dude.

Speaker 5 (17:31):
Yeah, yes, our baby was smiling, but we were very
uncomfortable seeing this as we hadn't done that with him
yet and weren't sure he was ready for it, which
made us on edge and continued to be on edge
anytime the mother in law would pick our baby up
or interact with him. This, obviously, over time created an
atmosphere that the mother in law picked up on, and
at the age of four months there was a huge

(17:51):
family argument. And this happened after countless times my husband
and I asserting we're doing it our way and explaining why,
which was met by no respect from her and only
offense that we were doing it our way and trusting
our own research and current guidance instead of hers. Anyway,
this huge argument blew out with my mother in law

(18:12):
complaining about me getting my front airbags out all the
time to feed my baby and she didn't like seeing it.

Speaker 3 (18:19):
Well, go, then, do you see these two things on
your face called your eyes? You can do this, I
look away, I look away from that, or you can
look right at me and you can just close them,
close them and you say, oh pee, Tell me when
you put the biddies away, yep. Tell me when your
chest is backing, you should.

Speaker 4 (18:36):
Yeah, then you're good.

Speaker 5 (18:37):
But it's not that hard the fact that we didn't
want anyone but me and my husband to kiss our baby.

Speaker 3 (18:42):
Which is very backed up by science. Dumb, dumb.

Speaker 5 (18:47):
Yeah, we were told to use our common sense and
respect her as an elder with experience. She complained that
none of her friends had met our baby yet and
are mortified how other people just hand her the baby
when they see her and we don't. She then says
that she's a scare and storms upstairs, yelling at us
to get out of her house.

Speaker 3 (19:07):
Yeah, I gotta love weaponizing a diagnosis when the conversation
is just we're gonna parent our child and you can
give us advice, but we're not always gonna listen to
it because we're parenting our child.

Speaker 4 (19:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (19:19):
Like it's not even that you can't see the child.
Like they're not saying that, not yet anyway. They're literally
just saying, like, yo, you gotta respect what we're doing
as parents.

Speaker 3 (19:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (19:31):
Like if her mindset is that like, well, I've had
a scare, I really want to be around family now,
and I feel like I'm missing out on these these memories,
it's like.

Speaker 4 (19:40):
Well, you don't have to.

Speaker 5 (19:42):
You just have to such a trap when it comes
to parenting advice shut it. At this point we leave
as she wasn't listening to anything you were saying and
it was just a huge attack on how we're parenting
and it's none of her business.

Speaker 4 (19:55):
Two months go by with no contact.

Speaker 5 (19:57):
Then my father in law starts randomly turning up at
our house unannounced, wanting to see his grandson, and I
feel bad for him because he hasn't caused or done
anything wrong, only enabled his wife's behavior. We then start
having a relationship with him like we used to, and
things fall back into normal almost anyway. Clearly mother in
law doesn't like this, and the father in law starts
to try and rebuild bridges. The mother in law is

(20:19):
demanding an apology and wants to change our baby's nappy
and take them out in the pram on her own
for an hour to prove we trust her.

Speaker 4 (20:28):
At this point, my.

Speaker 5 (20:28):
Husband and I just think she's made this one thousand
percent times worse and why would we trust her after everything.
I propose that we just try and start again with
a clean slate, and she says no. Another month goes
by with no contact, Then at eight months old, she
just starts turning up with my father in law unannounced
with random gifts for our baby, and it's magogward. The

(20:50):
elephant in the room stares at my husband and I,
yet no one addresses it. They do this four times,
and even when I've had my family around, they've turned
up and pushed them out.

Speaker 4 (21:01):
It's so rude. Oh my god, what.

Speaker 5 (21:03):
We've been doing dinner and they've just turned up each time.
My husband has kindly said, give us a call please
before you turn up, and she ignores him.

Speaker 4 (21:11):
The last visit, she picks.

Speaker 5 (21:12):
Up our baby from their play mat happily playing because
she wants a cuddle, but she doesn't ask. My husband
kindly asks her to put them down as they were playing,
and she ignores him twice before she finally does it.

Speaker 3 (21:24):
Anyway, Okay, like that, I feel like was the thing
I've heard where I'm like, all right now, we're actually
probably going a little too far, where it's like being
like the baby was in the middle of playing and
the baby needs to finish playing before you pick it
up and go hello baby. Yeah, yeah, that feels like
a little too far to me. Yeah, I you're gonna

(21:46):
put the baby back down, the baby gonna be okay,
that's true.

Speaker 4 (21:48):
You can put babyback down.

Speaker 3 (21:50):
But Grandma's just saying Hi, Grandma's not gonna go. Oh,
I'll wait until you're done with your blocks, and then
I'll pick you up and give you a hug. It's like, nope,
I'm actually gonna pick you up give you a hog
right now.

Speaker 4 (21:59):
Right right.

Speaker 5 (21:59):
I mean, I guess if the baby starts crying when
he gets picked up that it's like, okay, well he was.

Speaker 4 (22:04):
Just happy a second ago and you ruined it.

Speaker 3 (22:06):
Yeah, I can't understand that's different.

Speaker 4 (22:07):
But yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker 5 (22:08):
My husband kindly asks her to put him down as
they were playing, and she ignores him twice before she
finally does it. Anyway, two weeks have passed and this
brings us up to present day. Five days before Christmas,
we discussed how we were going to see them and
exchange gifts and Christmas, and as Christmas hasn't been discussed
with them, we are only free Christmas Eve morning, so

(22:29):
we were posed stopping by theirs. This was ignored until
today when we received a manipulative letter explaining how she
feels worthless, is offended that we want an invitation or
permission to visit us, and how she feels that it
was cruel and rude to ask her to put our
baby down with his toys, And now she's finished this
stupid letter with a comment about how she's just being

(22:51):
her and how my husband has to decide if he
wants her. But yeah, there's a little bit more to
the story. But yeah, that's.

Speaker 3 (22:59):
Very I think we just need to really make sure
that we're not because your mother in law definitely has
done some stuff that's like whoa, Hey, you're crossing boundaries
and that's not cool and you're kind of not respecting us.
I just want to make sure that we don't like
interpret everything she does now as like a something that's

(23:21):
like a boundary that's being crossed, or like as it's disrespectful,
because like, honestly, her picking up your kid and being
like bloa googo gaga and then putting him down, that's
just what a grandma would do. If you walk into
the house you see your grandbaby, you would go more
grand baby, make you they give you a kiss, give
you a hug.

Speaker 4 (23:40):
Makes sense.

Speaker 3 (23:41):
You eight months old, now, you know that's reasonable.

Speaker 5 (23:44):
Yeah, I feel like that makes sense. I'm so angry
with my mother in law. I feel bad for my husband.
She's made this whole year, the whole time our baby
husband with her about her in this drama. We thought
it would be happy families like it is with everyone
else around us. We didn't next it from them, and
no we are here with no idea how to move forward,
no idea how to respond to this letter. Also, my

(24:07):
husband is now in counseling, and so am I trying
to navigate this whole family drama. There is an edit,
a massive thank you to everyone for your responses. I've
shared with my husband and will update you with the outcome.
Oh and first update we me my husband and baby
bumped into father in law today and asked if he
knew that the mother in law has said this letter.
He knew about it, had nothing to say, only that

(24:27):
he thinks me and the mother in law need to
talk one on one and talk it out. I tried
so hard not to laugh, but my husband explained how
he was feeling having received it, and his dad listened.
But he then left us in the shop saying he
won't tell us, saying that he won't tell his wife
slash mother in law that he'd bumped into us and
they'll see how that's right.

Speaker 7 (24:49):
I always hoped my father would finally prioritize me, until
the day came.

Speaker 1 (24:54):
He prioritized you, and you didn't like it.

Speaker 7 (24:56):
Trigger warning mentions of DV and substances. My father's torch
is out. He's been voted off the island because I
got better. This has been a long one as I've
known this person my whole life, and I'm thirty one now.
This is about my father. By the way, this comes
from Tats and Cats twenty five and if you want
to smit your own stories, go to the r slash

(25:17):
Okay storytime, separate it.

Speaker 4 (25:18):
I'm Sophia, I'm Krly, I'm Keon, and we're here to
have good.

Speaker 7 (25:21):
Advice Gooogley, but we don't have all the answers. We
only know what we'd do, So let us know what
you would do in the comments. And as the folks,
this comes directly from our sub brother and Opie says.
My father and mother met in their twenties, got married
and had two kids, my older brother and me a
daughter in Ontario, Canada, and before I was one year old,
my father came home one day and asked for a divorce.

(25:44):
My brother remembers the troubles they had before this happened,
I do not. My father immediately moved in with another lady.
Growing up, this other lady became a big part of
my life, a second mom. You could say, if I
saw my dad, I saw her. She's very fair, family oriented,
so I also got close to her family. Her dad
became my papa. Her brothers and sister became my uncles

(26:06):
and aunt. Growing up from an infant to a child,
I only saw family. Whether or not I understood that
they did not share my blood, they were family. My
dad was a dad growing up as a child, He
was my protector and my role model of what a
man should be. He meant everything to me and my brother.
When I turned twelve, my mom met a man. I

(26:29):
mean she meant a few before this one, but none
really stuck around. This one though, stuck. I remember my
mom putting us to bed, and he came over for
coffee because he knew my mom could not leave the
house and was willing to wait until we were in bed.
I heard them talking, and as a twelve year old,
I snuck to the top of the stairs to peek
down the corner of the landing and made complete eye

(26:51):
contact with this strange man, scruff around his face, just
smiling at me. He said, I think someone's awake, and
I giggled. From there on out, my stepdad has always
seen me. When I was fifteen, my dad picked my
brother and me up and said, we're gonna see my
nan up north for the weekend. We were excited. We
had not seen my nan for a while since she

(27:13):
lives five hours away. As soon as we got in
the car and put on our seatbelts, he said, I
have something to tell you guys. Your stepmom and I
broke up. He did his best to explain his excuses.
My brother and I spent that five hours sobbing in
the car. He insisted we could still see her, which
made us feel a bit better, but we knew everything

(27:35):
would change. About two months after, we were still adjusting
to everything. I still spoke to my stepmom on the
phone and saw her a few times, of course not
as much as my dad. He then sat us down
and asked us not to see my stepmom anymore. You
can't switch it up. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:53):
How long did he go before he switched in?

Speaker 7 (27:55):
Yeah, it was like two days.

Speaker 3 (27:56):
He was like, that's it all right, You're done.

Speaker 1 (27:58):
I'm sick of it.

Speaker 7 (28:00):
But at this point our hearts were broken. He was
not asking us to just stop seeing some random girl
we had been seeing, but a person who had been
in my life for as long as I could remember.
Not just her, but my papa, my uncles, and aunts,
and her whole family. Ooh ye, that's hard. My brother
and I came back to my mom's that weekend in

(28:20):
tears and with such fears. My mom, the angel she is, said,
you could see them on my time. She saw the
pain her children were in by losing this family and
made sure that we wouldn't.

Speaker 4 (28:31):
That's a good God.

Speaker 7 (28:33):
After about four months, my dad said he had a
girlfriend younger than him, maybe ten years or so. We'd
go over and they'd smoke her to the house and drink.
I never noticed my dad's drinking until this girlfriend. He'd
have one after work with my stepmom, but he drank
day and night with this girlfriend, and so did she.
My dad ended up canceling on us a lot, saying

(28:55):
he was working, so we would go to my stepmom's
or stay at my mom's. A year after they started
living together, and without any notice at all, my dad said,
we just got back from Switzerland, we got married.

Speaker 3 (29:08):
What that's a wild one.

Speaker 7 (29:11):
I let him show me pictures and just said, that's beautiful.
But to be so blindsided, not even a thought in
my dad's new marriage. As a fifteen year old, still
a child managing to deal with a family, I didn't
fully understand. My brother and I pulled away at this point.
We did not enjoy going over and breathing in smoke.
We did not enjoy just staying in a house because

(29:33):
they wanted to drink, and we just did not enjoy
our father anymore. My mom supported our wants and never
made us go if we did not want to. We
explained what made us uncomfortable, and my mom understood. My
dad and his wife broke up over many DV calls.
My dad went to jail for it, and my uncle,
his brother, had to bail him out. I did see

(29:54):
him during this period. We would just go out for
dinner in a movie. I hope that since he was
away from her, he might choose us again. He did
for a bit. He told us a lot about his
current X, that she didn't like me and my brother
because we're not biologically hers and she wanted her own.
Why is he telling you.

Speaker 4 (30:11):
That weird way? Is he telling you that about all
the time? That's so messed up.

Speaker 7 (30:16):
Again, I did not point out that he let her
do it to the point he did it himself. I
smiled and waved, hoping for a better relationship with him.
He got a new girlfriend with a young child, which
became his priority. Caring about this kid would make her
love him. He was a golden dad again. This is
when I realized he's never been a good dad. He's

(30:37):
been a fake dad. Through all of this, I still
spoke to my stepmom, knowing her since I was one.
She never had kids, and I've always been that to her.
She has always made me feel like her daughter. I
found out that my dad would ask to cancel when
he was with her, but she say, nope, it's your
weekend with the kids and I want to see them.
Once I heard that, everything fell into place and says

(31:00):
he was great dad.

Speaker 4 (31:01):
Maybe he was.

Speaker 7 (31:03):
I believe because of her. He wanted to impress her
and him being a good dad was everything to her.
My brother and I are still everything to her. That's lovely.

Speaker 4 (31:13):
Well, well you got two moms, yeah.

Speaker 7 (31:16):
Like yes, you have a seemingly bad relationship with your dad,
but you.

Speaker 1 (31:19):
Got something out of a relationship with this lady.

Speaker 7 (31:22):
On my sixteenth birthday, he texted me, I'm sorry, baby girl,
I forgot Can I take you out next week? I
sucked it up and said yes. Next week came and
I got a text, I'm sorry, baby girl, I have
to work next week. I promise. Next week came around. Hey,
baby girl, I'm sorry, but I have to work. At

(31:43):
this point, I had enough. I was getting a full
picture of who my dad was and I was mad.
I texted back, go to heck, and he responded, I'll
see you there. Wow, dude, you're the one that's like
not showing up for anyone, and that's how you're responding
to your daughter wild That was my sixteenth birthday present

(32:06):
from my dad. He continued to ask to go out
to dinner or get together. Sometimes I would go, sometimes
I would not. I'd see him at family Christmas and
he'd always ask to get together. I'd just smile and wave.
When I had my son at twenty three, I decided
to give him a chance again. I kept it only
in public places, just going for dinner for an hour

(32:27):
or so, then going home. He would choose to spend
that time talking about my mom, my stepmom, and my
brother and how they all have faults but he has none.
That dinner made me hate him. He has no faults
of his own. He does not see the way he
treats people. He told my stepmom he was divorced. Before

(32:48):
he was divorced, she did not know, and my mom
did not know until they became close friends. He took
all my mom's money when he left her, cleared the
shared bank account, and she had to declare bankruptcy. He
didn't just do it her, he did it to us,
my brother and me living the house with my mom.
He didn't pay child support his brother my uncle helped

(33:09):
with groceries and childcare. Of course, good parents do not
tell their children these things. I asked the questions, and
my mom was willing to give me the answers, unlike
my dad saying to me, I shouldn't be paying your
mom child support, which.

Speaker 4 (33:23):
You go to you.

Speaker 7 (33:24):
It did go to me, a roof over my head,
food in the fridge, clothes on my back, and heat
to keep me warm. I had a terrible ex myself.
He ended up doing shady things in my name, which
got us both arrested after a long four years of fighting.
I have a clean record and full custody of our
son while he is in and out of jail. Well,

(33:46):
I'm glad that you have the clean record.

Speaker 2 (33:48):
Thank goodness.

Speaker 3 (33:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (33:49):
The day I was offered bail, it was my mom
and stepdad standing in the courtroom willing to put their
house up for my bail. As soon as I walked out,
I saw them standing there. My stepdad right away held
up his fist to his heart as a way to
say stay strong. He knew I would break down seeing them.
When the judge ran to the bail, they took the
handcuffs off me and I walked right to my stepdad.

(34:12):
He hugged me so tight and said, you're safe.

Speaker 4 (34:14):
I have your stepdad. Seems great.

Speaker 7 (34:18):
My bio dad was my protector, but this man really
made me feel safe in every way. He really showed
me what a real father is. He took me to
lawyers and courtrooms, was buy me through it all and
let me make the choices I needed to get through
such a hard time in my life. My bio dad
never reached out once when it came to how I

(34:38):
was arrested. I didn't know what anyone was thinking about me.
I just cared about the ones that did not question
me and trusted who I actually am. I went to
my NaN's a couple of years later. My dad had
a new girlfriend. He was there, but I did not
ride with him. I came with his brother. At one point,
I was in the fridge at my NaN's getting a
drink for my son. His girlfriend came up to me

(35:00):
and said, we thought you in the paper. We thought
you did it.

Speaker 1 (35:04):
What a horrid thing to say to someone.

Speaker 7 (35:07):
Yeah, I know you were like falsely accused of that crime.
We thought you did it.

Speaker 1 (35:12):
We believe that you actually could be that personally. Yeah,
what why are you telling me this?

Speaker 7 (35:17):
Why are you even talking?

Speaker 1 (35:18):
Why are you even talking to me right now?

Speaker 7 (35:19):
That was the only response I got to my whole
arrested situation from my dad his girlfriend saying they thought
I did it.

Speaker 1 (35:27):
Your dad sucks, but a plus mom, a plus stepdad,
a plus step mom, like, I'm glad that you have
some people that are there for you to totally agree
stuff and that you full custody.

Speaker 7 (35:41):
I ended all ties here. I changed my number, not
just because of my bio dad, but also my ex
boyfriend and I never gave my biodad my new number.
I deleted him off all socials and do not.

Speaker 4 (35:53):
Speak to him.

Speaker 7 (35:54):
Last I heard, he moved to Florida with his girlfriend
and her family. He's been arrested for more DV which
he's on a bail website for, and has been arrested
for trafficking substances. Well, bio dad, If I have anything
to say to you, it's that I know you did it.
My ending is happy because I have five Christmases to
celebrate while my biodad has none. I still have everyone

(36:16):
I want in my life. Well, he is none. I
hope he enjoys Florida because Ontario, Canada is doing great
with at him. I do not wish any ill on him,
but I cannot say I care to be at his
bail hearing and there it is.

Speaker 1 (36:28):
Good for you. It shows growth, like absolutely right, Yeah,
you're grown and learning. And he's stuck in his terrible ways.

Speaker 2 (36:37):
As saying you don't have to wish him any ill
because he's already doing it for himself. He's doing it
all that to himself. You don't need that type of
person in your life.

Speaker 7 (36:45):
He's got his own issues, you're you're fine, and that's
the end of this story.

Speaker 4 (36:49):
We're going on to the next one.

Speaker 1 (36:51):
Hey, it's Carly, your favorite Axelottel host.

Speaker 7 (36:55):
Here.

Speaker 1 (36:55):
We're going to get back to the stories. But here's
three minutes of ads from our sponsors. I went above
the limit on my sister's gift. She still tried to
manipulate me, give me more. My sister and her family
live in another state across the country. Our family trades
names so that we do not have to spend as
much money since we're a big family. By the way,

(37:16):
this comes from sassy pants me and if you want
us submit your own stories. Go to the r slash
Okay storytime, Supreddit. I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, I'm and we're
here to give good advice. Goofily, But we don't have
all the answers. We only know what we would do.
Just let us know what you would do in the comments.
And Opie says, I got my sister's family and sent
her a game she has on her wish list for

(37:37):
several months, along with some expansion packs. I went a
bit above the family spending limit, but I was feeling
generous because she lives so far away. I had it
shipped directly to her home. Apparently her kids got too
excited and she just couldn't make them wait. They were
thrilled when they saw the game, which is great. At
least my sister said thank you. The next day, however,

(38:00):
she called me to ask for another gift. She was
worried that when we do the family zoom on Christmas Eve,
her family would feel left out since they would have
no gift to open. When I said I could not
afford another gift, she started crying.

Speaker 4 (38:16):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (38:17):
She told me I should be the one to tell
the kids why they would not have a gift to open.

Speaker 7 (38:21):
Yes, this what you got? You got you go to them,
You go, hey, kids, you're not gonna have any gifts
to open on Christmas. And they're gon be like, what
because you already opened yours?

Speaker 1 (38:31):
Because your mom refused to make you wait, Yeah, to
open it.

Speaker 7 (38:36):
You already opened it. That's why you have no gift.

Speaker 1 (38:39):
I reminded her that I'm a teacher and I have
my own family to care for. I told her she
needs to be more responsible, buy another gift and or
teach her children to be patient. She hung up on me.
Next time, they will get an e gift card. We
have an update. I was telling my husband some of
your suggestions. He now wants to buy them an advent

(39:00):
and help them understand when Christmas is.

Speaker 7 (39:02):
That's funny and they get an open little presence. I
loved you start getting more ad than calendars because I
love them.

Speaker 1 (39:10):
I think my first Christmas working on stitch, my mom
got me an Advent calendar of little stitch toys. So
every day I had a little stitch to open, and
my bookshelf is lyned. It's just a ton of stitches.

Speaker 7 (39:20):
I just love getting a little chocolate treat.

Speaker 2 (39:24):
I just have a little sweet sweet for opening this day.

Speaker 7 (39:27):
It's always.

Speaker 2 (39:28):
But then you're like, tomorrow's gonna be here anyway, I'll
open that today.

Speaker 7 (39:32):
My mom was pretty strict about it, and she'd be like,
that's it because we didn't have a lot of sleek.
We had like sweet sometimes, but it like wasn't like
a sweet heavy house. So it was a big deal
when you got one ad calendar.

Speaker 1 (39:44):
Chocolate, do not worrying. We're not actually gonna do it.
We have another up tap. Yes, I know the gift
could be rewrapped. I'm not concerned about whether the kids
will have a gift open. I can easily remind them
of the game if they seem disappointed at the party.
My sister is an entitled brat and was likely fishing
for another gift. Honestly, the more I think about it,

(40:06):
the more I believe she was the impatient one who
wanted to open the gift and see if she could
get another present from me. The kids are usually well
behaved around more mature people who hold them accountable. Here's
some comments on my one. She's the parent. It's her
job to teach your kids the consequences. They opened it early,
that's on them, Opie says. What makes it even worse

(40:28):
is that her kids are mostly tweens to older teenagers.
It's not like they are toddlers that don't understand the
concept of waiting. Commentar, do she just wanted another present
because she's so special? Has she always been like this?
Opie says. She could be very selfless and generous at times,
but the entitlement has always been there in various forms.

(40:49):
When we were teenagers, she had really long nails. She
would use them to scratch anyone who tried to serve themselves.
At dinner before her sounds terrifying, so she'd get first
pick or the biggest servings, etc. Or when she babysat,
she'd have us hide because we were playing hide and seek.

(41:09):
Then she just wouldn't look for us and would watch TV.
In reality, she just didn't want to be bothered with
taking care of us. Coming three, your kids didn't even
know it had been received, So that's on her. And
if her teens don't know how to wait, have that
level of entitled and can't understand that they already opened
their gift, I'd rather not have them in my social circle.

(41:32):
Opie says. They know how to wait when asked. When
I've had them over, they're always respectful, but that may
be because I expect them to be. I have a
feeling she just wanted to see their faces because she
knows I always try to get something I know they'll
be excited about. I think she couldn't wait. To be honest,
Opi gives examples of when her sister was selfless. Okay,

(41:54):
when I was getting a divorce and at the risk
of being homeless, she gave me and my kids a
place to live, took care of my kids while I
looked for work and continued taking care of them when
I found a job.

Speaker 7 (42:05):
Okay, so she can be nice.

Speaker 1 (42:07):
She can be nice, cool, she didn't charge me rent, daycare, etc.
I lived with her for several months, not just a
couple weeks. She's actually generous and selfless at times for
the people she loves. She is selfless and generous for
praise for people she cares about. Since she's a good Christian,
I have nothing against Christians, she just doesn't practice what

(42:28):
she preaches.

Speaker 4 (42:29):
OPI.

Speaker 1 (42:30):
On her family's background, Opie says, my family was very dysfunctional.
My mom has bipolar disorder, so there was a lot
of unusual things happening at home, and my dad did
the best he could given a crazy wife and six kids.
Mom wasn't exactly sane, and dad worked two jobs. Opie
explains how her families draw entire families names for Christmas

(42:52):
if her sister is not in the same state. Opie says,
my sister's the only one multiple states away, so we
gather at my mom's house and the zoom call is
mostly my sister and brother in law watching everyone else
open gifts. Her kids only participate to say hello and
open their gifts or socialize for a few minutes. As
for getting to one family, I have five siblings with spouses,

(43:14):
so twelve adults total. There are over thirty grandkids. My
sister alone has eight kids. Trying to get a gift
for everyone breaks the bank. Having one family makes it
so we can gift quality gifts without spending thousands of dollars.
It doesn't have to be only one gift. That's just
what I chose to do since she has eight kids

(43:35):
and her own grandkids in addition to that, and terraforming
mars can be enjoyed by their whole family. We have
an update six days later. I'm so glad we got
the gift.

Speaker 7 (43:45):
This is not like a situation that you're going to
be like cutting off your sister for right. Yeah, but
it is just a thing where you put down the
you know the rules.

Speaker 1 (43:55):
Right, and you're like, girly pop, I gave you cool gift.
Do you guys like it so much? You've been playing it?

Speaker 6 (44:00):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (44:01):
That's it.

Speaker 7 (44:01):
I'm sorry not getting anything else.

Speaker 1 (44:04):
We had our family Christmas party yesterday. I was actually
surprised because my sister thanked me for sending a new gift.
This didn't make sense to me because I didn't send
anything new and it wouldn't have arrived in time if
I did. But they opened the gift and it was
an advent calendar with a note that said next year
you can count how many days before opening your gifts? Love?

Speaker 4 (44:25):
Dad, Dad coming in?

Speaker 1 (44:29):
Was this?

Speaker 7 (44:30):
Whose dad?

Speaker 5 (44:31):
Is?

Speaker 1 (44:31):
This?

Speaker 7 (44:31):
Is this brother in law or this op Sister's dad.

Speaker 2 (44:35):
Opie sister's dad or Opie sister's husband.

Speaker 7 (44:38):
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (44:38):
I don't know we're gonna we're gonna get the we'll
find out we're about to get that. But honestly, hilarious.
That's correct? Did it?

Speaker 3 (44:45):
I love that iconic full circle beautiful amazing.

Speaker 1 (44:49):
Turns out my brother in law was mad at my
sister and bought the app calendar. He apologized to me
for my sister's behavior right there on the zoom call.
My sister yelled at him at how he had just
embarrassed her and ran off somewhere. Bonus to the story,
my nieces and nephews thought the calendar was funny, and
after everyone finished with presents, they spent the next tennish
minutes planning their next visit. So we can play terraforming

(45:11):
Mars together. We have some relevant comments. Comment to one, Haha,
that was perfect and very satisfying, Opie says, is sure was.
I loved that he secretly bought the gift and pretended
it was from me. That was the chef's kiss. He's
my favorite. Commenter two, that advent calendar was a masterclass
in peaceful petty. Dad and brother in law handled everything perfectly.

(45:35):
Opie says, dad and brother in law are same person. Okay,
he wrote the note to the kids as a way
of putting my sister in her place, without calling attention
to the fact that he knew it was her. My
father passed away seven years ago. Commenter three, that was
awesome of your brother in law. How did he find
out about the suggestion you mentioned in the update to
your previous post. Opie says, he and my husband talked
at some point. My husband didn't tell me they talked

(45:57):
until earlier today when I was talking about posting it.

Speaker 7 (46:00):
Update.

Speaker 1 (46:01):
Commenter four says, and sister still hasn't learned her lesson
yelling at husband for embarrassing her. Someone smacked the woman
upside the head with the Advent calendar, Opie says, she's fifty.
I doubt she'll ever learn. Commander five says, turns out
your brother in law is the MVP of the story.
Opie says, he's hilarious and it's probably the main reason

(46:22):
any of my nieces and nephews are sane. That's the
end of that story.

Speaker 4 (46:27):
Yeah, I think that all worked out.

Speaker 7 (46:28):
It seems like your your nieces and nephews were copasetic. Yeah,
and your brother in law is a funny guy.

Speaker 1 (46:34):
Sounds like everyone got a little te hee, yeah, little.

Speaker 7 (46:36):
And your sister in law got got what she deserved.

Speaker 4 (46:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:41):
And next year they'll count down the days. Maybe she'd
start yearly advent calendar. Honestly, I like that idea. And
that's the end of this story. We're gonna go to
the next one.

Speaker 3 (46:52):
My cousin demanded I shave my beard for his wedding,
and I don't want to. I ain't shaving my beard
for no one. I, a thirty year old male, was
asked a few days ago to be in my cousin's
wedding party as one of his groomsmen for his wedding
in April. I was excited to be asked, as I
have never been part of a wedding procession prior to this.

(47:13):
And by the way, this comes from user Chicken odd
Ball And if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay storytime suppered it. I'm Dakota,
I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, and we are here to give
good advice scrufully, but we don't have all the answers.
We only know the things we know, So let us
know the things you know that we don't. In the comments,
and uh Op says my family is Mormon, though I

(47:35):
am not, and it is widely known in my family
that I am no longer a part of the church
or many of its traditions. In some ways, I feel
that my personal choice to leave the Mormon Church is
reason enough for my family members not to ask me
to be a groomsman, best man, or anything similar. My
sister barely had me in her wedding for that reason,

(47:56):
but I will provide more details on that later. He
called me on the phone to ask if I'd be
willing to be a groomsman, and I immediately said yes.
Like I said, I was excited. He is one of
my closest extended family members, along with his sister as
we grew up in close proximity to each other. After
he asked me, he shared details about the wedding, our

(48:17):
mutual friend and best man's bachelor party ideas, suit in
thie colors, and other minor details, nothing too crazy until
he snuck in this sentence at the end. Oh, and
all the grooms men are to be clean shaven. Everyone
else has agreed to shave for the wedding already, So
you're the last one I need to tell. I went silent,
my body went cold, and my face got hot. I

(48:38):
didn't know what to say. I'm six foot, a little
chubby with a long, full brown beard that I have
kept up for nearly a decade. I spend upwards of
six hundred dollars a year just on my beard upkeep
What on earth?

Speaker 5 (48:53):
WHOA?

Speaker 4 (48:53):
Okay?

Speaker 3 (48:53):
So are we talking?

Speaker 7 (48:54):
Hey, top, It's got like, let's say products. So I'm
thinking like a curly hair product routine or something beard oil.
Do you use like a lot of products for your hair?

Speaker 1 (49:06):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (49:06):
A couple?

Speaker 7 (49:07):
Okay, So, like, roughly how much are the products you
use for your hair?

Speaker 4 (49:10):
Like a month?

Speaker 2 (49:11):
Oh no, usually it lasts long enough to be like
a couple of months, but I would say I would
spend about fifty bucks on this said products, so probably
last me at least a couple months.

Speaker 7 (49:21):
So it's like you're spending like two hundred macs a
year or no, maybe like three hundred macks a year.

Speaker 4 (49:26):
What do you think?

Speaker 2 (49:26):
Yeah, I would say around that depending if I keep
my hair long, if I cut it, probably not. I
don't need the hair product if I cut my hair.

Speaker 7 (49:32):
Yeah, And then I don't know if he's cutting his beard.
I'm assuming he's cutting his beard himself, so we're not
talking about like that. So maybe he just has really
expensive products for his beer beard oil, Like yeah, there's
like beard oil and what makes sense beard.

Speaker 2 (49:46):
Oil, and like he make it clean and like trimming it.

Speaker 3 (49:49):
They put little cucumbers on it.

Speaker 7 (49:51):
That does sound really nice.

Speaker 3 (49:53):
And they like whisper to it. They're like, you're a
good beard.

Speaker 1 (49:55):
You.

Speaker 7 (49:56):
So six hundred dollars is on the more expensive side,
but it does make sense if you're like doing a
lot of care for it.

Speaker 3 (50:02):
I go to a barber who knows how to cut
beards and keep it nicely structured and lined up. I
don't want to say that I care more about my
beard upkeep than the rest of my body, as I
am an extremely hygienic person, but it is pretty dang close.
I've kept it at about seven inches for the last
six months. I don't think I can shave my beard

(50:23):
for your wedding. Daniel. After about twenty seconds, he said,
but I already told the other guys to shave, and
they said they would. I started to get upset because
with what he was telling me, not only did he
know this would be a big deal for me, but
them saying yes already felt like I was being pressured
to shave or else I would not be part of
the wedding. The last thing he said before he hung

(50:45):
up was I strongly urge you to reconsider this, otherwise
I'll have to rethink the number of grooms men. I've
been struggling with this because I'm so shocked that I
was given this sort of ultimatum. The wedding is in
a few months, so maybe he'll reconsider. I'm really hurt.
I don't think I'll have another chance to be in
another wedding party because my other cousins aren't as close
to me or are already married. I was barely part

(51:08):
of my sister's wedding. She was upset and so were
my parents that I decided to leave a church that
it emotionally mistreated me for over two decades. I was devout,
wore my temple garments, and did everything I was supposed
to do. When I decided to leave the Mormon Church,
my parents and sister saw it as a personal attack
on them because I wouldn't choose family and keep my

(51:30):
covenance that I made with God. This caused a substantial rift,
and it was close enough to my sister's wedding that
she wrote me out of her wedding party and the toasts,
and I was supposed to sing with her and her
husband at the reception. Being a part of this wedding
with my cousin feels like one of the only times
that I can be a part of any weddings in
my family. But I don't think it's fair to be

(51:53):
asked to do something so drastic to my body. Am
I the ahle for standing my ground and not shaving
my beard?

Speaker 4 (52:00):
No, you're not at all.

Speaker 3 (52:03):
We have comments comet one not the a hole, but
you should respectfully drop from the party and attend as
a guest. Those are the groom's wishes, and even if
they are not reasonable to you or to Reddit, it
is his wedding and you shouldn't cause a fight and
create more drama for him on his big day. It
sounds like your cousin's wedding is a redo of your
sister's one in your mind, but that's not the case. Also,

(52:26):
I got an impression that the core issue is not
the wedding, but that you crave more connection to your family.
I would suggest to rather tackle this one and get
overworked about being in the wedding party. Reply says op,
is it the one creating the drama? The groom is
f this mindset that everyone has to bow to every
whim of the bride and groom on their big day.

(52:46):
What if the bride asked all the bridesmaids to shave
their heads.

Speaker 7 (52:49):
Then the bridesmaids say no, I don't want to be
of your bridesmaid Comment two.

Speaker 3 (52:54):
It is honestly weird why people can even feel entitled
to ask somebody to change their body in appearance or
a wedding dress code is one thing, but shaving your
head or beard, or changing the color of your hair,
or covering tattoos or losing or gaining weight. This type
of demand is completely ridiculous, not the a whole comment
three says, not the a hole. But my suspicion is

(53:16):
that this is actually an attempt to draw you back
into the church, at least get you groomed appropriately, not
to mention, testing whether you'll submit to their demands in
the name of family unity and participating in a family event,
and then maybe they can make further inroads to get
you back. And we do have an update. Oh boy,
I appreciate every single one of you for responding. It

(53:39):
meant a lot to see your comments and opinions. I
meant to reply to some of you to explain my
relationship with my family a little better and with the
Mormon Church, but I forgore. I've been stressed at work
and I'm in the middle of moving my girlfriend into
my apartment. Don't tell my family or else they'll say
I'm going to spooky Mormon. My parents and sister are
devout Mormons. When you get married in the Mormon Church,

(54:00):
you have a private ceremony with full fledged church members only,
and a reception afterward. The reception is the larger affair
for the whole family. Anyone who has been in or
close to churchgoers may understand this. I was disallowed from
participating besides a couple of photos during the reception part
of my sister's wedding. I felt it was a public
display of my family's contempt for my choice to distance

(54:23):
myself from the church. I am in contact with them
and have dinner or holidays occasionally, but we're on rocky
ground after this whole debacle. Daniel and his fiancee, Tanya
are active members. Daniel and I have been very close
from early childhood and have many mutual friends because of this.
A lot of my hurt and confusion comes from this,

(54:44):
and I neglected to mention it before. My invitation to
their wedding party as a groomsman includes helping plan the
bachelor party, buying things to decorate their wedding car, and
delivering a toast as an open mic would take too long.
This is more than what I was allowed to do
at my sister's wedding. On to the update regarding my
current dilemma, my cousin Daniel called me again. He had

(55:08):
discussed my beard with his fiance and his parents during
dinner over the last weekend. The consensus was that he
was being unreasonable, and if I keep myself presentable with
a nice trim, I should be able to keep my
beard for the wedding. What would you look at that?

Speaker 7 (55:23):
Well, it seems like there was another way, if that
isn't a twist.

Speaker 2 (55:27):
If I've ever seen, there's always a third door.

Speaker 3 (55:30):
In my mind. I had thought that she pressured him
to ask the groomsman to shave, because not only did
I not know her well, I thought I knew my
cousin well enough to be a reasonable person. I had
met her once at a movie night with him and
some mutual friends. I thought she was a very lovely
person and a great match for Daniel. Besides that I
hardly knew her. After a long talk, I took some

(55:52):
advice from a couple of you and offered not to
take part in the wedding end reception. I genuinely would
be uncomfortable if I upset anyone at their own way.
He declined my offer and told me that having me
as a groomsman was more important than me shaving my beard. Well,
there you go. He admitted that he was worried that
I would keep it scractly and unkempt, which I suppose

(56:13):
is understandable. I ultimately assumed this was the cause for concern.
I let it grow for weeks at a time, sometimes
if I'm not going anywhere fancy, but I remember getting
it cut and seeing him and our friends shortly after
a couple of times I had more questions, but ultimately
I felt relieved and did not want to poke holes
to get more answers as to why I needed to

(56:34):
shave in the first place. I feel the issue is
resolved with a trim. I will be a bearded groomsman
for my cousin's wedding. I don't plan on updating, so
I'd like to say again thank you to those who commented.
It meant a lot that you were kind enough to
offer an opinion when I felt I was at a
crossroads with all the issues I have with my family already.
And that is the end of that story. Yeah, lovely,

(56:56):
thankful little guy with a big old beard.

Speaker 4 (57:01):
I love how it ended. All's well, that ends well,
And that's the end of this story.

Speaker 1 (57:05):
We're gonna go to the next one.

Speaker 3 (57:07):
Hey, keyon here, We're going to get back to the stories.
But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 5 (57:12):
My boyfriend acted like a child at my family dinner and.

Speaker 4 (57:15):
Hunt turned off, you're going to bed.

Speaker 5 (57:18):
My boyfriend twenty nine mail and I twenty two female
have been together since January, so about ten months. He
kind of has a pattern of being weird or childish
in situations involving food. I found myself very embarrassed by
how he acted at Thanksgiving with my family today, and
I want to know if I'm being too harsh or dramatic.
By the way, this comes from Throwaway Awkward TG twenty

(57:38):
twenty one, and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit's I'm Angie,
I'm Sophia, and.

Speaker 3 (57:44):
I'm Vincent with Keon, and we're.

Speaker 6 (57:46):
Here to give good advice goofily, but we don't have
all the answers. We're just gonna know what we're gonna
do in this situation, So let us know what you
would do in the comments. The first thing was that
when my mom was about to start preparing the turkey
for roasting, he stuck his hand inside it and pulled
out the little bag with the gibletz.

Speaker 4 (58:02):
She asked what he was doing He asked if he
could give them to the dog.

Speaker 5 (58:06):
She said no, they don't feed him anything besides dog food,
as they don't want him learning to beg when Mary eating.
He then got a knife and fork and started dissecting
bits of the giblets on the counter, staring at them
closely and touching them.

Speaker 4 (58:18):
Had to remind him to wash his hands.

Speaker 5 (58:20):
All the while my mom, brother, brother's girlfriend, and I
were trying to actually get stuff cooked. I could tell
my mom was annoyed at the dinner itself. He commented
out loud several times on food that he didn't like,
not just politely turning it down, but comments.

Speaker 4 (58:34):
Like you, I hate gravy, and this stuffing has onions.
Onions are gross. He asked what type of cranberry sauce
there was and then said, oh, that's.

Speaker 5 (58:44):
A gross kind. My family definitely noticed. They looked uncomfortable.
My mom even offered to make additional food if he
wanted something else.

Speaker 4 (58:51):
In particular.

Speaker 5 (58:52):
He said he was fine with what was there, but
hardly ate anything. My mom felt bad afterwards, and I
had to reassure her that it wasn't her.

Speaker 4 (58:59):
Fault at all.

Speaker 5 (59:00):
End of the meal, he left the table I figured
he was just getting something or going to the bathroom.

Speaker 4 (59:05):
My dad got up shortly after.

Speaker 5 (59:07):
He later told me that when he went into the
kitchen to bring out dessert, he found the dog eating
the giblets from earlier off the floor and my boyfriend
in the act of scraping a pile of food from
various dishes into the dog ball. My dad said that
he was giggling himself as he did it. He was
explicitly told not to feed him people food, and then
did it in secret like a child, and even got

(59:28):
caught like a child.

Speaker 7 (59:29):
His dad's like, hey, hey, we told you you couldn't people.

Speaker 5 (59:37):
You have to go in time out for the minute.
However many minutes. Wait, however many years old you are?
Is how many minutes you have to be in time out?
There for a half hour?

Speaker 7 (59:49):
No, And then they're like, and you're gonna have to
take a bath.

Speaker 3 (59:51):
After, we're gonna away your iPad.

Speaker 5 (59:57):
Yeah, woman, I have never seen another adult do something
like that. Then back at the table for dessert, he
loaded his plate with two to three times as many
sweets as everyone else took. On the first round that
they were being passed. Around ninety percent of what he
ate was deserted. When cleanup time came, everyone including my

(01:00:17):
elderleave grandparents, volunteered to help accept him.

Speaker 4 (01:00:21):
I had to ask him.

Speaker 5 (01:00:22):
He did a half ever job and kept inspecting the
turkey carcass.

Speaker 4 (01:00:26):
He was pulling bones apart and making a mess of it.

Speaker 5 (01:00:29):
My dad, irritated from the earlier incident with the dog,
snapped at him to either put it in the fridge
or leave it alone.

Speaker 4 (01:00:36):
He went back into the dining room and ate.

Speaker 5 (01:00:38):
More high while the rest of us were finishing cleaning
up in the kitchen. Overall, I am majorly embarrassed by
his behavior. I feel like the mom of a little kid,
except a kid wouldn't know better.

Speaker 4 (01:00:49):
I shouldn't have.

Speaker 5 (01:00:50):
To correct the behavior of a grown man, right And
before you ask if he was just anxious about meeting
my family or something, he's.

Speaker 4 (01:00:57):
Met them all before several times.

Speaker 5 (01:00:59):
Even if he had, that wouldn't explain it, because he's
done similar things before in front of his own family
and when it's just the two of us. I'm tired
of the weird way he acts around food. I'm tired
of worrying if he's going to get weird looks from
other people. As someone in my twenties, I shouldn't be
getting reports from my parents that my boyfriend did something
rude and immature. They questioned if I felt like he

(01:01:20):
was on my same level. I feel like I'm generally
happy with him, and then things like this pop up,
and I remember that he has his other side that
really turns me off. He's older than me, but I
feel like I'm the older one sometimes, So I guess
my questions are how important is this? Is there any
chance he'll grow out of it? And what would help
that happen?

Speaker 4 (01:01:39):
How would you recommend I bring it up to him.

Speaker 5 (01:01:41):
I don't feel comfortable bringing him around my family again
unless he acts normal, so I can't just pretend nothing happened.

Speaker 7 (01:01:47):
What do you mean grow out?

Speaker 4 (01:01:51):
What do you mean grow out of it?

Speaker 5 (01:01:53):
Well, at this age he knows very common boys will
be boys.

Speaker 3 (01:01:58):
How it is developmental stage. She's going through a big chain.

Speaker 5 (01:02:03):
Yeah, yeah, thirty because it's the kind of thing where
it's like, I mean, you could try to talk to
him about it, but you also can't control people, and
shouldn't You shouldn't want to.

Speaker 4 (01:02:14):
You shouldn't have someone that you want to change. Yeah,
this drastically. Yeah, but there are some comments here.

Speaker 5 (01:02:20):
Shaye bridge Aman says I would go crazy over the
dog thing. It's not just about begging, it's about pancreatitis.

Speaker 4 (01:02:28):
Jesus F.

Speaker 5 (01:02:29):
That could end your dog's life or at least be
several thousand in treatment. Dog's digestive systems are set up
to basically handle one major protein at a time. When
you add new proteins and fat, dogs can be very ill.
I mean it was disrespectful too, but Jesus F with
my dog and you're out twenty some years in and
off in vet med and holidays like this are just

(01:02:50):
chalk full of emergency pancreatitus. The rest is also ridiculous.
He's almost thirty, not thirteen. He's not thirteen year old baby.
Seven year old baby. Yeah, for real, he's acting like
a toddler. This would be a deal breaker for me. Sorry, hope.
He says, I didn't know anything about this. My parents
got the dog after I went to college. They joked
that he's their replacement kid.

Speaker 4 (01:03:10):
Hah.

Speaker 5 (01:03:10):
So I never grew up with dogs or have any myself.
This is horrible to think about. I am so glad
my dad stopped him in time. I'm even more pissed now, and.

Speaker 4 (01:03:18):
We have an update.

Speaker 5 (01:03:19):
I talked about it more with my parents yesterday and realized,
if I'm embarrassed to honestly answer their questions about my relationship,
then that's a bad sign. I found myself trying to
give a bunch of excuses to make his weird behavior
seem less.

Speaker 4 (01:03:30):
Bad than it was.

Speaker 5 (01:03:31):
I also outright lied a couple of times about other
things in our relationship. Eventually this got exhausting, and I
just confessed that I'd effed up and had no good excuse.
My mom asked what I thought would be best for me.
The answer at that point was obvious. I also left
out some details when I wrote my first post. I
guess I was too embarrassed to give the full picture
the God I want to provide it now as a

(01:03:55):
confession thing, but also because I can now more clearly
see how effing how weird this man was and just
want people to validate that after I spent so long
in denial, so the giblets he fed to the dog,
he fished them out of the trash ben to do that.
My mom had thrown them away after he cut them
up and made a mess on the counter. He would
have needed to dig through the effing garbage to find them. Again,

(01:04:18):
my parents found chocolate bars missing from the cabinet. Those
were not part of the dessert that was available to everyone.
We think that he snuck them at some point, like
a little kid. His general diet is atrocious. It's like
what a five year old would eat, except I know
there's tons of kids who eat way better pizza, chicken nugget, pasta, fries, chips,

(01:04:39):
grilled cheese, mac and cheese, lucky charms, and other sugary cereals,
ice cream, candy, not a single thing that isn't white, beige,
or some hideous artificial shade.

Speaker 4 (01:04:50):
Of orange and yellow.

Speaker 5 (01:04:51):
Whenever I'd tried to share my food or get something
else for him, he'd snap at me angrily.

Speaker 4 (01:04:56):
He doesn't have a job. I know, I know, so fully.

Speaker 5 (01:05:00):
Expecting to be raked over the coals. Were never accepting
that in a partner at this age. When I finally
admitted it to my parents, they were like.

Speaker 7 (01:05:08):
Are you serious.

Speaker 4 (01:05:09):
I had told him that he was in school and
living with his parents to save money.

Speaker 5 (01:05:13):
He actually was thinking about going back to school, which
never took the form of any action and lives with
his parents, because where the f else can he live
with no income?

Speaker 4 (01:05:22):
I guess I thought I could help motivate him.

Speaker 5 (01:05:24):
I thought that that's what you do as partners, support
each other like a team. Now I can see that
there never was any team. It was just him doing
what he wanted because he was broke. I also ended
up paying for most of the stuff that we did together.
When we went out, some people asked about the part
where I said he did similar weird food things with
his family. You guys wanted to know how his family reacted.

Speaker 4 (01:05:44):
They didn't.

Speaker 5 (01:05:45):
They'd either pretend to not notice or else thought it
was normal. I'm not sure which he did things in
front of them, like blowing bubbles in his drink, cutting
grains of rice in half with his fork over and over,
and eating ice cream directly out of the container instead
of booting it into his bowl.

Speaker 7 (01:06:01):
I do think because a lot of people have been
saying it, but also I kind of agree. Is this
some sort of like, you know, he has autism.

Speaker 4 (01:06:09):
Or that's what I has.

Speaker 7 (01:06:11):
He been diagnosed with something that.

Speaker 4 (01:06:14):
Feels like the only possible explanation.

Speaker 7 (01:06:16):
Is this feels really extreme?

Speaker 4 (01:06:18):
For yeah, yeah, I would just.

Speaker 5 (01:06:21):
Like assume and hope that there would be other signs
against that.

Speaker 7 (01:06:26):
I guess I'm just surprised that he hasn't mentioned it
at all.

Speaker 4 (01:06:29):
Yeah, me too, I thought it might come up.

Speaker 5 (01:06:31):
Yeah, there was one time that his parents were going
to take all of us out to dinner, and when
discussing which restaurant to go to, they eliminated a bunch
because they didn't have anything that boyfriend would eat. His
mom would sometimes serve him a completely separate meal if
whatever she'd made for the family was something that he
refused to eat. Yeah, he only wanted me to do
things to him, but didn't want to do anything for me.

(01:06:52):
He criticized me for my natural hair down there, and
then for having stubble after shaving it, like what do
you want? He criticized my body so that my front
airbags weren't big enough.

Speaker 4 (01:07:05):
I don't even know, guys, I don't know what.

Speaker 3 (01:07:07):
His issue was.

Speaker 5 (01:07:08):
So that's pretty much that I'm unspeakably embarrassed I ever
dated this loser. Sad thing is, if not for my
parents insisting on talking with me about it, I'd probably
still be dating him for who knows how long. Thinking
that this was just what it's like. Well, it doesn't
have to be. I'm very grateful that they helped me
see that he wasn't normal. Thanks for all the same
comments on my first post. Seeing that consensus also made

(01:07:29):
me realize that I needed to leave.

Speaker 4 (01:07:31):
It is the end of that story.

Speaker 7 (01:07:33):
I hope this guy gets help because it seems like
his parents just kind of let him do whatever, and
I haven't actually got him the proper help he needs,
which is an issue.

Speaker 4 (01:07:44):
And that's the end of this story.

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I CAN’T stand my mother-in-law… and it’s hurting my relationship! -r/okstorytime | Reddit Stories | EP2651

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I CAN’T stand my mother-in-law… and it’s hurting my relationship! -r/okstorytime | Reddit Stories | EP2651