I CHANGED one birthday plan for my son…and it shattered our bond! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2675 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Angie and this is Carly, your favorite
Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.
But before that, we have a quick two minute break
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Speaker 2 (00:11):
I changed one birthday plan for my son and it
shattered our bond.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
How dare you change the birthday plans?

Speaker 2 (00:18):
I forty seven male, have a son fourteen mail from
a previous marriage to my late wife. She passed two
years ago and for my son, the wound is still
very fresh. My son and her were very close, as
they look exactly alike and had a lot of the
same interest in reading, history and art. By the way,
this comes from Creepy Werewolf four nine one four And
if you want to smit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay Storytime Separate. I'm Sophia, I'm Carly,

(00:42):
and we're here to give good advice Goofley, But we
don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,
So let us know what you would do in the comments.
Their favorite place in the world is the British Museum
in London. Their Passion Project has been redrawing pieces from
the museum for the last two years before the last
four years, for my wife's birthday in June and my
son's birthday in December, we go to England for a
week so they can spend time in the museum. However,

(01:03):
since she passed away, my son and I have continued
going for his birthday. The problem is with my new wife,
thirty nine female. She's only been with us on this
annual trip once last year, and she complained the whole time.
She's only been with us on this annual trip once
last year. Now, however, we recently found out we were
expecting a child together in May. He raised it to
my attention that the money I've used for the trip

(01:25):
could be better used to be saved for the baby.

Speaker 3 (01:28):
Don't you fret there?

Speaker 2 (01:31):
We could instead do something else for my son's birthday.
I thought about it and I agreed. I was worried
how he'd take it, as this is the only thing
he wants for his birthday. He didn't ask for gifts
or cake or party. All he cares about is this
goddamn museum. We broke the news to my son yesterday
and he flipped out. He was so upset, and when
my wife tried to tell him why we were saving

(01:52):
the money and where the money was going to. He
said he didn't give a damn and we got into
an argument about it. He said he was upset because
if he didn't go this year, he'd missed the new exhibit.

Speaker 4 (02:01):
He'd been wanting to see.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
And he accused my wife of doing this on purpose
because she already doesn't like me, he said, I admit
I yelled at him and he started crying, and for
the last twenty four hours he hasn't spoken to me.

Speaker 4 (02:13):
Am I the a hole? Yes, just so easy? Yeah, yep, yep, yep.

Speaker 5 (02:17):
So much so if these comments don't yeah, absolutely wake
you up and take this to the museum, then I
don't even take.

Speaker 4 (02:24):
This freaking kid to the museum.

Speaker 3 (02:25):
What fourteen year old boy wants to go to a
museum for his birthday?

Speaker 4 (02:28):
Yeah, hey, you have a special boy. Take the boy like.
I don't know where you guys live.

Speaker 2 (02:33):
But yeah, okay, London trip expensive maybe, but British museum.

Speaker 4 (02:38):
Three. Oh.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
He clarifies on the timeline when his late wife passed
and the trips the family took together. Oh, he says, No,
I'm sorry if I worded that confusingly. What I intended
to say is that we took this trip twice a
year when my wife was alive, so four years ago
we started taking these trips. Two years ago my wife
passed away and we took the trip once a year. Since,

(02:59):
since my wife passed away, we took the trip.

Speaker 4 (03:01):
Once a year.

Speaker 2 (03:02):
Commentary two says, what museum are you talking about? There
are hundreds of, maybe even thousands of museums and art
galleries in England. Oh and you're the a hole. Seriously,
what the heck is wrong with you? And you're witch
of a new wife, Opie says the British Museum in London, ww'
do British Museum dot org. Oman three says you're the ale,
and so is your new wife. In fact, she's downright selfish.
All she cares about is the baby that's coming. Neither

(03:24):
she nor you are considering the child that is already here,
one that is hurting deeply, first from the loss of
his mother and now from his father's stupidity. And yes, OPI,
you are beyond stupid. You are blind to the fact
that your new wife is already putting your unborn child
before your son, who you have an obligation towards right
here and now, as he is your first born and

(03:44):
shouldn't be shoved to the side for a baby that's
not even born yet. So get your head out of
your butt tell your wife that she needs to shut
up and do what's right by your son, because I
can promise you that if you forego this trip and
ignore what's important to that poor child, the damage will
be done. He will drop You're a sorry high like
a bad habit the moment he turns legal, and I'll
never look back. Then you can spend the rest of

(04:06):
your life whiny about how he never wants anything to
do with you. Comment Ford says, your shiny new wife
chose to act worse than a whiny toddler and ruined
a trip that was meant for a child on their
birthday as a memory for his mother. You allow this
woman to make your son feel terrible in his favorite
place in.

Speaker 4 (04:24):
The world on his birthday.

Speaker 2 (04:26):
You allow this woman to take the one thing your
child has ever wanted to shift it over to something
that has nothing to do with your son for his birthday.
You yelled at your son for reacting badly to being
shoved aside for your new family. You allow your new
wife to mistreat your son, not even bothering to raise
any questions at she ates me at all.

Speaker 4 (04:44):
Of course you're the Ale.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
Update November twenty sixth, twenty twenty five, one year later. Oh,
are we at the museum again?

Speaker 5 (04:52):
We better be at the museum for the second time.
This better be his next birthday. We went last year,
We're going this year.

Speaker 4 (04:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
So A year ago, I, forty eight male, a post
online about the issues I was having with my son
fifteen male and my new wife forty female. I've gotten
many messages and comments asking what happened, so I decided
to make an update.

Speaker 4 (05:10):
So the big thing.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
First, did I take my son on his birthday trip?

Speaker 4 (05:14):
No? But let me explain.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
So, after my son and I got into a fight,
he went and complained to his uncle, my late wife's
older brother forty seven male and his husband forty seven male.
I'll go ahead and say that since my late wife
got sick and even after she passed away, her brother
and I never got along.

Speaker 4 (05:31):
I wonder why. I wonder because he thought.

Speaker 2 (05:34):
You moved on really quick.

Speaker 3 (05:35):
Is it because you pulled another woman out of thin
air and had a baby with her.

Speaker 2 (05:38):
He, his husband, and most of her family liked to
judge me for how quickly I remarried.

Speaker 4 (05:42):
I'm judging YouTube judging you. I am judging you too.

Speaker 3 (05:45):
They better have taken this kid, then maybe he can
go look at them.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
If you had just said, you know, it's been two
years or a year and a half and I've started
to date again, I'd be like, yeah, you know what,
they shouldn't be mad about that.

Speaker 5 (05:56):
I even would have judged you less for it, had
you stood up for your son at all.

Speaker 2 (06:01):
Still, you found a girl within the year got me married.
I'm just assuming that you at least took a year.
But presumably you found this girl within the year and
then married her within that the next year, that is
judge for.

Speaker 3 (06:13):
Not being over it yet.

Speaker 4 (06:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
However, my son has kept a good relationship with them,
and once he told them about what happened, they called
and offered to take him themselves. I was all for it,
but my.

Speaker 4 (06:23):
Wife was not. Oh my god, she.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
Thought if we let my son go with them, they'd
fill his head with lies about her and only deepen
the rift between us. Since the situation was causing her
so much stress, and she was pregnant at the time.
I decided to decline their offer, which only made things worse. Eventually,
after about three days, we finally sat down and talked.
He said he was unhappy with the way she was
treating him and often felt like she was trying to

(06:48):
erase his mom's touch from the house. He felt like
she was constantly criticizing him and didn't want him around.
When I confronted my wife about this, she was offended.
She said she wasn't trying to erase his mother, but
simply ad her own touched the space. She wasn't criticizing him,
simply parenting. Eventually, my son accepted that he wouldn't be
able to go on his trip and was noticeably bummed

(07:09):
out about it. So his boyfriend and his friends spent
his birthday at our house trying to cheer him up.
A sweet gesture, but I don't think it worked. Over
the last year, my wife had our baby, and now
that my son's birthday is approaching, he's become bitter and
resentful over what happened last year. He spends more time
away from home. He's been rude and disrespectful to his stepmother,
and been seeing his therapist more frequently, he doesn't feel

(07:32):
like oh Pe learned anything.

Speaker 3 (07:34):
I don't think oh Pe learned a dang thing.

Speaker 2 (07:37):
He was like, just hear me out, hear me out,
and then proceeds to say the most stupid.

Speaker 5 (07:41):
Thing, and then immediately just go to your wife and
believe your wife.

Speaker 2 (07:45):
Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm sorry you believe you listened to
your wife when she said, well, well, your son can't
go on the trip with his family because they're gonna
spread lives about me. Does that mean that he can't
go spend time with them at all?

Speaker 5 (07:56):
Unsurprised, I'm assuming he probably hasn't seen his uncles in
forever because of the whole rift with the.

Speaker 4 (08:01):
New demo, which is ridiculous.

Speaker 3 (08:02):
You're just tearing your entire family apart.

Speaker 4 (08:04):
Ope, you suck.

Speaker 2 (08:05):
Now that we've all adjusted to having a new baby
and my son's birthday is approaching again, I'm thinking if
I should resume the tradition of taking my son back
to the museum. I think it would be a good
idea to hopefully do some family bonding. And honestly, I'm
feeling really guilty about what happened last year.

Speaker 5 (08:20):
No Opie, you leave your wife and the baby at home.
I don't even care about her. She can do with
the babies.

Speaker 3 (08:26):
And you guys go to the museum.

Speaker 4 (08:27):
Just you too.

Speaker 2 (08:28):
My wife has her reservations for saying it would only
reward his bad behavior.

Speaker 3 (08:33):
He didn't have any bad behavior, do anything wrong.

Speaker 4 (08:37):
He asked for one thing for his birthday.

Speaker 3 (08:40):
All he wanted was the museum, and you refused.

Speaker 2 (08:44):
Even when you didn't, you didn't even have to pay
for it, and it's a thing.

Speaker 3 (08:48):
The exhibit that he wanted is gone on it's gone.

Speaker 2 (08:50):
You didn't even have to pay for it. There is
no excuse you didn't even have to go.

Speaker 5 (08:55):
You had two people willing to take him, and from
the sounds of it, they live pretty dang close.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
I guess I'm making this update to not only inform
the people have read it, but also ask for a
little advice. What should I do? I only want to
be a better dad? Comment one says, update three years
from now?

Speaker 4 (09:09):
Why doesn't my son talk to me anymore? Reply?

Speaker 2 (09:12):
I'm gonna ask credit strangers for advice, not listen to
any of it, and then ask for more when not
following the original advice that made my situation worse? Where
did I go wrong comment to this dumb guy. I
hope he enjoys the next three years, because once that
kid is eighteen, he's going no contact. My god, I'm
so upset that this idiot doesn't see how wrong it

(09:32):
is to express we're not going on the trip. And
aren't you excited that it's to spend that money on
my new child? Now, like your your birthday money is
going to the new kid.

Speaker 3 (09:40):
The kid that wasn't even born the time yet.

Speaker 2 (09:43):
His wife is trash too. She didn't want him to
go with his uncles because she's a controlling piece of crap. Well,
I says two years. Max son will be sixteen this December.
I hope his guncles are there for him after he
goes no contact with this irresponsible man. Reply guarantee they're
already planning on out again a into college without op support. Yeah, oh,
I'm sure the oh you know, if he gets into

(10:04):
a good college or something, he seems smart.

Speaker 5 (10:06):
Yeah, I'm sure wife will be like, oh, well that
much's for the baby.

Speaker 4 (10:09):
Yeah, we just.

Speaker 2 (10:11):
You can go to like a you can go to
a community college.

Speaker 3 (10:14):
The newborn.

Speaker 5 (10:14):
We actually need to start his college fund from your college. Yes,
I'm sorry, and that's the end of this story. We're
going to go to the next one.

Speaker 6 (10:23):
My father offered me his business, but with one crazy condition.

Speaker 7 (10:28):
How crazy is it?

Speaker 6 (10:29):
I have always been the scapegoat of my family, while
my brother has always been the golden child. Long story short.
He could never do any wrong and learned my parents manipulative,
self absorbed behavior and grew up to be like them.
But with one exception, he is incredibly lazy. By the way,
this comes from user writer's Block Squared and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay story times. Subready, I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, and

(10:52):
we're here give good advice, goofy because we don't know
all the answers. We only know some things, right, so
let us know the things that you know. He lives
with that our parents, doesn't pay any bills, and has
only ever had one job, which was given to him
by our dad. My dad pays him to do work
that he has openly admitted as very lackluster. My brother
barely got his ged after dropping out of high school,

(11:14):
and he recently got another part time job through my
dad that he is also doing poorly at After college,
I moved away to another state.

Speaker 4 (11:22):
I worked as a.

Speaker 6 (11:22):
Teacher for a few years, had kids, and eventually decided
it would be best for my family if we moved
closer to home. We wanted to be near connections and support,
and I also reached out to my dad to tell
him I was interested in taking over the business if
that was something he wanted. He told me that it
was exactly what he wanted. Since then, I've been flying
back and forth constantly to get licenses and learn the

(11:43):
business so I could apprentice and eventually take over. Last
time I flew out it was to obtain a license
that my dad had pushed my brother into getting. My
brother failed that test six times before finally passing, and
then refused to do any of the work that license required.
I passed it on the first try. Later mentioned to
my dad that I was unsure how my brother would
react to me taking over the business. My dad's response

(12:05):
was that he should ask my brother if he wants
it first, and that maybe we could co own it.
I told my dad that I was extremely apprehensive about
co owning a business with someone who has zero work ethic.
My dad insisted that quote unquote survival mode would whip
my brother into shape. First of all, being made the
co owner of a business is the opposite of survival mode.

(12:26):
Survival mode is you are now unemployed and you have
two weeks to find somewhere to live. That is survival mode.

Speaker 7 (12:31):
Ooh, do we go through with this? If I were,
if you were, Opie, do you like, is there going
to be any budgeting on? Like, no, he's got to
work for me. He's gonna be lucky enough to be
working here because he's negligent and doesn't do anything.

Speaker 6 (12:42):
Well, OPI sounds smart enough to probably have a very
solid contract put into place. And honestly, it sounds like
you could just like convince the brother that he doesn't
want to work there anyway, that he doesn't want to
be a co owner.

Speaker 3 (12:54):
I can see the brothers.

Speaker 7 (12:55):
Yeah, no, I can see the brother totally doing the
totally different like opposite, like because like the brothers don't
get to work there now the brothers used to be.

Speaker 6 (13:01):
A Peeve's Like, well, no, that's the thing is it's
that's where the contract comes into play. Oh well, yeah,
you have all these stipulations where it's like ABC and
D in the contract and if you're not doing those,
you can be released from your co owner position at will.

Speaker 7 (13:13):
I don't think. I don't think Daddy is gonna approve this,
so I told.

Speaker 6 (13:17):
Him I didn't believe that for a second. What I
see happening is me doing all the work and getting
half the pay while my brother coasts like he always has.
My dad told me today that he spoke with my
brother and that my brother was wishy washy about it.
He then said he would talk to him again to
try to work something out. That is not what we
agreed upon. It sounds much more like he's trying to

(13:39):
convince my brother to accept co ownership rather than seeing
if he wants it outright, so my dad can absolve
himself of guilt for passing it to me alone. Here's
the part that's driving me insane. I knew this would happen.
I told my wife that my dad would absolutely choose
my brother, who has no children to support, over me.
My wife believes my dad cares more about his legacy
than I'm giving him for. He thinks I could lean

(14:01):
into that and explain that the business will fail if
my brother is involved. I've tried to explain to her
as gently as possible that being the child of a
self absorbed person teaches you one thing very clearly. No
amount of logic, reasoning, or trying to decipher their motivations
actually changes anything. Scapegoats cannot just play the game, no
matter what I say or do. My parents will always
choose my brother over me, over logic, over their grandchildren,

(14:24):
and even over their own legacies. They would rather sabotage
everything than risk choosing me. They would accept less contact
with my kids, destroy the business, or tarnish their own
reputation if it meant not breaking their pattern. There is
no hope of changing this dynamic. This is simply how
it goes for Scapegoats. So, because my wife can't fully
understand this reality, and honestly I'm glad she doesn't, I

(14:44):
thought i'd share it here. Maybe you can help me
feel less insane. Maybe someone has lived this exact story
and knows something I don't and truly ask me anything.
Thank you for reading, and we have an update from
sixteen days later.

Speaker 7 (14:57):
I think we've said our piece, Like if it's really
not that they're not budging, and you know they're really
going to just let your brother coast and be the
Golden child. If you don't think it's worth to put
up with OPI, and you know what, you can be
sufficient and take care of yourself, and you don't want
to deal with it, I think you know your option.

Speaker 6 (15:14):
I finally spoke to my dad and he gave me
an answer. He said that my brother told him he
was interested in the business, but that he didn't know
how much that really meant. In other words, my brother
is leading him on. My dad fully intends to leave
the door open for my brother to assume fifty percent
ownership of the business at any point, even if he
never puts in any work. I told my dad that
my brother is clearly leading him on, and asked if

(15:36):
he was willing to tell him the business would go
to me if he continued doing that. My dad said
he was not willing to do that. Instead, he suggested
a trial run, after which I could go start my
own business if I didn't like working with my brother,
so he suggested, you can actually be his mentor and
run his apprenticeship, so that then he can run the
business sane, and then you can build another thing from

(15:59):
the ground up for yourself.

Speaker 7 (16:00):
That's insane.

Speaker 6 (16:01):
Living near my parents is only financially viable if I
have sole ownership of the business. And my dad knows this.
I told him there is no trial run. Either I
move closer and have full ownership, or we look elsewhere
in the country. He seemed genuinely confused by this. I
explained that I have to choose between teaching, which aligns
perfectly with raising kids, and taking over a business I

(16:24):
know nothing about in an expensive area with my brother
who has already undercut me before. He asked me for
an example of my brother undercutting me, which I gave.
My dad suggested that maybe my brother has matured since then.
Stop moving the goalpost, Dad.

Speaker 7 (16:38):
That's it. It's the golden child, the self absorbed parents.
They're going to keep moving the goalpost indefinitely. There's no
stoppage to it. They're always going to keep protecting the brother.
Opie knows this. OPI just like, all right, if you're
just not gonna at this point, I think I can
see where Ope's coming from. There's no point for Opie
to keep continuing this, and you know what, that legacy
is going to be an embarrassment to them. That's all

(16:59):
on Opie brother.

Speaker 6 (17:00):
I think this is the moment that this is where
you start strong army. You go, this is what's happening,
or it's not happening, and that's the end of the story.
I told my dad he wasn't going to convince me
that my brother had matured. I said that, since he
has decided to leave the door open for my brother,
I'm leaning towards teaching elsewhere. That's when he started to
sound scared and asked why I wouldn't just give it
a chance. I told him I had already explained why.

(17:22):
I also told him that if he ends up selling
the business, he should still be proud that it served
its purpose by providing for his family, and I meant
that sincerely, with no spite or passive aggression. That sincerity
seemed to scare him more than anything, because it showed
him he no longer had leverage over me. We ended
the call with him saying we could talk more later.

(17:43):
I told him he's free to talk as much as
he wants, but that I already had my answer and
would start making plans for my family. We do plan
to move only a couple of hours away, but I'm
not telling him that. I'm letting him believe that his
choices are the reason we might settle far away. My
mom has no idea that I was ever offered the
bay business. If she found out that my dad's decisions
were the reason she wouldn't see her grandkids regularly, she

(18:04):
would be furious. I briefly considered using that to my advantage,
but I've decided I'd rather just teach business isn't worth.

Speaker 7 (18:11):
I think, just finish it. I think we've said our piece,
and OP has said their piece. Dude, and they you
know what, there are people like this out there. It's
just ridiculous. So I did for you, Op, And you
know what, do what makes you happy and gives you
the least amount of headaches.

Speaker 6 (18:25):
Yeah, you did it right. You did it right, You
did it type. Instead, I'm dropping subtle hints to my
mom that we're considering settling far away. I know she'll
tell my dad and it will.

Speaker 4 (18:35):
Make him sweat more.

Speaker 6 (18:36):
Over time, he tried to manipulate me into taking care
of my inept brother, and now he's stuck with the consequences.
He can't sell the business because he offered it to
my brother, and my brother will keep delaying. My dad
will likely work until he physically can't anymore, just to
keep the door open for my brother, and it will
all be for nothing. I'll be watching the chaos from
a distance, knowing I chose what's best for my children,

(18:56):
and I'll leave you with this. Nothing scares the crap
out of a narm more than your freedom. And that
is the end of that story.

Speaker 7 (19:03):
Yeah, good luck, Opie.

Speaker 6 (19:04):
Yeah. I mean, even if he is the way that
you know you say that he is, then I'm sure
if you did take over the business, he would just
be continuing to run it through you as a proxy,
so you would never escape. He would then you know,
he'd be, yeah, double checking all your stuff all the time.
He's not gonna walk away from it.

Speaker 7 (19:20):
Like sell you as a literal tool. Like all right,
this is going to make his like the golden child.
Get the business, set him up and he'll be fine
on his own.

Speaker 6 (19:28):
But that is the end of that story.

Speaker 4 (19:30):
We've got another one.

Speaker 7 (19:31):
My sister pushed open marriage ideas on my wife and
I lost it. Stay away from my wife. That's my wife.
I am twenty four and my wife is twenty three.
We got married last year when I was fifteen. We
love each other, understand each other. I love my wife
so much that I'm basically a simp. Heck, even if
she told me she wants to f another man, I
would probably cave in. I would choose her over any

(19:52):
of my family members, even my parents. By the way,
this concerm user stunning Panda seven four to three, And
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the artsele okay, story time, separate it. I'm key On,
I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advice. Goofuy.
We only know what we do, so let us know
what you'd do in the comments. English isn't my first language,
so forgive me if I make mistakes, and I want

(20:13):
opinions from people outside of my culture. My wife told
me a few days ago that my eldest sister, who
is twenty seven, is constantly texting her and calling her.
My wife showed me the text, and long story short,
my sister tried to convince my wife by educating her
about open relationships and she should find a job so
it doesn't have to rely on me, and even said
that she shouldn't allow me to control her. We all

(20:36):
come from a place where majority of women are housewives.
My mom other women in my family and my sister
accept my eldest. She's nuts. We are traditional and stick
to our traditions. That has been working for us all
since from the beginning. First of my priority was to
comfort my wife and remove all the doubts from her head.
I hugged my wife and told her that I would

(20:56):
never restrict her. If she wants to stop being a
housewife or want to go out with my protection, that
I won't stop her. But this is something that she
has to think for herself instead of letting others tell
her what to do. My wife said she is fine
with the way things are and she would never get
near any other man accept me and our family members.
She didn't want to lie to me, and that's why
she told me. We both comforted each other and made

(21:19):
love and decided to cut my sister off because what
she's saying is completely dumb. I called my sister and
told her to stay away from us both from now on,
I am cutting her off. She said she was trying
to help my wife and educate her. I said, no,
you were trying to ruin our happy life and I
don't want you anywhere near us. I cut her off
and my sister keeps calling me, but I ignore her,

(21:41):
and even my own parents said I should make up
with my sister because brothers should always protect their sisters.
I just told them I need some time and eventually
I forgive my sister. But am I the a hole
in this situation? My sister's putting twisted ideas in my
wife's head about how it's evil if I work and
she doesn't work, and I'm controlling her and telling her
to f R men while still being married as if

(22:02):
not lying to me, and I agree to it, making
it okay. I'm so effing disgusted and we have some comments.
Is opid a whole?

Speaker 4 (22:09):
I don't think so.

Speaker 6 (22:10):
I think maybe like culturally this is like a way
crazy thing to bring up for you, and like I
don't know it does it just basically reads like your
sister's like Yeah, shouldn't you be like way unhappier and
less satisfied and like want like these other things that
would like put your relationship like maybe in jeopardy.

Speaker 7 (22:28):
I would genuinely ask my sister like, well, from you
and your wife, Opie, like why are you helping educate her?
Comment number one if your wife wants to work. She can.
If she doesn't want to, she doesn't, so long as
your bills are paid and you can put a bit
aside for a rainy day. It's no one's business how
you and your wife choose to live. If you were
struggling financially, one person bearing the weight of that is

(22:50):
a different matter. But if your wife wants to break
the tradition and work, then all you need to do
is encourage and support her. And if she doesn't want
to break the tradition, then all you need to do
is incur urge and support her. If you're happy, she's happy,
nothing else matters. If he replies with yes, yayes. If
my wife wants to work, I wouldn't stop her, but

(23:12):
she needs to think about it herself instead of letting
others like my sister brainwasher. And I am not even
worried about her working. That's like the least of my concern.
It's just money, which I don't care about. I got plenty.
I am more angry about my sister trying to convince
my wife that it is normal to have more than
one partner, and women can have spicy sleep with multiple
men and somehow it's okay as long as I consent,

(23:34):
but disregarding our marriage coming number two not the ahole,
your sister was in the wrong. I reckon everything you
said sounds pretty spot onplies, I feel the same. My
sister is trying to ruin our happy marriage and our
life by telling her that she should be with other men,
and she's relying on me, and I'm controlling her stuff
like that, which annoyed my wife as well, and I
think that's why my wife told me everything. It's not

(23:54):
just about her being a housewife for us. That's stupid.
I would get so angry knowing that my wife is
with other men, and I know she would feel the
same if I had private moments with a different woman
other than her. I'm so disgusted by what my sister said,
and even questioning if she's my sister or not. Who
says stuff like that to their own sister in law.
My wife and I decided to be together until we
pass away and help and support each other. Why is

(24:16):
it necessary for us to bring another man or woman
in our life. I have been overthinking about this whole situation,
but I still can't understand what my sister was thinking.
And I still don't see her point. Another comment here,
not the ahole. This is not gaslighting. Your sister is
just a nosy weener. I wanted to cut my sister off,
but my mom asked me to make up with my
sister because she wants both of our children to celebrate

(24:37):
New Years with family like we always have. I said,
I will talk to her, and it depends on if
my sister agrees to not interfere in my marriage. So
I gave her a visit to talk. It was a
bit awkward though, after our huge fight. I asked her
why she interfering in my marriage and telling my wife
all kinds of things and ruining my marriage by corrupting
my wife's mind. I said, I am willing to forgive

(24:59):
her and we get a as long as she stays
away from my wife. She said, I have no right
to tell her what to do, and my wife has
every right to talk to whoever she wants. She said
this is the reason why she wanted to educate my
wife and not be controlled by me. I asked her,
how am I controlling? She said that telling my wife
to do something is controlling behavior. I'm ordering my wife around.
I got all the power because I aren't, but she doesn't,

(25:21):
so I decide everything for her. I told her that
it's not what she thinks. We both are okay with
how things are. I am working and she stays and
takes care of our house, and we are even thinking
of children, so she will be with them. We are
equal partners. I then said, forget about money and work
and asked her why did she educate my wife about
open relationships and stuff. My sister said that women could

(25:44):
have fun and no longer their husband's property. And since
my wife has only been with me, she doesn't know
much about things, and she wanted to get her out
of her traditions and if she wants to experience on
outside of me, she can That's why she was trying
to educate her. I guess it's just like I think
it stems back to your sister now having a healthy
relationship or something.

Speaker 6 (26:03):
It's I can see it, and it's y'all are all
very traditional within again, we don't know what coach this is,
but you're all very traditional, and she has become the
first in the family to like step outside of that
and like be you know, surrounded by all of these
different ideas and contrary ideas, and because of that, she
thinks that that is just the best or better way

(26:24):
to go about things. It is a very like someone
who is twenty years old thing to do. I learned
a thing and it's better than your thing. I know
it is because I learned it. It's just the way
it is.

Speaker 7 (26:34):
Yeah, I said, it was very offensive to tell my
wife to have spicy sleep with another man. Spicy sleep
is a private thing between a couple. Nobody else needs
to know about it, and you telling all this is
corrupting my wife. You can have whatever opinions you want
and hate the way we operate, but don't interfere in
my marriage. My sister said she just wanted to educate
my wife and tell her how things are outside of

(26:55):
traditional perspective. I said, I don't care, and if someone
so much has touched my wife, I will fight that person.
And my wife would unallive me if I do the same,
and it's not her job to tell her sister in
law what she should do. We were going nowhere with
this conversation, so I just asked her if we can
amicably bend this new year together and put our differences
aside for our mom she agreed, I will try my

(27:16):
best to not hurt my parents and be amicable. But
I don't understand what she's thinking. She wants my wife
to work and have spicy sleep with other men when
my wife and I have led our life perfectly. So
why is my sister interfering so much?

Speaker 6 (27:29):
Honestly, bro, I feel like the answer to that is
not even because like she wants to like change your marriage.
It's just like she thinks she's doing something that's like righteous.
She thinks that she is like a liberator, like bringing
this information to your wife so she can free her.
It really has nothing to do with you, guys. I
just just has to do with her having learned this
stuff and been exposed to it, and now she's like,

(27:50):
I have to be like the messenger.

Speaker 7 (27:53):
But that is the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (27:55):
My husband lied about his work dinner because I'm not
his wife yet.

Speaker 7 (28:00):
Mmmm.

Speaker 4 (28:01):
Those things are completely separate situations. I twenty six female,
was with my.

Speaker 2 (28:06):
Boyfriend, twenty eight male for four years. We built a
life together, met each other's families, and even worked on
moving in together once my lease was up. We talked
seriously about the future. By the way, this comes from
remarkable golf fifty one forty three, and if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the arslash Okay storytime,
supared it.

Speaker 4 (28:25):
I'm Sophia and I'm Savannah, and we're here to give
good advice. Goofy, But we don't have all the answers.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
We only know what we do, so let us note
you would do in the comments, and OP says lately,
though things haven't been great, the relationship had been rocky
for a while. Communication was off, that there was distance,
and I often felt like I.

Speaker 4 (28:43):
Was doing most of the emotional work.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
Even so, I stayed and tried to fix it because
four years felt like something worth fighting for. He told
me he had a work dinner and said it was
employees only. I didn't question it, since usually these company
functions encouraged bringing partners. I've been trying to keep the
peace lately instead of creating more tension between us. The

(29:06):
next day, I saw a post on Instagram from a
coworker of his like I said, his company is very
family oriented and usually encourages partners to attend events like this.
Her post mentioned that partners were welcome, and he was
in multiple photos sitting right next to her looking very
comfortable together. What made it worse was that people in

(29:27):
his office openly call her his work wife. I had
heard him mention that before. Uh oh, that's not good.
I don't like that, and it always bothered me, but
he brushed it off as a harmless office joke. Seeing
her post him like that, knowing people already framed them
that way, made me feel sick. That's when it clicked

(29:50):
that he hadn't been honest with me. When I asked
him about it, he said he didn't think it was
a big deal and that he didn't want things to
be awkward because we aren't married.

Speaker 4 (29:59):
Huh, you don't want to bring.

Speaker 2 (30:00):
Your girlfriend to the office gathering because you were married?

Speaker 4 (30:05):
And what? That doesn't make any sense? Yeah? Why why
would that matter? How would that make it awkward?

Speaker 5 (30:10):
Like?

Speaker 4 (30:10):
Oh, this is my ah? What am I supposed to
call you? You're not my wife? Yeah? Like this is
my girlfriend girlfriend? It's so so late after four years together.

Speaker 2 (30:23):
That explanation felt like the old one too, and the
gut Okay, the question is if he's so awkward about
you not being his wife, why doesn't he propose to you? Right,
it's been four years it's been four years, doesn't feel
like he wants to propose to you. It made me
feel like I was someone he wanted to openly claim
in his life. I also asked why he spent the

(30:43):
night sitting with her and why she was comfortable enough
to post him online, especially with the work wife dynamic.
You got defensive and said I was overreacting and that
she's just a coworker. But at this point it wasn't
just about the party. It felt like the final straw,
and a lot online of moments where I felt pushed
to the side. I just shut down and told him

(31:05):
I was done. I was going to spend the night
at his place, but I just packed my stuff and left.
It's been a few days. Some of his friends have
texted me saying I'm blowing things out of proportion for
ending things over this, which I've ignored. He keeps calling,
leaving voicemails and texts saying he's really sorry and wants
to talk. I don't know anymore, like we spend so

(31:26):
much time together and maybe it was actually a lapse
in judgment and I was being rash am I the
ale and there is an update four days later.

Speaker 4 (31:35):
Any thoughts.

Speaker 3 (31:37):
I mean, I don't know, like, good for you for
like sticking to your like boundaries and being like that's
not cool. Yeah, screw you, basically like I'm out.

Speaker 4 (31:48):
It does feel quite quick. Yeah, I will agree for
four years.

Speaker 2 (31:54):
Yes, but maybe you know, if you're having this reaction,
then maybe this, you know, wasn't the right relationship for
either of you.

Speaker 3 (32:01):
Yeah. Maybe if you have felt this way for a while,
then like that makes sense to react that way.

Speaker 4 (32:08):
But I feel like, you know.

Speaker 2 (32:09):
Maybe give them the benefit of the doubt and at
least have another commerce. I probably would have had another
conversation and said this is how I feel. I don't
want you to diminish it. I am upset that you
didn't want to bring me. Why did you feel like
you it would have been awkward. You know, have a
little bit of longer conversation, and if at the end
of it he.

Speaker 4 (32:30):
Says, oh, well I don't.

Speaker 2 (32:32):
See you as like a long term relationship, or you know,
you have that revelation or you're not getting the answers
you want, then maybe it's like okay, yeah, well everyone
in the comments was right. I honestly wanted to believe
it was just a stupid lapse in judgment, or that
I had made a rash decision after months of feeling
in looved. But no, there really was something going on

(32:53):
with the coworker. Two days after my original post, we
had to set up logistics for picking up the rest
of my stuff from his apartment. He was still begging
NonStop with calls, long voicemails, and paragraphs about how he
never meant to hurt me and nothing was going on.
My best friend came with me when I grabbed the
last of my things, and even then he was still

(33:14):
trying to convince me to talk. Hear him out, give
him another chance. He looked panicked, which honestly made me
second guess myself for half a second.

Speaker 4 (33:23):
I mean, guy's a loser.

Speaker 2 (33:25):
Yeah, four years, couldn't see what he had chose this
you know nothing relationship with his coworker.

Speaker 3 (33:32):
I hate when like guys like, you know, you've been
with him like four years, you know, all this stuff,
and he's like, oh, you can't come with me because
like we're not married yet, blah blah. Yeah that's on you. Yeah,
you know that's on you. Sorry, but I don't know
what you want for me. And then also the fact
that it's like, oh, so you're gonna gaslate me, make
me feel bad about that when it's not even my problem,

(33:54):
and then not take me, and then also cheat on me,
and then be like no, take me back, take frick no,
you've discuss him.

Speaker 2 (33:59):
Freak ew get out of here. I couldn't have said
a bit of myself. But fast forward to now, just
a few days later, and guess who posted what on Instagram?
The coworker, the work wife, the one he swore was
just a coworker. She made a whole soft launch style
post about how it's so lovely being partners in and

(34:19):
out of the office, full photos them together, smiling, comfortable girl.
That's not a soft launch.

Speaker 4 (34:26):
That is a hard lunch. He launched it. That's a
full launch, very very not new. So yeah, it wasn't
in my head.

Speaker 2 (34:37):
It wasn't an overreaction, and it definitely wasn't just work.
I'm hurt, but I'm also weirdly relieved. Everything makes sense now.
The distance, the defensiveness, the lies over something is dumb.
As a company dinner, I didn't blow up a good relationship.
I walked away from a man who already checked out
and didn't have the respect or backbone to admit it.

(34:58):
Locking in was the easiest thing I've done in months.
Thanks to everyone who told me I wasn't crazy. You
were right, and honestly, I'm glad I trusted myself. Comments
from the subreddit. Comment one says my husband had a
coworker try to claim she was his work wife at
a team launch. He was furious, publicly shut it down
and requested that he not work with her closely again.

(35:20):
By the time I heard about it that same evening,
even HR knew he was unhappy about it. That's how
a good partner responds when people disrespect your relationship in
this way. Anyone who allows that kind of disrespect is
not a good partner at all.

Speaker 4 (35:34):
And that is the end of that story. Folks.

Speaker 2 (35:38):
It seems like OHP made the right decision and trusted
her gut.

Speaker 4 (35:42):
So good on you.

Speaker 3 (35:43):
Yeah, honestly, good for you for sticking to your gut
and just knowing when to get out of there, because
I know so many people who, including myself, who would
have been like, well, I don't know, maybe I'm jumping
to conclusions and I don't know, I miss him or something.

Speaker 4 (35:59):
And then you're back, I'll start it.

Speaker 2 (36:01):
I guess you know this work office girl made it
a lot easier when she posted the.

Speaker 4 (36:06):
Yeah yeah for real. And that's the end of this story.

Speaker 3 (36:09):
We're gonna go to the next one. Hey, it's Carly,
your favorite Axelottel host.

Speaker 4 (36:15):
Here. We're going to get back to the stories.

Speaker 3 (36:17):
But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My
girlfriend snapped at my friend on vacation, so I told
her to apologize.

Speaker 4 (36:24):
Don't talk to my friend like that.

Speaker 3 (36:27):
This weekend, I twenty six mail, took a little friend
vacation with my close friend group. A few of them
invited their significant others, and I've been dating my girlfriend
twenty five female long enough that I don't think it
would be awkward to bring her along. By the way,
this comes from Castro was right, And if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
okay storytime subreddit. I am Savannah, I'm Sylvia, and we

(36:50):
are here to give it good advice Goofiley.

Speaker 4 (36:52):
But we don't have all the answers.

Speaker 3 (36:54):
We would just tell you what we would do in
this situation, but we would love to know what you
would do in the comments. As op says, my girlfriend
gets along with all my friends very well except one.

Speaker 7 (37:06):
Uh.

Speaker 4 (37:06):
Oh, my friend Jessica twenty.

Speaker 3 (37:08):
Five female, is a very nice girl and in a
lot of ways, is very similar to my girlfriend.

Speaker 4 (37:14):
Oh there's your first. Yeah, first, don't tell that your girlfriend. Yep,
the strike one.

Speaker 3 (37:22):
I think this is just one of those cases where
people who are similar just repel. On paper, they should
be very good friends. They aren't outwardly rude to each other,
but it's clear they.

Speaker 4 (37:32):
Just don't vibe.

Speaker 3 (37:34):
Three things happened on this trip that led to disaster. First,
on our day there, we planned on going to the beach.
While we were getting ready, my girlfriend realized she was
feeling bloated and had forgotten to pack a one piece swimsuit.
I told her we could just chill in the room,
but she said she wanted to go down to the
beach and that we should buy one at the resort shop.
On our way down, we ran into Jessica and I

(37:56):
told her we were going down to the shop to
look for a new bathing suit. Jessica then offered to
let my girlfriend borrow one of hers, but my girlfriend
immediately rejected the offer and said we'd buy one so
that was a problem.

Speaker 4 (38:07):
Okay, well, it depends on how she said it. She
was like, no, we're gonna buy one. Okay, yeah, it'd
be a tone thing. Yeah, because I feel like that's
nice of Jessica. It is nice to jack guy. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (38:18):
Second, we're at a bar drinking and dancing. Jess is
only about five to five and probably weighs less than
one hundred and thirty pounds. She's also pretty much skin
and bones, so she's a lightweight. Eventually, she got pretty
wasted and started finding everyone trying to get us to
take a shot. When she got to us, I was down,
but my girlfriend wasn't. I told her it would be fun,

(38:38):
but she said.

Speaker 4 (38:39):
No, that's not an issue. Just let her say no. Yeah,
just I feel like, you know, no, I didn't want
one the end, That's what I do. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (38:47):
Jess then said we were being boring, so I just
took a shot with Jess. This set my girlfriend off.
The final issue was the next day, my girlfriend and
I were late for breakfast because we were getting intimate
and lost track.

Speaker 4 (38:59):
Of time, which was wrong of us. I'm right, it happened.
There's nothing wrong about that. It it happen.

Speaker 3 (39:06):
Apparently, Jess said she'd come get us, and as she
walked past our door, she heard noises and went back
downstairs to everyone else, saying we may be a minute.

Speaker 4 (39:14):
When we got.

Speaker 3 (39:15):
Downstairs, the group was jokes, which I thought was not
a big deal. Then they said Jess had hurt us,
which made my girlfriend mad. This was apparently the straw
that broke the camel's back. My girlfriend snapped at Jess,
telling her that she had been caddy all trip and
that she was just trying to have a good time.
She told her to stop being such a pickmy This
caused Jess to cry. I told my girlfriend she needed

(39:36):
to apologize and resolve whatever beef they had. My girlfriend
said that Jess needs to apologize for acting like she
did and that I was being a wiener for taking
Jess's side. We've been fighting about this since we got
back and things are now awkward with Jess. My friends
are split on this. Some think my girlfriend was being overboard,
while others think she may have had a point, which

(39:58):
I don't understand.

Speaker 2 (39:59):
I I am wondering if this is because I think
this is there's one of two things that could be
going on here. One your girlfriend is maybe overacting and
is jealous of your friendship with Jess, or uh, he's
reading into things that aren't there, or you are perhaps
being oblivious of.

Speaker 4 (40:19):
Subtle girl cattiness.

Speaker 2 (40:23):
Uh that like maybe maybe you're just not picking up
on I feel like if.

Speaker 4 (40:27):
The girls had wrote this post, we.

Speaker 3 (40:29):
Would have been like, oh yeah, I would have been
totally pussy.

Speaker 4 (40:32):
Yeah, like yeah, like.

Speaker 3 (40:33):
He's just like, well this happened, and like, you know.

Speaker 2 (40:36):
Yeah, I'm wondering if it's that or if genuinely Jess
has not done anything yeah, because.

Speaker 4 (40:40):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (40:41):
It does seem like, you know, the one, the one
she was you know, had too much to drink and
was just like, oh, you guys are being boring, you
know whatever, blah blah blah, which I get that that's
like everyone's response if you don't want to do something
that the group wants to do.

Speaker 2 (40:54):
You know, ever, IF's coming over, because because it could
all read different, Yeah, it could be like Jess is
coming over and being like touchy, like oh, you're being
so boring, like oh, like why won don't you have
a drink with me? And then doing that and then
maybe with the the bathing suit, she's like oh, well,
I have a bathing suit that you could borrow or like,

(41:16):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (41:16):
There it's tone. I feel like there's no other way.

Speaker 2 (41:20):
To be not I don't know how you would say
that to me, But it could be a tone thing,
or your girlfriend could be reading it into something.

Speaker 4 (41:26):
That's not actually that you can grow my beaten suit.

Speaker 3 (41:29):
Yeah, I am going to apologize to my girlfriend and
tell her I was wrong to defend Jess and that
I'm going to talk to Jess to make sure she
doesn't ever speak to my girlfriend like that again.

Speaker 4 (41:41):
There are some comments, but we don't really know how.
We don't really know how. I don't know. Yeah, I
really could go either way.

Speaker 3 (41:49):
Comment number one info is just single. Did she have
a significant other on the trip? Would her swimsuit have
fit your girlfriend? Is your girlfriend shy? Does your girlfriend
drink or drink card?

Speaker 7 (42:01):
Uh?

Speaker 3 (42:01):
Because that makes a huge difference. One thing is to
be lent to bathing suit, another thing to be offered
a bathing suit that everyone knows is going to be
too small, even if it is just height wise, let
alone weight wise. The other two look like a single
girl that keeps coming to get the attention of her man.
Pestering for shots. Maybe she felt you guys were having

(42:22):
an intimate conversation or such, and then coming to get
you out of bed, catching looks at you spending time,
maybe hoping that she could convince you to leave the
girlfriend to get ready on your own and come down
with her talking about the noises, hoping to embarrass my
girlfriend in front of everyone, you know those Opie responded,
which I got downvoted. Jess is single, now that I

(42:43):
think about it, Jess is really small. Not saying my
girlfriend is big, she's normal weight, but Jess is skinny.

Speaker 2 (42:49):
Ooo ooh wait, yeah that is so rude, Opie. You didn't, Yeah,
you just didn't, didn't pick up with the cattiness. Yeah,
if Jess is a lot, you know, smaller than op
and is just not at all Op's or Opie's girlfriend's size,
and then says like, oh yeah, you can borrow my
bathing suit, and then you know, Opie's girlfriend has to be.

Speaker 4 (43:12):
Like, you know, I can't barge you that. Yeah, that's
a little rude. Oh so I'm not sure.

Speaker 3 (43:20):
Yes, and she's no stranger to taking shots and handles
her booze.

Speaker 4 (43:24):
Well.

Speaker 3 (43:25):
Comment number two sounds like you're dating a confident and
independent woman who stood up for herself and isn't willing
to take Jess's mean girl crap. I bet Jess has
ruined pass relationships for you as well. You're going to
be a lonely dude if you don't start reading the room,
better recognize Jess's rude treatment and stand up for your girlfriend.
Oh there's an update two weeks later.

Speaker 4 (43:44):
Oh boy, let's do it. Let's do it.

Speaker 3 (43:47):
I know everyone hates me, but I was asked for
an update. I just want to say everyone was right.
I was an a hole. I was being a pushover.
I was a crap boyfriend and partner. I prioritize Jess
over my girlfriend's feelings and that was so crappy of me.
My girlfriend and I are currently on a break. Whoo

(44:07):
oh nang, sorry, yikes. So Jess really dug her nails
into that.

Speaker 4 (44:13):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (44:14):
I tried to apologize to her and make sure she
understood that I knew how wrong I was. I told
her I was sorry for letting just disrespect her and
that I'd never let that happen again. My girlfriend said,
Jess has been like this to her since we started dating,
and I had been either ignoring it or unable.

Speaker 4 (44:31):
To see it.

Speaker 3 (44:33):
Through a tearful back and forth, my girlfriend told me
she wouldn't let herself feel second to Jess. She said
that when I figure out what's going on between Jess
and me, then we could talk, but until then, she
wants some distance from our relationship.

Speaker 2 (44:46):
Honestly, go this girl standing up for herself. Yeah, sucks
that you didn't see it until right now.

Speaker 4 (44:52):
Yeah, I think a break is good.

Speaker 2 (44:54):
Yeah, I think I think you need to spend some
time and figure out what what the What were the blinders?

Speaker 4 (45:01):
You know? Did your girlfriend ever bring this up before.

Speaker 2 (45:03):
And you just said, oh what, No, you're just you know,
making problems. Why were you so quick to diminish your
girlfriend's feelings if she had raised these concerns?

Speaker 4 (45:14):
Uh?

Speaker 2 (45:14):
And why were you, you know, siding with Jess more so?

Speaker 4 (45:18):
Yeah? I think those are all good questions.

Speaker 3 (45:20):
Yes, I think those are very good ope for you
to turn inward and reflect on. All right, let's see
that evening I was heartbroken, but I wanted to make
it clear to Jess that she would not be disrespectful
to my girlfriend if we got back together, and that
she owes her an apology no matter what. I thought

(45:40):
it would be better to have this face to face,
as there is a lot of ambiguity over text. I
went to her place and she apologized to me and
says she would call my girlfriend to apologize. I went
home in the morning and spend a lot of time
reflecting on the bad decisions I had made and how
much I hurt my girlfriend. I understood how right everyone
was to say I was being a crappy boyfriend. I

(46:01):
admit I fed up. I didn't protect the person I
was supposed to protect. I was too blind to see
Jess being catty and mean to her. If my girlfriend
takes me back, that will never happen again, and that
is the end.

Speaker 4 (46:14):
Oh well, there you go.

Speaker 3 (46:16):
Yeah, I don't I mean, honestly, in my opinion, just
because like it.

Speaker 4 (46:21):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (46:22):
I've been hurt by many men. I would just be
done with it. I'm out. Sorry, I'll go find someone
that like, actually, you know, is a good person for
me and defends me, and doesn't you know, just be oblivious,
because that's annoying.

Speaker 2 (46:36):
Sometimes sometimes you learn from a mistake and you have
to take it to the next relationship, and it's not
something that you can take in this relationship.

Speaker 4 (46:43):
Yeah, which staining SOP.

Speaker 3 (46:45):
I mean, I would like to believe that you were
just oblivious to it, but I think that there was
a lot of different It's like things that happens, there
are a lot of Yeah, there were a lot of
signs that happened on that vacation, and I feel like
you just kind of were like, hm hmmm.

Speaker 4 (47:04):
I mean yeah, but.

Speaker 3 (47:05):
You know, like kind of just like making excuses for Jess.
You know, so, I mean, pay the price for your actions.

Speaker 4 (47:13):
I guess yep. Sorry, op, But.

Speaker 3 (47:17):
And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go
to the next one.

Speaker 2 (47:20):
My ex said that I was his future while asking
for space.

Speaker 6 (47:24):
Maybe he wanted to spend his future with you in space,
and you are the.

Speaker 2 (47:29):
Future I, twenty five female, am struggling deeply and could
really use perspective and support. My ex, twenty three Mail
and I have a long emotionally intense history. We broke up,
but we never really emotionally separate. There is still love, attachment,
and unresolved hope on both sides. He tells me he
loves me, so he's a future with me and hopes

(47:51):
I am the person he builds a life with. Yet
at the same time, he says he's unsure and overwhelmed
by the way. This comes from Blue Bay Blossom. And
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay, storytime subured it.

Speaker 6 (48:04):
I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, and we're here.

Speaker 4 (48:09):
To give good advice.

Speaker 2 (48:09):
Cooofley, but we don't have all the answers. We only
know what we'd do, So let us know what you
would do in the comments.

Speaker 6 (48:15):
I actually do have all the answers. Ask me anything,
Ask him any.

Speaker 2 (48:18):
Five Next, and Opie says we met in June twenty
twenty two under intense circumstances. I had just been kicked
out of my home and had nowhere to go, and
through a mutual friend, he took me in for the night.
That night changed both of our lives. We shoked until sunrise,
opened up about things we had never told anyone, and

(48:41):
formed a bond that felt immediate, deep, and unlike anything
either of us had had before. At the time, I
was in another relationship, not harmful but loveless. Yeah okay.
I eventually ended it because I realized I had developed
feelings for him. We started seeing each other more, The
chemistry grew, and we officially got together in January twenty

(49:04):
twenty three. From the beginning, our relationship was intense but
complicated will because.

Speaker 4 (49:08):
You trauma bonded.

Speaker 2 (49:10):
We were both dealing with regular use issues when we met.
I was struggling and he was struggling. We both quit
the night we met. We also both have a lot
of trauma. Him and I have a painful past. I
am anxious, attached, and he is fearful avoidant. That's the
best combo I've heard. Actually, our relationship has not been smooth.
His friends initially disliked me because I did not fit

(49:32):
their beauty standard and they wanted to keep my ex
in the same miserable loop he had been in. They
pressured him to leave me. His father also pushed him
to break up with me because of our age difference.
What is the age difference?

Speaker 7 (49:45):
I will get out old?

Speaker 4 (49:46):
Are you?

Speaker 2 (49:46):
We broke up twice in late twenty twenty three due
to outside pressure and his internal conflict, then got back
together in January twenty twenty four.

Speaker 7 (49:56):
Are you ready for this? Yeah? Twenty three Opus twenty
three and uh, sorry, dude. No no, no op. The X,
so on and so forth is twenty three.

Speaker 6 (50:09):
There is no age gap.

Speaker 2 (50:10):
But the thing is, we never really separated. Even after
the breakup, we continued acting like a couple. We talk
every day, we go on dates, I sleep over at
his place. We cuddle, have intimacy, hold hands.

Speaker 6 (50:24):
Got your fute holding hands, and talk about marriage and kids,
and y'all aren't together.

Speaker 2 (50:34):
Y'all broke up and you're doing your planning marriage and kids.
Everyone around us says we act like an old married couple.
He says he cannot imagine a future without me and
does not want anyone else. Then why are you guys
broken up?

Speaker 6 (50:48):
Because it feels so good.

Speaker 2 (50:50):
During this first year of our relationship, I found some
inappropriate messages. From early on, there was spicy texting with
one girl and dating apps downloaded but not really used.
He took accountability, apologized sincerely, and has not repeated those behaviors.
I worked through the trust issues with them, but they
still loved me a bit fragile. Recently, he opened up

(51:13):
to me in a very deep way. He admitted that
the real reason he keeps pulling away is not lack
of love, It is fear. Fear of hurting me, fear
of relapsing, fear of losing me, fear of failing, and
fear of falling from too high. He said, loving me
feels overwhelming because it matters so much, and his nervous
system goes into panic. After that conversation, he became very

(51:35):
anxious and withdrawn for.

Speaker 4 (51:37):
A few days.

Speaker 2 (51:38):
We worked through it and came back from it even stronger.
We have had amazing days together after that. When he
is around me, is guard, lowers, his gaze, softens, his
muscles relax, and he genuinely smiles and acts like a
puppy around me. Besides his dad, the rest of his
family loved me, and I'm really close to all of them.
His dad is also coming around me, and he has

(52:00):
started to like me too. I have done my best
to be supportive and study to be the calm in
his chaos. I am able to read him like a book.
I know exactly how he feels, what he feels, why
he feels that way, and where it comes from. Besides
external conflicts and disturbance from other people, our relationship has
not been bad. You have not told this many good

(52:22):
at parts of it.

Speaker 6 (52:22):
I mean the good part is that. I guess you
guys got clean together. That is good, you know, that's
a good great the intense but also kind of an
intense baseline to set up, you know, a successful relationship
off of, because you know there is a word called
relapse that has happened before.

Speaker 4 (52:43):
Yeah, and you put all this pressure on the relationship.

Speaker 6 (52:45):
Then yeah, not only that, but then like, okay, now,
if you're in a relationship and your partner relapses, are
you gonna do that as well?

Speaker 4 (52:54):
Scary.

Speaker 2 (52:55):
On the contrary, the thing that makes this even harder
is that there is nothing wrong with our relationship per se.
We communicate well, we push each other to be and
do better.

Speaker 4 (53:04):
Well, it seems somewhat true.

Speaker 2 (53:06):
Yeah, we are understanding, compassionate, loving, compatible, and respectful. We
love each other and value each other so much. But
now he has asked for three weeks of defined space. Also,
I just want to go back for a second, because
you said there's nothing truly wrong with your relationship. For
seemingly most of your relationship you have been broken up

(53:29):
and just acting like you're in a relationship.

Speaker 6 (53:31):
Still, which is not good for the brain.

Speaker 2 (53:34):
Now, no intimacy and very limited contact, he says, it
is not a test, that he will not disappear, and
that at the end of the three weeks he will
come back with a decision. He says he loves me deeply,
but does not trust himself yet do choose me fully
and consistently, and he does not want to keep dragging
me through uncertainty. This is his message summarized. Basically. He said,

(53:58):
staying close while he's unsure is not fair to me.
He asked for three weeks of defined space so he
can understand himself and decide if he is capable of
choosing me fully and consistently, not just when emotions are intense.
He promised he would not disappear and that he will
come back with the decision at the end of the
three weeks. I am heart broken and terrified. I love

(54:20):
it more than anyone I have ever loved. He feels
like my soulmate, my safe place, and my home. I
am scared the space will turn into a permanent breakup.

Speaker 6 (54:31):
Did you say anything like that about your last relationship
would be my question for you. Yeah, And if this
relationship were to sort of fall into a valley of
sort of, because it sounds very dramatic right now, y'all
are breaking up but staying together and there's emotional turmoil

(54:52):
and indecision and.

Speaker 4 (54:53):
Blah blah blah blah blah.

Speaker 6 (54:54):
And a lot of people confuse that with like, Oh,
that's what a relationship needs to feel like, like it
needs to feel like unst or like I don't even
know if unstable is the right word, but it's like
there needs to always be something going on that like
proves that we are like working through something together to
fix something.

Speaker 7 (55:12):
And it's like it's it's.

Speaker 6 (55:14):
Once yeah, once it settles down, are you gonna be like, well, dang.

Speaker 2 (55:17):
If this feels like a loveless relationship, I.

Speaker 7 (55:20):
Was gonna say, it sounds like he's giving a lot
of what you want to hear and what he like,
not necessarily that, but though you say things he's saying,
he's saying things, but he's not really doing them, per se.
I don't know, per se.

Speaker 2 (55:35):
Per se, it just doesn't seem like a very healthy relationship.
And it seems like you guys both put a lot
of pressure on this relationship to fix things in your
lives that you need to go figure out separately.

Speaker 6 (55:47):
Yeah, you need to come to grips too. That this
relationship started out of infidelity on your part. Yeah, doesn't
feel like you own that at all.

Speaker 2 (55:54):
I am scared that his avoided attachment and lack of
emotional permanence means he will forget how strong our bond
is when we are apart. Then that means that you
don't have a really strong bond. I am scared of
losing him and honestly scared of having to rebuild my
life without him. I do not know if I should
hold hope or emotionally prepare to let go that one. Yes,
I do not know how to survive these three weeks.

(56:16):
I do not know if love like this can survive
fear like his. If anyone has been through something similar,
especially with a fearful, avoidant partner, I would really appreciate insight, honesty,
or even just kindness, OPI. I would absolutely recommend a
therapist and working on your own identity separate from him,

(56:38):
Like who are you without this relationship?

Speaker 6 (56:41):
Or who are you without a relationship?

Speaker 1 (56:43):
Yeah, that's took the words right out of my mouth,
you know, And that's the end of this story.

Speaker 3 (56:47):
We're gonna go to the next one.

Speaker 1 (56:49):
Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here and
we're going to get back to the stories.

Speaker 3 (56:55):
But here's a three minute ad break from our sponsors.

Speaker 8 (56:59):
My friends with benefit If it keeps giving me unsolicited
advice and I'm getting.

Speaker 4 (57:03):
Tired of it, sounds like not a benefit.

Speaker 8 (57:05):
So I thirty three females started chatting with this dude
literally four days ago. Let's call him Jerry thirty's mail.
We started chatting on Christmas with the intent of a
little spicy ton. This came to fruition the following day,
December twenty six of twenty twenty five. We had a
lovely time. He massaged me, cuddled afterwards, and the conversation

(57:27):
flowed easily and was lessened, though it was much deeper
from both sides than would be expected for your typical
friends with Benefits dynamic. By the way, this comes from
what is this shiz? And if you want to spe
on stories, you know where to go our slosh okay
story time subredd it. I'm Riley, I'm Sophia, and we're
here to give good advice. Goofully, that's our job titles.

(57:49):
Your job is a common you know down below. So
the following day after, on December twenty seventh of twenty
twenty five. We messaged quite a bit, but it started
to feel kind of odd. I mentioned something medical that happened,
and as a result of our encounter, popped a hip
out of place, which is a common occurrence for me,
but yet still painful. He starts trying to ask if

(58:09):
I even tried to pop it back in.

Speaker 2 (58:11):
Yeah, it's out of place, but you could just push
it back.

Speaker 8 (58:14):
It starts just throwing out all sorts of just do
this or that advice at me. This is something I've
dealt with my whole life, connected to other issues, so
it came off weird having someone I've known two days
trying to give me medical advice with no training and
very incomplete information. He would not let the subject go,
clinging onto it for about thirty minutes while I gritted

(58:35):
my teeth and tried not to be rude. He already
had done this the morning regarding my cycle, telling me
to go see a doctor and giving all the Google
doc type nonsense I've already looked at a million times,
so I was frustrated and simply told him to please
stop questioning what I know or don't know about what
is normal for my body, and to stop trying to

(58:57):
diagnose me. For the teeniest things of I could tell
he was a little black hurt, but for the time
he let it go. December twenty eighth of twenty twenty
five rules around, and I'm busy packing up my life
to head back to the ship I live and work
on for most of the year. I'm not sending in
depth messages, just quick replies as I can manage. Early afternoon,
he asked if he's done something to anger me since

(59:20):
I'm not talking the same way. I tell him I'm
just busy packing, and he tells me he needs to
communicate if I'm gonna be quiet. I was puzzled because
it's day three of talking. We're not BFFs, we're not
in a relationship. We are very new acquaintances at the
best I know.

Speaker 2 (59:38):
I think that's kind of fair, though, like y'all are
not in a relationship, y'all are friends with benefits. I
don't think it's fair for him to expect like a
level of emotional but yeah, but they're not, like, they're
not at that level of emotional connection.

Speaker 4 (59:52):
And if it's specific that they don't want that I
gave you my pepe.

Speaker 2 (59:56):
I think if you specifically define that it's friends with
benefits or it's casual, then you can't expect the things
that come with like a relationship.

Speaker 8 (01:00:03):
One of the most special things about me is my Pepe,
and the reason that we used it in our accounter
should mean that we are special friends too now.

Speaker 2 (01:00:10):
But that's what you want, and you have to clarify.
I want this to be important. I want this to
be a relationship. I think if you both clarify that
it's not that, then you can't be like I want
to have boyfriend level access, like my boyfriend.

Speaker 4 (01:00:24):
Level access to you.

Speaker 8 (01:00:25):
It yeah, all the same. I reassure him that everything
is fine and tell him I will be more mindful
of the communication he needs in the future. We plan
a little social hangout as a detour on my route
back to the ship. We have a nice chat, just
chill in the car and talk cool. I get to
the boat, get settled, and everything seems fine today. He
asked what I'm up to and I send back a

(01:00:45):
selfie with me with my accordion on my lap. He comments,
of course, i'd expect you to have one of those.
I spawn saying I have too. I explained, this is
my crappy one I take out to see so the
Celtierra doesn't ruin my nice one.

Speaker 2 (01:00:58):
You got to see with your recording, I'm imagining you
have like a sailboat that you just like at sunset.

Speaker 4 (01:01:04):
You're just like.

Speaker 5 (01:01:07):
I.

Speaker 4 (01:01:07):
Just that's what I imagine.

Speaker 8 (01:01:08):
Anyways, he immediately starts suggesting things like you're coding the
outside of the good accordion to protect it? Yeah, zero cool?
What my concerns are and he knows not even a
single thing about accordians. He gives about ten pieces of advice,
all of which I keep stating will ruin the instrument
entirely or render it making it unplayable. I finally specify

(01:01:31):
that the issue is not wanting to rust the tiny
metal reads inside the instrument that create the sound. No,
you cannot cote them. There is no space to do so,
and it would mess up the tuning. He suggested getting
reads made of a different metal, and starts throwing a
random types of metal at me. At this point, I'm saying, no,
I bought this instrument for the specific reeds inside it.

(01:01:53):
There are many different qualities between accordions, and I sought
this one out for specific reasons. I'm not going to
simply negate everything I want in it. I still have
not asked once for advice from him. I even clarified
that I have had an entire conversation with people who
made this accordion and thousands of other ones about this

(01:02:14):
particular issue, and to brainstorm what am I doing to
protect it? And this goes on and on, So I
finally send why is a simple answer never good enough
for you? I say anything about my physical health and
it turns into a whole thing. And now this too.
It really stresses me out, makes me feel like you
doubt I'm smart enough to have already done my research,
and it just feels irritating and insulting. That's not something

(01:02:37):
you tell an acquaintance.

Speaker 4 (01:02:39):
Honestly, Yeah, I kind of agree.

Speaker 2 (01:02:41):
Like, I don't think we need to tell friends with
benefits that you think that they're frustrating you in annoy
I think.

Speaker 8 (01:02:46):
You just ghost them.

Speaker 4 (01:02:48):
Well, don't ghost.

Speaker 2 (01:02:49):
Them, but you can say, hey, I'm not like I
no longer want to continue this because of you don't
even know like you could tell them the real reason.
But like, I feel like there are certain things that
need to be communication clearly, when you have that sort
of casual relationship. But I don't think that this is
I don't know, like this is the type of thing
that you would have a conversation with like a partner

(01:03:10):
or like an actual friend. So it just feels like
unnecessary to have with someone you don't really seem to like, Yeah,
that's true.

Speaker 7 (01:03:17):
I'll just say, like, yeah, the situation, the solution, the
simplest solution is just get rid of the guy. Yeah mine,
unless you're unless they feel connected a little bit more
of just.

Speaker 4 (01:03:27):
An acquaintance, yeah, which is then it's a different I.

Speaker 7 (01:03:30):
Don't know st he is popping Opie's hip somehow.

Speaker 4 (01:03:33):
Yeah, maybe it's just that good, I guess. So she's like,
I gotta fix him up.

Speaker 8 (01:03:36):
So he responds saying he just wants to help me
and accuses me of not wanting to hear opinions other
than my own. He's myths, he has no clue about
any of this and says I'm deflecting. He says I'm
making him feel like he isn't worth a try and
that he can't talk. I'm pretty irritated. I explain he
is missing the cues, that the topic is gone. Now

(01:03:59):
refuses to let go of a conversation and move on,
and keeps giving advice where I didn't ask for it.
He is requiring more communication than the friends in my
life combined, and I don't have the energy or desire
for every offhand comment to turn into an unsolicited advice session.
He goes back to accusing me of not wanting to
talk to him and says this shouldn't stress me out.

(01:04:21):
I tell him again that it does stress me out.
Him retreating into I just can't talk to you a
commentary feels like a projection or manipulation. It's a continued
choice to acknowledge and accept that I am conversing to converse,
not to get endless advice from someone who has no
clue what they're talking about. He asks, how do I
feel if someone else told me the same thing? I

(01:04:43):
told him for not wanting advice I didn't ask for.
I tell him I have received that from the past
from someone. While I thought I was being helpful, it
turned out that they really wanted to figure it out
on their own. I chose respect their wishes and simply
stopped giving that advice unless specific asked for. Why is
there more?

Speaker 4 (01:05:02):
Op? Come on? I think we just end it cut
and dry, tells me.

Speaker 8 (01:05:06):
He respects that that I don't want advice and I
didn't ask for it, and says it was more like suggestions,
not a you have to do this kind of thing.
He immediately goes to say I'm criticizing and being defensive,
that it isn't healthy, So he would just stop talking
unless we can have a respectful conversation. Am I crazy?

Speaker 4 (01:05:25):
Yes for staying here, for making us read this.

Speaker 2 (01:05:28):
It's like it's like it's like if you're like in
a circle of grass that's not You're not blocked, You're
not you know, enclosed or anything. There's a different area
that you want to go to, and you're like.

Speaker 4 (01:05:39):
I wish I could go to that area.

Speaker 2 (01:05:42):
I wish I could leave this circle of grass and
go to that different area. There's nothing preventing you from
doing that.

Speaker 4 (01:05:47):
Let's just go.

Speaker 8 (01:05:48):
I don't understand how not wanting unsolicit advice is criticism
and defensive. I'm very close to just ending all communication
with him. I had hope he would become a good
friends with benefits. I don't have the mental energy to
do verbal gymnastics and make him understand that suggestions are
still unsolicited advice and that he is not respecting my

(01:06:08):
wish to not do that all the time. Would I
be the A hole if I just put things to
a stop now?

Speaker 4 (01:06:12):
No, No, you wouldn't be the.

Speaker 2 (01:06:14):
A hole if there was literally no reason for you
wanting to put a stop to it, Like you could
just be like, I'm not feeling it, and you could
end it for any reason, because guess what he is not.

Speaker 4 (01:06:25):
He's a friends with benefit. Also, that's it.

Speaker 8 (01:06:28):
It sounds like he wants more op he says, he
made it very clear from the start that he's not
in a place to pursue anything deeper.

Speaker 2 (01:06:33):
Well, then he needs to stop asking for something deeper
and you just need to stop hanging on with him.

Speaker 4 (01:06:38):
Yeah, and there we go. That's my advice for you.

Speaker 8 (01:06:41):
But that's the end of that story.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I CHANGED one birthday plan for my son…and it shattered our bond! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2675