I DUMPED my boyfriend… and he dragged his dog into it! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2655 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Dakota and this is Angie, your favorite
Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
But before that, we have a quick two minute break
from the sponsors to keep the show alive.

Speaker 3 (00:11):
I dumped my boyfriend and he dragged his dog into it.

Speaker 1 (00:14):
To leave the dog out of it, you monster.

Speaker 3 (00:17):
I am twenty three female and recently ended a nearly
three year relationship with my boyfriend twenty four mail. When
I finally ended the relationship, I told them I wanted
him to be out of my home by the time
I returned later that day. He backed his belongings and
left on his own accord. I have since been criticized
for being too harsh, especially regarding his dog and unresolved

(00:37):
financial issues, so I am looking for outside perspective on
whether my boundaries were unreasonable. By the way, this comes
from Zoe Reagan, and if you want to smit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime subured it.
I'm Sophia, I'm Angie, and I'm Dakota, and we're here
to give good advice goof ley, But we don't have
all the answers. We only know what we'd do, so
let us know what you would do in the comments,

(00:57):
and OP says. When we first started, we had already
known each other for some time and had an established
level of trust. At the beginning of a relationship, he
had just lost a job he had held for about
four years. Over time, he moved in with me, and
we agreed that once he found and retained a job,
we would split expenses evenly. That never happened. From that

(01:18):
point forward, I took over all weekly expenses, including rent, utilities, groceries, transportation,
and general household costs. I continued covering everything, partly because
I needed to keep my household stable and partly because
I wanted to make it as easy as possible for
him to focus on finding work. Over the entire relationship,
he held three jobs total, lasting a combined six or

(01:40):
seven months, and the rest of the time I was
the sole provider. Over the course of nearly three years,
I feel I consistently went well beyond my fair share
to maintain stability in the relationship. Despite repeated efforts to
be patient, supportive, and reduce pressure so he could contribute,
the responsibility never became balanced. A year ago, I ended

(02:01):
the relationship after discovering he had been messaging other women
online trying to meet up. We were broken up from
November twenty twenty four to February twenty twenty five. During
that time, I felt more independent and less stressed. We
eventually reconciled after he promised to apply for jobs consistently
and contribute financially as we approached nearly a year. Since reconciling,

(02:24):
none of those promises has been kept. Over the past month,
as it became clear that nearly a year had passed
without fallow through, I clearly communicated that I needed to
see effort, even something as basic as applying for jobs online,
because I was struggling financially and emotionally. Nothing changed, and
I became burned out. During our relationship, he brought his

(02:45):
dog to live with me, but was always clear that
the dog was his, not mine. I accepted the dog
into my home with the understanding that he was present
and responsible for the dog's care. When I ended the
relationship and he moved out, the dog remained with me temporarily.
I agreed to care for the dog until the food

(03:05):
ran out or until the new year. To avoid putting
the dog in a bad situation. Communication around the dog
has been inconsistent. He does not currently have stable housing
and has asked for extensions without providing concrete dates. The
dog escaped once by opening a sliding glass door, which
required me to kennel him for safety. I worked very
long hours, typically fifty six to seventy hours a week,

(03:26):
and during those hours the dog must remain kenneled. He
is not used to a kennel and cries for long periods,
disturbing my sleep and my neighbors. I do not believe
this is fair or sustainable quality of life for him,
and I made it clear that keeping the dog here
long term is not in his best interest. I told
him clearly that I cannot have the dog in my

(03:47):
home past December thirty first, New Year, No dog, New.

Speaker 4 (03:50):
Year, no dog.

Speaker 3 (03:51):
That's what I always say, yep, except that's a lie.
I usually say New Year. I want a dog in
New Year? Please? Can I have one? And asked for
a plan by December twenty ninth. If he or a
family member cannot pick the dog up, I said I
would move forward with re owning the dog or surrendering
surrendering him to a shelter so he can be somewhere stable.

(04:13):
There are also unresolved financial and property issues. During our relationship,
he lost a phone his parents had paid for at
a friend's birthday party. I tended, you couldn't find it.
It's a friend's birthday party. You couldn't find the phone?

Speaker 1 (04:24):
How did you lose it?

Speaker 3 (04:24):
You don't have to like find my iPhone.

Speaker 1 (04:26):
I feel like someone had to have just taken it
if you can't find it there.

Speaker 3 (04:29):
I purchased a replacement phone on my plan because I
felt responsible and wanted to help. What what?

Speaker 1 (04:35):
Why did you feel responsible?

Speaker 3 (04:36):
You felt responsible for him losing the phone.

Speaker 1 (04:38):
The friend was yours means that you're responsible for it.

Speaker 3 (04:41):
That doesn't make sense, not at all. The phone and
service are in my name and cannot be recovered even
if the phone is returned. When he moved out, he
took a television that belonged to him and a puff
Coo device that belonged to me, which he claims was
a gift. I don't know what that is. I offered
clear options to resolve this fairly. Either return the pub
go and television if I continue paying for the phone

(05:02):
in service, or pay the remaining phone balance of five
hundred and twenty four point ninety seven dollars and take
over the account so it is no longer in my name.
What is a puff code?

Speaker 1 (05:12):
I'm just imagining some sort of vape but I don't know.

Speaker 3 (05:15):
Oh, oh, I have no. That makes so much more sense. Yeah,
I was thinking like a furbie.

Speaker 1 (05:23):
Could you please look up what a puff?

Speaker 3 (05:25):
That makes yours? Makes a lot more sense.

Speaker 4 (05:27):
But it's interesting that it's next to TVs.

Speaker 3 (05:30):
Yeah, it sounds expensive, and they're talking about the phone bill. Yeah,
I don't know. So it's a smoking device. Well there
you go.

Speaker 5 (05:36):
You were right.

Speaker 3 (05:36):
Aha, that's there.

Speaker 4 (05:38):
We got we got it, We got there.

Speaker 3 (05:39):
I asked for a response so we could close this out,
but I have not received one. There is also an
unpaid ticket he received while driving car in my name,
which remains on my record. That car was later repossessed
because it was the only bill I could delay without
immediate consequences in order to keep my housing and utilities current.
At this point, I feel that I set clear boundary

(06:00):
based on my capacity, finances, and responsibility to my household.
I am trying to resolve these issues in a way
that avoids further instability or harm, even though that means
making difficult decisions. Am I the ale? And there are
some comments hmmm, what do you think? I mean?

Speaker 1 (06:19):
I don't know. It doesn't really seem like you did
anything wrong if you hurt his feelings. I feel like
you hurt his feelings and that's his problem.

Speaker 6 (06:25):
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (06:26):
No, I think this is ridiculous and he needs to
pay you back, especially if you guys aren't in a relationship,
which I'm still trying to figure out. Yeah, I don't know.
I don't think they are. But there are some comments.
New lifeguard says he sounds like a cheating, loser mooch,
So not the ale for breaking out with him. So yeah, okay,
but I would check your local laws regarding the dog
and financial questions so you can avoid breaking any laws.

(06:50):
I will say, depending on where you live, you may
have broken laws by kicking him out the day you
asked him to leave. In a lot of places, you
have to go through a legal eviction process in order
to remove someone from their home because it was his
home too, even though it was your place. Oh, he says,
he's already left my home on his own accord. The
dog is also registered to me in my County because
my ax was too broke to pay for registration even

(07:12):
though it's required. Usual Canary says, you got yourself. Oh bo,
go to small claim scort for any property or money
of yours he's holding. That would probably be the best advice. Yeah,
I think so, because you're not with them, so there's
really no like, oh, I feel bad hurting his feelings.
Who cares? Yeah, just get your money and go.

Speaker 5 (07:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (07:30):
If December twenty ninth comes without him picking up the
dog January first, proceed with rehoming or surrendering the dog.
Cut the leech out of your life completely. You will
realize so much peace by doing that, and there is
an update ten days later. Any more thoughts before we
get into it.

Speaker 1 (07:45):
I mean, I agree with those comments. I think the
best way to go is the safe legal route.

Speaker 3 (07:50):
Yeah, especially if like all of your attempts to contact
him have been not successful.

Speaker 7 (07:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (07:55):
I think that'd gets some attention.

Speaker 3 (07:56):
Yeah, he'd be like ooh, And honestly, if you just
like threaten, it might be as effective.

Speaker 1 (08:03):
Yep, I think so too. Try that first, give him
a fair warning update ten days later.

Speaker 3 (08:08):
Zeus is my ex boyfriend's dog when we separated. He
left Zeus at my home sick name for dog, and
communication became limited almost immediately. I work long hours already
at my own dog. I don't think you mentioned that,
which does make a lot of difference in trying to
take care of dog when you already have one, especially
you know hopefully they get along. And was clear from

(08:30):
the start that I could not care for Zeus indefinitely.
I gave my ex multiple verbal and written notices that
I needed a concrete plan and a firm pickup date.
I clearly told him I could not keep Zeus past
December thirty. First, this was communicated more than once, and
in advance. I did not move the line or surprise him.
Instead of a plan, I received repeated requests for more

(08:52):
time with no timeline. He told me he was saving
for a kennel and supplies, but also told me that
if he picked Zeus up, the dog would have to
lie outdoors and a makeshift set up because he's not
allowed to have dogs and doors where he's staying. Well,
then it sounds like we're re homing Zeus. Yeah, that's
that's kind of like the only I just said it
sounds like it. Yeah, I'm like the only option. Zeus
has been an indoor dog his entire life. They're also

(09:15):
serious practical and safety issues. While Zeus was under my care,
Zeus escaped home a total of three times because he
could open doors. Wow, you can open door?

Speaker 1 (09:26):
You know what kind of dog this is? Is it
perhaps a husky?

Speaker 3 (09:29):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (09:31):
Depends on that.

Speaker 3 (09:32):
Crazy.

Speaker 2 (09:32):
Is it perhaps a person wearing a very convincing dog.

Speaker 3 (09:37):
It's actually your ex boyfriend. He's been there the whole time. Right,
that's crazy because presumably you're locking these doors.

Speaker 1 (09:44):
Right, I mean, I guess it depends on like the
type of door, because they have the ones where it's
just like the thumb just pushes down.

Speaker 3 (09:52):
Yeah, they could open that.

Speaker 4 (09:53):
Dog could open this whole time.

Speaker 2 (09:55):
It's just been a dog door. It's just dogg centric.

Speaker 3 (10:00):
She knows how each time I had to stop everything,
search for him, and wait for him to be found
and returned by good Smaritans. In total, I missed over
sixteen hours of work dealing with these incidents. On one occasion,
I chose not to kindle him because I felt bad
and he had explosive diarrhea throughout my home. Oh man,
that sucks. I had to deep clean my carpets myself

(10:22):
and ultimately dispose of my two hundred dollars carpet cleaner
because it was contaminated with feces. I do think that
you could have probably cleaned that.

Speaker 1 (10:29):
Out out of the carpet cleaner.

Speaker 3 (10:31):
Yeah. I feel like it's meant to clean stuff like that,
So I feel like you could have cleaned that out.

Speaker 5 (10:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (10:35):
I wonder like how was dirty? Like was it did
he just get into all these nooks and crevices.

Speaker 3 (10:41):
Well, with a carpet cleaner, it's like you have the
brush and then you have the container that's all the dirty,
dirty water. Yeah, both of those are pretty easy to clean.

Speaker 1 (10:49):
Yeah, maybe it was just so dirty that it got
all She was like, I can't.

Speaker 3 (10:52):
I just I'd rather throw it out. This was not
a minor inconvenience. It caused financial loss, health, and an
additional stress on top of an already overwhelming situation. Zeus
also has an untreated yeast infection in his ears that
was identified months ago while my ex was still living
with me.

Speaker 1 (11:11):
Gosh.

Speaker 3 (11:12):
Initial drops were tried and did not resolve the issue.
After that, no further veterinary care was pursued. I was
not financially or logistically able to take over medical care
for a dog that is not mine, especially while working
fifty six to seventy hour weeks. I gave my ex
a final deadline and told them clearly that if I
did not receive a concrete plan by the date, I

(11:34):
would move forward with surrendering Zeus so he could receive
proper care and be placed somewhere staple. He did not
respond by the deadline.

Speaker 1 (11:41):
I'm glad that you're taking care of Zeus.

Speaker 3 (11:43):
I'm glad we're getting Hyeah to the vet.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
I'm glad that he is not with that terrible owner anymore, because, yeah,
he was not being taken care of properly.

Speaker 3 (11:50):
Like even though you ultimately are going to have to
surrender this dog or you know, put him a shelter. Yeah,
you have done a lot when you didn't really have
the means or time I am to take care of Zeus,
So good on you, Good on you, man. I followed
through and surrendered Zeus to the Humane Society, which is
a no unaliving facility, so he could receive medical care, supervision,

(12:12):
and a stable path forward. I informed my ex afterward.
I did not abandon the dog or leave him unsafe
I took him somewhere equipped to handle his needs. Only
after this did my ex respond angrily, saying you just
needed more time and accusing me of being unreasonable. Well
maybe you should have answered any of the time. Yeah,
at that point the decision had already been made after

(12:33):
weeks of warnings, deadlines, and escalating issues. This was not
done out of spite. It was done because continuing to
wait with no plan, repeated escapes, property damage, untreated medical issues,
and an unsafe proposed living situation was not fair to
the dog or to me. So am I the ahle
for falling through on a boundary I clearly communicated and

(12:56):
enforcing it when nothing changed, But that is the end
of the story. My mother in law tried to exclude
my daughter, so I left and booked a hotel hot
Mo to holiday in. My husband and I are currently
at my in law's house in Houston for the holidays.
We live in Atlanta, but we are here to see
them for Christmas. Everything had been mostly fine until today,

(13:19):
and now I feel completely unsettled by the way. This
comes from posting for advice and if you want to
spent your own stories, go to the r slash Okay,
Storytime subword it. I'm Sophia, I'm Angie, and we're here
to give good advice goofy, But we don't have all
the answers. We only know what we'd do, So let
us know what you would do in the commons and
op says just a bit of context so my reaction

(13:41):
doesn't seem over the top. My mother in law always
wanted a grandson, and she used to say she was
praying for one early in my pregnancy with my daughter.
My husband and I didn't care. We just wanted our
baby to be happy and healthy. After we ad her,
she kept pushing for us to have another child. My
son is now for four months old, and my two
year old daughter is such a loving big sister to him.

(14:04):
My mother in law's behavior toward them has definitely been partial,
from the number of Christmas presents she gave to the
amount of time and affection she shows. Those things are
her choice, so I didn't say anything, even though it
bothered me. I disagree with that. I don't think that
is her choice. I mean, yeah, like, she chooses to

(14:25):
make that decision, but I think as a parent you
have to step in and say no, that's unacceptable. You
either give them the same amount of love or you're
not right gonna be around them.

Speaker 7 (14:35):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (14:36):
I think that that's well within the range. Yeah, something
you could say, m hm.

Speaker 3 (14:40):
Cause I think once they grow, just like naturally, different
types of bonds can occur, and that is fine.

Speaker 5 (14:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (14:50):
However, I think when they're kids, you can't be given
a two month old more presence than a four year old.
That's just not OK. Or a two year old.

Speaker 1 (14:58):
The kids will notice that immediately.

Speaker 3 (15:01):
Uh, yeah, absolutely, if she hasn't already noticed. Today, my
mother in law and I were with my son while
my husband was cuddling with our daughter. They have a
very close bond and she is really a daddy's girl.
My mother in law suddenly snapped at him and told
them to forget about our daughter for a bed and
give his attention to our son, who needs it more. Ooh,
their son is four months old. Oh boy, their son

(15:25):
is a full four months old. Yeah, unless he's crying, right,
he's chill.

Speaker 5 (15:31):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (15:31):
She said this directly in front of our daughter, who
immediately went quiet and looked confused and hurt. My son
already had two adults with him and did not need
my husband to pull his attention away from our daughter
at the moment, I said as much, but my mother
in law insisted that we are spoiling our daughter to
the detriment of our son. She said he needs more

(15:52):
attention and that we need to start enforcing boundaries with
our daughter again, all in front of her. I completely
lost it. I picked up both my kids and went
upstairs to my husband's old bedroom where we were staying.
A few minutes later, my husband came up, apologized for
his mom, hugged her daughter and told her that granny
was just having a bad day and that she loves

(16:12):
her very much and not to take it to heart.
I told him I was seriously considering booking a hotel
for the rest of our stay, which is until Saturday.
He said that would only make things worse and asked
me to let him talk to his mom and fix it.
I think you should get that hotel.

Speaker 1 (16:29):
Yeah, I think I could see how it could make
things worse, So maybe he can try talking to her first.
But I mean, for the sake of your kids, not
that terrible.

Speaker 3 (16:40):
I just wouldn't want to even risk the mother in
law saying something like that in front of the daughter
again or something worse totally. He then went back downstairs.
But I am still considering leaving. I don't know if
that would be impulsive or if it would make me
an a hole. Adding this now for more context, my
husband told me that he impressed upon his mom that

(17:01):
what she said and did would distance us from her
if it continued, and that things should go smoother from here.
He also said that me leaving with the kids would
make our daughter feel like she caused the situation, which
wouldn't be fair to her. That is fair, I really
don't think. I don't know. I mean, yes, two year
olds can pick up on a lot of stuff, but

(17:22):
I feel like if you worded it in a certain way, yeah,
I feel like you could get away with it with
the two year olds. I feel like it's possible.

Speaker 5 (17:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (17:31):
Sure. I asked him what exactly his mom said in
response to him setting boundaries. He said she understood what
he was saying, but when I pressed and asked what
she actually said, he became evasive. I don't trust this.
I think she says something nasty.

Speaker 1 (17:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (17:50):
After reading some comments, I honestly feel that I would
much rather go back to Atlanta and stay in a
hotel here. In Houston, and I need to see if
that is possible. He asked me to come back downstairs
with the kids, but I told him I wasn't ready.
He ended up taking her daughter out with him to
help her feel better. Am I the ale And there
are some comments, but what do you think?

Speaker 1 (18:12):
I mean, not really, because if you can, if you
can figure out this problem with your husband and with
his mom, then that would be great, you know. But
in the meantime, if you can't, and if he's not
even communicating to you what she's actually saying, just to
kind of try to keep the peace, then like, I mean,
the reason you're doing it is for the kids, right

(18:33):
and so if you're trying to shelter them from what
their grandmother is saying about them, then like, yeah, just
get them out of there. It's not really about the
peace between you and your mother in law at this point.

Speaker 3 (18:46):
It's about the kids. Absolutely. Comments mammoth Suit says, please
keep your babies away from this woman. It will only
get worse and it could affect their relationship between the siblings.
The sibling relationship is the more more important one. It
will last long after the grand and parents are gone.
Your mother in law will destroy their relationship by favoring

(19:07):
one and teaching your son he is somehow more important
than your daughter. Hugh's Clock says Opie, and the husband
should be thinking about what granny has said and will
say to the daughter when they aren't around. And worse,
the daughter will think she not only has to keep
those awful things secret because her dad would be upset
with her otherwise, but she probably won't see that as

(19:28):
the mistreatment. It is crime any the kids too, and
she's already in for a world of hurt ryme one
fat Manik says. Husband also needs to be honest about
what his mother actually said. Hiding this from his wife
isn't going to smooth things over. Missus Flying Panda says,
not the a hole. What if you were not there
to witness, what will your husband do? Also? I feel

(19:50):
like this kind of treatment will just get worse as
your kids get older. Unless mother in law changes, your
son will end up getting treated like a golden child
by your mother in law. Hope he says, I hadn't
thought of what my daughter might have heard from her
in my absence. It makes me feel sick to my stomach.
We live far away, so there's not that much interaction,

(20:11):
but there definitely have been times when I'm not there
and it's just the two of them. It makes me
sick to think of spill that tea to me. He says,
absolutely not. He has already started sweeping it under the rug.
He told your daughter that his mother didn't mean it.
She absolutely meant it. She has no shame about what
she just did. The only way she might stop is
if there are consequences. Right now, go get that hotel,

(20:34):
and maybe you can sell your relationship with her. Maybe hope.
He says. This is going to sound like weaponized incompetence
because I'm a grown woman with kids, But I don't
want to have to stay in a hotel in Houston
for days without him. If I go, I'm gonna need
him to come with us. And there is an update.
I don't think that's weaponized and competence. I think you
have a four month old than a two year old,

(20:55):
and you want his help.

Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yeah, that's pretty big task, especially if you're still staying
there for a while, Like, yeah, you're supposed to leave
like next Saturday. I don't know what day it is
when she's writing it, but you're staying there for multiple days.

Speaker 3 (21:10):
You can't.

Speaker 1 (21:11):
It would be very hard to single parent a four
month old and two year old for several days.

Speaker 6 (21:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (21:17):
No, I think I would be having a pretty strongly
word not strongly worded, but like a pretty heavy conversation
with husband. Yeah, about the relationship going forward with mother
in law. Yeah, and what needs to be done now. Yeah,
I agree.

Speaker 5 (21:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (21:37):
And you could also talk to your two year old
and say like, hey, I mean it's kind of hard,
but uh to you know, get much information out, but
you can kind of see if there's any you know,
how she's feeling about total Honestly, I was avoiding it
initially because I had gone against the advice given. My
daughter and husband had come back last night with him

(21:58):
showing her around the area, was happy, and my husband
said he had made it clear to his mom that
the favoritism wouldn't stand, so I chose to stay this morning.
My mother in law was extra sweet to my daughter,
showing your stuff around the house and kitchen. It seemed
a bit fake, syrupy sweetness to me, but I thought, Okay,
maybe I'm cynical. She's trying and my daughter can't tell,

(22:19):
so it's all good, and the morning went fine. But
after lunch, when we were in the living room, she
was telling my daughter her responsibilities as an older sister,
that her brother is a baby and younger than her,
and she needs to be a big girl and make
sure he's happy. Oh gosh. It maybe doesn't sound bad
in words, but the tone was one of a lecture.

Speaker 5 (22:41):
Oh wow.

Speaker 3 (22:41):
So I just said Jazzie is a baby too, and
tickled her to make her laugh and just kind of
put her at ease and diffuse the tension of the lecture.
At this my mother in law said, she's just fulfilling
our right and responsibility by educating my daughter that she's
her dad's mom and she earned the right to educate
her grandkids. Now now again in front of her. That

(23:04):
was it for me. Maybe in isolation it wouldn't have,
but considering yesterday, I told my daughter, we'll play with
her toys in the room and took her and my
son up. I called my husband and told him what
had happened. He kept asking how she said it and
the setting, and I was just like, you know, I
planned to give her an honest chance this morning. Otherwise
I would have done all this yesterday and to trust

(23:26):
me when I'm saying she crossed a line. I told
them I am changing our flights to catch the earliest
one out. I need him to come with us, or
he has to tell our daughter why daddy isn't coming
back home with us. He said, I'll come to and
sort out the flight. I told him I just want
the earliest one, whatever it is, and told them to
come back. He's out with his friends today, he told

(23:46):
me later. We fly out early tomorrow morning. Now, the
last flight today was like two hours from our call,
so it wouldn't be enough time, and he'll be here soon.
I'm just packing her stuff up now. I went downstairs
a few times to grab some of her stuff. Tried
talking to me to tell me to calm down. I
just told her he'll talk to her when he comes.
I should have listened and just done this yesterday. I

(24:08):
deserve any incoming criticism. I'm so angry with myself too.
My daughter has got to be in an uncomfortable position
twice rather than once. Because of that. I don't think
you're I don't think you did anything wrong. I think
you wanted to give this person the benefit of the doubt,
especially because your husband said, you know, can we just
give her a chance? Yeah, and then she proved that

(24:29):
she doesn't, you know, deserve one.

Speaker 1 (24:30):
Right you give her You kind of did give her
the chance, and she Yeah, she didn't do it very.

Speaker 3 (24:36):
Well at all, and we could have celebrated New Year's
Eve in Atlanta instead of here. Thank you all for
the advice. I appreciate it so much. Update two. We're
at the airport now waiting for boarding. I thought i'd
give my last update now since I'm going to be
really tired back at home. When my husband spoke to her,
I have to admit that I eves dropped. I don't

(24:58):
know if that makes me an a hole, but it
is what it is. I mean, to be honest. Last
time your husband spoke to his mom, he didn't tell
you the full truth. So it concerned my daughters. So
I feel it was okay for me to do it.
And if it was super private, they shouldn't have been
doing it in the living room. He was really disappointed
with his mom, saying they'd gone over this yesterday, that
she'd given him her word to drop the favoritism.

Speaker 1 (25:21):
Yeah, this is just I mean, I could see people
jumping to divorce and saying like, you have a husband problem,
but I don't go there yet.

Speaker 3 (25:29):
I don't think we're there Yeteah.

Speaker 1 (25:30):
Yeah, this problem definitely sucks, and I think you and
your husband are having some disagreements I guess on how
things should work in this situation, but I do have
hope that like this can improve eventually.

Speaker 3 (25:43):
Well, I mean, he did, you know, you said, hey,
I'm leaving and you better come with And he did,
you know, drop everything to go book the flights, yeah,
and leave with you so great, which is not you know,
might seem like the better minimum, but is not what
everyone does in these types of situation. Yeah, And I.

Speaker 1 (26:01):
Wonder what kind of conversation you guys can have about, like,
you know, it's not me versus use us versus the
problem kind of thing. Like I wonder if because he
has talked to her about the favoritism stuff, but he
just I guess, maybe isn't as offended when it still happens,
or at least is a little more scared to set

(26:22):
those boundaries to address it. Yeah, something like that. So
I wonder what kind of conversation you guys can have
to just like refocus and like.

Speaker 3 (26:30):
Be a team in this, you know, yeah, because I
guess I'm just wondering, like how many chances do you
give her? You know, yeah, Like is this low no
contact or is this just for this trip and then
you try again? Yeah, because that would be the big question, right,
Are all of his trips to his mother going to

(26:50):
be so all of the trips now? Yeah, yeah, I
think it's all questions you have to ask. She denied
any favoritism and said I was overacting and just looking
for excuse to go. Never mind that if that were
the case, I would have done this yesterday or two
days ago, since it's now past midnight. She also said,
if I was the one with the problem, why does

(27:11):
everyone have to go because you have a problem with
her daughter?

Speaker 1 (27:15):
Yes, it's not just me that's upset in thesty It's
like there's other people involved.

Speaker 3 (27:21):
She came up to say goodbye to us before she
went to sleep. To her credit, she didn't make a
scene in front of my daughter and said her goodbyes
to us. She was obviously cold with me, but I
mean that's to be expected. Thanks again for all the
help and a happy twenty twenty six. Desiree Times in
the comment says We're not going to criticize you. We
advise you to do a hard thing. It's understandable that

(27:43):
you chose to give it another shot, but now you
know mother in law can't be trusted, your husband needs
to support you, hope for the best for your kids.
That was a nice commenter, Very nice. Sea Roof says,
it's easy for strangers on the internet to tell you
to just leave or just tell the person off, but
in practice it's more difficult on forgetting the flight and
getting out of their travel safe. Bonus mom says, and

(28:04):
good job to hubs for not dismissing ope and saying
I'll come later while staying with his parents or rejecting
anyone leaping early. And that's the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (28:13):
I agree with those comments.

Speaker 3 (28:14):
Yeah, Larry comments, very nice comments for Reddit.

Speaker 1 (28:18):
Yeah, I do. I do appreciate what the husband's doing.
I mean, it's the problem isn't like totally solved ABT
that is kind of out of his hands a little
bit like he's I mean, he can do something about it,
but like you know, the mom still has to be
the one that changes. So I think that the husband's
doing what he can in the situation. And I appreciate that.
And that's the end of this story. We're going on
to the next one.

Speaker 2 (28:40):
Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here and we're
gonna get back to the stories. But here's three minutes
of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 1 (28:47):
My husband keeps funding his sister's dreams, ignoring me in
the process.

Speaker 4 (28:52):
Well, you've just got to have a dream better than
your sister in law.

Speaker 1 (28:55):
My husband and I mail twenty eight female thirty met
at a university and have been married for four years.
Our relationship has generally been stable and we have not
had many major conflicts during our marriage. This situation, however,
has slowly been building over time and has now come
to a head. By the way, this comes from a
new cartographer fifty three to eighty one. And if you

(29:16):
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay story time support it And I'm Angie, I'm Dakota,
and we're here to give good advice goofully. But we
don't have all the answers. We just know what we
would do in these situations. So let us know what
you would do in the comments. Oh P says over
the past two years, my husband has been sending monthly,
sometimes even weekly, sums of money to his younger sister

(29:38):
so she can pursue her dreams. For context, my husband's
sister dropped out of university two years ago because she
felt it wasn't for her. Since then, she has been
bouncing from fantasy to fantasy, trying to find what she
is passionate about and what she's good at. These sums
of money have been increasing over time, and I feel
uncomfortable with us giving so much money to someone, even

(29:59):
if it is his FAI. I only remember I raised
and have continued to raise this issue with him, but
he can't find it in himself to deny his sister.
He will start to come around to my point of view,
but the moment he speaks to her, he surrenders all
over again.

Speaker 3 (30:13):
More immediately.

Speaker 1 (30:14):
Last weekend, I gave my husband an ultimatum. I told
him that he either needed to stop giving money to
his sister or I would have to seriously consider our marriage.
Oh wow, he did not react well, and so that
he was not going to be selfish when we had
so much money to spare. I told him this wasn't
about the money itself, but about setting boundaries with his family. Unfortunately,

(30:35):
he refused to listen and said that he wanted to
help his sister achieve her dreams.

Speaker 2 (30:39):
I'm not gonna lie pull in the If you keep
doing this, I'm gonna have to start thinking about divorce.

Speaker 4 (30:44):
Card feels pretty whack.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
Yeah, feels like an escalation of just trying to be like, oh,
maybe if I say this, it'll get him to stop.

Speaker 4 (30:54):
But now you've just like put your marriage in actual jeopardy.

Speaker 1 (30:57):
This is the first big fight that we've had in year.
But I genuinely do not think I'm in the wrong.
So am I the a hole?

Speaker 3 (31:04):
And there isn't edit?

Speaker 1 (31:05):
Would it be irrelevant to know the amount?

Speaker 3 (31:07):
And I think it would be relevant to know the abount.

Speaker 1 (31:10):
Please tell me so much money?

Speaker 2 (31:11):
It would be more relevant to know the percentage of
like your you know, monthly income that's being sent away.

Speaker 5 (31:18):
Yeah, you know.

Speaker 4 (31:20):
Yeah, But yeah, I'm gonna say, yeah a little bit.

Speaker 2 (31:23):
Yeah, you're kinda you're kinda by taking it to like
I'm going to rethink our marriage if you keep doing this, Yeah,
you kind of become in the wrong there.

Speaker 1 (31:33):
But we do have some comments here. Comment number one
says that this is a fundamental difference in finances. If
you feel so strongly about it, then you know what
you need to do and follow through, not the a hole.
Comment number two says, facts, if money convos turn into
a war every time, it's already past the fix it
with a talk stage follow through Opie.

Speaker 2 (31:51):
Wow, yeah, and also it's not about the money apparently,
So yeah, you guys should read.

Speaker 1 (32:00):
Opie says, I don't want to suggest that we have
money disagreements. That's why this seems particularly surprising. Then what
do you mean? Commentar three? He says, how are the
finances set up? Do you share an account that it
is coming from and do both of you work or
does he earn and manage all of the finances? Opi responds,
we both work and have a joint account. The money

(32:22):
goes from that account. Tom number four says, not the
a whole. I'm curious to know, Opie, how are his parents, like?
What's their situation? Did your husband act like the father
figure to assist her their whole life? Did their parents
spoil them? I'm assuming she's probably in her twenties. She's
an adult capable of getting a job. Most content creators
have a job on top of their content. It doesn't

(32:43):
make sense why he is sending her money. I think
your husband fails to realize you are now his immediate family,
not his sister. There shouldn't be handouts to someone in
their twenties. If college isn't for her, that's fine. She
can perfectly go get a full time job like the
rest of us. OPI responds this common term. His parents
have passed away and have been for some time. My

(33:04):
husband paid for her uned bills, which we decided on together.
I just don't think he can stand to hurt her
or anyone for that matter. In personal matters. He can
be very placating. Comentry number four says, I see, Opie,
your husband seems to be a people pleaser. I myself
can be guilty of that. It's either good or bad.
It really depends to what extent one's willing to please.

(33:26):
Given that their parents passed away. I'm sorry to hear that.
It sounds like the sister may still be hurting from
their passing, and your husband tries to support her with
her life slash make her feel better about it. I
would bring the subject of lightly, since it seems like
your husband feels the responsibility of being a parent since
their parents are no longer with us. You aren't in
the wrong, though, Opie, your husband just needs some redirection.

Speaker 3 (33:48):
You got this.

Speaker 6 (33:50):
Again.

Speaker 4 (33:51):
I don't think you're in the wrong for being like.
I'm not like. I'm not very happy with the situation.

Speaker 2 (33:57):
I do think you're in the wrong for being like
and if it continues, I will reconsider our marriage.

Speaker 4 (34:01):
That's where you went wrong.

Speaker 1 (34:03):
Yeah, to be clear, totally, Opie says. I think it
may be a reflection of us not being able to
have children ourselves. Interesting, but maybe my amateur psychology isn't
the way to go here. Commentarre number five says, I
see in one of your comments that their parents are
passed away, which could put a different line on things.
How much is he giving her on average? Also, what

(34:23):
are your individual salaries? Opie says, he makes significantly more
than me. Last year amounted to around two hundred and
forty thousand pounds Editor's note approximately three twenty five k
USD wow. While I made around ninety thousand pounds, which
is one twenty two thousand USD, He's given close to

(34:46):
twenty five hundred to three thousand a month, which is
three thousand, three hundred eighty five to four thousand, sixty
two USD.

Speaker 2 (34:56):
So like what and it's like she's pursuing stuff, but
it's like what is I think that's just it.

Speaker 4 (35:02):
It needs to be like if I'm sending you this
money so that you can have.

Speaker 2 (35:05):
Like the freedom to pursue you know, a dream or
a goal, Like there need to be like things I
can see that you've done to go towards that.

Speaker 1 (35:18):
Yeah, maybe you guys can find a compromise like that, like, okay,
give the money, but yeah, make those guidelines.

Speaker 5 (35:25):
I guess.

Speaker 1 (35:26):
Comment tur number six says, are you serious about this ultimatum?
Are you seriously going to divorce over this? If you
are just threatening, it's never a good idea because now
you've just shown that you are not serious. If you
decide to walk away, I would not blame you. He's
giving away about ten percent of your joint money to
his sister against your wishes. We made a rule that
if my husband's sister wanted money, she had to ask

(35:48):
both myself and him.

Speaker 2 (35:49):
Yeah, but okay, I understand that on its face that
sounds crazy, but like, essentially you're giving one percent of
your yearly income.

Speaker 4 (35:58):
To her per month.

Speaker 2 (35:59):
Yeah, ye, permon, that doesn't sound that insane at all.

Speaker 3 (36:06):
Yeah, kind of does.

Speaker 8 (36:07):
One percent because we're going to divorce, over one percent
of our income per month, right being sent to not
just anybody his literal sister.

Speaker 4 (36:19):
Yeah yeah, yeah, think about that.

Speaker 1 (36:24):
This commentary continues. Now she has to convince me that
she has a plan for the money and was going
to spend it wisely. She needs to understand that it's
no longer just big brother money. His money now belongs
to you too. You guys can come up with reasonable
conditions to the money. One career changed per calendar year,
a yearly financial cap, a month the financial cap, whatever

(36:44):
number or condition you both can live with and stick
to it. Opie says, this is a solution I'm leaning towards.
Thank you. Comment to number seven says this is very
subjective and nuanced, following her dreams, bouncing from fantasy to fantasy,
et cetera. Are these your words his hers? Are her
interests and jobs? Really that impractical? The amounts of money

(37:05):
kind of matter, honestly, how much you have to spare,
how much is being given the rate of increase, the frequency,
your plans for the future, all of it a lot
of people are saying he's not respecting your boundaries and
he doesn't get to decide what to do with our money. Well,
guess what, it works both ways. He's not obligated to
just conform to whatever you feel is in everyone's best interest.

(37:26):
And you can't just decide that he can't help out
a family member because it makes you uncomfortable. And he
doesn't get to go spending money on whatever he thinks
is appropriate.

Speaker 5 (37:35):
Either.

Speaker 1 (37:36):
This is a marriage. People don't always see eye to
eye and there are disagreements on things, finances included. This
doesn't mean he doesn't respect you or you don't respect him,
et cetera. There just needs to be the love and
respect to be able to work out some sort of compromise.
And at the end of the day, if something is
truly a deal breaker, either of you are free to
move on from this. Is he denying you of anything financially?

(37:57):
Is this lack of money keeping you from living the
life you want to live? Can you set a limit
on the amount or frequency? If this is all out
of principle and the amount of money isn't impacting you,
I'd reconsider the ultimatiums. There are other avenues you can
take here before having him choose between his sister and
his wife. He's helping family and it's not putting you

(38:18):
in any kind of position, Opi responds. The editorializing about
fantasy to fantasy.

Speaker 3 (38:24):
Was my words.

Speaker 1 (38:25):
As mentioned above, the amount of money last year amounted
to about thirty thousand pounds, which is about forty thousand
dollars USD, and she is currently attempting to become a
musician after becoming disillusioned with acting. The money is not
having any discernible impact on our livelihood. And in response
to the questions of what are the sister's dreams, any

(38:46):
progress is made, Opie responds, they vary. She is currently
pursuing a career in music after a stint in acting.
Copter eight says, ask him what exactly is it paying for?
Is it education or clothes and or travel? Opie says,
as far as I'm aware, it's expenses in general, house bills.
She's living in their parents' house, which they inherited, food, travel,

(39:09):
and so on. Sometimes she'll ask for extra if a
particular career related expense arises, and we do have an
update three and a half weeks later, so Following some
of your advice, I had a long conversation with my
husband and raised the possibility of having shared accounts in
addition to a joint household account. He was open to
the idea, but again resisted reducing slash stopping the transfers

(39:32):
of money. Again, following the advice, I clearly outlined why
I was uncomfortable in a calm way. He became increasingly
nervous and eventually fell silent. At the end, he said
that I needed to talk to his sister if I
wanted to fully understand everything. She came over to our
house and explained everything. Apparently their parents were not the
best even when they were alive. She now blames my

(39:55):
husband for quote ruining her childhood because they were constantly
being and she was dismissed in favor of him as
her interests were less orthodox. She views this money as
compensation for the emotional mistreatment that she suffered from their parents.

Speaker 2 (40:11):
Wow, okay, that actually changes everything, absolutely everything.

Speaker 4 (40:16):
And you need to stop sending your money.

Speaker 1 (40:18):
Yes, I think we totally need to stop.

Speaker 4 (40:21):
Yeah, that's insane.

Speaker 1 (40:23):
That is insane because that's not his fault. He's he
was just the golden child. But I mean, I'm assuming
that he didn't do anything to like put her down.
It was all the parents, So that's not fair for
her to expect him to pay her this money in
exchange for all of that trauma that she got from
a different person, different people.

Speaker 4 (40:44):
Yeah, I that's insane. I can't, I can't, I can't.

Speaker 1 (40:51):
I asked her if my husband had directly said or
done anything to her at that time, and she said
that that wasn't relevant because what he was doing provided
their parents with the opportunity to put her down. I
want to say that I very much sympathize with her,
but it still did not convince me that we needed
to send our money. When I later raised it with
my husband, he expected me to understand his actions and

(41:14):
was very shocked when I still advised us against spending
the money. He has apparently been harboring this guilt for
many years and did not tell me earlier as he
was scared wrongly so that I'd think less of him. Ah,
this poor husband.

Speaker 2 (41:26):
Now, Yeah, I think your husband just needs to go
to therapy. And you know, it's it's crazy to me,
like it would make more sense if that came from
his side. Originally it was like, I feel like, because
our parents did this, yeah, I should be giving you
something to help.

Speaker 4 (41:43):
You out, because like they put you at a disadvantage.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
But for her to be the one turning around and
be like you are the reason, yeah that my childhood
sucked because you existed.

Speaker 4 (41:53):
Yes, it's like like you were.

Speaker 2 (41:56):
No no, just no, no, it's it's really time to
be like, hey, this these payments aren't gonna last forever.
Here's the structure, here's how they're going to be reduced,
this is the end date. And if her reaction is like.

Speaker 3 (42:12):
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blad, right.

Speaker 2 (42:13):
Then you should just cut it off immediately. Yeah, she's
living in a house with no rent. She could figure
it out.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
Yeah, like you're you're living in our parents' house, Like
you're getting you got the house. I feel like that's
huge to get in inheritance like you're and you're getting
inheritance in general. I think that's what she said. So,
oh boy, there is a little bit more to this story.
To be honest, Well, I'm sure it was very painful
for her. I don't see why my husband and me

(42:40):
have to pay for the price for his parents' wrongs.
At any rate, we have at least temporarily stopped sending
the money, apart from still paying for utilities and necessities.
I suspect will come to a compromise that involves a
lump some plus signing over their parents' house. Thank you
for your advice, and there are some comments. Comment number
one says, so your sister in law is emotionally manipulating

(43:03):
your husband even though he did absolutely nothing, and he's
falling for it. Good luck with that to tune on
of children with this man, he is in no way
equipped handle it. That's far, that's me, that's me.

Speaker 6 (43:17):
That was mean.

Speaker 1 (43:18):
Yeah, Opie says, I honestly think it's something they've both
simply accepted for a very long time. Common Number two says,
I wouldn't even adopt a fish with this man. He's
putting his sister first before you and your relationship. If
something happened to him financially or otherwise, would she drop
everything to support him like he's done for her, or
even give emotional support. Opie says, I always thought they

(43:41):
had a close relationship, less close than I thought, evidently.
In response to the question has Opie suggested therapy to
her husband. OPI responds, I'm afraid he wouldn't be especially
conducive to therapy, not consciously. That is Opie speaking on
the house that sister in law is living in. Opie says,
it was joint inherited by my husband and his sister. Okay,

(44:02):
so she's already she's getting so much out of this.
She's already getting so much.

Speaker 6 (44:07):
This is what I would do.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
I would sell the house, give her half the money,
and then say that's.

Speaker 3 (44:13):
That good luck.

Speaker 1 (44:14):
Yeah, yeah, honestly. Common number three says, info has sister
in law ever had a long term relationship? See where
I'm going with this, Opie says, not to my knowledge,
but in fairness, I'm not the authority on her personal life.
Common number four says, to be honest, based off her behavior, Now,
I'm truly wondering if she had a terrible childhood or
if she just felt like her parents should have coddled

(44:35):
her a lot more than they did the fact that
she's saying that his behavior is not relevant leads me
to believe that she's exaggerating in order to make your
husband feel guilty. Opie says, by all accounts, their parents
were very disappointed with her through most of their later youth.
I do think they were at the very least emotionally neglecting.
Common to Number five says, Sis has him believing he

(44:55):
owes her restitution for some maybe favoritism during childhood. It
sounds like they both could use some therapy. Opie says,
I don't even think it was favoritism. They were very
exacting parents who had specific demands of their children coming.
Number six says, tell Hubby that if he feels guilty,
he can pay for therapy, but anything else is emotional blackmail.

(45:17):
First he was emotionally mistreated by his parents and now
by a sister. Ask him why his parents' choices were
his responsibility. I'm afraid and ultimatum is going to be
the only way to get a resolution on this.

Speaker 4 (45:28):
I disagree with that, and yim.

Speaker 1 (45:31):
Opie says, we've been paying for her therapy alongside other
costs for some years now. On the question, was Opie's
husband the golden child, Opie says, from what I know,
there seems to have been a cocktail of emotional neglect
and negative comparison making. Does Opie's husband have his sister
as a beneficiary under a life insurance plan. Opie says no,

(45:54):
and that's the end of that story.

Speaker 6 (45:56):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (45:59):
Yeah, it was crazy.

Speaker 2 (46:00):
Just your gash lit you into just sending your money yasonly.

Speaker 5 (46:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:04):
And when she did say that, it's not relevant if
he did anything like that means that he did nothing right.

Speaker 4 (46:11):
It's like, that's not relevant.

Speaker 2 (46:12):
This is what all it's relevant is what I feel
I deserve.

Speaker 1 (46:15):
Yeah, because if he did do something, then she would
absolutely say it. If she's complaining and being very open
and going into detail about all of these this mistreatment
that went on, then she would one hundred percent say
what this husband did too, if he didn't.

Speaker 2 (46:32):
Sell the house, give her half and say HOGI down.
Good luck out there.

Speaker 1 (46:37):
Yeah, good luck to you, o Pee. I really do
have hopes that you can get through this like you can.
And that's the end of this story. We're going on
to the next one. Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake
redhead host here, and we're going to get back to
the stories. But here's a three minute ad break from
our sponsors.

Speaker 5 (46:56):
Our neighbors are obsessed with my cat and I think
we're slowly losing him.

Speaker 2 (47:00):
That also melted my brain, so we're just gonna kill
go forward.

Speaker 5 (47:03):
We love our cat, but since he's a rescue, he
did come with a few quirks. One of these quirks
is that he has to be an indoor slash outdoor cat.
We have tried several times to transition him into an
indoor only cat, and we have failed miserably every time.
By the way, this comes from commercial use eighteen. And
if you want some of your own stories, what are
the r slash okay stories. I'm celebrated, I'm Riley, I'm

(47:26):
Dakota Carly, and we're here to give good advice. Goofully
and eat cookies. Your job is to also eat cookies
and give comments below. If he is forced to stay
inside for longer than he wants, he tolerates it. He
will spray pea in the house, scratch at any and
all surfaces around any door, scratch out windows, blinds, and
anything else, and he will howl for hours. He will

(47:46):
wake us up in the middle of the night and
howl for hours at a time during the day. And
he can get loud, louder than a dog. We consulted
with his vets and she said that the only real
solution was to get him fixed. So we did that.
We cut his balls off. We got fixed two months
after we read.

Speaker 4 (48:04):
Off, so we did. We cut his balls off.

Speaker 5 (48:07):
And his behavior did not change. We took him back
to the vet and consulted her again. She said that
with his history and how old he already was, it
was pretty much impossible to train these behaviors out of him.
She said that the best thing to do is for
his happiness and hours was to keep him fully vaccinated
and to teach him routines that'll keep him safe. So

(48:27):
we did that. He is a very territorial cat. Most
of the other outdoor cats in our neighborhood are the same,
so he never went far from our backyard. He usually
stays either in our yard or in the small wooded
area behind our yard. I can usually see him throughout
the day from the my back door. This made it
pretty easy to establish a routine with him. Every morning,
I would go to the back porch and call him

(48:49):
for breakfast. After breakfast, I would check on him for
any cuts or scrapes. He would take a nap, and
then he would go back outside When it was time
for toddler to take a nap. Usually he would come
back inside for dinner later in the day and take
another nap. But it was not required to if he
had any serious injuries like an open wound, any big scabs,
or a dry skin outbreak. He has a skin condition

(49:09):
and gets it seasonally, I would just plush a doughnut
coin on his head, apply ointment or coconut oil, and
keep him inside for a day or two. This routine
worked well for us for over two years, and our
cat followed the routine obediently. That is until our upstairs
neighbors moved in. About a year ago. A mother, her son,
and her daughter moved into the upstairs apartment, where the

(49:30):
affection with our cat started small. At first, the son
of the family would pet our cat when he saw
him outside. They started going on walks together. Then they
would sit together in the backyard. I did not have
a problem with this and thought this was rather sweet
until he started to take our cat into their apartment.
I spoke to his mom about this, and she said
that sometimes our cat would just follow her son up
to their apartment after they went on a walk, that

(49:52):
her son loves the cat. I told her that this
was not a big deal if that happened sometimes but
please not keep him up there for too often. Our
cat still needed to calm downstairs for his daily check op,
and if he spent too much time inside their apartment,
he would run from me and not come inside of
our apartment when it was time. Do we think that
these people in the wrong here, my cat lovers, and yes,

(50:13):
this is really live Carly. If your cat started getting
a routine with like the upstairs neighbor and the cute
little family they have up there, but you get upset,
but he has a second life without you.

Speaker 7 (50:21):
Yeah, but I also would never let my cap be
an outside cat.

Speaker 5 (50:25):
Okay, well, listening because you hate freedom.

Speaker 7 (50:27):
Next, because in a city like this, he's not gonna
last very long.

Speaker 6 (50:32):
That's true.

Speaker 2 (50:32):
In a city, I guess it's different than if you're
in like but I think.

Speaker 7 (50:35):
If this started happening, I genuinely would be like, so sorry,
you can He's not going to be an outdoor cat anymore,
and I would just leash train him and that would
be his outside time.

Speaker 5 (50:44):
Her son started sneaking our cat into their apartment after
his mom left for work. Now, I guess here is
a good place to state that until very recently I
thought this boy was a high school student. He has
some pretty big physical disabilities, so I did not find
it strange that he'd not want to go to school.
I just figured he probably was homeschooled so that he
would not have to strain his body all day or

(51:06):
deal with school that could not afford proper accommodations. But no.
His mother mentioned a few weeks ago that he is
twenty three years old. Twenty three. I am twenty five.
He is two years younger than me. Keep that in mind.
At this point, things have escalated a lot. Our cat
does not come in the mornings when he is called anymore.
I go days without seeing him or being able to

(51:26):
get him to come inside. This has caused his skin
outbreaks to get very severe in the spring and summer,
and it makes me constantly worried about him. I am
used to seeing him throughout the day every day, not
once every two to three days. That is not a
safe way to monitor our cat. When our cat does
come inside, he sneaks into our front hallway and runs
up the neighbor's front door. He tore up their doorsill
scratching to be let in. Mom complained to my husband

(51:49):
about it, and my husband offered to replace it. She
said that it was fine, but that we needed keep
a better eye out for him. I spoke with her
the next day and told her once again that we
should replace the seal. She declined, but he should really
stop being let into their apartment. I gave her my
number and told her to text me if he comes
to their door again, and I will come and get him.
She never messages me first. The only time she will

(52:11):
text me is when I text her asking if she
has seen my cat because I have not been able
to find him in days. She will then reply and
say that he is in their apartment, even after I
asked her not to let him be up there.

Speaker 2 (52:23):
All right, now we're getting into like actual, like real,
Hey take my cat again, and I'm calling like the
police that you're trying to steal my animal.

Speaker 5 (52:33):
I'm calling pal Patrol.

Speaker 2 (52:34):
I wish more than anything in this moment, I knew
a single name of a.

Speaker 4 (52:38):
Pall Patrol character.

Speaker 6 (52:39):
Then, about two weeks.

Speaker 5 (52:40):
Ago, a nightmare situation happened. Okat got hurt pretty badly
on his neck. He should have gone to the vet.
I didn't even know it happened. The boy upstairs came
and knocked on our door and told my husband about it.
My husband then got our cat, saw the wounds was
already mostly healed, and asked the boy how long he
had known about it. When the boy could not give
a straight answer, has been told him thank you for

(53:01):
letting us know, but to stop taking him upstairs. The
boy just brought our cat back upstairs a few days
later after he was all better, and allowed him to
go outside again. Now, the mom has stated to me
several times that she does not want our cat up there,
but her behavior does not match what she says at all.
She only ever says this when we confront her. She
says she refuses to buy him a litter box, even

(53:24):
though her son keeps asking her like that is supposed
to make us feel better. She says that she does
not want to get in trouble with the landlord with
the cat scratching things up.

Speaker 2 (53:33):
Yeah, I think you should be more concerned about not
wanting to get in trouble with me for stealing my cat.

Speaker 7 (53:37):
I'd also fully wrap them out to the landlord.

Speaker 3 (53:39):
By the way, they have my cat half the time.

Speaker 5 (53:41):
One for call the landlord, two for call Paul Patrol.

Speaker 6 (53:44):
You no I'm like calling, I'm like calling the police.

Speaker 2 (53:47):
I'm threatening like the like, yeah, I don't know what
it would be as a crime, but it's like, yeah,
it's like you're stealing my animal. Yeah, Like if you
were like a crazy lady going around the neighborhood like
taking people's dogs, like gay, I think that would.

Speaker 7 (53:59):
Be like until the next time he's in there for holidays.

Speaker 5 (54:02):
Yeah, what is that called? What like animals?

Speaker 2 (54:06):
Animal fever, catnapping?

Speaker 5 (54:08):
Cat napping? Is that really what's called?

Speaker 3 (54:10):
That's what I'm making it cold now.

Speaker 5 (54:11):
I think this is important to know. Our cat is
a terrible hunter, like actually gosh awful. He has digestive
issues and is on a special diet can only hunt bluebirds.
We told our upstairs neighbor this and asked her to
never feed him. Our cat stayed at a consistent eleven
pounds up until he started going to their apartment. At

(54:31):
his last VET appointment, our cat was fourteen pounds and
has gotten way bigger since. Either he is at a
major breakthrough with his hunting capabilities, or someone else is
feeding him.

Speaker 2 (54:42):
Feeding a bunch of nonsense, a bunch.

Speaker 5 (54:45):
Of hor ha probably McDonald's nuggets or something. Yeah, He
also has a flea allergy and his flea medicine is
not effective when he is overweight.

Speaker 6 (54:53):
How did you figure that out? What that seems like?

Speaker 7 (54:55):
A that's just a medical thing.

Speaker 4 (54:57):
Couldn't you just.

Speaker 5 (54:58):
Put more on him?

Speaker 2 (54:59):
Think you gotta just get better flea medicine?

Speaker 6 (55:01):
What's that? Yeah?

Speaker 5 (55:02):
Yeah, it goes three pounds of overweight and it can't
do his job.

Speaker 4 (55:05):
Sorry, these fleets field day for the fleas.

Speaker 2 (55:07):
Now.

Speaker 5 (55:07):
Yes, he is micro chipped, and the neighbors know this,
but I genuinely do not know what to do. The
Sun blatantly ignores us when we confront him, The mom
says one thing but never really enforces it, and the
sun does whatever he wants when she is at work.
I am not sure if he has any mental disabilities,
but this is getting to a point where it jeopardizes
our cat's health and well being. I also really miss

(55:30):
my cat. I want to spend Christmas with him, not
wondering where he is. I genuinely do not know how
to get our neighbor to stop treating our cat like
he is theirs. We have confronted them several times, and
I do not want to be rude for fear that
they might retaliate using my cat. My husband has been
rude several times and nothing has changed. Maybe I should
consult a different vet and try keeping him indoors again.

(55:51):
We have tried twice in the past and ended up miserable,
but maybe we should try again. I wish we could
go back to how things used to be before our
neighbors moved in upstairs. Edit summary for the people who
cannot read. Our cat followed a routine and was perfectly
safe for two years before this family moved in. He
does not want to live with them, and we are
not interested in sharing. Ownership of our cat is very

(56:12):
expensive and high maintenance, and they have already proven that
they cannot take proper care of him. Also, we rescue
two other strays that showed up on our back porch
and offered to give them to the upstairs neighbor so
they could have their own cat. The mom declined both kittens,
and we ended up giving them to a local rescue.
This boy has a weird obsession with our cat, and
I do not know how to stop it.

Speaker 2 (56:34):
You have to literally tell them, if you don't stop
letting my cat into your house, I am pressing charges.

Speaker 5 (56:43):
Yeah, and can the husband be more authority over it,
because if this happened like Angie's cat and this kid's
doing this, I'm gonna be going to the kid and
be like, hey, do not touch this cat. If I
know that you touch this cat, I'm calling the authorities
doing this. I'm telling your mom whatever I gotta do.
Common or one says, can you make him a caterie? Ope,
he says, unfortunately not. We're not allowed to put anything

(57:04):
outside that can't be picked up within the same day.
We wanted to get the sandbox for a toddler, and
our landlord said no because it would be a fire
hazard or in the way of mowers. If Slash win,
we buy a house, though a cadio will be our
first investment. That's note. Cattery equals any building, collection of
buildings or property in which cats are housed, maintained, cared

(57:24):
for and bread coming to two. Wait, get a cat
camera so you can monitor him for his safety, so
you know what's going on. I don't care if I'm
tripping or if that family feels iffy like I get
cats go to other houses, but I find the cat
getting injured is sus slow key and the kid coming
back with it. I don't know. My heart goes out

(57:44):
for you. It's hard to manage this, but I'm saying
one hundred percent. Get the cat camera. A cousin got
one loo You can record and speak to your cat,
et cetera. A good way to know if your cat
goes missing too. You could talk to the cat and
be like, hey, get the cat out of here. Get
the cat out of here, you know, to get.

Speaker 6 (58:00):
Him out to talk to that cat, speak to the cat.

Speaker 5 (58:03):
I didn't think about it like that, but does sound
weird when I think about it. Our cat has never
come home with an injury like that because he generally
doesn't really leave the yard. A camera is a really
good idea. Definitely gonna look into that. Home Three says
your neighbor's behavior is not normal. I would worry about
the cat experiencing mistreatment. Part of mistreatment is often to

(58:26):
love bond before and after periods of aggression, so the
cat won't necessarily be afraid of the person. I would
really be concerned about this. Guy Obi says, That's something
I'm becoming more and more concerned about as I read
the comments and think back on certain instances, like I've
been told he really loves being in their apartment, but
I've never actually seen it for myself. Coming four, get

(58:48):
an air tag for his collar to monitor where he is.
When you see him at the neighbors, go get him.
That's the only thing you can do, aside from keeping
him indoors. Obi says, we talked to his vet about
an air She said it's a hazard for cats because
they can get snagged suffocate from the collar choking them.
Update six days later, No way, dude, everyone put in

(59:10):
your last theories.

Speaker 2 (59:12):
The cat transcends into its tenth life and it turns
out that your neighbor has been your own cat the
whole time. We yeah, sort of like a cloud Atlass
type situation another Tom Hanks movie.

Speaker 6 (59:23):
Okay, although I don't think Meg Ryan's in that one.

Speaker 1 (59:25):
Carley, I don't really have a theory.

Speaker 7 (59:27):
I'm just like, maybe stop letting your cat out without you.

Speaker 5 (59:31):
Yeah, good point.

Speaker 3 (59:32):
It sucks, but we.

Speaker 7 (59:34):
Could take them like le tryle straining them, give it
a shot, yeah.

Speaker 2 (59:37):
Or just you know, get like that big elaborate bubble
boy style cat matrix that they can go through so
they can experience outside.

Speaker 7 (59:47):
Or hang the like cool tracks along the walls or
something for enrichment, like, there's ways for your cat to
have fun.

Speaker 2 (59:54):
Still, dude, if I owned a house one day, it
would be exclusively for the enjoyment of whatever cat I
wear it to own.

Speaker 7 (01:00:01):
I had a bubble backpack for a while, but it
was given to me by someone and Kai was too
big for it.

Speaker 5 (01:00:07):
Did your parents when you were at the age of
three to four make you wear a backpack with a
leash on it?

Speaker 7 (01:00:13):
No?

Speaker 3 (01:00:14):
Not a leache kid. Were you a leash I wasn't.

Speaker 6 (01:00:17):
They didn't have that when I was a kid.

Speaker 5 (01:00:18):
You definitely would have been.

Speaker 6 (01:00:19):
I don't think I would have.

Speaker 2 (01:00:20):
No, I was pretty well behaved as a youngster.

Speaker 5 (01:00:22):
Oh yeah, my cousin had one. But you still make
fun of him to this day. You were a leash kid.

Speaker 4 (01:00:30):
He's like, hey, pipe down before.

Speaker 6 (01:00:32):
I go get the leash.

Speaker 5 (01:00:33):
Update six days later to the people who were saying
that I should just let my neighbors steal my cat,
that I don't love him or that he doesn't love me.

Speaker 4 (01:00:42):
F you, dude, I'm pretty sure that was your neighbor.

Speaker 5 (01:00:44):
Also to the commenters that asked, yes, I had does
interact with my other neighbors and No, he's not a nuisance.
He knows two of their work schedules and will wait
on the sidewalk for affection, and he knows when they
are coming and going in their apartments to the parking lot.
I also have an elderly neighbor who my cat will
follow to the mailboxes every day when he goes to

(01:01:06):
get his mail. This is a neighborhood cat. This is beautiful.

Speaker 2 (01:01:08):
Yeah, that's a cat of the people.

Speaker 5 (01:01:11):
All of my neighbors think that this is adorable and
joke with us frequently about how we have the most
affectionate cat in the neighborhood. But he's never gone up
to anyone's apartment. He won't even go inside the other
building because he knows it's not his. This made me
reconsider what I've been told from my neighbors versus what
I've seen with my own eyes. Like I've been told

(01:01:32):
that he loves being in the upstairs apartment, but it
doesn't really line up with everything else I know about
my cat.

Speaker 6 (01:01:38):
I mean, you would be the one who knows the best.

Speaker 5 (01:01:40):
Same day I wrote my post, I found my cat
with yet another strange injury, and it really made me
think back on the comments, who found it strange that
he went two years without any injuries aside from a
cut or a stigap here. Now he seemed to be
getting them more and more frequently, and it made me
wonder if my neighbor was either in potentially hurting him

(01:02:01):
or setting up scenarios which my cat could get hurt.
My husband disagrees with this possibility, but we're both considering
that maybe our cat is a few years older than
his original vets estimate.

Speaker 6 (01:02:12):
How what does that have to do with getting big
wounds on your neck?

Speaker 5 (01:02:15):
It's like the weight thing with the flea medicine.

Speaker 6 (01:02:18):
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 5 (01:02:18):
There's some kind of what kind of cat doctors are
you around?

Speaker 1 (01:02:22):
Cat?

Speaker 2 (01:02:22):
It was your cat needs to be set back to
the factory. Yeah, you need a new one reset.

Speaker 5 (01:02:27):
Is that true, Carly, Like if your cat's overweight, the
flea medicine won't work.

Speaker 3 (01:02:31):
I have heard that.

Speaker 6 (01:02:32):
Yeah, well it is. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:02:33):
I had to give my cat flea medicine once because
it had fleas, and that was a horrible revelation.

Speaker 6 (01:02:39):
And I do remember seeing that.

Speaker 2 (01:02:42):
It was like your options were arranged in like the
size of your cat, whether it was like a kitten
or whether it was kind of like one to two
years old, or whether it was five years old. So
I guess I didn't consider that that was for the weight,
but I guess it is for like the however big
your cat is.

Speaker 5 (01:02:56):
Yeah, we had to do that with the goats when
we had warm them, warm them.

Speaker 6 (01:03:00):
Oh, I thought, I thought, you say warm.

Speaker 4 (01:03:02):
I thought you did do warm my goat.

Speaker 6 (01:03:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:03:07):
You gotta worm them and then de worm them. You
put the worms in, then the worms take all the
bad stuff and eat it, and then you take the
worms out.

Speaker 5 (01:03:14):
It's really hard to tell the age of a cat
once they hit adulthood. And we're told three years ago
that he was likely between the ages of two and three,
but that she wouldn't be surprised if that estimate was
off by two to three years. So it could have
been zero years old.

Speaker 2 (01:03:27):
Your cat glitched the matrix of the world and it's
it's it's immortal.

Speaker 5 (01:03:33):
My vet was correct, then that would make my cat
around five to six right now, maybe six to seven.
But his behavior, how often he's getting hurt and him
spending more time indoors, leads us to believe that he
may be closer to eight or nine. Years old. This
is also explain a lot of his medical conditions are
getting worse with age, so we've committed to trying once

(01:03:53):
again to convert him to be an indoor cat.

Speaker 2 (01:03:56):
It's gonna be pretty hard after nine years. Dude, that
doesn't feel like that's doable. That doesn't feel like it's realistic.

Speaker 6 (01:04:02):
But you can try.

Speaker 2 (01:04:03):
Maybe you can just dope it up, you know with
some cat zans.

Speaker 5 (01:04:07):
Could he ask what kind of apartment building is this?
Is it one where all the units open to a
landing and stairs that connect floors. It's what it sounds like.

Speaker 2 (01:04:15):
Yeah, it feels like a Cali apartment.

Speaker 7 (01:04:17):
Because it also open in my building. Have a cat
that is allowed to go outside, but he goes outside
with his owner. Yeah, so like I'll see this cat
like running around. But then if I look in the
corner by the apartment, like the owner's always watching that,
you can still give him out side time, just observe it.

Speaker 5 (01:04:35):
Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's been well over a year and
a half since we last tried, and we've rescued yet
another kit in this Christmas. Our cat has slowly been
grooming and parenting over AWW. We are going to send
this one to the rescue, like we did with the others,
but the rescue was full, so we decided to just
keep her. And she's terrified of the outdoors, which seems

(01:04:56):
to be encouraging our cat to stay inside with her
as well. But just in case, I bought a camera.
We do have a four month old puppy who has
got to go out every hour and a half as
he's still potty training, and this is usually when my
cat escapes outside. So in case my cat escapes, I
bought emotion detection camera, like one commoner suggested. This way,

(01:05:16):
even if my cat goes outside, I can keep a
better eye on him and keep a better eye on
my neighbor. I don't intend to spy on them, but
if I see our neighbor coming into the yard and
trying to carry my cat inside, I'll be able to
catch him in the act and intervene. We've also planned
to be much more confrontational about our cat because being
nice about it hasn't worked. Is there another update to this?

Speaker 7 (01:05:37):
I can check really fast.

Speaker 2 (01:05:39):
I feel like if even if there was all be
it would be like, yeah, the same thing is happening,
and we're not doing anything about it and it's not changing,
and I don't know what to do because we're not
setting any firm boundaries with these people.

Speaker 6 (01:05:50):
That's my problem.

Speaker 2 (01:05:51):
Yeah, I know, meming literally with people like op my
pet Peeves because it's all complaints in zero action.

Speaker 6 (01:05:55):
It's like there are so many tangible.

Speaker 2 (01:05:57):
Spots throughout this story where you could have just been like, yeah,
and that's that. If you take my cat upstairs to
your apartment again, you will be seeing the police at
your door. We do have finally a complaint with the landlord.

Speaker 7 (01:06:10):
A quick update, I'm happy to report that our upstairs
neighbor is finally cooperating with us. We had a heart
to heart with the mom and she said she is
willing to help to be more enforcing with her son.
Last night, the cat ran to the back door while
we were bringing groceries in. Texted her immediately, and she
texted me when she got home that her son did
in fact bring our cat upstairs. Told us immediately, and

(01:06:31):
we got him back into our apartment. Okay, so the
mom is helping now, Oh, so the mom is doing
moms on it. Okay, the mom is apparenting And that's
the end of this story.

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