I kept quiet about my wife’s AFFAIR… but I know that she already knows! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2344 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is intergalactic John, this is Alien sarm on the
International Okay Storytime podcast station, and we have some human
stories coming up, not alien, but before we make a landing,
stick around for this two minute not alien ad break
before we get to these interstellar stories.

Speaker 2 (00:18):
I kept quiet about my wife's affair, but I know
child boy knows.

Speaker 3 (00:24):
Secret secrets are no fun. Secret secrets hurt someone.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
I'm Mail twenty three. Have been married to my wife
for just over five years. We have a four year
old daughter. For the past week or two, I've had
suspicions that my wife was talking to someone indoor cheating
on me. Last night after I got home, when she
was asleep, I checked her phone and confirmed my suspicions.
By the way, this comes from user Jerry E twelve
And if you want to submit your own stories, go

(00:49):
to the r slash Okay Storytime subbrendit.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
I'm Dakota, and I'm Angie, I'm Riley, and we're here
to give good advice goofully.

Speaker 2 (00:57):
But we don't have all the answers. We just know
what we would do in a given situation. So if
you would do something different, let us know in the comments.
She's been talking to a co worker, and the texts
from the past two days. Previous texts had been deleted
range from both of them saying I love you to
making plans today for him to come to my house

(01:17):
today while I'm at work. While they didn't definitively say
they were going to have spicy sleep, it was strongly
implied there is some evidence of other spicily related acts
already having taken place. I am now sitting at a
waffle house after calling into work to say I'm not
coming in. I'm planning on trying to get proof of

(01:37):
the visit if he does come over by watching when
my alarm is armed slash disarmed through the app on
my phone after my research. If it ends in divorce,
if I can prove she has committed adultery, she will
not be eligible for any alimony in my stay. I
could if I wanted to stop them from having spasses

(01:58):
sleep by going home and confront her before it happens,
but it could cost me a lot in the long
run if our marriage does fall apart. I love her
and don't want it to end, but I can't see
how I can forgive her for this. Even if I
confronted r now, I would always still feel the same
as if she did have spicy sleep with him. This hurts.
I love her more than anything, and I feel like
there is a hole in my chest and lead in

(02:20):
my stomach. I am physically hungry, but can't bring myself
to eat because I'm so nauseous. I can't stop shaking.
I can't think straight. I feel like a part of
me has been ripped out. I'm terrified of what this
will mean for my life, and more than that, the
life of my daughter. I need advice. I don't know
what to do. And there's an update, folks. While I
still feel physically sick, I am able to think clearer

(02:40):
thans to everyone. I'll keep you all updated as this unfolds.
Update too. I haven't left this post since I created it,
and I've still not stopped reading. This is the only
thing keeping me sane right now. I have yet to
confront them, as the guy hasn't shown up, and I
don't think he will today. At least, maybe she caught
on that I knew. I tried to play it like
nothing was wrong this morning when I left, but it hurt.

(03:01):
Not sure if she bought it. In their text, they
had planned for him to come over Thursday morning. It
is currently twelve forty pm. If he doesn't show up,
I think I'm gonna talk to her about it tonight.
Update three The guy never showed up, So here is
the current plan. I'm going to act like nothing is
wrong for now. After talking to you all and family,
I think I can put on an act like nothing
is wrong. I'll go see a lawyer in the morning,

(03:21):
and I talked to a PI that I'll probably be hiring.
I know from the text that she planned on having
him come over during the hunting trip. I have planned
for next weekend, so I'm gonna make sure I go
and that the PI knows. I think I've decided I'm done.
I don't want to try to fix it. I'm going
to cover my bases and get out. It's not just
an affair in the sense that she's having Zispasa sleep.
She tells him she loves them, and she doesn't seem

(03:42):
to love me anymore. I feel like she's trying to
use me. She wanted a new car and for me
to pay for her to go to school, but wanted
to be with him. Currently. She left to pick up
my daughter from daycare. I'm watching the time. I know
how long it should take. If she takes longer, I
can guess where she went. Either way, I'm gonna try
to make it through Christmas, my daughter's birthday next Friday,
without saying anything about this. Hopefully the PI can find

(04:04):
evidence then updates number four. So he came home and
I acted normal. Everything seemed normal. We joked a bit,
which hurt when your heart broken, and had dinner. Sitting
on the couch. After dinner, she asks me to pause
the TV and asks when I was gonna mention it.
I asked what it was, and she said she knew
I saw the texts. The conversation started. She tells me

(04:25):
that he didn't come over, which obviously I knew that,
and that she told him she doesn't want to talk
to him anymore. She blocked his number. Obviously, since she's
done this, the original plan is off the table. My
heart is broken. I don't know if I can ever
forgive her or trust her. I don't know if I
can be in a relationship with her. She wants to
work on us, I don't know if I'm willing to
or not. She says she was talking to him because
she didn't feel wanted. Well, imagine how oh he feels now, dummy.

Speaker 4 (04:49):
Imagine how tired we are of it.

Speaker 2 (04:51):
She didn't feel a deep emotional connection between us, and
he knew all the right things to say, she said.
She told him she couldn't be with him and told
her multiple times she was done with him. Yet here
she is inviting him to our house. She said it
wasn't a choice what she felt for him. The exact
story was along the lines of he was bagging at
my register one day and I accidentally touched his hand

(05:13):
and it was like.

Speaker 5 (05:14):
Electricity, So naturally.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
What a dumb, idiot thing to say. You don't understand.
I touched his hand and immediately was willing to throw
away our marriage. I know you're probably reading this and
thinking it's a load to byes. Yeah, me too. How
am I supposed to trust her? I can't see her
side of this. Should I give her a chance? Did
I try to work on things? I don't know? Do
I want to? Is it worth it? I have to

(05:38):
figure all this out, I told her. I can't decide now,
and I have to think about it. I'm thinking about
asking some coworkers if I can crash on their couch
for a few days, get away from it all, and think,
of course I'd come back for Christmas for my daughter's sake.
I don't see any point in hiring the PI now,
as I genuinely don't think she'd do anything for a while.
But maybe I'm wrong. Obviously I have been before. I'm
taking plenty of precautions in the meantime to make sure

(05:58):
I know what she is doing, and if anything is questionable,
I'm done. And there's a fifth update. I'm gonna do
a little Q and a section for the most asked question? Question?
How did she find out that I know? Answer? In
two ways. She had a strong suspicion that I knew
because when she woke up there was a notification on
her phone for a new screenshot, but when she clicked
it there was no file. She was one hundred percent
sure I knew when she found this post. She's seen it.

(06:20):
She's probably reading this now, hey wife. Question? What did
she say when I asked if she had Zispasa sleep
with him? She said no. I'm inclined to believe her
because many of the texts, including some of the last ones,
he was saying how excited he was to finally see her.
This doesn't mean I believe that she didn't, not at all.
It doesn't change how I feel whether she did or not.
She planned on it and probably would have if I

(06:42):
hadn't found out. Question how do I know she won't
do it again? Answer is obviously I don't. If we
try to fix things, I'll probably never be able to
fully trust her again. She's going to have to prove
that she will be one hundred percent honest with me.
Roughly eighty to ninety percent of you are telling me
to lawyer up and leave her. The other ten percent
are telling me to either give it a shot or
to do what I want. Thank you to everyone that
is commented. It means a lot to me that so

(07:02):
many people have taken the time to try and help
or comfort me. She was saying that she did what
she did with him because she felt unwanted, but she
understood that it was her fault. She knows she should
have talked to me. She knows she's the one in
the wrong. She says she doesn't blame me for it.
I didn't push her away and make her do this.
Our marriage hasn't been perfect. We've had issues we've had

(07:22):
issues communicating, especially lately, we haven't had a great SPATA
sleep life. I felt like she didn't care enough, and
she felt like I didn't care enough. Neither of us
tried enough to work on it. Does that mean I
blame myself for this? No, not even a little bit.
She did this and she knows. That's how I feel now.
For the plan going forward, I thought long and hard

(07:43):
last night and this morning about what I wanted, what
would make me happy. I want to stay, but that
doesn't mean I've decided to. I want us to work
things out and talk to counselors and our marriage be
better than ever, But I have no idea if that
will happen. After I knew she read this post, I
knew that she knew about sc law on adultery and

(08:04):
that she wouldn't be entitled to alimony if she was caught.
That was my only defense. Now that she knows, I
don't think she'd do anything with anyone For a long time,
I think, do you not already have the evidence that
she cheated and that it was adultery? Does it have
to be coitus for it to be adultery? I came
up with an idea. I knew I couldn't and wouldn't
trust her for a long time. If ever again, if

(08:26):
we tried to fix things, I figured out the only
thing that can even start to make me believe that
maybe she actually wants to stay with me for me
and work on our relationship, and not stay with me
for what I can do for her. I asked her
if she would sign a post nuptial agreement, if she
will agree to sign a contract that if we divorce,
even at no fault, she gets nothing, no alimony, no

(08:49):
possessions except certain outlined things that are undeniably hers, and
no child support. Let me clarify, I would never not
support my daughter, and I wouldn't keep my daughter from her.
I'd just like to avoid court ordered child support and
give her X amount to support my daughter based on
how long she has her at any given time. At
this point, if the post nuptial agreement works how I hope,

(09:12):
and she signs it, I think I'd be willing to
try to work on things. I know a lot of
you aren't gonna like this. Maybe she's lying to me,
maybe she really is problematic. But I knew her before
she did this. I knew her before our marriage degraded.
I don't think she did it because she wanted to
have the splashes sleep with someone else. I don't think
she did it because she doesn't love me. I think
she did it because he was telling her the exact

(09:35):
same things I used to when we were first together.
I think she misses what we used to be, and
while we will never be what we used to be,
this will go one of three ways. Either we try
to work on things and it doesn't work out and
we get a divorce. We try to work on things
and she continues to cheat and we get a divorce,
or we try to work on things and we fix

(09:55):
problems we have had with ourselves and our marriage since
we first got together. In our marriage and relationship be
stronger than it has ever been. I'm hoping for the latter.
And there's a sixth update currently sitting at the bar,
drink it some jack and Coca cola. So we talked.
He tried to work things out and it seemed like
it was getting better. Then she said that she wasn't
sure how she felt or if she wanted to try.

(10:15):
We talked some more and she said she did want
to try. We had a session of counseling with a
therapist Wednesday. The counseling went more or less like this.
She said she felt like she wasn't getting enough out
of the marriage and that I didn't care or talk
to her. The therapist asked her some questions and she
answered basically saying she could tell I did care and
did talk to her. Therapists explained to her that it

(10:38):
wasn't that I didn't care, and instead that she just
wasn't happy with it and didn't know what she wanted. Well,
she decided what she wanted last night. She started setting
up an air mattress in the extra room, and I
saw she had some new sheets that she had ordered
to fit it. I looked at her phone to see
when she had ordered them, and she was texting him again. Wait,

(10:59):
that's actually that's crazy.

Speaker 3 (11:01):
That's crazy, like, oh, I'm just trying to see when
you decided to sleep in another room. But I've found
something way worse, like you're still talking to this guy.

Speaker 2 (11:11):
We will be getting a divorce. I know a lot
of you are going to say I don't do so,
but I was one hundred percent aware this was a
possibility when I tried to work things out, and I
don't regret it at all. I'll look back on this
in the future and know I did everything I could
to fix thing. I have nothing left to regret, and
that makes me happy. I tried, and I can never

(11:31):
blame myself now, as you can't just stop loving at will.
I do still love her. I don't forgive her, and
I may never forgive her, but I don't resent her.
I still want the best for her and our daughter
and want her to be happy. I genuinely believe she
regrets hurting me, but can't help how she feels we
are done. But she is currently planning to move back

(11:51):
to Florida with her family, which means leaving this guy too.
She doesn't think she can be happy with me anymore,
but I don't really think she's leaving me to be
with him. In my opinion, she's excited about the pursuit
the puppy dog love that you get when you meet
someone new. I think she is damaged and needs help
to figure herself out and her self image issues. She
will be staying here in our house for the time

(12:13):
being and seeing a therapist while she still gets the
benefit of being married to me. Bye South Carolina law.
We will have to live apart for a year before
we can file for the divorce, but she will be
leaving relatively soon. We have agreed to do mediation instead
of having lawyers involved to save us money and fighting.
We still get along well enough. She has agreed that
she will not pursue alimony, and I think she will

(12:35):
be giving me full custody of our daughter if the
courts accept it, but with her still getting as much
visitation as possible. I won't try to harm her in
this process. And although I love you all for all
the support and everything you have done for me, you
don't know me and you don't know her. She's not
a terrible person. I truly believe she's telling me the
truth and won't try to harm me either. It's gonna
be rough for a long time, but we'll make it

(12:55):
through this. The most important thing for me right now
is making sure our daughter is taken care of and
that we do what's best for her. I appreciate you
all more than you can know. Thanks for reading. Thanks
for everything. And there's a seventh update. It's been four
years since I discovered that my ex wife was cheating
on me. I've had many people ask for an update

(13:17):
and decided it's finally time for one. After the day
or two of activity that the last post took place
in my ex Sheila and I spoke. She made promises
to stop talking to the other guy, but of course
couldn't keep her promises. Within a month or two, after
trying and failing counseling, Sheila moved out. She stayed with

(13:37):
her lover, and they remained together to this day. I
retained custody of our daughter and life went on. I
went through a deep depression. I'm honestly surprised that I
came out of the other side of it. I have
you all, my daughter and my mother to think for that.
We actually get along better now than we have since
I discovered she was cheating. Not to say we're friends,
but I've moved on and have stopped holding resentment for

(13:58):
what she did to me. Believe in karma and feel
like she's gotten hers. She hasn't had an easy life
these past four years. I have not stopped resenting her
for being a bad mother, but I've accepted that I
can't fix that. Instead, I'm focused on being the best
father I can for my daughter. She just turned eight
and is the most amazing child anyone could ask for.

(14:19):
I've actually just come out of a two year relationship
that didn't end badly, but we're just going our separate ways,
and for the first time in my life, I'm happy
and excited for my life as a single man. My
life isn't perfect, but it's as good as it's ever been.
Thank you so much to everyone that helped me through
the hardest part of my life. I'll never forget you.
To anyone going through a difficult time, it gets better.

(14:40):
Make it to the other side. It's worth it.

Speaker 5 (14:42):
I promise is not just so true. It's worth it.

Speaker 4 (14:46):
You'll make it over and then you'll be so much better.

Speaker 3 (14:49):
And then he's coming great.

Speaker 2 (14:51):
A stranger introduced himself as my real father, but I
already have one.

Speaker 5 (14:57):
I don't have any father. He left me at nine
years old.

Speaker 2 (15:01):
The trigger warning is mentions of He claims that he
was married to my mom before my dad, and she
left him for my dad. He says this happened while
she was pregnant with me, and she put my dad
on the birth certificate, and they my parents and grandfather
used their power and money to make sure he couldn't

(15:21):
stay in contact with me. He also claims when I
was five, he tried again and my dad stopped him.
He says he is just now contacting me because with
my granddad's tragic passing last year, it is safe now.
And by the way, this comes from user and non
tw and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota,

(15:43):
I'm shak and I'm Keon and uh, we're gonna try
to give our best advice, but nobody's perfect. If I think, uh,
we should do something different or say something different, let
us know in the comments. OHP says, here's the issues
with this man story. He had no documentation, although he
promised to show me and suggested he'd bring some to

(16:06):
my apartment that he knows the location of. I am
also twenty, so why now. My dad is a nonviolent man.
I can't see him breaking anyone's fingers. So he never
spanked me when I was a kid and was always
the pushover parent. My grandpa traded stocks. He was hardly
a mafia kingpin. He that actually in the mafia. H

(16:30):
don't know. My parents were childhood sweethearts and are still
crazy about each other. In addition to being decent people,
he also kept commenting on my money, saying I looked
like a banker wearing jeans and a button up, asking
if my dad gave me my watch and how much
my bike cost. He did tell me his name and
his number and showed his license, and I'm considering running

(16:52):
a background check, but my parents see my expenses in
his favor, I do look like him. I think old
humans look like I've never seen my parents' wedding pictures.
He didn't seem insane. He knew a lot of information
that would be hard to find about my family. He
mentioned a coat I had as a kid. I'm an
only child, and my mom said they never got so

(17:14):
lucky as to have another. I don't know. I would
usually ask my parents, but my mom just got diagnosed
with breast and I don't want to worry her or
my dad that some psycho is trying to swindle me
or pester or harm me.

Speaker 6 (17:28):
I'm sorry, tell your parents that I'm none has told
you he's your father.

Speaker 2 (17:35):
This is a real kind of getting the parents involved.
The situation.

Speaker 6 (17:39):
If my daughter, which I assume I have, yeah, if
my daughter the next movie, you for sure have a
daughter in the next movie.

Speaker 5 (17:48):
What movie are you talking?

Speaker 2 (17:50):
It's okay, it's okay.

Speaker 6 (17:51):
Oh oh they If my daughter found out or I
don't know how the strange man come up to her
and see, I'm your dad, take me in or whatever
he wants, I'd expect her to come right to me
and see Da. A strange man told me he's Mada,
aren't you Mada, And I'd say, of course, I'm your Da,
thank you for telling me, and then I'll go.

Speaker 5 (18:13):
See what's up. You know what it is.

Speaker 6 (18:16):
It's just like at that moment when they gave me
the potion to turn me into human.

Speaker 2 (18:20):
Shreds, a few hot shreds, and then.

Speaker 5 (18:23):
Prince Charming tried to steal my life. It's just like that.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
It basically is Edit number one. I called my real
dad first, deciding that he was a better call than
fake Dad or the cops until I assessed the situation.
I asked if he knew this guy. He responded by
asking if I was at my apartment. When I said yes,
he said he'd be there in half an hour. Crap,

(18:47):
this isn't good. And there's another edit. He is my
biological father, my dad, and my mom showed up. He
said it was more her story than his, and apparently
when they were married he was harmful, and when she
told him she filed for divorce, it did not end well.
She decided promptly that he would never get near enough
to hurt her child. Her childhood best friend offered to

(19:09):
marry her. This is all pretty convoluted. My life and
parents are a lot different than they were this morning,
and there are some comments what happened after your parents came.
I opened the door, and I was surprised to see
my mom, although I should have known he wouldn't come alone,
both because that's not how they do things, and because
on Tuesdays at that time he's usually home between business

(19:30):
and racquetball. We greet my mom, hugs me. My dad
just puts his hand on my cheek and says that
I'm everything he could want in a son. I say, so,
who is that guy? My mom says, I'll start at
the beginning. I met him when I was nineteen. He
was a moody violinist.

Speaker 5 (19:48):
And did she every time those moody violinists?

Speaker 6 (19:52):
If Yola almost married the violinist? No, he got burned
up by a dragon. Oh, he thought he could charm
the dry with a little violin.

Speaker 2 (20:01):
I'm glad that you guys have looked past that and
have come to be friends.

Speaker 6 (20:05):
Well, she's got a much higher body count than I do.

Speaker 2 (20:08):
Oh I've only got one.

Speaker 6 (20:10):
She's had many other relationships, although short lived because they
usually fiery. However, I support women, and I know that
she's allowed to have a history.

Speaker 2 (20:24):
That's true, and your mama's a history. Don't let anyone
tell you Shrek doesn't support.

Speaker 5 (20:29):
I support women.

Speaker 6 (20:30):
I support women's rights and women's wrongs which don't exist
because women are never wrong.

Speaker 5 (20:37):
That's what Fiona tells me.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
It's a good Shrek.

Speaker 5 (20:39):
That's the key to a happy marriage. Your wife is
never wrong. So she's just confused. But don't tell her that.

Speaker 2 (20:46):
I met this moody violinist and it seemed the right
amount of rebellion to fall in love with him. I
was hardly the type to date a drummer. And then
it unfolded. By the end, me and my mom are crying.
My dad is holding her arm, and I don't know
why why this bothered me, but I asked if they
were in love. My dad said, I've loved your mother
since I was five years old, but we're both so stubborn.

(21:07):
It may have taken us forty years to realize it
if we hadn't become a family to protect you. Lovely,
that is lovely. We were going to get a divorce
when you were two, but we were so happy neither
of us brought it up. Then we all laughed a little,
and I'm heading there for dinner in a few hours.
It's a screwed up situation, but my family is still
my family, and I'm a lucky guy. Did your dad

(21:29):
really meet him? Yes, my dad said. When I was little,
my mom caught him watching us in the park and
promptly ushered me into the car. He came to the apartment,
and she went down to the lobby. He cornered her,
and when his charm said, I gave you such a
fine son. He's got my looks, doesn't he. I think
the least you owe me is a few hours, he
got aggressive and had to be escorted out by security.

(21:52):
He was waiting for my dad outside his office the
next day. My dad is angry, but listens to him.
Go on, give a man an other rope. He always says,
Then he mentions money. He's been deprived of his son.
If this continues, reparation only seems fair.

Speaker 6 (22:07):
He's trying to buy your son, but I suppose he's
trying to sell the other way around.

Speaker 2 (22:13):
He's trying to say, give me some money because I
haven't been able to be with my son. He's pulling
reverse child supports. Do they have reverse child support? No?

Speaker 6 (22:24):
In mid Yeah, I've never asked because I take care
of my children like a real man slash sugar.

Speaker 5 (22:31):
Also, I don't have money for the kids. Do the dishes.

Speaker 2 (22:37):
She's got the income. It's okay, Shrek. We don't think
any less of you.

Speaker 5 (22:41):
I don't think any less of me. She's the breadwinner.

Speaker 2 (22:43):
My dad decided that you can't stalk his family and
shake around his wife with loose threats. So he told
him that he will never give him a dime or
let him ruin his son. And how did your parents
get married? Well, my parents claim they married his friends
to give me a name other than his, and to
father to make it difficult should that guy ever attempt

(23:03):
to use me as leverage. Then they fell in love. Originally,
they planned to divorce after a respectable time frame, but
they found marriage suited them. And how are your parents now?
They've always been best friends. There's a picture on our
mantle of them at five years old. Their nannies used
to let them play together. They were never romantic, they
both claimed. My mom says her father was so severe

(23:26):
and unemotional that she never would have risked the person
closest to her for mere dating. Then they got married
to protect me, and they're madly in love. They have
lunch together every day. I remember as a kid being
embarrassed by how much they touched that. During a sleepover,
We'd walk out and they'd just be reading with his
head in her lap. They are very happy. Honestly, this

(23:46):
story seems completely out of nature for him. He's really
mild mannered and never raised a hand to me. My
mom is the more serious partner. Why are there no
half siblings? Well, my dad is infertile. They tried for
years to have another baby and it never happened. And
there's an update?

Speaker 5 (24:00):
Is this beautiful?

Speaker 6 (24:01):
Who's this man who tried to come in and ruin
all of U?

Speaker 5 (24:05):
Because I won't tell him some strong words?

Speaker 6 (24:08):
I could be scary when I want to, just because
I'm married and I have three kids.

Speaker 5 (24:13):
Doesn't mean I can't be scary. I know what. I
frighten the man.

Speaker 2 (24:17):
Yeah, that's true. I've seen it. I've seen you put
the fear in their eyes.

Speaker 6 (24:21):
I look at them and I say, this is the
part of well you run and they run away.

Speaker 2 (24:27):
It's right.

Speaker 5 (24:27):
I tell that to this man, and he run away too.

Speaker 2 (24:30):
I would also tell this man to run away because
he's lying to you about your parents.

Speaker 5 (24:34):
Probably wouldn't work for you. You look too normal. Thank
You're very frightening.

Speaker 2 (24:39):
Thank you. That's a compliment for me.

Speaker 6 (24:42):
Well, it was an insult, but you can take it
as a compliment.

Speaker 2 (24:46):
I'll take it as the update Boblet. My question got
an amazing amount of replies, and I appreciate it so
not being a butt, I decided to give a final
update before I go back to my usual account. After
a lot of thought, I've decided that all issues aside.
I simply have no interest in this man who has

(25:07):
my jaw and some shared DNA. I'm a junior at
NYU doing a dual major and overload this semester. Between
that and lining up internships, I barely have time to sleep.
I have a great family and couldn't ask for better.
I was never the kid who wished his parents were
anyone else except maybe Batman. When I was nine, shout out,
I wish I had more time for them than once

(25:29):
a week dinner and phone calls. I don't wish I
had some extra father figure, and I've got enough friends.
If he were a decent man, I might feel like
I owe it to him, But considering the fact that
his actions resulted in this, and if my mom had stayed,
I would have been raised in a harmful home, likely
mistreated myself. I don't feel bad about this, just relieved.

(25:49):
I Also, for those worried about any possible truth from
fake real Dad asked my dad if I could see
any of the paperwork on my bio Dad, who was
swage curiosity, and he assuaged it. The divorce papers were
in there, the restraining order, and even evidences of the Yeah,
he is a dirt pickle.

Speaker 5 (26:10):
MM, dirt pickle. The only place to find a pickle
he's got you wipe off the dirt.

Speaker 2 (26:21):
Your swamp must be very briny in a city.

Speaker 5 (26:24):
Oh, it's soul vinegar.

Speaker 2 (26:27):
He just throw some cukes into the swamp.

Speaker 5 (26:30):
They flow out themselves.

Speaker 2 (26:31):
Bury him in the dirt, and then you dig them
up a little later.

Speaker 5 (26:34):
I don't even have to dig them up. They'll float
when they're ready.

Speaker 2 (26:36):
That's right, that's how they work. Have you considered turning
that into a business.

Speaker 6 (26:40):
I thought it, but I don't know if I've got
the you know, I don't know if I'm cut for entrepreneurship.

Speaker 5 (26:49):
It's a lot of work. Baffionna thinks I should get
a hobby.

Speaker 2 (26:52):
Yeah, I think the pickles could be a very well
spring for you.

Speaker 5 (26:56):
She thinks I'm too focused on my father leaving me
at nine years old.

Speaker 2 (26:59):
You could start providing some some income, and then maybe
you'd feel better about her rich parents, you know, if
you Oh sorry, thank you Shrek. So he was waiting
this man at my usual coffee shop today, and I
will now be finding a new one. Basically, he was
pushy and a butthole. He never once admitted any kind

(27:20):
of wrongdoing or anything. I ended the conversation by saying,
thank you for contacting me, but I'm happy in life
right now. If I ever change my mind, i'll contact you.
He then got this weird look of outraged indignity and
said that I was an ungrateful little beaster, and that
if he were richer than my dad, I'd be on

(27:40):
my knees. Then he said that without him, I wouldn't exist,
said I was his only son, and he wished he
didn't have one. Heck, he wished he didn't have a daughter,
as she was just as ungrateful. He said a lot more.
But that's the gist of it. I have a dad
and it ain't this joker. I may look up the
sister at some point in the future when I have

(28:00):
the time and mindset to explore that, although she's probably
just a kid, and there are some comments regarding Op's safety. Unfortunately,
I think the best thing is for me to take
up my dad's offer of a car and driver until
all of this settles. I will also be moving into
a rental property we own because it has tighter access.

Speaker 7 (28:18):
I e.

Speaker 2 (28:19):
A doorman who has to admit you.

Speaker 5 (28:21):
A doorman, You've got gump. He's not a doorman. He
lets everyone in.

Speaker 2 (28:27):
You have ginger, does doesn't he?

Speaker 5 (28:29):
A person walks up and says, oh, I'm here to
see Shrek.

Speaker 6 (28:32):
He says, oh, I can't do it, donkey impression, but
he just lets him in.

Speaker 5 (28:36):
I said, Donkey, what are you doing? You're right?

Speaker 6 (28:38):
And then strangers into my house and she says, all,
but a stranger is just a friend.

Speaker 5 (28:43):
You haven't net yet. What does that mean?

Speaker 2 (28:44):
That's nice. We were strangers until we met.

Speaker 5 (28:47):
Yeah, we're not friends.

Speaker 6 (28:49):
Well, yeah, it sounds just like donkey. Next thing you'll know,
you'll be staying in my house, eating my rats, playing
with but you'll dre.

Speaker 2 (28:59):
I will not be eating your rats, sleeping with my wife.
Not no ice. No, you've got a shifty Oh no,
it's okay, Shreke, It's okay, it's okay.

Speaker 5 (29:12):
I've got by Ay, he's on you.

Speaker 2 (29:14):
So I honestly should have been in a nicer apartment anyway,
just on the off chance someone finds out my parent's
worth and thinks my place would be nice to case
about the sister. Yeah, I won't contact him about it.
I'll have a routine background check and she should show up.
I honestly don't know what to do about it or
how to go about it. What if her life is horrible,
I don't really have any power to change it. What

(29:35):
if she's like eight and lives across the country. It
seems doubtful we'd connect on any meaningful level. I can
only assume she has a caregiver and hope it's a
good one. Honestly, contact for me won't do much if
she was in a bad situation. I'm a twenty year
old kid who's income until my first trust opens is
entirely dependent on my parents, and I'm not even legally
her brother. It's all word of mouth. I guess. The

(29:57):
main point I see is no no need to rush,
even if she's in a less than tenable place. There's
little I can do to change anything about the biofather.
I am dismissing my biological father because he's a butt
to me. Shared experiences are what bond people anyway. That's
why I love my parents, not because of money or blood.
I have no interest in a relationship with this guy.

(30:20):
If he hadn't been harmful, we would have had an
obligated lunch, but I still wouldn't truly want to form
a relationship. I would just feel obligated to this stranger.
I just don't want to start something until I've considered
the implications. This could be just as negative in the
girl's life as it could be positive. It's also possible
that she might be in contact with my biodad, who

(30:41):
I want nothing to do with. Let me adjust your facts.
Biodad did not live near poverty line. He was middle class,
an amazing violinist who taught in the city and did
very well. Also, my mom had access to her trust
fund during the marriage and contributed a large amount to
household income. Their marriage lasted two years, not counting the separation,

(31:03):
and there is a final update here. Okay, six months later,
that's a long time. Today I met my sister.

Speaker 5 (31:11):
Whoa, didn't you just say that. You went on the
whole thing about how you weren't going to meet your sister.

Speaker 2 (31:17):
I guess they changed their mind, shrek.

Speaker 6 (31:19):
Oh, everyone's changing their minds these days. My mind's only
been changed once twice, maybe three times, three times if
you count the time I changed my mind. About how
many times I've changed my mind? First time, Donkey, second time, Fiona,
never changed my mind.

Speaker 2 (31:38):
After that, never changed the fourth one, and then the
upcoming fifth.

Speaker 5 (31:42):
One didn't change my mind.

Speaker 2 (31:44):
Yeah, but they're changing the script.

Speaker 5 (31:46):
He don't talk about that.

Speaker 2 (31:48):
I'm sorry that was insensitive.

Speaker 5 (31:50):
I've had you write and then da, I'm.

Speaker 2 (31:52):
Sorry that was insensitive.

Speaker 5 (31:53):
Thank you for apologizing. I appreciate that.

Speaker 2 (31:56):
So I took some time, but eventually curiosity got the
best of me. She's seventeen and her background is completely
different than mine. We corresponded a little on the internet,
but met today and I drove two hours and there's
a little bit more story here. Let's finish it off
with is goal. She seemed like a nice girl, but

(32:16):
I didn't feel like any wow we're related moments or
a strong sense of kinship. Maybe I don't know how
siblings are supposed to feel. I don't know. Mostly it
was awkward. Me and seventeen year old girls don't have
a lot in common, she said. I reminded her of
someone on Gossip Girl and owned Justin bieber CDEs. But
she did reinforce my belief that I'm doing right by

(32:36):
not connecting with my biodad. He hasn't seen her son
and hasn't contacted her in a year. So I just
wanted to let those of you who helped me out
last year, no thanks, guys. And on meeting the half sister,
I'm a whole twenty one years old now, full of
vain wisdom and false prophecy.

Speaker 5 (32:54):
I got prophecy.

Speaker 2 (32:55):
No, it's false prophecy.

Speaker 5 (32:57):
Why is it false? Well, is he like to see
the Cassandra?

Speaker 2 (33:01):
Yeah, he is.

Speaker 5 (33:03):
Oh what I that makes sense?

Speaker 2 (33:05):
Then, Shrek, you're more cultured than you let on.

Speaker 6 (33:08):
Well, I've read one page of another book.

Speaker 2 (33:12):
We've got two pages now, page you rascal. I like scamp.
I like you keep things close to the vast time.
I do.

Speaker 5 (33:20):
But I'm working on it. I'm working on it. It's stuff.

Speaker 2 (33:24):
I guess. It's not just age, although I am the
youngest in my friend group, but upbringing too. She's uninformed
about so much. She's also really into yolo and partying
and drama. She's nice, just really different. And that is
the end of that story. Hey y'all, it's John Ogi
host here.

Speaker 1 (33:44):
We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's a
quick three minute break from as.

Speaker 2 (33:47):
For more sponsors.

Speaker 4 (33:48):
My sister lied about my husband to justify her hate
for him.

Speaker 2 (33:53):
God, let me hate roll through you.

Speaker 4 (33:56):
I thirty female, recently got married and had a baby.
My sister twenty four does not like my husband and
will not tell me why.

Speaker 2 (34:05):
That's so annoying every time.

Speaker 4 (34:08):
By the way, this comes from Stale Waffel fry and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm Dakota,
I'm Riley, and we'll try to give our best advice.
But we haven't experienced most of these situations ourselves, so
if you have, let us know your take in the comments.
And Opie says when I first brought him home to

(34:30):
introduce everyone, she was stand offish, but that's typical for
her since she doesn't really like people. She has very
few friends, never brings anyone home to meet the family,
and has never wanted to spend time with anyone I've
brought home. Before my husband and I got married, I
asked her if she had any issues with him. She

(34:50):
said no, and that he seemed nice. I asked her
to be my maid of honor and thought all was well.
Fast forward to last week. My husband went to trop
off something at the family home where my sister lives
with my parents. He came back looking shaken. When I
asked what happened, he said he knocked and went into
the kitchen, where my sister told him my parents weren't home.

(35:12):
He tried to give her the food I had asked
him to drop off, but she told him to put
it in the garage, even though they were standing in
the kitchen. Okay, As he was picking this stuff back
up to leave, he tried making small talk about the weather.
She snapped at him, saying, don't effing talk to me,
and stormed out of the room. My husband has never
given me reason to worry about him being inappropriate, but

(35:34):
that was where my mind first went. Why is that
where your mind, Bruce went?

Speaker 2 (35:38):
Because it's like, why would they have such an extreme reaction?
It would have to be something extreme.

Speaker 4 (35:44):
I mean, it sounds like she's just a hater.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
Yeah, I mean, like if it is just coming from
absolutely nowhere, But it's like if you're operating under the
condition where it's like, well, clearly there's something that happened,
and it's not just my sister being awful to my
husband for no reason.

Speaker 4 (35:56):
We lived nearby and he had been gone for less
than five minutes. I called my sister to ask what happened,
and she hung up on me. I message her and
she ignored me until this morning, when I bombarded her
phone with messages because I wanted to resolve whatever was
going on. She finally replied and basically says she hates him,
always has hated him, and her only boundary is that

(36:19):
he never talks to her.

Speaker 2 (36:20):
Oh, my only boundary is that your husband never acknowledges
my existence and we never speak. That's a very reasonable
boundary to have with your brother in law. Great for
no reason other than like, just at this point, it
seems like the only thing is that she wants him
to be her husband and does not know how to
process that information.

Speaker 4 (36:39):
Yeah, maybe she was just like, Wow, I don't.

Speaker 2 (36:43):
Talk to me. I wish you were my husband, and
now so I'm gonna make it miserable to be around
me whenever y'all are near me. I don't know, that's
just my guess.

Speaker 4 (36:53):
In the seven years that we have been together, they've
spoken maybe five times, mostly just him greeting her. I
asked her why, and she said she doesn't need a reason.
She just doesn't like him and doesn't want him around.
I asked her point blank if he had ever done
or said something to make her feel that way, and
she said he didn't do anything and that she doesn't

(37:15):
need a reason to feel how she does.

Speaker 2 (37:16):
Wow, she's got a crush.

Speaker 6 (37:18):
On your husband grade aid grade a hater, or she's just.

Speaker 2 (37:24):
Jealous that you're married first, or die, I don't know
what it is. Whatever it is, professional hater.

Speaker 4 (37:31):
My family is very close. My other sibling, brother twenty nine,
and I sometimes drop by unannounced to help my mom
cook dinner or just hang out, and my parents encourage
this because they like having us around. I told her
it's going to be weird if he can't even greet
her when we come over. She said she was sick
of me having a stranger in her home. I told

(37:55):
her I didn't realize she felt that way about him,
and said I wouldn't ask him to drop stuff off
without me being around anymore. Mind you, She's had seven
years to get to know him, and I didn't realize
she still considered him a stranger. She said that wasn't
the point. She didn't want him talking to her at all,
and that was the boundary she wanted respected. I told

(38:17):
her I would tell him and try to keep them apart,
but that would mean her time with my son, her
nephew six months old, would be affected because my husband
will not be comfortable with our son being around someone
who hates him. And also, by her own words, a stranger.

Speaker 2 (38:32):
Apparently literally a complete stranger that you've known for seven years.

Speaker 4 (38:36):
Frankly, I'm now uncomfortable with it too, because I don't
know what ideas she might try to put in his head.
It's also going to affect my parents' time with him,
because if my husband can't bring him around, it's going
to limit how often he goes over there. I didn't
tell her this, but it hurt hurts my heart because
they absolutely adore my son. He's their first and only

(38:58):
grandchild so far, and they love spending time with him,
always telling us to bring him over. She said, I
was playing the victim, painting her as a witch and
trying to trample the only boundary she has set for herself.
I'm currently thoroughly lost and trying to figure out the
best way forward. Am I the a hole here? And

(39:18):
is there any way I can fix this situation? We
have an edit.

Speaker 2 (39:22):
It's so crazy that she's trying to act like it's like, well,
my perfectly reasonable boundary is just being trampled over. It's like,
if that's your boundary you should expect to not have
a relationship with your sister.

Speaker 4 (39:33):
Then my reasonable boundary that you never talk to me,
never speak say hi, don't look at me, don't come
to my house.

Speaker 2 (39:41):
Don't acknowledge me, don't be in the same room as me.
I don't want to have to see you anywhere. And yeah,
if honestly, you're being selfish for not accepting that as my.

Speaker 4 (39:50):
Factory after seven years, Like I know that Opie knows
that she was never really like a fan of her husband,
but like seven years later and you haven't been, like,
what the heck before?

Speaker 2 (40:01):
Now that's a long seed did jealousy?

Speaker 4 (40:04):
You've got an edit. I never expected so many replies
in such a short time, but I appreciate the responses
to clarify a few things and answer some questions. I've
mentioned it to my parents and they're aware of what happened.
My mom said she'll sit my sister down for a conversation,
but from what I hear, my sister keeps making excuses

(40:25):
to avoid it. She's busy, tired, wanting more time, et cetera.
My dad says not to worry about it and it
will blow over. My dad had a heart attack recently
and is currently recovering, so I don't want to push
it with them right now and stress him out. I
left it at that with him and changed the subject.
My partner is amazing and has never given me reason

(40:49):
to worry about him being around any females. I admit
I was worried he had done something when he told
me how she responded, because I can't wrap my brain
around why she would just blow up over small talk.
But she herself said he didn't do anything. I know
my brother has had partners, but he hasn't brought any home.
I myself didn't bring anyone home until I was serious

(41:11):
about them and thought there might be a future. I
brought home a grand total of two guys, my current
partner and my ex from college. Regarding her mental health,
she has always had a bad temper and has snapped
at me many times with no apology, even when she
realized later she was wrong, like when she accused me
of taking her shoes, which she had actually just left

(41:34):
in her vehicle. There has never been anything on this
level before. We have some comments, but you sounded like
you had something.

Speaker 2 (41:41):
Taking your shoes. You're just looking for a fight. You
took my shoes.

Speaker 4 (41:45):
I know you took my shoes, So that's like such
a sibling thing for like sisters to just be like,
I'm righting your shoes. Yeah, I mean they fight about
it too, but like.

Speaker 2 (41:53):
I guess that makes sense. I don't know. I don't
have any siblings.

Speaker 4 (41:59):
The two only children have been getting all the simple
story siblings stories.

Speaker 2 (42:03):
Yeah, I'm sticking to my bang bangs. She's just deeply
upset that you are making your life with this other
person and cannot handle it, and so the way that
she's dealing with it is by making it everyone else's problem.

Speaker 4 (42:21):
Yeah, I still can't tell. It's like it's gotta be
she's either like secretly like crushing on husband or she
just like really wants a relationship and really wants to
be like at that point. Yeah. Top comments this is
very weird. You should speak with your mom and other
brother see if sister has disclosed reasoning or if she
has otherwise been paranoid. Okay, introduction says it reads like

(42:45):
jealousy to me. To be honest, maybe she feels like
he's taking her away from the family, but if he's
done nothing to her and she won't give a reason.
If I were Opie, I'd go low or no contact
with the sister family events, baby showers, parties, etc. Everyone
would be invited except for her. You don't want to
talk to my husband and we can't resolve this. Fine, Lol,

(43:08):
you're on your own. I don't entertain childness like this.
Another commentary says, can someone make a bot for what
a boundary really is? She can make a boundary that
she doesn't have to talk to him, or that she
will leave when he comes over, but not that he
can't talk to her. And since it's not her house,
I don't think she can make a boundary that he

(43:28):
can't come over either. A boundary is an action you take,
not an action you impose on others. For example, a
healthy expression of a boundary healthy in quotes because she
needs help is if he comes over, I will go
to my room. If he talks to me, I will
leave and go for a walk. Vinegar Girl says, thank you.
This isn't a boundary but a control tactic. She's trying

(43:51):
to undermine OPI's relationship and cast aspersions unless there's something
Opie isn't telling us. Not the a whole sister is
behaving really weirdly and comes across as bitter and divisive.
We have an update, but yeah, those comments were cooking.

Speaker 2 (44:06):
Cook So yeah, I think you need to stand on
business and go you know what's sister, that's not gonna happen. Yeah,
my husband are parents, their son in law. He's going
to be around. He's the father of my child, so
he's going to be around. And if you have a
problem with him only because what you just don't like him, yeah,
that's on you.

Speaker 4 (44:24):
To handle the whole like not inviting her to party things.
I feel like you can still invite her, but you
can just be like and you can come, but my
husband's going to be there. Yeah, and he's not leaving.
So pick we have an update to clarify. The only
reason I considered my husband might have done something is
because I'm in healthcare in an environment where all sides

(44:47):
of all stories have to be looked at. My first
instinct was that she was being out of line for
no reason, but I always try to look at both sides.
Both he and she said that he didn't do anything,
and I I'm going with that. Growing up, my brother
was the golden child. Dad only wanted a son and
kept talking about his son and his legacy. My sister

(45:09):
was my mom's favorite. Something she would always say to us,
that's great. I was the oddball and my siblings and
I weren't really close until everyone was past fourteen or fifteen.
Then we started finding shared interests. My dad has evolved
over the years and now makes all his children a priority.

Speaker 2 (45:28):
That's really sad. Well, he at least he evolved.

Speaker 4 (45:31):
At fourteen or fifteen he got three kids, dude. Evolution
shouldn't be having more kids if you're not happy of
they're girls.

Speaker 2 (45:39):
The evolution of being a little bit.

Speaker 4 (45:41):
Better, and my relationship with my mom has also improved significantly.
My husband was beyond happy to marry into my family.
My parents treat him like their own son, and he
has said many times they feel more like family than
his own. He has three brothers, but he's the youngest
by ten years and felt left out a lot. He

(46:01):
once told me he was excited to have a sister
in law, as he has none of his own and
isn't close with his brothers. This whole thing has him down,
and I feel horrible for even considering that he had
done anything inappropriate when I knew deep down he hadn't.
My sister told my dad she will sit down with
us to talk about it. This afternoon when I get
off work. So I'm waiting to hear what she says

(46:23):
in his presence. We'll update again after we talk. We
have the update after they've talked, let's hear that talk.
Spoke with my dad and sister a couple of hours ago.
My dad asked both of us what happened. I gave
my side, and she gave her side. My dad asked
her if she was sure she had no reason to
act that way. She said she had a reason, but

(46:47):
she didn't.

Speaker 2 (46:47):
Want to say oh no no.

Speaker 4 (46:50):
My dad said, well, we won't force anyone to share anything.
She then said, okay, she'll tell us why. She said,
when she first met my husband, he asked her about
a guy, let's call him mister.

Speaker 5 (47:03):
L mister loser, she said.

Speaker 4 (47:08):
He asked her how mister Ell was doing. Then she
turns to me and goes, yeah, I know. You read
my diary, the guy I had a crush on and
wrote all my private thoughts about the first day your
husband met me. He asked me about him, and that
told me everything I needed to know about him. She
is old in a grust.

Speaker 2 (47:28):
Wait a minute, so, so your sister read your diary,
talked about it with her husband, and you're now never
talking to him again, and.

Speaker 4 (47:38):
We don't even know for sure that she read the diary.

Speaker 2 (47:40):
Girl, are you silly?

Speaker 5 (47:41):
Oh?

Speaker 4 (47:42):
And yeah, here for some more information. I'm still flabbergasted
that she would say that, because first of all, I
didn't even know she had a diary, and even if
I did, I would never have read it. So she didn't.
The husband just brought up this dude that happened to
be in her diary, and she was like, so you
must have been talking about me and read my diary.
Must have read my diary, so we it's crazyletly cut

(48:04):
out the husband when.

Speaker 2 (48:06):
You are always looking for a confrontation. That's the kind
of stuff you will see.

Speaker 4 (48:11):
She's been holding that grudge for seven years. That's insane.

Speaker 2 (48:16):
That is insane.

Speaker 4 (48:17):
I had a journal once and my cousin read it
and teased me mercilessly. I would never wish that upon
someone else. I was surprised at first. Then I got
pissed because I realized she was making stuff up. She
met my husband six years ago, a year after we
had been dating. Two years ago, my sister went abroad
for a year for college. A friend of mine who

(48:39):
started school late and was in the same program as
her was on the same trip. I recognized the name
as the hot professor my friend came back gushing about.
I asked my sister if that was the professor from
the university, and she went, yes, you see, is that
your confession? I asked her how my husband asked her
six years ago about someone she only met two years Agooo,

(49:05):
math is not.

Speaker 2 (49:06):
Adding got you?

Speaker 4 (49:07):
Got you there? You stop talking for a good minute,
like her brain was buffering. Then she snapped at me
that I just didn't understand how hard it was for
her to keep having a stranger in her home and
stormed off.

Speaker 2 (49:19):
Ah, we've moved the goalposts again.

Speaker 4 (49:21):
Yeah, you're just mad that your reasoning was wrong. Still
didn't have a valid reason, And now she's like, well,
and it's something else that I lied.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
Now you're just mad. No one cares enough to read
your diary, but I.

Speaker 4 (49:35):
Really wanted you to read my diary. Yeah, my son
is going to grow up without getting to know his
only aunt. But I cannot fix the situation that she
is making up. Growing up, I was not an awesome sibling.
There were petty arguments, stupid fights over stuff, like the
TV remote, what to have for dinner, et cetera, which
I've heard are fairly common sibling.

Speaker 2 (49:56):
Yeah, fights, that seems pretty normal.

Speaker 4 (49:58):
But I thought we have I had a better relationship
the last few years. We were setting each other memes,
cracking jokes, took a few trips together, had dinners and lunches.
She was my maid of honor at my wedding and
visited me in the hospital every day I was there
a emergency c section with complications. I was there for

(50:18):
a whole week, and checked on me every day postpartum
for the first couple months. I'm still hoping this can
somehow be fixed, but if she's making up lies and
unwilling to communicate, I don't see what I can do.
And we have a quick edit. I think I asked
my husband about it. He doesn't remember asking her anything
about any guy. He doesn't recognize that name at all.

(50:39):
My husband and sister never dated. Since so many people
are asking, and yes, I know for a fact the
areas he went to school and work are far from
where we are and the way we were raised, we
didn't go out much. Yes, my husband is a different
race from us, but I would like to think my
sister isn't discriminatory. We are Asian and he's black. We

(51:00):
have another edit, but anything else before we.

Speaker 2 (51:02):
Got a good hope to have for your sister.

Speaker 4 (51:05):
I would certainly hope.

Speaker 2 (51:07):
I would hope.

Speaker 4 (51:08):
So she's just making stuff up edit too. I see
a lot of people calling her discriminatory. I didn't think
it was that because my ex was Asian and she
didn't seem to like him either. But we were only
together six more months after I introduced him to the family,
so they didn't interact much. My family at its core
is Asian, starting with my grandparents, but over the years

(51:29):
there has been a lot of mixing. She gets along
with my cousin who's half black and half Asian, and
his wife who was black. Regarding the mental health, I've
brought up her anger issues in the past, and she
doesn't want to try any type of therapy or evaluation.
She's a grown woman and as long as she isn't
a direct threat to herself or exhibiting violence to others,

(51:51):
it is completely her choice. Some people are mad that
I used the word female. Odd thing to be mad about.

Speaker 8 (51:57):
Yeah, yeah, people get mad whenever you say female. That
was the whole first year I was here with Sophia.

Speaker 4 (52:03):
She was like, instead of what, instead of women?

Speaker 8 (52:06):
Like my female friends. I would say that. She's like, no,
it's a woman, my woman, woman woman.

Speaker 4 (52:12):
Yeah, would they get mad if you said girls?

Speaker 5 (52:15):
It might like.

Speaker 2 (52:15):
No, no, just like female.

Speaker 8 (52:17):
It's more like object I guess we call him male too. Yeah,
my male friends. I don't objectify women. I support them.

Speaker 4 (52:25):
Go Riley a hard a thing to be mad about.
I use the words male and female on a regular basis,
never known it to be an issue. I have a
third update to everyone, saying she needs therapy. I have
suggested it to her in the past because she has
some anger issues, but she always says no. And you
cannot force someone to go to therapy. It has to

(52:45):
be their own choice. I spoke to my dad again
this morning. He said he'd tried talking to her again,
but she's avoiding the topic. I told him not to
worry about it, and that he and my mom are
welcome at my place, but I wouldn't be coming around
as often to a place where I have safety concerns
for my son and husband. Dad says he understands my

(53:06):
mom is a bit pissed about the whole situation mostly
about what my sister did, and back to my stance.
My mom told me she asked her how she would
feel if someone was treating my brother the same way
she was treating my husband, and she threw a fit,
saying my mom was seriously trying to guilt her, which
I take to mean she knows she was out of line,

(53:27):
because why would you feel guilty if you hadn't done
anything wrong? For those saying, I need to tell my
parents to punt her out, that is not an option.
She just finished college and is looking for a job.
She can't afford to move out even if she wanted to.
We might be at odds now, but keep in mind
this is my only sister. We were not the closest,

(53:47):
but usually we're there for each other in the past.
Mad As I might be at her, I don't want
to see her homeless. We have more, But what's she thinking?

Speaker 2 (53:57):
It's time for your sister to know what it's like
to be called out and not bent for not bent
towards stand firm, stand your ground.

Speaker 4 (54:07):
Yeah, I feel like she's slowly realizing too, that no
one is on her side with this.

Speaker 2 (54:13):
Truly. I'm just glad she didn't say anything fake. That
was like way worse.

Speaker 4 (54:16):
Yeah, that'd be crazy. Let's see to the people mad
about the whole race thing. I have twenty seven aunts
and uncles. Yes, my grandparents were busy. My family is
well and truly mixed. There's black, white, Hispanic, more Asian Filipino.
If you can think of the race, it's probably mixed
into my family. That's why I said, I didn't think

(54:37):
it was because of his race. She seems to hate
most people equally.

Speaker 2 (54:41):
She told me.

Speaker 4 (54:42):
She told him that he's the only one on her
side and everyone is against her. However, he has made
it clear that he is not taking sides. He is
not going to change how he interacts with anyone and
is speaking to both of us. That's completely fine by me.
He's her brother, and isolation probably won't help her in
any way.

Speaker 2 (55:01):
Fair enough, and.

Speaker 4 (55:02):
We've got some of Opie's comments. A commenter just heard
your story on YouTube with fake updates that your parents
are taking her side and you are going there without
your husband because they pressure you just in case it
goes anywhere near this. Don't stand by your husband. You
do not need toxic family members. She is your only sister,

(55:23):
but many people live their lives without ever having a sister.
Your nuclear family is your husband and child. Now, to
follow your thought process, you only have one husband, and
by the way, she's probably into your husband. As someone
said it finally.

Speaker 2 (55:40):
Yes, thank you. I've been saying it the whole time, and.

Speaker 4 (55:44):
Opie responds, that's hilarious. The actual situation is not near that. No,
my parents are trying to avoid taking sides, but both
agree she's not making any sense and have acknowledged she
has anger issues, but without her being willing to go
to therapy, they can't force her. We will be staying
far away from her, but all other family is welcome

(56:05):
at my place. And that's the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (56:08):
Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to the stories.
But here's three minutes of bads from our sponsors. My
own family keeps treating me like an outsider, so I
stopped trying. Oh yeah, first thing I want to say
is my parents have always been there for me and
always willing to help if I need it. But there
have been a few things, mainly from my mom, that
have made me feel like an outsider in my own

(56:31):
family for years. Some things started when I was in
high school, maybe even younger, so I want to start
with a few of those before I get into the
events of yesterday. By the way, this comes from user
aware Quail eighty nine to fifty one, and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay storytime separate it. I'm Dakota, I'm Carly, and
we give good advice goofiy, but at least we try.

(56:52):
We're not always perfect. We haven't experienced every story that
we read. But if you've gone through what we're reading,
comet what you would have done. In the comments, Opie says,
when I was younger, one of my older cousins brought
a girlfriend to family Christmas. I spent some time talking
with her. As soon as we got into the car
to leave, my mom asked, you didn't bore the girlfriend

(57:14):
too bad, did you. Then there was another time I
was at home while my mom was on the phone
with one of her friends and ended up talking about
my grandpa, who passed away when I was six. She
stated he was very disappointed when I turned out to
be a girl. I have three older sisters and my
dad had one other living brother. She said this while
I was just feet away from her. At what I'm sorry,

(57:36):
but at what age is this happening?

Speaker 4 (57:38):
How old is Ope?

Speaker 2 (57:39):
I'm not gonna I don't know if we have.

Speaker 4 (57:41):
That either way that could have been.

Speaker 2 (57:43):
Those are two I'm not gonna lie. Those are two
very small things. Your mom called you boring, and she
was like Grandpa wanted a boy instead of a girl.
Those are things that.

Speaker 4 (57:54):
Depending on how young you are, you can take them wrong.

Speaker 5 (57:56):
Though.

Speaker 2 (57:57):
Yeah, years later, when I started dating my son's father
and current partner, when I told her who I was dating,
she said, isn't that family a little trashy? Funny? How
I feel more accepted there than in my own family.
I can't remember exactly when I found out about this
first group, but it was around the time I had
my son. For more contact on family dynamics. My family's Catholic,

(58:18):
and I had my son before marriage. I was in
the kitchen with my mom with her phone beside me
when a message came through. The alert said mom and sisters,
but guests who didn't get the message me, Oh, no,
you're excluded from the family group chat. That's the first
thing that's really upsetting that I've read so far in
my opinion. When I asked about it, my mom just said,

(58:41):
I don't think you want to be a part of it.
They send a lot of messages or something similar, but
something about it just hurt. There was also no effort
to add me to it. Since then, I have been
added to multiple family groups by other family members. My
cousin on my dad's side added all of our cousins
and my sisters to a message letting us know he
was going to be in town. I wasn't included. As

(59:01):
an afterthought, my aunt messaged all of us about a
family reunion that would be happening this year. I didn't
need to be added. Later, my great aunt made a
Facebook group for our extended family and I was added
right away. Then there's the fact that I have lived
thirty minutes away from my parents for the past seven years,
while all my other sisters lived within ten minutes. Now.
The only times they have visited was to help move,

(59:23):
to help clean up after a tornado, and for some
of my son's events. But my significant other's mom, despite
not having much, visits almost once a month and lives
in the same town as my parents. His dad passed
away before my son was born. Some of his siblings
ten altogether, have also made it over to see us.
Out of my siblings, only my brother in law called

(59:44):
to have me meet him in the park with my
nephews when he was passing through town coming back from
one of his farms, despite me knowing there were times
they were in town. One sister's kids play on a
baseball team based out of the town I live in.
My coworker's son is also on the team, and my
other sisters in law live here. Despite all that, if

(01:00:05):
I know my nephews have an event nearby, I try
to make it if I'm not working. So that's kind
of like the set. The stage is set. I think
we just have to accept that our mom is kind
of absent. Mom doesn't care. Yeah, and the more that
we fight and hunger for that, the more we're just
gonna hurt.

Speaker 4 (01:00:24):
I am hoping that it's not because of the whole
like baby out of marriage thing, but I'm not putting
that past. Why the mom distanced herself so.

Speaker 2 (01:00:35):
Quick, Yeah, it could definitely be part of the reason.

Speaker 4 (01:00:39):
I don't think she should have I do not think
she should know. It also sounds like your family just
doesn't make it out to things as much like as
a collective, where like your partner's family makes it out
to like everything, which is great and super supportive, but
it just I agree, like, it doesn't sound like they're
gonna start trying.

Speaker 2 (01:00:56):
Yeah, mm mm hmm. Fast forward to this week, my
significant other and I are finishing up our move to
our first house, and my dad is the only one
who came to help. I get a message from my
mom asking if I had heard about my great aunt.
My extended family's pretty close and gets together once a year,
at least on my mom's side. I didn't see that,

(01:01:18):
so she screenshots a Facebook post from a day ago
and sends it. The post has multiple updates, but also
says that the events that put my aunt in the
ICU happened several weeks ago. I am then kept up
to date on her health struggles and eventual passing a
few days later. Then yesterday, when I'm walking into work,
after I get called in I work in health, I

(01:01:41):
get a message from my mom. It's a picture of
my cousin showing she just got engaged. Below my mom says,
not sure if you knew this or not. We need
to get you added to my grandparents initials group. You
aren't in it now, This by itself wouldn't have hurt,
but I also wasn't in the sisters group. Still, I
screenshot it and send it to who I think is

(01:02:02):
my significant other and caption it yet another family group
I'm not in, only to realize as soon as I
enter work I accidentally sent it to the group I
have with just my mom and dad. I try to
unsend it, but I'm pretty sure my mom saw, so
she texts me back privately that my dad and uncle
are not in it either, which doesn't make me feel
any better since I would still be the only one

(01:02:23):
out of the loop, and says maybe I can help
her add me. Honestly, at this point, if you saw
that you were not in the sister's group chat and
she hits you with the oh, they send a lot
of texts, you wouldn't want to be in it? Are
you going to go? No, I do want to be
in it? Adme? At that point, that's on you and I.
You know, we all have our different levels of ability
to confront. But if you want to be.

Speaker 7 (01:02:44):
In that group chat and she goes, oh no, no, no, no, no,
you don't, and you go, yeah, yeah, I do, add me,
ad me see you and my sisters ad me, I'm
a sister, or whoever add me.

Speaker 2 (01:02:56):
If you don't do.

Speaker 4 (01:02:57):
That, definitely take the phone next time. Put yourself in
all these groups. That's or make your own, make one
of me, Like, hey, guys, new sister's chat just dropped.

Speaker 2 (01:03:07):
Yeah, straight up. She then adds me to the conversation
and asks if that adds me to the group. I
say I won't know until a message is sent, and
that I was at work while I'm in tears because
yet again I'm an afterthought. She then proceeds to tell
me the group is made a long time ago. Sorry,
I forgot you were working. I still don't know when

(01:03:27):
because I only see new messages. The first message my
sister liked to picture. I opened the message group and
can only see the name of the group my grandparents'
initials originals. Apparently I couldn't get added to the originals
until a long time later. Despite being in the family
for almost three decades, I continue to get messages about

(01:03:47):
my family liking a picture I can't even see to like.
I still have not spoken within the group. Then this morning,
my aunt replies, and it brings it all to the
forefront again. Now I don't even know if I can
get a message in this group again without feeling like
more of an outsider in my family than I already do.
We are really signal amplifying a lot of these negative

(01:04:08):
thoughts within our own head.

Speaker 4 (01:04:10):
Find me at this point, you got to decide do
you want to be in the group or do not
want to be in the group. Yeah, and then we're
gonna eventually have to get past that we weren't for
a while.

Speaker 2 (01:04:18):
You're like, not being in the group is hurting my feelings.
I'm in the group and it's hurting my feelings. At
this point, find the family members that you want to
be connected with, find the people and make your own
group Boom. Be proactive about the things that we want.
After years of spending my time making sure my son
has a relationship with them by calling them each time
I'm in town to see them, going to family events

(01:04:39):
when I'm not on call, and trying to help with
the yearly garage sale although I don't have anything in it.
It feels like a smack in the face. After speaking
with my s SO and his sister, which feels like
more of a sister to me than my own and
her husband. The more I feel like I'm not making
an effort to see my family as much as I
have been, and only seeing them on holidays or extended

(01:05:00):
family events, we have a little bit more story left, honestly, either,
Just like you.

Speaker 4 (01:05:06):
Got to just find the people that you want to
talk to now, I don't even know, Like I don't
even like just poop on all of their parts. Like
you're another sister, you should be involved.

Speaker 2 (01:05:17):
Yeah, if being on the outside in is hurting your
feelings and then being brought into the conversation after having
to ask for it also hurt your feelings, I think
you might just need to disconnect, you know. I think
we need to go to therapy and reckon with what
we want out of our family relationships, how much stock
we put into the way mom treats us. Because we

(01:05:41):
can only control how we react to situation, we can't
control how someone else is gonna act. So I would
suggest therapy and leaning on your significant other's family more
than your own. I want to stop letting them know
about the things my genius son says or does. Citing
the digits of Pie or using big words that kids

(01:06:03):
his age don't. But it's also hard for me to
do since my dad is his only grandfather. But if
I bring him to see my dad, my mom will
likely see him too. My mom has a message since
last night or attempted to call me. Would I be
wrong if I stopped making the effort to see my
parents and family that I have for years and limited
my son's contact with them over not being added to

(01:06:24):
the family group chat. Absolutely, you would be wrong for that,
But I think the premise of that goes further than
not being added into the group chat. I think you
should go to therapy before you cut off your son
from the rest of his family. On your side, for sure,
we have some comments to finish the story. Come in one.

(01:06:45):
There's nothing wrong in matching effort. It makes you feel
a lot better. Put your love and time into the
relationships that are good for you and your nuclear family.
Drop the rope with those where you don't get energy back.
You don't have to do anything dramatic. It's just a
decision to not be the first to message, not be
the one to call, or the one to travel to
see people unless they've come to see you. You don't

(01:07:08):
have to be confrontational about it either. Just saying you
will see when you have time and then not getting
back to them works just fine. You'll be happier and
you wouldn't be the a hole. Comment to you do
sound a bit sensitive, like bringing up very old comments.
So you said you have a son. Let's say you
get pregnant three more times and they're all boys. Sure

(01:07:31):
you're going to love all your kids, but won't you
be a bit disappointed that number three or number four
wasn't a girl. That's just normal. And the comment about
being chatty with the girlfriends, seriously, let it go. I
think you should see your family when you can. That's
how you stay close. None of us are perfect, and
that's the end of that story.

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I kept quiet about my wife’s AFFAIR… but I know that she already knows! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2344

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I kept quiet about my wife’s AFFAIR… but I know that she already knows! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2344