I REFUSED to take care of my ex-husband…and it made our kids furious! -r/AITAH | Reddit Stories | EP2659 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Riley, and this is Keon, your favorite
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Speaker 2 (00:11):
I refuse to take care of my ex husband and
it made our kids furious. They know he's your ex, right,
I fifty six female, have come across a new problem
in my life and my wife fifty six female. Things
that coming here will either help in getting another perspective
or give me validation. I have four children that I

(00:31):
birthed and raised thirty five male, thirty two female, twenty
nine male, and twenty nine female by my ex husband,
and they all recently decided to cut me out of
their lives because I refuse to care for their father.
By the way, this comes from Visible Yesterday sixty two.
And if you want to smit your own stories, go
to the rasash Okay Storytime suburt it. I'm Sophia, I'm Carly,

(00:53):
and we're here to give good advice. Goofy, But we
don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,
So let us know what you would do in the
comments and op says, I refused on the basis that
he and I divorced over ten years ago and they
feel like I should help take care of him as
a favor to them. I've stuck by my decision and
chose to go on a cruise with my wife instead

(01:16):
of caring for their dad, and they haven't spoken to
me directly since. Right now, the only way I'd be
able to see my children or grandchildren would be if
I physically went to their house and forced my way in.
But I don't want to be that person. I'll admit
it hasn't been easy and I miss them, but my
wife and I, along with my therapist, all agree that
if I give in, I'm just showing that I'll cave

(01:38):
to their demands every time, as they've made it very
clear it's either I care for their father nearly every
day or nothing. I don't want to do that, especially
since my ex husband and I didn't divorce on good terms. Recently,
my eldest son's wife, Kate thirty four female, reached out
to me and said that she had an emergency and
asked if I wanted to see my grandchildren, Emma nine

(02:01):
female and Kyle six mail, and I obviously agreed. At
the time, I was under the impression that my son
was aware, and since I was still blocked, I didn't
think to check with them. Kate dropped the kids off
and I had a nice time with them. Kate came
back a few hours later and asked if I could
watch the kids again, and when I asked how my
son felt, she told me that while he was still angry,

(02:21):
he was fine and then I should just contact her
if they're ready problem. Unfortunately, Kate was lying and I
found out about this when my son came to my
house furious. Apparently, Kate and he have been having problems
since November, and she started looking for lawyers after my
son told her to quit her part time job, stop
going to school online, and be a stay at home

(02:43):
mom while also working on baby number three. Kate stated
that my son has been doing things to sabotage her,
and sadly, some of the things she said track with
both my son and his father. My son stopped payment
for daycare. Kate's nearest relative lives about an hour away,
and any friend she would trust to look after her
kids and were willing are also friends with my son

(03:04):
and refuse to get involved.

Speaker 3 (03:06):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
I was not happy about being lied to, but I
can't find myself too angry because I got to see
two of my grandkids. I admit it's very selfish, but
I agreed to take the kids for her on the
condition that she not lie to me and understand that
if my son comes for the kids, I cannot and
will not keep them from him. I also agreed to

(03:28):
pay for the summer day care program for the kids
so they have something fun to do. And my son
is predictably not happy with me. Since more than one
person brought up a good point, I want to clarify
that when I found out Kate was initially lying, I
didn't just take what she said at face value. I
asked my son, and he either admitted it or didn't
deny the accusation. Kate also showed me text messages, both

(03:51):
in screenshots and on her phone. My son is tragically
displaying many of the same behaviors as his father. My
acxent does have a and from what I last heard
from my children, she wasn't doing a good job. Although
I haven't spoken to her directly because I don't feel
the need, I also think that would be too nosy am,
I the a whole and there are some comments wow,

(04:15):
well no, no, you're you're being lovely but also really
insane that we just learned that the ex.

Speaker 4 (04:22):
Has a wife.

Speaker 5 (04:23):
Yeah, they're still coming after op, Like, but that's your job.

Speaker 3 (04:29):
Actually there's Yeah, you have.

Speaker 5 (04:33):
To be right that it's just like that is how
women have been talked about and like.

Speaker 3 (04:37):
In this family, this is how it's supposed to be
like throughout their family.

Speaker 2 (04:41):
I wonder how the women up like your daughter, that's.

Speaker 3 (04:45):
What I think. It's three sons and one daughter.

Speaker 2 (04:49):
Yeah, I wonder how your daughter in this situation is
being treated.

Speaker 6 (04:52):
That's what I was shocked that even the daughter cut
OP off. Yeah, and well maybe you know she's been
raised in this traditional household and taught that like a
women's place is you know, caretaker.

Speaker 3 (05:03):
She's brain washed.

Speaker 2 (05:04):
Yeah, which is kind of also surprising that she doesn't
want to take on the caretaker role. Uh, or she
is not being pressured to take a caretaker role, don't know.
Comments common one not the ale. It's not the grandchildren's
fault that their father, uncles and aunts are all unreasonable.
Ales always keep a safe space for the grand babies.
Reply says, right, these kids are horrible. Why can't they

(05:27):
take care of their own father? This could be why
son wants his wife to quit her job and school
so she can be his dad's caretaker. Opie says, wow,
I didn't think about that. Common two says, wow, your
son is the ale here. I mean him stopping paying
for daycare isn't just hurting his wife, it's hurting his kids.
He sounds like he doesn't give a crap about his kids.

(05:47):
This is a harmful relationship. I hope Kate gets out quickly.
If your son is just like your ex, then I
can see why you divorced him. Not the ale, and
Opie says, I'm definitely not happy that my son should
to stop paying for daycare before discussing it with his
wife and demanding slash expecting her to be a stay
a mom. But I feel like I can't be too

(06:08):
upset because of how I raised him. In my own childhood,
I was taught to believe that a mother must always
sacrifice for her children and never prioritize her own happiness
and desires before the kids. Some people in my and
my ex husband's family think that if a woman can
stay home with her kids, then she should, and that
a mom can always get a job when the kids

(06:28):
are an adult. My ex and I put this mentality
in all of our children's minds through our words and
actions over the years. So it's another reason why I
feel like I'm an ale. Comment three says, your children
are asking you to care for their dad. That is
not your responsibility. You guys are divorced over ten years ago.
He needs to get into a new relationship like you did.

(06:51):
Your grandchildren are your blood. Do whatever you can to
be in their lives. Maybe you can remind your children
why you and their dad divorced to help them not
repeat the same pattern to their spouse. Op says, actually,
my ex husband does have a wife, but from what
I was told before I was cut off, she wasn't
doing a very good job. Common for says, not the ale.
Your extra played a number on your kids. Who knows

(07:14):
what he's been poisoning their minds with. But they are
adults who are acting like spoiled little brats, perhaps because
none of them want to out their dad. If you
provide any financial assistance to them, cut that off now.
Op says, to be honest, I can't put it all
on my ex I set the expectation that I would
and should always sacrifice for them as a sign of love.

(07:36):
My choice to follow through on my pre planned trip
with my wife was the first time I actually held
true to a boundary in a major way. Also, to
be fair, my children did initially try in the beginning,
but it got to be too much for them as
they don't have the same amount of free time as
I do. I haven't given any financial assistance to my
children in a while, and there is an update seven

(07:57):
months later. But thoughts, I.

Speaker 5 (07:59):
Mean, like, I feel like we know where it came
from now, Yeah, we know exactly why they're acting this way.
So I feel like now you just have to hold
strong that you don't have to cave for them to
take care.

Speaker 3 (08:10):
Of your ex husband.

Speaker 5 (08:11):
Absolutely, I just don't know how much there is of
changing their minds at this point besides just pointing out
the obvious, like he.

Speaker 3 (08:18):
Has a wife.

Speaker 2 (08:19):
Mm hmm, yeah, I think that's all you can do. Definitely,
don't offer your ex husband or ex husband care, No,
but I think I think offering Kate a reprieve and
you know childcare is great. Yeah, so I would continue
doing that as much as you can. Update seven months later,
Happy Holidays. I made this post a while ago, and

(08:40):
since I still get update requests, I decided to post
an update. Over the summer, I paid for my son's
children to go to summer camp so Kate would have
some free time to get her affairs in order and
offer to look after them. My son, now ever, went
to the camp and told the staff that he did
not consent to the kids being there, so their spots
were taken. Grandchildren were really upset because it was a

(09:02):
nice camp with fun activities. My son basically didn't care
because his goal was to use them to keep Kate
at home. He also threatened to call the cops if
they went to my place, so Kate left the kids
with my son and made sure the kids knew he
was the reason they couldn't go to camp. When they
met with lawyers, my son tried to claim abandonment on
Kate's part, but she provided proof that he interfered with

(09:26):
my grandchildren's activities while offering no alternative. During the last
month of summer, using my wife's connections, my grandchildren were
able to get into another summer program and had a
nice time. Kate has her own place and a better
paying job, and has allowed me to FaceTime with my
grandchildren from time to time, which has been nice. That's great. Yeah,

(09:47):
I mean, like not all great.

Speaker 3 (09:48):
I mean it sounds like they're divorced.

Speaker 2 (09:50):
It sounds like you're their divorcing, which is great. Sounds
like you're able to have some access to your grandkids,
which I'm sure will be even more. Yeah, the divorce
is final.

Speaker 5 (10:02):
I cannot imagine, like watching this person that I raised
just be yea is so awful.

Speaker 2 (10:09):
So awful, Like to take away the opportunity.

Speaker 5 (10:12):
From your kids, right because you need that much control
over your wife staying home.

Speaker 3 (10:17):
That's crazy.

Speaker 2 (10:18):
That's crazy to me. But there is a little bit
left to this story. My children have now completely unblocked me,
but I have to block them because they only called
to brate and pester me and even started to cause
trouble for my wife and me at our respective jobs.
We ended up having to send an official legal notice
to get them to stop. It's training and upsetting, but

(10:40):
my wife and step children are really helping me get
through it. It's not perfect, but I'm happier now than
I was well married to my ex husband. I also
heard through Kate that while the worst of my exes
health issues are over, he is permanently in a less
than ideal state. He was also secretly spending thousands of
dollars on f counts, which upset his current wife understandably. Yes,

(11:04):
one of my daughters filed a complaint with adult Social
Services and the investigation ended with no fault on my
ex's wife, showing that my ex was just refusing to
improve his behavior. And that's the end.

Speaker 7 (11:16):
Yeah, that's crazy.

Speaker 2 (11:17):
Your kids are literally I wouldn't you know, put it
past them to file an adult you know, social services
thing against you.

Speaker 5 (11:25):
Yeah, going, Yeah, it's weird to go for the ex
husband's new wife.

Speaker 2 (11:29):
Yeah, well, I guess in saying like, oh, she's not
taking care of him, right, blah blah blah.

Speaker 5 (11:34):
You're letting him use his money for things he doesn't
actually want. I'm sure he actually wanted that he knew.

Speaker 7 (11:41):
What he was doing.

Speaker 5 (11:42):
Oh yeah, And that's the end of this story. We're
gonna go to the next one. My mother cleaned my
room without permission and it was my final straw get
out of my roal mom. And we have a trigger
warning for verbal and emotional mistreatment. I twenty four female,
live with my mother. Our relationship has never been easy.

(12:03):
My parents divorced when I was ten and my brother
was five. My dad is irresponsible and problematic, but his
parents always financially helped us, so we always had the
basics and lived comfortably. My mom was never the warm,
loving kind, to say the least, but she got custody
and started working and studying to try to make things better.

(12:25):
From that moment on, things got dark. By the way,
this comes from a mildly telepathic and if you want
us to make your own stories, go to the r
slash okay storytime sub reddit.

Speaker 3 (12:36):
I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, and.

Speaker 5 (12:37):
We're here to give good advice Goofily, But we don't
have all the answers. We only know what we would do,
so let us know what you would do in the comments.
As Op says, I was recently diagnosed as autistic, which
honestly felt like finding a missing puzzle piece. Growing up,
I was always different, and my mom never tried to
understand that. Instead, she emotionally neglected me, screamed at me constantly,

(13:02):
and sometimes it even got physical. I was a quiet
kid and never caused serious trouble, but she treated me
like I was broken. After years of that, I became
a rebel, not substances or crimes, just leaving the house
without permission, missing some homework, being messy in my own room,

(13:22):
and eventually screaming back because that was the only.

Speaker 3 (13:26):
Way I was ever heard.

Speaker 5 (13:28):
She constantly called me useless, sick in the head, disturbed,
compared me to my father, who was also autistic in
the worst way, regularly told me she'd leave with my
brother and the cats as soon as she could, that
she didn't like me, or being in my presence, and
other things like that. I mirrored the way she treated

(13:49):
me because it was all I knew. I've also said
the worst things to her, basically stating what she had
done to me and what a horrible mother she was,
with the worst possible words so she could feel it too.
And although these are major red flags, I stand by it.
One important thing. We had a maid up until I

(14:10):
was fourteen, which is very cheap in my country. After that,
I barely helped with chores and mostly stayed locked.

Speaker 3 (14:17):
In my room. This is her biggest beef with me.

Speaker 5 (14:21):
She was already screaming at me a lot before that
because of all her stress with college and work. But
from this point on it got worse. From her perspective,
I was lazy and selfish, but from mine, I was
deeply depressed, dealing with emotional neglect and executive dysfunction, and
basically frozen from trauma overload. Yes, she cooked not my

(14:46):
breakfast because of the beef, but I ate lunch and
dinner since it's collective.

Speaker 3 (14:50):
Also because of the beef, and washed my clothes.

Speaker 5 (14:53):
I asked her not to because I would do it
myself only when I had nothing else to wear. But
we're hardly enough. She always insisted on this part. Maybe
she likes it, but all she ever did was put
me down. Even when I rarely did something, she would
pick on it and on me and say I was
useless because it was not enough. So even hearing her

(15:16):
move around the house made and still makes me uncomfortable.
I tend to avoid. I now realize how deeply this
got rooted and damaged my self worth and my relationships,
especially romantic ones. I'm constantly afraid of being a burden,
and I suppressed myself constantly to avoid upsetting people. But

(15:37):
I'm working on it. After my autism diagnosis. She cried
a lot out of guilt, and our relationship improved a little,
but she still doesn't understand depression anxiety ADHD or how
badly her behavior affected me and still affects me even
with all my trouble explaining to.

Speaker 3 (15:56):
Her, here's the problem.

Speaker 5 (15:58):
When I'm in a more depressed stage, which comes and goes,
my room becomes chaotic. It's not laziness, it's me barely
surviving inside my own head. When my mom is around,
which is always, I literally go into fight or flight mode.
I can't cook, clean, or function when she's not home,

(16:18):
I can actually take care of myself. This week, my
friend asked to cat sit at her place while she travels.
I was doing great there, but I left my room
in a very messy state because.

Speaker 3 (16:30):
I'd left in a hurry.

Speaker 5 (16:32):
Not the worst it's ever been, but it's still chaotic.
Today I came home just to grab some clothes for
Christmas Eve, and she had completely cleaned my room without asking.

Speaker 3 (16:44):
Yes it was a mess, but it was my mess.

Speaker 5 (16:47):
I knew exactly where everything was, including those random.

Speaker 3 (16:51):
Small items all over.

Speaker 5 (16:53):
I'm also an aspiring fashion designer, and I sew so
I had fabrics, work in progress, and friends clothes that
I was fixing. She moved everything, everything, she touched my projects.

Speaker 3 (17:07):
She violated my space. I'm not one to hide stuff.

Speaker 5 (17:11):
But I also did have some weird items there, like
an improvised giant spicy toy I made when I was
bored and spicy.

Speaker 3 (17:20):
Don't judge Loel. She also disappeared with it.

Speaker 5 (17:25):
I didn't explode because we're in constant recuperation, and I
could see in her face that she thought she was
doing a good thing.

Speaker 2 (17:32):
I'm gonna be honest, though, when you live with your
parents and they've already been fighting you about cleaning your room,
not that it's a good thing, but it is a
pretty standard thing, I think.

Speaker 5 (17:45):
Yeah, I wasn't super appalled that it happened. Yeah, but
I can totally understand the frustration.

Speaker 2 (17:52):
That's kind of where I'm at. I feel like I
feel like it's somewhat expected, not that it's a good thing, though.

Speaker 5 (17:59):
I don't know, because like I've heard about this happening
a lot, my parents would never do that.

Speaker 3 (18:04):
They'd be like, you go clean that.

Speaker 2 (18:06):
My parents wouldn't go in and clean, but like they
they would, they would, you know, I feel like they
would at some point, did either tell me to do
it or I would or would Yeah, I I doubt
they would have, you know, gone and done this the
whole room themselves. But but I'm just like, I'm this

(18:28):
is still stuck on the fact that she took Yeah. Yeah,
I guess My point is like, you can't not expect Yeah,
live with your parents and they've been yelling at you
to clean your room for ages. Yeah, and also they
have a maid, so maybe the maids they don't anymore, Oh,
they don't have a maybe only till only till he

(18:48):
was fourteen.

Speaker 5 (18:49):
Okay, Okay, Yeah, I don't think it's the most shocking thing. Yeah,
I think you think it still was like invading your prime.

Speaker 2 (18:57):
Yes, I think that's kind of where I'm.

Speaker 5 (18:58):
Yeah. I just went completely silent, lost my appetite and
tried not to react because I feel like I have
no right to complain when I'm depressed and dysfunctional and
she was just trying to help. But I feel sick inside.
My room is the only place that is truly mine,
and I'm not even fully comfortable there because every time

(19:21):
she knocks, I feel my gut twisting like its PTSD.
I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to feel about
all of this. A part of me thinks I should
just shut up, accept it, and move on because I
was a difficult daughter. I know I wasn't easy to raise.
I know I didn't help around the house. I isolated myself.
I yelled back and made things harder than they already were.

(19:44):
Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to be upset
about anything she does, because in her mind, she was
just trying to hold everything together. That's why I'm here
asking strangers for perspective. I don't want to paint myself
as a victim who did nothing wrong. But I also
don't think it's fair to pretend that all of this
is my fault. I just need some outside light on

(20:06):
this situation because I'm exhausted from carrying guilt, anger, shame,
and this distorted biologically weird love for the same person
all at once, and we have an edit some context.
In my culture, it's not weird to still live with
your parents at my age. People usually move out when
they get married. Oh and I'm already set to move

(20:27):
out in February.

Speaker 7 (20:27):
Amazing.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
Yeah, I didn't think it was weird that you were
living with your own Yes, I was just thinking, but
you just stressed, so you should get out. But you're
getting out of February.

Speaker 7 (20:36):
Okay.

Speaker 5 (20:37):
The house isn't hers. It belongs to my grandparents on
my dad's side, so legally it's more hours than hers.
She did study to try to improve her situation, but
it didn't work out. She's been unemployed for over a
year now and spends the entire day at home. She
doesn't financially sustain me, and we do have an update.

(20:58):
I just talked to her fir. My room was not rotting.
It was dusty. There were no bugs or mold, just fabrics, clothes,
and bits and pieces lying around. But she didn't just clean.
She messed with my work and my stuff. She opened
two large chests where I keep sewing fabrics and ongoing projects,

(21:19):
both completely full and emptied one because she thought I
wasn't gonna use it, and reorganized the other, mixing client items, friends, clothes,
things I hadn't started yet, and projects that were already
in progress. She took down decor what, reorganized shelves why,

(21:42):
and threw away collections I had collections of what. She
even threw away a watch with a broken band that
was important to me. Some people think I'm just making
excuses for being messy.

Speaker 3 (21:54):
I'm not.

Speaker 5 (21:56):
My life isn't total chaos, although family is complicated, and
oppression isn't a ridiculous excuse. When I say I wasn't
easy to deal with, it's because she has always disrespected
me as both a daughter and a person. I was
actually a really good kid. I behaved, had good grades,
but she still screamed at me for stupid reasons. Since

(22:19):
I was a toddler, she often told me to f
off when I asked for help. She treated me badly
every day, sometimes just for being awake. Verbal emotional mistreatment
was constant. All that, without any instigation, destroyed my idea
of authority, respect and love and made me start fighting back.

Speaker 2 (22:40):
Boy oh boy, Yeah, this is definitely a situation that
can only be fixed by you moving out.

Speaker 4 (22:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (22:47):
I wonder what month it is. She's out in February. Well,
I hope it's past February for me too. Well, I
don't unless it's like, oh yeah, if it's recent, Yeah,
I was kind of maybe it was last year.

Speaker 2 (23:01):
Yeah, hope, you're close. You're so close. It's if you're
almost there. If it is this year, you're you're almost.

Speaker 3 (23:08):
There, so you're one month to go.

Speaker 5 (23:12):
I started today's conversation calmly, though I told her I understood.
She meant well, and I could see it in her face,
but she still crossed a line by not asking first.
I didn't scream, because I've been trying not to, but
I did cry. She triggers me deeply. This will be
the short version. I explained everything, how disrespectful that was,

(23:34):
that it made no sense to touch my work, throw
things away from drawers and shelves, or reorganize my wardrobe.
It wasn't cleaning, it was dismantling my space. Still, I
was somehow expected to be grateful just because she meant well,
but heck is full of good intentions. She did try
to deflect at first, but didn't take it as bad

(23:56):
as I thought, and eventually admitted it wasn't that bad.
She did try to fault my depression, but she had
really screwed up, and even she couldn't deny it. Luckily,
this happened today, so the trash he removed was still around,
I think. Effect I told her I was leaving again,
and since she created the mess, she could put everything back.

Speaker 3 (24:18):
I was really overwhelmed.

Speaker 5 (24:20):
She apologized we had no comments on the spicy toy.

Speaker 2 (24:24):
I would hope not. I don't think we need to
comment about that. And that's it. Yeah, well, let's let's
keep that. Let's keep that to ourselves.

Speaker 3 (24:34):
I like though, that that one she didn't throw away.

Speaker 7 (24:37):
She took that.

Speaker 2 (24:38):
She's like, I like, I think I'll keep that. I'll
I'm just gonna take this. I hope no reasons it's you, groady.

Speaker 3 (24:49):
I hope no reasons to.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
Oh wow, yikes, seems like you had a good conversation
with your mom.

Speaker 3 (24:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:56):
I think, I genuinely think, you know, Like I know,
you've suffered a lot of uh seemingly trauma for your
mom and your childhood. But I do think that you
will your relationship with her will improve once you no
longer live.

Speaker 3 (25:11):
Yeah, I would agree.

Speaker 5 (25:13):
And this was posted sixteen days ago.

Speaker 3 (25:16):
Okay, we're close. February is close.

Speaker 2 (25:18):
Sebruary is right around the corner.

Speaker 3 (25:20):
But that's the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (25:22):
My husband and I moved out for privacy, but we
lost it all over again.

Speaker 3 (25:27):
Who's watching you?

Speaker 2 (25:28):
My husband male thirty two, and I female thirty one,
live in a spacious two bedroom, two and a half
bath town home. Currently, my sister, female thirty lives in
our guest room. I'm considering telling her that it is
time to move out. This is not cut and dry
and it is a tough one. I feel pulled in
multiple directions and genuinely don't know what the right call

(25:50):
is here. By the way, this comes from Lazy PuppyCat
And if you want to spit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay storytime severed it. I'm Sophia, I'm.

Speaker 3 (25:58):
Carly, and we're here to give good scoofy.

Speaker 2 (26:00):
But we don't have all the answers. We only know
what we'd do, So let us know what you would
do in the comments and op says. My parents live
a few minutes from us. We lived with them for
around two years to save up money to buy our
own home. I know this was not easy for my
husband at all. My parents' house is cluttered and while
we were in the upper room in their bungalow, the

(26:22):
upper floor was set up in a strange way. There
were two rooms, but the first room was a pass
through room, which was my sister's room. Then there was
a door and then our room, so my sister had
us walking through her room to get to the back bedroom.
There was no privacy whatsoever. You could hear everything through
the wall, and my sister would even chime in on conversation.

(26:45):
Growing up, I had shared this upper floor with two
to three other siblings, so it felt normal to me.
My husband, on the other hand, grew up with his
own room and this situation was absolutely not his cup
of tea. Not to mention, it was my family, not his,
and I know my family has issues with boundaries and
can be overbearing at times. Fast forward and he couldn't

(27:07):
take it anymore. We were grateful to my parents for
letting us stay, but we were desperate for our own space.
We found a sweet town home, bought our first ever place,
and moved in. Having a guest room felt exciting because
you get to offer your friends a place to hang
out and spend the night. It felt like we were
finally starting our own life together. While we lived with

(27:29):
my parents, I repeatedly emphasized to my dad that there
was almost definitely a leak in the roof. It had
been going on for years. Once I really thought about it,
he finally understood, but said they wouldn't fix it until
we moved out. That became a second motivation for us
to go buy a place of her own. A month
or so after we moved out, they found a builder

(27:49):
to fix the major issue. They always wanted for decades
to bump out the upper floor and add a bathroom
there as well, so they decided this was time.

Speaker 7 (27:58):
To do it.

Speaker 2 (27:59):
They needed a couple of weeks for the work to
be done and asked if my sister could stay with us.
My husband agreed, assuming it would be short term, and
the work initially progressed quickly. At that point it felt
reasonable and temporary. Fast forward again and they did not
have the correct permits. The roof was done, but the
rest of the space is now just wooden, exposed shell

(28:22):
with nails and unfinished framing. The work had to be
halted completely. The builders are apparently having issues getting the
necessary permits, and my dad has been getting involved and
trying to sort that out as well. Everything is dragged
on far longer than anyone expected. It's now been four
to five months. My sister works mostly nights, but her

(28:44):
schedule does flip flop, so she comes and goes at
odd hours. She mostly sleeps here, but goes to my parents'
place to cook and shower. The sound in our town
home travels a lot, so even at a normal volume,
if my husband is on the phone in our bedroom,
she hear him and has mentioned it later commenting on conversations.
That feels wild to me. But she has an audio

(29:07):
processing disorder and is autistic, so sounds are amplified for her.
She genuinely does not seem to understand that you should
at least pretend you didn't hear someone else's private conversation.
She is not messy at all, aside from her clothes
not being neatly put away in the guest room. She
occasionally does our dishes and helps out in small ways,
and she constantly says how grateful she is that we're

(29:30):
letting her stay. If I have a guest, I could
technically put her on the couch and move some of
her things, and she's perfectly content with that. My husband, however,
feels extremely awkward doing so. He has said that his friends,
knowing she lives here, feel just as disinclined to come over,
not to mention if they're having a late night app

(29:51):
and she happens to be sleeping at night instead of
during the day. We obviously cannot just wake her up,
and that would be unreasonable. I work five days a
week in the office, but my husband works from home.
Because of that, I think it feels even more intense
for him. To him, it feels like living at my parents'
house all over again. He thought we finally at our

(30:12):
own space, only to end up sharing it with my
sister again. That realization has been extremely hard on him.
They have said the work is supposed to be done
after February twenty twenty six, but at this point I'm
very skeptical. The timeline keeps shifting and nothing feels concrete anymore.
It feels like we're stuck in limbo with no clear

(30:34):
end in sight. My sister does cat now sit for
my parents' neighbor, who travels as often as possible, but
that's maybe once a month. She has a boyfriend, but
he lives with his parents who are extremely traditional and
will not allow her to spend the night. That is
their culture, and that's fine, but it is unfortunate for
this situation. Moving out is not an option for him

(30:55):
right now. At most, she sometimes sleeps there during the
day since she works. He also has a brother in
his forties who lives there and openly hates her presence,
which is a whole of the story. This is just
a perfect storm of you know, everyone, she has to
stay at your house.

Speaker 3 (31:12):
Yeah, everything's going right for her staying there.

Speaker 2 (31:14):
Yes, because of that, she definitely cannot stay there. For
additional context, my sister works between full time and part
time in the stumfield. She went to college and got
a good degree. Sadly, in this world and in this economy,
that is not enough to live independently. She has some
longer term plans involving marriage and eventually being able to

(31:37):
afford her own place, but that is quite far off.
None of this feels immediate or solvable in the short term.
My parents also have zero other space in their home.
My younger brother lives in the basement and he barely
fits down there as it is. Their small, bright living
room is currently a storage bound of their kids belongings
that were previously upstairs even if it were empty. My

(32:00):
sister works mostly nights, so the foot traffic and constant
sunlight would be overwhelming for her. There is simply nowhere
for her to go in that house. My husband is
anxious and at his wits end. He truly thought he'd
finally got in his own space, only to end up
back in a situation that feels uncomfortably familiar. This is

(32:20):
not a good situation for anyone involved. I feel stuck
in the middle, trying to balance my husband's well being
with my family's needs. Would I be the ale if
I told her to move out and told my parents
to just figure it out? And there are some comments,
but what do you think?

Speaker 5 (32:38):
I feel as though I would have to kind of
just set a future boundary, Like I'd be like, okay,
you said February twenty twenty six, it's a month from now,
we can we can hang on, but like that is
the extent of when you can stay with us.

Speaker 3 (32:54):
Yes, yeah, that gives her a month to figure out
where to go. It kind of like makes it less
like get out right now kind of thing.

Speaker 2 (33:03):
I think that's a good idea. I think as long
as you have a goal that she can aim for,
rather than just like, well, we don't know when the
all the you know, construction will.

Speaker 3 (33:14):
Be done, so we can't just let it be in
that limbo.

Speaker 2 (33:19):
Common one says you wouldn't be wrong to ask her
to find another place, especially if the original agreement was
only for a few weeks and has now been the
better half of the year. Hope, he says. I think
that is what is making this difficult is the unknowns
on the time. I am torn because I know for
a fact she cannot afford to move out, and my

(33:40):
parents helped us for over two years save my whole life.
To be honest, they've always been good to me, so
it feels wrong as crap to be like now she
can't stay in our vacant room for a year as
pretty good house guests. Common two says the fact that
she works nights can actually be a benefit. Worst case scenario,
she moves back to the family home and shares a
room with a brother. He sleeps there at night she's

(34:02):
at work, she sleeps during the day when he's being
a normal person. Not saying it's perfect, but it's an option,
not the ale for kicking her out. But yeah, it's
not an easy situation. Comment three says, she is a
thirty year old. You have helped She needs to figure
it out. Presumably she doesn't pay rent, so she must
have savings. Time to go in the new year. She

(34:22):
can rent a room. Her long term plans of marriage
and moving out can't be at your home. It's one
thing if she's living at your parents, but completely different
if it's at your home. She can also ask your
parents to help partially with rent. She puts in half
and they do. Opie says, I know she's thirty, but
she did graduate and get this job a couple of
years ago, and I don't think she has any savings

(34:45):
currently because her field doesn't provide a high enough wage
for it nor consistent full time hours. On the other end,
I make pretty good money and so does my husband,
which is how we're able to take on this mortgage.

Speaker 7 (34:57):
Now.

Speaker 2 (34:57):
I am considering if I could talk to my parents
about me and them covering her rent somewhere affordable, but
just had to be safe to and there is an update.
I think that's the best solution.

Speaker 3 (35:08):
The last one of the half half, Yeah, I would agree.

Speaker 5 (35:11):
I feel like that feels like you're not putting her
in a difficult financial situation.

Speaker 2 (35:17):
And maybe even she chips in a little bit. Yeah,
she has some measure of savings, or she.

Speaker 3 (35:23):
Does something in return to your parents or you somehow.

Speaker 2 (35:27):
Yeah, I think that could work. Update. I messaged my parents'
neighbor to propose my sister sleeping in his basement room
the way she currently does here. It's dark, which helps
her night shift. We would pay him rent, of course,
have a contract, and end it either when the renovation
is done or at his discretion. No questions asked. If
that arrangement ended, she would come back here. He was

(35:49):
pretty on board and said he just had a few
things to discuss with his separated partner first. Out of courtesy,
he mentioned that if she came back, many of her
things are still in the home as well.

Speaker 3 (35:59):
That's it sounds great. Yeah, it seems like neighbors on board.
Her stuff's still there. Yeah, easy peasy.

Speaker 2 (36:06):
Yeah, it's perfect. If he's fully on board. I'll ask
my sister how she feels about it, then when we
talk to my parents. Then we'll talk to my parents
and I'll ask them if they'll split the rent. I
do owe my dad money for utilities that my mom
had convinced him to forgive. I was the only child
paying utilities, which my mom did not like. I'll also

(36:28):
offer to pay those back monthly, effectively rolling it into
my parents' cost of the rent that would be an
estimated three hundred to four hundred dollars a month. I'm
sitting here feeling good about how this might turn out,
but also disappointed that neither my husband nor my parents
discussed options like this themselves. It was just me trying
to make everyone happy. Oh well, if it works.

Speaker 5 (36:50):
It works, and that's the end of this story. We're
going to go to the next one.

Speaker 7 (36:54):
Hey, this is Riley, your favorite Southern biale. We're going
to get back to these stories, but here's three minutes
worth of ads form our sponsors. My coworker made a
TikTok against me, so I reported her.

Speaker 3 (37:07):
Make a react to talk back.

Speaker 7 (37:09):
I work with a younger girl, let's call her Carla
in healthcare Carla. Since she started, there's always been some
sort of tension between us, and I never really understood why.
It hasn't been anything overt, but there's always felt like
there was an undercurrent of hostility that I couldn't quite pinpoint.
By the way, this comes from user wonderful Folds And

(37:30):
if you want us to meet your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay storytime subburn it. I'm Dakota.
I'm Carly, I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,
but we don't have all the answers. We only know
what we would do, So let us know what you
would do in the comments, and Op says, I had
knee surgery a little while back and have had certain
restrictions since returning to work. I genuinely wasn't aware that

(37:51):
this was causing any issues because no one mentioned it.
My coworkers knew I was out for a couple of months,
but that was it, and I didn't feel like I
needed to clarify why I was out for that time.
I got home from work and was doom scrolling on
TikTok when one of her videos popped up. She was
talking about how everyone hates me, calling me lazy, and
saying they were all going to slash the Witch's tires,

(38:14):
me being the witch. I wouldn't have realized it was
about me if the caption hadn't said and her name
rhymes with Op's name, which clearly points to me. I'm
the only one with a name that could possibly rhyme
with the spelling she used. I spent the last hour
crying and I just do not want to go to
work tomorrow. I genuinely try to be a nice person.

(38:35):
I don't go out of my way to hurt anyone,
and I've never had issues with anyone at work before.
This has left me feeling targeted and completely blindsided. I
asked my mom, who was a nurse for two decades,
what she thought. She told me, I'm being too sensitive
and then I should just let it go. It's difficult
for me because Carla also has a video up that
shows the back of my car with the license plate

(38:56):
fully visible, which feels unsafe and invasive. Looked at her
profile right after the fact, and it's just not sitting
right with me. I don't feel like I'm overreacting. I
work very hard and try to do my best to
be treated respectfully. If this were happening to my face,
I might be able to process it more easily. But
the fact that it's online for strangers to join in
on makes it feel humiliating and unsafe. It feels like

(39:18):
being in high school all over again. Am I the
a hole for reporting her? I know she'll probably lose
her job, and that bothers me, but I also feel
like this is a serious issue that needs to be addressed.
Comment why not the a hole. If you're fully honest
about what she did and she loses her job, that's
the consequences of her own actions, and OP says, I
wish I were lying. Comm At two says, save the

(39:40):
videos in case they do slash the tires or anything
happens to you or your property. OP says, I saved
the videos and screenshot it in case she deletes them.
Come at three, not the a whole report her. That
is insane behavior for an adult. And I would say
she's acting like a kid, but I've never met any
kids this bad. Show her that her actions have consequence

(40:00):
is Op says, it definitely felt like a shock to
the system just hearing the way she was talking about me.
I was bullied relentlessly in high school, but no one
ever said anything like that directly to me. I know
she'd thought I'd probably never see the video, but gosh,
that commentary says I used to be bullied really bad too.
That that taught me to be truthful, stern, and a nark.

(40:21):
But people aren't as rude, at least to my face anymore,
because I stood up to them and would tell adults
that their behavior wasn't okay. Sounds like something out of
a coming of age movie, but it works surprisingly well.
Op says, It's been so long since I felt like
I had to really speak up for myself. I just
thought women my age and her age had moved past
treating each other like that. It's so discouraging. A fourth

(40:44):
comment says, if the video was just her sounding off
about not liking you, that's one thing. And your mom
may have had a point at the point she's threatening
you or your property. That's bordering on criminal conduct and
should be reported. One hundred and ten percent not the
a hole.

Speaker 5 (40:58):
Honestly, wait till they slash your tires and then be
like you admitted to doing.

Speaker 7 (41:05):
Yeah, you admitted to planning this and doing this was.

Speaker 3 (41:07):
A premeditated attack, and I have proof.

Speaker 7 (41:10):
Yeah, gotcha. Op replies, I feel like even without the threats,
it's still not okay. Not with our line of work.
There shouldn't be any place in health care for bullying,
even without the threats. She basically named me in the caption.
I don't know if any of our coworkers follow her,
but if they do, they one hundred percent No, it's
about me, and I'll have to deal with more nonsense
at work because of it. Comment five. Report her to

(41:33):
both your employer and the police. Eh, she's threatening criminal damage.
Don't feel guilty for another tiny second. She's got this coming.
I bet you're not the first she's targeted online. As
for her career, I would never want a nasty person
like this taking care of me. You're doing a lot
of people a favor.

Speaker 2 (41:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (41:52):
I was not shocked when they said healthcare just a mean,
nasty lady.

Speaker 7 (41:59):
Meanness lady. Oh, she pokes you. She pokes you when
you're in your bitch, she says, wow, doing I'm examining
your ribs.

Speaker 4 (42:09):
Eh.

Speaker 7 (42:10):
Eh, say doctor, I've sprained my ankle. Yeah, but I'm
just gonna damn into your ribs. I wish she might
do that. She might do that because she's a young lady.

Speaker 3 (42:21):
I feel like that happened to you. That seemed like
we brought something up there.

Speaker 7 (42:25):
No, I don't think so. That's like a forgotten memory
I'm bringing up uh. Opie says, thank you. I think
I let my mom get in my head a bit
too much, and reading these comments kind of snapped me
back into reality and out of my emotions. I'm emailing
my supervisor now. I don't feel like I should wait
and sleep on it, or I'll take myself out of it.
I have a habit of letting people just railroad me,

(42:47):
comment six, tell HR or whoever, and if they seem
to not take it seriously, say you'll not work with
her and try to get her to move branches or something.
I don't know anything about health care workers. Sorry, uh
OHP says I'm not sure myself. If I'm being honest,
I've never been in trouble, and I don't think i've
seen anyone have to go through the disciplinary process. I

(43:08):
can't imagine it's fun. But I did email my supervisor
because she's the first line of command. She's really amazing,
so I think that she'll take it seriously. I did
send links to the videos and have them saved in
case she does delete them and we have an update.
Don't be afraid to go to HR.

Speaker 3 (43:26):
That's literally why there's HR.

Speaker 4 (43:28):
Yeah, true, hrs, bffgilli's with this one co.

Speaker 3 (43:32):
Work Well, I mean tiningly that's HR is still there
for this reason. It just doesn't mean they're gonna h
oh my god, what if the TikTok. What if Christian
made the TikTok about you?

Speaker 4 (43:41):
So I'm saying, sometimes we get you.

Speaker 7 (43:43):
That would be a sticky situation.

Speaker 4 (43:44):
Sometimes we get horror stories because HRS.

Speaker 3 (43:46):
Yeah, it can definitely happen.

Speaker 5 (43:48):
I feel like, though, even if it's even like if
HR was also like corrupt or the one doing it
kind of thing, there's always a step above HR still,
like you can always just take it straight to the
top of the company.

Speaker 7 (43:59):
H R R like HR plus human resources resarch R.

Speaker 3 (44:04):
Are the resources of human resources.

Speaker 7 (44:08):
JJK, there's an update, the update you've all been waiting for.
I reported her the next morning after I emailed my supervisor.
My supervisor went to HR with me. I wasn't the
first person she's done similar things to. Unfortunately, fortunately for me,
her having several reports against her for the same thing
made it easier on me. Anyways, I reported her the

(44:29):
next day and she was fired today. They pulled her
into the office and made her watch her tiktoks, and
then they let her go. I got the satisfaction of
watching her get escorted out by security and her work
besties were all smiles all day. No one treated me
weird or anything. It was a very good day and
there you go, actually consequences.

Speaker 5 (44:50):
Wow, I'm gonna be so really, I feel like that
lady probably didn't learn a thing, but I'm glad that
you reported it.

Speaker 4 (44:56):
Now.

Speaker 7 (44:57):
She just learned to make it on a fake.

Speaker 5 (45:00):
She's just gonna private it or something or not per
face in it, which you know, kind.

Speaker 7 (45:04):
Of solves the issue by itself, because it's like the
issue is it's like you're blasting me out onto the
internet for the world to see, call me a witch,
threatening me, which makes one.

Speaker 4 (45:14):
For yourself doing absolutely nothing, probably.

Speaker 7 (45:16):
Just for being better at your job than she is.

Speaker 3 (45:19):
Fully Do your socks match your shirt?

Speaker 7 (45:21):
Yeah? They got? They both got Bears incredible berber firm.

Speaker 4 (45:26):
Dakota wants the Bears to win the Super Bowl.

Speaker 7 (45:28):
Yeah sure, sure I do. Thank you to everyone who
knocks some sense into me and helped me stand up
for myself. I needed that backbone and I'll be working
on that with myself moving forward. She also deleted her
entire TikTok. Nice we beat the bully this time and
there are some more comments here. Comment one good for

(45:49):
you and everyone else who reported her. While it's one
thing to engage in gossip at a job, even though
that's pretty tacky as well. It's another to post gossip
and to be doxing people on social media. Opie says,
I agree. I had thought about it all night and
that night, and I realized I genuinely wouldn't have cared
had she just not mentioned my name while making it

(46:10):
obvious it was about me, And two that she had
not posted the back of my car with my license plate.
It's one thing to just not like me. I couldn't
care less, but it's another to just outright degrade me
on the internet, thinking I'll never see it come at too.
I just read the original, and honestly, your mom is wrong.
She's from the era where it was just accepted that

(46:33):
you shat on the younger nurses. I'm glad you spoke
up for yourself and everyone else she victimized. Opie says,
I agree. She hasn't spoken to me since I told
her I'm going through with reporting, and I think that
maybe for the best, times have changed, and healthcare or
really any job, is no place for bullying. Ever, a
lot of people made really good points that really drove

(46:54):
this home for me. People had asked me if I
would want her taking care of me or my family
knowing she is the way she is, and honestly, no,
I don't. Hopefully my mom wakes up and realizes I
wasn't wrong, but if she doesn't, then I guess it's
not that big of a loss. Third comment says Mike,
my hospital has pretty strict rules about unprofessional behavior on
social media. I suspect recording it and publishing it there

(47:16):
breaches any number of professional nursing standards, and it's hard
to put up a defense given it's documented. Opie said.
My supervisor said I should report it to the nursing
board as well. I'm thinking about it, but I'm not
sure if I want to take it that far since
she was already fired. Take it that far, Opie, take
it as far as you can.

Speaker 3 (47:38):
I mean, clearly she's willing to do this multiple times.

Speaker 7 (47:42):
You might as well, Yeah, what.

Speaker 3 (47:44):
Is she going to start making? Like? Ugh, I had
a patient the other day? Like yeah, reporter her.

Speaker 7 (47:48):
So this last comment is OPI responding to a downvoted
comment that was like. Regarding some terms that were used
in the post, Opie says, insufferable is a word. Though
what I'm sure you know very well. Burn. We call
our supervisors soups. If you don't work in our building,
then maybe you refer to them as something else, and

(48:09):
that's fine, but we don't. And for the third time,
I am dyslexic. I don't give a crap about spelling
or grammatical errors in a Reddit group. Get off your
high horse. TikTok, TikTok, Who gives a crap? It's the
same effing thing. And yes, update you've all been waiting for,
because my post had hundreds of comments asking for an update. Genius.

(48:30):
And that's the end of that story. It sounds like
op let out a little bit of a frustrations on
that comment.

Speaker 5 (48:34):
Or sounds like that commenter deserved it maybe, And that's
the end of this story. We're gonna go to the
next one. I quit my job without notice, and now
the HR is freaking out on me.

Speaker 7 (48:45):
So I leave the nuclear plant without any notice. Who cares?

Speaker 5 (48:50):
I quit with no notice, and I am beyond happy
and relieved. I have an amazing new job that needed
me right away. My now former workplace is a pit
of toxicity and immaturity that deserves no respect, as they
gave me none, and I did exactly what was right
for me. I feel lighter just knowing I am free

(49:13):
from that environment. By the way, this comes from vague
username one three three, and if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the arsage Okay storytime subreddit.

Speaker 3 (49:21):
I'm Carly, I'm.

Speaker 4 (49:22):
Dakota, I'm Keon, and we're.

Speaker 2 (49:24):
Here to give good advice.

Speaker 5 (49:25):
Goofully, but we don't have all the answers. We only
know what we would do, So let us know what
you would do in the comments. As op says, I
resigned today and got a call from the harmful and
honestly probably mental ill HR in quotes person a few
hours later, demanding that I return my laptop and phone
to them first thing tomorrow morning. The problem is that

(49:48):
I work on the opposite side of the city and
already have an introductory drinks outing with my new team
after work tomorrow. Their timing is impossible and it feels
intentionally intaggoned. I offer to overnight the items and the mail,
and I was told that if they are not back
by tomorrow morning, despite this being impossible, their attorneys will

(50:09):
be involved. Part of me is loving this. They are
actively horrible people, and HR has been bullying me all year,
so I expected nothing less from them. At the same time,
I'm wondering if anyone out there thinks I will actually
be in big trouble if I overnight the items, which
is completely unacceptable to them. Sending good energy to everyone

(50:31):
out there dealing with this kind of bus.

Speaker 3 (50:33):
It's validating to know that.

Speaker 5 (50:34):
I am not alone in navigating toxic workplaces. I'm relieved
to be moving on and hope others can find the
courage to do the same. Top comments uh Blue RfR
three one zero zero. I would wait for the lawyers
to contact you. The first thing the lawyers will do
is send you a letter. Once you get that letter,
call them back and make arrangements to return the items.

(50:57):
The lawyers will build a company for sending out the letter.
Make them pay for being so petty. Opie's comments Redditor one,
what a bunch of witches. If the company even has lawyers,
they will blow through the cost of a phone and
laptop in a day. And one would have to be
utterly insane to waste money on terrorizing a former employee.

(51:17):
Take the gear back anytime this week that's convenient for you,
or as you suggested, just ship it. Make sure you
require a signature for delivery and that the package is
insured for its value. Opi responds, this is what I
was thinking too. I'm shipping that crap back and yes, asap,
with signature required, and then I cannot wait to never

(51:39):
hear from them again as long as I live. The
corps can go f themselves as they act like they own. You.

Speaker 3 (51:47):
Tell them you send them the phone.

Speaker 5 (51:50):
Uh, tell them a little ala, Tell them you send
them the phone in the mail and you get it
when it arrives, and block their numbers. Form VM need
to be brought back to earth, Opie says, I didn't
think of blocking them. I'm doing that as soon as
the dang thing is signed for. Thank you, good idea,
Redditor three. Also, if they are crazy, don't let them

(52:11):
know where you're working now, Opie says, Oh, I never would.
I didn't even tell the one person I like and
trust there. I'm not risking it. These people are unhinged
and unfortunately powerful billionaires with their hands and money in
Israel and all that crap. Not this loser HR guy, though,
he's a pathetic loser who works Remoi and would threaten

(52:34):
me via email once every once in a while for
various things.

Speaker 3 (52:38):
He literally refused every PTO request I ever had.

Speaker 5 (52:42):
In the convo we had about the phone bs, he
berated me for not giving notice and said I was
probably about to be terminated anyway because I'm sick all
the time. Yes, dude, I had to take time off
to get tested for crones and colitis because I was crap.

Speaker 3 (52:57):
In blood at work. Want to see evidence. Effing losers,
I'm not even mad.

Speaker 5 (53:03):
I laughed at him on the phone. I appreciate everyone's
advice here. It made me feel less frantic. Redditor for
downvoted says, should have turned them in when you quit.
If you are remote, you should have quit in person.
That is the most satisfying way to see their face
when you walk out the door. If you quit via email,
you need to grow up, Opie says. Nah, I'm tired

(53:24):
of being the bigger person when they go low, So
do I so they can get a taste of how
effing annoying they are, and we have an update.

Speaker 3 (53:32):
I'm gonna be so real. I think you should suck
it up and return it in the morning.

Speaker 7 (53:37):
I mean, if you can get there, I'm sure. If
it's like oh, I can't go in the morning, because like,
I already have this other job. If you just tell
your job, hey, I have to take this stuff back.

Speaker 5 (53:47):
This is the last thing I have for my other job. Yeah,
they'll be like, yeah, you can come in a little late.

Speaker 7 (53:52):
I'm sure. I'm sure it'll be okay.

Speaker 5 (53:55):
I think that's just the safest way to cover your
own butt here, Like yes.

Speaker 4 (54:00):
Go ahead, No, I said, go ahead, No, I was
just the band aid. Just rip off this.

Speaker 7 (54:06):
Band aid.

Speaker 4 (54:07):
That's just like I'll do it later. It's gonna come
off anyway.

Speaker 5 (54:09):
Right, Like we're just causing more problem, which I get it.
They were being poopoo heads to you, but like, let's
just be done with them.

Speaker 7 (54:16):
They are the poop poo.

Speaker 3 (54:18):
They are the poop poo. They are the poopoo that
needs to be tested from.

Speaker 7 (54:23):
Working to r crowd.

Speaker 5 (54:27):
Update two days later, Hi, I got so many responses
and such helpful info in my last post linked. Thanks
everyone who responded and let me know that this guy
didn't have a leg to stand on.

Speaker 3 (54:38):
Quick update is I didn't return the.

Speaker 5 (54:42):
Phone and laptop same day, as I literally couldn't and
had offered over four times to ship them back overnight.

Speaker 3 (54:48):
With signature for clarity.

Speaker 5 (54:50):
I even initiated that offer in my email telling him
about my resignation. This unhinged HR guy said no again
and sent me an official Sun letter telling me I
had to return the items to the location by November eighteenth,
twenty twenty five. He also said he mailed a copy
of the letter to me, which would be a moot

(55:10):
point even if he had gotten the date right, supposed
to be today December eighteenth, solid since the mail doesn't
come that same effing day. He said he texted me
the PDF, but he texted it to the work phone
that I have wiped and turned off according to his instructions.
I responded and said it wasn't possible, and it literally
was impossible to take it in person that day or

(55:32):
the day before, as he demanded. He said he will
be taking legal action, at which point I responded, please
do contact me with your attorney so we can wrap
this up, looking forward to hearing from them. He responded
and said you can go through me, lmao. Finally, he
conceded to sending a messenger to pick up my things,
which should happen tomorrow if I'll go smoothly and knowing

(55:53):
how stupid he is, it won't. His whole issue with
me is that I know he's stupid, and he knows
I know that he's stupid. I cannot wait to hand
these things off to the messenger and confirm receipt and
block him.

Speaker 3 (56:06):
Hope he gets a life soon. Happy holidays everyone.

Speaker 5 (56:09):
We have another update, he saying it's prohibited to send
the items back in the mail due to sensitive info,
and he's going to have his attorneys serve me papers.
I said, great, connect me because I'm traveling and don't
want them to have to chase me down. FYI, I
didn't sign anything about equipment return whatsoever. Then he refused
to connect me. He said he would send a messenger again.

(56:32):
After I said, I'm at work today and I don't
have the things with me. I said I could return
the items in person after the New Year.

Speaker 3 (56:39):
No answer yet.

Speaker 5 (56:41):
I'm pretty sure it's illegal to withhold a paycheck due
to this, and I am owed another next week.

Speaker 7 (56:46):
I'm unsure about any of that, but I think you
should give them back.

Speaker 5 (56:50):
I like cause at this point now we're talking New Year,
and the original date was December eighteenth. We're talking weeks
that you can't return these things.

Speaker 7 (56:59):
Give this.

Speaker 3 (56:59):
You're asked looking for problems, Just give the stuff.

Speaker 8 (57:03):
You're really petty at this point, and like at this point,
like why, like you're like, ah, I left the job, but.

Speaker 3 (57:09):
The job suck. Yeah, okay, great, now you kind of suck.

Speaker 5 (57:13):
God, I'm tired of his butt and I'm not even
trying to f with him at this point.

Speaker 3 (57:18):
You have some top comments.

Speaker 5 (57:21):
Uzah says, get something in writing from the courier to
document transfer of possession. This HR guy sounds ninety nine
percent like smoke. But always c ya cover your body.

Speaker 7 (57:34):
Cover your booty behind, yeah, or just even if you
just whatever, Just give them the stuff, give it back,
give it back. You're not in You're inconveniencing no one
but yourself.

Speaker 5 (57:46):
Now. Really, we're waiting weeks to return this. I'm pretty
sure they probably could hold your paycheck. And what are
you gonna do in the time that it would take
to like sue them or whatever for your paycheck? You
could just return the eye and get it. Redditor five
posted this in your other thread. Please escalate this guy's
legal threats to the higher ups at your previous company

(58:09):
or to in house legal If this is a large company.
If it's a small crappy business, they probably won't care.
If this is a real company with actual legal they
absolutely will care about this.

Speaker 2 (58:20):
For all.

Speaker 5 (58:21):
You know, he's been warned about this before, and you
could end up prove and you could end up providing
him a real nice parting gift on.

Speaker 3 (58:28):
Your way out or for the real lol.

Speaker 5 (58:31):
Let them know on every form of social media that
you don't appreciate the legal threats from HR when you
quit Pops for the win. Ope, he says it's a
small crappy company and he is the HR department. He
said he's going to have them serve me papers. I said,
go for it. Update one day later, three days after
the original post. If this isn't, I returned to the

(58:51):
laptop and phone.

Speaker 4 (58:53):
I'm just waiting for like I got served legal paper?

Speaker 7 (58:55):
Yeah, I oh shockers, Like if you're you're really just
playing with fire? Why why?

Speaker 5 (59:01):
I think you want to be sued and I think
that you think you would win, but you wouldn't you
just have their stuff you have? Like at this point,
they just want their stuff.

Speaker 7 (59:10):
Back, and it makes if they're a small little company,
it makes sense they really want it back right now.

Speaker 5 (59:16):
Yeah, Yeah, you guys are the best and have really
eased my spirits about this whole thing. I actually did
have a panic attack yesterday. I think all this BS
got to me in the midst of starting a new
job and trying to get back to spend the holidays
with my dysfunctional family.

Speaker 3 (59:31):
It's too much.

Speaker 5 (59:33):
After the HR loser said his lawyers will serve me papers.
I offered to connect with them so they wouldn't have
to chase me down while I'm traveling.

Speaker 7 (59:41):
Lol.

Speaker 5 (59:42):
He said they will be harder to deal with than
dealing with him, and said, I promise you that.

Speaker 3 (59:47):
Okay, big guy. I stuck to my Pupe's.

Speaker 5 (59:50):
And said the items will now be considered misappropriated property.
Oh sorry, I stuck to my Pupe's and he said
the items will now be considered miss appropriated property. A
quick Google says this is not the case whatsoever. As
someone has to intentionally refuse to return or destroy items
belonging to someone else. It's in writing about seven thousand

(01:00:11):
times that I'm trying to get these items back.

Speaker 7 (01:00:13):
I don't know if you understand what that means. It
sounds like it's in writing that you've like not given
the items back seven thousand times.

Speaker 5 (01:00:23):
At this point, I'd be like, send your dank corrier
or I'd go drop them off. And I don't care
why we're not doing that. I really don't.

Speaker 7 (01:00:31):
Yeah, it's it's beyond time. It's beyond time, and it's
beyond me why we're doing this to ourselves.

Speaker 5 (01:00:40):
One also has thirty days after receiving a letter requesting
return to actually return the property. He sent me the
letter with return request date of November eighteenth, lol, this week,
so I told him, since mailing it is out of
the question, and he never followed through on sending a messenger,
I'll return the items when I'm back in the city
first week of January. No respect yet, this is actually

(01:01:02):
feeling like intimidation at this point. He's adding in things
about me being disrespectful, et cetera.

Speaker 3 (01:01:07):
And I just want this to end.

Speaker 8 (01:01:09):
I want it to end, but I'll keep dragging it
as long as I can because I won't return this dude.

Speaker 3 (01:01:15):
I won't respond to anything else until January.

Speaker 5 (01:01:18):
I did let this get to me a little this week,
but that's the end of that.

Speaker 3 (01:01:22):
I hope I ruined his week.

Speaker 4 (01:01:23):
Buddy. It sounds like you ruin your week.

Speaker 7 (01:01:26):
That's crazy, that's I don't even know. Maybe everyone at
your old job is actually cool and you were.

Speaker 3 (01:01:32):
Just I'm starting to feel like hr dude.

Speaker 5 (01:01:35):
Maybe he has his moments of stupidity, but he's probably
just doing his job. He's probably just trying to do
his job. Yeah, he's probably just trying to get through
a crazy month. And that's the end of this story.
We're gonna go to the next one.

Speaker 1 (01:01:47):
Hey, it's Keelan, your residential nerd. We're going to get
back to the stories. But here's three minutes of ads
from our sponsors.

Speaker 7 (01:01:53):
I might miss my wife's birth because I can't miss
a work presentation.

Speaker 3 (01:01:58):
I can't stress enough of how much you'd have to
just quit your job.

Speaker 7 (01:02:01):
My problem is that I, thirty one male, have a
huge work presentation scheduled during the week that my wife,
twenty nine female, is due to give birth to our
first child in the first week of August. It will
require me to be on the other side of the
country for a couple of days. I initially tried to
lobby for another time, but that week was the only
one that worked for both sides. By the way, this

(01:02:24):
comes from user problem Guy one, two, three, four, and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay Storytime subburt it.

Speaker 4 (01:02:31):
I'm Dakota, I'm Keon.

Speaker 7 (01:02:33):
And we are here to give good advice goofy, but
we don't have all answers. We only know what we do,
So just tell us what you do in the comments
if you so choose, and Op says, the chances are
good that I won't miss the birth of my child,
but there are no guarantees. This uncertainty has been weighing
heavily on me, as I want to be present for
the birth, but I also feel obligated to my work.

(01:02:54):
The thing is, I really can't miss this presentation. The
investors that my company is pitching to are mostly interested
in a project I've been working on, and since I've
done most of the work on it, there really isn't
anyone who can replace me. I have to be there
to explain the core concepts and answer their questions. On
the other hand, I wouldn't be of much use in
the delivery room, especially for the first few hours, plus

(01:03:17):
my mother in law could easily replace me without any loss.
I badly want to be there for my wife and child,
but I think I do them more good being away
for this presentation than at the hospital. This is because
I will almost certainly lose my job if I miss
this presentation. Of course, my wife is absolutely furious. I
honestly wish there was a stronger word than furious to

(01:03:38):
describe how upset she is with me. I completely understand
why she's upset, but there isn't much I can do.
I've tried to explain the situation to her a thousand
different ways, but she won't hear it and has withdrawn
her affection from me. Part of me is afraid of
what will happen if I don't go, but I might
be more afraid of what will happen if I do.
I worry that my wife will never forgive me for

(01:03:58):
missing our child's birth, which would absolutely tear me apart.
Am I making a huge mistake or am I doing
the right thing for my family? I don't think there
is a way for me to win either way. This
situation has left me feeling trapped between professional obligations and
personal milestones. The stress is almost unbearable. I know my
decision will have long term consequences on my relationship and

(01:04:21):
my career, and that makes it even harder to reconcile.
And there's an edit. Just to be clear, my boss
didn't actually tell me I would lose my job. He
just told me I would regret it. I am speculating
that I would eventually be fired once they found an
adequate replacement, which would probably take a few months. A
lot of this is speculation, but I am risk averse.

(01:04:43):
Some may ask why I can't just find another job.
I probably could, but for reasons I won't go into
I would be better off staying here. Catcher of Souls says,
your boss is a big old dingus. Your investors will understand,
and if the project is so valuable they'll I'll still
be interested. Opie says, he isn't the nicest guy in

(01:05:04):
the world. I hadn't thought of contacting the investors, but
that might possibly work. Don't know how my boss would
react if I did it behind his back. I know
he wouldn't okay it otherwise. Sovereign says, just make sure
to go to the birth of your next first child.
I mean, in all honesty, I'd rather go to my
kid being born. Opie says, I want to go, but

(01:05:27):
I'm not sure it's an option. I think it's more
important to have a job so that I can provide
for my family. And we have an update one week later.
So first things first, I took a lot of mistreatment
in my last post, which I thought was unfair. I'm
not a coward, as many of you suggested. Just because
I don't always take the most aggressive approach, does it
make me a bad guy. I'm just careful not to

(01:05:50):
make mistakes. Many of you also implied that I was
looking for a way to avoid the birth because I'm
uncomfortable with it. It is true that I don't deal with
blood or some bodily fluids well, so I'm not excited
about that part of it. But I wasn't looking for
a way out. I thought, and I still believe this,
that I just wouldn't be very good support in the
delivery room. There's a good chance I would throw up,

(01:06:12):
especially if my wife defecates on herself or if I'm
asked to cut the umbilical court. These are all things
that I was considering because I didn't want to become
a distraction in the delivery room. As for how the
situation resolved itself, I'm happy to report that everything is
going to be okay. Hallelujah.

Speaker 4 (01:06:29):
I'm going to do the presentation.

Speaker 3 (01:06:32):
I divorced my life. We have no issues.

Speaker 4 (01:06:34):
I have no wife now, so no problem there.

Speaker 5 (01:06:38):
And yes, for everyone who's like you don't ates, I
know you don't know the exact day, but you know
which month the child is coming.

Speaker 4 (01:06:45):
Usually I was born a month earlier.

Speaker 3 (01:06:46):
I was born two weeks early. I still I'm sure
they knew within Like.

Speaker 5 (01:06:50):
Other I think I'm good at guessing.

Speaker 4 (01:06:55):
It's a good guessing game.

Speaker 3 (01:06:56):
It's a pretty easy guessing game. They like to cook
for about nine months.

Speaker 4 (01:07:00):
It's only three hundred sixty five days in the year.

Speaker 7 (01:07:02):
He says. I talked with my boss yesterday and I
was really assertive. I told him that I couldn't be
away for that long with my wife's dud date being
that close, so we would have to find some sort
of compromise. I suggested what some of you told me
to do, which is to tell him I could only
come out for a day and then I would immediately
fly back. As for why I can't do it virtually,

(01:07:23):
I really just need to be there in person. It
would make everything a lot easier. After some hand ringing.
He agreed. The plan is for me to fly out
the day before the presentation and then fly back after
I give the presentation. In all, I shouldn't be in
California more than twenty eight hours, so I'll be back
by my wife's due date. Since it is several days
later in the week before everyone gets upset, I already

(01:07:45):
cleared it with my wife. I called her after I
spoke with my boss and asked her if she was
okay with it. She told me it was fine, and
she's not one of those people that would say it
if it wasn't really okay. I know that the whole
incident upset her, so hopefully things will calm down around
here soon. She seemed fine today, so I think everything
will be okay now. Thanks to all of you that
gave constructive advice. It helped me out a lot. And

(01:08:08):
there's another update a month later. Oh boy o, boy o,
boy Oh.

Speaker 3 (01:08:14):
Can you imagine it's the one day he's gone?

Speaker 2 (01:08:16):
Yeah?

Speaker 7 (01:08:17):
I bet it is.

Speaker 2 (01:08:18):
Nah.

Speaker 3 (01:08:18):
I think he was probably there for it. Just you
have to tell us.

Speaker 7 (01:08:22):
If he puked or not.

Speaker 3 (01:08:23):
It's required, No, it's not. I need to know.

Speaker 7 (01:08:27):
I think this is bad because I saw the first sentence.
To those of you who told me not to go,
you were right. I flew out to California last Tuesday night.
I was supposed to give the presentation on Wednesday and
fly back Wednesday night, but that never happened. Early Wednesday morning,
I got a call from my mother in law that
wife had gone into labor. By the time I caught

(01:08:47):
a flight home, the baby had already been born. He
is healthy. By the way, I made the wrong decision,
and I know it'll take time for my wife to
get over this. If anyone else is in a similar position,
please don't repeat my mista. Be there for your wife
and child, and don't assume your baby will be late
or on time. And there are some more comments here.

Speaker 4 (01:09:09):
Wow, wow, that's what it is.

Speaker 3 (01:09:11):
Man man, man, man, oh man. Who could have seen
that coming.

Speaker 4 (01:09:17):
The baby heard all of this and was like, oh.

Speaker 5 (01:09:19):
That baby said, I will wait, tell me when he's
on the plane to California.

Speaker 7 (01:09:25):
Is this actually a case of hubris because this is
a month after update? Yeah, so did you have a
month to get somebody else up to speed on your
presentation so that you could be with your wife.

Speaker 5 (01:09:37):
I'm assuming the baby's just like roughly a month old
right now?

Speaker 7 (01:09:41):
Ah yeah, yeah, I just okay.

Speaker 3 (01:09:43):
He had many months though to get him up on
the presentation.

Speaker 7 (01:09:46):
By I hope that man, the presentation better have gone
flawlessly and you better be making a make that deal.

Speaker 4 (01:09:54):
I also love how he's like everyone was bullying me, Like,
come on, guys.

Speaker 3 (01:09:58):
I don't bully me.

Speaker 7 (01:09:59):
It's all fun.

Speaker 4 (01:10:00):
I worked it out.

Speaker 3 (01:10:01):
She'll forgive me eventually. Will you forgive yourself?

Speaker 7 (01:10:04):
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. From proton beepray, no one batted an I when
a pro hockey player took a playoff game off to
be there for the birth of his kid. I'm pissed
at your boss more than anything, Opie says. I've been
thinking about changing companies. I already have one soft offer
with slightly better money and better benefits. A deleted user says,

(01:10:24):
I agree with proton Beepray, your boss is an a hole.
I'm sure that there was time for him to get
someone to fill in for you. Now to mention that
through the wondrous of modern technology like conference calling video conferences,
you still could have been available to answer issues when
time permitted. While work is important, life events like getting married,
the birth of a child and the passing of immediate

(01:10:47):
family members are more important. I think that changing companies
to one that is a little more sensitive to these
things would be a very good idea, especially if it's
more money and better benefits. Opie replies, I haven't spoken
to my wife about it yet. I will as soon
as she stops being so angry with me. Fecista says,
your wife may not stop being angry with you until

(01:11:08):
you speak to your wife about it, because the anger
is probably coming from her fear that you will always
put your boss first and will never put her in
the baby first. Opie says, I have spoken to her
about missing the birth, but not the new job change.
Shelf Life, Inc. Replies, sometimes when we try to do
everything and please everyone, we end up doing nothing and
hurting everyone. From what I can gather, you didn't even

(01:11:31):
get to do the presentation as you were in such
a hurry to get home, and you still missed the birth.
Bend over backwards to take care of your wife and
child and show them that they are your priority, and
take this as a lesson for the future. Opie says, Nope,
I missed the presentation.

Speaker 5 (01:11:49):
The way there would be such a lack of forgiveness. Ever,
I would not get over that.

Speaker 4 (01:11:55):
I would hold it over his head so long. That's
forr as long as I know they're like, oh my god,
do you remember when you missed the birth of your
first child?

Speaker 5 (01:12:02):
Yeah, good luck buddy, if you guys have a second kid,
because you deserve everything that gets thrown at you during
that whole pregnancy.

Speaker 7 (01:12:09):
This is just a guy.

Speaker 3 (01:12:10):
You didn't even make the presentation.

Speaker 7 (01:12:12):
This is a guy who runs his life based on
like like equations and algorithms, Like he was running the
math on like okay, what's like I could be there,
but then if I'm not there and I lose this job,
then I lose.

Speaker 3 (01:12:25):
He was running the math for my family, which.

Speaker 7 (01:12:27):
Is that is that worse than not being there for
the birth of my child? And then it's like neither
of them even happened in the first place, and you
could have gotten a different job the whole time.

Speaker 5 (01:12:35):
He literally just didn't want to see fluids and blood
and his wife's the JJ opening.

Speaker 7 (01:12:44):
He just didn't ask himself what feels right. He only
asked what is right?

Speaker 3 (01:12:50):
But what feels we didn't even try. He didn't want
to be situ he was never going to be there.

Speaker 7 (01:12:54):
You know it felt wrong to not be there and
you and you did a half measure. Some comments Comment one,
I love his first update. Guys, it's all okay now.
I talked to my boss and I was super sertive
and I got it all sorted. So you're no longer
flying to the other side of the country a few
days before the due date to give a presentation. Oh no,
I'm still doing that, comment to He missed the presentation anyway,

(01:13:15):
so I guess it wasn't that important. Good grief yet
the boss is a jack butt. But the guy didn't
prioritize his wife at any step. It's easier to do
it in person. His whole career hinges on the presentation.
He doesn't want to get in trouble with his boss
by telling the investors his circumstances. He can't risk losing
his job. He gets queezy around blood. It's all about him.

(01:13:38):
Except all of that was a straight up lie, apart
from him worrying about how stressful the birth would be
for him. But it's fine because his mother in law
can totally replace him during the birth. I hope his
wife realizes that He's replaceable in every single arena women
can pass away. In childbirth, For most women, it's the
most frightening, vulnerable, dangerous, and painful experience they could go through.

(01:14:00):
Guys who think they can just opt out and who
clearly don't have any effing empathy for women are just
complete and.

Speaker 3 (01:14:06):
Utter draft that comment.

Speaker 7 (01:14:09):
And that's how it ends, folks. That's the way the
cookie crumbles

Speaker 3 (01:14:13):
And that's the end of this story.

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I REFUSED to take care of my ex-husband…and it made our kids furious! -r/AITAH | Reddit Stories | EP2659

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;} I REFUSED to take care of my ex-husband…and it made our kids furious! -r/AITAH | Reddit Stories | EP2659