I REFUSED to wear my mother-in-law’s gift… because I want to honor someone else! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2670 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Angie and this is Carly, your favorite
Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
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Speaker 3 (00:11):
I refused to wear my mother in law's gift because
I want to honor someone else. Well, then do it
on my honor as a gentleman. Hi, my wedding is
next week and on Thursday, my soon to be mother
in law gifted me a very extravagant necklace set. I
thank you for it, and then she said it would
look good at the wedding on me. I kind of

(00:33):
froze and did not know what to say because it
seemed like it was assumed I would wear it. I
was caught off guard and did not want to react
poorly in the moment. By the way, this comes from
user heavy Leading nineteen thirty seven, And if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay Storytime subpret it. I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, and I'm Vincent,
and we're here to give good advice. Goofully, But we

(00:53):
don't have all the answers to all lives questions. We
only know what we know, So if you know stuff
that we don't know, why don't you tell us? In
the comments, as Opie says, I had been planning on
wearing my late grandma's necklace that she had left for me.
I was very close to my maternal grandparents. My parents
are doctors, and because they had long hours, I spent
a lot of time with my grandparents and became very

(01:14):
close to them. As it is, I already get a
bit sad knowing that they're not here for my wedding,
and wearing her necklace felt meaningful to me. I brought
this up with my fiance and my parents. My fiance
says he understands where I'm coming from, but mentioned let
his mom really likes me and gave the gift for
a lot of love. He said it would hurt her
if I didn't wear it and that it could lead

(01:35):
to misunderstandings in a new relationship. He also said that
I obviously have the final say, but he wanted me
to think about all of that before deciding, Okay, can
you think about just freaking telling the mother in law
this for God's sake?

Speaker 1 (01:47):
What that's so weird of them? He's like, obviously you
have the final say, but I'm gonna make you feel
really bad and also guilt trip you. Now, what's you say?

Speaker 3 (01:57):
My mom is really sympathetic to me too, but she
also said that my grandma would understand. She echoed my
fiance sentiment that my mother in law had given the
necklace with love and good intentions. I understand all of that,
and I genuinely like my mother in law. She is
a sweet woman, and I don't want to look difficult
or ungrateful by rejecting such a generous gift. At the

(02:20):
same time, I really want to wear my grandma's a necklace.
It feels personal, emotional, and important to me. On this
specific day, I'm struggling with how to balance honoring my
grandmother while also navigating my relationship with my future mother
in law. Would that make me an a hole? And
there is an edit. I'm editing this to paste my
answer to a suggestion in the comments about wearing a

(02:41):
different necklace to the ceremony versus the reception. Yeah, I
could do that. The only thing is that both events
are not the same for us. Culturally, we are an
immigrant family. So when I say wedding, I'm talking about
the Ruksati event, which is the main one where I
symbol likely leave my parents' household and leave with my husband,

(03:02):
and where basically anyone we remotely know is invited. A
couple of days later is the Valima, which is essentially
a reception by the new couple. In our case, it's
a far smaller event. I would be okay with wearing
my mother in law's necklace at the Valima, but my
mother in law had wanted me to wear it at
the Ruksati. That is where my hesitation and emotional conflict

(03:24):
really come from.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
I feel like you just go to your mother in
law and say, hi, I really appreciate and I'm deeply
touched that you have offered me your jewelry and I
would love to wear it at this event. However, I
have already promised my grandmother that I would wear her
jewelry for this event.

Speaker 3 (03:42):
Yeah. I think if your mother in law really likes
you that much and cares about you that much, if
you tell her, hey, I already had a plan to
wear my deceased grandmother's necklace.

Speaker 4 (03:52):
My cat's name is Karen, saying that Julie has a
significant meaning in Indian weddings ceremonies, So I wonder if
it means, like do we know exactly how much it means?

Speaker 3 (04:01):
Oh, so maybe that's it. It's like, she's like, you
should wear this because we're good for you and I
love you, and if you don't, that would make me
feel bad.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (04:09):
I mean there are different pieces of jewelry like you
can have like the Bengals and stuff, which I have
a lot of meaning and stuff. But I think regardless,
you have the same answer. It's I have been asked
to wear this piece already, and I would love to
wear the piece that you've given me at a different event.
I think it's kind of the same answer.

Speaker 3 (04:24):
But we have some comments here. Comment one you'd have
been fine if you just told her immediately what you
were wearing and why. Comment two says, I think it's
rather presumptuous to give somebody a necklace less than two
weeks before their wedding with the expectation they wear it
on their wedding day. All of this stuff would have
been worked out already. I think she would understand. Comment

(04:46):
three says, not the ale, but talk to your mother
in law and explain to her that you love what
she got you, but you always envisioned and have been
planning on wearing your grandmother's necklace. Comment for no a
holes here? Could you wear wear your grandma's necklace for
the ceremony and the new one for the reception? Opie says,
A la la la la, the stuff we already heard.

(05:07):
Comment five. I don't know what the necklaces look like
or how big they are, but is it possible to
wear both at the same time? Get a little stack going,
Opie says, I tried that hers is quite a bit
on its own. Adding my grandma's to it makes the
whole thing well gaudy. I think gaudy can be cool. Yeah,
but also no, okay, fair enough. Comment number six. I'd

(05:31):
have a conversation with my mother in law and be
honest and say what a predicament you're in. If she
seems to not be immediately oh gosh, darling, of course
she should wear your grandma's necklace, then ask her opinion
on what to do whilst steering towards your grandma's necklace.
So it feels like she has made the decision for you,
but really it was yours all along. We're playing mind

(05:55):
games now, way yea a aa. When Opie says, yeah,
I'm gonna have to talk to her. If I decide
to go with my grandma's like I want to, I'll
have to break it to her and hope it goes well.
I really messed up by letting this drag on since Thursday.
I should have spoken up on the spot. Yes, you
should have. I've just been delaying it because if I

(06:15):
did decide to compromise and go with hers, there is
no reason to talk to her at all about this
in that case. And there's an update.

Speaker 1 (06:25):
Yeah, go talk to your mom in Na, your mill,
your mama, la, Mamala, talk to you, Mamala.

Speaker 3 (06:31):
Now say my necklace from my grandmama is the one
I'm wearing to the rookshatiya la la. So I was
trying to continue the It didn't worry the vibe, It
didn't worry.

Speaker 1 (06:41):
Yeah, but like you were almost there.

Speaker 3 (06:43):
Thanks for all the advice in my last post. I
truly appreciate it. I agree with what some had said
that I should have just spoken up. At the time
I messed up. I just froze and I guessed stupidly.
I thought it would all magically go away. I've considered
a lot of the comments their suggestions, So my mother
in law's necklace is a quite a handful on its own.

(07:05):
Adding that to my grandma's necklace would leave no breathing
room for my neck. It would take away from my
bridle dress. But the most important suggestion was the one
I had been avoiding, which was to talk to her directly.
I stopped by her place yesterday after doing some shopping.
I went by myself. I brought up the issue and
thanked her again for her gift. I told her, I'm

(07:26):
sorry I delayed this, but I had my heart set
on wearing my late grandma's necklace for the main wedding event.
She asked to see it. I showed her the pictures
of how it looked on me with my bridle dress,
and she gently said she thought the necklace she was
giving had more work done and would bring out my
dress better.

Speaker 1 (07:43):
She's like, I think it looks bad.

Speaker 4 (07:46):
Mine's prettier.

Speaker 1 (07:47):
Mine is better. Have we thought about how your grandmother's necklace,
your family heirloom, is ugly?

Speaker 3 (07:54):
Yet? Have you ever considered that your grandma had some
garbage stanky taste?

Speaker 1 (08:00):
Your grandma had bad taste?

Speaker 3 (08:02):
And I have a good taste, and it's gonna make
your your dress look like you're wearing a garbage bag.

Speaker 1 (08:08):
And you couldn't choose whatever you want, but that would
be the wrong choice.

Speaker 3 (08:12):
Yeah, you can choose to look ugly on your wedding,
or you can choose to look like the most beautiful
person who's ever lived.

Speaker 1 (08:20):
You decide. It's all your choice.

Speaker 3 (08:22):
And I have no feelings about it either way.

Speaker 1 (08:25):
No, completely unbiased.

Speaker 3 (08:27):
I said that I get that it looks good, but
I'd always wanted to wear it. I was close to her,
and this necklace was the only piece of wealth my
grandma had taken with them when they had migrated when
my native country had gotten independence in the forties. I
guess she could see I was getting stressed, and she
said it was fine. I can wear hers at the reception,

(08:49):
the vallima, but at the main wedding event, the Ruksati,
which has essentially everyone we know invited. We could do
a gifting event on the stage where she could give
me the entire set and all all other gifts they've
gotten me, with pictures taken of all of it. I
said that would work out great. I hope she didn't
take it the wrong way, and it didn't sound like
she did. At least, I'm glad I cleared it because

(09:11):
this had been at the back of my mind along
with all the other wedding stresses. So at least it's
one less thing to worry about. Thank you for the help.
And we have some comments here, but before we do,
I feel like it went well.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
I mean, regardless of her insulting your grandmother's jewelry, seems
like it went well.

Speaker 3 (09:28):
I don't know. One of our commenters, Shania Shanni o
Pee says this is a Muslim wedding.

Speaker 1 (09:35):
Not Oh everyone else in the comments lied. Thank you
Shanni o Pie for correcting.

Speaker 3 (09:41):
Yeah, I'm pretty sure Pakistan got independent forties. Yeah, we're
in the fifties.

Speaker 1 (09:46):
I don't know, that does make sense. I feel like
there's a lot of overlapping in like certain cultural things though.

Speaker 3 (09:51):
Yeah, in terms of I mean, Pakistan is sunny winnings
right next to you.

Speaker 1 (09:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (09:55):
Comment one, I'm glad it worked out in a way
that you're comfortable with. And it sound sounds like she
was concerned about your perspective too, So that's a big
positive in your new mother in law daughter in law
relationship comment to maybe send her a thoughtful gift or
note that again tells her how important she is and
how excited you are to be a part of their family,
how much you appreciated her thoughtful compromise, suggestion, etc. Spread

(10:19):
some honey so things continue to be smooth. Think honey
makes things sticky.

Speaker 1 (10:24):
That's true.

Speaker 3 (10:25):
Comment three, Ah, exactly what I thought it was. She
wanted to show off as the generous mother in law
in front of everyone coming forward. I don't like how
she said her necklace would look better than your grandma's
and the fact that you had to justify to are
your reasons for preferring your grandma's necklace? And the fact
that fiance also tried to gilt you to go with
his mom's necklace over your grandma's something to watch out

(10:45):
for for the future. You are his wife now he
should be your number one cheerleader, not his mom's. Don't
really think that's what was going on, but anyway, but
I'm glad your future mother in law gave in in
the end. Also learn from this for future interactions with her.
If something is important to you, fight wait for it.
Be it your kids, their names, Who gets to be
there in the hospital when they are born, or how
soon you host visitors to see your newborn, or where

(11:08):
you spend on your holidays, et cetera. All issues that
could potentially cause issues with in laws, especially if you're
not on the same page with your spouse. Have a
lovely wedding. Comment five. It's a little worrying that she
still pushed you, but thankfully she relented in the end.
You're probably gonna have to be vigilant with your mother
in law in the future. I think she would absolutely
stomp a boundary if you let her. There is a

(11:30):
final comment here, a sixth and final comment. Well boy,
and here it is. I think you got good advice
and a good outcome. But in the future you're gonna
get more nuanced opinions from subreddits with folks who understand
the cultural aspect. I'm assuming you're having an Islamic wedding.
My understanding is the KSHATI is when you symbolically leave

(11:53):
home for your in laws, and gifts can be a
part of this as a way welcome you to the family.
It is a totally appropriate option to resolve this, and
that seems to be lost on people. It's not the
same as say, a mother in law standing up in
a Western Catholic wedding reception to hand over jewelry. There's
also a cultural element to jewelry here. Gold jewelry has
historically been a way for women to hold their own wealth.

(12:15):
It is a safety net and a way for autonomy
in bad situations. Your grandmother keeping this necklace is so symbolic,
and it makes sense why it means so much. Your
mother in law wanting to give you a necklace is
also cultural and is very specifically a gift to you.
It is also a part of the same history. That
history is all really important because you weren't doing this

(12:35):
to be difficult, and she wasn't doing this to be
a boundary stomping villain. You were both attempting to honor
traditions that affect you both, and you came to a solution.
All good things agree.

Speaker 1 (12:45):
I feel like there was no issue here, except I
didn't really like that husman being like, well, my mom's
gonna hate you forever, but that's.

Speaker 3 (12:51):
A short didn't really say that.

Speaker 1 (12:54):
He kind of did, though, he was kind of like,
it might affect your relationship with my mom literally forever.
I feel like it was so completely fine.

Speaker 3 (13:02):
All good things, yeah, and just like all good things,
they must come to an end, true, and the story
has has done that. And that's the end of this story.
We're gonna go on to the next one.

Speaker 1 (13:13):
My in laws resent me because I took away my
fiance from them.

Speaker 3 (13:18):
He's my fiance.

Speaker 1 (13:19):
Am I the Pettie Hole. I female forty one and
my fiance thirty four male. Have been engaged for a
little over eighteen months and have known one another for
six years. We get along great and our best friends
and treat each other with respect and completely support one another.
By the way, this comes from No Presence fifty seven.

Speaker 3 (13:38):
To sixty five.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
And if you want to smit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate.

Speaker 3 (13:42):
I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota.

Speaker 5 (13:44):
I'm Carly, eventually Vincent, and we're here.

Speaker 1 (13:47):
To give good advice. Gooofley, but we don't have all
the answers. We le know what we'd do, so let
us know what you would do in the comments, and
Op says our relationship started when he was selling something
we collect we collect jointly on Facebook, and from that
sales and we started talking more became friends, and then
three years ago finally took the time to meet in person.
We live five hundred miles apart and in completely different states.

(14:11):
I in Michigan, he in Central Illinois, which wasn't a problem.
When we finally met in person, it was beyond what
I could have dreamed. What my childhood ideals were well
blown out of the water to how wonderful and kind
he is. Let's call my fiance Dante. After picking me
up at the airport, we made our way to the
family farm and met his parents. First meeting was nice.

(14:32):
They were civil and friendly. I ended up staying about
a week before heading back to my home state. Things
between Dante and I were more than dream like and
were so amazing. As months passed, his younger sister invited
me to her wedding, which was held in June that year,
so I made the second trip down and we had
a grand trip. I enjoyed every moment. Dante's parents were

(14:53):
still being civil and it asked us to help with
caring for a few things, running last minute errands for
finalizing things. No Biggie, I offered a help with setup
and getting things ready out of the kindness of my heart.
That visit went well. The wedding had a few hiccups,
but nothing major. Fast forward. Last year started out rough
for me. My father had some serious health issues and

(15:14):
ended up being put into hospice, where he passed away
at home per his wishes. I was there helping support
my mom and my father through this process. I was
beyond shattered. We had time to cope knowing it was coming,
but when it came down to it, the loss of
a parent or even a loved one in general is
hard to deal with.

Speaker 3 (15:34):
Yeah. Absolutely, that's what they say.

Speaker 1 (15:37):
I had kept Dante informed what was going on, and
even being so many miles apart, he was my rock.
Dante had met my parents and they had become fast
friends and adored him. He and my dad had weekly
conversations about what was going on at the farm and
where my fiance worked, since we are both used to
the agricultural side of life. My father had passed, Dante

(15:58):
made the trip up to support and be with me
as I was completely at a loss. His parents had
made the rude common to him that he didn't know
my family anything that he didn't know as well enough
to make the trip up and support us. In our
time of grief. Red Flag one. You guys were together
at that point.

Speaker 3 (16:13):
No, yeah, this just sounds like weird.

Speaker 1 (16:17):
Vibes with weird bad vibes. He did anyway, and helped
me cope with the loss. We made plans for the
end of June early July to have him come up
for some vacation time. I had it all planned out.
I figured heading to the up was a perfect getaway.
I hadn't been up there in some years and thought
he would enjoy seeing some of the spots I spent
time out growing up that were further north. Time for

(16:38):
a vacation time.

Speaker 3 (16:39):
And just just so we all know, UP stands for
the Upper Peninsula.

Speaker 1 (16:43):
I didn't know that.

Speaker 3 (16:44):
Thank you, that's the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

Speaker 1 (16:47):
Yeah, time for a vacation time. Dante was excited to
head up and see other spots of my childhood. We
took back roads to avoid the s curves and Grand Rapids,
hit some lovely antique spot a lot along the way,
stopped and hit some old stomping grounds before we arrived
in Mackinaw City, where we camped. Yes, we camped rustically

(17:08):
where we could see the Mighty MacBridge We had gotten
out to stretch and relax before setting up the tent.

Speaker 3 (17:13):
Our.

Speaker 1 (17:14):
Toes were in Lake Kuran when he asked a couple
nearby to record us.

Speaker 3 (17:17):
He proposed to me with your little piggies in Lake Huran.

Speaker 1 (17:23):
Ah, and it was fairytale perfect. We got around of
congratulations from the couple. I feel like that is so
much pressure for that other couple. If you're like handed
a phone and you're like, hey, can you record this?

Speaker 3 (17:34):
Like what if you take a yeah, and then you
just start recording and you're like, oh oh, oh, oh
my god, oh my god.

Speaker 1 (17:39):
Uh uh uh okay, okay starting lighting someone someone, someone
flashlight please.

Speaker 3 (17:45):
You're just like if it was me, I'd probably end
up doing the thing where you like you just start
taking a bunch of selfies, like wait on their phone
and posing.

Speaker 4 (17:54):
I'd be like, imagine you missed the moment because you're
like taking selfies. Yeah, just like okay, guys, how we
go on here?

Speaker 3 (18:02):
Oh no, that would be yeah. I'd be running away
so fast.

Speaker 4 (18:06):
I'd steal a phone.

Speaker 3 (18:08):
I just I would throw it in the lake, do
it again and go and then I would also jump
in the lake. Yeah, because they're not gonna follow me
into the lake. That's great. I just screamed, They're gonna
let me swim.

Speaker 1 (18:19):
Away, and you threw their phone.

Speaker 3 (18:21):
Lake. That's gonna be a little more problematic.

Speaker 1 (18:23):
Yeah, probably, And we stayed on the beach for a
few more minutes before setting up for the night. The
next day we made our way across the bridge. After
we played tourists in the area, even doing a lighthouse tour.
We made our way further north and enjoyed our time together.
We walked Tukuamanam Falls and then added towards our final
camping spot along Lake Superior. When I say this, let

(18:44):
me say we could see the lake from our site,
which was about one thousand yards from the lake. We
stayed there two nights, and surprisingly the lake was quite
calm for those days. The final light we enjoy the
sunset and the lake was mirror calm. It was perfect.
Every thing with Dante has been perfect even since then.
After our vacation and he headed back to Illinois, things

(19:06):
on his side of the family got more interesting. They
didn't offer help to find a house for us. They
were strongly against us getting engaged, saying that he's not
note may long enough We've been good at ignoring that.
For the most part. I kept in mind that we
had to be living fairly close to the family farm
so that when he had to do checks during calving season,
he was near enough and was closer to where I

(19:27):
would transfer to once we found a home together. We
finally found one end of November, jumped on it, and
closed within a short amount of time. His parents have
only been in our house two times since then, even
after offering to host some of the holidays just to
have more space, that's been shot down. The last time
they were here, all we heard was his mom critiquing
how we had things set up that some of the

(19:48):
prints she had gotten him would get ruined in the basement,
though our basement is very dry and no issues. I
had made supper and they visited and then basically ran.
I love taking photos as a hobby, and like going
to the farm and taking pictures of all the cattle
and things that inspire me around there. Well, this year,
after having helped with some of the chores during last
calving season, I've now been told I'm not welcome out

(20:11):
there unless Dante is that are with me? Mind you,
I've been around livestock my entire life, more horses than cattle.
But the mindset is still the same. Whatever move on.
Sister becomes pregnant, has the baby, and they dote on
them like no other. Things are planned more around the
convenience for them. At first I don't mind, but then
being excluded from things started to be noticed. His dad

(20:33):
was making the effort to keep Dante at the farm longer,
even though there was nothing going on, them going out
to lunch, even though I was home that day and
failed to invite me. We are ten minutes from the farm,
mind you. Well, since moving in, anytime we've had get togethers,
I've been ignored to the point it's gotten me so mad.
I can say I've become accustomed to that due to

(20:54):
some family issues in the past and just generally not
feeling adequate by some people. As the holiday approached, I
sent messages to future mother in law to see about
plans for meals Thanksgiving. I was ignored. A messages sent
and calls now here we are coming up to Christmas
and getting the same thing. I called and got a
response the caller is not accepting calls at this time.

(21:16):
Text gone on seat DM on Facebook ignored. I now
suspect she's blocked me, and it's.

Speaker 3 (21:22):
Like, good, who's good riddens?

Speaker 1 (21:25):
Yeah, truly, it seems like they're just nasty. They're just
nasty little folks.

Speaker 3 (21:29):
You and your husband got your own stuff to worry about.

Speaker 1 (21:30):
Now. Yeah, last night, sister in law, bless her for
being so honest, came out with the truth. Dante's parents
have stated to her that they flat out hate me.

Speaker 3 (21:39):
Why why because you stole You stole a cowboy away
from the farm.

Speaker 1 (21:47):
But the thing is that he lives ten minutes away
from the phone.

Speaker 3 (21:50):
That's ten minutes too far away. What if the ponies.

Speaker 5 (21:54):
Need his help?

Speaker 1 (21:54):
Vincent, what are your thoughts about this.

Speaker 4 (21:56):
Of living ten minutes away from a farm?

Speaker 1 (21:58):
Yeah, I mean you're from a farm.

Speaker 4 (22:01):
I grew up on a farm, and yeah, yeah, we
had like some cows. We normally have them close in
the winter, like in the in our feed lot. But
we have pastures like ten twenty minutes half an hour
away sometimes and we don't have like a bigger it's
like one hundred cattle. I don't know how big of
a farm they're talking about, but if it's a small one,
being ten minutes away is nothing, man.

Speaker 1 (22:20):
Yeah, yeah, it ain't nothing. I mean it is nothing.

Speaker 3 (22:23):
There you go, it's yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:26):
I've been nothing but kind and supportive to their son.
I've gone out of my way to prove how genuine
I am and I have nothing to hide. Several reasons
she told was the age difference. Then the issue of
my weight came in. I'm slightly heaviier, and his mother
thinks I have a multitude of health issues which I don't,
and had made comments about my fertility or the fact

(22:47):
if we get pregnant our child could have disabilities. His
father has ignored any and all attempts to talk.

Speaker 3 (22:53):
I'm sorry, you mean like every child, like every pregnancy.

Speaker 1 (22:58):
What do you mean, just a lot of assumptions. I've
tried talking about the cattle, on hunting, on a number
of topics, just to be ignored. This Christmas is hitting
me harder on the loss of my father and knowing
next year we are planning our wedding and he won't
be there to walk me down the aisle. I have
been struggling to look at his father as a father figure,
and I'm getting this reaction. It completely guts me. I'm

(23:21):
now at the point that I know we need to
have an open conversation to clear the air, but also
know if that happens, I'm going to lose my temper
and show them just how bad my temper is and
flat out tell them off. Dante says he will stop
helping on the farm to cut them off completely, but
I don't want that to come to either as working
cattle he loves so very much. But I want to

(23:43):
so badly tell them off on how selfish and stupid
there being. Am I the ale for wanting to do
this or just completely wanting to wash my hands of
being around them other than all it is, I don't
even want them celebrating my birthday if they don't like me.
It's that horrible. Dante worries I'll leave him due to
their behaviors, but I won't as I'm so completely happy

(24:04):
with him and backstory.

Speaker 3 (24:05):
Yeah, I don't think you'll be leaving him unless he
was like, well, that's all fine, and that's all okay, Yeah,
you should all support I should accept that they hate you.

Speaker 1 (24:14):
Yeah, he was like willing to cut them off for you,
So clearly you guys have a good relationship, which is good,
but there is a little backstory. Guess the best way
to summarize more of this is the fact that Dante
has still been living at their home and working is
butt off to the ground for basically free on the farm,
like he was barely getting paid for being on call
twenty four to seven from December to April for calving season,
for doing all the grunt work, even as they have

(24:36):
a hired hand who's worthless. That I took them away
from them and out from under their thumb. I didn't
mind the fact when we met he was staying at
home yet, just because of the situation.

Speaker 3 (24:46):
With the farm.

Speaker 1 (24:47):
But it's been since that moment he's decided to be
with me. I've been treated like crap by them. He
was having health issues with severe gird and since we've
been together, he's improved on that. He's eating healthier and
a more diverse then what his mother was making. Also,
we aren't eating out a lot. I just feel like
I could be the ale if I finally fly off
the handle at them, I would rather do it sooner

(25:09):
than later, But in the thought of it being so
close to Christmas, I'm at a loss.

Speaker 3 (25:13):
I liked it. Why don't you go freaking do that
why don't you do that?

Speaker 1 (25:19):
There is an update to finish the story off Blitty
you think.

Speaker 3 (25:23):
Do I think you should fly off the handle? Probably not,
you know, I don't think that, Like do I think
that you guys should just be like, hey, your behavior
is gross and because you outwardly express how much you
hate me or and then from your husband's perspective, my wife,
we're not really gonna be around. Yeah, you know, unless

(25:46):
you can chill out and apologize and be normal people.
But that doesn't feel like that's gonna happen.

Speaker 1 (25:52):
No, But I do think that you should really work
on not flying off the handle. We shouldn't be solving
any you know, issue that we have with yelling or
just a lack of control.

Speaker 4 (26:05):
Yeah, once you fly off the handle, you leave the
high road behind. So if you can do your best
to take the high road, yeah, be done with kindness,
but also draw that firm line.

Speaker 1 (26:16):
But there's a little bit left.

Speaker 5 (26:17):
Update.

Speaker 1 (26:18):
Future mother in law, after asking Dante about our plans
for Christmas and Dante repeatedly asking her if she's checked
her messages, admitted to blocking my number. Surprise, but this
was due to the fact that when we were both
super busy during the fall at our jobs. I picked
up working at a grain elevator for harvest season and
we both were working twelve hour shifts. Had helped take

(26:39):
our dog out to potty midday after her pushing boundaries
and saying things to Dante that he had no knowledge
of the dog as he came down with me. Example,
he's in a kennel in the kitchen so he can
see the cats and not alone. She decided to put
him the spare bathroom and close the door. He was
alone and couldn't see anything and panicked. So now we
have to to repair. I had sent messages if she

(27:02):
had questions to ask me. So now here we are
at this stage, and I've decided Sunday we will have
our talk and clear the air. Our wedding more than
likely is going to get moved ahead, and a few
changes to in that regard, as Dante's grandmother has Stage
four care and has been the only one of the
family who has supported and loved me.

Speaker 3 (27:20):
Ah'm so sorry, Opee.

Speaker 1 (27:22):
When I had asked future mother in law, she said
that it would be better just to go over and
play cards with her.

Speaker 3 (27:28):
Sorry.

Speaker 1 (27:28):
Breaking point reached and hearing there are so many stipulations
they said for me coming to the farm. I'm making
it clear that I will not go anywhere if I'm
not welcome. The soapbox drama will continue, I'm sure, but
I'm at least going to say my piece and that
is the end of that story. Folks.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake red head host here
and we're going to get back to the stories.

Speaker 1 (27:53):
But here's a three minute ad break from our sponsors.
My in laws gave me a gift and it was
something I gave them already.

Speaker 3 (28:01):
They regifted your own gift back to you.

Speaker 1 (28:05):
I twenty two female, and my partner, twenty four male,
just spent our first Christmas together as an engaged couple.
We are still in college, so we didn't have a
lot of money to spend this year. Instead, we volunteered
as a Christmas gift to each other sporadically throughout the
holiday season. Love that. By the way, this comes from
dry Bid fifty one eighty eight, And if you want
to smit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay storytime Separateate. I'm Sophia, i am doth.

Speaker 4 (28:28):
Kota, I'm Vincent, and we also have Carly back here.

Speaker 1 (28:31):
But Opie says, my fiance's dad, George sixty one male,
lost his job two years ago and has been struggling
financially since. We invited him and my fiance's mother, Kaya,
fifty eight female, to volunteer with us in lieu of gifts.
They politely declined, but understood we couldn't afford monetary gifts
this year. Lash forward to a week before Christmas. They

(28:53):
start calling and asking when we are getting together to
exchange gifts. We re explained that we couldn't afford gifts
because of school prices going up everywhere, our rent just
doubled and we're struggling. They got upset, saying the whole
part at Christmas was to give to people you love.
We apologized and said we'd love to spend time with them,
but we can't afford gifts. Party day gumes. We get

(29:16):
there and begin our celebration. They were still not ready
when we arrived. The house was a mess and none
of the food was ready, which was fine. Of course,
I offered a help in the kitchen, but I got
snapped at by Kaya, saying, you don't say that in
this house, so we weren't allowed to help and could
do nothing but watch as they ran around and got
things ready. About forty five minutes later, everything was ready. Mark,

(29:39):
my fiance, asked what we would be eating Sloppy Joe's
with sesame seed crusted bread. I am deadly allergic to
sesame seeds, and they've known this for four years that
we've been together. Luckily, I brought my own soured oat
bread that I made, so I was able to use
that as my bread and for dessert look on Bye, which,
by the way, I'm also deafly allergic to tree nuts.

(30:00):
George made a joke about how they were just hick
being on' not alive in me, which didn't land because
I am not that close with them. It just felt
weird in My laugh obviously came off as forced, which
I feel bad about. A lot of awkward and uncomfortable
conversations passed, and then we exchanged gifts. As I mentioned before,
we couldn't spend money on gifts this year, but I

(30:20):
still gifted them each a homemade sourdough loaf. That's a
pretty good gift.

Speaker 3 (30:24):
Yeah, homemade loaf, sour dough loaf, pretaked loaves at home.
That's how I do it.

Speaker 1 (30:30):
I put in different inserts based on what Mark told
me they liked. So George got a chocolate cinnamon sourdough loaf.
Kya got a blueberry sour do loaf. That sounds like
a great gift.

Speaker 3 (30:39):
I want that a blueberry sourdough loaf.

Speaker 1 (30:42):
They looked like they couldn't care less, which I tried
not to act heard about, but it obviously hurt. But
they didn't even say thank you. When Kaya pulled out
her gifts for me and Mark, she made a lot
of comments about them to make us feel bad. She
talked about how she spent a lot of money on
them and how it took her forever at the mall
to the perfect gifts for us. It was obviously a

(31:02):
dig at the non monetary gifts we gave them.

Speaker 3 (31:04):
Are you really trying to play the card of like,
oh yeah, it took me so long to pick out
like a thoughtful gift. It's like that's how it works, yep.
You gotta go look for the thing.

Speaker 1 (31:15):
You gotta go dig for them.

Speaker 3 (31:17):
I had to go to the mall and spend money
to find your gift, and all you had to do
was make me food from the bottom of your heart.

Speaker 1 (31:26):
Yeah, it's really not that crazy. When I opened mine,
my heart sank. Silver earrings and a silver bracelet. A
few things you should know about why this hurt my feelings.

Speaker 3 (31:36):
I'm allergic to silver, yeah you might.

Speaker 1 (31:38):
Be, or she should never wear a silver Can you be.

Speaker 3 (31:40):
Allergic to silver?

Speaker 1 (31:41):
Oh?

Speaker 4 (31:41):
Yeah, yeah, allergic to minerals, be.

Speaker 3 (31:43):
Allergic toil, allergic to silver? You're allergic to silver.

Speaker 1 (31:47):
I can only wear like certain types of silver, but
most earrings I can't wear. So if you put this
on you A very common thing is that most girls
can't wear regular earrings in their ears. Yea special silver earrings. Yeah,
I can only wear a sterling silver if it's like
the it's like a non allergenic one.

Speaker 3 (32:06):
So if you put this ring on in my ear
on your finger, on my.

Speaker 1 (32:10):
Finger, it's usually fine.

Speaker 3 (32:11):
But like my neck, I catch sears are allergic to silver,
and your neck is allergic to silver.

Speaker 1 (32:18):
Yeah, your fingers, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (32:21):
We're such interesting creatures.

Speaker 1 (32:23):
I feel like your hands are kind of rough and tumble,
you know, but your ears are it's like literally a
hole in your skin, you know.

Speaker 3 (32:30):
Anyway. Wow.

Speaker 1 (32:31):
The first and least important thing is that I wear
gold jewelry, which she knows because my engagement ring is gold.
But like I said, not that important. I don't have
my ears bearst She has gifted me earrings for every celebration,
which Mark has reminded her of, and she gives them anyway.
The box was old. It was nearly ripping out the
hinges and the words were fading. It was juicy couture.

(32:52):
The gems were broken, falling off and discolored with dirt,
so very obviously old jewelry. She didn't want anymore. It
reeked of Devil's lettuce. Both KaiA and George have their
history with substances. Albeit I know Devil's lettice isn't bad.
But a few Christmases ago, Kaya was found passed away
in the living room and had to be resuscitated. Oh

(33:13):
my goodness. She was on strong substances.

Speaker 3 (33:15):
She was on the fence.

Speaker 1 (33:16):
She lied about her substance and moos use, and she lied.

Speaker 3 (33:20):
About her substance used problems.

Speaker 1 (33:22):
And this drove Marked a move out of the house.
Mark's conditions on regaining contact with them or that they
sought treatment. She has since claimed she has stopped drinking
and smoking. I plastered a smile on my face and
hugged her. She looked smug and proud and continued to
talk about how they were the last ones on the
shelf and she just had to buy them despite the price.

(33:43):
What shelf the one in your room. I need to
clarify that I wouldn't be upset if I was gifted
something old, but she was using it as a weapon
to hurt my feelings since I didn't buy anything from
the store for Christmas, So obviously I'm very upset.

Speaker 3 (33:55):
A fresh baked is so good guaf of sourdough, didn't
they say? Like blueberry sound?

Speaker 1 (34:01):
That's like a ten dollars love.

Speaker 3 (34:02):
That amarmsound is delicious. There's something with humans and food
where it's like one of the things that made us
split off and become so successful is that instead of
hoarding our resources, we began to share our resources. So
like the act of a human giving another human food
is like an ancient primal thing baked into us that

(34:25):
is like a expression of like care. Yeah, so it's.

Speaker 4 (34:30):
Eating with the canal thing. That's what Like, that's how
we got like clans and my families stayed together in
family groups.

Speaker 3 (34:37):
Yeah, so your gift is phenomenal.

Speaker 1 (34:39):
And their gift silks. But that wasn't all. She also
got us a gift card, which was the same gift
card I gifted them after George's knee replacement surgery. The
card had our names on it in my handwriting. I
was too scared to check and see if it had
a balance on it. Shortly after that we left. Now
that a day has passed, I'm so angry. I feel

(35:01):
like I was too nice and should have said something.
Mark was also gifted his dad's old coat. This is
a pattern for them. At our engagement party, they gifted
us a key finder, and when Mark tried to hook
it up, it came up as Mark's tracker. It was
Mark's old key tracker that he left at their house.
I know they struggle with money as well, and I've
tried to make it very clear to them that I

(35:21):
did not care what they spent on us, if anything
at all. I wouldn't have cared. If they came right
out and said they wanted to give us things they've
loved in the past but don't find use for anymore,
and thought we would love beautiful love, it would have
been totally fine. But they tried to use it against
us and made us feel guilty for spending money we
don't have. This is just a new level of disrespect

(35:43):
I didn't expect we would get from them. I have
been nothing but nice, and I don't know what to
do aside from going no contact.

Speaker 3 (35:49):
You take back the loaves, you eat them, Eat those loaves.
Those eat those loaves, Eat the loaf.

Speaker 1 (35:55):
Now I'm trying to talk to my family about how
hurt and upset I am, and they're saying I shouldn't
say something, and least of all, should not cut contact.
They're being too nice. They didn't see those smell earrings.
They are saying I'm overreacting for being angry and offended
by it. They lied about so much, even their sobriety.

Speaker 3 (36:14):
Well, you can't really hold that one against him.

Speaker 1 (36:16):
Yeah, that's kind.

Speaker 3 (36:17):
I mean you can. But it's like I would just
take all the jewelry that they got me that they're.

Speaker 1 (36:21):
Like, am I sawics blah blah blah blah blah.

Speaker 3 (36:23):
I would sell it all and then take the money
and then buy myself something nice.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
I would I would give it to them. I would
give it back to them.

Speaker 3 (36:30):
Yeah, the old, disgusting, broken necklace or bracelet or whatever
that was that smelled like Snoop Dogg's closet. Actually, his
closet probably smells pretty nice, But yeah, I would give
that one back a year later, be like, oh, you
know I found and be like much time I found this.
I traveled to a boutique jewelry store across town and

(36:51):
I saw this, and I just knew you would love it.
I spent so much money on it.

Speaker 1 (36:55):
Yeah, do it, do it? Do it. My family is
claiming that I was wrong for bringing bread as a gift,
and that money clearly matters to them and I should
have at least given them a gift card or something.
They're telling me that they obviously have issues, and then
I should just have grace and let the moment pass.
My fiance doesn't know what to do. He's extremely embarrassed,
and I don't want to make him feel worse. But

(37:16):
I also cannot stand this treatment. Am I the Ale?
And there are some comments. Comment one says, not the Ale?
I would message KaiA with concern, Hey are you and
George doing okay? I noticed you regifted the card we
gave you, and the earrings were some you already had.
We couldn't afford gifts either, so it's not a big
deal and going forward, we don't have to exchange them though.

Speaker 3 (37:39):
Actually, oh that might be exactly what's going on, and
like that would be the perfect way to do that. Yeah,
you don't even have to do it in like a
nasty way. It's just like a yeah, like actually, because
I didn't think about that at all. It's like, are
y'all having a hard time and just trying to like
play it off because people do that. Man, Yeah, people
do that, and I don't know why. I mean, like,

(37:59):
I know why, but it's so silly.

Speaker 1 (38:01):
Yeah, hope, he says, I might say something, But I'm
currently trying to talk with Mark about it personally. I
want his parents at our wedding because Mark deserves to
have his parents there. Simultaneously, I want to go no contact.
You can see how it contradicts. I think it's less
of wanting to go no contact and more of wanting
their behaviors to stop. Mark has to be the one
to do it, unfortunately, because they are his parents and

(38:22):
he knows how they are. He already knows it'll make
matters worse. But at one point, can we stop letting
it go and finally stick up for ourselves. I'm not
worried about me. I'm worried about Mark and our children
that I absolutely do not want those people around.

Speaker 3 (38:37):
You know what you can do, what you can just
get them. I don't know how much coal costs, but
if you get them coal.

Speaker 1 (38:44):
Yeah you can be like, wait till Christmas next year.

Speaker 3 (38:47):
I got you a diamond just takes a little harm,
like this is coal and no, no, no, no, that's just
a diamond and it hasn't been formed.

Speaker 1 (38:55):
It's to make your own diamond kit, isn't that hut?

Speaker 3 (38:57):
Yeah, So if you just give it a little time
and give it a little pressure, you're gonna have a
big fat rock on your hands. Update.

Speaker 1 (39:06):
The card is one point two nine dollars left on it.
We have mutually decided to go low contact for now.

Speaker 3 (39:13):
No wait a minute, no.

Speaker 1 (39:14):
No, one dollar and twenty nine cents.

Speaker 3 (39:17):
One point two nine dollars. I refuse, I refuse to
accept that.

Speaker 1 (39:24):
Yeah, that's what that much it has.

Speaker 3 (39:26):
I mean, you're not even it's not even wrong. It's
like twenty nine cents is point twenty nine of a dollar.
But I just my brain hated that.

Speaker 1 (39:33):
One dollar and twenty nine cents. But that's an insane
amount to give to someone and be like you're welcome.

Speaker 3 (39:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:40):
Mark wishes to go absolutely no contact, but wants to
maintain a positive relationship with his sisters, So low contact
it is for now. I can definitely see it changing
in the future. I will learn to lower my expectations
from them and will no longer be eating at their place.
I had a phone call with Kaya and said I
just don't feel safe continuing to eat at or. She
apologized by saying that she's just so sorry that I

(40:04):
feel so unsafe that I have to keep her son
from her on Christmas of all days. Mark chimed in
here and stuck up for me, and I'm not marrying
a man child. Hello. Well, but that's the end of
that story. Hey, it's Carly, your favorite Axelottel host here.
We're going to get back to the stories. But here's
three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My partner hid

(40:27):
my laptop out of spite, and now I want to
break up. I mean, yeah, that sounds about right. Trigger
warning for mentions of mistreatment. Some context. My partner late
twenties female, and I late twenties female have been together
seven years. We've had periods of breaking up and getting
back together. We recently moved in together after a long
period of what felt like stability and growth. But since

(40:49):
the moving process and moving in, there's been a lot
of strife and fighting, some of it old problems resurfacing
and some of it new issues. By the way, this
comes from a university five eight seven, And if you
want to spit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay storytime subbed it. I'm Sofia, I'm Angie, and
we're here to give good advice. Goofley. But we don't
have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

(41:11):
So let us know what you would do in the comments,
and Op says one recurring problem is that my partner
struggles with organization and will put her things, such as
clothes and accessories in piles in a specific but non
designated place. For example, she might put a pile of
clothes and jewelry on the couch or the entryway table.
When I or she accidentally moves these items, usually because

(41:33):
we need to use that space for its intended purpose
or another purpose, it becomes a huge problem. She gets
frustrated and overwhelmed quickly, often wanting me to drop what
I'm doing to look for it, with an undercurrent that
it is my fault it's misplaced and my responsibility to
find it. This dynamic has made me not want to
help and off the time it ends up in a fight.

(41:55):
It's exhausting. We're still on the process of unpacking and
settling in right now. One of her bathrooms is filled
with storage and she's put a stack of her clothes,
including a hat, on top of the storage items. I
needed to get to those items to organize the house,
and I did my best to put her things together.
I don't recall moving that you breakfast time. We're having

(42:15):
a fine morning chatting and everything seems good. She goes
to get her hat, which is not where she remembers
putting it. Immediately, she's upset with me, telling me I
need to stop touching your stuff and that I always
do this. Maybe you just misplaced your own hat.

Speaker 5 (42:31):
It's like so annoying.

Speaker 2 (42:33):
I've always hated that when people like can't find something
and they're immediately like, who took this thing?

Speaker 1 (42:38):
Yeah, everyone blames me in the house, but it's usually
because I moved it. Oh well, okay, but they left it.
It's trash. It it's on the table, it's trash. It's
probably in a cupboard. She becomes agitated and frustrated. I
tell her calmly but firmly, that I have no intention
of moving her things, but if I need to get

(42:58):
to the storage, i'll baf to touch her stuff. I
suggest it probably fell behind some things, and that she
should keep looking because I know she'll find it. She
doesn't want to hear that, and becomes increasingly upset and
talking at me while storming around and criticizing me instead
of actively looking to be honest. Feel after one at

(43:19):
most two, but like two is cutting it close? Breakups
or breaks don't get back together? Yeah, I don't think
that's gonna work.

Speaker 5 (43:29):
I don't think so either.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
It feels like it's like really an annoying thing to
happen in any friendship. But yeah, in a relationship that's like, okay, well,
now you.

Speaker 5 (43:38):
Just like either don't trust me or you just don't
have the patience with me that you should.

Speaker 1 (43:44):
Yeah. It just feels like every time you go on
a break, you're just like cooking it like a piece
of glass and just like yeah, until it chatters.

Speaker 5 (43:51):
It's like you might as well just break up with you,
you know what you want.

Speaker 1 (43:55):
I lose my patience and leave on a walk. In
the middle of her TALKIC ask forward to that afternoon,
and my partner is not home. I'm looking around for
my laptop because I have finals due the next day
and need to have and need to start working. I
do have another laptop that I just bought to replace
my old one, but I hadn't set it up yet
to manage my thickle ADHD motivation. I was going to

(44:15):
use setting up my new computer as a reward for
completing my finals on my old laptop. I cannot find
my old laptop anywhere. It's not in the place I
always leave it. My gut immediately says she took it
or removed it, but I decide to look around first
to make sure I didn't miss anything. I look everywhere.
I text her, did you take my laptop with you?

(44:35):
She takes a while to text back, no, I don't
have your laptop. I ask her if she's seen it,
and suggests she check her eCloud since it used to
be connected. She says, no, it's been disconnected for a
while I text again, Okay, so have you seen it?
No reply. I am now ninety five percent convinced she's lying,
but I don't want to believe she would actually do that.

(44:55):
She comes home in the evening, I ask again about
my laptop. She sits on the couch, not looking at me,
focusing on something else while I try to talk to her.
She tortles at my suggestion that the only other logical
option if you don't have it and it's not in
the apartment, is that it's stolen. I keep pressing her,
and she says, off handedly, I don't know, did you

(45:17):
check that closet. She walks over to the closet to
put away her jacket, and I walk over, watching her,
suspecting she would pull it out of her bag or something.
I don't see her move anything, and ask why she
suggested that closet specifically. This goes on for a few
more minutes, with her smiling, smugly, and snickering, while I
become increasingly upset. She says she's too busy to help

(45:38):
me find it by answering my questions. Finally, I walk
over again to the closet. The tiniest piece of doubt
remaining that maybe I didn't check it fully lo and bold.
It's sitting right there on top of some jackets, the
same jackets I completely pulled out while digging through the closet.

Speaker 5 (45:55):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (45:56):
So she definitely put it in there, because she was like,
I don't know. Have you check the closet?

Speaker 5 (46:01):
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (46:03):
Just like wild guests, I think your computer would be
away in a coat closet.

Speaker 1 (46:06):
She's like, did you check behind your ear?

Speaker 5 (46:09):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (46:09):
Yeah, I absolutely lose it. I'm livid. I'm yelling at
her that she's weird and that her behavior is cruel
and disgusting. I tell her I don't want to be
in a relationship with her, and that I do not
want to be in a relationship like this. She doubles
down because she thinks I broke out with her. Well, yeah,
it does sound like a breakup and dismisses it, saying

(46:30):
it's just a computer and not that serious. She attempts
to make it seem like it was there in the
closet the whole time. Turns out she hit it on
a top shelf, the only place I didn't check. She
still is not apologized and says she has no reason too,
since we're broken up. Her response and the whole situation
made me feel sick to my stomach.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
That's crazy, Like, well, we are broken up, so I
can treat you just as poorly as i'd like, and
I don't need to say sorry because we're not in
a relationship.

Speaker 1 (46:58):
We're not in a relationship, so there no consequences.

Speaker 5 (47:00):
Actually, yeah, only girlfriends say I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 (47:03):
So maybe you'll have to make.

Speaker 2 (47:05):
Me your girlfriend and then I'll apologize, maybe i'll reconsider.

Speaker 5 (47:08):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
I absolutely hate pranks, and she knows this. This wasn't
even a prank. She admitted to doing it because she
was angry that I lost her hat, even though I
found her hat while looking for my laptop exactly where
I said it would be. Oh my god, this feels
extremely serious and feels disrespectful, a breach of privacy and
our shared space, and genuinely cruel. I told her, I

(47:31):
don't think you can care for someone and love them
and do something like this intentionally causing distress, confusion, and harm.
I cannot fathom how she thought this would play out.
The process of breaking up is daunting. I historically have
not been good at maintaining my boundaries or resolve when
breaking up in the past. We live together now. While
the apartment is spacious, it's challenging to split up rooms.

(47:55):
There's only one bed and the other room is still
being used as storage. Finding a new apartment is even
more challenging with financial constraints. Having just moved recently, I
have been feeling a lot of frustration with our dynamics
aside from this situation, as has she. I love her
a lot, but I'm at my wits end. We've tried
couples counseling again recently, but it didn't go well. My

(48:15):
partner was shut down and didn't like the therapist. Our
communication is not improving. I need advice on how to
move forward in this situation. Break up, Yeah, follow through
with the breakup? Yeah, I mean what else is there?

Speaker 3 (48:29):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (48:29):
Right?

Speaker 2 (48:29):
Because if you know that you have a problem with
those boundaries, like, it's not going to get any better
by staying with someone.

Speaker 5 (48:35):
No like that.

Speaker 2 (48:36):
You just have to keep practicing it to get better
at it. So just break up and do your absolute
best to remain broken up.

Speaker 1 (48:44):
Yeah, please please stay broken up.

Speaker 3 (48:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (48:47):
Comment one says, I would point out that a missing
hat is not even on the same planet as a
missing laptop when your finals are due tomorrow.

Speaker 5 (48:55):
Oh my god.

Speaker 1 (48:55):
I don't know what I would have done if my
boyfriend had done something like that to me, knowing full
well that my finals were due immediately, probably would have
called the police on him and actually press charges for
theft by deception. But also he would never do such
a thing, to the point that he canceled all plans
for the day to help me search the house more
thoroughly than the DEA on a substance raid until we

(49:16):
found my computer so I could get back to finishing
my finals. Is that a hypothetical or did he actually
do that?

Speaker 5 (49:22):
I think it's hypothetical.

Speaker 1 (49:23):
We've come pretty close to that level of a search
attempt for something else important that I don't recall, aside
from the absolute disaster of the house. Was after we'd
pulled everything out of everywhere looking for it, and a
down voted commenter says, nowhere does it say, ope, he
told her about the finals. Yeah, I'm sure his girlfriend
doesn't know that he's taking.

Speaker 2 (49:43):
Finals right like it didn't maybe mention it in this story,
And that commenter was the only one that, like, the
only way that we've heard about finals, right, because I
didn't know about the finals. Let's but I mean, either way,
it's kind of like it's still everything else still stands.

Speaker 1 (50:01):
Yeah, Okay, yeah, no, he said, I'm looking around for
my laptop because I have finals due the next day.

Speaker 2 (50:06):
Okay, Yeah, Like it didn't explicitly say in the story
that the girlfriend didn't know.

Speaker 1 (50:09):
Yeah, but there's no way that she didn't know.

Speaker 5 (50:11):
Yeah, and even if she didn't know, it's still like, why.

Speaker 1 (50:14):
Yeah, nowhere does it say Opie told her about the finals.
I don't think she knew it was that important. She
even said it's just a computer. Edit. Opie clarified that
she had two laptops, So my guess is ex girlfriend
thought she wouldn't need both. Opie says, oh I female, Okay,
Opie is woman. My bad definitely told her about my finals.
She was well aware. She probably justified it to herself

(50:36):
by saying, I do have another laptop, the unopen one.
But she knew how important it was. Another commentary says,
then you had another laptop. She made you feel how
she's felt many times in just a single day, how
she's made her self feel literally, how she's made her
self feel.

Speaker 2 (50:52):
Right, Like, let's remember comments that she didn't steal her
stuff or hide this girlfriend's stuff like OPI was really innocent.

Speaker 1 (51:00):
Yeah, it doesn't matter how important her things are to
you or if you think they're unimportant. They're important to
her and you should respect that you didn't and she
took matters into her own hands. You both suck here,
nobody for me. Sorry about the misgendering. I also have
ADHD as well as autism and miss that detail, but
it doesn't change how I feel here at all. I
also missed it, so you're good, Op says. For clarity,

(51:23):
if someone accidentally moved a pile of things you left somewhere,
it gets to storage underneath, and something on that pile
fell off into the storage area without the realizing it
before they put the pile back in the same spot,
and you then couldn't find one of your items, would
you think it's justified to take one of their personal
belongings and hide it from them to make them feel

(51:44):
how you felt. Just want to add this is a
genuine question to understand how you process things as someone
with ADHD and autism. Comment two says, and that it
probably fell behind some things and to keep looking because
I know you'll find it. Mind you, I found her
dang hat while looking for my laptop exactly I said
it would be. Commoner says, so, did you know exactly
where the hat was or not? Sounds like the pot

(52:05):
calling the kettle back. But you can break up for
whatever reason you want, Opie says, I didn't know where
the hat was.

Speaker 3 (52:10):
No.

Speaker 1 (52:11):
I knew where her pile of clothes was in the
storage area and did my best to keep everything together
and put it back where I found it when I
needed to get things underneath. Everything was stacked haphazardly. I
didn't realize that was missing, or even that it was
specifically was there until she was looking for a black hat.
I remembered seeing something black. There was also a black
han toowel, which was where she and then I left it.

(52:34):
I genuinely don't know if I was the one who
moved it. It's not a load traffic area. I found
the hat because I completely emptied the storage area and
reorganized it in the process of looking for my laptop,
and it was at the bottom of the stuff. I
guess this is the feedback I'm curious about because I
am really resistant to being told that I need to
drop everything to help my partner or anyone find something

(52:55):
before she's looked herself. Wasn't like she had searched extensively
and I watched carelessly. There was less than a minute
of looking before the blame started. It feels to me
like weaponized incompetence, and that triggers me. I know the
stems from my experiences growing up, where enmeshed family turned
a missing item or any other personal problem into a

(53:16):
level ten emergency that they needed someone else to solve.
Feels like all these commentaries are like, well you did
the same thing. Yeah, you did the same thing. Oh,
p like accidentally maybe misplaced that or maybe placed it
somewhere else. Yeah, girlfriend fully like purposely hid the laptop.

Speaker 5 (53:34):
Yeah, oh like these contras suck.

Speaker 3 (53:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (53:38):
I was off on the one to find it or
try to fix it because one I had large patients
and two I had a large need to please. And
there is an update three days later. But do you
have any points? Yeah, I think your final p Yeah.

Speaker 2 (53:50):
I don't know what those commentris are on, but clearly
not on stupid.

Speaker 1 (53:55):
Reason Yeah they're not on reasoning pills, They're on stupid
pills exactly being little poopooheads yep. Three days later, I
female late twenties posted a few days ago about my partner,
female late twenties hiding my laptop in revenge for me
accidentally misplacing her hat allegedly your honor, there's no proof,

(54:18):
and me breaking up with her for it. An update.
I've been avoiding speaking to her, sleeping on the couch,
getting my affairs in order quietly, She's been finding ways
to try and rage bait me. Last night, at two am,
she comes to the living room where I'm sleeping to
ask where I put my rose toy if you know
you know I put it away because it's mine. It
was always meant to be my personal toy, but she

(54:41):
took quasi ownership of it and I simply don't want
her using it anymore. She proceeds to pester me for
forty minutes straight to tell her where it is, to
please give it to her, that she just needs to
sleep as she disrupts my sleep, I had to lock
myself in the bathroom twice because she wouldn't respect me
telling her to leave me alone, and kept coming. At
the end of this tirade, she asks when are you

(55:02):
leaving for the holidays? I tell her, I don't know.
Let me sleep. No, I just need to know when
you're going to be gone for an extended period of time, because, yeah,
I just need to know. Sounds like she's good she
wants to cheat.

Speaker 5 (55:15):
Yeah, right, and kind of does sound like that.

Speaker 1 (55:17):
I'm confused on whether or not you guys are still together, yeah,
implying she needs to know when I'll be gone so
she can get her rocks off with someone else in
the house. I didn't get asleep until after three am.
She gets up at seven thirty am. Never used to
get up this early, comes to the living room loudly,
tries to hug me. I was sleeping. I tell her,

(55:37):
please do not touch me. She says, really, how long
are we going to do this for?

Speaker 3 (55:43):
Dude?

Speaker 1 (55:43):
You literally came in last night to tell her pee
vaguely that you were going to spice to sleep with
someone else.

Speaker 5 (55:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (55:49):
I really need to ask the question what are we
I know I'm not in this relationship, but what are we?

Speaker 5 (55:55):
What are we doing? Guys?

Speaker 1 (55:56):
What are we doing? I pull the covers over my
face and try and ignore her and stay calm. She
pulls them off my face to ask me a question.
She then proceeds to turn on all of the lights,
even though it's already bright. She blends something for no exaggeration,
twenty minutes straight. What is she blending? Why does it
have to be like a paste?

Speaker 3 (56:17):
Yeah? Right?

Speaker 1 (56:18):
She stops around, slams doors loudly, rummages through items. I
stay under the covers and just contain my energy. Before
she leaves, she again tries to ug me after I
told her multiple times to please not touch me. She
forces a kiss on my head and says I love you,
and I again asks how long we're going to do this. Finally,

(56:38):
she leaves for the day. Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness,
you gotta get out of there.

Speaker 5 (56:43):
I'm so exhausted by your guys' relationship.

Speaker 1 (56:45):
Yeah, yeah, this is why that the breaks and then
the breakups and the breaks and the ongoing cycle of
that doesn't usually work out.

Speaker 3 (56:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (56:54):
When I got up, I see that she turned the
heater in the living room up to eighty six degrees
from seven many degrees to make me hot and uncomfortable.
We have pets. I just wanted to update because I
needed to hear how messed up manipulative and harmful. It is,
and I just want to witness myself by writing this
down and be witnessed by others. I can't wait to

(57:15):
get myself out of here. Comment one says, when you
get out, please take the pets with you. I wouldn't
trust her to take care of them or not hurt
them out of spite. Op says, unfortunately some of the
pets are hers mine are coming with me and there
is an update two days later any other parts.

Speaker 5 (57:31):
I really hope that this update is like, haven't spoken
to her in these two days?

Speaker 2 (57:35):
Yeah, planning on never speaking to her again. Officially broken up?

Speaker 1 (57:40):
Yeah yeah, officially broke up with her centre as seasoned
desist letter. Yeah, she can't talk to me legally anymore.
Found rates that would be really nice. Two days later
after this post, I may have to switch, oh to
posting in a different subreddit. I am abundantly clear now
that it was indeed more than break upworthy. I started

(58:01):
reading Why Does he Do That? After a couple of recommendations,
a book that I circled around for years but subconsciously
avoided to protect my own denial. This relationship has been
nothing but harmful. I feel like a veil has been lifted,
a bubble burst, and I am so grateful for this clarity,
although it comes at a high emotional cost. I'm still
getting things in order. I fear that she will find

(58:23):
these posts if she hasn't already, because she knows how
much I use read it and could find it with keywords.
I don't know if it matters, though, as she just
read my journal where I wrote extensively about all her
instances of mistreatment on my own records. Wow, while I
was on a walk. I meant to bring it with me,
but I left in a rush and was disoriented. When
I returned, she said something that made it clear to

(58:45):
me she read my journal. She has done this before,
knowing that my journals are sacred to me, I stated,
I assume you read my journal. She proceeded to verbally
mistreat me for over thirty minutes, calling me insane, mocked me,
repeat lee about the journal, called me all kinds of names.
When I ignored her, she got in my face, banging

(59:06):
on the table to get my attention, and tried to
pull my headphones off. Geez girl, oh my god, ooh
your jets man. Yeah, I have receipts of most of
this tirade. This is after two nights straight of her
blasting music to continue to disturb my sleep. How is
she not sleeping either? You know, how's she getting through

(59:26):
this if she's constantly blasting music?

Speaker 4 (59:29):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (59:29):
Right?

Speaker 2 (59:29):
Or maybe she just has so much like irrational races
that she just doesn't need to sleep.

Speaker 1 (59:34):
Yeah, but those are literal torture tactics. So get out
of there. Yeah, yeah, get out there.

Speaker 3 (59:39):
Get out of there. Yeah. Run.

Speaker 5 (59:41):
And I think it sounds like you know that now
that you should get out of there.

Speaker 1 (59:44):
So that's great, Annie, if you have I don't know,
can we go on the holidays earlier?

Speaker 3 (59:48):
Yeah? Right?

Speaker 1 (59:49):
Last night she played the same song over and over
again from ten pm to nine am.

Speaker 3 (59:56):
Is she there?

Speaker 1 (59:58):
I'm so confused? A song by someone she was romantically
interested in and almost took up with, like Jan from
the office. It would be funny if it wasn't so wicked.
I lost my patience last night and banged on the
door and yelled for her to put on headphones. She
wanted me to do this because now she's saying I've
been pressed. During her classic there was maybe a fifteen

(01:00:20):
minute break and she started the same song up again
at nine point thirty, screaming, singing, stompings, slamming. My family
is coming to get me and pets, and I'll be
away and safe for a little while. I want to
extend a sincere thank you to everyone who was commented
and asked for updates. I have anxiety about these posts
being up, but it is cathartic to write them, and

(01:00:40):
it helped me to hold myself accountable and be held
accountable and strengthen my resolve. And that is the end
of that story.

Speaker 5 (01:00:47):
Okay,

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I REFUSED to wear my mother-in-law’s gift… because I want to honor someone else! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2670

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}I REFUSED to wear my mother-in-law’s gift… because I want to honor someone else! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2670