My boss just asked me to host his ENTIRE family for a week... I refused! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2657 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Dakota and this is Angie, your favorite
Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
But before that, we have a quick two minute break
from the sponsors to keep the show alive.

Speaker 1 (00:11):
My boss just asked me to host his entire family
for a week.

Speaker 3 (00:15):
I refused, How.

Speaker 4 (00:17):
Did you get yourself into the situation?

Speaker 1 (00:19):
I have changed a couple of details and left certain
things vague for privacy reasons, but the gist of it
is he is considered the CEO's golden boy, and I
am considered the CEO's mother.

Speaker 4 (00:31):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (00:32):
By the way, this comes from a cautious soil five
five five seven. And if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime Separated.
And I'm Angie, I'm Riley, and we're here to give
good advice goofy. But we don't have all the answers.
We just know we would do in these situations. So
let us know what you would do in the comments.
When Bob and his wife had a child, she became
a stay at home mom with the CEO. And his

(00:55):
name is going to be Wiener because he is.

Speaker 4 (00:57):
One, we call him Richard.

Speaker 3 (01:01):
They were sure, Richard Richard or Wiener Richard, Sure, yeah,
it works.

Speaker 1 (01:07):
The CEO, Richard found this very admirable, and he promoted Bob.
You know, the whole song and dance of Bob becoming
a family man didn't seem to matter that he was
showing up later and later to the office and missing
more and more and more work, and when he was
in the office he was often sleeping. He wasn't my charge.
So I let it go and focused on those who

(01:29):
were under me. About a year ago, Bob and Co.
Had to leave due to a family emergency which required
them to move across the country. What another promotion happened
as soon as they settled. At this point, he went
from being under me in the hierarchy to being at
my level and became even more unreachable. Well, Bob got
promoted again a couple months ago to the highest level

(01:51):
he can be, and now he outranks me.

Speaker 3 (01:54):
So imagine my surprise when he.

Speaker 1 (01:56):
Texts me asking me to house his wife, Toddler and
jo for the week in January and mentions asking the
company to pay for his accommodations as an afterthought.

Speaker 3 (02:06):
If that didn't work.

Speaker 4 (02:08):
I would say no, because there was no relationship outside
of this workplace, No.

Speaker 3 (02:16):
Not at all.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
Yeah, you're not You guys seemingly are not friends. This
person cannot just like ask you.

Speaker 4 (02:25):
To be an Airbnb.

Speaker 1 (02:26):
Yeah, you can be asked what is within your job
requirements and your job title and anything else that is
outside of that is simply unreasonable for him to ask.

Speaker 4 (02:39):
Yo, Bob, could you could you show me like we're
in the SOPs? Yeah, that protocol is going to be
taking place.

Speaker 1 (02:47):
Yeah, what gobsmacked, I tell you, utter gobsmacked. I was
my dude, I haven't gotten a raise in four years
and just got slightly demoted for having the audacity of.

Speaker 3 (02:59):
Checknotes having a baby.

Speaker 1 (03:01):
That is another fun tale of Richard acting like a
spoiled older child with a new baby sibling for another day,
despite nothing with my work changing, while you are praised
for being such a good dad.

Speaker 3 (03:14):
Get the absolute f out of here. Thanks for listening
to my story.

Speaker 1 (03:18):
I'm going to go take an aspirin before my meeting
with Richard, where he will without a doubt mention it.
And there are some comments and we're like a quarter
through this story, so there's gonna be an update for sure.

Speaker 4 (03:32):
Yeah, what happened to a nice like, nah, not gonna happen,
and then that's good.

Speaker 3 (03:38):
Yeah, there are some comments.

Speaker 1 (03:39):
Vivian Diane says, my personal life is not a company
perk for your promotion.

Speaker 5 (03:44):
Whoa bars bars ban sid He says, uh, no is
a complete sentence?

Speaker 3 (03:54):
Go to HR. Start sending out resumes. Opie says, don't worry.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
I already said no, and I am already looking from
an incident with Richard three weeks ago.

Speaker 3 (04:04):
My flab is just gasted.

Speaker 1 (04:06):
They thought to ask Hugh Ganou says, ah, heck, no
is a more complete sentence.

Speaker 3 (04:14):
No, yeah, not gonna have not gonna happen.

Speaker 4 (04:16):
They can sleep on the streets for all I care.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
Yeah, nh Hot mom says, why would she go to HR?
It's in bad taste, it's asking a huge favor of
a coworker.

Speaker 3 (04:27):
It's not illegal. There would be zero reason HR should
get involved in that.

Speaker 1 (04:31):
Ope, you just say no, good gosh, Bob. I'm a
working mom of a small child. I have to get
up and out the door to day care. I have
a whole second job at home I go to when
I walk out the door. Here it's all I can
do to manage.

Speaker 3 (04:43):
What I have.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
I don't have anyone buying my groceries, doing my laundry,
running around my dry cleaning. I'm sorry, but no, I'm
very overwhelmed. If you're like me, you never complain about
what you've got going on at home. In fact, people
forget the kids that I carry. An occasional unloading is
what these people need. I think Bob is so out
of it. He has no concept of a working spouse.

(05:06):
That is true, because I forgot his wife is a.

Speaker 3 (05:10):
Stay home mom. M hm.

Speaker 1 (05:11):
So I this commenter is implying that he would expect
op to do all that stuff, which is interesting though,
Like I wonder what he actually is expecting because to me,
it seemed like he just wanted like a place to stay.
But I if he's thinking that that's like a total
reasonable request, then he might just expect meals and stuff too.

Speaker 4 (05:33):
Oh dude, this is so weird. Wow, why would you
do that? You know, I don't know, I don't know.
I think he's trying to push it and he's trying
to get as much as he can out of this.

Speaker 1 (05:42):
Yeah, Calvin not Hobbes says HR isn't going to do
corap against a c suite person. Opie says, the main
problem is that I'm being punished for having a kid,
and this is just another reminder of it, while he
is being rewarded at every turn. It is more some
aspect of it that I need to be a dominating
at detriment to myself and personal life or it will

(06:03):
affect my career. Well, he lets his personal life affect
his job and gets rewarded.

Speaker 3 (06:09):
Yee, that's very frustrating.

Speaker 4 (06:11):
But that's where I'm like Richard and Bob got something
special going on, because it would make no sense. Yeah,
for a dude to move across the country and have
a kid and get promoted.

Speaker 3 (06:23):
Yeah, both Pounds says.

Speaker 1 (06:25):
Don't go to HR or hire an employment lawyer and
sue the company after you find new employment. Save everything
you can that proves you were punished for having a kid.
While Bob was rewarded, Opie says, Unfortunately, the field I'm
in is male dominated and tiny, so it just isn't
worth it, else I would be getting your reputation. I
had another boss tell me my one hundred and two
degree fever was just me ovulating, but it was actually pneumonia.

Speaker 3 (06:51):
I had the rona that.

Speaker 1 (06:52):
Turned into pneumonia and bronchitis, and this man says it
was just ovulation that you got it.

Speaker 4 (06:59):
You gotta get some conversation out of that. That's wild.

Speaker 1 (07:03):
My coworkers always joked that I would be passing away
in the hospital and work would bring me to my laptop.
But they didn't think that it was real until I
was chased down in the parking lot when I tried
to leave because I was sick and told to just
suck it up because it was just that time of
the month. Okay, So now I'm becoming violent. Okay, So
I don't promote violence whatever, but this is what I

(07:24):
would do in this situation. I would become violent with
these men. That is just That's just that's how I feel,
and that's what I would do. I think, just one,
just one opinion. Let us know what you do in
the comments.

Speaker 4 (07:34):
If a man asks like this towards you, you have
every right in the book to call their mother and
explain to them what they just did.

Speaker 3 (07:43):
I just really hope that HR can take care of that. Yeah,
really really hope.

Speaker 4 (07:47):
That's crazy.

Speaker 3 (07:47):
That makes me filled with so much anger for youp
my goodness.

Speaker 1 (07:51):
The best thing I can do is just move on
and let them realize what they missed. You know, understanding
me and says yes, move on. But if the comments
were that egregious, and to me it is, once you
have that new job, you should still sue for discrimination
and hostile work environment. Keep working and get a nest
egg for your kid. If you can get some of

(08:12):
this stuff in writing, they will be paying for your
kids college, even to an IVY league.

Speaker 3 (08:17):
Also, it's not just you.

Speaker 1 (08:18):
Any woman wanting to work there or enter the field
would appreciate it if you at least showed these companies
that they can't continue treating women this way without consequences.
Will it change their attitudes maybe not, but it can
change their outward behaviors for the next female employee coming in,
or make hr strengthen their intimidation training and policies to
keep them from getting sued again. Don't leave the money

(08:39):
on the table, and we do have an update here.

Speaker 4 (08:42):
I'ld be so intimidating to sue these people over these remarks.
I would I would have a hard time doing that.
It's the right thing to do, yeah, but also seems
like a very tough thing.

Speaker 1 (08:54):
I wouldn't have a lot of hope that it would
go my way. Really, yeah, m because who's gonna be
in HR a bunch of men? Maybe if it's all
male dominated, I'm assuming that, and it's a small company,
I'm assuming that it's mostly men that she's working with.
And I'm assuming that, you know, whatever people are in

(09:15):
the court are also men. This may not be true,
and you should definitely still fight it anyway, and I would,
but I just it makes me so angry that because
it feels so powerless. So I posted this a month
ago where my boss wanted to stay at my house
for an entire week with his family, and we are
in the final countdown with some very interesting developments.

Speaker 3 (09:38):
Quick recap.

Speaker 1 (09:39):
Bob the CTO is the family man who wants to
bring his entire family, including the dog, to stay at
my home for.

Speaker 3 (09:46):
A week to avoid paying hotel fees.

Speaker 1 (09:49):
Richard is a CEO and well a wiener who keeps
rewarding Bob for being a hard working family man at
detriment to his job.

Speaker 3 (09:57):
So let's start with the minor drama.

Speaker 1 (09:59):
Bo is on vacation all week, which is good for
him much earned, I'm sure just one small, teeny tiny hiccup.
He hasn't told us some very minor details like meeting
place or meeting time. This is all going to go well,
I'm sure now for the intrigue involving Richard, Richard just
kind of poofed, vanished off the face of the planet.

(10:22):
We don't talk about Bruno style. I think you might
be right, you might. Let's keep reading, Let's keep reading.
I brought up his name a few times in meetings
over the past month on things that we needed him for,
and no one and I mean no one else in
the C suite will say his name. Oh my gosh,
he is off the payroll, which, in some weird oversight,

(10:45):
I still have access to OOP.

Speaker 3 (10:47):
There has been.

Speaker 1 (10:48):
A lot of hush hush transition meetings with the owner
slash founder and Bob, so I think he is going
to announce his resignation next Monday, which is a mixed
bag since it looks like Bob cannot figure out a
hotel booking is on his way to being his successor.

Speaker 3 (11:08):
They said, Dude, I think I'm on it.

Speaker 4 (11:12):
I think I'm on the money here.

Speaker 1 (11:14):
You might be on the money, but it doesn't seem
as it doesn't seem like he's trying to blame Bob
for things.

Speaker 4 (11:22):
If you have someone that can even book a hotel
for themselves going to be a CEO, you were setting
the company up for failure. Thus there's a reason you
want that company to fail, and it's probably for financial gain.
I don't know what dominated Meles area they're in, or
who bought him out, or who bought Richard out, but
money's at play, and we're only seeing a little bit

(11:43):
of it, like a little bit of the story. There's
a bigger picture happening, something under our nose. Yeah, we're
almost done with this.

Speaker 3 (11:51):
Yeah, what, we don't have a lot left.

Speaker 4 (11:53):
I need answers.

Speaker 3 (11:54):
I know me too, Let's keep reading.

Speaker 1 (11:56):
This is a horrible no, I know I I I
need to know what happens.

Speaker 3 (12:02):
I need to know. In my very professional.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
Opinion, give him six months before he crashes and burns.

Speaker 3 (12:09):
And it is totally not because two weeks ago he.

Speaker 1 (12:12):
Told our ceo he had a bunch of files and
then immediately turned about and asked me where they were.

Speaker 3 (12:19):
No, no, no, no no. So while we ring in
the new year, waiting for this cluster f to.

Speaker 1 (12:24):
Play out, throw out your wildest theories how this is
going to go.

Speaker 3 (12:28):
I don't think it can be any more insane than this.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
And as an aside, I have a couple of interviews
next week as well.

Speaker 4 (12:35):
Yeah, oh good, OPI go get.

Speaker 3 (12:38):
Out of there. My god, throw out some comments.

Speaker 1 (12:42):
Smoke Dealers says, it is wild to me that he
even suggested to stay at your house. Even my best
friend wouldn't dare unless I offer first, Opie says, I
consider myself pretty generous.

Speaker 3 (12:53):
My best friend has her own room here.

Speaker 1 (12:55):
I have also in the past made personalized snack baskets
for the interns, including when Bob was one himself.

Speaker 3 (13:01):
But I too, am blown away by the gall.

Speaker 1 (13:03):
In asking a subordinate to host his entire family after
a major holiday, especially upon learning that he is in
the running to be the leader of the Free World Company,
and knew he was in the running at the time
of asking this account. Be an eat, says advocate for
yourself while looking elsewhere. How did Bob go from being

(13:25):
your intern to your boss?

Speaker 3 (13:27):
How long did that take? Why doesn't the owner give
you a shot?

Speaker 1 (13:30):
Why would he remove Richard and promote his right hand Bob,
Opie says, Richard was CEO. Richard promoted Bob due to
the CTO and demoted me for the same reason. Literally,
the only factor at play is Bob and I both
had kids, and that somehow made Bob look more incompetent
in me less so because Bob has a wiener and

(13:52):
I don't.

Speaker 3 (13:54):
It sadly happens all the time.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
Unfortunately, the owner merely has majority stakeholder. He has influence,
but at the end of the day, he doesn't run
the company.

Speaker 3 (14:04):
He has very little say in the daily operations.

Speaker 1 (14:07):
Dog Mother says, So Bob gets promoted because his wife
is a stay at home mom, and you are demoted
for having a baby. Is that even legal where you live?
Just look for another job. The audacity of some people.
I hope you said no to providing free accommodation to
his family.

Speaker 3 (14:23):
Hope.

Speaker 1 (14:23):
He says it shouldn't be no, but he did it
out of the goodness of his heart. So I have
more time to be a mom, or I assume so
he didn't tell me, just everyone else. And yes, I
have interviews lined up and a boss free home next week.

Speaker 3 (14:38):
And that is the end of that story. My goodness, well,
good luck to you in those interviews. I hope they
went well. And I hope you are out of that job.
And that's the end of this story. We're going on
to the next one. I reported my boss to HR
even after my girlfriend begged me not to.

Speaker 4 (14:59):
What does she have with this?

Speaker 3 (15:00):
And this comes directly from the r slash okay storytime
subred it. I twenty one male have been with my
girlfriend Lena twenty female throwaway because my girlfriend and some
coworkers follow my reddit for about a year and a half.
We met freshman year at college and moved in together
this past summer. Money is tight for both of us,
so we both work part time while going to school.

(15:21):
By the way, this comes from Grouchy Ask sixty four
to thirty two. And if you want to smit your
own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime subured it.
I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, and we're here to give good
advice Gooflee, but we don't have all the answers. We
rely know what we do, so let us know what
you would do in the comments. And op says, I
got my job last fall. It's nothing impressive, mostly scheduling

(15:42):
paperwork and helping different departments when they're short staffed. When
I was interviewed the manager. Mark seemed serious but professional. Okay,
you talked a lot about accountability and earning your place,
all right, which I actually liked at the time. Okay,
seemed like Mark would be a good guy.

Speaker 4 (16:00):
It's a real business guy.

Speaker 3 (16:01):
Hm, work hard, put yourself up by your bootsteps. Yes,
the first few weeks were fine, a little overwhelming, but
I was new. Mark corrected me a lot, but I
figured that was normal. I feel like it is somewhat
normal when you're new at a job.

Speaker 4 (16:16):
Yeah, you got to know how to go about things
a certain way.

Speaker 3 (16:18):
He'd reword emails I sent to ask me to redo things,
even if they weren't technically wrong. Man would sometimes change
my shifts with very little notice. Well, so those ones
are worse. Yeah, those ones not great. About a month
then things started to feel off. Not huge things, just constant,
little ones. I'd get called into his office for quick

(16:38):
chats that felt more like lectures. He once asked me
if I took feedback personally because I seemed tense. Another
time he asked if I was really committed since I
was balancing school and work. My hour started bouncing around
a lot. Some weeks, I'd get close to thirty hours,
then suddenly I'd be down to twelve with no explanation. Meanwhile,

(16:58):
people hired after me seemed fine. I told myself, maybe
I wasn't performing as well as I thought. I started
overthinking everything, rereading emails before sending them, staying late without
clocking it because I didn't want to look lazy. I
didn't want to complain and be that guy. That's the
worst type of working environment.

Speaker 4 (17:16):
It is, it is.

Speaker 3 (17:17):
I talked to Lena about it a few times, mostly
just venting. She told me all bosses are weird, and
then I should just keep my head down. She also
said I tend to spiral when I feel criticized, which
maybe is true. Then I got my first written warning.
It was for communication issues, no specific example, just that
I needed to improve my tone and responsiveness. What what

(17:39):
does that mean?

Speaker 4 (17:40):
With what with who? With texting, with emails?

Speaker 3 (17:43):
With what? That really messed with my head because I
didn't even know what I did wrong. When I asked
Mark for clarification, he said, if you don't know, that's
part of the problem. That's a just stupid response. That's
when I started writing things down, not officially, just no,
it's in my phone dates, weird comments, schedule changes. I

(18:03):
wasn't planning anything. I just wanted to feel like I
wasn't crazy. One afternoon, Mark called me into his office
and asked why I was talking about personal issues at work.
I honestly didn't know what he meant. When I asked.
He said some people had mentioned I seemed distracted lately.
It felt vague on purpose. The conversation ended with him
telling me to keep my private life private. I'm sorry,

(18:25):
so now pe is being told that he has to
keep his private life out just because he seemed distracted.
It didn't even sound like he actually said anything about
his private life.

Speaker 4 (18:37):
This guy's coming after you.

Speaker 3 (18:38):
He's targeting you. That night, while Lena and I were
sitting on the couch, I mentioned it. I asked, kind
of off hand, does Mark ever talk about me? Oh? Wait,
I didn't realize Lena worked there too.

Speaker 4 (18:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (18:51):
She went quiet for a second, not dramatic, just enough
to notice. What do you mean? She asked. I told
her about the comment he made about my personal life,
about me seeming distracted, and how it felt like it
came out of nowhere. I said, it just feels like
he knows things I haven't said at work. She hesitated again,
then said, I mean he knows of you. I asked

(19:14):
what that meant. She sighed and said, I probably should
have mentioned this earlier, but Mark's technically my brother in law.
You didn't tell ope that you're freaking his boss is
your brother in law? Honestly, honestly, I would I would
be rethinking the relationship of if this big of a

(19:35):
lie came up, Because it is a lie, She didn't
she purposely withheld that information.

Speaker 4 (19:40):
Yeah until now for some reason.

Speaker 3 (19:43):
Yeah. I mean, I guess it wouldn't like be that
wouldn't be breakup territory yet, but I would be, like,
we're gonna have a conversation about why you lied about.

Speaker 4 (19:49):
That and why is he giving me such a hard time.

Speaker 3 (19:53):
My parents got married when I was seventeen and he
was twenty one. He's been around my family for years.
I just stared at at her for a second, not angry,
just trying to reframe everything I'd already experienced. I asked,
so he knows where together? Yeah, she said quickly, But
I've never talked to him about your job ever. I
don't vent to him and I don't ask him for

(20:13):
favors or anything like that. I believed her, and in
that moment I still didn't think it meant anything. It
just felt uncomfortable, like two parts of my life I
thought we separate had been overlapping without me realizing it.

Speaker 4 (20:27):
That makes sense.

Speaker 3 (20:27):
Well, now I think it's less likely that Lena and
her brother in law have anything going on. But maybe
he's trying to be like I don't know, maybe there's cheating,
but war he's trying to be like big brother to you.
If you, yeah, if you, if you freaking mess with
my you know, sister in law.

Speaker 4 (20:46):
Or my little sister in law, don't you do anything
to her? Yeah. I don't like this aspect at all.
Everyone needs to go check themselves. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (20:54):
A week later, there was an issue with a scheduling
error that affected multiple people. I had flagged it in
an email earlier in the day, but Mark blamed me
in front of the team. Anyway. When I tried to explain,
he cut me off and said, this is the exact
kind of thing we've talked about. After the meeting, one
of my coworkers i'll call him Josh, pulled me aside.
Josh is about my age. Started around the same time

(21:16):
and honestly does well there, he said, Man, that was
it on you? He told me Mark had been unusually
harsh with me compared to everyone.

Speaker 4 (21:24):
Else because he likes your girlfriend, didn't.

Speaker 2 (21:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (21:27):
Josh also said something that stuck with me. I'd back
you up at HR ask but I'm not trying to
get on his radar. I couldn't blame him. After the
meeting where Mark blamed me for the scheduling issue, Josh
showed me something I hadn't asked for. He pulled up
his own write up history on the HR portal, same department,
similar role, similar tenure. His file had two notes total,

(21:49):
both short and pretty neutral. Mine already had five, and
the language was noticeably harsher phraises like pattern of concern
and ongoing issues, even though most of the incidents reminder
or subjective. He also showed me his schedule history. His
hours fluctuated a little week to week, but nothing like mine.
Oh wow, no sudden drops, no back to back clothes

(22:11):
into opens. He pointed out that some of the emails
Mark sent me were almost identical to ones he'd received,
except mine had added sentences at the end that reframed
things as mistakes instead of reminders. Jos said I don't
think this is random, but also said again that he
didn't want to be involved unless HR specifically asked. That

(22:32):
was the first time I felt like I had something
more than just a gut feeling. I brought this up
to Lena that night. I was an accusatory, just frustrated.
She listened, but her response was always some version of
I don't think he's doing it on purpose, or he
probably just has higher expectations of you. I asked her
again if she'd talked to him recently. She said no,

(22:53):
and that she didn't want to keep having to mediate
stop me dating. Obie's literally asking you do.

Speaker 4 (22:59):
Not do it feels like a lie. I guys are talking.

Speaker 3 (23:03):
I think she's talking to him. Oh. She also said
that bringing up his behavior was starting to make her anxious.
The tension started bleeding into our relationship. Anytime I mentioned work,
she'd sigh or shut down. She told me, I was
letting it consume me. I told her it was hard
not to when my job felt unstable. Things escalated After

(23:24):
another incident, Mark accused me of missing a deadline I
could prove I met when I showed him the timestamp.
He said I should have followed up more aggressively. Later
that day, he sent me an email summarizing the conversation
in a way that made it sound like I'd admitted fault.
I replied, politely correcting it. He never responded. I showed
that email to Josh and another coworker. Both agreed it

(23:45):
was weird. Neither wanted to be involved another. Around this time,
Lena and I had our first real argument about it.
She told me I was assuming malice and that I
was putting her in an impossible position. I told her
I felt like she was minimizing something that was clearly
affecting me. She said, you're making me feel like I
have to choose. Well, you've already chosen the brother in law,

(24:06):
and I said, I just wanted you to see what's happening.
Neither of us felt heard. From that point on, I
started saving everything, emails, schedule screenshots, meeting notes, not because
I wanted to go nuclear, but because I felt like
if I didn't, no one would believe me. Later, that's
when the write up started happening more frequently. When Mark
put me on the performance improvement plan, That's when I

(24:27):
told Lena I was seriously thinking about HR. We'd already
been arguing about it for weeks by that point. She
kept saying HR would escalate things and that once it
was out of her hands, there'd be no controlling the
fallout good her hands.

Speaker 4 (24:41):
So she is manipulating something. They're having a good hurt,
They're definitely having an affair.

Speaker 3 (24:45):
I am very suspicious of this. There'd be no controlling
the fallout. What finally pushed me was how vague the
PIP was. No benchmarks, no concrete expectations, just language about
professional growth and continued concerns. It felt like a paper trail,
not a plan. I scheduled the meeting with HR and

(25:07):
went in expecting it to be quick. It wasn't. The
HR rep I'll call her Diane was polite, but clearly cautious.
She asked me directly whether I thought Mark was targeting
me because of my relationship with Lena, and also whether
this complaint could be retaliatory on my part because of
personal conflict.

Speaker 4 (25:26):
Oh, straight to the point.

Speaker 3 (25:29):
That question honestly through me. I hadn't even thought of
it that way. She explained that when there's a family
connection involved, HR has to consider whether the complaint itself
could be motivated by personal issues rather than workplace misconduct. Well,
you've got a lot of proof.

Speaker 4 (25:45):
You got so much proof, and you got a lot
of people that will back you up too, maybe mentioning.

Speaker 3 (25:50):
That yeah, and say like, hey, these people have said
that they don't want to get involved, but would answer
questions if they were at you know, asked directly.

Speaker 4 (25:58):
What again, why is this guy doing this today?

Speaker 3 (26:01):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (26:02):
That's the root that I need to know.

Speaker 3 (26:04):
Yeah, According to the notes on my file, Mark had
already raised concerns about my emotional responses and difficulty accepting feedback,
which Diane said made it harder to immediately separate performance
issues from conflict. At that point, I was sweating and
felt like I'd messed up by coming at all. That's
when I pulled out what I had Nice. Yes, everyone,

(26:28):
if you're ever experiencing something like this at a job, receipts, receipts, receipts,
keep them all my notes, screenshots, emails, schedule changes. I
showed her the timeline of when my hours dropped. The
write ups compared to Josh's, and the side by side
emails were Mark added critical language to mine but not
to others. I also pointed out that none of my

(26:48):
supposed issues had been raised in my initial onboarding reviews.
Diane got quieter as we went through it. She asked
to keep copies. She also asked me again whether I
was asking for dis plenary action against Mark. Told her no,
I said, I just wanted the behavior documented and to stop.
I even said that if they moved me under a
different supervisor, I'd be fine with that.

Speaker 4 (27:10):
Diana know something.

Speaker 3 (27:12):
She told me they'd need to investigate and that I
shouldn't discuss it with coworkers. She also said very carefully
that HR's role wasn't to take side, but to protect
the company.

Speaker 4 (27:22):
AW I left that.

Speaker 3 (27:23):
Meeting feeling worse than when I went in. I honestly
thought I might have just made myself look paranoid.

Speaker 4 (27:29):
An affairs happening. Yeah, I'm not getting any hint of embezzlements.

Speaker 3 (27:34):
A little hint of embezzlements, you know.

Speaker 4 (27:37):
Or anything that's like doing some weird company stuff. Affairs,
the thing that I'm leading.

Speaker 3 (27:44):
With, Yeah, you I was un affair, but now I'm like,
that would be so much worse if it wasn't affair,
because of like I know they're not technically related, but
it would be really icky if that was happening.

Speaker 4 (27:58):
Yeah, I'm thinking.

Speaker 3 (28:00):
Maybe it's just because he's brother in law and he's like,
no one's good enough for my sister in law. That's
that's that's brother in law.

Speaker 4 (28:06):
Brother. Yeah, yeah, brother in law.

Speaker 5 (28:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (28:10):
I don't know. I just don't know.

Speaker 4 (28:13):
I don't like it.

Speaker 3 (28:14):
There's a little bit left over. The next couple of weeks,
HR interviewed people quietly. Josh texted me one night just
saying they asked me about schedules. That was it. When
Lena found out HR was involved, she said I'd gone
behind her back after she explicitly asked me not to. Well,
hope he didn't say yes, OPI didn't promise that he wouldn't.

(28:35):
She said the fact that HR initially questioned my motives
proved I was wrong to escalate. Then Mark was suspended,
then eventually fired. What Diane called me to close things
out Dan dang As. She said the termination was based
on retaliation, inconsistent documentation, and failure to disclose a conflict

(28:57):
of interest. She didn't apologize, She didn't say I was right.
She just said the case was resolved. Lina says I
still should have trusted her and let it go. I
say I gave it weeks and kept losing grounds. So
am I the a hole? And there are some comments.

Speaker 4 (29:14):
No, I would hate to go to work every day
and be targeted and written up for an email that
I sent wrong.

Speaker 3 (29:22):
Yeah, I like for the most inane things. It seems
I would break up with Lena. It doesn't seem like
you've broken up with her, but I feel like she
was colluding against you. She must be. You're one of
our own, so you are at one not an a hole.
And I would have said you could have gone to

(29:43):
HR sooner. Yeah, I would be strongly reconsidering the relationship
with Lena because she lied to you, then actively diminished
all of your you know, frustrations, concerns, everything, and then
you know, minimized when it it was proved or proven
that he was retaliating against you or got fired. They

(30:05):
get fired. He wouldn't have gotten fired if OP. Just
don't know if Op wasn't wrong. But there are some comments.
Common one says, not the ahole is Lena related to Mark?
If not, it sounds like they were having an affair
eyesen and went usin I hope not. That's a little weird.
She was certainly making a lot of excuses for his

(30:25):
inexcusable behavior. And that is the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (30:29):
Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here, and we're
gonna get back to the stories. But here's three minutes
of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 1 (30:37):
My coworker thinks he's untouchable until he mistakenly slips up.

Speaker 3 (30:42):
You're about to be touched.

Speaker 1 (30:45):
So I'm currently working for a rather large discounter as
a cashier in Stoker. This means that we have minimal
staff to keep the store running two minimum three to
four on busier days. This means that each worker not
only has a higher workload, but also means that everyone
except the first register needs to do multiple things throughout
their shift. The one responsible for organization of tasks is

(31:07):
the most senior full time employee, internally known as the
vice manager. By the way, this comes from C Course
fifty one to seventy one. And if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay, storytime,
separate it and I'm Angie, I'm Sophia, and we're here
to give good advice goofily, But we don't have all
the answers. We just know what we would do in
these situations, So let us know what you would do
in the comments and oh P sets. Recently, we've fallen

(31:30):
into a staff shortage due to our previous store manager
getting promoted and their replacement, along with two other coworkers
quitting due to medical issues and or moving to a
different city. This meant that Regional was scrambling for new
hires and onboard and quickly skipping most of the formal
onboarding process, which for me included about eight paid hours
of E learning courses. Two of the three new hires

(31:53):
are not noteworthy in the slightest, but number three, let's
call him John, certainly was a character. John is a
about twenty five year old, toxically friendly, non native part
time coworker that also works at a fast food chain
across town as his second job. When John was interviewed,
he not only lied about previous experience, as he claimed

(32:14):
he worked for one of our sister organizations, so he
knew all the systems, but he also lied about his
availability given his other job.

Speaker 3 (32:23):
And no one did like I don't know any like
fact checking on the sister organization thing.

Speaker 1 (32:28):
Yeah right, I mean, yeah, it's just weird. This led
to the interviewer from regionals saying that he is eligible
to be vice manager.

Speaker 3 (32:36):
Oh dang.

Speaker 1 (32:36):
When he started, due to the rush hiring and lack
of store manager, he didn't do any of the e learning.
This is critical since several of those Register one oh one,
Health and Safety, Conflict Resolution, Youth protection are legally required
to be allowed to work a register. Since we didn't
know that he hadn't done those before. At our sister store,
he was allowed to operate the register, which he was

(32:59):
unsurprisingly very bad at. Anyways, on day two of working
with us, I had him as my second cashier and
he was already gossiping about that shift s vice manager,
saying how she was bad at her job and that
she couldn't make it at this fast food place.

Speaker 3 (33:15):
Okay, you could never make it at in and out.
You're right, Ah, you would be lost over there, You'd
be in and then out.

Speaker 1 (33:24):
Then he complimented our most senior full time employee, saying, wow,
you did that really well, despite being.

Speaker 3 (33:30):
You know, what do you think?

Speaker 1 (33:33):
What?

Speaker 3 (33:34):
I don't know? I don't know.

Speaker 1 (33:36):
Then he started actively spreading minor rumors about certain employees
hating certain other employees, all whilst having the ego of
a lifetime. If you asked him anything, he'd claim to
know it, then tell you something completely wrong. He'd casually
state that he was the fastest and most orderly and
best at facing et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, all

(33:57):
whilst his cash register performance digital tracked was severely under quota.
Note that our quota isn't hard to hit. Once you've
been at the register for a month or so, you'll
hit it and there's no repercussions for it unless you're
under it constantly. Most exceeded by about thirty percent. This
underperformance is why he was then subsequently denied the ability

(34:19):
to be a vice manager of a shift, since at
that point it had also come out that he didn't
work in our sister store, but worked in a bakery
in the same building as one.

Speaker 3 (34:28):
He's like, I worked near the sister store. I've seen
where it's at. Oh yeah, walked through there all the time.

Speaker 1 (34:38):
Then I once again paired with him for a shift
a few days ago. This is now a month three
or so of his employment, and he is universally disliked
as a gossiper, underperformer and a fake nice coworker. Whilst
everyone is still professional, he isn't on a very friendly
basis with anyone, as everyone knows about his gossiping and
weird self congratulatory comments.

Speaker 3 (34:59):
That day, I find out out that he's handed in
his two week notice and what does he do? Underperforms
even harder my guy. At one point during the day,
his register crashes.

Speaker 1 (35:10):
When this happens, that registers out of commission for a
good ten minutes due to the automatic reboot sequence. The
current vice manager then came to the register to see
what's up and initiate the restart. I tell him, you
could go outside and put the carts in the pen.
They've been messy for a few weeks now, to which
he responds, not to me, but to the vice manager.

Speaker 3 (35:30):
This dude doesn't have crap.

Speaker 4 (35:31):
To say here.

Speaker 3 (35:33):
This dude doesn't know what he's talking about.

Speaker 1 (35:37):
To which the vice manager responded, it's still a good idea,
come on, let's go outside. At this point, they had
a talk outside that I did witness but got a
transcript of later.

Speaker 3 (35:47):
So here it is John. This cloud doesn't have crap
to say here.

Speaker 1 (35:52):
I'm practically doing your job, vice manager. He's been here
for way longer than you, and if regional walked in
when you were just sitting there, it'd be your.

Speaker 3 (36:02):
But John, he just wants to boss.

Speaker 1 (36:06):
Me around, that discriminatory person vice manager. No, he suggested
something that needs to be done anyways, and that he
can't do as first register. He obviously just wants to
boss me around. I'm way higher than him in the hierarchy.
He's just a cashier.

Speaker 3 (36:25):
I'm untouchable. They can't fire me. I already quit. Oh okay,
cool guy.

Speaker 1 (36:31):
I can do what I want and that idiot can't
make me do wrap. Calm down, then come back in
and go back to your register and of discussion.

Speaker 3 (36:40):
Wait, this guy just quit. I guess. So he just quit.
I hope.

Speaker 1 (36:45):
So.

Speaker 3 (36:45):
I hope he wasn't just referring to his two weeks. Notice. Yeah,
he's like, I quit, and the guy's like, okay, yeah,
sure you do, Bud.

Speaker 1 (36:52):
I think maybe he was just referring to it, like
I already quit, So I already like put in my
two weeks.

Speaker 3 (36:57):
Oh okay, that's what he was saying.

Speaker 1 (36:59):
Yeah, But I feel like if I was the vice manager,
I'd be like, Okay, well I actually can fire you
because you would be getting paid for.

Speaker 3 (37:04):
Those two weeks. Yeah, and you're not anymore because you're
not doing the work. Yeah, you're quitting. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:10):
After that, John looked visibly angry at me for the
rest of the day. Now do note that John was
ninety minutes late that day after calling in that he'd
be an hour late.

Speaker 3 (37:20):
Ten minutes before his shift started.

Speaker 1 (37:22):
Oh anyways, I went to the vice manager after that
to talk to him about John, where I found out
about the conversation in rough strokes. Then I didn't see
John until the end of the day. But what happened
during that time is going to end up with a severe.

Speaker 3 (37:35):
Whooping next week.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
John wanted to go five minutes early to catch the
next public translit time, which was exactly out close, whilst
we usually take about fifteen minutes to close the store,
which is still paid. Due to the vice manager being
sick of John, he agreed, but changed his schedule so
he wouldn't be paid for the fifteen.

Speaker 3 (37:54):
Minutes after close.

Speaker 1 (37:55):
Then John called the vice manager, who was in the
store talking to a coworker Dora, that had come in
for shopping late.

Speaker 3 (38:01):
In the evening. Dora had at that point told John
that he.

Speaker 1 (38:04):
Could restock the bottled water since there was still time.

Speaker 3 (38:09):
Okay, we're getting we're getting more script here. Would you
like to read this with me? Oh yeah, okay, oh yeah,
you can go ahead and be the vice manager, right, Hey, John,
what's up? John?

Speaker 1 (38:20):
On the speaker, Yeah, I'm done with the register. That
stupid seaword. Dora just told me to restock the water.

Speaker 3 (38:28):
Who does that? Which thing she is?

Speaker 2 (38:31):
Uh?

Speaker 3 (38:31):
Yeah, I'm gonna come get your register locked up. Be
right there now.

Speaker 1 (38:37):
Obviously Dora heard that, she didn't say anything, so John
didn't know she heard, but told the vice manager that
she'd stay after clothes to talk to him. I don't
think I've heard any coworker use any curse words or
insults ever, so this is a major out of bounds.
During clothes, she asked us if we were okay with
being listed as witnesses, to which we agreed, and she

(38:58):
said that that next Monday, so in a few hours
she'd be contacting corporate to see if she can make
him exit a little faster and on fire.

Speaker 3 (39:08):
And there is an update. Uh yeah, I mean the
only solutioneer is that he just leaves the company.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (39:15):
Yeah, he's a terrible coworker, a terrible worker.

Speaker 1 (39:19):
Right, because I've definitely been in the mindset where it's
like I already quit, like they like if I do
this one little thing, or like oh I end up
being late, it's like, well, I can't fire me, or it's.

Speaker 3 (39:30):
Like even if they do, it's not a big deal.

Speaker 1 (39:32):
But at the same time, like especially in this situation,
it's like, well, you're still working and you're still getting paid,
so you should definitely still do your job.

Speaker 3 (39:41):
Way and also you would want like them to give
you good a favorable review for your next job. Totally,
totally no, But we do have an update here.

Speaker 1 (39:50):
So after that incident, Dora went to the regional manager
to report this. This isn't the first report about John
given his track record as incapable, but it was the last.
Though that's not quite correct, but I'll get to that
later now. As I mentioned in the original post, our
atmosphere is very friendly and even mild inswords s towards
coworkers would get you a talking to, So his behavior

(40:11):
was phenomenally out of line, especially to an off duty
vice manager. By the way, Dora is also a vice manager.
Though I don't know the full story. From what I
could gather, several from the upper Brass came to our
store to talk to our store manager, Dora and John,
one by one with three.

Speaker 3 (40:28):
Corporate members each.

Speaker 1 (40:30):
Dora said that they meticulously went through the event with her,
but seemed generally pretty unphased in their expressions. The store
managers said that they just asked about how much I
trust you, Dora and few others, and then looked around
the store like the inquisition and left no.

Speaker 3 (40:47):
Idea why they came. Inspection isn't for another three weeks
at least.

Speaker 1 (40:51):
Inquisition is what we call quality assurance, audits and revisions,
which is basically just the audit guys. Now this Monday,
I look at the works schedule and John is completely gone,
not even a listing with no hours, just removed.

Speaker 3 (41:05):
Seems like he's done for seems like it.

Speaker 1 (41:09):
Since I was heading that way anyways for shopping, I
hopped in and asked what I asked that day's vice manager,
who said, no idea. They usually don't go away until
at least a month after their last day, and the
store manager said, I don't think I can tell you
what I know.

Speaker 3 (41:23):
If you want to know, go ask Claire. Now.

Speaker 1 (41:26):
Claire is our regional manager who were on quite good
terms with So I hit up Claire after getting back.

Speaker 3 (41:31):
Okay, ready we get juicy details, all right, me? Hey Claire,
Hey Upye what's up? I thought you were off until
the third Yeah. I am just wanted to ask something
a little off the record. Okay, let's see what I
can do for you.

Speaker 1 (41:49):
So, just out of curiosity, what happened to John? He's
not on the timetable anymore, and I haven't seen any goodbyes.

Speaker 3 (41:56):
Eh oh yeah, John. John is about as close as
super fired as possible. After Dora called the HR director.
HR sent out some guys to check up on things,
and John was stealing stuff. Boy, not much at least,
not much we can prove, but enough to fire him

(42:18):
on the spot. His personal file is also marked with
do not hire and do not recommend, so I doubt
he'll ever get a job with any company we're working with.
They can do that, apparently, I can't I know that
much anyways. Anything other than that, Uh no, that's it.
Happy New Years.

Speaker 1 (42:38):
If we don't hear each other anymore, you two. But
there's a little bit more into the story.

Speaker 3 (42:44):
But okay, okay, John's gone forever, it seems yeah, so
whin that's a win win win. I'm glad that they
like noted like don't hire again. Yeah, that's recommending. I'm like, yeah,
what does this guy not realize that the you know,
the behavior that he shows in the last two weeks

(43:06):
of his job will be noted. Yeah?

Speaker 1 (43:10):
Right, Like if you're really really struggling in the future,
like you just know that you can't fall back on
this stow.

Speaker 3 (43:17):
Yeah. So yeah, John is super fired. Sadly, no epic battle.

Speaker 1 (43:23):
Some of you have attempted to guess where I work,
though none were correct. If all our subsidiaries are counted together,
though we have a little over three times as many
employees as DG, though our customer base is just as analystic.

Speaker 3 (43:38):
Given John is also likely.

Speaker 1 (43:40):
Blocked from working for our suppliers, I think a good
half million jobs are forever out of John's reach. And
if most discounters call around to other brands to see
if a person is a no no, so at least
there's that. Other than that, Happy belated Christmas and happy
New Years in advance. Hope y'all survived the holidays and
manage to get some family tie. Now let's make it

(44:01):
past New Year's without me since I took time off.
Now that's the ndada I care.

Speaker 3 (44:06):
Yeah, well John got what he deserved. Sor did? Look
at that, and that's the end of this story. We're
going on to the next one. My girlfriend thinks I'm
weird just because I bought shampoo for her.

Speaker 4 (44:19):
Did you forget conditioner?

Speaker 3 (44:21):
My girlfriend uses a few different types of shampoo and
alternates between them. One of them, a vanilla scented one,
is my favorite. She asked me to pick up some
things for Earth's store, and on my way to check out,
I saw the vanilla shampoo and grab that too. When
I got back to her apartment, she started putting away
the things I bought. She was confused by the shampoo
and asked me why I got it. By the way,

(44:41):
this comes from Spiritual Grocery six four one, and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay storytime suppured it.

Speaker 4 (44:47):
I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, I'm Keon with Vincent, and we're
here to give good advice.

Speaker 3 (44:51):
Gooflee, But we don't have all the answers, we all,
you know what we'd do, so let us know what
you would do. In the comments, I said that I
saw it, and no she uses that kind for her
She said she wasn't running low on shampoo. I said,
I know, but it doesn't expire, and that one is
my favorite. I teasingly said that she should use it
if she's planning to wash her hair to I. She
asked what I meant by it being my favorite. I said,

(45:13):
I like the way it makes her hair smell like cookies.
She looked a little weirded out. I asked her if
she was okay. She said it was weird that I
schmetualized her shampoo. I asked if she thinks I'm sch
mikes here when I used nice smelling soaps and deodorants.
She said not really, as long as I don't actively
smell bad. I said, maybe it's different for everyone. She said, honestly,
it bothered her that something as mundane as shampoo was

(45:36):
spicy to me. She asked me if someone else smelled
like vanilla, would I be attracted to them? I said no,
that she was misunderstanding me. She asked me to clarify,
but I don't think I did a good job. I said,
I specifically like the smell on her, not other people.
She still seemed put out, so I headed home to
give her space. Was I an ale for buying the
shampoo and telling her I like when she uses it

(45:56):
to me? That's not weird? But maybe that's because I'm
a guy. Is there a layer to this I'm not
seeing and there are some comments. Fit particular says, I
would have thought it was Smexian cute. You're not the
a hole at all. The most romantic thing my husband
did for me was buying me a personal pizza with
olives on it, because I told him I like it
but hadn't ordered one years because I just eat what
everyone else likes and they don't like olives. We were

(46:19):
talking about something else and I just casually mentioned it
as an aside. Three weeks later, I came home and
it was sitting on our kitchen island with a heart
drawn on the box. It wasn't the pizza, it was
confirmation that he was listening to me and not just
paying attention to his phone. Being attentive is important, and
op says, I thought I was being Schmexi and cute too,

(46:39):
she's my first real relationship, so I acknowledged that I'm
inexperienced here, but I thought it was a very innocent
way to flirt. It's not like I bought her underwear.
Corlatt Lint says, you really got an unusual one here.
Key Operation says, not the a hole. What on earth?
You need something nice? She should have said, thank you.
My husband comments if he likes my perfume, she puss

(47:00):
of Le buys the vanilla scent to shampoo because she
also likes the smell, making it out like you're some
weird freak for also liking the smell is wild. It's
like she was looking for something to fight about. Opie says, Yeah,
I don't get it. Liking certain smells is normal, right,
Isn't that the point of scented things and perfume. It's
not a creepy thing to like. Cybla says, I had

(47:20):
a partner who specifically loved when I used green Tea
scented products, knowing that was a boost for me, and
even though we're not together now, I still feel a
boost with that scent. Southern Fund says she needs to
take a deep breath and relax as a woman myself.
If my boyfriend bought me shampoo he knows I use
and he likes the smell of it, I'd be so
flattered and touched, especially if he said the smell ish

(47:42):
Mexia me. She sounds insecure. Oh p, he says, thank you.
This makes me feel better. I was doubting myself, thinking
maybe it's inappropriate. Corlat Elene says, I would love my
husband to know what shampoo I use and make sure
i've enough. I want to smell nice. Wanna smell nice
for him and him caring for me is shmexiaef ru
Her Head says, your girlfriend certainly is weird for making

(48:04):
it weird. World two to five says some people are
desperate to find red flags that they end up becoming one,
and there is an update. I think it might be
a scenario where she's looking for a way out of
the relationship and it's just picking a fight.

Speaker 4 (48:18):
That's my Oh yeah, I'm still trying to pinpoint it.
That's a good one. Maybe the pregnant things, like she
may all of a sudden, here's my thing. If she
has a multiple difference like shampoos, she may have gotten
tired of that one.

Speaker 3 (48:33):
Yeah, but it's weird. It's weird that she It's not
even like her saying, oh, I don't like that scent.
Why are you telling me to wear that scent? It's
just her saying, it's weird that you even noticed that update.
So yesterday, my girlfriend didn't like it that I took
it upon myself to buy her vanilla shampoo when I
was picking some things up at the store. We met
up at her apartment again this morning for breakfast, and

(48:55):
I asked if we could talk about our boundaries and expectations,
because I never want to make her feel uncle comfortable.
She agreed that we should talk. She said that when
she visited her family over winter break, she had time
to think about our relationship and talk to her parents
and sister about me. Oh, I think she's looking for
an out.

Speaker 4 (49:12):
Yeah, I think she was looking for Now come on,
you guys are probably in college, their parents don't like you.

Speaker 3 (49:18):
Yeah, And she's like, well, they told me that you're weird,
and then you were weird, so that's it. She said
that space and perspective made her realize some things. The
first thing she realized is that she isn't happy that
we always meet at her apartment. I said, I completely
understand that, and she's welcome to come hang out of mine.
When we first started dating, she didn't want to visit
my apartment often because of my four roommates. But things

(49:41):
change and I get that. She still doesn't want to
hang out at my apartment because my four roommates, though,
she said that my living situation is too crowded and
it bothers her. I asked if she wanted me to move,
and she said she would like it if I made
a commitment to finding a new living situation by the
next semester. Since the next semester is a long way off,
this isn't unreasonable, but I was hesitant. I really like

(50:02):
my living situation. My friends and I help each other
out a lot. I don't necessarily want to live alone,
and it's expensive. She can afford to live alone, but
I don't necessarily think I could. I explained that I
didn't think I could afford it. She suggested I ask
my parents for money. She's rich. This is a rich girl.

Speaker 4 (50:19):
She's probably be rich. Here we go, here we go.
I'm gonna give a analysis something.

Speaker 3 (50:22):
Please break down.

Speaker 4 (50:23):
She's rich. She's probably the youngest of the family. She's
the baby. They love her, She's a golden child. She
also her parents want you to be some sort of
guy that can provide, but you don't really know what
you want in life because you're in college and you
don't know what that is right now. So they see
that as like, you know, a vulnerability, something you can't handle.
And then they're like, you should break up of them
because he's not a man and he doesn't know what
he's doing with his life, and you need an end it.

(50:44):
So she tries to make it out because she still
loves you, but be deep, deep down, every day she
thinks of what her dad said to you, that you're
not mean enough to be in that relationship. That felt personal,
That did not happen to me.

Speaker 3 (50:56):
It never never happened to.

Speaker 4 (50:58):
Know what you're talking about. But I'm just that's.

Speaker 3 (51:02):
Just like a gift. She suggested, I ask my parents
for money, which isn't an option. She also pointed out
that I have a part time job that doesn't make
enough money to pay for my own apartment. I asked
if me spending too much time at her apartment is
the only issue, because I felt like there was more
to the shampoo thing. She said, yes, that she didn't
like that. She said she didn't like the idea that

(51:23):
I'm constantly thinking about having spicy sleep with her, and
that it made her feel disrespected. I said, I'm not
constantly thinking about having spicy sleep with her. I told her,
it's more that I really like her and sometimes she
does things and I think that they're schmecksy, But that
doesn't mean I necessarily want to have spicy sleep at
that moment. It's just my internal monologue going. That was mesy.

(51:45):
That wasn't the right way to explain it. I think
you're explaining everything fine.

Speaker 4 (51:49):
You can find other people you're young. Break up. Everyone's
saying break up, guys, type one for breakup, two for stay.

Speaker 3 (51:53):
She doesn't seem to understand where I was coming from.
She asked me, what was going through my head when
I was at the store, if I was thinking about
having spicy sleep with her. I said, I was thinking
about the store, the items I needed to buy, inflation,
et cetera. And then I saw the shampoo and I
thought about how she uses it and it makes her
hair smell amazing, and I bought it. What is this

(52:15):
girl's problem?

Speaker 4 (52:16):
I don't understand what's going on here. You'll lose something
nice for he did something nice for you, and you're like,
how dare you? I'm actualized? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (52:24):
Oh, P said, Oh, I'm gonna do something thoughtful for
my girlfriend and she said, why why were you thinking
about me?

Speaker 4 (52:30):
All right, guys, this just confirms never do anything nice
for your hair friends, who or what this would happen
to you?

Speaker 3 (52:36):
She asked if I specifically thought about the way her
hair smelled the last time we had spicy sleep, and
I said yes, but it wasn't like I had a
full spicy sleep fantasy in the store. It was a
momentary thought. She said that it isn't normal, and I
might have tourettes or ADHD or OCD or some other
condition that causes intrusive thoughts. I'm really glad I made
the last post because I was worried about what she said.

(52:58):
But then I remembered all the coometers that mention also
feeling the same way about sense. I told her I
posted about our conversation in an anonymous online forum, and
several people feel the same way I do about smell.
I said, I think it's normal to feel that way
about sense, but maybe it isn't ubiquitous. She said, it
isn't normal, and I might want to talk to a
doctor about potentially having hyperspectuality between her not liking my

(53:21):
living situation and her not liking that I am attracted
to her smell, which is probably my fault because I
wasn't doing a good job of explaining things. I realized
we just weren't compatible. I told her I thought maybe
we had different needs for a relationship and maybe would
be better as friends. She said she was disappointed in me,
but that she agreed. We hugged it out. I'm a

(53:41):
little bummed, but we were only dating for four months.
Thanks for being my normal CE barometer, since I don't
have one for relationships yet. Common One says it's ironic
that she diagnosed him with mental illnesses because I was
thinking the same about her. Well, there's that story, and
it's the end. But we've got another one. Most people
do get. But I also think doing like a nice

(54:02):
like excursion, like a trip or oh, you know, like
any of that. I think that can also like I
don't think you necessarily need to do gifts somebody an
experience more than Yeah, I think that's what it is like.
You can spend a little bit more money on the experience.
And that's the end of this story. We're going on
to the next one. Hey, it's Angie, your favorite Riley's girlfriend.
Else here, we're going to get back to the stories.

(54:24):
But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My
ex got together with my ex best friend immediately after
our breakup.

Speaker 4 (54:32):
That's too close for comfort.

Speaker 3 (54:34):
And there is a trigger warning for mentions of substances.
It's about my ex who, after our breakup, got together
with my now ex best friend, whom I had known
for fifteen years. I got together with my ex let's
call him Xander, at the end of twenty twenty four,
and we were together until the end of September twenty
twenty five, about eleven months. At first he was fine.

(54:56):
By the way, this comes from Steer Pike twenty seven
directly from the r slash Okay story time subreddit. And
if you want to submit your own stories, go do
that subreddit and submit them.

Speaker 4 (55:07):
I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, and I'm Vincent.

Speaker 3 (55:09):
We got Kean back here too, and we're here to
give good advice. Goofy, but we don't have all the answers.
We alena what we'd do, so let us know what
you would do in the comments. When I met him,
he was doing substances and a lot.

Speaker 4 (55:21):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (55:22):
I worked with him to help him get out of that.
Over time, he stopped hard substances and only smoked Devil's
let us. After he quit hard substances, he got an
opportunity for a good job and got it. What I
gave him credit for is that he got me out
of a home where I was experiencing mistreatment and arranged
an apartment for us. Of course, this left some marks
on me, and I understand that being in a relationship

(55:44):
with me can sometimes be difficult. At the beginning of
the relationship, Xander had a female friend, which would have
been fine, but this girl, Carla, started spreading lies about
me that could have seriously damaged me without even knowing me.
According to her, I was selling pills, but I stole
from a hospital. You can imagine how big a problem
that was considering I was finishing my studies as a

(56:06):
nurse and this could have destroyed me. Of course, it
was all lies. Given that I'm not new to relationships,
this was a red flag for me. And I wasn't
okay with him continuing to talk to her. I wouldn't
let someone destroy my relationship, and it was clear to
me that she wanted him and couldn't have him for
some reason. I told him that it made me uncomfortable
that he was still in contact with her. After this,

(56:28):
Hansander told me it was fine and that he would
cut her off. I wouldn't have minded if he had
other female friends. The first big red flag was when
I found out they were still in contact. I should
have ended it back then, but unfortunately I gave him
another chance. See tough, tough, tough.

Speaker 4 (56:45):
You were already on like a steep uphill battle because
he was dealing with substances. Yeah, now he's also doing this.

Speaker 3 (56:52):
At that point, we had been living together for about
a month. Our agreement was that I would finish high
school and once I knew my university schedule, I would
get a job and start contributing more financially. I paid
for electricity and gas using my almoney. Part of the
agreement was also that I would clean the entire apartment,
and the only thing he was responsible for was taking
out the trash, which was his own idea. I don't

(57:14):
have a problem with cleaning, but when he did things
deliberately to annoy me, things I repeatedly told him bothered
me and nothing changed. Then I did have a problem.
For example, he would leave use tissues on dishes that
I washed my hands and they would stick to the plates,
which was disgusting. He left trash thrown on the floor
or the kitchen counter, ew. He left peel off face

(57:37):
masks on the sink where they got soaked, and I
had to clean the sink over and over again. The
peak was when he said I didn't clean the stove properly,
so I deliberately stopped using it. The stove hadn't been
cleaned for three weeks and was dirty with egg residue.
I took pictures of that. Now I'll get to his job.
They do random substance tests there, which was the first issue.

(57:58):
The second is that he drives a work vehicle and
has to be sober so he doesn't run someone over.
We agree that he would only smoke Devil's let us
on weekends so there wouldn't be a problem and we
wouldn't end up on the street. He agreed, but didn't
stick to it and honestly, I gave up more things
that were a problem. As I said, I'm not easy either.
I have severe trauma from my parents. After showers, I

(58:20):
started noticing that my towel was rehung and always completely soaked,
so it wouldn't dry and would smell. He said he
would bring towels, and I had one pink towel and
he had one gray and one black. Plus there were
two towels specifically for hair. So I asked him why
my towel was rehung, and Xander told me he was
drawing his hair with it. The logical question was why

(58:42):
did he do that when he had his own towel
and a specific towel for hair, and he couldn't answer.
I asked him not to dry his hair with my
towel and to use his own or the hair towel,
because due to what I've been through, it really bothers
me when someone takes my things. He said, okay, but
of course it kept tappening until I exploded. We also

(59:02):
bought our own food, and I can't even count how
many times he ate mine. Forward the end, I had
to save money and I survived on one instant soup
a day when I told him he ate my food.
He said he'd buy it the next day. Of course
he never did. Several times he left for seven to
nine hours without telling me anything or letting me know
where he was. Every time he came back wasted. Oh boy,

(59:24):
this guy sounds like a real peach.

Speaker 4 (59:27):
Hopefully soon you'll find your worth and leave.

Speaker 3 (59:29):
Now let's get to my ex best friend Carla. Originally
we used to visit each other during holidays, but over
time she stopped putting an effort and I was the
one traveling to see her these holidays. She really wanted
me to visit her twice at my own expense. She
lives about four hundred kilometers away. Every time I came
back from visiting her, I came home to an empty

(59:49):
fridge after a long, exhausting journey, so I had to
go grocery shopping and the apartment was messy. As I
mentioned about my things, my mug was left on the
table for about four days with moldy tea.

Speaker 4 (01:00:01):
Oh man.

Speaker 3 (01:00:02):
I respected his things and if I ever borrowed something,
I asked beforehand, so I was very disappointed. Another issue
is that when something was said to him, it was
a huge problem, but he felt entitled to say anything
nasty to me and thought I was okay. I explained
these things to him over and over again why I
was sad, and he didn't understand until I started screaming

(01:00:24):
and crying. What hurt me the most was this. I
was watching reels and saw viny with kittens, and I
asked him if you would like to get a cat
some day? He replied, and would you take care of
it the same way you take care of your guinea pigs.
I was shocked and deeply hurt because my guinea pigs
are my babies and I'm very sensitive about that. I
was also confused about what he meant because they get

(01:00:46):
fresh water every day, I changed their bedding regularly, and
they have hay and pellets. Sander told me that they
throw bedding out of the cage, and according to him,
that meant I wasn't taking care of them, even though
every day after feeding them I swept everything. He never apologized.
After some time, he himself suggested getting a cat. Shortly

(01:01:06):
after I again saw cat videos. He changed his mind
multiple times a day, so I was never sure how
he would respond, and asked him again if we would
ever get a cat, and added that foxes are easy
to domesticate and cheetahs are basically big, cuddly kittens. Xander
replied that I couldn't even domesticate my dog, and here
I am talking about a wild cat. What hurt again

(01:01:27):
was that my mother had gotten me a dog, but
deliberately sabotaged me. She retrained commands I had taught, overfed
the dog, rewarded her for jumping even though I was
trying to stop that.

Speaker 4 (01:01:39):
Oh gosh, evil evils.

Speaker 3 (01:01:43):
And every time I trained leashwalking, my mother would undo
all of it. It destroyed me mentally and exhausted me.
Xander knew all of this and still said something he
knew would hurt me. When I started crying, he pretended
not to see it and eventually said he didn't realize
it would hurt me. Another thing is that he caught
the eyes throughout the entire relationship. I begged him many

(01:02:04):
times to see a doctor, and he never did. Why
would he He wasn't suffering I was. I'm getting to
the end. It was his birthday and I wanted to
really make him happy. I bought him an expensive perfume.
He likes Korean skincare and acne products because he has
serious problems with it. For my birthday, he gave me nothing,
not even a stupid flower for his name day. I
wanted to take him out to eat and celebrate, and

(01:02:26):
he told me it would be better the next weekend
because of work, and we would have Friday, Saturday, and
Sunday together. Friday came and he left for the entire
day and eventually went to a concert without me and
didn't tell me beforehand. Fine, it happens. On Saturday, we
went to an event from his job, so there was
no time for going out. And the cherry on top

(01:02:46):
was when I found out from his mother that on
Sunday he was gonna visit his grandmother. Again I wasn't informed,
So he has the whole weekend booked out without you.

Speaker 4 (01:02:56):
Yeah, is that what we're calling it? Visiting grandma?

Speaker 3 (01:02:59):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:03:00):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (01:03:02):
Even though we had plans and I wanted to do
something nice for him, he couldn't care less. After the
disaster with my birthday, I told him he had one
week to go to the doctor because of the utahs.
A week passed and he didn't go. Now, I'll admit
something that wasn't nice for me either. I have another
ex let's call him Harry. We have a mutual friend, Jay,
and I want to go to events with Jay. Harry

(01:03:23):
and Jay go to the same events, so Jay wanted
me and Harry to make peace so there wouldn't be
arguments in public. I had nightmares about Harry for a
long time because there were unresolved things. Harry wished me
a happy birthday, and when I saw that Xander hadn't
gone to the doctor and didn't care about me, I
used the situation and enraged to talk things through with Harry.
We went to McDonald's with another friend, Dee, and talked

(01:03:46):
to his friends. When I got home, Xander was gone again.
Part of the conversation with Harry was also about my relationship,
and it confirmed for me that I wanted to end it.
I waited for Xander to return and told him directly
that I had gone to talk with and that we
weren't alone. At first, he said it was fine, but
after an hour he changed his mind and said it
wasn't fine. The next morning, I told him I wanted

(01:04:09):
to break up, and he said the same. I presented
him with a whole document listing what he did and
why it hurt me. During the breakup, he told me
that he knows he says horrible things to me, that
he doesn't care, and that he'll.

Speaker 4 (01:04:21):
Keep doing it. That's the last thing I put on
that list, is that was that?

Speaker 3 (01:04:25):
Yeah, and that's kind of the end of the relationship.

Speaker 4 (01:04:27):
Well, I mean, if you keep telling a guy something
he's not doing it or seeking any change, you can
expect them to change, you know.

Speaker 3 (01:04:34):
He also said he doesn't care that he causes me
health problems. Carla didn't even wait a day and immediately
messaged him. I should have known it would happen. She's
done something similar once before. I should mention that she
never saw him before and they have nothing in common.
I told her that I really didn't like this and
that she had to choose between me and him. She
chose him. Fast forward to this month, he got himself

(01:04:55):
a cat. He was also deliberately sabotaging, picking up things
I had at his place. Xander message to me asking
why I was saying rumors about him. I had no
idea what he was talking about. Eventually it came out
that he hadn't actually heard any rumors. He also sent
me a lot of messages that were meant to emotionally
manipulate me. He wanted to talk about the breakup again,

(01:05:16):
and I told him the same things as before. He
said he misunderstood and thought I had replaced him with Harry,
which wasn't true. He told me that if he had
known that, he would have tried harder and we could
have saved it.

Speaker 4 (01:05:28):
No, no good.

Speaker 3 (01:05:30):
I don't think so. I blocked his number and moved on.
After a long time, I logged into my second account
and realized I had forgotten to block him there. I
opened his profile to block him and found out that
not only is he with Carla, but she came to
visit him. She hadn't visited me in years, but she
went to him. Less than a month after I broke
up with Xander. I wrote to Xander that he's an

(01:05:52):
ale and that everyone will now find out who he
really is. I sent Carla one nasty message, even though
it wasn't nice of me. I went for personal things
that I hoped herder. If you read this all the
way to the end, thank you. And that's the end
of the story.

Speaker 4 (01:06:06):
Wait, is this one of our own team?

Speaker 1 (01:06:07):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (01:06:08):
Is one of our own I think it's great that
you work up with Sander. If I were to advise
you were you to be in a situation like this again,
which hopefully you won't be. I don't think we need
to message X or ex friend, because I think it's
always better to take the higher road, even though they suck.
I think, honestly, it just is better for you and
your you know, mental health to just not engage with

(01:06:29):
them that at all. And that's the end of this story.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My boss just asked me to host his ENTIRE family for a week... I refused! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2657