My colleague STOLE my position… and now she’s struggling worse than I did! -r/coworkerstories | Reddit Stories | EP2673 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, oh, it's right here, and this is Carly, your
favorite Okay Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories
coming up.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
Before you get do these wild stories, we have a
quick two minute break from the sponsors that keep the
show going.

Speaker 3 (00:12):
My colleague stole my position and now she's struggling worse
than I.

Speaker 4 (00:17):
Did, heavy ways the crown of my position.

Speaker 3 (00:22):
I'm a teacher at a decently affluent public school. For
the most part, I love my job. I've made genuine
friends among staff members, and the students make the hard
work worth it. There are, of course, the negative parts
of teaching that you always hear about low pay, grading
on off hours, and so on. But for the most part,
the deal has been good. By the way, this comes
from a stone of forest. And if you want to

(00:43):
submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
store Time sub reddit. And I'm Angie and I'm Dogoda,
and we're here to give good advice. Goofi Lee. But
we don't have all the answers. We just know we
would do in these situations. So let us know what
you would do in the comments. So Ohpi says. A
few years back, I was recognized by my old boss
as a potential leader in the building. He's stressed to
me that I was very data oriented and likable along

(01:06):
way colleague, I know my way around Google sheets and
Excel when it comes to collecting and organizing student data,
and I'm really solid with parent communication. I was hesitant
at first, but eventually I agreed and became a leader
for a group of teachers and students at the school,
in charge of organizing meetings and overseeing overall student educational success.
The old boss who promoted me left and I was

(01:28):
stuck with a new boss I didn't know very well.
Here's where things get in messy. I have sensory processing
disorder and mild hearing loss. It's hard to explain, but
sometimes I genuinely do not hear things correctly. Think of
you said I'm going to pick up Stacy, and I
might hear something like I'm just gonna wait and see.
I see. That can make things difficult.

Speaker 4 (01:49):
I feel you on that.

Speaker 3 (01:50):
Yeah, this happens at least once a day and usually
isn't a big deal. Unfortunately, it isn't curable, but I manage.
In my meetings with my new boss, she would push
strategies based around focusing on students whose state test scores
were almost passing. The idea was to focus on all students,
but give extra attention to these ones. These initiatives were

(02:12):
never written down, and I would find out later that
it was because the legality of such things was iffy
at best. Oh, but it won't be doing illegal things
out of school here?

Speaker 4 (02:21):
How is that? If he don't? That makes sense to me?

Speaker 5 (02:24):
Where it's like, you give extra emphasis to the kids
who are almost passing so that you can make sure
they pass.

Speaker 3 (02:30):
Yeah, I have no idea. Maybe something about their records
and doing stuff with their records. Maybe there's some sort
of legal limit to what you can do with their think.

Speaker 5 (02:41):
I think it might be legally you're not allowed to
like prioritize some students over others or something.

Speaker 4 (02:46):
Maybe I don't know. No child left behind? Is that
s the wh thing I I think? So it didn't work.
A lot of them got left.

Speaker 3 (02:54):
When these ideas were shared with me, I would constantly
ask the boss after the meeting to repeat herself, and
then check my notes to make sure that I heard
her correctly. I noticed at the time that she was
passively frustrated when I did this, even though I explained
that I had a hearing disorder. Looking back, I wonder
if she felt pressured knowing what we were doing wasn't kosher,
and if I made a bad impression. Now to introduce

(03:17):
the main character of the story, who I'll call Tenny
since she's the coach of the tennis team. Tenny is
well liked by staff members for her years of service
towards our community in a particular area. I also liked
Tenny a lot and figured she'd be a great team member. Tenny, however,
like my boss, became repeatedly frustrated when I would miss
things she said to me, especially in crowded high school hallways.

(03:39):
No they're in high school. No seven year olds around.
Sometimes she would even shout something to me as she
walked past. This led to many gaffs and mistakes. I
asked her repeatedly to pause and make sure I got
what she was saying, or just to email me, but
nothing changed. There were at least five or six big
moments when my hearing wasn't accommodated, even though a simple

(04:02):
email could have solved the problem. For example, my new
boss came into the hallway to let us know that
an assembly location was being changed. We were to take
the students to a new area, not the old one.
Of course, I heard a change, but didn't hear the location.
Tenny was the only one nearby. I tapped my ear,
which I usually do to indicate that I didn't hear something,

(04:23):
and asked where we were going. Kenny quickly responded and
walked away, and I once again didn't understand. Cue me
and my students walking into the assembly five minutes late.
After wandering around the building and confusion, my new boss
asked what happened, and I told her I didn't hear
her correctly. Now weeks later, I was called into a
meeting with my new boss and she told me that

(04:45):
I was going to lose my leader position due to
my inconsistency and quote disrespect towards colleagues.

Speaker 5 (04:52):
Ah, this almost sounds like it's an Ada lawsuit served
up on like a silver planet.

Speaker 3 (04:58):
Right like this, I this is just there's definitely legal
things that you can do about this.

Speaker 5 (05:04):
I'm sure you have an incurable condition. Yeah, it is
honestly such a minor inconvenience, and this one person has
gone out of their way to be like yeah, and
they just like I don't know.

Speaker 4 (05:14):
They just like don't.

Speaker 5 (05:15):
Hear what I say, and they like just don't listen
to me. They they don't, they don't take me seriously.

Speaker 3 (05:20):
Right, This is not disrespect. This is just physical incapability.

Speaker 5 (05:24):
It's literally the sound waves being processed incorrectly by your brain, right,
so you don't hear the thing that people actually said.

Speaker 1 (05:35):
Right.

Speaker 3 (05:36):
I asked her which colleagues, and she told me that
that was private. I asked how I was disrespectful, and
she said, sometimes you get frustrated when you say you
can't hear things and tap your ear. I said that
that was the ASL sign for here, as in I
can't hear you. She said I should have communicated. I

(05:56):
said I had asked for written communication constantly. She said
I shouldn't always expect it. I knew it was a
losing game and any explanation I would provide would just
be shot down. I loved the school in the community,
and fighting my new boss was only going to lead
to more problems. I shouldn't have been surprised when a
school wide email went out that Tenny was getting the
leader position. Tenny was praised by colleagues in reply alls,

(06:20):
and it was frustrating, to say the least. I know
she was the one who complained, and it was extremely
bitter to see her rewarded for it. You the next
school year were jumping ahead of it in time.

Speaker 4 (06:32):
Yeah, now it's the rain of Tenny. The rain of Tenny,
reign speed Supreme.

Speaker 3 (06:41):
Tenny came into my room and asked me for the
student data sheets I had created with Google Sheets. I
told her truthfully that even if I shared them, there
wasn't anything that she could do with them. I brought
her over to my computer and showed her the formulas
I worked with and how I needed to adjust them
every time a new student section or class was added
to the roster. She then asked if I I could
continue updating these sheets outside of my leader position.

Speaker 4 (07:03):
Hey, it's a big old no have fun. Have fun.
You wanted it, you got it.

Speaker 3 (07:10):
I told her as professionally as possible that I would
love to teach her how to do all of these things,
but would need a stipend to do so. She asked
if any of the other leaders were doing what I did.
I said they weren't. I was the only one and
always had been. I'm a bit ashamed. I didn't take
joy in seeing Tenny's face go cold when she realized
I wouldn't fold and there was nothing she could do

(07:32):
except cope with hours of data work per year or
become proficient with sheets slash Excel, which I knew she
wasn't going to do. The cherry on top the parents.
Parents are ninety nine percent of the time a joy
to work with. I really mean that it's fun to
work with the parents of the students that I care
the most about. But it's the one percent that make
your life heck. I overheard Tenny complaining about being on

(07:54):
the phone with one such parent for forty five minutes,
losing her entire grading time. A call like that would
have taken me about five minutes tops, since I have
the experience of stopping circular arguments and getting the parent
on my side. What should take teny minutes often takes hours. Yes,
she's getting my one point five caset ipend now, but

(08:15):
I no longer have to deal with extra meetings, parent
phone calls or miscommunication. She's getting all the pain I
got and more. I feel ashamed that I take joining this,
but Teddy made my life heck in a place that
I otherwise love, and we do have an update from
three months and twenty seven days later. Three twenty seven,
not four, not four months, three months of twenty seven days.

Speaker 5 (08:37):
I bet Tenny's just been thriving in her new position.

Speaker 3 (08:40):
Oh yeah, I bet she's on top of the world
and playing tennis at the same time. Mm hmmm, why.

Speaker 4 (08:45):
Don't you go play tennis? About it?

Speaker 3 (08:47):
Teny, Tenny? Why do should we take this to the
tennis courts?

Speaker 5 (08:52):
Tendy, my name is spreadshety because I know all about
them spreadsheets.

Speaker 4 (08:58):
Why don't you stick to what you know? Oh, Tenny,
that's right.

Speaker 3 (09:02):
Three months later and twenty seven days, it's been a
semester's worth of school, so I figured it was time
for an update. To say that things have been going
well for me has been an understatement. As several comments
pointed out in my original post, the one point five
k stipend was not worth it. The mental load that
came with the leadership position was enormous. I feel so
much lighter now, and I've been able to use the

(09:23):
time and energy to devote to my community projects. I
feel like an overall better teacher and haven't taken work
home once this semester. Wow, that's impressive. On the other hand,
Tenny has been miserable. She's always one of the last
teachers to go home, even in her coaching off season,
and frequently cancels or forgets meetings. Unsurprisingly, Tenny has not

(09:45):
been considerate of my hearing accommodation, which is now registered
with the district. I keep my own meeting notes and
show them to a trusted colleague afterwards to see if
I heard everything correctly. I usually get one or two
things wrong. Recently, my boss had a staff wide meeting
where she pushed a shared meeting document in a calendar
practice among all the teams. Tenny was visibly frustrated, but

(10:06):
this was literally what I had been doing as a
leader before, and it seems to be standard work practice
in general. A trusted colleague told me after I uploaded
my original post that Tenny and two other teachers were
the ones who complained about my lack of preparation and
inconsistencies to my boss. Since then, I have not spoken
to those two teachers unless necessary, but keep very friendly

(10:27):
and pretend I don't know that they threw me under
the bus. One of these teachers, I'll call Ben Tenny
teaches the same middle school subject as I do, English,
as does Ben. Anyone familiar with education knows that English
is one of the heaviest tested subjects. Our school is
very invested in state test scores, so we put a
lot of work into maximizing them.

Speaker 5 (10:46):
We reap what we sew, and Tenny will reap her
jest desserts.

Speaker 3 (10:52):
Yeah, if you live you weren't ready for the job,
why'd you try to get it so bad?

Speaker 4 (10:57):
You just leave it?

Speaker 3 (10:58):
Leave it with people who know what they're doing.

Speaker 4 (11:00):
Is what you get is coming it.

Speaker 3 (11:02):
That's what you get, Tarma, they get better at your job,
or give it to people who actually deserve it. Hmm boom.
We do have a little bit more to the story though.
The TLDR is that with extra time and energy, I
focused on my exercises and practices to help my students
score as high as possible. Our student's performance increase, our

(11:23):
grades English scores by twenty percent overall from the previous year.
That's a big percentage just from one year.

Speaker 4 (11:31):
They speak They speak some good English over.

Speaker 3 (11:34):
There, they do. They speak English quite proper.

Speaker 4 (11:36):
They speak English yip down in sideways.

Speaker 3 (11:39):
Good for them, Good old name my boss privately congratulated
me and asked if I could share my strategies with
Henny and Ben. I shared only the documents and nothing else.
Tenny and Ben have not approached me for guidance, and
I like it that way.

Speaker 4 (11:54):
My favorite part.

Speaker 3 (11:55):
Due to the lack of funds, the leadership position is
being eliminated next school and the teams are being dissolved.
Teddy went through all that drama for just one year
in the position. I am focusing on my own growth
in the ninety five percent of colleagues who enjoy my company.
My students are happier, and I'm happier. The lesson for
anyone with the disability is to get accommodations in writing

(12:18):
with your district, so you don't go through what I
went through. And that is a good moral to that story. Yeah,
for everyone listening, who is a teacher.

Speaker 5 (12:26):
Your disabilities documented in writing with your employer.

Speaker 3 (12:30):
Yep, good freaking idea. And that's the end of this story.
We're going on to the next one.

Speaker 5 (12:36):
I refused to attend the Christmas party because they want
us trainees to perform.

Speaker 3 (12:42):
I don't want to do a little dance.

Speaker 5 (12:44):
It is Christmas and there's a NoDEA for the abbreviation JAV.
It stands for jugend und owls building in vertretongue. What
and that is basically a council for company trainees jugendu
ousand building invertun tongue. Yes, yeah, all right, my concern

(13:07):
is rather strange, and I know there are really worse
things to be upset about, but we trainees from our
company have the following problem.

Speaker 4 (13:16):
We received invitations to the internal Christmas party.

Speaker 5 (13:20):
If it's supposed to take place on a Saturday, it's
on a day off, so there's no problem at all.
And a story by the way, this comes from user
melodic redditor, and if you want to submit your own stories,
go to the r slash Okay storytime suburt it. I'm Dakota,
Hi'm Angie, and we're going to give you a little
bit of good advice googlely.

Speaker 4 (13:37):
Yeah, with the auschbindenstlangden tongue.

Speaker 5 (13:40):
But we don't even know what that is. We don't
know a lot of stuff. We only know some things.
So let us know what you know that we don't know.
In the comments, right and Op says at this point,
I was looking forward to a relaxed Christmas party. We
received invitations on October twenty sixth, and we were supposed
to submit confirmation by November tenth, with the celebration planned

(14:03):
for some time in the middle or end of December.
No sooner said than done, and we trainees agreed.

Speaker 4 (14:10):
On November twenty ninth.

Speaker 5 (14:11):
We received an email from our jav which started with
as you all know, which we knew nothing. Apparently there
is a tradition that we trainees have to read some poems, songs,
or similar performances. We were asked to submit suggestions by
December eighth so that something could be planned. I think
it's great that this request naturally comes right after we've

(14:33):
accepted the invitation, so that you feel bad about turning
it down afterwards. I am completely uncomfortable with performing something
like that in front of the staff. Nobody accept A
few older women would really think what we were doing
was nice. Everyone else in our office is on the
younger side mid twenties to mid thirties, and would most
likely laugh.

Speaker 4 (14:52):
And think, Wow, thank god, I'm not a trainee anymore. FYI.

Speaker 5 (14:56):
I am now in my third year of teaching, and
before there was no such tradition because of the rona.

Speaker 4 (15:03):
That's why we all knew nothing.

Speaker 5 (15:05):
I asked all the trainees, and no one wants to
do something like that.

Speaker 4 (15:09):
Yeah, that's the point.

Speaker 5 (15:12):
A few trainees even said that they wouldn't come because
we all find it unpleasant and ridiculous. I went to
our jav with someone else and asked if we were
required to participate. He said that he couldn't force us
to do anything, and that the request came from the
boss's secretary who wanted something like that. We asked a
few older colleagues who said, well, answer tradition, and you

(15:34):
have to do it. You have to jump over your
own shadow. Not coming because of that is a shame
and shows no initiative. Besides, you have to do it later.
It's also important to say and present something in front
of others, which is true. I think there's a difference,
But other than that, it is not much help. I'm
starting to find it sad that companies find it funny

(15:55):
to want to expose their trainees. Really, who wouldn't feel
uncomfortable performing alone or hope that it would be over quickly?

Speaker 4 (16:03):
God keep them long?

Speaker 3 (16:04):
You would actually, yeah, lingering, just like you wouldn't let
them take any bathroom breaks or get more stacks.

Speaker 5 (16:12):
Who doesn't find it funny that the trainees are being
put in a position where everyone else has entertained their expense.

Speaker 4 (16:18):
It's all for their amusement.

Speaker 5 (16:21):
I am seriously considering whether we would be a holes
if we just didn't come.

Speaker 4 (16:25):
And there are some comments I'm just imagining.

Speaker 5 (16:28):
Like a very like sort of stuffy German person just
being like I do not believe, just to feel like
being made into amusements for them.

Speaker 4 (16:38):
Yeah, our company wants us to just beat clowns.

Speaker 3 (16:42):
For uss, must dance dance for the higher ups.

Speaker 5 (16:48):
There's the self respect I have cultured for myself all
this time.

Speaker 3 (16:53):
Boring, that's how I feel about you.

Speaker 4 (16:56):
Be boring.

Speaker 3 (16:58):
Oh my god, can get it together, O Pe, It's fine.
I know some people get stage fright, whatever, balling.

Speaker 4 (17:07):
I think this all is coming from just stage fright,
that's all.

Speaker 3 (17:12):
It's just like because they have just created something fun,
all right. This is a fun tradition, and when you
stop doing it, people stop having fun. So because of you,
no one's gonna have fun anymore, the whole wide world,
and it's gonna be all your faults.

Speaker 5 (17:26):
Honestly, in terms of like the like politics of like
a workplace. Like, if you don't do it, you'll be
way worse off than if you just did it.

Speaker 3 (17:36):
Because honestly, like it's yeah, they're gonna laugh at you,
of course they are. You're gonna look stupid up there.

Speaker 5 (17:43):
Well, if you do it right, you might make them
cry you Yeah, because it'll be so.

Speaker 3 (17:47):
Good exactly, might make them laugh, might be you can
You have the perfect opportunity to be in on the
joke and to have that power. Dude, Like, you gotta
go with it because now now you're just ruining a
fun tradition. All it is is just bonding. You wouldn't
They want to bring everyone together for a little fun
and games, and this is a perfect excuse to make

(18:08):
people be the center of attention for those fun and games. Yeah,
and people don't want to take that initiative and make
themselves the center of attention. That's that I need to get.

Speaker 4 (18:18):
That out at the end of the day. Ope, you
can do it.

Speaker 5 (18:21):
You can do it, probably better than you would even
give yourself credit for.

Speaker 4 (18:25):
Yeah. We have some comments here from gufan zero info.

Speaker 5 (18:31):
Are you training for something like an animator, press office
or other jobs where you might have to perform Christmas
Carol's in public. If not, it's not part of your
training and therefore not necessary to do something like that,
but at most a tradition in the company, and of
course those can be broken if you don't like them.
Just tell your bosses very clearly that you don't see
any educational value in something like that and therefore won't

(18:54):
do it. Whack, by the way, that's what the trainee
representatives and work councils are for. As an NDA, maybe
even kah, depending on how the boss reacts. Opie replies, Nope,
what we're doing is a far cry from that. We
sit in the office and only have phone contact with

(19:15):
customers unless you're in sales and working in the field.

Speaker 4 (19:18):
It's a typical office environment. You know.

Speaker 5 (19:20):
We're still debating whether to actually go to the secretary
with it or just not submit anything and just stay
at the party.

Speaker 3 (19:27):
Oh my god, So what you're telling me is that
your job is freaking boring. In the one chance you
get for it to not be boring, you're gonna be
boring and you don't gotta leave. Oh my god, I
can't with you.

Speaker 4 (19:41):
Op It just a little stick in the mud.

Speaker 3 (19:43):
Don't you get it, people get stage fright, but just
just do it.

Speaker 5 (19:48):
Yeah, comment says, uh b da. If you don't want
to recite a poem, just say no. M nobody can
force you. But making such a big deal out of
a poem also shows that you're not even remotely mature
enough to laugh at yourself. And you come across like
you have a stick up here. But yeah, Opie replies,

(20:10):
maybe I do have got a stick up my bot,
but I rather be like Zat to make a fool
of myself in front of the colleagues. Oh, you're honestly
making more of a fool out of yourself right now.

Speaker 4 (20:23):
You are.

Speaker 3 (20:23):
You're such a fool. You're a fool.

Speaker 5 (20:27):
They don't treat us trainees so great anyway all the time.
I only brought this up via Reddit and privately with
the trainees. We're not planning an attack on this secretary
and the jav with raised torches. I'll just cancel beforehand
for personal reasons. They don't need to know why. The
other's probably the same. They're gonna know why. I have

(20:47):
a feeling they'll know why.

Speaker 3 (20:48):
They're definitely gonna know why.

Speaker 5 (20:50):
Besides, I can laugh at myself but not in front
of fifty plus people I work with, so I can
listen to their jabs. I'd rather avoid that, Commander says again,
an old tradition stops because.

Speaker 4 (21:02):
Someone doesn't feel like it anymore. Planch your butt cheeks
and face the task.

Speaker 5 (21:07):
That's right, Cycling sixteen kilometers one way to the apprenticeship
in all weathers, cleaning the workshop every third Saturday, buying
breakfast for the journeyman. All that was unpleasant, but it
made me the guy I am now, and I would
do it again. In kindergarten, the parents complain about the
end of your children's party, but don't participate in the preparations.

(21:29):
Fifteen years after my last child had left kindergarten, I
was still standing at the grill at the Summer festival
and helping with the work. At some point the educators
had scrapped the tradition due to lack of participation. Beekeepers
Association and Summer Festival ditto.

Speaker 4 (21:46):
School Festival didto.

Speaker 5 (21:48):
So basically, this guy's being like, you keep your traditions alive.

Speaker 4 (21:52):
Yeah, I better see you out there.

Speaker 3 (21:55):
Yeah. Honestly I agree with them, though, because that's exactly
what happened with all these fun things. People just kind
of expect someone else to do it, or they just
get nervous at being the center of attention, like ohp
is and then they don't want to they don't want
to participate, and then no one ends up doing it,
and then the fun is gone. So when it comes

(22:16):
to fun traditions like this, god.

Speaker 5 (22:18):
Yeah, Opee replies, Well, you're comparing something like that to
a school festival slash children's party.

Speaker 4 (22:26):
Nobody here is a child.

Speaker 5 (22:28):
You have a single seventeen year old in their first
year of apprenticeship. The rest are young adults who don't
seize the point in something like that, But this seventeen
year old doesn't. Easer who thought they would leave something
like that behind with school. If the info had come
with a warning, it wouldn't have been a problem.

Speaker 4 (22:46):
A few people would have adjested.

Speaker 3 (22:48):
Then freaking adjust, I feel like.

Speaker 4 (22:50):
It still would have been a problem, dude, what do
you mean?

Speaker 3 (22:52):
Yeah?

Speaker 5 (22:52):
I mean like if you had like two weeks to
like psych yourself up, like over a poem. Yeah yeah, Like,
come on, two weeks before the party and after everything
was booked. Something like that is completely annoying and takes
away the joy of a relaxed Christmas party.

Speaker 3 (23:08):
Oh my god, I freaking hate this guy.

Speaker 4 (23:10):
I agreed in.

Speaker 5 (23:10):
The first place because of this pretense. If we had
known that from the start, I could have just canceled
without bothering anyone. The apprentices who still want to go
would have come up with something. Now everyone's being difficult,
you most of all.

Speaker 4 (23:24):
OPI Yeah.

Speaker 5 (23:26):
Another commenter says, I was told that as a car
mechanic too, but it's just to screw over the apprentices.
But I only found that out after I took the
microphone from the boss and recited the poem.

Speaker 4 (23:36):
The biggest embarrassment of my life.

Speaker 5 (23:38):
But it did get some laughs. Opie says, Oof, my condolences.
Hope you could laugh about it afterwards. I know I
couldn't handle that. It would burn me up inside. Opie
adds a little more context on the tradition. Apparently it
was a tradition in previous years, but it hasn't been

(23:59):
done for four years and has skipped other trainees. I
also think that just because the predecessors did it, we
don't have to do it too. It must have been
unpleasant back then too. Such traditions just amaze me. I
think they're really unnecessary and just not funny. I have
a feeling you don't think much is funny. None of
the trainees here think that this is a good idea,

(24:20):
And there's an edit.

Speaker 4 (24:21):
Thanks for all the answers.

Speaker 5 (24:22):
Briefly, again, we definitely don't want to stop showing up
just like that. If so, we will, either individually or
together prepare an email to mention that we will not
be showing up otherwise. The plan is that we go there,
don't let it ruin our evening, and don't do anything stupid.
We won't submit anything or plan anything anyway. We'll just
plan how we can get through the day as relaxed

(24:45):
as possible.

Speaker 4 (24:46):
And we have an update from two weeks later.

Speaker 3 (24:50):
Do we think he's gonna do it?

Speaker 5 (24:53):
Here's what I think happened. I think they went and
then they were like do a thing.

Speaker 4 (24:58):
Yeah, he was like nine, okay, nine, and everyone was like, oh,
all right, d oh, okay, geez, and now you've got
weird vibes.

Speaker 3 (25:09):
I honestly hope that's the case.

Speaker 5 (25:11):
Two weeks later, the Christmas party has now taken place,
and I was actually there. The other trainees were also
there that day, except two, but they were not there
due to illness. None of us had handed in anything,
but beforehand we were constantly asked by all our colleagues
whether we had anything planned for the Christmas party. After

(25:31):
the statement that nothing was planned, many seemed disappointed and
annoyed because of the tradition. I was fine after asking
if they would like to demonstrate something. The answer was,
of course always a strong no. I'm sure there's plenty
of people out here who agree with this guy.

Speaker 3 (25:46):
I'm one hundred per cent sure, but you're all boring.
Hate to break it to you.

Speaker 5 (25:52):
The day of the celebration, I actually showed up a
little later for personal reasons. It started at six pm,
the buffet was at seven thirty. I was there around
seven fifteen. Of course, I didn't leave immediately afterwards, but
stayed there until shortly before the end. According to the
other trainees, no one was asked to present anything beforehand.
The celebration itself was very nice, and I got to

(26:14):
know a lot of other colleagues that I hadn't seen before.
And a funny thing, by the way, the secretary wasn't
there due to illness, so we all skillfully refused. It's
not yet clear whether this tradition can be refused next year,
but that's no longer my problem.

Speaker 4 (26:28):
I'll probably be out of it and probably won't be
there anymore either. What do you mean?

Speaker 5 (26:33):
So you're in your head, You're like, I'm not even
gonna be at this job for that long, So it's like,
what does it even matter?

Speaker 1 (26:39):
God?

Speaker 4 (26:40):
Oh, come on, you're just no fun, no fun.

Speaker 5 (26:44):
If something drives me to stay there, then of course
I'll sit down for the trainees.

Speaker 4 (26:49):
And that's the end of that story.

Speaker 5 (26:50):
So not only would you not do it if they
did it again next year, you wouldn't care and would
watch the trainees do it.

Speaker 4 (26:57):
Yeah, that's just cowardice.

Speaker 3 (26:59):
Because really, look inside yourself into your psyche about why
you would watch the trainees do it like you would
watch them do it because it's entertaining?

Speaker 1 (27:08):
What?

Speaker 3 (27:09):
And are you really judging them for being for entertaining you?

Speaker 1 (27:13):
Like?

Speaker 3 (27:13):
Really one moment, God, this guy, And that's the end
of this story. We're going on to the next one.
My supervisor denied me working remotely while everyone else can.

Speaker 4 (27:25):
That doesn't seem very fair.

Speaker 3 (27:27):
I thirty female, have been working at a tech company
for four years. I was lucky to get this job,
and I truly like everyone I work with, my boss,
my coworkers, everyone. It is a small company of about
thirty people, including myself. Over the past two years, I've
noticed something that has slowly bothered me more and more,
and that is our department's policy on working remotely and

(27:48):
hours in the office. By the way, this comes from
Massy three sixteen. And if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime separate
it and I'm Angie.

Speaker 4 (27:57):
I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advice goofily.

Speaker 3 (27:59):
But we don't know all the answers. We just know
what we would do in these situations. So let us
know what you do in the comments, so Op says.
Before you assume I'm just complaining and whining, let me
explain my job can be done one hundred thousand percent
remotely because all I do is type on my computer
all day.

Speaker 4 (28:16):
That is my job.

Speaker 3 (28:18):
That is also what the other three people in my
department do. I do not have to talk to any
clients or really anyone ever, except for one weekly meeting
that lasts about five minutes. And I don't even have
to say anything in that meeting. I just have to
hear updates. That meeting could absolutely be just an email
to everyone. Two years ago, our team started having one

(28:38):
remote work day per week that was assigned to us.
Our supervisor was very clear and strict with this policy.
Each of us got a different day. My remote day
was Tuesday. At the same time, we also got designated
days that we individually had to stay until five pm
in the office. And I do not mean four forty
five pm, I mean five pm. We kept asking about
remote work because the entire rest of the company, literally

(29:00):
all other departments, was clearly working remotely ninety percent of
the week. That did not seem fair to our department
to not have the same treatment, especially when our job
can be done one hundred percent remotely, unlike theirs. They
would come in for our meetings sometimes and then leave
by two pm and work remotely for the rest of
the week. Sometimes they would come in on Wednesday at
eleven am and leave at three pm and work remotely

(29:23):
until the rest of the day. My point is they
had major flexibility to be in the office or at
home as long as they got their work done. But
for my three coworkers and me, we are not allowed
to leave the property to go get lunch. What We
have to stay until five pm every single day except
on our remote day.

Speaker 4 (29:40):
They don't let you leave to eat. That's wild.

Speaker 3 (29:44):
You got to pack beforehand? What if you did?

Speaker 4 (29:46):
Oh, I guess if you Yeah, you can pack a lunch.

Speaker 3 (29:48):
You can, But like, what if you forgot or didn't
have time in the.

Speaker 4 (29:51):
Morning, No food for you today.

Speaker 3 (29:54):
We only get one remote day and we are not
allowed to ask for more. We are not allowed to
ask to change our remote day, even if it benefits us.
For example, I had to come into office on Monday,
December twenty third because it was not my remote day.
I explained that my remote day fell on Christmas, which
we already get off anyway, so I would not have
been getting a remote day that week. I asked if

(30:16):
I could change it to Monday, and my supervisor said
no without giving a reason. There was a hurricane in
our town, and my two coworkers and I still had
to come into the office because the hurricane day quote
was not on any of our remote days. Meanwhile, everyone
else in the office that day was remote. There's a
hurricane going around around your town and you're like, well,

(30:37):
you still gotta go to work.

Speaker 5 (30:39):
Can't work from home, and it's just you too, not
this group before, just you guys.

Speaker 4 (30:44):
Yeah, that's weird.

Speaker 3 (30:46):
That's very weird. Why is everyone else getting special treatment?
I did not think we needed permission to avoid driving
in a hurricane. With all the emergency alerts we received
that day, we went into the office with no work
to do and sat there until five pm. I asked
my supervisor repeatedly, where is everyone else? And why are
they not here? It's a work day, And he just

(31:07):
called me separately and said, do not compare yourself to others.
I knew everyone else was remote.

Speaker 4 (31:13):
I mean low key though, that's that's a good bar.
That's a good line. Or you know, comparison is the
thief of joy? Sure, but where is everybody?

Speaker 3 (31:24):
But like, good question, it's a great question.

Speaker 4 (31:26):
I'd like to know.

Speaker 3 (31:28):
What I was trying to get him to admit is
that our department is treated differently. For no reason. My
coworker asked to work remotely on a random Friday a
month in advance, because she was going to spread her
stepmom's ashes and still get all her work done by
five pm. Our supervisor said no and did not give
a reason. Every time we ask our supervisor why our

(31:48):
department is treated like this or why we cannot work
remotely whenever we want, he beats around the bush and
does not answer our questions. He gives made up excuses like, oh,
it's in case our server breaks and you need to
be here to fit it. There is an IT person
whose job it is to fix the server if it breaks,
and she also works remotely. Oh my god, that's actually

(32:11):
so insane.

Speaker 5 (32:12):
So you've got the one person who you could say
needs to be there so that they can fix stuff.

Speaker 4 (32:18):
Yeah, working remotely?

Speaker 3 (32:20):
Yes, right, Like they're saying that OP needs to be
there just in case something breaks, when that's someone else's
job entirely and they are working remotely.

Speaker 4 (32:30):
What is going on at this company?

Speaker 3 (32:33):
This is like nightmare? Wake up, wake up, wake up.
It's not real. It's a dream.

Speaker 4 (32:38):
Just let me go home, go home and work.

Speaker 3 (32:41):
Is there anyone above the supervisor that we can talk
to because I don't like her or him.

Speaker 4 (32:47):
I unlike him or he says, do not.

Speaker 3 (32:49):
Compare yourself to the rest of the company. I do
not know what their contracts say. This is what the
CEO wanted for your department. Just do what you are told,
and do not talk about it with anyone else. The
amount of days I have sat in the office doing nothing,
watching movies or working on freelance work adds up two months. Now.
You might be thinking, so you got paid to sit

(33:10):
in your office and watch a movie. Well, I complain you.

Speaker 4 (33:15):
Hit the nail on the head. I was thinking that.

Speaker 3 (33:18):
As well, that it's actually pretty interesting. You're right, it
could be worse, and I am grateful for my job.
But this policy has been going on for two years,
and I have run it by friends who own businesses,
and they all agree that it is weird and unfair.

Speaker 5 (33:33):
That's a really weird way to say. Yeah, but I
could be watching movies in my living room. Yeah, yeah, no,
I would agree. But honestly, I kind.

Speaker 3 (33:42):
Of get what he's saying though, Like if if you're
just watching movies all day, I need to be watching
these movies. What I need to be doing is laundry.
Can't do that here. I need to do laundry. I
need to cook for these people. If I don't know
if oh he's got family or something, but maybe the
other ones do. In this department, there's things you could
be doing at home. Maybe watching movies is one of them.

Speaker 4 (34:03):
Maybe you send an email to your CEO.

Speaker 3 (34:06):
Yeah, you have plenty of time to do that. Give
it a shot.

Speaker 4 (34:09):
Hunt him down, yeah or her.

Speaker 3 (34:11):
I have at least twenty five videos on my phone
showing me walking around the office on Thursday at noon
as the only person there. I'm not talking about Fridays
at four pm. I'm talking about Tuesdays at ten am
or Thursdays at noon. I see and hear other people
in the company asking group chats. Is anyone going to
be in the office tomorrow? So it is clear that

(34:33):
no one knows about our policy except our department, and
we are supposed to keep it a secret. A coworker
not in my department frequently says to me, oh, you're
still here around three pm, and I respond, yeah, I'm
always here because we have to be here until five,
and nobody knows why. Some employees work remotely as much

(34:54):
as they want, and I've been here longer than them.
I have been here four years and I am.

Speaker 1 (34:59):
Not a newbie.

Speaker 3 (35:00):
It is not a talking down to a woman type
of thing either, because there are two men on my
team and they are treated the same way. Earlier this year,
two of my coworkers quit because they were sick and
tired of this policy and not getting any answers, and
they got new jobs. They have been replaced. I am
still here. I get the feeling that my supervisor might
be the problem. So I went above his head and

(35:22):
talked to the president, thinking that that would help.

Speaker 4 (35:24):
Yes, let's figure it out. Figured out, get on the
president hotline. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (35:31):
It was very nice about it, and I opened up
about all of this and gave him all of these reasons.
I told him this was a huge reason why my
two coworkers quit this year, to make him realize that
this is a big problem and we are not happy.
He said it was because the office was expensive and underused,
so we needed butts in chairs. I should have told him, great,
then tell everyone in this company tomorrow that they have

(35:54):
to be in the office four days a week and
stay until five, just like my department is doing.

Speaker 4 (35:59):
No, oh, do that, now you're the evil one here.

Speaker 3 (36:03):
Yeah, whatever policy you want to make, make it the
same for everyone. Yeah, that's a that's one way to
go with it is just make it suck for everyone.

Speaker 4 (36:13):
Now, that's just the dumbest thing.

Speaker 5 (36:14):
It's like, well, we need to have at least four
butts in chairs. Yeah, justify this expensive office, right, Maybe
you don't need the expensive office.

Speaker 3 (36:25):
Yeah, maybe we save so much money, and then I
get a pay raise for telling you about this overhead issue. Yeah,
there's more to this story, though. He said he would
try to fix the management and communication around it. That
was five months ago and nothing has changed to I
do not know what else to do. I started applying
for a new job a year ago and it has
been a big struggle to find one. But I'm still trying.

(36:47):
I do not understand this stupid policy. If it were
company wide, I would not raise my eyebrows as much.
But it is not a company wide thing. It is
just my department of four people. Every time I ask
questions about it, I just get a fake answer. Blame
someone else or my supervisor beats around the bush. It
is twenty twenty five. Most jobs can be done remotely,
and mine can. This is not even about my actual work.

(37:11):
It's about flexibility. To me, that is not something that
you have to earn. And even if it is, I
have been here for four years, so I feel like
I have earned it. I would like everyone's opinion on it, please,
and there are some comments here. How may number one says,
this is frustrating. I used to work in an office
with a very similar dynamic. What's the role of the
people who are not in the office and your role?

(37:33):
Opie says, they are in sales or marketing or social
media content. I'm a video editor for our main production product.
Someone responds, Okay, that makes sense. Salespeople usually aren't in
the office. I don't know anything about video editing though.
In our example, it was several employees who processed orders
who my ex boss forced to be in the office.

(37:53):
There was zero reason for them to be in the office.
Job responsibility is just didn't need it, he shared with
me privatelyos he was just trying to manage them out.
I'm sorry op that you're going through this inconvenient mess.
Definitely speak up for yourself and document everything internally. Good luck,
and that's the end of that story. Dang, manage someone

(38:14):
out of your workplace?

Speaker 4 (38:16):
Yeah, yeah, you got you get an outmanaged? Dang? What's
that you know?

Speaker 5 (38:22):
I hope you find the strength to carry on watching movies.

Speaker 4 (38:26):
While you're at work. Yeah, but also good luck finding
a new job. Some people don't want to work in
a situation like that, some people really want to you know,
I mean, Opie says, they just want the flexibility.

Speaker 5 (38:37):
But yeah, some people also just want work to do true.

Speaker 3 (38:42):
And that's the end of the story. We're going on
to the next one.

Speaker 2 (38:46):
Hey, it's Smiley Ryley year from Okay story Tom. We're
gonna get back to these stories. But here's three minutes
worth of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 6 (38:53):
My boyfriend thinks D and D is more important than me.

Speaker 3 (38:57):
Now I can't stop crying.

Speaker 1 (38:58):
Theybe the compaigned ten hours long.

Speaker 6 (39:02):
My boyfriend twenty male and I twenty female, had been
arguing a bit because I felt like he was never
spending quality time with me. He plays dungeons and dragons
during the weekend and it eats up all his weekends.
By the way, this comes from sub to Beauty Pie
And if you want to smit your own stories, good
to there slash Okay storytime subared.

Speaker 1 (39:21):
I'm Sophia, I'm Carly, and we're here to give good advice.

Speaker 3 (39:23):
Goofley, But we don't have all the answers.

Speaker 6 (39:25):
We only know what we'd do, So let us know
what you would do in the comments, I asked if
he could compromise and maybe only play once a week
or every other week.

Speaker 4 (39:33):
That he said.

Speaker 6 (39:34):
Dungeons and Dragons is more important than you.

Speaker 1 (39:37):
Oh, he flat out said it.

Speaker 4 (39:39):
Yeah, it was just outright.

Speaker 1 (39:41):
I thought maybe you just felt it that way he
told you, mum. Um.

Speaker 6 (39:44):
He made it clear he was unwilling to compromise on
anything and feels that I am being too demanding and
that he never gets alone time. If I was lucky,
I got to spend a few hours a week with
him between classes, but I wanted to do fun, romantic
things like going out and just being there for each other.
He was always willing to do these things for the boys,
and I just felt left out and excluded after he

(40:07):
never made plans or went out of his way from
me like he does for them. He goes camping, swimming, tubing,
and plays games with them all of the time, but
has never done those things with me. He also just
seemed off the last few weeks because he is depressed,
but he never talks out his problems with me. He
just shuts me out.

Speaker 1 (40:25):
We also had.

Speaker 6 (40:26):
Plans to do something, but last minute something came up
and he did not make an effort to do anything else. Instead,
he just hung out with his friend and some random
girl the next day and ignored me. There were concerts
the next day and a bunch of fun things I
really wanted to do with him, but I'm just not
important at all. People kept asking me where he was,
and honestly, I did not know. I'm just so embarrassed, ashamed,

(40:47):
and shocked. I decided to go home early because seeing
all the couples happy and spending time together hurt so much.
Since he is not willing to do the same with me,
I just feel so stupid, and I blame myself. I'm
shocked and hurt beyond belief that I do not know
what to do anymore. I'm so hurt that someone would
say this to me, let alone someone who claims to
love me. We had dated prior to this, but needed

(41:08):
time to fix everything, and we decided to try again
after time of part I feel so stupid that I
got played twice. We have a class together, and this
all happened earlier today, and I still have not heard
an apology or any remorse for saying that. I guess
I know how he really feels. I am sorry that
I'm rambling, but I am just so hurt and so lost.
Right now, I feel so lost and cannot stop crying.

(41:31):
I feel so stupid. I have never loved anyone as
much as I love him, but I cannot keep being
someone's second.

Speaker 3 (41:38):
Choice and it hurts so much.

Speaker 6 (41:41):
I do not know what anyone can say that will
ever make me feel better, but I just need people
to talk to because I feel so.

Speaker 3 (41:46):
Alone and hurt. I am also so sorry.

Speaker 6 (41:48):
If this all seems stupid and dramatic, please just be
here for me and help me. I know I'm stupid.
Just be kind, please, I really am sorry. If nothing
makes sense and there are relevant and.

Speaker 1 (42:01):
You need to stop it, stop it putting yourself down.

Speaker 3 (42:05):
It's not your fault.

Speaker 1 (42:05):
It is this man's fault.

Speaker 6 (42:07):
I have been in a similar situation. It's not your fault.
Relevant comments Plutonium Whiskey says, I went through something similar
in college, except it was.

Speaker 1 (42:15):
Magic the Gathering, not D and D.

Speaker 6 (42:16):
It didn't work out for multiple reasons, magic the Gathering
being one of them. You deserve someone who will put
you before a game, like you said, don't be someone's
second choice. Al for Sila says, Friday night magic every
and Friday ugh amusing, musing, says oh Man. I dated
a man who was obsessed with magic the gathering. He

(42:36):
had a lot of emotional problems, and I'd insisted he
get help if we were going to continue dating. This
guy made up a therapist, well sort of, and told
me he was going to therapy every day when he
was really going to this place where people buy and
trade magic cards and participate in tournaments. I ended up
calling his therapist to ask about her office on Kemper Street,

(42:59):
since the therapist was real she just happened to work
in a nearby town an hour away from where he
said she was practicing. I call because he was starting
to contradict himself with his stories about her and it
just didn't add up. I told her my partner was
one of her clients, and I wanted to know if
she could recommend another therapist who does similar work to
avoid a conflict of interest. He told me the last
time she had a practice near there was in the eighties,

(43:22):
and that it wasn't on Kemper Street and that she
only worked with adolescents, so there was no way my
partner was a client of hers. Dang, he really picked
like the one therapist who just couldn't possibly be working
with him.

Speaker 1 (43:35):
That's the weirdest thing too, to just lie about where
the therapist's office is.

Speaker 6 (43:40):
He couldn't have found therapists in your area well.

Speaker 1 (43:43):
And also if he had just been like, oh, yeah,
she's an hour away, more time to do your little
magic the gatherings, it makes no sense to.

Speaker 4 (43:50):
Have lied about that part.

Speaker 6 (43:52):
When I confronted him, he tried to lie and told
me I got the name wrong and that he never
said Kemper Street, all kinds of mess before fessing up
it was his old shrink from when he was a teenager, apparently,
And after trying to convince me that she made special
trips every day to see him for free because she
adored him, he finally admitted to what he'd been doing.

(44:12):
That was a comment not from the story Interstellar Phoenix says,
if he isn't going to try in your relationship, you're
kind of doomed to fail. I'm sorry to say, but
that is not how you should be treated by someone
who is supposed to love you. Bottom line, if he
can't give you the love and care you're supposed to
give in a relationship, then he's only going to hurt you. More,
it will be okay. There are better guys out there,

(44:34):
those who will give you all the love you could want.
And there is an update, but that's it's true, Opie. Yeah,
I promise you will find someone who actually wants to
hang out with you.

Speaker 1 (44:43):
Yeah, that's like any normal relationship. They should want to
hang out with you.

Speaker 3 (44:48):
It's crazy.

Speaker 6 (44:49):
And then you're gonna be in that relationship and you're
gonna be like wow, like.

Speaker 1 (44:52):
Oh my god, this is you your Saturday.

Speaker 3 (44:55):
You want to be here, that's you enjoy here.

Speaker 4 (44:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (44:58):
I would not to get too, but that's me with
my bom.

Speaker 3 (45:01):
I'm like, you want to hang out with me? You
actually see?

Speaker 6 (45:04):
That's crazy and it's great, op And you'll have that too.

Speaker 5 (45:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (45:07):
Three days later, I don't know if it's update worthy,
but it did get a lot of attention. I'm so
thankful I made a post about it and got the
honest answers from you guys. I did have a weak moment, but.

Speaker 3 (45:18):
He's not my boyfriend anymore.

Speaker 6 (45:23):
Good for you to me, this all seemed like a
stupid thing to break up over someone, but it is
what it is. He chose the game, You guys, are right,
the more chances i'd give someone, the more they'd hurt
me and disrespect me. Nonetheless, my feelings are very complicated
right now, and I switch between missing him and just
thinking f you. He was lucky that I gave him

(45:43):
a second chance in the first place. He made it
seem like I was just making stupid arguments towards him,
But these arguments weren't stupid or patty to me. They
were very important to me. The arguments which happened like
twice was me expressing my frustration about needing quality time
and how I felt excluded right now. Although I know

(46:04):
it's a lie, I just feel like I won't find
someone else. It is a lie. I can assure you
it's a lie. Everyone feels that way after a breakup.
That's why most people don't break up, or like wait
a long time to break up even though they know
they should.

Speaker 1 (46:18):
So good for you.

Speaker 6 (46:19):
Luckily, I have so much support from my friends and
sorority and decided to see a therapist so I can
organize my feelings. Almost all people in the last thread
said I deserve so much more out of a relationship,
and people who I've told in real life thank you
for that. Relationships are all about compromising and making the
other person feel loved. Yes, I feel a very wide

(46:40):
variety of feelings at the moment, but just thank you guys.
I hope I find my right person soon who sees
that I have more value. If there is any other suggestions, questions,
or advice you guys have, I'd love to hear it.
Sometimes I'm okay, sometimes I'm not and cry randomly. Final
comments deleted says it was disappointing to me how many

(47:00):
people were making jokes and acting like D and D
is actually more important than setting aside some time for
your relationship. Your campaign will end eventually, but you should
want to be with your partner for life. I think
D and D is amazing, But if my girlfriend told
me she felt neglected or like she was less important
than it, I would try to fix that immediately. It
seems simply like you wanted the relationship to work and last,

(47:23):
while he wasn't so inclined. I hope you find someone
who can listen to your feelings and take them seriously.
Everyone deserves that. E Perk says my husband and I
have a group of friends that we play D and
D with together, and it's awesome. My only hope is
op doesn't have a dislike toward D and D for this,
because it could be a lot of fun if everyone
is on the same page with the schedule. We're in

(47:43):
the process of rebuilding a deck and the guys we
play with actually offer to help us with the deck
instead of playing that day, we declined as we needed
the break to explore a dungeon and alive some cultists.
Amazing friendships can be made over that game.

Speaker 3 (47:58):
Ope, good for you.

Speaker 6 (48:00):
There is no reason for you to be second to
a game, and there is no reason for your now
ex boyfriend to not schedule time for you. That just
shows where his priorities are, and unfortunately you were not
one of them. Proud of you for having the strength
to recognize that and walk away. Ohp he says, thank you.
D and D isn't my favorite game, but I don't
hate it either. I'd be willing to give it a shot,

(48:22):
but I certainly wouldn't let it destroy relationships.

Speaker 4 (48:25):
Haha.

Speaker 6 (48:26):
And that's at the end of the day, the issue
here because he didn't even seem to want to include
you at all.

Speaker 1 (48:33):
Yeah, yeah, unfortunate.

Speaker 6 (48:35):
You're better off, Opie, But that is the end of
that story, and we've got another one coming right up.

Speaker 5 (48:42):
Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here, and we're
gonna get back to the stories.

Speaker 4 (48:47):
But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 1 (48:50):
My boyfriend ghosted me when I got sick after I
gave him everything.

Speaker 6 (48:55):
Well, that's your ex boyfriend now.

Speaker 1 (48:57):
And this comes directly from our subreddit. I female thirty two.
My boyfriend is male thirty. I am in a really
dumb situation and I'm wondering where to go from here.
I think I've pretty much checked out of the relationship
at this point. Anyway. I am more looking for advice
on the moral high ground. I want to exit this

(49:17):
relationship with my head held high. Also, I will be
calling him boyfriend for simplicity, but I don't even know
if that's accurate at this point. By the way, this
comes from far Promise twenty four to seventeen, and if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay storytime subreddit where this story was sent.
I'm Carly, I'm Sophia, and we're here to give good

(49:37):
advice goofully, but we don't have all the answers really
know what we would do it, so let us know
what you would do in the comments. So basically, a
week and a half ago, I got really sick. I
was very weak, fever and chills and was just in
a bad state. I had told my boyfriend that in
text and said that I'm just going to try to
get through the night routine so I can lay down now.

(49:58):
My boyfriend had just left left that morning after spending
the weekend with me, and had one last exam that
day before he was done, so at this point he
was fully free. I was hoping he would offer to
come back and give me a hand, but I got
a hope you feel better soon text and that was it.
He lives just over an hour away, so I get it.
It was getting late and I would have said not

(50:19):
to bother, but I was a little hurt he didn't
even offer. The next day, more of the same, I
had to call out a work, which I never do.
I am needed at my job, and honestly I need
the money. I am a single mom and with the
holidays things are always a little tighter. Kids tastes get
more expensive every year. It had also been a really
rough ten weeks starting with a kitchen renovation that was

(50:43):
stalled halfway through due to the health issues of my contractor.
Then I hit a deer and completely messed up the
front end of my vehicle.

Speaker 6 (50:51):
Oh were you also on your way to Chilton?

Speaker 1 (50:54):
My boyfriend used to be an apprentice mechanic and said
it was totaled. The mechanic I took it too, said
that it was fixable.

Speaker 3 (51:02):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 6 (51:04):
This apprentice mechanic guy like used to be an apprentice
Maginta was.

Speaker 1 (51:07):
Like, he just kind of walks around. He's like, yeh, yes, gone,
there's like a scratch on it. And I got it
back two and a half weeks later. But that was
super stressful. Thankfully I live within biking distance from my work.
Then my youngest daughter, who battled leukemia twice in her
short life and kicked its booty both times, got diagnosed

(51:28):
with a learning disability. I knew it was coming. The
Metho treks eight they had her on initially caused her
brain to swell and she went temporarily blind. As she aged,
we knew that she wasn't exactly retaining things like other kids.
The signs were there, which is why. I got her
tested by a neuropsychologist. But it doesn't hurt any less
to know that your child will struggle throughout their life.

(51:50):
Then my dryer decided, after fifteen years that it was
given up the will to live. I'm still limphink through
using it though, because it kind of works. It's the
heat gauge that's broken. I spent a night taking it
apart and cleaning the whole thing inside and out, hoping
the motor was just dirty, but alas no luck. I
just have to turn it back on every five to

(52:12):
ten minutes. So we're trucking on it for now until
I can see if getting it fixed is worth it
or just buying a new one for seven hundred dollars.
Then vehicle the sequel. The front brakes on my van went,
because of course they did. Oh, I had to take
it to a new mechanic, as the one I usually
use has now shut down due to family stuff. The

(52:34):
new guys initially quoted me eleven hundred dollars. They ended
up only replacing the calipers when I said I couldn't
afford their initial estimate, which was only three hundred and
eighty dollars, and said I would need to come back
for the rest within a month or two. And then
I got hit with another financial blow who there was
a mess up with my taxes, and long story short,

(52:55):
I owe my ex some money. He's being really good
about it, allowing me to repay it time, but it
still could not have come at a worse time.

Speaker 3 (53:04):
So yeah.

Speaker 6 (53:05):
Stress.

Speaker 1 (53:05):
Anyways, my boyfriend had gone back to school. I was
super proud of him because he hated his job and
definitely needed to make a change. He has been doing
super well, but I am sure it is also very stressful.
It is in a highly competitive field and only about
twenty percent make it through the four year course. He
has been around and aware of all of the BSI

(53:26):
that has been happening in my life as well, but
I try not to put anything on him, especially around
exam time. I have also been supporting him financially. On
top of paying for all of our dates, outings, and
dinners since we have been together, I also pay for
his car and anything else he needs like new glasses

(53:47):
a few months back, extra cash here and there for
whatever else he needs, bills, et cetera. We also talked
about me getting him a new winter work stuff for
his co op placement coming up, new coat, boots, gloves, overalls,
et cetera. I do this stuff because I want to
support him in any way that I can and help
ease his stress. I make decent money, and up until

(54:08):
recently this was not an issue. And I mean, he's
a broke college student. His mom and sister both live
with him and help support him as well. But I
am fully aware that money is finite for him right now,
so I don't ever expect anything in that way. However,
what I do expect is effort of any kind. We
have been together for over a year and he has

(54:28):
planned all of two dates. He says, he's planned two
dates in the course of a year, in the course
of a little over a year. No, he says, he's
just not a plan shut up.

Speaker 6 (54:40):
Shot, literally shut up.

Speaker 1 (54:41):
And to be sure, I am definitely more of the planner.
But I mean, I've seen him do it. He's capable,
And he says, but it's the money. I told him
I have never been opposed to paying if he plans it,
I will pay for it, within reason, obviously, and he
did that once. Then there are the things he got me.
A one ring necklace for my birthday. I'm a big

(55:04):
lord of the rings nerd. But didn't even try and
wrap it or put it in a bag or anything.
He just handed it to me in the clear plastic
bag it came in, and said, here you go. After that,
I brought up that I feel unappreciated when he doesn't
put in basic effort for me, especially when I always
go above and beyond. For example, for his birthday last year,
I wrapped his gifts with handmade bows and tax, planned

(55:27):
a weekend get away, and spent the weekend making him
feel special. I knew he wouldn't be able to afford
anything extravagant for mine, but he knows I like simple things, hiking, fishing, camping,
a picnic, anything anything. I just got a so what
do you want to do? When I was sad at
his lack of effort, he said that I didn't want
to do anything on my birthday. When he asked what

(55:49):
I wanted to do that day, I realized he didn't
plan anything and just made the decision to stay in
and watch movies. I was in no mood to plan
my own birthday. He then brought up how we spent
the last few dollars he had paying for a pizza
for us for dinner, which of course made me feel terrible.
I understand he's in school, he's busy, but so am I.

(56:11):
I work forty to sixty hours a week, depending on
the week, and I am a full time single mom.
I have one day every two weeks that is completely free,
and I always spend it with him. I plan things
because I want to actually do things on those few
days I have free. That brings us to a week
and a half ago. I got sick, said I was

(56:32):
struggling and hoped he would offer to come back. He didn't,
but it was later and that's fine. Next day the
same I called out of work because I was so sick,
and again got the old feel better. Soon we both
knew he was done with exams and had absolutely nothing
better to do, and I was off anyways, we could
have spent the day together. I kind of figured he

(56:52):
just didn't want to get sick fair enough. It sucks.
But later that night he said he would be down
the following night. I said I thought it was strep
and that he should stay away until I wasn't contagious anymore.
He said he didn't mind, so it wasn't a getting
sick issue. It was a just not on his time.
It just wasn't what he wanted to do. At that moment,
it all clicked. It was always on his time, his wants.

(57:18):
I wasn't even deserving of a courteous Is there anything
I can do?

Speaker 3 (57:22):
Yeah? It didn't even make you soup?

Speaker 1 (57:24):
Yeah you couldn't. You could even leave your soup on
the doorstep. Yeah either supside, don't get me sick. So
I replied that I wasn't up for hosting and I
would prefer to him to just stay at his for
the weekend. He was offended and said he would sit
with me at the hospital on Sunday, my only day off,
to get meds, and that he just wanted to help.
But if this is how I feel, there was the
offer to help, finally, but I couldn't help but feel

(57:45):
like he was only saying that now that he realized
that I didn't want him here on his time, messaged
me the next day with the obligatory good morning text,
hope you feel better. I ended up in the hospital
that night. I was dehydrated and need fluids, and they
gave me steroids as my throat was so swollen I
could barely breathe, let alone eat and drink. I did

(58:07):
not end up having STRAP and was back to work
the next day. As I was waiting in the waiting
room for eight freaking hours, I messaged him that I
wanted to talk, but I physically could not speak at
the moment, which was good because I needed to get
my thoughts in order. Anyway, he messaged back with I'm
here when you want to talk, and that was the
last time we spoke. I feel like I support him

(58:28):
in every aspect. I am as cheerleader when he needs it.
I always try to build him up when he is
down and push him forward. He needs something I've got him,
and I can't get the bare minimum offer of help
in return when I'm at my worst. When I let
him know how tight things were financially, his first response was,
don't suppose your ex would call it even. That's firstly

(58:51):
wild to say when he's my ex and you're my
current partner. But okay. Then his next concern was where
his car payments were going to come from. I would
continue to cover them until January when he starts his
paid co op, but never any concern for me pardon me,
keeps thinking this is his first relationship, maybe he just

(59:11):
doesn't know better. But then I reminded myself that if
it was his mom or sister, he would drop everything
to be there for him, or at the very least
ask a follow up question like you need anything. Heck,
I do that for friends and neighbors, let alone your partner.
What I have concluded is that he just doesn't want
to be here, which is fine, but I mean, we

(59:32):
see each other two to three days a week, maybe
though it's not like we are constantly together and he
needs a break. I want someone who wants to be
with me, who counts the minutes till we can be
together again, like I do, not needs time away. I
know a lot of people will assume there's someone else,
but that is not the case, and I am one
hundred percent positive of that. I am his first relationship.

Speaker 6 (59:54):
I feel like with your first relationship, you can either
go on the side of being like I want to
do everything for the person I want to, like, really
show up in every way I can, because I feel
so inadequate in terms of experience or this.

Speaker 1 (01:00:08):
He is extremely shy when it comes to talking to women,
and I had to chase him. I know he loves
me and that this is not just a case of
him not being into me. I am above average and
looks I am self sufficient, have my crap together, and
am low maintenance. That's the thing low not know. I
have also communicated my need for effort. I'm not asking

(01:00:30):
for him to support me or solve all my problems.
I'm asking for bare minimum emotional support and effort in
our relationship. I can't be in another relationship where I
give and try so hard only to receive less than
the bare minimum in return. So I guess what I
am here to ask is what now? I guess the
ball is technically in my court to reach out, but

(01:00:50):
I don't really want to. I've told him how I
feel before, and I know we will have this conversation
again and it might get better for a while, but
it will inevitably revert back again. You can't teach someone
how to treat you with importance. I believe when you
love someone, you want to go above and beyond for them.
It should come as easy as breathing unless you have

(01:01:11):
a swollen throat, and if it's not, then that means
it's just not your person, right. I also don't like confrontation,
so I was just thinking about mailing the Christmas gift
I got for him and his mom and sister along
with all of the stuff and being done with it.
I feel like a conversation won't change anything for long
as it's been said before, and will just leave me

(01:01:32):
feeling bad as I know he does love me in
his way, but I guess he just doesn't love me
in the way I need him to, if that makes sense.
He isn't a bad person and doesn't treat me badly.
I just feel like an afterthought a lot, and definitely
on the lowest level of priority, which I know I'll
always be below his mom and sister I accepted that

(01:01:53):
long ago, but below his free time and games too.
So redd it? What would you do? Reach out and
try to talk it out yet again and possibly giving
him another chance, or just take this momentum of not
talking and run with it, possibly being the coward of
not officially ending it and instead letting it just remain
unsaid and sending his stuff back in the mail, or

(01:02:15):
meeting up and telling him it's over. And why part
of me feels like this is just one more thing
that I have to put the effort in for as
he avoids it. It just would be kind of poetic
if we just never spoke again, like where did you
guys break up? And he has to say I don't know,
or we just stopped talking. It's kind of an homage
to the effort put into our relationship. But another part

(01:02:36):
is saying I would be the a hole if I
don't give him a reason. Maybe he's sitting there wondering
what the f but maybe he's also just relieved to
have the time to himself and is completely unaware that
anything's even wrong. Here I am again worrying about his
feelings and where the heck is he?

Speaker 4 (01:02:53):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:02:54):
What do you think we have an update? I think
this relationship is kind of over. I think it's over,
but I think you should tell him.

Speaker 3 (01:03:01):
I don't think you should go st him.

Speaker 6 (01:03:03):
I think you should go to him and say hey,
especially because this is his first relationship. Not that you
owe him a lesson, right.

Speaker 1 (01:03:10):
But he also did say like, whenever you want to
talk on him here, Yeah, so it is in your
court now.

Speaker 6 (01:03:15):
Yes, I think you go to him and you say hey,
I've expressed dissatisfaction with your ability to show up for
me and plan things and put an effort, and you
said you heard me, and you made no changes, and
so I don't think this relationship can continue.

Speaker 1 (01:03:31):
Thank you for the reality check. It was much needed, Lool.
Yesterday was Christmas Day, after not hearing from him for
two weeks, I get a text at eight in the morning,
just as the kids and I are settling into open presents.
It says, Merry Christmas to you and the kids. Would
it be okay if I stopped by a rush of
emotions passed and I instantly wanted to cry, But most notably,

(01:03:55):
the first one was dreat the perfect piece and joy
of the moment was shattered. Why now of all times?
But I kept the smile and we went about our
Christmas morning. I honestly don't know if he's really that
dumb or if it was just vindictive At this point,
I don't know if he honestly thought nothing was wrong
this whole time, or if it was the plan to
either try and ruin my Christmas by forcing me to

(01:04:17):
confront it that day, or maybe I would just let
everything go in the spirit of Christmas. I honestly don't
know what he was thinking. I already drafted a text
about how disgusted I was with his lack of care,
and that his stuff was in my garage in a
box and he could get it at his convenience, but
I specified not today. I also specifically said I did
not want anything from him, and I don't want to

(01:04:39):
talk it out. Don't worry. It was just as long
and painful as the way I write it here, and
he too had to suffer without a TLDR. I was
going to wait until Boxing Day or the weekend to
send it and get through the rest of Christmas in peace,
but he forced my hand. I did not want him
showing up and confusing my kids, so I sent it
and blocked him everywhere. I was hoping that would just

(01:04:59):
be a but a few hours later I go to
take out the recycling and find that he has left
bags of gifts for the kids and I, as well
as roses, my favorite liquor, a mug that I had
forgotten about, and my house key that I also completely forgot.
He had points for honesty, but it also made me
realize that I didn't have anything at his house. I
had cleared half my closet for him, that's prime real estate,

(01:05:22):
and I didn't even get a drawer, although to be fair,
his room was very cramped and I only spent one
maxed two weekends a month there, and he had not
picked up his box of stuff. To be clear, it's
a detached garage that is left unlocked and open oral living,
so he could have easily gone in and got it
while he was here. I don't even know what to think.
I don't want this stuff. I don't even want to

(01:05:45):
open it. I don't need any more reminders, and most importantly,
I feel like accepting in them at this point is
wrong in some way. It makes me uncomfy. I ended
up giving the roses to the kids to give to
their stepmom for Christmas, so I didn't have to look
at them, and I kind of just want, with the
presence in the box of his stuff to go back.
But I feel like he left the box here on purpose,
either because he doesn't care about the stuff in it

(01:06:07):
enough to want it back, or he intends to make
another trip back.

Speaker 6 (01:06:11):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:06:11):
I don't understand the purpose of all of this and
why it was done in this way. I feel like
my head is spinning. I never got any kind of noe,
no explanation, and I blocked him, so if he did
reply to my message.

Speaker 3 (01:06:23):
I wouldn't know.

Speaker 1 (01:06:24):
At this point, no explanation would matter anyways. I just
feel I guess guilty about all the stuff, Like the
presents were probably bought a few days ago. Perhaps I
should have sent the breakup text earlier. I don't know.
I know it's probably my own issues making me feel
this way, but it just feels off. I don't know
what do I do with the presence and his stuff.

Speaker 4 (01:06:44):
I don't freaking know.

Speaker 3 (01:06:45):
Maybe if you don't at him, you'd know.

Speaker 4 (01:06:48):
But you don't.

Speaker 6 (01:06:49):
You don't want to talk to him, so you don't
know if he wants this stuff or if you forgot
it or anything.

Speaker 1 (01:06:53):
So yeah, but that's the end of that story, sure

Speaker 6 (01:06:56):
Is, and the end of the episode.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My colleague STOLE my position… and now she’s struggling worse than I did! -r/coworkerstories | Reddit Stories | EP2673