My father is a PICKY EATER… and it might ruin my birthday! -r/survivinginfidelity | Reddit Stories | EP2663 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Dakota and this is Riley your favorite
Okay Stories. I'm hosts and we got some great stories
coming up.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
But before that, we have a quick two minute break
from the sponsors to keep this show alive. My father
is a picky eater and it might ruin my birthday.

Speaker 3 (00:14):
Ah, piggy eater's ruin everything.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
I twenty eight female, am going out for a birthday
dinner on Sunday with my family and I was told
to pick a restaurant I wanted to go to. There's
this amazing Japanese restaurant that I love going to, so
I told my mother sixty three female, I'd love to
go there. My mother pretty much shut it down immediately
because she knows my father sixty four male, won't eat
anything there. By the way, this comes from a deleted user,

(00:39):
And if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay Storytime suppered it. I'm Dakota
Ai Mangie, and we are here to give good advice
goofily or maybe not because we don't know everything. Hello,
we only know some things, so let us know what
the things that you know. In the comments op, he says,
my father is your typical Appalachian American, a boomer man
who loves his casseroles, meat and potatoes, no frills, no spice,

(01:02):
no seasoning except salt and pepper meals. The man won't
even do garlic and food. He doesn't really do anything
ethnic except for textmax and Chinese takeaway, where he always
gets the same two dishes mo googai pond or chorri poyo.
I told my mother that I'm not willing to pick
a different place. Says, this happens every year, and I
feel like my birthday dinner should be about what I

(01:24):
want rather than what my father wants. Otherwise, there's no
point in pretending we're celebrating my birthday. My mother understood
my point, but her frustration comes from feeling like I'm
intentionally being stubborn and leaving my father out, which isn't true.
If I wanted to leave him out, I would have
just not invited him. I told her that there's no
reason he can't compromise just this once and either gets

(01:44):
some plain rice, a tungu katsu cutlet or taraaki chicken,
or even just eat before or after. Like most people
who tend to be on the picky side. She offered
to just cook a meal at their house for everyone,
which I declined because I know it'll be a meal
tailored for my father's tastes, and to put it kindly,
she is not adept in the kitchen. This happens every year,

(02:06):
and just once. I don't want to just give in
and go to the one Mexican restaurant in my hometown
so this man can get some chorri, poyo and rice.
I'm at the point where I just want to uninvite them,
go to the restaurant by myself with my siblings, and
then just visit them afterwards and bring some cake. I
know that would really hurt my mother, but I know
there's no way she'd come to the dinner if my

(02:28):
dad didn't want to eat at the restaurant. Come at one.
You don't have to uninvite him or change it. You've
invited him. He gets to decide if he comes or not.
If he doesn't want to go because of the food,
he won't go. You and your mom need to chill
on trying to force other people to do exactly what
you want. There's a reply that says exactly this. He
decides to come, or he doesn't. He can eat ahead

(02:50):
of time and come for the celebration aspect, or he
can put on his big boy pants and just order
some teiacy chicken or beef with rice. He can also
order timpura stuff, which is basically just proteins and or veggies.
It's not his birthday, it's yours. Why would the restaurant
be chosen based on his likes? I feel like that
reply was to a completely different comment, comment too, Is

(03:11):
your dad argumentative about this? Have you tried just talking
to him? Ope, replies, We don't really talk much. He's
a man of few words and gets frustrated very easily.
I'll probably chat with him after he gets off work.
Comment three says, just don't be offended if he doesn't
show up, and if he doesn't show up in the future.
We constantly have birthdays where my parents will eat because

(03:32):
we're all adults and realize that being with family is
more important than our selfish desire to be celebrated on
a day that shouldn't be that important. After you're above
a certain age. WHOA, What's up with these comments?

Speaker 3 (03:44):
It's surprising to me that they're saying that a birthday
shouldn't be important over a certain age versus uh, like,
you shouldn't be that much of a picky ear over
a certain age, because that's where I was going, Like,
it's very common for teenagers and kids to be like
very picky eaters, but a full adult man, yeah, you
feel like you should have more of an experimental mind

(04:06):
at that point, Like.

Speaker 2 (04:07):
It's just this guy's fully been conditioned whever this comment
is quote, we constantly have birthdays where my parents will
eat because we are adults and realize that being with
family is more important than our selfish desire to be said, Hello,
it's your parent's selfish desire to just refuse to go
to anywhere else besides the place they would want to

(04:29):
go to.

Speaker 3 (04:30):
Yeah, they've just that's a commentary that's just been manipulated
by their parents, and it's like, well, this is this
is how it should be, right.

Speaker 2 (04:37):
Yeah right yeah. Opie replies to this comment, I have
no feelings either way if he shows up or not.
My seven siblings will be there regardless of whether my
parents show up. Wow, and I live like thirty ish
minutes from my parents, holler, so I see them a
lot anyways. Comment for says, You're free to go to
the restaurant you want to for your birthday, queen for

(04:59):
a day and all that. If dad doesn't like the
place you've chosen, he's free to stay at home. There's
no reason for people's feelings to get hurt over catering
or not catering to picky eaters. Opie says, I think
that's why this situation bothers me a bit, because I
feel like asking for one special day isn't that much
of an ask. I grew up with seven other siblings,
so our birthdays are really the only time we get

(05:21):
that special attention, and it would just be chill to
have it be about me for once. There's a fifth comment,
I don't think you should compromise, however, Instead of your
mom cooking a single meal everyone can eat, why not
do something where everyone orders take up from their own
preferred place and then eat that at home. That way,
your dad can eat his Bland food with you while
you eat Japanese. I don't think it's that much trouble

(05:43):
to get food from two different restaurants, Opie says, I
think it's a decent idea. Logistically, I'm not sure it
would work, just because we live in a more remote area.
The Japanese place is like forty or fifty minutes from
the holler we grew up in, and the only restaurants
in our town or the Mexican place, the Chinese takeaway
and a bar, just be a lot of a hassle
to drive that far and then try to bring food back.

(06:04):
And there's an update.

Speaker 3 (06:05):
I mean, yeah, whatever, what.

Speaker 2 (06:08):
Are we doing? I mean, and we don't even care
at the end of the day if he shows up,
because all our siblings are showing up. But it's just like, yeah,
don't let them convince you that you're being the selfish
like jerk by not catering to your picky eater father's
like inept taste buds.

Speaker 3 (06:26):
Yeah, Like he's the literally the only one that doesn't
want to eat there, Like, yeah, yes, he's You don't
need to be molded into his his needs. It's not
even like he has dietary restrictions. It seems he just
doesn't like it.

Speaker 2 (06:39):
He's just a little baby. But hey, sometimes little babies
they learn to cry to get what they want. And
there's an update. I had my birthday party at the
Japanese restaurant. With my seven siblings and it went really well.
I ended up getting Show You Tankatsu, Raman and Takayuki.
My parents ended up not going as my dad dislikes
Japanese food and want to settle for any of the

(07:01):
alternative of the alternate menu options I suggested. I ended
up just meeting up with them after dinner for cake.
Mom made a chocolate chip fudge bunt cake and we
had a nice board game night. It was nice. We
played Sequence Myrtle and some other games the heck is Myrtle?
Congratulations on your birthday dinner.

Speaker 3 (07:22):
Happy freaking birthday, man.

Speaker 2 (07:23):
Seems like this wasn't really an issue at all.

Speaker 4 (07:25):
He solved it.

Speaker 3 (07:26):
There you go.

Speaker 2 (07:27):
I ended up celebrating my actual birthday this Monday with
my boyfriend, who took me out to eat and paid
for a little shopping spree, which was just so sweet
of him. My mother and siblings called me on my
birthday to wish me well, but my dad never reached out.
That's pretty normal though, as he usually forgets what day
my birthday is, so I wasn't mad. A lot of
editors commented that I would regret not compromising and spending

(07:48):
my remaining birthdays with my father, which isn't true. After all,
I grew up as a middle child with a lot
of siblings, and large families often mean you don't end
up knowing your parents that well. They're cool, but we're
not ultra close normally, So this wasn't a big that
they didn't show. All and all, everything turned out well
and there weren't any issues, and that's the end of
that story.

Speaker 3 (08:06):
I bought my nephew a piano lesson and it sparked
an argument with my sister in law.

Speaker 2 (08:12):
That he's so good at piano it's crazy.

Speaker 3 (08:16):
I recently decided that I wanted to shift towards giving
experience based presence instead of material gifts as kids. Tea
seemed to have so many toys already over the last
couple of years. Every time my nephew, who is six
years old, is at my house, he always wants to
play on my piano or asks me to play for him.
By the way, this comes from a total stock thirty
one seventy and if you want to submit your own stories,

(08:37):
go to the rs slash Okay Storytime Supreddit and I'm Angie,
I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advice, goofully,
But we don't have all the answers. We just know
what we would do in these situations. So let us
know what you would do in the comments, and OP says.
I thought it might be nice for his birthday to
gift him piano lessons for a year at our local conservatory.
I asked his parents if they were okay with this,

(08:58):
offered to drive him too and from lessons, and gave
him my extra keyboard for practice. I'm made it clear
that I did not care if he lost interest after
the year, but if he wanted to continue, I would
continue paying the tuition. My main goal was to provide
him an opportunity. He is the perfect age to start,
and he genuinely seems to love music. Both parents said
that they were okay with this gift prior to me

(09:19):
giving it. Of course, my nephew was thrilled when he
received the gift. However, after the party, I got a
text from my sister in law basically telling me to
back off. She said I had no right to infringe
on how they want to raise their child or dictate
what programs he participates in. She went further saying that
if I truly cared about the child's upbringing. I would
buy tuition for skating lessons, as they want him to

(09:41):
play hockey. She added that because I do not have children,
I had no business making decisions about their child's activities.
I have not responded yet because I'm unsure what to say,
and I'm afraid of making things worse. I realized that
I chose piano lessons because I'm a musician and it
is the world that I'm familiar with with. But I
also considered how much my nephew enjoys playing the piano

(10:03):
when he visits. I knew his parents wanted him to
play hockey because they both did as kids, but I
thought it would not hurt for him to explore multiple activities.
Growing up. I did music, skating, swimming, ballet, field hockey,
all at fairly high levels, which I felt contributed to
being well rounded. I also did not want to take
away the parents' special moment of signing him up for

(10:24):
hockey or skating themselves. I am wondering if I overstepped.
I did not have children myself, and I certainly was
not trying to take anything away from them or push
their trial down. A particular path and there is an edit.
But yeah, I do not think you overstepped. I think
you're totally fine.

Speaker 2 (10:41):
I think you should just like reapproach it and be like, hey,
I hear you, But like, I just want to get
clear about where the miscommunication happened, because I thought we
had talked about this and you said it was okay.

Speaker 3 (10:53):
Right, Yeah, I think that would be great. You don't
need to be like too defensive about it, don't need
to be like aggressive at all. Just simple question.

Speaker 2 (11:01):
Like that, because it's like, Okay, you've made it clear
you don't want me to sign your kid up for anything, right,
so I won't. But like, I just want to know
why you said that it was cool and then changed
your mind.

Speaker 3 (11:13):
Yeah, there is an edit. Wow, there's a terrifying number
of responses. Thank you all for taking the time to
share your thoughts. I would not usually post, but I
was deeply hurt and just needed to vent for anyone curious.
I will update once I talk with my brother tonight.
There are some comments. Comment number one says, not the
aghole you asked. They agreed? Now what they're changing their minds?

(11:34):
Why what's really going on? That would be my reply
message I asked you this, you agreed with it. Now
what has changed? Someone else responds, sister in law may
have been hoping that Ope didn't remember getting permission in
advance and would feel guilty enough to pay for all
the hockey gear and lessons and drive him back and forth.
Someone else responds, I think the text was performative. It

(11:55):
was written to show to her family. Comment two says,
my guess is that he liked it better than any
of his other presents, and she feels sad and jealous
and is one of those adults who doesn't have coping
skills for their feelings. I feel like her son can
probably direct her to a Bluey episode that will help her.

Speaker 4 (12:13):
That's pretty good accurate.

Speaker 3 (12:15):
Yeah. Comment three says, not the a whole. As a mother,
I would be absolutely thrilled if someone was willing to
pay for music lessons for my kid. Your nephew was
clearly excited. It was thoughtful of you, especially how you
offer to take him to and from the lessons and
continue paying for them. That's huge. Also, you talked to
them beforehand. I wonder if they privately had a conversation

(12:36):
later changing their minds. Maybe they're feeling insecure that you
would have such a momentous thing to bond over without
them being really involved. Thus the hockey and there is
an update. But yeah, I totally agree with those comments. Yeah,
we do have an update as promised. Here is the update.
I will not impose judgment.

Speaker 4 (12:56):
Just relay what happened.

Speaker 3 (12:58):
Fellow redditors can make a it to what they wish,
and we shall. I show my brother the text my
sister in law sent me and expressed my confusion as
they had both given consent for the gift. My brother
seemed shocked and said that he did not know the
message had been sent.

Speaker 1 (13:13):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (13:13):
He did, however, admit that there had been conversations between
his wife and her family about the gift, and the
tone was not entirely kind. Remarks included you're allowing his
aunt to pick his programming? Why aren't you putting him
in what you want? Along with snarky comments about whistling
and bringing cowbells to a recital, there were also raised

(13:34):
eyebrows about the cost of the gift.

Speaker 2 (13:36):
I'm sorry they were talking about sabotaging the child's piano
recital as a dig at who.

Speaker 3 (13:45):
Ohky, that would just like traumatize this kid and get him,
like just knock his confidence down.

Speaker 4 (13:53):
At a young age.

Speaker 2 (13:54):
Well, these people just blew in from stupid town. Yeah, yeah,
that's not what you do. Absolute you're gonna allow someone
else to pick his programming. Yeah, he's not a computer.

Speaker 1 (14:05):
Right.

Speaker 3 (14:06):
So now we have the answer, at least is that
she just got like bullied by her family into this.

Speaker 2 (14:12):
Yeah, we got it. Her family sucks. That's the answer
we got.

Speaker 3 (14:15):
That's the answer. My brother apologized for not stepping in
and for allowing the family to speak that way about me.
He is generally quiet and non confrontational, which explains but
does not excuse his inaction. I told my brother that
I do not want to cause problems for him and
his family, and suggested that if they wanted, we could
reduce the number of lessons to from six to eight.
It felt wrong to take the lessons away completely. My brother,

(14:39):
who was a high level athlete but also played piano
until he was sixteen, refused the reduction and said that
he had no problem with the full year. He noted
that his son was already talking about the lessons and
asking when they would start. He agreed with the philosophy
that if you are going to try something, you should
have the discipline to see it through for an entire year.

Speaker 2 (14:58):
Yeah, and not to mention it's like this. This happened
because OP was like, yeah, I saw how much he
liked the piano at my place.

Speaker 3 (15:08):
It was totally based on his reaction. Not even like her,
just trying to be a some sort of parent.

Speaker 2 (15:14):
Yeah, she's not scheming, like, yes, and you will make
him fall in love with the piano and he will
never play hockey.

Speaker 4 (15:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (15:23):
Yeah, that's ridiculous. I told him I did not want
this to become an ongoing issue, and then I was
happy to move on as long as everyone else was
okay with it. Within a couple hours, my brother sent
the registration confirmation for context I had. He transferred the
entire tuition to the parents prior to the registration, which
they accepted, but they still needed to complete the registration form.

(15:45):
He sent the confirmation in the group message with his
wife and me and added only that his son will
treasure this gift, which honestly made up for the anxiety
and hurt that I had felt. It is now crickets
from my sister in law, but I'm letting it go.
We may need to discuss it in and eventually, but
once things cool off, and that is the end of
that story.

Speaker 2 (16:04):
I refuse to travel for my sister's wedding because.

Speaker 3 (16:08):
I'm pregnant does add some complications.

Speaker 2 (16:11):
Now, my sister is getting married overseas, which would involve
a eight and a half to nine hour flight. As
soon as I found out I was pregnant, I told
her I wouldn't be able to attend. I didn't make
the decision lightly. I am very risk averse and my
baby's safety is my top priority. She was understandably upset
at the time and asked me to keep thinking about it,

(16:31):
but I said I had and that I didn't want
to take the risk. By the way, this comes from
user natural staff fifty five seventy five And if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay storytime suppurate. I'm to go to I'm Angie,
and we're here to give good advice. Goofly, But we
don't have all the answers. We only know what we
would do, So just let us know what you would
do if you'd do something different. In the comments and

(16:52):
NOP says, now the wedding is less than a month away,
and for the past two months, every time my husband
is about to book his ticket, my mom and sister
call and try to convince me to come. Each time
I've said no. The thing is I want to be
there for my sister. I love her and I know

(17:12):
her wedding will be beautiful, but I'm genuinely scared of air
travel while pregnant, especially long haul. At the time of
the wedding, I'll be around twenty nine to thirty weeks pregnant.
My sister asked me to speak to my doctor, which
I did. My doctor said flying itself is generally fine,
but the bigger risk is being stuck in a country
I don't know well if something goes wrong. He gave

(17:34):
examples of patients who traveled late in pregnancy and ended
up unexpectedly giving birth and being stuck overseas for months.
While I'm currently low risk, that uncertainty really scared me.
I explained all of this to my sister and thought
she understood, but she keeps trying to problem solve it away,
saying I'd only come for two days and that insurance
would cover things, and then I could fly business class, etc.

(17:56):
She's an anesthetist, so she strongly believes everything will be fine.
I hope she's right, but I'm still terrified. What hurts
is that when my husband tried to book his ticket yesterday,
my mom and sister got angry at me and told
him to wait because I might change my mind. The
pressure is building, and I'm starting to wonder if I
should just go to stop the stress and the constant conversations,

(18:17):
even though I don't feel safe or comfortable doing so.
Don't do that. Don't do that, you just say I did.
I'm not willing to take the risk that I give
birth in it overseas and then get stuck there for however,
however long.

Speaker 3 (18:31):
Right, Because then also it's like then stress too from
that whole situation could cause complications in the pregnancy, and
I could probably, like, it's very possible that you could
have it premature, I think.

Speaker 2 (18:44):
Right, if you get stressed enough, it's like that could
actually prompt you to release the baby.

Speaker 3 (18:50):
It'd be like a self fulfilling prophecy.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
Yeah, and you don't want that, so let's not do it.
I know I'm anxious and risk averse, but I also
know I feel safe staying where I am close to
my healthcare and support system. I'm scared for myself and
my baby. Yet I feel incredibly guilty for missing such
an important moment in my sister's life. So I am
I the a hole for standing my ground and not going,

(19:13):
even though my sister really wants me there. There's an
edit here. It is a destination wedding, and that's fine
if it makes my sister happy. I'm happy for she
lives ten minutes from me, but she planned this a
long time ago and she can't change anything, although I
know she would if she could. The wedding will be
in the Philippines. Shout out Keon. Thank you to everyone

(19:34):
who commented. I understand some people have traveled with no
issues and some have experienced problems, but it's about how
I feel in the end. Thank you for helping me
see this. The first time my husband was booking his ticket,
I happened to be on the phone with my sister
and that's when she started getting angry with me. She said,
before he books his ticket, I must let her know
or she'll be mad at me forever. At this point,

(19:56):
we're just going to get his ticket and hope she
won't be too upset with me. I suggested my husband
not go because they keep delaying it by getting upset,
and this made them even more upset. What do you want?
I know what you want, but like, what do you
actually want? Because I'm not going, I can't go, so
what do you want? Come on? I would feel better

(20:17):
if he were with me, but their reaction was worse.
So he is going for both of us, which is okay.
I'm just going to say no, and that's my answer.
She doesn't need the reasoning. I'm pregnant is enough. I'm
feeling really conflicted and could use some outside opinions and
we do have an update. I think all you can
do is just stand firm and be like, look, if

(20:39):
you guys got to just respect my decision. You know, yep,
I'm having a baby, like that's that's my priority, number one.
And there is a higher than zero percent probability that
I might end up giving birth to my baby in
a foreign country if I go to your wedding it
thirty weeks pregnant, So I'm I'm just not going to

(21:00):
do it.

Speaker 3 (21:01):
Yeah, And I wonder too, like how these conversations are
being had, because I I wonder if ope just needs
to like reassure or reassure the sister that like I
really do want like I would love to go. I
want to be there to support you. Maybe we can
do something else to celebrate.

Speaker 2 (21:21):
Yeah, ahead of time, maybe you know, something for us.

Speaker 3 (21:24):
Yeah, Like I wonder if maybe she just needs more
reassurance because she, like the sister, might not feel like
she's cared about I guess in this situation.

Speaker 2 (21:33):
I mean, like it is a crazy thing to be like, oh,
you're concerned about your pregnancy, your prioritizing your pregnancy. It's like, yeah, dude,
I am yeah, sorry, yeah, like you know, I'm essentially
ten weeks out from the do date at that point,
which yeah, and then that's also like if you do
have a premature birth, then that's like a complication and

(21:53):
you're like, yeah, I want to be I don't want
to be in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar you know,
the hospitals and familiar doctors when I have like a
pregnancy complication. Like that's crazy. But we have an update update.
Things escalated today. Oh no. My sister messaged both my
husband and me separately about a good flight she found

(22:16):
for the two of us, and she wanted to book
it today my husband was at work, but replied, letting
her know that I wasn't going to change my mind
and that this situation has been causing me a lot
of stress, which isn't good for me or the baby.
She then called me. At first she said, it's okay,
you aren't coming. I felt an enormous sense of relief

(22:37):
and thanked her, but unfortunately that didn't last, because she
then started listing everything she's done for me in the
past and said I couldn't even do one simple thing
for her. I didn't want to argue or make things worse,
so I kept apologizing and told her her wedding would
still be beautiful and amazing regardless, and that upset her further.

(22:58):
She said everyone was disappointed in me and that she
would never forget this, and said several other things that
felt very personal and hurtful. I mostly stayed quiet, apologized again,
and calmly repeated that I wasn't going to change my mind.
One comment that really hurt was when she said, what
if something worse happens where you are and nobody is there,
then you'll regret that, and you should regret that. That

(23:22):
was extremely upsetting to hear, especially while anxious and all
while pregnant and already anxious. Yeah, like low keys. She's like, yeah, well,
you know what, if you don't come, I kind of
hope something bad happens to you and then you'll learn
your lesson that you should have gone to my wedding. Yeah,
it's like, that's the sane, pretty gross, dude.

Speaker 3 (23:40):
It's like, well, great, now my husband just won't come
to your wedding. Now he'll be with me.

Speaker 2 (23:44):
Yeah that's it. Oh, good point. I'll cancel my husband's
flight that way he can be here with me. Thanks
for pointing that out.

Speaker 3 (23:50):
God that she's totally the a whole hope he doesn't
need to respond apologize for anything.

Speaker 2 (23:56):
Yeah, we're fully in a whole territory now. We weren't before,
but we are now. I responded by saying that at
least where I am, I have my hospital, doctors and
support system close by. Still, the implication that I would
deserve regret if something went wrong felt cruel and has
been weighing heavily on me since. After the call. I

(24:18):
felt absolutely awful. I'm really sad about how she reacted
and how things were said. I love my sister, and
part of me feels like she just needed to vent
her frustration, but it's still hurt a lot. At this point,
I know I need to rip the band aid off
and just book my husband's ticket. I also know that
once I do, there will likely be anger directed at

(24:39):
me again, but my decision is made. I'm devastated to
disappoint her, but I truly believe I'm doing what's best
for my baby and myself. I'm trying to accept that
I can't control her reaction, and all I can do
is hold my boundary and send my love. Even though
I'm heartbroken about how this has played out, everyone in
the comment section is right, I just need to move on.

(25:00):
I don't want to stress and impact the baby, so
I'm trying not to think about it.

Speaker 4 (25:05):
As much as possible.

Speaker 2 (25:06):
And that is the end of that story.

Speaker 3 (25:08):
My family ignored my plans, and I feel like nobody
cares about me.

Speaker 2 (25:13):
Why doesn't anybody care about me?

Speaker 3 (25:16):
I thirty five female, am a recovering people pleaser. This
year has been rough, but I have also experienced a
large amount of growth, and I am trying to lean
into what feels right for me good. I'm currently going
through a separation from my children's father. Five male and
seventeen month mail. By the way, this comes from Kate
kat three six nine And if you want to submit

(25:38):
your own stories, go to the r slash Okay story
time Sepreddit And I'm Angie.

Speaker 2 (25:42):
I'm Dakota, and we're here to give.

Speaker 3 (25:44):
Good advice goofily, but we don't have all the answers.
We just know we would do in these situations, so
let us know what you do in the comments. And
Opie says, I live about sixty miles for my parents
and my sister, and my brother lives more than eight
hours away. My brother thirty four, had his first daughter
earlier this year and asked us to spend Thanksgiving with them.

(26:05):
Originally I was going to ask to host Thanksgiving because
I wasn't sure how the holidays would play out with
my ex. But I ended up taking the boys, so
we made the trip down. It was a lot of
time in the car for the kids, but I'm truly
glad we made it down for them to meet their
cousin and for everyone to be together. When Thanksgiving was
finalized back in October, I sent out a message asking

(26:26):
to host Christmas Eve because that was the only day
that I had my kids. This message was ignored. I
am exchanging them with my ex on Christmas Eve so
they can make a trip down to see his family.
It's not ideal, but unfortunately that's the way it is.
This year, my sister, thirty one female, bought a house
at the end of November and generally sees her husband
husband's family on Christmas Eve. Before they closed on the house,

(26:49):
she asked to host Christmas Eve. I explained my reasons
for wanting to host, but they were mainly overlooked or
met with logistical ideas for ways to fix the issues.
It's not ideal, but ultimately I made the decision to
go to her house on Christmas Eve. It means more
time in the car for my kids, usually an hour
and a half trip without traffic, but it can be

(27:11):
upwards of three hours and I will have to leave
fairly early. But it was pretty much made out to
be that if I don't go, my kids won't see
my family at all. For Christmas this year, generally my
family does a secret Santa, but this year they decided
on White Elephant. When my mom sent out the message
saying we'd exchange. On Christmas Day, I said that I

(27:31):
would like to host Christmas Day at my house. This
was again met with gripe, this time from my brother
saying it would be a lot because they are leaving
the day after Christmas and it's a lot of time
in the car for his daughter, which is valid. I
completely understand the realities of traveling with small kids. However,
his daughter will be flying up with his wife, so

(27:51):
there will be less time in the car, and I
also offered for them to stay here because I'm actually
closer to his house and it would lessen his drive
buy an hour. I know packing and unpacking with kids
is a pain, but being that yeah, my youngest is
only a year older than his daughter and he will
be with his dad.

Speaker 4 (28:11):
I have a lot of what.

Speaker 3 (28:12):
My niece would need, and she could sleep in my
son's gript. We had a discussion where I was very
clear this Christmas is going to be hard for me
without my kids, and I want to be grounded and
being home is where I feel most grounded. Once I
made my decision, I also sent a note to my
parents explaining that I would be staying home for Christmas.
Anyone who wants to come is welcome, but I need

(28:33):
this Christmas to be easier on me since I am
already grieving not having my children. Once again, I was
met with crickets. I was texting with my uncle and
he was asking what my kids want for Christmas. I
also mentioned how hard that day would be for me,
and he mentioned that the logistics of Christmas Eve didn't
make sense to him. He then mentioned that if there
was a good Chinese food restaurant in my area, he

(28:56):
and I could recreate the scene from a Christmas story.
I found and made a reservation. All of this with
my family was really weighing on me. I felt like
in a year I needed people, they weren't showing up.
So I sent a message about a week ago, just
laying out how I feel, how this is a really
tough year for me. My kids will be doing a
lot of traveling between Thanksgiving, then my family on Christmas Eve,

(29:19):
and my ex's family on Christmas Day. Once again I
was met with surface level empathy and more logistical solutions.
A few days later, my mom asked if we had
decided on Christmas. I said, as I have said before,
I want to be home. It was then brought up
that my uncle mentioned to my sister going to the
Chinese restaurant. Now, yes, maybe I should have reached out

(29:41):
to ask if anyone wanted to come, but I had
already said multiple times that I wanted to be home
and was met with crickets. My brother got upset that
I was making plans with just me and my uncle.
I made it very clear to anyone who wanted to
come was welcome, and I would update the reservation. He
then asked where the restaurant was and if I was
open to finding somewhere more in the middle. I said no,

(30:04):
but what are your thoughts on all this?

Speaker 2 (30:06):
Don't know, it just seems like everyone's being very like
not understanding to you. You're just like this is gonna
be really rough for me, and I just want it
to be as not rough as possible. So I'm staying
home and anyone who wants to come here can come,
and yeah, we're gonna get Chinese food, and anyone who

(30:27):
wants to come can come, but it's gonna be at
that restaurant.

Speaker 3 (30:32):
Yeah, I feel like understanding Op's like usual family dynamics
would help in this situation, Like is it the kind
of thing where this family is just very like logical
and kind of ignores emotions with problems or do they
are they usually pretty sympathetic, like because if it was

(30:54):
the first one, then I would be like, guys, come on,
please understand emotions, Like everything needs to be the most
like logical efficient thing.

Speaker 2 (31:05):
Maybe it's that, uh, maybe maybe Op's family thinks they
they are to blame for the separation and so that's
why they're not very sympathetic.

Speaker 3 (31:14):
Ooo, that's a theory right there.

Speaker 2 (31:17):
To be honest, we didn't really hear anything about why
we didn't. So if the separation is because someone did
a little dastardly deed, yeah, maybe that's why your family's like,
oh god, so you ruined it and now you need
special attention.

Speaker 3 (31:34):
Yeah, because yeah, I feel like I need more information
because part of me does feel like, well, I mean,
I get that it would be hard, but I guess
I just don't really know the extent of it, and
I feel like it makes more sense that, like the
driving with the kids for so long for Christmas Eve,
that would be harder to do. But then I also
think that like if your brother is eight hours away

(31:56):
and you're expecting him to just come all that way,
just because like, you want to be home for Christmas, Like,
I don't know if that's something that I would prioritize
over like the eight hour drive.

Speaker 2 (32:07):
Yeah, And honestly, I just think it'd be cooler if
your family was like, all right, okay, you want an
easy Christmas. You don't want to, you know, because it's
there's a lot going on on quit miss. And if
you're like, hey, you just needed to be calm and
you need to sending yourself, that's okay. We're not going
to take that personally, because clearly you're going through something.

Speaker 3 (32:29):
Yeah. Yesterday I got a text from my sister saying
that she and her husband are going to stay home
for Christmas. She was upset with how things played out
and felt overlooked and uncomfortable. Then my mom said that
she and my dad would be getting brunch with my
brother and his family in the morning and then come
to me for dinner. Now I feel like an a hole.
I can admit I probably didn't go about the reservation

(32:50):
the right way, But honestly, I said multiple times that
I wanted to be home and I was ignored. Am
I the a hole? And there are some comments coming
one says, not the a hole. You're not asking for
anything unreasonable. You're asking for compassion during a really painful transition.
You're already bending over backwards for Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve,
and it's okay to draw a line somewhere. Wanting to

(33:12):
be in your own home, especially on a day you
won't even have your kid, is completely valid. The fact
that your family responded with silence instead of empathy says
more about them than you. Coming Number two says, not
the a whole. Maybe being together on Christmas Eve should
be enough and then y'all go your separate ways on
Christmas Day, or your parents could take turns. You did
nothing wrong. Your requests were ignored and I don't know

(33:34):
why you didn't get them on the phone and ask
why they were ignoring the texts. Do that? Stop this
texting nonsense, Take care and I'm sorry you were going
through this. And that's the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (33:46):
Hey, this is Riley, your favorite Southern Bale. We're going
to get back to these stories. But here's three minutes
worth of that or our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (33:54):
My father called my little brother a mistake, so I
took him away from them. That may my jaw drop
to the floor. My twenty three female little brother thirteen
male is the smiliest boy ever. He's extremely cheeky and
talks a lot. He also gets into a lot of
trouble at school. Not too bad. It's usually just your

(34:17):
son keeps interrupting class. Your son doesn't listen to instructions.
Your son is very loud on the bus. Your son
may be a bit distracting at times. Like I said,
not too bad, my dad forty five male says otherwise.
By the way, this comes from Throwaway one eight two,
eight two nine two, and if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

(34:38):
I'm Carly and I'm Savannah, and we're here to give
good advice. Goofully, But we don't have all the answers.
We only know what we would do. Let us know
what you would do in the comments. As Opie says,
my dad and brother don't have the best relationship. In fact,
they seem to argue every day. I think it's because
my brother isn't the ideal son my dad wanted. Bro

(34:59):
is an art kid. Dad is a typical sports guy.
I know it isn't right to take sides, but my
dad is being a bit much with my brother. He's
a good kid, just with a lot of energy. He
gets good grades too, so there isn't really much my
dad can use against him. Two days ago, my brother
got into trouble at school again. Apparently he was talking

(35:20):
while the teacher was talking, and when asked to leave
the classroom, he refused. I definitely think there is something
else that isn't being revealed because my brother doesn't do that.
He'd crack a joke or too, but he wouldn't just
swear at a teacher for no reason. My brother hates
it when people swear. My dad didn't care if the
situation seemed odd. Nope, not at all. He just picked

(35:43):
him up from school and shouted at him. According to
my mom, my dad called him a mistake, a headache,
and a sorry excuse for a son. He also made
comments about whether he was straight and asked him why
he looked like a girl. Then, to top it all off,
he threw who away my brother's favorite sketch book. I
went over immediately tried to talk to him, but on

(36:05):
the first day my dad refused to let me in.
My brother left me on red when I texted him
and didn't answer any of my calls. I went back
again yesterday, and the whole time my brother stayed in
his room and refused to talk to me. He didn't
go to school or anything either, He just stayed in
his room all day. I tried talking to him earlier
today again, but he just ignored me. I asked my

(36:28):
parents why he isn't going to school. He wasn't suspended
or anything, and my mom just shrugged and said that
dad would deal with it. She also said that he
wasn't talking to anyone, so I shouldn't worry too much.
Now my mom's getting on my nerves too. This is
literally my last resort. I desperately need advice on how
I can get my brother to talk to me. I

(36:50):
need him to see that I'm there for him and
that I love him and that he isn't a mistake.
But I just don't know how. We had Some comments commented.
One says, Oh, so, I'm wondering if he has add
or ADHD. Could explain his behavior, not that it's bad
or anything, but could be why he's so chatty all
the time. Also, kids with this condition can also be

(37:11):
very sensitive to criticism and their self confidence can be
very fragile. Opie responds, I don't believe he has ADD
or at ADHD. I asked my aunt as well, and
she doesn't think he has either as well. Thank you, though,
I think, like someone else commented, he just gets bored
really easily. Obviously his behavior isn't the best, but it's

(37:31):
really not that big of a deal. Like I said,
he's a good kid. A deleted commenter says, even if
he has ADHD, he'd still be a good kid. Opie said,
of course he would, no doubt about it. I just
mentioned that his behavior isn't bad enough for my dad
to shout at him so much. And also even if
he was a bad kid, which obviously he's not, I

(37:51):
still don't ever think that that's reason to say those
horrible things to a kid. No, not at all, Like,
no matter what they like, do you still never say that. Yeah,
it's just like how good?

Speaker 5 (38:01):
How could you like to your own like flesh and blood,
like to just say like you you aren't meant to be,
you know.

Speaker 4 (38:09):
A part of him? Everybody?

Speaker 3 (38:10):
That's like awful.

Speaker 4 (38:11):
Yeah, Opie replying to a big comment, My mom is
pretty weak, but she would always stand up for me
when I was younger and my dad got mad, so
I have no clue as to why she's acting so odd. Heck,
my dad wasn't ever this bad to me. I was
worried about him not eating as well, but my mom
reassured that she's keeping him fed. I don't really believe her,
but I'm going back in an hour or two to

(38:33):
talk to my brother again. Thanks for your input. Another
commenter says it's not wrong to take sides. You should
take sides your brother's side. He is a thirteen year
old boy who's been fish slapped in the fave by
his own stupid ahole of a father. Tell your father
he's a wanker, and your brother that you love him

(38:53):
exactly how he is, and that you'll try everything to
keep him safe and happy because he's a great brother.
Opie said, I did tell my dad he was being
an a hole, but he just rolled his eyes and
continued to insult my brother. I've texted my brother, etc.
Just to tell him that I love him and that
he's absolutely perfect the way he is. I know he's
read them. I just hope that will be enough until

(39:15):
I go over in some time. Uh ope, you're replying
to a deleted comment. Yeah, I've made it really clear
to my parents about whose side I'm on. I texted
my brother those exact words from him. As for him
coming over, it's completely possible. My friend also roommate, is
pretty well off and space isn't an issue. Plus, it
won't be super awkward considering my brother knows her pretty well.

(39:38):
I plan on asking if he wants to stay with me,
bless you. I plan on asking if he wants to
stay with me for a bit. Hopefully I'm able to
see him tonight. Another commenter says they literally told him
he wasn't wanted in an accident. Opie says that's the thing, though,
he wasn't. I remember my mom and dad saying they
wanted another baby very clearly. I was around ten years

(40:00):
old when he was born. The only thing wrong with
my brother is that he doesn't do sports. That's it.
His constant chattering isn't even that big of an issue
for my parents, if I'm being honest. A deleted commenter says,
your parents are harmful not letting you in the house,
throwing his sketchbooks, calling him slurs. This is mistreatment. Protect

(40:20):
your brother from it, please. They are the worst kind
of human beings, Opie says. They were never as bad
with me, so I guess I never saw it as harmful.
I'm going to do my very best to get him
out of the house. I don't care if my parents
get mad or my brother ignores me. I will make
sure I talk to him or at least see him tonight.
Thanks for the advice, The Baddest Patsy says, Yeah, A

(40:44):
lot of the time you don't recognize mistreatment when it
happens to you, either of them, for a bunch of reasons.
One is that you always know or hear of someone
else who has it worse, and it makes what you
go through feel trivial. Another is your parents literally define
what normal reality to you. Another is that a lot
of very harmful parents are really adept at hiding it

(41:06):
by toying with your mind. They'll talk crap about real
they know, often their own parents who did it worse,
or talk other crap about normal families being all namby
pamby and raising weak, spoiled kids. And the main one
is they convince you it's all of your fault, Opie says, Wow,

(41:26):
thank you for the information. But they truly weren't ever
harmful to me. I used to have issues with my weight,
but my parents helped me through it. If I failed
to class in high school, they would come from me
instead of getting mad. They weren't perfect, but they were
genuinely good parents. I think something switched in the last
few years after certain issues with extended family. But how

(41:47):
they were with me, honestly doesn't matter. They are being
harmful negligent towards my little brother, and that is all
that matters. We have an update three days later.

Speaker 5 (41:57):
But I mean, I think that Opie, like this is
obviously like something that your parents need to work on,
and I think it.

Speaker 4 (42:05):
Is like a oh studio mode. It's the double yeah.

Speaker 5 (42:10):
I think Opee, you are doing the right thing and
trying to get your parents to you know, like well,
not trying to get your parents to do anything, but
you trying to remove your you know not soun Opa.
I think that you are doing the right thing and
trying to get your brother out of that toxic situation,
because I do feel like it is it's very toxic

(42:33):
for him to stay in that and to like listen
to all of this and I don't know if, honestly,
it could get any better, because that's a hard thing
to just come back from to like being like you
are an accident, you are unwanted like that is hard
to just you know, no matter what age you are,
you could be thirteen, you could be thirty two, you

(42:55):
could be seventy five. Like that's just a hard thing
to hear as a person, as a human being. And
so I just think, I don't know how he's supposed
to bounce back from that, but I think the first thing.

Speaker 4 (43:07):
Is removing him from the house would be like the
first step. I agree. Update three days later, my brother's fine.
He looked absolutely horrible and was a complete mess, but
he was all right. I went over last night and
my mom let me in. I explained to her that
my brother will call him NICKI, good stay with me
for a while. She was easily convinced. My dad just

(43:29):
told me to make sure Niki doesn't ruin my life,
to which I responded to with a big F you.

Speaker 3 (43:35):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (43:36):
He was kind of stunned, but whatever, I absolutely hate
him right now. I took everyone's advice and basically told
Nicki that I was here for him. I told him
that I loved him and that my dad was a
major a hole. I told him that I'd buy him
more art supplies if he'd like, and I told him
that he could stay with me for a while. It
took some time, but my brother unlocked the door and

(43:57):
basically just sobbed in my arms. It was probably the
most heartbreaking moment of my life. My brother just kept
crying and crying, and all my parents did was roll
their eyes. As of right now, he's fast asleep at
my place and we're going to go shopping for stuff later.
He'll also go back to school after the weekend. Oh
my god, though, that's so heart break, so heartbreaking. Yeah,

(44:20):
the fact that he's like breaking down and they're like
like this again, like shut up, horrible parents.

Speaker 5 (44:26):
Yeah, there is obviously something troubling this kid, which like
outside of like you know, everything that happened with the parents,
there has to be like, you know, other things maybe
with school, like maybe there's like bullying situations or something
like that you know he's also dealing with. Because it
like this is just crazy to think that, like, you know,
and also for them to like.

Speaker 4 (44:45):
Not take him to school and just be like.

Speaker 5 (44:47):
Whatever, Yeah, Yeah, it's just like why, Like you said,
you wanted this kid, and now you're making him feel
like it's his fault. That's crazy. Yeah, that like gives
me chills and like makes me angry.

Speaker 4 (44:58):
We got a little bit left ah and some people
asked if he was in the closet or had ADHD,
and to that, all I have to say is that
if he was a part of the LGBT community, or
if he did have ADHD, I would still love him
all the same. I told him that as well, less directly, obviously,
and he just smiled. He was pretty exhausted last night,

(45:19):
as his older sister, who raised him ever since he
was a little baby. These past few days were really tough,
but they were much harder on my brother. He is
definitely going to be staying with me for a while,
and although I can't guarantee anything, I have school and work.
I'll try my absolute heart as to protect him from
my parents. Thank you to everyone who gave advice and

(45:39):
supported and thank you so much for worrying about Nikki.
I really appreciate it. We have some final comments. Top
FM says, I am not a violent person, but I
want to knock your father's teeth out. You did good.
Another commenter says I'm not either, but I would be
waiting in line. Another commenter says, my dad told me

(46:02):
with venom when I was seventeen that I have a
black heart and I'll never change. He went on about
why I would even pretend to be a good person
when I'm obviously not. He was angry about something so
small and unimportant. The next day he apologized by saying,
I'm sorry you got upset. I'm now in my thirties

(46:22):
and I will never forget what he said. I can
honestly say that those few words changed my life. It
took me a long time to get out of the
depression that followed and to learn to love and accept myself.
My dad and I have a decent relationship now, but
I don't love him. I'm really, really sorry for your brother.
He needs to know that your dad is a liar
and that he is wanted and loved. And one last

(46:45):
commenter says, practical advice, document, document, document, Keep all receipts
and document the story with as many corroborating details as
you can. It is better to have this ready in
case your parents try to lose their venom on you
than to have to scramble. I can visualize them calling
the cops or protective services saying you kidnapped him. He

(47:06):
is very lucky to have you in his life. Please
keep being the wonderful person you are. That is the end.
I yeah, I agree to keep a record of everything
because these parents sound like they'd be evengeful terrible people.
And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go
to the next one.

Speaker 5 (47:23):
I want to revoke my sister in law's party invitation
because she doesn't change.

Speaker 4 (47:28):
You can't come anymore.

Speaker 5 (47:30):
For context, I am twenty seven female and my sister
in law is thirty two female. I will call her Sarah.
We do not get along. We were very close at
one point, but two years ago my brother and Sarah
got into a very heated argument that escalated. By the way,
this comes from a non pi pimon. A non pimon

(47:50):
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. I am Savannah,
I'm Carly, and we are here to give some good
advice goofully.

Speaker 4 (47:58):
But obviously we don't have all the answer.

Speaker 5 (48:00):
We'd only tell you what we would do in this situation,
but would love to know what you would do in
this situation. In the comments, as OPI says, she asked
for my opinion and I told her she was wrong.
After that, she threatened me and I have not spoken
her since. She has since moved back to her hometown
and I look after her daughter, who is eleven female,
while she attends a private school in my city. I

(48:23):
am hosting a Christmas dinner this year, and everyone except
Sarah was invited initially. Later, my brother told me that
she would be alone for the holidays. The thing to
note about Sarah is that she is very self absorbed.
She is only nice to you if you agree with
her all the time and take her side. Even when
she is wrong. She will gaslight you even if you

(48:44):
have evidence. She essentially has no friends because of this,
and her family no longer speaks to her. I felt
bad given our past relationship and said she could come
as long as she agrees to be civil at all times. Recently, however,
her daughter had a Chris Smiths party. I bought her
a cute and appropriate outfit that suits her style, and

(49:05):
she was very excited to wear it. Sarah called her
and asked to see what she would be wearing. When
she saw the outfit, she instantly became upset and told
her she could not wear it. Her daughter insisted that
it was what she wanted to wear, and when Sarah
realized her daughter was not going to listen, she stated,
if you want to look like a grandma and go
to your party, fine, and quickly hung up on her daughter.

(49:29):
I was upset because instead of being understanding of her
daughter's opinions, she chose to insult her and hang up.
This also showed me that over the past few years, Sarah.

Speaker 4 (49:39):
Is still the same.

Speaker 5 (49:41):
I no longer want her to come to the dinner.
My mom has stated that it would be a knucklehead move.
I am wondering if I would be the a hole
to rescind my invitation.

Speaker 4 (49:52):
I don't think that you'd be the a hole to
take away the invitation, But I also would lean slightly
to the side of like, can we just put up
with her for one more event and then just not
invite her to future one? Yeah, because I feel like
rescinding it could cause more drama with the whole family
than like just dealing with her one more time could

(50:14):
be Yeah, But she also sounds annoying. Yeah, no, she
sounds like a nightmare.

Speaker 5 (50:18):
She does sound like very you know, like self absorbed,
no one cares about herself.

Speaker 4 (50:21):
Whatever. I guess it would for me come down to, like,
would she ruin her eleven year old's day? In which case, like, yeah,
then maybe you consider it for like the sake of
the kids and stuff.

Speaker 5 (50:33):
Yeah, And plus like it seems like nobody really likes her. Yeah,
and like you know, she kind of did this to herself,
so like, you know, reap the consequences of your own actions.

Speaker 4 (50:43):
I guess.

Speaker 2 (50:43):
Uh.

Speaker 5 (50:43):
Commentar one says mom is right, it wouldn't be good
to rescind based upon the conversation she had with her
own daughter. You would be the a hole. That being said,
if you called the mom and had a conversation about her,
making the daughter feel bad about her outfit, and that
conversation turned out ugly and mom got belligerent, you could
use that as a reason to uninvite her. Ope responds,

(51:05):
Thanks for responding. Your approach does seem more reasonable. I
may just try that. First comment or two says ask
the daughter how she feels about her mom coming, Ope responds,
After her disagreement with her mom, she doesn't want to
be around her right now, but I know she'll want
her around for the holidays itself. Opie clarifies on the
relationship with her sister in law and what the issue

(51:28):
and what was the issue that caused op and sister
in law to stop speaking with each other. Opie says,
this is my brother's wife. Their argument was about her
staying in contact with her a fair partner.

Speaker 4 (51:40):
Ooh, well you shouldn't stow that.

Speaker 3 (51:44):
Wow wow, Wow.

Speaker 4 (51:46):
That makes sense. Why anyone would be mad at that? What? Wow?
And we invited her to why Yeah.

Speaker 5 (51:53):
She wanted me to take her side, but I told
her what she was doing was wrong if she wanted
to save her marriage. She threatens in me that I
would never see her daughter again, and that she better
not ever see me by chance, insinuating, and she would
hurt me.

Speaker 4 (52:05):
I suppose.

Speaker 5 (52:06):
Comment to three says, so does niece live with you
or you watch her when brother is at work or what?
I would just tell your brother and let him deal
with it. She's going to be a problem, no doubt
about it. Opie says, she lives with me right now.
My brother works overseas. Sad to say this, but my
brother is a bit of a doormat. He tends to
take his wife's side to appease her over his daughter's side.

(52:29):
Comment To four says, so you raise your niece. Neither
your brother or her mom have custody. How often do
they see her? Opie responds, they have custody of their daughter.
I look after her because I live closest to the
private school she attends. Her mom moved back to her
hometown because she opened a business there and her dad
works in another country. Commenter five says, she threatened me

(52:51):
that I would never see her daughter again, and that
she better not ever see me by chance, insinuating she
would hurt me. I suppose from the Opie's comment that
puts a different spin on I would probably tell your
niece that it is her decision whether her mom comes
to Christmas. If she wants to include her, you'll be
civil and polite as long as she conducts herself accordingly.
But if at any time niece wants her to leave,

(53:14):
all she has to do is tell you. That is
a lot to put on an eleven year old, but
it also gives her choice. Opie responds, Honestly, I think
you're right I'll have to reach out to her mom
first and set some boundaries regarding the dinner and talk
with my niece after.

Speaker 4 (53:29):
Thanks for your comment.

Speaker 5 (53:31):
This is Opie on if her brother is actually divorcing
his wife since since ster in law moved back to
her hometown. Opie responds, No, they are still together and
it doesn't seem like they'll be getting a divorce anytime soon.
I'm not sure if she still talks to the affair partner. Uh,
my brother is the one who wanted me to invite
her to the dinner. She would have stayed with my grandmother.

(53:52):
I'm sure she just threatened me out of anger. She
tends to do that and helps everyone moves on from
the harsh thing, she says, without ever apologizing for it.
Will's niece go live with her mother full time if
sister in law decides to come and pull her daughter
from the private school. O Pie responds, thank you for
your response. Thankfully, my niece's parents have an agreement that
she should graduate before she goes back to live with

(54:14):
her mom full time. No, the daughter is with me
because I live closest to the private school she is attending.
The mother lives about three hours away from the school.
The parents have an agreement that she will not be
pulled out of school by either of them, and there
is an update. I hope I am updating correctly. After
reading everyone's comments, I made the decision to simply talk

(54:34):
to Sarah good. I called her last night. I didn't
mention anything about the conversation she had with her daughter,
and instead kept the call focused on the dinner and
my expectations. I told her that I understand we hadn't
talked in about two years, but I wanted to clear
the air if we were going to be around each
other for the holidays. I explained that I was hoping
to have an uneventful holiday surrounded by the people closest

(54:55):
to me. I even said I would be happy to
have her over because it would make her daughter very happy.

Speaker 4 (55:01):
That's so nice, Like she freezes that great. Yeah, Like
I know.

Speaker 5 (55:04):
That this makes me uncomfortable, but if it's gonna do
good for your daughter, then that's fine with you know,
very mature mindset.

Speaker 4 (55:10):
Love that guys.

Speaker 5 (55:11):
I do not know where communication got twisted, but she
got so upset. What what no I would been?

Speaker 4 (55:17):
I also saw that coming. Yeah, I also saw that coming.
But I was. I really thought that Opie got her. Well,
hope he did great, But yeah, if he did great,
girl does suck. Yeah, this lady's just a freak.

Speaker 5 (55:29):
I'm also very proud of myself for having recorded the
phone call so she can't twist my words or anything
like that. She went on a full rant, saying she
did so much for me and my family and that
we should have been understanding of her talking about her
affair here.

Speaker 4 (55:42):
Lol. What how are you like just a flying an
affair and you should be grateful about my affair? Actually, yeah,
you guys should took.

Speaker 5 (55:51):
My side and still talking to him when it's like
your brother that I'm cheating on.

Speaker 4 (55:56):
Bro, you had an affair, own up to it.

Speaker 5 (55:58):
Yeah, what trying to make everyone pity you or like
feel bad like that?

Speaker 2 (56:03):
Right? Wild?

Speaker 5 (56:04):
This lady, mind you, she's the one that dragged us
into her drama back then because she was hoping we
would have her back support her affair, which who would
do that. We tend to stay out of their marriage
drama unless it concerns their daughter. Anyway, she uninvited herself.
She said she was offended I would call her and
make her feel like a bad person for bringing up

(56:25):
the past. I mentioned nothing about the affair.

Speaker 4 (56:28):
Lol. There is some more, but well, problem solved. She said,
I just won't come. Yeah. She sounds like a freaking nightmare.
Sounds terrible.

Speaker 5 (56:36):
She sounds like no matter what you do, no matter
if it's like proven in evidence or not or opinion,
it's all just gonna like fall back on someone else.
Be like, I don't know why you guys aren't taking
my side with my bad behavior.

Speaker 4 (56:48):
And she's a stinky cheater. Yeah, so I don't know.
I got a little bit left.

Speaker 5 (56:53):
She said she didn't want to be around us anyway,
that my brother was the one who wanted her there,
which is a lie since he had sent me a
screenshot of her asking to be invited. Because I didn't
believe him when he said she wanted to be with
us for the holiday. I didn't mention this to her
and just said okay, take care before hanging up. That
is the end of my little saga. Thank you to

(57:14):
everyone who commented yesterday. I'm glad I took this approach,
because if I had simply uninvited her, I would have
been second guessing myself the entire time, wondering if she
had changed at all, a little naive thinking, but I'm
okay with this outcome. Have a happy and safe holiday everyone.
That is the end of this story.

Speaker 4 (57:34):
Will Will Will looks plug itself out.

Speaker 5 (57:37):
Yeah, looks like she just decided to do her own
thing once again and be on her own. If that's
what she likes, then cool. Yeah, but I do it
then yeah cool. If you want to be miserable, go ahead,
just leave.

Speaker 4 (57:50):
Us out of it. And that's the end of this story.
We're gonna go to the next one.

Speaker 2 (57:54):
Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here, and we're
going to get back to the stories. But here's three
minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (58:02):
I discovered my brother and best friend's relationship that they
hid for months.

Speaker 3 (58:07):
WHOA what you hot in there?

Speaker 4 (58:10):
Bro? My brother forty four male and I thirty six
female didn't always have the best relationship growing up, but
in the last few years we got closer, especially after
we lost both our parents and all our other closest
family members. By the way, this comes from the Row
Away Away six seven eight six seven eight, And if

(58:31):
you want us to make your own stories, go to
the rsage. Okay, storytime Supreddit. I'm Carly and I'm Savannah,
and we're here to give good advice. Goofily, but we
don't have all the answers. We really know what we
would do, so let us know what you would do
in the comments. As Opie says, the last one was
our mother in twenty twenty three, which was the hardest
because she was a wonderful, loving human being. She was

(58:53):
not just our mother but our friend. In that period,
I also started therapy because I suffer from a depression,
and after losing her, I was at a new low
and knew I needed help. After that, we kept close contact.
We messaged each other daily. He called me every day
on his way home from work, and we tried to
do lunch or dinner together every Sunday or so. Come

(59:15):
spring twenty twenty five, my brother started to be more distant.
He didn't call me as much, maybe once a week
or less, and he didn't come around on a frequent basis.
We still messaged every day, and I knew he was
busy with work, so I gave him his space. He's
a person who sometimes needs to be left alone, and
I've learned not to push, but to just be there

(59:37):
for him. I sometimes invited him to do things like
going somewhere or eating with me, or with me and
my friends. He rarely accepted, to the point of not
coming to my birthday dinner, but sometimes he did. In
September we had a bad fallout. I had the old
family dog Rocky with me years ago. My brother proposed

(59:57):
splitting expenses for him because he it was also his
and I agreed. In the meantime, I got another dog, Luna,
to keep Rocky company. She had to learn to pee outside,
so I had to buy lots of peapads for the
house in those last months. Luna learned to pee outside,
but Rocky was very old seventeen years and started to

(01:00:18):
pee in the house, especially at night. Since I was
now buying pea pads basically for Rocky, I asked my
brother if he was okay with splitting the cost He replied,
I think this is BS and a beggar thing to ask,
but if it really makes a difference for you, then okay.
I replied that since we'd agreed to split the costs,
I was just asking if he was okay with this

(01:00:40):
new expense. He just needed to say no, thank you
instead of insulting me, but not to worry. The beggar
wouldn't ask for a cent more for anything. Regarding Rocky,
he replied that right or wrong, this is my opinion.
If you want to continue to split other expenses such
as food and vet visits for me, it's okay, but
it's up to you you. I felt extremely offended by

(01:01:02):
those gratuitous remarks and decided I wouldn't engage with him
unless he apologized. This never happened, so our messages were
just for basic needs, like mail arrived at my house,
but it's for you and nothing more. Come Halloween, Rocky's
health deteriorated, and I decided to tell him because I'm
not some kind of monster. On Sunday, November two, Rocky

(01:01:23):
got worse, so I decided to take him to an
emergency clinic. I called my brother to ask if he
wanted to come, and he said, no, I don't. I said,
I rephrase, can you come? I'm not in a good
mental state and I would prefer if we were both
with him At that point. He said, oh, okay, if
it's because of this, I'll come, and we went together.

(01:01:44):
While we waited for Rocky to be examined. We tried
to chat a bit, even though there was still tension
and distance. We shared things about work, friends, etc. That night,
Rocky passed away. I asked my brother to come with
me the next day to sign pay and take comb
Rockies things. He said he had to work and couldn't come.
Since it was very difficult for me to go alone,

(01:02:06):
I asked one of my neighbors and closest friends, Cynthia
thirty one female, and she said yes. From there, communication
with my brother went back to being cold and distance.
Now about Cynthia. In the last couple of years, we'd
grown really close. We'd spoke daily, saw each other any
time we could, kept each other updated on everything. We

(01:02:26):
joked that ours was true love. She became one of
my closest friends, and I shared things with her I'd
never told anyone else. Sometimes when we did something together,
like going out to dinner or staying home watching a movie.
I also invited my brother since I knew she was
one of the few people he found acceptable to hang
out with. We always had fun together. At the end

(01:02:49):
of November, Cynthia wrote to me that she had very
exciting news about her work and love life, but she
wanted to share them face to face. I got anxious,
but waited until Saturday. She came over and basically had
me guessing that surprise, my brother and her were an item.
I got confused, thinking they just talked when we hung

(01:03:09):
out together, so I asked for specifics on how this happened. Well,
the idea was to tell you together, but then you
had the bad fallout. So at that point I actually
began to feel enraged because the fallout was more than
a month ago. I asked how long she kept the secret? Well,
remember when I told you that I would always tell
you what happened in my life, with the exception of

(01:03:31):
if someone else told me not to. That conversation happened
at the end of May, so basically, she'd been seeing
my brother for a month while not just omitting it,
but actively lying to me, for example, telling me that
since she was single, she wasn't getting any I realized
that someone I considered such a close friend had deliberately

(01:03:53):
lied to me for months, and I felt crushed. I
felt so betrayed because I was the one inviting them
both out with me, and no one, not once decided
to tell me anything. There were countless moments when one
of them could have said something. If they'd told me immediately,
I would have just been very happy for both of them,
and I would have avoided venting to her about how

(01:04:15):
crappy my brother's behavior had been in those months. I
told her that I felt they'd fooled me in an
unacceptable way and to please go away. I opened the
door for her, and she left. The thing is, I
find this type of behavior completely unacceptable. I've never forgiven
anyone who was able to lie to my face for
a long time. To me, it's the destruction of trust,

(01:04:38):
and without trust, there's no point in having someone in
my life. Oh Pie, you're very all or nothing. Yeah,
like this is very like. I mean, I don't have siblings,
so maybe that's my Like, I don't understand the you
don't have siblings, No, never did I ever know that,
So like, I don't understand. I don't personally know the
level of like betraying that it is if like a

(01:04:59):
sibling d your brother.

Speaker 5 (01:05:01):
But I mean it's with my older sister has dated
my brother's friends. But my brother has also dated my
sister's friends. Yeah, so like it's kind of I don't
know like it's weird, but also like this was all
like in high school, so I don't really know how when.

Speaker 4 (01:05:18):
They're like forty five fifty, That's what I feel like.
You guys are just old enough that I'm like, how
are we not able to have these conversations like why
do we have to hide things? Why is this being
handled with just like well, I'm not talking to ever again.

Speaker 5 (01:05:31):
Yeah, I feel like it could definitely be handled with
like a conversation of just being like.

Speaker 4 (01:05:35):
Okay, this is like, you know, some apologies and then
like we forgive and move on. I don't think you
were like deceived beyond repair of the relationship.

Speaker 5 (01:05:46):
Yeah, or like I understand that she lied and whatever,
but also why do you think that she lied? You know,
would it be like your reaction, would it be something
you would do, would it be you know, like something.

Speaker 4 (01:05:59):
You would say.

Speaker 5 (01:06:00):
It's just, you know, it seems like she lied for
a very specific reason. I don't know what that reason is,
but I mean I don't think that it was a
great idea for them to keep a secret, but there
obviously is a reason why.

Speaker 4 (01:06:13):
They did it.

Speaker 5 (01:06:14):
And yeah, that is probably because of how you would
react and whatnot.

Speaker 4 (01:06:19):
So I don't know agreed. At this point, I had
to face the fact that I was about to lose
two of the few remaining important people in my life.
That night, I had a mental breakdown. I waited until
Monday to ask for an emergency therapy session. My brother
was still a no show. I contacted my therapist, who
couldn't see me during the day, and I started spiraling worse.

(01:06:40):
I remembered that a good friend of my mom's, who
was very supportive during and after her illness, is a
retired psychiatrist. I wrote to her asking for professional help
on what I could do because I was falling. She
called me right away. I tried to explain what was
happening while uncontrollably sobbing. She pleaded with me to ask
my boyfriend to stay with me that night because I

(01:07:01):
couldn't be left alone, and if one or both of
my brother and Cynthia came over, to put aside my
pride and let them help. At the end of the
day Friday, November fifth, she called me again, saying she'd
taken the liberty of calling my brother herself to explain
how bad I was doing. She said he had no
idea I was spiraling so badly and that he was

(01:07:21):
very sorry and worried, but in that moment he couldn't
come to me because he was going away for the
weekend with friends. He said he was still my brother
and would come once he got back. In the meantime,
pushed by people telling me I should be more understanding
and forgiving, I wrote to Cynthia, I'm really trying. I
don't want to lose you over this. I'm not sure

(01:07:42):
I'm capable of it, but I'm really trying. She read
it and left me on read without replying. That weekend,
I reached out to other people to keep me company
so I wasn't alone with my thoughts. Last Tuesday, I
came home from work and saw both of their cars
in the parking lot outside. They were at Cynthia's home.
I thought maybe he was waiting for me to come
home and would come later, but still no show. I

(01:08:04):
felt utterly humiliated, because parking your car in front of
my house and not coming, even though you know how
deeply hurt I am, feels like a slap in the face.
Mom's friend asked me if i'd heard from my brother.
I told her what happened. She told me she'd written
another long message to him and to please keep my
door open for him. This last week went by incomplete silence.
He never reached out. My mom's friend told me she'd

(01:08:26):
talk to him a lot, that he was worried, sick,
but unable to take the initiative because he was afraid
I might react worse. She suggested, I find the strength
to be the person that reaches out to initiate contact.
Lots of people around me keep telling me that he's
still your brother, that I'm being too prideful, and that
I should be the one starting the conversation. In all honesty,

(01:08:46):
I can't and I don't want to. I feel he
should be the one showing initiative after this long lie
and after knowing how much he hurt me. I shouldn't
be the one trying to fix something I didn't break,
And even if I wanted to, I'm kind kind of
drowning here. I don't have much to spare. I'm trying
to focus on keeping my head above the water. Yeah,

(01:09:06):
I feel for Ope and that she's drowning and everything
I think I don't even know, Like, I think that
they should reach out to you, and they should try
to help, But at the same time, I think now
it's a great time to learn forgiveness. I understand both parties.

Speaker 5 (01:09:23):
YEA, If I was Opee, I would be mad because
I'd be like, Okay, you've had a week and you
told me you would reach out as soon as you
got back from your friend's trip, and you didn't, and
then you come to like my house and don't say
anything like I would be, I'd be pretty upset and
be like, Okay, do you not want to fix this?

Speaker 4 (01:09:41):
You don't want to talk about it? Like what? What do?

Speaker 5 (01:09:43):
I just have to sit here and wonder like I
don't know that. That just makes me a little peep.

Speaker 4 (01:09:49):
About Cynthia, it's the same. I tried to find some
sort of solution to keep her as a friend, but
the reality is I don't consider her that anymore, after
knowing she lied to my face for months, I would
never be able to look at her the same or
talk to her without thinking about what she might be
hiding next. Plus, I tried to reach out and she
didn't even respond. Silence is the worst thing you can

(01:10:10):
do to someone, and they're both doing it purposefully. I'm
so torrent here. I feel so bad. Like, I feel
so bad for op because, like, OPI is clearly the
worst off for this. But at the same time, I'm like,
and OPI just doesn't have the ability right now to
even like extend herself to them, and I don't think
she has to. But I'm also like, I think they're

(01:10:31):
feeling a little hurt too, Like, I think it would
benefit everyone to just have a big conversation and get
those emotions out. And I think we do need to
learn forgiveness.

Speaker 5 (01:10:41):
I think OPI is spiraling understandably, so completely valid and
and OPI has reached out to both of them.

Speaker 4 (01:10:50):
Now, I thought she did reach out to the brother.
I don't think she did. I swear she reached out
to the brother.

Speaker 5 (01:10:56):
She well, she said, well he reached out to her
and said like, oh, if you're coming, No, I can't
and I don't want to.

Speaker 4 (01:11:02):
Oh what she said, I can't, I don't want too.
He has to be the one to fix it. Get over.
Come on, I'm trying to be on your side, oh, Pete,
I'm trying to be out.

Speaker 3 (01:11:13):
To just side.

Speaker 5 (01:11:14):
I I think, well, see your friend, you did reach
out to her and she just literally didn't respond.

Speaker 4 (01:11:19):
So friend read it left round red. Yes, friend, screw her.
She's being mean, and I don't like that.

Speaker 5 (01:11:27):
Like you could just be like, okay, like you know,
me and your brother think that we should have this
conversation blah blah blah, or just like even like just
responding saying that you got it or whatever, like you
obviously got it, but you're just like letting me like
go through twenty five situations in my mind, like you know,
that's just annoying. But on the other hand, going with
like brother, I don't know. I just I would want

(01:11:52):
I would want the brother to reach out, you know,
but obviously he's had some other things going on. But
I do think that, like I don't I think you
can reach out. It's not gonna like you know, hopefully
it will like change things, but it's not gonna like
hurt anything. That's the other thing. If you just reach out,
like I don't think that's gonna put you in a

(01:12:14):
bad situation.

Speaker 4 (01:12:15):
You know, lots of people are making me doubt both
my finding their behavior unacceptable and my not initiating contact myself.
Others say, I have every reason, but I should still
be the bigger person because I'm the one who loves
both of them, the person who, for example, will be
completely alone on Christmas Day. So Reddit, am I the
A hole? And that's the end of that Storr Bro,

(01:12:38):
I don't know anymore.

Speaker 5 (01:12:39):
Yeah, I'm just like, well, I don't think that you
are the a hole because they did a lot of
things that are kind of like, you know, not not
great to Doe.

Speaker 4 (01:12:48):
I think if we can't put our pride past reaching
out first, and we can't eventually like work through our
feelings to reach out first and accept the possibility of
like an apology kind of thing, than we are the
ones giving up this friendship. Yeah, and that's the end
of this story.

All Episodes

My father is a PICKY EATER… and it might ruin my birthday! -r/survivinginfidelity | Reddit Stories | EP2663

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Dateline NBC

Stuff You Should Know

The Clifford Show

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My father is a PICKY EATER… and it might ruin my birthday! -r/survivinginfidelity | Reddit Stories | EP2663