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00:00 r/BestofRedditorUpdates - My [33 M] fiance is drowning in overdue child support, and I [31F] am thinking of leaving him
35:50 r/BORUPdates - I just found out my father is not my biological parent after taking a DNA test Results
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Jonas is Sam your og Okay Storytime
podcast hosts.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
We have some great stories coming up.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
But before that, we have a quick two minute break
from the sponsors that keep the show alive.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
My fiance is drowning in child support payments. I'm thinking
our wedding.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
I think you should think about a boat.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
So first thing I want to say is I love
my fiance. He's a great guy, a wicked, smart, kind, sunny, wicked,
whip smart. Oh what does that mean? Who knows what
that happens? Like whip smart that no one says like
whip smart, kind, funny, And a year and a half ago,
I would have never have imagined I'd be at this point.
(00:38):
We've been dating for five years, ever since we met.
He works at a call center and I'm a postal worker.
We make a moderate income and the wedding is tentatively
in April. Small courthouse wedding with a tasteful reception afterwards.
By the way, this comes from boyfriend drowning in CP
And if you want to submit your own stories, go
to our slash Okay story Time. So I apologize in
(01:01):
advance for the legal gobblin goop. He hasn't really kept
me in the loop. And I'm a mail carrier, not
a lawyer. I don't have a head for this. So
one gear into our relationship, he got a notice for
paternity from the state he used to live in for
a three year old boy. Whoa you just get a
letter in the mail when.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
You have a boy, you have a boy years later?
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Yeah, that's crazy, that's like, yeah, but with a whole
whole child that has a personality. That kid served with
the key.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
You know what you do? You wait like seven more years,
You send your child to live behind like an orchestra house,
and then you casually like happened to run into him
on the street while he's playing the.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Guitar fingerstyle, fingerstyle.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Style and you're like, never give up in your dreams,
and I think you And then you.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Take him in into isn't a different church? Yeah, so
then you teach him how to bust So what's your name.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Little boy? And he goes August Rush.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Wow, that's what you do. So yeah, turn turn those
those those lemons into lemonade, I guess. Yeah, put that
child to.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Random children that show up on your door in three
years into prodigies.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
So clearly this happened way before I met him. He
thought it was ridiculous, but took the ordered DNA test
and turns out he is the father.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Yeah, well, you don't just get mail in the you know,
three years later if they're not pretty sure.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
I mean, how do you test that though? With the
paternity test? But does he have to take it? I
guess it's court ordered. It seems it's turns out he
is the father. Insert Marie audience cat calling here. What
you know, like the mari thing? What it's like the
the are you the father? Are you the dad? Whatever?
That show is paternity court something? You are not the father? Yeah? Okay?
Speaker 3 (03:00):
Who?
Speaker 2 (03:01):
The mother was apparently mentally unwell, and it turned out
the boy was in the custody of the grandparents. They
offered to adopt the boy if my fiance gave up
all his paternal rights, and he jumped at the offer.
So he's like, take this kid, take.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
This three year old. I'll find him in seven years.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
They pulled some strings. I've heard it's supposed to be hard,
but we literally flew down to his old state on
the date they told him to sign some papers in
front of a judge and that was that clend of
that three year old gid.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
That's kind of wild, Like, imagine being that relationship, Like, imagine.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Being what do you think would you like, like, let's
say you were dating someone and like, you know, like
even if it was like a like a couple months
the relationship. Yeah, and they get served with a child
and they sign away their kid? Does that make them
think of you? Like? Does that make you think of
them any differently?
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Probably? I mean we heard that he jumped at the chance.
Think I jumped at the chance to just sign away
the rights for their child. And also the fact that
they find out three years I'll be.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Like, yeah, I mean I think I would be.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
I don't think I would necessarily. I'm not saying that
it's not necessarily the right decision for him to give
up those rights, because probably the grandparents can provide him
red life or the child a better life. But like,
but the jump, jumping.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
The jump, you know, yeah, I at least want a
little bit of internal conflict.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Yeah, maybe like a like a running start into a
die or like a fast walk.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yeah, yeah, a fast walk to it. But a jump
is a little bit much. Maybe even a skip. Well,
I personally an ambivalent about the whole thing. It seemed
like he just gave up all the rights to his
son without a care. But in the end, it's his business,
not mine. I told myself I would be a supportive
stepmother if the boy ever came to him for help
slash answers. When he was older, there was some messy
(04:52):
legal business about arears child support because the mother apparently
was on welfare for years and the state wants repay
from the fiance. Wait, but a lot of child support
because she was on welfare from the state, So he
owes child support back payments.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
I guess, But I'm wondering because a lot of people
are saying in the chat that if he gave up
parental rights, then he doesn't owe.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Out support support. But maybe I guess, yeah, Like maybe
it's like it's a three years that the state was paying,
so he only gave up parental rights three years later,
and now the grandparents are taking control of that.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
But how is that? I mean, like, I don't I
guess this is how it works, but it doesn't seem
sensical to me if someone didn't know they were a parent,
Like let's say, you know, someone finds out sixteen years later.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Because sixteen years of birth path.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Yeah the birth Like, couldn't you get someone for sixteen
years of back payments?
Speaker 2 (05:41):
I believe so based on this is that? Is that true?
Let let us know could possibly be in the chat
more common than a thing. I don't know much about
it because you refuse to share, only that it's around
twenty k for three years. Dang twenty k, Yeah, you're mess.
A couple of years ago by I take fiance to
(06:04):
the DMV to renew his license because it's way past
expired and he won't do it. Lo and behold, it's suspended.
I wonder why, but I see you in the chat.
His license suspended, But that's what you were doing for?
Why past? Do child support judgment for another child? Separate child,
(06:26):
a twelve year old girl and it's thirty thousand dollars
for this kid?
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Wait? Did he know about this child?
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Beyonce is literally sick and I mean he threw up
all night, so MA sounds like he didn't know. But
also how is he finding out about these kids so late? Yeah? Worse.
In order to get his license suspended, he had to
contact child support department in his old state and give
them all his current info, where he works, where he lives,
(06:56):
and soon enough a notice comes through HR. No, he's
going to be garnished twenty five percent of his after
tax pay because of the child support judgment. Twenty five percent.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
It means that after taxes, they're the government's taking twenty
five percent of his pay. So if he's paid a thout,
like let's say he's paid, you know, one thousand dollars,
after taxes, they're they're they're taking two hundred and fifty
dollars of that.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
Yeah, okay. And if someone had like taxes coming up
soon and they were being paid by a company, you know.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
With third tax I think you would go online, how
you would research it.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
Get on that real quick.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
You should get on that. You should get on that.
I'm this is your coming of age as as as
an adult.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
No, this is not me. I'm ready, I'm fine.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I'm sure you are read it. He just shut down
after that, Stone walls any conversation regarding the issue at all.
I took up more of the bills, but now we're
both struggling. We have had to move into a smaller,
crappier apartment using my credit alone because his has a
big fat judgment on it. He had to refinance his
almost paid off car because he couldn't afford the high payments,
(08:22):
and there's some kind of hearing coming up. I don't
know what it's about, because he flatly refuses tell me.
I think maybe it's to adjust the payments based on
his current income, which has grown due to a promotion. Okay,
at least we got we got some somebody coming up.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
How many secret babies would it take for.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
You to break up with someone?
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Yeah, like they don't know about the babies either.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
I mean, I think something we've said on the show
is like the past is the past. We want to
take people for who they are, but who you are?
How many?
Speaker 3 (08:55):
How many depends how long of datings like a month? No,
it's not a month, it's however long a peace.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
One one secret baby for every five years of marriage.
Either way, he hasn't bought plane tickets, or rather hasn't
asked me for the money because he can't afford them.
I think he's not going it'll be an automatic judgment
against him. Here's the thing. He could request a DNA
test for the girl he has it. You totally should
(09:22):
to make sure that's actually your kid, though he has
told me he's certain he's not the father, Thank god,
thank god.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
No, he's just saying that he's just going I'm manifesting.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
He could hire an attorney. I've offered to front the costs,
but he has a thousand excuses. He had to get
one in another state. They gouge him because he wasn't there.
He doesn't have the time. Excuse, excuse, excuse. The hearing
is in three weeks. I don't know what's going on,
and he's so passive about it that I'm worried. So
I opened up an official looking notice received a few
(10:00):
months back, but never bothered to open. You're joking, No,
there's a third child.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
What is this man doing?
Speaker 2 (10:10):
This guy's this guy's got what.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Is this man doing?
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Oh my goodness, he must just be I mean his
reflexes are definitely not strong at the very least.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
No. No, But like I don't even think that's the crazy
thing for me, because people have accidental children all the time.
How does this man have three secret children? How is
he finding three people that aren't telling him that they
had a child with him until three to twelve years later.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
To get pregnant. You have to you have to be
doing it raw.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
For like a year, well not necessarily, I mean for like.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
On average on our rout look at how look on
the average time it takes for a couple to get pregnant.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Average time the average time to conceive for healthy couples
is around six months, normal for some couples to take
longer up to a year.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Okay, so that's once to a year. Do I know? Women?
Speaker 3 (11:01):
I say like six months over one person, and then
we have x over one hundreds, that's six hundred.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
I don't know there is a third child. This one
is a brother of the girl. Maybe the hearing is
actually about him. Oh god, dang, I just don't know.
He has actually left the house for a long walk
when I questioned him a few weeks back. Man needs
more than a long walk. I am not a nagging person.
(11:29):
Asking him to deal with his BS is uncomfortable for
me too.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
Hold on though, this because unless this boy is a twin,
then he saw that woman twice. The one he had
a twelve year old girl with she head right, she
would have had to hide this.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
This is suspicious. If I have to confront him with
an ultimatum. We've reached the point of no return, but
I'm almost there. I think you should be there. Yeah, man,
I love my fiance. He's fifty k for the first
boy and girl in debt that will haunt him for
the foreseeable future. He won't do anything about it, just
(12:08):
sticks his head in the sand and hopes it goes away.
Maybe he's depressed. KEI as normal as if none of
this is happening.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
He's gaslighting himself.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
There might be more on the way with the third child.
If I stay with him, I'll never be able to
buy a house. I will have to make all major
purchases on my credit alone, and we can never combine income.
He has abandoned three children. I don't know the full
stories of the relationship between him and the mothers other
than it was painful and full of lies. One is
his biological child, for sure. The other two are a question,
(12:41):
but they may as well be in the eyes of
the state. He doesn't care about them other than the
bi weekly garnishment on his paycheck. As far as I understand,
he's never asked about them once. I had a pregnancy
scare last month, well, actually I found it. I had
been pregnant via miscarriage. Oh, no condolence is needed. Never
mind who I didn't tell him it's done. But the
(13:02):
first thought in my head after I realized what came
out was my child would have been the fourth in
line for any support if things went south. Who says
he wouldn't abandon me too. We do plan on having
children eventually. My heart loves this guy, my head says
I'll be throwing away by financial future if I stick
with him. What does Reddit say? And there's an update
(13:25):
the next day? But what do you think? Sofia should
ope listen to the heart that says I love him
or the head that says I will be financially ruined
if I stay with good?
Speaker 3 (13:36):
And Also I feel like ope, is I mean, in
part rightfully so thinking about the financials, but like I
think she's thinking about them too much. You know, she's like, Oh,
I'm leaving them because because of finances that feel so cruel.
It's like, no, you're leaving him because he has three
secret children. Yeah, and I feel like he's not even
(13:58):
thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Yeah, the f angels are worried. I think what's more
worrisome is like the potential lies that are embedded in
this whole scenario.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
The potential lies the fact that he's now trying to
abandon kind of three children that has some responsibility for.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Maybe the two children are questioned, but he's paying. He's accepting,
like he's accepting, he's paying for them.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
Yeah, even though the two children are a question mark,
he's not putting in any effort to figure out, you know,
if they are his.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Yeah, and he's just I mean, he's basically acting as
if they are his, but saying that they aren't.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Yeah, that his man is ostriching.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Yeah, but we got an update see Great Children, Secret Children.
So unfortunately, someone linked my previous post from another subreddit,
so the post was locked and deleted. The basic justice
my fiance had stuck his head in the sand, and
it was ignoring child support notices and hearings to the
tune of fifty thousand dollars for children conceived way before
(15:01):
our relationship started. After the second surprise child, he had
completely shut me out on the subject. I opened up
some of his forgotten mail and saw there was a
notice for a third child and to recap baby one
three year old boys. He was able to give up
his paternal rights in favor of the mother's grandparents because
(15:22):
the mother had mental health issues. Twenty thousand dollars child
support in a re What is that? Ariears our years,
our years? What is that? How does he pronounce that
baby two, twelve year old girl thirty k ongoing child support?
I don't know the story behind this one, and he
isn't talking baby three, brother of the twelve year old girl.
(15:45):
The birthdate was on the paperwork, but he took that
letter with him. Thank you for all the comments, PMS
and valuable feedback from my other posts. The ones that
told me I too was sticking my head in the sand. Honestly,
good point. Really put it in place with me, and
did the ones who gave me professional as did the
ones who gave me professional insight that it was simply
(16:06):
not possible for him to have been completely blindsided with
all three children. Yeah, I mean with the brother thing.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
The brother thing, like either the brother's older younger, he
would have known or he should have known, unless the
mother was some kind of schemer who hid the children. Yeah,
you know, unless they were meeting at like a hotel
or something. Yeah, you know, he should have You should
have known something about that. Other child. Kirsch says, Elon,
(16:35):
is this you Yeah, I mean, I guess I'm I'm.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
The only scenario I could see for those other two
kids is he was having an affair with this person
consistently and didn't know about the children. I think, and
then those children came from another partner or something that
wasn't a marriage. But again, but the sus Caitlyn van
Gambon says, bro is running from the child support payments
(16:59):
and the child's sport finally caught up.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
I think that is probably the most likely scenario. It's arrears.
So I was in a mood when he got home tonight.
I showed my fiance, who I'm now calling Johnny Applesey
thanks to a previous commenter, the letter I opened about
the third child. Luckily he didn't get all huffy about
(17:22):
me opening his mail because I was not in the mood.
Johnny's space just fell. I think we're getting the truth.
We're gonna get the truth. And he said it was
impossible for him to be the father of the third child.
He didn't know about it, not having opened his child
support mail over the last few months. That the mother
of the twelve year old child, had one child support
(17:43):
judgment against him for the girl, and now was clearly
looking for more. I told him I thought that was BS,
and I wanted the truth now that I'd been looking
through his old States law and the courts can't have
ruled him the father of a twelve year old without evidence.
He pulled his usual stonewall stuff, said it didn't matter
because there was a judgment against him, he was screwed
(18:04):
for life. He actually started to cry. I kept on him,
and he finally told me the truth. The truth comes out.
Baby gave it to me. So he and the baby
mama were in love since they were teenagers, but it
was an on and off relationship. She was drama. She
got pregnant and he was there for her, but right
(18:25):
before the baby was born, she told him he wasn't
the father. He was stubborn and proud and still signed
the birth certificate, but he left her soon after at
her request and didn't have any contact. Why didn't he
get a DNA test? It was expensive and his heart
was broken.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
But he still has some sort of.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Like out so he still is an out.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
Oh no, but he still has some sort of responsibility
because he signed the birth certificate.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Yeah, but if you can prove that paternity wasn't what
was like, uh, it was false. If you can prove
you like the pernity like fails, then you could get
out of it. By the end of this, he was crying.
I started crying too, and I told him I can't
marry him right now with all this going on. Yes,
oh my god, finally yeah, OMG. Did he go instantly
(19:14):
from sorrowful to pust He kept asking me how I
could do this. But I knew about the child's support
going in, and that he'd always been honest with me.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
It's not true. You just admitted to lie.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Truth. Yeah, No, he'd said nothing or insinuated. She put
his name on the BURSTICKA fit not the same as honesty.
That he knew baby Mam was trying to get again
to ruin his life, and the judgment was already in.
There was nothing he could do because the courts always
ruled in the favor of the mother. There was no
point in trying. This was all her fault for trying
(19:46):
to ruin his life, and by taking her side over him.
I was letting her.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
Oh my goodness, this man is just doing the whole
woe is Me?
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Routine? Yeah, Reddit, I'd like to say I threw in
some good zingers. The fact is, when things get heated,
my brain stalls out. I said some things about how
he was handling the situation, keeping me locked out of
what was going on with the upcoming hearing, and if
he kept blowing this off, he'd go to jail. But
my delivery sounded kind of aim even to me. It's
(20:14):
never like how I practiced it in my head or
can type it out here, you know. Then he started
asking me if this was about a male coworker I
had once given a ride home like three months ago,
if I had an affair with him. He is deflecting.
He's trying to like get the conversation away from all
of because he can't take respond I mean, he can't
(20:38):
take responsibility of three kids. Yeah, oh, what the F No.
I took off his ring, his grandmother's, and told him
to take it, that he needed to move out tonight,
stay with someone else, and give me some space. The
wedding was off and I needed a few days to
consider the rest of the relationship. Good idea, definitely a
(20:58):
step back. He kept asking me why, like he couldn't
believe I was breaking out the wedding because a little
old thing like fifty k in debt, three surprise children,
and a complete shutdown of the subject and the lining.
Then he called me shallow. That money means more to
me than love.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
That's so funny, that's so funny. This man will do
anything but look in a mirror.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Mm hmm hmmmm. I mean he can't right now. What's
love got to do with this? Mm hmm. Well it
went on, but I'm already sick of reliving this. He
does swear there is no possibility of any more surprise
children period. He packed a duffel full of clothes and left,
having convinced himself that I was either cheating on him
(21:42):
or shallow and money hungry. So I spent the evening
rereading comments I've done the right thing right and browsing
four rent signs. Also the right thing. The least is
in my name only because of the judgments on his
credit reports. Uugh, this is what I become, lying the
landlords because of my irresponsible fiance. He probably has some
sort of resident rights anyway. Mah. At least he's out
(22:04):
of the apartment for now. I texted him a long
message about an hour ago. Johnny, before we join our
lives together, I need to know you can handle your
responsibilities like an adult. Go to the hearing. I will
help you with a lawyer, with a plane ticket, whatever.
If you treat me like a partner, maybe we can
rebuild our relationship. I love you, girl?
Speaker 3 (22:28):
Is that?
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Is she doing this like?
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Girl?
Speaker 2 (22:30):
I mean, I don't know, dude, I don't know. I
know she loves him, but he's terrible. I understand wanting
to give someone a second chance.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
But you've given this man three two.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
You've given him so many chances already, and he's shown
that he's like lying. I think this giving him another
chance is just because maybe you want to stay comfortable
in the and the relationship. I mean yeah, And also
with the last comment too, yeah, Sna says, especially after
the last moment, like you.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
Accused you of cheating on him because you told him
that it wasn't okay, that he isn't taking care of
any of his problems.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
He hasn't answered. I hope he listens to reason once
he cools down. He has so many good qualities.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
I doubt that they outweigh the bad.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
I have to share the very worst of my post
to you all. You'd be an excellent father if you
wanted visitation, and I'm willing to put into the work
to sort this out and move forward with these kids.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
If he is, yeah, I'm sorry, I would be an
excellent president. And if I wanted to be president.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
What there are There's a lot of work to be
done here, and I think a lot of work that
you can't do. He needs to do a lot of
work on his own. I'm not saying you can never
be together, but what I am saying is, please, please, please,
please be separate for a while.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
I mean be separate at least until he figures his
stuff out.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Yeah, he's convinced himself he is screwed for life, and
I think it's paralyzed him. It's a terrifying place to be.
I know, basically everyone wanted me to punt him to
the curb, but I'm hoping this break is enough of
a come to Jesus moment for him to prove he's
not an irresponsible person. Basically, if he wants to fight
(24:13):
for this relationship, he has got to go to the hearing,
handle his business, get on a payment plan, and keep
on it, then seek relationship counseling, lots and lots of
relationship counseling, and then we'll see I still may break
up permanently. Okay, that's good, but at least he'll have
sorted out a thing or two. Maybe I'm just holding
on to hope. What do you think, Sophia? I think
for sure.
Speaker 3 (24:32):
Yeah, you're holding on to hope more than.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Yep, yep, more than what, more than what? More than
more yep?
Speaker 3 (24:41):
A better man.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
Yep, holds on to a webs yep. That was great.
So that's it. I really wish I had thought of
something awesome to say during the argument, like maybe I'm
holding on to hope harder than Spider Man holds onto
webs exactly. But life isn't a movie. No, it's not
like there we go. She's on it. But Paul is
(25:04):
in his court. Let's see if he mans up or not.
Anyone been through anything like this, Behore, I hope not.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
I think you may be the first.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
I did blindside him a little because I too had
been way too passive in letting this slide. How do
I help him help himself? And we got an update?
It might feel like, oh, I'm abandoning him when he
needs it. Yeah, but like in actuality, you were letting
him solve his own problems and independence. Yeah, and be
(25:35):
an adult.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
The thing is that I'm sure that nobody really is
prepared to take care of three secret children, but when
it happens, your responsibility to take care of it.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
He hasn't answered the texts with the offer to help.
I've called the landlord and requested a new lock for
the door. He's not on the lease and it's probably
not legal. But as someone pointed out, and I agree,
he's adverse to going to courts. Responses have been passionate.
I don't think I was clear. We're essentially done. I
turned his grandmother's ring and told him to give me space.
(26:09):
If if he accepts help and steps up to his
obligations to his children with no backsliding, only then will
I consider taking him back. Not for immediate marriage JFC,
I'm not insane. Well what does that mean? What's JFC?
Not to get pregnant, as some lovely commenter suggested, But
(26:30):
considering it's morning and he still has an answer to
the text, it probably doesn't matter. Yeah, I think he's
given thing.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Is it sounds like you were willing to give him
a chance, but he's already given up on your relationship.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
So yeah again, and he's shown through his actions. But
we got some relevant comments. Hopefully these relevant comment as
saying girl, wake up there. But we got some relevant comments.
So A pretty dirt unlive says he would be an
excellent father if you wanted visitation. What he would be
a doctor, if he graduated medic school school, he would
(27:02):
be a millionaire if he had won the power ball,
if he had wings, he'd be a bird. What he
is as a total failure as a father at times three,
he participated in the creation of three little ones, abandoned
them emotionally and financially, and now complains that they are
burdened three children growing up fatherless, which will color their
lives for other because of him. This is the depth
of compassion and empathy that he is capable of. This
(27:24):
is how he treats the truly powerless and dependent, even
though he has every legal and moral obligation to support them,
because there's nothing in it for him. His maybe they're
not mine excuse is a total load of bs, Because
if he had an iota of humanity and him, he'd
care enough to find out it. Oh, he responds to this, Sofia,
(27:46):
what do you think about that company?
Speaker 3 (27:47):
The thing is, I completely agree if he believed that
these children were truly not his, that he'd take. Yeah,
he would take. He would say, yeah, he believes in
his heart that they are. Yeah, he knows in his
heart that they are.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Is I feel like we have like delusion on two levels. Here.
We have the delusion of this guy who is I
guess deluding himself thinking that he is not responsible for
these kids and if he doesn't confront everything, it'll go away.
And then we have delusional ope that thinks that if
she gives this husband another chance, will turn into this
(28:23):
model father and and model partner. And I just don't
think we have any evidence of that.
Speaker 3 (28:29):
Nope.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
But Opie responds, Okay, this did make me laugh. You
have a points and update two one month later. Hey,
it's Sam, your ogi host here. Bring it back to
the stories. But here's three minutes bads from our sponsor.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
See if he went to any of his court hearings.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
I don't think so. I don't know where to start.
After I called off the wedding and returned his grandmother's
engagement ring. He packed a duffel full of his clothes
and left. Been about a month and I haven't heard
a peep from him. I changed the on the apartment,
but he hasn't been back for his stuff anyway. He
blocked me on Facebook and then and when I gave
in and tried to give him a call a week later,
(29:08):
he'd changed his phone number two. This is his m O. Yeah,
this is his m O.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
He does this. I mean, he's done this to three children.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Also, what's crazy is she had a miscarriage, so it
could have been four.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
The blocking. I bet he does this to everyone at
the women and then when they try and reach out
to him to tell him that they have children, they can't.
They can't reach out.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
He's got a system. I heard he was staying at
his best bro's house courtesy of Bro's girlfriend. Trust me.
I went through all the stages of grief, denial, anger, acceptance,
et cetera, and I finally accepted he wasn't coming back.
I thought maybe he'd gone back to his home state
to be one of the baby mamas, but his car
was parked in the parking lot at his work. I
(29:53):
may have drove past once or twice. The hearing was
scheduled for early this week, and finally tonight, I plucked
up the urge and went to best Bro's house to
confront him. Who I think, just let him be, Let
him be, you know, like you don't, don't, don't get
involved in him? Like like.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Answered like, okay, I'm going to confront him and tell
him that he can either change or leave.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
And so he's he's left. He's given up on the relationship.
The least he could do is get his crap out
of my apartment. Right, I grabbed up as many many
unopened child support notices. We know this is not the reason, right,
she just wants to see him as this is not
not If you really didn't care about him and the relationship,
he would probably just put his stuff in a trash
(30:38):
bag and leave it there exactly. And a picture of
boy number one he left on his dresser. It's the
only picture of the three kids that he has, and
he left it behind because he doesn't care, doesn't care
about Best Bro answered the door, and what follows about
the most awkward conversation ever. I can't remember the conversation verbatim,
but I asked where ex fiance was and Best Bro
said he wasn't there. He's being all evasive. And I
(31:00):
asked if he went to the hearing or not, and
Best Bro looked confused. What hearing? I told him the
child support hearing for his three kids. Best Bro looked
super confused, like I was crazy. Then he asked if
I was seeing anyone else other than ex fiance. I said,
of course I wasn't. I gave Best Bro a very
abbreviated version punted ex fiance out because he was doing
(31:20):
his child support for from his baby mamas. He had
a hearing earlier this week. I was getting loud because
I'd been bottling this up, and Best Bro's girlfriend came
out to see what was going on. She's the one
who told me her exact words, your man lost his
dang mind. But I think we're going to see what
happened to me. Yeah, Moorgie, and he went on a
(31:43):
bender and now there's ten baby mamas. The weekend after
I punted him out, he went to a bar with
his best bro old girl bashing what wait what I
read ahead, That's what I'm saying. I've been met up
with some twenty two year old bard and hooked up
read it. He married her last weekend, drove up to Reno,
(32:06):
were a couple hours from the Nevada border, and did
the whole Chapel of Love thing where these women and
his girlfriend were the witnesses. They hadn't really supported his decision,
but he had convinced them I was a cheating witch
and he was heartbroken. Plus Best Bro's girlfriend implied later
that he'd overstayed his welcome by crashing at the house
(32:26):
for most of the month. I was shocked and pissed
and wanted to cry because I sort of got the
vibe that Best Bro still didn't believe I wasn't cheating.
So I grabbed the court documents from my car and
gave them to him to pass along to my ex.
I doubt they'll open them up, but the fact that
they're from Old State County's Child Support division should be
good enough evidence. I don't know why I should care
(32:49):
about their opinion. Neither one of them called me during this.
I thought I was their friend too, but they believed him.
I'm back home, surrounded by his crap and trying to
sort out my feelings. Put the crap in trash bags
and put it on Best bros doorstep. I feel like
I've just watched someone blow through all the bridge's out
warning signs and drive off a cliff. I told my
(33:11):
ex i'd help him get a lawyer for the hearing,
help them with a plane ticket. Instead of taking care
of his business, he went and married some chick he'd
known for like two and a half weeks at most.
I think I'm not in the mood to drag out
the calendar. Let's be generous and call it three weeks.
I should feel bad for the girl, his new wife,
what the f for what she's just gotten into. But
(33:31):
she must either be a real piece of work herself
or just an idiot who marries someone they've known for
that short of a time. And I know someone out
there is thinking you're an idiot. He had to have
known her for longer. He was cheating before this, well,
I'm certain he wasn't. He is a homebody by nature.
There was never any missing time in a relationship, and
(33:52):
Best Bro is pretty clear they'd met at the bar
that night, So basically, instead of going to his child
support hearing, he was moving in with his new wifey
and probably doing what newly married people. Do I hope
they're happy together? Of course I don't. I guess my
next stop is the legal advice submurn to figure out
what to do with this stuff. You might have a
contempt of court warrant out for him for skipping the hearing,
(34:13):
so I doubt he'll assume me if I toss it
all away, But I do want to cover my butt.
By the way, if you want to cover your butt
with audio going into your ears, go listen to full
episodes of stories just like this. Go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts,
or your favorite podcast app and search. Okay, story time,
there's another for there's another relevant update. But it feels like, oh,
he's finally getting the message that this guy is not
(34:35):
coming back.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
Well like it took her a while. Took her a while,
and it took her it took her boyfriend marrying someone
else in Reno.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
I know, I know, which is kind.
Speaker 3 (34:47):
Of shocking, but it does seem again like his mo
he engages or he marries or whatever.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
He has a system. Man works quick.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
He makes these women think that they are the love
of his life, and he's I want to baby that.
They say, Hey.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Dude, what about these three baby mamas. He goes, yeah,
so let's get into this end of the story. I
know I need to ask a questions, So here it is.
What in the world was he thinking? Out of all
the options he had to pick, he picked the very worst.
What was she thinking? I loved Slash, loved the man,
but even I can admit he's not classically good looking.
He had nothing to offer but a low paying job
(35:24):
and being practically homeless. And finally, what is wrong with
me that I feel terrible? He's found some new way
to f up. It's live. Hey, that's love. Op sucks.
But maybe you can choose more wisely in love next time, hopefully, hopefully,
But oh my gosh, that was a doozy. Truly all right,
(35:46):
we got one more story in that episode. I'll get
it back.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
I just took a DNA test and found out my
dad isn't my biological father.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Ooh no.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
I'd always read posts like this, but never thought I
would be writing one myself at thirty five years old.
I'm sharing my story in hopes of connecting with others
who might understand what I'm going through. If you do
read this, all, please know that I experienced a lot
of denial at the beginning of this process. By the way,
this comes from the Secret world X and if you
want to spit your own stories, go to our slash
(36:19):
okay storytime separate it so. As someone who believes in
science and data, it's painful to realize how hard I
fought against accepting the truth. If you knew right away
in a similar situation, please know I just wasn't capable
of that, at least not initially. I was doing the
best I could. Just over a week ago, on Hollowey night,
(36:39):
I was about to go to sleep at around two
am when I got an email that my ancestry DNA
results were ready. Eager to see the results, I decided
to take a quick look. I was excited because this
was a project I had been working on with my fathers.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
Must say Pandora's box as we know.
Speaker 3 (36:58):
Oh when his mother, my close grandparent, passed a few
years ago, we were happy to bond over carrying on
her genealogy research to discover and explore our extended family
treat But upon opening the region's page, I was immediately confused.
Three of my grandparents, now all deceased, had strong Ashkanazi's
(37:18):
backgrounds which have always been a huge part of my identity.
While my living family is not strictly religious, we have
always been very connected ethnically and culturally to our Judaism.
But when I looked at my results, they showed that
I was only thirty four percent Ashkanazi, a stark difference
from my brother's eighty percent from when he took the
(37:40):
test a few years ago. I convinced myself that maybe
he'd inherited the maximum them out of those genetics. Well,
I received the minimum. Regions appeared that I had never
heard my family speak of, and I had never seen
in any of my research French Basque Bosque finish. I
dismissed this as well, recalling posts I have seen about
people's DNA results shifting after recent Ancestry platform updates.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
Man in, I'm putting some ICUs, putting some icyus.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
I mean large icy us in a large amounts of
denial to be like, my brother just got more of
the Ashkaranazi. That's unfortunately not.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
That's not how it works, oh man.
Speaker 3 (38:24):
Man, Yeah, yeah, just a train train on.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
Fun on the side.
Speaker 3 (38:33):
Then I moved to regions by parent and I saw
that all my Oshkarazi ancestry came from parent one. Well,
all these unexpected regions were from parent two. I felt
a pang of panic, but quickly assigned parent one to
my father, who had two Oshkanazi parents, and parent two
to my mother, who had one Oshkanazi parent. I kept
(38:54):
reassuring myself that this was just an extreme genetic distribution
and nothing more.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Sure.
Speaker 3 (39:00):
Then I opened the DNA matches section and saw my
brother listed. This was no surprise to me, as I
knew he had taken a test years ago. But then
I saw that he was listed as my half brother.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Would he not know the same information? Like would he
not know that?
Speaker 3 (39:16):
No, because OP, he wouldn't have shown up.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
Right, But like couldn't because like OP, he was before
he saw half brother. Before OP saw a half brother, OP,
he was looking at the like oscaranzi Jew, like like oh,
like hey, like I I know this. My mom came,
I had these many oshcnozi Jew parents, and then my
dad had this many.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
I think if OP had been open to any of
the information, he would have realized that it wasn't you
know it.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
Was the stepbrother didn't know his step brother? No, But
didn't the stepbrother already did the step brother, already.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
Saying if like, all of the information is really clear, Yeah,
it's pointing to a very clear answer, and it seems
like he's just like no, no, no no. I quickly
changed the label full brother, ignoring pop up warnings encouraging
against it. As I kept looking, I noticed two other
people below my brother who appeared as my maternal grandparents,
(40:09):
but their names were not those of the grandparents I
grew up with my whole life. They were my grandparents'
best friends, my sort of Swedo grandparents growing up. I
gasped and clung to the idea that my mother had
been adopted by her parents and that both families had
stayed close through it all. After sitting with this for
a few hours, I called my dad, even though he
(40:31):
and my mom had been divorced for fifteen years and
I never made it a habit to involve them in
each other's affairs. I just needed reassurance, and I've always
called my dad when I needed help. When I asked
if he knew whether my mom had been adopted, he laughed,
assuring me she wasn't. I took him through what I'd found,
leaving out details I thought were irrelevant. My dad was quiet,
(40:52):
as I explained, but he patiently walked me through my theory.
The more we talked, the more inconsistencies be uncovered, and
I grew in reacingly frustrated. Then, to my shock, my
dad suggested that he might be questioning his paternity.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
To me, I thought that when OPI went through that
the Ashkarazi jew actually did match up.
Speaker 3 (41:15):
So what happened here? It seems like OPI had parent
one and parent two with no names, and it said
parent one a certain amount of Ashkenazi and then parent too,
like thirty two percent Ashkenazi. So he went, oh, well parent,
this parent must be my dad and this parent must
(41:39):
be my mom. But he swapped them, and so he
instead of being like, oh, my dad's not my dad,
he was like, my mom's adopted because he had swapped
the parents. Yeah, yeah, so he misassigned them. Is what
has happened here? I laughed it off, even grew angry
with him, trying to steer the conversation back to my
mom's adoption. But when he looked up his own twenty
(41:59):
tie three and meter results, I went back to my
DNA matches section to find my closest relative on my
paternal side. I clicked into family trees, expecting to see
familiar names, and they were familiar, just not paternally. The
trees showed my mother's relatives per tree. It hit me
I had misassigned my parents. Parent one was my mother
(42:25):
and parent two was my father. Yeah, with the correct assignments,
my biological grandparents shifted to my paternal side. As I
was confirming this for my father, he protested, telling me
this still doesn't line up one hundred percent because my
brother had shown up as fully related to me. I
then confessed that I had changed my brother's relationship to me,
(42:46):
thinking it was a mistake at first. When I reverted
my brother's status to its default, it read half brother
maternal side.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
Only his whole family has fallen apart.
Speaker 3 (42:58):
I mean this man was so in dinny that he
changed the results.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
Yeah, And at that.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
Moment, after two hours of frustration, I finally broke down.
The man who had been my father all my life
and my closest family was not biologically related to me.
By five am, I was beyond exhausted, ashamed for clinging
so desperately to denial. My dad told me he'd known
from the first result. I shared that he likely wasn't
(43:25):
my biological father, not because he ever suspected it, but
because he trusted the science. He said, the hardest part
of finding out with me was watching me struggle so
hard to rewrite the truth. I mean that's because like
that's all you've ever known.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
Yeah, this is like this is this is your whole life,
and now you're you're it's like it's like op he
wants to preserve the the lie. Yeah, the like over.
Speaker 3 (43:52):
Thirty year old life.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
Oh it sucks.
Speaker 3 (43:54):
Yeah. The next twenty four hours, sleepless and emotionally raw,
were filled with some of the most heart wrenching conversations
of my life. My mother shared with me that early
in her marriage to my father, she had a very
brief affair. It was only one time. She believes she'd
taken all precautions, and with no reason to suspect otherwise,
(44:15):
she'd put that chapter behind her.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
I mean, taking all precautions would be to.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
Not have to that affair, Like I took all precautions
the safest. She went on to have three children, all
resembling my father, and there was never a hint of
doubt from anyone in our family. If not for this test,
this hidden piece of history would have remained for him unknown.
Speaker 2 (44:36):
That's the key about covering your bases with an affair.
You gotta gotta find someone who looks like your actual partner.
Speaker 3 (44:45):
Yeah, and then no one will know well until a
really good genie.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
Yeah, or you just maybe banned DNA tests and say
they ruined families.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
This past week has been extremely challenging, and the first
few days were dang near paralyze. But I'm choosing to
approach this journey with forgiveness and understanding, hoping to find
some positive takeaway from it all. My father and I
agreed that although unexpected, learning this truth together over the
phone was perhaps the best way I could have unfolded.
Our bond is unshaken, and we both know this revelation
(45:18):
doesn't change anything between us. As for my relationship with
my mom, we haven't always been very close, but over
the last seven years we've grown to understand each other
in ways I never thought possible. She married at twenty
had me at twenty one, navigated a difficult past and
a very limited opportunity to explore her identity before starting
a family. As our bond deepened over the years, I
(45:41):
often found myself wishing I could go back in time,
befriend my younger mother and show her another life, one
similar to the one I am currently living and loving,
largely thanks to her. I understand that she made a
mistake at a young age, but nothing in me feels
anger towards her. I realized that in many ways, I'm
lucky the most in the situation. I have a supportive family,
(46:03):
my siblings included, who have been incredibly reassuring and are
fully behind whatever decision I make about reaching out to
my biological father. I've connected with a NPE non paternal
event therapist, and my first session is this Tuesday. I've
also ordered a few books written by others who've been
through a similar experience, hoping they offer some guidance. My
(46:25):
friends have rallied around me, and their support has been
a huge comfort. Sharing this here feels like an important
part of processing everything, a way to connect with a
community who can truly relate. I know there are still
many choices ahead, deciding whether to reach out to my
biological father, figuring out what to say if I do,
and finding a way to rekindle my joy for exploring
(46:45):
my ancestry.
Speaker 2 (46:46):
Oh man, I feel like it's gonna be hard to
rekindle this choice. Yeah, he's like ivery word about finding
more skeletons in the closet, and then I'm like, oh, like,
maybe my grandparents aren't my actual grandparents. My great grandparents
aren't my actual great parent grand parents, my uncles are
my aunts, and.
Speaker 3 (47:02):
A lot of yeah, a lot that you could uncover.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
Too much, too much, you know, maybe just maybe just
live lie similar I take the red pill? Or is
the blue pill? Which? Which pill of you do you get?
I never watch the matrix, the the matrix ending pill, Dakota,
which which the red pill? Don't take the red pill.
Speaker 3 (47:20):
I want to get to a place where I can
carry on my grandmother's legacy, learning to appreciate each branch
of my family tree, even if my connection to each
one is now so different. Thank you for giving me
a space to share my story. And then comments, Hey.
Speaker 1 (47:34):
It's John here, og host of the show. We're gonna
get back to these juicy stories. But here's a quick
three minutes of ads from our sponsors.
Speaker 3 (47:40):
Wild black Cat says, as someone who believes in science
and data, it's painful to realize how hard I fought
against accepting the truth. If you knew right away in
a similar situation, please know I just wasn't capable of that.
When I read that, I thought you'd have been in
denial for months, if not years, not two hours.
Speaker 2 (47:58):
Okay, this time of it.
Speaker 3 (47:59):
It's a relief to everyone that everyone is understanding and supportive.
I wish you the best going forward. Maybe in time
you could come back and update us on which decisions
you made and how everything turned out.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
Do we have an update?
Speaker 3 (48:11):
Well, Opie says, I was still trying to find some
random excuses for a few days, but I have fully
accepted it now. I just wasn't sure if people would think,
how could she not believe the science? It's right there.
And also I've been saying that Opie is a man
full time. Sorry, uh, maybe that is just me still
being hard on myself. So thank you for the reminder
to be gentle. There isn't up.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
Oh three and a half months later.
Speaker 3 (48:31):
We actually have a lot more to this story.
Speaker 2 (48:34):
Oh wow, how much more.
Speaker 3 (48:35):
We're a little bit over halfway through it.
Speaker 2 (48:37):
Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness, three and a half
months later, get into it.
Speaker 3 (48:42):
Let's jump in I want to thank everyone who read
and commented on my last post. The past four months
have been an absolute whirlwind and so much has happened.
I promised a few of you an update, so here
it is. Since Halloween of last year, I've been very
intentional about my NPE journey non parent entity theory therapist therapy. Okay,
(49:07):
in November I started seeing a therapist who specializes in
NPE experiences and oh event is that what I said?
And she's been incredible. I feel incredibly fortunate. Not only
did I find a therapist who's a great fit for me,
but she has also been through the exact same experience
I had.
Speaker 2 (49:23):
That's awesome. I mean, not for her, but she's like,
I've been through and through this.
Speaker 3 (49:31):
And I came out on the other side.
Speaker 2 (49:32):
A therapist.
Speaker 3 (49:33):
She's helped me navigate both the emotional impact and the
logistical aspects of my discovery. As for reaching out to
my biological father, I ultimately had my mom delivered the
news to him and gauge his reaction for context. I
actually grew up around my biological father and have siblings
without knowing our connection. None of us did no, no,
(49:56):
because this was Remember when op was like, Oh, yeah,
it says that my my like suedo grandparents for pseudo
pseudo grandparents were my grandparents. I think that's what it said.
So I feel like maybe the pseudo grandparents had a
kid and that's the fall this. So the pseudo had
(50:20):
a son that the mother.
Speaker 2 (50:21):
So really it was it was a family friend right
that the mother was was sleeping with.
Speaker 3 (50:26):
I think that's what we're learning. His parents, my biological grandparents,
were best friends with my grandparents, my mom's parents, and
he and my mom grew up together.
Speaker 2 (50:39):
Wow. Oh wow, they're kind of like it's kind of cute, honestly,
Like as far as the fair partners go, Like, that's
kind of the cutest one. You're like childhood sweethearts.
Speaker 3 (50:49):
Yeah, I guess.
Speaker 2 (50:52):
There are a way worse affairs to have. You could
you know, you could have an affair with the stripper
that's not that cute, but have an affair with your
childhood best friend that's cute.
Speaker 3 (51:01):
Hey, they have lives too, Sam strippers.
Speaker 2 (51:04):
I know they have, but it's not cute. Maybe it's hot,
but it's not cute.
Speaker 3 (51:08):
Though he wasn't technically a stranger, we hadn't spoken in
years when my mom told him the truth. He was
completely shocked, but also happy, and immediately expressed a strong
desire to talk on my turn. A few days later,
I called him and explained how I discovered the truth.
We caught up a bit, but mostly he cried and
(51:28):
expressed deep shame for what had happened, particularly what he
had done to my dad. He told me he wanted
to speak with my dad to make amends, and he did.
My Biodad reached out to you.
Speaker 2 (51:39):
Couldn't start that conversation.
Speaker 3 (51:41):
He dude, I know, I never told you for like.
Speaker 2 (51:44):
So much in common, like we kind of like the
same girls, you.
Speaker 3 (51:47):
Know, Like I think your son is cool. I mean, sorry,
I think my son is cool.
Speaker 2 (51:51):
Yeah, I think our son is cool. Yeah yeah, I mean.
Speaker 3 (51:55):
I've an awkward conversation.
Speaker 2 (51:57):
It's definitely an awkward conversation. But maybe if it's done way,
all you guys could be like, bros, you can't do that,
oh right anyway, bros.
Speaker 3 (52:04):
I don't think that makes sense anymore. Now you've gone
too far away and it don't make sense. What about
just bros? And he did. My bio dad reached out
and they had a few conversations. He expressed his regret
and reassured my dad that he would never and could
never replace him. He's like, hey, dude, Like, I don't
(52:25):
want you to feel a friend by me. You know, I'm.
Speaker 2 (52:27):
Just I'm just a guy like everyone.
Speaker 3 (52:30):
Guy who had spiced to sleep with your wife.
Speaker 2 (52:32):
Yeah, and there's way better friends with her and has
known her for longer, you know. But like, don't be intimidated.
Speaker 3 (52:37):
Despite the pain, my dad has shown an incredible amount
of grace and has been open to having a relationship
with my bio dad. Wow, it's not entirely surprising, giving
that they were actually friends long ago before and during
my parents' marriage. Out. Though they hadn't spoken in years,
they were never truly strangers. I've made it clear to
both of them that whatever relationship they choose to have
(52:59):
is entirely to them. Their journey of forgiveness is separate
from mine, and I support whatever path they take. After Christmas,
I saw my bio dad in person while home for
the holidays. They drove a few hours to come see
me and my mother. The reunion was a bit last minute,
but I knew they were eager, and I realized that
dragging it out would only make me more anxious. My
(53:21):
dad initially struggled with the timing. He felt it was
happening too fast, but I reassured him that this was
the right decision for me and my own healing. Eventually
he supported me. The reunion itself was surreal. I saw
my bio dad, his wife whom he met long after
I was conceived, my two half siblings, and my bio grandparents.
Though I had known them as a teenager, the dynamic
(53:44):
was understandably different. They had all cried, hugged me, and
expressed how happy they were to have me in their lives.
Speaker 2 (53:51):
So it's like adopting a child as an adult. Yeah,
it's like a weird It's like it's like it's it's cute,
I think, but it's but it's just so odd.
Speaker 3 (54:02):
But also it's it's interesting because I mean, Ope even
says it. Though I had known them as a teenager,
the dynamic is different, like he's she's she's learned or
she's known these people kind of her whole life, but
now is being reintroduced to them.
Speaker 2 (54:19):
Which I think is weirder than like, because often when
this story happens, it's like this, yeah.
Speaker 3 (54:26):
Super family, you don't know them.
Speaker 2 (54:28):
Yes, And then you're being introduced to this person for
the first time, and it's like, oh, that's my biological father.
Yeah right, and and and I think it's much easier
to apply that new frame to someone you've never met.
To someone you already know. It's like, oh, like, I
know you. You just know me as your your mommy's friend,
but I'm I'm actually your dad. Like that. I think
(54:51):
that's a hard switch I agree to take on.
Speaker 3 (54:55):
They all cried, hugged me, and expressed how happy they
were to have me in their lives. I ate, drank,
and tried to keep things as things as natural as possible.
We even went out to dinner and toasted to everyone's
strength in handling this news. The last toast was to
my dad, which completely choked me up. I cried when
they left. One thing that came up when I shared
(55:15):
my regional DNA results is that my biodad got confirmation
that his grandpa was not his father's father.
Speaker 2 (55:22):
Wait wait, wait runs in the family.
Speaker 3 (55:26):
Oh my goodness, what it goes so hot?
Speaker 2 (55:29):
Wait? Oh multi generations of people just have an affairs.
Speaker 3 (55:34):
Their family has been speculating for a while that there
was a DNA discrepancy, and my results just proved it
and allowed my biodad to tell his dad that his
father was not biologically related to him. That's a whole
other story that has come undone because of my discovery.
Since the visit, my biodad and I have spoken a
few times, but everything has been very low pressure. After
(55:56):
such an emotional and intense November and December, we all
felt the need to settle into our new reality. The
start of the year has been about finding normalcy again,
and it's been refreshing to deal with everyday life while
continuing to work through things with my therapist. The world
is only getting weirder and weirder as time passes, and
(56:16):
I'm trying to keep my discovery in perspective to see
it as a blip in my experience that makes me
interesting and challenges me to rethink my understanding of connection, relationships,
and family. With the continuous support of my friends and family,
I don't think it needs to be anything more than
that right now. Moving forward, I want to wait until
the summertime to start digging back into my ancestry account.
(56:39):
My goal is to continue to help my father build
out a tree even if my DNA won't be an
asset there by the way you would be an asset
to us if you listen to full episodes of stories
just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio,
and search up Okay, storytime. And that is the almost
end of the story. There's a little bit left to it.
Speaker 2 (57:01):
I love how we're uncovering so much, oh much, It's
very interesting. I just feel like it is to be
the person in it feels completely destabilizing.
Speaker 3 (57:14):
Oh my goodness. To to one find out that, like
your whole life is kind of a lie, and that
the family friend that you've had for years, thirty years.
Speaker 2 (57:22):
Or at least, I mean that ended up cute, Yeah,
but not every layer is going to end up that cue.
Speaker 3 (57:27):
But then to also learn that, like two things deeper,
you're a great grandpa or your grandpa. No, yeah, you're
a great grandpa also, isn't you know? Just like you
keep destabilizing every Yeah, tough.
Speaker 2 (57:40):
But we got a little bit more to this story.
Speaker 3 (57:42):
Yes, I will keep working on my mother's tree, and
I have agreed to help my biodad do more research
on his family. You're just helping everyone since he doesn't
know who his real grandfather is. I want to find
ways to relate to all three trees, even if they
all feel slightly different to me. In the meantime, I
will work to gather health history and other info from
(58:03):
my living biofamily so that I could give my real
health history for the first time to my doctors. Thanks
again to everyone who has followed along and offered support.
Feel free to message if you're going through something similar
and want.
Speaker 2 (58:15):
To talk about.
Speaker 3 (58:15):
And that is the end of that story.
Speaker 2 (58:18):
Wow wow, wow wow.
Speaker 3 (58:21):
We were kind of connected to the first story in
that we had. You know, all these secrets come out
one after another.
Speaker 2 (58:28):
I know, I know the beauty of some DNA paternity
deaths and the beauty of some tunnel buddies, you know, true, true, true.
I think that's the love story that we need to
really talk about, is the tunnel buddies that were exposed
and the romance that's butting, the butting broman butting bromance butt.
That's where that story ends. So if you love us,
(58:50):
make sure to subscribe.
Speaker 3 (58:51):
We love you and see you tomorrow.
Hey, this is Jonas is Sam your og Okay Storytime
podcast hosts.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
We have some great stories coming up.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
But before that, we have a quick two minute break
from the sponsors that keep the show alive.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
My fiance is drowning in child support payments. I'm thinking
our wedding.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
I think you should think about a boat.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
So first thing I want to say is I love
my fiance. He's a great guy, a wicked, smart, kind, sunny, wicked,
whip smart. Oh what does that mean? Who knows what
that happens? Like whip smart that no one says like
whip smart, kind, funny, And a year and a half ago,
I would have never have imagined I'd be at this point.
(00:38):
We've been dating for five years, ever since we met.
He works at a call center and I'm a postal worker.
We make a moderate income and the wedding is tentatively
in April. Small courthouse wedding with a tasteful reception afterwards.
By the way, this comes from boyfriend drowning in CP
And if you want to submit your own stories, go
to our slash Okay story Time. So I apologize in
(01:01):
advance for the legal gobblin goop. He hasn't really kept
me in the loop. And I'm a mail carrier, not
a lawyer. I don't have a head for this. So
one gear into our relationship, he got a notice for
paternity from the state he used to live in for
a three year old boy. Whoa you just get a
letter in the mail when.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
You have a boy, you have a boy years later?
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Yeah, that's crazy, that's like, yeah, but with a whole
whole child that has a personality. That kid served with
the key.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
You know what you do? You wait like seven more years,
You send your child to live behind like an orchestra house,
and then you casually like happened to run into him
on the street while he's playing the.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Guitar fingerstyle, fingerstyle.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Style and you're like, never give up in your dreams,
and I think you And then you.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Take him in into isn't a different church? Yeah, so
then you teach him how to bust So what's your name.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Little boy? And he goes August Rush.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Wow, that's what you do. So yeah, turn turn those
those those lemons into lemonade, I guess. Yeah, put that
child to.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Random children that show up on your door in three
years into prodigies.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
So clearly this happened way before I met him. He
thought it was ridiculous, but took the ordered DNA test
and turns out he is the father.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Yeah, well, you don't just get mail in the you know,
three years later if they're not pretty sure.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
I mean, how do you test that though? With the
paternity test? But does he have to take it? I
guess it's court ordered. It seems it's turns out he
is the father. Insert Marie audience cat calling here. What
you know, like the mari thing? What it's like the
the are you the father? Are you the dad? Whatever?
That show is paternity court something? You are not the father? Yeah? Okay?
Speaker 3 (03:00):
Who?
Speaker 2 (03:01):
The mother was apparently mentally unwell, and it turned out
the boy was in the custody of the grandparents. They
offered to adopt the boy if my fiance gave up
all his paternal rights, and he jumped at the offer.
So he's like, take this kid, take.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
This three year old. I'll find him in seven years.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
They pulled some strings. I've heard it's supposed to be hard,
but we literally flew down to his old state on
the date they told him to sign some papers in
front of a judge and that was that clend of
that three year old gid.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
That's kind of wild, Like, imagine being that relationship, Like, imagine.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Being what do you think would you like, like, let's
say you were dating someone and like, you know, like
even if it was like a like a couple months
the relationship. Yeah, and they get served with a child
and they sign away their kid? Does that make them
think of you? Like? Does that make you think of
them any differently?
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Probably? I mean we heard that he jumped at the chance.
Think I jumped at the chance to just sign away
the rights for their child. And also the fact that
they find out three years I'll be.
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Like, yeah, I mean I think I would be.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
I don't think I would necessarily. I'm not saying that
it's not necessarily the right decision for him to give
up those rights, because probably the grandparents can provide him
red life or the child a better life. But like,
but the jump, jumping.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
The jump, you know, yeah, I at least want a
little bit of internal conflict.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Yeah, maybe like a like a running start into a
die or like a fast walk.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yeah, yeah, a fast walk to it. But a jump
is a little bit much. Maybe even a skip. Well,
I personally an ambivalent about the whole thing. It seemed
like he just gave up all the rights to his
son without a care. But in the end, it's his business,
not mine. I told myself I would be a supportive
stepmother if the boy ever came to him for help
slash answers. When he was older, there was some messy
(04:52):
legal business about arears child support because the mother apparently
was on welfare for years and the state wants repay
from the fiance. Wait, but a lot of child support
because she was on welfare from the state, So he
owes child support back payments.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
I guess, But I'm wondering because a lot of people
are saying in the chat that if he gave up
parental rights, then he doesn't owe.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Out support support. But maybe I guess, yeah, Like maybe
it's like it's a three years that the state was paying,
so he only gave up parental rights three years later,
and now the grandparents are taking control of that.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
But how is that? I mean, like, I don't I
guess this is how it works, but it doesn't seem
sensical to me if someone didn't know they were a parent,
Like let's say, you know, someone finds out sixteen years later.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Because sixteen years of birth path.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Yeah the birth Like, couldn't you get someone for sixteen
years of back payments?
Speaker 2 (05:41):
I believe so based on this is that? Is that true?
Let let us know could possibly be in the chat
more common than a thing. I don't know much about
it because you refuse to share, only that it's around
twenty k for three years. Dang twenty k, Yeah, you're mess.
A couple of years ago by I take fiance to
(06:04):
the DMV to renew his license because it's way past
expired and he won't do it. Lo and behold, it's suspended.
I wonder why, but I see you in the chat.
His license suspended, But that's what you were doing for?
Why past? Do child support judgment for another child? Separate child,
(06:26):
a twelve year old girl and it's thirty thousand dollars
for this kid?
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Wait? Did he know about this child?
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Beyonce is literally sick and I mean he threw up
all night, so MA sounds like he didn't know. But
also how is he finding out about these kids so late? Yeah? Worse.
In order to get his license suspended, he had to
contact child support department in his old state and give
them all his current info, where he works, where he lives,
(06:56):
and soon enough a notice comes through HR. No, he's
going to be garnished twenty five percent of his after
tax pay because of the child support judgment. Twenty five percent.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
It means that after taxes, they're the government's taking twenty
five percent of his pay. So if he's paid a thout,
like let's say he's paid, you know, one thousand dollars,
after taxes, they're they're they're taking two hundred and fifty
dollars of that.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
Yeah, okay. And if someone had like taxes coming up
soon and they were being paid by a company, you know.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
With third tax I think you would go online, how
you would research it.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
Get on that real quick.
Speaker 2 (07:44):
You should get on that. You should get on that.
I'm this is your coming of age as as as
an adult.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
No, this is not me. I'm ready, I'm fine.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I'm sure you are read it. He just shut down
after that, Stone walls any conversation regarding the issue at all.
I took up more of the bills, but now we're
both struggling. We have had to move into a smaller,
crappier apartment using my credit alone because his has a
big fat judgment on it. He had to refinance his
almost paid off car because he couldn't afford the high payments,
(08:22):
and there's some kind of hearing coming up. I don't
know what it's about, because he flatly refuses tell me.
I think maybe it's to adjust the payments based on
his current income, which has grown due to a promotion. Okay,
at least we got we got some somebody coming up.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
How many secret babies would it take for.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
You to break up with someone?
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Yeah, like they don't know about the babies either.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
I mean, I think something we've said on the show
is like the past is the past. We want to
take people for who they are, but who you are?
How many?
Speaker 3 (08:55):
How many depends how long of datings like a month? No,
it's not a month, it's however long a peace.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
One one secret baby for every five years of marriage.
Either way, he hasn't bought plane tickets, or rather hasn't
asked me for the money because he can't afford them.
I think he's not going it'll be an automatic judgment
against him. Here's the thing. He could request a DNA
test for the girl he has it. You totally should
(09:22):
to make sure that's actually your kid, though he has
told me he's certain he's not the father, Thank god,
thank god.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
No, he's just saying that he's just going I'm manifesting.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
He could hire an attorney. I've offered to front the costs,
but he has a thousand excuses. He had to get
one in another state. They gouge him because he wasn't there.
He doesn't have the time. Excuse, excuse, excuse. The hearing
is in three weeks. I don't know what's going on,
and he's so passive about it that I'm worried. So
I opened up an official looking notice received a few
(10:00):
months back, but never bothered to open. You're joking, No,
there's a third child.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
What is this man doing?
Speaker 2 (10:10):
This guy's this guy's got what.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Is this man doing?
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Oh my goodness, he must just be I mean his
reflexes are definitely not strong at the very least.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
No. No, But like I don't even think that's the crazy
thing for me, because people have accidental children all the time.
How does this man have three secret children? How is
he finding three people that aren't telling him that they
had a child with him until three to twelve years later.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
To get pregnant. You have to you have to be
doing it raw.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
For like a year, well not necessarily, I mean for like.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
On average on our rout look at how look on
the average time it takes for a couple to get pregnant.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Average time the average time to conceive for healthy couples
is around six months, normal for some couples to take
longer up to a year.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Okay, so that's once to a year. Do I know? Women?
Speaker 3 (11:01):
I say like six months over one person, and then
we have x over one hundreds, that's six hundred.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
I don't know there is a third child. This one
is a brother of the girl. Maybe the hearing is
actually about him. Oh god, dang, I just don't know.
He has actually left the house for a long walk
when I questioned him a few weeks back. Man needs
more than a long walk. I am not a nagging person.
(11:29):
Asking him to deal with his BS is uncomfortable for
me too.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
Hold on though, this because unless this boy is a twin,
then he saw that woman twice. The one he had
a twelve year old girl with she head right, she
would have had to hide this.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
This is suspicious. If I have to confront him with
an ultimatum. We've reached the point of no return, but
I'm almost there. I think you should be there. Yeah, man,
I love my fiance. He's fifty k for the first
boy and girl in debt that will haunt him for
the foreseeable future. He won't do anything about it, just
(12:08):
sticks his head in the sand and hopes it goes away.
Maybe he's depressed. KEI as normal as if none of
this is happening.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
He's gaslighting himself.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
There might be more on the way with the third child.
If I stay with him, I'll never be able to
buy a house. I will have to make all major
purchases on my credit alone, and we can never combine income.
He has abandoned three children. I don't know the full
stories of the relationship between him and the mothers other
than it was painful and full of lies. One is
his biological child, for sure. The other two are a question,
(12:41):
but they may as well be in the eyes of
the state. He doesn't care about them other than the
bi weekly garnishment on his paycheck. As far as I understand,
he's never asked about them once. I had a pregnancy
scare last month, well, actually I found it. I had
been pregnant via miscarriage. Oh, no condolence is needed. Never
mind who I didn't tell him it's done. But the
(13:02):
first thought in my head after I realized what came
out was my child would have been the fourth in
line for any support if things went south. Who says
he wouldn't abandon me too. We do plan on having
children eventually. My heart loves this guy, my head says
I'll be throwing away by financial future if I stick
with him. What does Reddit say? And there's an update
(13:25):
the next day? But what do you think? Sofia should
ope listen to the heart that says I love him
or the head that says I will be financially ruined
if I stay with good?
Speaker 3 (13:36):
And Also I feel like ope, is I mean, in
part rightfully so thinking about the financials, but like I
think she's thinking about them too much. You know, she's like, Oh,
I'm leaving them because because of finances that feel so cruel.
It's like, no, you're leaving him because he has three
secret children. Yeah, and I feel like he's not even
(13:58):
thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
Yeah, the f angels are worried. I think what's more
worrisome is like the potential lies that are embedded in
this whole scenario.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
The potential lies the fact that he's now trying to
abandon kind of three children that has some responsibility for.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Maybe the two children are questioned, but he's paying. He's accepting,
like he's accepting, he's paying for them.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
Yeah, even though the two children are a question mark,
he's not putting in any effort to figure out, you know,
if they are his.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Yeah, and he's just I mean, he's basically acting as
if they are his, but saying that they aren't.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
Yeah, that his man is ostriching.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Yeah, but we got an update see Great Children, Secret Children.
So unfortunately, someone linked my previous post from another subreddit,
so the post was locked and deleted. The basic justice
my fiance had stuck his head in the sand, and
it was ignoring child support notices and hearings to the
tune of fifty thousand dollars for children conceived way before
(15:01):
our relationship started. After the second surprise child, he had
completely shut me out on the subject. I opened up
some of his forgotten mail and saw there was a
notice for a third child and to recap baby one
three year old boys. He was able to give up
his paternal rights in favor of the mother's grandparents because
(15:22):
the mother had mental health issues. Twenty thousand dollars child
support in a re What is that? Ariears our years,
our years? What is that? How does he pronounce that
baby two, twelve year old girl thirty k ongoing child support?
I don't know the story behind this one, and he
isn't talking baby three, brother of the twelve year old girl.
(15:45):
The birthdate was on the paperwork, but he took that
letter with him. Thank you for all the comments, PMS
and valuable feedback from my other posts. The ones that
told me I too was sticking my head in the sand. Honestly,
good point. Really put it in place with me, and
did the ones who gave me professional as did the
ones who gave me professional insight that it was simply
(16:06):
not possible for him to have been completely blindsided with
all three children. Yeah, I mean with the brother thing.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
The brother thing, like either the brother's older younger, he
would have known or he should have known, unless the
mother was some kind of schemer who hid the children. Yeah,
you know, unless they were meeting at like a hotel
or something. Yeah, you know, he should have You should
have known something about that. Other child. Kirsch says, Elon,
(16:35):
is this you Yeah, I mean, I guess I'm I'm.
Speaker 2 (16:38):
The only scenario I could see for those other two
kids is he was having an affair with this person
consistently and didn't know about the children. I think, and
then those children came from another partner or something that
wasn't a marriage. But again, but the sus Caitlyn van
Gambon says, bro is running from the child support payments
(16:59):
and the child's sport finally caught up.
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
I think that is probably the most likely scenario. It's arrears.
So I was in a mood when he got home tonight.
I showed my fiance, who I'm now calling Johnny Applesey
thanks to a previous commenter, the letter I opened about
the third child. Luckily he didn't get all huffy about
(17:22):
me opening his mail because I was not in the mood.
Johnny's space just fell. I think we're getting the truth.
We're gonna get the truth. And he said it was
impossible for him to be the father of the third child.
He didn't know about it, not having opened his child
support mail over the last few months. That the mother
of the twelve year old child, had one child support
(17:43):
judgment against him for the girl, and now was clearly
looking for more. I told him I thought that was BS,
and I wanted the truth now that I'd been looking
through his old States law and the courts can't have
ruled him the father of a twelve year old without evidence.
He pulled his usual stonewall stuff, said it didn't matter
because there was a judgment against him, he was screwed
(18:04):
for life. He actually started to cry. I kept on him,
and he finally told me the truth. The truth comes out.
Baby gave it to me. So he and the baby
mama were in love since they were teenagers, but it
was an on and off relationship. She was drama. She
got pregnant and he was there for her, but right
(18:25):
before the baby was born, she told him he wasn't
the father. He was stubborn and proud and still signed
the birth certificate, but he left her soon after at
her request and didn't have any contact. Why didn't he
get a DNA test? It was expensive and his heart
was broken.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
But he still has some sort of.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Like out so he still is an out.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
Oh no, but he still has some sort of responsibility
because he signed the birth certificate.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Yeah, but if you can prove that paternity wasn't what
was like, uh, it was false. If you can prove
you like the pernity like fails, then you could get
out of it. By the end of this, he was crying.
I started crying too, and I told him I can't
marry him right now with all this going on. Yes,
oh my god, finally yeah, OMG. Did he go instantly
(19:14):
from sorrowful to pust He kept asking me how I
could do this. But I knew about the child's support
going in, and that he'd always been honest with me.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
It's not true. You just admitted to lie.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
Truth. Yeah, No, he'd said nothing or insinuated. She put
his name on the BURSTICKA fit not the same as honesty.
That he knew baby Mam was trying to get again
to ruin his life, and the judgment was already in.
There was nothing he could do because the courts always
ruled in the favor of the mother. There was no
point in trying. This was all her fault for trying
(19:46):
to ruin his life, and by taking her side over him.
I was letting her.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
Oh my goodness, this man is just doing the whole
woe is Me?
Speaker 2 (19:54):
Routine? Yeah, Reddit, I'd like to say I threw in
some good zingers. The fact is, when things get heated,
my brain stalls out. I said some things about how
he was handling the situation, keeping me locked out of
what was going on with the upcoming hearing, and if
he kept blowing this off, he'd go to jail. But
my delivery sounded kind of aim even to me. It's
(20:14):
never like how I practiced it in my head or
can type it out here, you know. Then he started
asking me if this was about a male coworker I
had once given a ride home like three months ago,
if I had an affair with him. He is deflecting.
He's trying to like get the conversation away from all
of because he can't take respond I mean, he can't
(20:38):
take responsibility of three kids. Yeah, oh, what the F No.
I took off his ring, his grandmother's, and told him
to take it, that he needed to move out tonight,
stay with someone else, and give me some space. The
wedding was off and I needed a few days to
consider the rest of the relationship. Good idea, definitely a
(20:58):
step back. He kept asking me why, like he couldn't
believe I was breaking out the wedding because a little
old thing like fifty k in debt, three surprise children,
and a complete shutdown of the subject and the lining.
Then he called me shallow. That money means more to
me than love.
Speaker 3 (21:15):
That's so funny, that's so funny. This man will do
anything but look in a mirror.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Mm hmm hmmmm. I mean he can't right now. What's
love got to do with this? Mm hmm. Well it
went on, but I'm already sick of reliving this. He
does swear there is no possibility of any more surprise
children period. He packed a duffel full of clothes and left,
having convinced himself that I was either cheating on him
(21:42):
or shallow and money hungry. So I spent the evening
rereading comments I've done the right thing right and browsing
four rent signs. Also the right thing. The least is
in my name only because of the judgments on his
credit reports. Uugh, this is what I become, lying the
landlords because of my irresponsible fiance. He probably has some
sort of resident rights anyway. Mah. At least he's out
(22:04):
of the apartment for now. I texted him a long
message about an hour ago. Johnny, before we join our
lives together, I need to know you can handle your
responsibilities like an adult. Go to the hearing. I will
help you with a lawyer, with a plane ticket, whatever.
If you treat me like a partner, maybe we can
rebuild our relationship. I love you, girl?
Speaker 3 (22:28):
Is that?
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Is she doing this like?
Speaker 3 (22:30):
Girl?
Speaker 2 (22:30):
I mean, I don't know, dude, I don't know. I
know she loves him, but he's terrible. I understand wanting
to give someone a second chance.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
But you've given this man three two.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
You've given him so many chances already, and he's shown
that he's like lying. I think this giving him another
chance is just because maybe you want to stay comfortable
in the and the relationship. I mean yeah, And also
with the last comment too, yeah, Sna says, especially after
the last moment, like you.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
Accused you of cheating on him because you told him
that it wasn't okay, that he isn't taking care of
any of his problems.
Speaker 2 (23:11):
He hasn't answered. I hope he listens to reason once
he cools down. He has so many good qualities.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
I doubt that they outweigh the bad.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
I have to share the very worst of my post
to you all. You'd be an excellent father if you
wanted visitation, and I'm willing to put into the work
to sort this out and move forward with these kids.
Speaker 3 (23:28):
If he is, yeah, I'm sorry, I would be an
excellent president. And if I wanted to be president.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
What there are There's a lot of work to be
done here, and I think a lot of work that
you can't do. He needs to do a lot of
work on his own. I'm not saying you can never
be together, but what I am saying is, please, please, please,
please be separate for a while.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
I mean be separate at least until he figures his
stuff out.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
Yeah, he's convinced himself he is screwed for life, and
I think it's paralyzed him. It's a terrifying place to be.
I know, basically everyone wanted me to punt him to
the curb, but I'm hoping this break is enough of
a come to Jesus moment for him to prove he's
not an irresponsible person. Basically, if he wants to fight
(24:13):
for this relationship, he has got to go to the hearing,
handle his business, get on a payment plan, and keep
on it, then seek relationship counseling, lots and lots of
relationship counseling, and then we'll see I still may break
up permanently. Okay, that's good, but at least he'll have
sorted out a thing or two. Maybe I'm just holding
on to hope. What do you think, Sophia? I think
for sure.
Speaker 3 (24:32):
Yeah, you're holding on to hope more than.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
Yep, yep, more than what, more than what? More than
more yep?
Speaker 3 (24:41):
A better man.
Speaker 2 (24:43):
Yep, holds on to a webs yep. That was great.
So that's it. I really wish I had thought of
something awesome to say during the argument, like maybe I'm
holding on to hope harder than Spider Man holds onto
webs exactly. But life isn't a movie. No, it's not
like there we go. She's on it. But Paul is
(25:04):
in his court. Let's see if he mans up or not.
Anyone been through anything like this, Behore, I hope not.
Speaker 3 (25:13):
I think you may be the first.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
I did blindside him a little because I too had
been way too passive in letting this slide. How do
I help him help himself? And we got an update?
It might feel like, oh, I'm abandoning him when he
needs it. Yeah, but like in actuality, you were letting
him solve his own problems and independence. Yeah, and be
(25:35):
an adult.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
The thing is that I'm sure that nobody really is
prepared to take care of three secret children, but when
it happens, your responsibility to take care of it.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
He hasn't answered the texts with the offer to help.
I've called the landlord and requested a new lock for
the door. He's not on the lease and it's probably
not legal. But as someone pointed out, and I agree,
he's adverse to going to courts. Responses have been passionate.
I don't think I was clear. We're essentially done. I
turned his grandmother's ring and told him to give me space.
(26:09):
If if he accepts help and steps up to his
obligations to his children with no backsliding, only then will
I consider taking him back. Not for immediate marriage JFC,
I'm not insane. Well what does that mean? What's JFC?
Not to get pregnant, as some lovely commenter suggested, But
(26:30):
considering it's morning and he still has an answer to
the text, it probably doesn't matter. Yeah, I think he's
given thing.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Is it sounds like you were willing to give him
a chance, but he's already given up on your relationship.
Speaker 2 (26:41):
So yeah again, and he's shown through his actions. But
we got some relevant comments. Hopefully these relevant comment as
saying girl, wake up there. But we got some relevant comments.
So A pretty dirt unlive says he would be an
excellent father if you wanted visitation. What he would be
a doctor, if he graduated medic school school, he would
(27:02):
be a millionaire if he had won the power ball,
if he had wings, he'd be a bird. What he
is as a total failure as a father at times three,
he participated in the creation of three little ones, abandoned
them emotionally and financially, and now complains that they are
burdened three children growing up fatherless, which will color their
lives for other because of him. This is the depth
of compassion and empathy that he is capable of. This
(27:24):
is how he treats the truly powerless and dependent, even
though he has every legal and moral obligation to support them,
because there's nothing in it for him. His maybe they're
not mine excuse is a total load of bs, Because
if he had an iota of humanity and him, he'd
care enough to find out it. Oh, he responds to this, Sofia,
(27:46):
what do you think about that company?
Speaker 3 (27:47):
The thing is, I completely agree if he believed that
these children were truly not his, that he'd take. Yeah,
he would take. He would say, yeah, he believes in
his heart that they are. Yeah, he knows in his
heart that they are.
Speaker 2 (28:02):
Is I feel like we have like delusion on two levels. Here.
We have the delusion of this guy who is I
guess deluding himself thinking that he is not responsible for
these kids and if he doesn't confront everything, it'll go away.
And then we have delusional ope that thinks that if
she gives this husband another chance, will turn into this
(28:23):
model father and and model partner. And I just don't
think we have any evidence of that.
Speaker 3 (28:29):
Nope.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
But Opie responds, Okay, this did make me laugh. You
have a points and update two one month later. Hey,
it's Sam, your ogi host here. Bring it back to
the stories. But here's three minutes bads from our sponsor.
Speaker 3 (28:46):
See if he went to any of his court hearings.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
I don't think so. I don't know where to start.
After I called off the wedding and returned his grandmother's
engagement ring. He packed a duffel full of his clothes
and left. Been about a month and I haven't heard
a peep from him. I changed the on the apartment,
but he hasn't been back for his stuff anyway. He
blocked me on Facebook and then and when I gave
in and tried to give him a call a week later,
(29:08):
he'd changed his phone number two. This is his m O. Yeah,
this is his m O.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
He does this. I mean, he's done this to three children.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Also, what's crazy is she had a miscarriage, so it
could have been four.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
The blocking. I bet he does this to everyone at
the women and then when they try and reach out
to him to tell him that they have children, they can't.
They can't reach out.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
He's got a system. I heard he was staying at
his best bro's house courtesy of Bro's girlfriend. Trust me.
I went through all the stages of grief, denial, anger, acceptance,
et cetera, and I finally accepted he wasn't coming back.
I thought maybe he'd gone back to his home state
to be one of the baby mamas, but his car
was parked in the parking lot at his work. I
(29:53):
may have drove past once or twice. The hearing was
scheduled for early this week, and finally tonight, I plucked
up the urge and went to best Bro's house to
confront him. Who I think, just let him be, Let
him be, you know, like you don't, don't, don't get
involved in him? Like like.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Answered like, okay, I'm going to confront him and tell
him that he can either change or leave.
Speaker 2 (30:18):
And so he's he's left. He's given up on the relationship.
The least he could do is get his crap out
of my apartment. Right, I grabbed up as many many
unopened child support notices. We know this is not the reason, right,
she just wants to see him as this is not
not If you really didn't care about him and the relationship,
he would probably just put his stuff in a trash
(30:38):
bag and leave it there exactly. And a picture of
boy number one he left on his dresser. It's the
only picture of the three kids that he has, and
he left it behind because he doesn't care, doesn't care
about Best Bro answered the door, and what follows about
the most awkward conversation ever. I can't remember the conversation verbatim,
but I asked where ex fiance was and Best Bro
said he wasn't there. He's being all evasive. And I
(31:00):
asked if he went to the hearing or not, and
Best Bro looked confused. What hearing? I told him the
child support hearing for his three kids. Best Bro looked
super confused, like I was crazy. Then he asked if
I was seeing anyone else other than ex fiance. I said,
of course I wasn't. I gave Best Bro a very
abbreviated version punted ex fiance out because he was doing
(31:20):
his child support for from his baby mamas. He had
a hearing earlier this week. I was getting loud because
I'd been bottling this up, and Best Bro's girlfriend came
out to see what was going on. She's the one
who told me her exact words, your man lost his
dang mind. But I think we're going to see what
happened to me. Yeah, Moorgie, and he went on a
(31:43):
bender and now there's ten baby mamas. The weekend after
I punted him out, he went to a bar with
his best bro old girl bashing what wait what I
read ahead, That's what I'm saying. I've been met up
with some twenty two year old bard and hooked up
read it. He married her last weekend, drove up to Reno,
(32:06):
were a couple hours from the Nevada border, and did
the whole Chapel of Love thing where these women and
his girlfriend were the witnesses. They hadn't really supported his decision,
but he had convinced them I was a cheating witch
and he was heartbroken. Plus Best Bro's girlfriend implied later
that he'd overstayed his welcome by crashing at the house
(32:26):
for most of the month. I was shocked and pissed
and wanted to cry because I sort of got the
vibe that Best Bro still didn't believe I wasn't cheating.
So I grabbed the court documents from my car and
gave them to him to pass along to my ex.
I doubt they'll open them up, but the fact that
they're from Old State County's Child Support division should be
good enough evidence. I don't know why I should care
(32:49):
about their opinion. Neither one of them called me during this.
I thought I was their friend too, but they believed him.
I'm back home, surrounded by his crap and trying to
sort out my feelings. Put the crap in trash bags
and put it on Best bros doorstep. I feel like
I've just watched someone blow through all the bridge's out
warning signs and drive off a cliff. I told my
(33:11):
ex i'd help him get a lawyer for the hearing,
help them with a plane ticket. Instead of taking care
of his business, he went and married some chick he'd
known for like two and a half weeks at most.
I think I'm not in the mood to drag out
the calendar. Let's be generous and call it three weeks.
I should feel bad for the girl, his new wife,
what the f for what she's just gotten into. But
(33:31):
she must either be a real piece of work herself
or just an idiot who marries someone they've known for
that short of a time. And I know someone out
there is thinking you're an idiot. He had to have
known her for longer. He was cheating before this, well,
I'm certain he wasn't. He is a homebody by nature.
There was never any missing time in a relationship, and
(33:52):
Best Bro is pretty clear they'd met at the bar
that night, So basically, instead of going to his child
support hearing, he was moving in with his new wifey
and probably doing what newly married people. Do I hope
they're happy together? Of course I don't. I guess my
next stop is the legal advice submurn to figure out
what to do with this stuff. You might have a
contempt of court warrant out for him for skipping the hearing,
(34:13):
so I doubt he'll assume me if I toss it
all away, But I do want to cover my butt.
By the way, if you want to cover your butt
with audio going into your ears, go listen to full
episodes of stories just like this. Go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts,
or your favorite podcast app and search. Okay, story time,
there's another for there's another relevant update. But it feels like, oh,
he's finally getting the message that this guy is not
(34:35):
coming back.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
Well like it took her a while. Took her a while,
and it took her it took her boyfriend marrying someone
else in Reno.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
I know, I know, which is kind.
Speaker 3 (34:47):
Of shocking, but it does seem again like his mo
he engages or he marries or whatever.
Speaker 2 (34:54):
He has a system. Man works quick.
Speaker 3 (34:56):
He makes these women think that they are the love
of his life, and he's I want to baby that.
They say, Hey.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Dude, what about these three baby mamas. He goes, yeah,
so let's get into this end of the story. I
know I need to ask a questions, So here it is.
What in the world was he thinking? Out of all
the options he had to pick, he picked the very worst.
What was she thinking? I loved Slash, loved the man,
but even I can admit he's not classically good looking.
He had nothing to offer but a low paying job
(35:24):
and being practically homeless. And finally, what is wrong with
me that I feel terrible? He's found some new way
to f up. It's live. Hey, that's love. Op sucks.
But maybe you can choose more wisely in love next time, hopefully, hopefully,
But oh my gosh, that was a doozy. Truly all right,
(35:46):
we got one more story in that episode. I'll get
it back.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
I just took a DNA test and found out my
dad isn't my biological father.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Ooh no.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
I'd always read posts like this, but never thought I
would be writing one myself at thirty five years old.
I'm sharing my story in hopes of connecting with others
who might understand what I'm going through. If you do
read this, all, please know that I experienced a lot
of denial at the beginning of this process. By the way,
this comes from the Secret world X and if you
want to spit your own stories, go to our slash
(36:19):
okay storytime separate it so. As someone who believes in
science and data, it's painful to realize how hard I
fought against accepting the truth. If you knew right away
in a similar situation, please know I just wasn't capable
of that, at least not initially. I was doing the
best I could. Just over a week ago, on Hollowey night,
(36:39):
I was about to go to sleep at around two
am when I got an email that my ancestry DNA
results were ready. Eager to see the results, I decided
to take a quick look. I was excited because this
was a project I had been working on with my fathers.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
Must say Pandora's box as we know.
Speaker 3 (36:58):
Oh when his mother, my close grandparent, passed a few
years ago, we were happy to bond over carrying on
her genealogy research to discover and explore our extended family
treat But upon opening the region's page, I was immediately confused.
Three of my grandparents, now all deceased, had strong Ashkanazi's
(37:18):
backgrounds which have always been a huge part of my identity.
While my living family is not strictly religious, we have
always been very connected ethnically and culturally to our Judaism.
But when I looked at my results, they showed that
I was only thirty four percent Ashkanazi, a stark difference
from my brother's eighty percent from when he took the
(37:40):
test a few years ago. I convinced myself that maybe
he'd inherited the maximum them out of those genetics. Well,
I received the minimum. Regions appeared that I had never
heard my family speak of, and I had never seen
in any of my research French Basque Bosque finish. I
dismissed this as well, recalling posts I have seen about
people's DNA results shifting after recent Ancestry platform updates.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
Man in, I'm putting some ICUs, putting some icyus.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
I mean large icy us in a large amounts of
denial to be like, my brother just got more of
the Ashkaranazi. That's unfortunately not.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
That's not how it works, oh man.
Speaker 3 (38:24):
Man, Yeah, yeah, just a train train on.
Speaker 2 (38:31):
Fun on the side.
Speaker 3 (38:33):
Then I moved to regions by parent and I saw
that all my Oshkarazi ancestry came from parent one. Well,
all these unexpected regions were from parent two. I felt
a pang of panic, but quickly assigned parent one to
my father, who had two Oshkanazi parents, and parent two
to my mother, who had one Oshkanazi parent. I kept
(38:54):
reassuring myself that this was just an extreme genetic distribution
and nothing more.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Sure.
Speaker 3 (39:00):
Then I opened the DNA matches section and saw my
brother listed. This was no surprise to me, as I
knew he had taken a test years ago. But then
I saw that he was listed as my half brother.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Would he not know the same information? Like would he
not know that?
Speaker 3 (39:16):
No, because OP, he wouldn't have shown up.
Speaker 2 (39:18):
Right, But like couldn't because like OP, he was before
he saw half brother. Before OP saw a half brother, OP,
he was looking at the like oscaranzi Jew, like like oh,
like hey, like I I know this. My mom came,
I had these many oshcnozi Jew parents, and then my
dad had this many.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
I think if OP had been open to any of
the information, he would have realized that it wasn't you
know it.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
Was the stepbrother didn't know his step brother? No, But
didn't the stepbrother already did the step brother, already.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
Saying if like, all of the information is really clear, Yeah,
it's pointing to a very clear answer, and it seems
like he's just like no, no, no no. I quickly
changed the label full brother, ignoring pop up warnings encouraging
against it. As I kept looking, I noticed two other
people below my brother who appeared as my maternal grandparents,
(40:09):
but their names were not those of the grandparents I
grew up with my whole life. They were my grandparents'
best friends, my sort of Swedo grandparents growing up. I
gasped and clung to the idea that my mother had
been adopted by her parents and that both families had
stayed close through it all. After sitting with this for
a few hours, I called my dad, even though he
(40:31):
and my mom had been divorced for fifteen years and
I never made it a habit to involve them in
each other's affairs. I just needed reassurance, and I've always
called my dad when I needed help. When I asked
if he knew whether my mom had been adopted, he laughed,
assuring me she wasn't. I took him through what I'd found,
leaving out details I thought were irrelevant. My dad was quiet,
(40:52):
as I explained, but he patiently walked me through my theory.
The more we talked, the more inconsistencies be uncovered, and
I grew in reacingly frustrated. Then, to my shock, my
dad suggested that he might be questioning his paternity.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
To me, I thought that when OPI went through that
the Ashkarazi jew actually did match up.
Speaker 3 (41:15):
So what happened here? It seems like OPI had parent
one and parent two with no names, and it said
parent one a certain amount of Ashkenazi and then parent too,
like thirty two percent Ashkenazi. So he went, oh, well parent,
this parent must be my dad and this parent must
(41:39):
be my mom. But he swapped them, and so he
instead of being like, oh, my dad's not my dad,
he was like, my mom's adopted because he had swapped
the parents. Yeah, yeah, so he misassigned them. Is what
has happened here? I laughed it off, even grew angry
with him, trying to steer the conversation back to my
mom's adoption. But when he looked up his own twenty
(41:59):
tie three and meter results, I went back to my
DNA matches section to find my closest relative on my
paternal side. I clicked into family trees, expecting to see
familiar names, and they were familiar, just not paternally. The
trees showed my mother's relatives per tree. It hit me
I had misassigned my parents. Parent one was my mother
(42:25):
and parent two was my father. Yeah, with the correct assignments,
my biological grandparents shifted to my paternal side. As I
was confirming this for my father, he protested, telling me
this still doesn't line up one hundred percent because my
brother had shown up as fully related to me. I
then confessed that I had changed my brother's relationship to me,
(42:46):
thinking it was a mistake at first. When I reverted
my brother's status to its default, it read half brother
maternal side.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
Only his whole family has fallen apart.
Speaker 3 (42:58):
I mean this man was so in dinny that he
changed the results.
Speaker 2 (43:02):
Yeah, And at that.
Speaker 3 (43:04):
Moment, after two hours of frustration, I finally broke down.
The man who had been my father all my life
and my closest family was not biologically related to me.
By five am, I was beyond exhausted, ashamed for clinging
so desperately to denial. My dad told me he'd known
from the first result. I shared that he likely wasn't
(43:25):
my biological father, not because he ever suspected it, but
because he trusted the science. He said, the hardest part
of finding out with me was watching me struggle so
hard to rewrite the truth. I mean that's because like
that's all you've ever known.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
Yeah, this is like this is this is your whole life,
and now you're you're it's like it's like op he
wants to preserve the the lie. Yeah, the like over.
Speaker 3 (43:52):
Thirty year old life.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
Oh it sucks.
Speaker 3 (43:54):
Yeah. The next twenty four hours, sleepless and emotionally raw,
were filled with some of the most heart wrenching conversations
of my life. My mother shared with me that early
in her marriage to my father, she had a very
brief affair. It was only one time. She believes she'd
taken all precautions, and with no reason to suspect otherwise,
(44:15):
she'd put that chapter behind her.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
I mean, taking all precautions would be to.
Speaker 3 (44:18):
Not have to that affair, Like I took all precautions
the safest. She went on to have three children, all
resembling my father, and there was never a hint of
doubt from anyone in our family. If not for this test,
this hidden piece of history would have remained for him unknown.
Speaker 2 (44:36):
That's the key about covering your bases with an affair.
You gotta gotta find someone who looks like your actual partner.
Speaker 3 (44:45):
Yeah, and then no one will know well until a
really good genie.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
Yeah, or you just maybe banned DNA tests and say
they ruined families.
Speaker 3 (44:55):
This past week has been extremely challenging, and the first
few days were dang near paralyze. But I'm choosing to
approach this journey with forgiveness and understanding, hoping to find
some positive takeaway from it all. My father and I
agreed that although unexpected, learning this truth together over the
phone was perhaps the best way I could have unfolded.
Our bond is unshaken, and we both know this revelation
(45:18):
doesn't change anything between us. As for my relationship with
my mom, we haven't always been very close, but over
the last seven years we've grown to understand each other
in ways I never thought possible. She married at twenty
had me at twenty one, navigated a difficult past and
a very limited opportunity to explore her identity before starting
a family. As our bond deepened over the years, I
(45:41):
often found myself wishing I could go back in time,
befriend my younger mother and show her another life, one
similar to the one I am currently living and loving,
largely thanks to her. I understand that she made a
mistake at a young age, but nothing in me feels
anger towards her. I realized that in many ways, I'm
lucky the most in the situation. I have a supportive family,
(46:03):
my siblings included, who have been incredibly reassuring and are
fully behind whatever decision I make about reaching out to
my biological father. I've connected with a NPE non paternal
event therapist, and my first session is this Tuesday. I've
also ordered a few books written by others who've been
through a similar experience, hoping they offer some guidance. My
(46:25):
friends have rallied around me, and their support has been
a huge comfort. Sharing this here feels like an important
part of processing everything, a way to connect with a
community who can truly relate. I know there are still
many choices ahead, deciding whether to reach out to my
biological father, figuring out what to say if I do,
and finding a way to rekindle my joy for exploring
(46:45):
my ancestry.
Speaker 2 (46:46):
Oh man, I feel like it's gonna be hard to
rekindle this choice. Yeah, he's like ivery word about finding
more skeletons in the closet, and then I'm like, oh, like,
maybe my grandparents aren't my actual grandparents. My great grandparents
aren't my actual great parent grand parents, my uncles are
my aunts, and.
Speaker 3 (47:02):
A lot of yeah, a lot that you could uncover.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
Too much, too much, you know, maybe just maybe just
live lie similar I take the red pill? Or is
the blue pill? Which? Which pill of you do you get?
I never watch the matrix, the the matrix ending pill, Dakota,
which which the red pill? Don't take the red pill.
Speaker 3 (47:20):
I want to get to a place where I can
carry on my grandmother's legacy, learning to appreciate each branch
of my family tree, even if my connection to each
one is now so different. Thank you for giving me
a space to share my story. And then comments, Hey.
Speaker 1 (47:34):
It's John here, og host of the show. We're gonna
get back to these juicy stories. But here's a quick
three minutes of ads from our sponsors.
Speaker 3 (47:40):
Wild black Cat says, as someone who believes in science
and data, it's painful to realize how hard I fought
against accepting the truth. If you knew right away in
a similar situation, please know I just wasn't capable of that.
When I read that, I thought you'd have been in
denial for months, if not years, not two hours.
Speaker 2 (47:58):
Okay, this time of it.
Speaker 3 (47:59):
It's a relief to everyone that everyone is understanding and supportive.
I wish you the best going forward. Maybe in time
you could come back and update us on which decisions
you made and how everything turned out.
Speaker 2 (48:10):
Do we have an update?
Speaker 3 (48:11):
Well, Opie says, I was still trying to find some
random excuses for a few days, but I have fully
accepted it now. I just wasn't sure if people would think,
how could she not believe the science? It's right there.
And also I've been saying that Opie is a man
full time. Sorry, uh, maybe that is just me still
being hard on myself. So thank you for the reminder
to be gentle. There isn't up.
Speaker 2 (48:30):
Oh three and a half months later.
Speaker 3 (48:31):
We actually have a lot more to this story.
Speaker 2 (48:34):
Oh wow, how much more.
Speaker 3 (48:35):
We're a little bit over halfway through it.
Speaker 2 (48:37):
Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness, three and a half
months later, get into it.
Speaker 3 (48:42):
Let's jump in I want to thank everyone who read
and commented on my last post. The past four months
have been an absolute whirlwind and so much has happened.
I promised a few of you an update, so here
it is. Since Halloween of last year, I've been very
intentional about my NPE journey non parent entity theory therapist therapy. Okay,
(49:07):
in November I started seeing a therapist who specializes in
NPE experiences and oh event is that what I said?
And she's been incredible. I feel incredibly fortunate. Not only
did I find a therapist who's a great fit for me,
but she has also been through the exact same experience
I had.
Speaker 2 (49:23):
That's awesome. I mean, not for her, but she's like,
I've been through and through this.
Speaker 3 (49:31):
And I came out on the other side.
Speaker 2 (49:32):
A therapist.
Speaker 3 (49:33):
She's helped me navigate both the emotional impact and the
logistical aspects of my discovery. As for reaching out to
my biological father, I ultimately had my mom delivered the
news to him and gauge his reaction for context. I
actually grew up around my biological father and have siblings
without knowing our connection. None of us did no, no,
(49:56):
because this was Remember when op was like, Oh, yeah,
it says that my my like suedo grandparents for pseudo
pseudo grandparents were my grandparents. I think that's what it said.
So I feel like maybe the pseudo grandparents had a
kid and that's the fall this. So the pseudo had
(50:20):
a son that the mother.
Speaker 2 (50:21):
So really it was it was a family friend right
that the mother was was sleeping with.
Speaker 3 (50:26):
I think that's what we're learning. His parents, my biological grandparents,
were best friends with my grandparents, my mom's parents, and
he and my mom grew up together.
Speaker 2 (50:39):
Wow. Oh wow, they're kind of like it's kind of cute, honestly,
Like as far as the fair partners go, Like, that's
kind of the cutest one. You're like childhood sweethearts.
Speaker 3 (50:49):
Yeah, I guess.
Speaker 2 (50:52):
There are a way worse affairs to have. You could
you know, you could have an affair with the stripper
that's not that cute, but have an affair with your
childhood best friend that's cute.
Speaker 3 (51:01):
Hey, they have lives too, Sam strippers.
Speaker 2 (51:04):
I know they have, but it's not cute. Maybe it's hot,
but it's not cute.
Speaker 3 (51:08):
Though he wasn't technically a stranger, we hadn't spoken in
years when my mom told him the truth. He was
completely shocked, but also happy, and immediately expressed a strong
desire to talk on my turn. A few days later,
I called him and explained how I discovered the truth.
We caught up a bit, but mostly he cried and
(51:28):
expressed deep shame for what had happened, particularly what he
had done to my dad. He told me he wanted
to speak with my dad to make amends, and he did.
My Biodad reached out to you.
Speaker 2 (51:39):
Couldn't start that conversation.
Speaker 3 (51:41):
He dude, I know, I never told you for like.
Speaker 2 (51:44):
So much in common, like we kind of like the
same girls, you.
Speaker 3 (51:47):
Know, Like I think your son is cool. I mean, sorry,
I think my son is cool.
Speaker 2 (51:51):
Yeah, I think our son is cool. Yeah yeah, I mean.
Speaker 3 (51:55):
I've an awkward conversation.
Speaker 2 (51:57):
It's definitely an awkward conversation. But maybe if it's done way,
all you guys could be like, bros, you can't do that,
oh right anyway, bros.
Speaker 3 (52:04):
I don't think that makes sense anymore. Now you've gone
too far away and it don't make sense. What about
just bros? And he did. My bio dad reached out
and they had a few conversations. He expressed his regret
and reassured my dad that he would never and could
never replace him. He's like, hey, dude, Like, I don't
(52:25):
want you to feel a friend by me. You know, I'm.
Speaker 2 (52:27):
Just I'm just a guy like everyone.
Speaker 3 (52:30):
Guy who had spiced to sleep with your wife.
Speaker 2 (52:32):
Yeah, and there's way better friends with her and has
known her for longer, you know. But like, don't be intimidated.
Speaker 3 (52:37):
Despite the pain, my dad has shown an incredible amount
of grace and has been open to having a relationship
with my bio dad. Wow, it's not entirely surprising, giving
that they were actually friends long ago before and during
my parents' marriage. Out. Though they hadn't spoken in years,
they were never truly strangers. I've made it clear to
both of them that whatever relationship they choose to have
(52:59):
is entirely to them. Their journey of forgiveness is separate
from mine, and I support whatever path they take. After Christmas,
I saw my bio dad in person while home for
the holidays. They drove a few hours to come see
me and my mother. The reunion was a bit last minute,
but I knew they were eager, and I realized that
dragging it out would only make me more anxious. My
(53:21):
dad initially struggled with the timing. He felt it was
happening too fast, but I reassured him that this was
the right decision for me and my own healing. Eventually
he supported me. The reunion itself was surreal. I saw
my bio dad, his wife whom he met long after
I was conceived, my two half siblings, and my bio grandparents.
Though I had known them as a teenager, the dynamic
(53:44):
was understandably different. They had all cried, hugged me, and
expressed how happy they were to have me in their lives.
Speaker 2 (53:51):
So it's like adopting a child as an adult. Yeah,
it's like a weird It's like it's like it's it's cute,
I think, but it's but it's just so odd.
Speaker 3 (54:02):
But also it's it's interesting because I mean, Ope even
says it. Though I had known them as a teenager,
the dynamic is different, like he's she's she's learned or
she's known these people kind of her whole life, but
now is being reintroduced to them.
Speaker 2 (54:19):
Which I think is weirder than like, because often when
this story happens, it's like this, yeah.
Speaker 3 (54:26):
Super family, you don't know them.
Speaker 2 (54:28):
Yes, And then you're being introduced to this person for
the first time, and it's like, oh, that's my biological father.
Yeah right, and and and I think it's much easier
to apply that new frame to someone you've never met.
To someone you already know. It's like, oh, like, I
know you. You just know me as your your mommy's friend,
but I'm I'm actually your dad. Like that. I think
(54:51):
that's a hard switch I agree to take on.
Speaker 3 (54:55):
They all cried, hugged me, and expressed how happy they
were to have me in their lives. I ate, drank,
and tried to keep things as things as natural as possible.
We even went out to dinner and toasted to everyone's
strength in handling this news. The last toast was to
my dad, which completely choked me up. I cried when
they left. One thing that came up when I shared
(55:15):
my regional DNA results is that my biodad got confirmation
that his grandpa was not his father's father.
Speaker 2 (55:22):
Wait wait, wait runs in the family.
Speaker 3 (55:26):
Oh my goodness, what it goes so hot?
Speaker 2 (55:29):
Wait? Oh multi generations of people just have an affairs.
Speaker 3 (55:34):
Their family has been speculating for a while that there
was a DNA discrepancy, and my results just proved it
and allowed my biodad to tell his dad that his
father was not biologically related to him. That's a whole
other story that has come undone because of my discovery.
Since the visit, my biodad and I have spoken a
few times, but everything has been very low pressure. After
(55:56):
such an emotional and intense November and December, we all
felt the need to settle into our new reality. The
start of the year has been about finding normalcy again,
and it's been refreshing to deal with everyday life while
continuing to work through things with my therapist. The world
is only getting weirder and weirder as time passes, and
(56:16):
I'm trying to keep my discovery in perspective to see
it as a blip in my experience that makes me
interesting and challenges me to rethink my understanding of connection, relationships,
and family. With the continuous support of my friends and family,
I don't think it needs to be anything more than
that right now. Moving forward, I want to wait until
the summertime to start digging back into my ancestry account.
(56:39):
My goal is to continue to help my father build
out a tree even if my DNA won't be an
asset there by the way you would be an asset
to us if you listen to full episodes of stories
just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio,
and search up Okay, storytime. And that is the almost
end of the story. There's a little bit left to it.
Speaker 2 (57:01):
I love how we're uncovering so much, oh much, It's
very interesting. I just feel like it is to be
the person in it feels completely destabilizing.
Speaker 3 (57:14):
Oh my goodness. To to one find out that, like
your whole life is kind of a lie, and that
the family friend that you've had for years, thirty years.
Speaker 2 (57:22):
Or at least, I mean that ended up cute, Yeah,
but not every layer is going to end up that cue.
Speaker 3 (57:27):
But then to also learn that, like two things deeper,
you're a great grandpa or your grandpa. No, yeah, you're
a great grandpa also, isn't you know? Just like you
keep destabilizing every Yeah, tough.
Speaker 2 (57:40):
But we got a little bit more to this story.
Speaker 3 (57:42):
Yes, I will keep working on my mother's tree, and
I have agreed to help my biodad do more research
on his family. You're just helping everyone since he doesn't
know who his real grandfather is. I want to find
ways to relate to all three trees, even if they
all feel slightly different to me. In the meantime, I
will work to gather health history and other info from
(58:03):
my living biofamily so that I could give my real
health history for the first time to my doctors. Thanks
again to everyone who has followed along and offered support.
Feel free to message if you're going through something similar
and want.
Speaker 2 (58:15):
To talk about.
Speaker 3 (58:15):
And that is the end of that story.
Speaker 2 (58:18):
Wow wow, wow wow.
Speaker 3 (58:21):
We were kind of connected to the first story in
that we had. You know, all these secrets come out
one after another.
Speaker 2 (58:28):
I know, I know the beauty of some DNA paternity
deaths and the beauty of some tunnel buddies, you know, true, true, true.
I think that's the love story that we need to
really talk about, is the tunnel buddies that were exposed
and the romance that's butting, the butting broman butting bromance butt.
That's where that story ends. So if you love us,
(58:50):
make sure to subscribe.
Speaker 3 (58:51):
We love you and see you tomorrow.
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