My fiancée wanted an OPEN relationship… so I canceled the wedding! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2677 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Angie and this is Dakota, your favorite
Okay story Time hosts, and we've got some great stories
coming up.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
But before that, we have a quick two minute break
from the sponsors that keep this show running.

Speaker 3 (00:11):
My fiance wanted an open relationship, so I canceled the wedding.

Speaker 4 (00:15):
Cancel it, get them out. We don't want them.

Speaker 3 (00:18):
All right, folks, Where to start? This one is tough
to type, and the pause are shaken.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
As I'm doing it.

Speaker 3 (00:24):
As it says in the title, Me and my fiance
X are thirty four and twenty seven, respectively, have been
together for nearly four years overall, and are a year engaged.
By the way, this comes from Throwaway at twenty nineteen,
and if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay Storytime Supreddit. I'm Carly, I'm.

Speaker 1 (00:44):
Savannah, I'm Dakota, and.

Speaker 3 (00:46):
We're here to give good advice. Goofully, But we don't
have all the answers. We only know what we would do.
So what does know you would do? In the comments
and Op says I'll be totally honest here. Just before
we got engaged, she had an emotional affair with the
black that she worked with. I only found out because
one of her friend's boyfriends were best friends I don't know,

(01:07):
contacted me and said that he overheard the friend group
discussing it. I confronted her at the time, and after
a good bit of arguing in Hassele, we came to
an agreement to let it go. I'll be totally honest
and saying that I'm still slightly in the process of
getting over that particular incident and it discolored my view
of her. I manned up, moved on and proposed which

(01:29):
I had planned on doing anyway. This is just to
give an overall context here and indeed to let it
be known that there has been issues in the past.
Fast forward to recent time. We Aredo married in November,
traveling abroad for it with family, and back around October
she started acting a bit odd, distant, not herself away

(01:51):
with the fairies, even stopped having spicy sleep, which was
very strange. I put it down to stress around organizing
the wedding and the fact that we had moved flats.
Fast forward to Christmas time and now things are coming
to a head. I confronted her straight up and she
set out that she was sorry, she has just been stressed.

(02:12):
I was very considerate and tried to help her through it. However,
it basically continued on ebbing and flowing throughout the next
two months up to yesterday. I arrived in from work
last night and she says that she wants to talk.
The vibe was bad, guys, I could tell. We sat
down and she set out that she has been reading

(02:33):
and that she wasn't having she wasn't having second thoughts
about the marriage, but the nature of our relationship at
this rate. I was getting a bit agitated, and I
demanded that she come out with what the bloody heck
she meant. Basically, a few of her friends had back
in October, the Times matched up conveyed to her the

(02:54):
idea of an open relationship. Basically, they stay with their
blows and have one night stands on nights out if
they fancy. Okay, that's also not in open Like going
out and just cheating on your partner is not an
open relationship. Like I'm assuming she hasn't done it yet,

(03:17):
so she hasn't technically cheated, but like just being like, so,
so you're gonna stay loyal to me? And I'm actually
gonna go out and have one night stands whenever I want.
But you're gonna stay loyal to me, is why. It
sounds like fun time also a horrible time hate that.
I'll be honest, the idea made me ill. I said
this to her, and she asked to be heard out,

(03:39):
pulled out some online blog post by a blogger who
had a husband and live in boyfriend. I got halfway
through and told her enough of this nonsense. I wouldn't
consider myself old fashioned, but a wife or a fiance,
bonk and other men will never be in fashion, not
in my world. Anyway, we got into a fight, and

(04:00):
in the end she was begging me to give it
a chance and that nothing is set in stone. I
basically said that I needed some headspace and that i'd
spend the weekend at my mates. It was quick after that,
and I left without a fuss. I'm typing this on
my mate's laptop and am in a bad mental way
at the moment. I am seriously considering calling the whole

(04:22):
thing off, both relationship and wedding. I suppose if anyone
has been in a similar place, I could do with
some advice, and we have some comments, But do you
have any advice.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
I agree with Sean. I ope fiance wants wanted to
cheat with no consequence.

Speaker 3 (04:39):
Yeah, that's what it feels like.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
Yeah, it seems like it's just, uh, it's only gonna
benefit one person, Like obviously she just doesn't like she
wants to go and be with other people, but like
doesn't want him to be with other people. That's why,
like open relationships are just like really really hard, and
there's so much communication that's involved, and you also, like,
you know, then one person the other one, what do

(05:01):
you do in that situation?

Speaker 3 (05:03):
What I'm actually just also still on this. I'm still
on the whole thing of like I think that he
shouldn't have proposed when he did, because he also clearly
wasn't over Yeah, he did it for the reasons that
were happening, and it's like I feel like he was
just worried at that point about losing her, so he
was like I have to I have to just get

(05:25):
over it and propose, and yeah, nah, maybe we should
have just waited for the whole wedding thing, and.

Speaker 2 (05:30):
Maybe you should have like I don't know how to
conversation instead of being like.

Speaker 3 (05:33):
I'm a little get married I'm over.

Speaker 2 (05:35):
Will you marry meuse like, okay, cool, Yeah, I'll do
that whatever you want.

Speaker 3 (05:41):
We have some comments. I'm in one. This is a
deal breaker. You don't want an open relationship and she does.
There's no one between. Don't marry her. If she wants
multiple relationships, she'll seek them out extramaritually. Anyway, don't allow
yourself that level of her when you can see it coming.
Comment to is to me like she has already cheated
and is trying to have you retroactively validate it. If

(06:05):
she is saying all of this before the wedding, I'd
halt the wedding. In my opinion, the last thing you
want is for all of this to blow up after
you have legally tied yourself up.

Speaker 2 (06:15):
And we have an.

Speaker 3 (06:16):
Update, Let's get right into it. Hello everyone. I said
that i'd post an update in large part due to
the massive response I got yesterday. In many ways, I
was only posting to repeat the situation in my head,
but I found many great pieces of advice in there
and support as well. Thanks to everyone who posted. I
spent last night at my mates who was absolutely sound

(06:38):
about the situation. He basically gave advice that was tantamount
to what was given in the comments to call off
the relationship. We had a few drinks, a bit of banter,
and this morning I went back to the flat and
confronted her. She was there, neither I nor her work
on Saturdays, and I set out my stake in as

(06:58):
straightforward a manner could. Basically, I said I didn't want
to continue the relationship and that it's better if we
call the whole thing off. The wedding details are merely
financial and not too bad to call back, but at
this rate we couldn't continue to be together as we
clearly desired different things. She basically expressed what she felt

(07:19):
then that we still had a chance and it could
work to give spicy related freedom a chance. Look, I'm
no crazy prude, but this crap just isn't up my
alley at all. I basically said that over the weekend
I'd be over to collect my things. It's a rented
flat in a town, no big obligation there, and that
she can keep the place if she wants. I'll stay

(07:41):
with my friend for a while to get myself sorted after.
Towards the end, we had a full blown shouting argument,
but I stood my ground and didn't change my course.
Not this time. Boys and girls. I feel like we
all knew that was going there.

Speaker 5 (07:55):
Yo.

Speaker 2 (07:56):
This guy is a dummy, dummy, fleby piece of poop
and he has ruined well, actually he didn't really ruin it.
The girlfriends will fiance is kind of like.

Speaker 3 (08:09):
I don't really want to be with just you.

Speaker 2 (08:10):
I want to do other things with other people. And
he's like, but but what's wrong with me? She's like nothing,
I just want other people.

Speaker 3 (08:19):
Well, and you, I want you to stay here, and
I'm I'm gonna have other people.

Speaker 2 (08:23):
Yeah, I'm gonna have other people. You just stay as
like a backup.

Speaker 4 (08:26):
I'll be back.

Speaker 2 (08:27):
I think I'll let you know.

Speaker 3 (08:29):
I'd be so interested to know too. Because she was like,
oh yeah, my friends talk to me about this back
in November and they're all agreeing. How many boyfriends actually
or fiances or husbands actually agreed to that? Like was
there just a mass breakup amongst this like group of friends,
like all their female friends, like they were like, yeah,
I just we all got dumped this month, Like kind

(08:52):
of crazy.

Speaker 2 (08:53):
She just all together date each other.

Speaker 3 (08:58):
Maybe that is when they really want it all.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
That's what's gonna happen.

Speaker 3 (09:02):
It was a gay cation the whole time.

Speaker 4 (09:05):
That's hot.

Speaker 2 (09:07):
That's so hot.

Speaker 3 (09:10):
So for the fact that they're roundly all get well, not.

Speaker 4 (09:14):
The cheating part.

Speaker 3 (09:15):
But they're okay. It's just an open relationship for them.

Speaker 2 (09:19):
They're chill, they're chilling hot.

Speaker 3 (09:20):
We got got a little bit left. I left, and
there's nothing much more to say.

Speaker 1 (09:27):
Really.

Speaker 3 (09:27):
As I type, me and my mate are having a
few cans and my phone has been exploding since five
o'clock with her friends, her sister calling me mid names
and sext for some reason. I'll be grand being totally frank.
I feel a bit liberated, if that's not too cheesy.
The coming days, I'll get everything sorted, the moving and that.

(09:50):
But as my father used to say, there's always effing worse.
And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go
to the next one.

Speaker 2 (09:57):
My boyfriend said I had to earn my aagement ring,
so I left him.

Speaker 3 (10:02):
Now you gotta earn her back, dude.

Speaker 2 (10:04):
Last night, my boyfriend twenty four male and I twenty
three female. We're talking about our future. We've been together
for four and a half years. I'm not asking to
get engaged right now, but I wanted to talk about
where things are headed. By the way, this comes from
nit establishment sixty two and if you want to submit
your own stories, go to the r slage Okay storytime subreddit.

Speaker 3 (10:26):
I am Savannah, I'm Carly.

Speaker 2 (10:28):
I'm Dakota, and we are here to give some good
advice goofly, but we don't have all the answers and
our little tiny baby brains. We would only tell you
what we would do in the situation, but we would
love to know what you would do in your big,
big batty brains. Set all brains in the comments. As
Opie says, we got onto the topic of engagement rings.

(10:52):
I mentioned that I think a ring should reflect serious
intention and commitment, and that traditionally people talk about rings
being something you say for I want to be clear
that I'm not expecting him to go broke, just that
it should be something meaningful and planned for. He then
told me that I would need to earn an engagement ring.

(11:12):
I honestly thought he was joking at first, but he wasn't.
When I asked what he meant, he said, what do
you do for me in this relationship? WHOA I want
to throw this phone that that triggered something in me.
What makes you think you deserve an expensive ring? This
next part is going to annoy some people, but I
asked chat GPT if I should be alarmed by a

(11:33):
comment like this, and obviously I told me yes and
listed off reasons why this comment is problematic. I read
it off to him and he told me, are you
just going to effing ass chat GPT everything, Get the
f out of here. With that, I left without another
word and drove home. It's now the next day and
I still haven't heard from him at all. These comments

(11:54):
really shook me and hurt me deeply. I feel that
my relationship and how I thought my boyfriend feels about
me are figment of my imagination. My question, how would
you respond or set boundaries after a comment like this
in a long term relationship? We got an edit slash
update here. Firstly, I want to thank everyone for the advice.
As harsh as some maybe I need to hear it.

(12:16):
I use chat because I was being told repeatedly that
I was overreacting and wanted an outside perspective. It helped
me put words to why the comment felt wrong. That's all.
As far as the cost of the ring. This was
never about the price. It was about how commitment was
framed and being told I had to earn it. As
for what happened afterwards, this is what I sent him.

(12:38):
I've had time to think about what you said last
night and how the conversation ended. Being told I need
to earn commitment and being spoken to the way I
was changed how I feel about this relationship. You telling
me what you did makes me feel like I am
wasting my time in this relationship and you do not
want to marry me. This has also been part of

(12:59):
a continued pattern for months. I don't feel respected or
valued anymore, and I don't want to continue in a
relationship where my worth is questioned. I've decided it's best
for me to end things goodbye. This was his response,
which went unanswered.

Speaker 6 (13:16):
What's wrong is the way you demand things, example a
percent of monthly income for a ring and then go
and ask stupid butt chet GPT if I'm a red flag.

Speaker 4 (13:29):
That's only the icing on the cake.

Speaker 2 (13:31):
Because I am asked for crap every day and get
you everything I can. I do a lot of crap
for you, and I truly feel it goes unnoticed and
always feels like I'm not enough.

Speaker 4 (13:44):
I honestly feel like your dang servant and I'm tired
of that crap.

Speaker 2 (13:49):
Gifts, presents, rings should be appreciated, not expected, and you
don't appreciate anything I do, and that's how I feel.
Then you want to ask chat GBT if I'm the
red flag fuck in the mirror. So here's another question.
What do you guys think about this.

Speaker 4 (14:12):
Sho?

Speaker 3 (14:14):
I am now curious if she like demanded he put
a percent of his income aside for this ring, because
I do disagree with that.

Speaker 2 (14:22):
I yes, I think like it should be something you
work towards together maybe, But also if he is the breadwinner,
I understand why she would ask that up him, Yeah,
to be like, oh, hey, we do want some we
are saving up for this right type of thing. If
it was a forced thing, like you need to set aside,
you know whatever, lah lah lah.

Speaker 3 (14:43):
But I feel like it would still kind of come
down to like, hey, like if we're planning to get engaged,
like maybe just being like here's what I like, like,
this is kind of what I would like to wear
on my hand forever suggestions and then you've got to
just kind of let and save for it.

Speaker 2 (15:01):
Yeah, I feel like his response was rude. I think
like he could have explained it better.

Speaker 4 (15:08):
I think she was.

Speaker 3 (15:09):
It felt like a weird breaking point though.

Speaker 2 (15:11):
Yeah, it felt like we've had this conversation before. I'm
tired of having it, and this is this is how
I feel. If you're gonna tell you, if you're gonna
go to judge you big to you and type in
your crap, I'm gonna give you what I actually think
because I'm a human being and I'm gonna give it
to you real and then it's gonna be all rude
and then she's like, I.

Speaker 3 (15:30):
Forget Jete t help. It was good, y'all broke up.

Speaker 2 (15:34):
Yeah, so yay, that's what I think that I should
share this depressing detail. Oh when he told me, what
do you do for me? I told him, don't we
love each other, make each other happy, and have lots
of fun together. And he was still trying to argue
his point to me. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to
agree with everyone and the fact that yes, it seems

(15:54):
he has been red pilled and or influenced by his coworkers.
Thank you everyone for all the support on my very
first red post. Wish me luck on my future endeavors,
and there are some comments. Common number one. If I
was told that and no further in depth conversation happened,
I'd walk away. That's self centered thinking followed by a
shutdown of communication. What do you do for me in

(16:15):
this relationship?

Speaker 4 (16:16):
What does he do for you?

Speaker 2 (16:18):
Ask both questions, not just one of them. Common number
two says, girl, is that how you want to be
treated and spoken to?

Speaker 4 (16:24):
Forever?

Speaker 2 (16:25):
He should have been gone like yesterday. You deserve better,
Know you're worth. Punt him to the curb and don't
look back. Common number three says he's twenty four and
I assume he benefits from consistent, spicy sleep and companionship.
Based on this his response and no apology slash follow
up message, it's safe to say he has no intention
of getting married to you. He's also disrespectful. I would

(16:49):
exit the relationship. Common number four h so you have
been with someone for four and a half years and
went in a serious discussion about future plans. His reply
is that you you have to earn.

Speaker 4 (17:01):
Your engagement ring.

Speaker 2 (17:03):
Hmm. He implies that you want him to buy your
jewelry that you didn't earn. You attempt to bring the
discussion back to two adults talking like grown ups, and
he tells you to get the f out comment five.
I'd say, there's no saving or fixing this. If you
need to earn an engagement ring, then what else do
you need to earn a wedding, children, his love. There

(17:26):
is no earning something like that in a relationship, especially
when you stated it doesn't need to be expensive, but
something thoughtful and planned. My engagement ring was around two
hundred dollars, which I know isn't cheap, but not exactly
the most expensive ring out there either.

Speaker 3 (17:39):
That is, it is so cheap. It is so cheap.
I really thought when she was like, and you'll have
to save a percentage of your earnings every month, that
it was gonna be like thousands kind of thing, like
in the high thousands.

Speaker 2 (17:53):
Yeah, two hundred dollars.

Speaker 4 (17:55):
Is the price is less than some regular rings, Yeah,
some regular jewelry.

Speaker 2 (18:00):
Yeah, that's that's like nothing. That's like a really really
nice meal for like three.

Speaker 6 (18:06):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (18:09):
It's a funny way to put that, a really nice
meal for three.

Speaker 2 (18:16):
We can bring back in the guy with the open Oh,
it was a girl girl with the open relationship they're
invited to and it was perfect because it was thoughtful.
Included rubies and a moonstone, which is not only my
burststone but my favorite gems, and it was absolutely beautiful.

Speaker 3 (18:31):
They didn't even want a diamond moonstone with ruby? Actually
are those? Are? Are those durable rings though?

Speaker 1 (18:43):
Like on the hard scale hardness scale?

Speaker 7 (18:47):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (18:47):
No, I mean up there, rubies are pretty hard stone moonstone,
it's like.

Speaker 3 (18:54):
It gonna ship pretty. It's like a think about when
you pick out what ring you want to forever? What
are a hard drum?

Speaker 2 (19:01):
I know a guy who paid five hundred dollars for
a ring off of Betsy, which is also where we
bought mine for his now wife, and she picked it
out himself. If you really want to stay, which I
don't recommend, then pick out summarings for yourself and show
him them, whether they're expensive or not. Give him an
idea on what you want because ring prices vary a lot.
But again, screw him. You shouldn't have to earn your ring.

(19:24):
Being in a relationship where you love each other is enough.
I do say the chat GPT thing is petty and
definitely shouldn't be used for arguments, but I also someone
understand sometimes I need others to word things for me
because I'm so upset I can't put my thoughts into words.
And I'm assuming chat chept was just doing that for you.

(19:45):
That's exactly what I use it for.

Speaker 3 (19:48):
And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go
to the next one. I stop sleeping at my own
apartment for my boyfriend. Now, what's a problem.

Speaker 2 (19:56):
Did he tell you stop sleeping there?

Speaker 3 (19:59):
My boyfriend and I I have been dating for a
little over a year. I graduated college back in May
and now have a full time job at my old university.
My boyfriend is a senior at the same school. He
lives on campus in an apartment, and I live about
a ten minute drive from campus in an apartment with
one roommate, a friend from college. Twenty three female. By

(20:20):
the way, this comes from Tiny Baby Walrus And if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the arsage. Okay, storytime,
subread it. I'm Carly and.

Speaker 1 (20:27):
I'm Savannah and I'm Dakota, and.

Speaker 3 (20:29):
We're here to give good advice Googli, but we don't
have all the answers, really know what we would do
let's know what you do in the comments, and OP says,
my boyfriend and I only really started sleeping over this
past summer because he is sleeping issues and it took
him a while to get comfortable sharing a bed with
someone and getting a good night's sleep. Over the summer
and at the beginning of the fall, we would sleep

(20:51):
over probably once or twice a week at most, But
over the course of this semester it's become more and
more frequent. In the last month, there's so it's turned
into sleeping at his place more days than I sleep
at my own, sometimes as many as six days a week.
And honestly, I love this arrangement. I love falling asleep
and waking up next to him. His apartment is on campus,

(21:13):
so I get to walk to work in the morning
if it's a weekday, instead of commuting, even though my
apartment is a very short commute, and it means we
spend more time together in general. But is this bad?
Is it unhealthy for either of us for me to
be sleeping over this often? Would it be the same
or different if we split time between sleeping over at

(21:34):
my place and sleeping at his. The thing is my
place is always so weltering hot, and he has a
more comfortable mattress. And again, he's on campus, so it's
very close to classes for him and work for me
on weekdays to be at his place. He also has
roommates who we regularly hang out with or play games
with on a whim, which is nice. My roommate isn't

(21:55):
really around often enough to do that. I can tell
my roommate is both dis disappointed and a little judgmental
of the fact that I'm over at my boyfriends so often.
I think she wishes we could see each other more.
But the thing is, we still schedule time to hang
out as friends at least once every couple weeks. She
just doesn't get to see me as often as a

(22:15):
roommate as I guess she wishes she would when we
moved in together in September. And while she's entitled to
feel however she feels about it, is she right? Is
this weird or if not weird, concerning or unhealthy? If
you can't tell. This is my first serious relationship, so
I'm having trouble figuring this situation out. I still pay

(22:36):
rent and utilities on time, I do my share of
cleaning and chores when I'm at the apartment, usually in
the afternoons or evenings on the weekdays. How can something
that makes me so happy be this confusing? Uh, we
have a deal. Dr I sleep at my boyfriend's place
more days a week than I sleep at my own place,
sometimes the entire week, because we both enjoy it and

(22:56):
it's convenient for me workwise. Is my roommate right to
think this is weird or unhealthy? Helia's help, any kind
and genuine advice appreciated. I see a lot of people,
rightfully so concerned about what my boyfriend's roommates feel about
this situation. All three of his roommates have or had
one roommate and his ex girlfriend recently broke up long

(23:16):
term girlfriends who did slash do with the exact same
thing I do. They sleep over many, if not most,
days a week, so this was an already established dynamic
in their apartment that my boyfriend and I are just
the most recent to follow. Also, they don't pay utilities
campus apartment, so no extra cost to them having additional
people there, comments commenter one. As the rest of the

(23:38):
commenters so far said, it's your life and your relationship.
I'd only add to offer a bit of perspective from
your roommate. From your post, I assume that you knew
each other before, and you and your roommate also have
a relationship. Just because it isn't romantic doesn't mean that
there aren't emotions involved. She likely misses you and had

(23:58):
a certain expectation of life living with a roommate during
college years, and these expectations aren't realistic now. That can
either be just her inner fantasy script not being met
and bugging her on a self image aspirational level, or
she could legitimately be hurting emotionally because she's your friend
and she misses you. There's people who completely disappear into

(24:21):
relationships and that can veritably suck for the rest of
their friends. I don't know if that's the case, but
that might be how she sees it. Either way, my
advice would be to talk to her on that emotional basis.

Speaker 2 (24:34):
Is she hurt?

Speaker 3 (24:34):
Does she understand that your choice of living your relationship
how you want to doesn't mean you don't like her.
Would an evening activity once a week at your place
make her happier? Is there another roommate better for her?
Expectations of cohabitation. That is, of course, if you care
to salvage the relationship with your roommate. Either way, spending
time with your boyfriend and sleeping over is not weird,

(24:57):
and Opie replied, yes, she and I were already friends
prior to living together. I think you hit the nail
on the head, and I've been feeling like maybe we
should have a heart to heart about this so I
can make sure she's getting what she needs from me
as a friend. I make sure we have plans together
just us at least every few weeks, but she might
be wanting more than that. Thanks for the kind advice. Yeah,

(25:18):
every few weeks is like once a month.

Speaker 2 (25:21):
Yeah, And like now your friend, like you agreed to
live together, and now your friend is just sitting there
at home like by themselves, you know. Like I would
be like, well, she has a boyfriend, so I don't
see her anymore, and that's who takes up her time,
and so it does with it, and that's happened. Like
I feel like that happens to people way more often
than should of. Like people get a boyfriend, they get excited,

(25:44):
or they get into a partnership super excited, and then
like all of a sudden you don't see them, and
then you you know, then you'll see them like months later,
weeks later, and they'll be like, oh my god, I've
been here the whole time.

Speaker 4 (25:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (25:56):
Like it's there's always that point too, because it is
like a new one and a first one where it's
like you can give it a couple months to calm down,
but after that it's like, yeah, after the honey waiting
for you over here though, and I'd like to hang
out with my friend.

Speaker 2 (26:09):
Yeah, it's like, Okay, can I have some time now
or what? Yeah? My Fland's man.

Speaker 3 (26:15):
Scene comment too. I think it's just important to make
sure you're making time for your friends and other relationships.
Are you just sleeping at his house six days a
week and otherwise living normally? Or are you spending six
days a week with him and only seeing all your
other friends once every few weeks? Ope, he replied, good question.

(26:35):
We roommate and I are only seeing each other every
couple weeks to hang out. But that's genuinely no different
than how it's been for the entirety of she and
I's relationship. Oh, like my friends that I used to
see weekly before my boyfriend, I still see that often.
My friends that I used to see all the time
I see less often now, not because of him, but

(26:55):
because they moved away after college, and my roommate and
I only ever hung out in our mutual friend group
or alone maybe once a month because she is a
busy person. So I get that she maybe had different
expectations going into living together, but she never communicated those
expectations of friendship to me, and we still see each
other to hang out as often, if not more often,

(27:17):
than we used to pre boyfriend. Oh yeah, I could
still see the roommate being slightly hurt. Like I think
everyone's always like, well, I haven't really changed how much
I've been seeing my friends, but like there's there's always
a change.

Speaker 2 (27:33):
Yeah, well it's yeah, no, there is always a change,
especially like say, you know, like maybe she's also like
I get that she's busy or whatever, but maybe like
she just wants her to be there to feel like safe,
like at night, you know, like with another person in
the house. Like that's how I would feel at least
I'd be like, yeah, I don't want to be like

(27:54):
really alone here in this like you know house.

Speaker 3 (27:58):
That's something that needs to be communicating yeah ahead of time. Yeah,
because I'm not like, if I'm living with the roommate,
I'm certainly not gonna be the protector of the house here,
like y'all put that on me. Go.

Speaker 2 (28:09):
I feel like also like I don't think that she
obviously intended to like have a boyfriend, and so there
wasn't this talk of like, you know, what happens when
I'm spending my time over here and not with you, you
know type of thing. I think now that this has happened,
and you know, the roommate's like, well you need to
do this and that and the other thing and her uh,

(28:32):
but also saying how it's like unhealthy and all this
stuff like that, I think's own opinion on it.

Speaker 3 (28:38):
Yeah, roommate is one thousand percent sounding a bit jealous.
But at the same time, I do think that you
see your roommate more often, just like in passing, even
if you're actually living at your apartment. Yeah, so I'm
sure she sees you a lot less still, but she
also sounds really jealous.

Speaker 5 (28:53):
Yeah, I mean, well, it's also well, it's also exciting
when you have like a like new person in your
life that like you're vibing with and they're really fun
to be around, and you like, like have such a
good time with them you never want to leave.

Speaker 2 (29:08):
Like I completely get that. I fall head first and
it's stupid, but that's just who I am. And I'm
like I got a and then obviously, like things cool
down and then it's like, oh, you don't like me
anymore or whatever. But I feel like when it comes
to balancing, you know, in being in a relationship and

(29:29):
also being with your friends, there is like you can't
just like give more time. I mean, obviously there is
going to be more time with one of them over
the other because that's just how life is, and you know,
things happen whatever, but there needs to be a nice
balance between like, Okay, I've had my boyfriend time, now
I want to have my girl time. You know, like

(29:51):
you can do that, and then that makes both parties
feel included. And even having like a group like you know,
like it's also.

Speaker 3 (29:58):
Something boyfriends remaine, We're all down to hang out in
a group. Op's roommate was kind of like, I don't
really want to hang out with both of you. It's
like you should.

Speaker 2 (30:08):
Want to get to know Yeah, I mean I guess
like maybe you don't want to be like the third
wheel or whatever.

Speaker 1 (30:14):
I never feel that way.

Speaker 2 (30:17):
I always feel like the center of attention at all times.
People can be next to me like make it out,
and I'm.

Speaker 4 (30:23):
Like, woo, what are what are we gonna do next?

Speaker 2 (30:28):
I'm just I'm just ready to go at all times.
But but yeah, I feel like overall there's just a balance.
And I hate when people like you know, lose their
friends because now they're in a relationship, Like that's not
cool because like you know, now you now you've lost
that part of you and you've lost that support, and
you've lost you know, that shoulder like it's you know.

Speaker 3 (30:50):
It's rude, gay night.

Speaker 2 (30:54):
That is what I said.

Speaker 1 (30:56):
So you're right.

Speaker 3 (30:57):
Oh, we have an update, good news, thanks to lots
of helpful advice here and the feelings I was having
about the situation already. I talked to my roommate about it.
She said she doesn't actually mind at all and said
stay wherever I want, but also seemed happy with the
idea of us scheduling time together more often. Thanks to
those who offered kind and genuine thoughts and advice. And

(31:20):
that's the end of this story. We're gonna go to
the next one.

Speaker 2 (31:23):
I found my boyfriend's secret journal and learned more than
I wanted.

Speaker 1 (31:27):
Did you find it in his secret garden?

Speaker 2 (31:30):
I twenty four Freemale have been with my boyfriend twenty
five mail for ten years. In the early stages of
our relationship, I wasn't a great girlfriend. I didn't cheat,
but I did take him for granted and could have
treated him and respected him a lot more than what
I had. By the way, this comes from Hot Bobcat

(31:51):
twenty four to twenty five ram. If you want to
submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
story Time, supbred It. I am Savannah, I am I'm Sophia,
and we are here to give some good advice goofly,
but we don't have all the answers. We don't only
tell you what we would do in this situation, but
we would love to know what you would do in
the comments. I am an adult now and I have
grown as a person. I don't go out much unless

(32:14):
I go out to eat or shopping with my friends.
I work full time and go to school full time,
so I'm a pretty busy person, but I always try
to make time. Form a bee if we live together
with my parents, so we see each other every day
and fall asleep next to each other every night. I
never had any suspicion to think that he was doing

(32:35):
something wrong behind my back. I've always been confident in
our relationship and in him, because he never gave me
a reason not to be. I've always been insecure, and
he has always been bad at expressing his feelings or
emotions to me. At times when I wanted reassurance that
he loves me or appreciates me, I never received it.
He would say, you shouldn't need reassurance on those things.

(32:57):
In twenty twenty three, I had this pit in my
life stomach that something was wrong. I wanted to go
through his phone just to reassure myself that nothing is
going on. But when I typed in our Anniversary, which
has been his passcode for years, it said incorrect. He
had changed his phone password, and when I asked him
about it, he told me it's my phone. I don't

(33:17):
want you to invade my privacy and I don't invade yours.
He tried to validate it by saying, what could I
possibly want to see on his phone and refuse to
show me it he knows my passcode to my phone,
and I don't have anything to hide, so him changing
his passcode after all these years of being together really
threw me off. I decided to change mine too, in
an attempt to match his energy. He never noticed because

(33:40):
he never tried getting onto my phone. Fast forward March
twenty twenty five, so that was in twenty twenty three.
So two years later, we're in his car one night
at a gas station getting some drinks. He runs in
and I decided to look through his glove compartment and
I find a black journal. I decided to flip through
some pages and ended up going through the entire journal

(34:00):
to sum up what I had found. He wrote about
how he told his coworker he was single, and they
responded with I'm surprised your single without handsome you are?

Speaker 1 (34:09):
Oh hey, that's weird. Why are you saying that? Make out?
Why is that gonna be the next thing in the journal?

Speaker 4 (34:16):
And then we made out?

Speaker 1 (34:19):
Yeah, why that's brat. I break up right there if.

Speaker 4 (34:22):
You're obviously not hmm.

Speaker 1 (34:24):
There are also other.

Speaker 2 (34:25):
Entries about a redheaded girl and how beautiful she is.
He loves her smile, her hair, and the way she
sneaks glances at him at work. He gives her chocolates
and had wrote one day, I drove past her house
and your car wasn't there. I wonder where she is.
I'm waiting for her to give me a sign.

Speaker 1 (34:43):
I blow up. I absolutely lost it.

Speaker 2 (34:45):
When he returned to the car, he was mad. I
went through his private journal because these are my thoughts
that I write down. They're private. I didn't care how
private it was. I felt like I was stabbed in
the back because of all this time. I would question
him if he was cheating or if something was wrong
in our relationship, and he would gaslight me by telling
me I was being insecure and that nothing was wrong.

(35:05):
We fought for days, and I told him I couldn't
be with him if he had feelings for another woman
and was going to lie about being in a relationship.
He said he would stop talking to her and would
leave her alone.

Speaker 1 (35:15):
That you can't go that's not you can't put a
band aid on you secretly crushing on this girl and
following her home. You're weird, and I'm bringing up with you.
Stop it, op, stop you should have just you shouldn't
have even said you read it. You should just broke
up with him, said this isn't working. I feel like
you like redheads. I'm leaving.

Speaker 2 (35:35):
Fall forward again to a few days ago, and I
started to get that feeling again of something being wrong.

Speaker 1 (35:41):
Oh, he was sleeping, dude.

Speaker 2 (35:43):
I took his car keys and oh, and decided to
go look for that journal. Okay, you already found. What
else do you need to read in the freaking journal?
His journal was gone and was replaced with a.

Speaker 1 (35:55):
New one, and inside it it just says I love
my girlfriend. So am I love my girlfriend. I love
my girlfriend. On every page she just says that.

Speaker 2 (36:03):
From November ninth until now, he's still writing about her.
Nothing has seemed to change. They only interact at work
and it's only to help each other in their department.
But the things he writes about her is something that
he never says about me.

Speaker 7 (36:19):
I would love to see the sunlight reflect of her eyes.
I gave her chocolate, the one she said she likes.
I got to smile and she said it's sweet. Regardless
of how she feels, seeing her smile made it.

Speaker 2 (36:32):
All with it. Nothing has changed. He still has feelings
for her, and he has never said or wrote about me.

Speaker 1 (36:40):
Like that, So break up with this guy? What is
wrong with you?

Speaker 3 (36:44):
Man? Up?

Speaker 4 (36:45):
He sucks.

Speaker 2 (36:46):
Break break up with this man. Yeah, he seems like
a big doodoo all right? Going back, I don't know
what to do. I want closure and I want to
understand why he feels these things and what has changed
between us.

Speaker 1 (36:59):
Girls, Stop it, stop it.

Speaker 3 (37:02):
No.

Speaker 2 (37:02):
I put all my effort into the relationship, but it
feels like I get nothing in return. How do I
bring this topic up again when I don't want him
to know I went through his car?

Speaker 1 (37:11):
Well, that car went through him. You know what I'm saying?
Bow tailpipe, listen, listen girl, what I need you to
shut up?

Speaker 4 (37:25):
Ah?

Speaker 1 (37:26):
And I need you to just break up with this
guy because he is.

Speaker 4 (37:30):
He's cheating on you.

Speaker 1 (37:32):
That's the end of the story. That's all you need
to know. What do I do? What do I say?
You say you go date your little redhead Lightning MC queen. Okay,
and I'm gonna go live my best life and that
is without you. Go date your please queen. For the
love of all that is holy, stop this.

Speaker 2 (37:53):
I attempted to bring it up two days ago, and
he kept saying he doesn't have feelings for her. He
doesn't write about her anymore or interact unless necessary. But
all of that is a lie to my face. I
have a hard time keeping my emotions and anger and check,
so I'm trying to figure out how to approach him
without blowing up. I love him, but he clearly doesn't
feel the same way about me. I feel stupid for

(38:14):
still wanting to be with him when it's clear he
has eyes for someone else. Any advice break up with him?

Speaker 1 (38:19):
Stupid?

Speaker 2 (38:20):
Yeah, seems like, sorry, I.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
Didn't say that. You said that. You said I feel stupid. Well,
let's stop doing the thing that makes us feel stupid.

Speaker 2 (38:30):
Yeah, Like, I mean, it's obvious what is going on
here is like, guy, she's trying to make excuses why
she shouldn't break up with him, and like trying to
be like what you know, Like she finds all this
evidence and then doesn't want to believe it and then
wants him to say, like what is.

Speaker 1 (38:46):
Just like as long as he stop, then I guess
it's okay. It's not gonna stop.

Speaker 2 (38:51):
As long as he keeps lying in my face and
telling me I like, no, it's fine, Like I'll believe
him even though the evidence is right here.

Speaker 1 (38:58):
Yeah, I would like to. You need cold water. You
need extra ice, cold water right on your face, right
there on your face. Wow, cold water on your face.
Five am. Wake up, ice water bang face bath right there, boom,
ice water in your face. You need that. You need
that right now. And that's the end of this story.
We're gonna go on to the next one. Hey, it's Dakota,

(39:21):
your favorite goofball host here, and we're gonna get back
to the stories. But here's three minutes of ads from
our sponsors.

Speaker 4 (39:28):
A sock exposed my girlfriend's affair and the truth was
worse than I expected.

Speaker 1 (39:33):
Know, the truth is what was in the sock.

Speaker 4 (39:36):
So a couple days ago, I Mail twenty was out
my girlfriend's female twenty two place, cleaning her room while
she was at work, which I occasionally do whenever I
come over. Upon cleaning, I found a sock that didn't
belong to me between her bed and nightstand. I know
it's not mine because I don't own any socks of

(39:57):
that brand. By the way, this comes from throw a
f I have seven three seven two And if you
want to smit your own stories, go to the r
slash Okay Storytime subpared it. I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm Carly,
and we're here to give good advice. Goofiley, but we
don't have all the answers. We only know what we know,
so let us know you know in the comments, and
Op says, I immediately became upset and left. But I

(40:20):
didn't text my girl because I didn't want to jump
at her, especially while she was at work. So I
went home and chilled out. When she got off work
and got home, we facetimed and that's when I asked
her whose sock is that. She said, it's probably one
of my exes before I met you. That is a
pretty good response.

Speaker 1 (40:40):
That seems pretty believable, pretty good deflection.

Speaker 4 (40:43):
Yeah, she said, is so calmly. She was just, ah,
it's my exes.

Speaker 1 (40:47):
My exes sock. I'll let him know. And I said, we've.

Speaker 4 (40:52):
Been dating for almost seven months. I've cleaned your room
many times, and I've never noticed that you Rex left.
I could tell that she wasn't taking me seriously until
she finally said, are you trying to accuse me of cheating?
And I said, no, I just want to know whose
suck it is because she know that it doesn't belong

(41:15):
to me or you. Oh, but you're trying to accuse
her cheating. And she hung up immediately after, and I
blew up her phone. So about fifteen minutes later she
called me back. This time it was her roommate on
the phone. Her roommate claimed the sock belonged to a
guy she was with, and it ended up there when
my girlfriend and her roommate were talking, he came in

(41:36):
threw a socketer Apparently the guy just never came back
to search and get the sock. The guy was a
one night stand on Tinder, so she didn't have any
way to contact him and confirm. That sounds pretty suspicious.

Speaker 1 (41:49):
Yeah, it's almost like she hung up the phone, schemed
with her roommate for fifteen minutes, and then called you back.

Speaker 4 (41:54):
So the story just had holes and felt made up
on the spot.

Speaker 1 (41:58):
I did the sock have hole?

Speaker 4 (41:59):
Eh, that's a real question. I just said, Okay, I
really didn't believe that story, because if it was true,
why didn't my girlfriend remember some guy throwing a sock
at them. I'm not naive or gullible. I know it
could be a lie, but I just overthink so much
that I drive myself.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
Raise eight.

Speaker 4 (42:17):
I don't want to act on anything that I'm not
one hundred percent sure about, but my gud is telling
me otherwise. Do you guys think she's cheating? Should I
investigate more or let it go? And Op adds additional details.
I'll add a detail that's not in my post. My
girlfriend and I don't text all day every day. We're
just not that type to be under each other every day.

(42:38):
We both have jobs and I go to school, so
we're busy. We probably spend two to three nights a
week with each other. I'm just never all up in
her space wondering where she's at or what she's doing.
Relevant comments before we get into those, What do you think?

Speaker 1 (42:55):
I think you should investigate more? I don't know much
I'm investigating. You can even do. Yeah, I think every
way that she went about this is suspicious.

Speaker 4 (43:05):
It's all pretty suspicious.

Speaker 1 (43:07):
Yeah, she wouldn't have just like hung up on you
as soon as she was like are you accusing me
of cheating? It's like she was like, Okay, well I
gotta go talk to my lawyer. I'll get back to you. Yeah,
It's like, what do you mean? It's like if if
that was the case and you didn't cheat, you'd be like, well, no,
I didn't, it's just some guys sock like, I don't know, it's.

Speaker 4 (43:24):
Just a sock.

Speaker 1 (43:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (43:26):
I also, I'm wondering a little bit about your relationship
dynamic and that you like go over to her house.
You've been dating for seven months and you like clean
her house semi regularly.

Speaker 1 (43:36):
Yeah enough to be like, I know that sock.

Speaker 4 (43:38):
Well, I know that sock Like. That's just interesting. Don't
know how I feel about it. Pop relevant comments up
Down says if she shares a washer and dryer with
other people, it would be really easy to end up
with a misplaced sock.

Speaker 2 (43:51):
Op.

Speaker 4 (43:52):
He says, that's a really good point. I don't think
of this. But if this were the case, why would
they tell me the story about a guy throwing a
sock at them? Switch see to Ox says, you're not paranoid.
Her story stinks like louta is.

Speaker 1 (44:07):
His story stinks of the bounty of the sea.

Speaker 4 (44:10):
The problem with this story is that there are a
lot of amazing coincidences in It is la latinin I'm
gonna I turn into ben one Bok is loud. It's
Latins shragon the same place, Dhy actually.

Speaker 1 (44:25):
Talking in the same place twice, very you did it better.

Speaker 4 (44:28):
It can happen, but rarely does. For instance, why would
the one time tinder hookup of the roommate feel so
comfortable with your girlfriend that he threw a sock at
her in a room? In turn, why was she so
comfortable with having a stranger throw a sock at her
that she didn't remember it? Was she blackout? Waste it?
You have two choices, leave bell rings or stay. If

(44:52):
you stay and give her the benefit of the doubt,
then make sure you never bring it up again. However,
you also need to keep one eye open for little
things like is she hiding her phone, etc. Or having
more girls' nights out than she used to. If her
behavior is sketchy going forward, then you've confirmed that she's cheating.
And OP says so with the Tinder thing, I don't

(45:14):
know how her roommate does it, but she becomes really
comfortable with randoms, And if you've seen the roommate and
a random guy together, you'd think they're a couple with
how smooth they are. She had times where she had
spicy sleep with guys and they ended up staying a
few nights before he actually leaves. Racing Guru says, you
should probably implant a tracking device, or you could just

(45:37):
chill out and not question her every move. If you're
that concerned about her cheating, you need to either move
on or figure out why she would cheat on you.
I'd say one reason is you being overbearing. He's a
person and not your possession. Many, many men and women
don't seem to understand this. You're in a relationship, not
an owner and product situation. I think it's kind of

(46:00):
a reach. We don't really know Opie's relationship with his girlfriend.

Speaker 1 (46:04):
Yeah, that was completely idiotic, Oh Pie.

Speaker 4 (46:06):
Says, what gives you the impression that I'm trying to
own her? I literally asked about a sock that didn't
belong to me that was in her room. Stitch O'Neil says,
I think, honestly, if you genuinely feel the roommate's story
was a lie, then that red flag is shining bright.

Speaker 1 (46:22):
Bretta.

Speaker 4 (46:23):
It's gone from your girlfriend saying it's an ex to
her roommate saying it was her one night stand. One
or both of them is lying. It don't take a
genius to work that out. What you do with that information.

Speaker 1 (46:34):
Is up to you.

Speaker 4 (46:35):
But I know what I would do, and I wouldn't
be calling giving my girlfriend the glorious title of.

Speaker 1 (46:41):
X okay Shakespeare.

Speaker 4 (46:44):
If she can lie now, she will lie again later.
How many lies are you willing to swallow?

Speaker 1 (46:51):
Well, I don't know.

Speaker 4 (46:52):
I'm pretty oh Pie says, that's the thing. Also her
and her roommate, I've been friends for a long time.
I know how easily I could get a friend to
lie for me. Captain Nowdy says, how does one leave
someone's apartment and not realize they are missing a sock?
If it was a tinder date, I'm sure when he
was about to leave, he would have realized, oh f

(47:15):
I don't know, I have one of my socks on
and went and retrieved the sock from her room. Was
there a period of time where you didn't hear from
her for a few days. Maybe she had a visitor
coming to town and stayed with her for a few
days and he left a sock. Then that's really the
only way I see this happening. Or she had a
dude over and something made him leave in a big hurry,

(47:36):
and he left a sock as he was running out
of there. I think it's very odd, and you are
correct in your suspicions.

Speaker 1 (47:43):
I think this commentor has never been face to face
with male indifference. You gotta put your shoes on, That's
what I was saying. You got one sock? Like? Ah,
wherever I got more socks at home?

Speaker 4 (47:56):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (47:56):
He's like, I gotta get out of here. Guys like, I.

Speaker 4 (47:59):
Think I threw that in that girl's room. I am
not going back in her room. I don't know her.
I don't need that sock. Okay, it was really left
from an accent. She was moving crap around in a
room and came across it and didn't think it was
a big deal. I don't see why she would get
off the phone quickly and get her roommate involved. Sorry, man,

(48:21):
but I really think she's getting it on with another dude.
And Op says, the only way I could think that
someone would leave a sock is if they're comfortable being
at your house and they know that they'll eventually come
back to get it. And there is an update, folks,
But what do you think.

Speaker 1 (48:39):
Docks are more valuable than gold? In this here economy
apparently can't let us what kind of man would let
us sock lie.

Speaker 4 (48:48):
Apparently socks are like everything, TOPI. I still am shocked
that like one he saw the sock was like I
know the room like the back of my hand. There's
no way that that sock was there before.

Speaker 1 (49:03):
It was not my sock.

Speaker 4 (49:04):
Now it was not his sock. Because honestly, if I
saw a sock that was around my size, I'd be like,
it's probably my song problem.

Speaker 1 (49:12):
I have socks that I don't know where they came from.
I don't know where I have my sock sos from,
Like I don't even know where that one's from.

Speaker 4 (49:18):
Yeah, I steal a lot of my mom socks. Could
be my mom sock. I don't know who's to say?

Speaker 1 (49:24):
Who is? Who really is to say?

Speaker 4 (49:27):
Updates. About a week ago, I posted about finding a
male sock in my girlfriend's room while cleaning up. Uh,
and here's the update. So for this last week we've
gone back and forth about it. The story has changed
so many times, but now I finally got the truth.

Speaker 1 (49:45):
Dude, what do you mean? So many times? As soon
as the story changes once it's like all right, have
a nice life, Yeah, okay, you.

Speaker 4 (49:52):
Take your sock and go.

Speaker 1 (49:54):
I know what you've done. Now, there's no way you've
changed that story even one time.

Speaker 4 (49:59):
I try to take everyone's advice and let it go.
But the whole time while this was going on, I
just felt like I was being outcheed in the gut sked.
The situation went from her saying it was her roommates
guy to her saying that I planted the suck there
to have an excuse to hate R and be controlling. Truly,

(50:20):
the second she said that we're done, the second that
she starts blaming it on you, dude, it's like, oh, okay, okay,
well now I know you're lying.

Speaker 1 (50:30):
She tried to bring whip it back at you, be like, actually,
I know me and my roommate made up a complete fabrication,
but actually this was now all your fault with your gates,
the fact that I lied about it for no reason. Yeah,
and no reason at all.

Speaker 4 (50:47):
What about the Tinder day? And she's like, that didn't exist.
You made me lie about that.

Speaker 1 (50:52):
That's right, this is actually you, you mine controlled me.

Speaker 4 (50:57):
But two days ago she told me the truth, and
this is what really happened before her and I started dating.
She told me that there were two guys that were
friends who used to come over to their place and
they would hook up. One guy would be for her
roommate and one would be for her. Her roommate connected
with the guy who she used to hook up with,
and since he was going, he invited his friend that

(51:19):
my girlfriend used to hook up with. My girlfriend claimed
that she had no idea that this guy was coming over. Anyways,
she said feelings started coming up, so her and this
guy go to her room and she told him that
she had a boyfriend, but he didn't care. At first,
she said they just talked. Then she said they kissed,

(51:40):
and then she said he performed special sleep with his mouth,
but she stopped him. I didn't believe one but I
think they had speed to sleep because why would he
take off his sock. But I guess that doesn't really
matter at all. I broke up with her, and I
pretended not to be around her, but I'm really broken
up up by it. She wastedly called me last night

(52:02):
asking do I love her, and after I had the
heart to hang up, I almost cried. I know, like
I could just work it out with her, but I
have a no cheating policy. Don't work it out with her.

Speaker 1 (52:15):
Wow, don't work it out of there. The speed at
which I would have said no through the phone would
have broken the sound barrier. No, it would have broken
the light speed barrier. It would have actually gotten to
her before she even finished asking. Is how fast I
would have replied, no, do you love new love me?

Speaker 4 (52:34):
No?

Speaker 1 (52:35):
No, no, no, no, no no no no.

Speaker 4 (52:38):
I mean props to uop You've got like cheating eagle eyes.
You saw a sock and went.

Speaker 1 (52:46):
I know what happened here, fellas. This is just a
PSA clean your girlfriend's room all the time. Clean your
girlfriend's room all the time.

Speaker 4 (52:53):
You know what I like that idea? Clean your girlfriend's
room all the time.

Speaker 1 (52:57):
And every single song on.

Speaker 4 (53:01):
The you just beg list so so pointed, um, but
there is a little bit left. I've cheated on people,
oh h people have cheated on me, so I know
what it's like to be on both sides. I've watched
my dad cheat on my mom growing up, and seeing
what it did to our family was bad. Sauce and

(53:21):
Kat says, you're really better off. How many lies does
it take? Red flags? Especially about cheating and making up stories.
Your heart broken now, but in a few weeks you'll
realize how much better off you are, and we'll find
someone better. And op says, I'd rather hurt tell me
the truth the first time instead of putting me in
the spin cycle. I just thought she was so different.

(53:42):
But I guess everyone thinks their partner is m But
we get a little bit left from Opee. I'm twenty.
The last time I cheated when I was fifteen, okay,
and I never even touched another girl. All I did
was spicy text and get spicy images. That's not justification, though.
The reason I don't cheat now is because that girl

(54:05):
I cheated on after another guy and left me for
him and then asked me how do I aff another man?
I don't know how too, because you're the only person
I've ever been with. That's why I don't cheat and
never will again. That's why that's why you don't cheat,
not because it gets bad. Okay anyway, So for all
the people saying I'll cheat again, you guys suck saying

(54:25):
I need to reassess and want. A cheater always a
cheater never seen growth, especially from childish ways. Yeah, I
have a no cheating policy that applies to whoever I
date and myself. I won't allow myself to do it.
If I'm that unsatisfied or unhappy, I'll leave. Yeah, I mean,
you're twenty did this when you were fifteen. It seems

(54:47):
like you've grown. Your reasoning is a little strange. That's
all right, um, and there you go.

Speaker 1 (54:56):
Well at the end of that story, look at that, folks.

Speaker 3 (54:59):
Hey, hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here,
and we're going to get back to the stories.

Speaker 2 (55:05):
But here's a three minute ad break from our sponsors.

Speaker 1 (55:09):
I believed my wife's truth for years, but now it
all feels like a lie.

Speaker 4 (55:14):
I don't even know what's real.

Speaker 1 (55:16):
My wife had an affair that happened a long time ago,
two thousand and three. At the time, I was ill
prepared to process what had happened, and I bought into
the gas lighting and trickle truth. I carried a lot
of guilt and shame, and she offered the reasons and apologies.
And by the way, this comes from user resident meaning
two four three And if you want usbmit your own stories,

(55:38):
go to the ur slash Okay storytime subbered it. I'm Dakota,
I'm Sophia, and I'm Vincent and we're like here to
give you good advice, man, but we don't know everything.
Orders who got a bunch of goofs? So you know,
if you think you know something else, just real to
tell us.

Speaker 4 (55:53):
Proven in the comments.

Speaker 1 (55:54):
Most of the commas, Breh and Op says the actual
affair was discover through snooping on my part after feeling
something was not right. This added to the guilt that
I had regarding the whole situation. Basically, online gaming chats
became emails and more personal communication. This led to phone calls,

(56:14):
and I believe she admitted to spicy texting and phone spice.
Oh as part of the Trickle Truth reveal, she also
admitted to a face to face meeting.

Speaker 4 (56:25):
She's like, we were spicy texting in person.

Speaker 1 (56:28):
Yes, we were sending each other text with our mouths
and we would seal them with a kiss.

Speaker 4 (56:32):
Yeah, we were talking over well, we were in person.
We were in person.

Speaker 1 (56:38):
The guy was from Canada. We lived in Florida and
made a trip down maybe for work, and met her
at the banking center where she worked. Her story was
that they got in the car and went to a
nearby grocery store parking lot where they talked. At some
point she says he leaned in and kissed her. She
says at this point she was uncomfortable and told him
to take her back to work. End of her story

(57:00):
of that encounter.

Speaker 4 (57:01):
Don't believe any of that.

Speaker 1 (57:03):
Very nice. Supposedly, there was no other contact during this trip.
She admitted to one or more phone or online contacts
after this encounter. Apparently the Canadian guy's wife found out
about his trip, and maybe a week or so later,
I discovered all the online activity and confronted her. Everything
I know at this point would indicate there was no
other contact, and I have seen or heard nothing since

(57:25):
then to believe the affair continued. After going through all
the steps of grief, denial, pargaining, anger, blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah, I realized I had to make
a decision. At the time, it was just us, no kids,
no real reasons that we would have to stay together,
other than the feelings we had for each other and
maybe some deep need for things to be normal. I

(57:46):
have learned since that I have abandonment issues that go
back beyond our marriage. We had, as far as I know,
a great relationship up until that point. I was a
retail manager and worked a lot of hours, like fifty
to sixty a week with a lot of night shifts,
and she worked in a bank and had a nine
to five schedule. I bought into the gas lighting that
somehow my lack of attention and not spending enough time

(58:08):
with her had put her in this situation. Typing this
now obviously sounds ridiculous, but at the time I was
madly in love with my wife and I wanted to
do what I could to move forward. The only friends
and family I had were very intertwined in our relationship,
and I felt that to save her shame, I couldn't
confide in anyone else. I had justifications in my mind

(58:29):
based on the truth she had shared that she knew
what she did was wrong and she could stop the behavior.
Every indication was that this was an isolated affair, and
nothing I found then or since would appear otherwise. We
did implement a new rule where we could look at
each other's stuff at any time. I may not remember,
but I don't think I ever even took her up
on that. We moved on. She felt forgiven, and I

(58:53):
pushed any emotion down to allow me to move on,
which is exactly what that does, right.

Speaker 4 (59:00):
It's terrible, terrible way to do that. If you're going
to get through cheating, which is rid of it hard,
then you have to let everything come out and you
have to face it head on and go through it,
because he can't go around it, and you can't just
put your head in the sand.

Speaker 1 (59:16):
You just shove it down as far as your cannon.
So it's a nice little compact block.

Speaker 4 (59:24):
He actually blocked out Canada entirely. Anytime someone mentions Canada,
he's like, what's that?

Speaker 1 (59:30):
Yeah, he's like, what Canada?

Speaker 4 (59:32):
What Canada?

Speaker 1 (59:34):
Canada? What Canada? Can of corn?

Speaker 4 (59:37):
Took about Minnesota?

Speaker 1 (59:38):
You're talking about Canada, the big Beans? I got there
in the fridge.

Speaker 4 (59:41):
And then he just starts getting into misit of Minnesota.
Yeah no, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (59:47):
We had two kids starting in two thousand and five
and are closing in on the empty nest as my
youngest is a senior in high school. After lurking here
mainly out of curiosity and honestly not even thinking this
thread would apply to me, I was flabbergasted to see
the same infidelity story repeated over and over. Some of
the gas lighting and trickle truthing read Read's word for

(01:00:10):
word to the things I heard so many years ago.
When I saw the repeated stories and many updates that
showed that most cheaters, truth was likely one more convenient,
partial reveal, it sent me down a rabbit hole. I
spiraled pretty hard and put my thoughts together the best
that I could. I have no suspicions of infidelity. In
the last twenty years since the known affair, we honestly

(01:00:33):
never really talked about it. After it was rug swept,
I started looking for any sign that there could have
been continued infidelity. We have location tracking on our phones
that I have never seen any abnormalities in. I can
honestly say that I felt every emotion that I had
suppressed flood back into me. Having a belief that after
all these years I had been so naive and likely

(01:00:55):
further gas lit put me right back there. I think
I realized now that all I did was compartmentalize the
affair and took solace in the idea that she had
stopped on the one yard line of what would have
likely been a deal breaker for me. In that mind space,
I was able to just move on without any true healing.
She moved forward without any true accountability or consequences, and

(01:01:16):
I condoned that by forgetting the whole thing and acting
like nothing had ever happened. My current triggering basically gave
me a hard reset, and I felt like every part
of our reconciliation was fraudulent, and I wanted to confront
her again. In my spiral, I felt that I wanted
to find some form of current infidelity that would confirm
my new suspicions of how far the original affair had gone.

(01:01:36):
Things I've read here seemed to indicate cheaters cheat, and
cheaters that don't face the consequences do not stop. That
made sense to me. We share a computer in our
home that she leaves Facebook and her other social media
apps logged into, and I looked through them and found
nothing concerning. I assume one would not leave these available
if that was where communication was happening. So I got

(01:01:56):
locked in on her phone. In my spinning mind, I
just knew if I could look at her phone, I
would find some nuggative, real truth like I found so
many years ago. I decided, instead of snooping again, I
would just confront her and ask to look at her phone.
It sounds kind of dumb, but I thought it would
be a good test. I had seen some scenarios where

(01:02:16):
she was defensive about my son looking at her phone.
She always has it with her, and I created a
new scenario in my mind where that was going to
be the cherry, the smoking, the smoking trail, the vapor trail. Yeah,
here we go. Yeah, I created a new scenario in
my mind where that was going to be the vapor
trail of a continued pattern of lies and cheating. A

(01:02:39):
few nights ago, when we were laying down to go
to bed, I asked her to see her phone. With
no hesitation, she said okay. I was actually taken aback
because I was so sure she would be hiding something.
Her answer disarmed me, and I told her never mind.
She obviously asked me what was going on, and I
revealed that I had gone down the rabbit hole of
reading other people's fidelity stories and that it had triggered

(01:03:02):
feelings in me that made me suspicious and left me
with more questions about the affair from twenty years ago. Well,
props to you to like immediately saying that I feel
like a lot of people would just go, oh, no,
it was nothing. I don't know. I don't know, but
you're just being like, yeah, so here's actually the entire truth.
Good move. I think she was rightfully blind sided and

(01:03:23):
confused and expressed all forms of what the f I
totally understood that, which not really I mean whatever. I
guess it was twenty years ago, but I totally understood that,
as it had been the unspoken subject for so long.
I asked her to recount to her a fair story, and
she basically recited what I had heard all those years ago.
I heard no hiccups or new information. She did give

(01:03:44):
me a few I don't remember responses that, to be fair,
I don't know are valid or not. I personally feel
that if I had gone through such an event where
I was hiding details and having significant emotional moments, I
would remember a lot more clearly than what she seems
to recollect. She did get really upset. I thought you
forgave me. I was young and stupid, I wanted attention

(01:04:04):
and felt lonely. So again instead of under.

Speaker 4 (01:04:08):
Hasn't actually you know, done any of the emotional work
to like work. I don't know the remorse, yeh, She hasn't.

Speaker 1 (01:04:17):
Feel reorse, and she feels justified in it, because instead,
even if it was twenty years ago, I'd be like, Okay, wow,
I didn't expect that, but yeah, totally understandable. Let's get
into it.

Speaker 4 (01:04:29):
Yeah, this is what happened.

Speaker 1 (01:04:31):
She's like, oh, I thought your dream you could never
bring this up again, and I was just young and stupid.
And also, remember this was your fault because you didn't
give me off attention.

Speaker 4 (01:04:41):
I thought we agreed that you can't be mad at
me about that anymore. I thought that was it. I
thought it was like a one time mad and then
you say, okay, I'll forget about it, and then and
then you keep it inside forever.

Speaker 3 (01:04:54):
No.

Speaker 1 (01:04:54):
My rule, one time bad, never again mad. Okay. That's
I told her that I truly felt the trauma of
the original event was triggered and that any forgiveness I
gave in the past was possibly tainted if there was
more to the story. But she stuck with the story.
I told her, I don't believe her. I told her,
I don't really care about the ins and outs of

(01:05:15):
any physical relationship, but I need the whole story to
heal and forgive. I'm probably lying, but any emotional cheating
back then was far enough to warrant a true reckoning
and not a rug sweeping. Learning they slept with each
other would likely only make me more upset about the
broken promises of not having the whole story. I've started
watching a lot of videos about a fair recovery and

(01:05:36):
how to heal. I'm realizing that I build walls of
trauma that I forced down to not deal with. This
has happened all of my life. I am currently self
reflecting on all of the many times from childhood on
that I have taken bad feelings of abandonment and attachment
distress and turned them into a functional apathy that has
allowed me to appear happy and normal. I feel like

(01:05:58):
I've become a shell of a per with a shiny
exterior in a hollow inside. Those feelings are not all
related to the unresolved reconciliation of our affair, but I
think in my relationship with my wife it is a
major factor. I know I hold resentment that manifests in
ways that I do not even recognize. I've kept her
at an arm's length when dealing with any true emotion

(01:06:19):
as a defense mechanism because I don't know that I
could ever deal with another heartbreak. I think I've become
the husband that she claimed I was when she decided
to cheat. This adds to the feelings of assuming there
has been or is other infidelity. If this same scenario
that allowed her to cheat then exists today, how can
she remain faithful? I will say she has been an

(01:06:41):
amazing mother. She's an active member of her church, taking
on responsibilities to help others. People looking at our family
from the outside would say we should write a book
on how to have a happy home. In my honest opinion,
it is smoke and mirrors. We are both hurt people
who do a good job of suppressing emotion and putting
on veneers. Due to my detachment issues, I have really

(01:07:03):
become isolated. I don't have anyone that I would confine in.
I'm still trying to keep up appearances in my life
to keep things normal. I figure by posting and seeing
others thoughts, I may see some hard truths, but also
may find some clarity. It may also only be a
chance to unload the things that are keeping me up
at night. I've taken a few steps to open communication

(01:07:23):
with my wife that I won't go into, but they
have shown some positive results. So far. Seeing this in
writing gives me a perspective that I do not have
when it's just in my head. Oh boy, oh boy,
Am I glad that your kid's almost leaving?

Speaker 4 (01:07:38):
Yeah? I don't think it really matters if she is
cheating or not right now because you don't trust her
for good reason. She has not gone through any sort
of you know, realization about what she did, does not
have you know, is not apologetic, it seems, even after

(01:07:58):
twenty years. So I feel like this relationship cannot progress
if you have not gotten over it. Not that you
should have, but if you haven't gotten over in twenty years.

Speaker 1 (01:08:08):
Yeah, I mean, if you can go address that and
y'all can get on the other side of that with
her taking accountability and you finding closure, then maybe. But yeah,
it's just it feels like you guys paused twenty years ago. Yeah,
and then just like pretended it was still going. Yep.

Speaker 4 (01:08:26):
But uh uh, good luck.

Speaker 1 (01:08:29):
Yeah, good freaking luck. Did freaking luck? Dude, let's finish
the story lurking here. I had not really seen a
scenario quite like ours. I know I did a lot
of things wrong in the original affair reveal. I wish
I knew then some of the things I know now.
I also hope maybe someone in a new affair experiencing

(01:08:49):
their own crisis of chaos will see that just pushing
down the feelings and trying to ignore realities does not work,
and that you have to do the real work to heal.
Please feel free to get any advice, admonishments, sympathies, or
kicks in the butt. At this point, I do not
think anything anyone says will trigger me further. And I
have a notoriously thick skin, which is part of the problem.

(01:09:10):
I am on the road to healing and will be
seeking counseling, and that is the end of that story.

Speaker 4 (01:09:16):
You can do, I mean, besides maybe ending your relationship,
but you'll.

Speaker 1 (01:09:21):
Figure that out, yeah, And that might be something you do.
From you know, the result of counseling, you might realize
that that's that's what you want, that's where you're at,
and that's the end of this story.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My fiancée wanted an OPEN relationship… so I canceled the wedding! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2677