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00:00 r/BestofRedditorUpdates - My gf [32F] of 6 months wants me [35M] to take pictures of my deceased wife off of the wall
26:18 r/AmITheAsshole - AITA for taking my wife’s side in an argument and telling my mom to “get the hell out”?
35:20 r/AmITheAsshole - WIBTA if I tell my wife she does not always need my input/feedback?
Note: stories are sometimes abbreviated
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Angie and this is Dakota, your favorite
Okay story Time hosts, and we've got some great stories
coming up.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
But before that, we have a quick two minute break
from the sponsors that keep this show running. My girlfriend
wanted me to take my deceased wife's pictures off the wall.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Uh, that's kind.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Of a bad vibe, I'm picking up.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Backstory?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Is I now thirty five male? Married my wife when
I was twenty four years old. She was diagnosed with
stomach cancer when I was twenty nine and she was
thirty one, and it was a life changing experience for me.
About six months before that diagnosis, we were considering divorce,
but after she was diagnosed things to go wrap at
one eighty we forgot all about the divorce. We tried
to enjoy each other's company, and the more and more
(00:40):
sick she got, the more and more I did for her.
By the way, this comes from jealous girlfriend's boyfriend. And
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay Storytime Separate it.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
I'm Angie, I'm Dakota, and we're here to give you
good advice and as goofy way as possible.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Yeah, but this story sounds really art strings are being played.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Gonna be a tough one, but uh, we don't have
all the answers though, so if you do, let us know.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
In the comments.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Yeah please.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
But Op says, some things I did were things that
I never thought I could do, like changing her bedpan
in dirty sheets and keeping her at.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Home for her to pass here peacefully.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
This is a movie plot. This is a movie plot.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
And it's a very sad movie. Get tissues ready.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
It is sad, but kind of happy, but sad.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
It changed me as a human being, and as much
as I hate the experience, I know that it turned
me into a better person.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
I have become much more kind and patient since all
of these things happened.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
I stopped being completely shallow, and if I am being
perfectly honest, even my views on women changed because I
wasn't a good man back then and was emotionally very
immature and selfish. I still am not perfect, but I
do believe I treat people better than I ever did before.
And I don't know why it took something that drastic
to make me become a better person, but it did.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
I feel like all of the people who needed drassed
things to happen to them to become better people. Also
don't know why they needed that, but it seems like
they do need it right.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
It's like you only really know in hindsight for that
kind of stuff. Everything after she passed was a blur,
and I suffered miserably remembering some of the awful things
that I did and said to her.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
It was a typical grief process which.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I managed to find my way through, even if I
do still have some regrets and I do think about
her a lot. So skipping forward to about nine months ago,
a lady thirty two female I used to work with
started helping me with my son for a few hours
a week. You have a son too, Oh man, My heart,
My heart. She needed some extra money and knew I
(02:42):
was a single dad, and she knew what happened with
my wife because we worked together while all of these
things happened. I think she had intended to pursue me
very soon afterwards, and I wasn't totally reluctant because I
did start to develop feelings for her too, and we
eased into a relationship which was very comfortable for me.
I've been nicer to her than I ever with my wife.
And a few months after she started helping me with
(03:03):
my son, we decided we'd like to be more than
just friends. I was completely okay with this, but was
always really honest about my feelings for my wife and
the fact that I don't think i'll ever want to
remove her from my life or my son's life. We
moved in together about a month ago, and she moved
into my house, this house that my wife and I
shared long before she ever came into the picture. My
(03:23):
girlfriend has been wonderful to my son, and she has
been patient with me too.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
She's the first woman.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
I've slept with since my wife passed away, and the
first woman I've wanted to be in a relationship with,
and as a single father, I don't really have the
energy or desire to date around. She's truly the only
woman who has interested me enough to want to be
in a relationship with her.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Ah. But that sounds like we don't know, though, because
you just said I don't even have the energy to
date around, right right, And it sounds like you might
have found yourself a woman who just wants to replace
everything about your previous life with her.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
It appears that way, at least for the title. A
few days ago, I came home and the pictures of
my wife that were on the mantle were not on
it anymore, and I asked her why she took them down.
She said she brought some new art that she wanted
to put there, and I told her it wasn't okay.
She got really upset with me and told me that
I needed to get out of this funk, and that
(04:19):
it's been so long, and since I was planning on
divorcing my wife anyway, it isn't like there was anything
to grasp onto anymore.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Hello, ooh, I don't know if I'm coming back from
that conversation. Chiefs.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Oh, oh, that's something that you can't really just like
move on from.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Yeah, I gotta sit on my hands after that, for sure.
I gotta sit on my hands. I gotta roll up
into a ball. Yeah. Yeah, So you gotta get out
of here. Maybe I'm a cannonball right now. You gotta
get out of here.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
You really can't.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Then she said it bothered her that she moved into
my house and that I won't let her decorate or
change it.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Around at all, And that's not really true.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I just haven't gotten around to thinking about completely changing
my house around for her.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
I don't know what advice I'm seeking.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
I guess I just want to know if it's really
that and appropriate to have pictures of my wife up
when I have a new girlfriend. This is a first
for me, and I haven't lived with anyone else or
known how it works. The pictures are all over the house,
in the living room, there are some on the refrigerator,
there's one in the dining room from our wedding day.
My son has them in his room, and I had
some in my room, but I put them away in
(05:26):
a drawer after that because I can understand how it
might be strange for her to have a spicy sleep
in front of those pictures.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
I don't want to use my son as.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
An excuse for holding on to my wife, but I
do think that we should keep the pictures up for
him too, and she understands that, but says that we
could just keep them in his room A tough Yeah,
I don't I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
I don't think so either. Yeah, but I also do
think there does come a time where you probably should
start moving those into like the boss where you then
open up the box and you go, oh, this is
my wife Box, I could see that, but I don't
think you're there yet. And yeah, y'all aren't getting married
(06:09):
or anything, so I don't think it's the time for
her to be like oh.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Yeah, like right right, yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
I think I think for the son for sure, because
we don't really know exactly how old the sun is,
but I mean young enough, whatever it is, it's young
enough to at least be able to have pictures of
your wife around the house. Because I feel like if
you say that you can only get keep those pictures
in his room if he wants them up, then it's
kind of like, I don't know, I feel like that
would be almost isolating for the kid to feel like
(06:39):
maybe I need to kind of keep my grief to myself.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Who knows what it could do. It can also make
the kid think like, oh, my dad never liked my
mom because he had got the pictures down. Yeah, Like,
I don't know, I don't even know why they were
getting divorce. Maybe they're getting divorced because he did something
terrible like he said he wasn't who knows, But I
don't know if this relationship for me would ever bounce
back from that comment about like you were getting divorced anyway,
so there's nothing to hold on to. I'd be like, Wow,
that's crazy. You need to get out of my house.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
You just don't understand anything at all. That's insane.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
I'm not sure if I'm out of line telling her
no effing way will I take the pictures down because
there will always be a part of me that loves
my wife. I didn't word it like that to her,
but it feels like a silly thing to argue over,
and I don't want to continue arguing over it. I'm
not trying to be insensitive to her feelings, but I
think she's taking it too far by taking them down herself.
I mean, do you have an update from the next day, A.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Hundred percent, she is going too far taking it down herself.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Yeah, without even asking.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
You about it, especially because she also already knows You've
already had the conversation of like, yeah, this is my
wife's house, and I love my wife, and I'm not,
you know, just gonna put it all in a box
somewhere right now. Yeah, I told her.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
That already, exactly exactly.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Maybe you should start putting different pictures up, like but
not of like your wife or of it just start
putting pictures of like, like mister Rogers.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Oh okay, and then what I don't know, just like
see what she's thinking, just throwing her off, you.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
Know, just to add something in there.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Yeah, put up a bunch of pictures of like children's
iconic children's TV hosts, is sure. And then she'll be like, well,
we need to take these down. And then you go,
that's right, babe, you got it. You can take those
off the wall.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
Right right, and then you put back the pictures of
the wife. And it doesn't seem so bad now, huh.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Now she's had the control to take off the pictures
of mister Rogers.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
I had a fifteen foot by twelve foot mural of
mister Rogers up. Oh you took that one down. That
was a big move.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Yeah, that's totally a big move. Big move to have
it there in the first place.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
I just wanted to think about.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
But we do have an update from the next day.
I'm going to try and keep this short. Last night
really didn't go well at all for any parties.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
You didn't use the mister Rogers picture.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
My girlfriend got back and was very hostile towards me
after I asked her countless times what she did with
the pictures. She interrogated me as to why I have
the pictures in the first place, and accuse me of
of of.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
George measuring myself those pictures, which is, oh, my god, crazy,
this relationship is over.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Yeah, which is seriously the craziest thing I've ever heard
in my wife.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
She said, I'm being insensitive to her needs. I'm not
meeting her needs.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
I'd treat her just as bad as I did my wife,
and that the pictures need to come down because she's
not comfortable with the fact that I do it to them. No,
I wouldn't do it to the pictures on the mantle.
I do have some intimate photos of my wife's stored
away in my safe, but I haven't touched them in years.
The ones on the mantle are not something I've ever
considered doing that too. I tried to compromise and offered
(09:44):
her even another wall in the house if she would
just put the pictures back, and then offered to keep
them in my safe where she doesn't have to look
at them, which I wouldn't have really done most likely,
but I wanted to see if she'd tell me where
they were, if I offered.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
That, so she's taken them down and hidden them from you.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Yeah, she doesn't. He doesn't even know where they are.
And she's all, oh, well, why do you even want
those in the first place? Wow?
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Yeah, I am very calmly being like, you can get
whatever you want. Where are they? I'll put them in
this safe just you know, yeah, and then you can
have whatever you want. And as soon as I have
them back, you are locked out of the house.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Girl, done done.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
And if she doesn't do that, like, honestly, I feel
like you would need to just be like, Okay, well
I'm gonna call the cops because you're stealing from me.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Like, honestly, if it gets down to it, there's I
feel like there's nothing else that could get it back.
We need this doesn't lease intervention, literally, which is crazy crazy.
I've always been extremely honest about my feelings towards my
wife and the fact that she will never leave my life.
That when I married her, I vowed to love her forever,
including in passing, and she needs to accept it or
(10:50):
get out. I offered to buy her a hotel room
for the night because I needed time to myself, which
she flipped out about and then said that she was
going to her friend's house. She texted me throughout the
night telling me about what an awful human being I am.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
So after she went.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
To her friend's house, I invited over my sister's wife,
who I haven't talked too much lately because my girlfriend
husband jealous of her in the past, and I didn't
want to cause issues, so I backed off.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
Okay, so your girlfriend husband jealous of your sister's wife.
She could be by, But what if she's not.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
I mean, honestly, Dong, I remember you said earlier that
you're like, this is the only person I found myself
interested in, and I don't have the energy to date
anyone else. I think you'd have a lot more energy
if you didn't date a giant red flag.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
I think so, I like, is the reason we didn't
have much interests or only a little bit of interest,
just because she was like.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
You know, you know what it was. It was the kid.
It was her helping him with his kid and him
seeing her with his kid. Oh maybe this could work.
I bet you that's her way.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Uh yeah, that sucks.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Yeah, but it turns out this girl's not easy to date.
She is a toxic call Britney spears because this girl's toxic. Yep,
she needs to get back in that music video.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Yep. My wife's sister is very special to both my
son and I. There has never been anything romantic between us,
and we've been platonic friends for a long time, and
if anything, I viewed her as my own sister.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
When I was married, we didn't like each.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Other at all because she was my wife's best friend
and they talked about everything, including our marital issues. After
my wife passed away, however, she and I became best
friends and I have no shame in this. She is
a great role model to my son. My son loves
her and in ways it's like the two of them
combined are this piece of my wife that I miss
so much.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
Oh so sad but beautiful.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
She looks a lot like my wife, So yes, she
is very beautiful, which I think is part of why
my girlfriend became jealous and part of why I understood
why she didn't want us to have a close relationship.
So I listened to her and I still talk to
her enough just to keep her in my son's life.
But we stopped watching movies together or getting dinner or
playing video games or doing any of the things that
friends usually do together. So when she came over, we
(13:15):
decided to have a bottle of wine, turn on a movie,
and basically do what we always did in the past.
We talked about my wife and what she'd be like now,
and what she'd think of all the cell phone cameras
since my wife loved photography, what she'd think of my
girlfriend had we gone through the divorce and she was alive,
and what kind of mother she'd be to our son,
and what she'd think about his interest in robotics.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
That's so sweet, And you have.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
To give that up because your girlfriend thinks that you're
gonna boink your sister's wife.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
That's insane.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
It's just a really absurd level of Like, I mean,
has that happened before? Sure? Like just the blanket insecurity
I'm getting from your girlfriend is yeahsane.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
And I'm wondering too, like if there's context that we're
missing on like why op said he was not a
great guy, Like did he cheat on his wife?
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yeah, we are missing the context, but he has been
very clear like I was not a great guy until
she got sick and then really one.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Right, So, like, you know, even if there was some
sort of context of like, well, you've cheated on your
partner before, now I'm worried that you would do it
to me, I still like this would not be the
You gotta control your thoughts at that point when it's
like okay, yeah, but he has this different and complicated
relationship with this woman and it's not romantic at all,
(14:34):
Like you gotta take a step back and understand even
with the sister.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
The sister's one thing, but it's like you're never gonna
erase like what he felt about his wife. His wife
has passed away, his wife's gone. Yeah, so it's like
you're never gonna be able to like, you know, win
against his wife because it's you know, he's always gonna
have that, even if you take away every picture, like
he's still going to be like, yeah, I remember I
loved my wife and I miss her. So if you
can't deal with that, it's you can't be in a
(14:59):
really relationship.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
We talked about giving him one of her old cameras.
Then inevitably we talked about my girlfriend, and she did
bring up a lot of great points that I was
truly just blinded to We came to the conclusion together
that my girlfriend was being manipulative with the tactics that
she used to move in with me, that hiding the
pictures should always be a deal breaker, and that her
isolating me for my wife's family may have been emotional abuse.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
Just a lot of things.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
I hadn't really considered before my now ex girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Hey, okay, he came home around five in the morning.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
My wife's sister slept in my son's room with him,
where she always sleeps, because we had been drinking the
night before and it wouldn't be appropriate for her to drive.
So my girlfriend literally flips the f out about my
wife's sister's car being upfront.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Also just fun that this person is so uptight about this.
They would definitely cheat on you. Oh yeah, this is
the girl who would also cheat on you in a heartbeat,
totally yeah, And then like cry and wail that it's
like a misunderstanding and you don't Oh.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
No, that's not what it looks like, right, But then
if you actually cheated on her, then it's.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Like a big problem.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
She started telling my wife's sister.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
That she's a salute and that she knew I'd be
cheating on her the second she walked out the door.
I know it looks bad, but for f's sake, my
wife's sister is practically a sister to me and is
also my son's aunt, and I'm not completely undethical. To me,
it would be no different than having my own sisters
spend the night. And at this point I was considering
breaking up with her anyway, so it didn't really matter
(16:34):
to me what she thought of the situation. Finally, my
wife's sister went off on my girlfriend, and my girlfriend
got crazy and told me that I need to choose
right now between my wife's sister and HER's.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
I hypersonically, I choose my wife's sister over you. Yeah
what before you even finish your sentence, I'm like, bye.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Yeah, her, sorry, no, sorry, her, it's her.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
It's oh my god, it's her every time. God.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
I told her that I wasn't playing the ultimatum game
and told her that I wasn't choosing my wife's sister,
but I was booting her out and not keeping her
in my life. My girlfriend went out to the patio
and played with her phone.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
What what that's not Okay, that's fine. I guess we're
doing that. Yeah, I'll send you an eight ball pool.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Right.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
My sister in law left and took my son with
her to get him somewhere safer. I went outside to
tell her I'd be giving her cash and buying her
a moving truck to get her to wherever she needs
to go, but she's not welcome in my house.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
She got really upset with me. Some things I've learned,
and bear with me.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Because I know it's hard to relate to or understand
unless you yourself are actually a widow one. I am,
in fact ready to date once I'm past this ordeal.
It has been five years and I'm ready for that,
and I think my son is as well. Even if
I take it way so lower next time and don't
start inviting women to live with.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Me, Oh no, I mean do definitely, even if you
should one hundred thousand percent, you should take its low. Yes, yes,
it should not be an even if it should be
a and I will take it low.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
Right right, This is you, simply must.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
I do believe I might be able to find a
nice woman who accepts my wife's role in both mine
and my son's lives.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
Based on the responses in the previous thread from other women.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Two.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
My sister in law believes I'm prone to just put
up with more from people because of what I went
through with my wife and being fearful of losing people
or reliving that nightmare.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
But yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Agree with that.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I think that's super possible that he's just kind of
like putting up with things because he's scared of losing something.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
One thousand percent. Yeah, it's almost like the way that
we operate is based on the things that we've gone
through in our lives.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
It's no way I thought we were robots.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
That's no, that's what his son is going to be building.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
That's true. That is true. Pretty cool, cool time.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Up on the robots your son is building. You don't
want them to build a robot that destroys the world.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
That is true.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
I hear that that is a thing. I hear that's
out there.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
You hear that that's happened before. I hear people have it.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
There have been whispers in movies and television shows. I
see that's something to look out for.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Okay, good to know, Good to know.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Terminator got it, Rah right right.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
They have a they had a there's a Tesla store
in my mall near me and there's like a Tesla
robot in there, and I thought that was crazy.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Yeah, but they got too many, too many robots, too
many robots, too many robots going around. Let's let less robots.
How many robots too fast? Nobody likes that. Yeah, but
one thing I do like is that you're not dating
this woman anymore.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Totally totally get her off your porch. She doesn't need
to be playing candy crush right now.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
And you've time, you've now known. Now you know exactly
what a giant red flag looks like.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Yes, Yeah, that's honestly, it's so important because I feel
like that so it's you know, so common to people
who have been in like harmful relationships where it's like
they just get into something that's.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Not as bad as there one before, but it's still bad.
You know. I feel like it's just kind of similar
in a but.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Like opposition that makes sense, Like it's like you just
had such a hard time with that one that like
any connection now is maybe good for you.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Yeah. Like I think this guy's got like the reverse
of that in a way where it's like he was
the reason, like he was the bad element of a relationship.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Hmm.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
And now he feels like, maybe like he should just
put up with bad elements because it's like, well, someone
put up with me, so I should be putting up
with stuff from other people.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
Yeah. Maybe.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
So let's maybe like therapy one hundred pear values, like
til you and your son in therapy, just to be clear, Yeah,
just to be safe at least could not hurt that.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
There is a little bit more to this story. Another
thing I've learned.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
I feel terrible to have put my son through this,
but I'm confident about talking to him and explaining why
and apologizing to him. He's a smart boy, and I
don't want to remove people from his life. But it's
not okay to let people mistreat you or take advantage
of you. I think he will understand that, and I'll
be explaining that sometimes people appear very nice, but they
aren't actually nice. This woman came into our lives and
(21:18):
tried to take the place of his mother. No woman
will ever replace his mother. And there is an edit
here because a lot of people have asked, No, I
didn't get the pictures back, and I don't think I will.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Oh my god, Now we.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Go to the cops. Hello, fevery. That's insane. My sister
in law has my wife's dark room equipment and we
want to make it a point to set it up
and learn how to process some old negatives. And I
also have access to all of the negatives from the
pictures my now ex girlfriend took.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Well, that's good.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
I can have them blown up again, and even if
they are the originals, I at least will have them.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
Okay, so we do have the pictures.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
We can make them again. Yeahred percent threw those away,
which is crazy.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
Yeah, yeah, that is. We have some final comments here.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Saw Shradgina says, I think your ex was just an immature,
jealous person. If it wasn't the pictures of your deceased wife,
it would have been that girl that smiled at you.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
At the grocery store exactly. Opie says.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Oddly enough, my sister in law said the exact same thing.
She didn't know any of these things were going on
or why I wasn't talking to her as much until
the last night, and she was really hurt by it,
which I feel really bad about. I don't want to
sacrifice all of my relationships or the love for my
wife that I have and my son has.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
Maybe there is some balance somewhere.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
I said previously that I didn't feel like it was
a reason to pass away alone if I still love
my wife and keep her memory preserved. But now I'm thinking,
if it means I have to pass away alone, I'll
accept that. I will have my son and Opie responds
to a commenter that in the future not to have
a lot of pictures of his late wife around to
overwhelm any future partner. Opie says, she was only in
(22:56):
my house for a month before that. She never stated
that she had any problems with the picture. If she
had actually tried to talk to me instead of going
behind my back and taking things down and destroying them,
I would have compromised with her.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
That didn't happen.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
And excuse me, but there aren't pictures everywhere in my
house that contain her face. I had a few on
the mantle, some on the refrigerator, my son and wife,
and a couple others here and there, like one in
the dining room. I took down every picture that was
in the office that I gave to my girlfriend, and
I also moved all of my wife's belongings out of
the sunroom. I also let my girlfriend pick out new
bedding for the bedroom, since a lot of it was
(23:30):
old stuff that my wife picked. I moved every single
shred of evidence from my bedroom to the room with
my safes and put it all in boxes if it
contained any trace of my wife's existence. I left up
photographs that she took in China and India that didn't
have her in them and were simple landscapes, city scapes
and architectural photographs.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
It is not as if I didn't consider her feelings
at all.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Yeah. No, it sounds like you very much considered this
and did really everything within reason to make it perfectly
acceptable for your girlfriend. Yeah, she's just an enormous red.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
Flag, exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
The issue isn't necessarily that she wanted the pictures moved,
And yes, I would have compromised if she talked to
me about it, But the fact is that she didn't
talk to me about it.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
She snuck around my back to do it. More info on.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Getting the pictures back Locke Ray Mono says, have you
tried approaching her from the angle of this isn't fair
to son's name. Those are pictures of his mother. Opie says,
many times she doesn't care. Her lack of compassion towards
my son is what awakened me to what kind of
person she actually is.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Yeah, it is, yeah, exactly right, because it was you
saw with your son. You went, oh my god, this
is right. And then she's like, I don't care about
your son.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
I literally don't care. Keep him in his form, madca
whatever you.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Go, oh oh oh ooh, yeah, no, gotta be breaking up.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Sorry, Dreams says, do you know any of her friends?
Perhaps you can reach out to them and have them
reason with her to give the pictures back.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
You can go the slash and burn route and ask
on Facebook if anyone has any knowledge of what she.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
Did with the pictures of your son's deceased mother.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Because obviously you would be much obliged if they could
share that information with you.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
Tag all of them in it.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Opie says, we have some of the same friends that
are mostly old coworkers we had when we work together.
I don't plan to stir up any extra drama because
I'm already pretty stressed out about this whole thing right now.
My priority is talking to my son and making sure
he's okay. She removed me from her Facebook already and
I'm not a very active user.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
And that's the end of that story.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Yeah, okay, yeah, those pictures are gone. Yeah, she with
those on fire for sure.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
For sure.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
I'm glad you have more pictures, and I'm glad you
have the negatives. Yeah, that's good. So you know it's
not like this is all you have left of her.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Yes, you know, yes, be waned. Sometimes usink someone is
your girlfriend, but they're actually the little little parasite. Yes,
is trying to weasel the way into your home. Move
pictures of your previous wife.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Watch out of those. They're out there.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
They're out there, They're out there, and we hear about
them on here.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
She was one of them, I mean, not you, but
in the story, in the story, yeah, we just learned
about one of yes, and that is the end of
that story. And we had another one.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Sure is sure is.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Here it comes.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
My mother berated my wife for not cooking, so I
defended her.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Good defend your wife.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
I twenty seven male East Asian have been married to
my wife twenty seven female South Asian since twenty seventeen.
I am not familiar with the intricacies and nuances of
that dynamic.
Speaker 3 (26:40):
Let us know.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Uh, let us know if you have any insights. We
have a three year old daughter and a six month
old son, so my wife can't cook. She can do
basic stuff obviously, but she hates it. It's like a
mix of fear and clumsiness. Oh that's my I love
that movie fere In Clumsiness in Las Vegas.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
Oh yeah, totally so good.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
And honestly, up until we got married, I didn't cook either.
Obviously this was a problem. By the way, this comes
from a throwaway nine two eight three three seven one.
If you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay story time subreddit. I'm Dakota, I'm Angie,
and we're here to give good advice. Goofley, we're gonna
have about this story. We might have some insights, but
we're not experts. We only know what we know. So
(27:22):
let us know the things that you know, like the
East Asian versus South Asian dynamic.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
Yeah, let us know.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
In the chap pe let us know in the comments,
op says, we eventually came to a solution. I do
the cooking and she washes all the dishes before and after.
I'm fine with it. She's fine with it and we've
been functioning. Well. That's great, that's great, all good things
all around all the time. Dad, My parents and my
in laws came over the other day for dinner, and
(27:50):
everyone was having a great time. That is until my
mother in law complimented my cooking skills. My mom was
a bit taken aback for some reason and asked me
if I cooked quote unquote again, you.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
Cooked for the second time in your whole life.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
What you must have cooked something truly awful? Yeah for
your mom to be like your mother in law?
Speaker 3 (28:11):
Oh yeah?
Speaker 1 (28:12):
Or no, no, it was your mom. Your mom's like, right,
you cooked again again after you sent all those people
to the hospital the first time.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
Right right?
Speaker 1 (28:21):
I informed her that I usually cook, and she just
got even moodier.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
I brushed it off. But then when my in laws left,
I caught my mother scolding my wife about what you
ask Well, apparently she should be the one cooking, not me.
Do you know why? I have a sneaky little theory?
Speaker 3 (28:44):
What is that?
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Because she is the wife, the woman, and I'm the
husband the man. My wife stood up for herself and
said that we both came to an agreement and we
didn't need her input on how we made our food.
I involved myself at this point and told my mom
that she was being very unreasonable. My mother said she
did not get me married to become a servant to
(29:07):
my wife, and that she was just looking out for me.
Who got me married? Oh, last time I checked. I
don't know. I like my wife.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm the one that decided to
marry her.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Maybe it was arranged. Maybe I did agree to the arrangement. Anyway,
I just told my mom get out of here, and
she left the house crying, as they do. I don't
see why this is such a big deal. I don't
think i'm the a hole either, But my mom says
I am. My dad is on her side just because
she's his wife. Okay, go dad, I guess that is
(29:40):
the right move, right.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
But then it's like, well, I'm just defending my wife.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
So yeah, I'm literally learning from you how to be
a good husband.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
He's gonna he's me like, I get it. Yeah, you
gotta defend your wife. That's why I'm defending my wife
right now. I don't think she's right, Yeah exactly, But
don't you dare tell her, I said, that right.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
And then you shake hands and you never speak again.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
Yeah, my dad's on her side just because she's his wife.
But he says that I wasn't wrong for defending my wife,
just for swearing at my mom.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
Ah okay, I swear she deserved it. Hey, it's Angie,
your favorite of fashion host.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Here. We're going to get back to the stories, but
here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
My wife is over it and wants to apologize just
so we can move on. But I don't think we should,
considering we didn't do anything wrong. My friend told me
to get some judgment from here. So here I am Reddit.
Am I the a hole in this situation? And note, yes,
we did get married early. No, I don't care if
you guys have a problem with that. And there's another edit.
(30:39):
So my friend told me that Reddit isn't used to
early marriages, so he told me to make a small note.
I'm not judging. Apparently most people from my home country
get married in their thirties. Anyways, I haven't seen a
single comment being judgmental, so I don't know what he
was going on about. Thanks for the reassurance, guys. Also,
I forgot to mention. I'm Canadian, my wife's Canadian, and
we live Yeah, you guessed it in Canada, got it,
(31:03):
and we do have an update. But I would listen
to your wife here.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Yeah, I think you know in your heart you didn't
do anything wrong and you don't need to apologize. But
your wife is right, Let's just move on, let's make amends,
let's apologize. We'll be the bigger people. We know in
our hearts what is true. But I know in my
heart I also don't want your mom to be difficult
in the rest of our marriage.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Yeah, honestly, because if it does come down to like
a cultural thing, then it's like, okay, well, no one's
going to change their mind here, so yeah, might as
well just make nice and get on with it.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Yeah. It's so funny. She's like, I'm just looking out
for you. Yeah, I'm just looking out for you.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
I'm looking out for you.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
I can't believe you had to touch food and you
weren't even eating it.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
I can't believe you're not in traditional gender roles in the.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
House, right, I'm looking up for your safety.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
I'm looking at for your safety. It's dangerous.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
I mean, like, truly, is that what she thinks.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
This is a man with a pot and a pan
in his hand, right, you don't know what's gonna happen
you sling it around? You might hit Granny in the head.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
Yeah, you never know.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
Just not built for this ko boom uh. There is
an update from six days later. So, first of all,
I'd like to say thank you for the kind words
and the different perspectives and advice. I appreciated them all.
I don't know if you guys wanted an update, but
I feel like I should give you one. Also, I
have nothing else to do. Well that that's great because
(32:33):
we we want the update, we sure do. We want it,
and we've got it, and by god, we're gonna say
it right now.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Who.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Also, before we go, dang it, I'd like to clarify
that my wife can cook basic things, and of course
she cooks for the kids when I'm not able to.
She won't risk anything happening to our kids just because
she doesn't like to cook. So the other day I
went to my parents' house with my family, and the
very first thing my mom did was apologized.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
Who but I love this, how lovely?
Speaker 1 (33:04):
She was very sorry for saying what she did, and
said that she knew she was wrong, but didn't want
to admit how badly sexist and rude she had been.
I also apologized for getting heated and saying stuff, but
also explained to my mom why I did what I did.
She understood and said it was fine. Nice.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
Nice.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
I feel like Dad got involved there and was like, yeah,
you realize he's doing the same thing I'm doing for
you right now, right he's taking his wife's side.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
Like I raised him like this, We taught.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Him this, We taught him, we gave him the blueprint. Yeah,
he is following the blueprint.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
But of course it has to be like after a
wife has her whole rant about it, and like he
has to listen, be very understanding, and then once she's
kind of done, and he's like, well, you know.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Yeah, after he listens thoughtfully and says, yeah, well have
you thought about this?
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (33:50):
Exactly? Good good husband, good man?
Speaker 1 (33:53):
What And there's a little bit more story here, let's
go ahead, and in shit all we're making great progress.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
Wooo.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
I also replied to someone saying that she doesn't say
anything when my older brother and dad cook, so I
thought I would mention that as well. When I asked
my mom why she was okay with that but not
okay with me cooking. She said that I'm her youngest
and while my brother, who is seventeen years older than me,
and dad were out doing whatever it is they did,
(34:24):
I was always with her, so she babbies me a lot.
My wife said that she probably favors me, and honestly,
I would not be surprised. I explained to her how
I literally have kids of my own now, and how
I'm not a child anymore. I love her, but I'm
not a kid, and cooking does not make me a servant.
I don't think my mom said those things because my
(34:45):
wife is South Asian. Maybe, but I don't believe so,
and neither does my wife. Okay, again, anyone in the
comment's gonna give us a little insight onto the East
versus South Asian you know in his experience, Go ahead,
let us know.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
No, but clearly that's not really shoe here.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
As we think. Yeah, that's what we think.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
That's what we think.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
We all think. That's what we think.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
That's what we think. I'm gonna trust everyone.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
There's no South versus East hate going on right now.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
Hashtag stop Asian hate. That is the end of that
story as it is, and we've got another one coming
right up.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
Yes we do.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
My wife threw me under the bus to hide the
truth from her parents.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Ah, it's always the worst place to get thrown.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
Prior to Little Bees, our little baby girl three months birth.
Love that she's named little.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Bee, Little Bee. She's a little bee, a little.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Little little She's just a little blue wings.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
I forty five male, had a conversation with my wife
forty three female about prental leave and next steps. Her
thoughts were A for me to take parental leave towards
the end of her leave, so we can take two
to three months off at the same time. And B
we would move to a townhouse her parents own but
rented at the moment, so we had to evict the
tenants or the then tenants after some renovation.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
By the way, this comes from no sy Ke nombre aki.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
And if you know some of your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay, storytime, separate it. I'm Angie,
I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advice.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
Goofully. But we don't have all the answers.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
We just know what we would do in these situations,
so let us know what you would do down below,
and OPI says the tenants were given several months notice,
but they were able to find a new place relatively soon.
So my return to work and getting the townhouse back
happened pretty much around the same time.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
For the parental leave. I shot her idea down as
I knew she would need help.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
So I insisted on taking my proportion of the parental
leave first so I could help a little Bee during
her first months. But now I am back to work
and my wife is coordinating the renovation of the townhouse.
Here are the issues. Hey, Quite often she will be
calling and or meeting with the general contractor to decide
on the different parts of the renovation. Whenever she has
to go, I end up taking care of little b
(37:01):
while she's.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
Away, which I'm okay with.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
However, she constantly asks for my feedback on materials, designs,
and or color, which disrupts.
Speaker 3 (37:10):
Whatever I'm doing. I gave her a blanket whatever you choose,
I'm okay with it. While I know general.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
Stuff about home setup, I don't have the expertise or
enough knowledge to add to the report that we got
from the home inspection that we received after the tenant
moved out, and to be honest, I don't really care
about the color of materials, et cetera. Even when I
tell her to narrow down the choices so I can
do an A and B test, she then pops up
with a third or fourth option after I choose one.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
If I give you the blanket, do whatever you want.
Just do whatever you want.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
Yeah, she's not trusting him on that, Just do it.
She still wants the other opinion.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
You've got no opinion from me because I don't care.
Speaker 3 (37:48):
Right right, you can go wild. Now it's your chance, girl,
go wild.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
I want whatever you want. You need to know what
you want.
Speaker 3 (37:57):
Here you go.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
B I'm responsible for things such as tidying up, cooking,
et cetera, plus some of her tasks as she is
busy with the renovation.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
I want to be supportive.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
However, having to take care of little Bee, working full
time from home and the constant questions and the resulting
additional mental loan have started to bog me down.
Speaker 3 (38:17):
For example, I will most likely have to work.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
This weekend as I have fallen behind on work, Yet
she wants to go this weekend to a store to
check material and color for the countertops.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
So would I be the a hole if I tell
my wife that she does not.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Need my input and feedback all the time and there
is an update?
Speaker 3 (38:34):
But what would you say?
Speaker 1 (38:36):
I think it very much depends on how you say it.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Oh that's a good.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
Point, But conceptually, no, I don't think. So yeah, yeah,
I think. And it's like I can see that being
a geinst you as like, what so you don't care?
And it's like, no, it's not that I don't care, sure,
it's that I just I'm happy with whatever you would
choose as my partner. You're golden, got You've got it.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
And I think it would be totally reasonable too to
explain like, hey, there's just I've got a lot that's
on my plate. I would really love it if I
could trust you with this. I do trust you with this,
and you know, maybe you can still bring things up
like after work or something. Yeah, but like during the day,
I need to be focused on my work in.
Speaker 3 (39:20):
Our child, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (39:21):
There is one more option.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
What's the other option?
Speaker 1 (39:24):
You just pick it? You just pick a just pick it.
Be okay, okay, And she goes, what about CND and
you just oh.
Speaker 3 (39:33):
Yeah, okay, CD just be oh okay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
You know yeah, and then she's like, well I really
don't like that. Then you go pick the one that
you like.
Speaker 3 (39:41):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
If you don't like B, that's fine, right, that works too,
totally totally yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
But then if you guys do have a very randomly
designed house, be like, why did you pick all these?
Speaker 3 (39:52):
Right, She's like, I was trying to make you happy.
I thought that's what you wanted.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
I can't tell you because I just picked them randomly.
Speaker 3 (39:57):
Right, So now here we are gotta do all over again.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Yeah. Yeah, as long as you go from a place
of like, it's not that I don't care or don't
want to do this with you, it's then logistically it's
too hard for me. I'm falling behind at work. And
also I just trust him. Whatever you think looks good.
Speaker 3 (40:13):
Yes, yes, exactly. We do have an update eighty four
days later. How many months is that?
Speaker 1 (40:19):
That's two and a half two and almost three almost
three two and three quarters.
Speaker 3 (40:24):
I feel like it's more than three eighty four days.
Well thirty times two.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
Sixty so almost almost three thirty times three ninety.
Speaker 3 (40:37):
Hmmm, yes, that is correct okay. Eighty four days later,
it's more than okay.
Speaker 2 (40:49):
There might have been some misunderstandings in the original posts,
so I wanted to address that first and share some
other miscellaneous updates. Based on some of the posts, the
feedback was that this would be our home in terms
of ownership.
Speaker 3 (41:01):
That is not the case. We are renting it from
my in laws.
Speaker 2 (41:04):
So while my landlords and in laws happened to be
the same and we were given some level of freedom
that normal tenants won't be given, I wanted to set.
Speaker 3 (41:12):
Up some division.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
This is related to the final update note below. Even
before I wrote the post, I asked my wife if
she feels she has some postpartum depression.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
The answer was no.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
I double and triple checked with her and she kept
assuring me that she does not feel that she has PPD.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
As for the update, I decided.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
To embrace the you're the ahole judgment given, but alas
it didn't go as expected. After going along with full
explanation as to why I had my preferences, she kept
dismissing all of them, but again I was accepting the judgment,
so I didn't say anything. After removed, my in laws
came one night, and while I was preparing some drinks
in the kitchen, I overheard my father in law asking
(41:51):
about the vanity in the powder room and my wife
said that that's what I thought was the best. After
they left, I confronted wife and she finally had that
she was having fights over a budget and selection of
fixtures and furniture as they were inserting themselves in.
Speaker 3 (42:06):
The decision making process.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
Wait, so what are we fighting with the in laws?
She fighting with her parents because they want to be involved.
Speaker 1 (42:13):
Well, now you're not just fighting with your in laws,
you're fighting with your landlords.
Speaker 3 (42:17):
Yeah, you're in law.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
Yeah exactly, what a terrible, terrible combo.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
Yeah, truly, that, truly it is.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
I was just being thrown under the bus as wife
knew the in laws wouldn't be asking too many questions
if it was something that I chose, and to cover herself,
she went through the motion of asking what I liked
to give.
Speaker 3 (42:35):
Me an illusion of free will. That is really funny.
Needless to say, I was angry.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
Going back to the note on PPD, I asked once
again if she might be feeling PPD, But still the
answer was no. Rather, dealing with her parents was so
difficult that throwing me under the bus was the easiest
way out.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
I hate that. I totally understand where she's coming from
right now. Yeah, you just you were just you just
tappened to be. Yeah, the collateral damage to her dealing
with her.
Speaker 3 (43:05):
Parents, Yeah, I could see it.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
I could see it happening, he says, sucks. I mean,
it's still not cool, but like it makes sense, especially
when they're also your landlords. Dude, Like, oh my.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
God, yeah, yeah, And I mean because if you were
in the other room too, I wonder like how much crap.
Speaker 3 (43:19):
They were giving her already.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
Yeah, And although I mean she did say that they
were trying to involve themselves in the process, so they
might have been giving her crap this whole time.
Speaker 3 (43:27):
Could be and it's just been very stressful, and you
just didn't know.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
You better get real used to being under that bus, man.
You better make get it, get it nice and cozy
under they get a nice blanket.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
Yeah, but I could understand why, Like for him, if
he already has this big mental load of like working
from home and he doesn't usually, and then like taking
care of the baby and then also being interrupted all
the time and just being generally stressed out with all
that stuff. Yeah, I can understand where he's just like
not another thing, you know.
Speaker 1 (43:52):
I yeah, No, I fully don't think he deserves to
be thrown under the bus and shouldn't be. But man, right,
don't I think that's gonna stop?
Speaker 2 (44:01):
Yeah, I don't think this is like divorce worthy, which
I'm assuming some people would jump to.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
Yeah, of course they would.
Speaker 3 (44:06):
Yeah, but I wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
No, but yeah, you should maybe at least get on
the same page about being tactically thrown under the bus, right,
you know, when need be right?
Speaker 3 (44:16):
There is a little bit more to the story.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
Being thrown under the bus. As a unit.
Speaker 3 (44:20):
There you go together.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
Because of this, plus other incidents related to the move,
I drew the line. I'm okay if I'm thrown under
the bus, but I will fall back into the ab
test position unless it is something I have a strong
opinion on, which is quite unlikely as I am more
of a functional overform person. So what, so, you're okay
with being thrown under the bus, But what is the
(44:44):
ab test position?
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Oh, it's just like being like, yeah, just give me
two options.
Speaker 2 (44:48):
I'll give you my okay, you cannot bring up a
third and fourth option.
Speaker 1 (44:52):
Yeah, ab airb give me a arb got it. Hey,
it's Dakota, your favorite brain host here, and we're gonna
get back to the stories soon. But here's three minutes
of ads from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
She put on a long face but accepted this, and
for the most part she has followed up. Finally, regarding
my in laws, they are not bad people. They are
old school and their way of showing how much they
care is just different. After all, my parents are about
the same. But the main difference is that they're not
close by.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
Yeah. The main difference is they're not your actual landlord.
Speaker 3 (45:23):
Yeah, literally, big difference that makes.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
Now, if my wife would just let me change the
lock because the in laws keep coming by, O no, no.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
See, now you're gonna have problems doing that because they're
your landlord, right right, So they're always gonna have a
key to your place.
Speaker 3 (45:40):
Oh boy, how fun.
Speaker 1 (45:41):
Legally they are allowed to have it.
Speaker 3 (45:43):
How fun.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
But I believe legally they are not allowed to enter
your domicile without previous you know, written notice.
Speaker 3 (45:50):
Okay, well that's good to know, so you just take
take them up with the law.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
I would really if it were me, I'd be compartmentalizing
those relationships super high. How would you even do that though,
it'd be like literally anything that has to do with
like the residency or us as tenants or the unit,
any of it. Do not converse with us like we
are related to you as Yeah. Yeah, you cannot just
(46:17):
come in here email whenever you want, because it's your
daughter and me, it's you still have to let us know.
You have to treat us exactly like we're just normal tenants, right,
even if you give us like certain considerations that others
don't have. Yeah, that does not mean you can just
walk into our apartment all the time whenever you want.
Speaker 2 (46:34):
Right, totally, that's just too much, man, get way ahead
of that.
Speaker 3 (46:39):
Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. But that is the
end of that story.
Speaker 1 (46:43):
We've got some comments, we do, and I'm gonna magically
teleport in five four three two one.
Speaker 3 (46:52):
And know there is by.
Speaker 2 (46:56):
Oh right, we've got some comments. This comes from the episode.
This comes from the video My foster dad saved my life.
Speaker 3 (47:05):
I regret never calling him dad in this story. This
is a story three.
Speaker 2 (47:10):
In the episode, OPI moved to a news state where
she knew nobody and her future mother in law felt
like family. Then a massive winter storm hit, the power
went out, and mother in law packed up and left
without saying a word.
Speaker 3 (47:23):
OPI was left.
Speaker 2 (47:23):
Alone, freezing with no heat and no help. When OPI
brought it up, mother in law said, I have no
obligation to you. Nine months later, Opie still cannot get
over it and has no idea how.
Speaker 3 (47:34):
To move forward. If you're curious to know the full story,
you can watch for the full video. And that was
posted on January tenth, twenty twenty six. And yes, I
am wearing the same shirt in that video.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
And she's wearing the same shit right now that she
was in that video is But we do have some comments,
Yes we do, and I will be reading them here.
And uh wow, what a ice cold mother in law.
That was our first comment here from oh underscore Underscore
Underscore pe says story three. If that happens to me,
(48:06):
that person is going to hear the you're an adult,
you can take care of yourself quote every single time
they want something from me until they apologize, and even
then I'd remember, you don't do that to guests, you
don't do that to family, you don't do that to friends.
And they were all three.
Speaker 3 (48:25):
Yeah, yeah, true, true. Can't imagine give them a taste
in their own medicine.
Speaker 1 (48:30):
Can't image is leaving someone to like freeze? Yeah, it's crazy.
Speaker 3 (48:34):
I literally I remember that.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
It was literally like they just up and left and
didn't tell Ope at all because and they left because
their power went out.
Speaker 1 (48:42):
Yeah, it didn't tell her this place sucks. I'm leaving. Yeah,
have fun here, and she's like nowhere to comment to
From Mogami, Kiyoko thirteen says, oh, man, that fortieth birthday
comment hit me so hard in the third story that
I had to go back to check the ages of
Op and her fiance. At first, I thought oho teenage pregnancy,
patch man, But mother in law is only his step mom.
(49:06):
What I'm getting from mother in law's words and behavior
is that she's infinitely less mature than a couple fifteen
to seventeen years younger than her. Apparently compassion was a
lesson she missed in Sunday school, and that is something
they teach.
Speaker 3 (49:18):
In Sunday school. Is it actually compassion?
Speaker 1 (49:21):
Pass it on?
Speaker 3 (49:22):
What Sunday school?
Speaker 1 (49:24):
Huh?
Speaker 3 (49:25):
Did you ever go to Sunday school?
Speaker 2 (49:26):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (49:26):
Yeah, I did Sunday School. I did vacation Bible school.
Speaker 3 (49:29):
Vacation.
Speaker 1 (49:29):
Yeah, I was doing summer summer school. Summer Bible school.
Speaker 3 (49:32):
Whoa.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
And it was so much fun because I would always
like it because at the end of the summer school,
they give you like a little just like a little
rubber figurine, like a like a little pool toy, basically
like a little baby Jesus. It's like a little whale
or like a just a little guy literally just like
a children's little rubber toy toy. And I was like, yes,
(49:53):
this is I freaking love the Bible what they were doing.
And our last comment from Ray Ray Sunshine says. Ray
Sunshine says, it's not the snow, it's the ice that
comes from it. This is referencing a specific moment in
the video at forty three minutes twenty five seconds. It's
not the snow, it's the ice that comes from it.
(50:15):
I'm assuming that makes it dangerous. Maybe we don't have
the infrastructure in the South to salt the roads and stuff,
and that's why we have so many accidents. It happens
so rarely. This is the best option.
Speaker 3 (50:26):
Mmm.
Speaker 2 (50:27):
I'm assuming that means like why OPI couldn't just like
drive somewhere or something.
Speaker 1 (50:32):
Yeah, I would know if the roads are iced up
in the South, I would never drive on them because
they are fully just made of ice.
Speaker 3 (50:39):
At that point, Oh yeah, crazy.
Speaker 1 (50:42):
No, thank you. But that is the end of those
comments and the end of this episode.
Speaker 3 (50:48):
No freaking way. Do you want to telpe for it again?
Oh my gosh, I think, whoa, what's that noise? I
think he's doing it.
Speaker 1 (50:56):
Whoa, it's gotta brief, I am ill reported.
Speaker 2 (51:00):
Okay, but yes, that is the end of that episode.
Speaker 3 (51:04):
So if you love us, make sure to subscribe.
Speaker 1 (51:06):
We love you and see you tomorrow.
Hey, this is Angie and this is Dakota, your favorite
Okay story Time hosts, and we've got some great stories
coming up.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
But before that, we have a quick two minute break
from the sponsors that keep this show running. My girlfriend
wanted me to take my deceased wife's pictures off the wall.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Uh, that's kind.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Of a bad vibe, I'm picking up.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
Backstory?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Is I now thirty five male? Married my wife when
I was twenty four years old. She was diagnosed with
stomach cancer when I was twenty nine and she was
thirty one, and it was a life changing experience for me.
About six months before that diagnosis, we were considering divorce,
but after she was diagnosed things to go wrap at
one eighty we forgot all about the divorce. We tried
to enjoy each other's company, and the more and more
(00:40):
sick she got, the more and more I did for her.
By the way, this comes from jealous girlfriend's boyfriend. And
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay Storytime Separate it.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
I'm Angie, I'm Dakota, and we're here to give you
good advice and as goofy way as possible.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Yeah, but this story sounds really art strings are being played.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Gonna be a tough one, but uh, we don't have
all the answers though, so if you do, let us know.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
In the comments.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Yeah please.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
But Op says, some things I did were things that
I never thought I could do, like changing her bedpan
in dirty sheets and keeping her at.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Home for her to pass here peacefully.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
This is a movie plot. This is a movie plot.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
And it's a very sad movie. Get tissues ready.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
It is sad, but kind of happy, but sad.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
It changed me as a human being, and as much
as I hate the experience, I know that it turned
me into a better person.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
I have become much more kind and patient since all
of these things happened.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
I stopped being completely shallow, and if I am being
perfectly honest, even my views on women changed because I
wasn't a good man back then and was emotionally very
immature and selfish. I still am not perfect, but I
do believe I treat people better than I ever did before.
And I don't know why it took something that drastic
to make me become a better person, but it did.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
I feel like all of the people who needed drassed
things to happen to them to become better people. Also
don't know why they needed that, but it seems like
they do need it right.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
It's like you only really know in hindsight for that
kind of stuff. Everything after she passed was a blur,
and I suffered miserably remembering some of the awful things
that I did and said to her.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
It was a typical grief process which.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I managed to find my way through, even if I
do still have some regrets and I do think about
her a lot. So skipping forward to about nine months ago,
a lady thirty two female I used to work with
started helping me with my son for a few hours
a week. You have a son too, Oh man, My heart,
My heart. She needed some extra money and knew I
(02:42):
was a single dad, and she knew what happened with
my wife because we worked together while all of these
things happened. I think she had intended to pursue me
very soon afterwards, and I wasn't totally reluctant because I
did start to develop feelings for her too, and we
eased into a relationship which was very comfortable for me.
I've been nicer to her than I ever with my wife.
And a few months after she started helping me with
(03:03):
my son, we decided we'd like to be more than
just friends. I was completely okay with this, but was
always really honest about my feelings for my wife and
the fact that I don't think i'll ever want to
remove her from my life or my son's life. We
moved in together about a month ago, and she moved
into my house, this house that my wife and I
shared long before she ever came into the picture. My
(03:23):
girlfriend has been wonderful to my son, and she has
been patient with me too.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
She's the first woman.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
I've slept with since my wife passed away, and the
first woman I've wanted to be in a relationship with,
and as a single father, I don't really have the
energy or desire to date around. She's truly the only
woman who has interested me enough to want to be
in a relationship with her.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Ah. But that sounds like we don't know, though, because
you just said I don't even have the energy to
date around, right right, And it sounds like you might
have found yourself a woman who just wants to replace
everything about your previous life with her.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
It appears that way, at least for the title. A
few days ago, I came home and the pictures of
my wife that were on the mantle were not on
it anymore, and I asked her why she took them down.
She said she brought some new art that she wanted
to put there, and I told her it wasn't okay.
She got really upset with me and told me that
I needed to get out of this funk, and that
(04:19):
it's been so long, and since I was planning on
divorcing my wife anyway, it isn't like there was anything
to grasp onto anymore.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Hello, ooh, I don't know if I'm coming back from
that conversation. Chiefs.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Oh, oh, that's something that you can't really just like
move on from.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Yeah, I gotta sit on my hands after that, for sure.
I gotta sit on my hands. I gotta roll up
into a ball. Yeah. Yeah, So you gotta get out
of here. Maybe I'm a cannonball right now. You gotta
get out of here.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
You really can't.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Then she said it bothered her that she moved into
my house and that I won't let her decorate or
change it.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Around at all, And that's not really true.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I just haven't gotten around to thinking about completely changing
my house around for her.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
I don't know what advice I'm seeking.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
I guess I just want to know if it's really
that and appropriate to have pictures of my wife up
when I have a new girlfriend. This is a first
for me, and I haven't lived with anyone else or
known how it works. The pictures are all over the house,
in the living room, there are some on the refrigerator,
there's one in the dining room from our wedding day.
My son has them in his room, and I had
some in my room, but I put them away in
(05:26):
a drawer after that because I can understand how it
might be strange for her to have a spicy sleep
in front of those pictures.
Speaker 3 (05:32):
I don't want to use my son as.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
An excuse for holding on to my wife, but I
do think that we should keep the pictures up for
him too, and she understands that, but says that we
could just keep them in his room A tough Yeah,
I don't I don't think so.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
I don't think so either. Yeah, but I also do
think there does come a time where you probably should
start moving those into like the boss where you then
open up the box and you go, oh, this is
my wife Box, I could see that, but I don't
think you're there yet. And yeah, y'all aren't getting married
(06:09):
or anything, so I don't think it's the time for
her to be like oh.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Yeah, like right right, yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
I think I think for the son for sure, because
we don't really know exactly how old the sun is,
but I mean young enough, whatever it is, it's young
enough to at least be able to have pictures of
your wife around the house. Because I feel like if
you say that you can only get keep those pictures
in his room if he wants them up, then it's
kind of like, I don't know, I feel like that
would be almost isolating for the kid to feel like
(06:39):
maybe I need to kind of keep my grief to myself.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Who knows what it could do. It can also make
the kid think like, oh, my dad never liked my
mom because he had got the pictures down. Yeah, Like,
I don't know, I don't even know why they were
getting divorce. Maybe they're getting divorced because he did something
terrible like he said he wasn't who knows, But I
don't know if this relationship for me would ever bounce
back from that comment about like you were getting divorced anyway,
so there's nothing to hold on to. I'd be like, Wow,
that's crazy. You need to get out of my house.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
You just don't understand anything at all. That's insane.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
I'm not sure if I'm out of line telling her
no effing way will I take the pictures down because
there will always be a part of me that loves
my wife. I didn't word it like that to her,
but it feels like a silly thing to argue over,
and I don't want to continue arguing over it. I'm
not trying to be insensitive to her feelings, but I
think she's taking it too far by taking them down herself.
I mean, do you have an update from the next day, A.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Hundred percent, she is going too far taking it down herself.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Yeah, without even asking.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
You about it, especially because she also already knows You've
already had the conversation of like, yeah, this is my
wife's house, and I love my wife, and I'm not,
you know, just gonna put it all in a box
somewhere right now. Yeah, I told her.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
That already, exactly exactly.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
Maybe you should start putting different pictures up, like but
not of like your wife or of it just start
putting pictures of like, like mister Rogers.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Oh okay, and then what I don't know, just like
see what she's thinking, just throwing her off, you.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
Know, just to add something in there.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Yeah, put up a bunch of pictures of like children's
iconic children's TV hosts, is sure. And then she'll be like, well,
we need to take these down. And then you go,
that's right, babe, you got it. You can take those
off the wall.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
Right right, and then you put back the pictures of
the wife. And it doesn't seem so bad now, huh.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Now she's had the control to take off the pictures
of mister Rogers.
Speaker 3 (08:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
I had a fifteen foot by twelve foot mural of
mister Rogers up. Oh you took that one down. That
was a big move.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Yeah, that's totally a big move. Big move to have
it there in the first place.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
I just wanted to think about.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
But we do have an update from the next day.
I'm going to try and keep this short. Last night
really didn't go well at all for any parties.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
You didn't use the mister Rogers picture.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
My girlfriend got back and was very hostile towards me
after I asked her countless times what she did with
the pictures. She interrogated me as to why I have
the pictures in the first place, and accuse me of
of of.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
George measuring myself those pictures, which is, oh, my god, crazy,
this relationship is over.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Yeah, which is seriously the craziest thing I've ever heard
in my wife.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
She said, I'm being insensitive to her needs. I'm not
meeting her needs.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
I'd treat her just as bad as I did my wife,
and that the pictures need to come down because she's
not comfortable with the fact that I do it to them. No,
I wouldn't do it to the pictures on the mantle.
I do have some intimate photos of my wife's stored
away in my safe, but I haven't touched them in years.
The ones on the mantle are not something I've ever
considered doing that too. I tried to compromise and offered
(09:44):
her even another wall in the house if she would
just put the pictures back, and then offered to keep
them in my safe where she doesn't have to look
at them, which I wouldn't have really done most likely,
but I wanted to see if she'd tell me where
they were, if I offered.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
That, so she's taken them down and hidden them from you.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Yeah, she doesn't. He doesn't even know where they are.
And she's all, oh, well, why do you even want
those in the first place? Wow?
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Yeah, I am very calmly being like, you can get
whatever you want. Where are they? I'll put them in
this safe just you know, yeah, and then you can
have whatever you want. And as soon as I have
them back, you are locked out of the house.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Girl, done done.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
And if she doesn't do that, like, honestly, I feel
like you would need to just be like, Okay, well
I'm gonna call the cops because you're stealing from me.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Like, honestly, if it gets down to it, there's I
feel like there's nothing else that could get it back.
We need this doesn't lease intervention, literally, which is crazy crazy.
I've always been extremely honest about my feelings towards my
wife and the fact that she will never leave my life.
That when I married her, I vowed to love her forever,
including in passing, and she needs to accept it or
(10:50):
get out. I offered to buy her a hotel room
for the night because I needed time to myself, which
she flipped out about and then said that she was
going to her friend's house. She texted me throughout the
night telling me about what an awful human being I am.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
So after she went.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
To her friend's house, I invited over my sister's wife,
who I haven't talked too much lately because my girlfriend
husband jealous of her in the past, and I didn't
want to cause issues, so I backed off.
Speaker 3 (11:15):
Okay, so your girlfriend husband jealous of your sister's wife.
She could be by, But what if she's not.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
I mean, honestly, Dong, I remember you said earlier that
you're like, this is the only person I found myself
interested in, and I don't have the energy to date
anyone else. I think you'd have a lot more energy
if you didn't date a giant red flag.
Speaker 3 (11:37):
Yeah, I think so.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
I think so, I like, is the reason we didn't
have much interests or only a little bit of interest,
just because she was like.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
You know, you know what it was. It was the kid.
It was her helping him with his kid and him
seeing her with his kid. Oh maybe this could work.
I bet you that's her way.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
Uh yeah, that sucks.
Speaker 1 (12:01):
Yeah, but it turns out this girl's not easy to date.
She is a toxic call Britney spears because this girl's toxic. Yep,
she needs to get back in that music video.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Yep. My wife's sister is very special to both my
son and I. There has never been anything romantic between us,
and we've been platonic friends for a long time, and
if anything, I viewed her as my own sister.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
When I was married, we didn't like each.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Other at all because she was my wife's best friend
and they talked about everything, including our marital issues. After
my wife passed away, however, she and I became best
friends and I have no shame in this. She is
a great role model to my son. My son loves
her and in ways it's like the two of them
combined are this piece of my wife that I miss
so much.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
Oh so sad but beautiful.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
She looks a lot like my wife, So yes, she
is very beautiful, which I think is part of why
my girlfriend became jealous and part of why I understood
why she didn't want us to have a close relationship.
So I listened to her and I still talk to
her enough just to keep her in my son's life.
But we stopped watching movies together or getting dinner or
playing video games or doing any of the things that
friends usually do together. So when she came over, we
(13:15):
decided to have a bottle of wine, turn on a movie,
and basically do what we always did in the past.
We talked about my wife and what she'd be like now,
and what she'd think of all the cell phone cameras
since my wife loved photography, what she'd think of my
girlfriend had we gone through the divorce and she was alive,
and what kind of mother she'd be to our son,
and what she'd think about his interest in robotics.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
That's so sweet, And you have.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
To give that up because your girlfriend thinks that you're
gonna boink your sister's wife.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
That's insane.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
It's just a really absurd level of Like, I mean,
has that happened before? Sure? Like just the blanket insecurity
I'm getting from your girlfriend is yeahsane.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
And I'm wondering too, like if there's context that we're
missing on like why op said he was not a
great guy, Like did he cheat on his wife?
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yeah, we are missing the context, but he has been
very clear like I was not a great guy until
she got sick and then really one.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Right, So, like, you know, even if there was some
sort of context of like, well, you've cheated on your
partner before, now I'm worried that you would do it
to me, I still like this would not be the
You gotta control your thoughts at that point when it's
like okay, yeah, but he has this different and complicated
relationship with this woman and it's not romantic at all,
(14:34):
Like you gotta take a step back and understand even
with the sister.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
The sister's one thing, but it's like you're never gonna
erase like what he felt about his wife. His wife
has passed away, his wife's gone. Yeah, so it's like
you're never gonna be able to like, you know, win
against his wife because it's you know, he's always gonna
have that, even if you take away every picture, like
he's still going to be like, yeah, I remember I
loved my wife and I miss her. So if you
can't deal with that, it's you can't be in a
(14:59):
really relationship.
Speaker 3 (15:00):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
We talked about giving him one of her old cameras.
Then inevitably we talked about my girlfriend, and she did
bring up a lot of great points that I was
truly just blinded to We came to the conclusion together
that my girlfriend was being manipulative with the tactics that
she used to move in with me, that hiding the
pictures should always be a deal breaker, and that her
isolating me for my wife's family may have been emotional abuse.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
Just a lot of things.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
I hadn't really considered before my now ex girlfriend.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Hey, okay, he came home around five in the morning.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
My wife's sister slept in my son's room with him,
where she always sleeps, because we had been drinking the
night before and it wouldn't be appropriate for her to drive.
So my girlfriend literally flips the f out about my
wife's sister's car being upfront.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Also just fun that this person is so uptight about this.
They would definitely cheat on you. Oh yeah, this is
the girl who would also cheat on you in a heartbeat,
totally yeah, And then like cry and wail that it's
like a misunderstanding and you don't Oh.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
No, that's not what it looks like, right, But then
if you actually cheated on her, then it's.
Speaker 3 (16:08):
Like a big problem.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
She started telling my wife's sister.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
That she's a salute and that she knew I'd be
cheating on her the second she walked out the door.
I know it looks bad, but for f's sake, my
wife's sister is practically a sister to me and is
also my son's aunt, and I'm not completely undethical. To me,
it would be no different than having my own sisters
spend the night. And at this point I was considering
breaking up with her anyway, so it didn't really matter
(16:34):
to me what she thought of the situation. Finally, my
wife's sister went off on my girlfriend, and my girlfriend
got crazy and told me that I need to choose
right now between my wife's sister and HER's.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
I hypersonically, I choose my wife's sister over you. Yeah
what before you even finish your sentence, I'm like, bye.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
Yeah, her, sorry, no, sorry, her, it's her.
Speaker 1 (16:59):
It's oh my god, it's her every time. God.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
I told her that I wasn't playing the ultimatum game
and told her that I wasn't choosing my wife's sister,
but I was booting her out and not keeping her
in my life. My girlfriend went out to the patio
and played with her phone.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
What what that's not Okay, that's fine. I guess we're
doing that. Yeah, I'll send you an eight ball pool.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
Right.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
My sister in law left and took my son with
her to get him somewhere safer. I went outside to
tell her I'd be giving her cash and buying her
a moving truck to get her to wherever she needs
to go, but she's not welcome in my house.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
She got really upset with me. Some things I've learned,
and bear with me.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Because I know it's hard to relate to or understand
unless you yourself are actually a widow one. I am,
in fact ready to date once I'm past this ordeal.
It has been five years and I'm ready for that,
and I think my son is as well. Even if
I take it way so lower next time and don't
start inviting women to live with.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
Me, Oh no, I mean do definitely, even if you
should one hundred thousand percent, you should take its low. Yes, yes,
it should not be an even if it should be
a and I will take it low.
Speaker 3 (18:15):
Right right, This is you, simply must.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
I do believe I might be able to find a
nice woman who accepts my wife's role in both mine
and my son's lives.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
Based on the responses in the previous thread from other women.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Two.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
My sister in law believes I'm prone to just put
up with more from people because of what I went
through with my wife and being fearful of losing people
or reliving that nightmare.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
But yeah, I.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Agree with that.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I think that's super possible that he's just kind of
like putting up with things because he's scared of losing something.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
One thousand percent. Yeah, it's almost like the way that
we operate is based on the things that we've gone
through in our lives.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
It's no way I thought we were robots.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
That's no, that's what his son is going to be building.
Speaker 3 (18:57):
That's true. That is true. Pretty cool, cool time.
Speaker 1 (19:00):
Up on the robots your son is building. You don't
want them to build a robot that destroys the world.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
That is true.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
I hear that that is a thing. I hear that's
out there.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
You hear that that's happened before. I hear people have it.
Speaker 1 (19:11):
There have been whispers in movies and television shows. I
see that's something to look out for.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Okay, good to know, Good to know.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Terminator got it, Rah right right.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
They have a they had a there's a Tesla store
in my mall near me and there's like a Tesla
robot in there, and I thought that was crazy.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Yeah, but they got too many, too many robots, too
many robots, too many robots going around. Let's let less robots.
How many robots too fast? Nobody likes that. Yeah, but
one thing I do like is that you're not dating
this woman anymore.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Totally totally get her off your porch. She doesn't need
to be playing candy crush right now.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
And you've time, you've now known. Now you know exactly
what a giant red flag looks like.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Yes, Yeah, that's honestly, it's so important because I feel
like that so it's you know, so common to people
who have been in like harmful relationships where it's like
they just get into something that's.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
Not as bad as there one before, but it's still bad.
You know. I feel like it's just kind of similar
in a but.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Like opposition that makes sense, Like it's like you just
had such a hard time with that one that like
any connection now is maybe good for you.
Speaker 1 (20:17):
Yeah. Like I think this guy's got like the reverse
of that in a way where it's like he was
the reason, like he was the bad element of a relationship.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
Hmm.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
And now he feels like, maybe like he should just
put up with bad elements because it's like, well, someone
put up with me, so I should be putting up
with stuff from other people.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
Yeah. Maybe.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
So let's maybe like therapy one hundred pear values, like
til you and your son in therapy, just to be clear, Yeah,
just to be safe at least could not hurt that.
Speaker 3 (20:54):
There is a little bit more to this story. Another
thing I've learned.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
I feel terrible to have put my son through this,
but I'm confident about talking to him and explaining why
and apologizing to him. He's a smart boy, and I
don't want to remove people from his life. But it's
not okay to let people mistreat you or take advantage
of you. I think he will understand that, and I'll
be explaining that sometimes people appear very nice, but they
aren't actually nice. This woman came into our lives and
(21:18):
tried to take the place of his mother. No woman
will ever replace his mother. And there is an edit
here because a lot of people have asked, No, I
didn't get the pictures back, and I don't think I will.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
Oh my god, Now we.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Go to the cops. Hello, fevery. That's insane. My sister
in law has my wife's dark room equipment and we
want to make it a point to set it up
and learn how to process some old negatives. And I
also have access to all of the negatives from the
pictures my now ex girlfriend took.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
Well, that's good.
Speaker 2 (21:45):
I can have them blown up again, and even if
they are the originals, I at least will have them.
Speaker 3 (21:51):
Okay, so we do have the pictures.
Speaker 1 (21:52):
We can make them again. Yeahred percent threw those away,
which is crazy.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
Yeah, yeah, that is. We have some final comments here.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Saw Shradgina says, I think your ex was just an immature,
jealous person. If it wasn't the pictures of your deceased wife,
it would have been that girl that smiled at you.
Speaker 3 (22:12):
At the grocery store exactly. Opie says.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
Oddly enough, my sister in law said the exact same thing.
She didn't know any of these things were going on
or why I wasn't talking to her as much until
the last night, and she was really hurt by it,
which I feel really bad about. I don't want to
sacrifice all of my relationships or the love for my
wife that I have and my son has.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
Maybe there is some balance somewhere.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
I said previously that I didn't feel like it was
a reason to pass away alone if I still love
my wife and keep her memory preserved. But now I'm thinking,
if it means I have to pass away alone, I'll
accept that. I will have my son and Opie responds
to a commenter that in the future not to have
a lot of pictures of his late wife around to
overwhelm any future partner. Opie says, she was only in
(22:56):
my house for a month before that. She never stated
that she had any problems with the picture. If she
had actually tried to talk to me instead of going
behind my back and taking things down and destroying them,
I would have compromised with her.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
That didn't happen.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
And excuse me, but there aren't pictures everywhere in my
house that contain her face. I had a few on
the mantle, some on the refrigerator, my son and wife,
and a couple others here and there, like one in
the dining room. I took down every picture that was
in the office that I gave to my girlfriend, and
I also moved all of my wife's belongings out of
the sunroom. I also let my girlfriend pick out new
bedding for the bedroom, since a lot of it was
(23:30):
old stuff that my wife picked. I moved every single
shred of evidence from my bedroom to the room with
my safes and put it all in boxes if it
contained any trace of my wife's existence. I left up
photographs that she took in China and India that didn't
have her in them and were simple landscapes, city scapes
and architectural photographs.
Speaker 3 (23:48):
It is not as if I didn't consider her feelings
at all.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
Yeah. No, it sounds like you very much considered this
and did really everything within reason to make it perfectly
acceptable for your girlfriend. Yeah, she's just an enormous red.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
Flag, exactly exactly.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
The issue isn't necessarily that she wanted the pictures moved,
And yes, I would have compromised if she talked to
me about it, But the fact is that she didn't
talk to me about it.
Speaker 3 (24:12):
She snuck around my back to do it. More info on.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Getting the pictures back Locke Ray Mono says, have you
tried approaching her from the angle of this isn't fair
to son's name. Those are pictures of his mother. Opie says,
many times she doesn't care. Her lack of compassion towards
my son is what awakened me to what kind of
person she actually is.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Yeah, it is, yeah, exactly right, because it was you
saw with your son. You went, oh my god, this
is right. And then she's like, I don't care about
your son.
Speaker 3 (24:41):
I literally don't care. Keep him in his form, madca
whatever you.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Go, oh oh oh ooh, yeah, no, gotta be breaking up.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Sorry, Dreams says, do you know any of her friends?
Perhaps you can reach out to them and have them
reason with her to give the pictures back.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
You can go the slash and burn route and ask
on Facebook if anyone has any knowledge of what she.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
Did with the pictures of your son's deceased mother.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Because obviously you would be much obliged if they could
share that information with you.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
Tag all of them in it.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Opie says, we have some of the same friends that
are mostly old coworkers we had when we work together.
I don't plan to stir up any extra drama because
I'm already pretty stressed out about this whole thing right now.
My priority is talking to my son and making sure
he's okay. She removed me from her Facebook already and
I'm not a very active user.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
And that's the end of that story.
Speaker 1 (25:29):
Yeah, okay, yeah, those pictures are gone. Yeah, she with
those on fire for sure.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
For sure.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
I'm glad you have more pictures, and I'm glad you
have the negatives. Yeah, that's good. So you know it's
not like this is all you have left of her.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Yes, you know, yes, be waned. Sometimes usink someone is
your girlfriend, but they're actually the little little parasite. Yes,
is trying to weasel the way into your home. Move
pictures of your previous wife.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Watch out of those. They're out there.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
They're out there, They're out there, and we hear about
them on here.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
She was one of them, I mean, not you, but
in the story, in the story, yeah, we just learned
about one of yes, and that is the end of
that story. And we had another one.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Sure is sure is.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Here it comes.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (26:18):
My mother berated my wife for not cooking, so I
defended her.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Good defend your wife.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
I twenty seven male East Asian have been married to
my wife twenty seven female South Asian since twenty seventeen.
I am not familiar with the intricacies and nuances of
that dynamic.
Speaker 3 (26:40):
Let us know.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Uh, let us know if you have any insights. We
have a three year old daughter and a six month
old son, so my wife can't cook. She can do
basic stuff obviously, but she hates it. It's like a
mix of fear and clumsiness. Oh that's my I love
that movie fere In Clumsiness in Las Vegas.
Speaker 3 (26:59):
Oh yeah, totally so good.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
And honestly, up until we got married, I didn't cook either.
Obviously this was a problem. By the way, this comes
from a throwaway nine two eight three three seven one.
If you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay story time subreddit. I'm Dakota, I'm Angie,
and we're here to give good advice. Goofley, we're gonna
have about this story. We might have some insights, but
we're not experts. We only know what we know. So
(27:22):
let us know the things that you know, like the
East Asian versus South Asian dynamic.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
Yeah, let us know.
Speaker 1 (27:29):
In the chap pe let us know in the comments,
op says, we eventually came to a solution. I do
the cooking and she washes all the dishes before and after.
I'm fine with it. She's fine with it and we've
been functioning. Well. That's great, that's great, all good things
all around all the time. Dad, My parents and my
in laws came over the other day for dinner, and
(27:50):
everyone was having a great time. That is until my
mother in law complimented my cooking skills. My mom was
a bit taken aback for some reason and asked me
if I cooked quote unquote again, you.
Speaker 3 (28:03):
Cooked for the second time in your whole life.
Speaker 1 (28:04):
What you must have cooked something truly awful? Yeah for
your mom to be like your mother in law?
Speaker 3 (28:11):
Oh yeah?
Speaker 1 (28:12):
Or no, no, it was your mom. Your mom's like, right,
you cooked again again after you sent all those people
to the hospital the first time.
Speaker 3 (28:20):
Right right?
Speaker 1 (28:21):
I informed her that I usually cook, and she just
got even moodier.
Speaker 3 (28:27):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
I brushed it off. But then when my in laws left,
I caught my mother scolding my wife about what you
ask Well, apparently she should be the one cooking, not me.
Do you know why? I have a sneaky little theory?
Speaker 3 (28:44):
What is that?
Speaker 1 (28:45):
Because she is the wife, the woman, and I'm the
husband the man. My wife stood up for herself and
said that we both came to an agreement and we
didn't need her input on how we made our food.
I involved myself at this point and told my mom
that she was being very unreasonable. My mother said she
did not get me married to become a servant to
(29:07):
my wife, and that she was just looking out for me.
Who got me married? Oh, last time I checked. I
don't know. I like my wife.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm the one that decided to
marry her.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Maybe it was arranged. Maybe I did agree to the arrangement. Anyway,
I just told my mom get out of here, and
she left the house crying, as they do. I don't
see why this is such a big deal. I don't
think i'm the a hole either, But my mom says
I am. My dad is on her side just because
she's his wife. Okay, go dad, I guess that is
(29:40):
the right move, right.
Speaker 3 (29:42):
But then it's like, well, I'm just defending my wife.
Speaker 2 (29:44):
So yeah, I'm literally learning from you how to be
a good husband.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
He's gonna he's me like, I get it. Yeah, you
gotta defend your wife. That's why I'm defending my wife
right now. I don't think she's right, Yeah exactly, But
don't you dare tell her, I said, that right.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
And then you shake hands and you never speak again.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
Yeah, my dad's on her side just because she's his wife.
But he says that I wasn't wrong for defending my wife,
just for swearing at my mom.
Speaker 3 (30:07):
Ah okay, I swear she deserved it. Hey, it's Angie,
your favorite of fashion host.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Here. We're going to get back to the stories, but
here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
My wife is over it and wants to apologize just
so we can move on. But I don't think we should,
considering we didn't do anything wrong. My friend told me
to get some judgment from here. So here I am Reddit.
Am I the a hole in this situation? And note, yes,
we did get married early. No, I don't care if
you guys have a problem with that. And there's another edit.
(30:39):
So my friend told me that Reddit isn't used to
early marriages, so he told me to make a small note.
I'm not judging. Apparently most people from my home country
get married in their thirties. Anyways, I haven't seen a
single comment being judgmental, so I don't know what he
was going on about. Thanks for the reassurance, guys. Also,
I forgot to mention. I'm Canadian, my wife's Canadian, and
we live Yeah, you guessed it in Canada, got it,
(31:03):
and we do have an update. But I would listen
to your wife here.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Yeah, I think you know in your heart you didn't
do anything wrong and you don't need to apologize. But
your wife is right, Let's just move on, let's make amends,
let's apologize. We'll be the bigger people. We know in
our hearts what is true. But I know in my
heart I also don't want your mom to be difficult
in the rest of our marriage.
Speaker 2 (31:28):
Yeah, honestly, because if it does come down to like
a cultural thing, then it's like, okay, well, no one's
going to change their mind here, so yeah, might as
well just make nice and get on with it.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Yeah. It's so funny. She's like, I'm just looking out
for you. Yeah, I'm just looking out for you.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
I'm looking out for you.
Speaker 2 (31:46):
I can't believe you had to touch food and you
weren't even eating it.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
I can't believe you're not in traditional gender roles in the.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
House, right, I'm looking up for your safety.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
I'm looking at for your safety. It's dangerous.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
I mean, like, truly, is that what she thinks.
Speaker 1 (32:00):
This is a man with a pot and a pan
in his hand, right, you don't know what's gonna happen
you sling it around? You might hit Granny in the head.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
Yeah, you never know.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
Just not built for this ko boom uh. There is
an update from six days later. So, first of all,
I'd like to say thank you for the kind words
and the different perspectives and advice. I appreciated them all.
I don't know if you guys wanted an update, but
I feel like I should give you one. Also, I
have nothing else to do. Well that that's great because
(32:33):
we we want the update, we sure do. We want it,
and we've got it, and by god, we're gonna say
it right now.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Who.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Also, before we go, dang it, I'd like to clarify
that my wife can cook basic things, and of course
she cooks for the kids when I'm not able to.
She won't risk anything happening to our kids just because
she doesn't like to cook. So the other day I
went to my parents' house with my family, and the
very first thing my mom did was apologized.
Speaker 3 (33:00):
Who but I love this, how lovely?
Speaker 1 (33:04):
She was very sorry for saying what she did, and
said that she knew she was wrong, but didn't want
to admit how badly sexist and rude she had been.
I also apologized for getting heated and saying stuff, but
also explained to my mom why I did what I did.
She understood and said it was fine. Nice.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
Nice.
Speaker 1 (33:21):
I feel like Dad got involved there and was like, yeah,
you realize he's doing the same thing I'm doing for
you right now, right he's taking his wife's side.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
Like I raised him like this, We taught.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Him this, We taught him, we gave him the blueprint. Yeah,
he is following the blueprint.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
But of course it has to be like after a
wife has her whole rant about it, and like he
has to listen, be very understanding, and then once she's
kind of done, and he's like, well, you know.
Speaker 1 (33:46):
Yeah, after he listens thoughtfully and says, yeah, well have
you thought about this?
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (33:50):
Exactly? Good good husband, good man?
Speaker 1 (33:53):
What And there's a little bit more story here, let's
go ahead, and in shit all we're making great progress.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
Wooo.
Speaker 1 (34:03):
I also replied to someone saying that she doesn't say
anything when my older brother and dad cook, so I
thought I would mention that as well. When I asked
my mom why she was okay with that but not
okay with me cooking. She said that I'm her youngest
and while my brother, who is seventeen years older than me,
and dad were out doing whatever it is they did,
(34:24):
I was always with her, so she babbies me a lot.
My wife said that she probably favors me, and honestly,
I would not be surprised. I explained to her how
I literally have kids of my own now, and how
I'm not a child anymore. I love her, but I'm
not a kid, and cooking does not make me a servant.
I don't think my mom said those things because my
(34:45):
wife is South Asian. Maybe, but I don't believe so,
and neither does my wife. Okay, again, anyone in the
comment's gonna give us a little insight onto the East
versus South Asian you know in his experience, Go ahead,
let us know.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
No, but clearly that's not really shoe here.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
As we think. Yeah, that's what we think.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
That's what we think.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
We all think. That's what we think.
Speaker 3 (35:07):
That's what we think. I'm gonna trust everyone.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
There's no South versus East hate going on right now.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:11):
Hashtag stop Asian hate. That is the end of that
story as it is, and we've got another one coming
right up.
Speaker 3 (35:19):
Yes we do.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
My wife threw me under the bus to hide the
truth from her parents.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Ah, it's always the worst place to get thrown.
Speaker 3 (35:28):
Prior to Little Bees, our little baby girl three months birth.
Love that she's named little.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
Bee, Little Bee. She's a little bee, a little.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
Little little She's just a little blue wings.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
I forty five male, had a conversation with my wife
forty three female about prental leave and next steps. Her
thoughts were A for me to take parental leave towards
the end of her leave, so we can take two
to three months off at the same time. And B
we would move to a townhouse her parents own but
rented at the moment, so we had to evict the
tenants or the then tenants after some renovation.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
By the way, this comes from no sy Ke nombre aki.
Speaker 2 (36:12):
And if you know some of your own stories, go
to the r slash Okay, storytime, separate it. I'm Angie,
I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advice.
Speaker 3 (36:18):
Goofully. But we don't have all the answers.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
We just know what we would do in these situations,
so let us know what you would do down below,
and OPI says the tenants were given several months notice,
but they were able to find a new place relatively soon.
So my return to work and getting the townhouse back
happened pretty much around the same time.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
For the parental leave. I shot her idea down as
I knew she would need help.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
So I insisted on taking my proportion of the parental
leave first so I could help a little Bee during
her first months. But now I am back to work
and my wife is coordinating the renovation of the townhouse.
Here are the issues. Hey, Quite often she will be
calling and or meeting with the general contractor to decide
on the different parts of the renovation. Whenever she has
to go, I end up taking care of little b
(37:01):
while she's.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
Away, which I'm okay with.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
However, she constantly asks for my feedback on materials, designs,
and or color, which disrupts.
Speaker 3 (37:10):
Whatever I'm doing. I gave her a blanket whatever you choose,
I'm okay with it. While I know general.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
Stuff about home setup, I don't have the expertise or
enough knowledge to add to the report that we got
from the home inspection that we received after the tenant
moved out, and to be honest, I don't really care
about the color of materials, et cetera. Even when I
tell her to narrow down the choices so I can
do an A and B test, she then pops up
with a third or fourth option after I choose one.
Speaker 1 (37:35):
If I give you the blanket, do whatever you want.
Just do whatever you want.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
Yeah, she's not trusting him on that, Just do it.
She still wants the other opinion.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
You've got no opinion from me because I don't care.
Speaker 3 (37:48):
Right right, you can go wild. Now it's your chance, girl,
go wild.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
I want whatever you want. You need to know what
you want.
Speaker 3 (37:57):
Here you go.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
B I'm responsible for things such as tidying up, cooking,
et cetera, plus some of her tasks as she is
busy with the renovation.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
I want to be supportive.
Speaker 2 (38:08):
However, having to take care of little Bee, working full
time from home and the constant questions and the resulting
additional mental loan have started to bog me down.
Speaker 3 (38:17):
For example, I will most likely have to work.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
This weekend as I have fallen behind on work, Yet
she wants to go this weekend to a store to
check material and color for the countertops.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
So would I be the a hole if I tell
my wife that she does not.
Speaker 2 (38:30):
Need my input and feedback all the time and there
is an update?
Speaker 3 (38:34):
But what would you say?
Speaker 1 (38:36):
I think it very much depends on how you say it.
Speaker 3 (38:38):
Oh that's a good.
Speaker 1 (38:39):
Point, But conceptually, no, I don't think. So yeah, yeah,
I think. And it's like I can see that being
a geinst you as like, what so you don't care?
And it's like, no, it's not that I don't care, sure,
it's that I just I'm happy with whatever you would
choose as my partner. You're golden, got You've got it.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
And I think it would be totally reasonable too to
explain like, hey, there's just I've got a lot that's
on my plate. I would really love it if I
could trust you with this. I do trust you with this,
and you know, maybe you can still bring things up
like after work or something. Yeah, but like during the day,
I need to be focused on my work in.
Speaker 3 (39:20):
Our child, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (39:21):
There is one more option.
Speaker 3 (39:22):
What's the other option?
Speaker 1 (39:24):
You just pick it? You just pick a just pick it.
Be okay, okay, And she goes, what about CND and
you just oh.
Speaker 3 (39:33):
Yeah, okay, CD just be oh okay, yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
You know yeah, and then she's like, well I really
don't like that. Then you go pick the one that
you like.
Speaker 3 (39:41):
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
If you don't like B, that's fine, right, that works too,
totally totally yeah.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
But then if you guys do have a very randomly
designed house, be like, why did you pick all these?
Speaker 3 (39:52):
Right, She's like, I was trying to make you happy.
I thought that's what you wanted.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
I can't tell you because I just picked them randomly.
Speaker 3 (39:57):
Right, So now here we are gotta do all over again.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Yeah. Yeah, as long as you go from a place
of like, it's not that I don't care or don't
want to do this with you, it's then logistically it's
too hard for me. I'm falling behind at work. And
also I just trust him. Whatever you think looks good.
Speaker 3 (40:13):
Yes, yes, exactly. We do have an update eighty four
days later. How many months is that?
Speaker 1 (40:19):
That's two and a half two and almost three almost
three two and three quarters.
Speaker 3 (40:24):
I feel like it's more than three eighty four days.
Well thirty times two.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
Sixty so almost almost three thirty times three ninety.
Speaker 3 (40:37):
Hmmm, yes, that is correct okay. Eighty four days later,
it's more than okay.
Speaker 2 (40:49):
There might have been some misunderstandings in the original posts,
so I wanted to address that first and share some
other miscellaneous updates. Based on some of the posts, the
feedback was that this would be our home in terms
of ownership.
Speaker 3 (41:01):
That is not the case. We are renting it from
my in laws.
Speaker 2 (41:04):
So while my landlords and in laws happened to be
the same and we were given some level of freedom
that normal tenants won't be given, I wanted to set.
Speaker 3 (41:12):
Up some division.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
This is related to the final update note below. Even
before I wrote the post, I asked my wife if
she feels she has some postpartum depression.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
The answer was no.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
I double and triple checked with her and she kept
assuring me that she does not feel that she has PPD.
Speaker 3 (41:27):
As for the update, I decided.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
To embrace the you're the ahole judgment given, but alas
it didn't go as expected. After going along with full
explanation as to why I had my preferences, she kept
dismissing all of them, but again I was accepting the judgment,
so I didn't say anything. After removed, my in laws
came one night, and while I was preparing some drinks
in the kitchen, I overheard my father in law asking
(41:51):
about the vanity in the powder room and my wife
said that that's what I thought was the best. After
they left, I confronted wife and she finally had that
she was having fights over a budget and selection of
fixtures and furniture as they were inserting themselves in.
Speaker 3 (42:06):
The decision making process.
Speaker 2 (42:08):
Wait, so what are we fighting with the in laws?
She fighting with her parents because they want to be involved.
Speaker 1 (42:13):
Well, now you're not just fighting with your in laws,
you're fighting with your landlords.
Speaker 3 (42:17):
Yeah, you're in law.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
Yeah exactly, what a terrible, terrible combo.
Speaker 3 (42:21):
Yeah, truly, that, truly it is.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
I was just being thrown under the bus as wife
knew the in laws wouldn't be asking too many questions
if it was something that I chose, and to cover herself,
she went through the motion of asking what I liked
to give.
Speaker 3 (42:35):
Me an illusion of free will. That is really funny.
Needless to say, I was angry.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
Going back to the note on PPD, I asked once
again if she might be feeling PPD, But still the
answer was no. Rather, dealing with her parents was so
difficult that throwing me under the bus was the easiest
way out.
Speaker 1 (42:53):
I hate that. I totally understand where she's coming from
right now. Yeah, you just you were just you just
tappened to be. Yeah, the collateral damage to her dealing
with her.
Speaker 3 (43:05):
Parents, Yeah, I could see it.
Speaker 1 (43:07):
I could see it happening, he says, sucks. I mean,
it's still not cool, but like it makes sense, especially
when they're also your landlords. Dude, Like, oh my.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
God, yeah, yeah, And I mean because if you were
in the other room too, I wonder like how much crap.
Speaker 3 (43:19):
They were giving her already.
Speaker 2 (43:20):
Yeah, And although I mean she did say that they
were trying to involve themselves in the process, so they
might have been giving her crap this whole time.
Speaker 3 (43:27):
Could be and it's just been very stressful, and you
just didn't know.
Speaker 1 (43:30):
You better get real used to being under that bus, man.
You better make get it, get it nice and cozy
under they get a nice blanket.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
Yeah, but I could understand why, Like for him, if
he already has this big mental load of like working
from home and he doesn't usually, and then like taking
care of the baby and then also being interrupted all
the time and just being generally stressed out with all
that stuff. Yeah, I can understand where he's just like
not another thing, you know.
Speaker 1 (43:52):
I yeah, No, I fully don't think he deserves to
be thrown under the bus and shouldn't be. But man, right,
don't I think that's gonna stop?
Speaker 2 (44:01):
Yeah, I don't think this is like divorce worthy, which
I'm assuming some people would jump to.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
Yeah, of course they would.
Speaker 3 (44:06):
Yeah, but I wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
No, but yeah, you should maybe at least get on
the same page about being tactically thrown under the bus, right,
you know, when need be right?
Speaker 3 (44:16):
There is a little bit more to the story.
Speaker 1 (44:18):
Being thrown under the bus. As a unit.
Speaker 3 (44:20):
There you go together.
Speaker 2 (44:22):
Because of this, plus other incidents related to the move,
I drew the line. I'm okay if I'm thrown under
the bus, but I will fall back into the ab
test position unless it is something I have a strong
opinion on, which is quite unlikely as I am more
of a functional overform person. So what, so, you're okay
with being thrown under the bus, But what is the
(44:44):
ab test position?
Speaker 1 (44:46):
Oh, it's just like being like, yeah, just give me
two options.
Speaker 2 (44:48):
I'll give you my okay, you cannot bring up a
third and fourth option.
Speaker 1 (44:52):
Yeah, ab airb give me a arb got it. Hey,
it's Dakota, your favorite brain host here, and we're gonna
get back to the stories soon. But here's three minutes
of ads from our sponsors.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
She put on a long face but accepted this, and
for the most part she has followed up. Finally, regarding
my in laws, they are not bad people. They are
old school and their way of showing how much they
care is just different. After all, my parents are about
the same. But the main difference is that they're not
close by.
Speaker 1 (45:20):
Yeah. The main difference is they're not your actual landlord.
Speaker 3 (45:23):
Yeah, literally, big difference that makes.
Speaker 2 (45:26):
Now, if my wife would just let me change the
lock because the in laws keep coming by, O no, no.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
See, now you're gonna have problems doing that because they're
your landlord, right right, So they're always gonna have a
key to your place.
Speaker 3 (45:40):
Oh boy, how fun.
Speaker 1 (45:41):
Legally they are allowed to have it.
Speaker 3 (45:43):
How fun.
Speaker 1 (45:44):
But I believe legally they are not allowed to enter
your domicile without previous you know, written notice.
Speaker 3 (45:50):
Okay, well that's good to know, so you just take
take them up with the law.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
I would really if it were me, I'd be compartmentalizing
those relationships super high. How would you even do that though,
it'd be like literally anything that has to do with
like the residency or us as tenants or the unit,
any of it. Do not converse with us like we
are related to you as Yeah. Yeah, you cannot just
(46:17):
come in here email whenever you want, because it's your
daughter and me, it's you still have to let us know.
You have to treat us exactly like we're just normal tenants, right,
even if you give us like certain considerations that others
don't have. Yeah, that does not mean you can just
walk into our apartment all the time whenever you want.
Speaker 2 (46:34):
Right, totally, that's just too much, man, get way ahead
of that.
Speaker 3 (46:39):
Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. But that is the
end of that story.
Speaker 1 (46:43):
We've got some comments, we do, and I'm gonna magically
teleport in five four three two one.
Speaker 3 (46:52):
And know there is by.
Speaker 2 (46:56):
Oh right, we've got some comments. This comes from the episode.
This comes from the video My foster dad saved my life.
Speaker 3 (47:05):
I regret never calling him dad in this story. This
is a story three.
Speaker 2 (47:10):
In the episode, OPI moved to a news state where
she knew nobody and her future mother in law felt
like family. Then a massive winter storm hit, the power
went out, and mother in law packed up and left
without saying a word.
Speaker 3 (47:23):
OPI was left.
Speaker 2 (47:23):
Alone, freezing with no heat and no help. When OPI
brought it up, mother in law said, I have no
obligation to you. Nine months later, Opie still cannot get
over it and has no idea how.
Speaker 3 (47:34):
To move forward. If you're curious to know the full story,
you can watch for the full video. And that was
posted on January tenth, twenty twenty six. And yes, I
am wearing the same shirt in that video.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
And she's wearing the same shit right now that she
was in that video is But we do have some comments,
Yes we do, and I will be reading them here.
And uh wow, what a ice cold mother in law.
That was our first comment here from oh underscore Underscore
Underscore pe says story three. If that happens to me,
(48:06):
that person is going to hear the you're an adult,
you can take care of yourself quote every single time
they want something from me until they apologize, and even
then I'd remember, you don't do that to guests, you
don't do that to family, you don't do that to friends.
And they were all three.
Speaker 3 (48:25):
Yeah, yeah, true, true. Can't imagine give them a taste
in their own medicine.
Speaker 1 (48:30):
Can't image is leaving someone to like freeze? Yeah, it's crazy.
Speaker 3 (48:34):
I literally I remember that.
Speaker 2 (48:35):
It was literally like they just up and left and
didn't tell Ope at all because and they left because
their power went out.
Speaker 1 (48:42):
Yeah, it didn't tell her this place sucks. I'm leaving. Yeah,
have fun here, and she's like nowhere to comment to
From Mogami, Kiyoko thirteen says, oh, man, that fortieth birthday
comment hit me so hard in the third story that
I had to go back to check the ages of
Op and her fiance. At first, I thought oho teenage pregnancy,
patch man, But mother in law is only his step mom.
(49:06):
What I'm getting from mother in law's words and behavior
is that she's infinitely less mature than a couple fifteen
to seventeen years younger than her. Apparently compassion was a
lesson she missed in Sunday school, and that is something
they teach.
Speaker 3 (49:18):
In Sunday school. Is it actually compassion?
Speaker 1 (49:21):
Pass it on?
Speaker 3 (49:22):
What Sunday school?
Speaker 1 (49:24):
Huh?
Speaker 3 (49:25):
Did you ever go to Sunday school?
Speaker 2 (49:26):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (49:26):
Yeah, I did Sunday School. I did vacation Bible school.
Speaker 3 (49:29):
Vacation.
Speaker 1 (49:29):
Yeah, I was doing summer summer school. Summer Bible school.
Speaker 3 (49:32):
Whoa.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
And it was so much fun because I would always
like it because at the end of the summer school,
they give you like a little just like a little
rubber figurine, like a like a little pool toy, basically
like a little baby Jesus. It's like a little whale
or like a just a little guy literally just like
a children's little rubber toy toy. And I was like, yes,
(49:53):
this is I freaking love the Bible what they were doing.
And our last comment from Ray Ray Sunshine says. Ray
Sunshine says, it's not the snow, it's the ice that
comes from it. This is referencing a specific moment in
the video at forty three minutes twenty five seconds. It's
not the snow, it's the ice that comes from it.
(50:15):
I'm assuming that makes it dangerous. Maybe we don't have
the infrastructure in the South to salt the roads and stuff,
and that's why we have so many accidents. It happens
so rarely. This is the best option.
Speaker 3 (50:26):
Mmm.
Speaker 2 (50:27):
I'm assuming that means like why OPI couldn't just like
drive somewhere or something.
Speaker 1 (50:32):
Yeah, I would know if the roads are iced up
in the South, I would never drive on them because
they are fully just made of ice.
Speaker 3 (50:39):
At that point, Oh yeah, crazy.
Speaker 1 (50:42):
No, thank you. But that is the end of those
comments and the end of this episode.
Speaker 3 (50:48):
No freaking way. Do you want to telpe for it again?
Oh my gosh, I think, whoa, what's that noise? I
think he's doing it.
Speaker 1 (50:56):
Whoa, it's gotta brief, I am ill reported.
Speaker 2 (51:00):
Okay, but yes, that is the end of that episode.
Speaker 3 (51:04):
So if you love us, make sure to subscribe.
Speaker 1 (51:06):
We love you and see you tomorrow.
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