My husband gets ANGRY when I read at home… and accuses me of ignoring him! -r/BestofRedditorUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2674 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Dakota, and this is Keon, your favorite
Okay Storytime host, and we've got some great stories coming
right up.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
But before that, we have a quick two minute break
from the sponsors to keep the show alive. My husband
gets angry when I read it home and accuses me
of ignoring him.

Speaker 1 (00:15):
Well are you.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
I enjoy reading books, but my husband feels that it
is rude for me to read when we're both home
because I'm ignoring him. To be clear, this does not
happen in excess by anyone's definition. I have read a
maximum of five entire books since we got together a
decade ago, primarily to avoid upsetting him. We have very
similar work schedules. By the way, this comes from user

(00:38):
want to be a Vada and if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the our slash Showka
Storytime sub about it. I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, and we're
here to give some gooded, brash Goofrey. We don't have
all the answers. We just know what we know, so
let us know what you know. None of the comments
and Op says recently, I bought a book that was
the first in the series of three and it started

(00:59):
this argument to a higher degree than usual because of
the fact that it is a series. I've considered going
to a cafe and reading in my car, but that
seems like a waste of gas when I could just
read it home where it's more comfortable anyway, But doing
so requires that I tell him I'm about to start
reading in the study or bedroom, et cetera, and that
I expect not to be interrupted for the next thirty

(01:19):
minutes to an hour, which is what I intend to
do if the results here favor me, though this will
absolutely upset him because he approaches me for comment or
to tell stories every ten or fifteen minutes on average.
So am I the a hole? No, it sounds like
your husband's like wickedly codependent.

Speaker 1 (01:38):
Or just like wants attention twenty four to seven, which
is also very weird.

Speaker 2 (01:43):
Well, maybe we'll find some more information in the comments.
Lapis Lazuli says, your husband sounds like a piece of
work read when you want. No announcements are needed. Yeah,
that was another thing I caught it where it's like,
why do you have to inform him that you're like
gonna go read? Like, what do you do you have
to inform him by everything that you do that's not good.
Put your earbuds in and say there for white noise.

(02:04):
Not the a hole. Compent Sate nineteen ninety five says,
not the a hole. Depriving you from doing something that
you love is notably controlling and restrictive. Doesn't he have
things that he likes to do by himself? If the
answer is positive, that is the epitome of hypocrisy. Is
there any chance that he's jealous of you that you
can read and comprehend books and also enjoy it. You
have to find the roots of the problem to tell

(02:26):
you precisely what bothers him in your reading so you
can solve this. You don't need to abstain from reading books.
That is a wonderful habit and hobby. Passively repressed replies,
it's likely that he does this with anything she enjoys
that isn't about or with him. My ex did this
to me. He told me that I was wasting my time,
but at zero issues, forcing me to watch him play

(02:47):
PlayStation for hours on end. This is a massive red flag,
an travera says, shamelessly, jumping to the top comment here,
sorry not sorry. Some of My favorite times in life
are when my wife and I are curled up on
our sofa together with us with us both reading or
one on the phone or a game or something like that.
We can go a couple of hours without even talking
to each other, just content in each other's company. What

(03:11):
is wrong with your husband that he can't do the same, Op,
You are not the a hole. I've read an excess
of a thousand books in the decade I've been with
my wife. Your husband needs to chill out and let
you enjoy a book, and you need to tell him
that if you enjoy the series, you can read the
whole lot in a week if you want. If the
silence bothers him and you are engrossed in a good bit,

(03:31):
then he can go for a walk, or meet some friends,
or even put on a film. Feisty Assurian says, my
wife and I call it being companionable. We're near each other,
spending time together, but each doing what we'd like to
be doing. There's an edit here from op and yeah,
I agree with all those comments.

Speaker 1 (03:47):
Yeah no, this is like that's a This is like
a that's like a genuine thing for relationships is to
have your do you do what you do well, you
can do it with your companion without your companion, do
what you you love. Yeah, if you like gaming, you
like reading, you like going to the movies, whatever it is,
I with a hobby. You don't need your partner there
twenty four to seven. Or if you want him in

(04:09):
your space, at least you don't need like full attention
from your partner or vice versa twenty four to seven.

Speaker 2 (04:16):
Yeah, it's truly, it's it's a troubling sign. Edit. Wow,
I got a ton of feedback. This will take a
while to read, and I'm sure I can't respond to everything,
so I'll add a few things here. He does the
same thing with headphones. But aside from expecting me to
be available for immediate comment, he is not harmful in
any way. I have friends that I see regularly. I

(04:37):
can choose to leave the house without question. I have
full access to my financial accounts. I make semi substantial
financial choices, like a weekend to get away with friends
or buying a new office desk, without permission or guilt.
This does not involve yelling, but there are guilt trips.
They're framed just as what I have expressed here. That
he feels ignored and that it's rude. He works totally alone,

(04:58):
and I do think that is a source of his
understandable need for lots of evening and weekend interaction. I
just feel this request is an inappropriate expression of that need. No,
he doesn't have many friends, just one really. Otherwise, it's
mostly just my family that he spends time with. His
doesn't live nearby, but he gets along really well with
mine and they all genuinely enjoy each other's company. Yes,

(05:20):
we have pets. Yes he has hobbies, but they're easy
for him to pick up and put down without notice.
Lots of household projects, carpentry, et cetera. No, he does
not like to watch sports or play video games. We
both already have therapists who we have seen bi weekly
for years. It's mainly been individual therapy, aside from an
approximately six month period of couple's therapy during a time

(05:41):
of crisis in twenty nineteen. Yes, he is able to read,
but he has some mild insecurities about his intellectual abilities.
Oh is that really all it is? He's like, if
you read too much, you'll get too smart, because I'm
not smart enough for you. So you can't read.

Speaker 1 (05:57):
He's also just a little like lonely, doesn't he only
has one true friend. It seems like he hangs out
with your family. He works from home. This guy is
just lonely. Yeah, I mean, I mean in a sense.

Speaker 2 (06:12):
Regardless, he should be able to give you thirty minutes
to an hour of silence so you can read. That's crazy.

Speaker 1 (06:19):
That yeah, and he gets he throws a fit or
gets all huffy and puffy to just get thirty minutes
to an hour to read a book.

Speaker 2 (06:28):
That's crazy. So there's an update here after some input here.
I read for about ninety minutes in the bedroom last night,
he was watching some TV and he did ask, you
don't want to hang out with me? I said, he
was welcome to put in headphones and come join me.
He said, nah, and continue to watch TV. It has
me wondering if maybe he saw some of the responses

(06:49):
to this thread because it was unusual. I truly don't
understand why he wouldn't just say okay and put headphones
in and watch whatever he was watching next to you.
I don't get it.

Speaker 1 (07:01):
I mean, again, sometimes people don't want like just want
to have their own alone time and a loan space,
and that's okay. I think this needs to be communicated
to him and you need to talk to him genuinely
and be like, I need a loan time. Yeah, I
love you. It's like I need alone time. And it's
like where thirty to thirty minutes to an hour where
I just I'm in the study or just reading my

(07:22):
book and it shouldn't bother you that much. And then
you can ask him, why is it bothering you so much?
Why does it make you feel like you have to
get upset or you need my attention in that specific
timeframe of thirty minutes to an hour when I read
my book, why do you get Why do you do that?
You know you can you can do it after that,

(07:42):
you know, when I read a chapter or two or three,
But why in that timeframe?

Speaker 2 (07:47):
Just like, I'm not going to disappear. I will be here,
just need I just want time to read.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
I'm not going to disappear in the book. It's not
like Narnia.

Speaker 2 (07:55):
I'm not going to go as a wardrobe.

Speaker 1 (07:56):
That was a wardrobe, I take it back. Which is
the one that oh, it's the never ending story.

Speaker 2 (08:00):
Which it does have an ending. Funny enough not for the.

Speaker 1 (08:04):
People in the book. Well, maybe for the horse.

Speaker 2 (08:08):
Well, let's finish this. Nevertheless, it went well. I plan
to make this part of my Sunday and Wednesday evening
routine until I can trust myself to be more casual
about it without giving it up again to eighty five
percent of ye, thanks so much to the other fifteen yikes.
But such as the Internet, What a neat resource. I
would have never known if this was really the norm,

(08:30):
or how other people read for pleasure in their private
households without this tidal wave of input. Thanks for the
small glimpses into your homes and lives. It's funny what
parts of our routines are silently unintentionally intimate. And that
is the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (08:43):
My husband got me a cheap ring from Timu, and
I hate it.

Speaker 2 (08:47):
You'd probably get a better husband off Timu.

Speaker 1 (08:49):
Honestly, my husband thirty seven mail and I thirty three female,
have been married for ten years together for fourteen. We've
been struggling in our marriage the past year, mostly me
not feeling loved or appreciate it, or like he even
likes me at all sometimes, and him getting frustrated about it.
By the way. This comes from users Southern Fried Weirdo
and this comes from our subreddit.

Speaker 2 (09:12):
Nice.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
So, if you want to get your story read just
like this person, submit it to the r slash Okay
story time subreddit. I'm ke On, I'm Dakota, and we're
here to give a good advice. Goofily. We only know
what we do. We only know so much, so let
us know what you do in the comments pretty please.
As OPI says, anyways, we haven't bought gifts for each

(09:34):
other the past few years because we just focus on
the kids. Well that and he never uses the gifts
I buy him, even when they are exactly what he
asked for. One year, he asked for a fish tank.
I got him a huge fish tank at PetSmart and
my parents got him one hundred dollars pet Smart gift card.
The tank sat in our shed for six years until

(09:56):
I gave it to my dad and my dad was
super excited and put fish in that in that weekend.
Then another year, I got him a nice dartboard after
he said he really wanted one for our porch. It's
still in the box sitting in our laundery room after
two years. This year I told him. I wanted a
really thoughtful gift from him, something that he thought I
would love, something to do with my interests, something he

(10:19):
saw that reminded him of me. Nothing crazy, but you know, thoughtful.
We opened Christmas gifts early because I have to work
Christmas Eve night and Christmas Night hospitals never close. He
got me a phone attachment that you put on your
phone via magnet sticker that comes with it and connects
to your phone's bluetooth and has a camera button that
you can press to take photos on your phone the

(10:41):
phone that already has a camera button. He also got
me two pairs of the exact same fleece overalls, two
different sizes because he wasn't sure. They are both way
too small because I have a long torso and have
trouble with overalls. Anyway, I thanked him for the gifts
and then just forgot about it. Later he made a
joke about how I didn't have to use the gifts
if I didn't want to, because they were just cheap

(11:03):
stuff from Timu. I was shocked, but just kind of
laughed it off because I didn't want to fight on
our Christmas Day. I looked up the items on TIMU,
and sure enough they were there. He spent fifteen dollars
on the camera thing and twenty two dollars on each
pair of overalls. His gifts cost me about six hundred total.

(11:24):
A Milwaukee pole saw that he specifically picked out. I
think that keeps fitted sheets in place because he complains
about ours moving all the time, a car heart shirt,
a new fire pit because ours broke last winter and
he loves sitting outside by a fire, and some undies
from a brand he had been wanting to try. I
feel like I put in actual effort. He also took

(11:45):
our three kids, who are four, six and seven, to
hobby lobby to let them pick me out a few things.
The kids did great. They picked out a bigfoot picture
to hang on the wall, a diamond painting kit, and
some woodblanks to paint. All of those things match my
interest and I truly love them. I do appreciate him
doing that at least, but the gifts actually from him.

(12:08):
I'm so disappointed. This happened after our ten year anniversary
in October, when I didn't get the ring upgrade he's
been promising me for ten years. We talked about it
for weeks and I designed the ring exactly how I
wanted and sent him the link. He agreed and even
said that I could pick a more expensive stone. I
told him I was okay with the less expensive stone

(12:28):
and really just wanted to ring that fits because my
original engagement ring has been too small ever since my
knuckles grew slightly bigger. When I was pregnant with our
second child, the anniversary came and guess what, no ring.
I asked about the ring and he said that he
thought I was going to order it. I was so disappointed,
but I just let it go. I do want to

(12:49):
point out that he is the best that I can
ask for when it comes to our kids. He spent
days building a treehouse as their Christmas gift from him.
I've been a stay at home mom for five years
and just recently went back to work part time, only
because I wanted to. Now that my youngest is in school,
we do not struggle at all financially.

Speaker 2 (13:08):
I think you guys need to try counseling to figure
out what the gap here is. Sounds like he's a
good dad. Why is he being such like an unthoughtful
partner or.

Speaker 1 (13:18):
A terrible listener? But that's gut goes in the same
mindset op for what I've been getting is that you
just keep getting disappointed, and at at this point you're
just like, I don't care anymore, Like I'm okay with
just the bar being so low and just being okay
with that. Again, he doesn't have to get you the

(13:39):
most expensive gift, but it's the type of gifts he
gets you, and just how like how he goes about it.
He's not even excited to make you happy.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
No, he's just like, I got you overalls, and then.

Speaker 1 (13:52):
When it comes to when it comes to you, it's
just like you go above and beyond, and you should
be appreciated for what you get him. And like, obviously
his love language could be something totally different from yours.
Gift giving is obviously yours because you go above and beyond.
But he great, he's a father, he's a great father,
but he also should be a great partner and a

(14:13):
great husband to you. Yeah, yes, yeah, you're not like again,
you're not asking for pursus things left and right, but
to be appreciated and be loved and like given something
that you want, you know, should be delivered from his point,
from his end, it's a little bit left here. I
am not a materialistic person at all. I never really

(14:35):
do or buy anything for myself. I put my needs
behind his and our kids every time. Most of my
clothes come from thrip stores, which I do love, while
he always turns his nose up if I buy him
anything secondhand. I busted my butt creating Christmas magic for
our kids. Even though he paid for all of our
kids's Christmas gifts. I put in the mental energy of

(14:57):
deciding what to get them, making sure it was it
was fair, wrapping everything, and playing Sanna. I did not
go to bed that night before three am, while he
went to bed around ten pm and left me to
do it all myself. I just feel like he put
no thought or effort into my gifts, and I'm so disappointed.
I also feel selfish for feeling that way. Would I

(15:18):
be the a hole if I brought it up? Or
should I just let it go? And we have some comments? No, Yeah,
I've seen you three times in the story. I'm disappointed.
I'm just so disappointed at a point like this shouldn't
be your relationship. You shouldn't be disappointed in your relationship
time and time again.

Speaker 2 (15:37):
Yeah, it's truely like it's really you wouldn't be the
a hole for bringing it up. I think it just
needs to be brought up in a way where it's like,
you know, hit him with that. You're a great dad,
real real, right out the gate. But it's like it
feels like, I don't know, it feels like you're just
checked out. It just feels like you checked out. What's
going on?

Speaker 1 (15:55):
Yea?

Speaker 2 (15:56):
Why why is that?

Speaker 1 (15:57):
We have some comments? Comment number one says, bring it up.
You've been together long enough, you have kids, and it
sounds like your relationship is good. Communication is key, honestly,
as you probably know, it warn't hurt to voice how
you feel when it comes to gift giving. Opie responds,
it's not terrible, but he has definitely been going downhill lately.

(16:17):
Come number two, not the A hole. Maybe this year
ask for marriage counseling or therapy for yourself. Even if
I know what I'm getting for Christmas, I ask for
one of the things I asked for my husband for
as a surprise question. Did you give him a list?
My hubs doesn't buy me anything I don't need unnecessary,
even if it's from TIMU. If he has a clear
list and prices of no where to go and buy

(16:38):
things from it. Not every guy's perfect, but sometimes if
you tell them clearly what you want, they will follow.
Opie responds with I do keep an Amazon wish list
so I can remember stuff I want when my parents
or sisters asked me around my birthday. I've sent him
the link a few times over the years, but he's
never bought anything from it. I have asked for marriage
counseling a few times this past year, but he thinks

(17:00):
it's dumb and he says he doesn't have time.

Speaker 2 (17:04):
Yes, that's that's that's not great again.

Speaker 1 (17:08):
It just sounds like the respect is so far gone.

Speaker 2 (17:12):
Yeah, and that comment's acting like it's like, well have
you give him? Like have you given him an exact
list in bold like uppercase letters. It's like the same
thing as asking like, well, have have you asked him
to like, you know, you tell him the sky is blue,
but have you asked him to look up and make sure?
It's like it's just like elementary level, you know, initiative here.

Speaker 1 (17:32):
It just it's giving the it goes in one year
out the other, and he just doesn't care. It's it's
as a matter of caring and he doesn't care.

Speaker 2 (17:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (17:39):
Ope, he keeps saying he is great if I tell
him a specific item. But I wanted this to come
from him, and that is the event's story point.

Speaker 2 (17:47):
I want my Christmas gift to be you taking initiative
and getting me something nice. That's it, and.

Speaker 3 (17:52):
That's the end of this story. We're gonna go on
to the next one.

Speaker 2 (17:55):
My wife betrayed me with my best friend, and now
I'm questioning my kids DNA.

Speaker 1 (17:59):
Is there any loyalty in their DNA.

Speaker 2 (18:01):
We've been together for nineteen f in years, married for thirteen. Obviously,
we've had arguments and disagreements over all these years, but
nothing that would make me think this is it. I
can't be with her anymore. I still loved her all
the way up until it happened. By the way, this
comes from User Acceptable mess one ten and if you
want to submit your own stories, go to the our
slash Okay story time subbrend it. I'm Dakota, I'm Keon,

(18:24):
and we're here to give good adviz googly. But we
don't have all the answers to all the things. We
only know what we would do. So let us know
what you would do in the comments, and OP says
we have a ten month old daughter, so everything has
been rough the past year. It's our first baby, lots
of stress and sleepless nights. I work and my wife doesn't.
She's home with our daughter during the day, so I

(18:44):
understand how hard it's been on her. I'm no saint
and I'm not perfect, but I help a lot when
I'm home, yet she still does most of the work.
We're very close with another couple. We've known them for
about eight or nine years. They're are age and have
a year and a half old, and we hang out
with each other a lot. The four of us have
been on many trips and have shared sad and fun

(19:06):
times together, becoming even closer since having kids. Since we've
known them for almost nine years, I really think of
the guy as my brother, think of his wife as
my sister, and I love their son so much, just
like he's my own child. My wife and I have
even talked about asking them to be god parents of
our daughter. My wife and the husband played volleyball professionally,

(19:27):
and except for two to three months before and after
our daughter was born, they've been playing three times a
week at different gyms. My wife is really good and competitive,
and volleyball is like therapy for her, so obviously I've
been encouraging and supporting her. It's really helped her after pregnancy.
Sometimes he comes and picks up my wife. Sometimes my
wife goes and picks him up. The thought of them

(19:47):
doing something other than volleyball had never even crossed my mind.
A few nights ago, in bed, my wife fell asleep
with her phone in her hands. I picked it up
to put it on the charger next to her and
saw what shattered my whole lif life her text messages
with the guy. The last messages were kisses and hearts,
saying good night to each other, how much they love

(20:08):
each other. My heart was pumping, still not sure what
was going on, hoping that maybe it was all from
his side, but no, my wife was also expressing love
and affection to him and telling him how she can't
wait until next time they see each other to be
in his arms. I really couldn't read much of the
texts as I was processing anger, betrayal, frustration, and disbelief.
But from a few of the texts I read, it

(20:28):
seemed like the guy always had a crush on my
wife since we all met nine years ago, but never
expressed anything until about a year and a half ago,
when something happened and their relationship started. I couldn't continue
reading as I was almost throwing up, so I put
her phone down and went to bed. I couldn't sleep
it all that night and the nights since. Obviously, this
is all I'm thinking about every day and all day since.

(20:51):
But I can't help myself not to think about the
fact that our daughter's ten months old and ten plus
nine equals nineteen, so almost a year and a half ago,
we were actively trying to conceive back then. But still,
what if? What else could have happened a year and
a half ago. I have so many questions, but don't
really know what to do next. I have ordered an
at home DNA test get, but after reading more of

(21:13):
their messages on another occasion, I'm pretty confident that so
far their relationship has been mostly emotional and the only
thing physical has been hugging each other. Oh God, I hope.

Speaker 1 (21:22):
So, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (21:23):
Wouldn't that be great?

Speaker 1 (21:24):
Right? It don't matter. It don't matter if it's just
emotional now and they're just really good pals, it don't matter. Yeah,
it don't matter, it doesn't already an affair, and this
is brutal. Yeah, I'm sorry, op, I am sorry.

Speaker 2 (21:40):
It seems that the guy is trying to push the limits, though,
as the hugging has just started a month or so ago,
and my wife is feeling uncomfortable with their rate of
progress in the physical domain. Still, she's an adult and
no one is forcing her to do anything. She can
say no, she can stop the guy. She is choosing
to send hearts and say she misses him and that
she loves him. In her messages, she has mentioned quite

(22:02):
a few times that she still has feelings for me
and can't really compare and choose between me and him.

Speaker 1 (22:08):
Wow, the fact that you could read that again just
there's no point to this, this game. Just just step away.
It's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 (22:19):
I loved her to the moon and back until discovering
all of this, But now I'm disgusted. Every time I
see her, every time I play with my daughter and
kiss her, I see her smiling, I just can't help
but cry and think how my selfish wife has ruined
the life of this innocent, pure little angel. I'll see
what the paternity test says next week. Even though it
looks like they haven't had any spicy sleep.

Speaker 1 (22:41):
This one's rough. I just I feel bad, Opie. I'm sorry.
It is just betrayal after betrayal. But you got to
find the truth. But I think the best thing you
can do is one, get some therapy for yourself, get
a divorce. I can't. I'm the pain you're going through.

Speaker 2 (23:01):
Yeah, it's kind of insane. It's kind of insane. The timing,
The timing is so crazy. Why why is it? Why
is it that children make people do insane terrible things
in their relationships. It's a child, and it's like, now
I'm gonna be terrible.

Speaker 1 (23:15):
I why But if you need to find the truth,
because it's just gonna be, it's gonna help. It's gonna
keep spiraling. You're gonna keep spiraling if you want, until
you get the DNA test the results in which you're doing.
But it just sucks. It really does suck.

Speaker 2 (23:31):
I'm not sure what to do next. Part of me
wants to confront her and know the truth. Part of
me wants to work it out and try to understand
her reasons and recover from this. Bartiman wants to sock
that guy in the face. Part of me wants to
get a divorce as soon as possible, and part of
me wants to sneak around and find out more about
their relationship and how far it goes before confronting them.

Speaker 1 (23:51):
You shouldn't even do that. You already know that something's
gone gone terribly awry with this. I don't think you
need to keep digging.

Speaker 3 (24:00):
No.

Speaker 2 (24:01):
I think if you do anything, if you've got if
you're conflicted, it needs to be like you sit down
and you're like, I know about the thing. We need
to talk about where we go from here, and I
need to know what what did you think was a
gonna happen? Like you like what we need to talk?
Part of me wants to warn the guy's wife, but

(24:22):
feel sorry for ruining her life and their son's life. Yeah,
what the F do I do now? My mind is
still not in the right place, so I don't want
to make any rushed decisions. If I want to work
this out, how do I approach it? We've got some
comments comment number one, You're going to get the same
advice here about finding a lawyer, collecting evidence, and moving on.

(24:42):
You deserve to be treated with respect. She obviously has
no respect for you or your family, or she wouldn't
have betrayed and deceived you for nearly two years. She's
been living a double life for nearly two years. What
else is she capable of hiding from you? Do you
truly believe you'll ever be able to fully each trust
her again? Do you think she would ever willingly admit

(25:03):
the affair to you? You should one hundred percent tell
his wife as well, but make sure you have evidence
when you do. She deserves to know the truth as well.
The second comment says from a regretful survivor of infidelity.
Not a love affair on her part, just a fun
distraction from reality. I stayed and didn't tell the affair
partner's wife. After ten years, it still haunts me from her.

(25:26):
It's the same old story, no responsibility, little remorse, trickle
truths and gaslighting, never full disclosure and ownership. If I
had told his wife the reality of what she was doing,
she would have got smacked between the eyes, possibly literally. No,
hiding your life was a lie. The future you saw
was a lie. Your version of her is a lie.

(25:47):
It's already over. Don't live with it. Don't have mercy
or pity as her life unravels. Yours has lawyer up, plan,
Be calm, start over. You'll never be at peace if
you stay. It's always scared, ready to change. You want
a shortcut to the life you believed you had, I
repeat regretfully, it is already gone. Leave it behind and

(26:08):
move forward. You'll be okay. You'll do better because you
deserve better.

Speaker 3 (26:13):
And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go
on to the next one.

Speaker 4 (26:16):
My wife had an affair two months after our wedding.

Speaker 5 (26:19):
Why did you wait?

Speaker 4 (26:22):
My wife female twenty four, and I'm male thirty one
have been together for almost four years. Everyone do the math. Yeah,
but last week I discovered via her diary that she
has had a one month emotional affair with a colleague
from her new job, two months after our marriage. A
little info on background. By the way, this comes from

(26:43):
anonymous user of five to five seventy six. And if
you want to submit your own stories, go to the
r slash Okay, story time, separate it and I'm Angie,
I'm Sophia, and we're here to give good advice.

Speaker 2 (26:52):
Goofully.

Speaker 4 (26:53):
But we don't have all the answers. We just know
what we would do. In this situation, So let us
know what you would do in the comments. So Opie says,
some of us met four years ago and clicked instantly.
She was my first serious partner after a previous long
term relationship which also ended due to my ex's infidelity.
It felt like a match made in heaven. We had
the same views on life, opinions, moral grounds, and sense

(27:13):
of humor. We adopted a puppy after four months of
being together and quickly started living together with surprisingly few hiccups.
Wow ah ah. Of course we had our ups and downs.
She had battled with minor depression and was using medication,
though she was lowering the dosage during our relationship, her

(27:34):
parents were dealing with their own infidelity. From her dad's side, Wow,
I was sometimes more individualistic and not giving one hundred
percent to the relationship. According to her, Despite these few
cons the pros seriously outweighed them and all went so
well that we married this September, shortly after finishing university.
My wife found a new job in mid September. Since

(27:55):
the beginning of November, I felt something was off. My
wife was exceedingly more detached whenever I initiated conversation She
would reply shortly without follow up questions, and walk around
the house listening to podcasts. She started cooking only for herself,
while I always cooked for the both of us. She
found new friends at work and started spending a lot
of time with them, but did not provide much information

(28:16):
about them. She told me she was getting a new
tattoo only twenty minutes before her appointment, despite knowing my
reservations about tattoos. I since something was off. During a
cleaning of the house on December first, I found her
secret diary when she was not at home. What was
in it shocked me.

Speaker 5 (28:33):
You read it? This relationship wasn't going great anyway?

Speaker 4 (28:38):
Yeah, what you read it?

Speaker 5 (28:40):
I don't like it, man, I don't like it. I mean,
you know, why would she write down her affair? That's crazy?
But also why would you read someone's diary unless there
were already issues in the relationship.

Speaker 4 (28:52):
Yeah. She wrote about feeling a connection with a colleague
from her new job. She described him as shy, and
she liked it. She wrote that she so you went
to his lecture on her own invitation. During their latest meeting,
they discussed how he had mentioned her name to his
mother and how he considered her a partner. She reciprocated
the partner claim in the diary that partner of reciprocation

(29:14):
happened on the days she told me she would go
to the cinema with her close female friend, but she
went there with this guy. There was also a page
describing how she visited a flat for rental and planned
to sign a contract during the week I found the diary.
I was shell shocked. I confronted her when she returned home.
She cried, had a panic attack, and said that they

(29:35):
were never physical with the colleague and that it meant nothing.
She claimed the rental was supposed to scare me into
giving more to the relationship. I was emotionally overwhelmed and
asked her to go to her parents' house for a
few days and pack lightly so I could recover and
think about our relationship. What surprised me was that she
packed three huge suitcases and left.

Speaker 5 (29:57):
Wow, hohing, she's coming back?

Speaker 4 (30:00):
Yeah, I feel like if she's already got another place, Yeah, yeah,
she's just gonna go to that place with all her stuff.
I presumably just doesn't seem like a very good relationship
on all fronts.

Speaker 5 (30:11):
Seems pretty bad.

Speaker 4 (30:12):
Yeah, After a few days, I called her and asked
about the situation and offered to meet to discuss her
emotional affair. She responded that she felt angry and humiliated
that I had punted her out of the house and
said she would meet me sometime in the following week.
One week after this, with slight communication but no in
person meeting, I went to her parents' house with a
bouquet of flowers on the advice of a friend, and

(30:33):
told her that we were still spouses and that I
would like her to come back so we could deal
with the situation as adults. She was angry and told
me that she was not going anywhere and that I
was pressuring her. A few days later, my wife wrote
me that she would be unable to meet this week
and that we should still give ourselves time apart so
we do not act based on emotions. She still showed

(30:54):
no word of remorse for the affair. She added that
she would like to collect her additional belongings this weekend
and that her female friend would join, which I assume
is her shield for not being alone with me. My
wife also wrote that we should discuss our relationship in
mid January, at the earliest. This is my current situation.
My emotional state is in tatters, and my head does

(31:15):
not function clearly. I confide it about my wife's emotional
affair and the subsequent events to two of my closest
friends who know her well. One thinks that my wife
needs until mid January to calm down, to understand how
she hurt me, and perhaps approach me sooner because she
is in a psychl of guilt, shame, and embarrassment. The
other thinks she is a silent quitter and preparing for

(31:36):
a new life. And this is literally like the devil
and the Angel.

Speaker 5 (31:41):
One side of me thinks me thinks she she's testing me. Yes,
I think she's just breaking up right right? What thinks you?
I think she's quiet quitting.

Speaker 4 (31:54):
I think so too. I mean it kind of sounded
like she already was beforehand.

Speaker 5 (31:58):
But he's, like I already put in my She wrote
in her journal, I'm breaking up with you. I know
you were gonna read this. Yeah, so I thought i'd
do it here.

Speaker 4 (32:06):
Yeah, pretty much. I really do wonder what her plan was, though,
like because she said like that the apartment was supposed
to scare him, like into committing more to the relationship.
It's like, well, when were you planning on telling him
about the apartment. It's like she forgot that part of
the plane.

Speaker 5 (32:23):
Damn it, I knew I was forgetting something.

Speaker 4 (32:25):
Yeah, it's an important part. Oh well, dang, now you know.
I have so many questions. Why did she cheat on
me two months after the wedding? Why is she not remorseful?
Why is my wife acting like the victim in this situation?
What does her decision to meet almost two months after
D day and separation aim to achieve? Is she continuing

(32:48):
contact with her colleague and building her relationship with him?
Is there a realistic chance to salvage this relationship? Thanks
for your opinions, and we do have some comments.

Speaker 2 (32:57):
But I don't know.

Speaker 5 (32:58):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (33:00):
Yes, yes, no, yeah, I agree, there are some comments.
Comment number one says, dude, she's angry because clinging to
her anger allows her to avoid shame over what she did.
And you can be dang sure that she uses this
time of part to explore her feelings with the coworker
and test drive his suitability as a prospective partner. Until

(33:24):
those consequences, she will never stop. Best move from you
would be initiating divorce and inform her parents that divorce
is because of her affair with this coworker and unless
her unemployment influences alimony. Also inform hr of their inappropriate
relationship and that you're divorcing her because of this. Opie

(33:45):
the flower stunt. No amount of pick me dancing will
savage this. It will have the opposite effect. Read leave
a cheater, gain life, and get away from her. Coming
number two says, Also, it could be that she is
seeing this other man to see if there were relationship
would work. You can't reconcile with her due to no remorse,
no apology, no taking responsibility, etc. Protect her finances. Coming

(34:08):
number three says, Dude, I think she's just testing the
waters with the other guy. At the moment, you are
the fallback guy. She is giving herself enough time to
understand if it works before she needs to deal with you.
It could be salvageable, but I'm not sure you want that.
Stay strong. She is strong, and that's the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (34:25):
Hey, it's Keelan, your residential nerd. We're going to get
back to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads
from our sponsors.

Speaker 2 (34:32):
I refused to accept my fiance's mother's gift because I'm
scared to be judged.

Speaker 1 (34:37):
Ah, don't be scared.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
My thirty six female fiance, David thirty four male name changed,
and I have been together for about six years. His
family is very wealthy. Although I am very successful and
a high earner, my fiance works for his family's business
and makes more than I do. By the way, this
comes from user I love pizza too much thirty six,
me too. And if you want to see your own stories,

(35:00):
go to the r slash Okay storytime suppered it. I'm Dakota,
I'm Keon, and we are here to give good advice.
Goof Lee. We don't have all the answers, though, we
just know a little bit that we know. And if
you know stuff, freaking tell us in the comments or
else or else. And Op says, I never want to
be perceived as a gold digger, which is why I

(35:23):
try to keep my expenses strictly separate from his. I
pay for my half of everything, and if he ever
gives me a gift, I make sure to get him
something of equal value. David has often insisted on treating me,
but I always refuse. I really don't feel comfortable letting
other people pay for me. My fiance has learned to
respect this. After we get married, we'll split all household

(35:44):
expenses on a fifty to fifty basis. Our wedding is
in October. His parents insisted on paying for a grand
wedding for us, but David and I convinced them that
we would rather pay for it ourselves. The other day,
David's mom showed me a diamond and sapphire necklace and
earrings set that she had kept for David's future wife.
She said she wanted me to have it and preferably

(36:05):
wear it on our wedding day. I felt very uncomfortable
with this. I never accept any presents that I cannot
afford on my own. I told her I was flattered,
but that I could not accept something so expensive. I
explained that I would not be able to give her
something equally expensive in return, and that I was not
okay with that. She said she didn't want anything from me,

(36:26):
and that David's sister in law had also been given
similar jewelry when she married his brother. I told her
I understood it was their tradition, but I could not
compromise on my principles. She said, okay, fine, but I
could tell she was unhappy. Later, David told me I
should have just accepted the jewelry because it would have
made his mom happy and because I was part of

(36:47):
the family. Now, I explained to him that first, I'm
not really part of his family in the same way
he is, and second, being part of the family does
not mean I'm going to mooch off of them.

Speaker 1 (36:58):
See, that's not what that is I'm talking about. You
think it's gonna be like it makes you seem like
you're in a bad light by receiving a gift.

Speaker 2 (37:06):
Well, this is probably just some principle that was drilled
into OPI like throughout their I say it's this, do
you never take anything expecting not to have to give
something in return? Blah blah blah.

Speaker 1 (37:16):
Some I guarantee you the stems from something that was
taught in their childhood that ain't nothing in his life
is free.

Speaker 2 (37:22):
Yeah, accept gifts, right.

Speaker 1 (37:24):
I guarantee you Opie never received those as a kid,
or like, oh you'll get this gift, but you have
to give me something in return, yea. And that that
is I'm guarantee you where it's stepping from and it's
a terrible mindset to have, and it sucks, especially if
that was when you were a child.

Speaker 2 (37:41):
Opie continues. David told me I should compromise and at
least where the set on the wedding day. I refused again,
as for my wedding, I would rather wear jewelry that
I had bought with my own money. David said he
understood and would speak to his mother. However, David's sister
in law called me this morning and told me his
mom was still upset and then I should just accept

(38:02):
the gift and that I was going too far with
the independence thing. I have a feeling that David's mom
is the one who put her up to this. I
do want to know what Reddit thinks. Are they right?
Am I going too far with this? Or are they
crossing the line? Am I the a hole? And there
is an update and I think they're right. I think
they're right again.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
I know your principles are what you stand on one
hundred percent, But if it was just like it could
have been, even like a traditional thing, where's the where
where do you draw the line where you just won't
accept anything?

Speaker 2 (38:33):
Yeah? I mean you're not even really and there's not.
You're not a na hole for this. It's just like
you're it's like locked in. And that's just that one way.
That's perception.

Speaker 1 (38:42):
Yeah, like if someone cooked you something and they like
they made it for you, You're like, no, no, no,
I need to cook it.

Speaker 2 (38:50):
Yeah, it'd be like, no, actually I can't eat that
because I can't cook that for you, you know.

Speaker 1 (38:55):
And that's what it sounds like. Not it's like fruits
to vegetables here, but you know.

Speaker 2 (38:59):
It's it's different contextually, like this was just out of
the blue, out of nowhere, just like I just thought
you would like this. It's like, then that might be,
but it's like it's for your wedding, it's for your marriage,
like you know, yeah.

Speaker 1 (39:11):
If that's really bothering you were you don't want it,
why don't you just wear it for the wedding and
give it back.

Speaker 2 (39:17):
Yeah. I have a feeling. Ope, he's going to come around.
I hope so, but I have a feeling.

Speaker 1 (39:22):
I feel like a lot of people on the internet
can see where you're coming from. But if this is
going to be keeping like you know, this is really
causing a rift in the family or making things just
get worse and worse.

Speaker 2 (39:32):
Yeah, yeah, it is gonna if you do, it's gonna
make a weird vibe. It is, And that was where
you're trying to avoid. You're trying to avoid a weird vibe.

Speaker 1 (39:40):
I get it you're trying to be independent, but the
fact that you're like, I'm not part of the family,
not part.

Speaker 2 (39:45):
Of the I mean, I do agree that it's like
it's not the same because you're an in law essentially,
but like you are still a part.

Speaker 1 (39:52):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:52):
Anyway, there we have an update. I posted this week's
earlier and I am now back with an update. I
read all your comments and advice about not thinking of
gift giving it strictly transactional, and I would like to
thank you for your help and your honesty. Anyway, my partner,
David and I got married just three days ago. After
posting about the necklace incident and seriously considering all of
your comments, I decided to speak to his mom the

(40:14):
next time we met in person. I sat down with
her and told her I was sorry if I had
hurt her feelings. I told her I was honored to
know that she would consider me a part of her family.
My mother in law took my hands in hers and
told me that she respects me a lot for being
so independent. She said, one of the reasons she's sure
her son made the right choice is that it's clear

(40:35):
I am not with him for his money. She said
she was proud of me for all that I've accomplished
and the hardships I've had to overcome. She said it
was okay to accept gifts from those who love you.
I nodded. I had never really had a heart to
heart with her before. Up until this point, our interactions
had always been very formal, and I didn't know that
she felt any affection for me. Huh. I didn't know

(40:57):
how to react. She then gently asked me why I
was always so distant and why I felt the need
to prove that I'm not after anyone's money. She told
me I don't have to, and that everyone already knew
I'm more than capable of pulling my own weight and
paying my own bills, and that it was time for
me to relax and let my guard down a little.
I was tongue tied, as I often am during emotional conversations.

(41:20):
I thought about telling her all about my childhood and
traumas but I did not, as I did not want
to burden her. I have not even told David as
it was time for me to leave. We hugged awkwardly
and I just nodded, and for the first time I
almost cried. Yeah, you are just in a plate metal

(41:40):
suit of armor and you can get out of there.
It's all right.

Speaker 1 (41:44):
Yeah, I from what we've gotten. Op, you got some thick,
tough skin. Yeah, that's okay. But it's also okay to
feel loved, to feel appreciated, to feel not on your
toes twenty four to seven, or be judged or looked
upon a certain way. And I think this is the

(42:05):
family for you. You don't have to let your you
don't have to tell them why, but they know and
you know. And I think this was a crazy conversation.
I think you need to talk to your husband or
which you get just married, and go see a therapist
and talk more about this because this is some crazy stuff.

Speaker 2 (42:21):
Yeah, because you don't have to share like all of
your traumas and childhood whatever with your partner or your
in laws, but you should have somebody to be able
to talk about that stuff with if you haven't talked
to anybody A few days later, my mother in law
came over again. She brought the necklace and earrings set
that I had refused to accept. I still didn't want

(42:41):
to accept it, but I also didn't want to reject
it again. I was trying to figure out what to do.
I must have looked stressed because my mother in law
told me I didn't have to give myself a headache
over it. She said it good naturedly with a laugh,
and asked if I would like to just wear the
ear rings to the wedding along with my own necklace
that I had bought for the occasion. I was really
and excitedly said yes. I loved that idea, and I

(43:03):
thanked her. She had taken a huge weight off my shoulders.
Later that day, David told me his mom was very
happy that we could work things out. The wedding was beautiful,
a quiet, intimate affair with lots of fun and laughter.
I still have not worked out all of my issues,
but I will continue to try.

Speaker 3 (43:19):
And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go
on to the next one.

Speaker 1 (43:22):
My mother in law canceled Christmas because she doesn't want
to give my son a gift.

Speaker 2 (43:27):
Your son gets nothing but thoughts and prayers, and.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
We do have a trigger warning for verbal mistreatment. Hello everyone,
At last is time for a joyous holiday season of
discussing Christmas at the in laws. To preface, my future
mother in law has not been a fan of mine
since I started dating her son. I have an eight
year old son from a previous relationship and he considered
my partner who will call Bill as his dad. We

(43:53):
also have a six month old daughter together. By the way,
this comes from user dubsy Pop And if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the slash Okay
story time. Supret it.

Speaker 2 (44:01):
I'm Keon, I'm Dakota, and we're here to.

Speaker 1 (44:04):
Give good advice. Googly, but we don't have all the answers.
We only know what we'd do, So let us know
what you'd do in the comments. Please, and Opie says
due to Bill's mother and the rest of his family
not liking me, they claim it's because I had a
child before I met Bill and that I have a tattoo.
I've never spent a holiday over there. Bill always came
to my family events, so I figured it was time

(44:25):
for me to spend one with his family. A couple
months ago, we had a family meeting and discussed all
the issues, laying everything out on the table, and I
genuinely thought we were moving forward and starting fresh. Other
in law apologize and was even called out by sister
in law for being manipulative. I truly thought this was
the end of the issues. A month ago, I texted

(44:45):
mother in law to ask about Christmas plans and let
her know that I wanted to ensure my son would
be included in the holidays too. She beat around the
bush about it, but silly me thought she would have
some sense as to not exclude an eight year old
during Christmas. I was completely wrong. In a recent group
text between her, Bill and myself, she said that she

(45:07):
wanted to do a family Christmas present opening ceremony before
the rest of her family got there for lunch. I
asked if my son was going to be included and
stated that if he wasn't, we would not be coming
for the present opening ceremony so as not to make
him feel left out. Jill and I hope that in
saying this, she would say that my son would be
included and that she was excited to have us over. Nope,

(45:31):
not the case. Mother in law replied that we could
just have another Christmas when my mom was able to
watch my son, so it could be a family only thing.
I texted her back, although I didn't say all of
the vulgar things I really felt, I stated that if
she cannot accept my son as an addition to the
family welcome him with open arms, I could no longer
have either of my children involved in their family. I

(45:53):
told her that we wouldn't be over for Christmas and
that I truly hope she would reconsider what she is
doing and how she is behaving. I told her that
when she is ready to make more Christian like decisions,
as she claims to be a devout Catholic, she could
apologize to me and Bill and we would decide if
we were going to forgive her for what she did
to our family. Bill is conflicted because his grandpa is

(46:14):
ill and this maybe the last Christmas he has. His
mother also has him enmeshed, which he is trying to
work out in therapy, but does have lapses in judgment
on occasion. To put it into perspective, mother in law
has told Bill that if he and I live together
unmarried despite having a baby, she would make him pay
back every dime of Catholic school that she forked out

(46:37):
for him. We do live together, and she can suck it.
She's the only one like this. I've met mother in
law's parents and siblings and they all apologize for how
she treats me and my children. They claim they don't
know why she's like this, and even assured me that
she's the only person that acts like that in their
family and that they are not like her at all. Nonetheless,

(47:01):
Bill is super upset because he wanted to spend time
with the family that he didn't see often, but he
doesn't want to upset me. We even discussed him taking
the baby so she could meet his aunts and such,
but I don't even know that's what I would be
okay with. Why should I split my kids up on Christmas?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about my son

(47:21):
not getting material items. It's the fact that mother in
law is willing to push Christmas presents to another day
instead of making an attempt to include my son. Even
if it was a dollar store dinosaur toy, my son
would be grateful. I hate that mother in law keeps
putting Bill and me in these positions where we have
to decide what to do. Why can't she accept me
and my son. She doesn't even fully accept our daughter

(47:44):
because we aren't married. She dotes on sister in law's
baby and even makes comments about how he is the favorite.
I'm so upset she can think what she wants about me,
but she's being horrible to my son. And that's where
I draw the line. I'm willing to hear any feedback.
We have some comments, Yeah, I mean, if everyone is

(48:05):
so anti mom's thoughts and ideas, if you think it's
gonna be, well, here's the thing. It could be also
very scarring to a child to see an adult, especially
like a family member in this case, go off like that.
Maybe don't go. But the fact that your husband, Bill
is like, oh what should I do? Should I do

(48:26):
what mommy wants or what my family wants? The fact
that he's really in that debacle very crazy.

Speaker 2 (48:31):
Yeah, I think it's very clear, you silly baby, your
mom and or your mother in law. You show up
if you get, you bring gifts for your son, and
you know, I doubt she's gonna even make it like
a big blow up. It'll probably be like something she
just does under her breadth, and all you do is
you just silly baby that way, and if she says
anything about him not being in the family and go,
oh yeah he is. What are you crazy? You're so silly.

Speaker 1 (48:54):
I would get her ally, baby, I would, you know,
get everyone Christmas presents if you really want. If you
are doing this deciding to go over, get her on
Christmas presents. Get her a piece of coal and you
can say, shove this up your butt because it's so tight.

Speaker 2 (49:08):
Yeah, yeah, I'm trying to make a diamond.

Speaker 1 (49:11):
Mm hmm. There have some comments. Come a number one.
She is a SeeU next Thursday. She would rather lose
her son that admits she is wrong. Would it be
possible for y'all to have the family over without her
to exchange presents, even if it is after Christmas? I
would have a couple presents wrapped with only the too
address to make sure Sun has something to open. Hope.

(49:33):
He responds with, we have plans with my mom on
Christmas Eve and Christmas morning and now afternoon. His family
travels from out of town, so I don't think that's possible.
His grandparents live only a couple hours away. I'm sure
we can at least venture out to see them, even
if it's not a Christmas themed visit. Comment number two says,
I wouldn't worry about what to do. The thing to

(49:53):
do is avoid her. She doesn't want to be inclusive period.
Partner can see her if he wants for a couple
of hours, but you and your children stay home. What
she's doing is harmful for both of them, partner, and
you can seek out the other relatives without her. I mean, why, yeah,
why give her the satisfaction if Bill, your partner, really

(50:14):
needs to see her. I mean it's it's been said
in the comments, like invite them over to your place,
or just don't deal with her. She's, yeah, the worst
time of.

Speaker 2 (50:24):
I don't even think it's for her. Dude, like he's
saying it is Grandpa is like ill might be his
Grandpa's last Christmas. I think you guys do. I don't
think you should just flat out avoid her for this.
I think you should go and then if she presses
an issue and she doesn't change her you know, she
doesn't start singing a different tune, then it's like, all right,
that was your test run. Goodbye Christmas, Goodbye Easter, goodbye holidays.

(50:46):
You're not seeing our kids anymore because you're deranged. Ye,
But I wouldn't apply that last moment of like Christmas
with Grandpa whatever, because I don't think and I mean,
if she's gonna have a conniption, like, yeah, you don't
want to scar your children, But if you think she's
just gonna be like huffy and annoying about it under
her breath, because you know, an eight year old's not
necessarily gonna pick up on all the nuanced like social

(51:08):
politics going on in the family. It's Christmas. It's gonna
open presence and then play with them.

Speaker 1 (51:13):
You want to make the kids holiday the best it
can be. Yeah, her being involved, I don't think it's
gonna be that. So we have an update. We had
a phone conversation with the in laws to try to
settle things and gave them a chance to make things right.
Father in law called me a witch, screamed other things
at me and said I hate being told that I'm wrong,

(51:35):
and father in law through things simply asking that they
see my point of view about why this is upsetting
to me, point proven on why they are in laws
from heck, yeah, I.

Speaker 2 (51:46):
Think maybe if that if the father in law is
throwing stuff around and screaming at you. Yeah, don't go,
don't go at all.

Speaker 1 (51:53):
What's Bill doing in this situation? Yeah, better be defending you.
I sincerely hope they can find peace in their decisions.
Needless to say, we will not be seeing them anymore.
So sad. I wish I could say that I'm stunned,
but I'm not. The good point is mother in law
from heck apologize for father in law's behavior. No contact

(52:13):
is where we sit and where we will stay.

Speaker 2 (52:16):
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense, that makes sense.

Speaker 1 (52:19):
Yeah, invite those family members that you want to hang
out with or that treat you right over. You're in laws,
they can stay away.

Speaker 2 (52:26):
Yeah that's crazy. So you can go on a trip
to grandpa and Grandma's house, have a little thing there.
But yeah, that's insane. Father and law scream in throwing
stuff because he's like, someone told me I'm wrong. Rah,
it's crazy.

Speaker 1 (52:39):
You're like, that's not very catholic of you. Now they're going, ah, right,
but that is the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (52:48):
My boyfriend's mother is always around and it's making me
lose my patience. Oh maybe you should get away from
her me twenty female and my boyfriend twenty six male
usually spend the week weekends in each other's houses, alternating
every week, but honestly, I'm not really a fan of
spending my weekend at his house. And by the way,
this comes from user Weasley Mariana. And if you want

(53:11):
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay storytime subbured it. I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, and we're
here to give good advice googly because we don't have
all the answers. We only know what we know. So
if you know some stuff, well, whatever it is, put
it down in the comments. And op says, when we're
at my place, we have more privacy. I have a

(53:32):
normal relationship with my mom and she works at night,
which leaves us well the house for ourselves during the night.
Most of the day she's sleeping, and the rest of
the time we talk to her and spend a normal
amount of time together. We watch a movie or something,
and even if she's home all day, she leaves us
alone to do our own stuff, study, go to salon,
go shopping, whatever. But he is very very close to

(53:54):
his mother, and when I go to his house, I
spend seventy percent of the time with him and his mom.
She treats me very well. There's no competition between us
and no toxic behavior, But wherever we are, she is
also there. We hang out in the living room and
she participates in all of our conversations, watches every movie
and TV show with us, as lunch and dinner with us.

(54:18):
Sometimes she annoys me, like she talks too much, and
I have no place to complain or be rude, and
I don't want to because I'm at her house. I
always leave mentally exhausted. When I go there. We also
spend alone time in his room, watch movies together, sleep together,
go out every now and then, and talk, but only
if I discreetly ask him to. If I didn't, I

(54:41):
would spend the whole day with her, and this is
slowly wearing me down. Today was not different. We spent
the day with her from eight am to three thirty pm,
and then we went on a walk until four forty
five pm, and when we got home, my mother in
law was talking to her sister, his aunt, and then
she passed the phone to him and he stayed talking

(55:02):
to her until the time I needed to leave at
five point thirty only getting off when I asked him
to take me to the bus stop. I was clearly upset,
and he asked me why, but I couldn't explain. So
he got upset with me because we had a great
day and he wanted to be okay with me before
I go. All I wanted was to spend time with
him and him only to do whatever we wanted, watch

(55:23):
a movie, talk, be intimate, or stay in complete silence
without listening to his mom's voice for even five minutes.
And there is an edit, but before we get into it,
I will say, if you haven't like clearly communicated how
you feel about this to him, that's the problem, full stop.
And that problem is starts and ends with you.

Speaker 1 (55:42):
Yeah, if you haven't brought this up like as a big,
big thing for you, then you have to. Yeah, you
can't just like oh, can we just hang out in
your room for right now? Or like okay, like I'm
cool with hanging out with your mom.

Speaker 2 (55:58):
Yeah, everything seems like it's been real discret in low
key on the communication style, and you just need to
like brute force have the five or ten minute long,
maybe awkward conversation and then it's it's out there in
the open, and it's very clear what you want and
expect when you go over there.

Speaker 1 (56:14):
But then if his response is you're crazy, we don't
spend that much time with her, or oh I just
like hanging out with both of you guys, and he's
not respecting me your boundaries or giving you a compromise
or anything like that, then I think it's best to
get out of this relationship.

Speaker 2 (56:31):
I mean, there could be a you know, a compromise
there where it's like, well, I mean it's her house,
we're going to see her, but like, let's maybe limit
it to she's maybe a couple hours a day.

Speaker 1 (56:41):
Or like yeah, if the days like we can plant
it out and like, okay, we're gonna being It's like,
is it good she's gonna be you and me time
today or is it gonna be you, me and your
mother time today?

Speaker 2 (56:49):
Yeah, there's an edit. I called her mother in law
because English isn't my first language, and in my country
we just call our partner's parents the same before and
after marriage. So I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. Plus, I
don't think I can demand anything in her house. She
can be wherever she wants, and I will not take
this complaint to her. What I want is for him
to have some sense and to take me to his

(57:11):
room where we can have privacy like I do when
we're at my place. I find it weird because, as
I stated earlier, it's not like this at my house.
My mom spends time with us and we enjoy it,
but she has more to do than just hang out
with us, and it's a kindness when she gives us
privacy to watch movies or be in the living room
or the cinema by ourselves. I do the same for

(57:32):
her and her boyfriend. We never ask that of each other,
and I would never ask her or anyone to get
out of a room to give me space. But it
is tact, and I won't demand it from anyone in
their own home. And we do have an update? Yeah,
I hope this update is I talked to my boyfriend
clearly and openly.

Speaker 1 (57:51):
That's that's it.

Speaker 2 (57:52):
It's a six days later. I talked to him yi
and told him I was feeling overwhelmed at his house
us and wanted more privacy. I explained that I was
there to see him, not his mom. He said he
usually stayed a lot in other areas, of his house
because he doesn't like staying in his room all day
and doesn't mind his mom's company. He also said he

(58:14):
finds it weird that we spend a lot of the
day in my room when we're in my house. I
told him I do that because it's my personal area
in the house, and I like being by myself in
the privacy of my room or office for most of
the time I'm home, but when no one else is home,
I spend more time in common areas. We decided to
change the dynamic a bit. We will alternate months instead

(58:38):
of weeks from now On. Last Sunday, he listened and
we spent most of the day in his room. He
also insisted we go to the building's gym at a
different time than his mother, since most of the time
she wants to go at the same time as us.
I agree that when we're in my house, we would
spend more time in the living room in the mornings
or in the backyard at night. Since I'll have a

(58:59):
month off from his mom, will now spend some time
in common areas of his house, but a reasonable amount.
He also said he understands his mom can be clingy
and invasive sometimes but he doesn't believe she does it
in a bad way or on purpose. He said, it's
just a lack of tact and that she is very
dependent and attached to him, which is sometimes overwhelming even

(59:20):
for him. I don't believe there is malice in her
behavior either, and if there is, we can overcome it.
If he doesn't help me in a situation where there
is malice involved, I have no problem leaving good. That
is the right response if your partner's parents treat you
with malice and they are just like, ah, you gotta
deal with it. No, you don't, you can leave.

Speaker 1 (59:43):
I think it's also I mean, I don't know what
your situation is or how things are for his mom
and your mom, But I'm not saying you guys should
live together in any way. But maybe it's time for
him to move out. If his mom is so dependent
on him or attached to him or all that jazz.
If that is an option for him to move out,

(01:00:03):
he's got to move out eventually. He can't be with
his mom twenty four to seven for the rest of
his life. Especially if you guys are looking to further
your relationship down the line, it's got to happen sooner
or later, So that's just my take.

Speaker 2 (01:00:17):
Yeah, yeah, I think I think this is a good compromise.
I think we're on the right so.

Speaker 1 (01:00:22):
We're working on something. The fact that you guys are
compromising and working through it great response.

Speaker 2 (01:00:26):
Many people advised me not to move in with him,
and I agree, not exactly because of his mom, but
because I think I'm too young to move in with someone.
I plan to move out of my mom's house soon
if everything goes well, but by myself, not with him
or a roommate, because I'm not very social and for
that I need money. My mom herself does not see
the problem with me staying for a year or more

(01:00:48):
in her house because we get along well, aside from
the fact that I am a cleaning maniac and she
is messy. In my country, it is common to stay
a few years after reaching adulthood, sometimes for long. For
those who were kind, thank you for all your comments
and advice. It helped me get my head around the
conversation I needed to have with him. Now I wait
to see if he will work with me to maintain

(01:01:10):
these changes. And that is the end of that story. Hey,
it's Dakota. Your favorite goofball host here and we're gonna
get back to the stories, but here's three minutes of
ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 1 (01:01:22):
I said I hated school and it made my teacher
sister in law freak out.

Speaker 2 (01:01:26):
Freak out. Bumpo nump, boom bump, don't don't boun.

Speaker 1 (01:01:29):
To keep a long ramble short, I hated school every
second of it. I didn't have any friends, and the
few subjects I did like were usually spoiled by the
teacher either being too strict or too Let's make sure
everyone participates, which, let me just say ground my introvert
gears down to wheels. By the way, this comes from

(01:01:51):
a user soft Record seventy five to sixty nine. And
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay, story Time super it. I'm key On,
I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good vice goofy,
but we don't have all the answers. Unfortunately, we only
know what we do, so let us know what you
do in the comments, please. As Opie says, so on
to the actual point, my brothers and I were having

(01:02:12):
dinner at Dad's. My second brother's fiance, let's call her
Jill is studying to be a teacher. We aren't friends,
but we are friendly, and she's expressed excitement about teaching children.
After dinner, we were all bouncing hypotheticals off of each
other for what we would do for money. Like you
see online. For example, you get five million dollars, but

(01:02:34):
once a day, you're dropped into a random part of
the ocean for thirty seconds. I was pretty boring with
my answers, according to them, and all in good fun.
I did claim I'd use the ocean one as an
alarm clock every day, which gotta laugh, made me chuckle.
The next one was would you go back to school
to take grades one through twelve all over again? All
twelve years. You get a living stipend and a million

(01:02:56):
dollars per grade. You pass one million for first grade,
two million second, etc. So seventy eight million total after
all twelve grades. Everyone said yes. I said no. Jill
pressed me for my reasoning, and I said something like,
you cannot pay me to go back to those twelve

(01:03:17):
years of heck. I was being playful and didn't mean
any offense. She kept pressing, asking why I thought it
was that bad. I didn't want to ruin the mood,
so I gave the generic I hated school and spent
each year waiting for summer vacation. I just don't think
I could take another twelve years of that. The rest
of the evening went fine, but later that night, my
brother texted to say that what I had said really

(01:03:39):
upset Jill. She was worried about how she could teach
students who might hate her as much as I hated school.
He clarified that he knew my feelings were valid, but
as if I could maybe talk to Jill through my
experiences at some point, or at least apologize for how
I expressed them. I am sorry for upsetting her, but
I really don't know how else I could explain myself
in that situation without turning the whole thing into a

(01:04:01):
pity party. Am I they whole for what I said
or how I said it? And we have some comments?

Speaker 2 (01:04:06):
No, no, dude, you're not. She's just like I don't
know now she's dealing with, like, wait, not every kid
likes school.

Speaker 1 (01:04:13):
What what it's also setting for? Like I want everyone
to like me. I want all my students to like me. Listen,
teachers have their favorite students students have their favorite teachers sometimes,
like even if you're like the coolest teacher in the
world and you're teaching the best things ever since title
their opinion, Yeah, they're not gonna They may not like you,

(01:04:34):
they may not like your teaching method. I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (01:04:36):
It's like one of the biggest things with teaching i'd
expect is that you got to learn how to teach
kids who don't care. That's big, big one.

Speaker 1 (01:04:44):
Yeah, teachers are gonna have class clowns. It happens. I
feel like she's really pressing for something that she shouldn't
be pressing on.

Speaker 2 (01:04:51):
I don't think you need to apologize for the way
you said it, but you could just like explain why
you didn't like school so much, and then it really
didn't sound like I had anything to do with your teachers.

Speaker 1 (01:05:00):
You turned out fine. Look at you now and we
have some comments. Comment number one, not the a hole.
She's upset because you didn't like school. If she's that sensitive,
she might want to rethink her career.

Speaker 2 (01:05:13):
That's a good point.

Speaker 1 (01:05:15):
Kids are brutal and they will chew her up and
spit her out. Facts.

Speaker 2 (01:05:20):
Well, she'll develop a callous over time probably and.

Speaker 1 (01:05:23):
There's a reply to this comment she will need to
stick to younger elementary because middle school and high school
kids will eat her alive. Kids are brutal. Another reply
with that younger elementary kids have no filter. They'll just
destroy you without malice because they can coming over too.
Does she actually think every kid is going to love school?

(01:05:44):
If she does, then she's in for a rude awakening.
I'm a teacher and have been doing it for twenty
six years. I knew from day one that's not the case.
You did nothing wrong. Comment three saying it doesn't sound
like she's upset. You said it just more that she
got a reality check that her students may feel the
same way, and she's upset because she thinks some of

(01:06:05):
her students feel that way and she wants to help them.
Jill was pushy, but not to the point of causing problems.
No one ruined the evening. Your brother is the only
one overreacting. In my opinion, it sounds like Jill was
just venting. And last comment here saying I think LP
could be really helpful with a new teacher. Sit down
with her and explain how an introvert feels about mandatory

(01:06:27):
class participation. What could have been so different to make
you like school or at least hate it less. You
won't be blaming her for anything, but you would be
giving her tools to help another kid from hating school
as much as you did. And there's an edit here.
Thanks for all the insight. I haven't really had time
to reply to anything since I'm still at work, but
has been very helpful. My brother, Jill, and I will

(01:06:49):
be meeting up for coffee after work. Hopefully things will
smooth out and we have an update.

Speaker 2 (01:06:54):
Yeah. I don't really think there's a big deal here.
I think your brother's probably just being like, I don't know,
Jill was like, j was upset. She's talking to me.
I don't know what to do, so can you fix
it please? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:07:03):
Even just like the school thing, it's back to the
original set of Oh my gosh, is no one gonna
like Is everyone gonna hate me? Everyone's not gonna like me?
Not everyone's gonna like you. I'm sorry. Yeah, that's just
the way of life. Even even if you're the perfect
person to them and you treat them with one hundred
and ten percent respect, they may not just like like you.
I'm sorry. It happens. Do we have an update? First,

(01:07:26):
thanks again for the support. It means a lot to
have so much encouragement, even though I currently believe not
the A hole is more appropriate. On to the conclusion,
and to add to that, we're all feeling a little silly.
It turns out there were some communication issues. Shocking I know. Jill,
my brother and I just met for coffee today to
clear the air. First, an apology to all of you,

(01:07:49):
since you were so certain I wasn't the A hole.
I completely forgot the detail in the retelling. Uh oh,
reliable narrator. Apparently in clarifying my Jill last night, I
did mention having some really obnoxious teachers. Jill misconstrued. This
has me thinking all teachers are obnoxious, including her, especially

(01:08:11):
because I had basically just implied I'd rather risk my
life in the ocean than go back to school. So
she thought I disliked her.

Speaker 2 (01:08:18):
M yeah, it really does. She still go back to it.
You don't like me, you don't like me, you think
I'm terrible. You don't like me.

Speaker 1 (01:08:23):
That's what I'm saying. There's a little bit left here.
I feel like this was a little bit silly, Like
you said, but even if this is a stem to like,
oh no, you don't like me, I'm teachers are all crappy.
It's like there are some good teachers, there's some bad teachers.

Speaker 2 (01:08:39):
Just happens. It was a little silly, but it's nothing
some good communication can't sort out.

Speaker 1 (01:08:44):
Yeah, fish up the story here. My brother, bless his
stupid little heart, further misconstrued her venting to him as
her borrowing grief from the future, which she has done
before regarding her future students. He took the initiative and
texted me without her knowledge because his first instinct was
to help her. We clear things up. My brother is
now on notice. He is not actually in trouble. That's

(01:09:07):
just their sense of humor.

Speaker 2 (01:09:09):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:09:09):
I interesting. Jill is looking forward to becoming part of
the family. She took my answer as a tacit rejection
of her. Once I actually hashed out my issues for
my school days, she completely understood my views. She knows
not everyone likes school and was just worried I didn't
like her specifically. We're all good. I blame the holiday
scramble havoc for none of our brains working. And that

(01:09:31):
is the end of that story.

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