My niece is always STEALING the spotlight… so I don't want her at my birthday! -r/AITAH | Reddit Stories | EP2665 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (00:11):
My niece is always stealing the spotlight, so I don't
want her at my birthday.

Speaker 3 (00:16):
Maybe your niece is just like super cool.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
I female thirty one, and my husband male twenty nine
live in the same city as his parents, mother in
law female fifty five and father in law male sixty two.
I generally have a good and cordial relationship with my
in laws and genuinely enjoy their company. By the way,
this comes from high Bong Witch, and if you want

(00:39):
to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
Okay Storytime subreddit. I'm Carly, I'm Dakota, and we're here
to give good advice. Goofily, But we don't have all
the answers. We only know what we would do, So
let us know what you would do in the comments.
And op says my brother in law male thirty five,
his wife female thirty two, and their daughter Rain female six.

Speaker 4 (00:59):
Your nieces six and that wait a minute, No, you're
not beefing with a sixuel please, yeah, you're beefing with
a sixul you're.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
Thirty one, thirty one, you're thirty one with my niece
female six.

Speaker 3 (01:15):
Yeah, she's gonna steal the spotlight.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
She's six. Rain Female six lives with my in laws.
Rain mostly stays with her grandparents due to various reasons.
I should clarify that my in laws and I speak
different languages. Only my father in law knows English. I
do not like kids. I never have. We do not
have children and instead have a dog. I do not
know if this is just how kids are, but Rain

(01:39):
is extremely obnoxious and entitled. She has no respect for
personal space, destroys things, demands to be the center of attention,
and feels like she has never been taught basic manners.
Her parents do not really parent her, and while my
in laws are very sweet people, they also do not
discipline her consistently. Grandparents, after all, she is the only

(02:02):
child and is constantly indulged. My husband and I have
made it very clear that we do not intend to
have kids, which makes his parents spoil her further as
the only grandchild. For example, when Rain comes to our house,
she takes over the TV even if I'm watching something
and my mother in law actually tells me to let
her watch or else, she will make a scene or

(02:23):
refuse to eat or something. On any occasion, whether it
is my in law's anniversary, my husband sending a cake
to his mom on Mother's Day, et cetera. She has
to cut the cake. This is encouraged by her parents
and grandparents.

Speaker 3 (02:37):
Maybe she wants to be a baker.

Speaker 2 (02:39):
To be fair, my husband usually says no and takes
a stand. For example, on our dog's birthday, she wanted
to be the one to cut the cake, okay, and
my in laws were pushing for it, okay, but my
husband clearly said no.

Speaker 3 (02:54):
Hey, let your six year old knees cut the cake
on your dog's birthday. What are we even doing?

Speaker 2 (02:59):
That's like the easiest one to just be like, yeah, sure,
it's like.

Speaker 3 (03:03):
That is that we're drawing like she's so greedy she
wants to cut the cake. She's sick, but da, it's normal.

Speaker 2 (03:10):
What if the dog knows how to cut his own
birthday cake?

Speaker 3 (03:13):
Yeah, you should have the dog cut the cake.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
What if he is tell that six year old to
get out of here.

Speaker 3 (03:18):
Get that dog on a TV show.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
What a dog, dude. One incident that really upset me
was when I had bought a vase from a a
named Swedish furniture store exactly that I loved. Rain picked
it up and dropped it, shattering it. Her mom, who
was there the whole time and could have stopped this
from happening, laughed it off. My in laws rushed in

(03:42):
only to check if Rain was okay. No one corrected her.
We should get her out of the shattered ceramic first,
but that is yeah, but yeah, yeah, wanting to know
that the kid is okay correct it, But yeah, we
could check on her first.

Speaker 3 (03:55):
You do check if the kid's alive first and has
all of its you know, blood intact.

Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yeah. I care deeply about even small things I buy
because they hold meaning for me. I scolded Rain. She
cried and ran away, and I went to my room
because I was furious. Later, my in laws came to
tell me that I made her cry, and she asked
me to talk to her because she was upset that
I scolded her, like what. To be clear, I have
raised these issues repeatedly. Whenever Rain does something that needs correction,

(04:24):
I either say something myself. Although I am scared at times,
or I tell my husband. I've also faced situations where
Rain started crying and my mother in law came rushing
to comfort her, making me feel like the criminal. You're
beefing with a six year old.

Speaker 3 (04:39):
Yeah, you're getting out maneuvered by a six year old girl,
and it's.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
Kind of hilarious. I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 (04:45):
I mean, I think all of this just needs to
be a conversation of like, I need to be able
to discipline your kid when they're in my house and
breaking my stuff, Like I need to be it and
I like that actually wasn't great.

Speaker 2 (04:55):
Yeah, my house. My rule is if she's here, I'm
disciplining her.

Speaker 3 (04:58):
And it's not like you're not a stranger, right, she
knows you, she's beefing with you.

Speaker 2 (05:03):
Well, maybe you think she's beef and back you think
Rain knows.

Speaker 3 (05:06):
Oh she's six, Yeah she knows. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:08):
Her body language often felt like she was unhappy with
me for scolding Rain. My father in law has scolded
her a few times, even if mildly. My mother in
law usually laughs it off, and there's also a language
barrier between us, which makes direct communication difficult. What usually
happens is this, I tell my husband what just happened.
He listens, and then he goes and talks to his parents.

(05:31):
He comes back and tells me they handled it or
scolded her. The problem is that in many cases, I
have seen the incident happen live and seen no one
say or do anything at that moment. When I point
this out, my husband does not believe me and assumes
I must have missed something because I don't understand the language.

(05:51):
Another major issue is our dog. We have repeatedly asked
my in laws not to give Rain chocolate at our
house because our dog could eat it. Despite this, it
keeps happening. Bruh, This is an in law problem, not
a Rain problem.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (06:05):
Well, and they're the ones who are like mostly raising her.
I guess, yeah, this is this is spring.

Speaker 2 (06:10):
Chocolate into my house again. None of you are coming back. Actually,
if you feed my dog chocolate, you're not seeing my
dog again.

Speaker 1 (06:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (06:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
We have also told Rain not to eat in front
of the dog because she drops food. The more we
say it, the more she does it. She's beefing with you.

Speaker 3 (06:26):
Yeah, and again because she's six, You're talking about a
six year old child like they're like a fully formed,
developed rational adult. They're not, they're six year old.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
I have personally seen her wave chocolate cookies near our
dog while my mother in law stood right there and
said nothing.

Speaker 3 (06:45):
But did you also stand there and say nothing? You
said you saw it?

Speaker 2 (06:49):
What? She also destroyed a piece lily in our house
by hitting it repeatedly again, with no correction. That's not
very peaceful, no, is it?

Speaker 3 (06:58):
Nah? Nah nah? We need to start correcting. We correcting
our own without any regard for you know, Rain's feelings.

Speaker 2 (07:05):
I don't care if she's gonna cry, she's sick. She
has to learn she's gonna cry.

Speaker 3 (07:09):
Yeah, so far, she's learned that if she cries and
gets upset, she gets whatever she wants.

Speaker 2 (07:13):
Right, it's working for My husband does support me and
is extremely protective of our dog, as in ready to
burn cities to save our dog.

Speaker 3 (07:21):
Why would you need to do that?

Speaker 2 (07:23):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (07:24):
If your dog is telling you to burn down the
town to save it, you have a deeper issue.

Speaker 2 (07:29):
And you should listen to the dog.

Speaker 3 (07:30):
Fifth Amendment. I plead the fifth.

Speaker 2 (07:34):
But he does not take a strong enough stand with
his parents, in my opinion. He tells me he spoke
to them and that chocolate will not be brought again,
and then it happens again. If I point out that
he did not take a strong enough stance, I feel
he changes the entire conversation into how I do not
like his parents coming to our home.

Speaker 3 (07:53):
Yeah, I don't because they bring chocolate and they don't
you know, reprimand the.

Speaker 2 (08:00):
Yeah, Rain's not the issue here. She's just six.

Speaker 3 (08:04):
She's six. Your in laws are not parenting her very well.

Speaker 2 (08:07):
To be parented. Because of all of this, when my
in laws come over, Rain always comes with them. I
enjoy my inlaws company, but her constant presence makes me
anxious and upset. I often end up locking myself in
my room with my dog and only letting the dog
out when my husband is present. Now to the main issue.
My birthday is coming up. This year has been brutal

(08:29):
for me. I lost my father, I lost my job,
I lost my peace of mind. All I wanted was
a quiet birthday with my in laws, whom I genuinely
consider family. The thing is, I do not feel the
same for my brother in law, sister in law, and Rain.
My husband just told me they are bringing rain. I
asked him to please tell his parents just this once

(08:52):
not to bring her. He said he does not know
how to do that because Rain is his niece, he
loves her, and his parents do not know that I
am not a fan of her. I told him he
had the entire year to set boundaries so Rain does
not have to come every single time they visit. He
said he didn't think it was such a big deal.
About a month ago, we had a serious argument because

(09:12):
he felt I avoided going to his parents' house. During
that argument, I clearly told him how difficult it is
for me to constantly be around Rain. He now says
he thought it was just a general dislike of kids
and the reason why I don't like going to his parents' place,
and that he didn't realize I specifically did not want
Rain coming to our house. Honestly, that makes no sense

(09:34):
to me.

Speaker 3 (09:35):
It should make sense because it's kind of like, oh,
you have a big problem with a six year old?
Is like a rational thing to think to a thirty
one year old.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
Yeah, Like, the thing is, I think you do have
problems with your in laws. You're just pushing those problems
onto the six year old.

Speaker 3 (09:51):
The biggest thing that raised my ears right now was
that she said that her like mechanism for when Rain
is there is she just like gets mad and locks
herself in a room.

Speaker 2 (09:58):
You can't do that.

Speaker 3 (09:59):
Can't do that, thirty one, Yetta have a different Coulpa
mechanism to deal with because it is it's your niece
in law whatever, like it's it's your niece.

Speaker 2 (10:07):
That is your niece.

Speaker 3 (10:08):
She's gonna be around. She couldn't get older and be
less of a six year old.

Speaker 2 (10:11):
But she doesn't get parented, she might be just bad.

Speaker 3 (10:14):
Yeah, it needs to be. It needs to be a
conversation with like, hey, when when you bring Rain over,
these are the things that need to happen, and if
these behaviors happen, you know there will be consequences and
you guys may have to leave.

Speaker 2 (10:24):
Yup Fully, I stayed quiet all year, but I thought
at least on my birthday he could take a stand. Now,
if he says anything, it will clearly look like it's
coming from me, so I lose either way. He keeps
telling me I'm making a huge deal out of something small.
When I finally snapped and said Rain is badly behaved
and extremely entitled, I used the word rotten, which I

(10:46):
agree I should not have, but I'm exhausted, and I
genuinely do not know if this behavior is normal for
a six year old or not. What I experience is
constant boundary crossing with no consequences. I know the adults
are responsible for being this way, but she is spoiled,
nonetheless and a nuisance. My husband said the way I
keep saying horrible things about Rain, he's afraid I will

(11:08):
curse her to passing, which shocked me. I am not
wishing harm on a child. I just wanted one day
to be about me and not about Rain, which I
know his parents will inevitably make the center of everything.
Even though my husband will try, it does not happen.
And when, like always, he fails and Rain ruins my birthday,

(11:29):
I will be the villain for being pissed at a
kid being a kid. So am I the a hole? Woo?
I just think you're beefing with the wrong people, like
I think, Like, Yes, Rain is probably very misbehaved and
is some of that normal for a six year old? Yes?
Is some of that more because no one's correcting it? Yeah?

(11:51):
Probably mostly. So It's like you have to get your
husband on your side of going to your in laws
and being like, Hey, if she's coming over and she
does stuff, I'm gonna correct it, and I think you
should too.

Speaker 3 (12:06):
Yeah. I think you and your husband need to set
clear boundaries with your in laws about how Rain needs
to behave at your house, and then if she doesn't,
there are consequences laid out for that, whether it's them
leaving or her being in time out or whatever. Yeah,
but you know the answer isn't to just let the
six year old run roughshod over you.

Speaker 2 (12:27):
Yeah, but you'll never get along with her. You'll always
beef with Rain.

Speaker 3 (12:31):
Yeah. I also don't think the solution is just like
Rain can't come over to the house. That's crazy. Yeah,
she's six, she's being with her grandparents, But you're definitely
like tread a little bit in Ahle territory a little bet.

Speaker 2 (12:43):
Edit just wanted to add that Rain lives with her
parents themselves. It is just that she spends most of
her day with her grandparents who live downstairs. Oh okay,
her parents are more than capable of taking care of
her for two weeks in case my in laws wish
to come and stay with us. I should also add
that my brother in law and sister in law are
specially abled, as in they cannot hear or speak rain,

(13:06):
however can That is another reason she is spoiled, as
she is what society considers normal and a miracle because
she is not like her parents. This is how I feel.
My husband may strongly differ, saying no one treats her
differently out of sympathy for her parents. Update yay, he
says happy.

Speaker 3 (13:26):
Update he says happy.

Speaker 2 (13:27):
Up day yay. I had a calm conversation with my
husband and stated everything in my heart. He did not argue.
He did not bring it up again. Today. He told
me he tried talking to his parents, but they were adamant,
saying they would control rain and that they cannot come
without her. Finally, he told them either come without her

(13:48):
or they do not come. So that is that, and
that's the end of this story. We're going to go
to the next one.

Speaker 3 (13:54):
Our siblings are excluded from our wedding and my mother
in law is not happy about it.

Speaker 2 (14:00):
That doesn't sound great.

Speaker 3 (14:01):
My fiance and I are in the very early stages
of wedding planning. We just got engaged at Thanksgiving. But
there was one thing we always knew for certain. We
both wanted a small and intimate wedding party. Our guest
list is roughly seventy two people total, including ourselves, the photographer,
and the officiant. By the way, this comes from user
I like Turtles twenty four and if you want to

(14:23):
submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay
storytime subburn it. I'm Dakota, I'm Carly, and we're here
to give a little good advice. Goofully. You know, because
we don't know all the answers, we only know what
we would do, So let us know what you would
do down in the comments and op says between us.
I have two siblings and he has one full sibling
and four half siblings. Because of that, we mutually decided

(14:45):
to only have a maid of honor and a best man.
If we included our maid of honor, best man, siblings,
and close friends, our wedding party would easily reach around
twelve people, which felt overwhelmingly large for what we envisioned.
On top of that, every wedding I have ever been
part of has felt like a huge financial burden. Paying

(15:06):
for hair, makeup, dresses, shoes, jewelry, bachelorette trips, and everything
else adds up quickly.

Speaker 2 (15:14):
Her secret. Wedding is gonna be full new distance the floor.

Speaker 3 (15:18):
Yes, no clothes, no food. We just scavenge bark and leaves, sap.
I honestly thought people would be relieved by our decision.
Instead of including family in the formal wedding party, our
plan was to have them wear a designated color. It
does not have to be an exact match, but for example,
everyone in the family would wear green during the processional.

(15:41):
After the bridesmaids and groomsmen walk down, we planned to
have both families walk together and take their seats in
the first two rows. We also decided not to have
flower girls or ring bearers. There are children on both
sides of the family and we did not want to
choose between them or risk a toddler tantrum on the
day of the wedding. Instead, we decided to have I
have the longest married couple in attendance, which happens to

(16:02):
be my grandparents, who have been married for sixty years,
toss pedals and hold the rings. Yeah, that's pretty that's
pretty nice. That's pretty nice. You did have you know,
the ring bearers flower of ring bear and flower girl.
They were just your grandparents.

Speaker 2 (16:18):
That's adorable.

Speaker 3 (16:19):
My future mother in law and father in law had
always been incredibly supportive up until this point. There were
never mixed signals or issues. I attended all of their
family holidays. They invited me over multiple times without my
fiance present since were long distance. They attended my college graduation,
and they have gone out with my parents and genuinely

(16:40):
seemed to have a great time. Both sides always spoke
highly of each other. The day we got engaged, everything
seemed to change. My family and most of his family,
especially the sisters I'm already close with, were happy and excited.
His parents, particularly his mom, were noticeably cold. I initially
brushed it off and assumed they were just shocked or

(17:01):
caught off guard, especially since my fiance had not told
them he planned to propose out of fear that someone
might accidentally ruin the surprise. A few days passed and
my family and I reached out about potentially planning wedding
related activities. She avoided every question. I eventually stopped bringing
up wedding topics and assumed it was just not something

(17:21):
she wanted to be involved in. I once again let
it go. A few days later, completely unprovoked, I received
a text from her saying that her feelings were hurt
because we would not be including siblings in the wedding party.
I was confused about how she even knew, since she
had avoided all wedding conversations. I'm close with my fiance's
full sister and had mentioned it to her with her

(17:43):
full approval, so I assume it made its way back
to their mom that way. I immediately responded and explained
our reasoning and how we planned to include family outside
of the immediate wedding party. She never responded to me. Instead,
she contacted my fiance and proceeded to call me every
name in the book. She told him he needed to
rethink his future and said awful things about my parents,

(18:04):
including criticizing them for having my siblings and me take
out student loans for college.

Speaker 2 (18:09):
It's crazy, you want to just not come to the wedding.

Speaker 3 (18:11):
Actually, yeah, that's crazy. You want to just like, maybe
not come.

Speaker 2 (18:15):
I think I decided that it's actually going to be
every family member except for you.

Speaker 3 (18:19):
Yeah, we're gonna have We've just changed our mind to
make everyone in the family part of the wedding party
except for you.

Speaker 2 (18:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (18:28):
Yeah, And you're not invited.

Speaker 2 (18:29):
Yeah, dang.

Speaker 3 (18:30):
Honestly, I would probably cut off any of my parents
saying that to me over this.

Speaker 2 (18:36):
Kidding me. That's total like what the heck?

Speaker 3 (18:40):
Yeah, just nonsense, complete nonsense.

Speaker 2 (18:43):
I really thought you just weren't inviting them to the
wedding in general, based off the title. So that's why
I was kind of like, well, yeah, you would kind
of suck.

Speaker 3 (18:52):
Yeah, that would be that would be weird.

Speaker 2 (18:54):
But they're coming. You're still like honoring them in their
own way. Yeah, it's your wedding, you your rules.

Speaker 3 (19:01):
Yeah. And then to make this like a well, her
parents gave them all student loans and she's the worst.
It's so weird, that's wild.

Speaker 2 (19:09):
Do you want to pay off their loans? Then?

Speaker 3 (19:11):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (19:12):
I don't see you pay off their loans.

Speaker 3 (19:13):
The door, the door is open. So thankfully my fiance
stood up for me. He was furious and ended up
uninviting them from everything, going no contact and blocking their numbers.
Supportive husband alert, that's so you do it. I did
not block their numbers. Aside from that one text exchange,
she had not contacted me directly. I also have a

(19:34):
deep rooted fear of their being an emergency and someone
needing to reach me. Instead of blocking them, I deleted
the message threads and tried to forget about it for
the sake of my mental health. Two days ago, while
I was sleeping, I woke up to seven missed calls,
two voicemails, and six text messages from her. They were
all part of a drunken rant about how they are
worried about me, clearly baiting me into responding. I am

(19:57):
an extremely empathetic person, and I struggle with setting boundaries.
I was bullied a lot growing up and did not
have a healthy first relationship, so my anxiety usually takes
over and I engage when I should not. I am
normally a very responsive texter, and if I miss a call,
I usually call back immediately. This time I did not
respond at all. Honestly, it was out of pure fear

(20:19):
of both of them. The anxiety has been unbearable, sitting
heavy in my chest, and I feel like I cannot
take it anymore. I was always overly sweet to both
of them and tried to keep everyone connected, so for
me to suddenly not answer has to be noticeable. They
definitely know something is wrong. I am not entirely sure
why I am posting this, but the entire situation has

(20:39):
completely overtaken my thoughts. These early stages of engagement should
be joyful and exciting, but instead they are filled with dread.
My family and close friends are throwing us an engagement
party over Christmas, and I am absolutely terrified, even though
his parents are uninvited. I have a deep rooted fear
that something horrible is going to happen. I don't know
what to do. I cannot shake this anxiety. I keep

(21:00):
questioning whether I should just give in and include siblings
in the wedding party.

Speaker 2 (21:03):
No, no, literally no, don't give her what she wants here.

Speaker 3 (21:08):
Yeah, do not teach them that they can do this
and then get what they want?

Speaker 2 (21:11):
Yeah, No, they are adults.

Speaker 3 (21:13):
I think you should keep doing exactly what you've been doing,
which is ignoring them. Yeah. I trust my partner completely
and have no doubt he will continue standing up for me,
just like he already has. I just can't seem to
get past this overwhelming fear. And there is an update.

Speaker 2 (21:26):
Oh my god, I think lean on your partner. Yeah,
he was so good about immediately shutting that down.

Speaker 3 (21:32):
Yeah, and you know, maybe reach out to his siblings
that you're you know, cool with and be like, hey,
there's clearly issues going down with the parents here, and
I'm just worried something's gonna happen. So help me out.
If you see, if you sense any plots or schemes
coming from your parents, pass it on down the line.

(21:54):
Let me know, you know, but all you can do
at this point is just move forward. They've been unin
I did move forward with the assumption that they are
not showing up, and if they are, you know, that's
a have a contingency plan for that. Probably the police unfortunately.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
Yeah, have a designated made of dishonor. That's always my answer.
That's just the opposite of a made of honor. They're
literally just there to like deal with all the bs
and like straight up tell people like get out.

Speaker 3 (22:25):
Yeah, I like that. I like that a lot. And
we have an update. Wow. Thank you so much to
everyone for the incredibly kind responses. I wanted to address
a few things first. I know I need counseling for
my anxiety. This is a relatively new struggle for me
that started within the past year. I have had multiple
orthopedic surgeries that cause significant trauma to my body and
the anxiety developed as a result and never fully went away.

(22:46):
That is very rough. I'm currently working two part time
jobs and cannot afford therapy right now, but it is
something I plan to pursue in the future. For now,
my best friend attends therapy weekly and shares techniques and
coping methods with me. I also spend a lot of
time researching what works best for me. Painting, baking, and
recently reading have all been incredibly grounding for me. I

(23:07):
truly appreciate everyone who expressed concern, because managing anxiety when
it's new is extremely difficult. Second, regarding blocking her number,
I told my fiance that I had not blocked it
and explained my reasoning, and he was okay with it.
I understand how it may have sounded like I was
not listening to him, especially based on some comments. That's
not what it sounded like. Sounded like you were like, ah,

(23:28):
what if someone's in a crisis, what if there's an emergency?

Speaker 2 (23:33):
Sounded like normal worrying.

Speaker 3 (23:34):
It sounds very practical. I was writing purely from emotion
and left out important context. None of his siblings live nearby.
They are spread out across the country, with the closest
being about four hours away. My fiance plans to address
his parents when he goes home next week. I left
the contact door open because I'm not close with many
of his friends due to the long distance. There are

(23:56):
a couple I really like and they all know about me.
But because he is military, I worry that if something happened,
I would not be contacted, his parents would be. That
may not be the healthiest mindset, but it's something I'm
actively working through. If things go poorly when he addresses
them without me, I will be blocking contact as well.
This is not about going around my partner and undermining him.

(24:17):
We discussed it and he understood my reasoning. Lastly, I
will not be changing the wedding. Every decision has been
mutual and made together. I refuse to make any choices alone.
I'm not getting married just to be a bride. I'm
getting married to commit to my future husband.

Speaker 2 (24:31):
Sounds like you got it all under control, it really does.

Speaker 3 (24:34):
It sounds like your in laws were hiding this seething
resentment they feel towards you and your family, and they
just let it.

Speaker 5 (24:42):
Wow come out.

Speaker 3 (24:44):
And then your husband was rightly like, hey, so that's
incredibly uncool and by the way, you're not coming to
the wedding and don't talk to me, because what is
wrong with you?

Speaker 2 (24:55):
Because what the heck? We were gonna have a chill
nudist wedding.

Speaker 3 (25:00):
We were gonna have a chill neodest wedding in the woods.

Speaker 2 (25:03):
But our media family got to wear cool colors.

Speaker 3 (25:06):
Yeah, our media family would have loincloths that were green. Yeah,
because we're keeping expenses.

Speaker 2 (25:12):
Low, really low, and you're missing that.

Speaker 3 (25:16):
Now, have fun. The wedding industry is exhausting, and the
expectations people place on couples because of it are even worse.
If it were entirely up to me, I would elope
and come back married. My fiance does not want that,
dang it, and if I'm being honest, I would be
heartbroken not to share the day with my parents and grandparents.
I am incredibly blessed to have a family that would

(25:36):
do anything for each other. Thank you again to everyone
who offered support. I have an amazing support system, including
my fiance, but I wanted anonymous and unbiased perspectives. You
all have been incredibly kind and I truly appreciate it.
And that is the end of that story.

Speaker 2 (25:51):
My mother in law spoiled my one kid and ignored
the other. And I'm done staying quiet.

Speaker 3 (25:56):
It's time to speak up.

Speaker 2 (25:58):
And this comes directly. It'srom the Okay storytime subreddit. Yeah,
I forty female, have a weird relationship with my mother
in law sixty female. My husband forty one male, and
I have been married for ten years and together for fifteen.
I have a daughter from a previous relationship, nineteen female.
Her biological dad was awful and a substance regular user,

(26:21):
and he was pretty non existent in her life. My
husband treated her like his own. Together, we have two kids,
thirteen female and seven male. By the way, this comes
from Solid Development seven fifty eight. And if you want
to submit your own stories, go to the arslash Okay
storytime subreddit, which is where this is from.

Speaker 5 (26:38):
And I'm Carly, I'm Dakota, and.

Speaker 2 (26:40):
We're here to give good advice. Goofiley. But we don't
have all the answers. We only know what we would do.
Let us know what you would do in the comments.
As Op says, we used to spend a lot of
time with my mother in law and stepfather in law.
Mother in law drinks a lot, and when our son
was born, It was a long time before he would
spend the night there. He was being breastfed and was
developmentally behind, later diagnosed on the autism spectrum. My mother

(27:04):
in law would not respect our wishes for reasonable bedtimes
for the kids. They would be up until after midnight
at eight and three years old. That seems a little late,
just a little. When our son came along, our oldest
was often stuck babysitting because mother in law would drink
a lot and would not feed actual meals. It was

(27:25):
mostly chips, snacks, and junk.

Speaker 3 (27:27):
Food the three main food groups.

Speaker 2 (27:29):
The visit started dwindling when the kids got older and
wanted to spend time with friends or do extracurriculars. The
hour and twenty minute drive was also a lot. We
always had to make the drive and it was never
reciprocated despite inviting them to our house. It all came
to a head when our oldest turned sixteen. She wanted
a birthday party with friends at a skating rink, so

(27:49):
we did not invite grandparents or extended family. Father in law,
who is amazing, knew and planned a time to come
the next day to bring her a gift. Mother in
law acted like we spin in her face and was
very cold toward our oldest. Afterward, she never made time
to see her or bring a gift. A couple of
weeks later, she sent a card with money. A year later,

(28:10):
my husband had his fortieth birthday and the in laws
were invited. Our son's birthday is the day after his,
and our oldest daughter birthday is two weeks later. Our
son was given two large bags full of gifts, plus
a card with sixty or eighty dollars. Our oldest got nothing.

Speaker 3 (28:30):
Nah, no, no, you can't do nothing. No, even Santa'd
give you a lump of coal. You can't do nothing.

Speaker 2 (28:38):
Huh, you'd get her lump of coal.

Speaker 3 (28:40):
I guess even that.

Speaker 2 (28:42):
When her birthday came two weeks later, she also got nothing,
only a very short text that said happy birthday. The
gifts are not the issue. It's the distinct favoritism that
really hurts our oldest, especially since she has always been
hyper sensitive to differential treatment because because she is not
biologically related to them.

Speaker 3 (29:03):
Yeah, it's pretty bald faced to be that dismissive.

Speaker 2 (29:08):
Yeah of her very obvious that it's like, here's two
trant bags and money. Happy birthday.

Speaker 3 (29:15):
Yeah, Happy birthday or whatever. I guess you're alive.

Speaker 2 (29:17):
Is it your birthday today?

Speaker 6 (29:18):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (29:19):
Happy birthday. Little incidents have happened since then, backhanded comments,
cold shoulders, and our oldest overhearing mother in law and
stepfather in law talking about her, then quieting as soon
as she walks into view. This happened at her eighteenth
birthday party.

Speaker 3 (29:34):
How are you talking crap on the eighteen year old
at their party? That's insane as they're like grandparents and
not like another eighteen year old.

Speaker 2 (29:43):
Yeah, the other eighteen year olds were more well behaved
than you.

Speaker 3 (29:46):
Yeah, even the other eighteen year olds. And I'm like,
oh wait, we'll hold our comments until after the event.

Speaker 2 (29:53):
Mother in law has now started treating me differently. For
Thanksgiving this year, I invited mother in law and stepsister
in law, the wife of stepfather in law's son, to
Thanksgiving at our house in a group text at least
a month before Thanksgiving. Sister in law responded quickly that
they would not be able to make it. Mother in
law did not respond the Monday before Thanksgiving. Weeks later,

(30:14):
If you are following, mother in law texted my husband
asking what time we would be eating My husband's never
been a planner and always spends Thanksgiving morning in the
woods hunting. Mother in law knows that I am the
one who does all the cooking. He did not know,
so I texted mother in law, glad, y'all will be
able to come on Thanksgiving. We will be eating around
two pm. You're welcome to bring whatever you want, but

(30:35):
don't feel pressured. Her response was very short, just stating
that she would bring cookies. I love the light go
around of like, Okay, you're not going to text me,
I will still text you. Yeah, like you're gonna text
my husband for this information. You're getting an answer from me.
I love that.

Speaker 3 (30:50):
Yeah, Hi, I'm the person you know. You should have texted.
I'm glad when you're coming.

Speaker 2 (30:55):
If you want this info, you have to talk to me. Actually,
it's great. Fast forward to now and Christmas plans. We
usually go to them for Christmas and it is usually
the weekend before, which would not be this weekend. I
did not reach out because, if I'm being honest, I'm
dreading it. It has been awkward since the sixteenth birthday
two years ago. They make plans for Saturdays, which my

(31:17):
oldest always works, but she is every Sunday off. They
know this. They plan Christmas on Saturdays anyway, and my
oldest usually has to leave early for work or can't
make it at all. Mother in law just texted my
husband asking when we can do Christmas. Of course he
had to ask me about our schedule, because I'm the
one who keeps track of all the kids' activities, church functions,

(31:38):
school performances and everything else. We also communicate with each
other before making plans. He has never volunteered us as
a family without making sure I'm okay with it. He
doesn't even go golfing with his friends without checking with
me first. It has been a whole back and forth
thing all day, him checking with me, then telling her
what days were free, then her asking about a day

(31:58):
after Christmas, then him asking me which day works best,
then going back to her with my response. Just talk
to me. I don't understand where the hatred is coming from.
I have mentioned it to my husband and he can
see it from his mom's perspective.

Speaker 3 (32:11):
But like, what's her perspective that she hates your child? Like, like,
what is the what is the perspective there?

Speaker 2 (32:18):
Right? That she is hurt that our oldest does not
spend time with her like.

Speaker 3 (32:21):
She used to.

Speaker 2 (32:22):
She stopped paying attention to her. What do you mean
tell your mother in law to get over it and
buy her a birthday present? Maybe?

Speaker 3 (32:30):
Yeah, this is something that happens between like friends, not
something that happens between like a child and their grandparents.

Speaker 2 (32:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (32:38):
Well, I'm just upset she doesn't spend as much time
and we don't hang out like we used to.

Speaker 2 (32:42):
Your sixteen year old daughter, life mass. Your sixteen year
old daughter is getting absolutely ignored by her grandma. I
don't know. Talk to your mother, dude. I have explained
that she's in high school, taking college classes, working full time.
Anne has friends, she enjoys spending time with. It's not
the childibility to make plans with grandparents, especially if the

(33:02):
grandparents are short with them. He feels bad because his
mom has always spoiled our kids with expensive gifts or
large quantities of gifts. I explain that gifts don't matter.
Our kids just want to feel loved and want their
grandparents to be present and act like they want to
be involved. For my own heart, I would love to
go off on my mother in law or at least

(33:23):
say something about feeling tension and ask if we have
done anything to offend her, just to start the conversation
and air things out. Another part of me wants to
keep the peace for my husband's sake and just deal
with the awkward moments once or twice a year. My
oldest does not care much for confrontation. She feels awkward,
but is fine keeping her distance from mother in law
at family functions and giving her the cold shoulder she intentionally,

(33:48):
aunt subtlely lets her know that she does not care
for her. She also takes enjoyment in being very close
with father in law and stepmother in law. Yes, they
all get along and spend Thanksgiving at our house together,
while giving the shoulder to mother in law and stepfather
in law.

Speaker 3 (34:02):
Okay, so it sounds like you have like a very
well established beef lineage.

Speaker 2 (34:06):
Yeah, you know, it sounds like equal beefage.

Speaker 3 (34:09):
Yeah. At this point, the beef is flowing fully in
all directions, beef, liquefied beef, flowing healthily and steadily, a
healthy flow of beef.

Speaker 2 (34:21):
I probably should not encourage that behavior, but I understand
her frustration. If mother in law can be subtly rude
to her, I don't think I should tell my daughter
to just take in and be nice the entire time.
So reddit thoughts, has anyone else been through any similar situation?

Speaker 3 (34:37):
I think the number one thing you should do right
now is just get centered with your daughter and be like,
how are you feeling? What do you like? What is
your ideal outcome of this? Because clearly the beef is
a flowing' And.

Speaker 2 (34:50):
Do you want to maximize that beef more? Because I'll
help and if you don't, I'll.

Speaker 3 (34:54):
Help you know. I think that's the foundation that all
the action needs to be based off of.

Speaker 2 (34:59):
Is liquid beef?

Speaker 3 (35:00):
What is she feeling about the liquid beef situation?

Speaker 2 (35:04):
What are the thoughts on the liquid Yeah?

Speaker 3 (35:06):
What are your thoughts on liquid beef? Daughter? That should
be your first that.

Speaker 2 (35:09):
Should be your open or do we need to grind
it up a bit?

Speaker 3 (35:13):
Is this beef flown a little bit too much? You
want to ease up on this beef flow?

Speaker 2 (35:17):
Or do you want to crank more in there? Ooh eoo,
We've got to live enough. Maybe it is a little
selfish of me not to want to stir the pot
because my whole family, including my oldest daughter, enjoys the
massive amount of gifts during the holidays. Mother in law
is the type of person who will cut people off
completely and not bat and I I should add that

(35:39):
mother in law did not raise my husband. She only
had him every other weekend after he was three or four,
and many weekends she would bail saying she was going
to the beach with friends or had a party to attend.
He is very close with his dad, but I think
he does not want to lose the relationship he has
with his mom. He feels like he lost so much
time with her as a child, and also feels that
she was trying to make up for it by showering

(36:01):
us and our kids with gifts for holidays and birthdays.
And we have some comments. Comment to one, it's extremely
messed up for her to give grand gifts to the
other kids and not your oldest and for her as
an adult be upset with the teenager for not reaching
out to make plans. Your mother in law seems to
have intentionally left your daughter out and made her feel

(36:22):
cast aside simply because she can't grow up herself. It's
not fair to any of you. My sister went through
similar with her ex mother in law and ex mother
in law and ex mother in law mother before divorcing
her ex husband for separate reasons. They always wanted to
leave my niece out, to the point that my sister
told them, if they take one grandchild, they take all.

(36:45):
If they give gifts for one during the holiday, they
give gifts for all.

Speaker 3 (36:49):
I mean, that's pretty standard's already you know socially how
it goes. That's very Yeah, you gotta get them all gifts.

Speaker 2 (36:57):
She was much nicer about it than I would have
been personally, but it was a constant battle. It's not
right to isolate a child just because the adult can't
be an adult. I don't care if she's eighteen or
nineteen and considered an adult now or not. She's still
a child, your child, to be exact. I think you
should talk about this with your husband, because he doesn't

(37:17):
want to lose his mom. I think you should ask
him if he thinks there is a way to sit
down and talk to his mom about this to try
and change her behavior. With that, I think you should
have your oldest write a letter voicing how she feels
about everything your mother in law has done, directed to
your mother in law, and give it to your mother
in law when you and your husband sit and talk
with her hope. He responds, I don't think my husband

(37:40):
sees it the way our oldest and I do. I
think he sees how she was with all the kids
equal and spoiling them when they were younger. He was
also raised by a roughneck cowboy of a dad who
very much lived by the philosophy of pulling yourself up
by the bootstraps and not talking about feelings. He is
better with me about talking about feelings, but when you've

(38:00):
been one way with your family your entire life, it's
hard to change that. His mom is also not an
emotional person at all, very tough, independent woman. She has
a tendency in the past with other family relationships to
brush things under the rug, or she'll blow up and
cut people out of her life. I don't think she'd
be up for a sit down, heart to heart conversation.

(38:21):
It's one extreme or the other with her. Unfortunately, I
like the idea of having my daughter write a letter.
And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go
to the next one.

Speaker 3 (38:31):
Hey, this is Riley, Your's favorite Southern biale. We're gonna
get back to these stories. But here's three minutes worth
of thats form our sponsors. I hid my friend's engagement ring,
but my.

Speaker 2 (38:41):
Girlfriend thought it was for her.

Speaker 3 (38:43):
Well, that's a tough one. I've been dating my girlfriend
Laura for just over two years. We met as I
was finishing my masters and she was in her last
year of undergrad as we attended the same university. We
have a pretty strong relationship overall. We get along really
well and have pretty similar views and goals in life,
and I love her a great deal. She's definitely been

(39:06):
the healthiest relationship I've ever had, and I see a
strong future with her. By the way, this comes from
user ring Accident and if you want to submit your
own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime subberd it.

Speaker 5 (39:15):
I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm Keon.

Speaker 3 (39:18):
And we're all here to give good advice goofily, but
we don't have all the answers. We only know what
we know. So if you know what you know, let
us know in the comments below. And Op says, this
weekend has been awful. However, my best friend Rob came
to me about a month ago and told me that
he had a plan to propose to his long term

(39:40):
girlfriend Grace of about seven years. The problem was that
they lived together and she is a very clean person,
and he was afraid she might find the ring while
cleaning before he was ready to propose. I offered to
hide it for him at my house until he was ready,
and he handed it over. I hid it in the
back of my sock drawer, and I'm honestly kind of

(40:00):
forgot about it until last Monday, when he asked for
it back. He successfully proposed to Grace yesterday, and she
posted a picture of the two of them on her
Instagram with the ring clearly visible. Literally five minutes after
she posted, Laura rang me absolutely fuming. She told me
she'd found that ring three weeks ago, so why had

(40:22):
I given it to Rob for Grace when I had
clearly chosen it especially for her. Was Grace mocking her
with her post, just rubbing her nose into the fact
that she had stolen her ring. I tried to talk
her down and explain that I had just been keeping
it safe for Rob and that I had never intended
to propose to her with it, but that only made
her more upset, and she started screaming at me that

(40:43):
I'd absolutely built up her hopes and just destroyed them.
She hung up on me, then texted me that I
had three months to propose to her with a better
ring than Grace's or she's gonna break up with it.

Speaker 6 (40:54):
At that point, you do kind of have to break
up with her. Yeah, at that point, she's the man
dig a proposal. You've been together a little over two years.
You guys are not even out of college yet, it
seems yeah, that's kind of like, you.

Speaker 3 (41:08):
Go, why do we even wait three months? We'll do
it today.

Speaker 5 (41:11):
That's crazy.

Speaker 7 (41:11):
My flabbers are gasted.

Speaker 3 (41:14):
I think so gasted. Am I wrong for thinking this
is a red flag? I know that she probably was
really excited, and I absolutely never meant to hurt her
feelings with all of this, But the ring was never
for her, and she never should have known about it.
We don't live together, and I don't know what she
was doing snooping in my drawers or when she had
time to look in there, or what she was looking for.

(41:37):
More than that, I have one hundred percent not ready
for marriage. We've only been together for two years, we
haven't lived together, we haven't even talked about marriage yet.
I want to be living together for at least a
year before we get engaged. What do I do? I
totally understand why she'd be upset, but I just feel
like she's invaded my privacy by looking through my socks,

(41:58):
and that I'm being treated badly for something that was
never meant as a snub towards her. This is the
first big fight we've had, and I'm not sure if
I'm just seeing red flags because I'm hurt, or if
they're really there. Comment one. She's obviously really embarrassed at
the fact that she told people, oof, you're right, and
she probably even took a picture of the ring, by
the way she's reacting at least, and showed it to

(42:19):
friends of hers. Some girls dream of getting married and
the thought of it excites them a lot. And to
then hear your boyfriend tell you he wasn't even thinking
about proposing and that it's not on the table at
all at the moment probably hurt her pride and broke
her heart a little bit. Giving the ultimatum was wrong
on her part in every way, and if she truly
loves and cares about Ope, she will see that her

(42:40):
reaction was wrong and she'll apologize. If she doesn't, then
there's a problem. Women are usually ready for marriage sooner
than men, so maybe she thought they were getting to
that point, so it may have felt like a slap
in the face, even though that wasn't the intention of Ope,
she'll come around. She's just upset about it and reacted
irrationally in the heat of the moment. If you're confident

(43:01):
about your feelings for one another, you will conquer this
obstacle and have a better relationship because of it. Misunderstandings
or fights aren't the end of the world. If they were,
then no one would make it to fifty years of marriage.
And then some people got to say, well, then maybe
we weren't designed to make it to fifty years of marriage.

Speaker 6 (43:19):
Yeah, I gotta say, I don't think these two are
designed for that. We're at like two years of dating
and then she's reacting like this. I and also they're
still in college. You're gonna find someone better.

Speaker 3 (43:35):
It just seems like really self centered because it's like,
once you find out, it's like, oh, that's like, yeah,
you can be like embarrassed and be like, oh man,
But then to make it like that about it, this
is a conspiracy against me. Yeah, to make me look
like a fool.

Speaker 2 (43:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 7 (43:54):
All I'm hearing is it's about me. It's about how
I look, it's about what I want.

Speaker 5 (43:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (43:59):
Another comment, you mentioned that this is the first time
in the two years you've been together that she's blown
up like this and acted this way. It's two years
into the relationship and you two haven't had a talk
yet about long term plans. I have a strong feeling
she's been wanting to progress the relationship forward and was
hoping you'd pop the question soon. Yes, it's ridiculous that
she didn't talk about this with you. There's a lot

(44:21):
of things many women internalize about how a proposal should happen,
and one of the awful things, in my opinion, is
that it should be a surprise and if you have
to ask about it, it's pressuring and he doesn't really
want to be with you. If this truly is the
first time and it seems like this reaction was out
of character for who you've known her to be, then
have a sit down conversation with her. It's time you

(44:43):
both addressed expectations for timelines like moving in, engagement, proposal, kids, etc.
And where the relationship is heading. You both need to
come to an agreement and get on the same page.

Speaker 6 (44:56):
I think in other stories, sure little bit of communication
can go a long way when she's threatening to break
up unless you propose in three months.

Speaker 3 (45:08):
No, I do think.

Speaker 2 (45:11):
I don't even know if you should any.

Speaker 3 (45:13):
You know, like I mean, I should, if you if
you can sit down and have a face to face
where she goes. Hey, So that was pretty bad of me, right,
I went a little crazy. And I see that, and
I own that, and let's just let's get let's reset,

(45:36):
I mean, on the same and if she comes with
any energy besides that, yeah, I don't agree. I don't know.

Speaker 5 (45:43):
It's very crazy.

Speaker 7 (45:44):
This is your first argument, and it's an ultimatum, and
it's like your first real big argument. It's an ultimatum,
and she is throwing the I will break up with
you no matter what over your head as one of
the reasons or one of the you know this or that.
Who's to say what she won't do in the future,
if you know, like, oh, if you don't treat me

(46:06):
like this, I'm breaking up with you. If you don't
give me this breaking up with you.

Speaker 6 (46:09):
Yeah, I genuinely don't see a way forward unless she
does exactly what Dakota said, She's.

Speaker 3 (46:14):
Gotta come correct.

Speaker 7 (46:15):
Yeah, I don't know. Just send her one of those
videos where you see people like someone just throws the
ring at the table when they're eating food at like
waffle house, and she just puts it on like all right, cool,
goes back to eating.

Speaker 3 (46:27):
No, I can get back to my yeah, my gold
Star breakfast.

Speaker 6 (46:31):
No, I don't think this relationship can continue. It seems
like this is like a pretty big turning point in
the wrong direction.

Speaker 3 (46:45):
Well, let's finish this story, see what direction it goes in.
The commentary continues. Also, it's time to talk about how
you two are approaching important conversations or not approaching in them,
as it seems, and the communication as a whole in
the relationship. She shouldn't have stuffed it until she exploded.
You also should have communicated more about your timeline since
you had one set in your head for moving in

(47:07):
and that it was important to you. And also address
that her ultimatum and instead of talking to you isn't okay.
You two have been in a two year serious relationship.
This is the first major conflict, it seems, and both
of you have expectations about how the relationship was to
progress and timelines that were internalized and neither of you
communicated about as adults. It's time to talk through it.

(47:29):
And if you can't, or either of you just wants
to run from trying to talk it through and resolve
things together, then you two aren't ready for a real
adult relationship. And that's the end of this story. We're
gonna go on to the next one.

Speaker 6 (47:41):
My girlfriend was jealous of my hobby and it ruined
everything weo.

Speaker 3 (47:46):
I just had a hobby being a real cool guy
and she couldn't handle it.

Speaker 6 (47:50):
My girlfriend, Tara and I have been dating for six months.
I love her a lot and she is everything I
could ever want in a significant other. However, she doesn't
like the fact that I I'm not talking about getting baked.
I love making cakes, pastries, cookies, and all sorts of desserts.
By the way, this comes from David Silverfield, and if
you want to make your own stories, go to the arslash. Okay,

(48:12):
storytime suppared it.

Speaker 5 (48:13):
I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm keon Im.

Speaker 6 (48:16):
We're here to give good advice koof Lee, but we
don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,
so let us know what you would bake. In the comments,
Tara says she doesn't feel special when I'm baking. She
thinks I bake because I love the activity, rather than
the reason being that I love her. So I guess
she feels inferior to my love of baking. But I

(48:36):
like to bake her things because I enjoy making her
happy and because it's one of my favorite hobbies. She
has been really distant lately. I'm afraid she will break
up with me, but she's the only woman I've ever
thought about marrying. What should I do? By the way,
English is not my first language. Oh okay, there's actually
an edit. Even though most people said Tara was insecure

(48:57):
and possibly crazy, other people brought up the fact that
maybe she has an eating disorder and gets triggered by
an excess of food, or maybe she just wants to
watch her weight and cannot resist my baked goods.

Speaker 2 (49:09):
But that's not what she said.

Speaker 6 (49:11):
She said she feels inferior to Opie's love of bacon. Yeah. Anyway,
much left you all for taking time to read all
of this and share your thoughts with me. And there
are some relevant comments. Jessic climbs that all kinds of
ft red flags. Hey, Susie, why'd you break up with David?

Speaker 2 (49:28):
Oh?

Speaker 6 (49:28):
You know he bakes crap? Dodge this woman, she has issues.
Opie says, this made me laugh, but thank you for
the perspective. It reminds me of the line from BoJack Horseman.
You know, it's funny when you look at someone through
rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.
Uh deleted says she doesn't feel special when I bake.
This girl is crazy. Seriously, don't put up with that crap.

(49:51):
Opie says, my friends have said the same thing, and
top comment Drunker Clunker says, Tara says she doesn't feel special.
Blah blah blah. She's got issues and there hers to
work out. You should both have hobbies that you love.
Anna having hobbies to love doesn't mean you love each
other less. Obviously, she should not be the only thing
you love in your life. That's a super unhealthy level

(50:13):
of dependency. And I wonder if she's expecting that, because
that's where she's at. Update one month later For those
who didn't see the original post, it was basically about
my girlfriend of six months who didn't like it when
I baked, because she said she didn't feel loved or special.
So before I could confront Tara about what was bothering
her about by baking, she told me via text that

(50:34):
she was really busy with work and life stuff and
wanted to take a break from our relationship for a bit.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
WHOA.

Speaker 6 (50:42):
It was confusing because although she just wanted to be platonic,
she would give me mixed signals and we would wind
up becoming intimate again like a couple. She sucks. However,
this last break was different because I didn't really get
to see her because of our conflicting schedules, so we
didn't hang out or do anything together. And then about
a week after she had asked to go on the break,
she called me and told me that she had met someone.

Speaker 3 (51:06):
She had already met.

Speaker 6 (51:07):
That Yeah, she just switches off. She's like, Okay, you're
my boyfriend during this break, and then I'll go back
to that boyfriend and it's just whoever really works with
my schedule at the moment final comments, mister mckquins says, Hey,
I'm a guy, but I'm down to play some video
games and bake some cookies. Sometimes just offering op He says,

(51:29):
I feel a romance brooming.

Speaker 2 (51:31):
Haha.

Speaker 6 (51:32):
Winky face coming on says, what an insane person? My
s O can have anything that makes them happy and
means they won't spend all their time and attention focusing
on me. That is totally her take on that, though.

Speaker 2 (51:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (51:46):
I mean, honestly, it's probably not even that. She probably
just was seeing someone else and needed to look for
the exit strategy and was just like, Okay, I'll make
it the most unreasonable thing possible.

Speaker 6 (51:59):
Yeah, I mean that's like very very likely as well.
My view of it is she whenever she's busy, she
leaves him, and then whenever she's with him, she's like, oh,
you have to give me all of your time because
I'm with you. Otherwise I just won't be with you.

Speaker 3 (52:17):
Only got room for one in this bucket.

Speaker 6 (52:21):
But comment too says takes a break and then a
week later calls to say she's with someone else. I
know this is obvious, but this girl was just looking
for a way to break up and not feel guilty shame.
The hobby ob stands up for himself. She can storm
off about respect or tone or some other reason. Comment
three says, what.

Speaker 2 (52:40):
Person dislikes a baker.

Speaker 6 (52:42):
Do you not want freshly made desserts? And uh, but
that actually says deserts, So don't you want freshly made deserts?

Speaker 3 (52:51):
First of all, gingerbread men don't really get along with
the bakers.

Speaker 6 (52:55):
It's true historically, Uh.

Speaker 3 (52:58):
You are not losing out on anything here, you know,
you just you were just with somebody who was playing
play in your heart.

Speaker 6 (53:07):
Truly, the first time someone says I have to break
up with you because I just don't have time. Can
we just be friends?

Speaker 7 (53:14):
No?

Speaker 6 (53:15):
You may you maybe get like one of those maybe
you can maybe come back from one break where you say, hey,
I don't have time for a relationship.

Speaker 3 (53:26):
Well, I mean, like, you know, if it's the right
like context or situation, it's like that doesn't even it's
not even super unreasonable. It's just like, but to do
it for the reasoning is because it's like, oh, yeah,
I don't know, I just like, uh don't like that you. Well,
I guess we don't have the reasoning for the ones before.

Speaker 6 (53:45):
I don't know. She said she just works over time.
She just works a lot of advertising. I think I
personally think there are certain situations where a person just
can't be in a relationship because, oh, because they're working
a lot, because they have family issues going on, Like,
there's a variety of issues, and maybe that break is

(54:05):
reasonable for that one moment, but most times, especially with work,
like that's gonna exist for a long time. So if
you can't push through that, like work through that together,
then is that relationship going to work at all?

Speaker 3 (54:23):
It's fair?

Speaker 2 (54:24):
I don't know.

Speaker 6 (54:25):
Comment four says, I had to go up and check
the ages again, but dang ten years and older than
her and Opie felt like this was marriage material. The
best possible outcome is that he's a nice dude with
a safe hobby, whose biological clock is ticking, and who
wants to settle down. I think we all know what
the worst case scenario would look like. Unfortunately, com in

(54:47):
five says, Okay, one thing I don't see answered was
he baking while they were hanging out, because I could
see that being legitimately annoying. However, assuming this isn't the
case at face value, she sounds ridiculous. On the other hand,
age gap thinking marriage after six months of a rocky relationship.
Tara doesn't like my baking, but I bake because I

(55:09):
enjoy making her happy. Suspect they both dodged bullets? How
old were they? I think y'all are just at very
different life stages. Honestly, I think you at that comment
was pretty accurate. I think that you are ready for marriage,
and she is still at the height of her very
busy career, which still doesn't give her the right to

(55:31):
go on a break every two seconds, but should be
an indicator to you if you want to.

Speaker 5 (55:36):
Get married right now.

Speaker 6 (55:38):
But maybe you should find someone else. But that's the
end of that story.

Speaker 3 (55:42):
Hey, it's Keelan, your residential nerd.

Speaker 7 (55:44):
We're going to get back to the stories, but here's
three minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (55:48):
I told my date I wasn't ready to meet her kids,
but she didn't listen.

Speaker 2 (55:53):
I hate your kids.

Speaker 3 (55:55):
I male forty have been seeing a woman female at
thirty six since July. She's fun to hang out with.
I have a busy work schedule and she has two kids,
so we usually get together when she's child free and
I'm not working. She asked me to meet her kids
in October, but I told her I wasn't ready yet.
She asked again in November and I said maybe after

(56:16):
the holidays. By the way, this comes from user Inspector
minimum fifty five eighteen And if you want to go
where she meet your own stories, go over to the
r slash owcase storytime subur it.

Speaker 5 (56:27):
I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, I'm Keon, and we're here.

Speaker 3 (56:30):
To give good advice goofly. But we don't have all
the answers to life's questions. We only know what we know,
So let us know what you know down in the comments.
On Saturday, I was supposed to go over to her
place at five PM. When I arrived, her kids were there.
I introduced myself. I'm French Canadian and my name is
common in both French and English. I always introduced myself

(56:52):
by saying Hi, I'm Seberchan in the French way, but
I tell people they can call me Sebastian or seb
if they like. The kids ten and twelve girls started
laughing and said Sebastian was stupid, not my guy. There's
this stive. They started making fun of my name. I

(57:13):
said it's actually French since I'm French Canadian, and they
started laughing even harder. Then their mom came in and
said their dad was supposed to pick them up, but
he had canceled, but that it was okay and we
could have a nice family dinner. The kids again said
yeah with Sebastian. Their mom smiled and said, they're just

(57:37):
kids and laugh at silly things. I made an excuse
and left within about fifteen minutes. Now my girlfriend is mad,
saying I bailed on her and ran away as soon
as I saw the kids like a pathetic coward. Was
I an a hole? Did I overreact to the kid's
behavior and her brushing it off. The whole thing has
made me feel really uncomfortable. We've got some comments from

(58:00):
embarrassed Row twenty twenty five, and this is downvoted not
your kids, but you do understand if their parents haven't
been divorced long, they're probably out to sabotage any relationship,
hoping they get back together. Ope replies, they've been divorced
for three years. Lebural says, in the end, it sounds
like you're not ready for kids in your life. I

(58:20):
would seriously recommend reconsidering your relationship status. Op replies, I'm
not ready. If they were my kids, I would have
told them to apologize immediately, because it's disrespectful to make
fun of other people's names and their language. I would
have taught my kid's manners. Sounds like you let kids
walk all over you so you can hook up with
their mom. Individual Bat seventy seven h nine says introducing

(58:43):
you to the kids after four months is wild. Op
says she said she was a package deal, and it's
important to see if her kids like me. I wasn't
feeling comfortable yet, so I suggested at least after the
holiday season. No Owl eight five seven six replies, So
you were basically bullied by a ten and twelve year
old girl. If a guy can't handle a joke about

(59:04):
your name and run out the door, Yeah, probably wasn't
the right one for my mom anyway. To be honest,
Opie says, you really think the solution was engaging and
bullying back a bunch of kids you before you.

Speaker 6 (59:18):
No, that wasn't the solution.

Speaker 2 (59:21):
You're so close.

Speaker 6 (59:22):
He's like, oh, so I was supposed to ruthlessly bully
them instead. I wasn't supposed to run and cry out
of the house. No, the solution was you just kind
of don't like You're like, oh yeah, I know. It
is kind of a funny sounding name. That's what you
would do.

Speaker 3 (59:40):
You should just said a bunch more funny words in French.

Speaker 6 (59:42):
Yeah, make them laugh like, oh believe I've got this
city voice.

Speaker 2 (59:49):
Wee wee wee.

Speaker 3 (59:50):
Gomage m M mean scrub. Yeah, gotta gomage those mouths
with some soap Slandering the French can jj qqq says,
I've met plenty of French Canadians sharp tongues. The girls
wouldn't have stood a chance. But after that, neither would
your relationship. N OP probably is gonna get offended. French

(01:00:14):
Canadians have sharp tongues. Why because we don't like to
be made fun of.

Speaker 2 (01:00:18):
That's not even what the commenter was saying.

Speaker 3 (01:00:21):
So funny and again, but.

Speaker 6 (01:00:23):
What the commenter was saying, I don't.

Speaker 3 (01:00:25):
Want to hear anyone come after me being like the
who has seen bans about French Canadians. Look at it.
Look there are lovely French Canadians. But man, you can
slander America all day long. I'm not gonna be like, oh,
blah blah blah, We're really easy to slander right now,
so it's fine. But anyway, this commenter continues, No, we

(01:00:46):
don't tolerate bs, that's for sure. Yeah, oh boy, I
don't know what that wasn't the right accent and that's
probably gonna make the French Canadians upset. Yeah, but there's
an update. I wasn't planning to post an update, but
here it is. Since yesterday, my now X has spiraled.
She sent me like twenty messages in the morning on

(01:01:08):
Instagram saying what a loser I am, that I'm a weak,
pathetic little catman, and that I would be a terrible
step dad, and that she was planning to have a
baby with me and that was news to me because
we never talked about this. Then she deleted all of them.
When I checked my phone after my work meeting, she
had sent another twenty messages saying how she misses me,

(01:01:30):
no girl, that we could get through this, no girl,
that we belonged to each other, and asked me to
call her. I did not answer these messages. She deleted
those two and then sent another million messages swearing at me.
She deleted those as well. She sent new messages and
said I was harmful because I gave her the silent treatment.
I messaged that I didn't know what was going on

(01:01:51):
and that I was at work and saw all her
messages and then checked my phone again and saw the
opposite of her first texts. I said, I wanted to
give her time to call down and then we could talk.
She said not to bother and that she hates me
and blocked me, and then she unblocked me.

Speaker 6 (01:02:08):
Yeah, I don't. I think she's the a hole here,
As I said, I think, op, he's just a little
snooty and can't take being bullied by ten year olds.
But you know that doesn't make him an a hole,
just makes them sensitive.

Speaker 3 (01:02:21):
Yeah, it sounds like this wasn't gonna work out regardless, No, sir,
but I think you need to learn how to navigate
playground insults. Yeah, yeah, I mean, how fragile could you be?

Speaker 6 (01:02:34):
But you're not the ale, so you've got that.

Speaker 3 (01:02:36):
You're just you're just a little fragile. You're a fragile
eagle that used to be a bird, a fragile eagle
if they called it the fragile eagle. I learned this
at the tar pits.

Speaker 2 (01:02:46):
Really, yes, that's nice.

Speaker 3 (01:02:48):
And I made a joke that that my girlfriend was
the fragile eagle, and she didn't like it, but she
did it well. She didn't like it in the way
where she likes, smiled and laughed about it, and then
like shut up. Would not a fragile eagle. Apparently. She
also posted my image in a local Are We Dating

(01:03:09):
the same Guy? Facebook group to warn other women about
the super big a hole. She said, don't mention how
his funny French name sounds, or you come up with
a lame excuse and leave your house.

Speaker 6 (01:03:24):
She said, watch out for the silly frenchman because he
can handle twelve year old insults.

Speaker 3 (01:03:34):
My coworker is in that group and showed me. She
said I was emotionally harmful and terrible with kids. Well
one of those is true. At this point, I'm going
to take a break from everything and focus on Christmas
shopping for my nieces and nephews. Dating in your forties
is something, and there are some top comments here. Lost
in Nothing Box says never ever get involved with single moms.

(01:03:59):
Whoa My comment was downvoted by the way, Wow, and
that's okay. I feel like he's bringing his own trump
Op says my mom was a single mom. My dad
passed away when I was four, and when she met
my stepdad, who I call dad, is a great guy.
My mom always made sure we're nice and polite to him,
as he was going above and beyond for us. Numerous

(01:04:20):
bet thirty five to seventy five replies, count yourself very
lucky that she exposed her insanity before getting knocked up.
Sure hope you were using birth control, and Opie says
I was, and supposedly she was on pills. My coworker thinks,
within a few weeks, I'll get a message from her
claiming she's pregnant. I really hope not.

Speaker 6 (01:04:38):
I honestly do not. I would not be surprised.

Speaker 3 (01:04:42):
Yeah, North Reference seventy eighty one says you should probably
defend yourself unless you don't care about your representation and
your community. Op says, The thing is, my coworkers in
her twenties and we're not even close. It would look
so weird that a young woman defending a forty year
old dude. I really don't want her to be involved
in my mess. And that's the end of this story.

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My niece is always STEALING the spotlight… so I don't want her at my birthday! -r/AITAH | Reddit Stories | EP2665