My roommate’s mother SECRETLY moved in to our dormitory…and I want her out! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2669 - ok storytime

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Angie and this is Dakota, your favorite
Okay story Time hosts, and we've got some great stories
coming up.

Speaker 2 (00:05):
But before that, we have a quick too mini break
from the sponsors that keep this show running.

Speaker 3 (00:11):
My roommate's mother is secretly moved into our dormitory.

Speaker 4 (00:14):
And I want her out.

Speaker 1 (00:15):
What is she? A chameleon?

Speaker 3 (00:17):
Me and three other girls live in an on campus
apartment style dorm. We all have our own bedrooms and
there are two bathrooms.

Speaker 4 (00:25):
One of the main people in.

Speaker 3 (00:27):
Question, let's call her Eve, is one of the roommates
I share the kitchen and living space with, and she
is also international.

Speaker 4 (00:34):
All of my roommates had.

Speaker 3 (00:35):
A group chat over the summer where we barely texted
but used it as a way to communicate just in case.

Speaker 4 (00:41):
I just want to throw that out there for context.

Speaker 3 (00:43):
By the way, this comes from Second Coming of Ruckxty
And if you want to submit your own stories, go
to the Arsasha Okay story Time, Severed Time Sophia.

Speaker 1 (00:52):
I'm Dakota, I'm Keon, and we're here to give good advice.

Speaker 4 (00:54):
Gooof Ley, But we don't have the answers.

Speaker 3 (00:57):
We don't We only know what we know. Let us
know what you know, Oh Pie says. Last Saturday, I
moved in and opened the dorm door. For the first time,
I noticed Eve and her mom cooking in the dorm kitchen.
I introduced myself, then continued getting the rest of my
stuff from the car and proceeded with the move and process.
I noticed Eve's mom was wearing pajama bottoms, but I

(01:19):
did not give it much thought since people now.

Speaker 4 (01:21):
Wear pajamas like the jeans.

Speaker 3 (01:23):
I do not have a meal plan and wanted to
avoid spending money on fast food, so during move in,
I brought a decent amount of groceries to cook whenever
I am hungry. One other roommate, not Eve, also moved in,
but she only took up one cabinet. When I opened
the other cabinets, I noticed nearly every single one was
filled with Eave's stuff. Her mom saw that I clearly

(01:46):
looked annoyed, so she decided to shift some of her
daughter's items into other cabinets. The fridge was also completely
jam packed with Eve's food. Surely she could not have
had a meal plan so out of curiosity. To my surprise,
she does have a meal plan and said that she
lives in the dining hall.

Speaker 4 (02:06):
When I went to open the pantry.

Speaker 3 (02:08):
Closet, it was filled with Eve's messenger bags and shoes, yes, shoes.
After moving my suitcases in and putting my food wherever
I could find space, I went to sleep. I was
exhausted because I had been up very early doing last
minute shopping and packing. I woke up the next day, Sunday,
and saw Eve's mom making a cup of tea in
the kitchen. I was confused about why she had not

(02:30):
gone back to her hotel or flown home. I assumed
she would be gone by Sunday since classes started Monday.
Fast forward to today, an entire week later, and Eve's
mom is fully living with us. She eats here, cooks here,
showers here, and sleeps here. Whenever I come back from
class to make myself something to eat, she comes out

(02:51):
of the room and asks if she can cook my
food for me. Eve never thought it was important to
tell us any of this. She did not say a
single word about her mom living with us in the
door at alone makes the situation feel strange and uncomfortable
to me. Here is why I am conflicted. Eeves's mom
is genuinely very nice. She cleans, sometimes even washes my plates,

(03:11):
offers us the food. She cooks, and is overall a
kind person. However, there are small but constant annoyances that
add up over time. She cooks for hours on end,
and I mean literally from around nine am to ten pm.
She takes up most of the first space, and she
recently did another grocery shopping spree, bearing my food even

(03:33):
further in the back. She also does not let me
cook alone, which is something I personally hate. Most importantly,
she never checked with her daughter to see if any
of us were okay with her staying here. Another reason
I am torn about asking her to leave is because
she mentioned how expensive groceries are for her. That made
me wonder if she cannot afford a hotel room. If

(03:53):
I told an Ra, she would likely be gone immediately,
and I worry that she would end up on the
streets because of me having a parent's stay in a
dorm obviously is not allowed. One of my other roommates
is fine with their staying, so I do not want
to be the only one complaining. If I told an Ra,
the issue would be resolved fast, but it would definitely
create tension in the apartment. I feel completely conflicted and

(04:15):
honestly do not know what to do. And the constus
is that this isn't legal and Opie should tell the
RA about their living situation. I don't know if there's
I think you go to the RA and say, hey,
I don't want them to like get mad at me,
but this is happening. And maybe you guys can arrange
some sort of thing where they have to go in
and check the apartments. And I don't know there are ways, Yeah,

(04:36):
I don't know. Regardless, she's not supposed to be living there.

Speaker 1 (04:39):
I guess it depends on like if this is just
a random dorm mate or if this is someone you're
close with, it's a random doormat, why would she be
living there? Like the what is the situation? Is she
on the run? Does she have a warrant out? Is
she in hiding?

Speaker 3 (04:54):
Like?

Speaker 1 (04:54):
What's going on?

Speaker 3 (04:55):
Oh? He says magically whenever there's another large grocery transfer.
The other are in their rooms, and I doubt they
care about the fridge situation since I've never seen them cook.
They also are extremely nonchalant and chill, like one of
the girls has to not only share a living room
and kitchen, but also a bathroom with Eve's mom.

Speaker 4 (05:14):
And seems content.

Speaker 3 (05:15):
As for other students seeing her move in the large
amount of groceries, they probably don't think much of it,
since parents drop off groceries for their students all the time.
Mine does on the weekend sometimes too. I'm excessively typing
at this point, but maybe they do think it's weird
that she's doing all this on a Monday or Tuesday,
and not like a weekend when most parents don't have work.

(05:35):
She gets in and out by not leaving the dorm
until her daughter returns. During the weekday, She's seriously here
all day. If she needs to get out to go
get some water, she'll prop the door open. Update four
months later, But what do you think.

Speaker 1 (05:50):
I think we done got that lady right out of
the dorm.

Speaker 3 (05:53):
I think you already have four months later. I would
have hoped that you would have gotten her out four
months later.

Speaker 4 (05:59):
Because it's pretty easy.

Speaker 5 (06:00):
She's now the she now cook the school mom.

Speaker 1 (06:04):
It's gonna be like four months later. So I'm best
friends with my roommate's mom.

Speaker 4 (06:09):
Yeah, she lives with me.

Speaker 5 (06:10):
Now, I was gonna say, at my college, there is
a couple moms that they do like ubers, but they
don't like kids don't pay for it because they're like, oh,
we'll take you to parties. We know you're you know,
you know, you're having the college experience, and they're like like, yeah,
my son goes here, but like I want to be
a cool mom. And it's actually genuinely really sweet.

Speaker 3 (06:29):
But there is an update four months later. I thought
it would be fine until it wasn't. Each day I
realized more and more how little respect and thought the
mom and daughter.

Speaker 4 (06:39):
My roommate Eva Eva, you changed her name, I'm gonna
keep it.

Speaker 3 (06:42):
Eve had for me and my two other roommates. Some
of the things that really pushed me into making the
decision I did was one the brother situation. I am
unsure if I mentioned this in the original post, but
they also have a brother, lush Son, who goes to
college in the States, the same state, but it's in
a city roughly an hour and thirty minutes away. They

(07:03):
would bring him over unannounced, but when he was over,
you knew he was over because his loud, deep voice.
One Sunday at nine am, I was awakened out of
my sleep by the sound of his loud voice walking
through the door. This was extremely frustrating to me because
on the weekends I like to sleep for a very
long time because I have eight am classes all throughout

(07:24):
the week. That was one of the moments I was like, yeah, no, you.
First of all, do not say anything or text anybody
that this man is going to be coming and can
basically pop up at any time, which is personally extremely
uncomfortable for me. The next was the fridge situation. The
mom had a major shopping issue. I think this was

(07:45):
rooted in the fact that she had to be board
staying in the storm all day. She continued to go
on these massive grocery shopping spreees and would fill the
fridge up to the point where you had to manually
push the fridge store to close. There was literally no
space for my roommates and I to put our food,
to the point where one of my other roommates bought
a personal minifridge. This was another strike strike do why are.

Speaker 4 (08:07):
We letting it get this far?

Speaker 1 (08:09):
Like, that's crazy, there's a big problem here.

Speaker 5 (08:12):
Let's not solve the problem. Yeah, let's just work around it.

Speaker 4 (08:15):
That's insane. I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 (08:16):
The second that, like I find out this mom is
living in my apartment.

Speaker 1 (08:20):
I'm talking to the ra You've got the resources baked
in to deal with this. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (08:25):
I don't want to go into all the things she did,
cause that'd be me ranting at this point, but I'll
briefly mention two more. The mom prohibited me from making
a quick lunch in my two hour gap between by
hogging up the kitchen to make her grand meals. Like
imagine wanting to make yourself something quick to eat, but
you can't because all four stove burners are being used.

(08:46):
This was also a big no. Then leaving the door
open for the mom to get in and out also
made me feel unsafe, So that was another realized big no.
All of these factors and others, in addition to the
combination of reading these Reddit comments, I realized that I
do not have to deal with any of this. Yeah,
finally you've realized that she literally can't be here.

Speaker 5 (09:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
Nice, Wait, I don't have to do this. Yeah, I've
been choosing to do this.

Speaker 4 (09:12):
Yeah, it's not allowed to be here.

Speaker 5 (09:14):
The fact that it didn't just spur into your mind
of like, no, I can tell one.

Speaker 4 (09:21):
Minute, well it does. Yeah, actually, not allowed to be
here at all.

Speaker 1 (09:23):
It takes a minute sometimes to learn that you can
just look out for number one me. You have to
look out for me looking.

Speaker 4 (09:29):
For the cover Dakota, He's coming after you, Number one.

Speaker 3 (09:32):
As much as I tried to tell myself it's okay,
if I find myself complaining.

Speaker 4 (09:37):
Then it's truly not okay.

Speaker 3 (09:39):
I did not feel the need to talk to my
roommate about her mom because it couldn't be more obvious
that mom was fully planning on staying the entire semester.

Speaker 4 (09:48):
Plus, why should I have to do this.

Speaker 3 (09:49):
When there is literally someone who gets paid to handle
the situation.

Speaker 4 (09:53):
So what I did was this.

Speaker 3 (09:55):
I emailed and privately messaged the ra the weekend all
of that, all that was happening. She then thanked me
for letting her know, and then she forwarded the message
to her supervisor. I did this weekend that I was
away in hopes that when I came back, the smoke cleared. Unfortunately,
when I came back, the mom was still there. That
is insane to me. She literally cannot be there. That

(10:16):
is not legal.

Speaker 4 (10:17):
She cannot be staying there.

Speaker 1 (10:18):
How is that possible?

Speaker 3 (10:20):
However, the next day, when I quickly went into the
kitchen to grab something.

Speaker 4 (10:24):
I saw suitcases packed. The mom was leaving. Hallelujah, yay.

Speaker 1 (10:31):
And here we have the humble mother packing her bags
and leaving. What is journey of great.

Speaker 4 (10:39):
Import This is the national geograph.

Speaker 1 (10:41):
It's kinda it's what I was going for. I don't
know me.

Speaker 3 (10:44):
Boy oh boy, Thank goodness, play that John Lennon's song.

Speaker 4 (10:50):
Boor besob that one nor Christmas.

Speaker 1 (10:55):
Because you did, you did, let it be, you let
it blee, let it blee literally, and.

Speaker 4 (11:03):
She's gone, Thank goodness.

Speaker 3 (11:05):
And the moral of this story ope, because you are young,
you're in college, presumably you're either you know, eighteen nineteen.
You just got to stand up for yourself when you
know something's not supposed to be happening and it's inconveniencing you.

Speaker 4 (11:19):
We can snitch, yeah, we can snitch. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (11:23):
But there is a little bit left to this story.
Fast forward to December. Eve clearly has a chip on
her shoulder towards me and the other roommates. Me and
one of the other roommates have gotten to talk more
since I wrote this, and she let me know that
the ra told her that we all would have gotten
in trouble because we were all breaking the rules by
letting the mom stay, so luckily I said something unbeknownst

(11:46):
to me. She was also deeply uncomfortable with sharing a bathroom. Also,
Eve's mom was apparently disgusting in the bathroom with the mom,
and that Eve never told her anything prior besides move
in day, where Eve was just like, oh, by the way,
my mom is here, and that E was actually planning
on allowing her brother to sleep on the couch to
have nearly daily sleepovers. She was going to do that,

(12:07):
of course, without anyone's permission. Long read, but thank you
all for the advice. It really emboldened and justified me
reaching out to the ra Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas.

Speaker 4 (12:18):
Dang man.

Speaker 1 (12:19):
And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go
on to the next one. My roommate let a thug
move in with us. Now I want him out asap.

Speaker 4 (12:27):
Let's get to know him first.

Speaker 1 (12:28):
There's a trigger warning for substances. About a year ago,
my best friend for everest twenty five female, and I
got our first apartment together in the city. Even though
I was excited to start this new chapter in my life,
I knew we were not gonna be great roommates, I
would argue, she is my soulmate and we can get
through hard times together. However, we are very alike in

(12:49):
some areas and complete opposites in others. Because of that,
some of the things I do drive her absolutely nuts.
By the way, this comes from user loser Cash And
if you want to submit your own story, you go
to the our slash Okay storytime suppered it. I'm Dakota,
I'm Sophia, and we're here to give good advice.

Speaker 4 (13:04):
Goofly.

Speaker 1 (13:04):
But we don't have all the answers. We don't know everything.
We only know some things. Let us know the things
you know. In the comments and Op says some of
the things that bother her, including not telling her where
I'm going if I go on a date, weird, quitting
a job without another one lined up why, and being
too honest at times. I can understand why she would

(13:27):
be upset about those things, and I might, and I'm
actively learning from my mistakes. On the other hand, there
are many things she does that drives me insane. She
will not unclog the toilet and leaves it for me
to do. She skips work if she doesn't feel like going.
She allows people to sleep in my bed when I
am not there. She also makes our dog wait far
too long to go to the bathroom because she needs

(13:48):
to do other things first, like heating up her food
or charging random devices. And of course, there is the
issue of her running around.

Speaker 4 (13:57):
With a thug.

Speaker 1 (13:58):
Now to get to the real issue. A few months back,
my roommate and I were drinking and thought it would
be nice to watch the stars. We walked outside our
apartment and laid on the sidewalk just talking. A man
came along. We will call him John forty mail. He
started striking up a conversation with us. It was not
a bad conversation, and we actually liked his energy. At first,

(14:20):
he seemed nice enough, but being in the ghetto, my
guard is always up. After that first meeting, those two
became almost inseparable. She invited him over nearly every night.
At first, I didn't think much of it. However, I
became worried because he openly claimed to be a thug,
and I was afraid other people would see him walking
into our apartment and come after us. That is not

(14:43):
a crazy fear. A guy blasted up an apartment for
that exact same reason not long before. Another issue is
that I am not emotionally invested in this friendship with John,
but my roommate is. She would walk around with him
at night and he would get her substances if she asked.
I told her. Worried me, but she is a grown
woman and will do what she wants. Still, it becomes

(15:04):
my problem when he keeps coming back to our apartment.
One day, he said that some thugs were looking for him,
and not in the.

Speaker 4 (15:12):
Let's grab a cup of coffee and talk about.

Speaker 1 (15:13):
Our differences kind of way. I dropped them off at
a concert and waited for them to call me for
a ride that never happened. The next morning, I saw
her and immediately wondered how she got home. I asked
if she took an uber or the bus. Nope, they
decided to walk for miles through neighborhoods where people wanted
to chat with John. I was furious. I could not

(15:35):
believe he put her in that kind of danger. Why
would he do that? However, knowing my roommate as well
as I do, I know she has a tendency to
get what she wants, no matter the risk. Even if
she gets hurt, she will still push forward. In other words,
she self sabotages. She also has a habit of becoming
She also has a habit of becoming like whoever she
is dating. If her boyfriend is lazy, she also becomes lazy.

(15:58):
I'm not trying to be rude, but I have seen
this pattern over and over. Now that she's involved with
a homeless, jobless man, I am more than concerned she
will follow the same path. To be clear, I have
no problem with homeless people at all aka sidewalk folk,
but knowing how she mirrors her partners, I'm not just worried.
I am directly involved. A little over a week ago,

(16:20):
she decided she did not want to go to work
and said she would go back whenever she felt like it.
Reent still has not been paid. Meanwhile, she continues to
buy or steal unnecessary things. About a week ago we
had a huge argument about her not working, wasting money,
and of course.

Speaker 3 (16:37):
John at this point, I think we gotta break the
lease fun new place.

Speaker 4 (16:42):
With that that might be the solution.

Speaker 3 (16:44):
Yeah, I don't think it's safe. I don't think she's
gonna listen. I think we gotta get out of here.

Speaker 1 (16:49):
That you in the ghetto. Shout out to all the
people who understood that reference.

Speaker 4 (16:54):
Yep, it's it's a pretty pretty pretty famous clip. Not
for everybody, I guess nobody. There's some people at them,
that's true.

Speaker 1 (17:05):
I had multiple questions for John. I had heard many
questionable things from both him and my roommate. I said
I needed to speak with him, but he refused to
come out of my roommate's room because he was tired
fur he is. I told him he needed to come
out and talk because he had no right to dictate
anything when he was a guest. My roommate told me
to drop it, but I could not. I wanted him

(17:26):
out of there. I wanted to remind him that this
was not his house. He does not pay bills, he
steals from malls and hands out stolen items as gifts.
He is far from being done with the thug lifestyle.
I don't want him in my house. At this point,
my roommate and I are no longer speaking. I have
told her countless times how uncomfortable I am with him
being there. I am even more uncomfortable when she leaves

(17:47):
the house at night with him. I constantly have to
remind myself that I am not her mother, and that
I need to care less. My boyfriend is the only
person I can talk to about all of this. Being
the great guy that he is, he does not always
take my sigh. Sometimes he agrees with me, and sometimes
he checks me when I am wrong. I have my
boyfriend on my right telling me I had every right
to be upset that John would not get up and talk,

(18:09):
and on my left is my roommate saying John did
not have to talk. I've never been more confused about
whether I am being dramatic or justified. If I am
the homeowner, do I not have the right to make
guests leave? I explained to my roommate that if she
ever had a problem with my boyfriend while he was
at the house, she should be able to speak with
him whenever she needed to, big or small. If he refused,

(18:31):
he would be in serious trouble. Was I wrong to
be upset over this? Everything has been going on for
so long that I no longer know how to feel.
I need honest opinions. Am add to a hole, No
have an update.

Speaker 3 (18:44):
You just got to move out, Move out like as
soon as you can. Not said, that's the only solution.
She's not willing to listen. You're not you know, you
don't want to live in this situation anymore or in
this apartment.

Speaker 4 (18:57):
So we got to move out.

Speaker 1 (18:58):
Yeah, anytime. He's like, yeah, I got people actively out
to get me.

Speaker 4 (19:01):
Yeah, we go.

Speaker 1 (19:02):
I'm gonna sleep at your place.

Speaker 4 (19:05):
No, no, no no.

Speaker 1 (19:07):
I don't want them to get you at my plates.

Speaker 4 (19:09):
I don't want them to get me too, because then
they gonna get me. Yeah, get out of this neighborhood. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (19:16):
Update one month later, here's what's happening now. I'm moving
out on January seventeenth. I do not want to speak
with her anymore, and I am getting a protection order
against John Dang. What happened, Well, about a week ago,
my roommate came into my room and asked if I
had put cameras and microphones in her room to mess
with her. I obviously did not, and I could not

(19:36):
care less about what she does in her own space.
I knew immediately that she was spiraling. She apologized and
admitted that she and her boyfriend were toxic, but would
not give details. Later, she admitted she was doing spiciflower
and taking pills for pain. I knew she still was
not telling me the full truth. She apologized for things

(19:57):
she had done in the past, and then everything completely
fell apart. On Monday, she burst into my room screaming
for me to call nine to one one. She ran
out before I could even ask why. I was confused
and terrified, but I had never seen her that scared.
She claimed she was hearing voices saying his side chick

(20:18):
was going to unalive her if she found out. Okay,
well that's a full psychotic brain found out what exactly
he had stolen her identity. He knew her social Security
number and had her debit card. No, he refused to
give it back unless she returned his things. I threw
some of his belongings out the window and told her

(20:39):
to do the same, but she refused. The police came
and spoke with us for a long time. The officer
and I both knew she was experiencing psychosis. She is undiagnosed,
but it is clearly schizophrenia. Her birth family has a
history of substance use disorder and her mother had schizophrenia.
She told me that one day while I was at work,

(21:01):
she planned to jump out my window because she thought
he was going to unalive her goodness, we live on
a second floor. Oh goodness, that's untreated schizophrenia.

Speaker 4 (21:11):
Do be rough.

Speaker 1 (21:12):
That same night, her family came and picked her up.
She was gone for three days. When she returned, she
finally told me everything they had been doing. The they
had been doing, the breaking bad in her room for months.
That alone did not shock me. But my goodness, am
I glad you're leaving.

Speaker 4 (21:30):
That was a bad situation.

Speaker 1 (21:33):
And that's why we don't hang out with self proclaimed thugs.

Speaker 3 (21:37):
Yeah, or just people we meet on the sidewalk while
we're presumably very under the influence.

Speaker 1 (21:44):
That as well, and in this just don't lie on
the sidewalk. Both of those things were true dangerous neighborhood.
Let's finish the story. What did shock me was that
the substance she was smoking with him was laced. She
still gets the ganja from him and hopes he will
go to rehab, just as she claims she will. She
suggested a six day rehab stay, as if that would

(22:06):
fix everything. As of now, he is not allowed back
into the apartment. However, I have no control over what
happens when I am at work. I'm filing for a
protection order on Monday, but I only know his first
and last name. I am exhausted from this so called friendship,
the excuses and the chaos. I am done with the city.
I am moving back to my hometown, where I will

(22:27):
make triple the money, save up and eventually get a
place with my man.

Speaker 4 (22:31):
We should have been doing.

Speaker 3 (22:32):
That the whole Yeah, yeah again. This episode is just
about like, let's stand up for ourselves when we're in
these bad living situations. Yet, you gotta figure out what
your options are and take them.

Speaker 1 (22:45):
And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go
on to the next one.

Speaker 3 (22:48):
My girlfriend has been texting my roommate while we're all
in the same room. What messages are you trying to
send over there? My girlfriend twenty two females and I
twenty three mins. I have always had a lot of
fun together. She is my best friend and the absolute
love of my life, and I genuinely thought we were
on the same page about our future. I plan to

(23:10):
propose this Christmas and already have her father's blessing. Everything
felt solid and secure up until recently. That's why what's
been happening has shaken.

Speaker 4 (23:20):
Me so badly.

Speaker 3 (23:21):
By the way this comes from tug It Away, and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to
the r slash Okay Storytime Separate.

Speaker 4 (23:27):
I'm Sophia, I'm Angie, I'm Carly, and we're here to give.

Speaker 3 (23:30):
Good advice goofully, but we don't have all the answers.
We're only here for a good time. But you might
know things, so let us know.

Speaker 4 (23:36):
You know, Ohpi says.

Speaker 3 (23:38):
Recently, I noticed her acting differently with our roommate, who
is also one of my oldest friends. He's known for
being a womanizer, woman woman and always has different girls
leaving in the same clothes they had on the night before.
One day, I came home from work and they were
quietly whispering in the kitchen. It sounded like a serious discussion,

(23:59):
and when the closed, I swear I heard her say.

Speaker 4 (24:03):
Sh he's home.

Speaker 3 (24:04):
When I walked into the room, they immediately shot apart.
It could have been paranoia on my part, I guess. Still,
the moment stuck with me and wouldn't leave my mind.
Then last night, when we were all sitting together watching
some stupid reality show that she loves, she was on
her phone the entire time. I tried to ignore it,
but the feeling in my stomach wouldn't go away.

Speaker 4 (24:26):
His phone buzzed.

Speaker 3 (24:28):
And I saw her name on his screen. They were
texting while we were all in the same room together.

Speaker 4 (24:34):
That can't be.

Speaker 3 (24:34):
Good, can it. It felt surreal to watch it happen
right in front of me. I couldn't focus on anything
else after that. Now I don't know what to do.
How do I even bring this up without sounding accusatory
or unhinged? Do I confront her directly? Or do I
talk to him first? Do I need to snoop for
evidence or would that just make everything worse? Relevant comments

(24:57):
inspector Gadget says, really, your mind jumped to cheating because
mine jumped a Christmas surprise. Mister Shush says, You've got
some circumstantial evidence here. It certainly could be bad, but
it could also be nothing. Christmas is coming up. Maybe
she's working on a surprise gift for you. Talk to her.
A ruined surprise is a small price to pay for

(25:20):
preserving what sounds like a good relationship. It is a
Christmas surprise surprise. I'm cheating on you, Delia says, why
is the first thing that comes to mind is that
she's being unfaithful to you with a roommate, I think
that area needs some more exploration. Has she cheated before?
How does she treat you? Has anything changed from how
she used to treat you? It is really a big

(25:41):
jump to accuse an ESSO of cheating on you, especially
with no background information. I have acted in a similar
way with my boyfriend's male friends, two of which were roommates,
and I have never cheated on my boyfriend.

Speaker 4 (25:54):
I was acting secretively because I had a surprise for
him and they were in on it. Update two days later,
whoa what do you think? Vote?

Speaker 3 (26:04):
Vote in the comments cheating or Christmas surprise.

Speaker 2 (26:08):
I'm gonna say Christmas surprise, Oh, Kansas.

Speaker 3 (26:12):
Christmas surprise, cheating Christmas? Okay, Okay, I'll go. I'll jump
out the Christmas jump with the Christmas train I want
to have.

Speaker 4 (26:20):
I want to have hope.

Speaker 2 (26:21):
I got two for Christmas train, one for cheating Christmas,
one for Christmas cheating Christmas.

Speaker 4 (26:25):
So he said, that is what I said, Yeah, what
do you think, Carli? I'm kind of confused with the options.
Are now Christmas Christmas.

Speaker 2 (26:32):
Cheating, Christmas Christmas cheating or cheating or just Christmas surprise?

Speaker 4 (26:36):
Christmas Surprise, does not have any anything up in the
air Christmas Surprise. Then I'll read it on the board.
All right, it's winning. Okay, cat Alien, says Jilli Bus.

Speaker 3 (26:48):
It reminds me of you know the Bolt, Yes, acclaimed
movie Bolt the Pigeons. They go, okay, what about Alien?

Speaker 4 (26:59):
I don't that sounds great? He's like, I got an
idea for you.

Speaker 3 (27:06):
Two days later, Thank you to anyone who replied with advice.
As one redditor rightly guest, I have been cheated on before.
It was one of those. After I found out and
ended it. It turns out some of my friends had
noticed and never bothered to tell me. So now I
worry I look for the signs a.

Speaker 4 (27:24):
Bit too much.

Speaker 3 (27:24):
She's never given me a reason not to trust her
until this whole roommate thing came about. I'd like to
clear up a few points. When he first moved in,
she didn't approve of his promiscuous ways. She was worried
about a lot of different girls having access to her
home when we're not there, And while she made her
feelings clear, they still remained civil, stayed out of each

(27:45):
other's way, small talk, et cetera. He told her His
only rule for sleeping around is that everyone involved had
to be single. He is a strong believer of bro code,
which makes this harder to swallow for me. She has
never made me feel the need to snoop. She charges
her phone on my nightstand instead of her own because
hers is full of books in the lamp. If she

(28:07):
has something to hide, she wouldn't leave her stuff so
out in the open, would she. After the other night,
she left her phone on my nightstand as usual and
pretty much went straight to sleep. I admit I tried
to look her password had changed, which shocked me a lot.
She only has a password to stop from butt dialing people.
Everyone knew our password. She's a very open book about stuff.

(28:30):
I got so angry I couldn't sleep. This is another
red flag, right, But I couldn't exactly wake her and
demand her new password. Good I without giving it all away?
I fumed for ages. Got about two hours of sleep.
Last night is where everything went wrong. She messaged me
saying she was on her way home and she'd meet

(28:51):
me there. Did I want anything specific for tea? I said, steak.
She said you can pick this up? She said, can you.

Speaker 4 (28:58):
Pick up this? And this from the store on your
way home.

Speaker 3 (29:01):
I said, yes, see you later, still angry and hurt
over my failed snooping attempt the night before. I get
to the store after work, knowing she was home, and
when I went to pick up what she asked for,
they had ran out. So I decided to ring her
to see if there was any alternative or to just
leave it. There was no answer. I rang again, no answer.

(29:22):
My stomach was in knots at this point. I ring
my roommate, no answer, stomach doing backflips. I rang the
house phone, no answer. So something in me snapped and
I rang over and over and let it constantly rang
until one of them picked up. She eventually answers, sounding
out of breath. Another red flagged me. I was so

(29:45):
angry at this point I snapped at her, saying, where
the f have you've been?

Speaker 4 (29:50):
She claims to have been in the shower.

Speaker 3 (29:52):
I ask where the F is he? She claims to
not know. The house was empty when she got home.
I don't believe her and say I'll be home in
twenty I gave her an incorrect time, so if they
were up to something i'd catch them in the act.
I was home within five and When I got there,
she had got back into the shower. He wasn't home,

(30:13):
but I you know what Riley says. What does he
say when people are taking showers? Probably probably got.

Speaker 4 (30:19):
Up to no good?

Speaker 3 (30:20):
Is always says something like that. It's not exactly a
direct quest. When you're taking showers, you probably are showering,
probably because you were a little dirty.

Speaker 4 (30:29):
Angie never showers. That's why he's okay with it. Never showers.
I'm just always clean. She goes, She goes, she just
the bewitched like nose twitch. Yeah yeah, and then she
just she's clean.

Speaker 3 (30:43):
Now. Her phone was on the table, so I guessed
her password again and again until I disabled her phone.
I was so angry I didn't even care. I banged
on the bathroom door and told her to get out.

Speaker 4 (30:53):
We need to talk.

Speaker 3 (30:54):
She came out, wrapped in a towel, eyes worried. I
demanded to know what was going on. She said she
had no idea what I was on about. I told
her to unlock her phone because I know they are
up to something. She started to get upset and begged
me not to do this. She said I was ruining everything,
sounding like an omission to me, so I called her

(31:14):
a salute and said, if she didn't show me your
phone right now, I was leaving. She started crying, unlocked
her phone and threw it at me, then went to
our bedroom and shut the door. Instead of following, I
started reading, Well, read it half if you were right
it was a Christmas surprise.

Speaker 4 (31:30):
Oh you're freaking ale. You're a freaking ale, freaking a
hole ife. Wow, you're ruining everything.

Speaker 2 (31:40):
That sounded like Christmas to me, my guy, not an admission.

Speaker 3 (31:43):
So, so what we've just happened? What we've just learned here?
First of all, you see them texting each other. You
go to reddit rd. It tells you, hey, why don't
you talk to her? Instead of talking to her, you
then try to access her phone. Bad, don't do that.
Then you go to the store. You're angry at her.
Instead of talking to her, you try and call her.

(32:06):
She doesn't pick up. You try and call again, she
doesn't pick up. Then you start getting really aggressive on
the phone.

Speaker 4 (32:11):
Say you're coming home. You come home, she's in the shower.
You'll try again on the way home. Yeah, you trick her.

Speaker 3 (32:18):
You try again to break into her personal phone. Then,
when you can't do that, aggressively bang on the door,
and I'm now scared if I'm in her place, I'm terrified.
Then she comes out, she said, no, no, like you're
ruining everything. You call her a derogatory name again, continue

(32:39):
continuing to get even more aggressive.

Speaker 4 (32:41):
You don't deserve to be in this relationship anymore.

Speaker 3 (32:43):
No, she was literally just trying to do something nice
for you. Yeah, you don't deserve to be in this relationship.
Our roommate works at a sports shop. She had arranged
for me to get a whole new football kit, not
just for me, but for my entire Sunday League team.

Speaker 4 (32:55):
She had been.

Speaker 3 (32:55):
Asking the guys there are sizes and messaging them to
my roommates so he can keep them to one side
for her at the store. I felt so sick. This
amazing girl has been trying to do something for me
that I really needed. I'm captain of the Sunday League team,
and I've been moaning about the cost.

Speaker 4 (33:11):
Of a new kit.

Speaker 3 (33:12):
So she's using her own money to do this for me,
and I've just called her a salute and accused her
of sleeping with her roommate. I heard her crying from
our bedroom, so I knocked on it and started apologizing efit.
I even got upset and started crying. I can't believe
I caused this. She wouldn't answer the door, kept telling
me to f off. Then she used the phone in
our room to ring her dad. He came for asked

(33:35):
no questions on why she was upset, just gave me
the look that makes my butt leak. She packed a
bag and she's gone back to her parents' place. I
broke down and confessed I'd been planning on proposing. I
don't know what I expected it to do. But she
got really angry and told me, after four years together,
if I can jump to an extreme conclusion so quickly
that I'm not ready to be married, She's right. I

(33:58):
don't know her at all, I clearly don't trust and
there is no hope for us.

Speaker 4 (34:02):
She's right.

Speaker 3 (34:03):
I've been blowing up her phone since until she either
blocked me or turned it off.

Speaker 4 (34:08):
Wow, so we were right.

Speaker 2 (34:10):
I honestly like, wasn't even sold on my Christmas idea.

Speaker 4 (34:13):
I'm never sold on a Christmas surprise. I just really
wanted it to be a wholesome thing. Yeah, me too.

Speaker 3 (34:20):
And there also just was not that much evidence. No,
there was truly, maybe ten percent of evidence. Yeah, literally,
all he knew was that his roommate had texted his girlfriend.

Speaker 2 (34:31):
Yeah, then if you had been Like, even if you
had been cheated on before, you've been with this person
for four years, Like I know, obviously it can still
happen after that time, but.

Speaker 4 (34:41):
You're planning on proposing to her. Yeah, it's like, maybe let's.

Speaker 2 (34:45):
Deal like this is a trauma response or something, or
you're or at least you're having a poor response because
you haven't dealt with your trauma. Maybe let's deal with
our trauma before we'd marry someone.

Speaker 3 (34:56):
And even if she had been cheating, Yeah, you still
would have been the a totally because you didn't reproach
it in a mature way. You snuck around, You invaded
her privacy. Yeah, you approached her aggressively and you never
actually asked. There is a little bit left. Well read it.
I let my anger get the best of me, and
now I've lost the best thing that ever happened to me.
She told my roommate too, and he came home pissed

(35:17):
at me as well. He said he can't believe I
think he would do that to me. She left me
roommate is pissed at me. Safe to say I ruined
Christmas and lost my incredible girl. Any advice how to
fix this? I don't want it to end over something
soft on my part. Final comments you can call me
cal says after.

Speaker 4 (35:36):
Four years together. If I can jump to an extreme
conclusion so quickly.

Speaker 3 (35:39):
YadA YadA, buddy, I'm sorry, but I'm fairly certain your
relationship is screwed beyond all repair. Whether or not she
takes you back, you really need to look into getting
some therapy for yourself. Frankly, it wasn't fair of you
to judge your girlfriend based on your ex's mistakes, and
you will destroy many more relationships in the future duty

(36:00):
lack of trust and your inability to resolve conflict fairly
without name calling. Deleted says in the spirit of Thanksgiving,
I am thankful that I am not dating Op and
that is the end of that story.

Speaker 1 (36:13):
Hey, it's Dakota, your favorite goofball host here, and we're
going to get back to the stories. But here's three
minutes of ads from our sponsors.

Speaker 3 (36:21):
My boyfriend's friend repeatedly intruded on Christmas, so I snapped
at her as you should, girl, I female twenty four,
and with my longtime boyfriend and best friends since birth,
male twenty three. Let's call him Will. Our moms were
best friends in high school, and since we are less
than a year apart, we grew up extremely close and
we're always together.

Speaker 4 (36:41):
By the way, this comes from winnow I see.

Speaker 3 (36:44):
And if you want to submit your own stories, couldn't
be our slash Okay, storytime suppared it.

Speaker 4 (36:48):
I'm Sophia and I'm Savannah, and we're here to give
good advice. Goofy, But we don't have all the answers.

Speaker 3 (36:52):
We only know what we do, So let us know
what you would do in the comments, op, says Will.
His twin brother, let's call him Wyatt and I spent
our childhood inseparable, going on vacations, having summer sleepovers, and
doing everything as a trio. Will and I basically had
crushes on each other since elementary school, but only officially
started dating when I was a sophomore and he was

(37:13):
a freshman in high school. We have only ever dated
each other. When it was time for college, I was
set to start first since I was a grade ahead.
We both decided I should take a gap year so
we could start college together well. We both ended up
taking multiple gap years. We had decent jobs and the
luxury of being able to travel, so we did. This year,

(37:35):
all three of us started college for the first time,
bless Will and Wyatt's best friend let's call him Ian
at mail twenty three. As the years went by before
I started college, I kept switching ideas for majors. I
eventually chose one that was not offered at the college
we all wanted to attend. I talked with a Will
about it and we decided we could still make it

(37:55):
work since the college that offered my major was only
about an hour car ride away. College started and I
ended up absolutely hating my major. I decided I would
switch majors and transfer to the original college, which Will
was super happy about, and I would be moving into
the apartment he shares with Wyatt and Ian. Now moving

(38:17):
on to the actual problem. It was winter break and
I was beyond excited to finally spend time with Will,
since we barely saw each other during the semester. Even
though we texted constantly and facetimed every night, sometimes only
for five minutes, it was not the same. I missed
him deeply and had been counting down the days, so
imagine my surprise when I came home for break, went

(38:39):
to his parents' house and that there was a girl
sitting in the living room with them. Will came up
and greeted me like everything was completely normal and introduced
me to her. We'll call her Abby, female nineteen. Wyatt
told me they had all grown close to her at
college and that she had become like a best friend
to them.

Speaker 4 (38:55):
I was floored.

Speaker 3 (38:57):
Will never once mentioned make it any close friends at college,
let alone a girl. I could tell by my expression
that Will knew. I was not thrilled, but since we
were around the others, I stayed quiet. Not long after,
I went to help Will and Wyatt's mom in the
kitchen and asked her if she knew anything about Abbey.
Asked Tod, maybe her family live far away, or if

(39:19):
she could not afford to travel, or if she had
a bad home life. I was looking for anything that
could make sense of this. She told me she had
asked the same questions because she was also a bit
weirded out. They told her Abbey had a good relationship
with her family, but simply wanted to spend Christmas with friends.

Speaker 4 (39:35):
This year, that's not I don't know much wish typically
that if you have a good relationship with your family,
typically not spending it with the friends. My mom gets
so sad when my because my brother hurt his wife's
family lives in Florida, and so like one year they'll
go in Ohio, the other year they'll go Florida, and
my mom gets so sad. Yeah, when he doesn't spend

(39:58):
Christmas with us.

Speaker 3 (39:59):
But dude, I'm going to be sad at like if
it gets to the point where, like I have to
like whenever it gets to the point where you have
to like start switching family.

Speaker 4 (40:07):
Right, I know I think about that. I'm like, what, No,
they can come here? Yeah?

Speaker 5 (40:12):
What?

Speaker 3 (40:13):
That rubbed me the completely wrong way. I cannot imagine
ditching my family to spend Christmas with two guys I
have only known for three or four months, especially when
I'm not dating either of them. For context, Wyatt is
attracted to the same gender. I talked to Will about
it later that night and told him I was uncomfortable.

Speaker 4 (40:30):
With Abby being there.

Speaker 3 (40:31):
This was supposed to be our time together after months apart,
and it is a family holiday and she is not family.
Will told me he understood, but said she was just
a good friend and wanted to.

Speaker 4 (40:41):
Spend Christmas with them. He said he felt too bad
to tell her.

Speaker 5 (40:44):
No.

Speaker 3 (40:45):
This is not a is my boyfriend cheating situation. I
genuinely trust Will and do not believe he would ever
cheat on me. I admit I get jealous sometimes, but
I really do not think I am being unreasonable here.
I do not mind him having friends of a different
gender as long as boundaries are expected. This feels like
a massive boundary issue to me. We were supposed to
use this break to reconnect, but instead this girl, who

(41:07):
has already been spending months with them, is constantly around.
This feels like a non issue to me. Yeah, this
feels like kind of I think, ohpee, maybe you are
overreacting a little bit about her just being here because
she's got two other guys she can spend time with.

Speaker 4 (41:21):
Exactly, That's what I was thinking.

Speaker 3 (41:23):
Yeah, So, like, just talk to your boyfriend and say, hey,
I really want to like have some time just one
on one.

Speaker 4 (41:27):
Yeah, it's not like he's like skipping out on their
time to spend time with her. Yeah, not that we
know of at least, but like, you know, you know,
like you're not with your family exactly. Yeah, like what
else is she supposed to do? I don't know.

Speaker 3 (41:39):
We're technically not Like, yes, you are in a sense family,
but you're not married to your boyfriend.

Speaker 4 (41:44):
You know, you're not biologically family.

Speaker 3 (41:46):
So I think I think you're beaving a little bit territorially,
and I feel like you're not mad at the thing
that I would expect you to be mad at.

Speaker 4 (41:54):
You know, I agree, which you know you can.

Speaker 3 (41:56):
We're our emotions aren't always how we expect them to be.
But I think you need to sit with that and
be like, why am I actually mad at this? I
thought maybe she would spend more time with Wyatt so
Will and I could do our own thing.

Speaker 4 (42:07):
That did not happen.

Speaker 3 (42:08):
We went ice skating two days ago, which is one
of our traditions, and Abby immediately wanted to come. When
we got ready, we tried to watch a movie in
the basement and Abbi showed up. We went to look
at Christmas lights and Abby wanted to come. We went
Christmas shopping and Abbi wanted to come. We had a
date plan for the Christmas Market and she knew it
was a date and still wanted to come that time,
Will did say no. The only time Wyatt was with

(42:30):
us during any of this was for the Christmas lights,
so it was not about her not wanting to be alone.
I finally snapped tonight, Will and I were getting ready
to go to my grandma's house to decorate cookies, which
is something we do every year. Abby asked where we
were going, and Will answered her. She then asked again
if she could come. This is where I might be

(42:50):
the a hole. I told her no, that she could
not come, and that she had intruded enough on this
break already.

Speaker 4 (42:55):
Yeah, she just a little bit day, just a little
bit of a hole.

Speaker 3 (42:59):
You literally could have just said like, I'm sorry, you know,
my grandma just likes to do it with us.

Speaker 4 (43:03):
Yeah, that's it. But the thing is, OHP has seemingly
got to the breaking point. Yeah, OHP has a lot
of resentment of just like oh, like I want her gone,
Like this is my time. This is was supposed to
be our time, you know, and now it's just like,
h like stop asking, Like I get that. Oh He's
annoyed and frustrated, and.

Speaker 3 (43:21):
And Aby is seemingly annoying like this this does feel annoying. Well, yeah,
but I feel like it's like a Will problem, like
Will needs to just realize my girlfriend doesn't want or
like you need to talk to Will so that he
realizes my girlfriend doesn't want three on you know, three time,
she wants two person time. Yeah, and then he needs
to start setting the boundary.

Speaker 4 (43:40):
Well, I'm also thinking like maybe Abby isn't from there,
and this is like, you know, if she were to
go to her family would be like you know, either
hours or like states away, you know, or yeah, and
then be like, oh I rather just like, you know,
stay with you guys, you seem cool whatever, And then like,
you know, maybe she hasn't seen these like different traditions,
you know, like or maybe she's even like international and

(44:00):
like has never seen, you know, like all of these
different things like oh I've always wanted to go ice
gain or oh my gosh, I've never decorated Christmas, you know,
like kind of like.

Speaker 3 (44:08):
She doesn't like she's just you put in her foot
in it and doesn't realize yeah, which again is on
Will as the person who brought her here to be
like hey, like you know whyat I think Whyatt would
be loved to do something with you or even talk
to Why and be like, Hey, do you.

Speaker 4 (44:25):
Mind like ganging out with Aby because we want to
do a date?

Speaker 3 (44:27):
Yeah, just like being honest saying this is sorry, this
is like a date that we planned.

Speaker 1 (44:32):
Yeah, like.

Speaker 3 (44:35):
I told her, she knew we had not seen each
other in four months, and yet kept inserting herself. I
told her to go back to her family for Christmas
because she was not part of this family and never
would be girl. She cried and ran to the guest room.
Will got extremely mad at me and called me ridiculous
and a jealous brat. I am genuinely fed up. This
girl either wants my boyfriend or she has a major

(44:58):
boundary problem. Either way, I do not want to deal
with it. It was painfully awkward at my grandma's house
because Will was still angry with me as time. As
time passed, I found myself getting angry at him too.
He withheld information about getting close to another girl. Now
that I have met her, I am concerned because she
seems unhealthily attached to Will and has not made much

(45:20):
effort to spend time with Wyatt. Letting her come home
for Christmas and into our reunion time feels extremely disrespectful
to me. I know for a fact that if the
roles were reversed, Will would be furious. Christmas is in
two days, and I am not even excited anymore. This
was always my favorite holiday, and now it feels ruined.
I texted Ian about Abby and he told me that

(45:41):
she actually seemed closer to Wyatt than Will while they
were actually while they were at college. That just added
to my confusion. I honestly have no idea what is
going on anymore. So am I the ale for blowing
up at her? Any advice on what to do now
would be appreciated, thank you. And there is there's a
consensus that says it's Will's fault for not telling her

(46:03):
Abby was coming. He's also potentially cheating with Abby. There
are some comments, Yeah, I wouldn't go as so much
as like it's like a cheating I'm not gonna assume
that it's cheating because it's not like he's trying to
not spend time. He's planning stuff. And then Abby's like
can I come?

Speaker 4 (46:16):
Can I come? And it's you know, sometimes people have
a tough.

Speaker 3 (46:19):
Time being like no, yeah, in which case what needs
to happen here is you need to have a converce.
You need to stop lashing out at Abby and taking
your anger at her or at your boyfriend out on her.

Speaker 4 (46:32):
I think you need to go to Will say what
we already said.

Speaker 3 (46:35):
I feel like you haven't been putting up boundaries. You've
been letting your join out her dates. And I really
wanted to spend time with you. And yeah, and I
think you do need to apologize to Abby.

Speaker 4 (46:47):
Yeah, I think definitely apologize to Abby op because that
wasn't cool. You don't even know the situation that, like
you know, she's going through or whatever, like you know,
you know, is.

Speaker 3 (46:55):
Like, oh, she wanted to be with friends, but you
don't you know, she could be lying, she could have
some other situation going on.

Speaker 4 (47:01):
We don't know. I don't want to assume. Yeah, I
wouldn't want to assume either. I just think that it's
a hard situation. But I don't think that anyone's trying
to like hide anything. It doesn't seem that way. It
seems like it's just she's lonely, she doesn't have anyone
hang out with, and she's just like you guys are
doing fun things. Can I calm.

Speaker 3 (47:18):
Yeah, comments O P Says, I'll definitely talk with will soon.
I think I need to calm down a bit first, though,
writing this just made me more angry at him and
the situation.

Speaker 4 (47:28):
My mind definitely jumps to conclusions fast, which definitely doesn't
help my case.

Speaker 3 (47:34):
This is what angered me the most. I don't understand
why neither of them told me. Since we're older than
the normal age of starting college and he was going
with his brother and best friend. I honestly just assumed
we wouldn't be trying to go out and make friends.
I honestly just assumed we wouldn't be trying to go
out and make friends, which I understand can sometimes happen naturally,

(47:55):
So I never really asked about it, and I can't
understand for the life of me why he could and
just tell me. I'm going to talk to him later
about it for sure. And there is an update. Hello everyone,
Thank you so much for all the comments and advice.

Speaker 4 (48:07):
Since I'm going to be busy during Christmas, I wanted
to update this today. Now here is the update.

Speaker 3 (48:13):
After two panic attacks and thinking way too much, Oh no,
I tried to calm myself down. After a few hours,
I texted him and asked if he could come over
so we could talk. He arrived and instantly apologized to
me for calling me a jealous brat. He said I
had every right to be annoyed and upset. He just
wished I was less harsh.

Speaker 4 (48:33):
I apologized as well and said I was a bit
too hard.

Speaker 3 (48:36):
I told him I should have communicated better, and thanks
to all the advice, I realized I definitely should have
said something sooner rather than letting it all blow up.
He told me that he should communicate better as well
in the future, and we promised each other we would.
After that, I immediately asked why he even kept his
friendship with her a secret in the first place. He

(48:57):
told me that he told me that he knew ID
be upset about his friendship with a girl, and he
did not want to tell me and make me.

Speaker 4 (49:04):
Worry while we were at different colleges. That's a terrible reason. Yeah,
that is a terrible reason. That's super sketchy. Yeah, that's
worse to just like not say anything. Yeah, He's like, well,
I knew you'd be upset, so I didn't tell you. Like, okay, cool,
and now I'm upset that you didn't tell me. So
did it work out?

Speaker 3 (49:19):
Yeah? Did that go according to your plan. Well, I
am not going to lie and say that would not
have stressed me out a bit. I still had a
right to know. My face must have shown that I
was not happy with that excuse, because he instantly apologized
again and said he made a mistake and how he
handled the whole situation. He told me he genuinely does
not have any feelings for her beyond friendship and that

(49:41):
he would never cheat on me. He told me his
mom sat him down after I left and laid everything
out for him. She talked to him about how suspicious
this must look to me, how trust was broken, and
how he completely blindsided me. He said that conversation really
made him think about his actions. He looked very genuine
even started to tear up. Will then told me that

(50:02):
Abby had asked Whyatt a couple of weeks ago if
she could come to their Christmas instead of spending it
with her parents this year, because she wanted to hang
out with them and thought it would be fun. Will
said Whyatt texted him about the idea as soon as
she asked, and that he immediately shut it down. He
told Wyatt it probably was not a good idea, since
I would not like it. He showed me the text

(50:24):
messages between him and Wyatt without me even asking, however,
Whyatt told Will that since it was the first time
Will and I had been apart before Christmas break, we
would probably be spending even more time alone together than normal.
He said it could be nice if Will had a
friend to spend some time with, and Will felt bad,
so he agreed, what that Will had a friend? Yeah, wait,
what I would make It would make sense if Wyatt

(50:46):
had a friend is many.

Speaker 4 (50:47):
Yeah, that's what I would think too. But Will, now
it's like hold on.

Speaker 3 (50:52):
I asked him why he could not have just told
me that from the very beginning, but he said, I thought.
But he said he thought, I understand that he was
not the one who invited her. I'm not going to lie.
That really pissed me off, because what do you mean?
I obviously told him that was something we needed to
work on when it came to communication, and he agreed.

(51:12):
He said he had absolutely no idea that Abby would
insist on intruding on her alone time together. He also
said he should have told her no after the second
time she tried, but he was too shocked and confused
by her behavior. To do anything because she never acted
that way toward him at college. This lined up with
what Ian told me earlier that she seemed much closer

(51:33):
to Wyatt. I also asked Wyatt and Ian to confirm,
and they told me she never acted that way toward
Will at college at all. Will told me that he
realized Abby must like him after she kept trying to
include herself and our plans the third time and did
not make much of an effort to hang out with Wyatt,
which was the entire reason she was invited. Okay, so

(51:53):
that must have been a type of earlier I think
Wyatt was saying, like, I want a friend.

Speaker 4 (51:57):
To hang out with me. Okay. So confirmed all of
this on a call and told me he was surprised
by her behavior the whole time. He said he had
tried to talk to her about it, and she apparently
said she did not mean any harm and just wanted
to hang out with Will as well, which I'm not
sure I really believe. Wyatt also said that.

Speaker 3 (52:17):
Whenever he would ask if she wanted to go do
something with him, she would always say she wanted to
stand side and relax, which, girl, you had no problem
trying to go out with Will and me. When we
left the house, Will told me that in the morning,
once we went back to his house, he would tell
Abby that it would be best for her to spend
Christmas with her family. He also said that once they
get back to college, it would be best if they

(52:38):
all kept their distance. Wyatt and Ian agreed to the
same thing, so she would not still be hanging around
with them. I will also be transferring to the third
College for the upcoming spring semester, which was already planned
before this whole incident. It is not something they could
be lying about since they know I will be living
with them soon. Okay, so it seemed like there was

(52:58):
a lot of like lying going on.

Speaker 4 (53:00):
Yeah, it seemed like everyone was kind of like beating
around the books and there was a lot of miscommunication
on like who invited who and what people were doing
and what plans there were, and then it was like
huh so and then also like you know, Abby trying
to be like, well, maybe I also like Will and
I'm gonna try to slip in there, which is weird

(53:20):
and go on.

Speaker 3 (53:21):
But like I'm wondering how she was acting on these dates.

Speaker 4 (53:25):
You know, Yeah, me too, like it cause yeah, I
don't know.

Speaker 3 (53:30):
I feel like third wheeling is not fun.

Speaker 4 (53:33):
Yeah, it's not like I want to go there just
to third wheel, Like, I don't know, like was she
like touchy, was she talking to him? Was she flirty?

Speaker 3 (53:41):
What was she doing on these dates? Because I think
that is a good indication on whether or not she
was trying to flirt because before Op didn't even like
bring it up that she was being flirty or anything,
So I feel like she wasn't. She was just going
on these things, which is weird.

Speaker 4 (53:56):
Yeah, I don't know if like she had like a
plan in mind or something and go in or I
have no idea, but she's like, I don't know the
second that'll be falls at ice skating, I swoop in
there and be like, oh are you okay? Oh no,
and then he sees how nice I am.

Speaker 3 (54:12):
So now it's done. Abby did not take it particularly
well and told us that she would back off if
she could stay she's She also said it was not
fair to make her leave the day before Christmas Eve,
but will remain firm, which I appreciated. I did apologize
to her for being too harsh, and she just nodded.
Wyatt already drove Abby back home a few hours ago,

(54:33):
and a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If he could drive her home, she why is she
complaining she could be she was close enough to be
driven home.

Speaker 4 (54:42):
Yeah. I mean he did say a few hours, but
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (54:46):
A few hours ago.

Speaker 3 (54:47):
Oh yeah, I didn't even know. No, she was spending
the whole Christmas with y'all when she was like a
drive away.

Speaker 4 (54:54):
Yeah, and she was like twenty minutes away. Yeah, that's weird.

Speaker 3 (54:57):
I realize it is not the most thrilling update, but
I am glad we promised each other better communication because
I can see that was something we were struggling with
on both ends. Thank you again for all the advice
and comments. I hope everyone is a merry Christmas and
happy Holidays. And if you do not celebrate, I hope
you have a great day as well. And that's the
end of that story.

Speaker 2 (55:17):
Hey, it's Angie, your favorite fake redhead host here, and
we're going to get back to the stories.

Speaker 4 (55:23):
But here's a three minute ad break from our sponsors.
I expected my girlfriend to care for me after an accident,
but she didn't. Sounds like that relationship was an accident
I thirty two, Mail was in a serious car accident.
But I'll be able to leave the hospital soon. The
doctor said, I won't have any permanent damage, but I'll
have to go through a long rehabilitation process to be

(55:45):
able to walk normally again. Oh gosh, horrible. I'm sorry. Ope,
for at least the first few months, I'll need help
with basic things. I'm relieved about the long term outlook,
but the short term reality feels overwhelming. By the way,
This from a sea worthiness Tall three seventy five and
if you want to submit your own stories, go to

(56:05):
the r slash Okay story Times. Subredd A. I am Savannah,
I'm Sophia, and we are here to give some good
advice Gooflee. But obviously we don't have all the answers.
We would only tell you what we would do in
this situation, but we would love to know what you
would do in the comments. As Op says, I've been
in a relationship for five years with my girlfriend thirty,
but we don't live together. When my mother came to

(56:26):
visit me in the hospital, she asked whether I wanted
her to move into my place, or whether my girlfriend
would give me the support I need. At the time,
I didn't think much about it because I assumed the
answer was obvious. I thought my girlfriend and I would
naturally take this step together. Talk to my girlfriend, assuming
she would move in with me for at least the
six to eight months it will take for me to

(56:46):
be able to take care of myself again. She was
very clear in saying that she would not move in
and would not help me in the way I was expecting.
There was no hesitation or uncertainty in her response. Hearing
that felt like the ground shifted under me. Her plan
was to pay for a caregiver for me and visit

(57:06):
so we could spend time together. Since I won't be
able to go out for a while like we used to,
I should say that I'm not doing well with the
idea of being so dependent on anyone. Still, I had
convinced myself that this experience could strengthen our relationship and
bring us closer. I thought facing something difficult together was
part of what being a couple meant. My father had
a workplace accident when I was twelve, and my memories

(57:28):
of my mother taking care of him shaped part of
my idea of love and devotion. Well, yes, but they
were married. Yeah, children, it's a different that's a different situation,
Like I get it, but like, yes, you that's a
relationship where you should care. Yeah, but like this one,
it's hard because you're not like married or like I
don't know.

Speaker 3 (57:48):
Like five years is a long time. It is and
it I don't know yet. You could be upset that
she is not willing to stay through it. But also
I think there is a measure of like not everyone.

Speaker 4 (57:59):
Is cut out. Yeah, and maybe she couldn't handle it,
maybe like it's like too much on her, like she's
stressed out that maybe she'll do something wrong and make
it something worse, or you know, like you.

Speaker 3 (58:07):
Don't want that rement to build in a relationship with
yam is like not equipped to be a caretaker, and.

Speaker 4 (58:12):
Then they just have to be forced into that. That's worse, Like, yeah,
you don't want that. Watching her support him during that
time left a deep impression on me. That's what I
was clinging to in order to cope with what I
imagine will be a few very humiliating and difficult months.
I thought that kind of care was a natural expression
of love. Yes and no. It just really depends who

(58:33):
you are, Like if you're not like the caregiver type,
then you're just not you know, and some people aren't.
It was quite shocking to hear her say that she
will take care of me just in her own way.
She explained that if I'm not okay with that, then
I should ask my mother to take care of me instead.
She didn't say it unkindly or angrily. It was simply

(58:54):
stated as a fact. There are cultural factors as well.
I'm American, and her family seems to have traveled half
the world. On her mother's side, her great grandmother was
Italian and emigrated to Brazil, where she married a Portuguese man.
On her father's side, her grandfather was Dutch, immigrated to
Spain and married a Spanish woman. My girlfriend was born
in Brazil but lived for many years in France and

(59:15):
in the UK. We've already faced many cultural differences because
of this, and I don't know whether this is another
case of that. In any case, there wasn't an argument.
It's hard to argue with her because she doesn't really
argue at all. She rarely loses her patience and is
very articulate. She simply laid out the options and told
me to decide saying I'm unhappy would be an understatement.

(59:37):
What she proposed does make sense, and that's what makes
me question myself. I can see the logic behind it,
and part of me understands her position. At the same time,
I can't shake how hurt and disappointed I feel. So
am I the A whole? I don't think anyone here
hole Yeah, yeah, don't think anyone here is an a hole.
I think you have a right to feel frustrated that
this partner is not taking care of you in the

(59:59):
way that you expected, but we're wanted. Everyone has like
a different opinion of that obviously, Like you.

Speaker 3 (01:00:03):
Even know what the way is, yea, Yeah, she said,
I'll take care of you, but it might not be
the way that you want.

Speaker 4 (01:00:09):
Yeah, And like I don't know, like it just it's
really about like comfortability for the caregiver, you know. Like
also it may hurt her to see you in that pain,
you know, like it's and I know, like you know
it's hard because you're actually going through the pain, but
like it's another thing for like someone to see it.
Like I mean, for example, like my my mom had

(01:00:29):
to see like both of her parents go through pain
before they passed. And it's like like obviously they felt
they needed to, but at times they would step away
be like I can't see them like that. You know.
It's just like there's things that you can handle and
things you can't, and it really could be any day,
like I can handle this today, I feel good, and
the next day something happened, it's like I can't even
Like this is way too hard for me, you know. Consensus,

(01:00:51):
Hey ho, there are some notable comments comments Uh number one,
I SUCs I suspect you are feeling this way. I
suc I suspect you are feeling this way because her
idea of taking care of you contrast drastically with your romanticized,
slash idealized memory from your childhood. You really expected for
her or your mother to slave over you for six

(01:01:14):
to eight months at your beck and call. Yeah, you
are definitely crossing the a whole line. Do either of
these ladies work outside the home? Your girlfriend is a keeper.
She knows her own limits, knows what she will tolerate,
comes up with good plans, and communicates very clearly and well.
Another commentary, you are the a hole. Caregiving is a

(01:01:34):
massive responsibility and drain just because your mother did. It
doesn't mean anyone else on earth needs to do it,
particularly if there are resources and choices. How selfish do
you have to be? Update? Yesterday I posted about my
dilemma with my girlfriend who said she would not take
care of me during my rehab. I was such an
idiot that the post ended up being flagged as fake.

(01:01:54):
I had no idea. My idealization sounded that absurd. I
read enough comments to realize that I am the a
hole in this situation. I could not reply to everyone
individually because there were too many comments and I did
not want to overdo it while still recovering. So I
am going to answer the main questions and give an

(01:02:15):
update here. I love my girlfriend. I would do anything
for her, and I know she is the one. We
are not married because she does not want to be.
I thought about asking her to marry me in our
first year together.

Speaker 3 (01:02:26):
But she's not a big fan of surprises.

Speaker 4 (01:02:28):
I also knew that if I made a big public proposal,
she would say no without hesitation, even if she did
want to get married. I agree. I don't want a
big thing. No don't I don't I want so pressured no,
don't do it. In front of people. I want to
party afterwards, Yes, a party with friends, family, yes, like
people that I know, but don't do it in front
of people.

Speaker 3 (01:02:46):
No.

Speaker 4 (01:02:46):
No, I wanted to be like intimate.

Speaker 3 (01:02:49):
I want like just us. We're I don't know, walking
in a cute area. Maybe it's an area that we've
been to before, has some sort.

Speaker 4 (01:02:56):
Of meaning to us, and just like there it is
like it doesn't have to be a whole show and whatever,
like and then you're my family's here, but.

Speaker 3 (01:03:08):
They give us like I don't know, honestly, I'd prefer
I'd prefer well, maybe I want a photographer to be like, oh,
that that was my my friend did it for My
brother was like they were like in the woods and
like my friend was like, I.

Speaker 4 (01:03:24):
Want that, and then I want to be driven to
a party. So she would say no without hesitation, even
if she did want to get married. As you may
have noticed, she has very clear boundaries. Anyway, she told
me she was not interested in getting married, that marriage
meant nothing to her, and that it would not make
her more or less committed to our relationship. She said

(01:03:44):
that if it was important to me, you could get married. Eventually.
I thought about it for a long time, and obviously
I was very upset because I had idolized buying a
huge diamond, her being very happy and showing it off
to her friends. I think just wants a traditional woman,
and clearly she is not a traditional woman. Yeah, but
that doesn't mean she doesn't love you.

Speaker 5 (01:04:05):
No.

Speaker 4 (01:04:06):
That's the thing.

Speaker 3 (01:04:06):
OP is equating all of these things that are not traditional,
like homemaker, happy wife, happy life things with being a
bad relationship. When it's like it's like, no, she's just different.

Speaker 4 (01:04:17):
Yeah she's not what you expected, you know, what you
grew up with. Yeah, but that doesn't make it bad
or wrong. Yeah, it's just like she's just different, but
in a good way. You know. I already knew that
would not happen for reasons that would take too long
to explain. Basically, it was a stupid thought in more
than one sense. After thinking it through, I came to

(01:04:40):
the conclusion that I did not actually have a strong
desire to get married. I simply had this idea that
the next step was marriage, and that a woman expects
a ring. As for living together, I suggested that too.
I expected her to move in with me during lockdown,
but she ended up having a friend stay with her,
who had no family and did not want to be alone.
She also brought her mother over from Brazil because her

(01:05:01):
mother was was kind of a vid denier, and this
way my girlfriend had a bit more control over her
mother's antics. Okay, after the pandemic we talked about living
together again. She said she would be willing, but that
we would need to find another place and to find

(01:05:22):
some things like having separate bedrooms. She likes having her
own space organize her way. She said that when she
wanted to be alone, she would spend a few days
in a hotel, which is what she did when her
friend and her mother were living with her. Some of
these things seemed strange to me, but nothing truly outrageous,
so I agreed. We were looking for a place before
my accident. Regarding my level of devotion on and whether

(01:05:45):
I would be willing to do the same for her, yes,
I would do anything for her. One example is that
I know she traveled a lot and lived in many countries,
and before the pandemic she never stayed more than six
months in one place. The pandemic took its toll, and
now she is not as excited about traveling and has
no plans to move. However, I know this is not

(01:06:06):
her natural state, and that eventually she will want to
move again. Maybe it will maybe it will be just
to another city, or maybe to another country. I know
it will happen sooner or later, and I am ready
to pack my bags and follow her. If tomorrow she
tells me she wants to move to China, I will
be looking for plane tickets and a new physical therapists.

(01:06:27):
As for expecting her to drop everything to take care
of me, that is not what I expected. I will
not need that much help, nor for that long. I
cannot do much physically, and I need help getting around
at least until I am well enough. Until I am
well enough to use crutches, I can take care of
my personal hygiene on my own. She works, but she
does not have to. She has many projects and it

(01:06:50):
is hard to keep up with how many things she does. Currently,
she runs a very successful seo content agency and is
developing a crypto project. I know she has a lot
of freedom because sometimes she spends several days watching Netflix
and says she does not feel like working. She has
employees and basically leaves things to them and tells them.

Speaker 1 (01:07:10):
To figure it out the other day.

Speaker 4 (01:07:11):
She is very busy, has lots of online meetings, which
she hates, and complains that none of her employees are competent.
In short, I know she could balance work with taking
care of me, or simply not work at all, and
it would not affect her finances. Must be nice. We
have never combined our finances, so I do not really
know how much she makes or what her financial situation

(01:07:33):
is like. I always pay for everything we do together
because I think it is my responsibility as a man,
and I am doing very well financially. Honestly, I think
she makes more money than I do. She pays for
a cousin's college tuition, retired her mother at forty, and
I know she also sends money to her grandma. I
did not really think through the logistics or what things

(01:07:55):
would actually be like in practice. As I said, I
had I the situation. We do not have a big
height difference, but I probably weigh twice as much and
she does that twice as much as she does. It
would certainly be very difficult for her to help lift me.
I did not ignore her offer to pay for a caregiver,

(01:08:15):
although I may not have seen it as as generous.
I may not have seen it as a generous gesture
as many of you did. I could pay for a
caregiver myself, and since my girlfriend is very detached from money,
I did not really see it as a sacrifice or
a demonstration of love. She has a cleaner and a
cook According to her, it is cheaper for her to

(01:08:38):
work and pay people to do those things than to
lose work hours cooking and cleaning the house.

Speaker 3 (01:08:42):
Fair that's lovely. I would love that. I mean, we
got a cleaner. That's and I can tell you that's nice. Yeah,
see I am the cleaner, and yes.

Speaker 4 (01:08:51):
So I couldn't tell you how it feels you. You
don't have to be.

Speaker 1 (01:08:54):
I don't.

Speaker 4 (01:08:55):
I don't have to be. You could have a cleaner too.
She also so certainly does not want to do that
in her free time. For those who said she is
selfish or does not care about me because she did
not offer to take care of me the way I expected,
you are way off. She is generous, kind, and the
most understanding and empathetic person I know. She is the

(01:09:16):
type of person who when a waiter messes up her order,
will accept it so it does not get taken out
of his paycheck. She heard from some relatives that a
distant cousin had dropped out of law school because she
could not afford it. She immediately offered to pay her tuition.
How rich is this girl? I know she gotta be
rich for it. Yeah, she's like she got a home.

Speaker 1 (01:09:34):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:09:35):
I was like, cleaners are like, honestly, not that expensive.
If you like, you know, let's say you do it
like once every two weeks. It's not that crazy.

Speaker 4 (01:09:43):
You have a cost.

Speaker 3 (01:09:44):
Personal chefs are expensive. Personal chefs are expensive because you
need them. I'm like, every day basically, Yeah, you eat
every day. Yeah, she got it three times a day.
She's gotta be making money.

Speaker 4 (01:10:00):
Yeah, and also paying law school. Yeah that's not cheap.
Not cheap, notep. Dang, you got a hattie from Brazil. Yeah,
don't let her go. Don't do it. They had not
spoken since childhood, and she did not hesitate for a
second to help her cousin achieve her dream. Last year
was really hard for my brother. He ended up sleeping
on my couch for almost a year. He got scammed

(01:10:23):
and was left with a lot of debt. Oh. He
had to sell almost everything he owned and then lost
a job. A few weeks later, he fell into depression,
and I honestly do not think he would have climbed
out of that hole if it were not for my girlfriend.
She came over every day and played PlayStation with him
for hours. I was home, but I had to work
and could not give him that much attention. I also

(01:10:43):
did not know how to help. Sometimes they would just
sit there in silence for hours, and other times they
would talk for hours. When he stopped showering, she told
him his stink was messing up her game and that
his wins did not count because he was cheating.

Speaker 3 (01:10:58):
That's such a clever way to do it, to bring
you into like you need to take care of yourself.

Speaker 4 (01:11:02):
Can you die? That's so funny. After a few invalid
winds because of the smell, he started showering again. She
managed to get him to eat even when he did
not want to. She cooked comfort foods, especially desserts, and
at first my brother ate mostly out of politeness. She
helped him see that losing his job was not the
end of the world, because he hated that job anyway.

(01:11:25):
She also helped him accept that getting scammed had been
a stupid mistake on his part and that it was
normal because we all do dumb things. Little by little,
he started getting back on his feet. He went back
to studying switched fields and got a job he actually likes.
She sounds amazing. Yeah, this girl just sounds like she's
just most incredible. Yeah, Like she helps people out no
matter what, like, well, you know, show people the bright

(01:11:47):
side of things. You know, also has her boundaries, Like
this girl's a dream.

Speaker 3 (01:11:52):
I also, I think, you know, her paying for a cook,
cleaner and stuff makes a little bit more sense of
why she's saying, you know, like, hey, I'll help you,
but like we can afford to pay someone to do
a lot of this caretaking. Yeah, so so let's utilize
let's do that. Yeah, so I kind of get where
she's come from.

Speaker 4 (01:12:11):
At one point, he had a relapse and did not
want to take the meds his psychiatrists prescribed. My girlfriend
told him she had given him the chance to heal
on his own, but that it was not optional anymore.
She said that if he did not take the medication himself,
she was going to treat him like her dogs and
shove the pill down his throat. I do not know
if he believed her or just found it funny and ridiculous.

(01:12:31):
He is my younger brother, but he is a huge
gym guy, so it was like a rabbit challenging a bear.
Either way, he took the meds and only stopped when
the psychiatrist approved it. In short, she helped my brother
climb out of a very deep hole. I never asked
her to do any of this. She took the initiative,
and I could not be more grateful. I never thought

(01:12:52):
she was selfish, and I could never think that. My
Oh my irritation about the caregiver idea was not because
I thought she did not care about me enough to help.
I think that covers the main questions I have seen
so far. I talked to my girlfriend and accepted the caregiver.
She suggested I should clarify that she did not just
offer to pay for a caregiver. She offered to organize

(01:13:14):
everything related to my recovery. This includes interviewing caretakers, choosing
the one she thinks is best, organizing meals and groceries,
and arranging who will take me to rehab. Basically, she
is making it so I can just exist as an
invalid being taken care of. She also said she cannot
commit to taking me to rehab at least for the
first two months. Two weeks ago, she signed a contract

(01:13:37):
with a new client and does not know what her
schedule will look like until everything runs without needing her.
Because of that, she also cannot promise she will see
me every day. She did say that if she gets
too busy, she could work from my place on some days.
I'm not completely happy, but I have accepted that I
am the a whole. I Am going to let things
play out and see how it goes. Maybe I'll come

(01:13:57):
back in a few months to say how the exps
years when, yes, she is too good for me. You
though I love this, I think ultimately she does have
your best interests at heart. It's not like she's trying
to hurt anything or deny you, if any everything. It's
just you had a specific idea of something and she
just didn't fit that. No, but that doesn't mean she's

(01:14:19):
a bad person. It just means you just had a
lot of expectation.

Speaker 3 (01:14:23):
Yeah, and I'm realizing, oh, this is not my parents' relationship,
that's my own relationship exactly.

Speaker 4 (01:14:28):
And that's just and that's beautiful. Yeah, And so at
Brazilian lady who's taking care of you and your family
and family Yeah, like woo, she got her crap together.
Good for her and good for you, Opie. You got
a lucky one. And that's the end of this story.

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My roommate’s mother SECRETLY moved in to our dormitory…and I want her out! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2669

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}My roommate’s mother SECRETLY moved in to our dormitory…and I want her out! -r/BORUpdates | Reddit Stories | EP2669