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00:00 r/relationship_advice - My (41f) wife (40f) can't seem to stop throwing away my and our daughter's (3f) things and lying about it, and it has gotten to the point that I feel betrayed and can't trust her anymore. How do I deal with this situation?
22:51 r/relationship_advice - My (F27) protectiveness over our daughter (F1) made husband (M31) give me an ultimatum to either quit and go to therapy or separate. How can I show him that I trust him and work towards being less vigilant?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, this is Sam. This is John the og story
Time podcast host. Oh yeah, we got some great stories
coming up. But before that, we get a teeny two
minute break from the sponsors that keep this show propped
up like a little house. Oh yeah, my.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Wife can't stop throwing away our stuff. I'm getting tired
of it.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Sounds like you're about to move into a van.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
My wife channels Marie Kondo and throws out things that
she doesn't like when she goes on her cleaning spreeze.
The problem is that she will throw things that are
important to me or would be used by our daughter
a three female if offered. By the way, this comes
from Throwaway Soul and saffok and if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay
storytime supreddit.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
This is the opposite of an order.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yeah, she's just like tossed toss.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Honestly, not that mad.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Yeah. I would do this when I was really little.
I would like, just like toss a bunch of things.
I was like, I have to get rid of stuff anyway,
among other things. This is very frustrating because I have
had to rebuy and anything. I discovered that she did
this early in our relationship after a few too many
things were disappearing. Since then, I have practically begged her
(01:09):
to talk to me before throwing out things, like putting
them in a box for me to go through or
something like that. Instead, she will throw things away and
lie to me that she did not throw anything away.
When I go through the trash and find all the
things she threw away, she'll tell me she doesn't think
they mattered, and so they didn't count in my situation.
It was just my stuff, not other people's.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Why not matter to you? That's my PlayStation five man.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
One man's trash is another man's treasure. Haven't you ever
heard of that? Each time this happens, I've told her
how bad this makes me feel, and how it feels
disrespectful and controlling to make these decisions about our things
without discussing it with me first. This is something I've
made very very clear how much this upsets me to
(01:56):
not have autonomy over my own possessions. She doesn't these
purges terribly often, I'd say only a few times a year.
I'm definitely messier than her and probably keep things that
I don't really need, but I'm a team player follow
her lead about how she likes the house and far
from a hoarder. If she puts things in a trash
bag that she wanted to get rid of, I would
acquiesce to throwing out most of it.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Honeybee says, she has OCD.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
That's what I'm thinking. That's a possibility. Uh, But I
feel like a really easy solution is that she puts
all the things that she wants to get rid of
and then just says, hey, look look through all of this.
Is there anything you want to keep?
Speaker 1 (02:33):
But it probably bothers her to have it in a
box and seeing it all unorganized, like I must get
it the way. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
No, I'm just saying, like, right before she throws it out,
she's like, go check.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
I see.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
We otherwise have a very good and close relationship and
I love her deeply. Yesterday she cleaned up the house again,
promising that she didn't throw anything away. For some reason,
I believed her this time and just so happened to
notice bags of things she was throwing out when I
was taking out the trash. It included toys that our
daughter might like, but she's too young for what is
(03:06):
It included something I made for our daughter that she
loves and is very important to me. She threw away
disposable things that I would have had to buy again.
She threw away some of my clothes that I wear
regularly that she doesn't like but knows I don't want
to get rid of.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
What if hers is she getting rid of?
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Yeah, it took me a long time to dig through
the trash and return these things to their response. Internally,
I feel like I'm losing my mind. It's not the stuff,
it's the trust. She knows how I feel about this,
did it anyway and covered it up by lying again.
This is probably going to come across as melodramatic, but
it feels like a betrayal and violation of the trust
(03:44):
and faith I put in her, Almost equivalent to finding
out she was cheating on me.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Well, well, I don't know if that's really equivale.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
I mean, it's not equivalent, but I do understand that
OPI's saying like she's lying to me. Asked her not
to do this, she said, she promised she wouldn't, and
then did it anyway. She's not cheating.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
You didn't cheat on once. Let's see getting kissed that
at a club versus all I feel like every every
item getting thrown away, it stacks up over a period
of time, Like every item will say, like getting kissed
out of the club is a hundred points, yeah, and
then every item being thrown away is like half a
point at a time adds up.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yeah, Not that it's the same degree or equivalent, but
I have similar feelings of violation and loss of trust
of the type that I felt when I've been cheated
on before. Okay, so he's like, I'm coming with the receipts.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Yeah, because one, you have to buy this stuff. And
we just read a story where this guy spent like
three hundred thousand dollars and the girl was like, it's
probably better off that he cheated on me than did this,
because I mean, money is protecting in a way, because
he's protecting your future. So if you're always having to
buy stuff, like it's frustrating.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
And also just like the emotional kind of ties that
you have two objects, like if people you know, if
someone took any of my books away, because people place
less value on like my books than obviously I do.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
And she gets one book pool I have never gotten.
One of my friends dropped.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
I lent her a book and she accidentally dropped it
in a pool, and I have never loaned out my
books ever. Again. Recently, I was like, maybe I should
trust again because someone asked to borrow book and I
was like, okay. She returned it and it was a
little bit banged.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Up and it was kind of rit is it who
I think it is?
Speaker 2 (05:38):
No?
Speaker 1 (05:41):
And I was, what is a little bit banged up?
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Like a terror? I have no on the cover? See
this is why, this is why I feel a piece
of pain, because you guys are like, that's so silly,
but I'm like, my books are in pristine condition.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Dang it's it's like you can't even buy a new
one if it really is.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
No, Because I have emotional attachments to my books, I
have so many thoughts away me too. Talking to my
wife about this has not been effective at all. I'm
having difficulty getting over the perceived betrayal of my trust.
I have no idea what to do to move past
this and regain the trust and closeness that I feel
was lost. Edit. What a response. Thank you all for
(06:24):
affirming my feelings about this. I respect and appreciate the comments,
even if I think many are too harsh on my wife.
While I agree her behavior shows a fundamental lack of
respect for me and my autonomy. You all can't know
what happens ninety nine point nine percent of the rest
of the year. For clarification, some of the things she
throws out good qualify as clutter, though I would say
(06:47):
most of it is stuff that is where it is
supposed to be. Edit too. She is not throwing away
things that are obviously valuable, like a game console or
something like that, which I think one of you guys
made a joke about that. I can generally understand the
logic for throwing away the things that she does. Some
of the things she throws away, I really think she
should know better, though unused packages of CBD gummies ooh
(07:12):
those are those could be pricey? Right, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
I don't know either to GOODA.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
I mean, I guess, come on, you know with CBD gummies.
I don't buy those, but you know, do you know
how much they are?
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I mean, like I know, partially full container of kerosene,
containers of super glue. Edit three. To reiterate, this isn't
a messiness thing, well at least not completely. I recognize
that I am messier than her and have to put
in a special effort. Pause. Everyone, we're finding out how
much CBD Christian?
Speaker 1 (07:45):
How much is like a package of CBD gummies that
you buy? Oh wow, thank you? How many are how
many are there might be less? How many are there
in the thirty dollars ones? A lot depends on the dosage.
Oh why, it's like ten? Okay, it's like ten, and
each one has ten milli grands? And then how many
(08:06):
are in there?
Speaker 3 (08:06):
What? Ten?
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Okay? Thank you? Thank you? Okay, so thirty bucks for
ten of a doss two?
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Okay, So that's yeah, that's pretty.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
You guys are focusing on the money scummies. I'm focusing
on who throws away super glue?
Speaker 2 (08:22):
That's also true.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Who has suit? Won't? Everybody has a tube of super
glue somewhere? I do?
Speaker 3 (08:28):
I have?
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Who has subscrap book?
Speaker 2 (08:31):
But I'm not a slob or a hoarder or anything
else that might provide some justification for throwing away things.
She isn't throwing away things I leave out. She's throwing
away things that she doesn't think I need. Most of
the things she throws away are in their appropriate spot
when they are thrown out. Edit for she doesn't actually
watch Marie Kondo. That was just me explaining that she
(08:52):
likes to get rid of clutter by getting rid of
things that take up space. And there is an update.
But but do you have any thoughts before we get
into the update about what ope he can do?
Speaker 4 (09:03):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Like we say all the time, communicate. So I think
your wife has one train of thought, you have another
train of thought, and these train of thoughts need to correlate.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
I think we Yeah, I think we just need to
find a middle ground. I think you need to go
to her, which you happen You've been saying, hey, please
stop doing this, but I think we need to.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Say, like, what's the why?
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Well, yeah, why do you feel the need to you know,
do this without consulting me? And then maybe the maybe
the compromise is, Okay, you can collect all the things
that you think we need to get rid of, but
I'm let me look through, let me double check that
isn't anything that I'm still using or have an attachment to.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Amy lind says therapy for both I.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Wouldn't, Yeah, I would say so I could. I would
say some couple's therapy. Yeah, because that's really frustrating to
have like you know, he said, it was there was
a sentimental item in here for you know that he
he gave to his daughter. You know, she might not
be thrown out things that are expensive, but she's throwing
out things that are priceless.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
It's the why for me, Like Riley said, it's like
I think maybe you know, op he said something about
like communication hasn't worked, but I feel like maybe it's
the method of communication.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
Maybe instead of being like, hey, don't do this, or
why are you doing this? Or I don't like you
doing this, you should be like, hey, how are you
feeling right before you think you need to do this? Yeah,
what's happening to you that makes you go all right,
this stuff's gone.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
All that's gone now, which a lot of people are
saying OCD, which that like is a you know possibility, right. Yeah,
but let's get into this backwards update. She has been
extra sweet to me since the day before yesterday, clearly
knowing that I was upset with her. I talked with
her last night. I had written her a letter which
I wrote expressing how I felt to make sure my
(10:56):
feelings were clearly and seriously expressed. Fascinated and handing it
to her, and she saw how distraught I was and
instigated a conversation before I handed it to her. She
seemed to believe what upset me was that she had
taken away a desk and pushed all of my things
to a smaller desk. She took away a desk, a
whole desk.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
What is going on?
Speaker 2 (11:18):
M taking away the area for me to do my
art there? To make more room for our child's things.
She took away your desk.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
And then she made room for your child's things that
she's actively throwing away. What is she making room for? Oh?
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Also, I believe Op's a woman. Yeah, I don't know
if we've been referring to.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
She was a woman.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
I think so.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
Kean bought Yes, she MF F guy. That's just the
best gender neutral way to refer to anybody.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
No, is OPI a male female?
Speaker 3 (11:49):
I believe Yes, it's it's uh female amale to famalas a.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Sorry if we have been misgender OP this whole time
and we are now taking accountability and from fourth as
we go for during Sorry, it's just it's just one letter.
We just don't see.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Yeah, and usually it's well it wasn't it wasn't in
the story, but it wasn't the.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Username got it all right, So this makes me think
he's building tunnel below her house and is making room
for all the debris from the tunnel because she cannot.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
She can getting a freaking real answer.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Though, because I know exactly what he's talking about, because.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
You cannot rent a big garbage container for more than
two weeks out of time without people asking questions. So, uh,
she's probably finding what He's hide all the rock debris
in her house for everyone out of the loopes.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
He's referencing like a TikTok creator who's building a random
like cave under her house.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
And she's an engineer and she's documenting the whole process.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
So that's cool.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
It's not cool because she doesn't have any like per
city permits. Are like, that's not cool. No, she does, No,
she does.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
You should not be doing that. They're also probably it's
probably illegal.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Dude, Yeah, and engine what are we talking about.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
I hope she's got permits and it's probably illegal because
there are many tunnels underneath all of the city substructs.
So that's why the government doesn't want you to know.
The government doesn't want you to find the lizard tunnels.
You know, I actually sorry, I am going on more
side tangent about this. You know the device that they
used to see if the pyramids had tunnels. I just
want to use that on major cities to see if
(13:34):
there are any other tunnels below it. Probably Why can't
we just do it there?
Speaker 2 (13:37):
You know, there's probably tons of tunnels. I know, there's
like tons of you know, like subway stations that like
like in New York, how they have subway station.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
You don't think there's any other tunnels other than subway stations.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
No, I'm saying there probably are that are no longer
are in use. But that's just like cityl thing.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
I asked Sophia the other week, Hey, if I gave
you a nine to eleven uh PowerPoint, would you listen
to me? And she said yes, Okay. I said, if
I can create my own, yeah, yeah. So we're both
gonna make nine to eleven things. So, first of all,
the portion nine eleven correct, is one of the best.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Wow, I'm not like super happy about that. I told
her that wasn't what was bothering me. I explained how
it hurt me that she knew that I don't like
her throwing out with things away, and she did it
again anyway. I explained how she'd thrown away arts and
other things that really upset me, which is a great
point because a piece an artist, and like for someone
to throw away a person's creations is really missed up.
(14:35):
She told me that she hadn't realized that, for example,
the chessboard that I had made was not a piece
of junk because she only saw the underside of it.
This is an epoxy chess board that I spent many
hours painting and preparing. A lot of art, depending on
people's medium, can look kind of like junk to some people.
Did you kid just throw it away?
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yeah? I know this one person I used to live
with or and like they would like they would just
get together with their friends and just like say these
things in a group setting over and over and over,
and it was like kind of see my garbage. But
then they like hosted people at this event thing and
then did it in front of people. It was actually great.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
I was trying to figure out how this was related
to me.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
It is because your group would be saying, oh yeah,
ah there, I go, wow.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
It's a little bent. It is gorgeous in the time
I put into it shows. I told her that she
shouldn't even be making those judgment calls because she keeps
making these kinds of mistakes. She then got a bit defensive,
saying that I should have cleaned up the clutter already
because I had talked about tidying up my desk. I
agree that I need to be better about it, but
this argument doesn't make any sense because none of the
(15:43):
things that she threw away came from my desk. They
came from my nightstand, my clothes door, my closet, a
separate closet. And I told her that I hope her
statement was just something said defensively without really thinking about it,
because the logic behind me it has some bad implications.
If she got rid of my things in my non
(16:04):
desk areas because of a messy desk, that means she
got rid of things in non desk areas as some
kind of revenge, even if this had anything to do
at the desk. I told her that she should at
least warn me before she goes through the purge. Well,
I know that she shouldn't have to ask me to
keep things tidy to her standards. The least she could
have done was tell me to address it before she
(16:26):
starts getting rid of things.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Okay, so Opie say it for herself, saying this is
where I'm at, this is one.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Of my boundaries.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
No, I think that's absolutely fair to say, Hey, you
can tell me to clean up my mess, but tell
me don't just like delete all of it. I told her,
if this was really about clutter, she should leave it
in a box for me to go through. She told
me that I had gotten mad at her in the
past because she had done that. I remember no such incident,
but I told her that even if I had gotten
(16:55):
upset about that, which doesn't make any sense because that
is what I keep asking her to do. Why would
it be worse than throwing at the things without asking me.
She told me that I should keep my things in
my closet or the garage because those are my areas.
All her clothes too, the super clol your child's sentimental toys.
(17:15):
Like that doesn't make sense. Then I asked her if
I have to keep all of my clothes in the
garage too, also, she had taken things from my closet,
the alleged safe space. She said that she had only
taken a shirt that was staying and shorts that I
had agreed to get rid of that just wasn't true.
There were several shirts, pajama shorts, and a tank top
that she threw away without stains.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
So why is she lying?
Speaker 2 (17:38):
She's lying, well, I feel like she wants to do this,
and so she's just gonna make up whatever to prove
her port. She's like, oh no, I well I wanted
to get rid of this, So here are all of
the excuses to why it's actually okay, and actually you
said I could do it. And he's like, I never
said that.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
We need We just need to get to the feeling.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
We need to get to the emotional core that just
causing this behavior to pop up, Like you know what.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Trauma causes for Yeah, Amy lenses.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
I'm telling you she has OCPD and thinks it should
be her way. Also, the gene shorts that she said
I had agreed to get rid of was not true.
I told her that I needed to get new shorts
because I've been losing weight, but I don't have the
replacement shorts yet. If I had been ready to get
rid of them, I didn't need her help throwing out
those shorts would have left me with only one pair
(18:33):
of shorts that fit me. I know that she has
a tendency to be a bit defensive and say things
but without thinking too much when she feels like she's
being attacked, but she will usually ruminate on things later
and address things more reasonably after taking the time to
digest the issues. Normally, I try to give her a
little space when she gets defensive like that so that
(18:53):
she has time to reflect. However, it made me very
angry that she kept trying to defend her actions, which
were clearly with arguments that did not make any sense.
Though I've previously called her out on breaking her promises
not to throw my things away, I had never called
her out on her lying. I got upset and asked
her why she keeps lying to me about it if
(19:14):
the things she is saying are true. She didn't really respond.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Yeah, yeah, sorry. Before we get to that, we see
a pattern. It's a loop. I like, how ope, I
feel like we're about to like the circle is about
the well.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I think OPI is doing a great job at like
standing her ground and being like no, that that's not true.
Like you can't gas at me because I know that's
not true, and then she's finding all of these like
holes in her wife's story.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
But it seems like this part right here is about, yeah,
we're about to get some inside. I agree.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
She didn't really respond. I kept to myself the rest
of the night. I cried a lot. She kept being
extra sweet to me. She might be acting like she
had realized she's in the wrong and said that she
would set aside things she wants to throw away first.
She never actually apologized or expressed remorse. She didn't say
that she wanted to earn my trust back. By the way,
you can earn our trust if you listen to full
(20:03):
episodes of stories just like this. Just go to Spotify,
Apple Podcasts, or iHeart Radio and search a book as storytime.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
I'm gonna be infuriated if you do not get some.
You me too, and I'm worried that we want well.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
I think that the core of this is that I
think Opie's partner is probably dealing with, like Chad is saying,
some kind of OCD or some kind of some kind
of compulsion that maybe even she herself doesn't fully grasp.
But it's like a feeling. And so when you press her.
She's not gonna admit it because she she just.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Probably doesn't even understand it too, you know, right fully.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
She can't admit to it.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
It's like it'd be like admitting like I don't know
that you're just like wrong as a person, because that's
how she probably feels about it.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Is that that's just her so therapy.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
The lease therapy, therapy therapy. Yeah, but there's a little
bit left. It makes me think she still doesn't understand
how devastating to me it is that I cannot trust
her anymore. I'm not satisfied with this results, and I'm
going to push hard for couple's therapy. As has been
discussed in the comments, Contrary to some of the other comments,
I adamantly believe that this is not worth destroying our
(21:15):
marriage about and raising our daughter in a broken home.
For I don't think we're at divorce right now. If
this is something that happens like maybe three times a year,
this is absolutely not divorce worthy. It is absolutely something
that needs to be addressed.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Though.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Yes, that said, her reaction, slash response, or lack thereof,
to being told how upsetting it is that she keeps
lying to me is an enormous red flag. If she
doesn't care about regaining my trust, then I don't think
we have a marriage to sate. And I think this
is just like you got to keep having those conversations
and get like a mediator involved.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Because I had a family member once that went through
a relapse because a death in the family, and then
usually around that same time of year, they're like kind
of like that pattern will pick up. I feel like
there's something in your wife's childhood of past that keeps
coming up every few times a year she need to
talk through, and once you're able to find that out,
(22:12):
you'll be able to have a breakthrough. Once you have
that breakthrough, I don't see why this can't work right. Yeah,
it's just a it's one breakthrough away.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
That was a really good observation because I feel like
a lot of people have those things where it's like
when you get around a certain time of year, it's
like stuff starts coming up because like that's just around
the time that it happened to you.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Yeah, so, but it's all in the emotions, for sure.
I would say, agreed, don't no need to divorce unless like, no,
there's no solution at all. You've tried, Leah everything.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Let's try everything before we do that.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Yes, hey's John og host. We're gonna get back to
the stories, but a quick three minute break of ads
from our sponsors. My husband thinks I became too protective
of my daughter, but.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
I can't help it. To help it.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Trigger warning brief mentions of an accident, injury and insuing
death of an infant. Burnerary account because my main is
easily is connected to the hospital I work at. Thirteen
months ago, I twenty seven female, had the happiest day
of my life. Gave birth to a beautiful baby girl,
Amy Female one. She has her daddy's eyes and my face,
and despite being a little underweight when she was born,
(23:18):
she has always been developing perfectly. She's everything we ever
wished for, especially after several years of struggling to conceive.
And this comes from sad Display forty and if you
just me your own stories, go to the r okay stories.
I'm suburb so recently I went back to work as
a nurse at the hospital. My husband, Sondro Mail thirty one,
(23:38):
is independently employed and can work from home and watch
Amy at the same time while I work. Since I
went back to work, my home life has become tense.
I see so many accidents at work for kids of
all ages, but especially the ones involving younger kids hit
me hard, even when I'm not the one treating them.
(23:58):
I've been very protective and careful since she was born,
but it has become worse since I went back to work.
Just leaving her alone during the nights has become hard.
When she cries, I immediately run over because I fear
something has happened. When Sondro puts Amy to bed, I
always have to double check that no choking hazards are
in the bed, that everything around her is properly secured,
(24:21):
that the windows are closed, and the list goes on.
It's not because I distruss Sandro and his abilities as
a dad. He's a great husband and father, a gentle
giant who vowed to be a great father, and so
far has been easy, seemingly typical ex military legend, but
(24:42):
he is a total girl dad. Amy's first birthday, he
was in a princess dress and bait cupcakes. He is.
He has now started the plans to build a giant
play castle in the garden for when she is older.
Sadly Soandro did not have a good fall, so while
I was pregnant, he was extremely anxious that he turned
(25:04):
out to be the same monster. Now that I'm so overprotective,
double check after my husband, he is hurt and feels
like I am doubting him. He always asked me to
trust him, and I do, but I know from experience
that even the best and most responsible parents can even
make mistakes, and some of those mistakes can cost them
(25:25):
the lives of their babies. Ooh, this is tricky.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Ooh, I think I was gonna I was thinking about it,
and I feel like when you're in healthcare profession, like
a nurse or doctor, I think that you can kind
of go to routes as a parent. You can either
be like super super protective because you're seeing all of
these things where kids get hurt and stuff, or you're like,
ah that GE's fine. Yeah, Like they come to you
(25:50):
and I'm they're like I'm sick, and you're like, god, take.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
It as I've seen worse.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Yeah. I feel like that is the two routes that
often happen, and it happens with people at work. In
your first time mom, you're both first time parents. Of
course you're going to be nervous. However, being parents like
as a unit, evolves a lot of trust and you
can If you can't trust your partner, then there's deeper
(26:15):
problems in your relationship.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
It's so hard to have an occupation that doesn't bleed
into your personal life. Like, for example, I can't really
enjoy certain pieces of content because I know the retention
rate is not that high, or the intro could have
been better, or like the thumbnail could have had a
different title, one hundred million things. And even when I
watch people live stream oh d it's a whole nother thing.
I can't even watch live streamings. Yeah, it's tough. Keon,
(26:39):
what about you? Anytime anyone ever asks you advice on computers,
what do you say?
Speaker 4 (26:43):
It depends on who's asking.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
You have war flashbacks?
Speaker 4 (26:46):
Yeah, there's some people that I know that have like
when it comes to technology, they just have no awareness.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
And it just like Carly says, my mom is a
your fine doctor.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
Nice.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Sophia's Colonne says, I don't think she's ever protective. It
sounds like a normal amount of healthcare worker. I think
the problem that's coming up, which it seems like she's
just mentioned it a little bit so far. Is not
that she's, like, you know, worrying abnormally, She's just not
placing a lot of trust.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
In her part doubting. I think that's the issue, the
perception of doubting your partner.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
Yeah, but let's keep reading.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
Sandro has tried to be understanding, especially when I explained
to him that is the same thing as him always
checking the house alarm is activated and that the weapons
he has around the house are all working in order
before he goes on a work trip during which I'd
be alone, just a bit of paranoia as a result
of our work. It worked for a bit like that,
(27:46):
but last week it came to a head. There was
an accident with a nine month year old and I
would say that she did not make it. I was
present when we were all there and trying to revive her.
I was sitting home early by my boss, who knows
I have a baby around the same age. That night,
I cried myself to sleep in the nursery while my
husband held me. Ever since that day, I've been unable
(28:07):
to stop thinking and worrying. I've been driving Sandro nuts,
requesting updates from him. I've tried to keep it to
a minimum, but on a nearly hour basis, I would
text him and ask where Amy was, how she was doing,
and requests a picture so I could spot any invisible dangers.
I know Sandro is a good and overprotective parent himself.
(28:30):
I just want to be sure and with my job,
I know what to look for.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Honestly, you're looking for things that aren't there and for
things that are there. And in doing that, like what
happens when the kid's a teenager. The thing is that
you have to know that your child is going to
get hurt. It's impossible for your child, like I, every child.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
Owt see just like that.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Every child in the world has gotten hurt at one point,
and it's not because their parents are bad parents. I
when I was like a couple of years old, I
like was jumping on a couch and I accidentally tripped
and face planted onto a sharp dollhouse and I had
like a huge, like bump on my head. Fix it, Yeah,
(29:14):
but I think I still have a very light It
was like when I was really young.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Your face.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
That's messed up.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
That's my stup.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Anyway, it's it's not because my parents were neglecting me.
It's not because they are bad parents. It's because kids
get hurt life.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
It's a part of them.
Speaker 4 (29:33):
Like yeah, you know when you like you touched like
the like like the fire, like you make too close
to the fire, Like, ah, it's hot. You can tell
a kid it's going to be hot, but like, yeah,
I want to know if it's hot or not.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
And I think op is unfortunately because she's around all
of this, Like you know, she sees the worst of
the worst kind of situations where kids get hurt. That's
all she's thinking about.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
Yeah, and as a kid gets older, you're gonna have
more worries. I think just going to therapy four years. Yes,
so this kid doesn't feel like they have Harry o'copter,
Like you got one that's a nurse that's overprotective of
like you're not getting physically harm. And then you got
a military dad that's like overprotective too that you don't
also get physically harm, and you're just gonna be wrapped
up in a bubble. Yeah, kid's gonna be like.
Speaker 4 (30:17):
You're gonna have a bubble boy.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
Yeah. That movie with Jake Chill in hall.
Speaker 4 (30:22):
That's bubble boy.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
Yeah, but I think therapy. I think, you know, talk
to your husband, get on the same page, and potentially
take a you know, leave of absence.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
From your jobs sabbatical.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Yeah, it's because this is it's it's only confirming the
worst of your thoughts.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Can we get a sabbatical? No, you guys, let us
have a sabbatical. Sandro was patient for the first two days,
but on the third he suddenly didn't respond after the
first two updates in the morning, I started spamming him
and calling him frantically and receiving no replies. At this
point I was completely beside myself and asked a police
(31:00):
officer friend of mine do a welfare check on him
when he isn't in a busy or active on a call.
I didn't make an official report to NOMEN one, just
text a friend.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
See, yeah, this is we've we've gone into and someone
said PbD potentially severe anxiety. Absolutely, I hope he is
thinking the worst and this has gotten out of control.
This is we need therapy. This is absolutely therapy. To
call the police, regardless of it if it's a friend
or not, on your partner as the like kind of
(31:32):
first resort uugh.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Turns out Sandro was in a very important meeting that
he had told me about a few days ago prior,
but I forgot. The meeting was within a very important
clients and it was interrupted by a cop knocking and
saying Amy's mother had requested a well fair check. Once
the situation was cleared up with the police officer left,
(31:55):
I was given an all clear. But no matter what
Sandra did, the meeting was ruined and the deal fell through.
Public image is very important in my husband's area of work,
and a cop coming for a welfare check, he's not
a good look. Oh my gosh. Sandra was furious with me.
He told me that he has been patient, but I
(32:17):
need to get a grip on my overprotectedness or he
is going to consider it at least temporary separation until
I've gotten the help I need. I know he's right.
I know my issues are going way too far and
they're damaging me, my husband, and my child. But at
the same time, I can't help but think that I
am in the right to some extent. Yes, I went
(32:37):
too far with sending the police, but I know that.
But what if something had happened? But if he fell
asleep and Amy had fallen out of a highchair, or
if she began choking, what if she was silently hurt
and he didn't notice. At least this way, the baby
would have been safe.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
I told him as much as he exploded at me,
that he could handle taking care of a baby, that
we can't caddle Amy that much, and that baby are
more resilient that I'm giving them credit for, and that
for every baby I treat, thousands are completely fine. Sandra
was also angry that I clearly distrussed him and think
that he is in a good dad, which isn't true.
(33:12):
But I understand how it looks.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
Yeah, o P, you're in this like what if cycle.
Of course, of course anything can happen, but when you
assume the worst, you're just walking. You know, you're just
living in this like torture torture chamber that you've created
in your own mind. Like someone said, baby camp, maybe
(33:36):
do they have a baby camp?
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Sure?
Speaker 2 (33:38):
I don't think that helps this issue though, because this
issue is beyond.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Like also normal.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Solutions, because it's not a normal problem. She's got like
severe anxiety.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
I feel like the more you worry about something, the
more likely it's going to become true. Yeah, because I
had this random thought last week. It's wonder what self
fulfilling prophecy Angie's house looks like during the weekday. I
will never know what that's like. Yesterday I was at
her house during a weekday because I had a way
on the computer to get done manifesting. Yeah. Yeah, that
like that's a thing, and you have to be careful
(34:13):
with that on that level because you're like, oh, this
might have this might have this might habit. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Well, when you become so overprotective kids, I mean, as
they get older, they very much want to rebel because
they don't like doing, you know, everything that they're told
to do.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
And then it's gonna get hostile because you're gonna start
getting more aggravated and angry with your kid. It's not
a good cycle.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
No, this is Yeah, I honestly think therapy and I
am thinking even more that you might need to take
a break from your job. Yeah, because your job is
just fulfilling all of these fantasies that you're creating in
your head.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
We began arguing like we never argued before, including how
irresponsible it was for him to turn his phone off
for the meeting, so I couldn't reach him. We only
stopped when Amy woke up from our shouting. I went
to her, but my husband was faster and sat on
the couch with her. I was just watching, and he
snapped at me as if he was still allowed to
hold her or not. I left to go to bed
(35:10):
without another word. Sandro apologized later for screaming, and I
could tell he was genuinely upset because his own dad
always screamed at his mom into submission, and he hates
arguing with me in that way. Apologizing for pushing him
to that point ruined his deal and possibly damaging his
reputation and his social works. When then he said that
(35:31):
he shouldn't have yelled, that he meant what he said.
Sandro gave me the ultimatum to either quit work, slash
work in a different field, go to therapy and get
a grip on my issues, or he will have to
at least temporarily separate and maybe eventually divorce me.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
I completely agree.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
I'm at a loss now. I love Sandro and I
do not want to lose him. I'm willing to do
as he asked, but I also feel like unlearning to
be so vigilant would also be endangering Amy. Again, I know. Oh,
that's kind of the point that I should want to
unlearn to be like this. But what if something happens
because I do. I would never forgive myself with my
(36:08):
negligence pause to harm my baby. Does anyone have any
experience with this overprotectiveness they could share? How can I
work to even get myself to go to therapy without
feeling like it's endangering Amy? How can I make sure
my husband knows I can trust him? Ugh?
Speaker 2 (36:26):
This is so tough because Opie, even in understanding that
she's being overprotective, still thinks that she's right. She's still like, well,
I'm but at the like I said, I can't stop
a think. But you know, if if I am not
a reprotective then she's gonna get hurt. Yeah, it's like, ah,
you have to unlearn this. The theme of this episode
is breaking loops. Yeah here, m h the first one,
(36:50):
we're almost at a breakthrough.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
Yeah, breaking a loop. Now we're on the side of
Opie making loops. Kimberly Fine says she destroyed both of
them the same time, trying to fill herself better. In
a collection of brief moments without seeing the big picture.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Yeah, like, oh, he's so sure that if she is
helicoptering her child, that her child will be free of
all sickness and injury, And that just isn't true. It's like,
no matter how like how hard you try, your child
will get hurt. And your job as a parent is
(37:26):
to protect them from the big things and to teach
them how to avoid those. But you can't do it
this way. You're just gonna drive yourself crazy and your
partner crazy, and your kid crazy, and your kid crazy.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Kimberly Fine says she knows that now, but she's only
considering her own ones and needs and acting without considering
the ramifications. It's confirmation biased to use the outcome to
justify her impulse behavior.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
Absolutely, and she's in the perfect job to do that.
She's got all of these examples. Absolutely agree that his ultimatum,
you know, we don't support almatums, go back up, but
she absolutely needs to quit and get there.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
You actual drop Air says the issue that the first
six months of a baby's life, they can't defferentiate themselves
from their mom. They think their mom is an extension
of themselves and mom's body is an extension of them.
I'll read one comment here, OPI, you need to get
checked for postpartum anxiety right now because your paranoia brain
is running the show at the moment. Stop calling over
(38:30):
protection and call it what it is, paranoia and controlling.
If you can possibly get transferred away from a unit
with babies, that would probably be a good idea as well,
because your work is only fueling your fears. You're operating
on confirmation bias because you only see babies that are injured.
The vast majority of babies are not in the er.
(38:51):
You can't really find called that.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
The reality is you are not going to be able
to control every second of your child's life. But I said,
and you need to accept that and trust your husband
is a competent parent who doesn't need constant monitoring. How
would you feel if he called the police on you
while he was away? Would you feel insulted like he
was suggesting you weren't capable of caring for her. She
(39:15):
could just as easily have an accident in your care.
Part of making the decision to procreate with another person
deciding that they are a safe person to care for
your share child you have some serious cognitive dissonance going on,
saying you trust him, but also assuming that the second
she is in his carolone, she's in danger. This is
(39:36):
a mental health issue. You need to talk to your
physician now today and get a referral to a therapist
who can help.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
And yeah, I'm probably saying the same thing that we said.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
Yeah, and then uh, comment's like here in Germany we're
a bit more relaxed his parents, but in America, you
guys are just always anxious.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
Which I mean honestly that it is kind of a
good point. There's a lot of cultural differences because even
in like you can see it in playgrounds. Playgrounds in
America are very safe, like in Australia, there's like zip
lines and trampolines at the playground. Like there's a lot
of different things at playgrounds because America has so many
(40:16):
rules surrounding what can be at a playground.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Hot take, hot take, what can make you fume? I
think we're programmed that way. I think the proper granda
and like the things that are around have made us
as Americans more anxious just to live as general, because
we're always on fear. Everychonicle in the news is always fear.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
I agree. I mean, but that's also a product of of, uh,
just the massive amount of information that we are being
like given because you know, obviously back in like people
are always saying like, there's so many more cereal, cereal
unto libraries and there's so many more like of all
(40:58):
of that stuff going on and the like. No, there
were a lot of cereal people back in the day.
We just didn't have information about the information about it.
So people were letting their kids go out until night
time and saying like, you know, my dad always tells me, Yeah,
my parents just said come back when the lights turn one.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
That the thing.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
Yeah, there was a huge there was a huge thing.
And now parents are like, I would never do that.
And it's not because it's necessarily any safer. It's because
we have more information about all of the things that
are happening to kids.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
Then the sad thing is like, oh, wait, I can
become a serial killer, dude, I'm gonna start doing that.
Wa wait, and then the people have serial killers. Oh
my god, there's so many podcasts.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
I actually am very annoyed about the amount of glorification
and the amount of coverage.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
That yeah, these people get but let's get into this. Wow,
the product of our country. Sorry, I didn't mean to
get us all hot.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
No, but I do agree with you about that.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
Well, let's get back into the inside of this.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
Yeah, that was a zoomed out the micro Hello.
Speaker 1 (42:05):
Everyone. I'm sorry for not updating sooner, but I was
waiting for everything to settle down first. And the response
for my first post has absolutely been overwhelming. I'm sorry
for not replying to in comments, but it's been truly
a lot blah blah blah blah. To be honest, when
I first posted here, I genuinely expected to be met
with reassurance that I was not crazy and that maybe
(42:27):
I had to dial it down at the most. Instead,
the replies were eye openers. A day after I posted here,
I sent the post to Sandro while he was in
a room over and texted him that I wanted to
get help, but I need to do it. He knows
how hard asking for help from me is and almost
immediately came over, hugged me and kissed me and told
me that we were going to get through this. I
(42:49):
truly don't serve this man. I had a talk with
my boss and it was immediately moved from the er,
and after a week of mainly doing administrative work, my
boss approached me with an to move me to a
different workplace under the same company. I would mainly work
with the elderly and disabled to make their days, weeks,
months as comfortable as possible. I was thinking, she was
(43:12):
gonna get moved there.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
That's great, but this is like best case scenario.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Now you can worry when your kid gets older and
what to do. Then.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Yeah, now you'll just worry about your own life.
Speaker 1 (43:25):
No, no, don't get in the shower.
Speaker 3 (43:28):
No, let me come.
Speaker 1 (43:32):
Oh man, Now Sandra is gonna watch out for himself.
Oh man. Doug Sandra about it, and he agreed to
try it as an alternative to quitting the ultimatum he
gave me after two days of working there to see
if it fits, I agree to the offer. Because of
the circumstances, I was able to start my new job
on the first of August, and while it can be
(43:53):
sad at times, it is much slower and almost peaceful
in comparison. I even talked to some of the old
women there and they told me similar things as commenters,
and even some who shared how terrifying it was to
raise their own kids at times, but that I had
to let Amy learn to live on her own or
I'd have a child relying on me for my entire life. Yea,
(44:17):
I love this.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
And now she has people that can give her advice
who have gone through like you know, parenting and stuff.
Speaker 1 (44:22):
I felt like she retired, she's going off.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
No, I mean like, I think it's pretty good to
remember that the elderly people in our lives have a
lot of wisdom to share, and I think we often
discredit that.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
Sure, ain't there, right, Keon, give me so much good advice,
give so much wisdom. Sure, call me old, Yeah you
got older today, still younger than you look at me, dude,
Come on, I don't even care about look younger. I
just like the way I look anyway. The only kids
(44:58):
I come into contact on with the new job or healthy,
strong kids visiting their grandparents. I think it might be
the best decision I've made in months. Has put a
halt to my career and I get less pay, but
thankfully with Sandro's job, we're in a position or that
hardly matters. Sandro also convinced me to go to therapy
at first, I agreed to be honest. I get expected
(45:19):
the therapists to agree with me, as you may expect.
She did not. My therapist is kind but stern woman.
She reassures me but I don't feel crazy, but also
bluntly tells me that I'm behaving irrationally. We're still in
the early phases, but I see her twice a week currently.
I still have a long way to go, but we're
(45:40):
working on it. I was diagnosed with post bottom anxiety,
unsurprisingly and PTSD due to what I saw at my
job and some stuff for my own neglectful parents which
I don't want to go into detail about. I think
you should. I speaking that was a bad joke. I've
been going through some of the comments on my original
posts with her, and if that matters, most of your
(46:02):
comments are therapists approved. Thank you to everyone who suggested
a camera. My husband and I talked about it and
agreed to have a camera installed in the living room
and nursery. I don't know I feel about that. His
office couldn't have one since he works with sensitive information,
but he just works from the living room now and
goes into his office for sensitive calls and meetings. It's
helped a lot that I could just check in regularly
(46:24):
on it without having to ask him. My therapists and
I are trying to work towards having me check in
less and less. That's now yet perfect, but I guess
we'll get there, you know.
Speaker 2 (46:34):
Okay, if as long as the therapist is involved in
this conversation. Sure, if the babycam helps you know and
be kind of an intermediary to you getting better.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
All four. I just don't like cameras in the house.
Speaker 3 (46:47):
Man.
Speaker 2 (46:48):
Well, I mean, baby camps are super common. Still, they're
super common.
Speaker 1 (46:52):
I s don't.
Speaker 2 (46:53):
You probably will if you have a child, you probably
will need to have a baby cam. You have to them.
I don't know that's how you check on your baby
at night? Uh you have like a thing next to them. No,
are you just gonna have the baby in your room.
I'm gonna have it in the closet.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
What okay, I'm going to sleep in my bed and
the baby will be in the other room. I'm gonna
walk with my own two feet to check on it.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
It's the baby cam, most Okay. Sure you'll find out.
Speaker 1 (47:19):
I'll find out.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
You'll find out.
Speaker 1 (47:20):
What about You'll find out? I already know my my
little brother slept in a drawer. They didn't close it,
they just had it open on the floor. They slept
in the drawer on vacations. That's how it works. Wow,
I know. Whatever we become parents, me and Sophie are
gonna go like hand for hand on this. Shecuse like
your kids are just we might even be able to
(47:42):
work together. We'll be fine, You'll be fine.
Speaker 2 (47:44):
Or out there, We'll be fine.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
Oh, we'll be fine.
Speaker 2 (47:46):
We'll be fine.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
We're disagreeing over a baby cam.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
We'll be fine.
Speaker 1 (47:51):
Chat. What are your thoughts on baby cams? Babycam? Yes,
baby cam? No, Hey, y'all, it's John og Host here.
We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's a
quick three minute break from ask for more sponsors. Has
also started on an accidental thing we try to do
every day where I log into the cameras and Sandro
and Amy sit in front of the camera and we
call eating lunch together. It's become a bit of a
(48:12):
fun tradition this past week since I've been at my
new job. Also, a huge thanks for the kids who
grew up similarly to how I'm treating Amy, He replies,
really helped me realizing that I may be keeping baby
Amy safe teen and adult Amy will suffer from it. Yeah,
that's what I was thinking. Sandro has made it clear
that he is not going to divorce me because he
(48:34):
can see me trying. He's my rock in all of this,
and I would be absolutely lost without him. Once I
am in a better state of mind, will consider couples
counseling because Sandro is still a bit hurt that I
seem to mistrust him, and I understand completely. Sandro was
talking to a lawyer about the possibility of making him
the primary parent because my therapist has noted that we
(48:58):
can't ignore the possibility of me getting worse is something
were to happen to Amy, like a cold, and just
in case, Sandro wants to make it impossible for me
to possibly act irrationally again and take off with her
or something like it. While I absolutely hate the thought
and I understand and agreed to talk about it, but
that has honestly taken a lesser priority right now. We've
(49:20):
also decided to hold off on having another kid for now.
Originally we wanted to start trying for a baby again
once Amy is about eighteen months. My therapist agreed that
it might not be a good idea currently probably all
don't care too much. But a few days ago, Amy
wave goodbye to me for the first time on her
own when I left for work, without Sandro encouraging her first.
(49:40):
I swear in that moment it all became worth it,
and I knew how to work on myself to give
my baby girl the best possible future without a paranoid mother.
Oh yeah, that's super sweet for the people saying. My
friend the cop is also at fault for enabling me.
Honestly exactly it to him. I told him I hadn't
(50:02):
heard from Sandro in hours and that Sandro hadn't been
feeling well. I didn't follow an official report or emergency line,
just texted a friend to check up on Sandro when
he is free. My friend has since informed me of
what really happened, and he told me to never ever
do it again and had distanced himself because I lied
to him and in a way misused his power and
(50:24):
a ConTroll link move. I am still struggling, but I'm
beginning to realize that asking a friend for a wellness
check was wrong, and I'm afraid that's a friendship I
won't be able to salvage all in all, It's hard,
and I often wake up to check on Amy. But
I'm getting to a point where checking the cameras is
enough about half the time. So much has happened in
(50:46):
the last three weeks since I posted. But with my
husband and my angel of a boss now former boss,
I have a good support system. And by the way,
you want best support system in the freaking world, virtually
with your ear holes. All you gotta do, Let's go
to your favorite freaking podcast platform, Apple, Spotify or heart
Radio and search up Okay storytime, and you will have Me,
(51:09):
Sophia key On, Sam Dakota and sometimes Angie and maybe
even Carly as your support system.
Speaker 2 (51:16):
It's true. It's true.
Speaker 1 (51:18):
It's true. Yeah, right in your ear holes. And looks
like people love the baby cam.
Speaker 2 (51:24):
I am seeing a lot of people saying also baby
monitors as kind of an other option to a baby cam,
which just makes yeah, you usually get audio ones, but
just something that, like, you know, that's the one. I yeah,
just a way to keep you know, if they're in
the other room.
Speaker 3 (51:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
I can hardwire a baby monitor with the stuff we
have here. I get by then you're good. Maybe soon
we'll be able to put chips in them. What you know,
if I had live shoot the baby, I'd be fine.
Speaker 2 (51:52):
What that's good. That's a crazy step up. That's a
great Like it's a little if I'm not making money
off of it.
Speaker 4 (52:03):
But you have have you guys seen that that that
there are videos like that where like, hey, watch my
kids for a second.
Speaker 1 (52:07):
Yeah, literally, like they're live. She like, I go to
use your restroom, I'm watch my kid.
Speaker 2 (52:11):
Personally anti sharing footage of.
Speaker 1 (52:14):
But have you seen that?
Speaker 4 (52:15):
Those are things that's insane to me, like some live streaming.
Speaker 2 (52:19):
Yeah, anti thatad, but I have seen a lot of it. Yeah, yeah,
we've got we've got everyone's on the baby cam or
baby monitors side.
Speaker 1 (52:31):
If I had no computer hooked up to the internet
and they had footage, maybe I just I just don't
like the idea of downloading an app and kind of
have an idea that other.
Speaker 2 (52:43):
People you would have. So there are things that you
can get. There are like two monitors that you have,
so you have one like the cam or the monitor
like listening, and then the one in your room. So
it's not like I think someone said, you can get
one that's like not Wi Fi.
Speaker 1 (52:58):
Okay, yeah, so you can get you can get.
Speaker 2 (53:01):
Ones that, like you know, aren't necessarily.
Speaker 1 (53:04):
I will think about it. Yeah, I just don't want
ring to have I understand that OP continues. It's still
a struggle. At times. I feel like this post sounds
a little bit more positive than things really are right now.
It's hard for me to accept that I am in
the wrong, and some days it almost feels like I'm
being lying to. But I've learned to communicate that with
(53:25):
my husband instead of being a control freak. Yay. Those
days are hard. But once I actually start to talk
about my fears to Sandro, he always had the perfect
reply to show me how silly my fears are. It's
almost infuriating, and I love him for it. Thank you
very much to everyone who replied. I'm working on getting better.
Maybe I'll post another update on my profile to keep
(53:46):
everyone updated and there's any interest. Slash need to. My
therapist encouraged me to listen to stories of people affected
by PPA or the flip side, people who grew up
with parents like this, so I appreciate anyone willing to
share their stories and experiences. That's probably good insight to
get a glimpse of what your future could be like.
Speaker 2 (54:03):
Yeah, if you don't figure it out, no, I think
this is all I mean obviously, the whole thing with
like him having full custody kind of or you know,
like full parental rights. It's pretty scary, but it hopefully,
you know, shocks you and realizing, oh I need to
make changes.
Speaker 1 (54:22):
Like now, I don't know why, but I feel like
Sandro is like this beefy, like tough Hispanic man with
a mustache, just like walking around taking care of the
baby and taking business calls. I love it.
Speaker 2 (54:34):
Ex military man.
Speaker 1 (54:35):
Yeah, I know, that's what's like in my head. He's
just like wearing like tight shirts up top, showing off
all his muscles and like don't worry, I got your baby,
and he's like super nice. Oh it.
Speaker 2 (54:43):
Also he wore his little princess dress. Yeah yeah, and
he has like little I love when you would get
this like super muscular macho men who are like really
cute girl.
Speaker 1 (54:51):
That he's like little tea and yeah, I love it.
Pedro capt Pascal's cousin, like that's what he looks like.
Yeah yeah, or Tommy the Last Ones, Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (55:02):
Yeah, I'm just imagining like Ron Swanson when he has
the tea party with the little.
Speaker 4 (55:06):
Girl and he has like all the makeup.
Speaker 1 (55:07):
Yeah, that's the end of that episode, right, Yes, it
is all right. Close out, folks.
Speaker 2 (55:13):
If you love us, make sure to subscribe.
Speaker 1 (55:15):
We love you and see you lo
Hey, this is Sam. This is John the og story
Time podcast host. Oh yeah, we got some great stories
coming up. But before that, we get a teeny two
minute break from the sponsors that keep this show propped
up like a little house. Oh yeah, my.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Wife can't stop throwing away our stuff. I'm getting tired
of it.
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Sounds like you're about to move into a van.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
My wife channels Marie Kondo and throws out things that
she doesn't like when she goes on her cleaning spreeze.
The problem is that she will throw things that are
important to me or would be used by our daughter
a three female if offered. By the way, this comes
from Throwaway Soul and saffok and if you want to
submit your own stories, go to the r slash okay
storytime supreddit.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
This is the opposite of an order.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Yeah, she's just like tossed toss.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Honestly, not that mad.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Yeah. I would do this when I was really little.
I would like, just like toss a bunch of things.
I was like, I have to get rid of stuff anyway,
among other things. This is very frustrating because I have
had to rebuy and anything. I discovered that she did
this early in our relationship after a few too many
things were disappearing. Since then, I have practically begged her
(01:09):
to talk to me before throwing out things, like putting
them in a box for me to go through or
something like that. Instead, she will throw things away and
lie to me that she did not throw anything away.
When I go through the trash and find all the
things she threw away, she'll tell me she doesn't think
they mattered, and so they didn't count in my situation.
It was just my stuff, not other people's.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Why not matter to you? That's my PlayStation five man.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
One man's trash is another man's treasure. Haven't you ever
heard of that? Each time this happens, I've told her
how bad this makes me feel, and how it feels
disrespectful and controlling to make these decisions about our things
without discussing it with me first. This is something I've
made very very clear how much this upsets me to
(01:56):
not have autonomy over my own possessions. She doesn't these
purges terribly often, I'd say only a few times a year.
I'm definitely messier than her and probably keep things that
I don't really need, but I'm a team player follow
her lead about how she likes the house and far
from a hoarder. If she puts things in a trash
bag that she wanted to get rid of, I would
acquiesce to throwing out most of it.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Honeybee says, she has OCD.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
That's what I'm thinking. That's a possibility. Uh, But I
feel like a really easy solution is that she puts
all the things that she wants to get rid of
and then just says, hey, look look through all of this.
Is there anything you want to keep?
Speaker 1 (02:33):
But it probably bothers her to have it in a
box and seeing it all unorganized, like I must get
it the way. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
No, I'm just saying, like, right before she throws it out,
she's like, go check.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
I see.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
We otherwise have a very good and close relationship and
I love her deeply. Yesterday she cleaned up the house again,
promising that she didn't throw anything away. For some reason,
I believed her this time and just so happened to
notice bags of things she was throwing out when I
was taking out the trash. It included toys that our
daughter might like, but she's too young for what is
(03:06):
It included something I made for our daughter that she
loves and is very important to me. She threw away
disposable things that I would have had to buy again.
She threw away some of my clothes that I wear
regularly that she doesn't like but knows I don't want
to get rid of.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
What if hers is she getting rid of?
Speaker 2 (03:22):
Yeah, it took me a long time to dig through
the trash and return these things to their response. Internally,
I feel like I'm losing my mind. It's not the stuff,
it's the trust. She knows how I feel about this,
did it anyway and covered it up by lying again.
This is probably going to come across as melodramatic, but
it feels like a betrayal and violation of the trust
(03:44):
and faith I put in her, Almost equivalent to finding
out she was cheating on me.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Well, well, I don't know if that's really equivale.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
I mean, it's not equivalent, but I do understand that
OPI's saying like she's lying to me. Asked her not
to do this, she said, she promised she wouldn't, and
then did it anyway. She's not cheating.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
You didn't cheat on once. Let's see getting kissed that
at a club versus all I feel like every every
item getting thrown away, it stacks up over a period
of time, Like every item will say, like getting kissed
out of the club is a hundred points, yeah, and
then every item being thrown away is like half a
point at a time adds up.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yeah, Not that it's the same degree or equivalent, but
I have similar feelings of violation and loss of trust
of the type that I felt when I've been cheated
on before. Okay, so he's like, I'm coming with the receipts.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Yeah, because one, you have to buy this stuff. And
we just read a story where this guy spent like
three hundred thousand dollars and the girl was like, it's
probably better off that he cheated on me than did this,
because I mean, money is protecting in a way, because
he's protecting your future. So if you're always having to
buy stuff, like it's frustrating.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
And also just like the emotional kind of ties that
you have two objects, like if people you know, if
someone took any of my books away, because people place
less value on like my books than obviously I do.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
And she gets one book pool I have never gotten.
One of my friends dropped.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
I lent her a book and she accidentally dropped it
in a pool, and I have never loaned out my
books ever. Again. Recently, I was like, maybe I should
trust again because someone asked to borrow book and I
was like, okay. She returned it and it was a
little bit banged.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Up and it was kind of rit is it who
I think it is?
Speaker 2 (05:38):
No?
Speaker 1 (05:41):
And I was, what is a little bit banged up?
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Like a terror? I have no on the cover? See
this is why, this is why I feel a piece
of pain, because you guys are like, that's so silly,
but I'm like, my books are in pristine condition.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Dang it's it's like you can't even buy a new
one if it really is.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
No, Because I have emotional attachments to my books, I
have so many thoughts away me too. Talking to my
wife about this has not been effective at all. I'm
having difficulty getting over the perceived betrayal of my trust.
I have no idea what to do to move past
this and regain the trust and closeness that I feel
was lost. Edit. What a response. Thank you all for
(06:24):
affirming my feelings about this. I respect and appreciate the comments,
even if I think many are too harsh on my wife.
While I agree her behavior shows a fundamental lack of
respect for me and my autonomy. You all can't know
what happens ninety nine point nine percent of the rest
of the year. For clarification, some of the things she
throws out good qualify as clutter, though I would say
(06:47):
most of it is stuff that is where it is
supposed to be. Edit too. She is not throwing away
things that are obviously valuable, like a game console or
something like that, which I think one of you guys
made a joke about that. I can generally understand the
logic for throwing away the things that she does. Some
of the things she throws away, I really think she
should know better, though unused packages of CBD gummies ooh
(07:12):
those are those could be pricey? Right, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
I don't know either to GOODA.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
I mean, I guess, come on, you know with CBD gummies.
I don't buy those, but you know, do you know
how much they are?
Speaker 2 (07:26):
I mean, like I know, partially full container of kerosene,
containers of super glue. Edit three. To reiterate, this isn't
a messiness thing, well at least not completely. I recognize
that I am messier than her and have to put
in a special effort. Pause. Everyone, we're finding out how
much CBD Christian?
Speaker 1 (07:45):
How much is like a package of CBD gummies that
you buy? Oh wow, thank you? How many are how
many are there might be less? How many are there
in the thirty dollars ones? A lot depends on the dosage.
Oh why, it's like ten? Okay, it's like ten, and
each one has ten milli grands? And then how many
(08:06):
are in there?
Speaker 3 (08:06):
What? Ten?
Speaker 1 (08:08):
Okay? Thank you? Thank you? Okay, so thirty bucks for
ten of a doss two?
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Okay, So that's yeah, that's pretty.
Speaker 3 (08:18):
You guys are focusing on the money scummies. I'm focusing
on who throws away super glue?
Speaker 2 (08:22):
That's also true.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Who has suit? Won't? Everybody has a tube of super
glue somewhere? I do?
Speaker 3 (08:28):
I have?
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Who has subscrap book?
Speaker 2 (08:31):
But I'm not a slob or a hoarder or anything
else that might provide some justification for throwing away things.
She isn't throwing away things I leave out. She's throwing
away things that she doesn't think I need. Most of
the things she throws away are in their appropriate spot
when they are thrown out. Edit for she doesn't actually
watch Marie Kondo. That was just me explaining that she
(08:52):
likes to get rid of clutter by getting rid of
things that take up space. And there is an update.
But but do you have any thoughts before we get
into the update about what ope he can do?
Speaker 4 (09:03):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Like we say all the time, communicate. So I think
your wife has one train of thought, you have another
train of thought, and these train of thoughts need to correlate.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
I think we Yeah, I think we just need to
find a middle ground. I think you need to go
to her, which you happen You've been saying, hey, please
stop doing this, but I think we need to.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Say, like, what's the why?
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Well, yeah, why do you feel the need to you know,
do this without consulting me? And then maybe the maybe
the compromise is, Okay, you can collect all the things
that you think we need to get rid of, but
I'm let me look through, let me double check that
isn't anything that I'm still using or have an attachment to.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Amy lind says therapy for both I.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Wouldn't, Yeah, I would say so I could. I would
say some couple's therapy. Yeah, because that's really frustrating to
have like you know, he said, it was there was
a sentimental item in here for you know that he
he gave to his daughter. You know, she might not
be thrown out things that are expensive, but she's throwing
out things that are priceless.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
It's the why for me, Like Riley said, it's like
I think maybe you know, op he said something about
like communication hasn't worked, but I feel like maybe it's
the method of communication.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
Maybe instead of being like, hey, don't do this, or
why are you doing this? Or I don't like you
doing this, you should be like, hey, how are you
feeling right before you think you need to do this? Yeah,
what's happening to you that makes you go all right,
this stuff's gone.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
All that's gone now, which a lot of people are
saying OCD, which that like is a you know possibility, right. Yeah,
but let's get into this backwards update. She has been
extra sweet to me since the day before yesterday, clearly
knowing that I was upset with her. I talked with
her last night. I had written her a letter which
I wrote expressing how I felt to make sure my
(10:56):
feelings were clearly and seriously expressed. Fascinated and handing it
to her, and she saw how distraught I was and
instigated a conversation before I handed it to her. She
seemed to believe what upset me was that she had
taken away a desk and pushed all of my things
to a smaller desk. She took away a desk, a
whole desk.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
What is going on?
Speaker 2 (11:18):
M taking away the area for me to do my
art there? To make more room for our child's things.
She took away your desk.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
And then she made room for your child's things that
she's actively throwing away. What is she making room for? Oh?
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Also, I believe Op's a woman. Yeah, I don't know
if we've been referring to.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
She was a woman.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
I think so.
Speaker 3 (11:41):
Kean bought Yes, she MF F guy. That's just the
best gender neutral way to refer to anybody.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
No, is OPI a male female?
Speaker 3 (11:49):
I believe Yes, it's it's uh female amale to famalas a.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Sorry if we have been misgender OP this whole time
and we are now taking accountability and from fourth as
we go for during Sorry, it's just it's just one letter.
We just don't see.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Yeah, and usually it's well it wasn't it wasn't in
the story, but it wasn't the.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Username got it all right, So this makes me think
he's building tunnel below her house and is making room
for all the debris from the tunnel because she cannot.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
She can getting a freaking real answer.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Though, because I know exactly what he's talking about, because.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
You cannot rent a big garbage container for more than
two weeks out of time without people asking questions. So, uh,
she's probably finding what He's hide all the rock debris
in her house for everyone out of the loopes.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
He's referencing like a TikTok creator who's building a random
like cave under her house.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
And she's an engineer and she's documenting the whole process.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
So that's cool.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
It's not cool because she doesn't have any like per
city permits. Are like, that's not cool. No, she does, No,
she does.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
You should not be doing that. They're also probably it's
probably illegal.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
Dude, Yeah, and engine what are we talking about.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
I hope she's got permits and it's probably illegal because
there are many tunnels underneath all of the city substructs.
So that's why the government doesn't want you to know.
The government doesn't want you to find the lizard tunnels.
You know, I actually sorry, I am going on more
side tangent about this. You know the device that they
used to see if the pyramids had tunnels. I just
want to use that on major cities to see if
(13:34):
there are any other tunnels below it. Probably Why can't
we just do it there?
Speaker 2 (13:37):
You know, there's probably tons of tunnels. I know, there's
like tons of you know, like subway stations that like
like in New York, how they have subway station.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
You don't think there's any other tunnels other than subway stations.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
No, I'm saying there probably are that are no longer
are in use. But that's just like cityl thing.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
I asked Sophia the other week, Hey, if I gave
you a nine to eleven uh PowerPoint, would you listen
to me? And she said yes, Okay. I said, if
I can create my own, yeah, yeah. So we're both
gonna make nine to eleven things. So, first of all,
the portion nine eleven correct, is one of the best.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Wow, I'm not like super happy about that. I told
her that wasn't what was bothering me. I explained how
it hurt me that she knew that I don't like
her throwing out with things away, and she did it
again anyway. I explained how she'd thrown away arts and
other things that really upset me, which is a great
point because a piece an artist, and like for someone
to throw away a person's creations is really missed up.
(14:35):
She told me that she hadn't realized that, for example,
the chessboard that I had made was not a piece
of junk because she only saw the underside of it.
This is an epoxy chess board that I spent many
hours painting and preparing. A lot of art, depending on
people's medium, can look kind of like junk to some people.
Did you kid just throw it away?
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yeah? I know this one person I used to live
with or and like they would like they would just
get together with their friends and just like say these
things in a group setting over and over and over,
and it was like kind of see my garbage. But
then they like hosted people at this event thing and
then did it in front of people. It was actually great.
Speaker 2 (15:13):
I was trying to figure out how this was related
to me.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
It is because your group would be saying, oh yeah,
ah there, I go, wow.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
It's a little bent. It is gorgeous in the time
I put into it shows. I told her that she
shouldn't even be making those judgment calls because she keeps
making these kinds of mistakes. She then got a bit defensive,
saying that I should have cleaned up the clutter already
because I had talked about tidying up my desk. I
agree that I need to be better about it, but
this argument doesn't make any sense because none of the
(15:43):
things that she threw away came from my desk. They
came from my nightstand, my clothes door, my closet, a
separate closet. And I told her that I hope her
statement was just something said defensively without really thinking about it,
because the logic behind me it has some bad implications.
If she got rid of my things in my non
(16:04):
desk areas because of a messy desk, that means she
got rid of things in non desk areas as some
kind of revenge, even if this had anything to do
at the desk. I told her that she should at
least warn me before she goes through the purge. Well,
I know that she shouldn't have to ask me to
keep things tidy to her standards. The least she could
have done was tell me to address it before she
(16:26):
starts getting rid of things.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Okay, so Opie say it for herself, saying this is
where I'm at, this is one.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Of my boundaries.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
No, I think that's absolutely fair to say, Hey, you
can tell me to clean up my mess, but tell
me don't just like delete all of it. I told her,
if this was really about clutter, she should leave it
in a box for me to go through. She told
me that I had gotten mad at her in the
past because she had done that. I remember no such incident,
but I told her that even if I had gotten
(16:55):
upset about that, which doesn't make any sense because that
is what I keep asking her to do. Why would
it be worse than throwing at the things without asking me.
She told me that I should keep my things in
my closet or the garage because those are my areas.
All her clothes too, the super clol your child's sentimental toys.
(17:15):
Like that doesn't make sense. Then I asked her if
I have to keep all of my clothes in the
garage too, also, she had taken things from my closet,
the alleged safe space. She said that she had only
taken a shirt that was staying and shorts that I
had agreed to get rid of that just wasn't true.
There were several shirts, pajama shorts, and a tank top
that she threw away without stains.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
So why is she lying?
Speaker 2 (17:38):
She's lying, well, I feel like she wants to do this,
and so she's just gonna make up whatever to prove
her port. She's like, oh no, I well I wanted
to get rid of this, So here are all of
the excuses to why it's actually okay, and actually you
said I could do it. And he's like, I never
said that.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
We need We just need to get to the feeling.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
We need to get to the emotional core that just
causing this behavior to pop up, Like you know what.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Trauma causes for Yeah, Amy lenses.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
I'm telling you she has OCPD and thinks it should
be her way. Also, the gene shorts that she said
I had agreed to get rid of was not true.
I told her that I needed to get new shorts
because I've been losing weight, but I don't have the
replacement shorts yet. If I had been ready to get
rid of them, I didn't need her help throwing out
those shorts would have left me with only one pair
(18:33):
of shorts that fit me. I know that she has
a tendency to be a bit defensive and say things
but without thinking too much when she feels like she's
being attacked, but she will usually ruminate on things later
and address things more reasonably after taking the time to
digest the issues. Normally, I try to give her a
little space when she gets defensive like that so that
(18:53):
she has time to reflect. However, it made me very
angry that she kept trying to defend her actions, which
were clearly with arguments that did not make any sense.
Though I've previously called her out on breaking her promises
not to throw my things away, I had never called
her out on her lying. I got upset and asked
her why she keeps lying to me about it if
(19:14):
the things she is saying are true. She didn't really respond.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Yeah, yeah, sorry. Before we get to that, we see
a pattern. It's a loop. I like, how ope, I
feel like we're about to like the circle is about
the well.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I think OPI is doing a great job at like
standing her ground and being like no, that that's not true.
Like you can't gas at me because I know that's
not true, and then she's finding all of these like
holes in her wife's story.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
But it seems like this part right here is about, yeah,
we're about to get some inside. I agree.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
She didn't really respond. I kept to myself the rest
of the night. I cried a lot. She kept being
extra sweet to me. She might be acting like she
had realized she's in the wrong and said that she
would set aside things she wants to throw away first.
She never actually apologized or expressed remorse. She didn't say
that she wanted to earn my trust back. By the way,
you can earn our trust if you listen to full
(20:03):
episodes of stories just like this. Just go to Spotify,
Apple Podcasts, or iHeart Radio and search a book as storytime.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
I'm gonna be infuriated if you do not get some.
You me too, and I'm worried that we want well.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
I think that the core of this is that I
think Opie's partner is probably dealing with, like Chad is saying,
some kind of OCD or some kind of some kind
of compulsion that maybe even she herself doesn't fully grasp.
But it's like a feeling. And so when you press her.
She's not gonna admit it because she she just.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
Probably doesn't even understand it too, you know, right fully.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
She can't admit to it.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
It's like it'd be like admitting like I don't know
that you're just like wrong as a person, because that's
how she probably feels about it.
Speaker 1 (20:49):
Is that that's just her so therapy.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
The lease therapy, therapy therapy. Yeah, but there's a little
bit left. It makes me think she still doesn't understand
how devastating to me it is that I cannot trust
her anymore. I'm not satisfied with this results, and I'm
going to push hard for couple's therapy. As has been
discussed in the comments, Contrary to some of the other comments,
I adamantly believe that this is not worth destroying our
(21:15):
marriage about and raising our daughter in a broken home.
For I don't think we're at divorce right now. If
this is something that happens like maybe three times a year,
this is absolutely not divorce worthy. It is absolutely something
that needs to be addressed.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Though.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Yes, that said, her reaction, slash response, or lack thereof,
to being told how upsetting it is that she keeps
lying to me is an enormous red flag. If she
doesn't care about regaining my trust, then I don't think
we have a marriage to sate. And I think this
is just like you got to keep having those conversations
and get like a mediator involved.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Because I had a family member once that went through
a relapse because a death in the family, and then
usually around that same time of year, they're like kind
of like that pattern will pick up. I feel like
there's something in your wife's childhood of past that keeps
coming up every few times a year she need to
talk through, and once you're able to find that out,
(22:12):
you'll be able to have a breakthrough. Once you have
that breakthrough, I don't see why this can't work right. Yeah,
it's just a it's one breakthrough away.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
That was a really good observation because I feel like
a lot of people have those things where it's like
when you get around a certain time of year, it's
like stuff starts coming up because like that's just around
the time that it happened to you.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Yeah, so, but it's all in the emotions, for sure.
I would say, agreed, don't no need to divorce unless like, no,
there's no solution at all. You've tried, Leah everything.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Let's try everything before we do that.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Yes, hey's John og host. We're gonna get back to
the stories, but a quick three minute break of ads
from our sponsors. My husband thinks I became too protective
of my daughter, but.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
I can't help it. To help it.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Trigger warning brief mentions of an accident, injury and insuing
death of an infant. Burnerary account because my main is
easily is connected to the hospital I work at. Thirteen
months ago, I twenty seven female, had the happiest day
of my life. Gave birth to a beautiful baby girl,
Amy Female one. She has her daddy's eyes and my face,
and despite being a little underweight when she was born,
(23:18):
she has always been developing perfectly. She's everything we ever
wished for, especially after several years of struggling to conceive.
And this comes from sad Display forty and if you
just me your own stories, go to the r okay stories.
I'm suburb so recently I went back to work as
a nurse at the hospital. My husband, Sondro Mail thirty one,
(23:38):
is independently employed and can work from home and watch
Amy at the same time while I work. Since I
went back to work, my home life has become tense.
I see so many accidents at work for kids of
all ages, but especially the ones involving younger kids hit
me hard, even when I'm not the one treating them.
(23:58):
I've been very protective and careful since she was born,
but it has become worse since I went back to work.
Just leaving her alone during the nights has become hard.
When she cries, I immediately run over because I fear
something has happened. When Sondro puts Amy to bed, I
always have to double check that no choking hazards are
in the bed, that everything around her is properly secured,
(24:21):
that the windows are closed, and the list goes on.
It's not because I distruss Sandro and his abilities as
a dad. He's a great husband and father, a gentle
giant who vowed to be a great father, and so
far has been easy, seemingly typical ex military legend, but
(24:42):
he is a total girl dad. Amy's first birthday, he
was in a princess dress and bait cupcakes. He is.
He has now started the plans to build a giant
play castle in the garden for when she is older.
Sadly Soandro did not have a good fall, so while
I was pregnant, he was extremely anxious that he turned
(25:04):
out to be the same monster. Now that I'm so overprotective,
double check after my husband, he is hurt and feels
like I am doubting him. He always asked me to
trust him, and I do, but I know from experience
that even the best and most responsible parents can even
make mistakes, and some of those mistakes can cost them
(25:25):
the lives of their babies. Ooh, this is tricky.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Ooh, I think I was gonna I was thinking about it,
and I feel like when you're in healthcare profession, like
a nurse or doctor, I think that you can kind
of go to routes as a parent. You can either
be like super super protective because you're seeing all of
these things where kids get hurt and stuff, or you're like,
ah that GE's fine. Yeah, Like they come to you
(25:50):
and I'm they're like I'm sick, and you're like, god, take.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
It as I've seen worse.
Speaker 2 (25:54):
Yeah. I feel like that is the two routes that
often happen, and it happens with people at work. In
your first time mom, you're both first time parents. Of
course you're going to be nervous. However, being parents like
as a unit, evolves a lot of trust and you
can If you can't trust your partner, then there's deeper
(26:15):
problems in your relationship.
Speaker 1 (26:16):
It's so hard to have an occupation that doesn't bleed
into your personal life. Like, for example, I can't really
enjoy certain pieces of content because I know the retention
rate is not that high, or the intro could have
been better, or like the thumbnail could have had a
different title, one hundred million things. And even when I
watch people live stream oh d it's a whole nother thing.
I can't even watch live streamings. Yeah, it's tough. Keon,
(26:39):
what about you? Anytime anyone ever asks you advice on computers,
what do you say?
Speaker 4 (26:43):
It depends on who's asking.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
You have war flashbacks?
Speaker 4 (26:46):
Yeah, there's some people that I know that have like
when it comes to technology, they just have no awareness.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
And it just like Carly says, my mom is a
your fine doctor.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
Nice.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
I love that.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
Sophia's Colonne says, I don't think she's ever protective. It
sounds like a normal amount of healthcare worker. I think
the problem that's coming up, which it seems like she's
just mentioned it a little bit so far. Is not
that she's, like, you know, worrying abnormally, She's just not
placing a lot of trust.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
In her part doubting. I think that's the issue, the
perception of doubting your partner.
Speaker 2 (27:22):
Yeah, but let's keep reading.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
Sandro has tried to be understanding, especially when I explained
to him that is the same thing as him always
checking the house alarm is activated and that the weapons
he has around the house are all working in order
before he goes on a work trip during which I'd
be alone, just a bit of paranoia as a result
of our work. It worked for a bit like that,
(27:46):
but last week it came to a head. There was
an accident with a nine month year old and I
would say that she did not make it. I was
present when we were all there and trying to revive her.
I was sitting home early by my boss, who knows
I have a baby around the same age. That night,
I cried myself to sleep in the nursery while my
husband held me. Ever since that day, I've been unable
(28:07):
to stop thinking and worrying. I've been driving Sandro nuts,
requesting updates from him. I've tried to keep it to
a minimum, but on a nearly hour basis, I would
text him and ask where Amy was, how she was doing,
and requests a picture so I could spot any invisible dangers.
I know Sandro is a good and overprotective parent himself.
(28:30):
I just want to be sure and with my job,
I know what to look for.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Honestly, you're looking for things that aren't there and for
things that are there. And in doing that, like what
happens when the kid's a teenager. The thing is that
you have to know that your child is going to
get hurt. It's impossible for your child, like I, every child.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
Owt see just like that.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
Every child in the world has gotten hurt at one point,
and it's not because their parents are bad parents. I
when I was like a couple of years old, I
like was jumping on a couch and I accidentally tripped
and face planted onto a sharp dollhouse and I had
like a huge, like bump on my head. Fix it, Yeah,
(29:14):
but I think I still have a very light It
was like when I was really young.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
Your face.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
That's messed up.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
That's my stup.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Anyway, it's it's not because my parents were neglecting me.
It's not because they are bad parents. It's because kids
get hurt life.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
It's a part of them.
Speaker 4 (29:33):
Like yeah, you know when you like you touched like
the like like the fire, like you make too close
to the fire, Like, ah, it's hot. You can tell
a kid it's going to be hot, but like, yeah,
I want to know if it's hot or not.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
And I think op is unfortunately because she's around all
of this, Like you know, she sees the worst of
the worst kind of situations where kids get hurt. That's
all she's thinking about.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
Yeah, and as a kid gets older, you're gonna have
more worries. I think just going to therapy four years. Yes,
so this kid doesn't feel like they have Harry o'copter,
Like you got one that's a nurse that's overprotective of
like you're not getting physically harm. And then you got
a military dad that's like overprotective too that you don't
also get physically harm, and you're just gonna be wrapped
up in a bubble. Yeah, kid's gonna be like.
Speaker 4 (30:17):
You're gonna have a bubble boy.
Speaker 2 (30:19):
Yeah. That movie with Jake Chill in hall.
Speaker 4 (30:22):
That's bubble boy.
Speaker 2 (30:23):
Yeah, but I think therapy. I think, you know, talk
to your husband, get on the same page, and potentially
take a you know, leave of absence.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
From your jobs sabbatical.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Yeah, it's because this is it's it's only confirming the
worst of your thoughts.
Speaker 1 (30:39):
Can we get a sabbatical? No, you guys, let us
have a sabbatical. Sandro was patient for the first two days,
but on the third he suddenly didn't respond after the
first two updates in the morning, I started spamming him
and calling him frantically and receiving no replies. At this
point I was completely beside myself and asked a police
(31:00):
officer friend of mine do a welfare check on him
when he isn't in a busy or active on a call.
I didn't make an official report to NOMEN one, just
text a friend.
Speaker 2 (31:12):
See, yeah, this is we've we've gone into and someone
said PbD potentially severe anxiety. Absolutely, I hope he is
thinking the worst and this has gotten out of control.
This is we need therapy. This is absolutely therapy. To
call the police, regardless of it if it's a friend
or not, on your partner as the like kind of
(31:32):
first resort uugh.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Turns out Sandro was in a very important meeting that
he had told me about a few days ago prior,
but I forgot. The meeting was within a very important
clients and it was interrupted by a cop knocking and
saying Amy's mother had requested a well fair check. Once
the situation was cleared up with the police officer left,
(31:55):
I was given an all clear. But no matter what
Sandra did, the meeting was ruined and the deal fell through.
Public image is very important in my husband's area of work,
and a cop coming for a welfare check, he's not
a good look. Oh my gosh. Sandra was furious with me.
He told me that he has been patient, but I
(32:17):
need to get a grip on my overprotectedness or he
is going to consider it at least temporary separation until
I've gotten the help I need. I know he's right.
I know my issues are going way too far and
they're damaging me, my husband, and my child. But at
the same time, I can't help but think that I
am in the right to some extent. Yes, I went
(32:37):
too far with sending the police, but I know that.
But what if something had happened? But if he fell
asleep and Amy had fallen out of a highchair, or
if she began choking, what if she was silently hurt
and he didn't notice. At least this way, the baby
would have been safe.
Speaker 3 (32:50):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
I told him as much as he exploded at me,
that he could handle taking care of a baby, that
we can't caddle Amy that much, and that baby are
more resilient that I'm giving them credit for, and that
for every baby I treat, thousands are completely fine. Sandra
was also angry that I clearly distrussed him and think
that he is in a good dad, which isn't true.
(33:12):
But I understand how it looks.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
Yeah, o P, you're in this like what if cycle.
Of course, of course anything can happen, but when you
assume the worst, you're just walking. You know, you're just
living in this like torture torture chamber that you've created
in your own mind. Like someone said, baby camp, maybe
(33:36):
do they have a baby camp?
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Sure?
Speaker 2 (33:38):
I don't think that helps this issue though, because this
issue is beyond.
Speaker 1 (33:44):
Like also normal.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Solutions, because it's not a normal problem. She's got like
severe anxiety.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
I feel like the more you worry about something, the
more likely it's going to become true. Yeah, because I
had this random thought last week. It's wonder what self
fulfilling prophecy Angie's house looks like during the weekday. I
will never know what that's like. Yesterday I was at
her house during a weekday because I had a way
on the computer to get done manifesting. Yeah. Yeah, that
like that's a thing, and you have to be careful
(34:13):
with that on that level because you're like, oh, this
might have this might have this might habit. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Well, when you become so overprotective kids, I mean, as
they get older, they very much want to rebel because
they don't like doing, you know, everything that they're told
to do.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
And then it's gonna get hostile because you're gonna start
getting more aggravated and angry with your kid. It's not
a good cycle.
Speaker 2 (34:35):
No, this is Yeah, I honestly think therapy and I
am thinking even more that you might need to take
a break from your job. Yeah, because your job is
just fulfilling all of these fantasies that you're creating in
your head.
Speaker 1 (34:48):
We began arguing like we never argued before, including how
irresponsible it was for him to turn his phone off
for the meeting, so I couldn't reach him. We only
stopped when Amy woke up from our shouting. I went
to her, but my husband was faster and sat on
the couch with her. I was just watching, and he
snapped at me as if he was still allowed to
hold her or not. I left to go to bed
(35:10):
without another word. Sandro apologized later for screaming, and I
could tell he was genuinely upset because his own dad
always screamed at his mom into submission, and he hates
arguing with me in that way. Apologizing for pushing him
to that point ruined his deal and possibly damaging his
reputation and his social works. When then he said that
(35:31):
he shouldn't have yelled, that he meant what he said.
Sandro gave me the ultimatum to either quit work, slash
work in a different field, go to therapy and get
a grip on my issues, or he will have to
at least temporarily separate and maybe eventually divorce me.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
I completely agree.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
I'm at a loss now. I love Sandro and I
do not want to lose him. I'm willing to do
as he asked, but I also feel like unlearning to
be so vigilant would also be endangering Amy. Again, I know. Oh,
that's kind of the point that I should want to
unlearn to be like this. But what if something happens
because I do. I would never forgive myself with my
(36:08):
negligence pause to harm my baby. Does anyone have any
experience with this overprotectiveness they could share? How can I
work to even get myself to go to therapy without
feeling like it's endangering Amy? How can I make sure
my husband knows I can trust him? Ugh?
Speaker 2 (36:26):
This is so tough because Opie, even in understanding that
she's being overprotective, still thinks that she's right. She's still like, well,
I'm but at the like I said, I can't stop
a think. But you know, if if I am not
a reprotective then she's gonna get hurt. Yeah, it's like, ah,
you have to unlearn this. The theme of this episode
is breaking loops. Yeah here, m h the first one,
(36:50):
we're almost at a breakthrough.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
Yeah, breaking a loop. Now we're on the side of
Opie making loops. Kimberly Fine says she destroyed both of
them the same time, trying to fill herself better. In
a collection of brief moments without seeing the big picture.
Speaker 2 (37:06):
Yeah, like, oh, he's so sure that if she is
helicoptering her child, that her child will be free of
all sickness and injury, And that just isn't true. It's like,
no matter how like how hard you try, your child
will get hurt. And your job as a parent is
(37:26):
to protect them from the big things and to teach
them how to avoid those. But you can't do it
this way. You're just gonna drive yourself crazy and your
partner crazy, and your kid crazy, and your kid crazy.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Kimberly Fine says she knows that now, but she's only
considering her own ones and needs and acting without considering
the ramifications. It's confirmation biased to use the outcome to
justify her impulse behavior.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
Absolutely, and she's in the perfect job to do that.
She's got all of these examples. Absolutely agree that his ultimatum,
you know, we don't support almatums, go back up, but
she absolutely needs to quit and get there.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
You actual drop Air says the issue that the first
six months of a baby's life, they can't defferentiate themselves
from their mom. They think their mom is an extension
of themselves and mom's body is an extension of them.
I'll read one comment here, OPI, you need to get
checked for postpartum anxiety right now because your paranoia brain
is running the show at the moment. Stop calling over
(38:30):
protection and call it what it is, paranoia and controlling.
If you can possibly get transferred away from a unit
with babies, that would probably be a good idea as well,
because your work is only fueling your fears. You're operating
on confirmation bias because you only see babies that are injured.
The vast majority of babies are not in the er.
(38:51):
You can't really find called that.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
The reality is you are not going to be able
to control every second of your child's life. But I said,
and you need to accept that and trust your husband
is a competent parent who doesn't need constant monitoring. How
would you feel if he called the police on you
while he was away? Would you feel insulted like he
was suggesting you weren't capable of caring for her. She
(39:15):
could just as easily have an accident in your care.
Part of making the decision to procreate with another person
deciding that they are a safe person to care for
your share child you have some serious cognitive dissonance going on,
saying you trust him, but also assuming that the second
she is in his carolone, she's in danger. This is
(39:36):
a mental health issue. You need to talk to your
physician now today and get a referral to a therapist
who can help.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
And yeah, I'm probably saying the same thing that we said.
Speaker 1 (39:46):
Yeah, and then uh, comment's like here in Germany we're
a bit more relaxed his parents, but in America, you
guys are just always anxious.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
Which I mean honestly that it is kind of a
good point. There's a lot of cultural differences because even
in like you can see it in playgrounds. Playgrounds in
America are very safe, like in Australia, there's like zip
lines and trampolines at the playground. Like there's a lot
of different things at playgrounds because America has so many
(40:16):
rules surrounding what can be at a playground.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
Hot take, hot take, what can make you fume? I
think we're programmed that way. I think the proper granda
and like the things that are around have made us
as Americans more anxious just to live as general, because
we're always on fear. Everychonicle in the news is always fear.
Speaker 2 (40:38):
I agree. I mean, but that's also a product of of, uh,
just the massive amount of information that we are being
like given because you know, obviously back in like people
are always saying like, there's so many more cereal, cereal
unto libraries and there's so many more like of all
(40:58):
of that stuff going on and the like. No, there
were a lot of cereal people back in the day.
We just didn't have information about the information about it.
So people were letting their kids go out until night
time and saying like, you know, my dad always tells me, Yeah,
my parents just said come back when the lights turn one.
Speaker 3 (41:17):
That the thing.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
Yeah, there was a huge there was a huge thing.
And now parents are like, I would never do that.
And it's not because it's necessarily any safer. It's because
we have more information about all of the things that
are happening to kids.
Speaker 1 (41:29):
Then the sad thing is like, oh, wait, I can
become a serial killer, dude, I'm gonna start doing that.
Wa wait, and then the people have serial killers. Oh
my god, there's so many podcasts.
Speaker 2 (41:40):
I actually am very annoyed about the amount of glorification
and the amount of coverage.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
That yeah, these people get but let's get into this. Wow,
the product of our country. Sorry, I didn't mean to
get us all hot.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
No, but I do agree with you about that.
Speaker 1 (41:57):
Well, let's get back into the inside of this.
Speaker 2 (42:01):
Yeah, that was a zoomed out the micro Hello.
Speaker 1 (42:05):
Everyone. I'm sorry for not updating sooner, but I was
waiting for everything to settle down first. And the response
for my first post has absolutely been overwhelming. I'm sorry
for not replying to in comments, but it's been truly
a lot blah blah blah blah. To be honest, when
I first posted here, I genuinely expected to be met
with reassurance that I was not crazy and that maybe
(42:27):
I had to dial it down at the most. Instead,
the replies were eye openers. A day after I posted here,
I sent the post to Sandro while he was in
a room over and texted him that I wanted to
get help, but I need to do it. He knows
how hard asking for help from me is and almost
immediately came over, hugged me and kissed me and told
me that we were going to get through this. I
(42:49):
truly don't serve this man. I had a talk with
my boss and it was immediately moved from the er,
and after a week of mainly doing administrative work, my
boss approached me with an to move me to a
different workplace under the same company. I would mainly work
with the elderly and disabled to make their days, weeks,
months as comfortable as possible. I was thinking, she was
(43:12):
gonna get moved there.
Speaker 2 (43:13):
That's great, but this is like best case scenario.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Now you can worry when your kid gets older and
what to do. Then.
Speaker 2 (43:22):
Yeah, now you'll just worry about your own life.
Speaker 1 (43:25):
No, no, don't get in the shower.
Speaker 3 (43:28):
No, let me come.
Speaker 1 (43:32):
Oh man, Now Sandra is gonna watch out for himself.
Oh man. Doug Sandra about it, and he agreed to
try it as an alternative to quitting the ultimatum he
gave me after two days of working there to see
if it fits, I agree to the offer. Because of
the circumstances, I was able to start my new job
on the first of August, and while it can be
(43:53):
sad at times, it is much slower and almost peaceful
in comparison. I even talked to some of the old
women there and they told me similar things as commenters,
and even some who shared how terrifying it was to
raise their own kids at times, but that I had
to let Amy learn to live on her own or
I'd have a child relying on me for my entire life. Yea,
(44:17):
I love this.
Speaker 2 (44:18):
And now she has people that can give her advice
who have gone through like you know, parenting and stuff.
Speaker 1 (44:22):
I felt like she retired, she's going off.
Speaker 2 (44:26):
No, I mean like, I think it's pretty good to
remember that the elderly people in our lives have a
lot of wisdom to share, and I think we often
discredit that.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
Sure, ain't there, right, Keon, give me so much good advice,
give so much wisdom. Sure, call me old, Yeah you
got older today, still younger than you look at me, dude,
Come on, I don't even care about look younger. I
just like the way I look anyway. The only kids
(44:58):
I come into contact on with the new job or healthy,
strong kids visiting their grandparents. I think it might be
the best decision I've made in months. Has put a
halt to my career and I get less pay, but
thankfully with Sandro's job, we're in a position or that
hardly matters. Sandro also convinced me to go to therapy
at first, I agreed to be honest. I get expected
(45:19):
the therapists to agree with me, as you may expect.
She did not. My therapist is kind but stern woman.
She reassures me but I don't feel crazy, but also
bluntly tells me that I'm behaving irrationally. We're still in
the early phases, but I see her twice a week currently.
I still have a long way to go, but we're
(45:40):
working on it. I was diagnosed with post bottom anxiety,
unsurprisingly and PTSD due to what I saw at my
job and some stuff for my own neglectful parents which
I don't want to go into detail about. I think
you should. I speaking that was a bad joke. I've
been going through some of the comments on my original
posts with her, and if that matters, most of your
(46:02):
comments are therapists approved. Thank you to everyone who suggested
a camera. My husband and I talked about it and
agreed to have a camera installed in the living room
and nursery. I don't know I feel about that. His
office couldn't have one since he works with sensitive information,
but he just works from the living room now and
goes into his office for sensitive calls and meetings. It's
helped a lot that I could just check in regularly
(46:24):
on it without having to ask him. My therapists and
I are trying to work towards having me check in
less and less. That's now yet perfect, but I guess
we'll get there, you know.
Speaker 2 (46:34):
Okay, if as long as the therapist is involved in
this conversation. Sure, if the babycam helps you know and
be kind of an intermediary to you getting better.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
All four. I just don't like cameras in the house.
Speaker 3 (46:47):
Man.
Speaker 2 (46:48):
Well, I mean, baby camps are super common. Still, they're
super common.
Speaker 1 (46:52):
I s don't.
Speaker 2 (46:53):
You probably will if you have a child, you probably
will need to have a baby cam. You have to them.
I don't know that's how you check on your baby
at night? Uh you have like a thing next to them. No,
are you just gonna have the baby in your room.
I'm gonna have it in the closet.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
What okay, I'm going to sleep in my bed and
the baby will be in the other room. I'm gonna
walk with my own two feet to check on it.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
It's the baby cam, most Okay. Sure you'll find out.
Speaker 1 (47:19):
I'll find out.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
You'll find out.
Speaker 1 (47:20):
What about You'll find out? I already know my my
little brother slept in a drawer. They didn't close it,
they just had it open on the floor. They slept
in the drawer on vacations. That's how it works. Wow,
I know. Whatever we become parents, me and Sophie are
gonna go like hand for hand on this. Shecuse like
your kids are just we might even be able to
(47:42):
work together. We'll be fine, You'll be fine.
Speaker 2 (47:44):
Or out there, We'll be fine.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
Oh, we'll be fine.
Speaker 2 (47:46):
We'll be fine.
Speaker 1 (47:47):
We're disagreeing over a baby cam.
Speaker 2 (47:50):
We'll be fine.
Speaker 1 (47:51):
Chat. What are your thoughts on baby cams? Babycam? Yes,
baby cam? No, Hey, y'all, it's John og Host here.
We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's a
quick three minute break from ask for more sponsors. Has
also started on an accidental thing we try to do
every day where I log into the cameras and Sandro
and Amy sit in front of the camera and we
call eating lunch together. It's become a bit of a
(48:12):
fun tradition this past week since I've been at my
new job. Also, a huge thanks for the kids who
grew up similarly to how I'm treating Amy, He replies,
really helped me realizing that I may be keeping baby
Amy safe teen and adult Amy will suffer from it. Yeah,
that's what I was thinking. Sandro has made it clear
that he is not going to divorce me because he
(48:34):
can see me trying. He's my rock in all of this,
and I would be absolutely lost without him. Once I
am in a better state of mind, will consider couples
counseling because Sandro is still a bit hurt that I
seem to mistrust him, and I understand completely. Sandro was
talking to a lawyer about the possibility of making him
the primary parent because my therapist has noted that we
(48:58):
can't ignore the possibility of me getting worse is something
were to happen to Amy, like a cold, and just
in case, Sandro wants to make it impossible for me
to possibly act irrationally again and take off with her
or something like it. While I absolutely hate the thought
and I understand and agreed to talk about it, but
that has honestly taken a lesser priority right now. We've
(49:20):
also decided to hold off on having another kid for now.
Originally we wanted to start trying for a baby again
once Amy is about eighteen months. My therapist agreed that
it might not be a good idea currently probably all
don't care too much. But a few days ago, Amy
wave goodbye to me for the first time on her
own when I left for work, without Sandro encouraging her first.
(49:40):
I swear in that moment it all became worth it,
and I knew how to work on myself to give
my baby girl the best possible future without a paranoid mother.
Oh yeah, that's super sweet for the people saying. My
friend the cop is also at fault for enabling me.
Honestly exactly it to him. I told him I hadn't
(50:02):
heard from Sandro in hours and that Sandro hadn't been
feeling well. I didn't follow an official report or emergency line,
just texted a friend to check up on Sandro when
he is free. My friend has since informed me of
what really happened, and he told me to never ever
do it again and had distanced himself because I lied
to him and in a way misused his power and
(50:24):
a ConTroll link move. I am still struggling, but I'm
beginning to realize that asking a friend for a wellness
check was wrong, and I'm afraid that's a friendship I
won't be able to salvage all in all, It's hard,
and I often wake up to check on Amy. But
I'm getting to a point where checking the cameras is
enough about half the time. So much has happened in
(50:46):
the last three weeks since I posted. But with my
husband and my angel of a boss now former boss,
I have a good support system. And by the way,
you want best support system in the freaking world, virtually
with your ear holes. All you gotta do, Let's go
to your favorite freaking podcast platform, Apple, Spotify or heart
Radio and search up Okay storytime, and you will have Me,
(51:09):
Sophia key On, Sam Dakota and sometimes Angie and maybe
even Carly as your support system.
Speaker 2 (51:16):
It's true. It's true.
Speaker 1 (51:18):
It's true. Yeah, right in your ear holes. And looks
like people love the baby cam.
Speaker 2 (51:24):
I am seeing a lot of people saying also baby
monitors as kind of an other option to a baby cam,
which just makes yeah, you usually get audio ones, but
just something that, like, you know, that's the one. I yeah,
just a way to keep you know, if they're in
the other room.
Speaker 3 (51:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
I can hardwire a baby monitor with the stuff we
have here. I get by then you're good. Maybe soon
we'll be able to put chips in them. What you know,
if I had live shoot the baby, I'd be fine.
Speaker 2 (51:52):
What that's good. That's a crazy step up. That's a
great Like it's a little if I'm not making money
off of it.
Speaker 4 (52:03):
But you have have you guys seen that that that
there are videos like that where like, hey, watch my
kids for a second.
Speaker 1 (52:07):
Yeah, literally, like they're live. She like, I go to
use your restroom, I'm watch my kid.
Speaker 2 (52:11):
Personally anti sharing footage of.
Speaker 1 (52:14):
But have you seen that?
Speaker 4 (52:15):
Those are things that's insane to me, like some live streaming.
Speaker 2 (52:19):
Yeah, anti thatad, but I have seen a lot of it. Yeah, yeah,
we've got we've got everyone's on the baby cam or
baby monitors side.
Speaker 1 (52:31):
If I had no computer hooked up to the internet
and they had footage, maybe I just I just don't
like the idea of downloading an app and kind of
have an idea that other.
Speaker 2 (52:43):
People you would have. So there are things that you
can get. There are like two monitors that you have,
so you have one like the cam or the monitor
like listening, and then the one in your room. So
it's not like I think someone said, you can get
one that's like not Wi Fi.
Speaker 1 (52:58):
Okay, yeah, so you can get you can get.
Speaker 2 (53:01):
Ones that, like you know, aren't necessarily.
Speaker 1 (53:04):
I will think about it. Yeah, I just don't want
ring to have I understand that OP continues. It's still
a struggle. At times. I feel like this post sounds
a little bit more positive than things really are right now.
It's hard for me to accept that I am in
the wrong, and some days it almost feels like I'm
being lying to. But I've learned to communicate that with
(53:25):
my husband instead of being a control freak. Yay. Those
days are hard. But once I actually start to talk
about my fears to Sandro, he always had the perfect
reply to show me how silly my fears are. It's
almost infuriating, and I love him for it. Thank you
very much to everyone who replied. I'm working on getting better.
Maybe I'll post another update on my profile to keep
(53:46):
everyone updated and there's any interest. Slash need to. My
therapist encouraged me to listen to stories of people affected
by PPA or the flip side, people who grew up
with parents like this, so I appreciate anyone willing to
share their stories and experiences. That's probably good insight to
get a glimpse of what your future could be like.
Speaker 2 (54:03):
Yeah, if you don't figure it out, no, I think
this is all I mean obviously, the whole thing with
like him having full custody kind of or you know,
like full parental rights. It's pretty scary, but it hopefully,
you know, shocks you and realizing, oh I need to
make changes.
Speaker 1 (54:22):
Like now, I don't know why, but I feel like
Sandro is like this beefy, like tough Hispanic man with
a mustache, just like walking around taking care of the
baby and taking business calls. I love it.
Speaker 2 (54:34):
Ex military man.
Speaker 1 (54:35):
Yeah, I know, that's what's like in my head. He's
just like wearing like tight shirts up top, showing off
all his muscles and like don't worry, I got your baby,
and he's like super nice. Oh it.
Speaker 2 (54:43):
Also he wore his little princess dress. Yeah yeah, and
he has like little I love when you would get
this like super muscular macho men who are like really
cute girl.
Speaker 1 (54:51):
That he's like little tea and yeah, I love it.
Pedro capt Pascal's cousin, like that's what he looks like.
Yeah yeah, or Tommy the Last Ones, Oh yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (55:02):
Yeah, I'm just imagining like Ron Swanson when he has
the tea party with the little.
Speaker 4 (55:06):
Girl and he has like all the makeup.
Speaker 1 (55:07):
Yeah, that's the end of that episode, right, Yes, it
is all right. Close out, folks.
Speaker 2 (55:13):
If you love us, make sure to subscribe.
Speaker 1 (55:15):
We love you and see you lo
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