February 27, 2026 • 21 mins
What if the real reason you feel stuck isn’t because you’ve failed but because you’ve been living on autopilot for too long?
Jay breaks down the small, everyday habits that quietly keep us stuck — our tendency to choose what’s comfortable, the way we assume we have more time than we do, and how often we tell ourselves we’ll start “later.” He explains why trying new things makes life feel fuller and more memorable — and how doing the same thing over and over can make months or even years feel like they flew by. And he reminds us that while comfort feels good in the moment, meaning is built slowly — and that’s what actually stays with you.
Jay breaks down the hidden forces that keep us stuck: our brain’s love of comfort, our illusion that we “have time,” and the dangerous promise of “later.” He explains how novelty makes life feel expansive, while living on autopilot compresses our memories and years into a blur. He challenges the addiction to comfort, reminding us that meaning compounds slowly while pleasure fades quickly. Most importantly, he emphasizes that we don’t become our intentions, we become our patterns. Nearly half of our daily behaviors are automatic, which means the life we’re building is shaped less by what we dream about and more by what we repeatedly practice.
In this episode, you'll learn:
How to Stop Living on Autopilot
How to Use Time with Intention
How to Build Better Daily Habits
How to Stop Waiting for “Later”
How to Create a Life You Actually Chose
Clarity grows with courage. Start where you are. Use what you have. Choose what matters today. And trust that when you live on purpose, even the smallest steps can change the direction of your entire life.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
JAY’S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX
Join 900,000+ readers discovering how small daily shifts create big life change with my free newsletter. Subscribe here.
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
00:10 Are You Quietly Wasting Your Life?
05:55 #1: Time Isn't What You Think
08:21 #2: Comfort is the Most Expensive Drug
12:29 #3: You Become What You Repeat
15:06 #4: The Illusion of Later
17:27 #5: Fear Often Disguises as Logic
19:49 The Best Way to Stop Wasting Your Life
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, everyone, welcome back to on Purpose. Thank you for
being on my channel. It means the world to me.
Make sure you subscribe so you never miss an episode.
I want to start with a question that might feel uncomfortable.
Not dramatic, not motivational, just honest. What if the biggest
(00:21):
risk in your life isn't failure, it isn't rejection, It
isn't being judged, but slowly wasting your life without ever
realizing it, not all at once, not in a tragic way,
but quietly, comfortably. Most people don't waste their life doing
(00:41):
the wrong things. They waste it doing fine things for
far too long. And today I want to talk about
what it actually means to waste your life according to psychology, neuroscience,
and philosophy, and how to stop doing it without burning
everything down. Here's the reality. I don't want us to
(01:03):
take our preconceived notions of what wasting our life looks
like into this conversation. And I'm definitely not telling you
that you've ruined everything, that you've lost everything. I want
you to listen very carefully. If you've ever felt busy
but empty, successful but restless, or like time is moving
(01:24):
faster than you are stay with me, because that's what
we're really talking about. So here's the truth that most
people miss. You don't waste your life by making one
bad decision. That's the common mistake we think. We think,
oh my gosh, if I made this one bad decision,
my life is over. Oh if I take this direction
(01:45):
and it doesn't work out, I messed up. Or because
I went to university or college and it didn't pan out,
that was a bad idea. Oh you know what, because
I didn't make it through to this round, that makes
it not worth it. We think we waste our life
because of one bad decision, one bad moment. But here's
the reality. Most of us actually waste it by defaulting.
(02:09):
Psychologists call this the status quote bias, our tendency to
stick with what's familiar even when it no longer serves us.
Think about how many times you've stayed in a relationship
even though it's no longer respectful to you. How long
have you stayed in a job that devalues you. How
long have you tried to make something work when that
(02:32):
other person disrespects you. All of us stay in places
that no longer serve us, and that's how we start
to waste life and time. Now, I want to be
really honest about this. You're not really wasting time because
you could be getting the energy to move. But I
want you to be aware of this idea of defaulting.
I want you to be conscious of the belief that
you can move. There's a famous quote that says, if
(02:55):
you don't like where you're standing, move You're not a tree.
I love that quote because often we feel like trees
in situations in our lives. The reason why I'm telling
you that is I don't want you to feel like
you can't move. I don't want you to believe that
there isn't more out there. Research shows humans will tolerate
dissatisfaction far longer than uncertainty. So we stay in jobs
(03:19):
that drain us. We stay in relationships that shrink us.
We stay in routines that numb us, not because they're good,
but because they're known. Think about that. Tik nat Hahn
famously said, we'd rather stay in familiar pain than unfamiliar pain.
(03:39):
The unfamiliarity of uncertainty of changing a job and changing
our relationship scares us so much that we stay stuck
in situations that are not good for us. Anymore. We
allow time to pass by even though we're not happy, content,
excited about where we are, and sometimes that time is processing.
(04:00):
But sometimes you and I know that time is being wasted.
We're not really living. We're waiting, hoping, wishing, wanting, or
maybe even worse numbing. Was just like, Okay, I'm just
going to accept I don't deserve better. And I think
that that is where so many things change in our life.
You deserve to be loved, you deserve to be cared for.
(04:23):
You deserve to love, and you deserve to care for others.
We all deserve that. And when we settle and say
to ourselves, I'm willing to settle for less than I deserve,
I'm willing to tolerate disrespect, I'm willing to be taken
for granted, that's when we've really lose. And here's the
most dangerous part. A wasted life doesn't look wasted from
(04:46):
the outside. It looks stable, it looks busy, it might
even look impressive until one day it feels heavy. Right.
Sometimes you're looking at someone and you're thinking your life
looks amazing, You've nailed it, But what they're experience on
the inside is very different. And people might even say
that to you. They might even say, well, you make
it look easy. Well, your life looks great, everything looks wonderful,
(05:09):
And inside you're thinking, yeah, but I know I'm meant
for more. I know I'm meant for more now. By
the way, if you already are happy in that stability,
there is nothing wrong with that. Only you can answer this.
I can't answer this question for you, and I can't
tell you it. But it's your personal evaluation to say,
I'm meant for more. I think I can do more,
(05:31):
I think I can be more, I think I want more,
whatever that may be. I was actually happy in my steadiness.
But there was something inside of me just saying I'm
meant to serve others, I'm meant to make a difference,
I'm meant to try. And that's what brought me to here.
That's what brought me in front of you all right now.
And so I don't want you to accept something just
(05:52):
because it's what you've got used to. Here's the first
thing I want to talk about. Time is not what
you think. Most people think time is unlimited. Psychologists call
this time optimism, the belief that would always have more
time later, but studies show that once people past their
mid thirties, time has experienced exponentially faster, not because clocks change,
(06:19):
but because novelty disappears. When days look the same, the
brain compresses memory. That's why childhood felt endless and the
last five years feel like a blur. I think about
it all the time. I find that being so true
that as I get older, time moves faster. Time feels
like it's speeding away. Every year feels faster. I can't
(06:41):
believe her. In twenty twenty six the pandemic feels like yesterday,
twenty sixteen, when we've been posting everything that we were
all doing ten years ago. It feels like yesterday in
one sense, but time has moved so much faster. When
asked what surprised him most about humanity, Tea the Buddha responded,
(07:03):
we think we have time now. I don't want to
be morbid. I don't want to be really realistic about this.
The belief that we have time is healthy when it
makes us use it wisely. The belief we have time
is dangerous when it makes us lazier. I'm not asking
you to hustle, I'm not asking you to stress yourself. Out.
I'm not asking you to burn out. I'm trying to
(07:25):
encourage you to make sure that your time is accounted for.
The way we use time, the way we use money,
the way we use our energy is powerful. It can
make a huge impact, It can change things, and a
lot of us waste both time and money. We don't
count our money, we don't count our time. We don't
really think about how we spend our money. We don't
really think about how we spend our time. So here's
(07:47):
what I want you to remember. A life without novelty
feels short, even if it's long. Wasting your life isn't
about dying early. It's about living on all pilot. When
asked what's the biggest mistake we make in life, the
Buddha replied, you think you have time, so you wait
(08:10):
to start, You wait to change, You wait to say
what matters. You wait to live fully. Don't waste your
time waiting. The second thing I wanted to talk to
you about is comfort is the most expensive drug. I
want you to think about that for a second. Comfort
(08:31):
is the most expensive drug. Now, let's be honest. Comfort
is an evil, but it is addictive. Neuroscience shows the
brain prioritizes energy efficiency, It loves predictability, It avoids discomfort.
So once you find a routine that works, your brain says,
stay here. But psychology shows something else too. Long term
(08:54):
fulfillment comes from meaning, not pleasure. Studies from positive psychology
consistently show pleasure spikes quickly, meaning compounds slowly. Pleasure asks
does this feel good now? Meaning asks is this really
worth it? A wasted life is often a comfortable one
(09:15):
with no clear reason behind it. Don't choose comfort in
the short term over the life you'll wish you had later.
Don't choose comfort in the short term over the courage
your future self will need. Don't choose comfort in the
short term over the growth that only discomfort can give you.
(09:37):
Think about all the great things that your life is
full of. It's all because of some discomfort. It could
be the discomfort of your immigrant parents. It could be
the discomfort that your family went through to raise you.
It could be the discomfort of your childhood that's made
you more compassionate and empathetic. It could be the discomfort
of the tiring training you did as a teenager that
(10:00):
has made you discipline today. Think about the discomfort that
you went through when you went through your first breakup,
a traumatic experience, you had a rejection, you had a failure.
You had that has made you stronger and more resilient today.
There's a famous quote that says, I've never seen a
strong person with an easy past, because a strong person
(10:23):
has fought battles you didn't see. They've lived days that
you never noticed, and they've worked really hard on themselves
when everyone else thought they had it easy. You are
one of those people. You've already done uncomfortable things, and
I get it. You want to rest, I get it.
You want to stop. I get it. You want to pause.
(10:45):
And it's good to have that time. It's good to
have that energy. But as humans, we constantly find that
seeking the right discomfort can propel us forward in a
way that comfort never can think about the idea of
comfort food. Comfort food it makes you unhealthier. Comfort food
makes you lazier. Comfort food takes away energy. Healthy food
(11:07):
may not taste it good. It doesn't make you feel
comfortable in a minute. Going to the gym doesn't make
you feel comfortable right now, but it gives you energy.
It builds muscle, it builds discipline. The question you have
to ask yourself, is what am I building by choosing it?
(11:43):
The third message is you become what you repeat. Here's
something sobering. Your life is not shaped by your goals.
It's shaped by your habits. It's shaped by the thoughts
you repeat daily, the words you say regularly, and the
actions you actually implement. That is what our life is
(12:06):
actually shaped by. I used to have a mentor who'd
always say to me, you become what you think about.
And he would catch me randomly and say, what are
you thinking about right now? And I'd say, oh, I'm
not thinking about anything. I'm thinking about nothing. And he'd say, oh, well,
are you going to become nothing? What are you thinking about?
What are you dreaming about? What are you planning for?
What are you building? That? Repetition is what creates action.
(12:30):
Right if you think about any action you took first,
you thought about it. I feel hungry, I think I'm hungry.
I believe I'm hungry, so let me go and get food.
It comes from our thoughts. So we have to realize
that our life is not defined by our goals and
where we want to be. It's defined by what we repeat.
Up Here. Research shows that up to forty five percent
of daily behavior is automatic, which means you don't become
(12:54):
your intention, you become your pattern. Let me say that again.
You don't become your intention, you become your pattern. If
you repeat distraction, you build a distracted life. If you
repeat avoidance, you build a small life. And here's the
quiet danger. You can waste your life doing things you
(13:17):
never consciously chose. The question is in what do you want?
It's what are you practicing? I want you to really
think about that. I think often when we're listening to
motivational talks or whatever it may be, people are like,
what do you want? What are you chasing? What do
you want to go after? My question is what are
you practicing? What do you do every day? Because that
becomes your week? What do you do every week because
(13:39):
that becomes your month? What do you do every month
because that becomes your year? What do you do every
year because that becomes your decade? That famous wisdom is true.
We are what we repeatedly do. What are you practicing?
What are you building? Every day? When you think about it,
If you've ever seen a construction site, yes had to
(14:00):
have a vision, Yes, someone had to have a plan.
But bricks had to be laid day by day. If
you walked past a building every day and it wasn't
complete yet, it's because someone wasn't practicing their vision. What
are you practicing? What are you building? Use the vision
of what you want to create as motivation to get
up in the morning and actually laid that brick. Point
(14:21):
number four is the illusion of later. One of the
most common phrases people use to waste their life is later, Later,
when I have more time, Later when I'm more confident,
Later when things slow down. How many times have you
put up something till later to never actually get to it.
(14:42):
We keep putting off the things that mean so much
to us. We keep putting off the things that are
important to us that actually bring us joy. Later is
a concept that rarely pays off. Psychologists call this future discounting.
If you in future versions of us will be better equipped,
(15:04):
but research shows the opposite future you is just you
with more habits. If you don't choose now, later won't
choose for you. Because here's the hard truth. Later is
not a time, it's a story. There's no such thing
as later. There's only now, and the choices you keep
(15:25):
postponing when we keep pushing things far away, When we
keep pushing things down the road, what we're saying is
I'll get there, so you make yourself feel better. But
we all know we don't get this. So what how
do we do this without guilt? I don't want you
to feel guilt or shame by make yourself feel bad
about what you haven't done. What I want you to
(15:47):
recognize is that you can shift your entire life right now.
One thought, one act, one choice can change the true
trajectory of your life. And you can start that thought,
that choice today. There's today and what you decide to
(16:07):
do with it. Don't worry about the days that have
gone past. Don't worry about the years that you should
have done this, could have done that, would have done that.
Here you are right now. There's no such thing as later.
There's the moment you're in and whether you choose it.
There's no such thing as later. There's only now and
the choices you keep putting off. There's no such thing
(16:31):
as later. There's today and what you decide to do
with it. There's no such thing as later. There's the
moment you're in and whether you choose it. Part five
is that fear often dresses up as logic. Most people
don't say I'm afraid to change my life. They say
(16:51):
it's not practical, it's not the right time, it wouldn't
make sense right. That's what we say. Psychologists call this
post hoc rationalization, using logic to justify fear after the fact.
See what's fascinating is fear doesn't announce itself honestly. It
disguises itself as responsibility. And here's the insight. If your
(17:16):
reasons keep you safe but miserable, they're not wisdom, they're fear.
A life wasted slowly is usually a life protected carefully.
There's a bit of humility in being able to say,
I know it may not work right now, but I'm
going to try anyway. I'm going to start anyway. I
(17:38):
don't want you to quit your job. I don't want
you to break up with someone. I want you to
start making the small shifts in how you use your time,
where you spend your energy, who you give yourself to,
because that's what defines your life. But if we just
keep thinking that it's not the right time now, it's
not the right moment I'm waiting around, time will just
(18:02):
fly I'm thinking about moments in my life. Do I
wish I started creating content earlier? There were times when
I did, only then when I realized that everything had
matched up. And that's what's amazing about this session. Even
though I'm telling you to stop wasting your life, I
don't think anything is a waste of life. I think
the best way to stop wasting your life is to
(18:26):
stop thinking you are wasting your life and learn from
every experience you've had. Maybe you have a job right
now that you think you hate. Extract the skills from
it that you feel will be useful for the future.
Maybe you're in a relationship right now that isn't the
one you want. Remember these lessons for later. You are
(18:46):
never wasting life if you choose to learn from it,
you choose to grow from it, you choose to value it.
That's what I want you to really do. You've not
wasted any time or any energy in one sense, because
all of it has brought you to this point where
you're reflecting deeply on where you are. Because here's what
I want to leave you with. A meaningful life isn't dramatic,
(19:08):
it's intentional. Research shows people who feel fulfilled do the
following things. They act in alignment with their values. Write
down your values and live by them every day. Try
and ask yourself, did I live by this value? One
thing I used to do which I loved growing up,
is I used to choose one value to practice per month.
(19:28):
It could be kindness, could be humility, could be assertiveness.
Choose one value and practice it for thirty days, every conversation,
every meeting, every email, try and live by it. The
next is take responsibility for their attention. Where are you
placing your attention? What are you choosing to do on
your way from work, on the way back? Are you
(19:49):
listening to this podcast? Are you reading? Are you listening
to an audiobook? You're taking responsibility for your attention. Third,
you choose growth over approval. You're not doing doing things
because you want people to like you. You're doing things
because you like them. That makes such a difference. You
don't do everything. You do the right few things consistently.
(20:12):
A non wasted life asks what matters now? Right? It's
all about now, It's not about five ten years ago.
I should have done this. What matters now? What deserves
my energy? Not where did I waste my energy? Not where?
Did I lose energy? What deserves my energy? What am
I saying yes to by saying no? Right now? Meaning
(20:33):
doesn't come from just doing more. It comes from doing
things on purpose. Let me leave you with this. You
don't need to change everything. You just need to stop
living by default, because one day you'll look back and
the question won't be did I succeed? It will be
did I choose my life? Or did I just react
(20:56):
to it? Don't waste your life weighing for clarity. Clarity
comes from movement. Choose what matters, repeat it, protect it.
That's how lives are created and built. As the famous
saying goes, the hardest thing is not failing after trying,
it's never trying in the first place. Thank you for
(21:17):
listening to this episode. I hope you'll pass it on
to a friend, and remember I'm forever in your corner
and I'm always rooting for you. If you love this episode,
you'll love my interview with Kobe Bryant on how to
be strategic and obsessive to find your purpose. Our children
have become less imaginative about how to problem solve imparents
(21:38):
and coaches have become more directive and trying to tell
them how to behave versus teaching them how to behave.
Hey, everyone, welcome back to on Purpose. Thank you for
being on my channel. It means the world to me.
Make sure you subscribe so you never miss an episode.
I want to start with a question that might feel uncomfortable.
Not dramatic, not motivational, just honest. What if the biggest
(00:21):
risk in your life isn't failure, it isn't rejection, It
isn't being judged, but slowly wasting your life without ever
realizing it, not all at once, not in a tragic way,
but quietly, comfortably. Most people don't waste their life doing
(00:41):
the wrong things. They waste it doing fine things for
far too long. And today I want to talk about
what it actually means to waste your life according to psychology, neuroscience,
and philosophy, and how to stop doing it without burning
everything down. Here's the reality. I don't want us to
(01:03):
take our preconceived notions of what wasting our life looks
like into this conversation. And I'm definitely not telling you
that you've ruined everything, that you've lost everything. I want
you to listen very carefully. If you've ever felt busy
but empty, successful but restless, or like time is moving
(01:24):
faster than you are stay with me, because that's what
we're really talking about. So here's the truth that most
people miss. You don't waste your life by making one
bad decision. That's the common mistake we think. We think,
oh my gosh, if I made this one bad decision,
my life is over. Oh if I take this direction
(01:45):
and it doesn't work out, I messed up. Or because
I went to university or college and it didn't pan out,
that was a bad idea. Oh you know what, because
I didn't make it through to this round, that makes
it not worth it. We think we waste our life
because of one bad decision, one bad moment. But here's
the reality. Most of us actually waste it by defaulting.
(02:09):
Psychologists call this the status quote bias, our tendency to
stick with what's familiar even when it no longer serves us.
Think about how many times you've stayed in a relationship
even though it's no longer respectful to you. How long
have you stayed in a job that devalues you. How
long have you tried to make something work when that
(02:32):
other person disrespects you. All of us stay in places
that no longer serve us, and that's how we start
to waste life and time. Now, I want to be
really honest about this. You're not really wasting time because
you could be getting the energy to move. But I
want you to be aware of this idea of defaulting.
I want you to be conscious of the belief that
you can move. There's a famous quote that says, if
(02:55):
you don't like where you're standing, move You're not a tree.
I love that quote because often we feel like trees
in situations in our lives. The reason why I'm telling
you that is I don't want you to feel like
you can't move. I don't want you to believe that
there isn't more out there. Research shows humans will tolerate
dissatisfaction far longer than uncertainty. So we stay in jobs
(03:19):
that drain us. We stay in relationships that shrink us.
We stay in routines that numb us, not because they're good,
but because they're known. Think about that. Tik nat Hahn
famously said, we'd rather stay in familiar pain than unfamiliar pain.
(03:39):
The unfamiliarity of uncertainty of changing a job and changing
our relationship scares us so much that we stay stuck
in situations that are not good for us. Anymore. We
allow time to pass by even though we're not happy, content,
excited about where we are, and sometimes that time is processing.
(04:00):
But sometimes you and I know that time is being wasted.
We're not really living. We're waiting, hoping, wishing, wanting, or
maybe even worse numbing. Was just like, Okay, I'm just
going to accept I don't deserve better. And I think
that that is where so many things change in our life.
You deserve to be loved, you deserve to be cared for.
(04:23):
You deserve to love, and you deserve to care for others.
We all deserve that. And when we settle and say
to ourselves, I'm willing to settle for less than I deserve,
I'm willing to tolerate disrespect, I'm willing to be taken
for granted, that's when we've really lose. And here's the
most dangerous part. A wasted life doesn't look wasted from
(04:46):
the outside. It looks stable, it looks busy, it might
even look impressive until one day it feels heavy. Right.
Sometimes you're looking at someone and you're thinking your life
looks amazing, You've nailed it, But what they're experience on
the inside is very different. And people might even say
that to you. They might even say, well, you make
it look easy. Well, your life looks great, everything looks wonderful,
(05:09):
And inside you're thinking, yeah, but I know I'm meant
for more. I know I'm meant for more now. By
the way, if you already are happy in that stability,
there is nothing wrong with that. Only you can answer this.
I can't answer this question for you, and I can't
tell you it. But it's your personal evaluation to say,
I'm meant for more. I think I can do more,
(05:31):
I think I can be more, I think I want more,
whatever that may be. I was actually happy in my steadiness.
But there was something inside of me just saying I'm
meant to serve others, I'm meant to make a difference,
I'm meant to try. And that's what brought me to here.
That's what brought me in front of you all right now.
And so I don't want you to accept something just
(05:52):
because it's what you've got used to. Here's the first
thing I want to talk about. Time is not what
you think. Most people think time is unlimited. Psychologists call
this time optimism, the belief that would always have more
time later, but studies show that once people past their
mid thirties, time has experienced exponentially faster, not because clocks change,
(06:19):
but because novelty disappears. When days look the same, the
brain compresses memory. That's why childhood felt endless and the
last five years feel like a blur. I think about
it all the time. I find that being so true
that as I get older, time moves faster. Time feels
like it's speeding away. Every year feels faster. I can't
(06:41):
believe her. In twenty twenty six the pandemic feels like yesterday,
twenty sixteen, when we've been posting everything that we were
all doing ten years ago. It feels like yesterday in
one sense, but time has moved so much faster. When
asked what surprised him most about humanity, Tea the Buddha responded,
(07:03):
we think we have time now. I don't want to
be morbid. I don't want to be really realistic about this.
The belief that we have time is healthy when it
makes us use it wisely. The belief we have time
is dangerous when it makes us lazier. I'm not asking
you to hustle, I'm not asking you to stress yourself. Out.
I'm not asking you to burn out. I'm trying to
(07:25):
encourage you to make sure that your time is accounted for.
The way we use time, the way we use money,
the way we use our energy is powerful. It can
make a huge impact, It can change things, and a
lot of us waste both time and money. We don't
count our money, we don't count our time. We don't
really think about how we spend our money. We don't
really think about how we spend our time. So here's
(07:47):
what I want you to remember. A life without novelty
feels short, even if it's long. Wasting your life isn't
about dying early. It's about living on all pilot. When
asked what's the biggest mistake we make in life, the
Buddha replied, you think you have time, so you wait
(08:10):
to start, You wait to change, You wait to say
what matters. You wait to live fully. Don't waste your
time waiting. The second thing I wanted to talk to
you about is comfort is the most expensive drug. I
want you to think about that for a second. Comfort
(08:31):
is the most expensive drug. Now, let's be honest. Comfort
is an evil, but it is addictive. Neuroscience shows the
brain prioritizes energy efficiency, It loves predictability, It avoids discomfort.
So once you find a routine that works, your brain says,
stay here. But psychology shows something else too. Long term
(08:54):
fulfillment comes from meaning, not pleasure. Studies from positive psychology
consistently show pleasure spikes quickly, meaning compounds slowly. Pleasure asks
does this feel good now? Meaning asks is this really
worth it? A wasted life is often a comfortable one
(09:15):
with no clear reason behind it. Don't choose comfort in
the short term over the life you'll wish you had later.
Don't choose comfort in the short term over the courage
your future self will need. Don't choose comfort in the
short term over the growth that only discomfort can give you.
(09:37):
Think about all the great things that your life is
full of. It's all because of some discomfort. It could
be the discomfort of your immigrant parents. It could be
the discomfort that your family went through to raise you.
It could be the discomfort of your childhood that's made
you more compassionate and empathetic. It could be the discomfort
of the tiring training you did as a teenager that
(10:00):
has made you discipline today. Think about the discomfort that
you went through when you went through your first breakup,
a traumatic experience, you had a rejection, you had a failure.
You had that has made you stronger and more resilient today.
There's a famous quote that says, I've never seen a
strong person with an easy past, because a strong person
(10:23):
has fought battles you didn't see. They've lived days that
you never noticed, and they've worked really hard on themselves
when everyone else thought they had it easy. You are
one of those people. You've already done uncomfortable things, and
I get it. You want to rest, I get it.
You want to stop. I get it. You want to pause.
(10:45):
And it's good to have that time. It's good to
have that energy. But as humans, we constantly find that
seeking the right discomfort can propel us forward in a
way that comfort never can think about the idea of
comfort food. Comfort food it makes you unhealthier. Comfort food
makes you lazier. Comfort food takes away energy. Healthy food
(11:07):
may not taste it good. It doesn't make you feel
comfortable in a minute. Going to the gym doesn't make
you feel comfortable right now, but it gives you energy.
It builds muscle, it builds discipline. The question you have
to ask yourself, is what am I building by choosing it?
(11:43):
The third message is you become what you repeat. Here's
something sobering. Your life is not shaped by your goals.
It's shaped by your habits. It's shaped by the thoughts
you repeat daily, the words you say regularly, and the
actions you actually implement. That is what our life is
(12:06):
actually shaped by. I used to have a mentor who'd
always say to me, you become what you think about.
And he would catch me randomly and say, what are
you thinking about right now? And I'd say, oh, I'm
not thinking about anything. I'm thinking about nothing. And he'd say, oh, well,
are you going to become nothing? What are you thinking about?
What are you dreaming about? What are you planning for?
What are you building? That? Repetition is what creates action.
(12:30):
Right if you think about any action you took first,
you thought about it. I feel hungry, I think I'm hungry.
I believe I'm hungry, so let me go and get food.
It comes from our thoughts. So we have to realize
that our life is not defined by our goals and
where we want to be. It's defined by what we repeat.
Up Here. Research shows that up to forty five percent
of daily behavior is automatic, which means you don't become
(12:54):
your intention, you become your pattern. Let me say that again.
You don't become your intention, you become your pattern. If
you repeat distraction, you build a distracted life. If you
repeat avoidance, you build a small life. And here's the
quiet danger. You can waste your life doing things you
(13:17):
never consciously chose. The question is in what do you want?
It's what are you practicing? I want you to really
think about that. I think often when we're listening to
motivational talks or whatever it may be, people are like,
what do you want? What are you chasing? What do
you want to go after? My question is what are
you practicing? What do you do every day? Because that
becomes your week? What do you do every week because
(13:39):
that becomes your month? What do you do every month
because that becomes your year? What do you do every
year because that becomes your decade? That famous wisdom is true.
We are what we repeatedly do. What are you practicing?
What are you building? Every day? When you think about it,
If you've ever seen a construction site, yes had to
(14:00):
have a vision, Yes, someone had to have a plan.
But bricks had to be laid day by day. If
you walked past a building every day and it wasn't
complete yet, it's because someone wasn't practicing their vision. What
are you practicing? What are you building? Use the vision
of what you want to create as motivation to get
up in the morning and actually laid that brick. Point
(14:21):
number four is the illusion of later. One of the
most common phrases people use to waste their life is later, Later,
when I have more time, Later when I'm more confident,
Later when things slow down. How many times have you
put up something till later to never actually get to it.
(14:42):
We keep putting off the things that mean so much
to us. We keep putting off the things that are
important to us that actually bring us joy. Later is
a concept that rarely pays off. Psychologists call this future discounting.
If you in future versions of us will be better equipped,
(15:04):
but research shows the opposite future you is just you
with more habits. If you don't choose now, later won't
choose for you. Because here's the hard truth. Later is
not a time, it's a story. There's no such thing
as later. There's only now, and the choices you keep
(15:25):
postponing when we keep pushing things far away, When we
keep pushing things down the road, what we're saying is
I'll get there, so you make yourself feel better. But
we all know we don't get this. So what how
do we do this without guilt? I don't want you
to feel guilt or shame by make yourself feel bad
about what you haven't done. What I want you to
(15:47):
recognize is that you can shift your entire life right now.
One thought, one act, one choice can change the true
trajectory of your life. And you can start that thought,
that choice today. There's today and what you decide to
(16:07):
do with it. Don't worry about the days that have
gone past. Don't worry about the years that you should
have done this, could have done that, would have done that.
Here you are right now. There's no such thing as later.
There's the moment you're in and whether you choose it.
There's no such thing as later. There's only now and
the choices you keep putting off. There's no such thing
(16:31):
as later. There's today and what you decide to do
with it. There's no such thing as later. There's the
moment you're in and whether you choose it. Part five
is that fear often dresses up as logic. Most people
don't say I'm afraid to change my life. They say
(16:51):
it's not practical, it's not the right time, it wouldn't
make sense right. That's what we say. Psychologists call this
post hoc rationalization, using logic to justify fear after the fact.
See what's fascinating is fear doesn't announce itself honestly. It
disguises itself as responsibility. And here's the insight. If your
(17:16):
reasons keep you safe but miserable, they're not wisdom, they're fear.
A life wasted slowly is usually a life protected carefully.
There's a bit of humility in being able to say,
I know it may not work right now, but I'm
going to try anyway. I'm going to start anyway. I
(17:38):
don't want you to quit your job. I don't want
you to break up with someone. I want you to
start making the small shifts in how you use your time,
where you spend your energy, who you give yourself to,
because that's what defines your life. But if we just
keep thinking that it's not the right time now, it's
not the right moment I'm waiting around, time will just
(18:02):
fly I'm thinking about moments in my life. Do I
wish I started creating content earlier? There were times when
I did, only then when I realized that everything had
matched up. And that's what's amazing about this session. Even
though I'm telling you to stop wasting your life, I
don't think anything is a waste of life. I think
the best way to stop wasting your life is to
(18:26):
stop thinking you are wasting your life and learn from
every experience you've had. Maybe you have a job right
now that you think you hate. Extract the skills from
it that you feel will be useful for the future.
Maybe you're in a relationship right now that isn't the
one you want. Remember these lessons for later. You are
(18:46):
never wasting life if you choose to learn from it,
you choose to grow from it, you choose to value it.
That's what I want you to really do. You've not
wasted any time or any energy in one sense, because
all of it has brought you to this point where
you're reflecting deeply on where you are. Because here's what
I want to leave you with. A meaningful life isn't dramatic,
(19:08):
it's intentional. Research shows people who feel fulfilled do the
following things. They act in alignment with their values. Write
down your values and live by them every day. Try
and ask yourself, did I live by this value? One
thing I used to do which I loved growing up,
is I used to choose one value to practice per month.
(19:28):
It could be kindness, could be humility, could be assertiveness.
Choose one value and practice it for thirty days, every conversation,
every meeting, every email, try and live by it. The
next is take responsibility for their attention. Where are you
placing your attention? What are you choosing to do on
your way from work, on the way back? Are you
(19:49):
listening to this podcast? Are you reading? Are you listening
to an audiobook? You're taking responsibility for your attention. Third,
you choose growth over approval. You're not doing doing things
because you want people to like you. You're doing things
because you like them. That makes such a difference. You
don't do everything. You do the right few things consistently.
(20:12):
A non wasted life asks what matters now? Right? It's
all about now, It's not about five ten years ago.
I should have done this. What matters now? What deserves
my energy? Not where did I waste my energy? Not where?
Did I lose energy? What deserves my energy? What am
I saying yes to by saying no? Right now? Meaning
(20:33):
doesn't come from just doing more. It comes from doing
things on purpose. Let me leave you with this. You
don't need to change everything. You just need to stop
living by default, because one day you'll look back and
the question won't be did I succeed? It will be
did I choose my life? Or did I just react
(20:56):
to it? Don't waste your life weighing for clarity. Clarity
comes from movement. Choose what matters, repeat it, protect it.
That's how lives are created and built. As the famous
saying goes, the hardest thing is not failing after trying,
it's never trying in the first place. Thank you for
(21:17):
listening to this episode. I hope you'll pass it on
to a friend, and remember I'm forever in your corner
and I'm always rooting for you. If you love this episode,
you'll love my interview with Kobe Bryant on how to
be strategic and obsessive to find your purpose. Our children
have become less imaginative about how to problem solve imparents
(21:38):
and coaches have become more directive and trying to tell
them how to behave versus teaching them how to behave.
Host
Jay Shetty
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