January 30, 2026 • 23 mins
Today, Jay breaks down why so many of us feel drained, overwhelmed, and burned out, and what it really means to protect your energy. He begins by unpacking the quiet habits that drain us without us realizing it: overgiving, overcommitting, mistaking busyness for worth, and confusing being agreeable with being kind. Jay reminds us that our energy is our currency, and whether we notice it or not, we’re spending it with every text, every thought, and every interaction. The people in our lives either expand us or exhaust us, and often, our bodies recognize the truth long before our minds catch up.
Jay then breaks down the subtle relationship dynamics that quietly drain our energy. From emotional dumping and boundary testing to one-sided support and situational friendships, he explains how these patterns, often unintentional, slowly wear us down. He also turns the focus inward, revealing how we drain ourselves by seeking approval, avoiding discomfort, and trying to earn love through overextending. Protecting your peace isn’t about cutting people off, it’s about ending the cycle of self-betrayal that keeps you exhausted.
In this episode, you'll learn:
How to Protect Your Energy Daily
How to Stop Overextending Yourself
How to Respond When Someone Drains Your Energy
How to Run a Weekly Energy Audit
How to Build Physical, Emotional, and Energetic Boundaries
Take a moment today to breathe, recalibrate, and return to yourself. You deserve to feel grounded, clear, and whole. The more you honor your own capacity, the more you’ll show up in the world with the warmth, clarity, and presence you’ve been searching for.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
JAY’S DAILY WISDOM DELIVERED STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX
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What We Discuss:
00:00 Why Protecting Your Energy Matters
01:45 Your Energy Is Your True Currency
04:07 Energy Givers vs. Energy Takers
05:37 #1: The Emotional Dumper
06:48 #2: The Chronic Taker
07:36 #3: The Boundary Tester
09:04 #4: The Compliment Parasite
10:19 #5: The Situational Friend
11:39 The Hidden Inner Energy Leaks
14:01 Protecting Your Energy Without Becoming Cold
17:00 Three Practical Ways to Safeguard Your Energy
19:23 Reclaim Your Light
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
The older I get. Here's the number one thing I prioritize.
Protecting my energy. Protecting your energy is the most important
investment you will ever make. Energy is how you show
up in the moment. It's how you use your time,
It's how you connect with people. If your energy is drained,
(00:22):
you can't achieve anything. If your energy is sucked out
of you, you're not the best version of yourself. And
if your energy is being pulled out of you, you
don't have the ability to make an impact. So many
of you want to be incredible entrepreneurs. So many of
you want to launch your own podcast. So many of
(00:43):
you want to find love and build the right relationship.
All of those require energy. Energy isn't just about how
much flow you have and how much enthusiasm you have.
It's about the frequency that you vibrate at, what you
attract into your life, the kind of people you surround
yourself by. Have you ever noticed that some people leave
(01:04):
you feeling full and others leave you feeling flat. You
start the day feeling okay, but after a call, a meeting,
a quick catch up, you feel strangely tired, like someone
unplugged your spirit. That's not in your head. That's your
energy being taken, wasted, or exploited. Today, I want to
(01:26):
talk to you about how to protect your energy so
that your energy is never wasted, it's never taken or
exploited by anyone, and that you're not building walls, but
learning how to manage your light because not everyone who
wants your energy deserves to have the key Part one,
here's something I've learned every text, every conversation, every thought.
(01:50):
It's an investment, and just like money, if you spend
without awareness, you end up emotionally broke. There are two
types of people in your life, energy investors and energy thieves.
Energy investors leave you better. They give as much as
they take you walk away inspired, lighter expanded. Energy thieves,
(02:12):
on the other hand, they leave you heavy, confused, and drained.
And here's the trick. They don't always mean to. Sometimes
they're just running on empty themselves, and if you don't
have boundaries, they'll subconsciously plug into you like you're their charger.
Pause for a moment and think who in your life
leaves you lighter and who leaves you heavier. That's your
(02:36):
body's wisdom speaking. It's amazing, isn't it? How our body
and mind actually tell us how we feel. You finish
having lunch with someone and you're wondering why they just
gossip the whole time and spoke negatively about someone. And
then you spend time with someone else and you walk
away feeling so inspired to start something of your own.
(02:56):
You walk away from someone else and you feel guilty
and shameful that you haven't yet started your own side
hustle or business. You walk away from someone else, and
you walk away with a bright new idea. Your body
and your mind are constantly talking to you. They're constantly
receiving data and signals. But what happens is our lives
are so busy that we don't have the time to
(03:18):
process this data and signal to actually know what to do,
which is why we revisit the same people in the
same places that drain us again and again and again.
I want you to really focus in for the next
twenty four hours, and then the next forty eight, and
then the next seventy two, looking and asking yourself after
(03:38):
you meet each person, and after you interact with anyone,
whether it's a zoom, a phone call, a text, or
an email or in person, who is an energy thief
and who's an energy investor? And here's where I want
to be really careful about this. Someone who's stealing your
energy isn't always doing it maliciously. They may just not
know how to deal with energy themselves. So just so
(04:01):
you know, someone who's stealing energy isn't a bad person.
They're just someone who maybe needs to listen to this
episode two. In life, there are energy givers and energy takers.
Energy givers make you feel safe being yourself. Energy takers
make you question yourself. Energy givers listen to understand. Energy
(04:21):
takers well, they listen to reply. Energy givers want to
see you win, even if they're losing. Energy takers only
cheer when they're ahead. Energy givers inspire action. Energy takers
drain motivation. Energy givers recharge you with honesty. Energy takers
(04:44):
exhaust you with drama. Energy givers make hard days feel manageable.
Energy takers make easy days feel hard. And energy givers
ask you how you really are. Energy takers ask but
don't really care about the answer. Energy givers respect your boundaries.
(05:04):
Energy takers test them and call you difficult when you
hold them. So I wanted to give you that list
because here are the two lessons. Know who the energy
takers and give us in your life. And number two,
be an energy giver, don't be an energy taker. Part
two Here are the subtle ways people drain you. Sometimes
(05:25):
it happens so subtly that you don't even recognize it,
and it takes months, maybe even years, for you to
recognize that this individual or this group of people haven't
been filling you up. Number one the emotional dumper. They
call it venting, but really it's unloading. Every conversation is
(05:45):
about their chaos, their crisis, their stress, and when you
try to share something back, it circles back to them.
I can't tell you how many people in my life
have noticed where they don't have the capacity to think
of life beyond themselves. I realize that even when I
want to help, I don't know if I'm even able
(06:07):
to because they're so lost in their own world that
all they want to do is bring it back to
another thing about them. And they're looking for assurance. They're
looking for validation, they're looking for reassurance, they're looking for support,
they're looking for help. It's always about them, and it's
subtle because in the beginning, you might think you're helping.
You might think you're the fixer, and you might even
(06:29):
like that, you may even want to be the fixer. See,
it's not that this person's taking advantage of you. They're
actually enabling who you want to be. So it can
be your responsibility as well to recognize that you're trying
to be the healer. They want to be the healed,
but in reality, neither of you win. Number two, the
chronic taker. You've helped them move, listen through breakups, given advice,
(06:54):
but when you need something, they're busy. They've got a
different priority. This one's heartbreak because you put your heart
on the line. You went out of your way for
that person. You did things for them when it was
inconvenient for you, and when you need one small thing,
they don't have any time. This one is so heartbreaking.
But it's important to notice now. I'm not saying that
(07:17):
every relationship you have turns into a transactional analysis. I'm
not asking you to keep score or keep count, and
I'm asking you to check with yourself. If you can
keep giving without needing their help, that's incredible good for you,
But chances are it's gonna wear away and tire out
the relationship that you're trying to build. The third set
of way that people drain your energy is the boundary tester.
(07:42):
Pay attention to this one. They'll say, can you just
or it will only take a second. They push because
you've trained them that your time is flexible. This one's
huge for me. Right. This person makes it sound like
they're the quest is so small, but in fact they're
(08:03):
just testing your boundary. You just said I don't think
I can do that this weekend, and they message you
saying what about Saturday morning? Just for thirty minutes. You
just said I'm really sorry, I've already committed to an
event that night, and they'll message you back and say, well,
remember I helped you with your birthday. Right. They push
your boundary. If you've had the courage to state your
(08:24):
boundary to a friend or person in your life and
they use that boundary against you or believe that it's flexible,
they're draining your energy. If you said to someone I
can't make it this weekend and they said what about
Saturday morning? They don't value your boundaries. If you said
to someone, hey, i'd really like to keep it private,
and they said, hey, can I please bring a couple
(08:45):
of friends. They don't respect your boundaries. If you've had
the courage to state how you feel and someone sees
that as flexible, you've got to recognize that's draining your
energy because guess what, it already took so much energy
for you to be honest, and now you've got to
focus again on projecting the truth, and that's hard. The
fourth way that people drain your energy is called the
(09:08):
compliment parasite. They admire you, but it's conditional. They celebrate
your wins until your light makes them feel small. All
of a sudden, when you found someone that you love,
you're in a relationship, you now get this passive aggressive
version of them. You just got a promotion at work,
they can't really handle it. You just made a move
(09:29):
outside of work. They don't know if they can deal
with it. You just moved in with your partner. They've
got something to say. If every time you have some
good news to share and you struggle to share it
with this particular friend, it's because they're draining your energy.
If you can't share something positive that's happening in your
life with a friend because they might feel agitated or
(09:53):
uncomfortable about it you're not that close. You're not that close.
If you can't share your wins with someone. You think
you're close to someone when you can tell them about
a bad day. When you're really close to someone, when
you can tell them about your good day. Someone who
is there for you when you're losing is a great friend.
(10:13):
Someone who can celebrate you when you're winning when they're
losing is a phenomenal friend. Number five in the subtle
(10:38):
way that people drain your energy is the situational friend.
They show up when you're shining, they disappear when you're struggling.
Here's the truth, not all brains are obvious. Sometimes the
people who take the most energy are the ones who
smile at you the most. And that doesn't make them bad.
It just means you had to get better at you
(11:00):
using where to pour. Because some people don't mean to
drain you, they just haven't learned how to fill themselves.
Part three The inner leaks. Now, let's flip it. Sometimes
it's not them draining you, it's you draining yourself. You
overgive because you're scared of losing love. You say yes
(11:22):
because you don't want to disappoint. You stay silent because
you fear being labeled difficult. You confuse exhaustion with productivity.
You mistake being busy for being valuable. You confuse being
available for being kind. You mistake being agreeable for being good.
You mistake being selfless for being loved. Ask yourself this,
(11:46):
what part of you believes love must be earned through exhaustion.
When you start seeing where your own leaks are, you
realize protecting your energy isn't about cutting people off. It's
about stopping this self betrayal. So many of us think
our energy is being drained, our energy is being used,
(12:07):
our energy is being exploited, and in reality, we're the
ones allowing access. If every time you get home, someone's
already in your house because you told them where the
key was hidden, is that your responsibility or theirs? If
someone always expects you to be there for them because
you always change your plans to show up, is that
your responsibility or theirs? People will only take advantage of
(12:32):
you to the extent you allow them access to you.
If you're always available because you think that means you're kind,
people will take advantage of that. If you're always around
and flexible to show that you're nice, people will take
advantage of you. People may like you because you're available,
(12:56):
but people will respect you when access to you is protected.
When you have boundaries, when you know who you are,
when you know what your priorities are, what you can
and can't do. If you're scared to say no to
a friend because you feel they're going to be hurt
or upset, chances are you're not actually that close to them,
(13:16):
because if you're close, your know should be understood as
I really can't do this, not that I don't care,
because if you're close and you said no, chances are
you had something really important come up. Part four, How
to protect your energy without becoming cold. Look, let's get practical.
(13:37):
I think it's really hard to say no without feeling
like you're coming across cold. It's really hard to set
a boundary without feeling like you think you're more important.
It's really hard to say you have a priority without
making the other person feel insignificant. So here's what I use.
I call it the three boundary rule. Number one. Physical
(13:58):
boundaries in time, who gets your mornings, who gets your weekends?
Delayed replies is self care? Alone? Time is protection, not isolation.
If you know what times and days I remember, I
have a really good friend actually who's one of my
closest friends in LA and I remember when I first
met him, I told him I was like, weekends are
really for my wife. I'm free a couple of weekday evenings,
(14:21):
but on the weekends, I love spending time with Radi
and we like spending time with our couple friends, so
we can all spend time together. And this was a
guy friend that I spent one on one time with.
All of a sudden, it made it really clear when
I was available and when I wasn't. And now we
spend time together on weeknights and we love it. It's awesome.
Number two, emotional boundaries. Stop absorbing moods that aren't yours.
(14:46):
Just because someone's anxious doesn't mean you have to be.
You can hold compassion without carrying their chaos. Sometimes I
realized that I had a few friends who would text
me like everything was an emergency, and in the beginning
I saw it as being a good friend to always
be around. This would be midnight, one am, canceling a
meeting in between work, and every time I spoke to them,
(15:09):
I realized it wasn't that big an emergency. And then
I wouldn't hear about them or from them for months,
and I thought to myself, wait a minute, how can
I react to this better? So now when they erratically
reach out, I'll message back and say, hey, I've got
time in three days we can talk properly. And that's true.
I'm not lying, I'm not playing hard to get it's reality.
And all of a sudden, when I'll message them in
(15:29):
three days to check in, they'll say, oh, yeah, no worries,
I figured it out. All of a sudden, I'm able
to protect my emotional boundaries number three energetic boundaries. This
is the quiet spiritual layer, prayer, meditation, nature, stillness. All
of these cleanse the residue of other people's energy. When
(15:51):
you don't do this, you carry invisible clutter. You start
confusing other people's emotions for your own. This resonated with
me strongly. A lot of people ask me, Jay, how
do you carry so many people's stories in so much
people's weight. And I have two answers. The first is
I have a very clear practice that allows me to
(16:13):
constantly cleanse and heal myself, my meditation practice, my morning routine,
my prayer. And the second is that I don't believe
I'm holding it. The universe is, God is. There's something
much bigger than me that's holding that. But I've got
to be connected to that in order for it to
be held. Here are a few practical tools that will
help you. Number one, the pause test. If you dread replying,
(16:38):
you're probably overextending when you're overthinking a text, when you're
overwhelmed by someone's response, it's showing you that there's something
about that relationship that doesn't have the right energy. Because
if someone's really in your life for all the right reasons,
you don't feel that tension with them, Recognize that there's
(16:59):
something that needs to be clarified in this relationship, or
distance is probably better. The next practical step is called
the energy audit. Each week, write down what gives and
what drains. Notice the patterns, and also be really clear
about how much energy you actually have to expend. I
always say to my team, I can probably do around
(17:19):
two work events a week when I'm at my best energy.
That's the most I want to do and when I
have that capacity and now become selective, Whereas if I
just said yeah, sure, I'll go to any work events,
I could be at work events five to six nights
a week, and I'd have no energy whatsoever. Number three
the twenty four hour rule. Don't say yes right away.
(17:41):
Buy yourself the space to check your energy before committing.
If you want to stop draining your energy, try this.
When someone asks you if you can do something, you
check your calendar, but you rarely check your energy at
the same time, it's checking your calendar and your time.
Check your energy. You want to show up there at
fifty percent? Will that be enough? Do you want to
(18:03):
show up at one hundred percent? Is that where you
want to be at? Knowing what level of energy is
as important as knowing the amount of time you have.
Remember that boundaries aren't rejection. Their clarity they tell others
where you end and they begin, because your peace is
not up for negotiation, and if someone sees your clarity
(18:24):
as rejection, that says more about them than it does
about you. Boundaries don't mean you don't care. They mean
you finally care about yourself as well. Boundaries don't make
you selfish, they make you self respecting. Boundaries don't make
you hard to love, they make you harder to manipulate.
(18:45):
And boundaries don't control others. They remind you that you
can only control yourself. Part five reclaiming your Light. So
here's the truth. You can be compassionate and still have boundary.
You can be loving and still say no. You can
care deeply and still protect your peace because your energy
(19:09):
is sacred and the world doesn't need more brained, depleted,
over giving people. It needs people who are alive, aligned,
and lit from within. Take a deep breath, Breathe in
energy that nourishes you, Breathe out energy that depletes you. You
(19:29):
don't owe anyone your burnout. You owe yourself your peace.
I think it's so important for us to realize that
when you give people your leftovers, you're actually not being
able to give your best to them, and that's when
you feel inadequate and they don't feel good either. If
(19:53):
I'm exhausted and I can't make it to an event
tomorrow night and I don't go, I've just saved someone
from having to deal with my fatigue. And if something's
really important to me, I can actually prepare my energy
to make sure I can be my best there. Now.
There are plenty of things that I go to where
I'm fifty percent of myself, but I know that that's
(20:16):
all that's required, and that's okay. And if I don't
think I can bring my best to something that needs
me to be at my best, I sure don't want
to show up because I know what it requires. So
it's really important that you create rules and systems because
when you get tired, when you get frustrated, when you
get annoyed, that's how you protect yourself. So because I
(20:38):
know I only do two work events a night, I
can only spend one evening with a group, I know
that I need to work out every day and play
some pickleboll two times a week. That starts to give
me rules and systems to protect my energy, and then
I can monitor that for a month and see how
I feel. It's so important to also know that you're
(21:00):
can shift in seasons. There may be a season where
it's all about going out. There may be a season
where it's all about staying in. There may be a
season where it's all about building. There may be a
season where it's all about breakthrough. It's up to you
to define the season and the priorities that come with
that season, not keep running behind everyone else's priorities because
(21:21):
they'll be endless, they'll be limitless. You could say yes
to everyone, let them down and let yourself down because
you felt drained, because you felt fatigued because you didn't
have the right energy. And then you feel even more
upset because you think, wait a minute, I came out
even when I was tired, and you're still upset with me,
(21:42):
which fractures your relationship even more. It would have been
better to say no, protect the relationship, and come back stronger.
Stop thinking that saying no is you being mean. Stop
thinking that you saying no is saying you don't care well,
thinking that you say no is saying you're not important.
(22:04):
No doesn't mean any of those things. It can also
mean I don't have enough energy, I'm not ready to
go out, I don't feel my best, or it can
simply mean no. If this episode helped you protect your
energy today, share it with someone who needs to hear
this too, because healing energy, like light, multiplies when shared.
(22:29):
Thank you so much for listening to today. Remember I'm
always rooting for you. I'm forever in your corner, and
don't forget your energy is your currency. Manage it like
you manage your money, your time, and it will make
a difference. See you soon. If you love this episode,
you love my conversation with doctor Joe Dispenser on why
stress and overthinking negatively impacts your brain and heart and
(22:53):
how to change your habits that are on autopilot. Listen
to it right now. How many times do we have
to until we stop forgetting and start remembering. That's the
moment of change. No one cares how many times you
fell off the bicycle if you ride the bicycle. Now
you ride the bike.
The older I get. Here's the number one thing I prioritize.
Protecting my energy. Protecting your energy is the most important
investment you will ever make. Energy is how you show
up in the moment. It's how you use your time,
It's how you connect with people. If your energy is drained,
(00:22):
you can't achieve anything. If your energy is sucked out
of you, you're not the best version of yourself. And
if your energy is being pulled out of you, you
don't have the ability to make an impact. So many
of you want to be incredible entrepreneurs. So many of
you want to launch your own podcast. So many of
(00:43):
you want to find love and build the right relationship.
All of those require energy. Energy isn't just about how
much flow you have and how much enthusiasm you have.
It's about the frequency that you vibrate at, what you
attract into your life, the kind of people you surround
yourself by. Have you ever noticed that some people leave
(01:04):
you feeling full and others leave you feeling flat. You
start the day feeling okay, but after a call, a meeting,
a quick catch up, you feel strangely tired, like someone
unplugged your spirit. That's not in your head. That's your
energy being taken, wasted, or exploited. Today, I want to
(01:26):
talk to you about how to protect your energy so
that your energy is never wasted, it's never taken or
exploited by anyone, and that you're not building walls, but
learning how to manage your light because not everyone who
wants your energy deserves to have the key Part one,
here's something I've learned every text, every conversation, every thought.
(01:50):
It's an investment, and just like money, if you spend
without awareness, you end up emotionally broke. There are two
types of people in your life, energy investors and energy thieves.
Energy investors leave you better. They give as much as
they take you walk away inspired, lighter expanded. Energy thieves,
(02:12):
on the other hand, they leave you heavy, confused, and drained.
And here's the trick. They don't always mean to. Sometimes
they're just running on empty themselves, and if you don't
have boundaries, they'll subconsciously plug into you like you're their charger.
Pause for a moment and think who in your life
leaves you lighter and who leaves you heavier. That's your
(02:36):
body's wisdom speaking. It's amazing, isn't it? How our body
and mind actually tell us how we feel. You finish
having lunch with someone and you're wondering why they just
gossip the whole time and spoke negatively about someone. And
then you spend time with someone else and you walk
away feeling so inspired to start something of your own.
(02:56):
You walk away from someone else and you feel guilty
and shameful that you haven't yet started your own side
hustle or business. You walk away from someone else, and
you walk away with a bright new idea. Your body
and your mind are constantly talking to you. They're constantly
receiving data and signals. But what happens is our lives
are so busy that we don't have the time to
(03:18):
process this data and signal to actually know what to do,
which is why we revisit the same people in the
same places that drain us again and again and again.
I want you to really focus in for the next
twenty four hours, and then the next forty eight, and
then the next seventy two, looking and asking yourself after
(03:38):
you meet each person, and after you interact with anyone,
whether it's a zoom, a phone call, a text, or
an email or in person, who is an energy thief
and who's an energy investor? And here's where I want
to be really careful about this. Someone who's stealing your
energy isn't always doing it maliciously. They may just not
know how to deal with energy themselves. So just so
(04:01):
you know, someone who's stealing energy isn't a bad person.
They're just someone who maybe needs to listen to this
episode two. In life, there are energy givers and energy takers.
Energy givers make you feel safe being yourself. Energy takers
make you question yourself. Energy givers listen to understand. Energy
(04:21):
takers well, they listen to reply. Energy givers want to
see you win, even if they're losing. Energy takers only
cheer when they're ahead. Energy givers inspire action. Energy takers
drain motivation. Energy givers recharge you with honesty. Energy takers
(04:44):
exhaust you with drama. Energy givers make hard days feel manageable.
Energy takers make easy days feel hard. And energy givers
ask you how you really are. Energy takers ask but
don't really care about the answer. Energy givers respect your boundaries.
(05:04):
Energy takers test them and call you difficult when you
hold them. So I wanted to give you that list
because here are the two lessons. Know who the energy
takers and give us in your life. And number two,
be an energy giver, don't be an energy taker. Part
two Here are the subtle ways people drain you. Sometimes
(05:25):
it happens so subtly that you don't even recognize it,
and it takes months, maybe even years, for you to
recognize that this individual or this group of people haven't
been filling you up. Number one the emotional dumper. They
call it venting, but really it's unloading. Every conversation is
(05:45):
about their chaos, their crisis, their stress, and when you
try to share something back, it circles back to them.
I can't tell you how many people in my life
have noticed where they don't have the capacity to think
of life beyond themselves. I realize that even when I
want to help, I don't know if I'm even able
(06:07):
to because they're so lost in their own world that
all they want to do is bring it back to
another thing about them. And they're looking for assurance. They're
looking for validation, they're looking for reassurance, they're looking for support,
they're looking for help. It's always about them, and it's
subtle because in the beginning, you might think you're helping.
You might think you're the fixer, and you might even
(06:29):
like that, you may even want to be the fixer. See,
it's not that this person's taking advantage of you. They're
actually enabling who you want to be. So it can
be your responsibility as well to recognize that you're trying
to be the healer. They want to be the healed,
but in reality, neither of you win. Number two, the
chronic taker. You've helped them move, listen through breakups, given advice,
(06:54):
but when you need something, they're busy. They've got a
different priority. This one's heartbreak because you put your heart
on the line. You went out of your way for
that person. You did things for them when it was
inconvenient for you, and when you need one small thing,
they don't have any time. This one is so heartbreaking.
But it's important to notice now. I'm not saying that
(07:17):
every relationship you have turns into a transactional analysis. I'm
not asking you to keep score or keep count, and
I'm asking you to check with yourself. If you can
keep giving without needing their help, that's incredible good for you,
But chances are it's gonna wear away and tire out
the relationship that you're trying to build. The third set
of way that people drain your energy is the boundary tester.
(07:42):
Pay attention to this one. They'll say, can you just
or it will only take a second. They push because
you've trained them that your time is flexible. This one's
huge for me. Right. This person makes it sound like
they're the quest is so small, but in fact they're
(08:03):
just testing your boundary. You just said I don't think
I can do that this weekend, and they message you
saying what about Saturday morning? Just for thirty minutes. You
just said I'm really sorry, I've already committed to an
event that night, and they'll message you back and say, well,
remember I helped you with your birthday. Right. They push
your boundary. If you've had the courage to state your
(08:24):
boundary to a friend or person in your life and
they use that boundary against you or believe that it's flexible,
they're draining your energy. If you said to someone I
can't make it this weekend and they said what about
Saturday morning? They don't value your boundaries. If you said
to someone, hey, i'd really like to keep it private,
and they said, hey, can I please bring a couple
(08:45):
of friends. They don't respect your boundaries. If you've had
the courage to state how you feel and someone sees
that as flexible, you've got to recognize that's draining your
energy because guess what, it already took so much energy
for you to be honest, and now you've got to
focus again on projecting the truth, and that's hard. The
fourth way that people drain your energy is called the
(09:08):
compliment parasite. They admire you, but it's conditional. They celebrate
your wins until your light makes them feel small. All
of a sudden, when you found someone that you love,
you're in a relationship, you now get this passive aggressive
version of them. You just got a promotion at work,
they can't really handle it. You just made a move
(09:29):
outside of work. They don't know if they can deal
with it. You just moved in with your partner. They've
got something to say. If every time you have some
good news to share and you struggle to share it
with this particular friend, it's because they're draining your energy.
If you can't share something positive that's happening in your
life with a friend because they might feel agitated or
(09:53):
uncomfortable about it you're not that close. You're not that close.
If you can't share your wins with someone. You think
you're close to someone when you can tell them about
a bad day. When you're really close to someone, when
you can tell them about your good day. Someone who
is there for you when you're losing is a great friend.
(10:13):
Someone who can celebrate you when you're winning when they're
losing is a phenomenal friend. Number five in the subtle
(10:38):
way that people drain your energy is the situational friend.
They show up when you're shining, they disappear when you're struggling.
Here's the truth, not all brains are obvious. Sometimes the
people who take the most energy are the ones who
smile at you the most. And that doesn't make them bad.
It just means you had to get better at you
(11:00):
using where to pour. Because some people don't mean to
drain you, they just haven't learned how to fill themselves.
Part three The inner leaks. Now, let's flip it. Sometimes
it's not them draining you, it's you draining yourself. You
overgive because you're scared of losing love. You say yes
(11:22):
because you don't want to disappoint. You stay silent because
you fear being labeled difficult. You confuse exhaustion with productivity.
You mistake being busy for being valuable. You confuse being
available for being kind. You mistake being agreeable for being good.
You mistake being selfless for being loved. Ask yourself this,
(11:46):
what part of you believes love must be earned through exhaustion.
When you start seeing where your own leaks are, you
realize protecting your energy isn't about cutting people off. It's
about stopping this self betrayal. So many of us think
our energy is being drained, our energy is being used,
(12:07):
our energy is being exploited, and in reality, we're the
ones allowing access. If every time you get home, someone's
already in your house because you told them where the
key was hidden, is that your responsibility or theirs? If
someone always expects you to be there for them because
you always change your plans to show up, is that
your responsibility or theirs? People will only take advantage of
(12:32):
you to the extent you allow them access to you.
If you're always available because you think that means you're kind,
people will take advantage of that. If you're always around
and flexible to show that you're nice, people will take
advantage of you. People may like you because you're available,
(12:56):
but people will respect you when access to you is protected.
When you have boundaries, when you know who you are,
when you know what your priorities are, what you can
and can't do. If you're scared to say no to
a friend because you feel they're going to be hurt
or upset, chances are you're not actually that close to them,
(13:16):
because if you're close, your know should be understood as
I really can't do this, not that I don't care,
because if you're close and you said no, chances are
you had something really important come up. Part four, How
to protect your energy without becoming cold. Look, let's get practical.
(13:37):
I think it's really hard to say no without feeling
like you're coming across cold. It's really hard to set
a boundary without feeling like you think you're more important.
It's really hard to say you have a priority without
making the other person feel insignificant. So here's what I use.
I call it the three boundary rule. Number one. Physical
(13:58):
boundaries in time, who gets your mornings, who gets your weekends?
Delayed replies is self care? Alone? Time is protection, not isolation.
If you know what times and days I remember, I
have a really good friend actually who's one of my
closest friends in LA and I remember when I first
met him, I told him I was like, weekends are
really for my wife. I'm free a couple of weekday evenings,
(14:21):
but on the weekends, I love spending time with Radi
and we like spending time with our couple friends, so
we can all spend time together. And this was a
guy friend that I spent one on one time with.
All of a sudden, it made it really clear when
I was available and when I wasn't. And now we
spend time together on weeknights and we love it. It's awesome.
Number two, emotional boundaries. Stop absorbing moods that aren't yours.
(14:46):
Just because someone's anxious doesn't mean you have to be.
You can hold compassion without carrying their chaos. Sometimes I
realized that I had a few friends who would text
me like everything was an emergency, and in the beginning
I saw it as being a good friend to always
be around. This would be midnight, one am, canceling a
meeting in between work, and every time I spoke to them,
(15:09):
I realized it wasn't that big an emergency. And then
I wouldn't hear about them or from them for months,
and I thought to myself, wait a minute, how can
I react to this better? So now when they erratically
reach out, I'll message back and say, hey, I've got
time in three days we can talk properly. And that's true.
I'm not lying, I'm not playing hard to get it's reality.
And all of a sudden, when I'll message them in
(15:29):
three days to check in, they'll say, oh, yeah, no worries,
I figured it out. All of a sudden, I'm able
to protect my emotional boundaries number three energetic boundaries. This
is the quiet spiritual layer, prayer, meditation, nature, stillness. All
of these cleanse the residue of other people's energy. When
(15:51):
you don't do this, you carry invisible clutter. You start
confusing other people's emotions for your own. This resonated with
me strongly. A lot of people ask me, Jay, how
do you carry so many people's stories in so much
people's weight. And I have two answers. The first is
I have a very clear practice that allows me to
(16:13):
constantly cleanse and heal myself, my meditation practice, my morning routine,
my prayer. And the second is that I don't believe
I'm holding it. The universe is, God is. There's something
much bigger than me that's holding that. But I've got
to be connected to that in order for it to
be held. Here are a few practical tools that will
help you. Number one, the pause test. If you dread replying,
(16:38):
you're probably overextending when you're overthinking a text, when you're
overwhelmed by someone's response, it's showing you that there's something
about that relationship that doesn't have the right energy. Because
if someone's really in your life for all the right reasons,
you don't feel that tension with them, Recognize that there's
(16:59):
something that needs to be clarified in this relationship, or
distance is probably better. The next practical step is called
the energy audit. Each week, write down what gives and
what drains. Notice the patterns, and also be really clear
about how much energy you actually have to expend. I
always say to my team, I can probably do around
(17:19):
two work events a week when I'm at my best energy.
That's the most I want to do and when I
have that capacity and now become selective, Whereas if I
just said yeah, sure, I'll go to any work events,
I could be at work events five to six nights
a week, and I'd have no energy whatsoever. Number three
the twenty four hour rule. Don't say yes right away.
(17:41):
Buy yourself the space to check your energy before committing.
If you want to stop draining your energy, try this.
When someone asks you if you can do something, you
check your calendar, but you rarely check your energy at
the same time, it's checking your calendar and your time.
Check your energy. You want to show up there at
fifty percent? Will that be enough? Do you want to
(18:03):
show up at one hundred percent? Is that where you
want to be at? Knowing what level of energy is
as important as knowing the amount of time you have.
Remember that boundaries aren't rejection. Their clarity they tell others
where you end and they begin, because your peace is
not up for negotiation, and if someone sees your clarity
(18:24):
as rejection, that says more about them than it does
about you. Boundaries don't mean you don't care. They mean
you finally care about yourself as well. Boundaries don't make
you selfish, they make you self respecting. Boundaries don't make
you hard to love, they make you harder to manipulate.
(18:45):
And boundaries don't control others. They remind you that you
can only control yourself. Part five reclaiming your Light. So
here's the truth. You can be compassionate and still have boundary.
You can be loving and still say no. You can
care deeply and still protect your peace because your energy
(19:09):
is sacred and the world doesn't need more brained, depleted,
over giving people. It needs people who are alive, aligned,
and lit from within. Take a deep breath, Breathe in
energy that nourishes you, Breathe out energy that depletes you. You
(19:29):
don't owe anyone your burnout. You owe yourself your peace.
I think it's so important for us to realize that
when you give people your leftovers, you're actually not being
able to give your best to them, and that's when
you feel inadequate and they don't feel good either. If
(19:53):
I'm exhausted and I can't make it to an event
tomorrow night and I don't go, I've just saved someone
from having to deal with my fatigue. And if something's
really important to me, I can actually prepare my energy
to make sure I can be my best there. Now.
There are plenty of things that I go to where
I'm fifty percent of myself, but I know that that's
(20:16):
all that's required, and that's okay. And if I don't
think I can bring my best to something that needs
me to be at my best, I sure don't want
to show up because I know what it requires. So
it's really important that you create rules and systems because
when you get tired, when you get frustrated, when you
get annoyed, that's how you protect yourself. So because I
(20:38):
know I only do two work events a night, I
can only spend one evening with a group, I know
that I need to work out every day and play
some pickleboll two times a week. That starts to give
me rules and systems to protect my energy, and then
I can monitor that for a month and see how
I feel. It's so important to also know that you're
(21:00):
can shift in seasons. There may be a season where
it's all about going out. There may be a season
where it's all about staying in. There may be a
season where it's all about building. There may be a
season where it's all about breakthrough. It's up to you
to define the season and the priorities that come with
that season, not keep running behind everyone else's priorities because
(21:21):
they'll be endless, they'll be limitless. You could say yes
to everyone, let them down and let yourself down because
you felt drained, because you felt fatigued because you didn't
have the right energy. And then you feel even more
upset because you think, wait a minute, I came out
even when I was tired, and you're still upset with me,
(21:42):
which fractures your relationship even more. It would have been
better to say no, protect the relationship, and come back stronger.
Stop thinking that saying no is you being mean. Stop
thinking that you saying no is saying you don't care well,
thinking that you say no is saying you're not important.
(22:04):
No doesn't mean any of those things. It can also
mean I don't have enough energy, I'm not ready to
go out, I don't feel my best, or it can
simply mean no. If this episode helped you protect your
energy today, share it with someone who needs to hear
this too, because healing energy, like light, multiplies when shared.
(22:29):
Thank you so much for listening to today. Remember I'm
always rooting for you. I'm forever in your corner, and
don't forget your energy is your currency. Manage it like
you manage your money, your time, and it will make
a difference. See you soon. If you love this episode,
you love my conversation with doctor Joe Dispenser on why
stress and overthinking negatively impacts your brain and heart and
(22:53):
how to change your habits that are on autopilot. Listen
to it right now. How many times do we have
to until we stop forgetting and start remembering. That's the
moment of change. No one cares how many times you
fell off the bicycle if you ride the bicycle. Now
you ride the bike.
Host
Jay Shetty
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