December 2, 2025 • 47 mins
Drag Race legend, American Idol alum, singer-songwriter, TV starlet, future movie star, and f*cking Libra Adore Delano joins TS Madison for a conversation that’s raw, spiritual, and punk-rock real. From early fame and addiction to sobriety and self-discovery, Adore opens up about the moment she realized that Adore wasn’t just a drag persona — it was who she truly was and always had been.
They go deep on gender, drag, and identity; what it means to come out twice; and why belief — not beauty — is the real power. Madison and Adore talk therapy, manifestation, and the divine art of the vision board, transforming self-doubt into superstardom and pain into purpose.
Also: how American Idol happened, what TS Madison told Adore when they first met, RuPaul’s life-changing advice, healing from alcoholism, manifesting A24 roles, acting dreams, horror movies, trans visibility, dating a trans man, learning to fight back (literally), protecting your peace, and why visibility itself is activism.
Catch Adore's feature film acting debut in the queer horror film "HAG," premiering on Tubi on December 12th, 2025!
"Outlaws" is hosted by TS Madison, and is part of the Outspoken Network from iHeartPodcasts, co-produced by Turtle Run Entertainment.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Every time I open up my mouth up and goes out.
Don't wait, do win two inches b b b d
b d bed bum, do yourself up, get a job
ricking honey. Rick Hodon contre he chasing.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
It all.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
I'm black like that, he about living It's colored easy.
This is Outlaws with TS Medicine. Is it on? Honey?
Is it on? Is this visch recorder? And what's some YouTube? Land,
Twitter and Instagram lands, snapchat, grinder, scruff and all that
(00:48):
other ship? This is TS Medicine coming to you loudlive
and in color from the Outlaws podcast, but none other
than me the t S. Honey. I'm sitting here with
a good old friend, niece, daughter, family who I told
was family from day one. The legendary songstress RuPaul's Drag
(01:14):
Race alumni Adorge Lano.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Hi, happy to be here?
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Well, I give it. I gave it to you slow
and soft because I'm gonna let you do the big thing.
On my show, I have a segment called Talk your Ship.
The reason why we created this segment on the show
is because we want people to come in here. I
don't want humility, I don't want modest I don't want
(01:43):
I don't want timid and chine. I want loud, lavin
in motherfucking color. I want you to celebrate yourself. I
want you to look in the camera. I want you
to tell us about the awards you won. I want
you to tell us about the you know, where you
who you are, where you started, and then you're the
first this, or you might be the second, or you
you've graced the covers of I need this because people
tend to follow your journey and then they'll leave and
(02:06):
then they'll come back. I'm like, what happened? What should
I need you to remind the girls? Bye? Okay okay?
And you started? Hi my name is a Door Delano
and I okay okay.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Hi, my name is Ador Delano and I'm a singer, songwriter, actress,
and TV starlett Billboard artists as well.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Yeah, is that me too? Shy Go Deeper, Go Deeper.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
I was rated top ten most powerful drag queens in
the World by New York Magazine. I may I was
one of the first rude girls to make it on
Billboard magazine with my charting of my albums. My two
first albums, I changed my musical trajectory into rock music
and then kind of like did some more more like
(02:54):
blue esy type music. I feel like I was one
of the first girls to kind of like experiment with
that type of stuff too, and kind of like put
my voice first, and yeah, carb, I my own lane
and try to like live in my own own lane
so nobody can like touch me. When whenever I feel
like I'm a little bit you know, same, I always
(03:14):
try to like change it a little bit so I
can And so I can't really compete with anybody else
or nobody else can compete with me, So I take
pride into that.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Yeah, that's what I like. No humility here, no humility. Yes,
you're also one of the one of the rules girls
that told me that they were not training. I told
my mom I wasn't transfer.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
I told my mom was trans when I was fifteen,
and then American Idol happened, And.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Now you didn't talk about American Idol. Oh.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yeah, I was on American Idol as well, Top sixteen
in like two thousand and eight when I was a teenager.
And then I discovered the art of drag and compartmentalized
my femininity into that and a door just became a door,
And now I am door, and a door.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Is me, and she is I, and I am her,
and she's always been a door.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I've always been a door knob. That's why I got
a chip too. I'm circumcising everyone around the country.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
A door. I remember when we met and I said,
I told you in our first meeting that you were
a woman. Yes, you did, our first meeting, you said,
and your things will be like no tears. Yeah, I said, girl,
stop this.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yes, Well, because I had verbiage at that time of
what being non binary was and living kind of like
my masculinity out into my femininity, and it's really confusing
when you have the art of drag to compartmentalize that,
and to come off of a show like American Idol
where it was very like pushed down, and I thought
(04:49):
that was the way that I was releasing her, But
then I was turning to like drugs and alcohol and
kind of suppressing her inside. And once I got sober
and got a bunch of therapy and got to kind
of like lockdown during the pandemic, it just helped me
realize more. I stayed with my mom. My mom was
one of my best friends. She helped me realize as well.
(05:09):
And she was a big part of me coming out
as well and realizing that. So that's a long winded explanation.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
No, it's it's exactly what would happen. I remember when
you were going through your drug and you're a substance.
I don't want to say drug. Yeah, those alcohol a lot,
so let's make sure. I remember when you was going
through your substance situation and it was all over the internet,
it was all over the thing, and I was just
like I wanted to be like I wanted to reach
(05:37):
out and be like, I love you. You know, I've
loved you from day one, from our first meeting we
were leavers unit, and I just I was a little
scared because you know, you don't know what's true, you
don't know like you don't know what's true whatever. But
I was like, damn, I want And that's why every
time I've seen you in person, I don't know if
(05:57):
you know that when I give you them hugs, I
give all that energy TV.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Yeah, you transfer that for sure.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
I want you to, because I was like, I know
what it's like to be young, yeah, and struggling with
identity and you know, and then.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
But on top of that, you are on TV, Yeah,
living it out, So that had to be like yeah,
And I think the avenue in which the TV that
I was in was tricky for my brain as well.
I know a lot of girls that do drag that
are trends. It does kind of like fuck with them
(06:32):
a lot in the beginning, especially, and I think for
me to not even realize by you know, like blanking
it out with alcohol or whatever. You don't really realize
that until you kind of like step back a little
bit and look in the mirror like stone cold sober
and ask the questions to yourself and have a support
system around you to kind of like gain that information
(06:53):
and kind of like dig deep into your soul and
figure out who the fuck you are. It takes a
lot of work, but it happens, and and I'm here and.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Your trains like I say, yes, I am yes one
just exactly like I said. But it was so crazy
because I'm those were kind of like when we when
we first met and I hugged and loved doing you
the first time. I remember me saying, girl, you a girl.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Yeah, I remember you are a girl. That was like
a decade ago, yeah, easy, probably longer. Yeah, I was
like you a girl, yeah, and I just saw it
and I know you.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Was like no.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
A lot of the girls would clock it, even Kylie,
like a lot of the girl they'd be like, no,
just give it time, like no, Even some girls in
my season were like very like no, there's like this
this creation of a door, and the persona that I
would put on stage was more of a woman. It
was a person that I was living in my experience
(07:53):
of kind of like you know, having fun on stage
and stuff, and then when I get back to the hotel,
I'm like, who the fuck? What is what's going on?
Like why do I not want to be here when
it's off stage? And why am I like not having
these extravagant costumes on stage. I'm actually like creating this
persona that like lives inside of me. And it all
makes sense when I got like therapy and stuff, compartmentalizing
(08:16):
that into the art of drag. But but it's it's beautiful.
When it starts like Butterfly, You're like, oh, bitch, like
that was me, Like that's.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Right, and it's like I just want to do a
low dose girl, give me, give me, just give me
a zero point two.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Five, just a little bit under the muscle.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yes, it's a little bit teeny. Just just don't even
really pinch the nerve. Just give me a little, you know,
just like one dose. It's like, girls, stop this. You
are a woman. I just I've always you know, I
always can cock it, yeah, because I'm older. And it's
just like, but but you have to come into who
(08:56):
you are when it's time for you to come to
who you are. And I like the fact, I will
honestly say, I do like the fact that you took
your time with discovering. Yeah, it was a journey even
(09:18):
though you knew. I knew it was in it, you
knew it was deep in neh. It's like, well, let
me live this out, but let me see how this
is gonna go. Like do I really you know, do
I wanna you know? But it's just like it was undone.
It was just denial.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Yeah it is, and it's it's so different for everybody.
Like it's like and that's why it's never too late
to come out. I always say that. Well, but it's
like it's like in the journey of like where my
story like began, and I have to keep touching back
to like idle and like getting out of like where
I was from, Like anything I can do to make it,
to get out of here and figure out how to
(09:52):
get on TV and beat somebody and like figure out
how to create that. It was very like in that
time was like you don't even say that you're gay,
like do not? And I'm like, how how do I?
How do I hide that as a seventeen year old kid,
and then like taking that learning and that pr training
onto like your adulthood, and then entering something so beautiful
(10:13):
like drag Race where it's like play with all the colors.
You are celebrated for who you are, and I'm like,
who the fuck am I? Like what? What?
Speaker 1 (10:20):
What am? I?
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Who am? I?
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Like?
Speaker 2 (10:21):
What what's my journey going to be? And I don't
think until I was like about twenty seven twenty eight
when I really had these discussions with myself where I
was like, what the fuck is going on with you?
Like you need to chill and like get some help
with all of this, And here it is, yeah, yeah,
I want.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
To know how did idle happen?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Well.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
I grew up in AZUSA, which is like San Gabriel Valley.
It's like forty minutes from here. I just wanted to
make it somehow. I used to call radio stations. We
would my mom would drive me out here to Hollywood.
I would enter these competitions and sing and and I
was like, when I get the age I'm going to
audition for American I don't I'm gonna get on that
television show. And when I was sixteen, I was finally
the age to like make it on. I made it
(11:03):
through Hollywood Week and then I got kicked off, and
then I'm like, I'm still gonna go back. I'm gonna
figure this out. And I just I got on and
I just like, I think Simon's a Libra. I don't
know he got my humor. I was like kind of
like fucking with him during Hollywood Week, and like I
just I just kept going and I was like you knew.
I knew, you just know it. I knew it as
(11:24):
like five years old in kindergarten, like oh no wait, no, no, no,
Like I can't even picture myself doing anything else but
being on that box, Like I'm gonna figure out how
to be on that radio and how to be on
that TV screen.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
That's the Libra, that's the Lira I think that because
I always say that as a libra. My words are
I don't know when, Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
How, Yeah, but I know, yes, it's an innate feeling
in the gut.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Yeah, Like I know, like fuck all that other shit
in between, like people telling you it ain't no way, yeah,
like bitch, she didn't, No, it ain't no way for you. Yeah,
but I know that I'm going to do that, or
like even like meeting people, like I know I'm going
to meet that person before they Yeah, I know that
I'm going to have some connection to this. I know this,
(12:11):
like like they're in my trajectory somewhere, and it's just
that's what we got. That's a I think that's the thing.
Do you vision board?
Speaker 2 (12:21):
I used to vision board when I was like twenty six,
twenty seven. I don't anymore. Why I don't I want
to change, Like right now, I'm in such like a
kind of limbo era of like wanting to change my career.
And I want to get into like make acting my
primarily like like focus, like like the primary focus of
like where my of what the career is going to
(12:44):
go eventually, Like I still want to do music, but
like I don't know. I just I know what I want.
I go for it. I never take I never take
no as like a shutting door. Ever, I'm always like, okay,
what can I learn learn from that? You learn from
the know, like okay, didn't get that job. And then
I'll see like the TV show come out and I'm like,
that's why I didn't get it. She ate that up,
(13:05):
Like okay, so next time I go into that room
or do a self tape, like I know, to fuck
that shut up in this way, like, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
I want you to start back vision boarding. Okay, Okay,
the spirit told me tell you that I want you
to start back vision boarding because that's our superpower. It's
one of our superpowers. It's getting down there. Unless like
you're saying, I want to act, lay it down where
you want to act it, Like what studio you want
to work for? Put your picture in the center of
(13:34):
your vision board so that you can see yourself and
see all of see all of the flashes that be
going through your head, and like put Paramount or Universal
Studios or and right down on there like I'm going
to not I want.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
To yeah, I am going to going to yeah, like
it's present. I would write down the things that I
wanted to do. Like I remember, like to years ago,
I had written in a notebook like I'm going to
be in an eight twenty four film or I'm going
to be this, and I had gotten an audition like
maybe like a couple of months after that for an
eight twenty fourth show. I didn't get it, But I
(14:12):
was also like, no, why didn't you get this? Like
figure this out? Like it's always like I don't do
like the picturing, but maybe I should go back to
doing that. But I always write down what I'm going
to do. That's something that I would do when I
was younger too, but I don't know, it's a lot
in my head now. Was just like put it down
where you can see it, where you can grab it.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
You can grab it, you can see it. I know that.
Like like I don't know what your religious background is.
You know what is it?
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Are you? I wasn't raised with any religion. My mom
was raised Jehovah's Witness. So is my dad?
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Why is all the grosser Jehovah Witness?
Speaker 2 (14:48):
I don't know friends, Sasha, Sasha Kobe, wasn't it Michael
Jackson Witness? My stepdad my mom and I believe my
dad were all Johah was witnesses, and my mom just
kind of like carved out this way for us to
just like figure it out, which sometimes like she always
sounds like I regret doing that because you don't know,
(15:10):
like what what what religion is really because she didn't
really teach us. But yeah, I'm more spirit I'm very spiritual,
randon nature kind of witchy sometimes.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Yeah, let a candle, you know.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
That really quick?
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Hi a door? Are you? Are you ready for jos return? Oh?
Speaker 2 (15:43):
My god, are you ready for the word.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
So but I'm telling you in that, in that knowing
all of that, put a picture of yourself on your
It helps because when you get up. I know I
was going to tell you I was actually a religious background,
because I know the in the Bible Habika two and
(16:08):
two says write it down and make it plain, write
it down and make it plain. So you write it
down and you know, it's just like this is what
I'm going to do. This is d D D D
D d D. You don't know when you don't know how,
but you know, And yeah, they know now that you've
(16:29):
auditioned at a twenty four, they know you over there
at twenty four. So it's just like you know, down
the line, let me tell you listen on this podcast,
I talked to my guests. We're having conversations, so sometimes
I may revert back to a story that may come
into my brain that happens to me, so I can
breathe life into my guests or my friends. I remember
(16:52):
when I came out with No Wave Nowhere twenty yeah,
I was supposed to do. The first people to reach
out to me was HBO. After that happened, I was
supposed to do a show on HBO. We went all
through and on the day we were suposed shoot, it
didn't it crashed out, So I didn't get that fast
(17:16):
forward to the people who were down there petition. It
was Jenizka Bravo and Brett Gelman. Brett Gilman and Geniska
Bravo were married at the time, and they followed my
career for the longest after that because it's just like
they was like, well, we're gonna do it, like it's funny,
like it's you know, what the hell, Like this's crazy,
it's twenty two inches, and like it's we got something
we got being it's crazy, like everybody. It's like, this
(17:37):
is viral sensation. So whatever happened, it didn't go through.
Fast forward to twenty fifteen. I think it was twenty fourteen.
Janiska hit me. Twenty seventeen. I don't know what Jeniska
hit me And she says, hey, master, I know that
thing didn't go through with us for HBO, but I
(17:59):
got on small part for you in a movie. A
twenty four is doing it and it's Zola.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Oh yeah, I remember that.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Yeah, that was my first movie role.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Was that kind of recent when they came out right
like a few years ago.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Yeah, like a year, but we had films and then
nobody had they trying to find a place to put it.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
That's so cool.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Yeah, So it was just like, you know, and it's
like she got I got a place for you. I
want you to do this. Come down here and I
want you to do it. I'm gonna give you I'm
gonna write a little piece, i'm'a let you add to it,
and then i'm'na let you free range it.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
But they had your name and they had your your
story and the memory of you there, so they already
had you like stamped.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
So just because something says no today doesn't mean down
the line like that. You know that no catapulted you
and put you in front of eyes you need to see,
you know what I'm saying. And then like you got
so much history with Idle drag race, you know, your
own projects or whatever, billboard all this stuff, so it's
like you're not unknown, you know, but you it's gotta
(19:00):
you know, tell the universe that you like, Okay, thank
you for what you've given me, but I'm still open
to receive.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
As vast as you are, I know you have more.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Yeah, and I think it'll meet you when time is
supposed to be caught up. I feel like it'll meet
you when it's supposed to. And whenever I don't get something,
I'm like, Okay, it's not time for that yet.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Yeah, I'm in incubation period.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Yes, I always say that. I'm always saying like I'm
not there yet, it'll come. It'll come when it's supposed to.
I'm never like damn like or like sulk or get
something like onto the next I'll meet that when I'm
supposed to meet.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Because it's bacon.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
It's always baking.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
It's bacon. You know how good when you put on
a good face. You gotta let it base.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Uh huh.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Yes, when it's done, you like what happens?
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:49):
What what did you say? Girl?
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:51):
Catch them up?
Speaker 2 (19:52):
I really do believe that I do because it's like
proven itself to me through my life. I'm always like
not yet, Like it'll happen when time and it'll really
like creep up in like two years and be like
you ready yet? Are you ready yet? And I'm like,
you know what, I think the fuck I am, Like
even like I feel my first horror movie like for like,
which I never done something like that in my life,
(20:14):
Like that's the genre I wanted to like enter into.
And it was the most beautiful experience I've ever done
because it like it made me grow so greatly. Like
I was on the floor in the bathroom the day
before shooting and I had so much dialogue and I
was like, I there's no way that I can do this,
and I literally like paryed on the floor and I
(20:34):
was like I need help, like I need I just
need guidance for this. And I'm going to do this
and I'm going to grow from this and I'm gonna
take this experience onto the next shit like I want bigger.
I'm going to do something bigger than this. And I
got on set and I fucking killed I was killed
it and I was like one more take. I just
want to do one more, like just for fun. And
(20:54):
it was like I didn't even believe in myself in
that time. But I got called some thing and I
was just like, just guide me through this and help
me figure this the fuck out, because I'm not going
to like be a fool in front of all these
people that are like time is money, like let's get
this ship done. Like there's like a ten other people
on the scene like no, let's get this done.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
And it just flowed and it's like a ton of dialogue. Yes,
and it's like, bitch, I can't remember all this shit.
And it's like, so you mean to tear me? You
want me to fuck him? And you know you just
get right into the do it comes out of your throat?
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Did I just do that?
Speaker 2 (21:31):
That was me replay really quick?
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Yeah? Did I just do that? Ship?
Speaker 2 (21:36):
I felt that exactly that And they're like you need
to come watch us on the screen really quick, like
you ate that, And I was like I like it
just came out, It takes over you, takes over your
whole bubble.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
So what I'm hearing you tell me in this conversation
is that you you got to tap into what's divinely
attached to you. I am you saying that you are
in this space of I want to act. I wanted
to shake that because that that leaves room for doubt.
So shake that doubt off and be like, Yeah, I'm
(22:08):
gonna act, nich I'm gonna act. I'm gonna eat these
girls up. You know what I'm saying. Let me write
this down. Yeah, I want to be in two more
horror films and then I want to be in a
super super film and bump up. You know what I'm saying.
Because everything is possible. All you need is a little
bit of belief to unlock real power.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
That's already there.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
The reason why people cannot unlock real power that's that's
accessible to them they don't believe, eat a little bit.
And people don't have a little bit of belief in themselves.
They don't believe, and it's just like, oh, they'll never
happen for me, It'll this ain't gonna this is not
(22:55):
gonna work out. That means you don't believe. But when
you come from a place of and you got to
always remind yourself this adore. When you come from a
place of you were fourteen thirteen years old watching TV,
I'm gonna be on that shelf. You had belief a
little bit beef, and that's what unlocked the real power.
(23:19):
So if you're stuck somewhere in your being, in your
thought process of where you want to be in your
career or just whatever, remind yourself, Oh bitch, all I
gotta do is believe, and that'll unlock the real shit
that can fucking happen from me because I'm a witch,
bitch and I said I always bitch, and I said it,
(23:40):
you know, I said it. I can happen sim sim
solid Wake up, girls, It's so true.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
I don't even see like visions of me like like
just you know, like literally manifest that way, like I
I do believe in my core, like what is going
to happen within the next five years, even like I'm
like I know what is going to happen, like and
I feel it, like.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Put it down where you can see it, telling it,
telling me your auntie told you that, well, I will
well And when I'm watching you get an award for
for a movie or I'm seeing you do it. I
want you to say, you know what, and I want
to dedicate this award to my aunt that's out there, honey, somewhere.
I don't know where she is, but I know the
(24:26):
bitch is somewhere. Tis you told me the think. All
it took was a little bit of belief to unlock
the real power. This is for you. This is the power.
So now we're here, Adore, let's get into your villain era.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Okay, all right, love this now.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Uh. You know, every outlaw gets labeled a villain at
some point, and often when you're just trying to live
your truth and do your best. Your villain era could
be a time you that people pleasing, a time you
stood up for yourself, or maybe you made a mistake
and maybe you did something that sparked some controversy, or
maybe the world just simply wasn't ready for you. What
(25:11):
was your villain era and what did you learn from it?
Speaker 2 (25:15):
I was in my villain era was probably like around
my like Saturn Return like twenty six to like thirty,
like that whole time period. I was just like done,
like I was It was after All Stars Too, when
I quit, and I had a conversation with Rue for
like two hours in his dressing room and we talked
about like the future and what I wanted, and I
(25:35):
just remember being like, I want to get this out.
It was before my second record. I was like, I
want to get this music out, and I just I
don't even want to do this anymore. And I moved
to Seattle, away from all my family, and I did
everything that I could to go against what I wanted,
and it was really fucked up. And I know it
was like you know what Saturn turn is right.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Like like that whole vibe, the retrograde.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Yes, it was like a weird like kind of like
it was during a lawsuit that I was going through
as well that was very public, and I just was
over it. I didn't want it anymore, like I remember, like,
and it kept getting bigger, like I felt like God
was like, well, this is what you asked for, and
I'm just like I didn't want any of it, like
at that time, So I would do like stupid shit
(26:21):
like get drunk or high on live and just like
talk shit about everything and just be like very ungrateful
for everything. That was happening for me. I felt sad
for that person, like like around twenty six years old, twenties, Yeah,
around twenty six it started happening turned down a lot
of dope opportunities that like, now that I'm like maturing
(26:45):
that I was, I would look back and be like,
I was very foolish for that. But I had to
go through that though, and I felt like if we're
talking villain or yeah, I didn't want to talk to
like my family like or anything. Like. I was just
so like cut off from real I didn't know how
to accept like all the like love or like anything
(27:05):
on tour or anything. I was just very drunk like
ninety percent of the time. Yeah, probably just that that
that era of just kind of like sabotaging my whole
career and just not wanting anything to do with it
and not really caring what anybody said. You tell me something,
I do the opposite, just like don't care. Like it
(27:27):
was really really really harmful to my career I think
in that time.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
But yeah, who gave you some of the best advice
during that time?
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Probably Rue, I would say, Yeah, I think looking back
at it now through the eyes of where I'm at now,
I really appreciate some of the things that he told
me because he was seeing it, he lived it. He
knew what was going to happen. Everything that he said happened. Yeah,
(28:02):
he gave me some really sound advice. You know, is
the sorceress to grow down down Scorpio down knows the future.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
You know, she's a sorcerers she is. She knew it all.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
She knew through the irises. But yeah, she gave really
good advice and asked about like my childhood and what
happened when I was seven. There was that was a
specific thing that I remember her asking me when I
sat in her by her makeup chair, and when we
had that, it was one on for almost two hours.
We went backstage when I was quitting All Stars.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
I remember, and I was so mad at you girl.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
I was so mad at myself for saying yes to that.
I was not ready. I had just lost my dad.
It was just like weird things that I wasn't. I
was heavy into alcoholism, Like it was like fucked up
time to just be like to go into that and
have it like microscoped and be celebrated for things that
I felt like I didn't really want to do, but
(29:00):
I felt more mad at the like opportunity that I
kind of took away from another girl and wasting Root's time.
I kept apologizing for that, but I do remember him saying, like,
what happened when you were seven? And then I told
him some like things that happened with my father and
I when I was seven, and then he was like
doing some like multiplication type of shit with my years
to come of, like every seven years, something's gonna happen
(29:22):
to you like that. It usually tends to happen if
you have, like he said, some crazy shit, because it
did end up like there was like a crazy lawsuit
that I ended up happening, and and things that God
or the whatever you believe in, Yeah, yeah, is gonna
is gonna uh test you and and see see how
(29:43):
much you have your back basically, like you have to
have your own back in this life. And and right
now you're you're killing an opportunity that can further you
and and distract you from all the things that are
happening that are bad in your life. And I was like, no,
I'm out, like I don't want it. And now that
I look back, I'm like he was really caring. He
really was, and I even remember him being like like
off camera, like are you sure, bitch, Like we have
(30:07):
some of these like some of these, like the challenges
were kind of like not in your favor, but you
can eat them up, like come on, And I'm like, no,
will you go back? Probably not? Probably not. It's a
whole different game now, it's a whole different game. Back
then you can go on Etsy and get a twenty
(30:29):
dollars dress and walk down the runway. Thank you Alaska
for setting that far. But it's like you could be
able to do that and show your charism, your charisma
and and and you know, show style. It was more
of like your style and drag as opposed to paying
like six to ten grand on a garment that goes
on the fucking met Gala, Like I'm not gonna that's
(30:52):
tax money.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Like a door a door. Come on, you are Adore Delano.
I am coming back in this job in this era.
Don't you know that the girls will donate you gowns?
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Yeah, and I can if I can do it, but
it's like I don't. I look at things like what
am I gonna wear? Wear? When am I gonna wear
this again? Or when I'm bury that, like, I just
it's not my focus. I feel like I'm such a
different animal than that, and I think I've carved that
for me in the lane of of the trajectory of
(31:29):
my career, like gaining it back as a trans woman
and figuring out like what I want to do with
my life and and my my sights are that way,
and I feel like if I did go back, then
it would kind of light a new fuse to something
that I peacefully put out in respects. But okay, I
(31:51):
mean I don't know. Justin Bieber says never say never.
I hear never, But I mean I don't know.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
Like I feel like, girl, what if you went back
and then you win through all of the things and
then you do it, you do do a sickening Sasha
Colby girl and you just tear it up and win
two hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
I could win it. I think I know I can
win it. Like even when I look, I'm like, no,
that's like that's the vibe, Like that's what I do.
That's what I do, But like it's it's just not
I don't know, it's just not my it's not in
me to like, I've never been a dress up girl. Like,
I'm very like, I'm a use the girl like, I'm
very like, yeah, very chill, laid back, bruh girl.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
Girl, you want to get very very Oh my god,
what's my girl name? Very witchy girl. I love her.
Lana del Ray Lana.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
We're both Scorpio Risings. Maybe that's the vibe. No, I
just like my whole like nineties Drew Barrymore vibe. Like,
I'm just very just like, I just roll with that.
I have my sights set on some different Okay, and
I know that that's gonna happen.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
Yes, I know it. I know it's gonna happen. Look
how you look, how you look, how you changed from
the from the I wanted to happen. Now it's I
know it.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
I'm gonna go to Michael's. I'm gonna get a fucking board.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
I want you to and I want you to take
a picture of yourself when you're happy, and you gotta
do it when you're happy, like you got. Don't just
go get no random pictures. So for you bitches out
there is watching the show, I'm teaching y'all some tricks
of the trade, Okay, this is the free ship. You
take a picture of yourself when you're you're at your happiest,
and you set that ship right there in the middle
(33:36):
of the board. You too, you set y'all. You set
that ship right there in the middle of the board.
And the things that you see for yourself, you put
it there. You write it. You you right, you get
down there, you write it on that board. You cut
pictures out of even if it's a picture like if
you saw a car drive by, you saw like because
that day yah vood ship is that's some ship that
(33:59):
we don't And those are recollections of moments of places
like damn, I have been here, Oh Paris boom. Let
me put daffel towel up here. Girl. You may be
doing a soulda show somewhere in front of the eye.
You don't know. But it's just that type of you
gotta believe again. All it takes is a little bit
(34:21):
of belief to unlock the real power. It will yes,
so now. An outlaw or a pariah in our culture
is often someone who ironically has their heart in the
right place, someone with the courage to speak up and
stand out and push back when it matters most the
guests on my show, The Outlaws are some of the
(34:41):
voices of our time. They are rebel hearts who are
challenging the status quo and making a difference. So tell
me about a cause that you're deeply about and how
can others join in on the movement.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
A cause that I'm deeply in about.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
I think.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
Just the importance of being a trans woman in America
right now and having so many transistors that are teaching me.
And because I'm still kind of a baby, yeah, like
well in my transition at least, like it's like I'm
being taught like daily. So I'm I'm here to listen
(35:25):
to all my transistors and make sure that I incorporate
a lot of the things that they are teaching me.
But I think now more than ever, it's really important
to be bold, be unapologetic, say what's on your mind,
be present, and yeah, just going back to being unapologetic.
(35:46):
I'm in a tea ferty relationship. I think it's.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Lesbian. Oh my god, I'm not lesbian.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
No, I'm gonna trans man.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Oh shit, Okay, because you know the girls start going
with the girls. No, this pussy and now you want
to lay down and be a damn dyke. No, no,
not doing as a dike over here.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Welcome, we love it, so you transman, I am, yes,
And I think that the importance of that even like
I'm very like I love to be very I like
a mystique about me. I think that's a scorpio rising
in me. Like I love to like not show too
much online, but I do think now more than ever,
it is important to show how happy that I am
(36:40):
in that relationship and that like we both found each
other with the certain odds that were against us, and
kind of teach people just by our existence of just like,
you know, being happy. It's not like a normal to
a lot of people in middle of America to like
(37:01):
understand that. I would always say, like with American Idol
as well, like I loved that I was in their
living room with their family so they can have that
discussion of what a little gay boy was to their kids.
But I think with social media, especially now, just transvisibility
is really important not to sound all like you know,
(37:22):
I think.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
It's because they need there's not one version of us.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Yeah exactly, there's not, you know, and.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
You living out loud allows other people to live out
there that's not to say put all your business on
social media, girl or whatever. But girl, you vlogging or
you walking around with your camera. See you know people,
your fans. You know there's a little girl out there
that's like, it's gonna watch this. Ooh, mommy, ooh. I
was her. Yeah, I resonate with her, you know. I see.
(37:52):
Our presence is our advocacy and us being visible visible
is our I said, I said President's advocacy. Being visible
is our ship activism. Okay, yeah, being visible is a
(38:13):
part of our activism because if they could silence us
and erase us like they're trying to do actively, girl, girl,
So us being present and being visible, that's the part
of that's the fight within it. That's that's just the
fight within itself. Stealth is great. Yeah, stealth is great
(38:38):
for you, it's great. Dealth is great. But to affirm
to a person out there, like girl, it's okay, you're here,
this is who you are. Live it. Godd On meet
you exactly how you are because God made you exactly
how you are.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Absolutely. And I didn't even think of any of that
ship when I was like like coming out or anything.
And I was like transitioning behind the scenes and taking
my one miligram under them myself.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
But it's like I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
I didn't, I didn't think of that. I was kind
of cooking a little bit until like I got back
into like performing again. I do a lot of like
pride circuits. So it's like and then like you have
like the younger generation coming up to you being like yeah,
like I don't know if you know, but like this
has taught my son, or like this has taught my
daughter that like they can find love or they can
(39:29):
just like be themselves going to a fucking gas station
or or you know what I mean. But it's also
like b street smart as well, like know your surroundings.
I'm very kitty cat with that shit. Like my boyfriend's
such a fucking golden retriever boyfriend that he's like and
I'm like always knowing, like what is around you know,
protect yourself?
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Yeah, I was just gonna say, keep you some protection
on you.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
I don't want to say, but yeah, protect yourself.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
You know, I keep everybody really though, you have to
protect firearm everywhere, yeah, and a knife, a bat and everything. Amaze.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
It's almost something, it's almost something that I get or
even when I'm like walking at night or whatever, because
I like, like going on walks, you have to give
off like an energy and like people read energy, like
if you're feeling a type away from somebody, like you
(40:27):
give that back. You have to let them know, like
do not fuck.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
With me, yeah, or I will bitch, I'll fuck you
up in here. That literally that bitch, I fuck you
up out here. You may be walking on I may
be walking my dog, well, bitch, I'll fuck you up.
It's very that like I get you.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
I think I get that from my mom too, a
little bit for my dad. Like I remember when I
first started wearing makeup in school. I told my mom
that I might be a trans woman, and she was like,
you need to learn how to fight, Like you need
to learn how to fight back because I went to
a continuation school where it was all it was cholo down,
like it was gangster down, and my mom was like,
(41:05):
that is not going to go over well. Like so
my mom like was very She's not somebody that holds
back on what she feels. She's the liver as well.
My dad and my stopped out. Yeah, video, but I
had to learn how to fight with a house full
of boys. Like it's like, so I have that like switch,
like I always like just know your surroundings, live out loud,
(41:28):
but also let somebody know that, Like if you fuck
with me.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
Don't make me put my wig in a rubber baby,
don't make me I'm dad because I will fuck you
up here and I will. It's like, girl, like, I
don't know what you read? No books about the trainees,
the train I bitch, don't you. I don't know what
(41:57):
the fuck her a bitch? Listen, girl, It's.
Speaker 2 (42:00):
So true though, like living apologetically, but just no, let
them know, even with the energy and that, like okay,
like then we can you know, just know, just know.
It's just something you can, like eman, like you can
put that on, like you can give off an energy
of like I would. I don't don't do that.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
Yeah. Yeah, So we've gone to the the end of
our show, and the part of the show is that
I love it's ban it, bitch. Some people out here
are banning drag shows, LGBTQ, plus books and even our
very existence. But we're flipping the script. What's something you
would ban if you ran the world. Here's how it works.
(42:39):
We each get one minute to make our case for
what needs to go. The producers in the back will
keep track of time and call out when there's thirty
seconds and ten seconds left. Let me kick off and
show you how it's done. All right. My name is
TS Madison, and if I ran the world, I would
ban Oh god, we talked about this earlier. Or I
(43:02):
would band self doubt. Okay, I would completely band self doubt.
I think self doubt really stops the magic from happening
in people's life. I think what's holding so many people
back is the belief that they won't do it. It's
more believing in what they can't do do in instead
(43:26):
of believing what's for them. I think that there's so
many people out there who are so nasty and negative
in the comments because they've gotten into themselves. They believed
that it can't happen for you because it didn't happen
for them. Well, it didn't happen for you, bitch, because
you let self doubt creep up in you, bitch and
tell you that it can't happen for you. That's never
(43:47):
gonna happen for me.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
I know it.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
I don't know when, I don't know how. But I
know it, bitch, and I don't give a fuck with
nobody says self doubt, don't live here. That's that.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
I want to piggyback off of that. Okay, how about fear, Oh,
self fear. There's some to some degree, some fear is okay,
love a horror movie and all. But everything that I
feel is negative and holds people back from getting to
know one another is fear of the unknown, of of
(44:23):
holding themselves back again with taking that leave, asking the questions,
getting into the kind of like nitty gritty of like
the conversations that are scary to be had. I think
that's how I'm growing right now is to kind of
like like even when I said, like, oh, I'm on
(44:44):
the floor of the fucking bathroom before I film my scene,
I had to figure something out. Leave that fucking fear
on the floor, go in there and turn it. Like
without that, I would be fucked. I'd just be scared
pissing in the shower. But yeah, I would say I
would say self fear because something that helped me back
in a lot a lot of my life, and I've
witnessed that with my friends as well, holding back on
(45:05):
conversations because they're afraid of the outcome or what the
answers are going to get. That's the only way you're
gonna grow and and and be a chameleon in circles
with people that are going to help you with their knowledge.
We don't know everything, right, You got to ask thy neighbor, listen.
Speaker 1 (45:23):
Sometimes don't ask the naval bitch come to me. This
is for my auntie. That's right, that's right, saying honey
when she gets that Grammy, any motherfucker, goddamn golden globe
whatever it is, Yes, golden glow, whatever it is. She's
gonna say, I sat on that bitch podcast, and that
bitch showed me to command it to come to me.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
I think I'm kidding. I'm gonna do that because.
Speaker 1 (45:48):
That you would do. I told you in so many
command to come to you. The universes listen, Goddess, this
whatever is listening. And there are times that we we
we say to I don't I don't want I'm scared
of It's like, girl, yeah, I got all this shit
over here for you, and you're telling me, oh, child,
we got this, wake up, will come back to me
(46:09):
when you're ready. Yeah, And I'm like, no, I'm always ready,
open up the floodgates and give me what's not Give
me my guy, rain on me, Colleen, give me my God. Today, ladies, gentlemen,
this is Tis Madison. This is the Outlaws podcast and
this has been my guest, the beautiful, the lovely, the talented,
(46:33):
adored delo. Thank you, thank you for coming. I love you, baby,
I love you always. Outlaus is a production of the
Outspoken Network from iHeart Podcasts and Turtle Run Entertainment. Created
by Tyler Rabinowitz and Olivia Piece. I'm your host, Tis Madison.
(46:54):
We are executive produced by Tyler Rebnowitz, Maya Howard and
Tis Madison are some of Our producer is Jessica Krinchich
and our producers are Joey pat and Common Bra. Our
video editor is Tyler Rabinowitz and our sound editor is
Jes crinch. Our associate producer is Trent high Tower Special
thanks to our producer's assistant, Daniel Rabinowitz. Our theme song
(47:18):
is composed by Wazi merrit. Our show art is by
Pablo Martinina. Catch you next week, honey,
Every time I open up my mouth up and goes out.
Don't wait, do win two inches b b b d
b d bed bum, do yourself up, get a job
ricking honey. Rick Hodon contre he chasing.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
It all.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
I'm black like that, he about living It's colored easy.
This is Outlaws with TS Medicine. Is it on? Honey?
Is it on? Is this visch recorder? And what's some YouTube? Land,
Twitter and Instagram lands, snapchat, grinder, scruff and all that
(00:48):
other ship? This is TS Medicine coming to you loudlive
and in color from the Outlaws podcast, but none other
than me the t S. Honey. I'm sitting here with
a good old friend, niece, daughter, family who I told
was family from day one. The legendary songstress RuPaul's Drag
(01:14):
Race alumni Adorge Lano.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Hi, happy to be here?
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Well, I give it. I gave it to you slow
and soft because I'm gonna let you do the big thing.
On my show, I have a segment called Talk your Ship.
The reason why we created this segment on the show
is because we want people to come in here. I
don't want humility, I don't want modest I don't want
(01:43):
I don't want timid and chine. I want loud, lavin
in motherfucking color. I want you to celebrate yourself. I
want you to look in the camera. I want you
to tell us about the awards you won. I want
you to tell us about the you know, where you
who you are, where you started, and then you're the
first this, or you might be the second, or you
you've graced the covers of I need this because people
tend to follow your journey and then they'll leave and
(02:06):
then they'll come back. I'm like, what happened? What should
I need you to remind the girls? Bye? Okay okay?
And you started? Hi my name is a Door Delano
and I okay okay.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Hi, my name is Ador Delano and I'm a singer, songwriter, actress,
and TV starlett Billboard artists as well.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Yeah, is that me too? Shy Go Deeper, Go Deeper.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
I was rated top ten most powerful drag queens in
the World by New York Magazine. I may I was
one of the first rude girls to make it on
Billboard magazine with my charting of my albums. My two
first albums, I changed my musical trajectory into rock music
and then kind of like did some more more like
(02:54):
blue esy type music. I feel like I was one
of the first girls to kind of like experiment with
that type of stuff too, and kind of like put
my voice first, and yeah, carb, I my own lane
and try to like live in my own own lane
so nobody can like touch me. When whenever I feel
like I'm a little bit you know, same, I always
(03:14):
try to like change it a little bit so I
can And so I can't really compete with anybody else
or nobody else can compete with me, So I take
pride into that.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Yeah, that's what I like. No humility here, no humility. Yes,
you're also one of the one of the rules girls
that told me that they were not training. I told
my mom I wasn't transfer.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
I told my mom was trans when I was fifteen,
and then American Idol happened, And.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Now you didn't talk about American Idol. Oh.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Yeah, I was on American Idol as well, Top sixteen
in like two thousand and eight when I was a teenager.
And then I discovered the art of drag and compartmentalized
my femininity into that and a door just became a door,
And now I am door, and a door.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Is me, and she is I, and I am her,
and she's always been a door.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I've always been a door knob. That's why I got
a chip too. I'm circumcising everyone around the country.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
A door. I remember when we met and I said,
I told you in our first meeting that you were
a woman. Yes, you did, our first meeting, you said,
and your things will be like no tears. Yeah, I said, girl,
stop this.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yes, Well, because I had verbiage at that time of
what being non binary was and living kind of like
my masculinity out into my femininity, and it's really confusing
when you have the art of drag to compartmentalize that,
and to come off of a show like American Idol
where it was very like pushed down, and I thought
(04:49):
that was the way that I was releasing her, But
then I was turning to like drugs and alcohol and
kind of suppressing her inside. And once I got sober
and got a bunch of therapy and got to kind
of like lockdown during the pandemic, it just helped me
realize more. I stayed with my mom. My mom was
one of my best friends. She helped me realize as well.
(05:09):
And she was a big part of me coming out
as well and realizing that. So that's a long winded explanation.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
No, it's it's exactly what would happen. I remember when
you were going through your drug and you're a substance.
I don't want to say drug. Yeah, those alcohol a lot,
so let's make sure. I remember when you was going
through your substance situation and it was all over the internet,
it was all over the thing, and I was just
like I wanted to be like I wanted to reach
(05:37):
out and be like, I love you. You know, I've
loved you from day one, from our first meeting we
were leavers unit, and I just I was a little
scared because you know, you don't know what's true, you
don't know like you don't know what's true whatever. But
I was like, damn, I want And that's why every
time I've seen you in person, I don't know if
(05:57):
you know that when I give you them hugs, I
give all that energy TV.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Yeah, you transfer that for sure.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
I want you to, because I was like, I know
what it's like to be young, yeah, and struggling with
identity and you know, and then.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
But on top of that, you are on TV, Yeah,
living it out, So that had to be like yeah,
And I think the avenue in which the TV that
I was in was tricky for my brain as well.
I know a lot of girls that do drag that
are trends. It does kind of like fuck with them
(06:32):
a lot in the beginning, especially, and I think for
me to not even realize by you know, like blanking
it out with alcohol or whatever. You don't really realize
that until you kind of like step back a little
bit and look in the mirror like stone cold sober
and ask the questions to yourself and have a support
system around you to kind of like gain that information
(06:53):
and kind of like dig deep into your soul and
figure out who the fuck you are. It takes a
lot of work, but it happens, and and I'm here and.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Your trains like I say, yes, I am yes one
just exactly like I said. But it was so crazy
because I'm those were kind of like when we when
we first met and I hugged and loved doing you
the first time. I remember me saying, girl, you a girl.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Yeah, I remember you are a girl. That was like
a decade ago, yeah, easy, probably longer. Yeah, I was
like you a girl, yeah, and I just saw it
and I know you.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Was like no.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
A lot of the girls would clock it, even Kylie,
like a lot of the girl they'd be like, no,
just give it time, like no, Even some girls in
my season were like very like no, there's like this
this creation of a door, and the persona that I
would put on stage was more of a woman. It
was a person that I was living in my experience
(07:53):
of kind of like you know, having fun on stage
and stuff, and then when I get back to the hotel,
I'm like, who the fuck? What is what's going on?
Like why do I not want to be here when
it's off stage? And why am I like not having
these extravagant costumes on stage. I'm actually like creating this
persona that like lives inside of me. And it all
makes sense when I got like therapy and stuff, compartmentalizing
(08:16):
that into the art of drag. But but it's it's beautiful.
When it starts like Butterfly, You're like, oh, bitch, like
that was me, Like that's.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Right, and it's like I just want to do a
low dose girl, give me, give me, just give me
a zero point two.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Five, just a little bit under the muscle.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Yes, it's a little bit teeny. Just just don't even
really pinch the nerve. Just give me a little, you know,
just like one dose. It's like, girls, stop this. You
are a woman. I just I've always you know, I
always can cock it, yeah, because I'm older. And it's
just like, but but you have to come into who
(08:56):
you are when it's time for you to come to
who you are. And I like the fact, I will
honestly say, I do like the fact that you took
your time with discovering. Yeah, it was a journey even
(09:18):
though you knew. I knew it was in it, you
knew it was deep in neh. It's like, well, let
me live this out, but let me see how this
is gonna go. Like do I really you know, do
I wanna you know? But it's just like it was undone.
It was just denial.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
Yeah it is, and it's it's so different for everybody.
Like it's like and that's why it's never too late
to come out. I always say that. Well, but it's
like it's like in the journey of like where my
story like began, and I have to keep touching back
to like idle and like getting out of like where
I was from, Like anything I can do to make it,
to get out of here and figure out how to
(09:52):
get on TV and beat somebody and like figure out
how to create that. It was very like in that
time was like you don't even say that you're gay,
like do not? And I'm like, how how do I?
How do I hide that as a seventeen year old kid,
and then like taking that learning and that pr training
onto like your adulthood, and then entering something so beautiful
(10:13):
like drag Race where it's like play with all the colors.
You are celebrated for who you are, and I'm like,
who the fuck am I? Like what? What?
Speaker 1 (10:20):
What am? I?
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Who am? I?
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Like?
Speaker 2 (10:21):
What what's my journey going to be? And I don't
think until I was like about twenty seven twenty eight
when I really had these discussions with myself where I
was like, what the fuck is going on with you?
Like you need to chill and like get some help
with all of this, And here it is, yeah, yeah,
I want.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
To know how did idle happen?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Well.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
I grew up in AZUSA, which is like San Gabriel Valley.
It's like forty minutes from here. I just wanted to
make it somehow. I used to call radio stations. We
would my mom would drive me out here to Hollywood.
I would enter these competitions and sing and and I
was like, when I get the age I'm going to
audition for American I don't I'm gonna get on that
television show. And when I was sixteen, I was finally
the age to like make it on. I made it
(11:03):
through Hollywood Week and then I got kicked off, and
then I'm like, I'm still gonna go back. I'm gonna
figure this out. And I just I got on and
I just like, I think Simon's a Libra. I don't
know he got my humor. I was like kind of
like fucking with him during Hollywood Week, and like I
just I just kept going and I was like you knew.
I knew, you just know it. I knew it as
(11:24):
like five years old in kindergarten, like oh no wait, no, no, no,
Like I can't even picture myself doing anything else but
being on that box, Like I'm gonna figure out how
to be on that radio and how to be on
that TV screen.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
That's the Libra, that's the Lira I think that because
I always say that as a libra. My words are
I don't know when, Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
How, Yeah, but I know, yes, it's an innate feeling
in the gut.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Yeah, Like I know, like fuck all that other shit
in between, like people telling you it ain't no way, yeah,
like bitch, she didn't, No, it ain't no way for you. Yeah,
but I know that I'm going to do that, or
like even like meeting people, like I know I'm going
to meet that person before they Yeah, I know that
I'm going to have some connection to this. I know this,
(12:11):
like like they're in my trajectory somewhere, and it's just
that's what we got. That's a I think that's the thing.
Do you vision board?
Speaker 2 (12:21):
I used to vision board when I was like twenty six,
twenty seven. I don't anymore. Why I don't I want
to change, Like right now, I'm in such like a
kind of limbo era of like wanting to change my career.
And I want to get into like make acting my
primarily like like focus, like like the primary focus of
like where my of what the career is going to
(12:44):
go eventually, Like I still want to do music, but
like I don't know. I just I know what I want.
I go for it. I never take I never take
no as like a shutting door. Ever, I'm always like, okay,
what can I learn learn from that? You learn from
the know, like okay, didn't get that job. And then
I'll see like the TV show come out and I'm like,
that's why I didn't get it. She ate that up,
(13:05):
Like okay, so next time I go into that room
or do a self tape, like I know, to fuck
that shut up in this way, like, yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
I want you to start back vision boarding. Okay, Okay,
the spirit told me tell you that I want you
to start back vision boarding because that's our superpower. It's
one of our superpowers. It's getting down there. Unless like
you're saying, I want to act, lay it down where
you want to act it, Like what studio you want
to work for? Put your picture in the center of
(13:34):
your vision board so that you can see yourself and
see all of see all of the flashes that be
going through your head, and like put Paramount or Universal
Studios or and right down on there like I'm going
to not I want.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
To yeah, I am going to going to yeah, like
it's present. I would write down the things that I
wanted to do. Like I remember, like to years ago,
I had written in a notebook like I'm going to
be in an eight twenty four film or I'm going
to be this, and I had gotten an audition like
maybe like a couple of months after that for an
eight twenty fourth show. I didn't get it, But I
(14:12):
was also like, no, why didn't you get this? Like
figure this out? Like it's always like I don't do
like the picturing, but maybe I should go back to
doing that. But I always write down what I'm going
to do. That's something that I would do when I
was younger too, but I don't know, it's a lot
in my head now. Was just like put it down
where you can see it, where you can grab it.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
You can grab it, you can see it. I know that.
Like like I don't know what your religious background is.
You know what is it?
Speaker 2 (14:38):
Are you? I wasn't raised with any religion. My mom
was raised Jehovah's Witness. So is my dad?
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Why is all the grosser Jehovah Witness?
Speaker 2 (14:48):
I don't know friends, Sasha, Sasha Kobe, wasn't it Michael
Jackson Witness? My stepdad my mom and I believe my
dad were all Johah was witnesses, and my mom just
kind of like carved out this way for us to
just like figure it out, which sometimes like she always
sounds like I regret doing that because you don't know,
(15:10):
like what what what religion is really because she didn't
really teach us. But yeah, I'm more spirit I'm very spiritual,
randon nature kind of witchy sometimes.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Yeah, let a candle, you know.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
That really quick?
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Hi a door? Are you? Are you ready for jos return? Oh?
Speaker 2 (15:43):
My god, are you ready for the word.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
So but I'm telling you in that, in that knowing
all of that, put a picture of yourself on your
It helps because when you get up. I know I
was going to tell you I was actually a religious background,
because I know the in the Bible Habika two and
(16:08):
two says write it down and make it plain, write
it down and make it plain. So you write it
down and you know, it's just like this is what
I'm going to do. This is d D D D
D d D. You don't know when you don't know how,
but you know, And yeah, they know now that you've
(16:29):
auditioned at a twenty four, they know you over there
at twenty four. So it's just like you know, down
the line, let me tell you listen on this podcast,
I talked to my guests. We're having conversations, so sometimes
I may revert back to a story that may come
into my brain that happens to me, so I can
breathe life into my guests or my friends. I remember
(16:52):
when I came out with No Wave Nowhere twenty yeah,
I was supposed to do. The first people to reach
out to me was HBO. After that happened, I was
supposed to do a show on HBO. We went all
through and on the day we were suposed shoot, it
didn't it crashed out, So I didn't get that fast
(17:16):
forward to the people who were down there petition. It
was Jenizka Bravo and Brett Gelman. Brett Gilman and Geniska
Bravo were married at the time, and they followed my
career for the longest after that because it's just like
they was like, well, we're gonna do it, like it's funny,
like it's you know, what the hell, Like this's crazy,
it's twenty two inches, and like it's we got something
we got being it's crazy, like everybody. It's like, this
(17:37):
is viral sensation. So whatever happened, it didn't go through.
Fast forward to twenty fifteen. I think it was twenty fourteen.
Janiska hit me. Twenty seventeen. I don't know what Jeniska
hit me And she says, hey, master, I know that
thing didn't go through with us for HBO, but I
(17:59):
got on small part for you in a movie. A
twenty four is doing it and it's Zola.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Oh yeah, I remember that.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Yeah, that was my first movie role.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Was that kind of recent when they came out right
like a few years ago.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Yeah, like a year, but we had films and then
nobody had they trying to find a place to put it.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
That's so cool.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Yeah, So it was just like, you know, and it's
like she got I got a place for you. I
want you to do this. Come down here and I
want you to do it. I'm gonna give you I'm
gonna write a little piece, i'm'a let you add to it,
and then i'm'na let you free range it.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
But they had your name and they had your your
story and the memory of you there, so they already
had you like stamped.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
So just because something says no today doesn't mean down
the line like that. You know that no catapulted you
and put you in front of eyes you need to see,
you know what I'm saying. And then like you got
so much history with Idle drag race, you know, your
own projects or whatever, billboard all this stuff, so it's
like you're not unknown, you know, but you it's gotta
(19:00):
you know, tell the universe that you like, Okay, thank
you for what you've given me, but I'm still open
to receive.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
As vast as you are, I know you have more.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Yeah, and I think it'll meet you when time is
supposed to be caught up. I feel like it'll meet
you when it's supposed to. And whenever I don't get something,
I'm like, Okay, it's not time for that yet.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Yeah, I'm in incubation period.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Yes, I always say that. I'm always saying like I'm
not there yet, it'll come. It'll come when it's supposed to.
I'm never like damn like or like sulk or get
something like onto the next I'll meet that when I'm
supposed to meet.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Because it's bacon.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
It's always baking.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
It's bacon. You know how good when you put on
a good face. You gotta let it base.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Uh huh.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Yes, when it's done, you like what happens?
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:49):
What what did you say? Girl?
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:51):
Catch them up?
Speaker 2 (19:52):
I really do believe that I do because it's like
proven itself to me through my life. I'm always like
not yet, Like it'll happen when time and it'll really
like creep up in like two years and be like
you ready yet? Are you ready yet? And I'm like,
you know what, I think the fuck I am, Like
even like I feel my first horror movie like for like,
which I never done something like that in my life,
(20:14):
Like that's the genre I wanted to like enter into.
And it was the most beautiful experience I've ever done
because it like it made me grow so greatly. Like
I was on the floor in the bathroom the day
before shooting and I had so much dialogue and I
was like, I there's no way that I can do this,
and I literally like paryed on the floor and I
(20:34):
was like I need help, like I need I just
need guidance for this. And I'm going to do this
and I'm going to grow from this and I'm gonna
take this experience onto the next shit like I want bigger.
I'm going to do something bigger than this. And I
got on set and I fucking killed I was killed
it and I was like one more take. I just
want to do one more, like just for fun. And
(20:54):
it was like I didn't even believe in myself in
that time. But I got called some thing and I
was just like, just guide me through this and help
me figure this the fuck out, because I'm not going
to like be a fool in front of all these
people that are like time is money, like let's get
this ship done. Like there's like a ten other people
on the scene like no, let's get this done.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
And it just flowed and it's like a ton of dialogue. Yes,
and it's like, bitch, I can't remember all this shit.
And it's like, so you mean to tear me? You
want me to fuck him? And you know you just
get right into the do it comes out of your throat?
Speaker 2 (21:29):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Did I just do that?
Speaker 2 (21:31):
That was me replay really quick?
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Yeah? Did I just do that? Ship?
Speaker 2 (21:36):
I felt that exactly that And they're like you need
to come watch us on the screen really quick, like
you ate that, And I was like I like it
just came out, It takes over you, takes over your
whole bubble.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
So what I'm hearing you tell me in this conversation
is that you you got to tap into what's divinely
attached to you. I am you saying that you are
in this space of I want to act. I wanted
to shake that because that that leaves room for doubt.
So shake that doubt off and be like, Yeah, I'm
(22:08):
gonna act, nich I'm gonna act. I'm gonna eat these
girls up. You know what I'm saying. Let me write
this down. Yeah, I want to be in two more
horror films and then I want to be in a
super super film and bump up. You know what I'm saying.
Because everything is possible. All you need is a little
bit of belief to unlock real power.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
That's already there.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
The reason why people cannot unlock real power that's that's
accessible to them they don't believe, eat a little bit.
And people don't have a little bit of belief in themselves.
They don't believe, and it's just like, oh, they'll never
happen for me, It'll this ain't gonna this is not
(22:55):
gonna work out. That means you don't believe. But when
you come from a place of and you got to
always remind yourself this adore. When you come from a
place of you were fourteen thirteen years old watching TV,
I'm gonna be on that shelf. You had belief a
little bit beef, and that's what unlocked the real power.
(23:19):
So if you're stuck somewhere in your being, in your
thought process of where you want to be in your
career or just whatever, remind yourself, Oh bitch, all I
gotta do is believe, and that'll unlock the real shit
that can fucking happen from me because I'm a witch,
bitch and I said I always bitch, and I said it,
(23:40):
you know, I said it. I can happen sim sim
solid Wake up, girls, It's so true.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
I don't even see like visions of me like like
just you know, like literally manifest that way, like I
I do believe in my core, like what is going
to happen within the next five years, even like I'm
like I know what is going to happen, like and
I feel it, like.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Put it down where you can see it, telling it,
telling me your auntie told you that, well, I will
well And when I'm watching you get an award for
for a movie or I'm seeing you do it. I
want you to say, you know what, and I want
to dedicate this award to my aunt that's out there, honey, somewhere.
I don't know where she is, but I know the
(24:26):
bitch is somewhere. Tis you told me the think. All
it took was a little bit of belief to unlock
the real power. This is for you. This is the power.
So now we're here, Adore, let's get into your villain era.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
Okay, all right, love this now.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Uh. You know, every outlaw gets labeled a villain at
some point, and often when you're just trying to live
your truth and do your best. Your villain era could
be a time you that people pleasing, a time you
stood up for yourself, or maybe you made a mistake
and maybe you did something that sparked some controversy, or
maybe the world just simply wasn't ready for you. What
(25:11):
was your villain era and what did you learn from it?
Speaker 2 (25:15):
I was in my villain era was probably like around
my like Saturn Return like twenty six to like thirty,
like that whole time period. I was just like done,
like I was It was after All Stars Too, when
I quit, and I had a conversation with Rue for
like two hours in his dressing room and we talked
about like the future and what I wanted, and I
(25:35):
just remember being like, I want to get this out.
It was before my second record. I was like, I
want to get this music out, and I just I
don't even want to do this anymore. And I moved
to Seattle, away from all my family, and I did
everything that I could to go against what I wanted,
and it was really fucked up. And I know it
was like you know what Saturn turn is right.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Like like that whole vibe, the retrograde.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Yes, it was like a weird like kind of like
it was during a lawsuit that I was going through
as well that was very public, and I just was
over it. I didn't want it anymore, like I remember, like,
and it kept getting bigger, like I felt like God
was like, well, this is what you asked for, and
I'm just like I didn't want any of it, like
at that time, So I would do like stupid shit
(26:21):
like get drunk or high on live and just like
talk shit about everything and just be like very ungrateful
for everything. That was happening for me. I felt sad
for that person, like like around twenty six years old, twenties, Yeah,
around twenty six it started happening turned down a lot
of dope opportunities that like, now that I'm like maturing
(26:45):
that I was, I would look back and be like,
I was very foolish for that. But I had to
go through that though, and I felt like if we're
talking villain or yeah, I didn't want to talk to
like my family like or anything. Like. I was just
so like cut off from real I didn't know how
to accept like all the like love or like anything
(27:05):
on tour or anything. I was just very drunk like
ninety percent of the time. Yeah, probably just that that
that era of just kind of like sabotaging my whole
career and just not wanting anything to do with it
and not really caring what anybody said. You tell me something,
I do the opposite, just like don't care. Like it
(27:27):
was really really really harmful to my career I think
in that time.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
But yeah, who gave you some of the best advice
during that time?
Speaker 2 (27:41):
Probably Rue, I would say, Yeah, I think looking back
at it now through the eyes of where I'm at now,
I really appreciate some of the things that he told
me because he was seeing it, he lived it. He
knew what was going to happen. Everything that he said happened. Yeah,
(28:02):
he gave me some really sound advice. You know, is
the sorceress to grow down down Scorpio down knows the future.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
You know, she's a sorcerers she is. She knew it all.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
She knew through the irises. But yeah, she gave really
good advice and asked about like my childhood and what
happened when I was seven. There was that was a
specific thing that I remember her asking me when I
sat in her by her makeup chair, and when we
had that, it was one on for almost two hours.
We went backstage when I was quitting All Stars.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
I remember, and I was so mad at you girl.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
I was so mad at myself for saying yes to that.
I was not ready. I had just lost my dad.
It was just like weird things that I wasn't. I
was heavy into alcoholism, Like it was like fucked up
time to just be like to go into that and
have it like microscoped and be celebrated for things that
I felt like I didn't really want to do, but
(29:00):
I felt more mad at the like opportunity that I
kind of took away from another girl and wasting Root's time.
I kept apologizing for that, but I do remember him saying, like,
what happened when you were seven? And then I told
him some like things that happened with my father and
I when I was seven, and then he was like
doing some like multiplication type of shit with my years
to come of, like every seven years, something's gonna happen
(29:22):
to you like that. It usually tends to happen if
you have, like he said, some crazy shit, because it
did end up like there was like a crazy lawsuit
that I ended up happening, and and things that God
or the whatever you believe in, Yeah, yeah, is gonna
is gonna uh test you and and see see how
(29:43):
much you have your back basically, like you have to
have your own back in this life. And and right
now you're you're killing an opportunity that can further you
and and distract you from all the things that are
happening that are bad in your life. And I was like, no,
I'm out, like I don't want it. And now that
I look back, I'm like he was really caring. He
really was, and I even remember him being like like
off camera, like are you sure, bitch, Like we have
(30:07):
some of these like some of these, like the challenges
were kind of like not in your favor, but you
can eat them up, like come on, And I'm like, no,
will you go back? Probably not? Probably not. It's a
whole different game now, it's a whole different game. Back
then you can go on Etsy and get a twenty
(30:29):
dollars dress and walk down the runway. Thank you Alaska
for setting that far. But it's like you could be
able to do that and show your charism, your charisma
and and and you know, show style. It was more
of like your style and drag as opposed to paying
like six to ten grand on a garment that goes
on the fucking met Gala, Like I'm not gonna that's
(30:52):
tax money.
Speaker 1 (30:53):
Like a door a door. Come on, you are Adore Delano.
I am coming back in this job in this era.
Don't you know that the girls will donate you gowns?
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Yeah, and I can if I can do it, but
it's like I don't. I look at things like what
am I gonna wear? Wear? When am I gonna wear
this again? Or when I'm bury that, like, I just
it's not my focus. I feel like I'm such a
different animal than that, and I think I've carved that
for me in the lane of of the trajectory of
(31:29):
my career, like gaining it back as a trans woman
and figuring out like what I want to do with
my life and and my my sights are that way,
and I feel like if I did go back, then
it would kind of light a new fuse to something
that I peacefully put out in respects. But okay, I
(31:51):
mean I don't know. Justin Bieber says never say never.
I hear never, But I mean I don't know.
Speaker 1 (31:56):
Like I feel like, girl, what if you went back
and then you win through all of the things and
then you do it, you do do a sickening Sasha
Colby girl and you just tear it up and win
two hundred thousand dollars.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
I could win it. I think I know I can
win it. Like even when I look, I'm like, no,
that's like that's the vibe, Like that's what I do.
That's what I do, But like it's it's just not
I don't know, it's just not my it's not in
me to like, I've never been a dress up girl. Like,
I'm very like, I'm a use the girl like, I'm
very like, yeah, very chill, laid back, bruh girl.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
Girl, you want to get very very Oh my god,
what's my girl name? Very witchy girl. I love her.
Lana del Ray Lana.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
We're both Scorpio Risings. Maybe that's the vibe. No, I
just like my whole like nineties Drew Barrymore vibe. Like,
I'm just very just like, I just roll with that.
I have my sights set on some different Okay, and
I know that that's gonna happen.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
Yes, I know it. I know it's gonna happen. Look
how you look, how you look, how you changed from
the from the I wanted to happen. Now it's I
know it.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
I'm gonna go to Michael's. I'm gonna get a fucking board.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
I want you to and I want you to take
a picture of yourself when you're happy, and you gotta
do it when you're happy, like you got. Don't just
go get no random pictures. So for you bitches out
there is watching the show, I'm teaching y'all some tricks
of the trade, Okay, this is the free ship. You
take a picture of yourself when you're you're at your happiest,
and you set that ship right there in the middle
(33:36):
of the board. You too, you set y'all. You set
that ship right there in the middle of the board.
And the things that you see for yourself, you put
it there. You write it. You you right, you get
down there, you write it on that board. You cut
pictures out of even if it's a picture like if
you saw a car drive by, you saw like because
that day yah vood ship is that's some ship that
(33:59):
we don't And those are recollections of moments of places
like damn, I have been here, Oh Paris boom. Let
me put daffel towel up here. Girl. You may be
doing a soulda show somewhere in front of the eye.
You don't know. But it's just that type of you
gotta believe again. All it takes is a little bit
(34:21):
of belief to unlock the real power. It will yes,
so now. An outlaw or a pariah in our culture
is often someone who ironically has their heart in the
right place, someone with the courage to speak up and
stand out and push back when it matters most the
guests on my show, The Outlaws are some of the
(34:41):
voices of our time. They are rebel hearts who are
challenging the status quo and making a difference. So tell
me about a cause that you're deeply about and how
can others join in on the movement.
Speaker 2 (34:53):
A cause that I'm deeply in about.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
I think.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
Just the importance of being a trans woman in America
right now and having so many transistors that are teaching me.
And because I'm still kind of a baby, yeah, like
well in my transition at least, like it's like I'm
being taught like daily. So I'm I'm here to listen
(35:25):
to all my transistors and make sure that I incorporate
a lot of the things that they are teaching me.
But I think now more than ever, it's really important
to be bold, be unapologetic, say what's on your mind,
be present, and yeah, just going back to being unapologetic.
(35:46):
I'm in a tea ferty relationship. I think it's.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Lesbian. Oh my god, I'm not lesbian.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
No, I'm gonna trans man.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Oh shit, Okay, because you know the girls start going
with the girls. No, this pussy and now you want
to lay down and be a damn dyke. No, no,
not doing as a dike over here.
Speaker 2 (36:18):
Welcome, we love it, so you transman, I am, yes,
And I think that the importance of that even like
I'm very like I love to be very I like
a mystique about me. I think that's a scorpio rising
in me. Like I love to like not show too
much online, but I do think now more than ever,
it is important to show how happy that I am
(36:40):
in that relationship and that like we both found each
other with the certain odds that were against us, and
kind of teach people just by our existence of just like,
you know, being happy. It's not like a normal to
a lot of people in middle of America to like
(37:01):
understand that. I would always say, like with American Idol
as well, like I loved that I was in their
living room with their family so they can have that
discussion of what a little gay boy was to their kids.
But I think with social media, especially now, just transvisibility
is really important not to sound all like you know,
(37:22):
I think.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
It's because they need there's not one version of us.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
Yeah exactly, there's not, you know, and.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
You living out loud allows other people to live out
there that's not to say put all your business on
social media, girl or whatever. But girl, you vlogging or
you walking around with your camera. See you know people,
your fans. You know there's a little girl out there
that's like, it's gonna watch this. Ooh, mommy, ooh. I
was her. Yeah, I resonate with her, you know. I see.
(37:52):
Our presence is our advocacy and us being visible visible
is our I said, I said President's advocacy. Being visible
is our ship activism. Okay, yeah, being visible is a
(38:13):
part of our activism because if they could silence us
and erase us like they're trying to do actively, girl, girl,
So us being present and being visible, that's the part
of that's the fight within it. That's that's just the
fight within itself. Stealth is great. Yeah, stealth is great
(38:38):
for you, it's great. Dealth is great. But to affirm
to a person out there, like girl, it's okay, you're here,
this is who you are. Live it. Godd On meet
you exactly how you are because God made you exactly
how you are.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
Absolutely. And I didn't even think of any of that
ship when I was like like coming out or anything.
And I was like transitioning behind the scenes and taking
my one miligram under them myself.
Speaker 1 (39:07):
But it's like I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
I didn't, I didn't think of that. I was kind
of cooking a little bit until like I got back
into like performing again. I do a lot of like
pride circuits. So it's like and then like you have
like the younger generation coming up to you being like yeah,
like I don't know if you know, but like this
has taught my son, or like this has taught my
daughter that like they can find love or they can
(39:29):
just like be themselves going to a fucking gas station
or or you know what I mean. But it's also
like b street smart as well, like know your surroundings.
I'm very kitty cat with that shit. Like my boyfriend's
such a fucking golden retriever boyfriend that he's like and
I'm like always knowing, like what is around you know,
protect yourself?
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Yeah, I was just gonna say, keep you some protection
on you.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
I don't want to say, but yeah, protect yourself.
Speaker 1 (39:55):
You know, I keep everybody really though, you have to
protect firearm everywhere, yeah, and a knife, a bat and everything. Amaze.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
It's almost something, it's almost something that I get or
even when I'm like walking at night or whatever, because
I like, like going on walks, you have to give
off like an energy and like people read energy, like
if you're feeling a type away from somebody, like you
(40:27):
give that back. You have to let them know, like
do not fuck.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
With me, yeah, or I will bitch, I'll fuck you
up in here. That literally that bitch, I fuck you
up out here. You may be walking on I may
be walking my dog, well, bitch, I'll fuck you up.
It's very that like I get you.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
I think I get that from my mom too, a
little bit for my dad. Like I remember when I
first started wearing makeup in school. I told my mom
that I might be a trans woman, and she was like,
you need to learn how to fight, Like you need
to learn how to fight back because I went to
a continuation school where it was all it was cholo down,
like it was gangster down, and my mom was like,
(41:05):
that is not going to go over well. Like so
my mom like was very She's not somebody that holds
back on what she feels. She's the liver as well.
My dad and my stopped out. Yeah, video, but I
had to learn how to fight with a house full
of boys. Like it's like, so I have that like switch,
like I always like just know your surroundings, live out loud,
(41:28):
but also let somebody know that, Like if you fuck
with me.
Speaker 1 (41:32):
Don't make me put my wig in a rubber baby,
don't make me I'm dad because I will fuck you
up here and I will. It's like, girl, like, I
don't know what you read? No books about the trainees,
the train I bitch, don't you. I don't know what
(41:57):
the fuck her a bitch? Listen, girl, It's.
Speaker 2 (42:00):
So true though, like living apologetically, but just no, let
them know, even with the energy and that, like okay,
like then we can you know, just know, just know.
It's just something you can, like eman, like you can
put that on, like you can give off an energy
of like I would. I don't don't do that.
Speaker 1 (42:18):
Yeah. Yeah, So we've gone to the the end of
our show, and the part of the show is that
I love it's ban it, bitch. Some people out here
are banning drag shows, LGBTQ, plus books and even our
very existence. But we're flipping the script. What's something you
would ban if you ran the world. Here's how it works.
(42:39):
We each get one minute to make our case for
what needs to go. The producers in the back will
keep track of time and call out when there's thirty
seconds and ten seconds left. Let me kick off and
show you how it's done. All right. My name is
TS Madison, and if I ran the world, I would
ban Oh god, we talked about this earlier. Or I
(43:02):
would band self doubt. Okay, I would completely band self doubt.
I think self doubt really stops the magic from happening
in people's life. I think what's holding so many people
back is the belief that they won't do it. It's
more believing in what they can't do do in instead
(43:26):
of believing what's for them. I think that there's so
many people out there who are so nasty and negative
in the comments because they've gotten into themselves. They believed
that it can't happen for you because it didn't happen
for them. Well, it didn't happen for you, bitch, because
you let self doubt creep up in you, bitch and
tell you that it can't happen for you. That's never
(43:47):
gonna happen for me.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
I know it.
Speaker 1 (43:49):
I don't know when, I don't know how. But I
know it, bitch, and I don't give a fuck with
nobody says self doubt, don't live here. That's that.
Speaker 2 (44:00):
I want to piggyback off of that. Okay, how about fear, Oh,
self fear. There's some to some degree, some fear is okay,
love a horror movie and all. But everything that I
feel is negative and holds people back from getting to
know one another is fear of the unknown, of of
(44:23):
holding themselves back again with taking that leave, asking the questions,
getting into the kind of like nitty gritty of like
the conversations that are scary to be had. I think
that's how I'm growing right now is to kind of
like like even when I said, like, oh, I'm on
(44:44):
the floor of the fucking bathroom before I film my scene,
I had to figure something out. Leave that fucking fear
on the floor, go in there and turn it. Like
without that, I would be fucked. I'd just be scared
pissing in the shower. But yeah, I would say I
would say self fear because something that helped me back
in a lot a lot of my life, and I've
witnessed that with my friends as well, holding back on
(45:05):
conversations because they're afraid of the outcome or what the
answers are going to get. That's the only way you're
gonna grow and and and be a chameleon in circles
with people that are going to help you with their knowledge.
We don't know everything, right, You got to ask thy neighbor, listen.
Speaker 1 (45:23):
Sometimes don't ask the naval bitch come to me. This
is for my auntie. That's right, that's right, saying honey
when she gets that Grammy, any motherfucker, goddamn golden globe
whatever it is, Yes, golden glow, whatever it is. She's
gonna say, I sat on that bitch podcast, and that
bitch showed me to command it to come to me.
Speaker 2 (45:46):
I think I'm kidding. I'm gonna do that because.
Speaker 1 (45:48):
That you would do. I told you in so many
command to come to you. The universes listen, Goddess, this
whatever is listening. And there are times that we we
we say to I don't I don't want I'm scared
of It's like, girl, yeah, I got all this shit
over here for you, and you're telling me, oh, child,
we got this, wake up, will come back to me
(46:09):
when you're ready. Yeah, And I'm like, no, I'm always ready,
open up the floodgates and give me what's not Give
me my guy, rain on me, Colleen, give me my God. Today, ladies, gentlemen,
this is Tis Madison. This is the Outlaws podcast and
this has been my guest, the beautiful, the lovely, the talented,
(46:33):
adored delo. Thank you, thank you for coming. I love you, baby,
I love you always. Outlaus is a production of the
Outspoken Network from iHeart Podcasts and Turtle Run Entertainment. Created
by Tyler Rabinowitz and Olivia Piece. I'm your host, Tis Madison.
(46:54):
We are executive produced by Tyler Rebnowitz, Maya Howard and
Tis Madison are some of Our producer is Jessica Krinchich
and our producers are Joey pat and Common Bra. Our
video editor is Tyler Rabinowitz and our sound editor is
Jes crinch. Our associate producer is Trent high Tower Special
thanks to our producer's assistant, Daniel Rabinowitz. Our theme song
(47:18):
is composed by Wazi merrit. Our show art is by
Pablo Martinina. Catch you next week, honey,
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