March 17, 2026 • 46 mins
In this episode of “Shrink This!,” Lisa tackles the thing most people are experts at avoiding: their own feelings. If emotions supposedly move through your body in about 90 seconds, why do we treat sadness, fear, and disappointment like they’re radioactive? Lisa, Nick, and Celia dig into the fear that if you start crying you’ll never stop, the urge to stay busy so you don’t have to feel, and the exhausting performance of being “fine” when you very much are NOT. They break down why bottling things up doesn’t make you strong — it just makes you weird later — and how avoiding discomfort turns small feelings into full-blown meltdowns. If you’ve ever powered through heartbreak, anxiety, or bad news like a champ, only to crash out at 2 a.m., this episode is your permission slip to stop white-knuckling life and to feel the damn feeling already.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.
She is a meddling advice giving yana and know it all,
and her words come from her head, her heart, and
often out of her ass. His podcast should not be
misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge
grain of salt for entertainment purposes only.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
These You need help, you're the problems.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Come on, come down, go leam, take a pill. I
think you're insane.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Do what I say, dumb ass, listen to me, you
Jesus Christ. And so it begins. It's starting early today.
Nix goop letty, Yes, stress the pain. The ends come
(00:58):
in with an idea for the pod and an interaction
with our quote producer Celia Dress adds right to the
beauty of Then my little interaction with Celia dovetails seamlessly
into our episode topic today. Hello, this is Lisa Lebanelli.
(01:21):
Welcome to Shrink This the podcast that's produced by a
needy bitch you I love, and another needy bitch is
a sidekick called nick Scope Eddy.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
Say hi, nick Yo, what's up baby?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I'm back.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
I know you thought Andrew Ginsburg was gonna stay here
being all hot.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
And shit, no, it's bo also and his Baby Blues
both Baby Blue Eyes braced us for two episodes, but
now you're back. I'm here, I'm You're just look so busy,
like girl, you are a gal.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
On the go of galas you do.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
You're always in a gown.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Just got diagnosed with lucky girls.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
And speaking of lgs, here is she won't even fish
Bampya our producer in the making Celia feeling. I feel
like you're trainable, kind of a trainee, Like, how do
you how do you feel? How do you feel today?
(02:21):
I feel good. I don't know. I think that's a
big lie because you're smiling through the pain. And I'll
tell you why I wanted to do an episode on
feeling one's feelings because I think everyone is afraid to
feel their feelings, and therefore they have things they do
to distract them. They have the addictions, they have the
pot they have all the things and oh, you were
(02:45):
thinking the distraction and I don't like it, and I
enjoy well, actually I don't enjoy feeling my feelings, but
I know it's the only way through them. Like they say, Nick,
the only way through them is not around them. It's
through them. Yes, girl, we're all so Celia. Now here's
our interaction that makes me think this is perfect to
(03:06):
talk about on the podcast about feeling one's feelings. No, no,
it's good. It's not an insult. You're always exposed. So
we're sitting in the little green room and we're just
chatting away, and she goes, oh, Harry Styles is hosting
SNL in a couple of days or a couple of
(03:26):
weeks or whatever it is. I guess by this time
this airs, it'll be already out there done and we
will not have been in the audience. And she says,
wouldn't it be nice if someone could help me get tickets?
And I was like, yeah, that'd be great for you.
I go, I don't want to help you because I
don't want to go like I even if like I
(03:48):
reached out to someone I knew there, which I don't
think it's ever a guarantee for someone like me to
get tickets. I don't. I don't think I'm famous enough.
I don't think they drop their phones or panties every
time I call. I do I like you think? So
I'm like, ah, there's no guarantee. But also I have
plans that night to go see a student of mine
in a legitimate play. So I don't want to be like, Hi,
(04:08):
Haley can't come because Celia zoom come. Who wants see
Harry Styles because she thinks she's gonna marry him. She's
delusional because she has LGS. So I said, Okay, I
don't want to go, and she goes, well, what about
just I could go by myself. So part of me
was like, what will Celia learn and benefit more from
(04:30):
going into the audience on a single ticket and seeing
Harry Styles or dealing with the feeling of disappointment that
she will feel not going. I think, arguably you will
grow more. And you know that's true. Don't even fucking lie.
(04:51):
Dealing with sadness and feelings of disappointment is more valuable
for the human experience. And when you're fifty years old
and finally have a brain in your fucking head, you'll
be like, you know, thank god Lisa gave me that
difficult lesson of learning to deal with disappointments. Now that
say someone dies, okay, I'm no stranger to being sad,
(05:14):
I'm no stranger to dealing with my feelings. Thank you.
Lisa posthumously. You're dead, Lisa, but thank you for not
getting me those SNL tickets to Harry Styles, do you
under don't don't start answering yet, fucking thanks for I
haven't think you know what it's like. It's like spoiling
(05:35):
your kids. Every parent out there nose they should They
shouldn't give their kids everything they want because it's a
temporary fix for the kid's discomfort. So when you have
a good parent, the good parent goes, Look, I know
it hurts that I'm taking away your Nintendo or your PlayStation.
I know it sucks that I'm not getting you the
latest iPhone. You have to learn to deal with sadness
(05:58):
and disappointment and man your feelings correctly. So, Celia, don't
you think it'll serve you more as a human to
not go see Harry Styles.
Speaker 5 (06:09):
The thing is is that I have not seen him
many times, and there have been many times, many times
that I have missed out on a Harry Styles experience
or many experiences.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Well, you know what the greatest thing is? Then this
will just be one more.
Speaker 5 (06:26):
Wait, why are you flipping on me? I'm not an
anxiety and night agree to do this almost you said
that you would do something.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
I mean, I would try, but I thought, wow, this
subject of the podcast really does tails nicely. And again
I've used the word dovetail twice. I deserve some rounds
of applause for that. I feel, why don't you just
learned the valuable lesson of sadness at eleven thirty. Here's
what we do eleven thirty on March fourteenth, which is
(06:58):
passed by the way and not gonna take me up
on this, so trust me, we didn't do it. I
think would be more valuable if we had a phone
call at eleven thirty as he's about to walk on
and do his monologue and say, Celia, I'm here for you.
Speaker 5 (07:13):
Be sad.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Cry It's okay, sounds terrible, No, it sounds fucking great
because you would grow as a human.
Speaker 5 (07:22):
I've done that. I had a traumatic traumatic childhood.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Maybe we wait, how about we do our next episode.
I'm playing the victim.
Speaker 5 (07:34):
And my point is that I've been disappointed a plenty.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Well, I guess this will just be one more time.
Speaker 5 (07:42):
Okay, Like, I like what, I'm not even expecting to
actually be there, so like, if if it did work,
then I would be so ecstatic like, and if it didn't,
I wouldn't be disappointed because I don't really expect to
be there already, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (07:58):
No, like my taste in the gutter.
Speaker 6 (08:02):
Either way, I should come with you.
Speaker 4 (08:05):
Put that way, you guys see, and Stephanie will accompany you.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
This is what you guys don't agree?
Speaker 5 (08:11):
We need one? Oh yeah, I said, I will literally never.
If there's something that bothers you about me, I will work.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
But I told her there's nothing that bothers me about her,
so she doesn't have to change anything. I'm not getting
anything out of this my happiness. That doesn't help me.
You're better on the show when you're a grumpy bitch
like this. I'm not grumpy now. I'm anxious, anxious. I
already told you, No you're anxious. No, you didn't anxious
(08:40):
is worry?
Speaker 5 (08:40):
You told me that you would.
Speaker 4 (08:41):
Maybe strong's don't do.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
It, Celia, shut off your mind from two seconds and
shut up, Nick, No, don't really shut it off. I'm
just kidding, Nick. Don't you think though, when it comes
to feeling feelings, it's valuable to go through the tough ones.
It is not valuable to numb oneself with different things
like ah, the pot, the drugs, the food, the hairy styles, binge. Yeah,
(09:13):
don't you think that adds to one's character?
Speaker 4 (09:16):
It definitely, I will say this, It absolutely helps to
feel the feelings. But I think, a you need practice
with it and be I think you need to know
how to navigate them. And I think that's where therapy
comes in because I've you know, I've been with my
guy a few years now, and I've noticed now when
I'm having feelings, I could just instead of going into
full and I feel acilia full, like anxious, I have
(09:39):
to fix this now, what's in your hand? You're having
these feelings? I will go more into like, all right,
let's sit here, figure it out and start like trying
your best to like just and now I can actually
get to a place where I could calm myself down
and start to reason with maybe why the things I'm feeling.
Sometimes it takes me like thirty minutes or so, which
(10:00):
isn't bad. I mean it's like, but I'm sitting there
and I'm actually like, are you really upset about this?
Or is it just because of this or is it
you know, etcetera, etcetera. That being said, if Sabrina Carpenter
was hosting US.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
So now you'd feel the same way.
Speaker 6 (10:17):
I feel just like Celia.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Oh it's so funny. Feel shit. Listen full spoiler alert.
I bet I'll end up dming one of the cast
members who I don't know well at all, because I
don't think I'm very famous anymore and probably never was
that famous anyway, So I'll probably end up doing it,
and then I'll have to see, here's the problem. Then
I'm gonna have to deal with the disappointment that he
(10:41):
goes who dis because so I'm suddenly happy to deal
with the sadness of being forgotten, the disappointment of oh wow,
he didn't remember when we met. That's sad to me,
but I fully embrace feeling my feeling because of my
age and also just knowing I've had enough work to
(11:04):
withstand the disappointment. I'll risk that in order to give
you an opportunity to maybe go to this show and
also avoid your feelings about this for another year. How's
that sound amazing?
Speaker 5 (11:18):
But can I say something?
Speaker 2 (11:19):
No? Yes?
Speaker 7 (11:20):
Go.
Speaker 5 (11:21):
You don't give yourself enough credit because you're.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
Such a media Start with the oh, Lisa.
Speaker 5 (11:27):
Is I open my mouth and then I get attacked.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
I shut up and go.
Speaker 5 (11:33):
I was just saying like, sometimes I'll be like my
friends are my Whoever I'm talking to you will be like, oh,
what kind of podcasts do you work? I'm like, oh,
Lisa Lampinelli, I know Lisa Lampinelli. She's hilarious.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Yeah. But but see, my ego isn't attached to it.
So I don't worry about that stuff too much. But
when it's in your face of like somebody going who,
then you'd feel like a dick, of course, But I
think what's good about it. I will take this as
an opportunity for me to grow if that should happen,
versus shoving an opportunity for you to go down your throat. Okay,
(12:07):
So I would rather me grow than be like, oh,
she's really not ready. She uws this. You view this
as some kind of abandonment by me to not do it,
and you view it as some kind of a diss
So I'll do it, but I'll then probably have to
deal with blind I'll do.
Speaker 5 (12:23):
It, view it as abandonment and a disk a little bit.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
You feel like kind of like, I don't think you're
an entitled person. I don't think you're an you owe
me kind of person. I think you would feel sad
if I didn't.
Speaker 5 (12:37):
I would why because I feel like it's just it's
like a favor and I.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Yeah, if I want it, which you're owed. No, not
at all.
Speaker 8 (12:49):
It's like, no, all I do is my job for you,
and I just feel like we have a good relationship
and you would kind of want to see me.
Speaker 5 (13:04):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
I think she just entitled it's m it's fine. Well,
this is how this shut up Celia? Is she? Actually
she You got to give her credit for this. She
somehow found out that some SNL members follow me, so
(13:25):
she like stalked a little.
Speaker 4 (13:27):
So it's like, you did your homework. I thought you
just assumed just because Lisa was a comic that she
has you know, I didn't think I get.
Speaker 5 (13:34):
My facts straight, okay, And I did that the.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Name names, and I was like, you're right, he does. Okay,
I get it, but then again, who held those I'm
always surprised when anyone remembers me and view it as
a cute little thing. I don't view it as like,
oh my god, my week is made, but like a
couple of weeks ago, I was reading Cameron Crowe's book.
I mean, I worship every movie he's ever done. Almost
Famous is my favorite movie of all time. You don't
(14:01):
have to insert you too, because no one cares. I
will say the book is moving me deeply. Because I
worked also at Rolling Stone, we are time there overlapped,
even though we never knew each other. I was just
a fact checker. He was this major writer but then
Almost Famous and oh my god, freaking Jerry Maguire come
on and all the rest. So I'm reading the book
(14:24):
and I was like, I'd be an asshole if I
didn't tell him this book was good as a DM,
but I don't expect him to get back to me.
So I was shocked when two days later he's like,
oh my god, this means so much, and this is
like my magic thing that somebody can say anything coming
from you that feels so good. So it's like giving
me a little status. So I'm like, I'm glad it's
not the old days where that would make my week
(14:45):
and make my month and be like, oh look at me,
like let's work on something together or something like that.
But I never assume anyone knows who I am, and
I think that's okay.
Speaker 5 (15:04):
My expectations should be in the gutter always, so then
you can be gladly surprised.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
But then maybe your Harry styles tickets.
Speaker 5 (15:13):
Expectations, expectations are in the gutter, so I wouldn't be
disappointed because I'm not even expecting anything.
Speaker 7 (15:19):
All Right, We're done with Harry's of the conversation. I'm
gonna DMN my friend friend, the person I met there,
I do know very well in original SNL writer Alan's Wybell.
He's in every fucking documentary we wrote my off Broadway
show together. He probably has limitless access to tickets.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
He's an old Jew and one of my old Jew favorites,
alansoy Bell him. I could ask, but I'm not going
with you, even if he says, yes, that's okay. I
hate going anywhere. I only like my place and then
my dogs and my activities in Connecticut.
Speaker 5 (15:59):
That does kind of me me sade, because I thought
that we could hang.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Out, but that was a belt. Shit didn't happen. No,
but I you go and Nick I go with you.
Speaker 6 (16:12):
You don't even care.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
We have a great time.
Speaker 5 (16:14):
But I was like, oh we could be girls together,
and like, oh, well, yes, not too, but can't we be.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Girls together at a different venue near my house at
some point? Sure? Okay, so that's what we'll do. Girl
thing Nick set a reminder for me to never invite her.
Speaker 6 (16:34):
I'm on it.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Uh so, girl, you just wrote that shit down, so
I'll do it. But I still is the subject of
this podcast. I object to the idea of people pushing
their feelings aside, and I'm not helping you grow. And
my feelings will be felt, and it's okay. I've had disappointments,
(16:56):
you know, I'm doing sadness. Eva erecked a couple of
weeks ago. That's why this topic even came up, because
I found it very valuable to feel my feelings. In
New York and Connecticut area, we had an epic amount
of snow this year, as you know, two storms that
were like twenty one inches or more. So my hot
(17:18):
water kept going out throughout the first storm. I'm lucky
enough that I have a heating company that comes over
and tries to help pretty quickly. But it went out
one night, late at night, and I was like, what's
this feeling? Because it didn't I wasn't angry at the storm.
(17:39):
I wasn't angry at the heating company. I wasn't angry
at the lack of hot water. I was like, why
do I feel so fucking sad about this? And I'm like, Oh,
because you have to do it all alone, because you're
responsible for everything in your own life, because you're solo.
(18:00):
You're scared because there is a fear that comes up
if you sit with your feelings, the actual feeling comes
up instead of trying to push it down. You're scared,
and it's an irrational fear that you will never have
this fixed, that this is gonna be a chronic problem,
you'll have to move, et cetera, et cetera. And I go,
let's just sit here with that fear. And I know
(18:22):
it's gonna sound you guys, be like, eh, you have
to befriend the feeling. You have to go make friends
with that fear and just sit there with it and
be like it's gonna be okay. And just within about
literally three four minutes, it's sort of loosened up, dissipated.
The little tiny bit of tears comes out. I'm like, okay,
(18:44):
So there was nothing to stuff, there was no way
to avoid it. So I feel like that when that
thing happens again, because it's bound to happen, another appliance
will go out or another thing will happen. I will
have had that valuable experience of feeling it and getting
through it and feeling like an adult for the first
time in a long time. Does this make sense to you, Nick?
Speaker 6 (19:07):
It does? I do everything alone as well?
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (19:09):
And when I go to ask and no to see
Harry Spire.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
You got that single ticket I sent you.
Speaker 6 (19:14):
Right, Yes, yeah, thank you?
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Hold on, who did you give the other ticket to?
Speaker 6 (19:17):
Oh? No, one? Okay, probably Stephanie.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Probably you know what you should do. You'd probably just
leave an empty seat because you're grothy. Okay, that okay,
sounds good.
Speaker 4 (19:26):
Yes, but yeah, I will say that. I I when
you when you just said about you having.
Speaker 6 (19:35):
I gotta do everything alone. It's always on me.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
I was sitting here going, yeah, like, it hit me
too with that's war like having for me, like feeling
your feelings and also having I don't know if I'm
going off topic, but having people to reach out to, yeah,
and share your feelings with and then like them be
like it's a It's a game changer for sure, to
(19:58):
feel fully supported like that. But yeah, when you said that,
I was like, I sat here and I just started
to like space out and think about all the times
I've had to do stuff alone.
Speaker 6 (20:06):
Yeah, because it sent men.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
And yet I recognize I am in a great position
because to have a heating company come out five times
in five days within an hour and a half, I mean,
that's really privileged. They're really good guys, and they I
felt sorry for them because they couldn't figure it out.
But I think the whole lesson was you realize the
capacity you have for feeling things and getting through it
(20:32):
versus while I stuffed those feelings or I called somebody
invented about it, or I covered I used to cover
it all and go to anger be like, these fucking guys,
how come they can't get a fix? It's like, seriously,
not their fault. And by the way, you're not really angry,
You're just sad. Even we're the same week, we had
a death in the family. But it was a death
(20:54):
in the family that wasn't someone I would see all
the time. It was someone who was more distant from me.
They lived half a country away, someone I wasn't directly
related to. What kind of and for some reason, maybe
because I live in my parents' house, maybe because I
feel like all the older people, people older than me,
(21:16):
are all disappearing all the especially the older women. I'm like,
where were those older women I used to look up
to so much? They're all got leaving one after another.
I was so struck with grief about this person, and
again I did everything right, reached out to the people
who had affected the most, sent very heartfelt letters. I had,
by the grace of some God or universe, had the
(21:40):
week before organized all my photos. I knew all where
her photos were, so I knew I could send them
to my sister in law who's closer to her. I
was like, oh my god, I did all the right things.
Now I just have to I'm not medicating with the
activity anymore of sending the things and writing the letters.
You just got to feel sad that this woman isn't
(22:01):
on earth anymore. And this was a woman who made
you feel like you counted, because it's weird when you
meet somebody only twenty twenty five times in your life
and they somehow get you. I just always thought she
got me and someone to look up to, because she
had a very cool life, very grounded, really a good person.
(22:24):
She wasn't complicated like my mother was fucking complicated, Like
she could yell in a second and be smile on
the next. This one was steady and emotionally sound. So
she was fucking more weary in this family. So I go, fuck,
I'm crying a lot over her, and I didn't know why,
but guess what, just by feeling it, I was like, well,
(22:47):
I don't have to care why I'm this upset about it.
You just get to be this upset about it. But
then it gives me the feeling of oh, and now
I have quote capacity to get through the next tough one,
the tougher ones, the people who were closer to me.
So I think just the whole step of not medicating
is great. But I get why it's so hard for
people to just sit there and you're just sitting there
(23:09):
and you think the crying is not going to stop,
but it does. You know, have you ever had that?
Speaker 6 (23:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (23:14):
I would say for me, it's mostly in romantic relationships,
like having to feel my feelings and then like like
that's like number one and then one A I would say,
would be speaking my truth. So like those go hand
in hand with like, cause the minute I don't speak
(23:35):
my truth or I'm holding on to something, it never
you think like by hiding it it's going to go away,
or by suppressing it it's going to be fine. I'm fine,
it's fine, right, and it never it comes out in
other ways, the person you're with can tell that you're
not even if you're like, yeah, it's good.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
So so even if you say something like hey, I'm
just really sad about something that happened at work.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
Yeah, you're saying if I was talking like my partner
or something like yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Like say you are in a romantic relationship and you're
like sad about something, or you're sad because your dad acted,
like however, yeah, instead of having it come out sideways
on to affect them, it's more like you have to say, yeah,
I'm just do you feel better when you just say
you feel sadly, it's so hard I think for tough
women like me or men like you to be like
(24:24):
I'm just sad.
Speaker 6 (24:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
I think it's taken me a while. It's taken me
a long time to be like being able to be
like I'm gonna speak my truth, but like the fear
of speaking your truth and it being rejected, or it's
sharing a feeling and it being rejected is so strong
that you'll just shove it down and it doesn't help anything,
(24:48):
and you're not feeling anything, you're not sharing wire. But
anytime I've been direct and I'm like, you know, I'm
upset about this thing, but also like it's this thing.
Speaker 6 (24:59):
Happened with my dad.
Speaker 4 (25:00):
So I don't really know if I'm just like nitpicking
or just like finding something else to be mad at,
because I can't getting mad at him as a dead end.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
So you saying you would maybe deflect and like if
you're sad about something, to take it out on somebody else.
Speaker 4 (25:14):
Yeah, I don't. I don't do that, but I can
sense when I'm starting to get there. I don't get
there much ever. I'm pretty good of like, feel your
shit and you got to handle it right. But I
think being open and honest and just being like, yeah,
I'm having a bunch of feelings today, but I think
it's just because of you know, what happened with my
(25:34):
dad earlier in the week, and right now I'm like
looking for fights or looking for reasons to get mad
or feel.
Speaker 6 (25:41):
Like being screwed out of something.
Speaker 4 (25:43):
It's just like you're literally trying to find like adrenaline
hits or dopamine hits or just like that's what I find.
For me, I don't let it get there, but I
can sense and I'm starting to yep. It's like I'm
looking for someone to punch in the head.
Speaker 6 (25:58):
I feel like we have.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
To make because we want to distract from that hard feeling,
because I think for us, the hardest feelings are sadness, fear,
disappointment because I'm an any gram eate, which is like
a badass and tough, so it's hard to like accept
like saying the words I'm sad to somebody, and it's
very few people you can say that too, because also
(26:20):
I never want to say that to people who are
going to say, oh, don't be sad or oh you
don't have to feel that way. It's like, no, just
shut the fuck up. Then you get like mad at them.
So you have to use decisionment who you share anything with.
Like my friend Bobby for sure can just sit in
it with you. My friend Bonnie, she can sit in it.
(26:41):
She always says I'm sorry, and that feels good, like
she knows none of this is about her, but it's like, mom,
I'm sorry you have to go through that.
Speaker 4 (26:49):
Yeah, I used to think again back to romantic relationships.
I used to think that a woman sharing her feelings
with me was heard dumping them on me and saying
fix this or you're doing something wrong, because that's how
my grandmother was with me towards it. It was just
she didn't have anyone else and she would just unload
(27:10):
on me, and to me, it was like the worst,
and it like ruined our relationships. So like it took
me a while to learn, like no, like and again
this is specifically romantic relationships, but like, if a woman
sharing her feeling, that's.
Speaker 6 (27:23):
How women connect.
Speaker 4 (27:24):
She's sharing her feelings with you and you don't have
to do anything. You just gotta be like when you
talk about Bonnie, I'm really sorry.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Yeah that's really hard.
Speaker 6 (27:32):
Dont need to try to fix you don't need to.
Speaker 4 (27:34):
They don't want a fucking solution.
Speaker 6 (27:36):
Well you know what you should do? Who the fuck
wants to hear?
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Like you just sit here with me, just want to
be witnessed. They I always say, if I want advice,
probably I thought of it or any because I'm fucking great,
But like, I'll like ask The other day I had
found I'm doing all this organization at home. I found
like five boxes of like old performances on VHS, EVD,
(28:03):
all this stuff, and I was like, I kind of
want to throw them all away, but I don't know
if I want to. And that's I was having feelings
about them, only about certain ones of them that I
didn't have a good experience doing them. And it wasn't
that the product sucked. It was just like, oh God,
remember that fucking episode was so hard and we got
(28:25):
in a fight or whatever it was. So I was like, oh,
I just was sitting there and I'm like, this is
too complicated to solve. I'll just organize them and leave
them there for now. But I was at lunch with
my friend Anthony, who's deep, and I was just like, Hey,
I'm gonna ask you advice, so I don't mind. I'll
tell you if I want advice. He's great at just
sitting with it and being like, yeah, i'd be conflicted too,
(28:47):
or yeah, that sucks to be conflicted about old things,
old items around the house that you don't know if
you could get rid of. But fucking advice. People will
ask if they want to know, and that's a one
by the way of not feeling your own feelings out
there is freaking solving somebody else's problem and say yours.
(29:09):
So it's like, instead of feeling sad and in the
uncomfortable sadness with them, you try to advice, give and
fix them, but don't look at yourself. It's like, well,
why can't you just sit there? Because that is hard
to just sit there.
Speaker 4 (29:21):
It is tough, but you need in need to trust me.
There were times where I was going through it and
I luckily had like a therapist. I was like, no, no, no,
you need to do this because you've been avoidant or
running away from these things your whole life, and you
will continue. The pattern will continue. There were moments where
I was like, this is insane. I can't just keep
(29:42):
doing this, and like because it felt so so like,
I was like, there has to be this is dumb.
Speaker 6 (29:48):
Maybe he's i'ma but like now that I'm through.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
It, it's I'm like, oh, Okay, now I get it.
Speaker 6 (29:57):
Did you wher?
Speaker 2 (29:58):
They'll have like where you're vulnerable and stuff and then
quote regret it or feel like a hangover. Like where
you're just like, oh shit, like I shared too much.
They know I'm fucking gay with a guy. Would be like, oh,
my friend's thinking of a fucking fag now, no.
Speaker 6 (30:17):
No, I would.
Speaker 4 (30:18):
Yeah, I have that because again, I have a great
network of friends, and I reach out and I talk
to my friends.
Speaker 6 (30:23):
But there are moments when like I'm out of that.
Speaker 4 (30:26):
Crisis mode or how I'm feeling, and I'm like, oh,
maybe I maybe that was too much. I should have
kept that, yeah, Like I should have kept that in.
But at the same time it's like, well, that's not
what you chose to do, and like it was helpful
at the time, right, and all these things. But there
are moments where I'm like, I should have shared less.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Yeah, because I remember bottling it up so much as
a kid where it all started. Everything starts there that
I remember my grandfather died suddenly, like it was sudden.
It was maybe here's maybe fifty something, and that is shocking.
I was like thirteen, and I just for some reason,
I already had the role in the family where I
(31:05):
don't show emotion. Okay, so wake comes, I don't cry
all the days leading up to it, don't write back
in those days, you'd have a wake for two to
three days, for like hours, and you'd just be sitting there.
I was like, they're all crying. I'm not gonna like
something internal. And I remember the day of the funeral.
(31:28):
I guess they had asked me and my sister because
we were like in folk group at church. Oh it
was the seventies, now it was the eighties or whatever,
to like we had to sing a song or something
in wedding or excuse. At the funeral, I could not
open my mouth. I just started sobbing on the stage
in front of everybody. And I was like, Oh, that's
(31:49):
what you get when you bottle it up. That was
the early lesson of like if it had just come
out slowly. And I remember years later, I was so
proud of my niece Emily, who my mother asked her
to sing at my father's funeral. Yeah, and Joe's I'll
do it, but I have to have a friend with
me who's like singing it with me, and I might
(32:09):
have to turn my back. And my mother's of course like, yeah,
that's fine. So I think the knowing what you need,
asking for the help, plus just going let it out
in little manageable ways. Then it doesn't back up on
you like it did. So it's an early lesson which
I should have learned at thirteen, but how many years later,
fifty fucking years later. No, it's like sitting there in
(32:32):
the house going I'm just scared I'll never have hot
water again, and being able to cry over it and
going then the logic can surface. I think the problem
is we try to logic our way out first. Yes,
we try to go, well, what I'm really feeling is this,
And it's fine because like I really just grateful that
I have been heating guys to come over, and how
about you just feel it ninety seconds too out whatever
the fuck it takes, and then now let's plan. Yeah,
(32:55):
now it's okay. I get to after the other day,
someone on a group call for my coaching course said
something I didn't like that hurt my feelings, and I
know he meant it as a joke, and I was
pretty quickly able to get to compassion because I was like, oh,
we're so the same. He wants it to be seen,
so do I. He's heartbroken because he never had the
career he wanted, so am I, you know? And I
(33:17):
was able to get but not without feeling for like
ten minutes of going well, I'm really hurt.
Speaker 6 (33:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
So I think the lesson is a feel your fucking feelings.
They're not going to kill you. Yeah, reach out to
do it. And speaking of reaching out, I hope by
this time Celia has either dealt with the disappointment of
not seeing Harry Styles, but I will have reached out
(33:44):
to my two contacts as unimportant as they are at
SNL and tried to get her a single ticket, and
she will not have to deal with her pain and misery.
Speaker 4 (33:55):
Dear Lisa, Sometimes, after a really hard day with my
four kids, want to close my This is funny. I
close my bedroom door for kids' nuts. When I close
my bedroom door and cry, Amen, the stress is too
much and I need to release it. When this happens,
I catch myself and say, come on, you're stronger than this,
which is better in the long run crying my crying
(34:17):
my eyes out, or rising above it. Thanks Dawn in Naugatuck, Connecticut.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Listen, Dawn, first move out of Naugatuck Cadecte knows obviously.
I think you know the right answer, Dawn, but I'll
spell it out for those who don't, who wouldn't be
allowed a few tears after a tough day, Who would
ever look at a woman, man, child, anything and say
(34:46):
how weak of them? I personally feel a good, well
placed teer a good cry. They call it a good cry.
They don't call it a bad cry. Hey, I had
a bad cry. No you didn't. The cry was good.
It was terrific. Now that being said, if you're doing
this for too long or too much of a stretch
(35:07):
of time, you go to yourself. Should I really be
locked in my bathroom for four hours sobbing? No, that's complicated.
That's where you have to get it fucking sussed out
and talk to somebody about it and find out if
this is weird? Do I have depression? Do I have
something clinical going on with me? Does my counturt? You
may have a uti. I'd be crying over that been there,
(35:29):
ooh girl hurt. I don't have to squirt all the time.
So just it's I say, though, if it's not big
and complicated, if it's that little tearful thing, get it
out and then know the strength to go back to
your kids. Because what does she say? Power through it?
(35:49):
Should she just be able to let pa.
Speaker 6 (35:51):
Should she uh, what's better?
Speaker 7 (35:54):
She as?
Speaker 4 (35:54):
What's better than the long one? Crying her eyes out?
Or rising above it?
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Oh, because there's no such thing as rising upon it.
You can't because you have to you just cry. Or
if you think you rise above it, you're gonna take
it out on somebody else. Oh yeah, you're gonna hit
a kid. God forbid, you're gonna freaking throw one out
right in the fucking window, a high rise window.
Speaker 4 (36:15):
Sometimes you gotta set the tone.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
But you have four kids, so one of them's gotta go,
maybe one of them out of well placed window.
Speaker 5 (36:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (36:24):
Who do you think will be the least successful?
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Yeah, that's what I always thought, will be the one
who needs the least education, because then you save money.
So say I had four kids. One was a little
quote special. Maybe you figured what's the best they can
do in life? Maybe b I don't know. The guy
who sweeps up the hair at the salon. He's not
even gonna get the haircutter, he's just gonna get to
(36:48):
sweep up at the hair salon. Well that's the kid
you keep because you don't have to put them through college.
Get rid of the Harvard kid. See everybody thinks you kill.
Killing the right kid is the right skill to develop.
So Dawn either acts the smartest kid out the window
we goes, or have your little cry because there you
(37:10):
cannot rise above feelings. You have to go through it.
Am I right?
Speaker 6 (37:18):
When she's right, She's right.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Shut the fuck up the next letter, you asshole. Have
you ever done that?
Speaker 8 (37:24):
Nick?
Speaker 2 (37:24):
Though, I always have the tiniest little cry and then
it's done.
Speaker 4 (37:29):
It depends sometimes I let myself cry. I don't really
even if I'm alone.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
I'm just like I've seen any fags.
Speaker 4 (37:35):
Yeah, I mean it depends only when my food's late.
I'm looking at myself on the camera. I look like shit. No,
I was looking at my eyes, look like Uncle Fester.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
You should be crying at that.
Speaker 4 (37:47):
Tired, all right. I was just like feeling my feelings
all night and then I jerked off to a Harrus
dowlesvideo this morning.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
So night so Celia what he called me. It was
really fun in that conversation.
Speaker 4 (38:00):
Okay, go ahead, Hi Lisa, Hi, I'm Eric. I've been
in therapy for a year, and I still panic every
time I feel a strong emotion. I've built excuse me,
an entire identity around being too the unbothered guy who
makes jokes and keeps things light. But underneath that, I
(38:21):
feel like a shaken soda can. Yeah, how do I
start showing up more authentically without blowing up my friendships
or seeming needy? Eric thirty years old, Seattle, Washington.
Speaker 2 (38:33):
Nick, this is a question built for you because you
had that identity and have the identity of mister mirth
I think the title of your one hour comedy special
should be Mirthy and Girthy mixed scope of any special
on no network will buy this.
Speaker 6 (38:51):
That's right, So iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
You are a more serious guy now in the right ways.
You show your feelings to your real friends. Like I said,
you've cried, which I fully was thrilled. I was like, Oh,
finally he's showing us who he is. But yet you
still have that mirthfulatitude with people. You're still really fun.
(39:15):
How do you navigate the balance because this guy as
the chill guy who just always makes people happy, it's
going to implode on him. He's gonna have a heart attack,
he's gonna have shit his pants. Shit your pants is
worse than being the serious guy. Something in your pants
is cool, just pee, but don't shit your pants. So
how did you sort of as you got more aware
(39:36):
and knew the feelings had to be felt, how did
you shift it.
Speaker 4 (39:38):
I don't think I have it all, to be honest,
I just don't think I have it all figured out yet.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
I better no one would think you do.
Speaker 6 (39:44):
I know, but a lot of people do.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
No, they don't not.
Speaker 6 (39:47):
I actually have lgs.
Speaker 4 (39:49):
The lucky guileless. So I don't think I have it
all figured out. I think I'm still learning, but I
definitely definitely you just kind of keep you See, he's
been in therapy for a year. I've been in it
for I don't know four, and we're it's still just
keep going. I really don't have any like cool like
this is how I figured it out. Yeah, it takes
(40:12):
trial and era. Just like the things I was talking
about before. It took a million times of me not
speaking my truth or sharing my real feelings and then
everything blowing up to shit for me to be like,
all right, right, this doesn't work, you know what I mean.
It's just they they'll figure it out. When they figured
it out. You can tell them all that. You could
give them all the advice and say all the shit.
(40:32):
But and he just has to keep going.
Speaker 2 (40:34):
And he also has to just keep showing up authentically
in safe places. There's gonna be places where you're not
going to be able to and people who you're never
going to be able to be vulnerable in front of,
never going to be able to be like, yeah, I
know I'm usually in a good mood, but I'm sad today.
But there's like one or two people that maybe you
can try it with, yeah, and then maybe then they
(40:56):
get more authentic too. And that's huge when someone feels permission,
Like if someone you crying in front of me makes
me feel like I don't have to put on a
brave face all the time in front of you. So
that's vulnerability. That's how real friendship or relationships happen. So
he just has to keep putting it out there, like
(41:17):
a little like that that thing in the water, You
just go, I'm going to cast and see if it
takes hold, and if it doesn't with the right people,
like dude, what happened to you? It used to be
so much fun. It's like, well, I'm not that much
fun anymore. And then you take out a fucking gun
and you kill everyone, and especially the fourth child. He's
going to Harvard and has lucky girls.
Speaker 6 (41:37):
Listen, guys, you heard it here first.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
Okay, kill your young Thank you, good night, God bless
us all.
Speaker 6 (41:45):
We got one more.
Speaker 4 (41:55):
Dear Lisa. I've been a huge fan of yours for years,
and you're calming has gotten it.
Speaker 6 (42:00):
For some really tough time.
Speaker 4 (42:02):
I doubt that, so thank you. Whenever I find myself
down and depressed, I always turned to comedy and the
laughter brings me out of my dark place. My sister,
on the other hand, watches sad movies when she's down
and has a good cry. Which do you think is healthier?
Thanks Simone, Chicago, Illinois.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
Oh, my gon Simone. First of all, that is a
French name, and I don't approve of the French, so
I'm shocked I'm even going to answer this. Yeah, but
I will say I think both are healthy as little
outlets to express that and not to be up. Cameron
Crows ask too much, but he does this from what
he talks in the book about a feeling he has
(42:41):
from childhood. And I love this called happy sad, which
is that bitter sweet thing where you just like to
feel sad a little and you're a little happy. The
sadness is there. It's nostalgia, and I'm like, oh, I
get that. You listen to a certain song and it's
like you're kind of happy to be sad and you
can get it out. Sometimes ow a song will come
(43:05):
up on a playlist that I'm like, oh God, that
reminds me of such and such or my parents, I
can't listen that, and they go, wait a minute, let's
see if you can get through it. Let's see if
this is something you can listen to now and have
the right kind of happy sad feeling about. And I go, oh,
I got through that again. I'm sick of the word,
but showing you now have the capacity to withstand it,
(43:26):
and then the next time it's not so hard. So
I think whichever way you get through it is fine.
It's just really up to you to not get then
stuck in it. I think the feelings have to move through,
and both of them are getting unstuck because of it.
They're not sitting there watching twelve sad movies in a row,
or just twelve comedy specials and not washing their ass
(43:49):
and getting to work. You freaking are living a life,
and this is a way of accessing that stuff.
Speaker 4 (43:55):
Yeah, I personally, I never I don't go to comedy
when I'm sad or anything like that.
Speaker 6 (44:03):
I'll go right I.
Speaker 4 (44:04):
Like exposing myself weirdly, as someone who has spent most
of his life not feeling feelings about certain things, I'll
go right to a sad thing just to like just
to like get it out. It's like, it's kind of
what you said in the earlier to the guy about
the letter, like practicing opening up to certain people. That's
what that is for me. It's like my own private
(44:26):
way of like just trying out a feeling. Like and
I know there's certain episodes of certain shows where things
like really get me or I know, oh this is
gonna be tough, and I just like kind of sit
there and deal with it. And honestly it helps because
then like you're less I feel like it's you know,
it's not obviously it's not a real thing you're going through,
(44:48):
but it helps build up a little bit of like
a callous to get through the next thing.
Speaker 2 (44:54):
I feel, Yeah, you're not scared of the next time
it happens. Yeah, like I said, with this recent death
in the family. It's like, oh wow, I got through that.
I'll have capacity for the next time that it's someone
even more close. And I don't like it, and I'm
not happy about it. I'm not happy these involuntary, dramatic
things happen in our lives, but you got to kind
(45:15):
of get ready for it, because you know, other than me,
no one's getting any younger. I'm clearly reversing time.
Speaker 6 (45:22):
I am Celia's reverse Cowgirls.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
She's like, How'd I get roped into this? No pun intended?
Speaker 6 (45:33):
Or what if Harry Styles wanted it?
Speaker 2 (45:37):
Oh? I wonder if there's a guy speaking of not
feeling anything, if there's a guy who would be worth
anal like it for me? Yeah, Harry Styles? Okay, all right.
Speaker 6 (45:51):
Wow honestly for me.
Speaker 2 (45:54):
Same Well we agree on a lot. Folks, fail your
feelings and put Harry suace Cock right word it in
your buttole okay peg me. Sabrina Carpenter, Oh my god,
I officially am retiring from this podcast. I hate my
(46:14):
two people, so thank you very much.
Speaker 5 (46:16):
We did.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
Hey, Nick, where can they Where can they listen? Why
don't you do your little outro?
Speaker 4 (46:21):
You?
Speaker 6 (46:22):
Hey listen?
Speaker 4 (46:22):
If you guys want no, you have to.
Speaker 6 (46:25):
You have to.
Speaker 4 (46:27):
You listen to us Shrink This on the iHeartRadio app
or wherever you get podcasts. You can also email us,
Like we said, shrink This show at gmail dot com.
Follow Lisa Lampinelli, follow Celia, follow me at nix scopes
on Instagram, the tiktoks, and uh We'll see you guys
at snl if you want to
Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.
She is a meddling advice giving yana and know it all,
and her words come from her head, her heart, and
often out of her ass. His podcast should not be
misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge
grain of salt for entertainment purposes only.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
These You need help, you're the problems.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Come on, come down, go leam, take a pill. I
think you're insane.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Do what I say, dumb ass, listen to me, you
Jesus Christ. And so it begins. It's starting early today.
Nix goop letty, Yes, stress the pain. The ends come
(00:58):
in with an idea for the pod and an interaction
with our quote producer Celia Dress adds right to the
beauty of Then my little interaction with Celia dovetails seamlessly
into our episode topic today. Hello, this is Lisa Lebanelli.
(01:21):
Welcome to Shrink This the podcast that's produced by a
needy bitch you I love, and another needy bitch is
a sidekick called nick Scope Eddy.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
Say hi, nick Yo, what's up baby?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I'm back.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
I know you thought Andrew Ginsburg was gonna stay here
being all hot.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
And shit, no, it's bo also and his Baby Blues
both Baby Blue Eyes braced us for two episodes, but
now you're back. I'm here, I'm You're just look so busy,
like girl, you are a gal.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
On the go of galas you do.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
You're always in a gown.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Just got diagnosed with lucky girls.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
And speaking of lgs, here is she won't even fish
Bampya our producer in the making Celia feeling. I feel
like you're trainable, kind of a trainee, Like, how do
you how do you feel? How do you feel today?
(02:21):
I feel good. I don't know. I think that's a
big lie because you're smiling through the pain. And I'll
tell you why I wanted to do an episode on
feeling one's feelings because I think everyone is afraid to
feel their feelings, and therefore they have things they do
to distract them. They have the addictions, they have the
pot they have all the things and oh, you were
(02:45):
thinking the distraction and I don't like it, and I
enjoy well, actually I don't enjoy feeling my feelings, but
I know it's the only way through them. Like they say, Nick,
the only way through them is not around them. It's
through them. Yes, girl, we're all so Celia. Now here's
our interaction that makes me think this is perfect to
(03:06):
talk about on the podcast about feeling one's feelings. No, no,
it's good. It's not an insult. You're always exposed. So
we're sitting in the little green room and we're just
chatting away, and she goes, oh, Harry Styles is hosting
SNL in a couple of days or a couple of
(03:26):
weeks or whatever it is. I guess by this time
this airs, it'll be already out there done and we
will not have been in the audience. And she says,
wouldn't it be nice if someone could help me get tickets?
And I was like, yeah, that'd be great for you.
I go, I don't want to help you because I
don't want to go like I even if like I
(03:48):
reached out to someone I knew there, which I don't
think it's ever a guarantee for someone like me to
get tickets. I don't. I don't think I'm famous enough.
I don't think they drop their phones or panties every
time I call. I do I like you think? So
I'm like, ah, there's no guarantee. But also I have
plans that night to go see a student of mine
in a legitimate play. So I don't want to be like, Hi,
(04:08):
Haley can't come because Celia zoom come. Who wants see
Harry Styles because she thinks she's gonna marry him. She's
delusional because she has LGS. So I said, Okay, I
don't want to go, and she goes, well, what about
just I could go by myself. So part of me
was like, what will Celia learn and benefit more from
(04:30):
going into the audience on a single ticket and seeing
Harry Styles or dealing with the feeling of disappointment that
she will feel not going. I think, arguably you will
grow more. And you know that's true. Don't even fucking lie.
(04:51):
Dealing with sadness and feelings of disappointment is more valuable
for the human experience. And when you're fifty years old
and finally have a brain in your fucking head, you'll
be like, you know, thank god Lisa gave me that
difficult lesson of learning to deal with disappointments. Now that
say someone dies, okay, I'm no stranger to being sad,
(05:14):
I'm no stranger to dealing with my feelings. Thank you.
Lisa posthumously. You're dead, Lisa, but thank you for not
getting me those SNL tickets to Harry Styles, do you
under don't don't start answering yet, fucking thanks for I
haven't think you know what it's like. It's like spoiling
(05:35):
your kids. Every parent out there nose they should They
shouldn't give their kids everything they want because it's a
temporary fix for the kid's discomfort. So when you have
a good parent, the good parent goes, Look, I know
it hurts that I'm taking away your Nintendo or your PlayStation.
I know it sucks that I'm not getting you the
latest iPhone. You have to learn to deal with sadness
(05:58):
and disappointment and man your feelings correctly. So, Celia, don't
you think it'll serve you more as a human to
not go see Harry Styles.
Speaker 5 (06:09):
The thing is is that I have not seen him
many times, and there have been many times, many times
that I have missed out on a Harry Styles experience
or many experiences.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Well, you know what the greatest thing is? Then this
will just be one more.
Speaker 5 (06:26):
Wait, why are you flipping on me? I'm not an
anxiety and night agree to do this almost you said
that you would do something.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
I mean, I would try, but I thought, wow, this
subject of the podcast really does tails nicely. And again
I've used the word dovetail twice. I deserve some rounds
of applause for that. I feel, why don't you just
learned the valuable lesson of sadness at eleven thirty. Here's
what we do eleven thirty on March fourteenth, which is
(06:58):
passed by the way and not gonna take me up
on this, so trust me, we didn't do it. I
think would be more valuable if we had a phone
call at eleven thirty as he's about to walk on
and do his monologue and say, Celia, I'm here for you.
Speaker 5 (07:13):
Be sad.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Cry It's okay, sounds terrible, No, it sounds fucking great
because you would grow as a human.
Speaker 5 (07:22):
I've done that. I had a traumatic traumatic childhood.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Maybe we wait, how about we do our next episode.
I'm playing the victim.
Speaker 5 (07:34):
And my point is that I've been disappointed a plenty.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
Well, I guess this will just be one more time.
Speaker 5 (07:42):
Okay, Like, I like what, I'm not even expecting to
actually be there, so like, if if it did work,
then I would be so ecstatic like, and if it didn't,
I wouldn't be disappointed because I don't really expect to
be there already, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (07:58):
No, like my taste in the gutter.
Speaker 6 (08:02):
Either way, I should come with you.
Speaker 4 (08:05):
Put that way, you guys see, and Stephanie will accompany you.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
This is what you guys don't agree?
Speaker 5 (08:11):
We need one? Oh yeah, I said, I will literally never.
If there's something that bothers you about me, I will work.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
But I told her there's nothing that bothers me about her,
so she doesn't have to change anything. I'm not getting
anything out of this my happiness. That doesn't help me.
You're better on the show when you're a grumpy bitch
like this. I'm not grumpy now. I'm anxious, anxious. I
already told you, No you're anxious. No, you didn't anxious
(08:40):
is worry?
Speaker 5 (08:40):
You told me that you would.
Speaker 4 (08:41):
Maybe strong's don't do.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
It, Celia, shut off your mind from two seconds and
shut up, Nick, No, don't really shut it off. I'm
just kidding, Nick. Don't you think though, when it comes
to feeling feelings, it's valuable to go through the tough ones.
It is not valuable to numb oneself with different things
like ah, the pot, the drugs, the food, the hairy styles, binge. Yeah,
(09:13):
don't you think that adds to one's character?
Speaker 4 (09:16):
It definitely, I will say this, It absolutely helps to
feel the feelings. But I think, a you need practice
with it and be I think you need to know
how to navigate them. And I think that's where therapy
comes in because I've you know, I've been with my
guy a few years now, and I've noticed now when
I'm having feelings, I could just instead of going into
full and I feel acilia full, like anxious, I have
(09:39):
to fix this now, what's in your hand? You're having
these feelings? I will go more into like, all right,
let's sit here, figure it out and start like trying
your best to like just and now I can actually
get to a place where I could calm myself down
and start to reason with maybe why the things I'm feeling.
Sometimes it takes me like thirty minutes or so, which
(10:00):
isn't bad. I mean it's like, but I'm sitting there
and I'm actually like, are you really upset about this?
Or is it just because of this or is it
you know, etcetera, etcetera. That being said, if Sabrina Carpenter
was hosting US.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
So now you'd feel the same way.
Speaker 6 (10:17):
I feel just like Celia.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Oh it's so funny. Feel shit. Listen full spoiler alert.
I bet I'll end up dming one of the cast
members who I don't know well at all, because I
don't think I'm very famous anymore and probably never was
that famous anyway, So I'll probably end up doing it,
and then I'll have to see, here's the problem. Then
I'm gonna have to deal with the disappointment that he
(10:41):
goes who dis because so I'm suddenly happy to deal
with the sadness of being forgotten, the disappointment of oh wow,
he didn't remember when we met. That's sad to me,
but I fully embrace feeling my feeling because of my
age and also just knowing I've had enough work to
(11:04):
withstand the disappointment. I'll risk that in order to give
you an opportunity to maybe go to this show and
also avoid your feelings about this for another year. How's
that sound amazing?
Speaker 5 (11:18):
But can I say something?
Speaker 2 (11:19):
No? Yes?
Speaker 7 (11:20):
Go.
Speaker 5 (11:21):
You don't give yourself enough credit because you're.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
Such a media Start with the oh, Lisa.
Speaker 5 (11:27):
Is I open my mouth and then I get attacked.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
I shut up and go.
Speaker 5 (11:33):
I was just saying like, sometimes I'll be like my
friends are my Whoever I'm talking to you will be like, oh,
what kind of podcasts do you work? I'm like, oh,
Lisa Lampinelli, I know Lisa Lampinelli. She's hilarious.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Yeah. But but see, my ego isn't attached to it.
So I don't worry about that stuff too much. But
when it's in your face of like somebody going who,
then you'd feel like a dick, of course, But I
think what's good about it. I will take this as
an opportunity for me to grow if that should happen,
versus shoving an opportunity for you to go down your throat. Okay,
(12:07):
So I would rather me grow than be like, oh,
she's really not ready. She uws this. You view this
as some kind of abandonment by me to not do it,
and you view it as some kind of a diss
So I'll do it, but I'll then probably have to
deal with blind I'll do.
Speaker 5 (12:23):
It, view it as abandonment and a disk a little bit.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
You feel like kind of like, I don't think you're
an entitled person. I don't think you're an you owe
me kind of person. I think you would feel sad
if I didn't.
Speaker 5 (12:37):
I would why because I feel like it's just it's
like a favor and I.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
Yeah, if I want it, which you're owed. No, not
at all.
Speaker 8 (12:49):
It's like, no, all I do is my job for you,
and I just feel like we have a good relationship
and you would kind of want to see me.
Speaker 5 (13:04):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
I think she just entitled it's m it's fine. Well,
this is how this shut up Celia? Is she? Actually
she You got to give her credit for this. She
somehow found out that some SNL members follow me, so
(13:25):
she like stalked a little.
Speaker 4 (13:27):
So it's like, you did your homework. I thought you
just assumed just because Lisa was a comic that she
has you know, I didn't think I get.
Speaker 5 (13:34):
My facts straight, okay, And I did that the.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Name names, and I was like, you're right, he does. Okay,
I get it, but then again, who held those I'm
always surprised when anyone remembers me and view it as
a cute little thing. I don't view it as like,
oh my god, my week is made, but like a
couple of weeks ago, I was reading Cameron Crowe's book.
I mean, I worship every movie he's ever done. Almost
Famous is my favorite movie of all time. You don't
(14:01):
have to insert you too, because no one cares. I
will say the book is moving me deeply. Because I
worked also at Rolling Stone, we are time there overlapped,
even though we never knew each other. I was just
a fact checker. He was this major writer but then
Almost Famous and oh my god, freaking Jerry Maguire come
on and all the rest. So I'm reading the book
(14:24):
and I was like, I'd be an asshole if I
didn't tell him this book was good as a DM,
but I don't expect him to get back to me.
So I was shocked when two days later he's like,
oh my god, this means so much, and this is
like my magic thing that somebody can say anything coming
from you that feels so good. So it's like giving
me a little status. So I'm like, I'm glad it's
not the old days where that would make my week
(14:45):
and make my month and be like, oh look at me,
like let's work on something together or something like that.
But I never assume anyone knows who I am, and
I think that's okay.
Speaker 5 (15:04):
My expectations should be in the gutter always, so then
you can be gladly surprised.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
But then maybe your Harry styles tickets.
Speaker 5 (15:13):
Expectations, expectations are in the gutter, so I wouldn't be
disappointed because I'm not even expecting anything.
Speaker 7 (15:19):
All Right, We're done with Harry's of the conversation. I'm
gonna DMN my friend friend, the person I met there,
I do know very well in original SNL writer Alan's Wybell.
He's in every fucking documentary we wrote my off Broadway
show together. He probably has limitless access to tickets.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
He's an old Jew and one of my old Jew favorites,
alansoy Bell him. I could ask, but I'm not going
with you, even if he says, yes, that's okay. I
hate going anywhere. I only like my place and then
my dogs and my activities in Connecticut.
Speaker 5 (15:59):
That does kind of me me sade, because I thought
that we could hang.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Out, but that was a belt. Shit didn't happen. No,
but I you go and Nick I go with you.
Speaker 6 (16:12):
You don't even care.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
We have a great time.
Speaker 5 (16:14):
But I was like, oh we could be girls together,
and like, oh, well, yes, not too, but can't we be.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Girls together at a different venue near my house at
some point? Sure? Okay, so that's what we'll do. Girl
thing Nick set a reminder for me to never invite her.
Speaker 6 (16:34):
I'm on it.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
Uh so, girl, you just wrote that shit down, so
I'll do it. But I still is the subject of
this podcast. I object to the idea of people pushing
their feelings aside, and I'm not helping you grow. And
my feelings will be felt, and it's okay. I've had disappointments,
(16:56):
you know, I'm doing sadness. Eva erecked a couple of
weeks ago. That's why this topic even came up, because
I found it very valuable to feel my feelings. In
New York and Connecticut area, we had an epic amount
of snow this year, as you know, two storms that
were like twenty one inches or more. So my hot
(17:18):
water kept going out throughout the first storm. I'm lucky
enough that I have a heating company that comes over
and tries to help pretty quickly. But it went out
one night, late at night, and I was like, what's
this feeling? Because it didn't I wasn't angry at the storm.
(17:39):
I wasn't angry at the heating company. I wasn't angry
at the lack of hot water. I was like, why
do I feel so fucking sad about this? And I'm like, Oh,
because you have to do it all alone, because you're
responsible for everything in your own life, because you're solo.
(18:00):
You're scared because there is a fear that comes up
if you sit with your feelings, the actual feeling comes
up instead of trying to push it down. You're scared,
and it's an irrational fear that you will never have
this fixed, that this is gonna be a chronic problem,
you'll have to move, et cetera, et cetera. And I go,
let's just sit here with that fear. And I know
(18:22):
it's gonna sound you guys, be like, eh, you have
to befriend the feeling. You have to go make friends
with that fear and just sit there with it and
be like it's gonna be okay. And just within about
literally three four minutes, it's sort of loosened up, dissipated.
The little tiny bit of tears comes out. I'm like, okay,
(18:44):
So there was nothing to stuff, there was no way
to avoid it. So I feel like that when that
thing happens again, because it's bound to happen, another appliance
will go out or another thing will happen. I will
have had that valuable experience of feeling it and getting
through it and feeling like an adult for the first
time in a long time. Does this make sense to you, Nick?
Speaker 6 (19:07):
It does? I do everything alone as well?
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (19:09):
And when I go to ask and no to see
Harry Spire.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
You got that single ticket I sent you.
Speaker 6 (19:14):
Right, Yes, yeah, thank you?
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Hold on, who did you give the other ticket to?
Speaker 6 (19:17):
Oh? No, one? Okay, probably Stephanie.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
Probably you know what you should do. You'd probably just
leave an empty seat because you're grothy. Okay, that okay,
sounds good.
Speaker 4 (19:26):
Yes, but yeah, I will say that. I I when
you when you just said about you having.
Speaker 6 (19:35):
I gotta do everything alone. It's always on me.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
I was sitting here going, yeah, like, it hit me
too with that's war like having for me, like feeling
your feelings and also having I don't know if I'm
going off topic, but having people to reach out to, yeah,
and share your feelings with and then like them be
like it's a It's a game changer for sure, to
(19:58):
feel fully supported like that. But yeah, when you said that,
I was like, I sat here and I just started
to like space out and think about all the times
I've had to do stuff alone.
Speaker 6 (20:06):
Yeah, because it sent men.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
And yet I recognize I am in a great position
because to have a heating company come out five times
in five days within an hour and a half, I mean,
that's really privileged. They're really good guys, and they I
felt sorry for them because they couldn't figure it out.
But I think the whole lesson was you realize the
capacity you have for feeling things and getting through it
(20:32):
versus while I stuffed those feelings or I called somebody
invented about it, or I covered I used to cover
it all and go to anger be like, these fucking guys,
how come they can't get a fix? It's like, seriously,
not their fault. And by the way, you're not really angry,
You're just sad. Even we're the same week, we had
a death in the family. But it was a death
(20:54):
in the family that wasn't someone I would see all
the time. It was someone who was more distant from me.
They lived half a country away, someone I wasn't directly
related to. What kind of and for some reason, maybe
because I live in my parents' house, maybe because I
feel like all the older people, people older than me,
(21:16):
are all disappearing all the especially the older women. I'm like,
where were those older women I used to look up
to so much? They're all got leaving one after another.
I was so struck with grief about this person, and
again I did everything right, reached out to the people
who had affected the most, sent very heartfelt letters. I had,
by the grace of some God or universe, had the
(21:40):
week before organized all my photos. I knew all where
her photos were, so I knew I could send them
to my sister in law who's closer to her. I
was like, oh my god, I did all the right things.
Now I just have to I'm not medicating with the
activity anymore of sending the things and writing the letters.
You just got to feel sad that this woman isn't
(22:01):
on earth anymore. And this was a woman who made
you feel like you counted, because it's weird when you
meet somebody only twenty twenty five times in your life
and they somehow get you. I just always thought she
got me and someone to look up to, because she
had a very cool life, very grounded, really a good person.
(22:24):
She wasn't complicated like my mother was fucking complicated, Like
she could yell in a second and be smile on
the next. This one was steady and emotionally sound. So
she was fucking more weary in this family. So I go, fuck,
I'm crying a lot over her, and I didn't know why,
but guess what, just by feeling it, I was like, well,
(22:47):
I don't have to care why I'm this upset about it.
You just get to be this upset about it. But
then it gives me the feeling of oh, and now
I have quote capacity to get through the next tough one,
the tougher ones, the people who were closer to me.
So I think just the whole step of not medicating
is great. But I get why it's so hard for
people to just sit there and you're just sitting there
(23:09):
and you think the crying is not going to stop,
but it does. You know, have you ever had that?
Speaker 6 (23:14):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (23:14):
I would say for me, it's mostly in romantic relationships,
like having to feel my feelings and then like like
that's like number one and then one A I would say,
would be speaking my truth. So like those go hand
in hand with like, cause the minute I don't speak
(23:35):
my truth or I'm holding on to something, it never
you think like by hiding it it's going to go away,
or by suppressing it it's going to be fine. I'm fine,
it's fine, right, and it never it comes out in
other ways, the person you're with can tell that you're
not even if you're like, yeah, it's good.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
So so even if you say something like hey, I'm
just really sad about something that happened at work.
Speaker 4 (23:58):
Yeah, you're saying if I was talking like my partner
or something like yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
Like say you are in a romantic relationship and you're
like sad about something, or you're sad because your dad acted,
like however, yeah, instead of having it come out sideways
on to affect them, it's more like you have to say, yeah,
I'm just do you feel better when you just say
you feel sadly, it's so hard I think for tough
women like me or men like you to be like
(24:24):
I'm just sad.
Speaker 6 (24:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
I think it's taken me a while. It's taken me
a long time to be like being able to be
like I'm gonna speak my truth, but like the fear
of speaking your truth and it being rejected, or it's
sharing a feeling and it being rejected is so strong
that you'll just shove it down and it doesn't help anything,
(24:48):
and you're not feeling anything, you're not sharing wire. But
anytime I've been direct and I'm like, you know, I'm
upset about this thing, but also like it's this thing.
Speaker 6 (24:59):
Happened with my dad.
Speaker 4 (25:00):
So I don't really know if I'm just like nitpicking
or just like finding something else to be mad at,
because I can't getting mad at him as a dead end.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
So you saying you would maybe deflect and like if
you're sad about something, to take it out on somebody else.
Speaker 4 (25:14):
Yeah, I don't. I don't do that, but I can
sense when I'm starting to get there. I don't get
there much ever. I'm pretty good of like, feel your
shit and you got to handle it right. But I
think being open and honest and just being like, yeah,
I'm having a bunch of feelings today, but I think
it's just because of you know, what happened with my
(25:34):
dad earlier in the week, and right now I'm like
looking for fights or looking for reasons to get mad
or feel.
Speaker 6 (25:41):
Like being screwed out of something.
Speaker 4 (25:43):
It's just like you're literally trying to find like adrenaline
hits or dopamine hits or just like that's what I find.
For me, I don't let it get there, but I
can sense and I'm starting to yep. It's like I'm
looking for someone to punch in the head.
Speaker 6 (25:58):
I feel like we have.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
To make because we want to distract from that hard feeling,
because I think for us, the hardest feelings are sadness, fear,
disappointment because I'm an any gram eate, which is like
a badass and tough, so it's hard to like accept
like saying the words I'm sad to somebody, and it's
very few people you can say that too, because also
(26:20):
I never want to say that to people who are
going to say, oh, don't be sad or oh you
don't have to feel that way. It's like, no, just
shut the fuck up. Then you get like mad at them.
So you have to use decisionment who you share anything with.
Like my friend Bobby for sure can just sit in
it with you. My friend Bonnie, she can sit in it.
(26:41):
She always says I'm sorry, and that feels good, like
she knows none of this is about her, but it's like, mom,
I'm sorry you have to go through that.
Speaker 4 (26:49):
Yeah, I used to think again back to romantic relationships.
I used to think that a woman sharing her feelings
with me was heard dumping them on me and saying
fix this or you're doing something wrong, because that's how
my grandmother was with me towards it. It was just
she didn't have anyone else and she would just unload
(27:10):
on me, and to me, it was like the worst,
and it like ruined our relationships. So like it took
me a while to learn, like no, like and again
this is specifically romantic relationships, but like, if a woman
sharing her feeling, that's.
Speaker 6 (27:23):
How women connect.
Speaker 4 (27:24):
She's sharing her feelings with you and you don't have
to do anything. You just gotta be like when you
talk about Bonnie, I'm really sorry.
Speaker 2 (27:31):
Yeah that's really hard.
Speaker 6 (27:32):
Dont need to try to fix you don't need to.
Speaker 4 (27:34):
They don't want a fucking solution.
Speaker 6 (27:36):
Well you know what you should do? Who the fuck
wants to hear?
Speaker 2 (27:39):
Like you just sit here with me, just want to
be witnessed. They I always say, if I want advice,
probably I thought of it or any because I'm fucking great,
But like, I'll like ask The other day I had
found I'm doing all this organization at home. I found
like five boxes of like old performances on VHS, EVD,
(28:03):
all this stuff, and I was like, I kind of
want to throw them all away, but I don't know
if I want to. And that's I was having feelings
about them, only about certain ones of them that I
didn't have a good experience doing them. And it wasn't
that the product sucked. It was just like, oh God,
remember that fucking episode was so hard and we got
(28:25):
in a fight or whatever it was. So I was like, oh,
I just was sitting there and I'm like, this is
too complicated to solve. I'll just organize them and leave
them there for now. But I was at lunch with
my friend Anthony, who's deep, and I was just like, Hey,
I'm gonna ask you advice, so I don't mind. I'll
tell you if I want advice. He's great at just
sitting with it and being like, yeah, i'd be conflicted too,
(28:47):
or yeah, that sucks to be conflicted about old things,
old items around the house that you don't know if
you could get rid of. But fucking advice. People will
ask if they want to know, and that's a one
by the way of not feeling your own feelings out
there is freaking solving somebody else's problem and say yours.
(29:09):
So it's like, instead of feeling sad and in the
uncomfortable sadness with them, you try to advice, give and
fix them, but don't look at yourself. It's like, well,
why can't you just sit there? Because that is hard
to just sit there.
Speaker 4 (29:21):
It is tough, but you need in need to trust me.
There were times where I was going through it and
I luckily had like a therapist. I was like, no, no, no,
you need to do this because you've been avoidant or
running away from these things your whole life, and you
will continue. The pattern will continue. There were moments where
I was like, this is insane. I can't just keep
(29:42):
doing this, and like because it felt so so like,
I was like, there has to be this is dumb.
Speaker 6 (29:48):
Maybe he's i'ma but like now that I'm through.
Speaker 4 (29:52):
It, it's I'm like, oh, Okay, now I get it.
Speaker 6 (29:57):
Did you wher?
Speaker 2 (29:58):
They'll have like where you're vulnerable and stuff and then
quote regret it or feel like a hangover. Like where
you're just like, oh shit, like I shared too much.
They know I'm fucking gay with a guy. Would be like, oh,
my friend's thinking of a fucking fag now, no.
Speaker 6 (30:17):
No, I would.
Speaker 4 (30:18):
Yeah, I have that because again, I have a great
network of friends, and I reach out and I talk
to my friends.
Speaker 6 (30:23):
But there are moments when like I'm out of that.
Speaker 4 (30:26):
Crisis mode or how I'm feeling, and I'm like, oh,
maybe I maybe that was too much. I should have
kept that, yeah, Like I should have kept that in.
But at the same time it's like, well, that's not
what you chose to do, and like it was helpful
at the time, right, and all these things. But there
are moments where I'm like, I should have shared less.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
Yeah, because I remember bottling it up so much as
a kid where it all started. Everything starts there that
I remember my grandfather died suddenly, like it was sudden.
It was maybe here's maybe fifty something, and that is shocking.
I was like thirteen, and I just for some reason,
I already had the role in the family where I
(31:05):
don't show emotion. Okay, so wake comes, I don't cry
all the days leading up to it, don't write back
in those days, you'd have a wake for two to
three days, for like hours, and you'd just be sitting there.
I was like, they're all crying. I'm not gonna like
something internal. And I remember the day of the funeral.
(31:28):
I guess they had asked me and my sister because
we were like in folk group at church. Oh it
was the seventies, now it was the eighties or whatever,
to like we had to sing a song or something
in wedding or excuse. At the funeral, I could not
open my mouth. I just started sobbing on the stage
in front of everybody. And I was like, Oh, that's
(31:49):
what you get when you bottle it up. That was
the early lesson of like if it had just come
out slowly. And I remember years later, I was so
proud of my niece Emily, who my mother asked her
to sing at my father's funeral. Yeah, and Joe's I'll
do it, but I have to have a friend with
me who's like singing it with me, and I might
(32:09):
have to turn my back. And my mother's of course like, yeah,
that's fine. So I think the knowing what you need,
asking for the help, plus just going let it out
in little manageable ways. Then it doesn't back up on
you like it did. So it's an early lesson which
I should have learned at thirteen, but how many years later,
fifty fucking years later. No, it's like sitting there in
(32:32):
the house going I'm just scared I'll never have hot
water again, and being able to cry over it and
going then the logic can surface. I think the problem
is we try to logic our way out first. Yes,
we try to go, well, what I'm really feeling is this,
And it's fine because like I really just grateful that
I have been heating guys to come over, and how
about you just feel it ninety seconds too out whatever
the fuck it takes, and then now let's plan. Yeah,
(32:55):
now it's okay. I get to after the other day,
someone on a group call for my coaching course said
something I didn't like that hurt my feelings, and I
know he meant it as a joke, and I was
pretty quickly able to get to compassion because I was like, oh,
we're so the same. He wants it to be seen,
so do I. He's heartbroken because he never had the
career he wanted, so am I, you know? And I
(33:17):
was able to get but not without feeling for like
ten minutes of going well, I'm really hurt.
Speaker 6 (33:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
So I think the lesson is a feel your fucking feelings.
They're not going to kill you. Yeah, reach out to
do it. And speaking of reaching out, I hope by
this time Celia has either dealt with the disappointment of
not seeing Harry Styles, but I will have reached out
(33:44):
to my two contacts as unimportant as they are at
SNL and tried to get her a single ticket, and
she will not have to deal with her pain and misery.
Speaker 4 (33:55):
Dear Lisa, Sometimes, after a really hard day with my
four kids, want to close my This is funny. I
close my bedroom door for kids' nuts. When I close
my bedroom door and cry, Amen, the stress is too
much and I need to release it. When this happens,
I catch myself and say, come on, you're stronger than this,
which is better in the long run crying my crying
(34:17):
my eyes out, or rising above it. Thanks Dawn in Naugatuck, Connecticut.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Listen, Dawn, first move out of Naugatuck Cadecte knows obviously.
I think you know the right answer, Dawn, but I'll
spell it out for those who don't, who wouldn't be
allowed a few tears after a tough day, Who would
ever look at a woman, man, child, anything and say
(34:46):
how weak of them? I personally feel a good, well
placed teer a good cry. They call it a good cry.
They don't call it a bad cry. Hey, I had
a bad cry. No you didn't. The cry was good.
It was terrific. Now that being said, if you're doing
this for too long or too much of a stretch
(35:07):
of time, you go to yourself. Should I really be
locked in my bathroom for four hours sobbing? No, that's complicated.
That's where you have to get it fucking sussed out
and talk to somebody about it and find out if
this is weird? Do I have depression? Do I have
something clinical going on with me? Does my counturt? You
may have a uti. I'd be crying over that been there,
(35:29):
ooh girl hurt. I don't have to squirt all the time.
So just it's I say, though, if it's not big
and complicated, if it's that little tearful thing, get it
out and then know the strength to go back to
your kids. Because what does she say? Power through it?
(35:49):
Should she just be able to let pa.
Speaker 6 (35:51):
Should she uh, what's better?
Speaker 7 (35:54):
She as?
Speaker 4 (35:54):
What's better than the long one? Crying her eyes out?
Or rising above it?
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Oh, because there's no such thing as rising upon it.
You can't because you have to you just cry. Or
if you think you rise above it, you're gonna take
it out on somebody else. Oh yeah, you're gonna hit
a kid. God forbid, you're gonna freaking throw one out
right in the fucking window, a high rise window.
Speaker 4 (36:15):
Sometimes you gotta set the tone.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
But you have four kids, so one of them's gotta go,
maybe one of them out of well placed window.
Speaker 5 (36:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (36:24):
Who do you think will be the least successful?
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Yeah, that's what I always thought, will be the one
who needs the least education, because then you save money.
So say I had four kids. One was a little
quote special. Maybe you figured what's the best they can
do in life? Maybe b I don't know. The guy
who sweeps up the hair at the salon. He's not
even gonna get the haircutter, he's just gonna get to
(36:48):
sweep up at the hair salon. Well that's the kid
you keep because you don't have to put them through college.
Get rid of the Harvard kid. See everybody thinks you kill.
Killing the right kid is the right skill to develop.
So Dawn either acts the smartest kid out the window
we goes, or have your little cry because there you
(37:10):
cannot rise above feelings. You have to go through it.
Am I right?
Speaker 6 (37:18):
When she's right, She's right.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Shut the fuck up the next letter, you asshole. Have
you ever done that?
Speaker 8 (37:24):
Nick?
Speaker 2 (37:24):
Though, I always have the tiniest little cry and then
it's done.
Speaker 4 (37:29):
It depends sometimes I let myself cry. I don't really
even if I'm alone.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
I'm just like I've seen any fags.
Speaker 4 (37:35):
Yeah, I mean it depends only when my food's late.
I'm looking at myself on the camera. I look like shit. No,
I was looking at my eyes, look like Uncle Fester.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
You should be crying at that.
Speaker 4 (37:47):
Tired, all right. I was just like feeling my feelings
all night and then I jerked off to a Harrus
dowlesvideo this morning.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
So night so Celia what he called me. It was
really fun in that conversation.
Speaker 4 (38:00):
Okay, go ahead, Hi Lisa, Hi, I'm Eric. I've been
in therapy for a year, and I still panic every
time I feel a strong emotion. I've built excuse me,
an entire identity around being too the unbothered guy who
makes jokes and keeps things light. But underneath that, I
(38:21):
feel like a shaken soda can. Yeah, how do I
start showing up more authentically without blowing up my friendships
or seeming needy? Eric thirty years old, Seattle, Washington.
Speaker 2 (38:33):
Nick, this is a question built for you because you
had that identity and have the identity of mister mirth
I think the title of your one hour comedy special
should be Mirthy and Girthy mixed scope of any special
on no network will buy this.
Speaker 6 (38:51):
That's right, So iHeartRadio.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
You are a more serious guy now in the right ways.
You show your feelings to your real friends. Like I said,
you've cried, which I fully was thrilled. I was like, Oh,
finally he's showing us who he is. But yet you
still have that mirthfulatitude with people. You're still really fun.
(39:15):
How do you navigate the balance because this guy as
the chill guy who just always makes people happy, it's
going to implode on him. He's gonna have a heart attack,
he's gonna have shit his pants. Shit your pants is
worse than being the serious guy. Something in your pants
is cool, just pee, but don't shit your pants. So
how did you sort of as you got more aware
(39:36):
and knew the feelings had to be felt, how did
you shift it.
Speaker 4 (39:38):
I don't think I have it all, to be honest,
I just don't think I have it all figured out yet.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
I better no one would think you do.
Speaker 6 (39:44):
I know, but a lot of people do.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
No, they don't not.
Speaker 6 (39:47):
I actually have lgs.
Speaker 4 (39:49):
The lucky guileless. So I don't think I have it
all figured out. I think I'm still learning, but I
definitely definitely you just kind of keep you See, he's
been in therapy for a year. I've been in it
for I don't know four, and we're it's still just
keep going. I really don't have any like cool like
this is how I figured it out. Yeah, it takes
(40:12):
trial and era. Just like the things I was talking
about before. It took a million times of me not
speaking my truth or sharing my real feelings and then
everything blowing up to shit for me to be like,
all right, right, this doesn't work, you know what I mean.
It's just they they'll figure it out. When they figured
it out. You can tell them all that. You could
give them all the advice and say all the shit.
(40:32):
But and he just has to keep going.
Speaker 2 (40:34):
And he also has to just keep showing up authentically
in safe places. There's gonna be places where you're not
going to be able to and people who you're never
going to be able to be vulnerable in front of,
never going to be able to be like, yeah, I
know I'm usually in a good mood, but I'm sad today.
But there's like one or two people that maybe you
can try it with, yeah, and then maybe then they
(40:56):
get more authentic too. And that's huge when someone feels permission,
Like if someone you crying in front of me makes
me feel like I don't have to put on a
brave face all the time in front of you. So
that's vulnerability. That's how real friendship or relationships happen. So
he just has to keep putting it out there, like
(41:17):
a little like that that thing in the water, You
just go, I'm going to cast and see if it
takes hold, and if it doesn't with the right people,
like dude, what happened to you? It used to be
so much fun. It's like, well, I'm not that much
fun anymore. And then you take out a fucking gun
and you kill everyone, and especially the fourth child. He's
going to Harvard and has lucky girls.
Speaker 6 (41:37):
Listen, guys, you heard it here first.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
Okay, kill your young Thank you, good night, God bless
us all.
Speaker 6 (41:45):
We got one more.
Speaker 4 (41:55):
Dear Lisa. I've been a huge fan of yours for years,
and you're calming has gotten it.
Speaker 6 (42:00):
For some really tough time.
Speaker 4 (42:02):
I doubt that, so thank you. Whenever I find myself
down and depressed, I always turned to comedy and the
laughter brings me out of my dark place. My sister,
on the other hand, watches sad movies when she's down
and has a good cry. Which do you think is healthier?
Thanks Simone, Chicago, Illinois.
Speaker 2 (42:19):
Oh, my gon Simone. First of all, that is a
French name, and I don't approve of the French, so
I'm shocked I'm even going to answer this. Yeah, but
I will say I think both are healthy as little
outlets to express that and not to be up. Cameron
Crows ask too much, but he does this from what
he talks in the book about a feeling he has
(42:41):
from childhood. And I love this called happy sad, which
is that bitter sweet thing where you just like to
feel sad a little and you're a little happy. The
sadness is there. It's nostalgia, and I'm like, oh, I
get that. You listen to a certain song and it's
like you're kind of happy to be sad and you
can get it out. Sometimes ow a song will come
(43:05):
up on a playlist that I'm like, oh God, that
reminds me of such and such or my parents, I
can't listen that, and they go, wait a minute, let's
see if you can get through it. Let's see if
this is something you can listen to now and have
the right kind of happy sad feeling about. And I go, oh,
I got through that again. I'm sick of the word,
but showing you now have the capacity to withstand it,
(43:26):
and then the next time it's not so hard. So
I think whichever way you get through it is fine.
It's just really up to you to not get then
stuck in it. I think the feelings have to move through,
and both of them are getting unstuck because of it.
They're not sitting there watching twelve sad movies in a row,
or just twelve comedy specials and not washing their ass
(43:49):
and getting to work. You freaking are living a life,
and this is a way of accessing that stuff.
Speaker 4 (43:55):
Yeah, I personally, I never I don't go to comedy
when I'm sad or anything like that.
Speaker 6 (44:03):
I'll go right I.
Speaker 4 (44:04):
Like exposing myself weirdly, as someone who has spent most
of his life not feeling feelings about certain things, I'll
go right to a sad thing just to like just
to like get it out. It's like, it's kind of
what you said in the earlier to the guy about
the letter, like practicing opening up to certain people. That's
what that is for me. It's like my own private
(44:26):
way of like just trying out a feeling. Like and
I know there's certain episodes of certain shows where things
like really get me or I know, oh this is
gonna be tough, and I just like kind of sit
there and deal with it. And honestly it helps because
then like you're less I feel like it's you know,
it's not obviously it's not a real thing you're going through,
(44:48):
but it helps build up a little bit of like
a callous to get through the next thing.
Speaker 2 (44:54):
I feel, Yeah, you're not scared of the next time
it happens. Yeah, like I said, with this recent death
in the family. It's like, oh wow, I got through that.
I'll have capacity for the next time that it's someone
even more close. And I don't like it, and I'm
not happy about it. I'm not happy these involuntary, dramatic
things happen in our lives, but you got to kind
(45:15):
of get ready for it, because you know, other than me,
no one's getting any younger. I'm clearly reversing time.
Speaker 6 (45:22):
I am Celia's reverse Cowgirls.
Speaker 2 (45:29):
She's like, How'd I get roped into this? No pun intended?
Speaker 6 (45:33):
Or what if Harry Styles wanted it?
Speaker 2 (45:37):
Oh? I wonder if there's a guy speaking of not
feeling anything, if there's a guy who would be worth
anal like it for me? Yeah, Harry Styles? Okay, all right.
Speaker 6 (45:51):
Wow honestly for me.
Speaker 2 (45:54):
Same Well we agree on a lot. Folks, fail your
feelings and put Harry suace Cock right word it in
your buttole okay peg me. Sabrina Carpenter, Oh my god,
I officially am retiring from this podcast. I hate my
(46:14):
two people, so thank you very much.
Speaker 5 (46:16):
We did.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
Hey, Nick, where can they Where can they listen? Why
don't you do your little outro?
Speaker 4 (46:21):
You?
Speaker 6 (46:22):
Hey listen?
Speaker 4 (46:22):
If you guys want no, you have to.
Speaker 6 (46:25):
You have to.
Speaker 4 (46:27):
You listen to us Shrink This on the iHeartRadio app
or wherever you get podcasts. You can also email us,
Like we said, shrink This show at gmail dot com.
Follow Lisa Lampinelli, follow Celia, follow me at nix scopes
on Instagram, the tiktoks, and uh We'll see you guys
at snl if you want to
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