March 10, 2026 • 45 mins
In this episode of “Shrink This!,” Lisa is joined once again by her friend, comedian Beau McDowell, to talk about what actually happens to your love life when you get sober. Beau went from blackout drunk at 21 to nine years sober and—somehow—married, and Lisa wants to know everything about that transformation. They get into the difference between dating when you’re numbing out versus dating when you’re actually present, why early-sobriety relationships can be a disaster, and how codependency sneaks into romance when you’re trying to fill a hole instead of build a partnership. With Celia, they tackle listener questions about sober dating, whether you should drink around someone in recovery, and if people who call themselves “California sober” are full of it. If you’ve ever wondered whether getting your life together ruins your dating life—or finally makes it possible—this episode breaks down what really changes when you stop running from yourself.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Lisa Lampinelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.
She is a meddling advice giving yana and know it all,
and her words come from her head, her heart, and
often out of her ass. His podcast should not be
misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge
grain of salt for entertainment purposes.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Only these You need help, You're the problems.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Come on, come.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
Down, go craab, take a pill. I think you're insane.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Do what I say, dumb ass, listen to me. You Hey, everybody,
it's Lisa Lampinelli. And you know they said it wouldn't happen.
They said, hey, well, Bau McDowell, Lisa's guests ever get
invited anywhere Twice once they've seen and heard him. They
(00:59):
said no, But I said, yes, yes, he's back, because honestly,
I didn't get to any of the ship I wanted
to ask you about in the first episode, because I
am dying to know about a fall down drunk who
ends up going from a messy little bitch to being married.
And I put this in quotes. Man, So here is
(01:19):
my friend, Beau McDowell. Bo tell people where they can
find you.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Find me at bo mcdell comedy Bo b e A
U stupid.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
I can't stand it. Yeah whatever. Also here is Celia,
our producer, say, Hi Celia, Hi Celia. Okay, Celia could
be found at Celia Andrescorner's called Romano. She's taken less
abuse with Nick not here. So I think you would
rather have Bo in the studio. I think so too.
I know that will not be a surprise to hear
(01:50):
when you're Nick and listening at home, because he doesn't
listen anyway. God forbid he to hear his own pace. Yeah,
we shut up, so lo here he was here last
week talking, well last week, I'm clearly wearing the same shirt.
And by the way, let's address the shirt. We didn't
even address the shirt. Okay, my friend Gabe Brian, not
(02:10):
that I have a straight friend Brian, but Gabe Brian
went and got me a shirt that AI made up.
I guess he fed my picture to it. And it
says cinnamon TOAs cunt and has me And that does.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Look like my dog does.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
But I don't look like that too. Thank you in
a strapless secret trans for God's sake. But the reason
I bring up, thank you Brian for the shirt. But
the reason I bring up the shirt is because, like
clearly we're taping this in the same day, because I
held you over so BO Part two, and if you
didn't listen to episode one, go back and listen to it.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Gims.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Well, no, the fact that they know your story that
you were black, got drunk by twenty one, that you
finally got sober, you picked up CBD. But that doesn't
care out supposedly, and you've been sober for nine years.
But what I really invited you to talk about is
what I want to talk about now, which is it
fascinates this whole dating and or being a relationship before
(03:13):
and after sobriety. How does it work? It's just how
does it look different? So your dating life, you were
an awkward tine who didn't really date much.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Yeah, I was never I wasn't the toast of the town.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Yeah it looks like Shrek. Yeah yeah, and no one
wanted to let you have an ass grab.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
No. No, it was very uh yeah, there was a
lot of defense being played in my direction. But I uh,
you know, I dated here and there. But the thing is,
when you're drinking, uh, you're not such a great date,
you know, especially when you're really drinking a lot. So
I was very emotionally shut off and numbing myself. Okay,
And so like, if listen, if I was some hot
(03:58):
to trot guy, if I was this hairy styles she speaks, so, yes,
you know, there'd be some women that would be willing
to jump along the ride for that. But when you're
a fat smell and it's gross to be in the
same bed with you, you know, there's not a lot of
women that are going like, you know what, he's numbing
and he's miserable and he doesn't really talk to me
about anything emotionally and he's gross. Well that's the thing.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
It's like, what do you hear? These poor women though?
You think to yourself, they must have really hated themselves. Yes, yeah,
because you there wasn't a justification. And I bet a
lot of them did the rescuer thing we talked about
last episode. They were like, well, if he falls in
love with me, I can change all that. Was there
any of that in your life?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
No, because I was so clearly not.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
They were like, rescuing would not ever occur to them.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
I also like, you know, when I was going out
when I was younger, I was never I never thought
like going out to get laid tonight because it was
not in my like I didn't have that as like
a con confidence level, you know. I was never like,
you know, if I really go out and wear my
nice shot, my nice.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Shirt, your Hawaiian shirt pants.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Yeah they're gonna be flucking you know. So I never
thought that that would happen. I was more like you
ever seen Super Bad of course, when they're like when
they're like, dude, like, how a chick's gonna go for
this unless we're not drunk, you know, Like that was
like the uh, the prevailing thought of the day. So
it was like, yeah, dude, I'm gonna go, and like
the focus is gonna be on like partying and drinking
(05:30):
and using drugs and hang out with my friends, and
like if I backed my way into a piece of clam,
then then there was like I also have nothing to
offer at the end of that. So like some girls,
you know, you have like a night and then you
just go like, yeah, man, you should probably you know,
just keep keep it moving.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Were there girls you hooked up with who actually wanted
to like see you again? Yes, I love what I'm
the most disgusted look on my face because like, you're
cute now, but also I can't imagine a guy cute
enough when he's drunken, crazy.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
No. No, And I think that there are a lot
of women that were like, there's something there with you.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Yeah, because you're a good human being. There's something good
inside and women can sense that.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Yeah, but that's tough to see through the rest. So
there were a few that kind of were like, I want.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
A little Especially when I was younger, there were a
few that were like, I just don't understand why you're
doing the things that you're doing. And I was like, well,
you know, hit the road.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Yeah, so you couldn't even go there.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
No, But I wasn't really open to having the emotional
discussion of like what's going on.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
So there was no let me you could not respond to,
let me love you through this boat desperado. Why don't
you come to your senses? Get out riding fences, dude?
Speaker 3 (06:51):
The walls were so up. But you know, I mean
we there were there were fun nights, and there was.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
You know, I come down.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
There were girls that you could joke with and just
have a time with that I still would talk to
to these days, you know, like friendship we.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Call those people Celia's So what bo changed?
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Like?
Speaker 2 (07:10):
What so in your first relationship? We're how old were
you like when you had your first real relationship?
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Twenty three?
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Twenty three? So were you sober yet?
Speaker 3 (07:21):
I had just gotten sober?
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Okay, we touched on this last episode just briefly. So
you how many months or weeks or days?
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Maybe ninety?
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Oh wow, because ninety is a big thing in AA
and all the program because you're supposed to go to
ninety meetings and ninety days. Did you do that?
Speaker 3 (07:39):
I did? Yeah? And the whole time I was like
down for Craam Yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
And was she there the whole time?
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Oh yeah yeah. We went to all the same meetings together.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
And so basically you should if you want to actually
take your sobriety seriously. Folks go to single sex meetings
yeah if you are straight, yeah, and opposite sex meetings
if you're a gay guy. If you're a gay guy,
you go to the woman's meetings. That's what I'm thinking.
So you will see this girl at AA. Did you
(08:08):
like her from a distance?
Speaker 3 (08:11):
I did? Yeah, I mean I just like I was
she loved like the attention that I would give her,
and I kind of was just like, Okay, I'm gonna
feed that as much as possible for her so that
I can, you know. And it was very much like
we're just talking after the meeting by our cars for
three hours, you know. Yeah, and like it's it's also
(08:34):
you know, that thing of like we're not supposed to
be doing this really amps up anything, you know.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
So it's like when you're I don't know, working somewhere
and like you're banging a co worker. Oh yeah, oh yeah,
the secret you never want that to get out because
it loses its luster. So you did not did anyone
in the meetings know you were doing that?
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Yeah, And like people were definitely like, hey man, you
got to stop doing that. And I was too far
gone in the direction of like I need this and
and so like I had friends that were like, dude,
you're gonna relapse. This is really bad. And then like
over time, I just you know, I turned that into
(09:17):
a relationship. It lasted a few years. The breakup was
really hard. The aftermath of it was like, oh, I
never got to learn how to be alone, so now
I'm doing the inner the you know, the early part
of sobriety. Over it again.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
You got to do it again, lucky you. But but
thank god without the booze.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Yeah. And you know what, like I was always so
bad at that, and I ended up giving myself this
two year buffer to like really like clean up my
head a little bit. Everything happens for a reason.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Wait, so two year buffer meaning you didn't date for
two years?
Speaker 3 (09:50):
No, meaning like I gave myself this two year buffer
where I didn't have to deal with the loneliness that like,
so that served.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Its purpose and then you redid it's from the beginning.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Yeah, I mean really after that relationship edit, it felt
like I was back in like day one sobriety because
you know, when you have that like security blanket of
a relationship there, it's it's really easy to use that
like a drug of like Okay, this is my this
is my thing I can focus on. This is the
thing that's gonna make me feel better. Is she okay?
As long as she's okay, I'm feeling okay. Right. It's
(10:23):
all codependent bullshit and I was deep in that and
that's why that that relationship had to end. But like
the second that it ended, I was like ohh shit,
like I am now like I have to rebuild me
liking me. And that was a long process, I would say.
I mean it was a like five six year process.
(10:44):
It was not a you know because they're always like, oh,
wait a year until you start dating. And it's like,
how many of us, if we took a year to
learn how to love ourselves and be comfortable alone, would
actually get there right right? You know? So you have
to like let it take the amount of time that's
going to take. And I did. I did a lot
of work on that. I remember calling friends and being like,
(11:05):
how do you show your self affection? You know, because
the only way I knew was the old the spank
of the band nick.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
But I remember friends being like, dude, you know, have
you ever cooked for yourself? And I'm like, yeah, I
mean a fucking egg or something. But it's like at night,
like going to a grocery store, like picking out what
I want to eat, going this would be an exciting
thing for me to eat tonight, I'm gonna make it
for myself. I sit there like, you know, doing like
like things that build your self esteem and make you
(11:37):
feel like, oh, I'm taking care of myself, like all
these little things that you have to keep trying and
keep working on doing, and then all of a sudden
you're like, okay, I'm you know, I feel like I'm okay.
And then it was the whole thing of like I
am I okay in front of women that became a
whole other problem because then once I lost some weight
(11:58):
and women were looking at me more, it was like no,
but it's like, once they started looking at me more,
I was like, okay, I need to like every single
one that likes me. I need to like close that
deal now because that is going away tomorrow. They don't
(12:18):
know that, like this is like I'm gonna you know
what I mean, Like I'm in a hot streak right now.
I don't know what it is, but it's going away.
There's no way I can keep this up. And and
then I, you know, after years of that, I was like, oh, okay,
women do like me, and one does, yeah, you know,
and then you start to not feel like at first
(12:40):
you're making up for your childhood with dating, because you're
going like, nobody looked at me the way I wanted
to be looked at and then they do, and you
almost like hate them for it, you know, because you're
like why now you.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Know, like, yeah, it's like the one who complains I
hate the old thing of like, well, guys never looked
at me when I was fat, and now they want
to be with me that I'm thin. I'm like, yeah,
because you actually liked yourself a little more. So I'm like, well,
like look at yourself and see what you need to
do different. So did your self esteem sort of catch
(13:13):
up because of that five six year spam?
Speaker 3 (13:16):
It did a lot, you know, like it was all about,
like I said, all those things, but it took like
just the time, and you know, working with great therapists.
You introduced me to an amazing therapists did a lot.
I did a lot of good work with a few
years ago. And it's it's stuff like that that just
gets you ready for being able to be in a
(13:37):
real relationship and like accept the fact that, like you know,
because you get into a marriage and you know, it's
it's tough. There's you're dealing with somebody's you know, hopes
and dreams and their inner child and your inner child,
and and you know their parents and what they did
to them and your parents. So there's just all these
(14:00):
factors and you have to be able to pull yourself
out of it and not live in that unconscious space
of like just always being in hurt mode or always
being in you know, sensitive mode, and like, and.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
You can't be responsible for their feelings and they can't
be responsible for yours. You know, it's not your job
to fix them, it's not their job to fix you.
So I imagine it's so delicate, dude.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
It's yeah, it is. And like when I was first
getting sober and dating and or I had that relationship
that didn't work out, it's like everything she did, every
time she had an emotion that I felt scared by
or that seemed to affect my mental state, I felt
like I had to come in and fix it because
you know, I had was playing the role of like
(14:44):
she's my mom, yep, and mommy has to be okay
and all that shit, man, And then you know, you
watch that just kill you inside because you can't live
in that state. It's so right, it's you know, it's awful,
and and you like and you have to like just
let all that go and then figure out, like why
am I doing that? Why am I looking at the
(15:07):
person that I'm dating like my mother, and you know,
and then time goes by and you actually, if you
if you work on it, you might meet somebody that
isn't like your mother and you might like them, you know,
Whereas if you're staying that ship, then you're just gonna
keep meeting the people then.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Mommy, daddy, mommy, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Keep going back to the same. Well, yeah, you know, So.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
What was it about? Because you met your I'll call
your current wife because I don't imagine it'll go that
long term, just kidding. You met your wife? How many
years ago?
Speaker 3 (15:41):
A few? Two? Almost three? Yeah, three years ago?
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Okay, So what made you recognize that this is different?
So you're not nick you know, or like I just
knew like that fucking bullshit, Like what made it actually
(16:08):
feel different? Internally?
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Well? I really like respected her, and I I like
the way that she carried herself, Like she was so
confident and so she had this like aura of like, yeah,
I know what I'm doing and I'm like ready to
you know, take on the world and I and that
was something that I was just like so amazed by.
(16:32):
At first that was like my first reaction to her,
and then over time, like you know, she became a
friend first, Like my wife and I have a really
strong friendship where like I can hang with her and
we'd laugh and fuck around, and we have a very
similar sense of humor. There's nothing that offends her, and
we we have a we have that as our as
(16:54):
our basis. So like when you know, other stuff comes up,
like I know I can always go we can we
can get back to the friendship part too, right now,
So like and and that stuff that I never wanted
to or never had the time or the interest in
building because I was looking to get a fixed from
(17:16):
my childhood out of a relationship, not building, not looking
to experience a new person and again gain a friend
and a lover and all that shit.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
So it was sort of in the old days, it
was just like getting the fix an addictive thing. Did
this not feel addictive?
Speaker 3 (17:35):
No, it didn't. I mean, you know, obviously, when you're
falling in love with someone, there's always a sense of
like it feels really good. I want to be but
I you know when because you know, I do stand
up pretty well.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
I mean i'd call it stand up in quotes. Yeah,
and by the way, you don't stand up, you said,
I can't stand it. I hate you so much.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
Sit down comedy with both Right, that's right, he's gonna pontificate.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Thanks for your lessons that you bestow upon the audience.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Yeah, I'm a well of information. Yes you are, but
I uh, you know. One of the things I loved
about my wife when we first met was like I'd
be like, yeah, I got a show tonight, and she'd
be like, okay, interesting, Like that's just overall like I
get it, like you're funny comedy.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
I didn't want to go I get it, I understand.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
But that's like that's how a friend would react, because
you know, I have friends that known for years and
I'm playing. Then they go, I don't give a ship.
You know, they don't want to see it. They don't care.
They like our friendship. That's what that's the value. And
I always felt like I needed to come up with
these all these other different types of values to show
women to go like, here, look at me, I'm and
(18:55):
to see someone like literally be impervious to all the
things I was trying to show her, Like she was like, oh, yeah,
you're you got a decent job.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
And you're you know, it's fine.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
Yeah, Like you're fine. It's you that I like. You know,
That's what gave me this like feeling of like, oh yeah,
I could be with this person because it wasn't out
of anything that I didn't.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Have to jump through hoops. You didn't have to like
impress for some reason, she liked you. Were you kind
of surprised, though, not because bad self esteem or anything,
because kind of like when it's so different, it feels
so different.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Yeah, it was weird. It also felt like I think
when you meet somebody that and it starts working and
you I mean I was dating forever and it was
never working. You would always feel like the like you're
getting on the track and then all of a sudden
it stops and then you have to get off. Like
that's how it always felt. And to feel like, oh shit,
the rides just keeps going, just keeps going. We're still
(19:53):
doing this, Like that was kind of surreal because you're
like waiting for the something to be wrong. Yeah, yeah,
you know, but I think at the same time, it's
like Okay, after a certain point, you just go we're
still going. So did you.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Ever do the self sabotaging thing of like trying to
make something wrong? Trying to find problems.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
We had like our first big fight, yeah, and I
remember we met at the diner to like talk it out,
and like I showed up all yeah diner, and yeah,
I showed up all like I guess this is it,
you know, Yeah, this has gotta be the end, you know,
And like immediately went into it like yeah, you're probably
gonna leave because I did this or I wasn't good
(20:36):
enough in this way, and she was like, this isn't
a breakup, talking fucking idiot, Like yeah, in fact, like
why did you ask me to meet me at a diner?
Just come over and talk to me about this shit,
like what's wrong with you?
Speaker 2 (20:46):
And I was like, okay, then that was so different
for you.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
Yeah, I was expecting like the big show, you know,
here's the big show of how you're gonna say I'm
wrong and this. And she was like why, just like
come over, let's just talk about it and figure it out.
We already know that this works. This is one little thing, dude.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
So how does that behavior loop back to alcoholism and sobriety? Like,
what's what's the big difference in dating then and now?
Speaker 3 (21:18):
Well, when you're when you're in an active addiction. You
don't really have space for You don't have space for
other people. But you also don't have space to look
at a different perspective because you are just kind of stuck.
I mean, you know, I I could not see that
I was like harming other people when I was drinking.
(21:40):
I couldn't see like well, I was like you know
those people who were like, I'm so sorry, you know
you feel it was a mess.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
It's like, no, you were drunk in my dress.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
It's weird. You were like upset that I blacked out
the other night you threw up on your couch. I
don't really see it that way, you know, like it's
your inability to see another person's point of view of
what's happened, because if you saw their point of view,
you would feel awful and want to change your life, right, right,
But you can't do That's the denial, right. It's like
I have to put up the smoke screen of like
(22:10):
you don't have any like you don't have a leg
to stand on it while you're mad at me, you know.
And so yeah, if you're in a relationship with someone
and the whole thing is like everything I do is right,
and everything you say I do wrong is impossible to
prove and you're crazy. Then that's how you become. That's
when women go, he's a narcissist, and they're right, and
(22:32):
they're right. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Well so now you know, even though old habits die hard,
sometimes do things kind of do you still have a
reaction as if you're still yeah, a drunk, Well you
have to catch it.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
I'd say, not a drunk, but I have a reaction
of I'm still at the child. So like, like Brittany
and I my wife, like will be having a conversation
about something, and I'll go, here is the ideal bows
version of events and version of how I'm dealing with
this thing. Right, this is me and my most spiritual
(23:11):
understanding where you're coming from understanding all these things. Here
is the child that's completely fucking afraid that you did
this or you said this, and it's and I can't
be this all the time, you know. And that's the
problem is, Like, as much as I want to act
in my ideal adults amazing spiritual way all the time,
(23:34):
like you spend too much time with your wife your
significant other to really be perfect, and you can't expect
yourself to be perfect either, and your wife, your significant
other has to know like, yeah, he's not gonna be
perfect and it's okay and sometimes I'm going to be
like worse and whatever. So I think it's like noticing
(23:55):
it and then going like having the communication skills to go,
yeah I was bad there. That was not great. That
was me being a child. That was me afraid that
you would leave me. That was me afraid that you
saw me in a way that I don't like being seen.
(24:15):
You know, that was all that shit.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Yeah, we notice just to notice that the kids driving
the bus instead of what I like is why self?
Like the why self? It can't happen every minute of
every day, you know. But the fact that you can't
even a knowledge, oh that was my kid doing that
and explain it, it is really good, right because that kid
didn't get what it needed at the time. Right, It's like, oh,
(24:39):
then your significant other could kind of understand that more. Yeah,
by the way, do you know what what I think
about with you? Did you ever have the balls to
have sex with your shirt off? Because, like I always
think with I would like in the earl because when
you were a large guy. Trust me, I've had plenty
of guys leaving their shirts on when I because they
(25:02):
needed to put the tarp on.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
Yeah you got did you?
Speaker 2 (25:05):
What did you in the old days? You keep the
shirt on?
Speaker 3 (25:08):
I was a big shirt on guy. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Yeah, did you swim with the shirt on? That would
be the way.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
That's another level. Yeah I was, you know, no, but
I I definitely. I mean just that that vulnerability when
you when you're drinking, you're like keeping the shirt. I
look good in the shirt. You lie yourself, You're like,
I'm hot and this shirt.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Yeah, I'm gonna throw up, you know.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
And I mean, no one's upset at you for keeping
your shirt on.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Back then, absolutely true. We got some letters for you.
It's the mail bag. We got the letter you in
the mail bag. Bo, get the letters up. We're going
to read the letters today. Ow Boa is talking about relationships,
sobriety and all that crazy ship, and I'm every time
you say wife, it cracks me up because I still
(26:00):
can't believe, yeah, you're married, it's wild it is you.
Do you still feel weird saying it?
Speaker 5 (26:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (26:07):
Getting a little still steels like another guy saying I'm like, yeah,
my wife at home. That's why sometimes I use the
voices because you have to just makes it feel more comfortable.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
That's all right, all right, read is a letter. Let's
try to help these drunkens.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
All right. Stephanie twenty nine New Jays. Oh boy, dear Lisa,
my name is Stephanie. I'm twenty nine.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Well thanks for that.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
Okay, what's that to repeat yourself?
Speaker 5 (26:30):
There?
Speaker 3 (26:31):
And just got out of a relationship that was basically
built on codependency. I'm newly sober, newly single, and suddenly
realizing I have no idea what a healthy relationship even
looks like. Do I need to find myself before dating again?
Or is it just a TikTok therapist myth?
Speaker 2 (26:46):
Fine your self. I am sick and tired of these
serial monogamous Oh they do is o from one to
the other to the other. And in my experience, having
been that person until age fifty, what happens is you
end up dating the exact opposite of the last one.
So I remember dating a guy in my thirties who
(27:08):
was a big drunk, dumb as fuck, really not even
a college degree, can you imagine? And I said, I
break up them. I date the biggest nerd on the planet,
who's like an engineering type, genius and sober as a judge.
If you will not judge Judy but another judge who's sober,
and then you date the opposite of that. So she
(27:30):
needs to shut that vagina up, go to code, depends
anonymous meetings, in my opinion, and work on why you
think you need men as medication, because bo I will
tell you Lisa Lampinelli, no, strange, it is behavior. I
went to a codependency rehab and they tell you not
(27:51):
to date for a year. Well, guess what, I'm scared straight,
so I don't. I'm like, no, finally I made you
whatever in my forties, I'm like, no, they're right, I'm
it's finally time to take a full year. I was like,
I'm going to take one year and make sure I
quote get through the holidays single for the first time
since high school. Well, guess how great I am. I'm
(28:12):
bragging now I got through the holidays. But I said, oh,
I'm going to be single for another year and see
what it's like to have the holidays, be happy and
more than get through. So I was stone gold, sober
off these men for two years. I think that was
the way to do it. Yeah, I found it at
(28:34):
forty something. I wish i'd have done it sooner. I
would have skipped a lot of the potheads and the drunks.
So my advice to what's her name, Stephanie from their Jersey,
shut the clam up, stop it clothes for business, look
at yourself. By the way, if you need a good book,
I'm beginning codependency work Codependent No More by Melody Beat.
(28:56):
It's the Bible. Go to codependence and honest with evenings.
Ellen on meetings because sometimes there's an alcoholic or drunk
in your background.
Speaker 5 (29:04):
Bo.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Do you agree? And if you don't, I will not
hear of it. That's right.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
Next letter, Dear Lisa, this is from Ali at dix Hills,
New York. Who Ali? I believe?
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Alix Hills, Dix Dix Hills, Ali Dix.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
Ali Dicks. All right, Dear Lisa, I've been dating a
guy who's sober and goes to AA meetings a few
nights a week. He's great to hang out with, but
I always feel weird when I order a drink at dinner.
Do you think that my drinking in front of him
may be hurting his sobriety? He says, he doesn't care
if I drink, but I still worry. Thanks.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
Why doesn't she try to just ruin the relationship?
Speaker 3 (29:42):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (29:42):
I told him. I told him, He told me it's okay.
But but is it? Yeah, I'm asking you, is it okay?
He already said it is, But is it? It's like,
like we said in the last episode, if his sobriety
is threatened by your fucking cosmo or your muff scoalmule
have a little brass container or is it copper? I
(30:03):
don't know. That's the one I got wrong on the
weakest link. I would say, the guy's telling you the truth,
but keep your eyes open if you any She said.
He goes to meetings a couple of times a week, right,
so that's pretty good. He probably just does it to
get away from her because she's annoying with this asking Yes, bo,
can women ask these things? They can?
Speaker 3 (30:26):
They can?
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (30:27):
And you know what, it's it's about her, you know,
this is about her being codependent. It's like it's her
being like, oh, like, I don't know, am I causing?
And it's like if someone says they're fine, you gotta
take him with face value. You have to like except
that you your actions aren't affecting the world the way
you think they are.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Ah, you know, so it's her own inflated sense of
self importance and godlike qualities.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
That's right, I'm so important. I'm such a big part.
He's paying, he's hanging on my every word.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
Yeah, yeah, he's about to be he's gonna make me
go into the restroom. He's gonna sip my drink. Oh god,
it makes me sick. Women, stop it.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Yes, I'm probably looking at you going that's kind of gross.
Why is she having three beers? You know, like take
it easy?
Speaker 2 (31:10):
How many like drinks should somebody have before you're like, whoa,
that's a problem.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
I say three is like it's a normal amount of drinks.
I would say to have like on like a even
on a date. I'd think three is probably a little
bit much. Yeah, but it's kind of like your max, right,
Like you're going past three drinks. You're going like we're
drinking like.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
I always think it's weird when a woman will drink
like a bottle of wine. Isn't that four glasses? Yeah,
that's a lot. I don't know. I'm not judging, but
I am so I always go when they go.
Speaker 3 (31:46):
I like after work, I'm just knock back a quick
lot by the way.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
By the way, why do you need something all the
time to take the edge off?
Speaker 3 (31:58):
You know?
Speaker 2 (31:59):
So stop it, everybody, Just stop with the drinking. That's
my advice. Next letter, Do we have one more?
Speaker 3 (32:05):
Yeah? One more? And Annie in Tucson, Arizona. Annie, it's
someone creative, Dear Lisa.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
No, you never meet a Lisa. That's why it's creating.
I know, like seven Lisa's Yeah. Well, maybe you're just
hanging around with the right people. Actually, Hello, should even
be telling me? Okay, Annie, get your gun?
Speaker 3 (32:29):
All right, Annie, I'm twenty seven and most of my
friends are now microdosing with mushrooms and no longer drink.
I still like to have a few drinks when we
go out, but when I do, I feel like they're
judging me for it. If microdosing with mushrooms any better
than drinking alcohol or is it drug? A drug?
Speaker 2 (32:44):
Listen, I think a drug's a drug. Although I don't
even know what mushrooms are. I wouldn't even know. I
remember once this guy. It was like a fun little
couple night stands, like a guy when I was in
my twenties in the city and he gave me one night.
He said, I'm going to leave these here for you,
and it was a bag of mushrooms. And I didn't
(33:06):
know what to do with that. And my friend said, oh,
he probably really likes you. I guess that's a big compliment, right,
because I didn't know what to do with him. I
think I just gave him away because I'm such a pussy.
But bo, you are not a stranger to the drugs.
Have you done like every drug there is except heroin?
Speaker 3 (33:23):
I've done the drugs.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
But wow, you know, to meet someone who did haro,
now you see what a disappointment it is.
Speaker 5 (33:35):
Actually speak to someone because I'm so interested to know.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
Well, listen, I didn't have a long run. I did
it one time and it was an accident.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
So what he accidentally fell a.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
Yeah, essentially, I mean it was yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Wow, this guy really boring fast. Tell me about mushrooms
are what is my mushrooms? Bow?
Speaker 3 (33:55):
Mushrooms are silos cybin. It's an ingredient in mushrooms that
will make you trip, make you high.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
Like an acid type of situation. What does this microdosing mean?
Speaker 3 (34:07):
Well, it's something that like younger people are getting into
now because they're saying that it has some like benefits
and they're trying to like basically get high without really
getting high. And it's yeah, they're getting high, but it's
also like it's not really healthy. It's not really a thing.
Like it's kind of like now, ketamine therapy is a
(34:28):
big deal, and that's not a thing. I've done a
lot of ketamine. There's no therapy not for you. Yeah,
so I mean that's my judgment. But the thing is like,
if you're gonna drink a few drinks, if you're gonna
have some mushrooms, like, it's all the same shit. It's
all like, you know, you should just hang out with
some people that like to drink peers.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Or have or how about you. Just like everybody doesn't
have to do everything. Like I'm watching this great movie.
Oh my god, it's so good. Have you seen If
I had legs? I Kick you? Rose Byrne. She got
nominated for an oscar right, it's phenomenal. And she has
a lot of problems, not her personally, but like her
daughter has an eating disorder that's horrible. They can't figure
(35:10):
out why she won't eat. She's a little little child.
She has a husbands who's absentee. The apartment's falling down
around her, and she's a therapist on top of it,
and so it has a bunch of needy clients. And
she's always drinking a bottle of wine at night. Yeah,
and then she starts. I see her smoking out of
a it looks like a crack pipe, but it ends
up it's just pot right, and part of me is gone?
(35:33):
How do I And again I get that I'm privileged.
I don't have any of those problems. How come I
don't need to take the edge off? Probably because I
did for so many years, do it with men and food,
And I'm like, that's bad, that's a slipper slot. Can't
(35:56):
you get through life without micro dosing something or drinking
something or having something to take the edge off?
Speaker 3 (36:04):
Yeah, you absolutely can.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
I do do you?
Speaker 3 (36:08):
I'm not taking any What do you think?
Speaker 2 (36:12):
What do we do for our edges that might be
considered unhealthy? Before we both sit here with big heads
that were so fucking great.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
I listen, what do you think you do? I think
I mean food, definitely. I like to go out and eat.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
Gambling for sure, you know, I'll play some poker with
my buddies, okay, or I'll put twenty bucks on a game.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
And do you notice why you do that? Like as
you're doing it, or like ooh, I know what I'm
doing here.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what I'm doing. You know.
I'm like, I'm like, yeah, this will be a more
fun game. I'm gonna watch with my friends. We're gonna
I'm gonna see what happens.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
But you notice you need that hit.
Speaker 3 (36:56):
Yeah it's a little I know. Oh yeah, you know, the.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
Little addictive thing.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
But since I'm perfect, do I have any of those
things I think I do when I say yes to
things I don't really think are good for me out
of habit?
Speaker 3 (37:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
So in other words, if somebody says to me, oh,
would you like to do whatever type of show, well,
I'm retired, but I'll come and I'll do this.
Speaker 3 (37:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
Yeah, because you get that little hit, the heroin, the
little heroin. So I think before I get all hoity toity,
it's like, well you do it too.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
It's just that with drugs and alcohol, it's just gets
so ugly so fast that it's easier for those of
us who don't have the so ugly so fast to
sit in judgment of it, right, So I'm very judge
of the mushrooms or the ketamine or all that shit.
Speaker 3 (37:45):
Yeah, but it's also like I can accept. I think
that it's just I can accept like someone wants to
go and have a few beers, yeah, you know, and
like whatever your thing is that like everybody's brain is
wired so differently, you know. It's like there are people
that are just more comfortable, you know, doing a certain
thing to make them feel a little bit better. Not
(38:06):
saying they should do it, but I'm saying, like, right,
they're allowed.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
If it's not like leading to harm, right, Yeah, Because
I have friends who do a gummy yeah, And I
used to get like furious about it and be like,
you're so weak. Like in my head i'd say that
I wouldn't say to them, I just exit their lives.
But now I'm like, oh, maybe they're allowed to do
that because they have something that it helps them with
and I can't even tell they're doing it, right, Yeah,
(38:32):
So if it's if I can tell, then it pisses
me off.
Speaker 3 (38:35):
Sure, So I don't know your problem. My problem.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
It is, the truth is my favorite saying, I love it.
By the way, speaking of which, before we end this,
California sober. Me and you have laughed about this a
lot to explain what California sober is.
Speaker 3 (38:51):
So it's when somebody only smokes pot. I hate these
pe they don't drink, but.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
I don't mind if you smoke pot. I'm probably not
going to be friend friends with you because I don't
like it. Yeah, but at least it just don't say
you're sober then say I'm a pothead. It's fine.
Speaker 3 (39:07):
No, Well they need some credit. Yeah, no, I really,
I've been through something. Yeah, and I'm smoking some weed.
It's just, I mean, just for anyone to get high
constantly and then call themselves sober is ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
And this happens though you've seen this.
Speaker 3 (39:21):
It does, and you know where I see it happen,
and I go like, whatever, man, So it's fine. Is like,
you know, there's a lot of people out there that
have like major addictions with heroin or crack or something,
and then they find themselves going California sober. And you go, well,
there is a case to be made that this is
definitely a better situation that you're living in. And you know,
(39:42):
there's harm reduction techniques that we you know, are definitely helpful,
but is it sobriety.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
No, So it's just questioning the definition that they're using,
because if you go, look, I used to do, Like
if somebody says to me, I used to be a
Heroin addict, and now all I do is smoke pot
and it may managible and I'll never hopefully do Heroin again.
You go, yeah, your life's better. Yeah, But to be like,
I'm sober, give me a hit, you know.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
It's like weird. Yeah it's not. And I think most
people that are living that way won't like identify as sober.
They're more like, yeah, no, I went through this and
now I'm just doing this, Like.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
What about you know, why does it bother me with
these vapes? I don't get it. I don't understand it. Yeah,
does vapes get you high? Or is it just smoking?
Speaker 3 (40:31):
It's it's basically just like smoking cigarettes, but with you know, vapor.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Is it addictive?
Speaker 3 (40:38):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (40:39):
Very Because I got a couple of people I observed
I'm not gonna say who. They pull up in a car, Well,
the smoke comes out. I see them, and I said,
I don't like that. They're young kids. That's not good.
So I'm like, I bust their balls about it. I
go stop with the vape in what are you a
big shot?
Speaker 4 (40:56):
Now?
Speaker 2 (40:57):
What will that do to them eventually?
Speaker 3 (41:00):
Well, we don't know. That's kind of the issue is like,
you know, with smoking, we have enough data to go like,
this is what happens if you smoke, whereas with vaping,
were like we can see certain side effects happening. Like
there was a big thing people were saying, it gave
you like popcorn lung so it like like fuck up
your lings a little bit.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
But first the food addict in me was just like popcorn. Honestly,
that's the first time I was like, oh I'm hungry. Okay,
so I'm there too.
Speaker 3 (41:26):
But I also think like it's I think it's a
lot more nicotine than you people were getting from cigarettes.
So I think people are more addicted and it's leading
to more mental health problems. It's leading to you know, people.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
Why do people do it so much?
Speaker 3 (41:40):
Do they think it was good?
Speaker 4 (41:42):
Man?
Speaker 3 (41:42):
It was it feels good.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
To bape because it's nicotine.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
Yeah, It's like, well it also.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
Cigarettes make you feel good too, Oh yeah, nice soaking's
cool too.
Speaker 3 (41:53):
It's fucking awesome. You kidding me?
Speaker 2 (41:54):
Like, I've never smoked. I tried to once and I
coughed and I looked terrible, So I was like, I
forget it.
Speaker 3 (42:00):
But it looks so cool, dude. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:02):
I still if somebody comes in off the street to
a restaurant or dining or something and they have just
had a cigarette, I'm like, oh, I love that smell,
and they think you're gonna bust them on it. Like
I remember saying a guy, oh, did you just have
a cigarette, and he's like yeah. I was like, no, dude,
that smells so fucking good. I don't know there's you.
Did you smoke for a while?
Speaker 3 (42:19):
Oh yeah, I was a packa day guy for a while.
Love cigarettes.
Speaker 5 (42:23):
Was that only post recovery or dirt really, because I
know people like will pick.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
Up oh yes, cigarettes. Oh yeah. Rehab. I remember in
codependency rehab and in food rehab, the smoking pit was
the coolest people. So I didn't really pretend I smoke,
but I was like, just can I just be in
here and be cool? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (42:43):
Yeah, I mean, And there was nothing better than getting
out of an AA meeting not sure what the next
days can look like, oh.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
My god, it's great. Yeah, I wish I was that cool.
But if you're listening, don't vape. No, you don't know
what it leads to.
Speaker 3 (43:02):
It's just smoke. Yeah, you don't know what it's gonna be. Yeah,
like you're gonna look way cooler.
Speaker 2 (43:08):
Yeah, like just smoke.
Speaker 3 (43:09):
I have a cigarette, be like the the edgy hipster
guy who's like, yeah, fucking vaping and have a nice SIGI.
Speaker 5 (43:15):
Is part of it is that it's so easy to
put in your pocket and bring with you and you
don't have to step outside or do whatever.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
Oh you don't have to go outside, No, dude, people
do people do? People do it in restaurants and airport.
Speaker 3 (43:31):
I was dating this one clam.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
This was pre marriage, just pre marriage.
Speaker 3 (43:36):
Sorry Brittany for the story, but likes. But I remember
we were dating and it was it wasn't for for
a long time, but she was big into vaping. And
there's a sound that it makes when you stuck on it.
It's like a like yeah, it makes like a little crackle.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (43:53):
And I remember like we're in bed and it's getting late,
we're going to sleep, and I just hear the crackle.
I remember being like.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
Under the cover, under the cover, we're scared to see
you with your shirt off, ye, because you're misshapen. Bastin
bau mcdale, thank you so much for coming in here.
From what I hear, a comedian an author. Oh, by
the way, Celia does research and gives me notes, and
(44:24):
it says was a comedian and author. He has never
written a sentence. This guy's so dumb. It's okay, but
I think it's no it's funny. I like mistakes when
I can make fun of the person in the room.
But Bo, thank you for sharing your your stories. Thank
you for sharing your lessons. And also, if you want
to see BO do comedy, which I don't know why
(44:45):
you would, look up BA McDowell comedy on TikTok and
on Instagram. Look for Celia on Celia Underscore, Underscore Romano,
look for me at Lisa Lampinelli or don't see if
I care. Thank you for listening. Thank you again, Bo
for showing up.
Speaker 3 (45:03):
Thank you so muchly so, this was a blast and
a half.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
You don't sound like you meant it, but I think
you did.
Speaker 3 (45:08):
My ass is fully blasted.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
Ivy. That's what they say ah yes and listen. If
you need help, I would just seek sobriety and a shrink,
but instead, if you want the easy way out, just
send us a letter. Shrink this show at gmail dot com.
Please listen to our podcast on the iheartapp or wherever
you get your other loser podcast. We Love you by
Lisa Lampinelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.
She is a meddling advice giving yana and know it all,
and her words come from her head, her heart, and
often out of her ass. His podcast should not be
misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge
grain of salt for entertainment purposes.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Only these You need help, You're the problems.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Come on, come.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
Down, go craab, take a pill. I think you're insane.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Do what I say, dumb ass, listen to me. You Hey, everybody,
it's Lisa Lampinelli. And you know they said it wouldn't happen.
They said, hey, well, Bau McDowell, Lisa's guests ever get
invited anywhere Twice once they've seen and heard him. They
(00:59):
said no, But I said, yes, yes, he's back, because honestly,
I didn't get to any of the ship I wanted
to ask you about in the first episode, because I
am dying to know about a fall down drunk who
ends up going from a messy little bitch to being married.
And I put this in quotes. Man, So here is
(01:19):
my friend, Beau McDowell. Bo tell people where they can
find you.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Find me at bo mcdell comedy Bo b e A
U stupid.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
I can't stand it. Yeah whatever. Also here is Celia,
our producer, say, Hi Celia, Hi Celia. Okay, Celia could
be found at Celia Andrescorner's called Romano. She's taken less
abuse with Nick not here. So I think you would
rather have Bo in the studio. I think so too.
I know that will not be a surprise to hear
(01:50):
when you're Nick and listening at home, because he doesn't
listen anyway. God forbid he to hear his own pace. Yeah,
we shut up, so lo here he was here last
week talking, well last week, I'm clearly wearing the same shirt.
And by the way, let's address the shirt. We didn't
even address the shirt. Okay, my friend Gabe Brian, not
(02:10):
that I have a straight friend Brian, but Gabe Brian
went and got me a shirt that AI made up.
I guess he fed my picture to it. And it
says cinnamon TOAs cunt and has me And that does.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Look like my dog does.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
But I don't look like that too. Thank you in
a strapless secret trans for God's sake. But the reason
I bring up, thank you Brian for the shirt. But
the reason I bring up the shirt is because, like
clearly we're taping this in the same day, because I
held you over so BO Part two, and if you
didn't listen to episode one, go back and listen to it.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Gims.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Well, no, the fact that they know your story that
you were black, got drunk by twenty one, that you
finally got sober, you picked up CBD. But that doesn't
care out supposedly, and you've been sober for nine years.
But what I really invited you to talk about is
what I want to talk about now, which is it
fascinates this whole dating and or being a relationship before
(03:13):
and after sobriety. How does it work? It's just how
does it look different? So your dating life, you were
an awkward tine who didn't really date much.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Yeah, I was never I wasn't the toast of the town.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Yeah it looks like Shrek. Yeah yeah, and no one
wanted to let you have an ass grab.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
No. No, it was very uh yeah, there was a
lot of defense being played in my direction. But I uh,
you know, I dated here and there. But the thing is,
when you're drinking, uh, you're not such a great date,
you know, especially when you're really drinking a lot. So
I was very emotionally shut off and numbing myself. Okay,
And so like, if listen, if I was some hot
(03:58):
to trot guy, if I was this hairy styles she speaks, so, yes,
you know, there'd be some women that would be willing
to jump along the ride for that. But when you're
a fat smell and it's gross to be in the
same bed with you, you know, there's not a lot of
women that are going like, you know what, he's numbing
and he's miserable and he doesn't really talk to me
about anything emotionally and he's gross. Well that's the thing.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
It's like, what do you hear? These poor women though?
You think to yourself, they must have really hated themselves. Yes, yeah,
because you there wasn't a justification. And I bet a
lot of them did the rescuer thing we talked about
last episode. They were like, well, if he falls in
love with me, I can change all that. Was there
any of that in your life?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
No, because I was so clearly not.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
They were like, rescuing would not ever occur to them.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
I also like, you know, when I was going out
when I was younger, I was never I never thought
like going out to get laid tonight because it was
not in my like I didn't have that as like
a con confidence level, you know. I was never like,
you know, if I really go out and wear my
nice shot, my nice.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Shirt, your Hawaiian shirt pants.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
Yeah they're gonna be flucking you know. So I never
thought that that would happen. I was more like you
ever seen Super Bad of course, when they're like when
they're like, dude, like, how a chick's gonna go for
this unless we're not drunk, you know, Like that was
like the uh, the prevailing thought of the day. So
it was like, yeah, dude, I'm gonna go, and like
the focus is gonna be on like partying and drinking
(05:30):
and using drugs and hang out with my friends, and
like if I backed my way into a piece of clam,
then then there was like I also have nothing to
offer at the end of that. So like some girls,
you know, you have like a night and then you
just go like, yeah, man, you should probably you know,
just keep keep it moving.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Were there girls you hooked up with who actually wanted
to like see you again? Yes, I love what I'm
the most disgusted look on my face because like, you're
cute now, but also I can't imagine a guy cute
enough when he's drunken, crazy.
Speaker 3 (06:05):
No. No, And I think that there are a lot
of women that were like, there's something there with you.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
Yeah, because you're a good human being. There's something good
inside and women can sense that.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
Yeah, but that's tough to see through the rest. So
there were a few that kind of were like, I want.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
A little Especially when I was younger, there were a
few that were like, I just don't understand why you're
doing the things that you're doing. And I was like, well,
you know, hit the road.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Yeah, so you couldn't even go there.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
No, But I wasn't really open to having the emotional
discussion of like what's going on.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
So there was no let me you could not respond to,
let me love you through this boat desperado. Why don't
you come to your senses? Get out riding fences, dude?
Speaker 3 (06:51):
The walls were so up. But you know, I mean
we there were there were fun nights, and there was.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
You know, I come down.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
There were girls that you could joke with and just
have a time with that I still would talk to
to these days, you know, like friendship we.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Call those people Celia's So what bo changed?
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Like?
Speaker 2 (07:10):
What so in your first relationship? We're how old were
you like when you had your first real relationship?
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Twenty three?
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Twenty three? So were you sober yet?
Speaker 3 (07:21):
I had just gotten sober?
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Okay, we touched on this last episode just briefly. So
you how many months or weeks or days?
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Maybe ninety?
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Oh wow, because ninety is a big thing in AA
and all the program because you're supposed to go to
ninety meetings and ninety days. Did you do that?
Speaker 3 (07:39):
I did? Yeah? And the whole time I was like
down for Craam Yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
And was she there the whole time?
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Oh yeah yeah. We went to all the same meetings together.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
And so basically you should if you want to actually
take your sobriety seriously. Folks go to single sex meetings
yeah if you are straight, yeah, and opposite sex meetings
if you're a gay guy. If you're a gay guy,
you go to the woman's meetings. That's what I'm thinking.
So you will see this girl at AA. Did you
(08:08):
like her from a distance?
Speaker 3 (08:11):
I did? Yeah, I mean I just like I was
she loved like the attention that I would give her,
and I kind of was just like, Okay, I'm gonna
feed that as much as possible for her so that
I can, you know. And it was very much like
we're just talking after the meeting by our cars for
three hours, you know. Yeah, and like it's it's also
(08:34):
you know, that thing of like we're not supposed to
be doing this really amps up anything, you know.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
So it's like when you're I don't know, working somewhere
and like you're banging a co worker. Oh yeah, oh yeah,
the secret you never want that to get out because
it loses its luster. So you did not did anyone
in the meetings know you were doing that?
Speaker 3 (08:57):
Yeah, And like people were definitely like, hey man, you
got to stop doing that. And I was too far
gone in the direction of like I need this and
and so like I had friends that were like, dude,
you're gonna relapse. This is really bad. And then like
over time, I just you know, I turned that into
(09:17):
a relationship. It lasted a few years. The breakup was
really hard. The aftermath of it was like, oh, I
never got to learn how to be alone, so now
I'm doing the inner the you know, the early part
of sobriety. Over it again.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
You got to do it again, lucky you. But but
thank god without the booze.
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Yeah. And you know what, like I was always so
bad at that, and I ended up giving myself this
two year buffer to like really like clean up my
head a little bit. Everything happens for a reason.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Wait, so two year buffer meaning you didn't date for
two years?
Speaker 3 (09:50):
No, meaning like I gave myself this two year buffer
where I didn't have to deal with the loneliness that like,
so that served.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Its purpose and then you redid it's from the beginning.
Speaker 3 (10:00):
Yeah, I mean really after that relationship edit, it felt
like I was back in like day one sobriety because
you know, when you have that like security blanket of
a relationship there, it's it's really easy to use that
like a drug of like Okay, this is my this
is my thing I can focus on. This is the
thing that's gonna make me feel better. Is she okay?
As long as she's okay, I'm feeling okay. Right. It's
(10:23):
all codependent bullshit and I was deep in that and
that's why that that relationship had to end. But like
the second that it ended, I was like ohh shit,
like I am now like I have to rebuild me
liking me. And that was a long process, I would say.
I mean it was a like five six year process.
(10:44):
It was not a you know because they're always like, oh,
wait a year until you start dating. And it's like,
how many of us, if we took a year to
learn how to love ourselves and be comfortable alone, would
actually get there right right? You know? So you have
to like let it take the amount of time that's
going to take. And I did. I did a lot
of work on that. I remember calling friends and being like,
(11:05):
how do you show your self affection? You know, because
the only way I knew was the old the spank
of the band nick.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:14):
But I remember friends being like, dude, you know, have
you ever cooked for yourself? And I'm like, yeah, I
mean a fucking egg or something. But it's like at night,
like going to a grocery store, like picking out what
I want to eat, going this would be an exciting
thing for me to eat tonight, I'm gonna make it
for myself. I sit there like, you know, doing like
like things that build your self esteem and make you
(11:37):
feel like, oh, I'm taking care of myself, like all
these little things that you have to keep trying and
keep working on doing, and then all of a sudden
you're like, okay, I'm you know, I feel like I'm okay.
And then it was the whole thing of like I
am I okay in front of women that became a
whole other problem because then once I lost some weight
(11:58):
and women were looking at me more, it was like no,
but it's like, once they started looking at me more,
I was like, okay, I need to like every single
one that likes me. I need to like close that
deal now because that is going away tomorrow. They don't
(12:18):
know that, like this is like I'm gonna you know
what I mean, Like I'm in a hot streak right now.
I don't know what it is, but it's going away.
There's no way I can keep this up. And and
then I, you know, after years of that, I was like, oh, okay,
women do like me, and one does, yeah, you know,
and then you start to not feel like at first
(12:40):
you're making up for your childhood with dating, because you're
going like, nobody looked at me the way I wanted
to be looked at and then they do, and you
almost like hate them for it, you know, because you're
like why now you.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Know, like, yeah, it's like the one who complains I
hate the old thing of like, well, guys never looked
at me when I was fat, and now they want
to be with me that I'm thin. I'm like, yeah,
because you actually liked yourself a little more. So I'm like, well,
like look at yourself and see what you need to
do different. So did your self esteem sort of catch
(13:13):
up because of that five six year spam?
Speaker 3 (13:16):
It did a lot, you know, like it was all about,
like I said, all those things, but it took like
just the time, and you know, working with great therapists.
You introduced me to an amazing therapists did a lot.
I did a lot of good work with a few
years ago. And it's it's stuff like that that just
gets you ready for being able to be in a
(13:37):
real relationship and like accept the fact that, like you know,
because you get into a marriage and you know, it's
it's tough. There's you're dealing with somebody's you know, hopes
and dreams and their inner child and your inner child,
and and you know their parents and what they did
to them and your parents. So there's just all these
(14:00):
factors and you have to be able to pull yourself
out of it and not live in that unconscious space
of like just always being in hurt mode or always
being in you know, sensitive mode, and like, and.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
You can't be responsible for their feelings and they can't
be responsible for yours. You know, it's not your job
to fix them, it's not their job to fix you.
So I imagine it's so delicate, dude.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
It's yeah, it is. And like when I was first
getting sober and dating and or I had that relationship
that didn't work out, it's like everything she did, every
time she had an emotion that I felt scared by
or that seemed to affect my mental state, I felt
like I had to come in and fix it because
you know, I had was playing the role of like
(14:44):
she's my mom, yep, and mommy has to be okay
and all that shit, man, And then you know, you
watch that just kill you inside because you can't live
in that state. It's so right, it's you know, it's awful,
and and you like and you have to like just
let all that go and then figure out, like why
am I doing that? Why am I looking at the
(15:07):
person that I'm dating like my mother, and you know,
and then time goes by and you actually, if you
if you work on it, you might meet somebody that
isn't like your mother and you might like them, you know,
Whereas if you're staying that ship, then you're just gonna
keep meeting the people then.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Mommy, daddy, mommy, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
Keep going back to the same. Well, yeah, you know, So.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
What was it about? Because you met your I'll call
your current wife because I don't imagine it'll go that
long term, just kidding. You met your wife? How many
years ago?
Speaker 3 (15:41):
A few? Two? Almost three? Yeah, three years ago?
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Okay, So what made you recognize that this is different?
So you're not nick you know, or like I just
knew like that fucking bullshit, Like what made it actually
(16:08):
feel different? Internally?
Speaker 3 (16:10):
Well? I really like respected her, and I I like
the way that she carried herself, Like she was so
confident and so she had this like aura of like, yeah,
I know what I'm doing and I'm like ready to
you know, take on the world and I and that
was something that I was just like so amazed by.
(16:32):
At first that was like my first reaction to her,
and then over time, like you know, she became a
friend first, Like my wife and I have a really
strong friendship where like I can hang with her and
we'd laugh and fuck around, and we have a very
similar sense of humor. There's nothing that offends her, and
we we have a we have that as our as
(16:54):
our basis. So like when you know, other stuff comes up,
like I know I can always go we can we
can get back to the friendship part too, right now,
So like and and that stuff that I never wanted
to or never had the time or the interest in
building because I was looking to get a fixed from
(17:16):
my childhood out of a relationship, not building, not looking
to experience a new person and again gain a friend
and a lover and all that shit.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
So it was sort of in the old days, it
was just like getting the fix an addictive thing. Did
this not feel addictive?
Speaker 3 (17:35):
No, it didn't. I mean, you know, obviously, when you're
falling in love with someone, there's always a sense of
like it feels really good. I want to be but
I you know when because you know, I do stand
up pretty well.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
I mean i'd call it stand up in quotes. Yeah,
and by the way, you don't stand up, you said,
I can't stand it. I hate you so much.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
Sit down comedy with both Right, that's right, he's gonna pontificate.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Thanks for your lessons that you bestow upon the audience.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
Yeah, I'm a well of information. Yes you are, but
I uh, you know. One of the things I loved
about my wife when we first met was like I'd
be like, yeah, I got a show tonight, and she'd
be like, okay, interesting, Like that's just overall like I
get it, like you're funny comedy.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
I didn't want to go I get it, I understand.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
But that's like that's how a friend would react, because
you know, I have friends that known for years and
I'm playing. Then they go, I don't give a ship.
You know, they don't want to see it. They don't care.
They like our friendship. That's what that's the value. And
I always felt like I needed to come up with
these all these other different types of values to show
women to go like, here, look at me, I'm and
(18:55):
to see someone like literally be impervious to all the
things I was trying to show her, Like she was like, oh, yeah,
you're you got a decent job.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
And you're you know, it's fine.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
Yeah, Like you're fine. It's you that I like. You know,
That's what gave me this like feeling of like, oh yeah,
I could be with this person because it wasn't out
of anything that I didn't.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Have to jump through hoops. You didn't have to like
impress for some reason, she liked you. Were you kind
of surprised, though, not because bad self esteem or anything,
because kind of like when it's so different, it feels
so different.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
Yeah, it was weird. It also felt like I think
when you meet somebody that and it starts working and
you I mean I was dating forever and it was
never working. You would always feel like the like you're
getting on the track and then all of a sudden
it stops and then you have to get off. Like
that's how it always felt. And to feel like, oh shit,
the rides just keeps going, just keeps going. We're still
(19:53):
doing this, Like that was kind of surreal because you're
like waiting for the something to be wrong. Yeah, yeah,
you know, but I think at the same time, it's
like Okay, after a certain point, you just go we're
still going. So did you.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Ever do the self sabotaging thing of like trying to
make something wrong? Trying to find problems.
Speaker 3 (20:14):
We had like our first big fight, yeah, and I
remember we met at the diner to like talk it out,
and like I showed up all yeah diner, and yeah,
I showed up all like I guess this is it,
you know, Yeah, this has gotta be the end, you know,
And like immediately went into it like yeah, you're probably
gonna leave because I did this or I wasn't good
(20:36):
enough in this way, and she was like, this isn't
a breakup, talking fucking idiot, Like yeah, in fact, like
why did you ask me to meet me at a diner?
Just come over and talk to me about this shit,
like what's wrong with you?
Speaker 2 (20:46):
And I was like, okay, then that was so different
for you.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
Yeah, I was expecting like the big show, you know,
here's the big show of how you're gonna say I'm
wrong and this. And she was like why, just like
come over, let's just talk about it and figure it out.
We already know that this works. This is one little thing, dude.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
So how does that behavior loop back to alcoholism and sobriety? Like,
what's what's the big difference in dating then and now?
Speaker 3 (21:18):
Well, when you're when you're in an active addiction. You
don't really have space for You don't have space for
other people. But you also don't have space to look
at a different perspective because you are just kind of stuck.
I mean, you know, I I could not see that
I was like harming other people when I was drinking.
(21:40):
I couldn't see like well, I was like you know
those people who were like, I'm so sorry, you know
you feel it was a mess.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
It's like, no, you were drunk in my dress.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
It's weird. You were like upset that I blacked out
the other night you threw up on your couch. I
don't really see it that way, you know, like it's
your inability to see another person's point of view of
what's happened, because if you saw their point of view,
you would feel awful and want to change your life, right, right,
But you can't do That's the denial, right. It's like
I have to put up the smoke screen of like
(22:10):
you don't have any like you don't have a leg
to stand on it while you're mad at me, you know.
And so yeah, if you're in a relationship with someone
and the whole thing is like everything I do is right,
and everything you say I do wrong is impossible to
prove and you're crazy. Then that's how you become. That's
when women go, he's a narcissist, and they're right, and
(22:32):
they're right. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Well so now you know, even though old habits die hard,
sometimes do things kind of do you still have a
reaction as if you're still yeah, a drunk, Well you
have to catch it.
Speaker 3 (22:49):
I'd say, not a drunk, but I have a reaction
of I'm still at the child. So like, like Brittany
and I my wife, like will be having a conversation
about something, and I'll go, here is the ideal bows
version of events and version of how I'm dealing with
this thing. Right, this is me and my most spiritual
(23:11):
understanding where you're coming from understanding all these things. Here
is the child that's completely fucking afraid that you did
this or you said this, and it's and I can't
be this all the time, you know. And that's the
problem is, Like, as much as I want to act
in my ideal adults amazing spiritual way all the time,
(23:34):
like you spend too much time with your wife your
significant other to really be perfect, and you can't expect
yourself to be perfect either, and your wife, your significant
other has to know like, yeah, he's not gonna be
perfect and it's okay and sometimes I'm going to be
like worse and whatever. So I think it's like noticing
(23:55):
it and then going like having the communication skills to go,
yeah I was bad there. That was not great. That
was me being a child. That was me afraid that
you would leave me. That was me afraid that you
saw me in a way that I don't like being seen.
(24:15):
You know, that was all that shit.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Yeah, we notice just to notice that the kids driving
the bus instead of what I like is why self?
Like the why self? It can't happen every minute of
every day, you know. But the fact that you can't
even a knowledge, oh that was my kid doing that
and explain it, it is really good, right because that kid
didn't get what it needed at the time. Right, It's like, oh,
(24:39):
then your significant other could kind of understand that more. Yeah,
by the way, do you know what what I think
about with you? Did you ever have the balls to
have sex with your shirt off? Because, like I always
think with I would like in the earl because when
you were a large guy. Trust me, I've had plenty
of guys leaving their shirts on when I because they
(25:02):
needed to put the tarp on.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
Yeah you got did you?
Speaker 2 (25:05):
What did you in the old days? You keep the
shirt on?
Speaker 3 (25:08):
I was a big shirt on guy. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Yeah, did you swim with the shirt on? That would
be the way.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
That's another level. Yeah I was, you know, no, but
I I definitely. I mean just that that vulnerability when
you when you're drinking, you're like keeping the shirt. I
look good in the shirt. You lie yourself, You're like,
I'm hot and this shirt.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Yeah, I'm gonna throw up, you know.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
And I mean, no one's upset at you for keeping
your shirt on.
Speaker 2 (25:38):
Back then, absolutely true. We got some letters for you.
It's the mail bag. We got the letter you in
the mail bag. Bo, get the letters up. We're going
to read the letters today. Ow Boa is talking about relationships,
sobriety and all that crazy ship, and I'm every time
you say wife, it cracks me up because I still
(26:00):
can't believe, yeah, you're married, it's wild it is you.
Do you still feel weird saying it?
Speaker 5 (26:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (26:07):
Getting a little still steels like another guy saying I'm like, yeah,
my wife at home. That's why sometimes I use the
voices because you have to just makes it feel more comfortable.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
That's all right, all right, read is a letter. Let's
try to help these drunkens.
Speaker 3 (26:19):
All right. Stephanie twenty nine New Jays. Oh boy, dear Lisa,
my name is Stephanie. I'm twenty nine.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
Well thanks for that.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
Okay, what's that to repeat yourself?
Speaker 5 (26:30):
There?
Speaker 3 (26:31):
And just got out of a relationship that was basically
built on codependency. I'm newly sober, newly single, and suddenly
realizing I have no idea what a healthy relationship even
looks like. Do I need to find myself before dating again?
Or is it just a TikTok therapist myth?
Speaker 2 (26:46):
Fine your self. I am sick and tired of these
serial monogamous Oh they do is o from one to
the other to the other. And in my experience, having
been that person until age fifty, what happens is you
end up dating the exact opposite of the last one.
So I remember dating a guy in my thirties who
(27:08):
was a big drunk, dumb as fuck, really not even
a college degree, can you imagine? And I said, I
break up them. I date the biggest nerd on the planet,
who's like an engineering type, genius and sober as a judge.
If you will not judge Judy but another judge who's sober,
and then you date the opposite of that. So she
(27:30):
needs to shut that vagina up, go to code, depends
anonymous meetings, in my opinion, and work on why you
think you need men as medication, because bo I will
tell you Lisa Lampinelli, no, strange, it is behavior. I
went to a codependency rehab and they tell you not
(27:51):
to date for a year. Well, guess what, I'm scared straight,
so I don't. I'm like, no, finally I made you
whatever in my forties, I'm like, no, they're right, I'm
it's finally time to take a full year. I was like,
I'm going to take one year and make sure I
quote get through the holidays single for the first time
since high school. Well, guess how great I am. I'm
(28:12):
bragging now I got through the holidays. But I said, oh,
I'm going to be single for another year and see
what it's like to have the holidays, be happy and
more than get through. So I was stone gold, sober
off these men for two years. I think that was
the way to do it. Yeah, I found it at
(28:34):
forty something. I wish i'd have done it sooner. I
would have skipped a lot of the potheads and the drunks.
So my advice to what's her name, Stephanie from their Jersey,
shut the clam up, stop it clothes for business, look
at yourself. By the way, if you need a good book,
I'm beginning codependency work Codependent No More by Melody Beat.
(28:56):
It's the Bible. Go to codependence and honest with evenings.
Ellen on meetings because sometimes there's an alcoholic or drunk
in your background.
Speaker 5 (29:04):
Bo.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Do you agree? And if you don't, I will not
hear of it. That's right.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
Next letter, Dear Lisa, this is from Ali at dix Hills,
New York. Who Ali? I believe?
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Alix Hills, Dix Dix Hills, Ali Dix.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
Ali Dicks. All right, Dear Lisa, I've been dating a
guy who's sober and goes to AA meetings a few
nights a week. He's great to hang out with, but
I always feel weird when I order a drink at dinner.
Do you think that my drinking in front of him
may be hurting his sobriety? He says, he doesn't care
if I drink, but I still worry. Thanks.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
Why doesn't she try to just ruin the relationship?
Speaker 3 (29:42):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (29:42):
I told him. I told him, He told me it's okay.
But but is it? Yeah, I'm asking you, is it okay?
He already said it is, But is it? It's like,
like we said in the last episode, if his sobriety
is threatened by your fucking cosmo or your muff scoalmule
have a little brass container or is it copper? I
(30:03):
don't know. That's the one I got wrong on the
weakest link. I would say, the guy's telling you the truth,
but keep your eyes open if you any She said.
He goes to meetings a couple of times a week, right,
so that's pretty good. He probably just does it to
get away from her because she's annoying with this asking Yes, bo,
can women ask these things? They can?
Speaker 3 (30:26):
They can?
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (30:27):
And you know what, it's it's about her, you know,
this is about her being codependent. It's like it's her
being like, oh, like, I don't know, am I causing?
And it's like if someone says they're fine, you gotta
take him with face value. You have to like except
that you your actions aren't affecting the world the way
you think they are.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
Ah, you know, so it's her own inflated sense of
self importance and godlike qualities.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
That's right, I'm so important. I'm such a big part.
He's paying, he's hanging on my every word.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
Yeah, yeah, he's about to be he's gonna make me
go into the restroom. He's gonna sip my drink. Oh god,
it makes me sick. Women, stop it.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
Yes, I'm probably looking at you going that's kind of gross.
Why is she having three beers? You know, like take
it easy?
Speaker 2 (31:10):
How many like drinks should somebody have before you're like, whoa,
that's a problem.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
I say three is like it's a normal amount of drinks.
I would say to have like on like a even
on a date. I'd think three is probably a little
bit much. Yeah, but it's kind of like your max, right,
Like you're going past three drinks. You're going like we're
drinking like.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
I always think it's weird when a woman will drink
like a bottle of wine. Isn't that four glasses? Yeah,
that's a lot. I don't know. I'm not judging, but
I am so I always go when they go.
Speaker 3 (31:46):
I like after work, I'm just knock back a quick
lot by the way.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
By the way, why do you need something all the
time to take the edge off?
Speaker 3 (31:58):
You know?
Speaker 2 (31:59):
So stop it, everybody, Just stop with the drinking. That's
my advice. Next letter, Do we have one more?
Speaker 3 (32:05):
Yeah? One more? And Annie in Tucson, Arizona. Annie, it's
someone creative, Dear Lisa.
Speaker 2 (32:15):
No, you never meet a Lisa. That's why it's creating.
I know, like seven Lisa's Yeah. Well, maybe you're just
hanging around with the right people. Actually, Hello, should even
be telling me? Okay, Annie, get your gun?
Speaker 3 (32:29):
All right, Annie, I'm twenty seven and most of my
friends are now microdosing with mushrooms and no longer drink.
I still like to have a few drinks when we
go out, but when I do, I feel like they're
judging me for it. If microdosing with mushrooms any better
than drinking alcohol or is it drug? A drug?
Speaker 2 (32:44):
Listen, I think a drug's a drug. Although I don't
even know what mushrooms are. I wouldn't even know. I
remember once this guy. It was like a fun little
couple night stands, like a guy when I was in
my twenties in the city and he gave me one night.
He said, I'm going to leave these here for you,
and it was a bag of mushrooms. And I didn't
(33:06):
know what to do with that. And my friend said, oh,
he probably really likes you. I guess that's a big compliment, right,
because I didn't know what to do with him. I
think I just gave him away because I'm such a pussy.
But bo, you are not a stranger to the drugs.
Have you done like every drug there is except heroin?
Speaker 3 (33:23):
I've done the drugs.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
But wow, you know, to meet someone who did haro,
now you see what a disappointment it is.
Speaker 5 (33:35):
Actually speak to someone because I'm so interested to know.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
Well, listen, I didn't have a long run. I did
it one time and it was an accident.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
So what he accidentally fell a.
Speaker 3 (33:45):
Yeah, essentially, I mean it was yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
Wow, this guy really boring fast. Tell me about mushrooms
are what is my mushrooms? Bow?
Speaker 3 (33:55):
Mushrooms are silos cybin. It's an ingredient in mushrooms that
will make you trip, make you high.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
Like an acid type of situation. What does this microdosing mean?
Speaker 3 (34:07):
Well, it's something that like younger people are getting into
now because they're saying that it has some like benefits
and they're trying to like basically get high without really
getting high. And it's yeah, they're getting high, but it's
also like it's not really healthy. It's not really a thing.
Like it's kind of like now, ketamine therapy is a
(34:28):
big deal, and that's not a thing. I've done a
lot of ketamine. There's no therapy not for you. Yeah,
so I mean that's my judgment. But the thing is like,
if you're gonna drink a few drinks, if you're gonna
have some mushrooms, like, it's all the same shit. It's
all like, you know, you should just hang out with
some people that like to drink peers.
Speaker 2 (34:50):
Or have or how about you. Just like everybody doesn't
have to do everything. Like I'm watching this great movie.
Oh my god, it's so good. Have you seen If
I had legs? I Kick you? Rose Byrne. She got
nominated for an oscar right, it's phenomenal. And she has
a lot of problems, not her personally, but like her
daughter has an eating disorder that's horrible. They can't figure
(35:10):
out why she won't eat. She's a little little child.
She has a husbands who's absentee. The apartment's falling down
around her, and she's a therapist on top of it,
and so it has a bunch of needy clients. And
she's always drinking a bottle of wine at night. Yeah,
and then she starts. I see her smoking out of
a it looks like a crack pipe, but it ends
up it's just pot right, and part of me is gone?
(35:33):
How do I And again I get that I'm privileged.
I don't have any of those problems. How come I
don't need to take the edge off? Probably because I
did for so many years, do it with men and food,
And I'm like, that's bad, that's a slipper slot. Can't
(35:56):
you get through life without micro dosing something or drinking
something or having something to take the edge off?
Speaker 3 (36:04):
Yeah, you absolutely can.
Speaker 2 (36:06):
I do do you?
Speaker 3 (36:08):
I'm not taking any What do you think?
Speaker 2 (36:12):
What do we do for our edges that might be
considered unhealthy? Before we both sit here with big heads
that were so fucking great.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
I listen, what do you think you do? I think
I mean food, definitely. I like to go out and eat.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (36:28):
Gambling for sure, you know, I'll play some poker with
my buddies, okay, or I'll put twenty bucks on a game.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
And do you notice why you do that? Like as
you're doing it, or like ooh, I know what I'm
doing here.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what I'm doing. You know.
I'm like, I'm like, yeah, this will be a more
fun game. I'm gonna watch with my friends. We're gonna
I'm gonna see what happens.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
But you notice you need that hit.
Speaker 3 (36:56):
Yeah it's a little I know. Oh yeah, you know, the.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
Little addictive thing.
Speaker 3 (36:59):
Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
But since I'm perfect, do I have any of those
things I think I do when I say yes to
things I don't really think are good for me out
of habit?
Speaker 3 (37:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
So in other words, if somebody says to me, oh,
would you like to do whatever type of show, well,
I'm retired, but I'll come and I'll do this.
Speaker 3 (37:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
Yeah, because you get that little hit, the heroin, the
little heroin. So I think before I get all hoity toity,
it's like, well you do it too.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
It's just that with drugs and alcohol, it's just gets
so ugly so fast that it's easier for those of
us who don't have the so ugly so fast to
sit in judgment of it, right, So I'm very judge
of the mushrooms or the ketamine or all that shit.
Speaker 3 (37:45):
Yeah, but it's also like I can accept. I think
that it's just I can accept like someone wants to
go and have a few beers, yeah, you know, and
like whatever your thing is that like everybody's brain is
wired so differently, you know. It's like there are people
that are just more comfortable, you know, doing a certain
thing to make them feel a little bit better. Not
(38:06):
saying they should do it, but I'm saying, like, right,
they're allowed.
Speaker 2 (38:09):
If it's not like leading to harm, right, Yeah, Because
I have friends who do a gummy yeah, And I
used to get like furious about it and be like,
you're so weak. Like in my head i'd say that
I wouldn't say to them, I just exit their lives.
But now I'm like, oh, maybe they're allowed to do
that because they have something that it helps them with
and I can't even tell they're doing it, right, Yeah,
(38:32):
So if it's if I can tell, then it pisses
me off.
Speaker 3 (38:35):
Sure, So I don't know your problem. My problem.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
It is, the truth is my favorite saying, I love it.
By the way, speaking of which, before we end this,
California sober. Me and you have laughed about this a
lot to explain what California sober is.
Speaker 3 (38:51):
So it's when somebody only smokes pot. I hate these
pe they don't drink, but.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
I don't mind if you smoke pot. I'm probably not
going to be friend friends with you because I don't
like it. Yeah, but at least it just don't say
you're sober then say I'm a pothead. It's fine.
Speaker 3 (39:07):
No, Well they need some credit. Yeah, no, I really,
I've been through something. Yeah, and I'm smoking some weed.
It's just, I mean, just for anyone to get high
constantly and then call themselves sober is ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
And this happens though you've seen this.
Speaker 3 (39:21):
It does, and you know where I see it happen,
and I go like, whatever, man, So it's fine. Is like,
you know, there's a lot of people out there that
have like major addictions with heroin or crack or something,
and then they find themselves going California sober. And you go, well,
there is a case to be made that this is
definitely a better situation that you're living in. And you know,
(39:42):
there's harm reduction techniques that we you know, are definitely helpful,
but is it sobriety.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
No, So it's just questioning the definition that they're using,
because if you go, look, I used to do, Like
if somebody says to me, I used to be a
Heroin addict, and now all I do is smoke pot
and it may managible and I'll never hopefully do Heroin again.
You go, yeah, your life's better. Yeah, But to be like,
I'm sober, give me a hit, you know.
Speaker 3 (40:09):
It's like weird. Yeah it's not. And I think most
people that are living that way won't like identify as sober.
They're more like, yeah, no, I went through this and
now I'm just doing this, Like.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
What about you know, why does it bother me with
these vapes? I don't get it. I don't understand it. Yeah,
does vapes get you high? Or is it just smoking?
Speaker 3 (40:31):
It's it's basically just like smoking cigarettes, but with you know, vapor.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Is it addictive?
Speaker 3 (40:38):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (40:39):
Very Because I got a couple of people I observed
I'm not gonna say who. They pull up in a car, Well,
the smoke comes out. I see them, and I said,
I don't like that. They're young kids. That's not good.
So I'm like, I bust their balls about it. I
go stop with the vape in what are you a
big shot?
Speaker 4 (40:56):
Now?
Speaker 2 (40:57):
What will that do to them eventually?
Speaker 3 (41:00):
Well, we don't know. That's kind of the issue is like,
you know, with smoking, we have enough data to go like,
this is what happens if you smoke, whereas with vaping,
were like we can see certain side effects happening. Like
there was a big thing people were saying, it gave
you like popcorn lung so it like like fuck up
your lings a little bit.
Speaker 2 (41:19):
But first the food addict in me was just like popcorn. Honestly,
that's the first time I was like, oh I'm hungry. Okay,
so I'm there too.
Speaker 3 (41:26):
But I also think like it's I think it's a
lot more nicotine than you people were getting from cigarettes.
So I think people are more addicted and it's leading
to more mental health problems. It's leading to you know, people.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
Why do people do it so much?
Speaker 3 (41:40):
Do they think it was good?
Speaker 4 (41:42):
Man?
Speaker 3 (41:42):
It was it feels good.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
To bape because it's nicotine.
Speaker 3 (41:46):
Yeah, It's like, well it also.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
Cigarettes make you feel good too, Oh yeah, nice soaking's
cool too.
Speaker 3 (41:53):
It's fucking awesome. You kidding me?
Speaker 2 (41:54):
Like, I've never smoked. I tried to once and I
coughed and I looked terrible, So I was like, I
forget it.
Speaker 3 (42:00):
But it looks so cool, dude. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (42:02):
I still if somebody comes in off the street to
a restaurant or dining or something and they have just
had a cigarette, I'm like, oh, I love that smell,
and they think you're gonna bust them on it. Like
I remember saying a guy, oh, did you just have
a cigarette, and he's like yeah. I was like, no, dude,
that smells so fucking good. I don't know there's you.
Did you smoke for a while?
Speaker 3 (42:19):
Oh yeah, I was a packa day guy for a while.
Love cigarettes.
Speaker 5 (42:23):
Was that only post recovery or dirt really, because I
know people like will pick.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
Up oh yes, cigarettes. Oh yeah. Rehab. I remember in
codependency rehab and in food rehab, the smoking pit was
the coolest people. So I didn't really pretend I smoke,
but I was like, just can I just be in
here and be cool? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (42:43):
Yeah, I mean, And there was nothing better than getting
out of an AA meeting not sure what the next
days can look like, oh.
Speaker 2 (42:53):
My god, it's great. Yeah, I wish I was that cool.
But if you're listening, don't vape. No, you don't know
what it leads to.
Speaker 3 (43:02):
It's just smoke. Yeah, you don't know what it's gonna be. Yeah,
like you're gonna look way cooler.
Speaker 2 (43:08):
Yeah, like just smoke.
Speaker 3 (43:09):
I have a cigarette, be like the the edgy hipster
guy who's like, yeah, fucking vaping and have a nice SIGI.
Speaker 5 (43:15):
Is part of it is that it's so easy to
put in your pocket and bring with you and you
don't have to step outside or do whatever.
Speaker 2 (43:23):
Oh you don't have to go outside, No, dude, people
do people do? People do it in restaurants and airport.
Speaker 3 (43:31):
I was dating this one clam.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
This was pre marriage, just pre marriage.
Speaker 3 (43:36):
Sorry Brittany for the story, but likes. But I remember
we were dating and it was it wasn't for for
a long time, but she was big into vaping. And
there's a sound that it makes when you stuck on it.
It's like a like yeah, it makes like a little crackle.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (43:53):
And I remember like we're in bed and it's getting late,
we're going to sleep, and I just hear the crackle.
I remember being like.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
Under the cover, under the cover, we're scared to see
you with your shirt off, ye, because you're misshapen. Bastin
bau mcdale, thank you so much for coming in here.
From what I hear, a comedian an author. Oh, by
the way, Celia does research and gives me notes, and
(44:24):
it says was a comedian and author. He has never
written a sentence. This guy's so dumb. It's okay, but
I think it's no it's funny. I like mistakes when
I can make fun of the person in the room.
But Bo, thank you for sharing your your stories. Thank
you for sharing your lessons. And also, if you want
to see BO do comedy, which I don't know why
(44:45):
you would, look up BA McDowell comedy on TikTok and
on Instagram. Look for Celia on Celia Underscore, Underscore Romano,
look for me at Lisa Lampinelli or don't see if
I care. Thank you for listening. Thank you again, Bo
for showing up.
Speaker 3 (45:03):
Thank you so muchly so, this was a blast and
a half.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
You don't sound like you meant it, but I think
you did.
Speaker 3 (45:08):
My ass is fully blasted.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
Ivy. That's what they say ah yes and listen. If
you need help, I would just seek sobriety and a shrink,
but instead, if you want the easy way out, just
send us a letter. Shrink this show at gmail dot com.
Please listen to our podcast on the iheartapp or wherever
you get your other loser podcast. We Love you by
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