Just the Tip Please: Starting Therapy

In this episode, Lisa sits down with Broadway performer and fellow chaos gremlin Chris O’Neill to talk about what happens when the loud, funny guy finally walks into therapy—and immediately starts crying. They unpack ADHD, people-pleasing, control issues, and why being “the fun one” is often just a coping mechanism in a clown nose and floppy shoes. From emotional dumps to re-parenting your inner child, this is a brutally honest, surprisingly tender conversation about what actually changes when you stop dodging your feelings and let someone help.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.
She is a meddling advice giving yanta. I know it all,
and her words come from her head, her heart, and
often out of her ass. This podcast should not be
misconstrued as therapy. I should be taken with a huge
strain of salt for entertainment purposes only.

Speaker 2 (00:16):
These You need help, you're the problems. Come on, come down,
go cleam, take a pill.

Speaker 3 (00:35):
I think you're insane. Do what I say, dumb ass,
listen to me, you and welcome back. I'm singing because
today on this episode, I'm shrink. This was Lisa Rabbinati

(00:59):
second episodisode of season two. We have a special guest.
Why is Broadway legend? We have Chris O'Neill, my friend,
fellow teacher, artiste Broadway legend.

Speaker 4 (01:12):
Yes, I am the legend. That is totally correct.

Speaker 3 (01:15):
Well, it's so funny about Chris. Is I when this
college and they actually are quite good. It's a school
called the Norwalk Conservatory of the Arts or for the Arts.
I don't know which one of four. I don't give
a fuck because guests sue if I call it it,
that's what it is, so I get recruited to teach
there by this guy who runs it called Danny, and

(01:38):
Danny trecks me down and he goes, do you want it?
Of course, he stalks me on Instagram. He's like, uh,
do you want to do a guest lecture? Maybe? I
go hell, no, I want to teach there because I
want to fancy myself a professor, and he goes, well,
we have a great stand up teacher. Also, I'm like
thinking to myself, I've never heard of this boob. I've

(02:00):
never heard of this. If he's not someone i've heard of,
he can't be that good. And then I meet you
and it's like, hi, five years on Broad and I'm like,
fuck you, Chris O'Neil.

Speaker 4 (02:07):
Know what was really cool is what he was like, Uh,
do you you want to have lunch with Lisa Lampanelli
where we're seeing if she wants to teach here? And
I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, that's okay.

Speaker 3 (02:16):
Really super scared, I'd take your place. No, you should
have been. This is how I am telling you. It's true.

Speaker 4 (02:25):
No, but it was cool. It was like when we
met in the coffee shop. In my head, I'm like,
oh God, it's like a first date. I was like,
I gotta be cool, Like, what do I say? She's
done everything? So what am I going an impressor withhi?
Blah blah blah. And then we just started yapping. I
was like, Oh, this is great. I know.

Speaker 3 (02:38):
The great thing is that, unlike a first date, I
did not let you finger me. That's because you know.

Speaker 4 (02:44):
You made that right off the bat. You let me
know that.

Speaker 3 (02:47):
I said, I have boundaries, girl, I got limit you
know what.

Speaker 4 (02:49):
I suspect that, and that's why I love you.

Speaker 3 (02:51):
Yeah. Now, you are a very terrific performer. You're a
terrific teacher. And the reason I decided that I wanted
you on the show was because we have talked extensively
about therapy. Now, by the way, I'm just gonna say
off the bat, I am a huge advocate for therapy.
I oftentimes wear a sweatshirt that says go to therapy

(03:12):
because I think that's a message most people need to hear.
So when you and I met, I'm gonna tell you
the truth. I said, this guy, I like him, but
he's all over the place.

Speaker 4 (03:24):
Oh yeah, he.

Speaker 3 (03:25):
Can't concentrate, he's on tangents, he's a. You're what we
call a loose cannon.

Speaker 4 (03:31):
You sound like my tea is going up, I know.

Speaker 3 (03:34):
And I was like, I know, I like him, but
I don't know if we will I ever be more
than acquaintances because that energy is tough for me because
I'm like, oh my god, look, I don't know what
direction the conversation is going. It's crazy. It's like off
the walls. And I'm bad enough as I am, so
I said this Chris, goddamnit, he needs therapy. But I'm like,

(03:55):
I can't tell you need therapy. And I remember one
day you said, hey, guess what because I just drop
in therapy with every conversation, Like, I don't think I've
ever had a conversation where I'm like, my therapist says
this thought. I don't know if I helped plant the
seat or just gave you a little push, or if
it wasn't it was just a coincidence. One day you
said to me last year, like, oh, I decided to

(04:16):
go to therapy. It's going so well. Yeah, And I
just noticed, dude, seriously, you're still the same great personality,
but I'm like, you're so much more chill with conversation
and you're not all over the place anymore. What do
you think is that something you credit therapy for.

Speaker 4 (04:33):
Yeah, it's it's weird because I can't obviously hear myself
sometimes because I get really excited and it's like a
snowball effect that I'm over here and I'm over here. Yeah.
I've always been like a strong advocate for therapy because
I have a lot of friends that go, and it's
definitely helped them out.

Speaker 3 (04:47):
Right.

Speaker 4 (04:47):
I don't know what it was about my thing, Like,
I don't know if I was scared secretly or if
it was just the process of definding a therapist and
the wind blows and I'm thinking of something else. But
finally my wife was kind of like, let's lock lock
in and let's let's make this work. And I met
this really great woman, my therapist, and I remember our

(05:07):
first meeting. I didn't know what to expect.

Speaker 3 (05:10):
And did she let you finger her? Yeah, which is
a great home mark me. They call that immersion therapy
immerse in your ass. So you have a female therapist.
I'm very enthused about that. Do you think that was
was she? Did you want to have a female therapist

(05:31):
or did it just sort of unfold that way kind
of did.

Speaker 4 (05:33):
I don't know what something about the energy. I mean,
I'm like, I'm this, I'm the only guy in in
a house full of women, have two daughters, my wife,
and my dog, and I just I don't know what
it is. I feel like there's a calming presence and
I don't know, it's just a it's a different take
on things. But I remember she she's super chill, super cool.
I didn't know what to expect, kind of terrified. But

(05:55):
I was at the point where I was like, I
feel like it's spilling over, like the stress and everything
is like spilling over. And she was kind of like, uh,
you know, how's it going. And I just was like
and I just let it go. I just start crying.
It was the weirdest. She didn't say anything crazy.

Speaker 3 (06:13):
Of course, of course, it just did. It just was
it that she just created that safety for you.

Speaker 4 (06:18):
I guess I think it was kind of like one
of those little safe havens, like this is the place
that I can work on things that I need work
on right now, and uh yeah, it was like Tuesdays, huh.
And I just was like, god, Tuesdays and she was like,
whoa Okay, what's what's all that? And I go, I
don't know, but immediately getting that out, just that initial

(06:38):
like dump.

Speaker 3 (06:39):
Was like, oh, this feels great.

Speaker 4 (06:40):
Wow, not that I took a dump, but you know,
my emotional dump after.

Speaker 3 (06:44):
That real good. Any type of dump feels good. I
will often say to my co host Nick, who isn't
here because he's at therapy right now. I often say Nick,
when I take a dump before I do the podcast,
not to be graphic, but boy, is that cleansing.

Speaker 4 (06:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (06:59):
So the emotional dump of therapy, the physical dump of
going to the bathroom. Who are just getting rid of
toxic stuff?

Speaker 4 (07:05):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (07:06):
Now, so you're how old?

Speaker 4 (07:07):
I'm forty three?

Speaker 3 (07:08):
Forty three, so you had never been to a shrink before? No,
that is wild to me, especially as a performer who
performed a lot in New York. Yeah, because the whole
thing is like New Yorkers go to therapy. That's what
they and we do, right, we're.

Speaker 4 (07:21):
All kind of like neurotic and stuff. And I feel
like growing up, I've always kind of been the one
that would try to help people with their problems.

Speaker 3 (07:30):
Hm.

Speaker 4 (07:30):
A therapist would laugh a lot because I would always
start with like, how you doing.

Speaker 3 (07:34):
I don't even want to think my shrink has an existence.
All I know she's a little British lady in the
screen named Pixie, which is quite a glory. Yes, and
she's very small, which I enjoy very much. If she
was a gall of size, Pixie would not fit her.
I'm gonna say, really fit her, Like ironically, it would
be beautiful for a character. I will say, I don't

(07:57):
like the small talk. So did you find you were
deflecting a little with the small talk, like putting off
like or does it just help you get settled in?

Speaker 4 (08:05):
I don't know, but this is what I like, the
way things work. And I think this is why I
love comedy so much. I love how things are connected
and why why do I feel like this? And why
does this cause this? And I'm just fascinated with that,
whether it's comedy or emotional stuff. And I don't know
what I was doing. I think it was just kind
of like that like knee jerk, like let's start a
conversation and let's get to know each other and that

(08:26):
kind of thing. And still, if I ever have if
I'm going into a session, I'm like, what do I
talk about today? Do I talk about this, I get
in my head about it, and then it's never that
I built something up and then we just talk and
I don't I can't really like, what did you talk
about today? We just kind of talked and it was great.

(08:46):
I don't know why it felt great. There was no
like lesson of the day. I mean there's lessons throughout
and things that I connect and learn, but it just
makes me feel better. It kind of resets me.

Speaker 3 (08:58):
Yeah, that's a great way to put it. Do you
feel like because I have noticed? I mean, you're a
phenomenal stand up teacher. I'm like, clearly an enormous celebrity,
very bon Vemont gal about town, very famous. As you know,
I'm a pretty good teacher. I'm a little tougher. I'm
a little like do this, do that your mother's cunt?
You know that kind of thing. You're like really good

(09:20):
at drawing stories out of these kids. I don't have
the patience. I go pick something and talk about it.
Stop being stupid. That's my method of teaching. You're a
great teacher, and I think that all over the place.
Energy helps you a lot as a teacher, because you're like,
oh my god, why did you develop that develop that
my head would fucking fall off. But I love the
way you teach. But I've noticed it, Like I said,

(09:41):
you're more focused in conversation off when we're not in
the classroom or whatever. You're like, hey man, blah blah.
Did you start to notice that about yourself? Because I
noticed it.

Speaker 4 (09:52):
Yeah. What was great is I found you as like
a great friend but also just like going to you
and going like checking and going. You know, I did
this and I talked to this therapist and she said this,
and I'm good, and you have a very comforting war
like as you know how you may come across to
some people. You are a very warm and loving, an

(10:14):
open person. And you are that kind of safe haven
for me at work when we go there and I
get to just open up about stuff, and I don't know,
I think there's like a sense of safety and calm,
and you always have a really cool take on certain things.
I remember one time I had I said, you know,
my therapist said, of course, I forgot what she said.
She was like, think about this. I couldn't figure out

(10:35):
exactly what she was trying to get at, and I
was like, does she mean this? And you sat me
down and you were like, I think she's talking about
this right, And I was like, holy shit, that's great.
So it's a really cool mentor thing where I can
come to you and I feel like there's a sense
of calm. And maybe that's.

Speaker 3 (10:51):
Why I think you're bringing more calm to it than
you had been. Yeah, because you trust me. You were
the never the you were always a guy'd be thrilled
to death to see and be like hello dude. Yeah,
but I just sensed a more secure feeling within you.
And you used to do a lot of that. That's
just me sadd and all this shit, and I'm always like, oh,

(11:14):
fucking living by his diagnosis, Like why don't we just
fucking use that as an excuse to be a mental patient.
But you now are just so like you're very grounded,
in my opinion. Has anyone else noticed that about you
as your wife?

Speaker 4 (11:28):
She must have. Yeah, my wife and her are. We're
like each other's therapists all the time, which is really great.
We have a really great chemistry with that. So it's
like an always evolving thing. There's never like checkpoints where
they go you look, you seem different, right, It's just
kind of we evolve together. And but I think one
thing is just kind of looking back at like ADHD

(11:50):
was a huge thing and now it's like everyone's got
in all this shit. But it's like that's a big
thing now with like social media. Have you ever done
this and this? And here's some ways and I'm like
checking rebox. Oh and there's something therapeutic in that, And
I think that kind of helped me go to therapy,
just connecting dots and going, oh shit, that's how I
That's why I do this, right, that's why I do this.

(12:11):
That makes sense. And I'm going back to like when
I was a little kid, this is why I did
Like this was this, this was this, and all these
pieces started connecting and I felt like a whole person.
I was like, oh my god, this makes a lot
of sense. And with that, I think comes a lot
of like, oh shit, I should really talk to someone
about this, because that's a really it's a big deal,
a big deal to kind of connect dots and go, wow,

(12:32):
that poor kid had no idea why. So it's it's
kind of wild.

Speaker 3 (12:36):
When you say that poor kid because honestly, as you know,
acting funny or a brash on the show or whatever,
Like I really do a ton of work like things
in the morning, Like there's a meditation practice, a sitting practice,
there's a journaling practice. I do a reading practice. So
the yesterday during I have to do for coaching school,

(12:56):
this thirty minute sitting practice where it's silent, it is
just with your eyes semi open and just noticing the
breath and the whole thing of it. Just feel what
you feel and don't try to fight it or fix it.
And some memory came up. I wasn't trying. Something came
up about that. I must have been got thirteen at

(13:19):
the time, and it wasn't anything horrible, but I just
felt sorry for her sure, and I just I'm involuntarily
put my hand on my heart and I was like,
oh wow, poor thing. Yeah, And so like the reparenting
of ourselves, right, you know, so when you say, like
you can look back at that kid and go, huh,
I get it, man, I get why you did that.

(13:41):
Like there's such such a good explanation of these different things,
and how we haven't forgiven ourselves for certain things.

Speaker 4 (13:47):
You just try to survive too. You're using what you
can growing up. And I think that's why I luckily
found comedy and theater and all these other things, because
before I was like, why, I feel like I'm intelligent,
but I can't do schoolwork or I can't focus and
I don't know what the hell this is and da
da da da dah. And growing up, I'm like, I
guess I'm just dumb. I guess that's just who I am.

Speaker 3 (14:09):
Ah.

Speaker 4 (14:10):
So then I would become friends with all these kids
because socially I was fine. I was able to I
was friends with every group of everyone, right, I just
knew everybody. And yeah, it's as I'm an adult and
I'm trying to go, let me fix some things, let
me like like take a deep dive. It's just kind
of interesting to look back at everything and go, oh,
that's why, Holy shit, that's why I gravitated towards this

(14:31):
and this and this and this and this, and there's
something really comforting about that.

Speaker 3 (14:38):
Yeah, it's so we forgive ourselves. We feel we could
parent that kid who didn't because no fault of our parents.
They just didn't know what to do, Like they didn't
have the knowledge. They did the best they could. And
we always say on this show, like no one wakes
up and goes, I'm going to be a bad mom
today or I'm going to be a rotten dad. It's like, no,
they just didn't know, and so we can give it

(14:59):
to ourselves. And the first of that, for you, it
sounds like it was finding a shrink. Yeah, So when
you think back on it, because I'm always you know,
I'm a little too brutal with all I the fuck
you know, these people just need to go and and

(15:21):
of course it's the privilege that we get to go.
There's some people who can't afford it. There's some people
who insurance doesn't cover it and they can't just write
a check.

Speaker 4 (15:28):
Yep.

Speaker 3 (15:29):
So when you would, if you would think about it,
what do you think, first of all held you back
and what made you go, Yeah, it's time. Was there
anything you can pinpoint?

Speaker 4 (15:42):
Yeah, to be honest, because I'm pretty open with stuff.
If I if I'm an idiot, or if I'm like
I did it because I was lazy, I'll admit it.
There's no of course, like why I'm too I feel
like I'm too old for all that crap. But I
think it was probably laziness, probably me just not being
able to focus on it. I'm sure there was some
hidden anxiety about going forth and doing it, because once

(16:05):
you're in it, you're like, oh great, this is great.
You know, it's like, what the hell was I oddly
putting that off? But yeah, it was like last fall,
I had a friend that passed away. There's all these things,
and I couldn't like dodge and weave as well as
I was able to in the past, and you know,
I just feel like that the world's kind of been
upside down for quite a bit and I couldn't find

(16:26):
those moves to dodge and weave and I was just
getting hit in the face with everything that would pop up,
and I was like, I'm completely overwhelmed at this point.
So I needed some kind of some release, some want
to talk to. And luckily my wife's like, okay today,
I'm we're gonna sit down, We're gonna find you someone
because she knows that you know, yeah, I'm all over
the place. So yeah, it was amazing. And that was

(16:48):
like that first that first session that it was. It
was awesome. It literally was like I let it out
and I was like, oh shit, I don't know what
that well, let's get to work, get going. And then
and from then on. Every single session was just a
little better and a little better, and my god, it
was just comforting. It was like a comfort blanket. I
was like, I like just talking to this person. Sure

(17:10):
what I'm getting out of this, but I feel better
and I'm you know, do.

Speaker 3 (17:14):
You find she helps lead you to answers within yourself,
because obviously a good therapist doesn't tell you what you
should do or give you all the answers. Is that
the type of therapist that kind of sort of leads
you there?

Speaker 4 (17:28):
Yeah, I'm a very visual learner and she picked that
up pretty quick. I'm like, as you know, I have
ADHD as you can tell, you know, like I'm all
over the place. She's like, I'm well aware. Jesus Christ,
I'm well aware. Yeah. But she you know, she kind
of breaks things down with like think of it like
you have little pieces of you. You have little parts
of you, and you have the rage part when you
were driving the car, and you have this empathetic part

(17:48):
in this and similar to the movie, oh gosh, what's
the movie inside Out?

Speaker 3 (17:52):
Yes, yes, she goes that.

Speaker 4 (17:55):
I guess when they were making that movie, I guess,
you know, they had a lot of influence from you know, therapists,
and we'll talk about that. And I was like, oh, yeah,
that's a great way to look at things. And this
is just this part and this part, and there's times
where I want to shut them up, and she's like,
don't shut them up. These are the parts that got
you to where you are right now, and they want
to jump in and fight for you and do this

(18:16):
and that, and sometimes it's kind of just managing those
parts and kind of settling them down. So she would
give me some kind of like visual elements to help
I like the situation.

Speaker 3 (18:28):
The idea of visuals and metaphors and things like that,
because if you do think of yourself as I read
what all the Inside Out characters are. But like Celia,
our producer of course, is here. Sorry to not introduce
you yet, girl, but push your mic button. Did you
see Inside Out? Do you know this movie? Of course? Okay?
So who is the one with the blue hair Jords? Sadness?

(18:49):
I like sadness, okay, but I always felt like I
shouldn't be sadness because we're funny, so we shouldn't be sad.
And then this is like you see this movie and
it's like, oh, all of them are allowed, you know.

Speaker 4 (19:01):
What I mean, they're all together, they're all like kind
of just yeah.

Speaker 3 (19:04):
They're coexisting. And there's no such thing as a bad feeling.
It's like there aren't. Anger isn't bad, Jealousy isn't bad,
Envy isn't bad. It's just when we let that drive
the bus, you know. So just even I was coaching
somebody the other day and they said, uh ah, jealousy
and envy's coming up, and I don't know what to do.
I said, feel it, and then if you want to

(19:25):
practice to maybe how to work on that, that'd be
great if you're open to that. Would you be willing
to do that? Yes, But it's not like the feeling's bad.
We're all human if we don't have and you as
an actor too, because you're a legit actor like you
would you are shut up. But no, like you would
have to use all these different emotions. I would say

(19:46):
you're a pretty shallow actor if you can only do
well funny. It's literally like all I do that is
that's not true. Because I saw you on Broadway in
Book of Mormon. I've seen Book of More four times,
two with the good cast, and then twice with yours
and no. Seriously, though, the Josh Gad part is what

(20:08):
you did.

Speaker 4 (20:08):
What's the name of the bar Arnold Arnold Cunningham.

Speaker 3 (20:11):
Yes, Arnold Cunningham, and I even to play a part
that's mostly comedic. There is the humanity in there, there's
all the just the same. It has every feeling.

Speaker 4 (20:25):
Is like you could be over the top and crazy
and there's like crazy songs in it that you know.
It's like if you got in the all these crazy
shows that the crowd they are like shocked by. But
there's heart at the center of the show. Yes, and
you can't That allows you to go as crazy as
you want to go if you can bring it back
to the heart of the show. There's a reason why

(20:45):
that shows so successful. And I think people are like,
oh my god, this is really crazy South Park insane humor.
And I think what people are mostly surprised about is
like that was really sweet.

Speaker 3 (20:56):
There's not a time I've seen it that I haven't cried.
There's it's always had a different part A lot of
the times. That's that I believe is yeah, and I'm
not even religious, right, and I'm just like, oh my god,
this guy feels this so well, so you can't play
a comedic part. It's a difference between no shade but
lots of shade. It's a different between community theater production
and book Mormon and a Broadway one. Sure, because it's like, no,

(21:19):
you get that. There is gravitas, there is the heaviness
to every one of those characters. Yeah, So for you
to embrace all that in therapy too, yeah, I imagine
it's just gonna help acting.

Speaker 4 (21:32):
Yeah, well, it breaks you can break down characters and stuff.
Like the character that I played was this over the top, loud,
kind of dorky guy who didn't have any friends. Right, Well,
there's a lot of sadness in that part. So the
way I took the role was like, you know, I
played it a little more like empathetic and kind of
like meek and like, hey, you'd like me as opposed
to like being too obnoxious. Yeah, because yeah, I mean

(21:54):
it was like a really sad part. But of course
it's you know, so I played that that angle and
it was amazing and it allowed you to do whatever
you wanted. I was able to be really crazy, but
like I'd always bring it back to that like the
heart of that character.

Speaker 3 (22:09):
But I also wonder too, like post therapy and put
me awhile, as is this therapy journey for you? I
wonder if there would be little differences in that part.

Speaker 4 (22:19):
Now it's yeah, probably, I mean it's it's just coming
at it from a different angle. I think that's why
I do comedy though, too. It was like that was
kind of my therapy. I was able to if I
were if I was able to make someone laugh, that
would make me feel good about myself. I go, ah,
I made someone feel good, and I would kind of
live for other people's happiness. I would kind of someone
was upset, I go, hey, let me tap dancer. You

(22:40):
what can I do? I'm gonna I'm gonna fall into
the you know, table and all that scrap. And I
feel like I've always had that instinct growing up, And
there's something really interesting about like why is that? Like
why is why do I need that I have that
urge to like fix a problem, you know? And why
do my anxiety go to the roof if I can't
make everyone happy? Yea, yes, right, yeah, of course one's

(23:00):
happy if.

Speaker 3 (23:02):
You can control Like everything is just about controlling something. Yeah,
So okay, so I've done everything checked it off the list,
you know.

Speaker 4 (23:09):
Yeah, so do you.

Speaker 3 (23:10):
Find with the therapy now you've been able to lighten
up a little on that.

Speaker 4 (23:15):
I try. I definitely take a breath. I try my
best because there's this of course, I'm in traffic.

Speaker 3 (23:20):
I'm like, I don't do die die, you know, freak.

Speaker 4 (23:22):
Out and then I kind of like reset. But approaching things,
especially being a dad, now I go, Okay, I see
my daughter in this situation here, don't be don't react
like how I would react to certain things. And she's
got to learn herself and this and that. So I
try to give her the tools that I wish I
had growing up in terms of like figuring things out,

(23:43):
especially if she's you know, going down the same paths
as I was, you know, if it was eight D
or whatever it may be. I try to come from
a little more like a logical place. I come from
it a little more uh, a little more educated, a
little more patience or things. And yeah, I feel like
I breathe a little more going into that because I

(24:04):
try to look at every angle. That's just one of
the things that I'm able to do. Like if I
was gonna have a tough conversation I go, well, if
I say this, they're probably to come back with that,
and then I'll have three options for what they say,
and then I'm gonna come back with this and then
and then I'd work myself up and I'm like, yeah,
what the fuck what am I talking about?

Speaker 3 (24:20):
The conversation?

Speaker 4 (24:21):
Just do it? And my wife's like, you're you gotta stop.
Just talk to the person. I would talk to the
person and it was totally fine, and I'm like, wow,
that was a lot of fucking effort I just put
into this whole. I created this whole scenario with like
exit strategies and like, if they say this, I'm gonna
come back with this because they did this to me.
And it's like, what the fuck is going And meanwhile

(24:44):
the other person has no idea. I'm going through this
complete you know, melt out in.

Speaker 3 (24:48):
My head and he keeps you with in action you
don't ever take the action right. And then also it
just it's just the release of needing to control it. Yeah,
you know, we have this ongoing saga here at Shrink
This with Lesa Lampanelli. Send your questions to Drink Shrink
This show at gmail dot com. With the ongoing saga

(25:08):
of my funeral plot and headstone and the latest thing
it's about control with that, with that whole like, oh
if I say this, she's gonna say this. Well, I
bought this headstone, as the audience knows, had it installed.
I had a lot of shame around it because it's gorgeous.
It's like a piece of art. I didn't know how
big it was, and it looks monstrously big compared to

(25:31):
the rest of my families. So I was afraid of it.
Think I was a big shot. I worked through it.
But the ongoing saga part is that the cemetery guy
put the foundation in the wrong place. So my mother
had bought us funeral plots or what do they call
cemetery platz it really was, that's so Italian, and so

(25:52):
he put it where my sisters is. So I was like,
how am I going to get that money back? Like
that's eight hundred and forty six dollars and I'm not
cheap and I'm not poor, but I don't like spending
money if I don't make the mistake. So I had
this idea. I was like, I'm going to go into
the funeral director who I'm friends with, I'm going to
know I am. Actually I went to high school with

(26:13):
her director, Holly Mullins. She's fantastic, so we I go,
I'm gonna go and tell Holly, gosh, it really wasn't
my fault. So it's unfortunately the funeral Homes responsibility to
hash this out. So I had in my head, I'm
gonna offer to pay half. I'll take like half. So
I go in with all these options in my head.

(26:34):
I have all the emails printed out to prove that
I was only half wrong. So I yeah, and she's like,
she's like, oh, it's going we just catch up, and
I go, oh, listen, you know I value our friendship
so much, because I really do. We're good friends. We
have dinners together, and I go, and you do so

(26:55):
much unpaid labor. I said, but I don't think that
found thing was my fault. And she goes, oh, what
what happened? Whose fault do you think it is? I go,
I think it.

Speaker 4 (27:06):
Was like keep shrinking.

Speaker 3 (27:08):
Yeah, both are our fault, I think so and she goes,
oh God, she goes forget it, We'll pay the whole thing.
I'm like what, I go, well, we should split it,
and she goes, no, no, no, She goes, it's nothing.
Your family, Oh, I love your family, are so good
to us. I go, nobody, you're so good to us.
And are you sure you will be able to be
friends with me and not have any resentment about this?
She goes, I'm gonna call him right now and say

(27:29):
take it off the bill. It's been taking off the bill.
So in other words, the like old spinning of like
what if she says this and this, and it could
have never gone the way that it went away. I
could have never predicted. It's like, why just get out
of my own way and just do it and look
at how beautiful it gets resolved. It's a ten second conversation.

(27:49):
You have dinner.

Speaker 4 (27:50):
Yeah, I have this. That's one of my biggest things.
I'm like, they're gonna hate me. I have to make
like chop my leg off like you were having a
bad day. It's totally fine. I'm just gonna fix my
leg here for a second, like I will literally I
have like the you know, a long fuse. Yeah, I
always give benefits of the doubt, like to a fault.
Right by the end of it, I'm just completely like

(28:11):
I hate everybody. Yeah, and why did I do this
to myself? And it's hard for me to kind of
advocate for myself sometimes because I'm like, I want to
keep the peace, and if there's peace in the room,
I feel safe and everyone's happy and everyone's smiling, and
I know I can shove it down and everything's fun.

Speaker 3 (28:26):
Do you think you're a little less keep the peace
guy now that you're working on yourself.

Speaker 4 (28:30):
I'm trying. Yeah, I'm trying to be like it's it's
just one of those things that I've always had where
I'm like, you know, just advocating for myself for certain things.
I'm like there's certain things where I'm like, no, I
will fight to the death for this right. There's other
things where I'm like it's not worth the time and effort,
and you do that enough, you kind of get buried
in it.

Speaker 3 (28:47):
Well, I kind of feel like we're gonna be friends
because you push back on something with me last year,
and I think that's a really good sign of like
when you trust someone and you can actually say what
you need. Because the school that asked us to host
their gala so funny, okay, and I was like, oh
my god, we gotta do a spoof of there's a

(29:11):
song two by two where they're all going on their missions.
So I go, two of the kids could be going
to Juilliard and two of the kids could be going
to like, you know, Yale, and it's like we get
stuck going to nor Walk. So we were laughing it up.
It's funny, and like two weeks later you're like, yeah,
you know, I really don't want to do that. I
have some complicated feelings about the show. I don't want

(29:31):
to revisit my past. And I was honestly so honored
when people tell me the truth like that, because I'm formidable,
I'm tough to approach, I'm tough to say you hurt
my feelings whatever it is. And I was like, oh, yeah,
no problem. And then we found a really other funny
thing to do. Yeah, and I was like, wow, that's
ballsy and cooling, that's inane. I felt so flat.

Speaker 4 (29:56):
That's another instance of like, oh fuck I because my
thing is knee jerk, like, yes, yep, we'll do it, yep, chuir, absolutely,
you're happy, great, no problem. And then I turn around
and go, what the fuck did I say that for?

Speaker 5 (30:07):
Right?

Speaker 4 (30:07):
And then I spend the next month stressing it out
and how do I figure this out? And it was
just one of those things where I'm like, I think
after the show, which was the best greatest thing ever
in the world. Everyone was so great. I loved it.
I have no negative feelings towards it whatsoever. But I
think after that was kind of like I was kind
of like, oh, you're the Book of Mormon guy in

(30:28):
my hometown stuff, and I was like, yeah, well, what
are you doing now? And I felt like there was
like this like bar that I had to set for
myself and I was like, oh, I have to constantly
impress people now, and it turned into that I was exhausted,
and I was.

Speaker 2 (30:40):
Like I do that.

Speaker 4 (30:49):
So with that, I was like I just kind of
I just want to steer clear of that a little more.
There was like I was hosting everything.

Speaker 3 (30:58):
You really did, Damn that's so well, Like I would
have never thought you were stressed out over that. Really
of the ask because I was like, yeah, okay, sure,
I was.

Speaker 4 (31:06):
Like is this okay? I'm so sorry, Like I because
I do feel I genuinely feel bad because I'm like
I said, yes, I'm an asshole. Now I'm like changing things.

Speaker 3 (31:13):
Up, changing one's mind is allowed.

Speaker 4 (31:15):
And my wife Jen was just like, just just talk.

Speaker 3 (31:17):
Oh my god, this went to the jury.

Speaker 4 (31:20):
Yeah, I go, shit, I go, is it bad? I
try to talk myself into things. Oh no, And then
I'll do it out loud so people can go, what
the fuck, why are you doing that? Just stand up
for yourself or just say what you feel. Be open.

Speaker 3 (31:32):
Yeah, I change my mind, and I'm just like, yeah,
I know, I said yes. Of Glenn and Doyle always says,
don't say yes to anything that you won't want to
do six months from now, meaning because the thing comes
up six months later and you kind of resent it.
You have spent six months dreading it, so taking the
time to really not do an immediate yes and smart which,

(31:54):
by the way, we still got tricked into something else
we got to do this year. Yeah, but it's great
about it. Okay, So what happened, Celia. You don't know this,
but I'm a great actress. So we are in were
teaching at this school and they do three major productions
of year musicals. So they need four adults in the
show because they're doing Footloose and you need the reverend,

(32:18):
the aunt, the uncle, and the mom. So they think
it's a great idea. Have the two comedy teachers play
the aunt and the uncle, right, yea. I am immediately
flattered because I get to wear a costume and I
lost forty pounds, so I'm going to look a relequite.
I get to wear a wig, and so they ask us.
So we're like sure, and you know what, I'm not sad.
I took that. I was sad when I are a

(32:39):
little annoyed when I saw the rehearsal schedule because I'm like,
literally went through the script. I have four lines.

Speaker 4 (32:44):
I haven't looked.

Speaker 3 (32:45):
No, dude, you have one I think one or two lines.

Speaker 4 (32:47):
Oh great, I think you know this is also part
of my problem. I don't I just go, eh, push
it down the line, and then it's like, oh, it's tomorrow,
and I go, I should look at what I have.

Speaker 3 (32:58):
Well, oh, you are a pro, so you are gonna
laugh at how tiny our parts are, which I think
is great. I think we have to show up maybe
like three times for attack or whatever. But I'm glad
we said yes to that. At least I'm glad I
said yes, sir. I think you have to slap him,
which is really somebody slaps Wren, who's the lead character.

(33:19):
If somebody slaps him, I gasp, which is a line
I can memorize that do I just say?

Speaker 4 (33:26):
Gasp?

Speaker 3 (33:27):
Is that a thing I did? What would you give
therapy two thumbs up? Would you give it one thumb
in the ass and one in the other part and
this in the other thing? What would you say to
anyone who is thinking about therapy?

Speaker 4 (33:42):
I say ten out of ten, all the thumbs up,
because it's like work on yourself. You only have one life.
And if it helps you, like when people exercise, or
if it makes you feel better, who gives a shit
do it?

Speaker 3 (33:54):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (33:55):
I'm a yeah, two thumbs up. Yeah, someone else's thumb
up the button if that?

Speaker 3 (34:01):
But thumbs are good. Celia, you've been in therapy for
how long? Since you were like three? Six? Since I
was twelve, twelve? Okay, and you're what twenty three. That's
a lot of years. It's for very little progress.

Speaker 5 (34:18):
I said that to my therapist Monday. I was like,
to be honest with you, I'm a little bit shocked
that I've been in therapy since I was twelve and
I'm still having problems like these, Like I'm still seeing.

Speaker 4 (34:29):
She was like, to be honest, I'm still surprised you
think I'm a therapist.

Speaker 3 (34:36):
Everything for a new screenplay, exactly, take your finger out
of me. But Celia, wait, you haven't had the same
shrink since you're twelve. No, that would be insane, because
they do say, or at least they used to say,
you should go to the same one for two years
and then change. Oh really yeah, because it's almost like
they get too used to them, you become too friendly
with them. Whatever it is. What did your therapist, by

(34:57):
the way, say to that though?

Speaker 5 (34:58):
When you said that, she was like, then you're not
taking the tools that you've been learning and really implementing
that into your life.

Speaker 3 (35:05):
And do you feel she's right? Yeah? Oh okay, so
you do take some of the blame. Oh absolutely. Oh no,
but I love that about you because some people would just, honestly,
and I'm sure this was being in the past, I'd
be like, yeah, really, well I have and then just
ghost her.

Speaker 5 (35:18):
No, I definitely haven't. Like I definitely have have been like, yeah,
you're right, you're right, and then when I'm in the
moment and I actually need to use the tools that
she's given me, and I've agreed with her on.

Speaker 3 (35:29):
Yeah out the window. Yeah gone, you mean the oh
they just leave.

Speaker 4 (35:36):
Yeah, these are great tools. I'm just gonna set them
right over here.

Speaker 3 (35:40):
Yeah. Yeah, But you do kind of know she's right
and those tools are good.

Speaker 5 (35:46):
And I love her.

Speaker 3 (35:47):
What is it about what makes you put them aside?
If you were to just rationally look at it, it's
just like, I'm afraid to use them because.

Speaker 5 (35:56):
No, I'm just an angry person.

Speaker 3 (35:57):
Mm hmmm. So maybe the anger is the first thing
you got to look at, yeah, because that's that's disguising
everything else, because I had a dismantled rage and anger first,
because you don't get to that soft stuff till then.

Speaker 5 (36:10):
Well, it's definitely improved. I used to be a lot worse,
like really bad, Like I have improved immensely in the
past like two years, I'd.

Speaker 3 (36:20):
Say, So, I think we need a second Fixing Celia
episode and we'll get through your anger because Nick will
come in and beat the shit out of you with
his tits.

Speaker 5 (36:31):
Well, he guess because he gets angry too.

Speaker 3 (36:33):
Yeah. Well, I am an angry human, so I get it.
And it's like, but I think it's just covering a
lot of times it's just covering so for sure.

Speaker 5 (36:42):
And that's the worst part is that I'm a very
aware person, but like sometimes I just don't do anything
about it. I was like, oh, yeah, that's there, but.

Speaker 3 (36:48):
Like, okay, let me just yeah like for later. Yeah, no,
I get that. I feel the same way about like
how I am so into romantic movies and I'm so
like sometimes I'll be on TikTok and they'll be like
a cute little compilation of eighties romantic movies to Nothing's
gonna stop Us Now, or something really corny, but I'm
like crying and going, oh my god, that's so romantic.

(37:11):
And I loved love and I love love and it's great.
I'm not willing to look at that. I am not
fucking gonna date. I'm not fucking opening myself up to
that shit. So I think we all do it. It's
just in different areas of life. The difference is it's
not hurting me at all never to date, because it's
just like it would probably hurt to date again. You
get your heart broken again, you get a uti, you

(37:32):
get a yeast infection, guy punches you in the clit.
You never know what will happen, So you'll know when
you're ready. I'll know when I'm ready, if ever, Chris,
you're just iconically ready already.

Speaker 4 (37:43):
I'm so happy. I'll tell you the fact of my
wife's still with me. I'm so I'm blown away. It's
so great. Wow, it's just it's just it's awesome. We
have a really great relationship and we been together forever.
But she definitely knows how to, you know, put up
with up with me.

Speaker 3 (37:59):
Well s, she's probably easy going.

Speaker 4 (38:02):
She's awesome. Yeah, she's definitely.

Speaker 3 (38:04):
Can you imagine. I said to somebody the other day,
I said, I was having dinner with this couple and
he's like twenty five, and go, Alex, I go, do
you get told you're easy going? He goes yeah, and
his girlfriend goes, oh my god. He's so easy going.
He gets mad very rarely, but he's very like protective too.
And I'm like, what must that be like to just

(38:26):
dancing through life? Say you do do? It's a fucking
I We are not easy going.

Speaker 4 (38:33):
My wife's in a meeting this morning, and she I
mean like a bit. She's like a smart cookie. She's
smart and she's putting all these things together and talking
all these executives and I come in the live room.
This is this morning. I go, I can't get phil
Collins out of my fucking head. And she's like, okay, and.

Speaker 3 (38:50):
That's work, makes her million dollar day.

Speaker 4 (38:52):
Used to THEE and this is why I'm not in
a relationship because I had some fucking asshole come in
and start singing coming in the air tonight. To me,
it wasn't even what was it. It was something queer,
it was something it wasn't.

Speaker 3 (39:06):
It wasn't my god, if it was easy lover with
Philip Bailey.

Speaker 4 (39:12):
Oh was it?

Speaker 5 (39:13):
Well?

Speaker 4 (39:13):
How does that go?

Speaker 3 (39:14):
I don't know, geez, did you take.

Speaker 5 (39:20):
It was?

Speaker 4 (39:20):
I don't know where it came from. We dropped our
kids off from school, and then I get in the
house and Philip Collins like, hey, I'm gonna sing in
your head for a fucking hour. I'm like, all right,
can I.

Speaker 3 (39:28):
Just suggest more therapy right there? Tell your life? All right,
We're gonna take some letters once again. This is shrink
This will with my special guest Chris O'Neill. You don't
even have to know how to spell that last name
because just follow him at what is it.

Speaker 4 (39:46):
Chris o Show?

Speaker 3 (39:47):
Like literally, oh, Chris c.

Speaker 2 (39:50):
H R.

Speaker 4 (39:50):
I s O show where I don't know.

Speaker 3 (39:56):
Talk all the places. He's actually very funny. Yeah, I
know you are, because I'll watch your little sketches. I
watch your little skits, and I say, she's funny. I
call everyone girl, by the way, I've told my class,
because everybody at school and everywhere now is very politically correct.
But I say, don't listen. I call everyone girl, and
I call everyone she. So y'all, fucking shut the fuck up.

(40:20):
I'm misgendering everyone.

Speaker 4 (40:22):
Here's a show in there for you.

Speaker 3 (40:23):
I swear to God me just being the teacher of
the Wokes.

Speaker 4 (40:27):
It's just it's so funny because some of these kids,
you know, they come in and then I'm like, buckle up,
I go, don't don't disrespect Lisa. I always kind of
give like a little like you warm. I go, don't
be late, don't like if I ever like cover for
your class for if anything happens. I come in and
I'm like, just you guys know you know who's teaching
the class, right, they don't don't be a fucking I'm like,
this is what's so effed up.

Speaker 3 (40:47):
About my class Because they're so young. They don't know
who I am, so I at one point was so annoyed.
I didn't end up doing this, but I'm like, I'm
going to tell them who I am. I'm going to say,
look at my credits and I am dB page. And
I was like, you don't have to do that, because
part of me is like, just respect me and the
lessons I'm trying to teach you. And if you accidentally

(41:10):
have a parent who's a fan, they'll tell you. But
it's weird because that need to like be known and
to be Why don't you know my credits? Do you
not know that I'm the only one at the school
who actually a television Sure, yeah, get the fucking braggy
and stupid no, but it's like, don't worry.

Speaker 4 (41:28):
I do it for you. I'm like, hey, guys fucking around,
like just just trust me. You got Google right, all right? No,
your role? And they're like, oh my god.

Speaker 3 (41:37):
I was talking my friend Anthony about this. He used
to study with Stella Adler acting, and he said I
think he said because he was like, how no, my buddy,
I go, how he was, how do they not know
who you are? And I go, I don't know, They're
just like a different generation. And he goes, it's true.

(41:57):
He goes, if I was in college and I had
Udah Hagen or Adler as a teacher, I would never
have looked them up. I'm so up my own ass
as an acting student. I mean, any kind of students
self absorbed enough. I'masurely an acting student. They're not looking
up their dumb teachers. They just think we're these old
cunts who have to teach.

Speaker 4 (42:15):
But that's an ide you though. I think that's because
you're such a great teacher with them that you don't
have to lead with like look at my resume, like
that you connect with them. And I always tell them
she's such a good person to have on your side
going through this career, not just because of your past
and you who you know or whatever it is, but
like you really do reach out to the kids and
like y, once you've graduated, you like help them with

(42:37):
opportunities and we you know, we check in on our
students and and it's really cool to see. And I'm like,
don't mess it up for your own bullshit.

Speaker 3 (42:45):
Said Chris. I think we can all agree, including Celia.
I'm a gift. If people don't know how to unwrap
that motherfucker. Then they'll motherfuckers stay. They got to go
see that. I do every class the love that I have.
Yelled at them once last year they got me really
mad about something. I go, you little ungrateful motherfuckers.

Speaker 4 (43:07):
Oh you did.

Speaker 3 (43:08):
Of course it's college, just not high school. And I'm
just like you ungrateful motherfucker. Because it was about them
not being nice to somebody else. I don't me. I
just yell at them. I go, shut up, what are
you stupid? But like you're disrespecting someone on stage and
these poor kids are standing there trying to do their
little five minutes and they've never done anything but dunce.

Speaker 4 (43:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (43:29):
I have kids in my class this time who are
literal dancers who have never spoken on a stage, and
I at first was judging them. They're so good, isn't
it great?

Speaker 4 (43:39):
This is the one thing that we really bond on.
It when we're at work. It's like, and I tell
that students, like, we're not bullshitting. We don't just show
up like we're talking about our classes all the time.
We was checking like so and so did this, so
and so did this. We had a great one of
our great students.

Speaker 3 (43:55):
Your student Austin didn't open minded. It was so excited,
you need to do it.

Speaker 4 (44:01):
But he's like, but like, we cheerlead these kids, you know,
to take these chances and you know.

Speaker 3 (44:07):
You want's funny because cheerlead. I always say to them,
I'm not a cheerleader. I said, I'm not going to
tell you it's good if it sucks. So every laugh
you get is earned. And every time I said that's funny,
it's funny, I said, So don't think I'm ever bullshitting' you.
But like after they graduate, like I'm still in touch
with six of the girls, I'm just like, no, you know,
help them sort of navigate failures and not getting the

(44:30):
parts and the auditions and stuff like. That's we do
that because it's good for the soul. For us. We're
not getting anything out of that, you know. And I
meet with mine privately because as you know, I'm quite
wealthy and I have my own headstone in the wrong.
So well, I should tell these little motherfuckers, these fucking

(44:50):
ungrateful cocksuckers, they should be the ones putting the flowers.
I should put it in the contract for every coaching
hour I give you, you put flowers on that fucking great.
All right.

Speaker 4 (45:00):
I think I started deleting social media apps because I'm like,
probably it's all bad news and it's all hit me
in the face, and this isn't helping. So I was like,
I'm trying to take the reins, and so I definitely
am on Instagram.

Speaker 3 (45:10):
But okay, good find Jock because you do shows. You
teach a lot, which I admire, like different schools and
stuff that's been fun. Good.

Speaker 4 (45:17):
You know what I've been doing. This is so this
is so embarrassing, but I love it, so fuck you.
Oh you know, my friends and I my comedy partner
Paul from the Christ and Paul Show. You know, Paul's
great and one of our best friends, Darren. We started
a thing where we're like, we're all on the same
rut right now. We're like, we love teaching, but like
we're at an age where we're like, I don't have

(45:39):
the energy to you know what I mean, making it
and all that bullshit. We have decided to stream sketch
comedy via video games. We will create twitch yeah, like
we're on like TikTok, and we go into a video
game and we will use the video game characters and
create sketch comedy.

Speaker 6 (45:59):
Bits and it has been checking off every box in
my life right now.

Speaker 4 (46:11):
It's so silly, but we love it. It's a creative outlet.
I get to talk to my friends and it's like
the release that I need. And that's one of those
things that I needed.

Speaker 3 (46:20):
I needed, Like, was it just did you have the
idea and be like, nah, I don't want to do it?
We want or did you just like did you put
it off or somebody.

Speaker 4 (46:28):
To do something creative? We like, you know, we would
play video games growing up and stuff, and you know
we're fans of it and stuff, and we said, let's
combine the two and see what happens. And it's just
scratching all.

Speaker 3 (46:38):
The itches, same creativity.

Speaker 4 (46:40):
It's getting my I'm getting to like talk to my
friends all night.

Speaker 3 (46:43):
And do you did you release the need to control it?
Meaning care if anyone watched.

Speaker 4 (46:50):
That's always a balancing act, but yes, I have actually accepted,
like you know what, it's making me feel good. It's
making our my friends feel and who gives a shit
if anything comes from not like we're gonna be big
streaming fame, Like we don't care. We're doing something and
it's actually like people are starting to like it and
it's like, how great.

Speaker 3 (47:07):
See it's see I think when you do it for
the right reasons, yes, even if it's five people, the
right people listen or see it or whatever. But it's
the big word for me lately has been released. Yeah,
because I read this great thing in the Fall about
actually it's right read at the end of August. It
was about the season changing, and it's said, if a

(47:29):
tree holds on to a leaf, it will the tree
like literally will die. It stagnates and dies. So if
we hold on to these old beliefs of judging ourselves
by numbers and numbers of downloads and numbers of your
ticket sales or whatever, we're going to stagnate because all
we're worried about is that thing.

Speaker 4 (47:49):
Self worth is like it crumbles because everything is.

Speaker 3 (47:52):
For something you can never and also you can never
get enough self worth. It will have to be bigger
and bigger and bigger. So it's really releasing the need
to hold on to those old ways of judging ourselves.

Speaker 4 (48:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (48:04):
So, speaking of judging ourselves, we judge our listeners by
the stupid shit they send to us. Send your stupid
shit problem to shrink this show at gmail dot com.
Do you have a couple letters for us? Chrish?

Speaker 4 (48:17):
Sure do come Dear Lisa, I'm forty two years old
and single, and ever since college, my friends have told
me to go to therapy. I did go once and
felt like it was a waste of time. Don't I
don't get how talking about something can change it. And
I'm already aware of my abandonment issues and my dad

(48:38):
died at an early age. I do still hope to
meet someone, but I don't believe going to therapy will
make that, will have make that happen over.

Speaker 3 (48:46):
Oh boy, he can't even really write. You know what
he needs to do go to class and learn how
to write a letter and then go to therapy. I
think he's attacking things in the wrong order.

Speaker 4 (48:58):
Do you agree with my friends and I should give
therapy another shot? Thanks eleanor oh Ellen, it's a chick.

Speaker 3 (49:05):
Oh my god. I honestly thought that was a guy,
because it's such a guy thing to like be told
they need help and not go or go once and
go FOCU. Yeah, so this is a woman. Where's she from?
This little Madisons lesbian from Madison?

Speaker 4 (49:19):
Are you No, No, she went to school there.

Speaker 3 (49:21):
Okay, so she is a lesbian. No here. I feel
like sometime if more than one person you trust is
telling you to do something, you might want to open
your mind to it. Because clearly she has a lot
of friends selling her, and they've probably had a lot

(49:42):
of convos about old Lezie Eleanor and said this Leie
from Madison needs to get some help. So I don't know,
it's almost like, why fight it. It's not saying believe
everything people tell you, But if those who truly care
about you are saying nudge, nudge, maybe it's time to.

Speaker 4 (49:59):
Look at it. I think just being open to the idea.
I think the more open you are, it's like if
it doesn't work, it doesn't work, but you're never going
to know unless you kind of just go, you know what,
let me just like give into the process and just see.

Speaker 3 (50:09):
Right, one session is never going to help you to
I went once and it didn't help. Well yeah, but
then there's also throw in the fact of and my
dad left when I was this age, and I have
abandonming issues. Well, just because you know you have abandoned
mission issues. This is what people forget if you know
you have rage issues, abandonment issues, ADHD, whatever it is. Yeah,

(50:29):
that's up here, that's in your head. That, yes, you
know that. Then it's unearthing it in your body. It's
figuring out where it takes hold. Like I recently, we're
going to do an episode on it. I recently. I've
always known for a long time I can't take a joke.
I can't be made fun of. I finally figured out why.
So it would be easy for me to be like, yeah,

(50:50):
my shrink knows I can't take a joke, and but
I'm still having in my body. I want to get
rid of that thing and be the person who isn't
so serious and can take a joke. So I gotta
really work on it. So just because she knows she
has abandonment doesn't mean the knowledge is enough. It's a
place to start. Ban eleanor bitch, get it together. Don't
be like Celia.

Speaker 4 (51:11):
Next letter, Yeah, next letter we got dearly said I
recently got divorced from my wife after a ten year marriage.

Speaker 3 (51:17):
Good.

Speaker 4 (51:18):
We have two young kids, and my sister thinks I
should talk to someone. I don't think that just because
I got divorce means that I all of a sudden
need a therapist. I've handled my problems on my own
my whole life. Why should I start with therapy now?
Thanks Mark from colts Neck, New Jersey.

Speaker 3 (51:33):
Okay, that's not a place cold. I feel he's a liar.
I feel you're a dirty liar, and your sister knows
it because no one lives in colts Neck. That is
from Twin Peaks. That is some Twin Peaks. It No,
it's a place. So here's what I say to a
guy like that. It's a little defensive. I get it.
He's probably had the wife, she probably cheated with him

(51:54):
with a black man. She probably had lots of sex
in their bed, and the two kids want which is
pretty damaging to the children. So I say his sister
might be noticing something. First of all, Also, she might
be projecting, Hey, I got a divorce and I needed
to talk to But here's the three words. What's his name?

Speaker 4 (52:14):
What's colts asshole?

Speaker 2 (52:16):
Mark?

Speaker 4 (52:16):
Mark?

Speaker 3 (52:17):
Three words? It can't hurt at the very least, you'll find. Well,
I'm pretty well adjusted. I got through this divorce. Well,
I don't hate black men just because my wife banged
like four I'm going to just let this go. But
maybe you will on earth some stuff. Maybe you will
have anger that you shoved down and that the beach

(52:40):
ball will not pop up at inappropriate times, unlike the
balls on the black guy when they were banging your wife.
So Mark, if that is your colt's neck ass dumb
ass name for real, give it a try.

Speaker 4 (52:53):
And you also have kids. Do it for the kids.

Speaker 3 (52:55):
Well, yeah, that's the thing too, because I was going
to give you this huge compliment before, Chris, and it
just flew out of my mind because I'm not going
You are literally breaking generational trauma by going to therapy.
You are because you mentioned giving your daughter tools and
things like helping her see it the way you're learning.

(53:16):
That's literally ensuring she's not going to go through the
same thing. She'll go through other stuff that we all do,
but her kids won't go through the same thing, and
on and on. So your parents' problems and flaws won't
be as prevalent in them.

Speaker 4 (53:32):
And it's amazing to see what my parents had. I
had a great childhood and to see what they went through,
you know, and how they stopped it with us, my
brother and I and now passing that along like stopping
it here, like we're not going to drag this into
my kids, and how they did the same thing. So
it was definitely learning from that, going like, wow, thanks
for not giving me that childhood that you had to endure.

Speaker 3 (53:54):
Sometimes yes, and so this mark, this guy, the wife
with the black boyfriend. You gotta say to yourself, it's
for the kids, and sometimes she just do it for kids. Yeah,
you know, that's it. Do me a favor. I want
one more letter, but I've been told the last one
is really good, so go to the end. We have

(54:15):
many therapeutic letters. So it's Dear Lisa. I think it starts.

Speaker 4 (54:20):
Yeah, yeah, I think that's started it. I'm twenty two
years old and recently graduated college. My anxiety about the
future keeps me up at night, and I definitely want
to talk to somebody. The problem is who. Some of
my friends say cognitive behavioral is the best, while others
say trauma therapy. Which type of therapy do you recommend?
Thanks Harper, New York, New York.

Speaker 3 (54:41):
Oh Harper's name, Holy shit, I gotta stop, I gotta
pay more attention. Well, here's the thing I feel about Harper,
how nice and self aware at that young age that
she wants to help herself. And that is a very
good question. There's so many types of therapy out there.

(55:01):
I say, just start as they say, as Mark's wife
said to that black man, just the tip. You stick
the tip in first. I think trauma therapy honestly is
the best therapy. It's somatic work, full body, it on earths.
Even if you don't have big T trauma. It helps
with small T trauma and you just get work it

(55:22):
out of yourself for good. But it's a rough place
to start. If talking just feels less threatening, just the tip,
Please just talk. Find someone. Then maybe they refer to
somebody to get it out of your body and do
more somatic things. Whatever feels right to you as you
interview these therapists. Because ps, every shrink or type of

(55:44):
therapy isn't right for everybody. Like you're gonna experiment with things.
I had a guy telling them me to do this
fucking thing. I want to push him out a window.
This tapping. Do you know what tapping is?

Speaker 4 (55:57):
I don't like to fly, and I had a therapy
pissy issue. I was sitting next to your it's a
tapping thing. Now, shitty turbulence. I'm like, ah, fuck tapping therapy.
I don't want to hear it.

Speaker 3 (56:06):
So in other words, tapping therapy works for a lot
of people. I think amdr and things like that. They
work for a lot of people. They just I don't
like them right now. It's not saying I won't like
it in the future. But I remember this guy, so
he does thankfully a lot of different modalities. So I
like do an ifs, which is called internal family systems.
It's where you find out the different parts of yourself

(56:27):
and who's running the show and help the right one
drive the bus in any circumstance. Okay, so he forgets
that I don't like this tapping. When dy goes so
uh you're ready to tap, I go put it in
the notes. Brad, for once and for all. Don't tell
me to fucking tap again. I don't go for that,
so just because, But yet for fucking dumb Nick who's

(56:51):
my side kick, care he likes it. Some of these
people don't mind it. So I say, with this person,
I'm proud of you for a twenty two year old
knowing you need some help. You shouldn't be kept up
at night worrying about the future, because honestly, worry is
just suffering. It's about and you always worry about stuff
that kind of ninety percent of the time doesn't even happen. Yeah,

(57:11):
so I'm proud of this person for doing what's her.

Speaker 4 (57:13):
Name, Harpe is hard or she's down she's downstairs.

Speaker 3 (57:17):
It's Sillia's roommate who also hates her. But I don't
blame them. What you do, Harper is you interview a
few of these people. You see what feels right to you,
where you're not sort of like, oh I should like this,
it doesn't matter. What works works, and then you move
on to the next.

Speaker 4 (57:35):
I have high hopes for Harper to that. She's so
self aware and she's like, I should talk to somebody. Yeah,
I think that's great herself and getting out of college
and starting like the adult life.

Speaker 3 (57:44):
Now, I agree. The first streak I went to, I
think was twenty five. I was twenty five. So the
only thing I've ever really been interested in truly is myself.
Like I'm super self abdorbed, but I want to know
why I act like a mental patient. That's a really
good study of yourself to start at twenty two of like,
oh why do I rage at this thing? Why am
I angry all the time? Why do I have anxiety? Wow? Dude,

(58:07):
what a better world we'd be if everyone did that. Sure,
so Harper wins, go for it.

Speaker 4 (58:12):
Good job, Harper.

Speaker 3 (58:13):
Yeah, she probably isn't listening Mark because she killed herself.
But do you know what, sometimes you have to do that.
Just kidding. Don't kill yourself the day. By the way,
if you are considering suicide, just don't do it. Just
compare your life to Celia's and then you'll go that
fucking cunts still breathing? Could you breathe into the mic policia?
She is still alive, so unhappy right now, she's doing

(58:37):
that turn red thing worre to indicate that she's actually
mad at me? Are you mad? See she's so weird,
isn't she?

Speaker 4 (58:44):
I love her?

Speaker 3 (58:45):
I do, do I do? I will say she is
a little bright spot in the day, a little a
little one.

Speaker 4 (58:50):
I don't see the anger.

Speaker 3 (58:52):
Yeah, I know you'll see it later when she gets
all fucking fired up about something with me. So anyway,
thank you for listening. Chris O'Neil, I love you. Where
do you find this video game shit you're doing?

Speaker 4 (59:05):
Oh? Craptastic gaming. Seriously, that's the thing, graptastic dot gaming.
It's on TikTok. We're posting every day and it's just
fun and it's wait.

Speaker 3 (59:15):
Are you serious, it's called crap tastic.

Speaker 4 (59:17):
This is why I like your podcast. It came from
a podcast over a decade ago we did together just
to like release and hang out and have fun. And
we're doing this now. All right.

Speaker 3 (59:25):
They'll find you there, you'll find me. I don't care
if you find me. I don't look at numbers. I
don't look at this as an achievement. Lisa Lampinoni, that's
my name. Find a bitch if you need to. If not,
you own appreciative motherfuckers. Fuck you. Yeah, that's right. I'm
talking to you students. Anyway, this has been shrink This.
I'm gonna try to do the outro as naturally as

(59:47):
Nick does. Thanks for listening. That sounds so fake. That's
honestly not that thankful, but you're gonna lean into gratitude.
Thanks for listening. Make sure to listen to shrink This.
I your iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.
Peace out, Sun