January 27, 2026 • 48 mins
In this episode of “Shrink This,” Lisa drags the Enneagram out of BuzzFeed hell and back into its rightful place: at the top of the list of the most helpful tools for self-awareness. Joined by Nick and a surprise producer swap, she breaks down what your “type” actually means—and why using it as an excuse to be unbearable is a cop-out. Discussing every type from flaky 7s to bossy 8s and conflict-avoiding 9s, Lisa shows how every personality has red flags, growth paths, and zero permission to stay stuck. If you’ve ever said, “That’s just how I am,” this episode is your wake-up call.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.
She is a meddling advice giving yanta and know it
all and her words come from her head, her heart,
and often out of her ass. This podcast should not
be misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a
huge strain of salt for entertainment purposes only.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
These.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
You need help, You're the problems. Come on, come down,
go lamb, take a pill. I think you're insane. Do
what I say, dumb ass, listen to me. You Oh
(00:47):
my god, I don't know what's going on in the
studio today. I am bewitched, bothered, and bewildered. I'm dying
because instead of Celia are very much much molay mind,
very overworked. What do you call her assistant producer whatever,
(01:08):
who happens to be out with the flu, which is
super sad because so many people are dying.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Is in right now?
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Girl ends for twenty twenty six flu out AIDS. Anyway,
speaking of AIDS, we have a different producer and I
meant aid as an aid to the podcast. Great Save Ell.
We have someone behind the board who I don't know.
I feel like I have a decent relationship. I wouldn't
(01:37):
call it good, I wouldn't call it bad. I would
call it rather neutral because we are both Enneagram eights,
and they tend to have stressed between them because both
wants to be the boss. Introducing Stephanie, are you going
to say hello? Are you gonna drag that mic over?
Are you gotta say hi? You just gotta let me
run a rough shot?
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Hey, guys, another one, Stephanie.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
I don't curcause age group. That just she is not Asian. Now, Stephanie,
rall quack, rall quack. How old are you so? Are
you the same age as Celia?
Speaker 4 (02:13):
No, she's a year older.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Oh yeah, she's goning for that job. And trust me,
you don't want this job anyway. Stephanie, thank you for
taking over. I feel super sad for Celia, who's homesick.
She's not said, she's only said she's sick. She's like happily.
I'm sure avoiding us, which is good.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
So he Nick, Hey, it's me, do listen.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
And we don't care about them. We do this podcast.
We discussed it on the way in. We do this
podcast cause why it's fun. And let me tell you what.
Nick and Stephanie and Celia, if you're listening out there,
the minute it stops being fine as a minute, I walk,
I'll grab my fur and my mortgages and oh my,
(03:03):
oh my, well the pessions and say goodbye to you,
mister Elvis Durratz.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Right, Elvis to renegotiate my contract.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Yeah, your contract to counts already, isn't that great? Stephanie,
we did to say jokingly but not jokingly, that you
do not curse, which is fine. Do you do you
get offended by cursing? Or you just kind of grew
up where that was not in your home?
Speaker 5 (03:29):
No, I mean yeah, like my parents didn't really curse
growing up. My mom will let me if I made
her angry, but I'm out, that's less that is.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Wait, so you're what would your mom get angry at
you about? Because I love this knowing, because we know
with Celia what a little about her. So what with
you would make your mom angry?
Speaker 4 (03:48):
Literally anything?
Speaker 5 (03:50):
I'm an only child girl, nonetheless, yes, so like anything
like curfew whatever, like hanging out with bad people, which
I didn't do it.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
But I bet you did.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
That's why cursing. Yeah, couldn't get things off a high shelf.
Because you're four feet tall.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Now that's called height shaming, and I'm here for a girl.
How tall are you actually? Because he always jokes on
you about your height five one. Oh, that's so cute.
It's like sad but cute, dude.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
At the end of this episode, I'm gonna throw her
into a wall. Okay, We're just gonna see how far
I could launch you.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
That's so type seven of you. By the way, what
I mean when that's what our episode is about today.
By the way, we are talking about the enneagram. And
those of you who do not know about the anagram
have not taken some dumb BuzzFeed quiz about which anagram
sign are you, I'm here to correct you and tell
you the enneagram is a very helpful person on a
(04:48):
lydy tool that I've been studying and ps. It is
so helpful in relationship with people and friendship because you
know how to treat other people, you know what to
expect from them. So basically, what the anagram does it
breaks people down into nine personality types. Now these are
(05:11):
I shan't go into all of them, but there are
things like the helper, the boss, the achiever, the loyalist,
the enthusiast. And it doesn't mean you're stuck with that
personality type. You are born with it. You are not
stuck with it. You can work your way out of
it and have a fuller human experience if you embrace
other types of things into your personalities. Does that make
(05:33):
sense to you, Nick, as a neophyte in this world?
And do I have to define neophyte for you? Beginner? Okay?
So Nick is like gus.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Pedophile or something, Well, you're one of those.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
So I'll stay away from him, Stephanie, because you look twelve,
Nick as a beginner to the anagram, because you know
you've taken the test. I've given you the official Enneagram
Institute's test.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Official.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Yeah, not the one you see on a bud feed
all this crap. The one that it shouldn't be. This
is a very serious pursuit. It helps people and therapy
and coaching. It shouldn't be something that's also alongside of
the quiz which sex of the city character are you?
Which Dawson's Creek homo are you?
Speaker 2 (06:17):
I'm the horriest one you are.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Actually, what do you understand about the enneagram? So far?
Speaker 2 (06:28):
It just seems for me it's obviously we talked about
like it's similar. It's it's like a personality sort of,
and you kind of see which way which ways you lean.
So for example, like I thought, the one thing that
was interesting was that, So if I'm a seven, which
(06:48):
I am, cute, look it up. Follow me Instagram.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Oh yeah, by the way, follow him fine.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Where follow me on Instagram and TikTok baby at seven
gave Pai dot com.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
By the way, since Celia isn't taping with us today,
we're not going to promote her Instagram. We're not. We're not.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
We're not four underscores.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Out sick, could die from the flu romano. There you go.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
All right, yeah, so like personality and like basically the
thing I mean, I could just talk about how what
I found useful. So I'm a seven, right.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Seven is of course the enthusiast, which means you are
fun loving. You are the one the personality that is
most apt to go with fomo, that is most likely
to see the grasses greener in someone else's yard. You
are over stimulated easily, and you are avoidant. So those
(07:49):
when when Nick took the test, I was secretly going,
please God, please let him take it honestly, So seven
would come out because I had diagnosed you, which I'm
not supposed to do, but I kind of know things.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
It was a blood test.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Yeah, so you came out positive for HIV and seven.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
So for you, your tendency is to bounce around from
one thing to another, to be have different hobbies, to
have different pursuits, and to always be looking for quote better.
So that tracked for you.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Oh yeah, the minute, because the minute anything and I've
had therapists tell me this too, is how you know
it's real.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Anything gets like hard or reaching a subject that's like
too much, I'm like, I like, I start like joking
my way through. I'm like, yeah, you're gay. Yeah, and
I try to avoid and whatever. But so that it
was cool to learn that and to know and then
apply it to life. So when I am having those
(08:50):
particular moments, I know, oh, this is just the type
of personality I am. Doesn't mean this is true, doesn't
mean I need to quit my job and do acting
full time. Doesn't mean right to move to fucking Florida
and do overweight porn or whatever, like plus size porn.
It's big down there.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
I mean, it's good to have that option.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Right, I mean, I'm I would crush, but literally I
would crush somebody. But if it's good to know, like
you can bounce back and forth, and that's what the
seven is, and it's also good to know. I think
I can't. I don't know the exact words for it,
but like I'm a seven, so but sometimes I could
have parts of an eight.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
It's called a wing. It's whatever's on either side of you.
You could every aneagram type has a wing. So it's
either for you, since you're seven, the number four, it's six,
the number after it's eight, So you tend to have
a stronger, in my opinion, an eight wing. So you
can be a boss, you can be someone who challenges more. So, Yeah,
(09:48):
you don't go towards six very much, which is the
the loyalist. Don't know you're loyal to no one, so
that it's a misleading name.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Boy, what does that mean?
Speaker 3 (09:57):
I'll tell you, letter girl, Well, you we're on track.
So the way it is is what I like about
the anagram is it isn't like this is your fate now, Nick.
As a seven, you are fated to never have a
relationship longer than ten minutes, never stay in a job
more than twenty hours. You flip from one thing to another,
and you're stuck with this life. The thing is, each
(10:20):
type has a type that they go towards when they're
becoming a healthier person, and one they go to in stress. So,
for instance, a seven goes more towards an anagram one
when they're in unhealthy behavior. So if you would notice
the qualities of impatience, judgmental, perfectionistic, being right, being critical,
(10:46):
being in a tight, anxious, tense state, even your asshole,
I would say it is really tied up there, not
even a finger, much less a thumb.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
No, maybe Sad're okay?
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Those gross? Those are your warning signs as a seven
to be like, oh shit, I'm tight, anxious tent, I'm
getting in my unhealthy state. So it's just an awareness
of where you go when things are really gonna blow up.
So instead there's also a healthy one you go to
when you're in a healthier state, and with a seven
(11:21):
you go to a five where fives slow down, focus deep,
you commit to things instead of chase things, which is
a big pattern for you to do, and your energy
becomes purposeful and not scattered. So when you do those
kind of things, when you buy a simply going oh wait,
(11:43):
I can adopt the traits of a five and become
more grounded. Would those things help you when you're in
a heightened state of just slowing down, focusing, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
For sure, even like I've noticed, like for me this
is this is like a side note, but like for
me starting the day with like meditating and writing like
a gratitude thing or reading something just about stuff like this,
yeah about Oh what's an automatic negative thought? What's this?
What's that? Like? That stuff calms me down? And I've
(12:16):
been told by people I've been in relationships with their friends,
like when I am focused and I'm in that five,
I was told that I see more in my body,
like I'm not fucking me, like you know, I'm flying. Yeah,
So I've been told that, and it feels better for sure.
And the the I'll tell you what, the minute I
(12:39):
start to veer off of it, I start flying again.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Oh my god, Well it's true because the minute you
you've gotten so much more tolerable lately, because you're not.
We would be at the diner and you'd be spinning
a knife on the table not even a sharp one,
a butter knife for what a queer. And then he
would be tearing up napkins and just throwing them out
that much. No, I notice everything. Yeah, and I'm like, oh,
(13:03):
he's just really leaning into without knowing it, you're leaning
in towards the healthier part of yourself. Also, like you've
had a lot of therapy, so you kind of know
that the depth and the meaning is really what counts
versus the flitting around.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Yeah. I definitely could get flying. And then the moments
when like, even when I am flying that I book
a therapy pointment, I'd like preface it where I'm like, hey,
to the therapist, I got I don't know what's gonna
come out. Yeah, yeah, because that's how I know I've
gone too long without doing stuff the right way is
I'll say, like, there's like seven things on the front
(13:38):
of my mind and I'm like, I don't know what
I should focus on. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
And if for a second you get into your body,
you just close your eyes, settle down, you'd know exactly
the right thing that should come out. Yeah, you know.
So I think just using the ante room as a
tool to go wow, what are my red flags of
like when I'm getting nutty, and where are my sort
of tools to get tools from the other signs that
(14:03):
you're supposed to go to. So if you take the
tools of the five, which is the investigator, the cerebral one,
like the one that's always in their head, if they're
left to their own devices, and you're just like, oh,
the way they focus is good, the way that they
are purposeful is good, then you have ways of correcting
self correcting and not driving yourself and other people crazy.
(14:24):
And because the way enneagram people that the way it's
used that I don't like is when people use it
as the excuse to be an asshole forever. So in
other words, if you're saying yourself, well, I'm a seven,
so I guess I can never have a girlfriend. We
all know a boyfriend is what you'll probably end up having.
(14:44):
So but if you use it as an excuse of like,
hey man, that's just me. I'm going to have fifty hobbies.
I'm never going to complete anything. I'm always going to
be a flake. It's just me, man, fucking just me.
Man is just so bad. So I diagnosed myself through
(15:09):
a test, But actually I took a really long, like
a two week course in Enneagram, and not surprisingly, I
was eight, which some people call the boss, some people
call the challenger. I preferred at the time boss because
I just love the idea that I'm the boss of
everyone and everything in the world. So I took to
(15:30):
that fucking Enneagram like a boss. I even have t
shirt like this t shirt says redefining Assertiveness since Forever
number eight, because I love assertive, I love boss, I
love being in charge. And I'm like, wait, like I'm
identifying way too much as at eight and being like, yeah, man,
(15:50):
I'm a fucking eight. I can't help it if I
bush you around, you fag who doesn't have a career.
I got it to be like, that's probably wrong. So
once I started looking at it, and I'm like, oh wait,
those are red flags when I start getting bossy, because really,
a healthy enneagrammate doesn't want to boss you around. They
(16:11):
want you to be your own boss. So my joy
should be coming from oh my god, Nick quit the podcast.
There'd be enough joy in just you not being here,
but the idea that you took charge of your life.
I would should be thrilled if Stephanie was like, listen,
I've decided to murder Celia and take this job. I'd
be like, I'm so proud of you, Garlina. So it's
(16:35):
going to the healthier parts and not being like, well,
that's just me. I have to boss everybody around. It's
like as bad as somebody going, well, I'm a mom.
That's why I have to be a Karen at the
soccer game. It's like, anytime you identify too much and
are too kind of thrilled with what you are, right,
maybe it's worth looking at. So for me with an eight,
let me see what I'm supposed to go. Oh, oh,
I like this. I in a healthier state because I
(16:58):
do find I've been doing this in last year. Correct
me if I'm wrong, Nick wrong, Ah. The helper where
I get more. You know, I have people's best interests
at heart. I coach them to get what they want
(17:20):
versus what I think they should want. Like I coach
someone now and I was like, oh, I really want
her to just lighten up when it comes to auditioning
and not be in so fucking aint aal all the time. Well,
I can want that all I want for her. It's
none of my business. So she wants a better method
of handling her feelings around it. Okay, that's what I
can help you do. So if I let go of
(17:42):
some of the eight nests and become more of a helper,
then I'm like, oh, I've actually helped her in a
more meaningful way for her. Right, So don't use sense, Nick,
correct me if I'm wrong. Have I become a healthier eight.
I'm not so bossy anymore. You can lie and.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Say yes, no, no, I think I said this what
dinner last week? Yeah, you definitely have. I think also too,
like there's a few things. You're definitely calmer. Yeah, like
you don't go to a hundred as quick as you used.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
To, because that's what e's do. We freaking explode, we
have rage, we have violent freaking. The funny part about
eight is there's I have a list of like all
the famous people, well known people within each enneagram, and
you can see there's good and bad in every type.
So like it on mine, an eight is like Gandhi
but also oh no, wait no, it is Martin Luther
(18:44):
King but Trump also, so in other words, yeah, Martin
Luther King clearly went towards a helper part. So you could.
It could go good or bad. So it's not saying
one is better than the other. But yeah, I feel
like it's I get less angry because I'm not trying
to make people into some than I think they should be.
Speaker 4 (19:01):
No.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Yeah, I mean you're you are supportive. You are like
we'll talk to I mean especially I know how you
talk to like me Andrew and Bow because we're your
three straight.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Friends, three dumb straight men.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Yeah, so it's it's different because, like I you know,
the dynamic of just like you being a three straight guys,
like oh, I could just kind of talk directly and
just kind of say like, and we're used to it.
We're just like, yeah, Paul is fucking stupid, but like
in a funny you know what I mean. Sure, but
we take it as advice and it's not like bossy,
right even when even when you were I guess bossy,
(19:34):
it wasn't really it was all for advice and.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
For Yeah, but I think it's purposes. I think it's
what I took home was I can't believe they're not
doing that. And now I'm just like.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
So you took it home. You're saying after you'd be
like motherfucker.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
Anyway, they're also stupid. Oh my god, what are these
guys know? I have to talk to gay friends instead
they do everything I say, which ps they don't. It's
just wanting people to be their best versus what I
think they should be, and really being only my own boss.
Like my own boss wants me to want good things
(20:12):
for you guys. And when I my red flags, when
I start to notice that, I go to a what
do you call it? Five? When I get really fed
up and that's not good. It's just like I get withdrawn,
I get where I'm like that's fine, Like I get
like sulky. No, it's so stupid. I get so sulky
(20:35):
and guarded in vulnerable. I don't need anything from anyone,
like I noticed. Okay, So I'm taking this coaching class
in like a year long coaching program in San Francisco.
So we add it in person in December. So after
every they do a lot of you know, somatic or
body based practices and exercises and stuff, because they're like,
(20:57):
if you can't sit for thirty minutes, you can't be
with a client for thirty minutes, Like you have to
learn how to be quiet. So after lunch, we're all tired,
and they're like, Okay, we need to energize everyone. So
they'll have like a they'll put on three songs and
we'll like dance and stuff and it's a blast. So
I remember the first two days, the guy Adam, he's amazing.
(21:19):
He's like, hey, any requests, and I'd be like, oh
my god, played the Trolls song or whatever shit i'm
listening to, or Golden by the those demon whatever ladies.
How it is. Stephanie has our Yeah, I wanted to
talk it into the mic, so just keep it at
your face, just keep it there so the demon hunters, right,
(21:40):
So he's like playing whatever we all want. The third day,
there's this woman in charge, Anna Maria, and she's an
ape like because we all know our because we use
it in coaching the enneagram. So I go uptour and
I go, oh my god, can you play footloose because
you know that gets people going. And she looks at
me not very calmly. She's a very evolved date and
(22:03):
she just goes, I think I'll DJ today, like very calmly,
and I'm like but but but like it's really fun.
And then I like notice myself walking back to the
little circle, and I was like okay, like sulky dancing
like the low the lowest energy Peanuts character. I was like,
(22:24):
it's fine, like okay, and I noticed immediately I'm going
to a five. I'm sulking. I'm being a big baby kid.
I'm not the boss. So I didn't start dancing. It's fine. Well,
the next day Adam's doing the thing again. They must
have talked about it because the first song he plays Footloose,
(22:47):
it was almost like this lesson in You're not gonna
get everything you want all the time, and it's gonna
come on somebody else's time sometimes and not yours. And
it was this great lesson of oh, I'm going to
get everything I need and want, I just have to
sometimes not have the timeline. So she taught me a
valuable lesson that's like a healthy eight thing. As she
tested me on. I was so happy I got out
(23:09):
that of a sulking within like ten seconds and realized
what a big baby I was being. I was like, okay,
like I went towards the healthier self, which is helping.
So I like this as a tool. Stephanie, what are you?
I know you said, you're an eight, I imagine that you
are a little boss bitch at your age.
Speaker 4 (23:30):
Yeah, so I'm an eight wing seven, so we're flipped.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
Ah, so you could probably never have sex. Go ahead,
I'm gonna throw up. Oh my god, sorry.
Speaker 4 (23:40):
I don't know I could be a boss sometimes. I guess. Okay,
you guys probably think I'm a boss baby, but yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Yeah, you know what you are. You are a you.
I notice you don't lay down for shit like I once.
I think I forgot what was a okingly joke to
you about something like a dancing with the Stars thing
or something, because you're gay for that like I am.
(24:06):
And you like push back, but not a mean way.
You're just like, well I don't agree. And I'm like,
who's this little fucking cunt? Because I was like, you,
I have a podcast, You're just a Workeralthy eight starts going,
I'm like, oh no, she's just being like an aide
who has an opinion, Like she's allowed to have an opinion,
(24:26):
which I'm just used to like younger people having to
be like, oh, yeah, you're right, which is, by the way,
has nothing new with any Grahama's just old people shit.
Because I don't want to be the old person you
always have to agree with, like that's just a sucky person.
Then that that you're afraid of saying, no Grandma, it's
really you know, we don't say those words anymore. No, not,
(24:49):
it's a gase. So it's like I noticed the eight
tendencies in you, Stephanie. Do you see yourself sometime doing
the unhealthy behavior of sometimes withdrawing if you're hurt sometimes
being the one who's like, okay, I'm just gonna like
(25:09):
not be vulnerable. It's fine.
Speaker 4 (25:13):
Yeah, I definitely see that.
Speaker 5 (25:14):
Like if my like ex friend or whatever, like sends
a long paragraph TAXI, I'm not respond I'm not wasting
my energy on this. If I'm so checked out of that,
so I guess that is a bad decision sometimes, or
even like if I'm fighting with my parents, it'll be
like I'll just stop talking. I'll let them riff off. Right,
I'm again not wasting my time on this. Right.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
Do you think it's a conscious thing of not wasting
time or is it like, wow, I don't want to
be involved because it has resulted and hurt before. Probably both, Yeah, yeah,
because that's what we do. It's like, well, I'm going
to volunteer to be hurt again, you know, And I'm
the challenger. I want to just be the boss. And
I'm the boss of my own life. And that's fine.
They can like deal without me. So I think it
(25:56):
could be isolating, So next time, just be a helper. Dude. Wait,
by the way, why is your ex friend texting you paragraphs?
Speaker 5 (26:05):
Like?
Speaker 3 (26:05):
That's weird? They know they're an ex friend, or is
it Celia.
Speaker 5 (26:12):
No, So basically this friend from college and I it's
one of my guy friends. You know, I haven't spoken
in three months, and then all of a sudden he
liked my Instagram photo and sent me a long text
and I'm like, you cannot just instagram photo like your
way back in.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
Yeah, you're right, that's a whole different podcast episode. Yeah,
they're always trying to you know, he clearly is in
love with you. Oh I was just joking around.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
But he's trying to smash but he's trying to get up.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
In that.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Trying out.
Speaker 5 (26:45):
It's just like it's a lot to talk to him
because like even over text, he'll be like what I'm like,
just read the text above.
Speaker 4 (26:51):
It's all you couldn't hear me?
Speaker 2 (26:55):
They're married.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
Yeah, I know somebody's going to be murdered. That will
be on a true crime podcast soon. But Stephanie, like,
you're doing great. We always have to say that to
Celia because of her low self esteem. Steffany, you're doing great?
Who is a good girl? You are?
Speaker 4 (27:15):
And great?
Speaker 3 (27:16):
Yeah again? So I have a yea nick. Do we
have some letters from creepy people who think there are
one enneagram and stuck with it?
Speaker 2 (27:27):
We do?
Speaker 3 (27:27):
Oh my god, go girl. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Dear Lisa, first off, I'm a huge fan and guessing
that you're a type aid because you are.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
After all, the queens see they know I just puford
this energy.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Shut up. I, on the other hand, am a nine
the peacemaker, passive gay man who votes conflict.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
A passive gay that's called the bottom or it's a
feminine top. A black.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
Yeah, dude, I'm a blouse for sure. I could wear one,
so passive gay man, he voiced conflict. I'm sarrying to
think the enneagram nine should be renamed in quotes big
fat pussy. Yeah do you agree? Thanks? Coulton?
Speaker 3 (28:17):
Wow, yeah. Colton had no choice when he came out
of Mama. He had sugar but passively, which would be
very boring.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
In my opinion, passively sucking and dick would be weird.
Speaker 3 (28:32):
I don't even know what that would look like. Let
me show you, okay, very good light touch, not manhandily.
We'll see the peacemaker. Here's the problem. People misunderstand nines.
They're not pussies. They however, usually act like them and
(28:53):
when they're in like an unhealthy state. So what nines
generally do? They don't like conflict. I just ask little
tiny four foot tall Stephanie over there or me. We
enjoy conflict. I love it. I don't mean fighting. I
love saying, hey, Nick, what do you think you hurt
(29:13):
my feelings? Dot dot dot. I love those discussions. I
think it brings us closer. Nines do not like that.
It makes them feel unsafe. They can't have conflict. They
also will be very stubborn. They can numb out, and
they can be passive in that they say yes and
(29:35):
me no. Now, there is nothing more confusing than a
fucking peace making nine asshole who has to tell me yes,
and then they're harboring resentment that they shouldn't have done
what I asked them to do. So our friend Andrew,
who I love, one of my best friends. Bestie girl.
Oh what guys say? Oh fuck? I just looked, shakes
(30:04):
her head. He I always say to him, do not
I know you're a nine, be a healthy nine. Do
not say yes to this? If this, if you don't
want to do it. Like one year before I even
knew what any Ingraham was, I asked him to water
my trees that I had just planted or what not
(30:25):
me but Louise had planted. And I was like, Louise,
I don't want to waste his time. Can you come
over and water my trees? There was eight of them,
so they don't die when I'm away. It's the summer,
it's ninety degrees. He said yes. So even now part
of me is like, I wonder if I was so
bossy that he didn't feel he could say no, Like
(30:46):
if we were a bad eight and nine combination and
he was just a people pleaser. I was like, h yeah,
sure and lied to his wife about where he was
and said water Lisa's trees, which is code for plowing. True.
So I think they are tricky, these peacemakers, because you
(31:06):
never know when the boiling point will come. That they've
said yes too many times and just block you or
they're like I imagine that's what happened with Stephanie and her
ex friend because he probably is a nine. He was
a people pleasing little count and then she fucking snapped
and was like enough and he was like enough and
I love you. That kind of thing anyway, gobbled kob.
(31:33):
So no, what is his name? Colton? Colton? You don't
have to continue being the big pussy you are. You
just have to take steps as we talked about to
in stress. Go to the healthier wing for the healthier
sign for you, which is a two, more of a helping,
(31:57):
more of a guiding of people rather than yesing them
to death and speaking truthfully. I hope her doesn't say
yes when they mean no. Colton. Also, stop being gay
because that's a sin. God hates gays.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
As we'll cure email us at shrink this show.
Speaker 3 (32:16):
Yeah, Nick still taking the cure. He's trying, that's true. Okay,
next letter.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
Next letter, excuse me, dear Lisa. I'm a proud and
new Graham eight and run my own show. This is
from Stephanie, both at home and with my husband, and
I'm a boss at work and I peg him.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Just let me tell you, I am sexually repressed. But
if I now, but if I was had a dude,
i'd do some pegging. I'd be grossed out by him
because he'd be a nine and passive nine weird about
pegging dude, I would throw up. I'm so I have
to work on all that stuff.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
What if a guy's gotten nice, little cute hairless But no.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
It's all girls like I've stuck a finger. But that's it.
That's it. The pegging seems No. I picture pegging. I
don't even picture it accurately because I don't watch porn.
This is what I imagine it looks like. And you will laugh. No,
I imagine it's like you put a steak in somebody's ass.
This is how I picture it. Like not a steak,
(33:24):
like yeah, like a like a vampire steak. We're not pointy.
And then you take a mallet. I literally picture no, no, no,
I picture a mallet coming down and pounding it in.
Is that what it's like? Nick? No, How do you know?
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Because I know because I know, Okay, that's what it is.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
I literally when anyone says, peg a big mallet, because
I have a big mallet in the garage that I
used to like if you put fence down, like pounding
in a fence. So that's not what pegging is.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
No, it's when a girl wears a strap on just
fucks a guy in the ass.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
Well, no, I know that, but they don't use no mallet.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
No's no mall.
Speaker 3 (34:06):
It's my motivation. I'm an eight. I want a pound
a stake into your ass. That's a clip from this show.
That's true. Okay, so sorry, go ahead, sorry about that.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Honestly, I think both my husband and my employees are
a little afraid of me because they've seen me explode
when they don't do the one I ask them to.
I think fear is a great motivator, but my test
results say I should be more vulnerable and nurturing. What
do you think? Thanks Jess from Bethesda, Maryland.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
Well, listen, no one lives there, just as they do.
I've driven through it many times quickly. Here's the deal,
been there. I was always running the show at home,
which is why I have no one in my home
right now. I always ran the show at work, which
is why I'm in here with the degenerate loser trying
not to be gay anymore and a four foot zero midget.
(34:59):
I feel like I always the boss, and fear that
is a faulty statement. Fear is a great motivator. It
was a great motivator back in oh I don't know,
prehistoric times when a saber tooth tiger would be running
and you would have to run. That's the fear of
(35:22):
being eaten is going to make you run for your life.
So fear motivated you to stay alive. Fear does not
motivate people who were equals. Fear does not motivate people
you're in a relationship with or friends. Having a fear
that hangs over someone's head makes them run for the hills. Eventually,
I operated with this mentality for many years. Like with
(35:44):
all my openers, I used to have it where I
had two straight e's open for me, but at alternating dates,
so they knew each other existed, so I, oh, there's
going to be a fear in him that if he's late,
he's going to get replaced by the other straight guy.
So they didn't blow up in my face, But it
wasn't the way to rule. A healthy queen rules by love,
(36:10):
by boundaries, by having a vulnerable sensitive way of listening
to people's needs. Ultimately, yeah, making the decision, but the
fear is not what really motivates people. They're gonna run
for the hills. So I would say, Jess, learn from
(36:31):
me someone who lives alone. Yes, now, but maybe you
would have gone another way if I'd have worked on
my unhealthy Enneagram tendencies and gone more towards type two
and supported people and been more vulnerable and protected them
(36:52):
versus control them. Does this make sense, Nick? I know
you didn't listen to I.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Just love a long thing, and then me going yep, yo, no,
it makes sense. I mean, I mean, I think we
should do an experiment where I move in with you,
oh Jesus, and we film it.
Speaker 3 (37:12):
Yeah, that'd be great. They put that on TLC after
you gain six hundred pounds and doctor now comes over
and go, wha, you look nourish.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
Yeah, you know that they're actually to this point. This
is the thing with this. So like I'm technically a
leader at work right, a manager, but sometimes because of
my fun loving nature, because of the way I am,
people get too friendly with me too quick. Yes, and
they like me pretty instantly, So like it becomes.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Aden what a burden. Oh my god, I'm so.
Speaker 4 (37:50):
Like right in that wall and it's like the I'm
better than everyone else me.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
But really like and I've been I didn't think of this,
but I've just been told this where like like so
like I get the having to be serious maybe and
not wanting to show the vulnerable set. There's got to
be a balance, right, because I think for people, for me,
it's the opposite. They're like, oh, he's cool, and then
I'm like, hey, but you got to do X, Y
Z And they're like, oh, all right, this is a
(38:19):
job and you're my balls, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (38:21):
Like it's the balance. It's like you fun, loving, fancy
free Nick on the go Galon on the go at work.
But it's also like, well you have that other side
too that you go to when you're healthier, which is
like the more serious focused guy.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
Yeah, like I can never be Like I remember after college,
our football coach I was used to like when guys, wo,
coming from college, you want to come help coach? I
was like, dude, I'm the last dude you want here,
Like I just want to have fun, like they would
not be I'm not like the yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:47):
But yet would you argue that now that you're becoming
a healthier version of yourself, you I'm not saying with
a high school or with you know, at the higher levels,
could you coach a team and lead with it's you know,
a healthy energy.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
I think so. I mean I train like a few now,
I train like a few teenage boys, like one on
one at their homes and stuff peg right, lot of pegging,
lots of their parents are you know how I really
shouldn't be there, but their parents are there. They're super
it's supervised visits now. But like I'm training these kids
in their gym, and it's like, I could I have
(39:25):
a little bit more patience. But also I'm like I
teeter but but but I get what she's saying, Like
I think maybe showing some vulnerability in certain moments because
there is and correct me if I'm wrong here, but
I feel like there's something to be said for being
a little bit afraid, like a tiny bit afraid of
your boss, a tiny bit afraid of Like.
Speaker 3 (39:47):
There should be a tiny bit of fear for everyone though,
Like meaning, if I have zero fear that you know,
I'm someone's gonna ask me for a divorce, then I'm
gonna cheat and I'm going to do all sorts of
crazy shit because I'm like, I don't fucking care. But
that's the opposite of true vulnerability anyway. So for her
to be at home and being the boss at home,
(40:11):
I because she's seen tests saying she should be more
vulnerable and nurturing. Yeah, try a little of that. Yeah,
keep the tiny bit of like, oh, you can't just
run over me family, but also the vulnerability will help
them be more vulnerable. And then everybody's like telling the
truth to each other. Everybody's going I feel sad. Oh,
(40:32):
doesn't worry about you, going, ah, I just pull up
your fucking put big black pants, like ah, I'm sure
I've been that and just doesn't get your long term
good friendships or results.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
No, no, Yeah, So I guess there's mixed reviews.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
Mixed give it a five on a ten and yelp quickly.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
Last letter, last letter, Dear Lisa, what girl? I'm Matt
from Austin and I just found out I am a
three three the achiever.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
Oh the achiever. God, those are the ones I have
the most problem with.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
Really, Yeah, apparently that means I'm conflict avoidant chronically tired
and pathologically chill question mark my girlfriend sure A proud
type eight says, says, that explains why I let life
happen to me like I'm a houseplant? Am I doing
to be this way forever? Or can I evolve into
(41:35):
someone who finishes emails and makes dentist appointment?
Speaker 3 (41:38):
Wow? Well, the short answer is no, one has to
be any way forever. So achiever is basically someone the
three is someone who's driven by image success. But they're
also avoidant, so they like awards, they like different like
oh look, I got a promotion, like they're super like.
That's where they get their most sent of self worth.
(42:01):
So his wife, what does she say? He lives like
a house plant.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
Let's life happen to me like I'm a house Let's
life happen to me like I'm a house plant here?
Speaker 5 (42:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (42:10):
Well, the good thing is no one's stuck where they are. Look,
you never met a bigger, bossy pain in the ass
than me, And I could tweak myself and change little
by little and go I can look back a year
ago and go, oh, man, I'm better to be around
than I was a year ago. And it just keeps
I always go I hope I live a long time
(42:30):
because ooh, maybe I'll be so tolerable by the time
i'm eighty. Maybe I'll be like that old lady people
want to go see and it's like, oh, she's just
gonna boss us around. She's just gonna say, well, what
are you doing for a living loser? So what's his name? Matt? Matt, Matt?
If that is your real name, tell your eight wife
to back the fuck down, because sometimes they can be
(42:53):
a lot. We can be a lot. And just look, man,
you can change. Look what your particular type goes to
when they're healthy. Go to check GPT. You can look
that ship up, figure it out. It is never too
late to change. And as I sang in the last episode,
(43:13):
not in the last episode, as I sang several episds ago,
I'm so drunk around I'm an alcoholic. It's never too
late to grow. As Buddy the Elf would say, speaking
of elves, Stephanie, we're gonna take a break at this moment. Hey, Stephanie,
(43:34):
why don't you give your Instagram where people can follow you? Oh? No,
how many fucking underscores?
Speaker 4 (43:42):
Only one? But there is to ease at the end.
It's Steph Lane to ease underscore.
Speaker 3 (43:46):
Listen, I don't like a lot about this one, and
I'll tell you why, Steph. We don't know if it's
an F two f's or a pH. Which one is it?
Why don't you be not so? See that's a boss.
That's the right way because everyone who spells it stuff
of that. Well, maybe they're Swiss and you just hate
(44:07):
Swedish people. So it's st E p h underscore. No,
what the fuck is it? You bitches with your goddamn.
Speaker 4 (44:17):
S t E p h l A n e E underscore.
Speaker 3 (44:21):
Well, okay, wait, explain to me this extra e.
Speaker 5 (44:27):
There's already a Steph Lane on Instagram with like two followers.
Speaker 2 (44:30):
Doesn't bitch you listening, Steph Lane?
Speaker 3 (44:33):
You die, will die, bitch. There's a needy Ingraham eight
who needs your email or Instagram whether the fuck the
thing's called? Wait, so it ends with an underscore? Yeah?
See couldn't you just Okay, here's what I would have done.
Nick looked this up. If this is taken, what's your
middle name?
Speaker 4 (44:54):
Why are we putting it on Instagram?
Speaker 3 (44:56):
Just mouth it to me? Mouth it minus, oh my god, everyone,
because we're Latin. Next, we always have Steph. Look up,
Steph lane to ease. No, no, wait, look up as
we're fuck else you look, kid, see this is when
(45:18):
he acts stupid. Y fd L Steph l A n E.
Got her M with like the last initial with the
initial of her middle name. Is that taken? That's better
for you? I know you're not going to change it.
It's okay because you don't want to lose your thirty followers?
(45:39):
So how many FOLLOWERSH has, bitch got? I know I
follow her. I know I follow her. I'm stupid. I
like to see whatever she posts, whatever cute little outfit
she's got going on, or little dolls, her little doll
clothes that she wears.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
Oh my god, I mean, here's a little bit.
Speaker 3 (45:54):
Better as I'm pretty. So if i'm you though, I
think next time, when the next social media is invented,
use that that middle initial. Sometimes. Did I out ate
you a little bit?
Speaker 5 (46:13):
No?
Speaker 3 (46:14):
No, in a good way? Yeah, okay, thanks? It's so
fucking stupid. Why do we do it? What's wrong with us?
Speaker 2 (46:23):
Well?
Speaker 4 (46:23):
You used to think my real name is Stephanie.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
Asian?
Speaker 3 (46:29):
Oh, my Stefan is very good. You know I have
an Asian friend Bonnie I've talked about many times, and
we were at what do you call that restaurant? Tao
t Ao, and she enjoys when I use the Asian accent.
I always ask my various minority friends if they enjoy
the accents or they'd rather not. And she likes it.
(46:50):
And I said, you want the bottle sticker and she
laughed heartily, but it was hard to tell, because you know,
the Asian hold it close to the vest. And she's
a five, which means she's very internal and logical.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
That's why she's so successful.
Speaker 3 (47:08):
That's true. All right? Where can people listen to us?
Speaker 2 (47:12):
Nick, please listen to us? Please? No, no, look at me?
Speaker 3 (47:17):
No?
Speaker 2 (47:17):
Please no, you can. If you want to write into
the show, you can email us at shrink this Show
at gmail dot com. That is shrink this Show at
gmail dot com. You can follow Lisa at Lisa Lampanella.
You can follow me at Nick Scopes on Instagram. You
can follow Stephanie at her at steph Lanie Underscore on Instagram.
(47:40):
And you could listen to us on your iHeartRadio app
because we are in iHeartRadio studios.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
Yeah, we don't have in other.
Speaker 2 (47:47):
Places, but download the appe.
Speaker 3 (47:50):
Don't be stupid, like, why can't they just follow orders? Yes,
the iHeart app has many things that I have not
seen because I don't have it, so but you.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
Dude, do the other ones. The Spotify is the fucking
whatever is. Just listen to us, please, we need the recognition.
Speaker 3 (48:10):
Wait, what the hell do you turn right into a
fucking three? We gotta go, stupid. Bye,
Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.
She is a meddling advice giving yanta and know it
all and her words come from her head, her heart,
and often out of her ass. This podcast should not
be misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a
huge strain of salt for entertainment purposes only.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
These.
Speaker 3 (00:17):
You need help, You're the problems. Come on, come down,
go lamb, take a pill. I think you're insane. Do
what I say, dumb ass, listen to me. You Oh
(00:47):
my god, I don't know what's going on in the
studio today. I am bewitched, bothered, and bewildered. I'm dying
because instead of Celia are very much much molay mind,
very overworked. What do you call her assistant producer whatever,
(01:08):
who happens to be out with the flu, which is
super sad because so many people are dying.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
Is in right now?
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Girl ends for twenty twenty six flu out AIDS. Anyway,
speaking of AIDS, we have a different producer and I
meant aid as an aid to the podcast. Great Save Ell.
We have someone behind the board who I don't know.
I feel like I have a decent relationship. I wouldn't
(01:37):
call it good, I wouldn't call it bad. I would
call it rather neutral because we are both Enneagram eights,
and they tend to have stressed between them because both
wants to be the boss. Introducing Stephanie, are you going
to say hello? Are you gonna drag that mic over?
Are you gotta say hi? You just gotta let me
run a rough shot?
Speaker 2 (01:56):
Hey, guys, another one, Stephanie.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
I don't curcause age group. That just she is not Asian. Now, Stephanie,
rall quack, rall quack. How old are you so? Are
you the same age as Celia?
Speaker 4 (02:13):
No, she's a year older.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Oh yeah, she's goning for that job. And trust me,
you don't want this job anyway. Stephanie, thank you for
taking over. I feel super sad for Celia, who's homesick.
She's not said, she's only said she's sick. She's like happily.
I'm sure avoiding us, which is good.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
So he Nick, Hey, it's me, do listen.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
And we don't care about them. We do this podcast.
We discussed it on the way in. We do this
podcast cause why it's fun. And let me tell you what.
Nick and Stephanie and Celia, if you're listening out there,
the minute it stops being fine as a minute, I walk,
I'll grab my fur and my mortgages and oh my,
(03:03):
oh my, well the pessions and say goodbye to you,
mister Elvis Durratz.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Right, Elvis to renegotiate my contract.
Speaker 3 (03:10):
Yeah, your contract to counts already, isn't that great? Stephanie,
we did to say jokingly but not jokingly, that you
do not curse, which is fine. Do you do you
get offended by cursing? Or you just kind of grew
up where that was not in your home?
Speaker 5 (03:29):
No, I mean yeah, like my parents didn't really curse
growing up. My mom will let me if I made
her angry, but I'm out, that's less that is.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Wait, so you're what would your mom get angry at
you about? Because I love this knowing, because we know
with Celia what a little about her. So what with
you would make your mom angry?
Speaker 4 (03:48):
Literally anything?
Speaker 5 (03:50):
I'm an only child girl, nonetheless, yes, so like anything
like curfew whatever, like hanging out with bad people, which
I didn't do it.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
But I bet you did.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
That's why cursing. Yeah, couldn't get things off a high shelf.
Because you're four feet tall.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
Now that's called height shaming, and I'm here for a girl.
How tall are you actually? Because he always jokes on
you about your height five one. Oh, that's so cute.
It's like sad but cute, dude.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
At the end of this episode, I'm gonna throw her
into a wall. Okay, We're just gonna see how far
I could launch you.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
That's so type seven of you. By the way, what
I mean when that's what our episode is about today.
By the way, we are talking about the enneagram. And
those of you who do not know about the anagram
have not taken some dumb BuzzFeed quiz about which anagram
sign are you, I'm here to correct you and tell
you the enneagram is a very helpful person on a
(04:48):
lydy tool that I've been studying and ps. It is
so helpful in relationship with people and friendship because you
know how to treat other people, you know what to
expect from them. So basically, what the anagram does it
breaks people down into nine personality types. Now these are
(05:11):
I shan't go into all of them, but there are
things like the helper, the boss, the achiever, the loyalist,
the enthusiast. And it doesn't mean you're stuck with that
personality type. You are born with it. You are not
stuck with it. You can work your way out of
it and have a fuller human experience if you embrace
other types of things into your personalities. Does that make
(05:33):
sense to you, Nick, as a neophyte in this world?
And do I have to define neophyte for you? Beginner? Okay?
So Nick is like gus.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Pedophile or something, Well, you're one of those.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
So I'll stay away from him, Stephanie, because you look twelve,
Nick as a beginner to the anagram, because you know
you've taken the test. I've given you the official Enneagram
Institute's test.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Official.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Yeah, not the one you see on a bud feed
all this crap. The one that it shouldn't be. This
is a very serious pursuit. It helps people and therapy
and coaching. It shouldn't be something that's also alongside of
the quiz which sex of the city character are you?
Which Dawson's Creek homo are you?
Speaker 2 (06:17):
I'm the horriest one you are.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
Actually, what do you understand about the enneagram? So far?
Speaker 2 (06:28):
It just seems for me it's obviously we talked about
like it's similar. It's it's like a personality sort of,
and you kind of see which way which ways you lean.
So for example, like I thought, the one thing that
was interesting was that, So if I'm a seven, which
(06:48):
I am, cute, look it up. Follow me Instagram.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
Oh yeah, by the way, follow him fine.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Where follow me on Instagram and TikTok baby at seven
gave Pai dot com.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
By the way, since Celia isn't taping with us today,
we're not going to promote her Instagram. We're not. We're not.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
We're not four underscores.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Out sick, could die from the flu romano. There you go.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
All right, yeah, so like personality and like basically the
thing I mean, I could just talk about how what
I found useful. So I'm a seven, right.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Seven is of course the enthusiast, which means you are
fun loving. You are the one the personality that is
most apt to go with fomo, that is most likely
to see the grasses greener in someone else's yard. You
are over stimulated easily, and you are avoidant. So those
(07:49):
when when Nick took the test, I was secretly going,
please God, please let him take it honestly, So seven
would come out because I had diagnosed you, which I'm
not supposed to do, but I kind of know things.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
It was a blood test.
Speaker 3 (08:02):
Yeah, so you came out positive for HIV and seven.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
So for you, your tendency is to bounce around from
one thing to another, to be have different hobbies, to
have different pursuits, and to always be looking for quote better.
So that tracked for you.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Oh yeah, the minute, because the minute anything and I've
had therapists tell me this too, is how you know
it's real.
Speaker 3 (08:28):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
Anything gets like hard or reaching a subject that's like
too much, I'm like, I like, I start like joking
my way through. I'm like, yeah, you're gay. Yeah, and
I try to avoid and whatever. But so that it
was cool to learn that and to know and then
apply it to life. So when I am having those
(08:50):
particular moments, I know, oh, this is just the type
of personality I am. Doesn't mean this is true, doesn't
mean I need to quit my job and do acting
full time. Doesn't mean right to move to fucking Florida
and do overweight porn or whatever, like plus size porn.
It's big down there.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
I mean, it's good to have that option.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Right, I mean, I'm I would crush, but literally I
would crush somebody. But if it's good to know, like
you can bounce back and forth, and that's what the
seven is, and it's also good to know. I think
I can't. I don't know the exact words for it,
but like I'm a seven, so but sometimes I could
have parts of an eight.
Speaker 3 (09:27):
It's called a wing. It's whatever's on either side of you.
You could every aneagram type has a wing. So it's
either for you, since you're seven, the number four, it's six,
the number after it's eight, So you tend to have
a stronger, in my opinion, an eight wing. So you
can be a boss, you can be someone who challenges more. So, Yeah,
(09:48):
you don't go towards six very much, which is the
the loyalist. Don't know you're loyal to no one, so
that it's a misleading name.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Boy, what does that mean?
Speaker 3 (09:57):
I'll tell you, letter girl, Well, you we're on track.
So the way it is is what I like about
the anagram is it isn't like this is your fate now, Nick.
As a seven, you are fated to never have a
relationship longer than ten minutes, never stay in a job
more than twenty hours. You flip from one thing to another,
and you're stuck with this life. The thing is, each
(10:20):
type has a type that they go towards when they're
becoming a healthier person, and one they go to in stress. So,
for instance, a seven goes more towards an anagram one
when they're in unhealthy behavior. So if you would notice
the qualities of impatience, judgmental, perfectionistic, being right, being critical,
(10:46):
being in a tight, anxious, tense state, even your asshole,
I would say it is really tied up there, not
even a finger, much less a thumb.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
No, maybe Sad're okay?
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Those gross? Those are your warning signs as a seven
to be like, oh shit, I'm tight, anxious tent, I'm
getting in my unhealthy state. So it's just an awareness
of where you go when things are really gonna blow up.
So instead there's also a healthy one you go to
when you're in a healthier state, and with a seven
(11:21):
you go to a five where fives slow down, focus deep,
you commit to things instead of chase things, which is
a big pattern for you to do, and your energy
becomes purposeful and not scattered. So when you do those
kind of things, when you buy a simply going oh wait,
(11:43):
I can adopt the traits of a five and become
more grounded. Would those things help you when you're in
a heightened state of just slowing down, focusing, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
For sure, even like I've noticed, like for me this
is this is like a side note, but like for
me starting the day with like meditating and writing like
a gratitude thing or reading something just about stuff like this,
yeah about Oh what's an automatic negative thought? What's this?
What's that? Like? That stuff calms me down? And I've
(12:16):
been told by people I've been in relationships with their friends,
like when I am focused and I'm in that five,
I was told that I see more in my body,
like I'm not fucking me, like you know, I'm flying. Yeah,
So I've been told that, and it feels better for sure.
And the the I'll tell you what, the minute I
(12:39):
start to veer off of it, I start flying again.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Oh my god, Well it's true because the minute you
you've gotten so much more tolerable lately, because you're not.
We would be at the diner and you'd be spinning
a knife on the table not even a sharp one,
a butter knife for what a queer. And then he
would be tearing up napkins and just throwing them out
that much. No, I notice everything. Yeah, and I'm like, oh,
(13:03):
he's just really leaning into without knowing it, you're leaning
in towards the healthier part of yourself. Also, like you've
had a lot of therapy, so you kind of know
that the depth and the meaning is really what counts
versus the flitting around.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Yeah. I definitely could get flying. And then the moments
when like, even when I am flying that I book
a therapy pointment, I'd like preface it where I'm like, hey,
to the therapist, I got I don't know what's gonna
come out. Yeah, yeah, because that's how I know I've
gone too long without doing stuff the right way is
I'll say, like, there's like seven things on the front
(13:38):
of my mind and I'm like, I don't know what
I should focus on. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
And if for a second you get into your body,
you just close your eyes, settle down, you'd know exactly
the right thing that should come out. Yeah, you know.
So I think just using the ante room as a
tool to go wow, what are my red flags of
like when I'm getting nutty, and where are my sort
of tools to get tools from the other signs that
(14:03):
you're supposed to go to. So if you take the
tools of the five, which is the investigator, the cerebral one,
like the one that's always in their head, if they're
left to their own devices, and you're just like, oh,
the way they focus is good, the way that they
are purposeful is good, then you have ways of correcting
self correcting and not driving yourself and other people crazy.
(14:24):
And because the way enneagram people that the way it's
used that I don't like is when people use it
as the excuse to be an asshole forever. So in
other words, if you're saying yourself, well, I'm a seven,
so I guess I can never have a girlfriend. We
all know a boyfriend is what you'll probably end up having.
(14:44):
So but if you use it as an excuse of like,
hey man, that's just me. I'm going to have fifty hobbies.
I'm never going to complete anything. I'm always going to
be a flake. It's just me, man, fucking just me.
Man is just so bad. So I diagnosed myself through
(15:09):
a test, But actually I took a really long, like
a two week course in Enneagram, and not surprisingly, I
was eight, which some people call the boss, some people
call the challenger. I preferred at the time boss because
I just love the idea that I'm the boss of
everyone and everything in the world. So I took to
(15:30):
that fucking Enneagram like a boss. I even have t
shirt like this t shirt says redefining Assertiveness since Forever
number eight, because I love assertive, I love boss, I
love being in charge. And I'm like, wait, like I'm
identifying way too much as at eight and being like, yeah, man,
(15:50):
I'm a fucking eight. I can't help it if I
bush you around, you fag who doesn't have a career.
I got it to be like, that's probably wrong. So
once I started looking at it, and I'm like, oh wait,
those are red flags when I start getting bossy, because really,
a healthy enneagrammate doesn't want to boss you around. They
(16:11):
want you to be your own boss. So my joy
should be coming from oh my god, Nick quit the podcast.
There'd be enough joy in just you not being here,
but the idea that you took charge of your life.
I would should be thrilled if Stephanie was like, listen,
I've decided to murder Celia and take this job. I'd
be like, I'm so proud of you, Garlina. So it's
(16:35):
going to the healthier parts and not being like, well,
that's just me. I have to boss everybody around. It's
like as bad as somebody going, well, I'm a mom.
That's why I have to be a Karen at the
soccer game. It's like, anytime you identify too much and
are too kind of thrilled with what you are, right,
maybe it's worth looking at. So for me with an eight,
let me see what I'm supposed to go. Oh, oh,
I like this. I in a healthier state because I
(16:58):
do find I've been doing this in last year. Correct
me if I'm wrong, Nick wrong, Ah. The helper where
I get more. You know, I have people's best interests
at heart. I coach them to get what they want
(17:20):
versus what I think they should want. Like I coach
someone now and I was like, oh, I really want
her to just lighten up when it comes to auditioning
and not be in so fucking aint aal all the time. Well,
I can want that all I want for her. It's
none of my business. So she wants a better method
of handling her feelings around it. Okay, that's what I
can help you do. So if I let go of
(17:42):
some of the eight nests and become more of a helper,
then I'm like, oh, I've actually helped her in a
more meaningful way for her. Right, So don't use sense, Nick,
correct me if I'm wrong. Have I become a healthier eight.
I'm not so bossy anymore. You can lie and.
Speaker 2 (18:02):
Say yes, no, no, I think I said this what
dinner last week? Yeah, you definitely have. I think also too,
like there's a few things. You're definitely calmer. Yeah, like
you don't go to a hundred as quick as you used.
Speaker 3 (18:21):
To, because that's what e's do. We freaking explode, we
have rage, we have violent freaking. The funny part about
eight is there's I have a list of like all
the famous people, well known people within each enneagram, and
you can see there's good and bad in every type.
So like it on mine, an eight is like Gandhi
but also oh no, wait no, it is Martin Luther
(18:44):
King but Trump also, so in other words, yeah, Martin
Luther King clearly went towards a helper part. So you could.
It could go good or bad. So it's not saying
one is better than the other. But yeah, I feel
like it's I get less angry because I'm not trying
to make people into some than I think they should be.
Speaker 4 (19:01):
No.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Yeah, I mean you're you are supportive. You are like
we'll talk to I mean especially I know how you
talk to like me Andrew and Bow because we're your
three straight.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
Friends, three dumb straight men.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Yeah, so it's it's different because, like I you know,
the dynamic of just like you being a three straight guys,
like oh, I could just kind of talk directly and
just kind of say like, and we're used to it.
We're just like, yeah, Paul is fucking stupid, but like
in a funny you know what I mean. Sure, but
we take it as advice and it's not like bossy,
right even when even when you were I guess bossy,
(19:34):
it wasn't really it was all for advice and.
Speaker 3 (19:36):
For Yeah, but I think it's purposes. I think it's
what I took home was I can't believe they're not
doing that. And now I'm just like.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
So you took it home. You're saying after you'd be
like motherfucker.
Speaker 3 (19:49):
Anyway, they're also stupid. Oh my god, what are these
guys know? I have to talk to gay friends instead
they do everything I say, which ps they don't. It's
just wanting people to be their best versus what I
think they should be, and really being only my own boss.
Like my own boss wants me to want good things
(20:12):
for you guys. And when I my red flags, when
I start to notice that, I go to a what
do you call it? Five? When I get really fed
up and that's not good. It's just like I get withdrawn,
I get where I'm like that's fine, Like I get
like sulky. No, it's so stupid. I get so sulky
(20:35):
and guarded in vulnerable. I don't need anything from anyone,
like I noticed. Okay, So I'm taking this coaching class
in like a year long coaching program in San Francisco.
So we add it in person in December. So after
every they do a lot of you know, somatic or
body based practices and exercises and stuff, because they're like,
(20:57):
if you can't sit for thirty minutes, you can't be
with a client for thirty minutes, Like you have to
learn how to be quiet. So after lunch, we're all tired,
and they're like, Okay, we need to energize everyone. So
they'll have like a they'll put on three songs and
we'll like dance and stuff and it's a blast. So
I remember the first two days, the guy Adam, he's amazing.
(21:19):
He's like, hey, any requests, and I'd be like, oh
my god, played the Trolls song or whatever shit i'm
listening to, or Golden by the those demon whatever ladies.
How it is. Stephanie has our Yeah, I wanted to
talk it into the mic, so just keep it at
your face, just keep it there so the demon hunters, right,
(21:40):
So he's like playing whatever we all want. The third day,
there's this woman in charge, Anna Maria, and she's an
ape like because we all know our because we use
it in coaching the enneagram. So I go uptour and
I go, oh my god, can you play footloose because
you know that gets people going. And she looks at
me not very calmly. She's a very evolved date and
(22:03):
she just goes, I think I'll DJ today, like very calmly,
and I'm like but but but like it's really fun.
And then I like notice myself walking back to the
little circle, and I was like okay, like sulky dancing
like the low the lowest energy Peanuts character. I was like,
(22:24):
it's fine, like okay, and I noticed immediately I'm going
to a five. I'm sulking. I'm being a big baby kid.
I'm not the boss. So I didn't start dancing. It's fine. Well,
the next day Adam's doing the thing again. They must
have talked about it because the first song he plays Footloose,
(22:47):
it was almost like this lesson in You're not gonna
get everything you want all the time, and it's gonna
come on somebody else's time sometimes and not yours. And
it was this great lesson of oh, I'm going to
get everything I need and want, I just have to
sometimes not have the timeline. So she taught me a
valuable lesson that's like a healthy eight thing. As she
tested me on. I was so happy I got out
(23:09):
that of a sulking within like ten seconds and realized
what a big baby I was being. I was like, okay,
like I went towards the healthier self, which is helping.
So I like this as a tool. Stephanie, what are you?
I know you said, you're an eight, I imagine that you
are a little boss bitch at your age.
Speaker 4 (23:30):
Yeah, so I'm an eight wing seven, so we're flipped.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
Ah, so you could probably never have sex. Go ahead,
I'm gonna throw up. Oh my god, sorry.
Speaker 4 (23:40):
I don't know I could be a boss sometimes. I guess. Okay,
you guys probably think I'm a boss baby, but yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Yeah, you know what you are. You are a you.
I notice you don't lay down for shit like I once.
I think I forgot what was a okingly joke to
you about something like a dancing with the Stars thing
or something, because you're gay for that like I am.
(24:06):
And you like push back, but not a mean way.
You're just like, well I don't agree. And I'm like,
who's this little fucking cunt? Because I was like, you,
I have a podcast, You're just a Workeralthy eight starts going,
I'm like, oh no, she's just being like an aide
who has an opinion, Like she's allowed to have an opinion,
(24:26):
which I'm just used to like younger people having to
be like, oh, yeah, you're right, which is, by the way,
has nothing new with any Grahama's just old people shit.
Because I don't want to be the old person you
always have to agree with, like that's just a sucky person.
Then that that you're afraid of saying, no Grandma, it's
really you know, we don't say those words anymore. No, not,
(24:49):
it's a gase. So it's like I noticed the eight
tendencies in you, Stephanie. Do you see yourself sometime doing
the unhealthy behavior of sometimes withdrawing if you're hurt sometimes
being the one who's like, okay, I'm just gonna like
(25:09):
not be vulnerable. It's fine.
Speaker 4 (25:13):
Yeah, I definitely see that.
Speaker 5 (25:14):
Like if my like ex friend or whatever, like sends
a long paragraph TAXI, I'm not respond I'm not wasting
my energy on this. If I'm so checked out of that,
so I guess that is a bad decision sometimes, or
even like if I'm fighting with my parents, it'll be
like I'll just stop talking. I'll let them riff off. Right,
I'm again not wasting my time on this. Right.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
Do you think it's a conscious thing of not wasting
time or is it like, wow, I don't want to
be involved because it has resulted and hurt before. Probably both, Yeah, yeah,
because that's what we do. It's like, well, I'm going
to volunteer to be hurt again, you know, And I'm
the challenger. I want to just be the boss. And
I'm the boss of my own life. And that's fine.
They can like deal without me. So I think it
(25:56):
could be isolating, So next time, just be a helper. Dude. Wait,
by the way, why is your ex friend texting you paragraphs?
Speaker 5 (26:05):
Like?
Speaker 3 (26:05):
That's weird? They know they're an ex friend, or is
it Celia.
Speaker 5 (26:12):
No, So basically this friend from college and I it's
one of my guy friends. You know, I haven't spoken
in three months, and then all of a sudden he
liked my Instagram photo and sent me a long text
and I'm like, you cannot just instagram photo like your
way back in.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
Yeah, you're right, that's a whole different podcast episode. Yeah,
they're always trying to you know, he clearly is in
love with you. Oh I was just joking around.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
But he's trying to smash but he's trying to get up.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
In that.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Trying out.
Speaker 5 (26:45):
It's just like it's a lot to talk to him
because like even over text, he'll be like what I'm like,
just read the text above.
Speaker 4 (26:51):
It's all you couldn't hear me?
Speaker 2 (26:55):
They're married.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
Yeah, I know somebody's going to be murdered. That will
be on a true crime podcast soon. But Stephanie, like,
you're doing great. We always have to say that to
Celia because of her low self esteem. Steffany, you're doing great?
Who is a good girl? You are?
Speaker 4 (27:15):
And great?
Speaker 3 (27:16):
Yeah again? So I have a yea nick. Do we
have some letters from creepy people who think there are
one enneagram and stuck with it?
Speaker 2 (27:27):
We do?
Speaker 3 (27:27):
Oh my god, go girl. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Dear Lisa, first off, I'm a huge fan and guessing
that you're a type aid because you are.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
After all, the queens see they know I just puford
this energy.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Shut up. I, on the other hand, am a nine
the peacemaker, passive gay man who votes conflict.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
A passive gay that's called the bottom or it's a
feminine top. A black.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
Yeah, dude, I'm a blouse for sure. I could wear one,
so passive gay man, he voiced conflict. I'm sarrying to
think the enneagram nine should be renamed in quotes big
fat pussy. Yeah do you agree? Thanks? Coulton?
Speaker 3 (28:17):
Wow, yeah. Colton had no choice when he came out
of Mama. He had sugar but passively, which would be
very boring.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
In my opinion, passively sucking and dick would be weird.
Speaker 3 (28:32):
I don't even know what that would look like. Let
me show you, okay, very good light touch, not manhandily.
We'll see the peacemaker. Here's the problem. People misunderstand nines.
They're not pussies. They however, usually act like them and
(28:53):
when they're in like an unhealthy state. So what nines
generally do? They don't like conflict. I just ask little
tiny four foot tall Stephanie over there or me. We
enjoy conflict. I love it. I don't mean fighting. I
love saying, hey, Nick, what do you think you hurt
(29:13):
my feelings? Dot dot dot. I love those discussions. I
think it brings us closer. Nines do not like that.
It makes them feel unsafe. They can't have conflict. They
also will be very stubborn. They can numb out, and
they can be passive in that they say yes and
(29:35):
me no. Now, there is nothing more confusing than a
fucking peace making nine asshole who has to tell me yes,
and then they're harboring resentment that they shouldn't have done
what I asked them to do. So our friend Andrew,
who I love, one of my best friends. Bestie girl.
Oh what guys say? Oh fuck? I just looked, shakes
(30:04):
her head. He I always say to him, do not
I know you're a nine, be a healthy nine. Do
not say yes to this? If this, if you don't
want to do it. Like one year before I even
knew what any Ingraham was, I asked him to water
my trees that I had just planted or what not
(30:25):
me but Louise had planted. And I was like, Louise,
I don't want to waste his time. Can you come
over and water my trees? There was eight of them,
so they don't die when I'm away. It's the summer,
it's ninety degrees. He said yes. So even now part
of me is like, I wonder if I was so
bossy that he didn't feel he could say no, Like
(30:46):
if we were a bad eight and nine combination and
he was just a people pleaser. I was like, h yeah,
sure and lied to his wife about where he was
and said water Lisa's trees, which is code for plowing. True.
So I think they are tricky, these peacemakers, because you
(31:06):
never know when the boiling point will come. That they've
said yes too many times and just block you or
they're like I imagine that's what happened with Stephanie and her
ex friend because he probably is a nine. He was
a people pleasing little count and then she fucking snapped
and was like enough and he was like enough and
I love you. That kind of thing anyway, gobbled kob.
(31:33):
So no, what is his name? Colton? Colton? You don't
have to continue being the big pussy you are. You
just have to take steps as we talked about to
in stress. Go to the healthier wing for the healthier
sign for you, which is a two, more of a helping,
(31:57):
more of a guiding of people rather than yesing them
to death and speaking truthfully. I hope her doesn't say
yes when they mean no. Colton. Also, stop being gay
because that's a sin. God hates gays.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
As we'll cure email us at shrink this show.
Speaker 3 (32:16):
Yeah, Nick still taking the cure. He's trying, that's true. Okay,
next letter.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
Next letter, excuse me, dear Lisa. I'm a proud and
new Graham eight and run my own show. This is
from Stephanie, both at home and with my husband, and
I'm a boss at work and I peg him.
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Just let me tell you, I am sexually repressed. But
if I now, but if I was had a dude,
i'd do some pegging. I'd be grossed out by him
because he'd be a nine and passive nine weird about
pegging dude, I would throw up. I'm so I have
to work on all that stuff.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
What if a guy's gotten nice, little cute hairless But no.
Speaker 3 (33:03):
It's all girls like I've stuck a finger. But that's it.
That's it. The pegging seems No. I picture pegging. I
don't even picture it accurately because I don't watch porn.
This is what I imagine it looks like. And you will laugh. No,
I imagine it's like you put a steak in somebody's ass.
This is how I picture it. Like not a steak,
(33:24):
like yeah, like a like a vampire steak. We're not pointy.
And then you take a mallet. I literally picture no, no, no,
I picture a mallet coming down and pounding it in.
Is that what it's like? Nick? No, How do you know?
Speaker 2 (33:42):
Because I know because I know, Okay, that's what it is.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
I literally when anyone says, peg a big mallet, because
I have a big mallet in the garage that I
used to like if you put fence down, like pounding
in a fence. So that's not what pegging is.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
No, it's when a girl wears a strap on just
fucks a guy in the ass.
Speaker 3 (34:02):
Well, no, I know that, but they don't use no mallet.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
No's no mall.
Speaker 3 (34:06):
It's my motivation. I'm an eight. I want a pound
a stake into your ass. That's a clip from this show.
That's true. Okay, so sorry, go ahead, sorry about that.
Speaker 2 (34:19):
Honestly, I think both my husband and my employees are
a little afraid of me because they've seen me explode
when they don't do the one I ask them to.
I think fear is a great motivator, but my test
results say I should be more vulnerable and nurturing. What
do you think? Thanks Jess from Bethesda, Maryland.
Speaker 3 (34:34):
Well, listen, no one lives there, just as they do.
I've driven through it many times quickly. Here's the deal,
been there. I was always running the show at home,
which is why I have no one in my home
right now. I always ran the show at work, which
is why I'm in here with the degenerate loser trying
not to be gay anymore and a four foot zero midget.
(34:59):
I feel like I always the boss, and fear that
is a faulty statement. Fear is a great motivator. It
was a great motivator back in oh I don't know,
prehistoric times when a saber tooth tiger would be running
and you would have to run. That's the fear of
(35:22):
being eaten is going to make you run for your life.
So fear motivated you to stay alive. Fear does not
motivate people who were equals. Fear does not motivate people
you're in a relationship with or friends. Having a fear
that hangs over someone's head makes them run for the hills. Eventually,
I operated with this mentality for many years. Like with
(35:44):
all my openers, I used to have it where I
had two straight e's open for me, but at alternating dates,
so they knew each other existed, so I, oh, there's
going to be a fear in him that if he's late,
he's going to get replaced by the other straight guy.
So they didn't blow up in my face, But it
wasn't the way to rule. A healthy queen rules by love,
(36:10):
by boundaries, by having a vulnerable sensitive way of listening
to people's needs. Ultimately, yeah, making the decision, but the
fear is not what really motivates people. They're gonna run
for the hills. So I would say, Jess, learn from
(36:31):
me someone who lives alone. Yes, now, but maybe you
would have gone another way if I'd have worked on
my unhealthy Enneagram tendencies and gone more towards type two
and supported people and been more vulnerable and protected them
(36:52):
versus control them. Does this make sense, Nick? I know
you didn't listen to I.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Just love a long thing, and then me going yep, yo, no,
it makes sense. I mean, I mean, I think we
should do an experiment where I move in with you,
oh Jesus, and we film it.
Speaker 3 (37:12):
Yeah, that'd be great. They put that on TLC after
you gain six hundred pounds and doctor now comes over
and go, wha, you look nourish.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
Yeah, you know that they're actually to this point. This
is the thing with this. So like I'm technically a
leader at work right, a manager, but sometimes because of
my fun loving nature, because of the way I am,
people get too friendly with me too quick. Yes, and
they like me pretty instantly, So like it becomes.
Speaker 3 (37:47):
Aden what a burden. Oh my god, I'm so.
Speaker 4 (37:50):
Like right in that wall and it's like the I'm
better than everyone else me.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
But really like and I've been I didn't think of this,
but I've just been told this where like like so
like I get the having to be serious maybe and
not wanting to show the vulnerable set. There's got to
be a balance, right, because I think for people, for me,
it's the opposite. They're like, oh, he's cool, and then
I'm like, hey, but you got to do X, Y
Z And they're like, oh, all right, this is a
(38:19):
job and you're my balls, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (38:21):
Like it's the balance. It's like you fun, loving, fancy
free Nick on the go Galon on the go at work.
But it's also like, well you have that other side
too that you go to when you're healthier, which is
like the more serious focused guy.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
Yeah, like I can never be Like I remember after college,
our football coach I was used to like when guys, wo,
coming from college, you want to come help coach? I
was like, dude, I'm the last dude you want here,
Like I just want to have fun, like they would
not be I'm not like the yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:47):
But yet would you argue that now that you're becoming
a healthier version of yourself, you I'm not saying with
a high school or with you know, at the higher levels,
could you coach a team and lead with it's you know,
a healthy energy.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
I think so. I mean I train like a few now,
I train like a few teenage boys, like one on
one at their homes and stuff peg right, lot of pegging,
lots of their parents are you know how I really
shouldn't be there, but their parents are there. They're super
it's supervised visits now. But like I'm training these kids
in their gym, and it's like, I could I have
(39:25):
a little bit more patience. But also I'm like I
teeter but but but I get what she's saying, Like
I think maybe showing some vulnerability in certain moments because
there is and correct me if I'm wrong here, but
I feel like there's something to be said for being
a little bit afraid, like a tiny bit afraid of
your boss, a tiny bit afraid of Like.
Speaker 3 (39:47):
There should be a tiny bit of fear for everyone though,
Like meaning, if I have zero fear that you know,
I'm someone's gonna ask me for a divorce, then I'm
gonna cheat and I'm going to do all sorts of
crazy shit because I'm like, I don't fucking care. But
that's the opposite of true vulnerability anyway. So for her
to be at home and being the boss at home,
(40:11):
I because she's seen tests saying she should be more
vulnerable and nurturing. Yeah, try a little of that. Yeah,
keep the tiny bit of like, oh, you can't just
run over me family, but also the vulnerability will help
them be more vulnerable. And then everybody's like telling the
truth to each other. Everybody's going I feel sad. Oh,
(40:32):
doesn't worry about you, going, ah, I just pull up
your fucking put big black pants, like ah, I'm sure
I've been that and just doesn't get your long term
good friendships or results.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
No, no, Yeah, So I guess there's mixed reviews.
Speaker 3 (40:47):
Mixed give it a five on a ten and yelp quickly.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
Last letter, last letter, Dear Lisa, what girl? I'm Matt
from Austin and I just found out I am a
three three the achiever.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
Oh the achiever. God, those are the ones I have
the most problem with.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
Really, Yeah, apparently that means I'm conflict avoidant chronically tired
and pathologically chill question mark my girlfriend sure A proud
type eight says, says, that explains why I let life
happen to me like I'm a houseplant? Am I doing
to be this way forever? Or can I evolve into
(41:35):
someone who finishes emails and makes dentist appointment?
Speaker 3 (41:38):
Wow? Well, the short answer is no, one has to
be any way forever. So achiever is basically someone the
three is someone who's driven by image success. But they're
also avoidant, so they like awards, they like different like
oh look, I got a promotion, like they're super like.
That's where they get their most sent of self worth.
(42:01):
So his wife, what does she say? He lives like
a house plant.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
Let's life happen to me like I'm a house Let's
life happen to me like I'm a house plant here?
Speaker 5 (42:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (42:10):
Well, the good thing is no one's stuck where they are. Look,
you never met a bigger, bossy pain in the ass
than me, And I could tweak myself and change little
by little and go I can look back a year
ago and go, oh, man, I'm better to be around
than I was a year ago. And it just keeps
I always go I hope I live a long time
(42:30):
because ooh, maybe I'll be so tolerable by the time
i'm eighty. Maybe I'll be like that old lady people
want to go see and it's like, oh, she's just
gonna boss us around. She's just gonna say, well, what
are you doing for a living loser? So what's his name? Matt? Matt, Matt?
If that is your real name, tell your eight wife
to back the fuck down, because sometimes they can be
(42:53):
a lot. We can be a lot. And just look, man,
you can change. Look what your particular type goes to
when they're healthy. Go to check GPT. You can look
that ship up, figure it out. It is never too
late to change. And as I sang in the last episode,
(43:13):
not in the last episode, as I sang several episds ago,
I'm so drunk around I'm an alcoholic. It's never too
late to grow. As Buddy the Elf would say, speaking
of elves, Stephanie, we're gonna take a break at this moment. Hey, Stephanie,
(43:34):
why don't you give your Instagram where people can follow you? Oh? No,
how many fucking underscores?
Speaker 4 (43:42):
Only one? But there is to ease at the end.
It's Steph Lane to ease underscore.
Speaker 3 (43:46):
Listen, I don't like a lot about this one, and
I'll tell you why, Steph. We don't know if it's
an F two f's or a pH. Which one is it?
Why don't you be not so? See that's a boss.
That's the right way because everyone who spells it stuff
of that. Well, maybe they're Swiss and you just hate
(44:07):
Swedish people. So it's st E p h underscore. No,
what the fuck is it? You bitches with your goddamn.
Speaker 4 (44:17):
S t E p h l A n e E underscore.
Speaker 3 (44:21):
Well, okay, wait, explain to me this extra e.
Speaker 5 (44:27):
There's already a Steph Lane on Instagram with like two followers.
Speaker 2 (44:30):
Doesn't bitch you listening, Steph Lane?
Speaker 3 (44:33):
You die, will die, bitch. There's a needy Ingraham eight
who needs your email or Instagram whether the fuck the
thing's called? Wait, so it ends with an underscore? Yeah?
See couldn't you just Okay, here's what I would have done.
Nick looked this up. If this is taken, what's your
middle name?
Speaker 4 (44:54):
Why are we putting it on Instagram?
Speaker 3 (44:56):
Just mouth it to me? Mouth it minus, oh my god, everyone,
because we're Latin. Next, we always have Steph. Look up,
Steph lane to ease. No, no, wait, look up as
we're fuck else you look, kid, see this is when
(45:18):
he acts stupid. Y fd L Steph l A n E.
Got her M with like the last initial with the
initial of her middle name. Is that taken? That's better
for you? I know you're not going to change it.
It's okay because you don't want to lose your thirty followers?
(45:39):
So how many FOLLOWERSH has, bitch got? I know I
follow her. I know I follow her. I'm stupid. I
like to see whatever she posts, whatever cute little outfit
she's got going on, or little dolls, her little doll
clothes that she wears.
Speaker 2 (45:53):
Oh my god, I mean, here's a little bit.
Speaker 3 (45:54):
Better as I'm pretty. So if i'm you though, I
think next time, when the next social media is invented,
use that that middle initial. Sometimes. Did I out ate
you a little bit?
Speaker 5 (46:13):
No?
Speaker 3 (46:14):
No, in a good way? Yeah, okay, thanks? It's so
fucking stupid. Why do we do it? What's wrong with us?
Speaker 2 (46:23):
Well?
Speaker 4 (46:23):
You used to think my real name is Stephanie.
Speaker 2 (46:28):
Asian?
Speaker 3 (46:29):
Oh, my Stefan is very good. You know I have
an Asian friend Bonnie I've talked about many times, and
we were at what do you call that restaurant? Tao
t Ao, and she enjoys when I use the Asian accent.
I always ask my various minority friends if they enjoy
the accents or they'd rather not. And she likes it.
(46:50):
And I said, you want the bottle sticker and she
laughed heartily, but it was hard to tell, because you know,
the Asian hold it close to the vest. And she's
a five, which means she's very internal and logical.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
That's why she's so successful.
Speaker 3 (47:08):
That's true. All right? Where can people listen to us?
Speaker 2 (47:12):
Nick, please listen to us? Please? No, no, look at me?
Speaker 3 (47:17):
No?
Speaker 2 (47:17):
Please no, you can. If you want to write into
the show, you can email us at shrink this Show
at gmail dot com. That is shrink this Show at
gmail dot com. You can follow Lisa at Lisa Lampanella.
You can follow me at Nick Scopes on Instagram. You
can follow Stephanie at her at steph Lanie Underscore on Instagram.
(47:40):
And you could listen to us on your iHeartRadio app
because we are in iHeartRadio studios.
Speaker 3 (47:46):
Yeah, we don't have in other.
Speaker 2 (47:47):
Places, but download the appe.
Speaker 3 (47:50):
Don't be stupid, like, why can't they just follow orders? Yes,
the iHeart app has many things that I have not
seen because I don't have it, so but you.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
Dude, do the other ones. The Spotify is the fucking
whatever is. Just listen to us, please, we need the recognition.
Speaker 3 (48:10):
Wait, what the hell do you turn right into a
fucking three? We gotta go, stupid. Bye,
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