February 10, 2026 • 47 mins
In this episode of “Shrink This!,” Lisa takes a blowtorch to identity obsession and asks the uncomfortable question no one wants to answer: “Who are you without the label?”Joined by Nick and video producer Stephanie, Lisa unpacks why clinging to being “the comic,” “the actor,” “the mom,” or “the reliable one” can quietly keep you stuck instead of safe. From career pivots and ancient dreams to the ego hangover that comes with letting go, Lisa digs into how identity turns into a cage—and why not knowing who you are might actually mean you’re growing. If your favorite phrase is, “This is just who I am,” this episode is here to lovingly ruin that.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.
She is a meddling advice giving yanta. I know it all,
and her words come from her head, her heart, and
often out of her ass. This podcast should not be
misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge
grain of salt for entertainment purposes only.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
These You need help, You're the problems.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Come on, come down, go leam, take a pill. I
think you're insane.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Do what I say, dumb ass, listen to me.
Speaker 4 (00:45):
You what the Lisa?
Speaker 5 (00:48):
I get out?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Everybody, welcome back.
Speaker 4 (00:53):
Don't drink this.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
I like a long pause too. It's Lisa Lampanelli here,
your friend, your fae, your ally, and your advocate, which
is four things. I clearly am not doing a podcast
with my buddy, my pal, my friend in titified unity. Next, gope,
Eddy say.
Speaker 5 (01:14):
I Nick, what's up?
Speaker 4 (01:16):
Stop it be back? Microphone right here, baby, Thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
For holding the mic correctly.
Speaker 6 (01:24):
Neck.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Where can everybody find you on social media?
Speaker 5 (01:27):
You could follow me at Nick Scopes on Instagram and
TikTok and because.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Because what you do, you do? And we are also
here for the third time and hopefully the last, according
to her, because she hates us with our kind of
filling producer bitch, the half Irish quarter porter Ricken quarter ighty,
(01:54):
Stepanie Lane, which, by the way, Lane, that is a
very non descript last name. What was your father's Irish
name from years agober Ferry comes over to the continent
of the potatoes.
Speaker 6 (02:09):
I don't know, but my grandma was prot.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Okay, literally adding nothing. I'm used to it because we
have Celia who adds nothing. Celia will be back if
she ever recovers from hating us.
Speaker 5 (02:25):
You will, won't.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
I'm trying to get enough head drinking to see if
I want to go back to those two.
Speaker 5 (02:34):
Remember when she said her therapist listen to the podcast.
I was like, I don't love the word.
Speaker 6 (02:40):
You.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Well listen. That's what's good having Stephanie because she's too
emotionally unavailable to have a therapist, so she doesn't have
anybody to talk shit about us too.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
You're higher, yeah, So just leave us.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
There and follow Stephanie ad In on Instagram at I'm
gonna say it s T E p H L A
and that's two e's and an underscore, Oh, the underscore,
the bane of my existence. And you can follow me
at Lisa Lambinelli. Listen, Nick, you know do you you
(03:12):
see the musical chorus line and you have two things
that keep you from seeing a chorus line. They're called testicles. Well,
chorus line at a very famous number, and it began,
I shall sing it for you. Who am I anyway
(03:32):
upon my resume? Just a picture of a person?
Speaker 6 (03:39):
No.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
I recently heard that song because I'm gay for that,
and I was like, that question of who am I
haunts people. It's almost like if people don't have an identity,
they feel they are nothing. I'm coming to believe the
actual opposite is true. By not having one identity, we
(04:05):
are more of a human being. So here's what happened
eight years ago. I retire. I'm like, whoa, I'm not
a comic anymore. But wait, I'll quickly replace it with
another identity. I will be bump bump bomb, a life coach,
which is what every loser over forty who had a
(04:25):
divorce and I'm talking women decides to be because they
can't help themselves, so they decide to help other people badly.
So let me take a big, long course and figure
out how to help the great unfortunate masses who can
afford me. Well, that quickly blew up because I just
wanted everybody to do exactly what I said and not
pay attention to how I live. They're like, oh, no,
(04:48):
what do I do now? Oh? I know, I can
just craft. That's it.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
I'll craft.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I have lots of crafting supplies. I have painting supplies
for my father. I'm going to be a crafter and
a painter. And guess what we realize two months later
she has no talent for crafting, no patience, She can't
fucking needle point to save her life, and she certainly
can't paint like dad. So I'm not a painter? What
am I? I go through the next six years trying
(05:22):
on all these different identities until finally it dawns on me,
Oh wait, I don't have to be anything. I can
just do things, have fun, live a life that kind
of maybe is directionless other than working on myself, and
no identity really matters. But I think in society we're
(05:44):
so used to oh what do you do for a living,
or oh, so, what's your thing? We always have to
come up with a thing and scare up an identity.
Speaker 5 (05:53):
Have you had this experience, Nick Listen, I've been pretty
consistently perfied. No, definitely have had it. When I was little.
I don't know what the identity was, to be honest,
I was more of a goofball, I would say high school.
(06:13):
It was definitely like football, lifting weights, college similar it
was just like lifting weights and powerlifting slash bodybuilding. That
I competed in bodybuilding, So that was I did one
show and I was like, oh boy, I think I
could ever do that again? And yeah, I guess like
an identity of like I would say that the only
(06:34):
time I really had like a stroke of like, I
don't know what the fuck I am anymore? Is I was?
I've always been a trainer. I I was a trainer
for a while, and then at one point in my
mid twenties, I took a sales job and a completely
different industry. I did that for a while I was
still training, but after that didn't work out me getting
(06:55):
back into training, I felt so lost and like I
didn't know who I was, even though I had already
been doing this for four years. I think it was
just like the defeat quote unquote, not even a defeat,
the the sales job not working out made me. It
(07:16):
ruined my confidence, if anything, right, And so I kind
of was like, but I used to do bodybuilding and
I used to do this, and I was like holding
on to these things. I realized as I got older,
like I was like, but I used to do this
and I used to do that, and now it's like
I don't even really care about any of that. And
I'm similar to where you're at, where it's like, yeah,
I just want my wife to be like good and
fun and like, yeah, you know, there's things I want
(07:38):
to improve on, but but no, yeah, I don't get
caught up in that. That time was probably like my
mid to late twenties was the time where I was
just like, who, what the fuck is mone am I doing?
What's the point? Oh? I was? I thought I want
to go back to school.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Yeah, oh my god. That's the classic Whenever you feel
a lack of identity and you're an unhealthy place, you
either want to go back to for a master's or
become a life coach. Those both are real red flags,
and it's like, no, you just kind of have to
sit with the discomfort of not knowing who you are,
and yeah, you may eventually decide to do those two
(08:15):
things or one of them. Our friend Andrew has a
client who I think she's eighty and just went back
to Yale for Divinity Masters. And that's just purely out
of love of the learning of it and the love
of that subject matter. So I love when we do
things just because it arises up in us. But isn't like,
(08:37):
ooh good Now, I could go around and say I'm this,
I'm an actor, I'm a comic. I'm like, for so
many years I didn't even identify as a stand up comic.
It was an insult comic. I wanted to be so
specifically different that I'm like, yeah, there's like three of us, Like,
I'm not just a stand up but it's just like me,
Jeff Ross and Don Rickles, and Rickles is dead.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
So it's just us.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
So it's just like, Wow, you really need an identity bad.
So I think the more solid we are as people
and humans, the less we need to identify as something like.
It's always that thing with men. I feel too. In
the old days, it was always men who had to
have like the job who You'd be at a dinner
(09:21):
party and be like, so what weren't so what firm.
Are you with Mac? And you'd be like, well, I'm
with like p W and kunt or whatever the thing's called.
Like you know, it's always just like I'm with Colgate
Paul Malliv and I work on the ad campaigns for
the new toothpaste. Like so, men often were asked to
(09:41):
like lead more with like your identity better be about worker,
you're not a good provider. Women a little less. They
had it be like I'm a mom, Like there's no
one more annoying as the one who identifies primarily as
the mom, because you know, those kids are eating fucking healthy.
She kept them from sugar till they were five, and
(10:03):
they accidentally at school finally had a cupcake and they
freaked the fuck out and now they're four hundred pounds.
But stop giving your kidne eating disorder. So there's like
the mom or I'm the this, and I'm the I'm
the emo kid, I'm the like whatever you identify as,
maybe look at them go but what else am I?
(10:23):
It might be worth like looking if there is more
depth than scope to who you are other than your
job or your identity.
Speaker 5 (10:31):
Yeah, you gotta have you gotta have stuff, I would say,
outside of certain things, like I know, like I again
we talked about this in the car ride down't but
like I can't just go to work and then go home,
like I gotta do other things. And that's just me,
you know, trying stuff and doing comedy or doing this
and having fun and you need shit out out of
(10:54):
outside of your regular things to kind of find where
you're at. And yeah, now it's just like to have
that identity. It's it's so I gotta say, personally, it's
just so much more like relaxing, Yes, so much like
nicer to just be like I try a bunch of things.
Like for years you're talking about how you want to
be just an insult comic. For years, I didn't even
say I was a comic.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 5 (11:13):
I was like three four years. I was like, no,
I'm just I'd do it once in a while, be
a comic.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
I go, no, right, well, I would think that's even
depending where that comes from, it's almost more healthy gets
something I kind of do. It's kind of fun, you Like.
Speaker 5 (11:29):
It took me years to be like, yes, I am one.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
I mean I would argue, are you? I mean I
think too, Like it's not just limited to the jobs
it's and the identities of like what we do. It's
like the person who identifies as oh, I'm always the
one who sends a thank you note. I'm always the
(11:53):
one who brings things to the party. I never arrive
empty handed. It's like, are you or is that?
Speaker 5 (12:00):
Like?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Why are you always that person? Have you just been
told by society that you're a horrible human if you
don't send a thank you? I have a niece. I
don't know how the fuck she sends thank you notes.
She has two kids under three, and she's a doctor
and a husband who I'm assuming she has to like
(12:23):
bang once in a while. I don't like to picture it,
but I'm assuming that's how you have kids. And I
said to her, and she always sends a handwritten thank you.
And I said to her, last time I saw her,
I said, you are now absolved from ever sending me
a thank you again, because I think you think older
people always want to thank you, which is kind of true,
(12:44):
but you are too busy to do that. You can
let go of that with me if you want to. So.
I think a lot of the times are little identifying
factors of no, no, no, I'm that person have to be
looked at and go. Does it still serve me? Is
that something I still want be or have the capacity for?
Speaker 5 (13:10):
Yeah, I mean I guess YEA. The hardest part did
you find maybe when you were retired, like well you
said you were trying on identities, but like, did you
find letting go was the hardest part? Trying to find
a new one was the hardest part.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Letting go didn't happen till I tried like fifty things.
So the painting and the arts and crafts and the
just sitting around and reading. I can read. I could
just read. I'm a reader.
Speaker 4 (13:35):
Now it's like, oh you're not.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Like you read one book a month, like stop it. Yeah,
do you still like try on identities?
Speaker 5 (13:43):
Well, not even that, but like did do you still
at one point? Like do you still identify obviously because
of who you are, like as a comic or are
you kind of like yeah, that was I did that.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
It was fine, Like I'm always fine, although I swear
I attached it to get mad when my students don't
know who I am because I am like, oh really,
you never fucking maybe learn some history of comedy, dumb bitches,
Like because my students are all musical theater people very rarely.
They're not the age that should know who I am. Yeah,
(14:13):
but part of me is like, I think I should
start every class like and tell them what I did.
And I'm like, well, they kind of found out if
they should have. It was pretty public last year when
I was on Celebrity Weakest Link. They all decided, oh,
we can look her up and they were like, oh
my god, she's somebody. So I kind of go, well,
you should know that I have a place in comedy's history,
(14:36):
but that that's, oddly enough, that's not the most important
thing about me. The most important thing about me to them,
and I feel really good about this, is it's important
that I'm a great listener to them, a great teacher
to them, a great help in finding their voice. So
even now, like on let me see what it even
says on my GaAs Instagram identity things, because I don't know.
Speaker 5 (15:00):
The students are phenomenal. They're your student was saying something.
I think it was Austin. Yeah, yeah, you got to
teach you with TV credits over yes.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
Because it cracks up because they're always like gagging over
people who've been on Broadway because we have a couple
of teachers who have which is great. But I'm also like, yeah,
they've been on fucking two hundred TV so but that's
just me going, oh, I really want their respect. There's
something about students you really don't even want their respect.
You want like them to be like, oh, I should
(15:37):
listen to her, she's been there. So here's how I
identify on uh Instagram. I don't even retired insult comic,
like I like putting out their retired podcaster, which is
questionable if you've listened to this any gram eight. Yes,
I'm very much identify. I never looked at the comedy
teacher and I say where because I want to promote
(15:58):
the school an overall, So I kind of like the
overall badass the best because I'm like, a badass is
someone in my opinion, in this day and age, which
just kind of just is themselves. And it's just kind
of like, it's fine, whatever I feel like doing, I'm
going to do. First, do no harm. I'm not hurting anybody,
but I don't have to have some big well now,
(16:20):
I'm a certified life coach who works in integral coaching
and helps you heal mind body and soul, and it's like, oh,
so what, that's just part of you. I think it's
realizing all those things are just part of us. So
not up until about three months ago, I identified literally
my big thing was I have blue hair, perfect blood work,
(16:43):
and amazing but small teeth. So those are things. I
was like, well, I am so excited about those three things.
And when I was in San Francisco for this coaching training,
I didn't bring the blue dye for my hair and
it kind of washes out, and when I got home,
I didn't feel the desire or need to put it back.
(17:05):
And I've had blue hair for fifteen years. So I'm like, ooh,
what's this. This is interesting that I'm just letting it,
letting me not have that anymore. Let's why. I'm like,
I'm not sure why yet, but part of it is like, oh,
maybe that identity doesn't fit anymore. Maybe it's something I
don't need any more to be noticed. Maybe it'll be okay,
(17:26):
walking down the street, just a regular looking chick with
regular hair that isn't screaming for attention. Okay, let's see
what that looks like. So it's like curiosity also like yeah,
perfect blood work still stoked, best blood work ever. I
love that. My doctor's always like, you're amazing. We usually
have at least one thing wrong, but you have nothing wrong.
(17:48):
I'm like, yeah, duh, and I start fanning myself. The
teeth thing was so funny because I was like, I
have perfect teeth. God, my mother taught us how to
have dental care. I get a cleaning every six months.
And a couple of weeks ago, I'm at the dentist
and he goes, get this. He goes, you have three cavities.
I couldn't three cavities. I don't have a puzzy. Yeah,
(18:15):
I remember we said I have a dicky. He goes,
I go three, Like what, that's part of my identity?
Like literally, I was in shock. I was like why,
like what would have happened? And I don't know. Are
you on any new medication? And I'm thinking, and of
course I'm half brain dead, so I'm not thinking clearly,
and I'm like, I don't think, so, oh my god, no,
(18:38):
he goes, are you sure?
Speaker 4 (18:40):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Let me go home, let me see, let me look
things up. And I get home and I'm such an idiot.
I realized that a year before I'd gone on the
uh not the ozebic, the other one, the zep bound,
lost forty pounds. Yeah, I have a change to medication,
and I look up. Does this zep bound give you cavities?
Of course not, but it results in dry mouth and
ps if you're not. If you have a dry mouth,
(19:04):
you're not protecting your teeth. So you need to rinse
with this type of what do you call mouthwash whatever.
I'm like, oh good, Now I gotta go back to
this guy and say, hey, man, I'm an idiot who
and I guess one of my identities isn't going to
be I have a great memory because I forgot I
was on fucking zep bound even though I injected every
other week. So just letting go of. I'm not the
(19:27):
chick with good teeth anymore. And by the way, if
he said to me, go off the medication so you
have not a dry mouth and freaking or else your
teeth are gonna rot, I'll say, give me a full
set of adventures before I get fat again. Sorry, I'm
not everyone else is allowed to get fat, not made. Yeah,
I hate myself more when I'm overweight, which is bad.
(19:47):
I get it. It's not good. I wish I was
a different way right now, I'm not. Maybe someday I
will be. But you give me a full set of
fucking choppers that are porcelain and a skinny ass that's
fine with her girl unders.
Speaker 5 (20:00):
The young girl right, dry mouth and we.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Gross. So yeah, it's just those things we have to
look at and go ooh. Those things I was proud
of were a source of false pride that I don't
really need anymore.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
You know.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Will I do everything to keep my blood work perfect? Yes,
mostly to just show off, but also to be healthy.
Will the hair evolve into a different color? Who knows?
So it's just like worth going. I don't have to
stay in any of these one thing. So do you
have to be a comic forever if it doesn't make
you happy? Just to be able to say I'm a comedian,
(20:37):
I don't know. Do you have to?
Speaker 5 (20:40):
No?
Speaker 2 (20:41):
So is this your retirement?
Speaker 5 (20:44):
It's not on Howard Stern, but it's close.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Yeah, as well if you can retire somewhere.
Speaker 5 (20:49):
No, not yet, Like again we have this comment, but
like if it's still fun, yeah, it's like and it
doesn't and it's not. I will say to the identitything.
I've gotten mad when other people have made it my identity.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Oh yeah, he's my buddy Nick. He's a real funny
guy those comedy.
Speaker 5 (21:07):
The maddest I ever get is when I'm at parties
just being me, just chilling, ripping, you know, Zingers as
we call him in the business. Yes, you sure are
fucking whatever fun. And then I have a friend or
someone will go, oh, well he's a comedian and I go, bitch, yeah,
I didn't start till I was thirty, right, I'm like
this my entire life. So he has nothing to do
(21:29):
with me being on a stage and with a microphone.
That made me this. I've been this way, so that
makes me mad.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
I get like, yeah, don't don't put that on me.
Speaker 5 (21:37):
Yeah. Oh, And also I resent when people are like
I think I'm doing it to like show up. It's
like no, no, no, this is me in a social situation, right, You're.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Just annoyingly funny when you're off stage time, Stephanie, do
you identify as anything, Like, for instance, you're on a date,
Say you're on a date with a new guy and
you're like, he's like, so tell me about you, Like,
what do you say? What's the first thing you say.
Speaker 6 (22:06):
That's a good question. I think I usually go into
my job first, cause it's like new for me. I'm
excited about it. It's something I've been working towards my
whole life practically.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
And then you say like, oh, and I know, like
Lese Lampanelli, we're both any remains the correct all right.
Speaker 6 (22:27):
And then after that I kind of just like go
into hobbies.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah, do you feel like your hobbies or your job
make you more interesting and are more a truthful version
of you?
Speaker 6 (22:43):
Sort of because I crochet and I think that makes
me cool.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Yeah, No, I love those I envy people who have
those hobbies. I really do. I I'll follow a lot
of people now who are like cozy vibes or like whimsical,
magical thinker some bullshit, and I'll be like, oh my god,
look at their life. It looks so nice that one's
doing needle point, that one's crocheting, that one's like having
(23:06):
a candle, Like they have a candle and they have
a they sip something by the candle. So that to
me is like so nice of a vibe. Like if
I met somebody and they led with all that, I'd
be like, oh, that's more important than your job, you know,
So what do you find you're most proud of internally?
(23:29):
Not like, oh, it's a job, so I like, eh,
I work for all my life. What gives you a
sense of pride of your humanity?
Speaker 6 (23:40):
I guess because like it's not just like a dust
job where everyone's sitting down opening up an Excel sheet.
That's why always say I have to marry someone who
has an interesting job because I can't ask you about
your Excel.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Sheet every day. Yeah that's true.
Speaker 6 (23:50):
But for me, like I found a job and I
was able to land it, and like all this that
I actually like going to every day and it's different.
It's cool. I'm meeting people all the time. I'm not
changing who I am just to sit at a dusk
for nine to five, right, Like, it's just way different.
So I think it is representative of who I am
as a person too.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
Well, what I would say to you is you're young,
probably twenty three, so you'll be sixty nine in three times. Okay,
so i'll be long dead, sad, But by sixty nine.
What's good is now if you also develop these hobbies
and these pastimes that you enjoy and grow the personality
(24:34):
and interests outside the career. Then when you're too age
out of this business or you're like, I don't want
to do that anymore, like ooh, but now look at
all the cool stuff I do, which could lead to
like a lot of happiness. Like I have a lot
of happiness from just the little shit I do every
day or my cute little things I do with friends.
(24:55):
And I'm like, oh, well that this all feels more
meaningful now ben the career did at the time. So
developing both I think is a good. It's good that
you start that. You know, Nick, it's too late for
you on all levels. Yeah, all right, okay, okay, So
(25:16):
let's talk identity with some of our crazy a hole listeners.
Speaker 5 (25:20):
Dear Lisa, I am a former actor who quit about
ten years ago. I did a bunch of day player
roles on TV and film, but can never progress past.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
That day player also meaning home extra extra and or
background which oh no, his day player.
Speaker 5 (25:43):
No, you could have speaking lines, I think.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
No, that's under five. Nick. Could you maybe be a
professional Stephanie do your job and look up day player.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
Way better than Celia.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
I would like you if you did your job go ahead.
Speaker 6 (25:57):
The performer hired for short term work, typically just one
or a few days.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Oh, non recurring role. Oh so it could be someone who,
for instance, on the sketch on SNL and stands there
or something. Okay, so it's maybe not an extra Okay,
so that day player.
Speaker 4 (26:13):
Okay, day play.
Speaker 5 (26:16):
Didn't progress that. Last week I got a letter from
the Screen Actors.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Guild, which is of course the union sag.
Speaker 5 (26:27):
ZAG, saying that they will expel me if I don't
pay my dues. I haven't paid in years, but it
looks like they're finally throwing down the gauntlet. Do you
think I should pay it and keep my SAG status
or let that dream go?
Speaker 6 (26:40):
Wow?
Speaker 5 (26:41):
Getting in SAG was something I was proud of, and
the thought that I may return to acting someday still
pops in my head. Thank you for your help.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Doug from Hoboken, Oh man, he has so many red
flags of guy who should quit because you're like hanging
on to that New York City thing by being in Hoboken.
But it's not really New York. You're a you're a
day player. But you probably said like three words one
thing though, if it's not hurting you or that's what
(27:10):
the thing is and you can't. You have to be
honest with yourself. If it's not hurting you by staying
in the union, you can pay the dues and stay.
And this doesn't just mean financially. Yeah, it's like I
think it's like four hundred bucks a year. If that's
hurting you, then figure your shit out. So, if it's
not hurting you financially to stay in, that's fine, but
(27:32):
you have to look at the deeper level. Is it
keeping you stuck? Is it keeping you holding on to
a dream that should die and the only one who
could figure that out is you, because I don't know
should that dream die for you? Maybe maybe it's holding
you back from finding what you really want to do.
(27:53):
Like my show dream Killer Idea, which I've talked about,
where we would go around. This is a fantasy show.
I have go around pick a shitty actor or comic
or songwriter or whatever and say you have no talent
in that, But here's how you let go of that
dream and find the new thing. So is just him
keeping one foot in sag keeping him from moving forward?
(28:17):
If it's not, and if you can fully say no,
but I'm still trying a bunch of stuff. It's kind
of in the background. Who cares, I'm just going to
keep in the union. But only he can know that.
Speaker 5 (28:27):
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, my only question would
be because I don't know, because I'm not in SAGFAG
yet equity?
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Are you in equity?
Speaker 5 (28:39):
I was going to say, was what is the advantage
of keeping the SAG card versus letting it go? Because
if he's thinking about it one day, cool, Well.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Because it's almost it's really hard to get back in.
So it's a thing where you I think the rules
used to be, I don't know what they are now,
where you could tafteartly, which means you can do two
parts on TV or film without paying dues, and the
third one it's like, dude, you got to start fucking
(29:06):
paying dues, so he'd have to redo again. I think. So,
I mean those are maybe old rules, but meaning there
is some cost to letting it go, But only he
can figure out if the cost of staying is more
emotionally than he should handle. Like I remember when I
(29:29):
was about to retire my manager Maggie, who is just
I mean, she's more patient than even Celia, Like she's
just like, okay, man, I just want you to be happy.
I said, I want to retire publicly, and she's like nah,
she goes, why don't you just like stop doing it
and just not You don't have to kill the character,
like you know, to kill the queen and me. And
it took a long time for that to develop. I
(29:50):
just kind of don't announce it, just stop working. And I
was like, no, I have to kill it to move forward,
and I did because maybe in a weak moment, I'd
be like, oh, man, I can we have fucking forty
grand here. I can grow this and not even about
the money. It's about going I can step back into
the past and get that little hit of like a
She still got it, But I would have never progressed
(30:11):
through the other identities and come out on the side
of what doesn't really matter. I don't need an identity
other than my perfect blood work. It's all I need.
I just need to be alive.
Speaker 5 (30:21):
It was your way of being accountable to other people.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, a reason to not get tempted, not
to get tempted by a bad offer. So then when
a decent offer, like a cute thing like a game show,
that doesn't require you to live in the past, and
you could just earn money for charity that comes up
your life. It's take oh cute, Yeah, but I don't
have to be funny on it. I don't have to
hold on to that is my identity. So only he'll
(30:44):
be able to tell. I would say it's worth letting go, because,
as Jonathan Livingston Seagull said, it's more to find you again.
So you will say, you hit sixty, you see a
casting for you know, old man in grocery store with
two lines, you do it and then pay to get
(31:07):
back in. If it's going to find you, it will.
Speaker 5 (31:10):
Yeah. That was my only question because I don't know,
like does he have health insurance through there? I started
thinking proudic.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
No, if he hasn't paid it in years, he doesn't.
And you have to earn a certain amount through TV
and film every year for them to keep giving you insurance.
So years ago, Leo, my business manager, was like, oh,
by the way, you aren't doing enough TV and film.
We have to get you insurance elsewhere. So like, okay,
find me something. So yeah, he's probably if I gun
(31:39):
to head, if I had to give him an answer,
i'd be like, quit it. It's going to find you
if it's supposed to.
Speaker 5 (31:45):
Yeah, I mean does does it Another question I have,
does it affect him? Get if you want to get
back into acting with having a SAG card versus not affect.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
It's very rarely that I think that, again, this all
could have changed I'm out of the business. Usually not.
I think if you if you are auditioning and they're like, oh,
non union, that's okay, you know you just have to
join the union, okay.
Speaker 5 (32:08):
Yeah, let it Yeah, then I would say let it expire.
I need to ask all these questions.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
I really know. That's okay. I'm so glad I can
give you wrong answers about most of this stuff.
Speaker 5 (32:17):
So whatever someone currently is like, that's how it is now.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
I know. Just yeah, yeah, I'm retired. I'm supposed to
have all the answers. You fucked, But I still stay
in all the unions. Why not? It's not hurting me
because I'm flush. Because also like equity. I love equity
because it's like the live actor, like Broadway, off Broadway
and regional and it just sounds classy to be like,
(32:44):
now I'm an actor, it's like fucking not. Still getting
that to an identity. Maybe I could let go of,
but it's not whole. I don't think about it. It
doesn't hold me back. It's well, if you're on Broadway,
you have to be in the Equity Union, got it?
You know, like all the it's at Norwalk. They strive
and most of them are already. They'll strive to be
(33:04):
equity National Tour reach this.
Speaker 5 (33:07):
I always think it's like in my head because I
don't know anything. I like make shit up. I'm like
equity means like a. It's probably like a like a
gold level of SAG or something.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
They're two different unions.
Speaker 4 (33:16):
It's okay on Silver's all.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Right, one TV and film SAG after his TV and
film they merged and inequity is for live performers. Luckily,
comics don't have a union because comics are such backstabbing cunts.
We take every non union job that's screwed over somebody
else because we don't care about any Well, let's take
it all the worst, all right, bitch.
Speaker 5 (33:38):
All right? Letter number two, Dear Litha. I'm Joe Anne,
fifty nine in Saint Louis. My kids are grown, my
husband's retired. My uterus is on strike?
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Who isn't?
Speaker 5 (33:51):
So is fucking Stephanie's over here? I wake up every
day and think, wait, who the hell am I? Now?
I'm not anyone's mom, wife or emergency contact anymore. I mean,
you're still a wife.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
She hates him?
Speaker 5 (34:06):
Okay, all right, I'm just Joanne of Joanne's Fabrics.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Oh my god, you built the Empire which went by way?
Was just overtaken by Michaels, was it? I know, so
sad for Joanne.
Speaker 5 (34:19):
I saw the Pride Paride They're gonna have a float
this year.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Are you serious? Oh?
Speaker 4 (34:23):
Shut up? You got all excited?
Speaker 5 (34:25):
Doesn't all the gays? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (34:27):
New York.
Speaker 5 (34:29):
Oh my god, I'm just Joanne and Joanne. It turns
out it's kind of boring. She does missionary like Stephanie.
I need. Do I need a new identity or just
a hobby that doesn't involve wine and detective shows?
Speaker 2 (34:44):
Oh my god, they detective first of all, step away
from the line. It can't go. Step away from the
detective shows. That can't go.
Speaker 5 (34:55):
Well.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
Yeah, I would argue she doesn't need an identity. She's
gonna just have to try doing a lot of different things.
I read that I've said this before. Anxiety is fear
(35:16):
without a plan. Get a plan, a little loose plan.
I'm gonna try this next month. I'm gonna try that
the month after. You gotta stop thinking you need one
overarching identity because it didn't work. None of them lasted.
Mom doesn't last because once they're out of the house,
they're on to the next. Wife doesn't last because the
(35:38):
charmer that fucking wears off quick. Believe you me. Daughter
doesn't last because they die. Sister doesn't last, like all
of it's just these things you are, but you don't
need the big overarching thing. I remember in Acropollu, this
meditation place we went to. I was in a workshop
and they said, write down everything you identify as, and
(36:02):
you know, we write down daughter, sister, comic, helper or whatever,
any grammy ate, whatever, and so you have tons of
these things. And then it'd be like, oh wait, I
forgot and it will sound corny, but I don't care
forgot the most important one. Just a human, that's all
that fucking counts. So the more she could lean into
(36:24):
acceptance of oh wait, I'm just a human. How do
I not make that into I'm boring? Because it's not boring.
If I told you about a person who got up
in the morning, they lit a candle, they did their meditation,
they went outside, got the paper because they're still the
old person who gets the newspaper. They but fed the dogs,
(36:47):
They read a book, they watched a show, they journaled,
they met with friends, they went to game night. Whatever
it is, you'll be like, that's not a boring person.
That's like a person who has a cute look life.
If her goal was I'm gonna be what's her first name, Jones,
Joanne's fabrics with a cute little life. You never know
(37:09):
what it's gonna look like. But that's driving over a
big one, a big identifier. I don't think it's gonna work.
Speaker 5 (37:17):
Yeah, I mean, Joanne, here's the deal.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Oh jeez, we're gearing up here for some words of
wisdom that aren't gonna come.
Speaker 5 (37:25):
Just give up, it's over.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
Just cheat on your husband, yes, I mean with me,
get drunk on wine. You relive a true crime thing
yourself by cheating on your husband and murdering him. That's
not yo, that's not boring. That's the opposite. Do you
want that life?
Speaker 5 (37:45):
You want to spend your golden years in a penitentiary.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
I mean, that's not boring. Uncle Junior did.
Speaker 5 (37:50):
It pretty good? Junior go to jail, he was he
had like a he went to like an insane hospital.
Oh that's right, it was actually jail.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
She could do that. Drive herself crazy.
Speaker 5 (38:01):
I just go, I'm crazy. All the type of shows
and why.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
Yeah, I just think the more you go after the
big identity, it's just going to lead you down another
path of like in ten years, Wow, I'm not that anymore.
Just go internal, find out, and a very elemental exercise
might be what did you like to do as a kid, right?
Who knows what that leads to. It might be some
exercise hobby, or some art hobby, or some nature thing
(38:27):
that you're like, oh yeah, I forgot that part of me.
Speaker 5 (38:29):
Yeah. And in the playground, which is what you used
to do to beat up myself.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
There you go, Next letter.
Speaker 5 (38:38):
Next letter. All right, hey, Lisa, what I feel like?
You'll tell me the truth?
Speaker 2 (38:44):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (38:45):
Yeah, Angelo, I'm thirty one. I live in Los Angeles.
I always said I was going to be an act
all but after five years of rejection, postmate gigs and
performing in front of four drunk tourists at a bar
I didn't know it booked a contwait at a bar
(39:05):
that I didn't know it booked a comedy show. I'm
starting to wonder if I'm just a guy who majored
in the theater and now sells skincare on TikTok.
Speaker 4 (39:14):
Oh.
Speaker 5 (39:16):
Damn, this is hard. Damn, this is giving up or
growing up. Please advise Angelo. I'll take this.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
One, Nick as a loser with a dream. What do
you think.
Speaker 5 (39:28):
If you're selling anything on TikTok, No, it's your as.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
No. If it's a puffer vest, it's okay.
Speaker 4 (39:38):
Guys. I love this puffer jacket.
Speaker 5 (39:40):
You could dress it up, it down, stay cold, warm,
squeeze your tits, whatever, it.
Speaker 4 (39:44):
Doesn't matter, No, it doesn't, it doesn't.
Speaker 5 (39:47):
Denim.
Speaker 4 (39:48):
These are my favorite.
Speaker 5 (39:49):
I hate those.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
I think a lot of times with these guys who
used to be actors, who were majored in theater, they
forget why they went to it in the first place.
So if you went into acting, it's usually a couple
of things, and I think the most healthy one was
you wanted to convey a human experience in an artistic way. Well,
(40:13):
you can do that on a small level, community theater
regional theater. You can do it in a way on TikTok,
like you can use some of that training and some
of that to get across why you chose to do
this thing in the first place, which is to make
(40:34):
people feel less alone. But if that's not why you
went into it, and you went into it to be
seen to hold people captive in a room while you
performed to get some self worth, that's worth looking at
to see if you should give it the fuck up
because you were in it for the wrong reasons and
shallow ones.
Speaker 5 (40:54):
Yeah, it's fun. When I started comedy again, we had
this conversation. But when I go to comedy it was
the same thing. Was like after I went to therapy.
I remember thinking at shows and sitting down and being like,
are we all doing this because we really want to
do it? Or is this just our hit? Are we
all doing I used to in my head this is
(41:14):
like a jokey way, but it's kind of how I thought.
Are we just doing this because none of us have
girlfriends or wives yet?
Speaker 2 (41:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (41:20):
Like are we just Are we just doing this for attention?
Are we just doing this because we could get a
little hit of attention out of it? Or meet a
girl or what like? Are we is that what we're
doing it for? Do we actually like love it? Because
it seems like the people who make it, like yourself
and whatever when you talked about your story, but every
(41:40):
comic that you speak to, it's like they loved it.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
Like and they would have done anything to get that.
Speaker 5 (41:47):
Thing get for them. Getting on stage was like, I
cannot live if I do not do this right, So
you got to ask yourself like, is that really? What again?
Is that what is to you?
Speaker 1 (42:00):
Like?
Speaker 5 (42:01):
I will not be happy unless I do this? Or
is it like you said, oh look at me, I'm
doing well, I'm attention right, You got to find out
what the fuck it is first?
Speaker 2 (42:10):
Yeah, I think it's worth looking at what it would
mean to walk away? And is that in my highest good?
Like often with like somatic therapy, you do where you
identify the child who in you that felt they needed
the attention, say, for instance, and then your wisest self
now talks to them. Will that wisest self be You've
(42:34):
tried long enough, I see you and that's enough.
Speaker 5 (42:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (42:40):
Would it be? Hey, I see you and it's fun.
Let's play at it. Let's make it play let's make
it fun and interesting and cute like it was when
we were in the sixth grade show. Like, I coach
a girl who told me about when she did her
first Oh it's so cute when she did like a
musical when she was eight. I think it was like
(43:00):
one hundred one Dalmatians and she was the little Dog
and she's I go, oh, did you have to RF?
And she's like, oh no, we like sing the chorus
and she goes, was so much fun. And I'm like,
if that's the energy like you can bring into now,
that would be great. So if he could get where
he could bring in that first energy of soulful, wonder
(43:21):
and love, boy, that's worth sticking with and then doing
it in whatever way you can. Then ps, even if
you do it in a small, little theater, you won't
feel like a loser because you get that hit.
Speaker 5 (43:31):
Yeah, that's I think when like when I started comedy,
I was in such a different place like now it's
I keep coming back to it's fun. I like it.
It's fun yep. With acting even like it's like, yeah,
you know, you get the dreams of Like imagine if
I got a sitcom and I did this and blah
blah blah, but like there's also a part of me
that's like, you know, it would be really fun. Is
like being in a live production, yeah, my acting studio.
(43:54):
Like I watch that, I'm like, that would be really cool.
Speaker 4 (43:57):
Yeah, it's not.
Speaker 5 (43:58):
I'm not I'm not making a bunch of money. I'm
not lighting the world on fire. Ye, but I'm in
that now that I'm like, oh, but that would be
that would be so fucking cool to do that.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
Yeah, So that's the wonder that you want to bring
to it and the awe instead of like, you know that,
well that would help me make this and this connection
and then like when it becomes so much of a business,
it's really sad. So I would say to him, look internally,
figure out what you love about it and see if
(44:28):
it's worth sticking it out, or if you can get
what you love about it from other areas of your life,
if you can be seen and heard and felt valued
in other areas. There's a lot easier ways to do
it than that grind. God, that's a fucking business. I'm
so glad I made it because I probably I'm not
(44:49):
gonna say, i'd probably be dead, but I was like
I wonder what the fuck would have happened. I think
I was just mentally ill enough to make it work.
Speaker 5 (44:56):
Okay, what do you think would have happened?
Speaker 2 (44:58):
Though? I don't know if I just was some sad
headliner going from like Denver Comedy Connection, if that's the thing.
Speaker 5 (45:07):
Never, so you never, you think if it didn't work
out the way that you still would have been doing it,
no matter even if you didn't make it, you think
you'd still be doing it.
Speaker 2 (45:14):
Probably by now I would have had some wake up
call of like, you don't like this. I think I
would have quit at the age I quit no matter
what gotcha, at whatever level I was on. But it
was way easier to walk away when you're kind of
already somebody Yeah you know, so sure who.
Speaker 5 (45:30):
Knows won super Bowl and you got out? That's right, Michael, Yeah,
an one straight listener.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
It's so funny. Michael Strahanna had a sitcom on Fox
and I was in the pilot and my manager sent
it to me because like, it's not like I was
a big actor or something, but he was a fan.
So I was bartender fucking got cut out. I was
at the beginning. In the end, it's like a little
bookend and they're like, yeah, we had a cup for
time and I was like, oh, cup for bad acting. Yeah,
(45:57):
I mean like so it's like, oh, thank you Michael
strahan On. Yes, wow, we ended on such a butcher
note had some femininity. Stephanie. Tell people where to follow
you on Instagram. You said very little today, but I
enjoyed what you did. Share. Go ahead, where is your Instagram.
Speaker 6 (46:16):
At steph Lane to ease underscore and I'm not spelling
it out.
Speaker 2 (46:20):
No, she's she's an eight and you figure it out.
Tell everybody where to find you.
Speaker 5 (46:28):
You can follow me at nick Scopes on Instagram and
the TikTok and you can find me where anywhere. Baby.
That's that's right at the local mortgage broker.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
Paying people's mortgages.
Speaker 5 (46:44):
Follow her, Lisa Lambinelli. If you guys want to write
into the show, first of all, thank you for listening
so much. If you want to write into the show,
email us at shrink this Show at gmail dot com.
That is shrinked this show at gmail dot com. Follow
us on Instagram, and please listen on your iHeartRadio app
and nowhere else. But it's okay if you listen to
(47:05):
other places.
Speaker 2 (47:05):
Yeah, it really is, but we won't fucking be picking
and choosing. But if I had to pick one to.
Speaker 5 (47:10):
Be iHeart, I'd probably go Spotify.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
I mean, my identify as an iHeart representative. Now that's
my new identity. I'm going to change it on Instagram,
Toube podcast, or come iHeart representative.
Speaker 5 (47:22):
Yeah, they don't pay me as art.
Speaker 2 (47:24):
Yeah listen, bitch bye
Lisa Lampanelli is not a licensed therapist or life coach.
She is a meddling advice giving yanta. I know it all,
and her words come from her head, her heart, and
often out of her ass. This podcast should not be
misconstrued as therapy. I should be taking with a huge
grain of salt for entertainment purposes only.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
These You need help, You're the problems.
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Come on, come down, go leam, take a pill. I
think you're insane.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Do what I say, dumb ass, listen to me.
Speaker 4 (00:45):
You what the Lisa?
Speaker 5 (00:48):
I get out?
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Everybody, welcome back.
Speaker 4 (00:53):
Don't drink this.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
I like a long pause too. It's Lisa Lampanelli here,
your friend, your fae, your ally, and your advocate, which
is four things. I clearly am not doing a podcast
with my buddy, my pal, my friend in titified unity. Next, gope,
Eddy say.
Speaker 5 (01:14):
I Nick, what's up?
Speaker 4 (01:16):
Stop it be back? Microphone right here, baby, Thank you.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
For holding the mic correctly.
Speaker 6 (01:24):
Neck.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Where can everybody find you on social media?
Speaker 5 (01:27):
You could follow me at Nick Scopes on Instagram and
TikTok and because.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Because what you do, you do? And we are also
here for the third time and hopefully the last, according
to her, because she hates us with our kind of
filling producer bitch, the half Irish quarter porter Ricken quarter ighty,
(01:54):
Stepanie Lane, which, by the way, Lane, that is a
very non descript last name. What was your father's Irish
name from years agober Ferry comes over to the continent
of the potatoes.
Speaker 6 (02:09):
I don't know, but my grandma was prot.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Okay, literally adding nothing. I'm used to it because we
have Celia who adds nothing. Celia will be back if
she ever recovers from hating us.
Speaker 5 (02:25):
You will, won't.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
I'm trying to get enough head drinking to see if
I want to go back to those two.
Speaker 5 (02:34):
Remember when she said her therapist listen to the podcast.
I was like, I don't love the word.
Speaker 6 (02:40):
You.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Well listen. That's what's good having Stephanie because she's too
emotionally unavailable to have a therapist, so she doesn't have
anybody to talk shit about us too.
Speaker 4 (02:49):
You're higher, yeah, So just leave us.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
There and follow Stephanie ad In on Instagram at I'm
gonna say it s T E p H L A
and that's two e's and an underscore, Oh, the underscore,
the bane of my existence. And you can follow me
at Lisa Lambinelli. Listen, Nick, you know do you you
(03:12):
see the musical chorus line and you have two things
that keep you from seeing a chorus line. They're called testicles. Well,
chorus line at a very famous number, and it began,
I shall sing it for you. Who am I anyway
(03:32):
upon my resume? Just a picture of a person?
Speaker 6 (03:39):
No.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
I recently heard that song because I'm gay for that,
and I was like, that question of who am I
haunts people. It's almost like if people don't have an identity,
they feel they are nothing. I'm coming to believe the
actual opposite is true. By not having one identity, we
(04:05):
are more of a human being. So here's what happened
eight years ago. I retire. I'm like, whoa, I'm not
a comic anymore. But wait, I'll quickly replace it with
another identity. I will be bump bump bomb, a life coach,
which is what every loser over forty who had a
(04:25):
divorce and I'm talking women decides to be because they
can't help themselves, so they decide to help other people badly.
So let me take a big, long course and figure
out how to help the great unfortunate masses who can
afford me. Well, that quickly blew up because I just
wanted everybody to do exactly what I said and not
pay attention to how I live. They're like, oh, no,
(04:48):
what do I do now? Oh? I know, I can
just craft. That's it.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
I'll craft.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I have lots of crafting supplies. I have painting supplies
for my father. I'm going to be a crafter and
a painter. And guess what we realize two months later
she has no talent for crafting, no patience, She can't
fucking needle point to save her life, and she certainly
can't paint like dad. So I'm not a painter? What
am I? I go through the next six years trying
(05:22):
on all these different identities until finally it dawns on me,
Oh wait, I don't have to be anything. I can
just do things, have fun, live a life that kind
of maybe is directionless other than working on myself, and
no identity really matters. But I think in society we're
(05:44):
so used to oh what do you do for a living,
or oh, so, what's your thing? We always have to
come up with a thing and scare up an identity.
Speaker 5 (05:53):
Have you had this experience, Nick Listen, I've been pretty
consistently perfied. No, definitely have had it. When I was little.
I don't know what the identity was, to be honest,
I was more of a goofball, I would say high school.
(06:13):
It was definitely like football, lifting weights, college similar it
was just like lifting weights and powerlifting slash bodybuilding. That
I competed in bodybuilding, So that was I did one
show and I was like, oh boy, I think I
could ever do that again? And yeah, I guess like
an identity of like I would say that the only
(06:34):
time I really had like a stroke of like, I
don't know what the fuck I am anymore? Is I was?
I've always been a trainer. I I was a trainer
for a while, and then at one point in my
mid twenties, I took a sales job and a completely
different industry. I did that for a while I was
still training, but after that didn't work out me getting
(06:55):
back into training, I felt so lost and like I
didn't know who I was, even though I had already
been doing this for four years. I think it was
just like the defeat quote unquote, not even a defeat,
the the sales job not working out made me. It
(07:16):
ruined my confidence, if anything, right, And so I kind
of was like, but I used to do bodybuilding and
I used to do this, and I was like holding
on to these things. I realized as I got older,
like I was like, but I used to do this
and I used to do that, and now it's like
I don't even really care about any of that. And
I'm similar to where you're at, where it's like, yeah,
I just want my wife to be like good and
fun and like, yeah, you know, there's things I want
(07:38):
to improve on, but but no, yeah, I don't get
caught up in that. That time was probably like my
mid to late twenties was the time where I was
just like, who, what the fuck is mone am I doing?
What's the point? Oh? I was? I thought I want
to go back to school.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Yeah, oh my god. That's the classic Whenever you feel
a lack of identity and you're an unhealthy place, you
either want to go back to for a master's or
become a life coach. Those both are real red flags,
and it's like, no, you just kind of have to
sit with the discomfort of not knowing who you are,
and yeah, you may eventually decide to do those two
(08:15):
things or one of them. Our friend Andrew has a
client who I think she's eighty and just went back
to Yale for Divinity Masters. And that's just purely out
of love of the learning of it and the love
of that subject matter. So I love when we do
things just because it arises up in us. But isn't like,
(08:37):
ooh good Now, I could go around and say I'm this,
I'm an actor, I'm a comic. I'm like, for so
many years I didn't even identify as a stand up comic.
It was an insult comic. I wanted to be so
specifically different that I'm like, yeah, there's like three of us, Like,
I'm not just a stand up but it's just like me,
Jeff Ross and Don Rickles, and Rickles is dead.
Speaker 4 (08:58):
So it's just us.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
So it's just like, Wow, you really need an identity bad.
So I think the more solid we are as people
and humans, the less we need to identify as something like.
It's always that thing with men. I feel too. In
the old days, it was always men who had to
have like the job who You'd be at a dinner
(09:21):
party and be like, so what weren't so what firm.
Are you with Mac? And you'd be like, well, I'm
with like p W and kunt or whatever the thing's called.
Like you know, it's always just like I'm with Colgate
Paul Malliv and I work on the ad campaigns for
the new toothpaste. Like so, men often were asked to
(09:41):
like lead more with like your identity better be about worker,
you're not a good provider. Women a little less. They
had it be like I'm a mom, Like there's no
one more annoying as the one who identifies primarily as
the mom, because you know, those kids are eating fucking healthy.
She kept them from sugar till they were five, and
(10:03):
they accidentally at school finally had a cupcake and they
freaked the fuck out and now they're four hundred pounds.
But stop giving your kidne eating disorder. So there's like
the mom or I'm the this, and I'm the I'm
the emo kid, I'm the like whatever you identify as,
maybe look at them go but what else am I?
(10:23):
It might be worth like looking if there is more
depth than scope to who you are other than your
job or your identity.
Speaker 5 (10:31):
Yeah, you gotta have you gotta have stuff, I would say,
outside of certain things, like I know, like I again
we talked about this in the car ride down't but
like I can't just go to work and then go home,
like I gotta do other things. And that's just me,
you know, trying stuff and doing comedy or doing this
and having fun and you need shit out out of
(10:54):
outside of your regular things to kind of find where
you're at. And yeah, now it's just like to have
that identity. It's it's so I gotta say, personally, it's
just so much more like relaxing, Yes, so much like
nicer to just be like I try a bunch of things.
Like for years you're talking about how you want to
be just an insult comic. For years, I didn't even
say I was a comic.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 5 (11:13):
I was like three four years. I was like, no,
I'm just I'd do it once in a while, be
a comic.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
I go, no, right, well, I would think that's even
depending where that comes from, it's almost more healthy gets
something I kind of do. It's kind of fun, you Like.
Speaker 5 (11:29):
It took me years to be like, yes, I am one.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
I mean I would argue, are you? I mean I
think too, Like it's not just limited to the jobs
it's and the identities of like what we do. It's
like the person who identifies as oh, I'm always the
one who sends a thank you note. I'm always the
(11:53):
one who brings things to the party. I never arrive
empty handed. It's like, are you or is that?
Speaker 5 (12:00):
Like?
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Why are you always that person? Have you just been
told by society that you're a horrible human if you
don't send a thank you? I have a niece. I
don't know how the fuck she sends thank you notes.
She has two kids under three, and she's a doctor
and a husband who I'm assuming she has to like
(12:23):
bang once in a while. I don't like to picture it,
but I'm assuming that's how you have kids. And I
said to her, and she always sends a handwritten thank you.
And I said to her, last time I saw her,
I said, you are now absolved from ever sending me
a thank you again, because I think you think older
people always want to thank you, which is kind of true,
(12:44):
but you are too busy to do that. You can
let go of that with me if you want to. So.
I think a lot of the times are little identifying
factors of no, no, no, I'm that person have to be
looked at and go. Does it still serve me? Is
that something I still want be or have the capacity for?
Speaker 5 (13:10):
Yeah, I mean I guess YEA. The hardest part did
you find maybe when you were retired, like well you
said you were trying on identities, but like, did you
find letting go was the hardest part? Trying to find
a new one was the hardest part.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Letting go didn't happen till I tried like fifty things.
So the painting and the arts and crafts and the
just sitting around and reading. I can read. I could
just read. I'm a reader.
Speaker 4 (13:35):
Now it's like, oh you're not.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
Like you read one book a month, like stop it. Yeah,
do you still like try on identities?
Speaker 5 (13:43):
Well, not even that, but like did do you still
at one point? Like do you still identify obviously because
of who you are, like as a comic or are
you kind of like yeah, that was I did that.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
It was fine, Like I'm always fine, although I swear
I attached it to get mad when my students don't
know who I am because I am like, oh really,
you never fucking maybe learn some history of comedy, dumb bitches,
Like because my students are all musical theater people very rarely.
They're not the age that should know who I am. Yeah,
(14:13):
but part of me is like, I think I should
start every class like and tell them what I did.
And I'm like, well, they kind of found out if
they should have. It was pretty public last year when
I was on Celebrity Weakest Link. They all decided, oh,
we can look her up and they were like, oh
my god, she's somebody. So I kind of go, well,
you should know that I have a place in comedy's history,
(14:36):
but that that's, oddly enough, that's not the most important
thing about me. The most important thing about me to them,
and I feel really good about this, is it's important
that I'm a great listener to them, a great teacher
to them, a great help in finding their voice. So
even now, like on let me see what it even
says on my GaAs Instagram identity things, because I don't know.
Speaker 5 (15:00):
The students are phenomenal. They're your student was saying something.
I think it was Austin. Yeah, yeah, you got to
teach you with TV credits over yes.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
Because it cracks up because they're always like gagging over
people who've been on Broadway because we have a couple
of teachers who have which is great. But I'm also like, yeah,
they've been on fucking two hundred TV so but that's
just me going, oh, I really want their respect. There's
something about students you really don't even want their respect.
You want like them to be like, oh, I should
(15:37):
listen to her, she's been there. So here's how I
identify on uh Instagram. I don't even retired insult comic,
like I like putting out their retired podcaster, which is
questionable if you've listened to this any gram eight. Yes,
I'm very much identify. I never looked at the comedy
teacher and I say where because I want to promote
(15:58):
the school an overall, So I kind of like the
overall badass the best because I'm like, a badass is
someone in my opinion, in this day and age, which
just kind of just is themselves. And it's just kind
of like, it's fine, whatever I feel like doing, I'm
going to do. First, do no harm. I'm not hurting anybody,
but I don't have to have some big well now,
(16:20):
I'm a certified life coach who works in integral coaching
and helps you heal mind body and soul, and it's like, oh,
so what, that's just part of you. I think it's
realizing all those things are just part of us. So
not up until about three months ago, I identified literally
my big thing was I have blue hair, perfect blood work,
(16:43):
and amazing but small teeth. So those are things. I
was like, well, I am so excited about those three things.
And when I was in San Francisco for this coaching training,
I didn't bring the blue dye for my hair and
it kind of washes out, and when I got home,
I didn't feel the desire or need to put it back.
(17:05):
And I've had blue hair for fifteen years. So I'm like, ooh,
what's this. This is interesting that I'm just letting it,
letting me not have that anymore. Let's why. I'm like,
I'm not sure why yet, but part of it is like, oh,
maybe that identity doesn't fit anymore. Maybe it's something I
don't need any more to be noticed. Maybe it'll be okay,
(17:26):
walking down the street, just a regular looking chick with
regular hair that isn't screaming for attention. Okay, let's see
what that looks like. So it's like curiosity also like yeah,
perfect blood work still stoked, best blood work ever. I
love that. My doctor's always like, you're amazing. We usually
have at least one thing wrong, but you have nothing wrong.
(17:48):
I'm like, yeah, duh, and I start fanning myself. The
teeth thing was so funny because I was like, I
have perfect teeth. God, my mother taught us how to
have dental care. I get a cleaning every six months.
And a couple of weeks ago, I'm at the dentist
and he goes, get this. He goes, you have three cavities.
I couldn't three cavities. I don't have a puzzy. Yeah,
(18:15):
I remember we said I have a dicky. He goes,
I go three, Like what, that's part of my identity?
Like literally, I was in shock. I was like why,
like what would have happened? And I don't know. Are
you on any new medication? And I'm thinking, and of
course I'm half brain dead, so I'm not thinking clearly,
and I'm like, I don't think, so, oh my god, no,
(18:38):
he goes, are you sure?
Speaker 4 (18:40):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Let me go home, let me see, let me look
things up. And I get home and I'm such an idiot.
I realized that a year before I'd gone on the
uh not the ozebic, the other one, the zep bound,
lost forty pounds. Yeah, I have a change to medication,
and I look up. Does this zep bound give you cavities?
Of course not, but it results in dry mouth and
ps if you're not. If you have a dry mouth,
(19:04):
you're not protecting your teeth. So you need to rinse
with this type of what do you call mouthwash whatever.
I'm like, oh good, Now I gotta go back to
this guy and say, hey, man, I'm an idiot who
and I guess one of my identities isn't going to
be I have a great memory because I forgot I
was on fucking zep bound even though I injected every
other week. So just letting go of. I'm not the
(19:27):
chick with good teeth anymore. And by the way, if
he said to me, go off the medication so you
have not a dry mouth and freaking or else your
teeth are gonna rot, I'll say, give me a full
set of adventures before I get fat again. Sorry, I'm
not everyone else is allowed to get fat, not made. Yeah,
I hate myself more when I'm overweight, which is bad.
(19:47):
I get it. It's not good. I wish I was
a different way right now, I'm not. Maybe someday I
will be. But you give me a full set of
fucking choppers that are porcelain and a skinny ass that's
fine with her girl unders.
Speaker 5 (20:00):
The young girl right, dry mouth and we.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Gross. So yeah, it's just those things we have to
look at and go ooh. Those things I was proud
of were a source of false pride that I don't
really need anymore.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
You know.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Will I do everything to keep my blood work perfect? Yes,
mostly to just show off, but also to be healthy.
Will the hair evolve into a different color? Who knows?
So it's just like worth going. I don't have to
stay in any of these one thing. So do you
have to be a comic forever if it doesn't make
you happy? Just to be able to say I'm a comedian,
(20:37):
I don't know. Do you have to?
Speaker 5 (20:40):
No?
Speaker 2 (20:41):
So is this your retirement?
Speaker 5 (20:44):
It's not on Howard Stern, but it's close.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Yeah, as well if you can retire somewhere.
Speaker 5 (20:49):
No, not yet, Like again we have this comment, but
like if it's still fun, yeah, it's like and it
doesn't and it's not. I will say to the identitything.
I've gotten mad when other people have made it my identity.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Oh yeah, he's my buddy Nick. He's a real funny
guy those comedy.
Speaker 5 (21:07):
The maddest I ever get is when I'm at parties
just being me, just chilling, ripping, you know, Zingers as
we call him in the business. Yes, you sure are
fucking whatever fun. And then I have a friend or
someone will go, oh, well he's a comedian and I go, bitch, yeah,
I didn't start till I was thirty, right, I'm like
this my entire life. So he has nothing to do
(21:29):
with me being on a stage and with a microphone.
That made me this. I've been this way, so that
makes me mad.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
I get like, yeah, don't don't put that on me.
Speaker 5 (21:37):
Yeah. Oh, And also I resent when people are like
I think I'm doing it to like show up. It's
like no, no, no, this is me in a social situation, right, You're.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Just annoyingly funny when you're off stage time, Stephanie, do
you identify as anything, Like, for instance, you're on a date,
Say you're on a date with a new guy and
you're like, he's like, so tell me about you, Like,
what do you say? What's the first thing you say.
Speaker 6 (22:06):
That's a good question. I think I usually go into
my job first, cause it's like new for me. I'm
excited about it. It's something I've been working towards my
whole life practically.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
And then you say like, oh, and I know, like
Lese Lampanelli, we're both any remains the correct all right.
Speaker 6 (22:27):
And then after that I kind of just like go
into hobbies.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah, do you feel like your hobbies or your job
make you more interesting and are more a truthful version
of you?
Speaker 6 (22:43):
Sort of because I crochet and I think that makes
me cool.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Yeah, No, I love those I envy people who have
those hobbies. I really do. I I'll follow a lot
of people now who are like cozy vibes or like whimsical,
magical thinker some bullshit, and I'll be like, oh my god,
look at their life. It looks so nice that one's
doing needle point, that one's crocheting, that one's like having
(23:06):
a candle, Like they have a candle and they have
a they sip something by the candle. So that to
me is like so nice of a vibe. Like if
I met somebody and they led with all that, I'd
be like, oh, that's more important than your job, you know,
So what do you find you're most proud of internally?
(23:29):
Not like, oh, it's a job, so I like, eh,
I work for all my life. What gives you a
sense of pride of your humanity?
Speaker 6 (23:40):
I guess because like it's not just like a dust
job where everyone's sitting down opening up an Excel sheet.
That's why always say I have to marry someone who
has an interesting job because I can't ask you about
your Excel.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
Sheet every day. Yeah that's true.
Speaker 6 (23:50):
But for me, like I found a job and I
was able to land it, and like all this that
I actually like going to every day and it's different.
It's cool. I'm meeting people all the time. I'm not
changing who I am just to sit at a dusk
for nine to five, right, Like, it's just way different.
So I think it is representative of who I am
as a person too.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
Well, what I would say to you is you're young,
probably twenty three, so you'll be sixty nine in three times. Okay,
so i'll be long dead, sad, But by sixty nine.
What's good is now if you also develop these hobbies
and these pastimes that you enjoy and grow the personality
(24:34):
and interests outside the career. Then when you're too age
out of this business or you're like, I don't want
to do that anymore, like ooh, but now look at
all the cool stuff I do, which could lead to
like a lot of happiness. Like I have a lot
of happiness from just the little shit I do every
day or my cute little things I do with friends.
(24:55):
And I'm like, oh, well that this all feels more
meaningful now ben the career did at the time. So
developing both I think is a good. It's good that
you start that. You know, Nick, it's too late for
you on all levels. Yeah, all right, okay, okay, So
(25:16):
let's talk identity with some of our crazy a hole listeners.
Speaker 5 (25:20):
Dear Lisa, I am a former actor who quit about
ten years ago. I did a bunch of day player
roles on TV and film, but can never progress past.
Speaker 2 (25:31):
That day player also meaning home extra extra and or
background which oh no, his day player.
Speaker 5 (25:43):
No, you could have speaking lines, I think.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
No, that's under five. Nick. Could you maybe be a
professional Stephanie do your job and look up day player.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
Way better than Celia.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
I would like you if you did your job go ahead.
Speaker 6 (25:57):
The performer hired for short term work, typically just one
or a few days.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Oh, non recurring role. Oh so it could be someone who,
for instance, on the sketch on SNL and stands there
or something. Okay, so it's maybe not an extra Okay,
so that day player.
Speaker 4 (26:13):
Okay, day play.
Speaker 5 (26:16):
Didn't progress that. Last week I got a letter from
the Screen Actors.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Guild, which is of course the union sag.
Speaker 5 (26:27):
ZAG, saying that they will expel me if I don't
pay my dues. I haven't paid in years, but it
looks like they're finally throwing down the gauntlet. Do you
think I should pay it and keep my SAG status
or let that dream go?
Speaker 6 (26:40):
Wow?
Speaker 5 (26:41):
Getting in SAG was something I was proud of, and
the thought that I may return to acting someday still
pops in my head. Thank you for your help.
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Doug from Hoboken, Oh man, he has so many red
flags of guy who should quit because you're like hanging
on to that New York City thing by being in Hoboken.
But it's not really New York. You're a you're a
day player. But you probably said like three words one
thing though, if it's not hurting you or that's what
(27:10):
the thing is and you can't. You have to be
honest with yourself. If it's not hurting you by staying
in the union, you can pay the dues and stay.
And this doesn't just mean financially. Yeah, it's like I
think it's like four hundred bucks a year. If that's
hurting you, then figure your shit out. So, if it's
not hurting you financially to stay in, that's fine, but
(27:32):
you have to look at the deeper level. Is it
keeping you stuck? Is it keeping you holding on to
a dream that should die and the only one who
could figure that out is you, because I don't know
should that dream die for you? Maybe maybe it's holding
you back from finding what you really want to do.
(27:53):
Like my show dream Killer Idea, which I've talked about,
where we would go around. This is a fantasy show.
I have go around pick a shitty actor or comic
or songwriter or whatever and say you have no talent
in that, But here's how you let go of that
dream and find the new thing. So is just him
keeping one foot in sag keeping him from moving forward?
(28:17):
If it's not, and if you can fully say no,
but I'm still trying a bunch of stuff. It's kind
of in the background. Who cares, I'm just going to
keep in the union. But only he can know that.
Speaker 5 (28:27):
Yeah, I don't know. I mean, my only question would
be because I don't know, because I'm not in SAGFAG
yet equity?
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Are you in equity?
Speaker 5 (28:39):
I was going to say, was what is the advantage
of keeping the SAG card versus letting it go? Because
if he's thinking about it one day, cool, Well.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
Because it's almost it's really hard to get back in.
So it's a thing where you I think the rules
used to be, I don't know what they are now,
where you could tafteartly, which means you can do two
parts on TV or film without paying dues, and the
third one it's like, dude, you got to start fucking
(29:06):
paying dues, so he'd have to redo again. I think. So,
I mean those are maybe old rules, but meaning there
is some cost to letting it go, But only he
can figure out if the cost of staying is more
emotionally than he should handle. Like I remember when I
(29:29):
was about to retire my manager Maggie, who is just
I mean, she's more patient than even Celia, Like she's
just like, okay, man, I just want you to be happy.
I said, I want to retire publicly, and she's like nah,
she goes, why don't you just like stop doing it
and just not You don't have to kill the character,
like you know, to kill the queen and me. And
it took a long time for that to develop. I
(29:50):
just kind of don't announce it, just stop working. And I
was like, no, I have to kill it to move forward,
and I did because maybe in a weak moment, I'd
be like, oh, man, I can we have fucking forty
grand here. I can grow this and not even about
the money. It's about going I can step back into
the past and get that little hit of like a
She still got it, But I would have never progressed
(30:11):
through the other identities and come out on the side
of what doesn't really matter. I don't need an identity
other than my perfect blood work. It's all I need.
I just need to be alive.
Speaker 5 (30:21):
It was your way of being accountable to other people.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, a reason to not get tempted, not
to get tempted by a bad offer. So then when
a decent offer, like a cute thing like a game show,
that doesn't require you to live in the past, and
you could just earn money for charity that comes up
your life. It's take oh cute, Yeah, but I don't
have to be funny on it. I don't have to
hold on to that is my identity. So only he'll
(30:44):
be able to tell. I would say it's worth letting go, because,
as Jonathan Livingston Seagull said, it's more to find you again.
So you will say, you hit sixty, you see a
casting for you know, old man in grocery store with
two lines, you do it and then pay to get
(31:07):
back in. If it's going to find you, it will.
Speaker 5 (31:10):
Yeah. That was my only question because I don't know,
like does he have health insurance through there? I started
thinking proudic.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
No, if he hasn't paid it in years, he doesn't.
And you have to earn a certain amount through TV
and film every year for them to keep giving you insurance.
So years ago, Leo, my business manager, was like, oh,
by the way, you aren't doing enough TV and film.
We have to get you insurance elsewhere. So like, okay,
find me something. So yeah, he's probably if I gun
(31:39):
to head, if I had to give him an answer,
i'd be like, quit it. It's going to find you
if it's supposed to.
Speaker 5 (31:45):
Yeah, I mean does does it Another question I have,
does it affect him? Get if you want to get
back into acting with having a SAG card versus not affect.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
It's very rarely that I think that, again, this all
could have changed I'm out of the business. Usually not.
I think if you if you are auditioning and they're like, oh,
non union, that's okay, you know you just have to
join the union, okay.
Speaker 5 (32:08):
Yeah, let it Yeah, then I would say let it expire.
I need to ask all these questions.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
I really know. That's okay. I'm so glad I can
give you wrong answers about most of this stuff.
Speaker 5 (32:17):
So whatever someone currently is like, that's how it is now.
Speaker 2 (32:20):
I know. Just yeah, yeah, I'm retired. I'm supposed to
have all the answers. You fucked, But I still stay
in all the unions. Why not? It's not hurting me
because I'm flush. Because also like equity. I love equity
because it's like the live actor, like Broadway, off Broadway
and regional and it just sounds classy to be like,
(32:44):
now I'm an actor, it's like fucking not. Still getting
that to an identity. Maybe I could let go of,
but it's not whole. I don't think about it. It
doesn't hold me back. It's well, if you're on Broadway,
you have to be in the Equity Union, got it?
You know, like all the it's at Norwalk. They strive
and most of them are already. They'll strive to be
(33:04):
equity National Tour reach this.
Speaker 5 (33:07):
I always think it's like in my head because I
don't know anything. I like make shit up. I'm like
equity means like a. It's probably like a like a
gold level of SAG or something.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
They're two different unions.
Speaker 4 (33:16):
It's okay on Silver's all.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Right, one TV and film SAG after his TV and
film they merged and inequity is for live performers. Luckily,
comics don't have a union because comics are such backstabbing cunts.
We take every non union job that's screwed over somebody
else because we don't care about any Well, let's take
it all the worst, all right, bitch.
Speaker 5 (33:38):
All right? Letter number two, Dear Litha. I'm Joe Anne,
fifty nine in Saint Louis. My kids are grown, my
husband's retired. My uterus is on strike?
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Who isn't?
Speaker 5 (33:51):
So is fucking Stephanie's over here? I wake up every
day and think, wait, who the hell am I? Now?
I'm not anyone's mom, wife or emergency contact anymore. I mean,
you're still a wife.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
She hates him?
Speaker 5 (34:06):
Okay, all right, I'm just Joanne of Joanne's Fabrics.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Oh my god, you built the Empire which went by way?
Was just overtaken by Michaels, was it? I know, so
sad for Joanne.
Speaker 5 (34:19):
I saw the Pride Paride They're gonna have a float
this year.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Are you serious? Oh?
Speaker 4 (34:23):
Shut up? You got all excited?
Speaker 5 (34:25):
Doesn't all the gays? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (34:27):
New York.
Speaker 5 (34:29):
Oh my god, I'm just Joanne and Joanne. It turns
out it's kind of boring. She does missionary like Stephanie.
I need. Do I need a new identity or just
a hobby that doesn't involve wine and detective shows?
Speaker 2 (34:44):
Oh my god, they detective first of all, step away
from the line. It can't go. Step away from the
detective shows. That can't go.
Speaker 5 (34:55):
Well.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
Yeah, I would argue she doesn't need an identity. She's
gonna just have to try doing a lot of different things.
I read that I've said this before. Anxiety is fear
(35:16):
without a plan. Get a plan, a little loose plan.
I'm gonna try this next month. I'm gonna try that
the month after. You gotta stop thinking you need one
overarching identity because it didn't work. None of them lasted.
Mom doesn't last because once they're out of the house,
they're on to the next. Wife doesn't last because the
(35:38):
charmer that fucking wears off quick. Believe you me. Daughter
doesn't last because they die. Sister doesn't last, like all
of it's just these things you are, but you don't
need the big overarching thing. I remember in Acropollu, this
meditation place we went to. I was in a workshop
and they said, write down everything you identify as, and
(36:02):
you know, we write down daughter, sister, comic, helper or whatever,
any grammy ate, whatever, and so you have tons of
these things. And then it'd be like, oh wait, I
forgot and it will sound corny, but I don't care
forgot the most important one. Just a human, that's all
that fucking counts. So the more she could lean into
(36:24):
acceptance of oh wait, I'm just a human. How do
I not make that into I'm boring? Because it's not boring.
If I told you about a person who got up
in the morning, they lit a candle, they did their meditation,
they went outside, got the paper because they're still the
old person who gets the newspaper. They but fed the dogs,
(36:47):
They read a book, they watched a show, they journaled,
they met with friends, they went to game night. Whatever
it is, you'll be like, that's not a boring person.
That's like a person who has a cute look life.
If her goal was I'm gonna be what's her first name, Jones,
Joanne's fabrics with a cute little life. You never know
(37:09):
what it's gonna look like. But that's driving over a
big one, a big identifier. I don't think it's gonna work.
Speaker 5 (37:17):
Yeah, I mean, Joanne, here's the deal.
Speaker 2 (37:19):
Oh jeez, we're gearing up here for some words of
wisdom that aren't gonna come.
Speaker 5 (37:25):
Just give up, it's over.
Speaker 2 (37:28):
Just cheat on your husband, yes, I mean with me,
get drunk on wine. You relive a true crime thing
yourself by cheating on your husband and murdering him. That's
not yo, that's not boring. That's the opposite. Do you
want that life?
Speaker 5 (37:45):
You want to spend your golden years in a penitentiary.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
I mean, that's not boring. Uncle Junior did.
Speaker 5 (37:50):
It pretty good? Junior go to jail, he was he
had like a he went to like an insane hospital.
Oh that's right, it was actually jail.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
She could do that. Drive herself crazy.
Speaker 5 (38:01):
I just go, I'm crazy. All the type of shows
and why.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
Yeah, I just think the more you go after the
big identity, it's just going to lead you down another
path of like in ten years, Wow, I'm not that anymore.
Just go internal, find out, and a very elemental exercise
might be what did you like to do as a kid, right?
Who knows what that leads to. It might be some
exercise hobby, or some art hobby, or some nature thing
(38:27):
that you're like, oh yeah, I forgot that part of me.
Speaker 5 (38:29):
Yeah. And in the playground, which is what you used
to do to beat up myself.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
There you go, Next letter.
Speaker 5 (38:38):
Next letter. All right, hey, Lisa, what I feel like?
You'll tell me the truth?
Speaker 2 (38:44):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (38:45):
Yeah, Angelo, I'm thirty one. I live in Los Angeles.
I always said I was going to be an act
all but after five years of rejection, postmate gigs and
performing in front of four drunk tourists at a bar
I didn't know it booked a contwait at a bar
(39:05):
that I didn't know it booked a comedy show. I'm
starting to wonder if I'm just a guy who majored
in the theater and now sells skincare on TikTok.
Speaker 4 (39:14):
Oh.
Speaker 5 (39:16):
Damn, this is hard. Damn, this is giving up or
growing up. Please advise Angelo. I'll take this.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
One, Nick as a loser with a dream. What do
you think.
Speaker 5 (39:28):
If you're selling anything on TikTok, No, it's your as.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
No. If it's a puffer vest, it's okay.
Speaker 4 (39:38):
Guys. I love this puffer jacket.
Speaker 5 (39:40):
You could dress it up, it down, stay cold, warm,
squeeze your tits, whatever, it.
Speaker 4 (39:44):
Doesn't matter, No, it doesn't, it doesn't.
Speaker 5 (39:47):
Denim.
Speaker 4 (39:48):
These are my favorite.
Speaker 5 (39:49):
I hate those.
Speaker 2 (39:50):
I think a lot of times with these guys who
used to be actors, who were majored in theater, they
forget why they went to it in the first place.
So if you went into acting, it's usually a couple
of things, and I think the most healthy one was
you wanted to convey a human experience in an artistic way. Well,
(40:13):
you can do that on a small level, community theater
regional theater. You can do it in a way on TikTok,
like you can use some of that training and some
of that to get across why you chose to do
this thing in the first place, which is to make
(40:34):
people feel less alone. But if that's not why you
went into it, and you went into it to be
seen to hold people captive in a room while you
performed to get some self worth, that's worth looking at
to see if you should give it the fuck up
because you were in it for the wrong reasons and
shallow ones.
Speaker 5 (40:54):
Yeah, it's fun. When I started comedy again, we had
this conversation. But when I go to comedy it was
the same thing. Was like after I went to therapy.
I remember thinking at shows and sitting down and being like,
are we all doing this because we really want to
do it? Or is this just our hit? Are we
all doing I used to in my head this is
(41:14):
like a jokey way, but it's kind of how I thought.
Are we just doing this because none of us have
girlfriends or wives yet?
Speaker 2 (41:19):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (41:20):
Like are we just Are we just doing this for attention?
Are we just doing this because we could get a
little hit of attention out of it? Or meet a
girl or what like? Are we is that what we're
doing it for? Do we actually like love it? Because
it seems like the people who make it, like yourself
and whatever when you talked about your story, but every
(41:40):
comic that you speak to, it's like they loved it.
Speaker 2 (41:44):
Like and they would have done anything to get that.
Speaker 5 (41:47):
Thing get for them. Getting on stage was like, I
cannot live if I do not do this right, So
you got to ask yourself like, is that really? What again?
Is that what is to you?
Speaker 1 (42:00):
Like?
Speaker 5 (42:01):
I will not be happy unless I do this? Or
is it like you said, oh look at me, I'm
doing well, I'm attention right, You got to find out
what the fuck it is first?
Speaker 2 (42:10):
Yeah, I think it's worth looking at what it would
mean to walk away? And is that in my highest good?
Like often with like somatic therapy, you do where you
identify the child who in you that felt they needed
the attention, say, for instance, and then your wisest self
now talks to them. Will that wisest self be You've
(42:34):
tried long enough, I see you and that's enough.
Speaker 5 (42:39):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (42:40):
Would it be? Hey, I see you and it's fun.
Let's play at it. Let's make it play let's make
it fun and interesting and cute like it was when
we were in the sixth grade show. Like, I coach
a girl who told me about when she did her
first Oh it's so cute when she did like a
musical when she was eight. I think it was like
(43:00):
one hundred one Dalmatians and she was the little Dog
and she's I go, oh, did you have to RF?
And she's like, oh no, we like sing the chorus
and she goes, was so much fun. And I'm like,
if that's the energy like you can bring into now,
that would be great. So if he could get where
he could bring in that first energy of soulful, wonder
(43:21):
and love, boy, that's worth sticking with and then doing
it in whatever way you can. Then ps, even if
you do it in a small, little theater, you won't
feel like a loser because you get that hit.
Speaker 5 (43:31):
Yeah, that's I think when like when I started comedy,
I was in such a different place like now it's
I keep coming back to it's fun. I like it.
It's fun yep. With acting even like it's like, yeah,
you know, you get the dreams of Like imagine if
I got a sitcom and I did this and blah
blah blah, but like there's also a part of me
that's like, you know, it would be really fun. Is
like being in a live production, yeah, my acting studio.
(43:54):
Like I watch that, I'm like, that would be really cool.
Speaker 4 (43:57):
Yeah, it's not.
Speaker 5 (43:58):
I'm not I'm not making a bunch of money. I'm
not lighting the world on fire. Ye, but I'm in
that now that I'm like, oh, but that would be
that would be so fucking cool to do that.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
Yeah, So that's the wonder that you want to bring
to it and the awe instead of like, you know that,
well that would help me make this and this connection
and then like when it becomes so much of a business,
it's really sad. So I would say to him, look internally,
figure out what you love about it and see if
(44:28):
it's worth sticking it out, or if you can get
what you love about it from other areas of your life,
if you can be seen and heard and felt valued
in other areas. There's a lot easier ways to do
it than that grind. God, that's a fucking business. I'm
so glad I made it because I probably I'm not
(44:49):
gonna say, i'd probably be dead, but I was like
I wonder what the fuck would have happened. I think
I was just mentally ill enough to make it work.
Speaker 5 (44:56):
Okay, what do you think would have happened?
Speaker 2 (44:58):
Though? I don't know if I just was some sad
headliner going from like Denver Comedy Connection, if that's the thing.
Speaker 5 (45:07):
Never, so you never, you think if it didn't work
out the way that you still would have been doing it,
no matter even if you didn't make it, you think
you'd still be doing it.
Speaker 2 (45:14):
Probably by now I would have had some wake up
call of like, you don't like this. I think I
would have quit at the age I quit no matter
what gotcha, at whatever level I was on. But it
was way easier to walk away when you're kind of
already somebody Yeah you know, so sure who.
Speaker 5 (45:30):
Knows won super Bowl and you got out? That's right, Michael, Yeah,
an one straight listener.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
It's so funny. Michael Strahanna had a sitcom on Fox
and I was in the pilot and my manager sent
it to me because like, it's not like I was
a big actor or something, but he was a fan.
So I was bartender fucking got cut out. I was
at the beginning. In the end, it's like a little
bookend and they're like, yeah, we had a cup for
time and I was like, oh, cup for bad acting. Yeah,
(45:57):
I mean like so it's like, oh, thank you Michael
strahan On. Yes, wow, we ended on such a butcher
note had some femininity. Stephanie. Tell people where to follow
you on Instagram. You said very little today, but I
enjoyed what you did. Share. Go ahead, where is your Instagram.
Speaker 6 (46:16):
At steph Lane to ease underscore and I'm not spelling
it out.
Speaker 2 (46:20):
No, she's she's an eight and you figure it out.
Tell everybody where to find you.
Speaker 5 (46:28):
You can follow me at nick Scopes on Instagram and
the TikTok and you can find me where anywhere. Baby.
That's that's right at the local mortgage broker.
Speaker 2 (46:42):
Paying people's mortgages.
Speaker 5 (46:44):
Follow her, Lisa Lambinelli. If you guys want to write
into the show, first of all, thank you for listening
so much. If you want to write into the show,
email us at shrink this Show at gmail dot com.
That is shrinked this show at gmail dot com. Follow
us on Instagram, and please listen on your iHeartRadio app
and nowhere else. But it's okay if you listen to
(47:05):
other places.
Speaker 2 (47:05):
Yeah, it really is, but we won't fucking be picking
and choosing. But if I had to pick one to.
Speaker 5 (47:10):
Be iHeart, I'd probably go Spotify.
Speaker 2 (47:12):
I mean, my identify as an iHeart representative. Now that's
my new identity. I'm going to change it on Instagram,
Toube podcast, or come iHeart representative.
Speaker 5 (47:22):
Yeah, they don't pay me as art.
Speaker 2 (47:24):
Yeah listen, bitch bye
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