August 25, 2026 • 39 mins
How do you cope when everything falls apart at home, and you're 8,000 miles away? Between jobs and craving a reset, TV producer Sam Schles books a solo trip to Thailand. Then, from a beach half a world away, she watches the LA wildfires close in on her home. With the help of some Buddhist monks, Sam gets a crash course in non-attachment and savoring the things that are actually worth saving.
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
People knew. By day three or four, they're like, oh,
you're from LA? The wildfires are happening right now. I
get to another side of the beach where all the
monkeys are playfully picking up people's lunches and attacking people
on the beach in a very cute, fun way. They're
drinking beer, they're grabbing stuff. And I'm just sitting there
on a group text with my neighbors, my amazing friend Bill,
(00:30):
who wrangled my very large, aggressive, silly orange cat. into
a carrier and gathered up all the supplies and he
packed up and he hit the road to Anaheim and
I get his location shared on my phone and so
I just I'm sitting there on the beach again watching
the slow dot go I'm just so anxious so I
(00:54):
think okay he's on the road I can put my
phone down for a second and I can I'm allowing
myself to sit in the water I'm going to give
myself 30 minutes to float in the ocean. What I
thought I was going on this trip to reckon with
is something entirely different than it ended up being.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
This is Solita, stories of what really happens when you
travel alone. The beautiful, the messy, and the moments where
you say yes and surprise yourself. I'm your host, Julie Pinheiro.
The day before I take a long trip, I try
to cook a pot of soup. I set the broth
(01:41):
to boil and into it I throw all the vegetables
in the house. And then I immediately freeze it. That way,
when I get home and I'm tired and I'm hungry
after a long flight, there's a meal waiting for me.
But more than that, my soup lets me rest easy
(02:01):
on my trip, knowing that there's nothing rotting at home.
No circles of flies, no mold monsters, no mice poking
at a squishy potato. I make my soup, and in return,
I get the illusion of control. That when I get
back home, home will more or less be the same
(02:22):
as I left it. And this small illusion actually does
help me feel more present on my trip. Sam Schless
understands these illusions better than most. She's a TV producer
working on shows like Broad City and The Other Two.
She's also the head of comedy at South by Southwest.
(02:44):
And one day, in between jobs, she books herself a
solo flight from L.A. to Thailand. And then, while she's
sitting on a beach halfway across the world, she watches
the city she left behind disappear.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
It was my first time being unemployed in my adult life.
I have been working since I was like 13, you know,
in different jobs. And I kind of thought to myself,
what do women in their mid-30s do when they find
themselves with free time for the first time? And I said, oh,
we go to Southeast Asia probably and we eat, pray,
(03:25):
love a little bit. I just wanted to take this
opportunity to travel some countries I hadn't been to before.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Was there any kind of clarity that you were seeking?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Definitely. The industry that I work in has been going
through a lot of tumult in the past few years.
So I wanted to take that opportunity to reflect a
little bit about disconnecting my identity from my job, kind
of reconnect with who I am, and also test myself
(03:56):
a little bit because this was going to be the longest,
farthest away trip I had ever been on by myself.
And though I'm like a really great planner, And I
itinerized and saved stuff on maps. I still wanted to
see how could I do in a place that was
absolutely foreign to me. I don't speak any of the
language and kind of my typical sources of support and
(04:17):
resources were gone. I say that sounds dramatic, but they're
very modern countries and it's not like, you know, we
have all the technology and stuff. So it wasn't much
of a risk, but I still wanted to see how
I could fend for myself a little bit. So I
went for it.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Okay, so what are the first days of the trip like?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
First days of the trip are I get my premium
economy seat on a gorgeous Asian airliner.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Oh my God.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
At the best service. What?
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Tell me what. What'd you get?
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Oh, she's got leg room. She's got beautiful plates of food.
She's got eye masks. She's got, you know, slippers.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
How horizontal are you?
Speaker 1 (05:01):
More horizontal than I've ever been on an airplane before.
I was just giddy. I have a layover in Hong
Kong and I was like, I can't be in China
or Hong Kong for an hour and not eat dumplings.
I had pre-researched where in the airport to go to
grab food. So I dash at five o'clock in the
morning to go get dumplings and then dash to go
(05:21):
get my flight back to get over to Bangkok because
I'm very food oriented. And so to fast forward to
the actual trip instead of the airplane. My first three
days are in Bangkok. I really didn't book myself doing
too many things. The one thing that I found myself doing,
my goal once I got settled in Thailand was to
get a massage every day.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
What is that like?
Speaker 1 (05:42):
In Thailand, it's great. It's like $ 13 for an hour.
And these women are throwing you around, just sort of
yanking my legs and kneeling on me. They're laughing at
me because I'm just like groaning and cracking every single joint.
And then like they give you a nice hot cup
of tea after and some fruit.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Day three, you're just like a rubber band. Oh, I
had like there's not there's no bones here.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
You know, I had we'll call them golf ball sized
bruises on my thighs by day two from these wonderful women. Yeah.
So like oriented around Bangkok and I had planned to
go to three cities in Thailand. And then when I
was going to get to Vietnam, it was going to
be a 10 day trip. with a small group. The
(06:28):
Thailand itinerary was really whatever I wanted to be. So
Bangkok into Ao Nang, which is in the South and
like the sort of islandy tropical area into the North
and Chiang Mai. So three days in Bangkok were, you know,
I'm queer and I thought I was going to like
do the nightlife and check out drag and everything. But
I was actually like, I'm going to listen to myself
(06:48):
and I'm just going to be chill. I think those
first few days of like being by myself and settling
in where I was like, kind of pressuring myself to
accomplish everything on my checklist. And then I found the
beauty of solo travel, where I have a destination in
mind and I'm walking down the street. I can fully
just stop in the street and go, I actually don't
want to do this anymore. And just turn right around
(07:10):
and go somewhere else. And so I found myself doing
that a couple of times in Bangkok and just being like,
I'm not going to go out. And even though I
traveled halfway across the world to do that, that's fine.
So a lot of giving myself permission to do these things.
So I give myself a little bit of leeway if
I don't want to do something that I've told myself
(07:33):
to do a month ago. But I wake up and go,
I don't want to go see elephants. Then that's fine.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
I usually wake up that way, you know.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
I don't want to see elephants today.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Don't give me an elephant today in New York City.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
I couldn't possibly go see ancient elephants today.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Not today. Maybe tomorrow, but maybe even then. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
So I'm in Bangkok and I'm getting ready to go
to Ao Nang, which is a crabby province in the
south of Thailand and where the beaches are. And it
was going to be my time to just sit on
the beach and relax. And I knew from news reports
of the weather that back home in L.A., it was
(08:14):
looking like the conditions were worse. Pretty well set up
for a wildfire event of some kind. The fire broke
out around 10.30 in the morning in the Pacific Palisades neighborhood.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
It is not just a brush fire. This is a
neighborhood fire. Homes are burning as we speak right now.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
And residents have been issued with an evacuation order. Please
take this wind emergency very seriously.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
This is something that is going to get worse throughout
the night.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
So we all have to look out for each other.
So it was in the back of my mind, but
I tried not to worry about it too much. I
get settled into Krabi. I'm trying to get in the
headspace for it, of where I was. On the beach
in Awenang, there's an area where you can get on,
(08:58):
rent a boat, or get on any water taxi and
take you to an island. So there's this cove that
I really want to go to. It's supposed to be beautiful.
There's monkeys everywhere. There's rock climbing. I'm really excited to
take this water taxi. And As I'm on it, I'm
getting more and more aware and notifications about the conditions
(09:22):
that are happening. I have this app, this Firewatch app
that you can put in where your house is, where
your apartment is, and it'll show you where you sit
compared to like the areas where it's yellow, the areas
where it's red, where you definitely have to get out
and the wind paths too. So you can literally see
where the wind is blowing. And that morning, I knew
(09:48):
it was already happening in the Pacific Palisades. And that
was bad. We didn't know how bad it would be.
And so I'm on this water taxi. I've already downloaded
this app and I'm going to this cove and I
disembark and I have this book and I have my
(10:08):
sandwiches from 7-Eleven and I'm ready to be like, okay,
this is where I'm going to be all day. And
I'll just get a like disconnect and look at this
gorgeous scenery and But instead I'm staring at my phone
the whole time because now there's a fire, the sunset
fire in the Hollywood Hills. And I'm seeing this line
encroach closer to where I live in Los Feliz. So
(10:31):
I just get totally now refocused on everything that's happening
in my phone. If it's texting with my friends to
see who's evacuating, what are people ready to evacuate? What's
the plan? getting texts from my family, asking where my
house is. Everybody's downloading this app who don't even live
in L.A. to see how if my things are a threat.
(10:53):
And by the way, this whole time, my friend, he's
staying at my apartment and he's watching my cat for me.
So on top of all that, I'm concerned for him
and for my cat and all my belongings. So even
though I live on the east side and that could
be an hour away from the Pacific Palisades, it's just
a time where nobody knew what was happening in L.A.,
(11:15):
It was just getting worse and worse, and you just
don't know where the winds are going to turn, literally,
or where a fire is going to pop up next.
And I'm experiencing all this secondhand. It's morning for me,
and it's the evening in L.A., the evening before. Everybody's
going to be going to sleep soon. Right.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
And you're starting your day.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
And I'm starting my day. I get to another side
of the beach where all the monkeys are playfully picking
up people's lunches and attacking people on the beach in
a very cute, fun way. They're drinking beer, they're grabbing stuff.
And I'm just sitting there on a group text with
my neighbors about what their plans are and talking with
(11:57):
my friend, Bill, who's staying in my apartment and watching
my cat and my sister, my middle sister who works
in hospitality, she works for a hotel. So I get
them on a text chain and, It's 10 p.m.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
In L.A.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
And we're texting to get Bill a cat-friendly hotel room
so they can prepare in case that they have to evacuate.
And so with the help of my sister and my
amazing friend Bill, who wrangled my very large, aggressive, silly
orange cat into a carrier and gathered up all the
(12:32):
supplies and he packed up and he hit the road
to Anaheim.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
And..
Speaker 1 (12:38):
I get his location shared on my phone. And so
I just, I'm sitting there on the beach again, watching,
tracking on the Find My, watching him do the drive
from Los Feliz to Anaheim, which could typically take, you know,
30 minutes without traffic, 45 minutes. And now I'm just
like really watching this slow dot go. And FaceTime with
(13:00):
my parents to check in because I'm just so anxious.
I'm very, very concerned for the safety of all my friends,
for the safety of my cat, my belongings, and just
kind of like the unthinkable of what I thought I
was going on this trip to Recton with is something
entirely different than it ended up being. So I think, okay,
(13:27):
he's on the road. I can put my phone down
for a second and I'm allowing myself to sit in
the water.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
So..
Speaker 1 (13:36):
I'm going to give myself 30 minutes to float in
the ocean in this gorgeous, again, limestone cliffs. There are
people rock climbing behind me. There's Russian families, Gideon dancing
in the water, monkeys everywhere. And I float in the
ocean and then I'm kind of just reflecting on everything.
And there's this group of frat bros just talking about
(13:57):
how lame San Francisco is. I'm like, everywhere you go,
there are, there's guys like, yo, San Francisco is like
so bad. Like, it's so lame now. Like, the dichotomy
of everything, the irony, the juxtaposition of everything going on
is just totally bizarre. I just wanted them to shut up. Just, like,
(14:17):
the annoying American voices over all of this, too. It's, like,
this beautiful place, and, like, you're so loud. You're so noticeable.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Sam gets a text from Bill. They're settled into a
hotel in Anaheim. She hears from her family, and then...
Once again, everyone in LA goes to sleep.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
And I'm left for the rest of the day in
Thailand just to ruminate. So I have to do a
little hike back over to the other side of the
island where the water taxis are. And I drop by
a little jewelry stand, you know, of just like little
fiber bracelets and stuff. And I end up buying this
(15:00):
red one and I decided to like wear it and
keep it on as sort of like a reminder of
this day of from halfway across the world, how connected
I was still to my family and friends and everybody.
Just really beautiful to see everybody sharing information, helping each
other out, not worrying about the costs of anything, just
(15:22):
doing their best to support one another. And then I
go and try and enjoy a pina colada, which I
absolutely can't do. All the selfies of me from that
day are just like, ah.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
Clenched jaw.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Just misery behind my eyes of like the day before.
I'm like, look at all this cool stuff. And I'm
on the beach like giving these terrible thumbs up, sending
them back to my family. I'm like, I'm doing okay.
Later that night, I get back to the hotel and
I'm just like, I'm just going to be in this
hotel room. I can't think about doing anything else. I
don't want to go explore this town. I can't. All
I can think about is people I know whose houses
(15:58):
are being actively burnt down the unknown of if my
place is going to be okay or not if I'm
going to come back to an apartment or not Bill
and my cat are safe in the hotel in Anaheim
but I realized the only thing I texted him to
bring I said just take my laptop and I'm sitting
(16:21):
there in the hotel room while everybody's asleep thinking I
have iCloud everything's backed up I don't Who cares about
my laptop?
Speaker 2 (16:31):
You're so right, though. Like, if I could try to
imagine being in that situation, I would think that, OK,
everything is central on my laptop. Let me just say that.
Because there's probably a lot of pressure to think about
all the other things, too. But you can't. There's nothing.
There's no time.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
There's no time. I'm in logistics mode. Again, all I
thought about was the safety of my friend and the cat.
I wasn't thinking about belongings at that point. And then
I realized, as the news is coming in of people
losing their property in serious ways, I thought, oh, I
should have asked him to take more. Then I have,
(17:08):
you know, a nightmare that night of my house burning
down and my child's home burning down and thinking of
all the things in each room that I'm walking through
and trying to think, okay, what would I take? And
I'm just sitting there mentally trying to walk through my
apartment going like, okay, I have a childhood journal in
the top of my closet. I guess I have to
(17:28):
ask my friend Bill to grab my childhood journal and
hope he doesn't open it up. That'd be embarrassing. I'm
a person that built out an emergency kit. When I
moved to California, earthquakes was an anxiety for me. So
I built out a kit, but it didn't occur to
me to make a list of my personal items that
I would want to take. And so I sit there
(17:49):
and go on a mental walk through my modest one-bedroom
apartment and think, okay, well, if I was there, what
would I have asked Bill to take? And so I'm
just like sitting there and lightly crying and making a list.
It would be these things. Type A girl going to
(18:10):
be type A. First thing is passport and social security number,
social security card. And then like clothes, medication, blah, blah, blah.
I have a recipe book that my mom wrote out
for me right when I went to college. She did
this for my sisters too. It's a recipe book of
our childhood favorite recipes from my grandmothers. And there's home
photos in the back, physical photos of times around the
(18:31):
dinner table or Passover or Christmas with my family. So
I really wanted to keep that. My childhood journal, I've
kept the same journal since 1999. It tells you how
much I write in it, which is not much at all.
The things in 1999 were not great. I was nine
years old. It was really like, it's a snow day.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Of course.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
I'm watching the TV show Alias. I love it. What
is crazy is you really see the gay develop. It is.
A whole journal article is devoted to Rocky Horror Picture
Show when I was 10. I'll tell you that much.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Oh, beautiful.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
I have to keep that. And then like another journal
that is more recent. I was like, I really wanted
to hold on to that. I have a sweater of
my grandfather's and his Star of David necklace. I'm not
a religious person, but I felt like those were nice
sentimental things. I didn't write this down, but I think
I would take it as candlesticks that were a wedding
(19:30):
present to my grandmother. I think from her mother. So
that is something I would want to keep. And then
the last thing is I was a development executive on
a TV show. And I had a very lovely note
that one of the stars and showrunners wrote to me
about how great I was to work with. and my
(19:52):
future in the business. And that meant a lot to me.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Yeah, I can imagine it's also hard knowing that there's
so much to do and you have so much connection
and you're feeling so supported. But there really is like
very little that you could do to actually control that.
Anything in this situation.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
No, no. Everything is totally out of my control.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Yeah. Do you wake up to a bunch of text messages? Yes. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
I can't even remember how many texts, just a lot
of different text chains of friends in L.A., neighbors, friends
in New York, family, everybody checking in. anxiously checking in
with Bill if I can FaceTime with him and my
cat and get pictures of him to make sure that
he's settling into the hotel room okay. Yeah, it's just
(20:40):
like constant flow of information. And then also it was
when even while it was still happening in LA, everybody's mobilizing.
I think a lot of my friends, this is when
they're starting to volunteer, get donations together, like day two.
People are posting on Instagram being like, does anybody have
extra luggage, extra bags so they can bring supplies to people,
(21:05):
any extra hands, extra sheets or blankets for animal shelters.
And I'm like, can I convince somebody to drive to
my apartment to get my extra stuff that I can donate?
I felt very helpless. I remember day two, again, I'm
on another beach and I'm looking at a monkey just
(21:26):
sitting on the beach too by himself. And I'm like,
you and me both, bud. both just like a helpless
little monkey on a beach.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
He's like, you got a sandwich for me?
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Yeah, man. Those 7-Eleven sandwiches are really, really good. Like
50 cents.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Ugh. After the break, Sam meets a monk. It's day
(22:05):
two in Thailand. Back home in L.A., the sunset fire
has been contained. Bill and Sam's cat are safe in
a hotel, and Sam has confirmation that her friends and
family are also okay.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
I decided to go on a tour. I was like, okay,
I'm allowing myself to do this and not stress too
much because all that I can control is taken care of.
And again, it's an out-of-body thing where I'm on this
tour where you go to a bunch of different islands
and there's snorkeling and kayaking. all these different stops. And
there's people from all over the world on this trip.
And it's just a bizarre out of body experience where
(22:42):
I'm still like, what is most precious to me is
still on my mind and how things can go away
in a second. And there's people just like on this
luxurious vacation. Typically I'm terrified of snorkeling. I hate snorkeling.
I've had a bad experience a couple of times. Ugly
fish in my face. I don't like it.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Oh God. On my feet. I hate to touch them.
I hate when they touch me.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Don't touch me. Ugly fish. choppy waters in the red
sea one time i hated it but i'm like i'm
in thailand i'm gonna give again testing myself i'm gonna
give snorkeling another shot yeah so i'm in this gorgeous
island and it's just like this little inlet of of
water again this is like something out of it's so
(23:23):
silly to recount i remember thinking looking down at these
fish and it's just seeing how peaceful and beautiful it
is and in my head all i could keep thinking
was this is a gift This is a gift. I'm
being given the ability to be able to do this,
to travel, to have this time, to be present, to
(23:43):
be with these little fish, even like something that I
typically don't like to do, but getting myself out of
my comfort zone, feeling safe and cared for, for my
friends and my family. I was just filled with, this
is a gift. And I think I carried that for
the rest of the trip of just like how lucky
I I am and how supported, again, I can be.
(24:09):
I think every woman who travels solo, we're very independent people,
don't like to rely on other folks. And I'm like,
I can do everything myself too. I'm reliable. And I
think this allowed me to go, if I need help,
I don't need to worry about people showing up.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
On this trip, you're solo, but you're not isolated. There's
people around you. You're on tours with people. Is this
whole experience making you feel more introverted or extroverted?
Speaker 1 (24:37):
More extroverted, for sure. But I think it makes me
want to share more or hear from other people. And again,
this is a part of the world I've never been to.
And the tourists, they come from Russia. They come from
Eastern Europe. It's just different demographics that don't go to
places that I typically vacation, you know?
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
So on these tours, on these water taxis, you know,
you get in a boat and People default to speaking
English usually, and that's really nice for me because I'm
typically the only American. Everybody asks where you're from, and
I go, I live in LA. And people knew. By
day three or four, people knew what was going on.
(25:20):
And they had a lot of care. People asked about it.
They're like, oh, you're from LA? The wildfires are happening
right now. And I go like, yeah. But people are
talking to you about it, especially people that have been
affected by these sort of natural disasters. Canadians who experienced
wildfires a bunch too, they were easy to talk to
about it. They're like, yeah, I'm here, but I'm going
(25:43):
through this at home. And people are like just immediate
connection there. In Thailand, the tsunamis. So even on this
tour on day three, I was going to certain islands
and you'll see plaques in memory of people that were
you know, first responders for the victims of tsunamis. Like
you'll see markers of that everywhere in the path of
(26:03):
the wave. And so as I'm thinking about fire and water,
it's these big forces that are out of your hands
that just happen, just random. I think everybody can connect
to that.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
It's also sort of something that you feel when you
travel in general is, you know, the world is not
as little as your world. You're out here experiencing something much,
much bigger. And so to feel in touch with that
in this really different way, I don't know if it
just conjures up a similar like, I am sort of
powerless in lots of different ways.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
To dovetail back to like what instigated this trip is
like a little bit of the career crisis of having
worked in TV for my whole career. And now the
forces of that industry are just like thousands and thousands
of people are losing their jobs and becoming really competitive
and I just don't know if there's a path forward
there anymore and I don't have any power. So what
(27:02):
does my life look like next after this? And it
just felt very of a piece to be weighing these
things about what my career is at the same time
of weighing what is in my power to control. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
When Sam initially planned her trip, she plotted one last
stop for herself in Thailand, about nine hours north of Bangkok. Now,
she's hoping this last stop will bring her some peace.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
So the last stop on my trip is Chiang Mai.
And I am excited because I spoke to people who've
been to Thailand before, and they told me in Chiang
Mai there's all these monasteries. There's tons of monasteries everywhere
in Thailand, but specifically in Chiang Mai... there are a
lot of opportunities to go to these monasteries and monks
(27:53):
hold monk chats. It's an opportunity for the monks to
practice their English and teach you a little bit more
about Buddhism. And I'm not a religious person. I'm not really,
I'm not a spiritual person, but you know, I've done
meditation in the past and I think I've always been
very interested in learning how to let go a little bit.
(28:14):
And again, with the backdrop of these wildfire stuff that
is out of my control, it felt like acutely the
right time to take the opportunity to talk to some
monks and like drill down a little bit. So I
had been out one night at a bar and this
couple from New Jersey told me about Wat Jet Lin
(28:36):
where they had a monk chat. I go, okay, that's
where I'm going to go tomorrow. I'm so nervous because
I don't know, I don't know how to articulate myself
to the monks and I'm just kind of in awe
of of people who choose a path in life and
are so devoted to it unwaveringly. And so I put
a lot of pressure on myself to bring the most
(28:57):
out of this opportunity. So I walked through the temple
and it's beautiful. There's these different paths, there's dogs and
cats lying around. And as I'm walking towards the back
of the temple, I come across some monks in like
a pavilion area. And I'm just like, hi, hey guys.
(29:18):
And they're like, oh, hi. And they're just very friendly.
And they asked me where I'm from. And I say,
I'm from LA. And they go, oh, the wildfires. And
I'm like, at this point on the trip, a lot
of people have brought that up to me. I didn't
expect monks to bring it up to me. But also
it turns out in every temple I've been to, monks
are like on their iPhone. They're hanging out. They're very tempted.
(29:40):
in they're following the news yeah maybe not as cloistered
as I thought these guys gave up their wardrobe not
their you know 5G they're doing fine in the temple
you go in and there's these gorgeous statues of the
Buddha and there's gold gilded everywhere and people are praying
(30:01):
or in meditation, and then there's monks sitting on a
section to the side, and they're just texting or scrolling WhatsApp.
It takes the pressure off a little bit. So yeah,
in this pavilion, these two monks, they're like, oh, you're
from LA. Wildfires. They're actually from Myanmar. So they were
doing a residency in Thailand. And they were curious how
(30:24):
a wildfire or they were calling it like a brush fire.
They didn't understand how it could affect houses. I was like, oh, well,
in LA, everything's pretty like tight together. Like houses are
on hills and fire. Like this is kind of how
it's set up. And they're like, oh, okay. They were
like curious about geography and like how it could work. Yeah.
Also at this time, this is right before Trump's inauguration.
(30:44):
So people are kind of like, hey, you're getting Trump.
And I'm like, yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Oh my God. You're representing a lot out there. You're
doing a lot of heavy lifting out there.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I'm doing a lot of work for the American people.
When the monk chat first started, I'm coming in the
middle of a conversation and the monk is like, yeah,
so even before you sat down, a baby bird died
and fell out of this tree. I looked down and like, yeah,
there's just a corpse of a freshly dead bird right
behind him. And he's kind of like, but that's what happens.
(31:14):
There was some karma in this bird's life that happened
and it had to die. And now it could be
reborn into something else and i think i got pretty
upset because i was like karma has no bearing here
like nobody did anything that fire was it had no
motive yeah it had no vendetta nobody that i know
(31:35):
who lost their house or were threatened or had to
evacuate did anything wrong in karma Well, it.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
Can feel hard when such a metaphysical lesson is like
arriving to you in the face of something that's so
much more physical and so much more threatening. Yeah. You know?
Speaker 1 (31:55):
Yeah. That's a very good way of putting it.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
And something that's like so chaotic.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
Yeah. And I think what added it for me, it
was like I wasn't even experiencing it in the first person.
It's like secondhand karma.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
Right. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
It just felt like the most chaotic thing, and to
ascribe karma to it didn't feel fair to me.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
Despite feeling challenged by the monks, Sam chooses to stay
at the temple in pursuit of some deeper understanding.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
And I'm like, I'm actually, I'm trying to do the
monk chat. And they go, oh, those guys are in
the back. They pointed me over there. So there's these
like plastic chairs set up under some trees, and there's
a guy from Birmingham, England. And a woman from Poland
already there too. And so it's just the three of
us set up for this monk chat. And then the
monks I was talking to too come over. So it's
like maybe four monks from Myanmar. And I kind of
(32:48):
come mid-conversation. And they're having a little bit more intricate
conversations about Buddhism. And I'm just like eager to chat.
And I listen in for a little while. And they're
curious to get to know me. Again, I say like LA.
They ask about the wildfires. And they're curious. about how
it's spreading across the city, how it's affecting people. And
(33:10):
they're just kind of like, oh yeah, okay, yeah. And
so I try to like ask them, I'm going to
all these temples and this thing is happening at home.
And I want to be really curious about Buddhism and
the customs and the cultures. And as I'm going to
these temples, how can I reflect on what's happening at home?
How can I use this tool to integrate it into
(33:31):
my life? And like one of them goes, oh, you
just want to, we can go meditate. If you want
to go do that. I'm like, uh, hell yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
Let's go.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Okay. If you want to get freaky like that, let's
do it. And so he walks us into the temple. We,
we sit cross-legged on the floor and then he walks
us through like a 20 minute meditation and chance where
these two monks are leading it in respect for meditating
on all of the violence going on in the world.
(34:02):
Everybody who's being affected by wars, uh, People are being
affected by wildfires and all the suffering in the world,
which again, Buddhism is very focused on. Suffering is a
part of life and there's nothing you can do about it.
I think I'm, again, very frustrated inside still about not
being there in person to do something. The best I
(34:25):
can do is think about it, thoughts and prayers. In
a cynical way. I'm sitting here saying thoughts and prayers.
but at the same time, this is a gift to
be able to do this. How amazing to be in
this sanctified, gorgeous place to learn directly from people who
(34:45):
devote their lives to Buddhism and to take the opportunity
to like really think about this for 20 minutes, not
to think about it in the context of me alone,
but to think about it in a wider sense. And
then Cheeky Monk took a picture of us while we
were meditating. And then he's like, what's your WhatsApp? I'll
text it to you.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
Oh, nothing breaks the veil like a monk asking for WhatsApp.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
And I go, buddy, here's my number. So I was
really excited. Yeah, I got a monk's number, took me
a photo. He slid into my texts. Pretty cool.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
After the break, Sam makes sense of it all.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
In like the perfect movie of it all, like, yes,
I walk out at the at the end of my
big trip to Thailand, Vietnam, and I know what my
career is. And I go like, oh, I don't need
to go back to school or whatever. It's like, no,
I went home and I had jury duty and still
didn't quite know what I was doing with my life.
But I have a little bit more of like a
(36:00):
levity about it and thinking I'm going to figure it out.
And even if I don't right away, I still have
like friends and resources and family to help me figure
it out or people that are there for me.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
So it took the pressure off a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
You know, you didn't cut your trip short to go
back home to L.A. despite struggling with this distance in Thailand.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
I didn't cut it short. And in fact, I wanted
to stay longer. I really would have. which again, is
ironic because I was so worried about my stuff and
the well-being of my friends and Kat. And I was like,
I'm still ready to like leave it all.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
Yeah. It's interesting though, because like non-attachment or detachment, which
is sort of the tenet of Buddhism is staying present
with what's happening without demanding it to be different.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
And I think, again, it's being comfortable with what you
can and can't control or just being like, okay, I
don't have a job. I'm 34, almost 35, and I
don't have a job for the first time in my life.
I don't have health insurance. And instead of scrambling to
figure this out and solve it as quick as possible,
which I can't do, it's like, how do I sit
(37:06):
with that? And how do I be a little bit
okay with sitting with it? I think, ironically, by the
end of it, I was like, I love the freedom
of this. This is my first time without the demand
of having a job. And I could eat, pray love,
(37:27):
if I wanted to. I wanted to take on more,
but again, I had jury duty. And I was like, logistically,
let me just deal with this. And I do really
want to see my cat and make sure that my
stuff is okay. And I guess I should start applying
to jobs.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
That's so funny that you had jury duty, which is
what brought you back to the States.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
Yeah, I had to go serve my country.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
Looking back, was this a good trip?
Speaker 1 (37:54):
It was the best trip I've ever taken in my life. Awesome.
I loved this trip. It got me so out of
my day-to-day experience. It made me value things so much
more as tumultuous as it was at certain points. Times
when I cried and times where I got like frustrated.
The wonderful masseuses who beat me up. I loved it.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Solita is a production of iHeart Podcasts and No Floaties Productions.
I'm your host, Julie Pinheiro. Our producers are me and
Mary Du, with consulting from Emily Marinoff and Kate Mansberger. Editing, mixing,
and mastering by Mary Du, and engineered by Bahid Frazier
and Paul Bowman. Our theme song is by Baloon. Cover
(38:44):
art is by me, with finishing touches by Studio Lee.
And our executive producers are me, Julie Pinheiro, and Jason English.
If you liked this episode, please tell a friend. And
don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe to Solita on
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your
favorite shows.
People knew. By day three or four, they're like, oh,
you're from LA? The wildfires are happening right now. I
get to another side of the beach where all the
monkeys are playfully picking up people's lunches and attacking people
on the beach in a very cute, fun way. They're
drinking beer, they're grabbing stuff. And I'm just sitting there
on a group text with my neighbors, my amazing friend Bill,
(00:30):
who wrangled my very large, aggressive, silly orange cat. into
a carrier and gathered up all the supplies and he
packed up and he hit the road to Anaheim and
I get his location shared on my phone and so
I just I'm sitting there on the beach again watching
the slow dot go I'm just so anxious so I
(00:54):
think okay he's on the road I can put my
phone down for a second and I can I'm allowing
myself to sit in the water I'm going to give
myself 30 minutes to float in the ocean. What I
thought I was going on this trip to reckon with
is something entirely different than it ended up being.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
This is Solita, stories of what really happens when you
travel alone. The beautiful, the messy, and the moments where
you say yes and surprise yourself. I'm your host, Julie Pinheiro.
The day before I take a long trip, I try
to cook a pot of soup. I set the broth
(01:41):
to boil and into it I throw all the vegetables
in the house. And then I immediately freeze it. That way,
when I get home and I'm tired and I'm hungry
after a long flight, there's a meal waiting for me.
But more than that, my soup lets me rest easy
(02:01):
on my trip, knowing that there's nothing rotting at home.
No circles of flies, no mold monsters, no mice poking
at a squishy potato. I make my soup, and in return,
I get the illusion of control. That when I get
back home, home will more or less be the same
(02:22):
as I left it. And this small illusion actually does
help me feel more present on my trip. Sam Schless
understands these illusions better than most. She's a TV producer
working on shows like Broad City and The Other Two.
She's also the head of comedy at South by Southwest.
(02:44):
And one day, in between jobs, she books herself a
solo flight from L.A. to Thailand. And then, while she's
sitting on a beach halfway across the world, she watches
the city she left behind disappear.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
It was my first time being unemployed in my adult life.
I have been working since I was like 13, you know,
in different jobs. And I kind of thought to myself,
what do women in their mid-30s do when they find
themselves with free time for the first time? And I said, oh,
we go to Southeast Asia probably and we eat, pray,
(03:25):
love a little bit. I just wanted to take this
opportunity to travel some countries I hadn't been to before.
Speaker 2 (03:32):
Was there any kind of clarity that you were seeking?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Definitely. The industry that I work in has been going
through a lot of tumult in the past few years.
So I wanted to take that opportunity to reflect a
little bit about disconnecting my identity from my job, kind
of reconnect with who I am, and also test myself
(03:56):
a little bit because this was going to be the longest,
farthest away trip I had ever been on by myself.
And though I'm like a really great planner, And I
itinerized and saved stuff on maps. I still wanted to
see how could I do in a place that was
absolutely foreign to me. I don't speak any of the
language and kind of my typical sources of support and
(04:17):
resources were gone. I say that sounds dramatic, but they're
very modern countries and it's not like, you know, we
have all the technology and stuff. So it wasn't much
of a risk, but I still wanted to see how
I could fend for myself a little bit. So I
went for it.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Okay, so what are the first days of the trip like?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
First days of the trip are I get my premium
economy seat on a gorgeous Asian airliner.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Oh my God.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
At the best service. What?
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Tell me what. What'd you get?
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Oh, she's got leg room. She's got beautiful plates of food.
She's got eye masks. She's got, you know, slippers.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
How horizontal are you?
Speaker 1 (05:01):
More horizontal than I've ever been on an airplane before.
I was just giddy. I have a layover in Hong
Kong and I was like, I can't be in China
or Hong Kong for an hour and not eat dumplings.
I had pre-researched where in the airport to go to
grab food. So I dash at five o'clock in the
morning to go get dumplings and then dash to go
(05:21):
get my flight back to get over to Bangkok because
I'm very food oriented. And so to fast forward to
the actual trip instead of the airplane. My first three
days are in Bangkok. I really didn't book myself doing
too many things. The one thing that I found myself doing,
my goal once I got settled in Thailand was to
get a massage every day.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
What is that like?
Speaker 1 (05:42):
In Thailand, it's great. It's like $ 13 for an hour.
And these women are throwing you around, just sort of
yanking my legs and kneeling on me. They're laughing at
me because I'm just like groaning and cracking every single joint.
And then like they give you a nice hot cup
of tea after and some fruit.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
Day three, you're just like a rubber band. Oh, I
had like there's not there's no bones here.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
You know, I had we'll call them golf ball sized
bruises on my thighs by day two from these wonderful women. Yeah.
So like oriented around Bangkok and I had planned to
go to three cities in Thailand. And then when I
was going to get to Vietnam, it was going to
be a 10 day trip. with a small group. The
(06:28):
Thailand itinerary was really whatever I wanted to be. So
Bangkok into Ao Nang, which is in the South and
like the sort of islandy tropical area into the North
and Chiang Mai. So three days in Bangkok were, you know,
I'm queer and I thought I was going to like
do the nightlife and check out drag and everything. But
I was actually like, I'm going to listen to myself
(06:48):
and I'm just going to be chill. I think those
first few days of like being by myself and settling
in where I was like, kind of pressuring myself to
accomplish everything on my checklist. And then I found the
beauty of solo travel, where I have a destination in
mind and I'm walking down the street. I can fully
just stop in the street and go, I actually don't
want to do this anymore. And just turn right around
(07:10):
and go somewhere else. And so I found myself doing
that a couple of times in Bangkok and just being like,
I'm not going to go out. And even though I
traveled halfway across the world to do that, that's fine.
So a lot of giving myself permission to do these things.
So I give myself a little bit of leeway if
I don't want to do something that I've told myself
(07:33):
to do a month ago. But I wake up and go,
I don't want to go see elephants. Then that's fine.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
I usually wake up that way, you know.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
I don't want to see elephants today.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Don't give me an elephant today in New York City.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
I couldn't possibly go see ancient elephants today.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Not today. Maybe tomorrow, but maybe even then. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
So I'm in Bangkok and I'm getting ready to go
to Ao Nang, which is a crabby province in the
south of Thailand and where the beaches are. And it
was going to be my time to just sit on
the beach and relax. And I knew from news reports
of the weather that back home in L.A., it was
(08:14):
looking like the conditions were worse. Pretty well set up
for a wildfire event of some kind. The fire broke
out around 10.30 in the morning in the Pacific Palisades neighborhood.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
It is not just a brush fire. This is a
neighborhood fire. Homes are burning as we speak right now.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
And residents have been issued with an evacuation order. Please
take this wind emergency very seriously.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
This is something that is going to get worse throughout
the night.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
So we all have to look out for each other.
So it was in the back of my mind, but
I tried not to worry about it too much. I
get settled into Krabi. I'm trying to get in the
headspace for it, of where I was. On the beach
in Awenang, there's an area where you can get on,
(08:58):
rent a boat, or get on any water taxi and
take you to an island. So there's this cove that
I really want to go to. It's supposed to be beautiful.
There's monkeys everywhere. There's rock climbing. I'm really excited to
take this water taxi. And As I'm on it, I'm
getting more and more aware and notifications about the conditions
(09:22):
that are happening. I have this app, this Firewatch app
that you can put in where your house is, where
your apartment is, and it'll show you where you sit
compared to like the areas where it's yellow, the areas
where it's red, where you definitely have to get out
and the wind paths too. So you can literally see
where the wind is blowing. And that morning, I knew
(09:48):
it was already happening in the Pacific Palisades. And that
was bad. We didn't know how bad it would be.
And so I'm on this water taxi. I've already downloaded
this app and I'm going to this cove and I
disembark and I have this book and I have my
(10:08):
sandwiches from 7-Eleven and I'm ready to be like, okay,
this is where I'm going to be all day. And
I'll just get a like disconnect and look at this
gorgeous scenery and But instead I'm staring at my phone
the whole time because now there's a fire, the sunset
fire in the Hollywood Hills. And I'm seeing this line
encroach closer to where I live in Los Feliz. So
(10:31):
I just get totally now refocused on everything that's happening
in my phone. If it's texting with my friends to
see who's evacuating, what are people ready to evacuate? What's
the plan? getting texts from my family, asking where my
house is. Everybody's downloading this app who don't even live
in L.A. to see how if my things are a threat.
(10:53):
And by the way, this whole time, my friend, he's
staying at my apartment and he's watching my cat for me.
So on top of all that, I'm concerned for him
and for my cat and all my belongings. So even
though I live on the east side and that could
be an hour away from the Pacific Palisades, it's just
a time where nobody knew what was happening in L.A.,
(11:15):
It was just getting worse and worse, and you just
don't know where the winds are going to turn, literally,
or where a fire is going to pop up next.
And I'm experiencing all this secondhand. It's morning for me,
and it's the evening in L.A., the evening before. Everybody's
going to be going to sleep soon. Right.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
And you're starting your day.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
And I'm starting my day. I get to another side
of the beach where all the monkeys are playfully picking
up people's lunches and attacking people on the beach in
a very cute, fun way. They're drinking beer, they're grabbing stuff.
And I'm just sitting there on a group text with
my neighbors about what their plans are and talking with
(11:57):
my friend, Bill, who's staying in my apartment and watching
my cat and my sister, my middle sister who works
in hospitality, she works for a hotel. So I get
them on a text chain and, It's 10 p.m.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
In L.A.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
And we're texting to get Bill a cat-friendly hotel room
so they can prepare in case that they have to evacuate.
And so with the help of my sister and my
amazing friend Bill, who wrangled my very large, aggressive, silly
orange cat into a carrier and gathered up all the
(12:32):
supplies and he packed up and he hit the road
to Anaheim.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
And..
Speaker 1 (12:38):
I get his location shared on my phone. And so
I just, I'm sitting there on the beach again, watching,
tracking on the Find My, watching him do the drive
from Los Feliz to Anaheim, which could typically take, you know,
30 minutes without traffic, 45 minutes. And now I'm just
like really watching this slow dot go. And FaceTime with
(13:00):
my parents to check in because I'm just so anxious.
I'm very, very concerned for the safety of all my friends,
for the safety of my cat, my belongings, and just
kind of like the unthinkable of what I thought I
was going on this trip to Recton with is something
entirely different than it ended up being. So I think, okay,
(13:27):
he's on the road. I can put my phone down
for a second and I'm allowing myself to sit in
the water.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
So..
Speaker 1 (13:36):
I'm going to give myself 30 minutes to float in
the ocean in this gorgeous, again, limestone cliffs. There are
people rock climbing behind me. There's Russian families, Gideon dancing
in the water, monkeys everywhere. And I float in the
ocean and then I'm kind of just reflecting on everything.
And there's this group of frat bros just talking about
(13:57):
how lame San Francisco is. I'm like, everywhere you go,
there are, there's guys like, yo, San Francisco is like
so bad. Like, it's so lame now. Like, the dichotomy
of everything, the irony, the juxtaposition of everything going on
is just totally bizarre. I just wanted them to shut up. Just, like,
(14:17):
the annoying American voices over all of this, too. It's, like,
this beautiful place, and, like, you're so loud. You're so noticeable.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Sam gets a text from Bill. They're settled into a
hotel in Anaheim. She hears from her family, and then...
Once again, everyone in LA goes to sleep.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
And I'm left for the rest of the day in
Thailand just to ruminate. So I have to do a
little hike back over to the other side of the
island where the water taxis are. And I drop by
a little jewelry stand, you know, of just like little
fiber bracelets and stuff. And I end up buying this
(15:00):
red one and I decided to like wear it and
keep it on as sort of like a reminder of
this day of from halfway across the world, how connected
I was still to my family and friends and everybody.
Just really beautiful to see everybody sharing information, helping each
other out, not worrying about the costs of anything, just
(15:22):
doing their best to support one another. And then I
go and try and enjoy a pina colada, which I
absolutely can't do. All the selfies of me from that
day are just like, ah.
Speaker 2 (15:34):
Clenched jaw.
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Just misery behind my eyes of like the day before.
I'm like, look at all this cool stuff. And I'm
on the beach like giving these terrible thumbs up, sending
them back to my family. I'm like, I'm doing okay.
Later that night, I get back to the hotel and
I'm just like, I'm just going to be in this
hotel room. I can't think about doing anything else. I
don't want to go explore this town. I can't. All
I can think about is people I know whose houses
(15:58):
are being actively burnt down the unknown of if my
place is going to be okay or not if I'm
going to come back to an apartment or not Bill
and my cat are safe in the hotel in Anaheim
but I realized the only thing I texted him to
bring I said just take my laptop and I'm sitting
(16:21):
there in the hotel room while everybody's asleep thinking I
have iCloud everything's backed up I don't Who cares about
my laptop?
Speaker 2 (16:31):
You're so right, though. Like, if I could try to
imagine being in that situation, I would think that, OK,
everything is central on my laptop. Let me just say that.
Because there's probably a lot of pressure to think about
all the other things, too. But you can't. There's nothing.
There's no time.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
There's no time. I'm in logistics mode. Again, all I
thought about was the safety of my friend and the cat.
I wasn't thinking about belongings at that point. And then
I realized, as the news is coming in of people
losing their property in serious ways, I thought, oh, I
should have asked him to take more. Then I have,
(17:08):
you know, a nightmare that night of my house burning
down and my child's home burning down and thinking of
all the things in each room that I'm walking through
and trying to think, okay, what would I take? And
I'm just sitting there mentally trying to walk through my
apartment going like, okay, I have a childhood journal in
the top of my closet. I guess I have to
(17:28):
ask my friend Bill to grab my childhood journal and
hope he doesn't open it up. That'd be embarrassing. I'm
a person that built out an emergency kit. When I
moved to California, earthquakes was an anxiety for me. So
I built out a kit, but it didn't occur to
me to make a list of my personal items that
I would want to take. And so I sit there
(17:49):
and go on a mental walk through my modest one-bedroom
apartment and think, okay, well, if I was there, what
would I have asked Bill to take? And so I'm
just like sitting there and lightly crying and making a list.
It would be these things. Type A girl going to
(18:10):
be type A. First thing is passport and social security number,
social security card. And then like clothes, medication, blah, blah, blah.
I have a recipe book that my mom wrote out
for me right when I went to college. She did
this for my sisters too. It's a recipe book of
our childhood favorite recipes from my grandmothers. And there's home
photos in the back, physical photos of times around the
(18:31):
dinner table or Passover or Christmas with my family. So
I really wanted to keep that. My childhood journal, I've
kept the same journal since 1999. It tells you how
much I write in it, which is not much at all.
The things in 1999 were not great. I was nine
years old. It was really like, it's a snow day.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Of course.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
I'm watching the TV show Alias. I love it. What
is crazy is you really see the gay develop. It is.
A whole journal article is devoted to Rocky Horror Picture
Show when I was 10. I'll tell you that much.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Oh, beautiful.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
I have to keep that. And then like another journal
that is more recent. I was like, I really wanted
to hold on to that. I have a sweater of
my grandfather's and his Star of David necklace. I'm not
a religious person, but I felt like those were nice
sentimental things. I didn't write this down, but I think
I would take it as candlesticks that were a wedding
(19:30):
present to my grandmother. I think from her mother. So
that is something I would want to keep. And then
the last thing is I was a development executive on
a TV show. And I had a very lovely note
that one of the stars and showrunners wrote to me
about how great I was to work with. and my
(19:52):
future in the business. And that meant a lot to me.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
Yeah, I can imagine it's also hard knowing that there's
so much to do and you have so much connection
and you're feeling so supported. But there really is like
very little that you could do to actually control that.
Anything in this situation.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
No, no. Everything is totally out of my control.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Yeah. Do you wake up to a bunch of text messages? Yes. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
I can't even remember how many texts, just a lot
of different text chains of friends in L.A., neighbors, friends
in New York, family, everybody checking in. anxiously checking in
with Bill if I can FaceTime with him and my
cat and get pictures of him to make sure that
he's settling into the hotel room okay. Yeah, it's just
(20:40):
like constant flow of information. And then also it was
when even while it was still happening in LA, everybody's mobilizing.
I think a lot of my friends, this is when
they're starting to volunteer, get donations together, like day two.
People are posting on Instagram being like, does anybody have
extra luggage, extra bags so they can bring supplies to people,
(21:05):
any extra hands, extra sheets or blankets for animal shelters.
And I'm like, can I convince somebody to drive to
my apartment to get my extra stuff that I can donate?
I felt very helpless. I remember day two, again, I'm
on another beach and I'm looking at a monkey just
(21:26):
sitting on the beach too by himself. And I'm like,
you and me both, bud. both just like a helpless
little monkey on a beach.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
He's like, you got a sandwich for me?
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Yeah, man. Those 7-Eleven sandwiches are really, really good. Like
50 cents.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
Ugh. After the break, Sam meets a monk. It's day
(22:05):
two in Thailand. Back home in L.A., the sunset fire
has been contained. Bill and Sam's cat are safe in
a hotel, and Sam has confirmation that her friends and
family are also okay.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
I decided to go on a tour. I was like, okay,
I'm allowing myself to do this and not stress too
much because all that I can control is taken care of.
And again, it's an out-of-body thing where I'm on this
tour where you go to a bunch of different islands
and there's snorkeling and kayaking. all these different stops. And
there's people from all over the world on this trip.
And it's just a bizarre out of body experience where
(22:42):
I'm still like, what is most precious to me is
still on my mind and how things can go away
in a second. And there's people just like on this
luxurious vacation. Typically I'm terrified of snorkeling. I hate snorkeling.
I've had a bad experience a couple of times. Ugly
fish in my face. I don't like it.
Speaker 2 (22:57):
Oh God. On my feet. I hate to touch them.
I hate when they touch me.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Don't touch me. Ugly fish. choppy waters in the red
sea one time i hated it but i'm like i'm
in thailand i'm gonna give again testing myself i'm gonna
give snorkeling another shot yeah so i'm in this gorgeous
island and it's just like this little inlet of of
water again this is like something out of it's so
(23:23):
silly to recount i remember thinking looking down at these
fish and it's just seeing how peaceful and beautiful it
is and in my head all i could keep thinking
was this is a gift This is a gift. I'm
being given the ability to be able to do this,
to travel, to have this time, to be present, to
(23:43):
be with these little fish, even like something that I
typically don't like to do, but getting myself out of
my comfort zone, feeling safe and cared for, for my
friends and my family. I was just filled with, this
is a gift. And I think I carried that for
the rest of the trip of just like how lucky
I I am and how supported, again, I can be.
(24:09):
I think every woman who travels solo, we're very independent people,
don't like to rely on other folks. And I'm like,
I can do everything myself too. I'm reliable. And I
think this allowed me to go, if I need help,
I don't need to worry about people showing up.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
On this trip, you're solo, but you're not isolated. There's
people around you. You're on tours with people. Is this
whole experience making you feel more introverted or extroverted?
Speaker 1 (24:37):
More extroverted, for sure. But I think it makes me
want to share more or hear from other people. And again,
this is a part of the world I've never been to.
And the tourists, they come from Russia. They come from
Eastern Europe. It's just different demographics that don't go to
places that I typically vacation, you know?
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
So on these tours, on these water taxis, you know,
you get in a boat and People default to speaking
English usually, and that's really nice for me because I'm
typically the only American. Everybody asks where you're from, and
I go, I live in LA. And people knew. By
day three or four, people knew what was going on.
(25:20):
And they had a lot of care. People asked about it.
They're like, oh, you're from LA? The wildfires are happening
right now. And I go like, yeah. But people are
talking to you about it, especially people that have been
affected by these sort of natural disasters. Canadians who experienced
wildfires a bunch too, they were easy to talk to
about it. They're like, yeah, I'm here, but I'm going
(25:43):
through this at home. And people are like just immediate
connection there. In Thailand, the tsunamis. So even on this
tour on day three, I was going to certain islands
and you'll see plaques in memory of people that were
you know, first responders for the victims of tsunamis. Like
you'll see markers of that everywhere in the path of
(26:03):
the wave. And so as I'm thinking about fire and water,
it's these big forces that are out of your hands
that just happen, just random. I think everybody can connect
to that.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
It's also sort of something that you feel when you
travel in general is, you know, the world is not
as little as your world. You're out here experiencing something much,
much bigger. And so to feel in touch with that
in this really different way, I don't know if it
just conjures up a similar like, I am sort of
powerless in lots of different ways.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
To dovetail back to like what instigated this trip is
like a little bit of the career crisis of having
worked in TV for my whole career. And now the
forces of that industry are just like thousands and thousands
of people are losing their jobs and becoming really competitive
and I just don't know if there's a path forward
there anymore and I don't have any power. So what
(27:02):
does my life look like next after this? And it
just felt very of a piece to be weighing these
things about what my career is at the same time
of weighing what is in my power to control. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
When Sam initially planned her trip, she plotted one last
stop for herself in Thailand, about nine hours north of Bangkok. Now,
she's hoping this last stop will bring her some peace.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
So the last stop on my trip is Chiang Mai.
And I am excited because I spoke to people who've
been to Thailand before, and they told me in Chiang
Mai there's all these monasteries. There's tons of monasteries everywhere
in Thailand, but specifically in Chiang Mai... there are a
lot of opportunities to go to these monasteries and monks
(27:53):
hold monk chats. It's an opportunity for the monks to
practice their English and teach you a little bit more
about Buddhism. And I'm not a religious person. I'm not really,
I'm not a spiritual person, but you know, I've done
meditation in the past and I think I've always been
very interested in learning how to let go a little bit.
(28:14):
And again, with the backdrop of these wildfire stuff that
is out of my control, it felt like acutely the
right time to take the opportunity to talk to some
monks and like drill down a little bit. So I
had been out one night at a bar and this
couple from New Jersey told me about Wat Jet Lin
(28:36):
where they had a monk chat. I go, okay, that's
where I'm going to go tomorrow. I'm so nervous because
I don't know, I don't know how to articulate myself
to the monks and I'm just kind of in awe
of of people who choose a path in life and
are so devoted to it unwaveringly. And so I put
a lot of pressure on myself to bring the most
(28:57):
out of this opportunity. So I walked through the temple
and it's beautiful. There's these different paths, there's dogs and
cats lying around. And as I'm walking towards the back
of the temple, I come across some monks in like
a pavilion area. And I'm just like, hi, hey guys.
(29:18):
And they're like, oh, hi. And they're just very friendly.
And they asked me where I'm from. And I say,
I'm from LA. And they go, oh, the wildfires. And
I'm like, at this point on the trip, a lot
of people have brought that up to me. I didn't
expect monks to bring it up to me. But also
it turns out in every temple I've been to, monks
are like on their iPhone. They're hanging out. They're very tempted.
(29:40):
in they're following the news yeah maybe not as cloistered
as I thought these guys gave up their wardrobe not
their you know 5G they're doing fine in the temple
you go in and there's these gorgeous statues of the
Buddha and there's gold gilded everywhere and people are praying
(30:01):
or in meditation, and then there's monks sitting on a
section to the side, and they're just texting or scrolling WhatsApp.
It takes the pressure off a little bit. So yeah,
in this pavilion, these two monks, they're like, oh, you're
from LA. Wildfires. They're actually from Myanmar. So they were
doing a residency in Thailand. And they were curious how
(30:24):
a wildfire or they were calling it like a brush fire.
They didn't understand how it could affect houses. I was like, oh, well,
in LA, everything's pretty like tight together. Like houses are
on hills and fire. Like this is kind of how
it's set up. And they're like, oh, okay. They were
like curious about geography and like how it could work. Yeah.
Also at this time, this is right before Trump's inauguration.
(30:44):
So people are kind of like, hey, you're getting Trump.
And I'm like, yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Oh my God. You're representing a lot out there. You're
doing a lot of heavy lifting out there.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I'm doing a lot of work for the American people.
When the monk chat first started, I'm coming in the
middle of a conversation and the monk is like, yeah,
so even before you sat down, a baby bird died
and fell out of this tree. I looked down and like, yeah,
there's just a corpse of a freshly dead bird right
behind him. And he's kind of like, but that's what happens.
(31:14):
There was some karma in this bird's life that happened
and it had to die. And now it could be
reborn into something else and i think i got pretty
upset because i was like karma has no bearing here
like nobody did anything that fire was it had no
motive yeah it had no vendetta nobody that i know
(31:35):
who lost their house or were threatened or had to
evacuate did anything wrong in karma Well, it.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
Can feel hard when such a metaphysical lesson is like
arriving to you in the face of something that's so
much more physical and so much more threatening. Yeah. You know?
Speaker 1 (31:55):
Yeah. That's a very good way of putting it.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
And something that's like so chaotic.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
Yeah. And I think what added it for me, it
was like I wasn't even experiencing it in the first person.
It's like secondhand karma.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
Right. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
It just felt like the most chaotic thing, and to
ascribe karma to it didn't feel fair to me.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
Despite feeling challenged by the monks, Sam chooses to stay
at the temple in pursuit of some deeper understanding.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
And I'm like, I'm actually, I'm trying to do the
monk chat. And they go, oh, those guys are in
the back. They pointed me over there. So there's these
like plastic chairs set up under some trees, and there's
a guy from Birmingham, England. And a woman from Poland
already there too. And so it's just the three of
us set up for this monk chat. And then the
monks I was talking to too come over. So it's
like maybe four monks from Myanmar. And I kind of
(32:48):
come mid-conversation. And they're having a little bit more intricate
conversations about Buddhism. And I'm just like eager to chat.
And I listen in for a little while. And they're
curious to get to know me. Again, I say like LA.
They ask about the wildfires. And they're curious. about how
it's spreading across the city, how it's affecting people. And
(33:10):
they're just kind of like, oh yeah, okay, yeah. And
so I try to like ask them, I'm going to
all these temples and this thing is happening at home.
And I want to be really curious about Buddhism and
the customs and the cultures. And as I'm going to
these temples, how can I reflect on what's happening at home?
How can I use this tool to integrate it into
(33:31):
my life? And like one of them goes, oh, you
just want to, we can go meditate. If you want
to go do that. I'm like, uh, hell yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
Let's go.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Okay. If you want to get freaky like that, let's
do it. And so he walks us into the temple. We,
we sit cross-legged on the floor and then he walks
us through like a 20 minute meditation and chance where
these two monks are leading it in respect for meditating
on all of the violence going on in the world.
(34:02):
Everybody who's being affected by wars, uh, People are being
affected by wildfires and all the suffering in the world,
which again, Buddhism is very focused on. Suffering is a
part of life and there's nothing you can do about it.
I think I'm, again, very frustrated inside still about not
being there in person to do something. The best I
(34:25):
can do is think about it, thoughts and prayers. In
a cynical way. I'm sitting here saying thoughts and prayers.
but at the same time, this is a gift to
be able to do this. How amazing to be in
this sanctified, gorgeous place to learn directly from people who
(34:45):
devote their lives to Buddhism and to take the opportunity
to like really think about this for 20 minutes, not
to think about it in the context of me alone,
but to think about it in a wider sense. And
then Cheeky Monk took a picture of us while we
were meditating. And then he's like, what's your WhatsApp? I'll
text it to you.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
Oh, nothing breaks the veil like a monk asking for WhatsApp.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
And I go, buddy, here's my number. So I was
really excited. Yeah, I got a monk's number, took me
a photo. He slid into my texts. Pretty cool.
Speaker 2 (35:20):
After the break, Sam makes sense of it all.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
In like the perfect movie of it all, like, yes,
I walk out at the at the end of my
big trip to Thailand, Vietnam, and I know what my
career is. And I go like, oh, I don't need
to go back to school or whatever. It's like, no,
I went home and I had jury duty and still
didn't quite know what I was doing with my life.
But I have a little bit more of like a
(36:00):
levity about it and thinking I'm going to figure it out.
And even if I don't right away, I still have
like friends and resources and family to help me figure
it out or people that are there for me.
Speaker 2 (36:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
So it took the pressure off a little bit more.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
You know, you didn't cut your trip short to go
back home to L.A. despite struggling with this distance in Thailand.
Speaker 1 (36:23):
I didn't cut it short. And in fact, I wanted
to stay longer. I really would have. which again, is
ironic because I was so worried about my stuff and
the well-being of my friends and Kat. And I was like,
I'm still ready to like leave it all.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
Yeah. It's interesting though, because like non-attachment or detachment, which
is sort of the tenet of Buddhism is staying present
with what's happening without demanding it to be different.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
And I think, again, it's being comfortable with what you
can and can't control or just being like, okay, I
don't have a job. I'm 34, almost 35, and I
don't have a job for the first time in my life.
I don't have health insurance. And instead of scrambling to
figure this out and solve it as quick as possible,
which I can't do, it's like, how do I sit
(37:06):
with that? And how do I be a little bit
okay with sitting with it? I think, ironically, by the
end of it, I was like, I love the freedom
of this. This is my first time without the demand
of having a job. And I could eat, pray love,
(37:27):
if I wanted to. I wanted to take on more,
but again, I had jury duty. And I was like, logistically,
let me just deal with this. And I do really
want to see my cat and make sure that my
stuff is okay. And I guess I should start applying
to jobs.
Speaker 2 (37:43):
That's so funny that you had jury duty, which is
what brought you back to the States.
Speaker 1 (37:47):
Yeah, I had to go serve my country.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
Looking back, was this a good trip?
Speaker 1 (37:54):
It was the best trip I've ever taken in my life. Awesome.
I loved this trip. It got me so out of
my day-to-day experience. It made me value things so much
more as tumultuous as it was at certain points. Times
when I cried and times where I got like frustrated.
The wonderful masseuses who beat me up. I loved it.
Speaker 2 (38:21):
Solita is a production of iHeart Podcasts and No Floaties Productions.
I'm your host, Julie Pinheiro. Our producers are me and
Mary Du, with consulting from Emily Marinoff and Kate Mansberger. Editing, mixing,
and mastering by Mary Du, and engineered by Bahid Frazier
and Paul Bowman. Our theme song is by Baloon. Cover
(38:44):
art is by me, with finishing touches by Studio Lee.
And our executive producers are me, Julie Pinheiro, and Jason English.
If you liked this episode, please tell a friend. And
don't forget to rate, review, and subscribe to Solita on
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, and wherever you get your
favorite shows.
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