Matteo Lane

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:09):
We're ready and we're rolling it. It's a new episode
of Thanks Dad, coming to You Live from It's not
coming to You Live. It's not coming to you Live.
I've already lied to you and that for that, I apologize.
We're doing too much. I mean, as a collective, we're
doing too much. I want you to really consider this.
I don't know what we can do about it, but

(00:29):
we're doing too much. You know that Luther Vandros song
never too much We've hit. There needs to be another song.
This is too much. I don't know. Maybe there is one.
I have to look it up on my streaming platform.
But anyway, we have got too much going on. The
other day, I was at the airport. I'm always at
the airport, you'll find, and I got to I got

(00:52):
to the airport really early. Was in Austin. I got
to the airport so early from my early morning flight
because I heard the lines were so crazy, and by heard,
I mean some and told me. And then I went
on Reddit to confirm, because that's my news source for
whatever reason is read it. And then there were also
reputable news sources saying that the lines at Austin airport
were crazy. So I woke up very early, which is fine.

(01:15):
I'm just you should know. I'm a person who likes
to arrive at the airport basically when my flight is boarding,
and I do love the thrill. It is dangerous. I
don't recommend anyone else do it. There is a method
to my madness. I only time have missed a flight
in the last twenty years is because I set my
alarm for a PM instead of AM, and I slept
through and I woke up and I was like, this,

(01:36):
sleep feels too good. I was only supposed to get
four hours. This is feeling like shit. This feels like five.
And it was my plane was in the sky. But
otherwise I've made every flight, getting there essentially when it boards.
But I got there very early in Austin for a
butt crack of dawn and so many people in line.
You're like, in theory, the airport's less busy that early

(01:57):
in the morning, but not Austin. Austin's diff something's going
down in Austin. So anyway, got there early. I have
tsa pre check. At one point I had clear. I
can get clear again because I'm Diamond medallion, which I
can't wait to brag about. It to everybody. But I
found that I was like, TSA pre check is enough.

(02:18):
That's enough that one time investment. And I haven't found
CLEAR to be particularly helpful except for one time in Miami.
So out of all the years I had it, I
was like this one time in Miami, anyway, I have
TSA pre check, and I was like, I'm gonna get
to I'm not gonna be in a long line. But
people are like, no, even the pre check line is insane.
So I get there very early. But then here's the thing.
My boarding pass was also touchless ID, and that meant

(02:41):
that they had a touchless ID line as well at Austin,
and that line was like I was in that line
for like nine minutes, and that's including the random security
check I got selected for. It's only ever happened to me. Well, no,
it also happened to me days before in France, which
is weird. But also that random secure already check in
France happened after boarding. They were like, you've been selected

(03:03):
for a random security check, and I'm like, we're in
the little thing between the plane and the gate. But
they it was four people, it was four agents of
some variety. But I digress right now, go with me.
I was like, yeah, sure, you want to do a
random security check. I feel like we've already gone past
security and not I feel like I mean, but I
feel like, I mean, we have we're actually meant to

(03:26):
be boarding, but your plane's not ready and you have
us in the Is that a galley? I believe. So.
So it's four people being like, we have to do
a random check on you, and I was like great,
and then but they seemed confused about what the check
would entail, so like minutes passing, and then someone's like,
take off your shoes. I was like, okay, and then
I'm like, great, the shoes are off. And then I

(03:48):
was kind of there was a lot of confusion from
them as to what was supposed to be happening next.
And I was like, I'll do whatever, honestly, but you guys,
you guys seem confused. And I don't know why there
has to be four people, but it seemed like they
were training three. I don't know what's going on. All
was a guinea pig for them, and then the one
helped one guy I just kept he was like, you're bad.
You have to zip it. I was like great. If
you tell me what to do, I'll do it. I

(04:10):
have overstuffed my luggage, which is sort of my thing,
but I will unzip it, which is just gonna be
a bitch to zip back up. But fine. And then
he's like, you're good to go and winks at me,
and I'm like, I know you didn't do me for
just now. Anyway, even with my random security check in Austin,
you got through in night is nine minutes. It's nine minutes.

(04:30):
That's exactly what it was. Because I looked, I was like,
that was fast. Anyway. There's too many things, That's what
I'm trying to say. It's too many things. That was
too many security checks. There's too many Why do we?
Why do I? Why is there clear and there's pre
check and there's global entry and there's now touchless ID.
I swear I probably like, I don't even remember signing
up for touchless ID. So you don't have to pull

(04:51):
out your ID. You just look at a camera, much
like you already look at a camera when you are
handing your IDs. So don't call me crazy for not
knowing how I signed up. I don't know what I've
given over or given the government. Access to They already
have it, but I have touched this idea and it
got me to skip the line. So I encourage you
all to also sell your souls and give your blood.
And I don't know. Yeah, yeah they are. They're gonna

(05:13):
do something weird with it with I'm sure, but it's okay.
Maybe I'll be dead by then. It's too many things
we need to Can we just become efficient again? Am
I allowed to say make America fishing again? Guys? Me

(05:34):
asking permission? Maybe not? We're trying here. That maybe isn't
the thing to say, make society efficient again? Too many streamers?
I love you all? Why we have so many? There's
too many things to watch. There's so many things to watch,
and we're not connected anymore because we're not all watching

(05:55):
the same five shows. We're not all watching TGI Friday,
We're not all watching what was the Saturday morning cartoon situation?
Remind me you guys, remember was it one Saturday? Kids?
W B powder? Okay, maybe there were always too many things.
Maybe there were too many things always And I don't
know what I'm talking about, And I should stick to
freaking comedy, shut up and dribble ago I can't handle

(06:16):
the basketball to save my life. Okay, well, I'm about
to talk to somebody really exciting, so you don't have
to hear from me anymore except for you do while
I'm talking to them. But that's my stance. There's too
much going on. But maybe there's always too much going on.
I am just simply overstimulated as a person, and that's
what's happening for me. Anyway, very good conversation coming stand by.
You're gonna want to hear it. I feel like it's
gonna be great. So if you didn't like this, you're

(06:39):
definitely gonna like that. I hope it's happening eighth grade. Okay, Mateo, Yes,
I should do your intro first. That's how podcasts go.
You have a podcast. I was gonna do that. No,
let me to no, no, no, okay. My next guest

(07:05):
is a comedian and actor whose latest special, The Aldente Special,
is now streaming on Hulu and Disney Plus. Right, and
you are the co host. He is the co host
of a podcast. I never liked you. It's Matheo Lane.
Hello everyone, Mateo. I'm so glad you're here.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
I'm so happy to be here. I was so excited.
When they're like, do you want to do them? I'm like, yes,
I do.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
I'm so glad.

Speaker 2 (07:29):
I don't remember the last time we saw it. We're
in each other's lives, but we're not.

Speaker 1 (07:33):
I know, we know all of the same people have
lots of mutual friends. But you're on tour right now,
and he's cross eyed because that's a lot of work.

Speaker 2 (07:45):
I always say I'm spiritually fulfilled but physically tired. Yeah,
which is a good way to answering because sometimes you're like,
oh yeah, when you're on four planes a week, you
know people, But I love doing the shows like I
do it just because I love the second they're like, Mateolane,
I'm on the stage. Yeah, that part. I love the
rest of it. It can if you're in the right mindset,
it's okay, but you know, you get tired after a while.

Speaker 1 (08:05):
I was on a plane, I mean I was on
a plane yesterday and I fully somebody said something, okay,
well hit transparently somebody meeting the flight attendant came up
to me. The flight attendant was like, or this was
actually last week the plane I was on. The flight
attendant was like, you are now officially diamond medallion, and

(08:25):
I thought I already was because I told Jeff Hiller
I was, but I wasn't, so this is a confession.
But he was like, your diamond medallion and thank you,
and I actually like it almost made me sad I'm
on planes too.

Speaker 2 (08:37):
Much, reminding me I don't have a life.

Speaker 1 (08:39):
Yeah, truly, I was like, how would it? There's no stability,
That's why I'm diamond medallion traveling though for you on tour,
the actual travel also similarly kind of annoying. Taxing, taxing, taxing.
How are the hotel stays for you? Are you doing airbnb?

Speaker 2 (08:57):
What I usually try and get a hotel has room
service and I'll stay there.

Speaker 1 (09:01):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (09:02):
I learned from Keith Robinson that when you're touring NonStop,
it's worth it's spent a little extra nice hotel so
that you're looking forward to your rest. You're looking forward
to a quiet room, and then after the show, you're
looking forward to getting in bed and resting. Okay, because
you know, I've been doing this eighteen years now, and
all the horrible comedy condos and cockroaches and sleeping on

(09:24):
mattresses on floors and asking to sleep.

Speaker 3 (09:26):
With friends and asking you know.

Speaker 2 (09:27):
Yeah, that also takes a toll because there's like an
anxiety where you're like, ah, like afterwards, I have to
go to that shithole.

Speaker 3 (09:33):
Yeah, you know, I can swear right.

Speaker 1 (09:36):
I know it seems that way.

Speaker 2 (09:40):
This is true. One big job, but no, So I
usually I get my opener eye like a nice ketotel
and make like a little weekend out of it. So, yeah,
I'll be with Sydney Washington soon Rosebud this weekend, me
and Aman in Paris Sachet and we just you fiell
it with your friends.

Speaker 3 (09:54):
So you can hang out and have a good time.

Speaker 1 (09:56):
Oh that's nice and that's very smart. I hadn't thought
about the hotel thing as a person who hotels. Yeah,
to other options, Yeah, I'm always like, get me near
the airport. I've stayed at hotels in the airport. No,
I'm like, I want to be inside the airport. I
want to wake up, brush my teeth, wash my face,
and I want to leave in the morning. But I
don't think that's right. And hearing what you're describing sounds

(10:17):
so much better, And why is it?

Speaker 3 (10:20):
I guess yours is more efficient.

Speaker 2 (10:22):
That makes sense.

Speaker 1 (10:23):
I crowned efficiency, but I don't think it's the right
way to live your life, trying to like, I'm trying
to live life efficiently.

Speaker 3 (10:28):
Talk to Keith Robinson for five minutes, so you'll be
calling the four seasons.

Speaker 1 (10:31):
Okay, great, we're gonna get Keith.

Speaker 2 (10:32):
Well.

Speaker 1 (10:32):
By the way, if it's not a tour situation or
a work situation, I am like, I need to stay
in the nicest hotel city. Yeah, but it's I should
switch it up. We're gonna get Keith Robinson. The booker's
not here, but I'm.

Speaker 3 (10:47):
I'll call key.

Speaker 1 (10:48):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (10:48):
I talk to him every day, you do, Okay.

Speaker 2 (10:50):
We send each other memes of like seventies and eighties
and nineties great singers, and I just ripped some of
them in hat, Like you know, we have.

Speaker 3 (10:58):
An ongoing joke.

Speaker 2 (10:58):
We love Dion Warwick and she's in every clip, Like
we sent a lot of Patty clips, Chocolate clips, Diana
Ross clip and pat Er and Dion Warwick is always there.
And then I was just doing a show last week
and there's a giant poster of Dan Warrick and I
sent it to Keith. I was like, why is always everywhere?

Speaker 1 (11:15):
Everywhere? And just the longevity of Dion's career.

Speaker 2 (11:19):
The Psychic Friends Network.

Speaker 1 (11:21):
I know it.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
She could really sing, like in the seventies, like she really,
you know, people kind of think of it as like
the backcrack crooner nineties. Says that, but when she really
wanted to sing, she really could sing.

Speaker 1 (11:33):
She could blow. She came to S and L because
I did that Dion Warwick impression because her tweets were
so funny. Yeah, I did that impression. She came to
the show and we did a sketch together and we
were singing what the World Needs Now, and she was
harmonizing with me, but I didn't know, and I'm like,
I'm just gonna try to do what she's doing. And
I was like, oh, she's a real singer and it's
trying to harmon I'm not a real one. I really

(11:54):
I play sing. Everyone says that, but I'm like, it's
a joke, do you know.

Speaker 2 (11:57):
I find it interesting like people who can do character
and my immediate assumption is like, oh, well then you
can sing.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
Well, you know. Jamie Foxx famously says that it's like
music and for him doing impressions, I think I saw
him in some interview saying like, for him impressions. It's
like hitting different notes depend on who he's doing, and
it's like a pitch thing. Yeah, but you know it's
something for me to consider. Thank you. You should maybe

(12:24):
where I get too far down the road with you,
who or what do you want to say thanks to?

Speaker 3 (12:30):
Oh, there's like a million joke.

Speaker 2 (12:31):
This joke. I don't know. Some people say sincere things
on your show, and then other people say really funny,
and I think some guy thinks smoothie maker.

Speaker 1 (12:41):
He did that was Josh. Yeah, okay, you can do two,
maybe one sincere one.

Speaker 2 (12:47):
I'd like to thank doctor Wesley Carlos for my third
hair transplant and giving me a hairline that I needed
because I was losing my hair desperately and the comb
over was so apparent I was to go in pools
and floated above like a gay alligator. So thank you
for giving me the hairline that is that I love.

Speaker 3 (13:08):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
Okay, doctor Carlos really did his Carlos, because I'm gonna
say the hairline's giving thank you. And I would never
have known if you didn't snitch.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
I did you know.

Speaker 3 (13:20):
I won't stop telling people. I have no shame, you.

Speaker 2 (13:23):
Know, but I remember the third time I got it,
I walked him and I was like, let's just do this.
He was like, God, they also gave me a beard.
Oh crazy, I never had a beard before.

Speaker 1 (13:31):
Were you not able to like you were one of
those people like peach fuzz at best?

Speaker 2 (13:34):
No, and everyone in my family I don't me to
say this. I was like, oh, well, someone of your
family's balding. Let me that's very clear. I have thirty
cousins on my mom's side, my grandfather's from Mexico. My
grandfather's hairlines started here. Everyone has hair. My brother has hair,
everyone that thick Mexican hair. My dad's side, everyone has hair.
I just the only one.

Speaker 1 (13:54):
You're just the anomaly, the weird little baby revenge. Okay,
I'm just I'm so happy for you. There's so much
hair right now and it looks good and I love
the salt and pepper. Is that intentional?

Speaker 2 (14:08):
No, it's my that's my hair, that's right. But I
did try dying it in like October. I was like,
maybe I'll like try dying it on color, and I
did it in London, but they dyed it too like warm,
and it really was I don't look good with like
a warmer, like reddish.

Speaker 3 (14:22):
Kind of color hair.

Speaker 2 (14:23):
Okay, And so when I went into my doctors, my
hair doctor's office, because I get this like stuff in
my head every month to help keep it strong, all
of them were like, your hair looks like shit?

Speaker 3 (14:32):
Who did your hair? And I was like, yeah, it's right,
so I got it.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
I went to a Greek girl who made it dark again,
and then I just now it's completely it's normal color.

Speaker 1 (14:39):
Okay. They were like, we did our part. Who the hell.

Speaker 2 (14:42):
They did? Get that?

Speaker 3 (14:43):
Europe women they walk into like, who fucked your hair up?

Speaker 1 (14:49):
How long did you keep it? Because when I don't
like my hair the way, I will have spent money.
But if I don't like it instantly be like this
has to change tomorrow. How long did you stick it out?

Speaker 2 (14:58):
I stuck it out for a minute, and I kind
of just looked like like an older Italian woman who
started box dyeing her own hair because she didn't want
to go to the salon anymore.

Speaker 3 (15:07):
So it's like a hair magenta.

Speaker 2 (15:09):
But luckily I can now that I have a hairline,
I can just buzz it and kind of start over again.

Speaker 1 (15:13):
Okay, okay, you're allowed to cut it you're allowed to
cut it when it's okay? Yeah, was it really? You
said it was your third one? Your third one, right,
So was is it three? Because that's how many you.

Speaker 3 (15:23):
Need to know?

Speaker 2 (15:24):
They were all successful. I just wanted to have a
better hairline because I was losing that much hair, hair
in the crown and then hair all up here, like
I just wanted to bring it in.

Speaker 1 (15:32):
And you look good, honey, okay.

Speaker 2 (15:36):
Hair.

Speaker 1 (15:36):
You may be insecure about it. I would never have
known because the way you just shouted out the doctor
giving confident you look good. Okay, what's the is that
the that was the serious?

Speaker 2 (15:50):
No, I'm kidding, that was it was kind of serious.
I mean, it's like, get out of bet easier. I
guess I would think that the School of the Artistitute
of Chicago, where I went to college, because I had
such bad grades growing up, and I didn't care about school,
and I wasn't good at school. My family didn't have money,
and I just was gonna, I don't know, work at
retail like I was already doing, and just kind of
live in the city. And and I was always able

(16:11):
to draw, and I had a really good teacher when
I went to one class a community college who also
worked at the Schoolyard Institute, and he was like, you
should be there, and he helped me put a portfolio
together and I got in and it's a very small school,
and it just changed my life. Opened up my life
to all different types of people. I came out and
creativity and what that means, and you know, teachers that

(16:33):
talked to you in a really adult way, like there
really was no it was a very one on one.
I had a great teacher, Dan Gustin, who was very
psychological in terms of how.

Speaker 3 (16:41):
He taught painting and drawing.

Speaker 2 (16:42):
And I immediately got a job storyboarding TV commercials and
fashion illustrations. At twenty two, I graduated and immediately started
drawing for like Lexus and seven Up and doing all
these commercials.

Speaker 3 (16:51):
And you learned really young, you know, living in.

Speaker 2 (16:53):
Chicago too, Like I didn't live in the dorms, I
still had to have a job, Like I had to
take the bus every day. Like it was a great
way to also teach me here's how you be an adult.
You don't have time to party, you don't have money
to party, you know, so get yourself coordinated and get
yourself structured and then that really helped me when I
started stand up at twenty two, I was like, oh,
I know structure and success from structure. Yeah, I just
did the same thing with stand up.

Speaker 1 (17:14):
Yeah. Okay, it's so interesting you say that about structure,
because my friend and I were just talking about some
people wanting to be successful but like absolutely needing structure
in order to do so. But how this career in
this industry kind of all the jobs, there is no structure,
and it's so nonlinear, and like how you achieve something
you see someone you look up to achieve is going

(17:35):
to be totally different for you, depending on the time
and the climate and whatever the context of the industry
is at the time. So the notion that you being
in college taught you structure is so cool because and
then it transferred it translated to comedy and your pursuit
of comedy is so cool because it's truly what my
friend and I were just saying, that you have to

(17:55):
be able to create your own structure. Yeah, at a
certain point, like What's Night, I enjoyed college for its structure,
so like it felt like the very next thing to
do after high school. Of course, you're going to go
to college and it's like, great, you have the like
training wheels on still and then the real world. When
I left college, it was like, oh, there's I don't
have to be anywherewhere because I didn't have a job

(18:15):
right away. It was like no one's checking on me,
No one's there's no like we're checking in every quarter,
every semester. So if you can take away from school,
I think what you say of just like figuring out
what being an adult is and figuring out structure, I'm like,
that's very important, and take that one to the bank. Kids, kids, kids,

(18:35):
because kids listen to this one are well.

Speaker 2 (18:37):
Elsa Minelli just wrote a book which I am listening
to the audio version, which is clearly AI. They did
the AI her voice because you know, like when normal
people talk like it will.

Speaker 4 (18:46):
Be like I was going to the store and it
was wonderful because Papa was so funny, but this is AI.
I was going store, Papa funny then, and You're like,
what's happening?

Speaker 2 (18:57):
Lies it? But should they're The cover of her book
is kids, You're gonna love it, and I'm like, nah,
there's no kids reading your book, Lies, But they're all
fifty year old gay men.

Speaker 1 (19:05):
Stop it. But I love the idea that she's like,
I know the kids are still interested in me. The
kiss loves me.

Speaker 2 (19:12):
I'm so sunny.

Speaker 1 (19:13):
Do you have to respect that delusion? I respect it.

Speaker 3 (19:18):
I love her though, Yeah, I don't care who. I
don't care if Chatchy Tea you dried up a lake
for that book. I love her. She could do no wrong.

Speaker 2 (19:25):
Good for her, Good for you, Liz of your half
machine like Darth Vader, more machine now than man.

Speaker 1 (19:31):
Wait do you use SPT?

Speaker 2 (19:33):
No? No, I used it like when it first came out,
and you know, you would type like my relationship blah blah.
You know, and it does. But the thing is, I
started noticing it's too supportive, Like I could literally be like,
well I burn someone's car and they're like, and that
was tough for you. I'm like, no, that wasn't tough
for men.

Speaker 1 (19:48):
They don't have a car.

Speaker 2 (19:49):
Yeah, So no, I don't use Also, it's bad. I
don't like that. It's you know, where the money goes,
how it stops. I'm just like, nah, I'll just rely
on my I'll rely on my own brain.

Speaker 1 (19:58):
How do you Okay? Well, how do you hear? I
know that though, when you're like, okay, when the money
goes like the ethics of anything else you spend money on.

Speaker 2 (20:05):
A bit frustrating because I feel like everything I do
now they're like, well that goes here.

Speaker 3 (20:09):
I'm like, well, I'm i gonna limit a tree.

Speaker 2 (20:12):
I don't know what to do, like like they're all
just shitty. Then the world's shitty, Like I don't want
my money going to these things.

Speaker 3 (20:18):
I think it's so unfair and stupid.

Speaker 1 (20:19):
I know how much control, Like do you keep yourself
up at night thinking about it? Because I'm like how much?
I can only control so much and I can be
I can only be mindful of so much, and I'm
trying my best.

Speaker 2 (20:30):
Well, I think that that's the illusion of social media,
as when you know, like Frandly but would set it best,
Like you could be in front of the taj Mahal,
but if you're looking at your phone, that's where you are,
so you sort of forget that reality exists around you.
You've curated this whole existence in your phone, and it
becomes very well one we're addicted to it. But also
I think that the phone makes you feel like every
problem happening on earth simultaneously is your responsibility because it's

(20:54):
right in front of you. I think there has to
be a kind of step back and like, okay, what
can I do that, you know, a small step, you know,
But also how am I keeping myself sort of centered?
You know?

Speaker 3 (21:05):
And I think humans aren't meant to know this much.

Speaker 2 (21:08):
I don't think that humans were meant to know like
is my mom okay to have food for tomorrow, you know,
just sort of evolutionary speaking, And so now it's like
every problem is swarming at us at the same time.
So of course people are like I'm just gonna do
ketymine this weekend, or I'm just gonna eat every pill, like,
you know, just because it's hard, you know. I think
the good sign is that it innately means that people

(21:29):
want good things. I think in reality, people deep down
want things to be good, want to be a good person,
want these things. But I think it becomes so muffled
with just the pressure of like I have to take
care of every single thing that's ever happened on the earth,
and it's like it's not physically possible. So do what
you can do in your own life, do what you
can do to help your community, you know, give, if

(21:50):
there's charities you can give to, if there's things that
you can donate to where you can see where your
money's going in your local neighborhood.

Speaker 3 (21:56):
Okay, that's like a really good step. That's where people
really should do.

Speaker 2 (21:59):
Yeah, you know it's but it's hard to navigate because
it's in your phone, it's in your face, and you
feel this pressure and you're like, oh, I'm so stressed.

Speaker 1 (22:05):
Out, yes, so overstimulated, and you're like, I'm not doing enough.
I'm not doing enough. I could be doing more. I
should be doing more.

Speaker 2 (22:11):
And then but that's also the trick is like the
people that we are supposedly are in charge, they're supposed
to be taking care of those things and doing the
right things, but they don't do the right thing is
and they send them money to the wrong things, and
so it's like you're even more responsibility. Have tricked us
to make it think it's our fault and our responsibility. No,
that's your responsibility, do the right thing. The piece of shit.

Speaker 3 (22:30):
I hate everyone. That's why I play Fortnite every night.

Speaker 1 (22:34):
To kind of zone out. You do Fortnite inside cream.

Speaker 3 (22:36):
And I play Fortnite. I don't I can't do any drugs.

Speaker 2 (22:39):
I'm so to like even if I smoke weed, I'm
just like, I'm just like in a director's chair like kids. Like,
I'm just like, I can't do it. I drink once
every four months, Like I'll have a drink.

Speaker 1 (22:49):
I'm just what's your beverage of choice? Would you do? Drink?

Speaker 2 (22:52):
If I drink, if I'm in Italia, I'll have an
apparol spriss. You're gonna say that, oh white woman, that shit.
I'll smoke a cigarette and sprits and like it's sexy
here and yeah, and then maybe I'm like a spicy margarita.
Oh love with Tahen, Oh with tahen.

Speaker 1 (23:13):
The way I'll be putting tahin on my fruit at home, Okay.

Speaker 2 (23:16):
The best way to have t heen is mango, and
then you cut it up good mango and you pour
tyhen and squeeze lime on it. Have you done this?

Speaker 1 (23:23):
You know I have because I lived in La for
twelve years and I would get it from the carts
and I'd watch them freak it. And I'm like all
the little fruits, the lime, the t hayne. That's like
my favorite little tree. I love so good. Okay, but
speaking of the overstimulated social media, every problem is right
there in front of us, and thus all of the
problems are our problems right now all the time. I feel,

(23:46):
as I've said, over stimulated. I feel that way about
like even the number of accounts I follow. Do you
feel that? Especially doing comedy and we meet so many
people that you want to keep in touch with. But
then you're like, I met you one time and I
really liked you, and I really liked our conversation. But
I'm like, oh, and now I'm seeing your mother in
law and don't I don't even know you. I'll be

(24:08):
on my phone. I'm like, who the fuck is this?
I'm like, I don't know you, and I'm seeing your
extended family and friends? Yeah, what do I do? This
is not We're gonna get to a segment about me.
Is a crazy thing about me asking this question right now.
But I'm like, how do you handle do you follow people?
Do you have rules around following people?

Speaker 2 (24:27):
I mean, Para Session and I were literally just talking
about this the other week. I I think some it
depends on where my mental state. If I'm really stressed
out during the day, like I will.

Speaker 3 (24:40):
Scroll, I'll doom scroll more.

Speaker 2 (24:41):
Okay, and that's when I start getting stressed out, and
like then I start thinking to myself, like, who cares
about this baby shower? I don't know who this person is.
I met them in twenty sixteen, but now I can't
unfollow them because I follow They were on my original followings,
and if I unfollow them, they look like I'm like,
that's not what I mean. You know, Uh yeah, I don't, no,
and that if I'm like feeling strong, then I don't,

(25:03):
cause then i'm and then I want to know you
don't or screenshots into the group chat.

Speaker 3 (25:06):
Okay, that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2 (25:08):
You know, it depends on the day right now.

Speaker 1 (25:10):
No, But so okay, if someone have you been in
a situation where someone comes up to and is like
you're at an event, you kind of briefly talk, or
maybe they're a fan of yours, but maybe you're peers
to some extent you don't know them well, and they're like,
I'm going to follow you right now. And have you
felt pressure in that moment to be like, I'm going
to follow you, but I have to follow you back.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
I don't know that I've had that situation. There's been
times where I've asked people, yeah, you know, and maybe
they were like they didn't want me to follow them.

Speaker 3 (25:33):
Maybe they maybe they were going, Now.

Speaker 2 (25:35):
I'm going through a crisis, like did I force someone
to follow me? I'm that guy, Like, yeah, I don't
really go out much, but if i'm if I'm somewhere
and I see somebody, and you know, sometimes you are
following you're friends with somebody, or you respect someone, you're
not following them, and then you're like ashamed of yourself, yes,
feel like a peer or something. Yeah, then I'm like,
oh my god, that's ridiculous. I'll follow you right now.
Let's exchange phone numbers. Blah blah blah. I've done that,

(25:57):
but I don't think I've had it where someone's like,
let's follow to their now right now.

Speaker 1 (26:00):
I need to see I need to see it happen
right now. I've had strange experiences like that, but I
know people mean well, But I am also like, when
I think about how overstimulated I am, I'll get in
my head about that. I'm like, but is this a
good idea? It feels so deep to me. I'm like,
but I don't do we do we need to? Is
it too soon is it the right time?

Speaker 2 (26:17):
I also love it you and I are talking about
this and none of the suggestions have been put our
phone down. Oh, I mean like I think we just
need to put our phone, like I need to get
back into like something like I should just go back
to it. Like it's so hard you just be on
your phone. And sometimes I'm so saying there with my
ide okay, it can't be.

Speaker 1 (26:36):
Too far from you. The same thank.

Speaker 2 (26:39):
You the Simpsons when Lisa we became friends with those cool
kids and the glued shells all.

Speaker 1 (26:42):
Over your car, you know's I'll tell you what this case.
I was not an iPhone case person because I was like,
just be careful with your phone.

Speaker 3 (26:50):
Just be a care problem. And I still refuse.

Speaker 2 (26:51):
I know, it's cool, it's hip.

Speaker 1 (26:53):
It's crap, is it?

Speaker 2 (26:54):
Because everyone and people when I say, judge you for
not having a case.

Speaker 1 (26:57):
On your phone, Well that's why I got one. I
got one because of the judgement. And I was like,
I'm tired of people commenting. So now all my cases
are always the most ridiculous. There's like a Bailey Hicaba
case that is like a piece of art and it's
a big, bulky case like big bulky, I will have
to send a picture, ok And I'm like, I'm this
is my response to people telling me I need a case.

(27:18):
It's got to be some insane thing that honestly makes
it inconvenient in some way.

Speaker 2 (27:23):
You're seeking revenge on these people through your iPhone cases,
but only inconveniencing yourself.

Speaker 3 (27:28):
And they're still giving you a shocking answer.

Speaker 1 (27:30):
Yeah they are every time. I'm gonna sort it today.
I like didn't have the case on when I woke up,
and right before I left good it felt great. I'm like,
without the case, it's so sexy. But maybe I should
get the biggest case I can find and then we
can put the fucking phone.

Speaker 3 (27:46):
Basically, I don't want this thing.

Speaker 2 (27:48):
Here's my case. Take a picture.

Speaker 1 (27:50):
Yeah, you guys insist that I get a case. Where
do you fall in the sibling lineup? That's something I
wanted to ask.

Speaker 3 (28:05):
I'm the youngest of three or each one year apart.
How many are you out of.

Speaker 1 (28:09):
I'm out of four?

Speaker 2 (28:10):
Okay, nice, Okay, So but I felt like I was
out of like at least fifteen. I mean, I grew
up next to my cousins and they're all the same
age as us, So it was like it was communal raising,
so to speak. So I don't always feel the youngest,
like my cousin Brian to me is still the youngest,
but in my home, I was the youngest.

Speaker 1 (28:25):
Okay, when you say communal raising, were your aunts and
uncles allowed to discipline you? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (28:30):
What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 (28:31):
Were they allowed to discipline me? What?

Speaker 1 (28:35):
I'm hosting a podcast, I have to act like what
course of course?

Speaker 2 (28:39):
I know my mother and her sisters are Italian, and yeah,
do they discipline. Yeah, my aunt Cindy was basically my
other mom. I wasn't gonna fuck up in front of her.
She fucking take care of that shit quick. That's a
I know.

Speaker 1 (28:55):
Listen, I have to try to No.

Speaker 2 (28:57):
I love that question, you love it so much, so
fucking ridiculous.

Speaker 1 (29:01):
The fuck are you talking about?

Speaker 2 (29:02):
Because I just grew up in a home where'm like,
I couldn't fathom them not disciplining me. I couldn't that being.

Speaker 1 (29:09):
Like, mateo is my sister's responsibility. I'll tell my I'll
report back to my sister what he did, and she'll
handle it like no, you.

Speaker 2 (29:16):
Get you get disciplined, and the report So then I
get disciplined again when I get home.

Speaker 1 (29:22):
Ship would you have it any other way?

Speaker 2 (29:24):
No? I am. I I talked to my aunt Cindy
every single day. Yeah, are you joking? Like?

Speaker 3 (29:29):
These are my best friends.

Speaker 2 (29:30):
That's the thing is when you grow up with that
kind of house like you, you just stay so close
to each other. I talk to my cousins every single day.
I talk to my aunt and uncle. I mean, I
just talked to every I talk to my grandparents. I
can't believe they're still alive. I tell them every week,
I'm like, how are you two not dead yet?

Speaker 3 (29:45):
They just laugh?

Speaker 1 (29:46):
How old?

Speaker 3 (29:46):
They're ninety?

Speaker 1 (29:47):
Nice?

Speaker 2 (29:48):
They're ninety and they're My nana wants the air conditioning
on in her basement even in January. So I said,
I'm like, you two are alive because you're cryogenically freezing yourself.

Speaker 3 (29:56):
You're not doing anything healthy.

Speaker 2 (29:58):
And I said, you're just cryogenically freezing yourself and avoiding
the sun. And then YouTube does it you guys like
a vampire?

Speaker 1 (30:03):
It's yeah, she like it's vibrants.

Speaker 2 (30:06):
They're very mentally there. So I can call my nana
and be like, hey, how like talk to my grandma
and like She's completely there. She's all the celebrity gossip,
like she knows everything. She called me an Antacole Smith died.
It was in the middle of class, like, oh my god,
my grandma's calling my grandma what is it? And Anicle
Smith died, I'm calling Kelly like it was like she knows.
She was like our Star magazine. But yeah, my grandpa too.
So they're just they're mentally there, but their bodies are

(30:28):
physically going.

Speaker 1 (30:30):
Okay, when you talk about gossip with your nana, what's
the latest gossip she's giving.

Speaker 2 (30:35):
You, Well, she's really Her favorite show is My Thousand
Pounds Sister. Okay, like the two thousand Pounds Sisters.

Speaker 1 (30:41):
Made up because I'm like, I can't keep up with
all the show names. My six hundred pound life. There
was the Biggest Loser, there.

Speaker 2 (30:48):
Was the Biggest Loser, and the webisode teach you about
losing weight, and then they just fully went into here's
what someone who doesn't want to lose weight was great.
And now there's sisters who one of them I think
did lose weight because my cousin Kelly got them. My
cameo to announce her their pregnancy to my grandma so
she went over to my grandma's house and she's like,
look and that the Thousand Nuns Sisters, like Kelly's pregnant,
like they that's her favorite show. And I said to her,

(31:11):
I said, if I if you told me when I
was a kid that I could have eaten whatever I
wanted and gotten married and been on TV, I would
I had a whole different line.

Speaker 1 (31:17):
It would have been easier, I know, far less to
her favorite show.

Speaker 2 (31:20):
She loves that. She loves. Game of Thrones is her
ultimate favorite show. She's obsessed with John Snow, she's a mug.
She met him, and she loves the Sopranos. I mean,
she's obsessed with the sopranos. She loves, you know, my
ninety day fiance.

Speaker 1 (31:35):
Yeah, dang, she's really with it. You weren't lying. What's
your grandfather's vibe?

Speaker 2 (31:39):
He went blind at five and he became a judge,
and he is basically the center of my life. I mean,
my grandpa and I are really close. And you know
I mean close was because obviously we're Italian, but my
job was to walk him around the block every single day,
so you know, you hold your arm, and we just
became instantly close. I think out of all the grandkids
and I are just extremely close. And yeah, he's like

(32:03):
a father figured to me in a lot of ways.
And uh, but he's very sweet. He get he we
make fun of him, like, you know, he'll run into
a wall, but like there's a wall anyways. I was
saying that John, you know, like we're so used to it,
like I forget he's blind sometimes. Yeah, but yeah, so
I love my grandpa is the best, and he has
a great sense of humor.

Speaker 3 (32:19):
I mean he's surrounded by chaos. There's just so many
of us.

Speaker 1 (32:22):
Yeah, where do you think you got your sense of humor?

Speaker 3 (32:24):
My aunt Cindy, No question.

Speaker 2 (32:26):
Yeah, ninety nine percent of what I do on stage
is just how that's how my whole family they're like
my whole family's that way. We sit around giant tables.
Was like fifteen of us, and it's just about being funny.
You can't watch TV, you can't be on your phone,
you can't. So I'm five years old and all we have.
You have to got to keep up with these adults.
And my Auntsy he's so funny. Like there's lines I
use in my act that my aunt Cindy said, to.

Speaker 1 (32:46):
Me, that's incredible funny, that's incredible. So your so this
your Ancidenty's your mom's sister then right, and then on
your dad's side, more cousins there that you're super close
with him.

Speaker 2 (32:58):
No, I love my dad's family, but it's just culturally
very different than my mom's family. They're just very like
my dad has uh he's one of four. And I
love my aunts and uncles. But I see them maybe
like once a few years. We would see them once
a year growing up. I saw his parents before they
passed maybe a few times my whole life, like they
moved to California, just like a different existence. So like

(33:20):
I didn't get like any kind of in between with families.
I got either the most extreme. I see them every
single day. They every part of your life. They're every
decision you make, they're always in your house. They're always
or like kind of strangers, you know, And I love
my dance. It's just but that's just not they didn't
grow up like my mom. You can't Italians, and just
it's too Contesse's.

Speaker 1 (33:41):
I love your life, it's too much, you know what
I mean?

Speaker 2 (33:44):
Like I never had the grandma's like let's go bake
cookies in the oven. Like that was not my grammar either.
It was just intensity all the time.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
But the holidays sounded fun? Were they fun? They would
sounded like they were fun. They were, so do you
still look forward to them? You know? People are like
I kind of dread the holidays with my family, and
like that dread sort of grows with age.

Speaker 2 (34:01):
Now love, but you have to understand, like holidays usually
for most families are like, let's get the family together.
My family was always together. Yeah, so it wasn't really
that different. It was just like at my grandma's house
and now we're having lasagna. So it wasn't that we're
always together, you know, and we're always making fun of
each other, which I love, like and we're doing act
outs like my cousin mag want to imitate my uncle
Mike brushing his teeth because it's really aggressive, you know,

(34:24):
or like. So it was just we were always together.
But I love like anytime I get a chance, I
was just my family in Chicago. I was that Nicole
Buyer's taping in Chicago, so I went there and I
saw my family. You get so emotional, was like, oh,
I love my family, and now all my nieces and nephews,
like my nephew Joey and Wally were imitating Chris Farley.
Don't borrow the river Like they just discovered that.

Speaker 1 (34:44):
How do they find that? How old are they?

Speaker 2 (34:45):
They're like six and nine and they they discovered that
they love Stewart from ad TV members. Of course, I
do it like they're obsessed.

Speaker 1 (34:54):
What I'm like, how did they find that? They know?
Have they seen you on tour?

Speaker 2 (35:00):
Well, they've not seen my show, but they see my
goddaughter Evy and my cousin Mia have come seen me
and they're eighteen and fourteen.

Speaker 1 (35:11):
But yeah, maybe not safe for kid, not at all.

Speaker 3 (35:15):
No, I want to be Chris Jenner.

Speaker 2 (35:17):
I want to float around my home I've never been
in and talk about a grand piano no one's ever played.
I watched a lot of architectural digests. I don't know
if you saw her as she dressed up like the
queen from Snow White and just rolling through a home
that had no real sentimental value and she's like, and
we love this, and she turned piano and I was like,
that's kind of where I want to get, kind of.

Speaker 1 (35:36):
Never in my own house. It was like Dakota Johnson
in the Limes? Was it? Do you never remember?

Speaker 2 (35:42):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (35:42):
Are you?

Speaker 2 (35:43):
I made a whole video about it. I was obsessed.
I couldn't I But the best architectal digest ever is
the Live Tyler Live Tyler from Lord of the Rings.

Speaker 1 (35:51):
Ok.

Speaker 3 (35:52):
You have to watch it. It's like being high.

Speaker 1 (35:55):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (35:55):
Whatever she's on you, you absorb it. I mean, just
like touching the wall, like this wall makes me feel.
At one point, she's in her attic like this is
an action figure of me, you know. I mean it's
amazing because she seems quite pleasant, but.

Speaker 1 (36:09):
Like you like, are you well yeah, oh, I'm gonna
go watch it. Immediately after this.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
She talks about this tree seven times, like it is
a tree. It's a tree like she sees and she
can't let go of it. You know. The directors like
Live talk about that, but this tree's branches speak to me.
You know.

Speaker 1 (36:27):
You're like, it's a four hour day and she spent
an hour on the tree. Like, I'm gonna have to
watch I'll watch that. I just started. I just watched
Hillary Duff's Last Week. Hers is a few years old,
because I was sort of like, I wonder what her
vibe is and then it fed me Ashley Tisdale's, which
I was like, YouTube is being a little.

Speaker 3 (36:44):
Bitch obsessed drama, trauma or something drama.

Speaker 1 (36:51):
I wonder what that's. I mean, I don't have kids,
just the dog, and I'm not that's like to be
a mom, like I had drama with the other. But
then I have a friend in La who has like
a mom group that She's like, I feel really grateful
that I have found this community of like similar in
age women who have kids around the same age of
my as my kids, and they're all really great. And

(37:13):
they did some like vision boarding or manifesting thing recently
which sounded very pleasant and lovely, and I'm like, see
that sounds like chill. Yeahb and have kids.

Speaker 2 (37:23):
A group of like ex Disney stars doesn't sound chill,
doesn't It sounds like a nightmare? It does, And the
public picked Lizzie Maguire. Sorry, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 (37:36):
I fully was like, we we don't know what happened.
We don't know what happened. We do we because I'm
not I'm not overly familiar with either either of them.

Speaker 2 (37:44):
Like, same, Okay, what do you think happened? I think
there's egos that get in the way, and I think
that the things are touchy and blah blah blah, but
I don't care. Hillary Duff gave someone gave us some
good music.

Speaker 1 (37:58):
Yeah, and Hillary, Hillary looks really good.

Speaker 2 (38:01):
Stunning, It's amazing.

Speaker 1 (38:03):
Stunning, Matteo. Are you fluent in Spanish?

Speaker 2 (38:07):
Yeah, it's more Italian Okay, yeah, all right, Italian fluent
and then Spanish, like I sound Italian, but like I'm proficient,
but they just make fun of me when I speak Spanish.

Speaker 3 (38:18):
They're always like there's always like.

Speaker 2 (38:19):
A giggle, just a little cute yeah, because I speak
with such a strong Italian accent because they're so close,
Like I don't know how to like separate, and I
don't know how to speak with like a Spanish or
like Mexican accent, like it just comes out like Mario
and Luigi.

Speaker 1 (38:34):
Well, I'm always like I speak a decent amount of Spanish. Fully,
I'm a delusional about the amount of Spanish.

Speaker 2 (38:40):
Okay, but do you want to speak Spanish? Okay a
little bit please? Yes, a little bit, yes, Like we.

Speaker 1 (38:55):
Can speak in Spanish if you want, for example.

Speaker 2 (38:57):
Yeah, okay, like easy things like the mayom oego Maamo
Diego is so pretty? Isn't that nice?

Speaker 1 (39:09):
Sayday Baltimore, Okay, good morning giving, it's giving sixth grade Spanish.

Speaker 2 (39:17):
Okay, Well, Nicole Buyer's learning Spanish right now, and she,
you know, it's very like Magoo's tak comer pasta, you know.
And I'm like, that's great, it's good.

Speaker 1 (39:25):
Well, see, I have signed up for Spanish lessons. I
have a ten pack with a woman. I believe her
name is Mattie Stole. I haven't They keep sending me
emails being like, you got You've paid for this already,
you gotta do it, you have to do it, And
I'm like, no, I remember how to say mayomo. I'm okay,
we'll tap in. We'll tap in when I really need it.
As opposed to getting prepared for something, I'm like, in

(39:46):
a pinch, I'll contact you for this. I should call
her now, do one of the lessons right now, because
I'm like fully paid for a ten pack. I used
a little bit of Spanish that I know in Italy.
The first time I went to Italy, it was to
shoot spin me around with Alison Brie and a lot
of fun people. Tim Heidecker, like an ensemble movie. I

(40:09):
had never been to Italy and I don't know why,
and this is dumb as hell. This is dumb. I
don't know why. I was like, yeah, they're gonna speak
Italian in Italy because I think, I know, like dumb
people who go on vacations to these wonderful places and
they never mentioned that they're speaking in other language. And
I'm like, you're kind of dumb, and if you went,
I can go. And I'm like, how are they managing?

(40:30):
So I was also not in like the biggest cities too,
so obviously they were speaking in Italy. But I was like, Okay,
if I really focus, there's some overlap with Spanish. It
might not be literal, but like it's enough that I
can like get by and be like I know that
word and I know what you're saying to me, and
I'm gonna try.

Speaker 2 (40:47):
I mean, and they do. Like I was in Rome
once in waiting in line at this Gelato place and
these group of girls they're probably like fifteen, they're from Spain, and.

Speaker 3 (40:55):
They were all ordering.

Speaker 2 (40:56):
They were all speaking in Spanish and the guys were
speaking back in Italian.

Speaker 3 (41:00):
It just works.

Speaker 2 (41:00):
There is so much they're eighty two percent the same language.
There's a lot of overlap and even like counting or
like like small things like Mayamo's mikiamo or grazier is
gracia or like you know, I mean there's something that
don't make sense. But generally speaking, like if there's Latin speakers,
then they can hear Italian. Like Italian Spanish are the easiest.

(41:21):
French and Italian are even closer.

Speaker 1 (41:23):
French and Italian are eighties.

Speaker 3 (41:25):
Eighty nine percent the same.

Speaker 1 (41:27):
Damn, because when I tell you the time I've spent
in France and just been like I just so, I've
also paid for a pack of French lessons with someone else,
by the way, who lives in the south of France.
I gotta get my lessons paid something. They've made the money,
and I intend. I don't think my classes expire, but

(41:49):
I've paid and I need to learn French. I go
to France a decent amount. I feel like I keep
finding myself in France. It sounds like which is which
is very nice, and I feel fortunate and I want
to know the language certainly enough to make it. Yeah, well,
there's a little bit of the snicker or the like.
Even if you try there, they're like, yeah, honey, I'm
gonna speak English. But if I hadn't started with French, okay,

(42:12):
this is what it feels like happens. They start with French. Okay,
I go poly Anglais and then they're like yes or no.
But usually they're like yes and then they're like, all right,
now we're speaking in English. Better. Like if I were
to go to them and start speaking English. Sometimes it
feels like they're like, I'm only gonna speak French to you.

(42:36):
So yeah, I'm like the dance of it all. I
asked one girls like I was like polylay and this
is the only time I've even had a remotely unpleasant experience.
And it wasn't that unpleasant honestly, but I was like
pobly because I was trying to order this little pizza
and she was like do you speak French? And I
was like, oh, yeahs, I'm like, girl, if I spoke French,

(42:57):
do you think the first thing I'm asking is do
you speak English. I'm not trying to get to know you.
I'm trying to order this pizza.

Speaker 2 (43:03):
This is a real I use this. It's a joke,
but it's a real story. I was with my friend
Francesco di Caddlo, who's an Italian comic. We were in Paris.
I was doing shows. We're there for three days, and
I speak a proficient amount of French, and so I
walk into. Everyone was like, you have to go to
this petisserie, like they're the best croissants. Blah blah blah,
this and that okay, And I'm like, I know how
to feel about Americans and this and that. So I'm like,

(43:23):
we walk in, we're speaking Italian, where we're in the sunglasses,
we're just smoking blah blah blah, Like we look very Italian.
So I said to Francesco Italian, what do you want?
He goes, I'd like a croissant and a coffee, all right.
So I go up to the guy and I go misieur,
I said she, and he goes, all right, you're gonna
go down there and that's where you're gonna.

Speaker 1 (43:43):
Pay in English.

Speaker 3 (43:44):
Yeah, I'm like, I know it's obvious.

Speaker 2 (43:46):
I'm not like fluent, but like I can tell you
everything I'm feeling and thinking in French. I can't count
to ten for some reason, but I can tell you
literally my life's story.

Speaker 3 (43:53):
But they just want to make it weird for you.

Speaker 2 (43:56):
Again, like there's no need.

Speaker 1 (43:57):
And I see other people who I'm like, I know
you're i'mary English speaker, and then I see them speaking French.
And then the server the bartender will be like, okay,
here's your answer in English, and I'm like, can't you
give him a little something for trying?

Speaker 2 (44:09):
And the French we have French, we do not go
and you cannot speak our language is okay, we speak
your language is fine, but you know he's the best
language in the world.

Speaker 1 (44:19):
Yes, seems totally fine. Your vibe seems really fine. And
so plus me and Italy truffle hunting for truffles. Yeah,
I can't remember my guy's name. I had a bo.

Speaker 2 (44:30):
Did you really go hunting like you walk around with
they have like pigs and pigs.

Speaker 1 (44:34):
Yeah, he had dogs. It's so many years ago that
I'm like trying to remember. But yes, I know this
is the pigs, but he might have had dogs. It
was a very nice time. But do you think that
little snicker though, keeps you from attempting to like perfect
your Espanol.

Speaker 3 (44:48):
No, I think they're just I think they think it's amusing.

Speaker 2 (44:51):
Okay, but uh no, And I actually really should sit
down and study Spanish because my Spanish is pretty high level.
But there's so many like small things that are like
I just my brain, it's I just revert into Italian
because it's so easy, so my brain goes thinks in Italian,
not English, then translates to Spanish. So that's why it's

(45:11):
getting so heavy on that side. And they say certain
things like what I said cafe, like can like can
you make me a coffee? Which you wouldn't say it
like that in Italian, so like even grammatically, I'm using
the Italian but it's all understood. And once like you
can communicate openly with somebody, then your brain stops wanting
to like push farther because you're like, well you can
communicate everything, you understand everything. We're good.

Speaker 1 (45:35):
Yes, yeah.

Speaker 2 (45:35):
But if I went to Spain, or if I went
to Mexico or somewhere and this was like okay, for
a month, I'm just gonna immerse myself, I would come
out completely.

Speaker 1 (45:42):
Fluentced how many languages do you speak?

Speaker 3 (45:44):
English?

Speaker 2 (45:44):
Italian? Uh is Spanish?

Speaker 3 (45:46):
French?

Speaker 2 (45:47):
I would say both proficient? And then my German's pretty rough.
I studied German in high schools in Maya.

Speaker 1 (45:52):
Okay, what did you just say my teacher's name? Okay, okay,
all right, I'm like, what was that? Because I don't
speak any so that's like five languages. That's attractive, mateo.

Speaker 3 (46:03):
That's a good amount.

Speaker 2 (46:04):
But it's like a superpower, like when you land in
a country and you can speak the language.

Speaker 3 (46:07):
It's cool.

Speaker 1 (46:08):
Yes, it's very very cool. Do you have a favorite
place to vacation?

Speaker 2 (46:12):
I love Sicily, I would say Messina Sicily. Okay, yeah,
my best memories are from there.

Speaker 1 (46:17):
Yeah. I had a friend. I was just asking because
I desperately needed to take a vacation and because I
forget too. I didn't grow up with taking vacations, and
then we like being on the planes and traveling to
do this job that job, and on paper it all
looks really like easy doable, but then it starts to
be just a touch taxing all the movement. So I
was like, I want to go on vacation. And I
asked a friend who I'm like, she's so big on rest,

(46:39):
which is good. I think she works hard, but she's
like very big on taking her rest. And I was like,
where should I go? And she said Cicily. Oh really
it's her favorite. Yeah, yeah, she swears by it.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
You have to be kind of aware though when you
go it's not like northern Italy. Okay, it's not going
to function the same. There's a lot of confusion, there's
a lot of like, this doesn't work. There's a lot
of like, there's a lot of that going on. But
you're really highly rewarded. I would say, just stay out
of touristy areas and really be with the Sicilians and
you'll see it's really beautiful. It's so different than Italy.

(47:09):
They speak another language, they eat different food, like the
vibe is very different, like very different.

Speaker 1 (47:14):
But your favorite. Okay, I'm that's putting that in my
back pocket, mateo. Yeah, so I guess it's time for
a segment. I like to call that's nice, but what
about me? Okay, even though I did so much about me,
maybe I should make this one that don't think you did.

Speaker 3 (47:28):
I think you're a really good interviewer.

Speaker 1 (47:30):
Oh you're so kind, you are you You're a really geners.
What's your sign?

Speaker 3 (47:34):
I'm cancer.

Speaker 1 (47:34):
I always tell people I don't care about astrology.

Speaker 3 (47:36):
I don't know anything about.

Speaker 1 (47:37):
It, and I ask what's your sign? What time were you?

Speaker 2 (47:42):
Five point thirty displays Illinois, right outside of Chicago.

Speaker 1 (47:45):
Okay, all right, I don't know what that means, but
it's good to Maybe I'll go and look up your
birth or something later.

Speaker 2 (47:50):
What sign are you?

Speaker 1 (47:51):
I'm a pisces. Okay, that means it's just my birthday?

Speaker 2 (47:54):
Birthday?

Speaker 1 (47:55):
Do you thank you for saying no? Thank you?

Speaker 3 (47:57):
When was your birthday?

Speaker 1 (47:59):
March tenth?

Speaker 2 (48:00):
Okay?

Speaker 3 (48:00):
Yeah, one day after my mom's.

Speaker 1 (48:01):
She's Marshal so she's a Pisceyson and my dogs is
March twelfth. And look at that. I think we're a family.
We can be a family now. Finally, wait, so cancer is.

Speaker 2 (48:11):
When June June to middle of July. Okay, the middle
of June to like July.

Speaker 1 (48:18):
Yes, because I was like right before that is genman.
I know I know more than I give. I know
more about astrology than I recognize it.

Speaker 3 (48:25):
I know nothing.

Speaker 1 (48:26):
You know nothing, but you are able to answer that
question and be like that.

Speaker 2 (48:28):
I know because you know when you go to LA,
you have to mandatory mandatory?

Speaker 1 (48:33):
What other tips do you have for LA for a
person who doesn't live there? Because I lived there for so.

Speaker 3 (48:37):
Long I'm obsessed.

Speaker 1 (48:39):
With when you go to LA. You have to know
your you do.

Speaker 2 (48:41):
You have to know your astrology sign. I guess everyone's
supposed to have a brand. Everyone seems to have a brand.
I don't know what that means.

Speaker 3 (48:49):
Brands.

Speaker 1 (48:50):
Yeah, you've got a brand.

Speaker 2 (48:52):
And there's a lot of smiling, but sort of sort
of a stillness behind the eyes, a sort of like fog.

Speaker 1 (48:59):
Yeah, yeah, okay, this is good. This is good for
me to think about. I also say that when I'm
in LA walking because I live in New York now primarily,
and we walk no problem. In in LA, walking feels
so strange. Even if it's like when I moved to
New York and I would go back to LA, I'd

(49:20):
be like, oh, this is half a mile and I'm
gonna just walk, because in New York i'd walk half
a mile and I'd walk, and I'm like, I feel
so exposed. Everyone else has a car, and I kind
of want to tell all the drivers I have a
car too. I'm choosing to walk.

Speaker 3 (49:32):
They're judging you.

Speaker 1 (49:33):
Yeah, that's what it feels like. She doesn't have a car,
she doesn't have Yeah, I get it. Yeah, I'm like,
I just want to tell them I have. It's so weird,
like people will drive a few blocks there as opposed
to walking because it's like, which is.

Speaker 2 (49:48):
Weird and hilly and strange and it's not meant for walking.
And then you're trying to walk and some R two
D two is delivering food to somebody.

Speaker 1 (49:55):
Oh my goodness. I was walking past the R two
D two's on sunset before when I was there last month.
They have diverse names. It was like Ouch, which is
a Nigerian one is one of the R two D two's,
and then like a Middle Eastern or Arab name. I
was very I was like, why are they doing this
to the robots?

Speaker 2 (50:13):
Yeah, but they don't know they're gonna unionize.

Speaker 1 (50:15):
Why don't they just give them numbers.

Speaker 3 (50:18):
To take over?

Speaker 1 (50:19):
But I'm like, just give them numbers. Why are you
trying to humanize the robots?

Speaker 2 (50:22):
I don't know, deliver those dumb cars that drive around
without drivers.

Speaker 1 (50:26):
And oh my goodness, away Mo, have you ever been
in a way Yeah I.

Speaker 2 (50:28):
Didn't add from whoops, but you know it was about
this movie I was in. No one saw, but yeah,
I uh, what was the movie? It was called Maintenance Required?

Speaker 1 (50:36):
Why do I feel I know Maintenance Requires.

Speaker 3 (50:38):
It didn't, but it was an Amazon rom com. It
was fun to make.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
Its stars Madeleine Patch from Riverdale, and it was like
a rom com that was sort of like You've Got Mail,
you know, I think it was. I think it actually
was like a hit with a certain demographic for like
a couple of weeks.

Speaker 1 (50:53):
I swear now I'm gonna f again Maintenance Required.

Speaker 3 (50:58):
I played homosexual.

Speaker 1 (51:01):
How hard was that?

Speaker 3 (51:01):
It was really tough.

Speaker 2 (51:02):
I had to go to like the middle of a
desert with an acting coach and sort of like center
myself and be okay with it and whatever Jake Jillenhall
did to be and broke back Mountain I had to
do to play this role to really get into it.
I really had such a fun time making the movie,
and everybody was amazing.

Speaker 1 (51:19):
Yeah, okay, first of all, Moto Saw, I got distracted
by I know, I'm supposed to be looking at Maintenance Required,
and then I just typed, Wow, these are really great
pictures of you online. Really yeah, you look really handsome
in them.

Speaker 3 (51:31):
Oh, thank you?

Speaker 1 (51:32):
Do you ever google yourself?

Speaker 3 (51:34):
I have not in a very long time, so I
don't know what pictures you're.

Speaker 1 (51:37):
Why do you not google yourself? I'm just normal to not,
but why what made you go I'm not. I don't
want to.

Speaker 3 (51:41):
I don't even look at comments anymore. It's just too much.

Speaker 2 (51:45):
It's also enough of me, Like, you know, you have
to like put up your posters. And I'm on tour
and you're talking, so I'm like, google my.

Speaker 1 (51:51):
Oh, that's okay. I feel this simlar similarly so I
so we're still on this. That's nice, But what about me?
And this is perfect because I feel I'm like, I'm
sick of me, not in a self hate way. I'm
like I don't want to hear myself talking anymore. I
don't want to see pictures of me, but I do
love myself. It's not in an unhealthy way. It just

(52:12):
gets to be a lot. I'm like, yeah, me again.

Speaker 2 (52:15):
Well, because I think you're in las they would say
you're your own brand, but you would become a business
and so a lot of people rely on you, and
you sort of separate yourself from your acting self and
your comedy self, and you're like, Okay, that's the business side,
and that's what I have to do. I have to
do this pr I have to sell this I have
to do this show, you know, and so you sort

(52:36):
of look at it. It's work, and so theo's times
you're like, I want to be away from it, Like,
let me just be away from this for a hot minute.

Speaker 1 (52:42):
How do you separate? So that's my question. I'm like,
you play Fortnite? Yes, you do Fortnite.

Speaker 2 (52:47):
Honestly, my friends like Bob the Drag Queen, or Mona
Exchange or Nate, my friend Nick, like they're very humbling friends.
Like no one sucks up to anybody in my friend group.
We're all pretty vicious with each other, really mean to
each other in a way that we laugh like it
makes us laugh.

Speaker 3 (53:02):
So they keep you humble quick.

Speaker 2 (53:03):
I don't think Nick has ever said one nice thing
to me ever, but you like that. I love it
because I know he loves me. After I did Radio
City Music Hall last year, it was one of my
biggest achievements. I had Bob hosting the show. You know,
my friend Trana Winter came on, my friend Francesca. Was
this big achievement I was once it was finally over with,
you know that sense of relief after U something so
big and Bob is standing there, who's one of my
I mean, I've known since twenty twelve, truly one of

(53:25):
my best friends on Earth. And Bob was so full
of love and gave me a hug and he was
like congratulations with mateo and Nick was right next to him.
Nick goes, we don't do this, and I was like, yeah,
you need that kind of friend in your life.

Speaker 1 (53:36):
This sincerity. What are you doing now?

Speaker 2 (53:39):
We talked seven times a day, Like I know, we
love each other, but we don't say.

Speaker 1 (53:42):
That to each It's not about the thing. Did you
guys say I love you in your household? Growing up?

Speaker 2 (53:46):
Was that? Yeah?

Speaker 1 (53:47):
Did?

Speaker 2 (53:47):
Yeah? And kiss like well all the women like I
would go too my grandma's house. You have to kiss everybody,
you know, hugs, kisses, touchy, touchy you love Oh yeah.

Speaker 3 (53:55):
Yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 (53:55):
Are you super tactile now?

Speaker 2 (53:58):
Yeah? I am when I'm in a relationship ship for sure,
Like you know, even with my friends, you know, it
depends like which like I was at Sydney, Washington yesterday,
like her and I will always hold hands or like
you taught you know, some people like you get the
same sense that they have the same sort of textile
childhood as you. And so I'm totally comfortable with that.

Speaker 1 (54:16):
Okay, I've been told I look like I don't want
to be touched, which is crazy because I'm a big hugger.
You seem quite warm, thank you, mateo.

Speaker 2 (54:24):
You're very inviting eyes like very warm. Tell them really, yeah.

Speaker 1 (54:28):
Tell them because a few people, I'm like, I'm a
big hugger and the notion that you think I don't
want to be touched. On one hand, I'm like, okay, good,
good boundary, well.

Speaker 2 (54:38):
Good at two am when you're walking home alone, Yeah,
don't be strange, man. Yeah, you fucking I look like
a yeah on purpose. You have to have a look
in a city, even though I'm listening to like, you know,
but it doesn't matter. I'm still you got that look
face do.

Speaker 1 (54:53):
I think that's what it is is that I also
have this like I think I walk around a bit.
We're on my podcast, We're Safe. This is a safe room,
a safe but I think I walk around a little
bit like do not do not.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
I can't get that too. When I was at the city,
my friend said the same thing to me. And I
go to the gym a lot, and I was like, gosh,
I'm like, no one's ever like come up and hit
on me or talk to me, you know, blah blah blah.
Actually that's not true. And I was in LA last
week and I was working out and some gentleman came over,
an older gentleman. He's very sweet, and he was like, hey, Matoe,
and I was like, oh, hi, and he was like,

(55:25):
I just want to say, you know, hi, because we've
been talking on Grinder and I go oh, I said,
I'm not on Grinder. I said, I haven't been on
in years now. I don't use any apps. I don't
like being on apps.

Speaker 3 (55:36):
And he goes, you're not.

Speaker 2 (55:38):
I go no. He goes, were you not in huts
in New York in December? I go no, I said
I was in London. He goes, and I just watched
him realize he's been catfished and was just talking to
somebody else and he was.

Speaker 3 (55:50):
Humiliated, you know.

Speaker 2 (55:51):
And then he ended by going, I loved your show
in Palm Springs and then just like ran away, and
I was like, oh, Like I felt so bad.

Speaker 1 (55:58):
Some man's dreams.

Speaker 3 (56:00):
But I'm not on a brinder.

Speaker 2 (56:01):
But at the gym, like I'm like listening to Mariah,
I'm listening to Whitney I'm listening to and people like
my friend John's like, you don't seem very inviting at
the gym. It's like it's my Mediterranean face. It just
sort of gives like, you know.

Speaker 1 (56:14):
Also, what is like, I'm doing squats, what I'm flirting? Like,
come on, I don't know, he's strange. I'm here to sweat.

Speaker 2 (56:21):
And then never I never looked angry. But do you
see those people the gym who look furious?

Speaker 1 (56:24):
And I've seen that and I'm like, well, what's that
about you? Yeah? What you met, you're at the gym,
You're you're pumping iron your muscles. Yeah, that is a
very that's a strange one. I cannot that's a strange
one I cannot relate to. Was that older gentleman attractive
you say he was very nice?

Speaker 2 (56:40):
He was, Yeah, of court, Yeah he was attractive.

Speaker 1 (56:42):
You know.

Speaker 2 (56:42):
I would say he was probably like mid sixties, you know,
and usually people I'm almost forty, so I would say,
but no one, everyone kind of leaves you alone, okay,
But he came up really confident, like what is up mateo?

Speaker 1 (56:56):
Talking and you we go back. Actually, that's heartbreaking.

Speaker 3 (57:01):
Who's using my me on grinder and the fact.

Speaker 1 (57:04):
That he hasn't been reported because I feel like Caleb
is always talking about not always or Caleb has talked
about being reported on dating apps because people are like, oh,
he's impersonating.

Speaker 2 (57:15):
But the habit. The last time I used Grinder was
over two years ago, and I remember getting on and
thinking I can do this, and it was a long
time ago, but yeah, I got reported immediately, people like
you're fake.

Speaker 3 (57:28):
I called Bob and I was like, Bob, what do
you do? Because Bob has his.

Speaker 2 (57:32):
Picture up there and it's the coldest picture you'll ever see.
And he was like, yeah, you know, you just have
to let the Grinder know. But it's like, I'm too
stressed imagine emailing.

Speaker 1 (57:40):
You're like, I'm gonna have to email Grinder.

Speaker 2 (57:43):
Years ago, I was in London, it was like twenty
twenty one or twenty two, and I was on Tinder
and they're like, you're not you, and.

Speaker 3 (57:50):
So send us three pictures of yourself to prove it's you.
So I didn't. They're like, it's still not you.

Speaker 2 (57:55):
I don't know what to tell you it is.

Speaker 1 (57:56):
I don't know what to tell you. Was it? There
was no difference between I mean, yeah, by the way,
when did you get your hair your first hair transplant.

Speaker 2 (58:03):
It was twenty twenty two August of twenty twenty two.

Speaker 1 (58:06):
Okay, do you really feel it completely transformed your look
or is it more than it transformed confidence? Because I'm
just thinking about the Tinder pictures and be like identity
trans form both.

Speaker 2 (58:15):
Yeah, okay, yeah, of course, yeah, because I was so
insecure about my hair. Yeah, you know, and you don't
have a lot of hair, and people really judge you
for hair, and hair is such a big thing and
men who are balding, and hair is big for a
lot of people for a lot of different reasons.

Speaker 3 (58:25):
So it was just a huge insecurity.

Speaker 2 (58:27):
And now like I realized, like it doesn't feel different
from like, oh, like I do feel like more centered
in my face, Like I feel better and I'm just
more relaxed, like I.

Speaker 3 (58:36):
Can go in a pool and enjoy myself. Or the
wind doesn't Bob. I hated the wind before.

Speaker 1 (58:39):
Because the comb over thing. You're like, the.

Speaker 3 (58:41):
Fuck I walk in the direction of the wind and.

Speaker 1 (58:43):
You live it. You were from Chicago. I mean, you
weren't living in Chicago at the time. You're dealing with
this problem.

Speaker 3 (58:48):
I started losing it around twenty three or four.

Speaker 2 (58:51):
And the joke I had, which is true, is like
another bad haircut, Like I just couldn't get what was
going on.

Speaker 1 (58:55):
Yeah, hair feel different. Well, I also am This is
a very weird thing for me to say, but it
is true because I'll say it to someone one on one.
But I'm like the breeze, I don't want to breathe
unless it's a really hot day.

Speaker 2 (59:08):
Even then I'm like.

Speaker 1 (59:10):
I don't want the wind blowing.

Speaker 3 (59:12):
I don't want to ruin everything.

Speaker 2 (59:13):
Just like Yes, I.

Speaker 1 (59:15):
Was in Austin for south By Southwest and it was
like ninety two degrees day one and genuinely the next
day was forty something. It was the I couldn't figure
out how to pack for it, and I'm like, I
have I had the information for days and every day
I kept looking at me like leading up to the trip,
like this is not for real, this is not for real,
and then like on the day it's like no, it's

(59:37):
you're traveling in a couple of hours and it's very
much the case. Still did a bad job packing, just
couldn't figure it.

Speaker 3 (59:42):
I couldn't do you overpack?

Speaker 1 (59:44):
I overpacked, But then there's nothing useful in there. There's
nothing you Every time someone touches my suitcase, say a driver,
say a flight attendant is assisting me, They're like, oh
my god, I must have packed your whole life. And
I'm like, yeah, it's a long trip. I'm going for
two days. I get to the place, I can't there's
nothing in there for me to wear.

Speaker 2 (01:00:04):
Why did I pack a clock.

Speaker 1 (01:00:07):
Just in case of my phone stopped working? Like, I
wore the same outfit I was in Paris a little
bit ago. I had the same outfit on every single day,
had a whole suitcase overstuffed. Was in Texas, as I said,
and wore the same outfit I flew on the plane
with to the do the whole life the whole next

(01:00:27):
day after the award show, I just had the same
sweater and jeans. And I'm like, and but my suitcase
is full anyway, And.

Speaker 2 (01:00:35):
It gives you stress because it's hole and it's like,
and I'm going away this weekend for two days. So
I've learned to for those two days just backpack, Like,
here's the jeans I'm gonna wear for the next day
and a half. Here's three pairs of underwear. Workout shirt, soil,
the trees done.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
I need to get in touch with you, and this
is you just saved me because I this last trip,
I was like, this is ridiculous. This was like again
another suitcase. People commented about the weight, like anyway, yeah,
I'm gonna you're gonna have to help me to chat.
So I don't know how I haven't figured this out.
I do refuse to do a check bag.

Speaker 2 (01:01:08):
How I won't either. I'll never do check bags.

Speaker 3 (01:01:10):
They will lose it, especially in Italy. I won't do it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:12):
Oh yes, yes, they will lose the damn bag. You know.

Speaker 2 (01:01:16):
Laudo Ramuzzo, the girl who does Kiata, she does the
Italian flight attendant on Instagram. She has all these characters
and she does She's from Italy. She does it's called
Kyata the flight attendant or whatever, and she's like, oh,
you lost your bag. No, it's falling the Baltic Sea.
Only your bag fall in the Baltic Sea. To get
backed back, I need blood and date of birth with blood,

(01:01:38):
you know, like it's like those impossible people to deal with.

Speaker 1 (01:01:41):
You know, my suitcase from I went to Morocco on
like a sort of e prey love in attempts. It
was very much not giving that.

Speaker 3 (01:01:48):
But did you not enjoy Morocco?

Speaker 1 (01:01:50):
I was having a very hard time. I was having
a hard time.

Speaker 3 (01:01:53):
I mean it said they coust her to death.

Speaker 1 (01:01:55):
Yeah, well, I was like, I don't want anymore?

Speaker 3 (01:01:58):
Is it?

Speaker 1 (01:01:59):
Is it touching? Tag I any? I don't know, Tajen.
I just was like I don't I have to eat
something else. At some point and I was there for
ten days and I'm like, I did I planned wrong.
I did this wrong. And this was truly supposed to
be my like get centered you time. And then coming home,
my suitcase got stolen. I'm not stolen.

Speaker 3 (01:02:22):
No, this isn't what happened.

Speaker 1 (01:02:23):
My suitcase got lost. So we arrived to the airport
and there's a list of ten in New York and
there's a list of like twenty names off the bat,
like our names posted on a little like like pillar
and the baggage claim or no. They had a little
sign and it was like these twenty people's bags didn't
make it. It was like just casually you know that all.
I mean, on one hand, I'm glad you know, and

(01:02:44):
I don't have to stand in but I was like,
oh you guys know that and we have a sign.

Speaker 2 (01:02:48):
Already and what's going on?

Speaker 1 (01:02:50):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:02:51):
Why?

Speaker 1 (01:02:52):
Yes? And then I got caught in a scam trying
to get my bag back. So I kind of like
didn't care. I was just like happy to be home
after ten days of like that. I didn't plan that correctly.
That wasn't what I needed, that wasn't what I envisioned.
That wasn't for me right now, me and my broken heart.
And so then I like three days without my bag,
I was like, I should call the airline and at

(01:03:14):
least let them know I do care about getting my
bag back because I girl cash was like saw my
name on the side in the airport and the employee
being like these people just don't worry. When it arrives
on whatever flight, we'll get it to you. So I
was like, great, I have my bag here, I'm ready
to go. So I was like day three, I was like,
I should call them just to let them know someone
is looking for the bag. And so I go and

(01:03:38):
I was like I don't know how to get in
touch with the airline the right way, so my dumb
ass and I don't think I'm a dumb ass, but
I have my moments, I go on. I go on
Twitter because I've seen at the time on Twitter for
a long time. I don't do me, please. I go
on Twitter because I'm like, oh, when people complain about
like airlines, oftentimes the airlines like hey, dm us or

(01:04:01):
call us here at our house. So I just go
on and I was like, okay, Moroc and Royal Air
Moroc this person has said has a complaint. Another persons replied,
being like the what seems like the account the airline
has replied be like, we're so sorry, give us a
call here. I call the number and remember this is
like more of me being like I need to like
I need to show face and let him know I
care about my bag. I'm so they need to bring

(01:04:22):
it back whenever I call this number on from Twitter.
What And I call the number from Twitter and as
the guy being like, for every day your bag has
been gone, we owe you compensation. So and I'm I
am actually like getting ready to go to a dinner.
And for me, this was like a quick like I'm
putting on Eyeline or doing cat I talking to this

(01:04:44):
man on speakerphone and I'm like, oh, great, they're gonna
pay me for every day. I really don't need that.
I'm really just here to be like someone's looking for
the bag anyway. All of a sudden, I'm sending money
to a man in Kenya and I didn't know until
like four transactions deep. I was like this can't be.
I was like this and the most embarrassing called my

(01:05:06):
business manager to be like, so, I know I'm smart.
I know you think i'm smart. I know people think
I'm smart. I have just sent loads of money to
a man and get me.

Speaker 3 (01:05:21):
Hey, you remember I'm one of your smartest clients.

Speaker 2 (01:05:23):
I did send money to.

Speaker 1 (01:05:24):
Me, and I'm like, so type a by the way
about ship that I'm like, this is He caught me
at the exact right time I was doing my.

Speaker 2 (01:05:33):
I like, well, where did you get this number? Well?

Speaker 1 (01:05:35):
Twitter obvious, So I went on Twitter and it was
a tweet that I was like, that's the airline. I'm
gonna get to skip their like confusing website. Get the
number off of Twitter and mind you for a bag
that I need you to understand. I didn't. I knew
I was going to get the bag back. I just
was trying to be like I should let them know
someone cares. So if that means it it's escalated because

(01:05:56):
it had been three nights and I was just like
it'll come. I don't need that shit, so all like
it's this I don't know how to articulate. It's like
born of me just being like gotta showface and I
don't really care. I'm not too worried about it, I
guess hence looking on Twitter, being like I shan't inconvenience
myself further, but I am on Twitter, and I bet
I can find them.

Speaker 2 (01:06:16):
You never got the bag.

Speaker 1 (01:06:18):
I did get the bag, but then like what happened
is so I realized that guy, that guy. At one
point I started being really mean to him because I
was like, this is ridiculous, and then I felt bad.
I was like, oh my gosh, I mean he's a thief,
a scamper. He deserved it and so but I didn't
realize that at the time, and then I hang up.
Immediately realized after I hang up like a minute, and

(01:06:38):
I was like calling my uber to go to this
dinner and I was like, that was fake, that wasn't real. Anyway.
I did get the bag back, but then that turned
into his own thing where it's like, oh, hey, your
bag is back and this man is bringing it. He's
going to deliver it between seven and nine pm, the
tracker says, and then I have jetlags, so at like
nine o'clock I do fall asleep. And then apparently at

(01:06:58):
one am, the guy called me. But my phone's always
on silent. As much as I want it near, I
want it to be silent. I don't want to ever
make a sound.

Speaker 2 (01:07:06):
Not a vibration.

Speaker 1 (01:07:08):
I want you near me, but don't make a peep.
He was like, hey, I tried calling you at one am,
and so now like I have your bag still, and
so there was no way to deliver it at one
I was like, there are door people here at all
times in there, mostly awake, and you shouldn't have called.
You should have attempted to deliver it. Why are you
trying to deliver it at one am? But it said
you were coming seven to nine, so not me and

(01:07:29):
this man are talking and I'm like, is he even
Realis I gave the exactly I'm like, talk to this guy. Yeah, yeah, anyway,
that was. It was a whole thing.

Speaker 2 (01:07:39):
Damn.

Speaker 1 (01:07:40):
I've been through it. So checking bags, I'm like, no, thanks, okay.

Speaker 2 (01:07:42):
So when I go to Morocco. Yes, bring a carry on,
carry on, got it, and you don't need too much
and they speak French and Morocco.

Speaker 1 (01:07:48):
And they sure do and you can have couscous I
love went with.

Speaker 2 (01:07:53):
Marie and a group of them from Marie's birthday. Oh yeah,
I mean it was like it was beautiful, it was
wonderful and me to death. She because I had to
go into the market and find a burger somewhere, is like,
I gotta get away from this. I can't even works.

Speaker 1 (01:08:06):
It's it's it can it can be a lot. But
I found that anytime I travel anywhere, you just are like, oh,
it seems like this one cuisine is available to me,
which so that's really great in theory before you get here,
but then like four days in you're like.

Speaker 2 (01:08:18):
No, Rome, I can do cut Bernada every day. Yeah,
I've done it for like seven days in a row,
and you never make no because it's made so amazingly there.
I'm like, I'm not going to get it the same
way in the States. I'm just gonna have it here
and I'm satisfied every time.

Speaker 1 (01:08:29):
I love that, you know, I feel that way about
some foods. I have to say or not not foods.
Feel that way about some songs, is what I should say.
I feel that way about some songs. I will never
tire of Bliss by Mariah Carey. Yo, I listened to
that all the time.

Speaker 2 (01:08:44):
I can't even believe you mentioned talk about a deep cut.
I'm obsessed with this.

Speaker 1 (01:08:51):
BLI is I that listen whistle telling full song casually whistles.

Speaker 3 (01:08:58):
I feel so connected you said Bliss.

Speaker 1 (01:09:01):
Yeah, Bliss is like my and I and I keep
thinking like, this will be the year you're tired of bliss,
this will be the time, this will be You're gonna
out bliss yourself and one more time. And I love it.

Speaker 2 (01:09:11):
There's Mariah Carey all the time.

Speaker 3 (01:09:13):
She's my number She's really kind of my number one is.

Speaker 2 (01:09:16):
It's a toss between a few of them, but I'll
always go back to Mariah Carey.

Speaker 1 (01:09:20):
Blizz what a Cutili, I'm telling you Bliss. My family,
I grew up like you know, I grew up Christian,
but I also grew up Mariah Carey fandom. My family
was like my mom had all the.

Speaker 2 (01:09:30):
Viva Mariah songs.

Speaker 1 (01:09:32):
My gosh, I've never met Mimi, but like the the
emancipation of mem No No No, The Diary of an
Imperfect Angel, Memoirs, Memoirs of an Imperfect Honey. I was
making people listen to that album, which is like slow,
low R and b under Reading Four Nights Out that
was like Impossible and the Rise, and then Fourth of July,

(01:09:56):
which is old school Maria my goodnes I could hold
on It.

Speaker 3 (01:10:01):
Melts Away from Daydream was one of my favorite songs ever.

Speaker 1 (01:10:04):
MEMI let me tell you. I've never met her. It's
almost fun almost in some sense, like in the best
way possible. Do I mean this? I'm like, I don't
I want you to just be you do want I.

Speaker 3 (01:10:13):
Met her once and it was everything you wanted I.

Speaker 2 (01:10:15):
Wanted it to be.

Speaker 1 (01:10:16):
Yeah, yeah, I just hold on.

Speaker 2 (01:10:18):
I have to.

Speaker 1 (01:10:18):
It was ridiculous because I'm like, this is not the sound,
this is not the album to listen to on your
way out for a night out. But I would like
have them listen, Oh my god, it's a rap. And then.

Speaker 2 (01:10:29):
Now for the Deluxe.

Speaker 1 (01:10:32):
Mary that, okay, it's a rap. The Impossible. Me and
my friend used to drive around l A just listening
to The Impossible, like she Rescued and that, Like I
think it's a Jodasy sample. I believe it's a Joonas. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:10:52):
Anyway, she did a remix with uh I think Jermaine
Duprie of the Hate You song with him Night a
Thing of You, and it was so it's one of
my favorite songs. And I was at Caleb hearing his
birthday party and the DJ started playing that remix, which
I think only myself and Mariah's heart, and I ran
up to her and I was like.

Speaker 1 (01:11:12):
This said the Beast song.

Speaker 2 (01:11:13):
I can't I'm sober, I can't believe you're playing this.

Speaker 3 (01:11:15):
I was like, let's just go listen to your eye.

Speaker 1 (01:11:19):
Go in the corner. But when that happens, when a
DJ plays a cut of a song, like, you're like, wait,
you know, how do you There's some songs that, yeah,
you go crazy for. But anyway, I thought we might
be able to relate on that just because Yeah, and
I used.

Speaker 2 (01:11:31):
To make so many jokes about Mariah Carey just because
a young comic, and Mariah just fought her for her jokes.
But I have publicly said I take them all back,
and I apologize because I really do love Mariah Carey
and I feel like, you know, she is underrated even
though she's like one of the best vas ever, she's
still underrated. I don't hear what anyone says. I think
all I think she's truly one of the best singers
that's ever lived. And she's an amazing songwriter. And when

(01:11:54):
I met her, I did this show on I used
to be in a show called Girl Code and Guy
Coode on MTV way back in the day.

Speaker 3 (01:11:58):
And this producer named who.

Speaker 2 (01:12:00):
Talks on this he called me. I was like, Hey,
we got something for you. I can't tell you what
it is. I was like, I know it's Maria's like, oh,
he knew boys. So they did this like meet you're
Like the MTV used to do this, like your favorite
celebrity was in an elevator. They'd open the door and
then you're in there. Yeah, And so I was one
of them and they opened the door and there she was.
She was in the corner and her light was the

(01:12:21):
other corner, so she didn't move and it was me
and like six people and her makeup artist. And it
was so funny because like you're fifteen minutes in this
elevator and like every once in a while, like a
hand with a brush would kind of come out, fix
something and pearl back into the corner. But we got
to She did a whistle note in the elevator, which
were much louder than I thought they would be. Like

(01:12:41):
when you hear bliss, you think it's like this kind
of quiet, yeah, but there it was like really powerful.
We all sing always being my baby together and she,
you know, everyone was kind of nervous, and I think
because we're performers, were used to the adrenaline, so I
could compose myself a little bit. She just toured China
and I was like, oh, I was there to China
and she but I was in her good side, so
she couldn't turn me because she was sort of neil.

(01:13:02):
She was like fine, and they were like, don't touch her,
do not hug her. But then the white girl, of course,
was like, god, I hug you. So Maria hugged hers.
Like so I was like, Maria, can I hug your
She's like sure, And there's like a picture of her
hugging me like I was going to give her like
some kind of you know, one of those Yeah. But
it's amazing. It's exactly what I wanted to be. She's stunning.

(01:13:22):
She and like you know her skin truly. I she's
one of these people like if she has had work,
I don't know where, Like it's nothing's obvious, but she
really is just naturally stunning. Her skin is flawless. She's flawless.
I was like, Wow, she's really she's she was everything
I wanted to be.

Speaker 3 (01:13:41):
A diva in a corner with her light, wouldn't move,
a makeup artist.

Speaker 1 (01:13:45):
Like on side Church hugged, don't mess me up. Yeah,
I love it.

Speaker 3 (01:13:48):
A whistle note.

Speaker 2 (01:13:48):
I was like, I kind of got it.

Speaker 1 (01:13:50):
Yeah, I'm listening to or. I was listening to her
audio book and I was like, juicy, Oh.

Speaker 3 (01:13:54):
That's the story about Selene and Aretha. Have you gotten
there yet?

Speaker 2 (01:13:57):
No?

Speaker 1 (01:13:57):
No, I haven't.

Speaker 3 (01:13:58):
Okay, it's amazing to get there.

Speaker 2 (01:14:00):
Yeah, they go. They have like a Diva jam session
at Diva's Live, and Mariah was basically like Selene stepped
out when she shouldn't have. And then Patty the Bell
called her to be like I better not see you
on TV trying to out sing a wreath that She's like,
I wasn't. I backed up with the backup singers and
Selene and the wreath are going at it and prompts
with Selene because she could keep up with a wreatha,
I mean wild real.

Speaker 1 (01:14:22):
T Okay, I'm gonna get in there. I'm going to
get in there. I have much to do.

Speaker 2 (01:14:25):
I have to do my Spanish lessions, my French lessons,
any other language you want to learn.

Speaker 1 (01:14:29):
I've always been curious about Hebrew.

Speaker 2 (01:14:31):
But I think I have a tent and never touch it.
Get there too.

Speaker 1 (01:14:40):
I feel like it counts for something. I'm like, it'll
seep into me because like my body will know I
have a pack of ten.

Speaker 2 (01:14:45):
And then somehow you're gonna You're gonna show up in
Peru and be like, look, I don't abo Espaniel good,
but I got a pack of ten at home?

Speaker 1 (01:14:53):
Guys? Is that something I do?

Speaker 2 (01:14:55):
Have a pack lesson?

Speaker 1 (01:14:57):
Is that anything? Ko? You've been a dream?

Speaker 2 (01:15:00):
Thank you. We be hanging out with each other. I
don't understand why we're not. You're you are and I'm
aiding myself. I'm never home for my door guys like
you where who are you?

Speaker 1 (01:15:12):
I feel like my door guy today this morning. Also,
the way he greeted me was like I said, hey,
good morning. He was like, good morning, bitch, where have you.

Speaker 2 (01:15:21):
Been every time I seen my door guy have a
new hairline, like they don't know who I am anymore,
look a little different every time I see him to show.

Speaker 1 (01:15:26):
ID to get into your building. Oh we should, we
will and we should and I have much to learn
from you. All right, all right, great by That was
my conversation with Mateo Lane. How charming and lovely and

(01:15:49):
Harry is he? Oh my gosh, my goodness. And I
told you I was going to brag about having being
diamond medallion. I mean it was it was like it
was like a humble brag because I was like, oh,
I'm sad about it. But anyway, he's amazing and I'm
so grateful he came into the podcast because truly, last
time I saw him was at the Comedy Seller and

(01:16:10):
he was so kind. And then I'm glad to see
he's still kind. And I encourage everyone to remain kind
to the best of your ability. Sometimes we have bad days.
Give people grace for bad days, guys. I should have
said that at the I should have said that up top.
That's something else that's on my mind. Give people a
little grace. Anyway, if you want advice, my number to

(01:16:31):
call me and get advice is five zero two eight
four nine, three two three seven, five zero two eight
four nine three two three seven. I just wanted to
make sure I gave you the right number. Sometimes I
give the wrong number to people on purpose. Haven't done
that in a long time. I mean in my personal life.
Haven't done that in a long time. But I definitely
don't want you, guys to have a wrong number. I
want you to have the right number. I want you

(01:16:52):
to call and ask for advice. So it's five zero
two eight four nine, three two three seven or five
zero two. Thanks THHX dadss you're not as spelled, dads.
I didn't need to do that anyway. Please call We
can maybe give you advice. We didn't have to give
anyone advice today, but please call me and a non
expert will help you to the best of our ability.

(01:17:13):
Probably won't be good or helpful, but we will talk
about you on my podcast. Thanks for listening, guys. Thanks
Dad is a production of Will Ferrell's Big Money Players
and iHeart Podcast. I'm Your host Aego wodem Our producer
is Kevin Bartelt and our executive producer is Matt appadaka

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