Re-Release: Randall Park

Enjoy this re-release of one of our favorite episodes from season 1!

Randall Park joins the show as Ego's dad for the day as they talk pursuing acting and hiding it from immigrant parents, the power of unspoken love, and moving back home. Then, Ego asks Randall about doing drugs.

 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Do you say thank you a lot you feel I do?
I do too. Do you were raised to say thank you? Yes?

Speaker 2 (00:13):
Yes, I would have to say if that sounds so heavy,
I like this about us. Yes, I was raised like
if my mom dropped me off at ballet practice, I
said thank you, even though it's like who else was
going to take me.

Speaker 1 (00:25):
Yes, yes, you still say thank you.

Speaker 2 (00:27):
And I've had people say to me, you say thank
you too much, and I'm like, it's just how I
was raised. And I'm like, if you had to choose
between me not saying thank you enough and saying thank
you too much, we would go say thank you.

Speaker 3 (00:39):
Yes, all right?

Speaker 4 (00:40):
Well, yeah, I noticed on my text chain like if
I'm you know, I'm constantly thanking someone and then they'll
like write one thing back, and then I'll say thank
you again, and I'll look back at the chain and
like there's just so many things.

Speaker 1 (00:54):
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Okay.

Speaker 2 (00:56):
The other thing I was going to say, Randall is
I'm just noticing, for the first time ever, you have
a tattoo.

Speaker 1 (01:01):
I'm on a tattoo kick right now.

Speaker 3 (01:03):
Well they're very like thin and small for shame. Yeah, yeah,
but it's yeah, my this is my wife's name and
my daughter's name. Oh that's so cool.

Speaker 1 (01:12):
Did you get him the same day?

Speaker 3 (01:14):
I did? I did.

Speaker 1 (01:14):
Were you worried you were going to get in trouble
with your parents?

Speaker 3 (01:17):
No? No, because because I'm a adult, there are those thoughts.

Speaker 1 (01:24):
But everyone well you know, okay, to have your parents
seen them.

Speaker 4 (01:28):
Well, my brother has like full sleeves. Oh really, so
I could really do anything at this point?

Speaker 1 (01:33):
Is your brother older or young older? Okay? Yeah, Usually it's.

Speaker 2 (01:36):
The youngest who kind of goes like, I'm the youngest
and I've gone down a different path. And usually it's
the youngest who whiles out shout out to your brother.

Speaker 3 (01:45):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 (01:47):
Was that rough when you first got a tattoo? Or
was he also?

Speaker 2 (01:50):
He?

Speaker 3 (01:51):
I think he was older. He was older.

Speaker 4 (01:53):
Okay, I'm not super older, but but I think he
didn't live in l a.

Speaker 1 (01:58):
Oh.

Speaker 4 (02:00):
Yeah, he lived away, so he was able to kind
of live with it and then slowly unveil it.

Speaker 1 (02:06):
Yes, because he'd wear long sleeves or something around.

Speaker 4 (02:08):
The family, and when one was like a hundred degrees out,
he'd be in like something.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
What's going on with your brother?

Speaker 3 (02:14):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (02:15):
Is he sick.

Speaker 2 (02:15):
Does he have a fever? Okay, hi, guys, I may
go out him and welcome to Thanks Dad.

Speaker 1 (02:20):
I'm going to do the intro now.

Speaker 2 (02:22):
Sure, I was raised by a single mom and I
don't have a relationship with my dad. And here's the thing, guys,
Not only do I not have a relationship with him,
I'm never going to have one. And I know we're
not supposed to speak in absolutes, but here's the thing.
He's actually dead now, so it's not possible unless there's
an afterlife. I like to believe in one, but I
feel like if there is one, I'll probably still not

(02:42):
have a relationship with him. Randall doesn't like the sound
of the Randall furrows his brows at the thought. What
gave you pause? You think in the afterlife I would
have one?

Speaker 1 (02:56):
I mean, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (02:58):
I don't know, so I would say I wouldn't roll
that out.

Speaker 2 (03:01):
Okay, that's true. Okay, that's fair, No absolutes, that's the
whole point. I won't have a relationship with him on earth.

Speaker 1 (03:07):
That's fair, yes.

Speaker 4 (03:08):
Because he's gone unless who knows, unless we're back on earth.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
I don't know what.

Speaker 1 (03:12):
Fair enough in my mind? Once we go.

Speaker 4 (03:14):
We definitely not here reincarnated into well, you know, a
horse and another hor who.

Speaker 2 (03:21):
Knows you never know. I the other day just feeling
very spiritual. And I'll probably say cut this out. I
say that probably ten times when I was maybe shouldn't
be hosting a podcast. I just feel like a freedom
here because I'm not on a live TV show.

Speaker 1 (03:36):
We're going to cut that out and cut that out
and cut all. There's no pod podcasts.

Speaker 2 (03:41):
Yeah, I just brought you here to talk to me
in front of mics, that's all. But the other day
I was feeling very woo woo. And I have a dog.
His name is Chief. He is a little over a
year old, and I don't know why. Maybe I was
crying about something. I don't think so, I don't I
don't think so. And I looked at him and I
was like, is this my grandmother? So I was like, Mama,

(04:02):
is this mama reincarnated? And then he immediately walked away
from me, and I go, Okay, that was a weird moment.

Speaker 1 (04:08):
But I didn't need to tell anyone to pout.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
Wait.

Speaker 4 (04:10):
So what fascinates me about what you just said is
that you were crying. Yeah, but you didn't remember what
it was about, which makes me wonder do you cry often?

Speaker 2 (04:18):
I am a crier, but I wasn't always. I used
to think crying was weak. I was like a sign
of weakness. And then when I realized it wasn't a
sign of weakness and it's actually quite healthy. Yeah, I
feel like I went too hard in the other direction.
And I'm like, I'll cry because i'm happy. I'll cry
because something's funny, I'll cry because i'm sad, I'll cry
because something's touching. I think last week I cried multiple times,

(04:40):
nothing to do with my life, just touching stories.

Speaker 1 (04:43):
Or touching moments, making beautiful thank you.

Speaker 5 (04:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:46):
But now I'm like, it's not weakness. What a cool
thing to cry.

Speaker 3 (04:50):
You're alive.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
Yeah, I'm alive, and I'm feeling things.

Speaker 3 (04:53):
Right, and you're seeing people in your pets, yes, and my.

Speaker 2 (04:56):
Pet's And I'm thinking, then immediately I go, is that you?
And they go, no, bitch walk away from me.

Speaker 3 (05:02):
Unless your grandmother was one to walk away.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
And then I was thinking, and I go, okay, I'm
trying to remember was that her thing? And I don't
recall that figure. Okay, Okay, we were really close, But anyway, Randall,
on this podcast, I'm sitting down with father figures who
are old enough to be my dad. No offense, Randall,
no offense. I'm twelve, So I'm twelve and I have

(05:26):
this crazy career in life. Or men who are just
dads themselves, you know, or people who are just dads themselves.
I'm going to get to ask the questions I've always
wanted to ask a dad, Like how do I know
if the guy I'm dating is right for me?

Speaker 1 (05:39):
What's the like dead giveaway?

Speaker 2 (05:42):
Or what should I look out for when I'm buying
a car so I don't get bamboozled by the car salesman?
Or can you teach me how to change my oil?
Could you teach me how to change my oil if
we went outside right now?

Speaker 4 (05:53):
No, but I could take you to I could show
you where you can get your oil change from.

Speaker 1 (05:57):
A trustworthy person. I don't you don't even know that
there's they could tell you any number.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
Right, I'm pretty much one of those.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
Okay, yeah, I will say this.

Speaker 2 (06:06):
Today I was talking to my friend and she was
talking about how she had a contractor come to her
house or repairs a bunch of repairs regularly, and it
was always like, oh, this is a really big problem.

Speaker 1 (06:16):
This is going to cost eight thousand dollars.

Speaker 2 (06:18):
And then someone overheard that conversation once and told her, like,
you should reach out to my contractor.

Speaker 1 (06:24):
Same problem.

Speaker 2 (06:25):
That new contractor comes and is like, oh, that'll be
like I think three hundred and fifty bucks. Yeah, yeah,
Are you getting taken advantage of my contractors?

Speaker 4 (06:32):
Rand now, No, because I get a lot of estimates.
Oh you do, okay, I always get.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
A lot of estimate okay, Henry David Thureau, Yes, okay,
that's me. Therew spelled a different way, not French. I
look up reviews a lot of everything. I feel like
I won't make a decision without being like, what are
the people saying?

Speaker 4 (06:49):
Yeah, it's reviews, it's getting options okay, and it's the
vibe okay.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
Vibe is big, Randall. Yeah, this is maybe basic, but
maybe not.

Speaker 2 (07:00):
And I'm not calling you basic now, but I've lately
been like, oh, I can just go off of gut
and energy and instinct.

Speaker 3 (07:06):
Vibe is big in everything.

Speaker 1 (07:09):
Yes, but when did you learn that? By the way, Uh, well, I.

Speaker 4 (07:12):
Think it's different for different people too, though, because I
think some people maybe they're there. I don't know, ability
to feel and read. People can be easily compromised by whatever.
But I think for me, I've always been pretty good
at it, and I think I've gotten better as i've
gotten older.

Speaker 2 (07:33):
Yeah, what is your sign? I'm an a and Aries,
which is hold on. I'm always like, I'm not into
astrology because I once knew nothing about it. But then
I'll be like, now i still say that thing, but
I'm like, maybe I am into it, but I'm still
owning that I'm a Pisces. So I know, Aries is
you're like late March April, right, this is cool. This

(07:55):
is growth for me because I once knew nothing about it.
But that means you're like a little fiery, right. You
don't seem fire.

Speaker 4 (08:03):
No, I'm not, but I think inside that there's a
fire and there.

Speaker 3 (08:08):
I think aries are passionate, their.

Speaker 4 (08:15):
Leadership skills involved there somewhere. Yes, and yeah, it's like
the first sign.

Speaker 2 (08:21):
Okay, okay, okay, yeah, Randall, we've worked together once, we
met another time at a conference. I do feel like
if I was in a situation where it was like apocalypse, yes,
and I saw you out in the wild, yes, and
there were zombies or something.

Speaker 1 (08:37):
I feel like I would go like I can trust Randall.

Speaker 3 (08:40):
I really appreciate that.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
I really mean, yeah, you've got a good spirit. See
my vibe says that your vibe is good, which is
perfect because you're my dad for the day. You've seen
my next guest, who I've spoken to at length already
in Fresh off the Boat, Always Be My Maybe. I
loved that and one of vision, which is not to
say I didn't like the other two.

Speaker 1 (09:02):
It's okay, Oh boy, I'm really.

Speaker 3 (09:07):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
Please welcome my dad for the day, Randall Park.

Speaker 3 (09:11):
Thank you. I'm so happy. How do you feel about
the other two though?

Speaker 1 (09:15):
Okay, I'm so glad you asked fresh off the boat.

Speaker 3 (09:18):
Just be honest.

Speaker 2 (09:19):
You're fishing, you're fresh off the boat, and you're fishing.
I'm going to say I loved them all.

Speaker 3 (09:24):
You didn't watch it either, which is fine.

Speaker 1 (09:26):
I've actually never seen any of these. That's not true.
That's not true. I love them all.

Speaker 3 (09:31):
I've seen.

Speaker 2 (09:31):
I've seen some of all. I've seen Always Be My Maybe,
and I've seen.

Speaker 1 (09:35):
Some of all.

Speaker 3 (09:35):
That's the truth.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
You okay, Oh my goodness, I just started sweating. I
was sweating. No, Randall, I'm so glad you're here. This
is a huge, gigantic honor, truly.

Speaker 3 (09:48):
Right back at you. Oh my goodness, I sit here
with you and to be your dad the day for
the day.

Speaker 1 (09:54):
This is cute for me.

Speaker 2 (09:55):
We have to start by talking about origin stories. Yes, yes,
what was your.

Speaker 3 (09:59):
Dad like my dad was?

Speaker 4 (10:02):
And I say it was because he just passed away recent, yeah,
a few months ago.

Speaker 3 (10:07):
But he was a I think on the outside, a very.

Speaker 4 (10:14):
I won't say stereotypical dad, but he was kind of
that stoic Asian father, you know, like he didn't he
wasn't big into conversation. He was, yes, man a few words.
He worked very hard, very hard. He loved his family
so much, particularly his two sons and my brother. And

(10:37):
it wouldn't he wouldn't tell us that he loved us. Sure,
but he we just knew it. We just knew it,
and we would and you know, people would, people who
were around him would always tell us how much he
loved his boys and how he would brag about us
and something that I never was privy to.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
Yeah, yeah, but you could feel that love in action, right. Yes,
I'm presuming I say this because I introduced to my
nuclear family. I don't want to speak for the rest
of my family saying I love you. I heard a
song in college, and this, again I'm judging myself, sounds basic.
But I heard a song in college and I actually
going to say what the song was. I was reticent

(11:18):
to say the song because everyone hates this person now,
but it was Kanye West. I think Big Brother by Kanye.

Speaker 1 (11:26):
Our graduation is about jaz.

Speaker 2 (11:28):
For j Z, a great song, but he said people
never get the flowers while they can still smell them.
So I don't know if it was necessarily right after college.
I could have been in college. I'm anywhere from like
nineteen to twenty two, and I hear that and I go, oh, yeah,
that is an insane way to live. And I know
my mom loves me. I feel it in action. I'm
so provided for, I feel so protected by her.

Speaker 1 (11:52):
But why don't we say it so that we can
be sure.

Speaker 2 (11:55):
I'm like, it's nice to hear it, and so I
take responsibility for introducing that.

Speaker 3 (12:00):
Yeah that's beautiful, that's beautiful. Yeah yeah, did.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
Your mom say I love you? Was she wanted to say?

Speaker 3 (12:05):
She didn't when we were real little growing up.

Speaker 4 (12:09):
But I would say, once we started to get out
of the house and you know, we were going to
college and stuff, she would say it, yeah, yeah, and
we would say it back.

Speaker 1 (12:18):
What do you think that was a function of that?

Speaker 2 (12:19):
Like when you were little, you didn't hear it from her,
but like the older you got and you were out
of the.

Speaker 3 (12:24):
House, do you think it's just cultural? You know, I
think it's just cultural.

Speaker 4 (12:27):
And my you know, both of my parents are immigrants
that came here, my dad in the late sixties, my
mom in the early seventies, and and it just wasn't
something I guess in their mind needed to be expressed
because it was just it was what it was.

Speaker 3 (12:42):
You know.

Speaker 1 (12:43):
Then they just yeah, and you knew and then yeah.

Speaker 4 (12:45):
But growing up as a kid, it was like I
didn't know, you know, I was just like, yeah, you know,
why can't they view like my friend's parents, you.

Speaker 1 (12:53):
Know, where did the immigrate from?

Speaker 3 (12:54):
Just for clarity, from Korea?

Speaker 1 (12:55):
From Korea.

Speaker 2 (12:56):
I feel a lot of that too, where you go
when you're younger. I don't know if this is accurate
to say. The sense I get is we're like in
a time where first gen or second gen people whose
families are from different cultures. But living in the States,
I feel like there's an embrace of our identity in
a way. Now, yes, yes, was not reflected when we

(13:17):
were younger. I think when we were younger, we were
trying to assimilate to like I just want to be
like everyone else. Sure, yeah, I resonate with that so
so much. Now you said your dad like really loved his.

Speaker 1 (13:29):
Boys, right, really loved his boys. Did you have sisters?

Speaker 4 (13:32):
No, No, just just the two because.

Speaker 2 (13:35):
I was like, oh my goodness, the girls must have
felt left, but no, no they did.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
They were no girls.

Speaker 3 (13:39):
Okay, girl.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
Now you said on the outside he seemed one way.

Speaker 2 (13:42):
What's the sense you got of him on the inside, Like, yes,
really loved his boys.

Speaker 3 (13:46):
Really really loved these boys, really really proud of us.

Speaker 4 (13:49):
But you know, wasn't overly excitable about our achievements. You know,
it's just like what was very strict in terms of
just like education, education, education, you know, very kind of dependable,
and you know he was he was a great dad.
He was, Yeah, just a real real great dad. I
wouldn't say in the traditional sense. You know, it wasn't

(14:10):
like he you know, threw a baseball with us or anything.

Speaker 1 (14:13):
We are we coming up with that?

Speaker 2 (14:15):
You know, sorry, I said, because this is part of
what I want to have the podcast. I'm like, we
have TV dads, yes, And I guess some people do
actually have TV dads, but it doesn't seem like many
people do or did.

Speaker 1 (14:27):
What do you feel about that?

Speaker 3 (14:28):
What do you mean in.

Speaker 2 (14:28):
Terms of the like throwing the baseball in the doing
those things, people's dads are a little more for sure.

Speaker 1 (14:34):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (14:35):
I don't know.

Speaker 4 (14:35):
I felt like my growing up in La I had
a very diverse set of friends, and I would say
a lot of my white friends, they, at least in
my head growing up, their dads were so much like
the TV dads, you know, like yeah, And I'd always
be like, why can't my dad be more like them?

Speaker 3 (14:55):
You know, why can't my mom be more like their moms?
You know?

Speaker 4 (14:59):
But it now that I'm older, I just have a
totally different perspective on it. You know, they were they
loved us just as much, and they and they sacrificed
just as much, you know, and if not, if not more?

Speaker 5 (15:16):
Yeah, yeah, being immigrants and and and learning a language
and and somehow finding work and making a living and
U and you know, my.

Speaker 4 (15:27):
Dad was he he worked in he had a one
hour photo store.

Speaker 3 (15:33):
Yeah, for for many many years.

Speaker 4 (15:35):
And and uh and then after that he worked at
a souvenir shop on Hollywood Boulevard.

Speaker 1 (15:40):
Oh really did he ever retire?

Speaker 3 (15:43):
He did?

Speaker 4 (15:44):
He did shortly before he passed. Oh really, yeah, I
mean he was he just he was a worker. He
just loved to work.

Speaker 1 (15:51):
He loves to work. Do you think he was passionate
about his work.

Speaker 4 (15:55):
I think his passionate about his family, you know, so
like the work wasn't you know, probably like you know,
I don't know what his dream job was. That was
never like a question that we had. But he's human.
I'm sure he at some point he had a dream job. Sure,
he had a dream life, and I don't think that
was the life he necessarily led.

Speaker 3 (16:15):
But he did have his dream family.

Speaker 1 (16:18):
Yeah. Yeah, that's incredible.

Speaker 3 (16:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:33):
You said he emphasized education for you guys. Yes, yes,
and now Randall, you're an actor, yes, yes, which you
don't necessarily have to go to school for I can relate. Right,
What was that conversation like, telling him that you wanted
to be an actor?

Speaker 3 (16:48):
It was, well, it came later.

Speaker 4 (16:49):
So I was when I was at UCLA I kind
of discovered writing and acting, and and out of college,
I kept doing it kind of on the side for fun,
but I was working these full time jobs, and at
a certain point in my mid to later twenties, I
decided that I wanted to do this professionally. And I

(17:13):
did bring bring it up to them pretty early, maybe
like mid twenties, and.

Speaker 3 (17:19):
Both of my parents were like, what are.

Speaker 1 (17:21):
You talking about?

Speaker 3 (17:23):
Yeah, what are you? Are you insane?

Speaker 2 (17:25):
Our son has lost his mind At UCLA they put
something in the water.

Speaker 1 (17:30):
Yeah he's talking crazy.

Speaker 4 (17:31):
Yes, they were, and you know, and now I see
it from their side because I was a shy kid.

Speaker 1 (17:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (17:38):
I was not like a performer.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
Yeah yeah.

Speaker 4 (17:41):
I was very much like that kid who would, you know,
be really quiet in the corner, you know. So they
never saw that side of me that was flourishing.

Speaker 3 (17:49):
At college, you know. Yeah, And.

Speaker 4 (17:54):
So they just thought I was crazy and really really
were adamantly against it.

Speaker 1 (18:01):
Did they seem worried once you started to go down that.

Speaker 4 (18:04):
Path, Yes, but they didn't really know. I didn't tell them, Okay, so.

Speaker 2 (18:09):
You brought it to them and then they had their
reaction to it, which was like, what the heck are
you talking about? And they're like, maybe I'm not going
to talk to you guys about yes, and I don't.

Speaker 4 (18:18):
And I say it was just once when I brought
it to them, but I probably brought it up numerous
times over the course of you know, a year or something,
and every time, you know, the reaction was the same, yes,
and if not even more you know, adamant over time,
you right, right. So so at a certain point, I
was like, if I were to do this, yeah, I
can't lean on them for support because they're gonna you know,

(18:41):
express their you know, disdain, yeah, disdain for it, and
then it's gonna discourage me from you know. And I
was very sensitive and I kind of needed as much
of a support system as possible. So so I just
went after it without them knowing.

Speaker 2 (18:57):
Oh wow, okay, did you think they that's something they
did want you to do?

Speaker 3 (19:02):
Well, yeah, you know, that was the thing, doctor Lawyer.

Speaker 2 (19:05):
I just asked to be sure, you know, for our listener,
who might not be privy. In my mind, I'm like,
I know, I know it's doctor Lawyer was engineer.

Speaker 1 (19:14):
Even an option engineer.

Speaker 3 (19:15):
I mean, that would have been fantastic.

Speaker 2 (19:17):
Okay, great, Okay, did your brother go into something in
that world?

Speaker 1 (19:21):
Okay, what is your brother to make?

Speaker 4 (19:23):
He works in an optometrist office. Okay, yeah, okay, but
he's not an optometrist. And so so, you know, neither
of us really did exactly what they want.

Speaker 2 (19:33):
And me, especially right when our parents emigrate to the States,
it's like, what's the American dream?

Speaker 1 (19:38):
They have an idea of it, and I go.

Speaker 2 (19:40):
Ah, but coming to the Western world also means your
kids learn about the pursuit of happiness.

Speaker 1 (19:45):
And then the passion.

Speaker 2 (19:47):
Yes, yes, and it's not exactly what you think it is.

Speaker 3 (19:51):
Well, you know, I think they want us to be happy, Yes,
for sure. Idea of happy.

Speaker 4 (19:55):
Is financial stabilitability and respect from the community and you know,
doctor a doctor.

Speaker 1 (20:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (20:05):
And it took me a while to realize that.

Speaker 4 (20:07):
I thought at the time they just don't want me
to pursue my dreams for whatever reason, you know. But
really they were concerned because they knew how difficult, especially
my mom.

Speaker 3 (20:18):
Because my mom worked at u c l A.

Speaker 4 (20:20):
And she saw all these you know, kids fresh out
of college who wanted to pursue acting, and she saw
how difficult it was for them, so she knew, you know,
And I remember it. One time she even showed me
like one of her I guess a young person who
worked in our office was trying to be an actor
and he had an acting reel and she she showed

(20:41):
it to me and and she was and she was like,
this guy is so handsome, he's so talented.

Speaker 3 (20:46):
Look at his real you know.

Speaker 4 (20:47):
And I think it was her way of discouraging me,
because she was like, you're not like him, You're not handsome. Yeah,
it was just trying to be like, you're ugly, my
logly son, and look at this guy. Yeah, and he's having.

Speaker 3 (21:04):
A hard time.

Speaker 2 (21:04):
Yeah, I see what you're saying. My mom actually bought
a VHS. Okay, so my brother, who is not a
football player now but is a spine surgeon, wanted to
play football. That like I'm going to place him like
ten years old. He wanted to be a football player.
And even if it wasn't like I want to do
that professionally, it's like that's the sport I want to play.

Speaker 1 (21:21):
I'm drawn to that.

Speaker 2 (21:22):
My mom bought a VHS tape of the greatest injuries
in NFL history. I remember that being in our VHS
collection and her just being like, yeah, I bought this
to discourage him playing. I mean, he still went on
to play, and he walked on in college. But I
was like, the notion that you'd be like, that's what
you want to do. I don't want you to go

(21:43):
down that path. Everything dark and yeah about that.

Speaker 4 (21:46):
Well, one thing I remember my mom doing was we say,
we just said. This was like during that year period
where I'd bring it up to her, you know, she
sat me down in front of the TV and it
was just like, let's wait for the first Asian face.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
Oh savage and also.

Speaker 4 (22:05):
At that time and yeah, and we you know, it
was like I don't even remember, I don't even think
we saw one, you know, And it was like she
was like, that's my point.

Speaker 1 (22:15):
Of course.

Speaker 2 (22:15):
Of course, there's no model for it, and there's nothing
linear about it. So you can't say to them, hey,
I'm going to do this, this and this, and it's
going to lead to this the way like going to
medical school, it's takes step one, step two, and then
at the end of those steps, I'm here.

Speaker 3 (22:31):
That's right.

Speaker 2 (22:31):
I just can't say that, and all that uncertainty is
not not something that would put one's mind at ease.

Speaker 3 (22:37):
Yeah, and those first you know, that first decade plus,
it was like, oh my god, they're right. Yeah, this
is so hard.

Speaker 1 (22:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:45):
And you didn't take any of your challenges to them
then because you're like, I don't want them to feel
like they're right and I don't.

Speaker 3 (22:50):
Want to be discouraged and I want to hear and
I told you so yeh.

Speaker 2 (22:54):
God no, yeah, so much of that resonates with me.
Do you feel like there were things you could talk
to your dad about where it's like Mom is good
to talk to about this thing.

Speaker 1 (23:04):
Dad is really good for this.

Speaker 3 (23:05):
Thing with my dad, Mom, not really, not really, you know,
it was it was very I don't know, we just
talked about kind of the day, and you know, it
wasn't like there weren't like deep personal kind of things
that I felt like I could bring to him, right,
you know, right? Yeah, that was more my mom.

Speaker 1 (23:28):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (23:28):
And when you were like pursuing acting and feeling discouraged
and feeling frustrated and knowing you couldn't take it to
your parents and knowing like, okay, Dad and I are
not going to have some deep conversation. Were there other
male figures in your life with whom you did think
you could have those sorts of conversations.

Speaker 3 (23:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (23:45):
I mean, you know, I was doing theater, I was
doing stand up for a long time.

Speaker 3 (23:50):
I was doing sketch and improv, and so I had like.

Speaker 4 (23:54):
A community of fellow actors who I really depended on
and who I got a lot of encouragement from. Yeah,
but also like teachers at acting school classes, I was
always in and I had teachers who were who very
much serve that purpose.

Speaker 3 (24:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
Does anyone stand out in particular, teachers wise?

Speaker 3 (24:13):
Teachers wise? Oh gosh, yeah, yeah, there were, there were
a few.

Speaker 4 (24:18):
But there was a there's a school out here in
La run by this guy named John Rosenfeld who I
was with for years.

Speaker 1 (24:24):
I know that name.

Speaker 2 (24:25):
Yeah, you're being a young actor pursuing trying to find
an acting classroom.

Speaker 4 (24:29):
Yeah yeah, And I really enjoyed his class and got
a lot from that experience.

Speaker 2 (24:38):
Yeah, was there like a moment you can remember though,
when you go, I feel like my dad is proud
of what it is I'm pursuing, So.

Speaker 1 (24:45):
Like you're pursuing it behind their back.

Speaker 2 (24:47):
Yeah, you're facing your own challenges, but you have the
community around you. Yeah, is there a moment where it's
like I would say what you're doing on your own
connects to your family life, and they go, oh, we
know what he's up to, and we're proud.

Speaker 4 (24:59):
Yeah, think slowly that that happened slowly, Like like first
thing they would they saw me on a commercial, you know,
when they were like, oh that's that's that's cool.

Speaker 1 (25:08):
Did you show it to them or did they No?

Speaker 3 (25:10):
I did not show it to them.

Speaker 1 (25:11):
You didn't they saw the commercial and that oh I.

Speaker 4 (25:13):
Did not show it to them, Okay, yeah, And then
I would my name would pop up in the Korean
newspaper and that was like a big big deal.

Speaker 1 (25:20):
It was that first like what jobs?

Speaker 3 (25:22):
At first it was.

Speaker 4 (25:22):
Like commercials and you know, and I was there was
a stretch when I was doing a ton of commercials.

Speaker 2 (25:27):
I could never book a commercial to save my life.
It was so crazy because everyone was like commercials, that's
your foray into this thing, and that I should draw
my eyebrows onto aggressively, and looking back at pictures, I go, oh, yeah,
those eyebrows are very off putting. I think it was
the eyebrows.

Speaker 4 (25:45):
Honestly, that's a great energy that I would buy stuff
off of it.

Speaker 2 (25:51):
Thank you, Randall, I thank you. This is the kind
of stuff I want to hear from a dad. Yes, yes,
I really And.

Speaker 1 (25:56):
Looking back, I go, what was it?

Speaker 2 (25:58):
Because all my friends were booked commercial and it's how
people were like subsidizing their life, pursuing acting to get
in TV and film, and it just could not happen
for me. And I ended up looking at a cholesterol
medication commercial nine years into my time in LA, months
before I got SNL air that did air, and it

(26:19):
was airing while I was on SNL, and I remember
someone tweeted at me, like, are you in a cholesterol
medication commercial?

Speaker 4 (26:25):
I mean those could potentially keep going so long and
it takes for my life.

Speaker 2 (26:30):
It was like little six figure Mama. That year, I
was like, oh, I broke for the first time.

Speaker 1 (26:36):
So there were commercials and then what was.

Speaker 4 (26:38):
And then they saw that I was, like you just said,
not broke for the first time. They saw that I
was making a living, that I was like eating like
healthy food for one now and taking care of myself
a little better, and I think they slowly started to
kind of be okay with yes.

Speaker 2 (26:55):
And they're not saying it, but you're noticing them ease
up around the top. I guess my guess, yes, for sure,
for sure. Did you have to borrow money from your
parents during your pursuit?

Speaker 3 (27:04):
I did early, early on.

Speaker 1 (27:06):
Can you help paint that picture for me?

Speaker 2 (27:08):
Is this like they know you're pursuing it, or do
you tell them like I need to borrow money because
like my job's direct deposit didn't hit well.

Speaker 4 (27:15):
There were periods where I would lose a job and
be unemployed, and I'd have a share an apartment with somebody,
and you know, and I would need help and they
would like, help me out.

Speaker 1 (27:27):
There's a job, like an acting job, or like a
day job, a day job.

Speaker 4 (27:30):
Got yeah, okay, And then there was a period where
I would move back home, so they helped me in
that way, you know. Yeah, And there was you know,
into my thirties, I was living with my parents.

Speaker 2 (27:41):
I was just going to ask you, how old were
you when you were maybe like still living at home?

Speaker 3 (27:46):
Yeah, into thirties.

Speaker 1 (27:47):
Hard to pursue a career in this There are harder things.
I know.

Speaker 2 (27:51):
I'm not going to pretend it's the hardest thing in
the world, but it is.

Speaker 1 (27:53):
Such a peculiar path to pursue.

Speaker 4 (27:56):
It is, I think statistically, I mean, it's got to
be one of the hard jobs to make a living act,
just because so many people want to do it.

Speaker 2 (28:03):
So many people and so few jobs, especially at the
time you're pursuing. I'm not trying to age you again, guys, Randles,
what you're thirty seven now? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you
know you don't want to say you.

Speaker 3 (28:15):
Really in my early thirties, thirties, Randall, you look great,
you so much?

Speaker 2 (28:22):
Okay, So they wouldn't help subsidize your life, say you
lost a day job or you have to move back
and was moving back in with your family.

Speaker 1 (28:30):
How did that feel for them?

Speaker 3 (28:31):
They loved it.

Speaker 1 (28:31):
That's what I think.

Speaker 2 (28:32):
If I told my mom today that I was I
need to move back home into her house in Baltimore,
she wouldn't go, oh, I'm ashamed of my adult daughter.

Speaker 1 (28:38):
She's like, I'm just happy my daughter's home.

Speaker 2 (28:41):
Like there's this like desire to have family totally.

Speaker 4 (28:44):
Yeah, And so they were happy, you know, whenever I'd
moved back, you know, and yeah. It always baffled me
when parents are like, you're you know, you're eighteen, you're
out of the house.

Speaker 2 (28:53):
I'm going to tell you right now, not the Nigerian
experience either. It was like my mom just feels responsible
for me until the day she does.

Speaker 3 (29:01):
Yes, yes, absolutely, that's what it seems.

Speaker 1 (29:03):
Like it would be. Now did your dad did you
ever get to see him upset?

Speaker 3 (29:10):
Oh? Yeah, okay, yeah, growing, like.

Speaker 1 (29:12):
Crying upset when we talked about tears and me so crying.

Speaker 4 (29:16):
Once once what was well, no, once from from like heartache,
just when his sister passed.

Speaker 3 (29:22):
I saw it. I don't think I was supposed to
see it.

Speaker 1 (29:25):
I saw wow. Yeah, it was it like in the room.

Speaker 4 (29:29):
He was in the kitchen that you know, the door
was closed and I came in and he was he
was crying.

Speaker 2 (29:34):
Did you retreat? What did you do in that moment?
Did you think, Okay, I don't think I'm spposed to
see this, I'm going to leave.

Speaker 4 (29:39):
I think I, like, you know, put my hand on him,
and then and then I you know, yeah, and then I.

Speaker 3 (29:45):
Let him be you know yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (29:47):
And then then many years later, I got I got
an Alumni of the Year award at U c L
And I invited my family and uh and I gave
the speech and then the speech, I really kind of
just thanked them, you know. Yeah, and and my dad

(30:09):
was was crying, I.

Speaker 1 (30:10):
Have chose now.

Speaker 2 (30:11):
I genuinely full body chills. That's beautiful. I think when
a parent gets to see their child accomplish want a dream,
especially if they're like, we're not into the whole dreamer
of it all. We want you to have stability, but
you got to accomplish your dream, and then to hear
their child express gratitude and say, you are such a
big part of this thing that I've got to do.

(30:31):
I can only imagine how that that's so cool.

Speaker 4 (30:33):
Yeah, yeah, it was, really it was. That was a
really special experience. And then and then I was like
many years later, I did the commencement speech at UCLA
and my parents were there and they were both just
like so proud, and it was like it kind of
you know justified well for me, it justified you know,
kind of going after it despite their you know, being

(30:55):
against it.

Speaker 3 (30:56):
But it also.

Speaker 4 (30:58):
It also kind of honored the fact that they supported
me in a different way.

Speaker 3 (31:01):
You know, they let me live in the house.

Speaker 4 (31:03):
They let me you know, they let me borrow money,
They did all these things that allowed me to pursue
this dream even though they were really against me pursuing this.

Speaker 2 (31:12):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, But did you just even having this
new perspective as you accomplish the things you had hoped
to accomplish and they get to see you do that,
does it feel like a start difference from when you
were pursuing it in that you kind of would have
liked their support and more verbalized it.

Speaker 1 (31:31):
Sounds like, did you feel resentment at that time?

Speaker 3 (31:33):
Yeah? I did. I did.

Speaker 4 (31:35):
I did feel resentment, and I think, you know, it
wasn't until you know, fresh off the boat actually really
helped me kind of see things differently. And I think
it's in part because I played an immigrant father, you know,
but also I think finding some success and being able

(31:57):
to make a good living at it, you know, it
kind of took the pressure off me a little bit,
you know, And I think without that pressure, I was
able to understand them a little better. And I wasn't
in this kind of mode of just like just go
after it and block out any negativity, and you know,
I was just like a little more open to understand.

Speaker 2 (32:15):
Go from having that tunnel vision of like I'm in
pursuit of this thing, and yeah, I can't hear negativity.

Speaker 1 (32:20):
I have this one goal in mind. Fuck everything else.
You had to go. Okay, I can breathe, and I
could see.

Speaker 2 (32:27):
The world a little more for what it is, and yeah,
it looks bigger. That's very very cool. But also I
went to college. I've don't sometimes I don't know how
to do this podcast, and I'm like, I kind of
touch on the same stories over and over again, and
I haven't touched on this one. But I feel like
I had a very like Lady Bird moment when I
got to college where I realized, like my mom was

(32:47):
just a human trying her best. Yeah, and you know,
I wanted my mom to be one way and she
just wasn't that way. We got along well, but we
also butt heads a bit. It was very strange. We
were very close though, yes, but like when I realize, like, oh,
she's just trying her best, and oh my gods, she
gave me so many gifts and I'm so proud of
the morals she instilled in me.

Speaker 1 (33:08):
And I wasn't aware that that's what she was doing.

Speaker 2 (33:10):
But now that I'm out in the world and the
world is bigger and I'm meeting other people who grew
up in different households.

Speaker 1 (33:16):
I'm like, ah, thank god you were instilling these values
in me. I don't know if it's a shame or
it's just the way life is supposed to go.

Speaker 2 (33:23):
That hindsight is twenty twenty, as they say, or that
you just have a new perspective the older you get.

Speaker 1 (33:30):
Yes, because part.

Speaker 2 (33:31):
Of me wishes that, like, while we're young, we go
I know what they're doing, They're just.

Speaker 4 (33:34):
I know, I know, and you know that I do feel,
you know, because my dad recently passed, and I do
feel some guilt. You know that I wasn't a better son,
you know, and I wish I would have been there more.
And then you know, yeah, but at the same time,
it's you know, I know how much I meant to them,

(33:55):
and I know how much they mean to me and
my dad, and you know, I have always loved my dad.

Speaker 3 (34:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (34:01):
And it's also like you hear like people speak about
love languages, and we were like, my dad was not
going to say I.

Speaker 1 (34:06):
Love you while we were young.

Speaker 2 (34:07):
That that just wasn't something I was going to experience
from him.

Speaker 1 (34:11):
But he showed his love in other ways.

Speaker 2 (34:13):
I really think love languages people they really do matter,
and if you have to be able to interpret someone
else's language and receive.

Speaker 1 (34:23):
It for what it is.

Speaker 4 (34:23):
Yeah, and you know, hearing the words I love you,
it's wonderful, you know, and beautiful. But it's easy to
say that. It's easy. But if you can speak, you can.

Speaker 2 (34:33):
Say, you can say it, and you can all say
it and it doesn't oh my gosh. A lot of
I've had people say it to me and Randall, you know,
some of my.

Speaker 1 (34:39):
Stories of your stories, I've had people say it to.

Speaker 2 (34:42):
Me, and you go, yes, it's maybe not easy to
say if you try to be sincere and your feelings
and your words are integrated and you're trying to say
things you mean, and things can feel uncomfortable, yes, vulnerable,
But it is a thing like if you can talk,
you can say I love you.

Speaker 1 (34:58):
But love is, as they say.

Speaker 2 (35:01):
A verb, yes, yes, and it's an action that you
experience and show love in reality.

Speaker 3 (35:07):
Yeah, you know what.

Speaker 4 (35:08):
The interesting thing about I feel like about my life,
at least in one way, is that you know, I
have a daughter and she's twelve now, and she's so
crazy about her, like she is my everything, and she's
on the autism spectrum, and her verbal communication is very limited,

(35:28):
you know, and so it's not like we can even
have that kind of communicative exchange that I always long
for as a kid with my parents. You know, I
can't have that with my daughter. But I also I
don't care. I just know how I feel about her.
I know I'm always going to be there for her.

(35:48):
I know she loves me. She does not to say it,
I just know she does. And you know, and I
feel like that's like a lesson for me in my
life based on my upbringing but also my daughter's upbringing.
It's like, you know, the words are important, but you
know it's it's really just the actions and the feeling

(36:09):
and the intention.

Speaker 3 (36:10):
And what's in your heart. You know that that's what really.

Speaker 1 (36:13):
Matters, right.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
Yeah, And I don't want to put words in your mouth,
but it seems like to becoming a father for you
did give you a whole new perspective about your relationship
with your father and the.

Speaker 1 (36:23):
Kind of dad he was. Yeah, and it took that
to do it, like really to really.

Speaker 3 (36:28):
Work for sure.

Speaker 4 (36:29):
Yeah, I think I think having a kid, definitely being
a TV dad fresh off the boat was like, I
mean that it happened around the same time, like when
we when we had our kid. But but it really
was being a father myself that gave me that perspective.

Speaker 2 (36:44):
Yeah, that's really remarkable. Now you have your own daughter,
you have your own family. Now you're the dad. You
are a father, you're her father, you're my father. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah,
What did your father instill in you you that you
now employ or would like to instill in your daughter.

Speaker 4 (37:07):
Well, one thing about my dad was that he was
very It's very interesting because after he passed away, you know,
you go through your father's stuff, you know, and you know,
and for some people it's this daunting task because there's
just so much stuff to go through, you know, paperwork
and bills and you know, but also possessions, things that

(37:29):
they owned, you know, and you learn about your parents
from the things that they collect, you know. And my
dad had nothing, hardly anything. He had very few possessions,
you know, just a few things. It was, you know,
and it was really surprising to me because I thought
he had more things. All the things that he like

(37:50):
had and coveted were things that I gave him as
gifts after I became more successful, and he loved those things,
but that was like it you know. And uh, and
that was something that he instilled in me in the
sense that it's like things are great, yes, and it's
fun to have things, but they don't they're not that important,

(38:14):
you know.

Speaker 3 (38:15):
And he was very much one to keep his world
very small. You know. He's just his his family, you know.

Speaker 4 (38:22):
He he did have some friends that he saw, went
to work, worked hard, came back home, you know. Was
he had a very kind of simple approach to life.
And and I think that's something that I take with
me all the time. And that's something that I want
to instill in and Ruby, you know, just to to

(38:45):
you know, what matters most are the things around you,
the people around you, you know, the neighbors, the community
or you know, your friends and and and us you know,
and and there will always be love there, you know.
And every else is great and fun and do it. Yes,
pursue what you want to pursue. Yeah, but it's not everything.

Speaker 2 (39:08):
It's beautiful. That's really beautiful. Now, did you have a
sense of that before you had gone through his things,
that that was something that he really valued.

Speaker 3 (39:18):
I did have a sense of that, Yeah, I did.

Speaker 4 (39:20):
But seeing it, you know, like literally like accounting for
like his things was really kind of eye opening.

Speaker 3 (39:28):
Yeah, it was really eye opening.

Speaker 4 (39:30):
And also seeing as far as like his bank account,
and I mean both of my parents did not have
a lot of money.

Speaker 1 (39:41):
Yeah, you know, they.

Speaker 4 (39:42):
They really gave us this great life with very little.

Speaker 1 (39:47):
Yeah. Yeahs remarkable, it really is.

Speaker 3 (39:51):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:52):
You said he worked up until pretty close to the
time he died.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
As well, Now.

Speaker 2 (39:58):
That you've made it, you have money, you've achieved success.
Were you trying to get him to retire? Did you
want to pay for and subsidize his life?

Speaker 1 (40:07):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (40:08):
The way they had helped with yours? What was that relationship?

Speaker 4 (40:11):
I mean I did, I liked help them pay off
the house and put my dad at a car and
you know, and and I did give them things, But
but I I knew how much working was just like
a part of who he was.

Speaker 1 (40:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (40:27):
So yeah, none of us in the family were like,
let's tell him to stop and relax, you know, like,
because that just wasn't him, you know.

Speaker 3 (40:34):
Yeah, So when he when he.

Speaker 4 (40:36):
Did get sick and he did end up leaving that job,
we kind of knew that was the beginning of something,
you know.

Speaker 3 (40:44):
Yeah, Yeah, because he was a worker. He loved to.

Speaker 1 (40:48):
Work, yeah, said before.

Speaker 2 (40:50):
You know, in terms of retirement, so many of my
first gen friends and even myself, I'm like, parents do
not have retirement funds. Yeah, and it's like what they
know is to work. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:03):
And I think my mom even dabbled with retirement. And
then it was like, I go.

Speaker 2 (41:08):
You seem more alive when you work for her. That's
whether she likes it, that's my thought or not. I
just go, oh, you just seem more yourself to me.
And that can sound I don't want that to be misconstrued,
but I'm like, you just seem more yourself and more
gregarious and such when you're working, and seeing you dabble

(41:30):
with retirement, I go, I don't even know if that
quite suits you.

Speaker 1 (41:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (41:34):
I think for my dad, like a big kind of
part of his identity was being a provider, you know,
And so I think in that sense, like work was
it was a part of who he was, you know.

Speaker 3 (41:47):
I mean, my mom is retired and she loves it.

Speaker 2 (41:49):
Yeah, So it's just like very yeah, yeah, it depends
on the person. But then you know, if that was
like such a part of his identity, I see how
he would be like, I'm going to keep doing this
as long as I can and I have the energy.

Speaker 1 (42:01):
To do it.

Speaker 3 (42:02):
Yeah, that's right, that's right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (42:04):
So did you know you always wanted to be a dad?

Speaker 3 (42:06):
Not necessarily, not until I met my wife?

Speaker 1 (42:10):
Okay, yeah, all right, and then you go, I want
to I want to have a family with this. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (42:15):
Well we thought. We both were like, if it happens,
that'll be great. If it doesn't, that'll be great too.

Speaker 1 (42:22):
Okay.

Speaker 4 (42:23):
It wasn't like we had to become parents, you know,
and it wasn't like we like, uh, had to really try.
We were just like, if it happens, great, great, right yeah,
And then it happened.

Speaker 1 (42:34):
And then it happened, And were you nervous, scared, excited?
Where were you?

Speaker 3 (42:39):
All those things? All those things? Yeah, yeah, all those things.

Speaker 4 (42:42):
It was you know, it kind of happened before the
work really started.

Speaker 3 (42:48):
Coming for me, you know.

Speaker 4 (42:49):
So we were we were still and we're both actors,
my wife and actor.

Speaker 3 (42:52):
So we were both like, we don't know if we
could afford this, you know.

Speaker 4 (42:56):
Yeah, so yeah, we didn't know, and and.

Speaker 3 (43:01):
But we were like, let's just this is life. Let's
let's live it.

Speaker 4 (43:04):
And let's you know, see what happens, and she came
and she's the best and brought it brings us so
much joy all the time, you know, so so it.

Speaker 3 (43:13):
Yeah, it's been such a blessing.

Speaker 1 (43:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:16):
Did you ever ask your parents for any advice with
Ruby in terms of being a parent to Ruby or not?

Speaker 1 (43:23):
Really?

Speaker 3 (43:24):
Not really?

Speaker 1 (43:25):
Okay, not really.

Speaker 3 (43:26):
I mean my mom gave advice.

Speaker 1 (43:28):
You know, I'm gonna tell you one thing about Grandma's Yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:31):
My mom also given all kinds of advice to my
brother and sister in law.

Speaker 1 (43:35):
Advice, don't do that, do that, why are you doing that?
Give her that?

Speaker 3 (43:40):
And whenever she would, I mean, it got for me,
it got I don't know, I bristled at it sometimes
because it felt like she every time she said it,
I had I'd interpret it as you're a bad parent
and do this. You know.

Speaker 4 (43:54):
It was that that kind of Korean mom criticism, you know, Yeah,
I just had in my head.

Speaker 2 (44:01):
You know, Okay, you're able to say it made you bristle, Yeah,
But then did you know when you're bristling and then
like say, two minutes later, you're like, oh, it's because
I feel.

Speaker 1 (44:11):
Like you're saying I'm a bad dad. Yeah, yeah, oh
you knew.

Speaker 3 (44:14):
Okay, yeah, yeah, and I would tell her yeah.

Speaker 1 (44:17):
Okay, okay, Yeah. How was your dad with Ruby?

Speaker 2 (44:20):
Oh?

Speaker 4 (44:20):
My god, it's crazy about her, crazy about her. Yeah,
And that's another thing that I'm just so happy about
that he got to see her grow, you know, and
even you know, up until his last days, he'd be
in the hospital and he could barely move, you know,
he could barely you know, open his eyes. But whenever

(44:42):
she would come in the room, he would smile so big,
and it was just like, really really really wonderful.

Speaker 2 (44:50):
When you talk about love and people showing love and
being able to say it is one thing, but then
being able to show it as another thing.

Speaker 1 (44:58):
I'm like, there is case in point.

Speaker 2 (45:01):
Your your dad can't do much, say much, but it's
like his whole spirit lights up in the room.

Speaker 1 (45:07):
That's so cool.

Speaker 3 (45:08):
Yeah, it was really really beautiful.

Speaker 2 (45:11):
That's really really cool. So, Okay, what kind of things
do you and Ruby doing?

Speaker 1 (45:14):
Can I come?

Speaker 2 (45:15):
Yeah, I'm joking and I'm like I'm coming.

Speaker 5 (45:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (45:21):
Do you like pizza?

Speaker 2 (45:23):
I love pizza. I love eating random. Yes, I know
that's problematic. I know this about you and Ruby okay,
we would get a lot.

Speaker 5 (45:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (45:32):
What kind of pizza does Ruby like? Most just cheese?

Speaker 3 (45:37):
Yeah, classic Gaplassic okay, very quick New York style.

Speaker 1 (45:41):
She loves. Okay. Have you taken her to a deep
dish place?

Speaker 3 (45:45):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (45:45):
And what she was not into it? I get it.

Speaker 2 (45:47):
It took me a long time to come around on
deep dish. I love deep dish really off the bat, ye,
off the bat. I went to Masa when I have
Ecco Park, which is a deep dish place here, I think,
let's say ten years ago, for the first time, and
I was.

Speaker 1 (46:03):
Like, this is disgusting.

Speaker 2 (46:04):
But then I had to go back a second time
and be like, you have to go in knowing that
this is not going to be your thing. Crust pizza different. Yes,
you have to go in understanding different.

Speaker 1 (46:11):
And then it's good.

Speaker 3 (46:12):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's almost not a pizza in a way.

Speaker 1 (46:14):
It's like, no, it's it's like a bread a bread bowl.

Speaker 3 (46:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (46:21):
And then you go, okay, yes, that's that could be
enjoyable too, love it.

Speaker 1 (46:24):
It's really really good.

Speaker 3 (46:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (46:26):
But she loves pizza. She loves you know, all the
kid foods. Yeah, she loves She loves like noodles and
like Asian food.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
You know, do you guys hit pine and Crane? Ever,
she wouldn't, She wouldn't like piney Crane.

Speaker 1 (46:38):
I love pin and Crane is so good. But does
she like Ramen?

Speaker 3 (46:42):
Then she loves her?

Speaker 2 (46:43):
Okay, so Ruby and I can go eat pizza together.
I'll let her have Ramen on her own with you,
because I don't think I care for Ramen, and I
don't know some people.

Speaker 3 (46:53):
Who are very like Yes, yes.

Speaker 1 (46:56):
They're not the same, so let's be clear about that.

Speaker 4 (46:58):
But yeah, I know folks who have that exact same opinion,
and I get it.

Speaker 2 (47:06):
Yeah, it's something me and Ramen and don't. But there
are things that I don't like that people just really love.
And as a person who's a foodie, I'll go, well,
I need to find a way to like that, because
I feel like, if you're a foodie, you like this
shit like this, such as olips. I've come to I've
truly trained myself to like olips.

Speaker 4 (47:24):
So if you could train yourself to like something, yeah,
you probably could potentially like everything.

Speaker 1 (47:30):
Right, potentially.

Speaker 2 (47:31):
Yes, you know what I don't like, And I don't
think I'll ever come around on saffron, saffron.

Speaker 4 (47:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Do you know like a
saffron like rice dish?

Speaker 2 (47:41):
No, my gosh, immediately hard. No, I can taste it.

Speaker 3 (47:45):
Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
I went to a coffee shop in Oakland a few
days ago and I got their signature shy, and I
was like, can you tell me what's in it? Because
I know you're best known for this, and they were like, oh, cardamoms, cinnamon.
Everything sounded good, and then she goes saffron.

Speaker 1 (48:01):
I go, oh no.

Speaker 2 (48:02):
But then I was like, maybe i'll like it since
everyone else does not safron. But the drink okay, And
I go, I'm going to try it because it's got
such great reviews. And I was like, I hate this beverage.
I didn't take it back. I finished it.

Speaker 1 (48:14):
I mean, but I didn't. I didn't exactly. I don't
like this.

Speaker 3 (48:18):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (48:21):
She asked me how it was. I go, it's great, and.

Speaker 2 (48:23):
I hated it. It's the truth doesn't matter. So you pizza.
We're going to.

Speaker 4 (48:28):
Eat, I mean really all the kid foods. And we're
trying to expand her palette.

Speaker 1 (48:34):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (48:35):
She's tough.

Speaker 2 (48:36):
She's like, I like what I like, and I respect
that about her. Yes, what kind of dad would ruby say?

Speaker 1 (48:41):
You are?

Speaker 3 (48:42):
Well?

Speaker 4 (48:43):
She wouldn't say because she's not right, but she would
spiritually she would say, I'm probably a little too smothering
because I just I'm so crazy about her.

Speaker 2 (48:58):
He's obsessed, carey, so obsessed with me, Dad, damn.

Speaker 4 (49:03):
So I'm always, you know, always giving her hugs always,
you know.

Speaker 3 (49:09):
I guess in some ways helicoptery, you know, because I'm
always like worried. I just want her to be safe,
you know.

Speaker 4 (49:16):
I would of the two of us, my wife and I,
I would say I'm a little more strict.

Speaker 1 (49:23):
Okay, I was going to ask there's going to be
a question. I have to know.

Speaker 4 (49:26):
I'm a little bit more of a disciplinarian, a little
bit more kind of adamant about certain things, you know,
like you can't be on the iPad.

Speaker 3 (49:35):
Too much, you can't, you know.

Speaker 4 (49:37):
And but but she would, I mean, she would know
right off the bat that my dad loves me and
it's crazy about me.

Speaker 2 (49:44):
Beautiful, that's beautiful and key. I'm like, you know, I
did not have a helicopter, Dad. What's it when a
helicopter is like not around helicopter.

Speaker 1 (49:58):
And you're like I think that's a helicop it's a bird.

Speaker 4 (50:00):
It's yeah, the helicopters in another another country.

Speaker 1 (50:07):
That's what I had.

Speaker 2 (50:08):
So I'm like, I always wonder. I'm like, do people
like their helicopter dads? When when they hear about how
old people's dads are not present or are even quite
stoic or do you use previously?

Speaker 1 (50:19):
Yeah, they go, oh, I.

Speaker 2 (50:20):
Would take a helicopter dad over the one I have.
But I do think the grass is always greener by.

Speaker 3 (50:24):
The way, Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

Speaker 4 (50:26):
I mean, you know, she's getting to an age now
where I think it's getting annoying a little bit.

Speaker 3 (50:30):
You know.

Speaker 2 (50:30):
Yeah, You're like, I can't help I.

Speaker 1 (50:34):
Love this girl. That is very cool. Do you think
you and your wife have other kids?

Speaker 3 (50:39):
Yes?

Speaker 4 (50:39):
Okay, yes, but I would say I'm more I'm more
all about my kid and you know, and I'm like,
if someone has a baby, my wife wants to.

Speaker 3 (50:49):
Hold that baby.

Speaker 1 (50:50):
Okay's baby.

Speaker 3 (50:52):
I want to look at the baby.

Speaker 1 (50:54):
Yeah, I got to make cases, but I.

Speaker 3 (50:56):
Do not want to hold the baby right fear Okay?

Speaker 2 (50:59):
Yeah, what has been one of your scariest moments as
a dad?

Speaker 3 (51:03):
Scariest moments as a dad.

Speaker 1 (51:05):
Oh gosh, yeah, like young, when Ruby was young.

Speaker 3 (51:08):
Yeah, I mean.

Speaker 4 (51:11):
Maybe a couple of years ago, she broke her arm
really bad. And when I was a kid around her
age at that same time, I broke my arm and
I remember my parents freaking out, like, yeah, she tripped
over like a hose in our front yard and her
arm just four at her forearm just snap.

Speaker 1 (51:32):
Was the bone sticking out of the skin.

Speaker 4 (51:34):
It wasn't sticking clean out, but you could see it
kind of.

Speaker 1 (51:37):
You could see it soaking through.

Speaker 4 (51:39):
Oh yeah, And that was really scary and traumatic for me.
But also, like you know, I don't know, I kind
of clicked into kind of like you know, dad mode
and like, Okay, we got to do this, We got
to you gotta take her to the hospital.

Speaker 2 (51:54):
Yeah yeah, when that happened, What did you feel those
parents are like, You're like, yes, this is scary, but
I into dad mode. It gets she gets a scan
and then a cast, and then the doctor told you
all the things to do. What's your thought after not
the worst of it is behind you, did you have
any thoughts about it and did you feel like it
reflected on you as a parent or anything like that.

Speaker 4 (52:15):
Well, I marveled at her, okay, because she was just
so chill, And I was like, how can you be
so chill?

Speaker 1 (52:22):
Yeah, maybe you don't have to worry about Ruby so much.

Speaker 3 (52:24):
Was your age and this happened to me. I was
crying so much.

Speaker 2 (52:28):
You know what they say, the guys are a little
more dramatic than the girls, That's what they say.

Speaker 1 (52:32):
That's what you know.

Speaker 3 (52:33):
I was screaming.

Speaker 2 (52:34):
Have you heard about this experiment where they like simulate
period cramps on men and then men are like, oh
my god, are you handling and living your life like this?

Speaker 1 (52:43):
You're experiencing this or you're going to work?

Speaker 3 (52:46):
Yeah, I believe it.

Speaker 2 (52:47):
Okay, that's an experiment that's happened, and yeah, I believe it.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
Of course Ruby was cool. Yeah, she was just so cool,
so chill.

Speaker 4 (52:55):
And the other thing was I felt a little guilt
because I was on watch when the helicopter. Dad was
on watch when it happened.

Speaker 1 (53:05):
Not so helicopter.

Speaker 3 (53:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (53:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (53:09):
But also I don't know, I felt I felt very
I felt a lot of gratitude too, oddly, you know,
in that we you know, she had such a great
doctor and and and and we were able to you know,
kind of take care of her as a parent, would
you know, like.

Speaker 4 (53:26):
Just the fact that we were able to do that
simple thing and and such an you know, unusual kind
not unusual because it happens a lot, but yeah, in
such a specific type of circumstance, there was a little
bit of oh, wow, we did it.

Speaker 2 (53:40):
Yeah, so now you know you can you could probably
handle anything as a dad.

Speaker 1 (53:44):
Frankly, in my mind, I'm like, Ruby broke her arm,
you can handle it. Yeah.

Speaker 4 (53:50):
Yeah, And that's such a you know, little thing. It's
like it happens to kids all the time. But but yeah,
it was, it was. It was very jarring.

Speaker 3 (53:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (53:58):
I've asked a few people this, and I find it
to be an interesting question, which is, guys, why I
keep asking it?

Speaker 1 (54:05):
But do you care if Ruby or would you like
Ruby to see.

Speaker 2 (54:12):
You as a friend at some point in her life?

Speaker 3 (54:15):
No?

Speaker 4 (54:16):
Yeah, no, not necessarily, but I do want her to
feel comfortable enough with us to come to us at
any time with anything.

Speaker 2 (54:26):
You know.

Speaker 4 (54:26):
Yeah, and sometimes there is a delineation between what you
can bring to your parents and what you could bring
to your friends.

Speaker 3 (54:34):
I knew that growing up, right, you just kind of know.

Speaker 1 (54:37):
Yeah, I don't even know how you come to know.

Speaker 2 (54:40):
Yeah, where You're like, some friends are the type to
talk to their parents just growing up about all their boyfriends.

Speaker 1 (54:46):
Yeah, I'm like, well, I.

Speaker 2 (54:48):
Didn't have those, but also if I did, I would
not I'm like, I'm not going to come talk to
my mom.

Speaker 1 (54:53):
Yeah, yeah, but you just kind of know which.

Speaker 3 (54:56):
And I want her to feel like she could if
she needed to.

Speaker 4 (55:00):
But I'm also okay with her having her life, yes,
and her her secrets and her experiences, you know, as
long as like she knows when she's not safe, feeling
not safe or feeling sad or you know that that
were there.

Speaker 5 (55:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (55:17):
Yeah, with your parents and your dad specifically, did you
feel like you did have to keep secrets from them?
Like you obviously mentioned secrets, I'm like, oh yeah, and
I know the career pursuit was one of them. But
there were other things.

Speaker 3 (55:32):
I'm not bringing yeah, oh yeah, like you know, just
my dating.

Speaker 1 (55:37):
I didn't bring any of that to them.

Speaker 3 (55:39):
No, not, not really, not.

Speaker 1 (55:41):
Until you were ready to marry your wife. Were you like, No, there.

Speaker 4 (55:43):
Was there were a few girlfriends before my wife that
long term girlfriends that I brought to them, and you know,
they they would see and get to know, and but
there were shorter term girlfriends that they didn't meet.

Speaker 2 (55:58):
Well that's every dude out here like you don't get
to meet the parents.

Speaker 1 (56:04):
Yeah, yeah, that's not what this is.

Speaker 4 (56:06):
Yeah, and then all the other stories you know, we're
not you know, or or stories that they weren't privy to.

Speaker 1 (56:13):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (56:13):
You also mentioned being like, why can't my parents when
we first started this conversation be like this other friend's
parents was one of the things you wish that they
were like, is like did you have friends that were
telling their parents like.

Speaker 3 (56:24):
Oh yeah, oh yeah?

Speaker 1 (56:25):
And did you want that at the time? Now do
you appreciate that that was not the case?

Speaker 3 (56:30):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (56:31):
Yeah, okay, that's kind of me too.

Speaker 3 (56:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (56:33):
I didn't mean to put that all on you. Was
all very leading questions.

Speaker 2 (56:36):
In a point of law, the judge would have been like, objection,
you're asking leading questions.

Speaker 4 (56:40):
Yes, I yeah, for sure, I like, you know, I
always had those people that I could that I could
talk about those things with. Yeah, and those things would
have would have upset my parents.

Speaker 2 (56:52):
All right, you just know you I don't need to
we don't need to share that. You're It's fine for
you to be my mom and my dad. That's okay, yes,
and that different from my friend or even a confidant
in that way.

Speaker 4 (57:03):
Yeah yeah, But I mean that's great if someone does
have that relationship.

Speaker 1 (57:07):
But that's great, that's also great.

Speaker 2 (57:08):
Yeah yeah, Randall, I end every episode of this podcast
asking my dad for the day.

Speaker 1 (57:14):
Yes, and so in this case, you okay for a
piece of advice.

Speaker 3 (57:17):
Yes, please be honest. I'm going to tell you I'm
your dad, my dad.

Speaker 1 (57:21):
Oh my goodness, oh goodness.

Speaker 2 (57:23):
I'm getting nervous, but okay, because I never had this,
so every time I get to do sometimes these are silly,
silly questions. So I have friends who like drugs, Yeah, okay,
we're not talking weed, okay, or maybe for the case
of the podcast, we could be talking weed. Realizing everyone
gets to hear this, No, I have I have friends

(57:46):
who like drugs, and you should try drugs.

Speaker 1 (57:50):
There are drugs I would never try in my entire life,
and I think.

Speaker 2 (57:55):
For example, for example, heroine, heroine, we're not going to dabble.
I don't need to try. I don't think you're allowed
to try heroin. I think if you try heroin, you're
going to start doing heroin is my understanding, is my guest.
I don't know either, But the DARE program was really
effective in terms of how it impacted me.

Speaker 1 (58:12):
I think, did I did? I think the DARE program
did exactly what.

Speaker 3 (58:15):
Was until college?

Speaker 1 (58:17):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (58:17):
Okay, he was having fun in college and that's one
of those secrets you were keeping from the family. Okay,
very good. Well see Dad, I'm bringing this to you.
I also want to google when we leave here what
happened to DARE and why it was dismantled and why
it doesn't exist anymore. That's what everyone's doing drugs now,
Like everyone's doing drugs.

Speaker 3 (58:36):
That's true.

Speaker 1 (58:37):
Okay, so Dad, that's that's what I'm coming to.

Speaker 2 (58:39):
If everyone's doing drugs, how do I draw the line
on what drugs to do and which drugs not to do?
Is this a publicist nightmare for you? By the way,
right now? Am I getting you in hot water?

Speaker 1 (58:54):
That's the name of the episode.

Speaker 4 (58:56):
I'm a grown man, so guess Okay, So when you
ask this question you, what's what I'm inferring, Yes, is
that you're open to trying stuff, but you also want
to create boundary certain boundaries.

Speaker 2 (59:10):
Yeah, So like I'm not I don't actually like the
idea of drugs for me, right, but do you feel
like one should?

Speaker 4 (59:18):
So are these drugs like like saffron to you? Like
like like these friends are putting it in your drink?
So god, those are maybe not maybe those are enemies,
but your friends are offering it and you feel like
you have to take it and take.

Speaker 2 (59:35):
I'm not okay. So here's what I'll say. I'm not
even a like peer pressure girly, Dad. I actually don't
succumb to peer pressure.

Speaker 1 (59:41):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (59:45):
I just I'm not a peer pressure person. But I
wonder I guess what I'm trying to say. It's like,
should I be more curious about these drugs that my
friends are?

Speaker 3 (59:53):
Like?

Speaker 2 (59:53):
I do this and it's fine from me. I do
this from time to time, and it's fine. What I'll
tell you, Dad, because we have this same genetics. You
should know this already. Anyway, we have this half. You're
half of my DNA today. I don't have an addictive personality.
The only thing I am addicted to is sugar, and
that's a real, like serious addiction.

Speaker 3 (01:00:10):
I have a candy addiction.

Speaker 2 (01:00:12):
But otherwise I don't have an addictive personality. Yes, So
with that information, which you already knew because you are
my dad for the day, I don't fear.

Speaker 1 (01:00:19):
I'll become addicted to anything. I don't think so. But
it's like, should I be open to trying drugs?

Speaker 3 (01:00:27):
I think that it's okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 4 (01:00:32):
I think that life is for experiencing things. But you
don't have to ever feel the need to experience everything, okay,
you know, because there's so many things.

Speaker 1 (01:00:44):
There's so many things.

Speaker 3 (01:00:45):
Yeah, it's like, do you you could murder a person experience.

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
That was like to take another person's life. And I'm
in jail because I.

Speaker 4 (01:00:53):
Want Yeah, you don't want to find and and drugs? Yeah,
it can be become a slippery or it cannot, you know.
I would say, just be very aware of the people
who are offering this, who are inviting you to be
a part of this.

Speaker 3 (01:01:13):
Sure, are they good people? You know? And will they
take care of you?

Speaker 5 (01:01:20):
You know?

Speaker 3 (01:01:20):
Are there other people who will take care of you?
Are they or are they troubled people who are using
it to escape maybe certain things about their lives, you know,
because that could be the reason why they're doing it,
you know.

Speaker 1 (01:01:33):
Yeah, and.

Speaker 4 (01:01:36):
You are you don't have that issue at least, I
mean at least to the extent maybe that they might.
You know, So I would if you do decide to
try something, I would see it as very like much
of it, I'm going to experience this once and I'm
going to know what it's.

Speaker 1 (01:01:55):
Like, approach it with pure curiosity.

Speaker 2 (01:01:57):
But if there's like a part of me that is
wanting to try it as a means of escapism, that's
probably that.

Speaker 1 (01:02:06):
Can be tricky and maybe be a little wary.

Speaker 4 (01:02:08):
Yeah, And I think the big sign of that is
you're doing it often, or you know, more than once,
no twice, or you know, like you're you know, okay.
But but I I personally feel like it's okay to
try things okay as long as like you're safe, okay,
you know okay. Yeah, I don't know. Some dads would

(01:02:30):
be like absolutely not right.

Speaker 2 (01:02:32):
But I also think this is another thing I think
has changed. Do you think about the DARE program. When
I was in school, you had the DARE program where
you asked, yeah, I'm like, it was hard to know
on drugs, And I think that sometimes again not apparent,
I say it all the time on this podcast, but
I feel like when you create those hard boundary lines. Yeah,

(01:02:52):
it just piques people's curiosity and interest in a way
that it might not if you were like, let me
tell you all about this thing, and I'm not telling
you about this thing to be like, I'm not trying
to make you fearful of this thing. Because then they
hear stories of people who like tried it and had
a fun and a nice time, and they go, well,
I feel like you lied to me a little bit. Terrible, scary,

(01:03:15):
dangerous this thing is. And now my relationship with drugs
is weird because someone told me hard to know, Like
I don't feel.

Speaker 3 (01:03:22):
Like, do you judge your friends a little bit who
do drugs?

Speaker 2 (01:03:26):
If they do it too much? Honestly? And what is
too much? It's all relative. I feel like, I go, yeah,
what are you running from? I do go now, I'm
worried about.

Speaker 4 (01:03:35):
It, something implanted and yeah, you know, and that will
keep you from going down that path.

Speaker 3 (01:03:41):
Yeah you know.

Speaker 1 (01:03:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:03:43):
And I'm like a little too type a need to
be in control of the enviroment and my like, I
want the ox cord if we're going on a road trip.
Also because I think I'm a good DJ, but I'm
like a little too that way to be like, I'm
going to surrender to what ever the highest.

Speaker 4 (01:04:01):
I don't feel like just knowing you, I don't feel
like it would ever be a problem.

Speaker 3 (01:04:05):
Okay, Like, yeah, I really believe that.

Speaker 2 (01:04:08):
And if somehow, guys I do develop a problem, we're
gonna blame Randall Park.

Speaker 1 (01:04:14):
Yes, okay, guys, Randall, thank you so much for coming fun.

Speaker 2 (01:04:21):
It was so fun. Is there anything you would like
to plug for listeners?

Speaker 3 (01:04:25):
It could be nothing, Yeah, nothing, Well, we did a thing,
we did a think Oh my goodness. I don't know
what when or what someone.

Speaker 2 (01:04:32):
Texted me about when it's coming out, but I kind
of don't remember what the contents of the text said.

Speaker 3 (01:04:36):
Okay, so I know it's Florida man. Yeah, it's Florida man.
It's uh.

Speaker 2 (01:04:42):
I think it's on HBO. Yeah, now maybe Max. Yeah,
I don't have another three letter word. Yeah, I guess we're.

Speaker 3 (01:04:49):
On something and it'll be out somewhere.

Speaker 2 (01:04:51):
It's gonna be out somewhere. I love that as a plug.
We're on something and it's gonna be out somewhere. You
heard it here, guys, Randall again, thank you for being
my dad.

Speaker 3 (01:05:00):
For the day.

Speaker 1 (01:05:00):
This has been an absolute pleasure. You are a pure delight.

Speaker 2 (01:05:03):
Thank you, thank you, Thank you, guys, this has been
Thanks Dad, Thank you for listening.

Speaker 1 (01:05:08):
Thanks Dad is a headgum podcast created and hosted by
me Igo Odem. This show is.

Speaker 2 (01:05:13):
Engineered by Rochelle Chen and Anya Kanevskaya and edited by
Rochelle Chen with executive producer Emma Foley.

Speaker 1 (01:05:20):
Katie Moose is our VP of Content at Headgum.

Speaker 2 (01:05:23):
Thanks to Jason Matheni for our show art and Faris
Monshi for our theme song. For more podcasts by Heedgum,
visit headgum dot com or wherever you listen to your
favorite shows. Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, and maybe,
just maybe we'll read it on a future episode.